


Daddy Diaries

by cffn



Category: GOT7
Genre: AU, Coming Out, Domestic Bliss, Family Drama, Fluff, Happy boyfies, M/M, Romance, Single Parents, Slice of Life, Slow Build, Smut, jjp, markson, parenting, relationships, yoonmin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2018-07-15 20:27:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 362,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7237279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cffn/pseuds/cffn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One happy couple, two single parents and kids growing up. Watch how two people get confused with each other and stumble towards something that can be their happily ever after. Read their own notes on how life is treating them, and feel all the feelings one can feel when stupidly in love.</p><p>Markson as the main couple, JJP on the side and Yoonmin in the background.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kids and their parents

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ailyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ailyn/gifts).



> I swore I wouldn't write anything long but here I am again.. I don't know how often I will update, but I try my best to keep up a good pace.
> 
> I dedicate this whole damn thing to Ailyn because she is awesome and brilliant and needs more silly parenting fics, obviously.

There was a soft patter of feet on the floor, a stifled giggle and the sound of fabric moving when it was touched; all these sounds combined together made Jackson smile widely on this particular morning. He peeked through his fingers, didn’t see anything, and let the hand fall from his eyes. He smiled because this was a normal routine for them, a few moments of play and fun, before they would set out of the door and face the reality outside their small apartment.

“I’m coming now..” Jackson called softly. Raising his voice more would have only alerted their neighbors, and he didn’t really want the old Mrs. Lee knocking on their door for some petty reason again. It was hard enough already to try to explain why they had to be careful not to be too loud at all. Jackson pushed his black hair off his eyes, it was getting too long again, and walked slowly around the area that served as the combined space for sitting room and kitchen. He knew exactly where to look, the hiding place was almost always the same. Not that there were many hidey-holes to begin with, in the small apartment they lived in. “I wonder where he has gone..” Jackson pondered out loud, like he was talking to himself. This was a part of the game they played. “Did he vanish into thin air? Such a small boy was whisked away by the wind, just like that.” Jackson heard a giggle and the curtain that reached the floor moved. Jackson quite deliberately ignored the small toes visible from under the fabric and stood in the middle of the room. “Oh, what will I do if I will never find my little boy? I think I might be really, _really_ lonely without him to hug me. I might have to go to sleep at night all alone and cry.” Jackson finished dramatically.

“No! Daddy will never be lonely when I’m here!” A flash of jet black messy hair and suddenly a boy, the age of five, was hugging Jackson’s legs and looking up at him the small round face determined, eyes big and brown. “I will never ever, ever leave you Dad!”

“Yeah, you’re my little leopard, aren’t you Bambam?” Jackson scooped up the radiantly smiling child, hugging him tightly. Despite the few minutes of play almost every morning, and how it usually followed the same routine, Jackson never really got tired of it; he loved his son too much to give up on the precious moments they had together. Life, like he had noticed, came in between their time together. “You wouldn’t leave your old man even if you saw a pretty girl somewhere and fell in love with her, right?”

“I don’t like girls. All they do is giggle and try to put me in a dress and that’s just stupid.” Bambam wrinkled his nose in disgust. “I’d rather just play with Gyeommie, because he’s awesome and girls are not.”

“That bad, huh?” Jackson tried to keep his laughter down. He knew Bambam was fine, more than fine. The kindergarten was a place Bambam actually liked to go, despite him being too often the target of the little girls and their games. Bambam was just too adorable with his chubby cheeks and pouty mouth. “Is Yeojin still adamant that you should marry her? That is one tough woman you’ve got there.”

“I don’t like her. She always comes to disturb me and Gyeommie and starts bossing me around.” Bambam was pouting outrageously. The small face was so adorable Jackson had to force down his urge to squeal and hug him tight. That would only earn him a kick in the nuts if he wasn’t careful. He had, after all these years, learned at least something from his. “Yeojin is fat. I don’t like fat girls.”

“Now, now. Listen to me.” Jackson’s face hardened just a little. He loved his son, but he wouldn’t tolerate any of that coming out his mouth. “You shouldn’t say things like that. It’s not very nice. How would you like it if you got told that you are fat or that you look like a monkey because of your ears?” The dark brows knotted when Bambam was trying hard to think.  “Yeojin might be a bit chubby now, but one day she might turn into a pretty butterfly.”

“But.. she’s not a butterfly. She’s a girl.”

“It’s a metaphor.” Jackson put Bambam on the floor and patted his head. “Just trust me on this. You’ll figure it out in few years most likely.” Bambam looked up at his father, shook his head and murmured something about Jackson being so weird and he would never understand grown up’s. Jackson sighed, smiling. He glanced at his wristwatch and almost groaned.

The reality was calling.

“Bambam, put your shoes on and grab your back pack. It’s time to fly.”

 ~

“No, you can’t leave in that. Go change.” Jinyoung looked sternly down at the boy who was defiantly trying to glare holes through him. “ _Now.”_ That ridiculous attire the child had pulled on might be cute and adorable for some parents but, gods help him, Jinyoung would never forgive himself if he let their son go out with his underwear pulled over his pants. To top the glorious mess, his son had pink hairpins in his brown hair. _Hairpins_! Jinyoung swore silently, making a mental note that he would talk with Jackson about the things his son had to endure when the small force of nature called Bambam was unleashed.

“I hate you!” Yugyeom whined at his father but obeyed in the end, knowing he would only lose, like he always did.

“Of course you do. But you will thank me later.” Jinyoung stated calmly, shook his head and watched the forlorn boy shuffling back to his room to change his clothes. Just how many years he would have to wait for that thank you, Jinyoung didn’t even begin to guess. Maybe 20 years, or more, if even that would be enough. He glanced at his watch and crossed his arms to his chest. They had time to spare; the kindergarten wasn’t very far from their house and usually Yugyeom didn’t take forever to get dressed. Not when he was alone at least, but gods forbid if Bambam was there for a sleepover. There was no way of being in time when those two knuckleheads were put together.

Jinyoung rolled his eyes, but smiled. He was lucky; he had a partner who took half of the responsibilities, even if JB had to be off sometimes for days due to his work. Jinyoung felt always a bit sad for Jackson who had to manage his and Bambam’s lives alone. That was why he was always willing to offer Bambam a place to stay after he picked Yugyeom up from the kindergarten, if he knew Jackson would be later than usual. The boys had hit it off immediately three years ago and that was how Jinyoung and JB had got to know Jackson as well.

The sight of his son dragging his feet back to the hallways, where Jinyoung stood waiting, shook him out of his thoughts. He examined the little boy critically, groaned inwardly, but directed a smile down at the poor child. Yellow shirt and red shorts with white polka dots on them, and a huge blue snap back. Where exactly had those clothes even come from to their apartment? Jinyoung had his reasons to believe JB might have something to do with this; he liked to get on Jinyoung’s nerves in subtle ways. Or not so subtle.. If it had been Jinyoung buying the clothes, they’d be something sensible, but his loving partner had sometimes those silly ideas that kids should walk around looking like the whole color spectrum.

“See, it wasn’t so hard to put the underwear where it should be. _Underneath_.” Jinyoung resisted the urge to say something more about the subject, but anything more would sound just like preaching, and he didn’t really want to make his son hate him this morning any more than he already did. The bliss of being a parent; you had to take the hate and anger and not turn it against the kid. Tested his patience pretty much every single day, but he was still a proud father. Yugyeom wasn’t stupid or a very disobedient child, mostly he was happy and bright and especially when he was with Jaebum he was bordering angelic. Again, Jinyoung felt grateful for having someone to share the responsibilities with.

“When is Dad coming home?” Yugyeom mumbled, pouting, his gaze fixed on the floor. He was wringing the hem of his shirt in his hands. Jinyoung wanted to hug him, tell him how much he loved him and that his other father would be home soon.

“I don’t know. Probably tomorrow.” Jinyoung wished JB’s timetables were a bit more stable sometimes, but it was a useless hope and they had to deal with one family member being gone the best they could.

“Can Bambam come over this weekend? He said his daddy is going to be away and he doesn’t want to be with a sitter all night.” The boy suddenly asked, glancing up really quickly, probing the grounds to get approval. Who honestly could say no that? Besides, Jinyoung wouldn’t say no when it came to helping Jackson out in any way. If only the idiot would sometimes just accept the help instead of trying to wriggle out of it..

“Of course he can. I’ll talk with Jackson.” Jinyoung patted his son on the head. “You ok now?” A small nod and then Yugyeom looked at him properly, smiled and took shyly his father’s hand in his. The huge love he had for this child almost consumed Jinyoung at that moment. He knelt down, hugged the boy and kissed him on the cheek. “Let’s get going then.” Little boys could be so adorable and he would cherish these wonderful, sometimes very exhausting and nerve wrecking, moments before Yugyeom would be too big for all the cuddles and kisses.

~

The sound of children talking and laughing hit Jackson to his face like a wall when they entered the kindergarten doors. Just barely in time. Bambam was already ahead of him, trying to see if his friend had arrived and yanking off his shoes.

“Hey, little man. Didn’t you forget something?” Jackson called after his son, kneeling down to the same level as the boy was.

“Oh, yeah.” Bambam ran back to him, arms stretched wide open and slammed his tiny body against his father so hard it almost knocked the air out of Jackson’s lungs and hugged him tightly. “I love you Dad.” Bambam beamed at Jackson, kissed his cheek rather sloppily and then ran off. Jackson chuckled, standing up, watching as the small boy disappeared in the middle of the other kids. A tiny flickering feeling of regret raised its head inside Jackson’s heart. He loved his son, sometimes he thought he loved him too much, and he was always unsure whether or not he had done the right thing when they had made their deal all those years ago. Bambam did see his mother from time to time, but Jackson was quite sure he wanted to be with her more. And that wasn’t something that would happen in the near future, or very often.

“What is this miracle? You arriving before us? I must be dreaming.” Familiar voice drifted from behind Jackson to his ears and he turned to see Jinyoung and Yugyeom standing in the doorway. The faked surprise Jinyoung had fixed on his face made Jackson frown and he stood up, facing the pair. Jinyoung was, as usual, impeccable in his white jeans and light grey sweater, hair shiny and silky. For one fleeting second Jackson hated his handsome friend, just out of petty jealousy.

“Oh shut it, you dork.” Jackson grunted, dismissing the ugly feeling fast. He didn’t really hate Jinyoung after all. “It’s not like we are _always_ late.” Well, maybe more often than not, but the trains and buses didn’t usually co-operate with them and Bambam took time to get all clothes on and then there was breakfast and Jackson had to take all his own things with him.. The list of things to do in the morning was so long it was a miracle they even got out of the apartment at all. But they did, somehow. A partner, a stay-at-home one preferably in Jackson’s case, would have been a nice thing to have.

“Just half of the time.” Jinyoung’s smirk made Jackson want to say something quite impolite in return, but he resisted the urge.

“Hi, Yugyeom. Bambam went inside already so you might want to catch him before the girls do.” He deliberately ignored his friend and instead looked straight at Yugyeom. The boy flashed a bright smile and with a quick wave of farewell he was gone from sight. Jackson rubbed his eyes and followed Jinyoung in silence out of the door and settled to walk next to him down the street.

“Need a ride? I’m not in a hurry today.” Jinyoung offered, his tone back to normal, all the tease and mockery gone.

“Sure.” Jackson smiled, thankful. He had learned the hard way that he should take the offered help when it was freely given, and not always say he could manage on his own, when he clearly didn’t cope with things by himself. He had been so relieved when he had befriended Jinyoung and JB. His years alone with Bambam had been rather vexing on him. The first year with the newborn, Jackson’s thoughts darkened, he didn’t really want to talk about. It had been awkward and quite sad most of the time, and he couldn’t really say he had actually slept much that year. And that had not been just because the baby kept the parents up.

“Yugyeom said something about you being away this weekend.” Jinyoung glanced at the sullen expression flashing over Jackson’s face. “You know Bambam is welcome to stay with us anytime with. You don’t have to get a sitter for that.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t really want to bother you again.” Jackson scratched his head and sighed. “I’d take him with me, but I have no guarantee there will be anyone who’ll be able to watch over him. It’s a seminar for teachers and it’s just for one day. It takes time to get there, that’s why I have to leave on Friday, straight from work. Probably will just sleep on the train.. I can’t afford to stay in a hotel right now.” Jackson stared at his hands, feeling the weight of the world over his shoulders heavier than in a while. On top of it all, he was just barely managing the everyday expenses; Bambam was growing fast and he ate almost more than Jackson did, not to mention he had to pay for the kindergarten, the clothes, the shoes, the medical bills.. He didn’t really look forward to next year, because even if he wanted to send Bambam to some private school to get a good education, he just couldn’t afford it with his current salary.

“And you thought you’d just ask a sitter to be there for Bambam? That’s not an easy help to find, not to mention the cheapest. Just let us handle that. The kids love to be together anyway and honestly, Jackson. It’s not a problem. We love to have Bambam over.” Jinyoung’s reassurance made Jackson look up. He was speechless, like he always was, when he received so much unreserved generosity. Jinyoung smiled gently at him, the support of another parent lifting the worry away from him just a little bit.

“I’ll pack his bag and drop him off Friday morning. You can take care of the rest. I’ll let you know when I’ll be coming back. Late Saturday, I would imagine.” Jackson gave in, knowing Jinyoung would just pester him if he refused. It was better like that anyway; Bambam would definitely be cared for and Jackson saved the money he otherwise would have had to pay for the sitter.

They reached Jinyoung and JB’s house, walking to the car parked outside the garage. Jackson had to admit he was sometimes jealous of the spacious house the couple had. The distance to the kindergarten was ridiculously short and they had enough space for three or four more kids. Which, Jackson hoped, would eventually come. It was so obvious from the way Jinyoung and JB looked at each other and the way they talked and behaved around each other; so in love and so comfortable with everything they did. The perfect duo. Jackson was happy for them, more than a little, but he sometimes wished he’d have someone to lean his head onto.

“Why don’t you take the whole weekend for yourself? You could go out and maybe find someone to have some fun with?” Jinyoung unlocked the car. He looked at Jackson curiously over the car roof.

“Are you kidding me? I mean, where would I find anyone willing to listen to me talking? Or, who would ever even want to hang out with me, just for the sake of it? Besides, I will probably fall asleep the moment I get back home.” Jackson grunted, pushing his hair away from his eyes. That was one of the reasons why he was alone; he didn’t go anywhere, or spend his time searching for anyone, because he didn’t have the time for it. And it would be awkward to have to explain the situation to anyone anyway. And he didn’t really do one night stands. There was something so cold about those that it made Jackson shiver, and not in a good way, when he thought about it.

“Stop that. Always undermining yourself. You are not so horrible that anyone, be it a guy or girl, would run away from you.” Jinyoung huffed, frowning. “Just go out and have some fun. We’ll bring Bambam home on Sunday and witness your chagrin.”

“Evil. You are pure evil. I think I hate you.” Jackson stuck his tongue out to Jinyoung who only rolled his eyes in response. He knew he wouldn’t go out to find any company, and he knew Jinyoung knew it too; Jackson would just crash in his bed and sleep. He didn’t want to admit it to anyone but sleeping was one thing he didn’t get enough these days and, obviously, he was in desperate need of it.

“You sound just like my son. Thanks.” Jackson just smirked, hiding his silent laughter by climbing into the car, grateful that Jinyoung was able to give him some time for himself, without straightforward commanding Jackson to rest. He wouldn’t have listened to that anyway.

~

_Dear diary,_

_Shit, that sounds so idiotic. Dunno why I even wrote that. Maybe because it feels odd not to. Who knows._

_Beanbag keeps on growing like a fucking weed. I can’t keep up with his constant spurs of growth, I mean.. it’s like he was shorter yesterday and all the pants were just fine, but today he’s suddenly too big for the damn pants? I mean what the fuck? Should I perhaps read a book or two about kids and their alien ways? Maybe. I know a lot more about the older kids, see them everyday being total monkeys anyway and I am not waiting for that period in BB’s life. I have a bad suspicion I’ll be handing out a lot of time outs.._

_Jinny is being an ass. He practically stole my precious (baby BB ofc) from me and forced me to have a weekend for myself. Well, just half a day if you get really anal about it.. The butthead actually joked that I should go out and do something fun with someone. HAH! Like, when the fuck would I ever feel the need to do that? I wanna go and work out in peace, with JB preferably, the guy’s so brill, period, or maybe climb a wall or few roofs and do some weird voodoo dances to banish the annoying poltergeist (stupid mrs. Lee) from behind our wall._

_Life’s pretty ok. Having some trouble finding time to get squirt more clothes that would actually fit him, but lucky lucky, and how sad is that, Jinyoungie lets Beebs have YG’s old clothes if the kid agrees on putting them on. I swear to god he’s gonna be like his mother. Not looking forward to that…_

_I’m out._

_J._

~

“We have a new boy in our group.” Bambam was munching on the banana happily and talking with his mouth half full. Jinyoung winced at the sight. “He’s like a year older than us and he’s really cool. He laughs all the time and he has a PSP with him and he showed me and Gyeommie how to play with it.” Yugyeom was nodding fervently next to his friend. He at least kept his mouth closed while eating.

“Why is he with you if he is a year older? He should be at school already.” Jinyoung wanted to wipe the banana from Bambam’s face, but he focused his mind on peeling the carrots instead.

“Because his mommy and daddy divorced and he lives with his dad now and they moved here just a while ago.” Bambam stuffed the rest of the banana into his mouth and smiled a horrible, wide smile with bits of fruit squeezing through his teeth. Yugyeom had trouble keeping his giggling quiet. Jinyoung rolled his eyes.

“Don’t play with your food.” Jinyoung sighed, thinking he would be glad when the boys would stop acting they had escaped from the zoo. “Were you nice to the new kid then?”

“Of course.” Yugyeom looked at his father like he wanted to say ‘what kind of brutes do you think we are’. Jinyoung suppressed the laughter that was about to escape him. “And we have a new teacher for music lessons too.”

“So pretty! I haven’t ever seen anyone so pretty like ever. Like, not even my mom and she’s the prettiest mom ever.” Bambam exclaimed, excited, his smile wider than before.

“Should I be worried that either of you will start writing love letters to your teacher?” Jinyoung raised one eyebrow, amused. It wasn’t anything unusual to see kids experiencing first crushes on their teachers, so Jinyoung didn’t take it too seriously. Besides, it was fun to tease the boys a little.

“ _Dad!_ ” The incredulous tone of his son was almost too much to bear. Jinyoung wanted to double up with laughter. “It’s a _guy_. Just because you and Dad are like that doesn’t mean _I_ am.”

“Oh yeah, and he’s like Youngjae’s dad so it would be like super weird to write love letters to your friends dad. Can he come over and play with us sometime?” A short pause. Jinyoung raised one eyebrow, putting the carrot down and looking at the pair sitting by the table. “Please?” Even Bambam had some manners hidden inside him.

“Sure, why not. The more the merrier.” Jinyoung was happy JB would be home later, and not going away for work again. Marrying a freelance photographer did have its disadvantages sometimes. “But I will have to meet with his father first.”

“That’s easy. They live next door.” Yugyeom’s all-knowing smile was a bit too self-satisfied.

~

_Dear diary,_

_Bambam is here again and, unsurprisingly, there is a lot of noise and giggling even though they should already be sleeping by now. I have a constant fear those two end up breaking their arms or legs by judging the way they sometimes get rowdier than usual. I banned sugar in this house for the next month, just because of these wild animals also known as little children, need to learn that there will always be some consequences when they do something stupid. Like today they climbed a tree by the road and dropped water balloons over passing people.. It was rather unpleasant to have a soaked, and mad, stranger come to your door and present the devastated duo to me and with the story of what had happened. The silence and obedience didn’t last very long. Next they managed to climb a tree somewhere else and got only as far as the first branch before it broke under the weight and the kids were on the ground. If something had happened to either of them, I don’t know what I would have done._

_Certainly kids do these idiotic things just because they are curious, but I can’t just sit here and do nothing. So, I reduced the sugar to calm them down, even if it is only temporary. Having two kids to watch over at the same time can be very exhausting. I definitely need to sleep before I can face tomorrow._

_Jaebum is away again. Hopefully he will return during the night or tomorrow morning. I know he doesn’t want to be away so often, nor do I want him to be, but it’s the job that requires him to move around so much. And he loves it, so I am not going to complain._

_Days at the library are busy now, but when the summer break will start for schools, things will calm down and I suspect I will miss the herds of overly talkative girls and boys of all ages trying to find their designated reading materials and making a general mess where it is not allowed._

_I will go and shut the children down now, for the third time._

_Jinyoung_

~

Mark opened the front door, wiping sweat from his forehead. They had moved in two days ago and the place was still a mess. He had tried to empty all the boxes and hang the curtains and spread the carpets, but he was only one man, and even if Youngjae was doing his part by unpacking his own stored up things, the task was quite enormous to finish in just a few days time.

That was why Mark looked so disheveled when he opened the door and found two pairs of bright eyes fixed up at him.

“Hi!” The chorus of clear voices startled Mark. “Is Youngjae home? We wanted to ask if he could come and play with us.”

“He is but..” Mark’s words got cut when he heard the stomping feet on the wooden floor. He winced. He would have to tell the boy to take his shoes off when he was inside. Well, right after Mark had the time to wash the floors first. Whenever that would be.

“Hi guys!” Youngjae’s excited entrance to the doorway almost knocked Mark off balance when the boy slammed against the back of his legs. “Can I go Dad, please can I?” Mark’s eyes moved uncertainly between the pair waiting and his son. He really didn’t want to say no, but he didn’t exactly feel too happy about letting Youngjae go out in a company he didn’t really know, much less go out to a neighborhood neither of them really knew.

“I can watch over them.” A low voice drifted from the gate. Mark looked up and met somehow familiar face looking straight at him. He had a vague memory of seeing the man somewhere. “I’m your neighbor, Park Jinyoung. The taller boy there is my son Yugyeom and the other is Bambam, Jackson’s son.” Mark nodded, he knew the kids by face from Friday. And then it clicked; he had seen Jinyoung at the kindergarten, picking up Yugyeom. Mark relaxed enormously.

“This is Youngjae and I’m Mark.” He turned to look at the expectant boys and sighed. “I’d rather not let you go very far today.” Youngjae’s lips pursed dangerously, a tantrum was forming, and Mark hurried to finish his speech. “But you can play in the backyard, ok? There’s plenty of room and you can show the boys all the cool toys you have.” The boys didn’t really need more encouragement and with a whoosh and excited babble of talk the trio had disappeared from sight, Youngjae leading the way. Mark let out a long breath and looked at Jinyoung who had walked closer.

“Do you need help?”

“I..” Mark hesitated. He really did need help, he had only this day time to fix most of the things to their rightful places, and he couldn’t spare attention to three boys and cleaning at the same time. “Yeah. I do.” He didn’t want to admit it, and he didn’t even know this young man, but honestly.. Would it hurt him to accept the offered help for once in his life? Jinyoung just smiled softly, the smile reaching his eyes, his expression warm and friendly. “Come in. I guess we’ll be getting to know each other anyway.” Mark chuckled, his ears picking up the gleeful noises from the open doors at the other side of the house.

“I suppose we will.”

“I’m sorry about the mess. I haven’t had time to be very organized.” Mark scratched his neck, wrinkling his nose, displeased. He left out the fact that he wasn’t very organized in the first place. This kind of situation was rather new to him and dealing with it was a lot harder than it looked, mainly because he didn’t know where to begin.

The corridor was still lined with boxes, the sitting room had furniture still waiting to be assembled, all his books and movies in careless piles against one wall, and the kitchen was a mess as well. Mark didn’t even want to think about his bedroom. Youngjae at least had his bed and desk where they were supposed to be, but Mark had been so exhausted he had only spread his own mattress on the floor and slept there, not caring that he was surrounded by bags full of clothes and linen in complete chaos.

“Don’t worry about it. This isn’t half as bad what it was when I moved in with JB.” Jinyoung snorted, rolling up his sleeves. “The amount of stuff was incredible. Needless to say about half of it was thrown away at some point during the first year.”

“JB?” Mark asked, confused. So much new information, and his mind was already drifting back to the hell that was the mess facing them.

“My partner. Im Jaebum.” Jinyoung clarified, brushing his hair back with one swift move. Mark frowned slightly. He glanced quickly at the man standing next to him, examining his features; Jinyoung was lithe, relaxed and handsome. Black hair, delicate hands, legs to kill for and perfectly round face, slightly prominent ears. His eyes were warm and kind, his mouth smiling almost constantly. Mark found himself staring a bit too much and averted his eyes back to the floor.

“Um..” Mark hesitated again, not sure whether or not it was polite to ask the next question that came to his mind. Jinyoung however obviously read the unsaid question from Mark’s face and smiled.

“Yugyeom is adopted.”

“Oh. Right. I didn’t mean to pry or anything.”

“It’s fine. Relax, I’m not going to hit you, or try to hit _on_ you, burn your house or try to steal your son. Just a friendly neighbor, who knows how hard it is to handle three messy kids all of a sudden.” Mark let out a nervous laughter, the tension easing as Jinyoung grinned at him, winking.

“You know I could kick your ass if you tried anything of the sort..” Mark half-heartedly joked, the words just slipping from his lips before he could stop them. Jinyoung was silent for a moment and the burst out laughing.

“I bet you could.” He grinned widely, placing his both hands to his hips. “So, where do we begin?”

Mark was, in the end, eternally grateful that Jinyoung had turned up on his doorstep. Together they cleared all the unopened boxes to the porch and some upstairs, washed the floors and assembled a couple of shelves and tables that were waiting. All the cabinets had to be wiped before anything could be placed inside. Mark knew the house had been empty for a while, but seriously, the amount of dust and grime made even his sense of normal cleanliness scream in agony.

In the meanwhile the three boys were happily doing some kind of treasure hunt in the backyard, their delighted yelps and laughter ringing in the air. To make the day even better for them Mark and Jinyoung agreed that the easiest way to feed the hungry herd of giggles and shouts was to order pizza. The news earned the two fathers a dirt filled group hug along with the usual empty promises to be the most obedient kids in the whole wide world.

After having the sitting room and kitchen in nearly perfected Mark sat down on the floor, feeling exhausted, but accomplished. Jinyoung was arranging the books to the shelves and watching him made Mark feel guilty for sitting down. But he couldn’t move a muscle right now, he was so tired. He still had his own room to fix, but that could wait. He wasn’t too picky where he slept, as long as he could do it.

“How come you ended up in this neighborhood?” Jinyoung’s voice trailed to Mark.

“My grandfather left this house to me a year ago. The tenants, I think, moved away and the house was on sale for the better part of last year. Lucky for me it didn’t sell.” Mark picked on his shirt sleeve absent-mindedly. For whatever reason he had even gotten house, he was now happy he had it. His leaving from their previous home had been rather speedy anyway as Mark had wanted to have as much distance to his wife as possible. The break-up hadn’t been the most pleasant one emotionally.

“Yeah, the previous family moved away. Nasty break-up. The husband found the wife had a second family somewhere. They had two boys, teenagers, and the rows between them all were a pretty spectacular thing to witness. I had to use earplugs to keep Yugyeom safe from all the yelling for a month or so.” Jinyoung grimaced. He stared at the perfect line of books, all in alphabetical order now, and nodded in satisfaction at his work. Then he turned to Mark, ruffling his own slightly damp hair. “I felt really bad for the kids, but the parents, no. Didn’t like either of them. Quite honestly they were both ignorant assholes.” Jinyoung huffed, crossing his arms. “I don’t understand why people decide to get kids if they don’t even have anything to keep their own relationship in one piece. It’s not like the kids will keep them together. Probably just make it worse in the end.”

Mark hung his head, the uneasy feeling gripping his insides. They had done just that. But the pregnancy had been an accident and they had decided to try to give the child what they could, despite the friction between him and the mother.

“Sometimes it’s not so black and white.” Mark muttered quietly. Jinyoung frowned.

“I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?”

“No.. It’s just that.. I’m divorcing at the moment from Youngjae’s mother and..” Mark hesitated, his eyes fixed on his hands. “We had nothing in common when we married. We did it just to give Youngjae a whole family, an environment where he could grow up without having to believe he was a mistake that just happened to born for two unwilling people. It wasn’t like we ever planned on having him. I mean, we weren’t even in a relationship before and..” Mark’s voice trailed away, the memory still stinging. He didn’t really want to talk about it. It was too embarrassing and too hurtful. Jinyoung was quiet for a long time before he said anything.

“Well, you can’t keep on pretending forever.” Then he smiled, the gesture brightening Mark’s dark and gloomy thoughts. “But you’ve done a good job with Youngjae. He seems to be a good kid.”

“He is.” Mark’s tone was much gentler now, the look in his eyes softening. “I don’t know what I would do without him. It kind of changed everything when he came to the world.” He remembered the day vividly when he first got to hold the baby in his arms. The feeling of love and affection and dread and confusion filling him to the brim and Mark had wanted to explode from the overwhelming amount of feelings he didn’t know he had ever had hidden inside him. The tiny toes, the fragile little fingers and the almost black eyes that squinted at him from under the soft blankets had melted his heart so absolutely he had been willing to give up everything he had ever wanted for himself, just to be able to give all the things good to his son.

“Kids can do that to people.” Jinyoung smiled wistfully, glancing towards the noise, the sound of the boys talking on the porch echoing in the room. Then he stretched majestically and huffed. “I suppose we should get back home. You can settle down and finish folding you clothes into the closet and I can make JB drive Bambam home. Jackson should be ready to have his little hurricane of cuddles, dirt and earthworms back.” Mark scrambled up, mumbling something about being really sorry for making Jinyoung do this. Jinyoung brushed the apology aside with a wave of his hand. “Don’t sweat it. If you need anything, just give us a call. Or knock on the door. Youngjae is welcome to come over anytime. And you as well.” Mark was flabbergasted by the sheer friendliness of Jinyoung. He just nodded, unable to say anything in return.

The house fell silent after the three guests left. Mark sat on the couch, his eyes closed, exhaustion washing over his tired body and mind. He jerked in surprise almost violently, when Youngjae crawled next to him and laid his head to Mark’s chest. Mark smiled, patting the boy over his head.

“Did you have fun today?”

“Yeah!” Youngjae squirmed, changing his position to a better one, curling up like a cat and nuzzling his dirt stained cheek against Mark’s abdomen. Mark played with the soft brown strands with one hand, watching the silhouette of his son smiling widely eyes closed. “Best day ever.” Youngjae sighed dramatically. “You’re the best, Dad.”

Mark remained silent, watching the boy drifting to sleep. His heart was beating steadily, the house was quiet and much less chaotic, the atmosphere serene and calm and the late afternoon sunlight was pouring in from the open doors, wind rustling the curtains.  Right now it didn’t feel like such a bad idea to be divorcing and learning how to live on his own with Youngjae. Mark closed his eyes, relaxing under the warmth of the boy sprawled halfway over his stomach, deciding the bath could wait just for five more minutes.

 


	2. Play dates and grown-up issues

Jackson strolled down the street on his way to pick up Bambam, his mind mainly focused on going through the things that had happened at work, and on today’s meal, hands buried deep in the pockets of his black leather jacket. He had discarded the necktie and collar shirt as soon as he was free from the classes and pulled on the crumpled t-shirt he had in his backpack just for that purpose.

The day was surprisingly cold for a spring day and Jackson shivered when the wind tousled his hair. He thought about the things he had at home waiting for him; cooking, dishes, Bambam, finishing the mock exam he was going to drop on the students this week, putting the squirt to sleep and battle him to wash himself before that. The dinner was worrying him mostly, because, let’s face it, he was no chef. Cooking was a necessity Jackson did because they obviously had to eat, not because he liked it much or was very good at it. Lucky for him Bambam ate almost anything you put in front of him. The kid was growing so fast it was sometimes scary to watch.

He pushed the gates open, passing the other parents he knew, some by face and some by name, nodding at them and trying to see if Bambam was already outside waiting for him. No squirt in sight, but the doors flew open and an unfamiliar man came out, walking carefully down the few steps.

Jackson stared helplessly at the blond man, walking out onto the yard, trying his hardest not to step over any toes or shoes in the process. He was surrounded by a cluster of fussy little girls and boys, one tiny girl in his arms and clutching to his neck, looking up at the delicate face with adoring eyes.

To simply put it; Jackson knew he would be in trouble the moment he laid his eyes on him. He had absolutely no control over his facial expressions, or that was what he thought, and he was certain his gawking and admiration would be there plain for everyone to see and laugh at.

The stranger was.. How to put it? Very beautiful, for a man. Very elegant, for a man. Very agile, slender, graceful and all the other things related to those words, but definitely a guy. The blond hair was quite striking, it stood out in the middle of all the dark and black heads surrounding the man, but to add the all the rest of the fine physical features to the list, it was no wonder Jackson was almost gaping. The smooth looking skin was so luminous Jackson could’ve sworn the guy was radiating light. The nose was absolutely perfect. And the rosy mouth? What wouldn’t Jackson give to be able to kiss those lush lips.. Then the brown eyes looked up and spotted him. Jackson thought he would betray all these emotions running inside him, if they would look into each other’s eyes more than a few seconds, all because he felt like someone had whacked him in the head with a toy hammer.

This would be _so_ awkward for Jackson.

“You must be Jackson.” A low, pleasant voice called out to him. Jackson winced. Was it really necessary, to make someone so absolutely and perfectly _his type,_ and run him across his path so suddenly and without a fair warning? Jackson wasn’t prepared to meet this tall, blond stranger like this. His heart was totally unprepared for it! Though, in all fairness, all Jackson felt pulling him towards the man standing there, was something you could see with your eyes. What was underneath this entire glorious surface was another thing. “Bambam has told me so much about you.” That little git, if he had said something bad Jackson swore he would ground the boy for a month. “I’m Mark. I’m a new teacher here.”

“Jackson.” He nodded, his breath caught somewhere halfway in his throat. “All bad, I bet.”Jackson added wryly. Shit, shit, shit. _Pull yourself together, man!_ Mark however didn’t even seem to register the ungraceful reply or the stupid expression on Jackson’s face, he was too focused at the moment on lowering the child from his arm to the ground.

“Oh no, all good. I was hoping to meet you after all the stories.” Mark straightened his back and smiled shyly at Jackson. Something churned inside Jackson’s stomach and he felt suddenly very hot and the chilly spring wind felt like a warm summer breeze on his bare neck.

“Really?” Jackson could sink under the earth; he was so sure he shouldn’t even be talking to the guy in this current state of confusion. Why did he have to have a feeling like he had an itch that only Mark could scratch for him? “Well, hope you’re not disappointed.” Jackson tried to smile a genuine smile but it ended up looking more like grimace. He regretted the expression the moment he registered the unsure blinking Mark did.

“Um. No, I’m.. not?” Mark looked a little confused, probably because all he could see was how uncomfortable Jackson was feeling, fidgeting on the spot and his eyes darting from the building to Mark and to the ground. Jackson wanted to hit himself. He was usually really comfortable with people, no matter how gorgeous they were. But his heart was skipping jump rope inside his chest and the way Mark’s eyes seemed to bore through his skull was too distracting and Jackson could feel how his confidence was flying away.

Trying to hold in his ridiculous urge to just ask Mark out right now, despite not knowing anything about him, Jackson took a really deep breath and tried to smile more disarmingly at Mark.

“I heard there was a new teacher, from Jinyoung, and that Bambam and Yugyeom both have taken a liking to your son.” Jackson tried to salvage whatever there was to save by changing the subject. He hoped his own stiffness would ease a bit as well; he didn’t want to be so timid, not when it was absolutely prudent to give a good impression of himself. “Bambam was talking a lot about Youngjae at least.”

“I’m really happy they get along so well. We only moved here few days ago.” Mark’s tentative smile was somehow super attractive. Jackson kind of hoped he wasn’t looking so shabby and worn out today; a bit more edgy and swag and Jackson might have had a chance at giving a better image of himself to Mark. No such luck though. Apart from the leather jacket he wore, he was far from glamorous; faded blue jeans, sneakers and black t-shirt that had seen better days. At least he was clean, if nothing else.

But compared to Mark, Jackson certainly felt like he hadn’t seen shower or clean clothes in weeks. Mark had those casual garments on that fit him perfectly without making him look sloppy, scruffy or too care-free; a white hoodie over a dark grey shirt and faded light blue jeans, and Jackson noted in passing that those were a pair of _really_ nice legs, and sneakers. Mark was probably one of those people you could throw anything on them and they would still look good. Jackson sighed mentally, averting his eyes from Mark and moved his gaze to follow the kids stumbling around the yard.

“The kids seem to like you a lot.” Jackson indicated at the still gathered crowd of adoring children around Mark’s legs, pushing the idiotic thoughts from his mind.

“It will wear off in time, I’m sure.” The cute little smile that he flashed down at his audience was half sad and half something Jackson couldn’t decipher at the moment. He decided on the spot though that he liked Mark and that he definitely should get to know him more. Just platonically of course, nothing romantic attached, despite the obvious physical attraction he was feeling.

“Daddy!” The high squeal made Jackson jump a little; he’d been so absorbed in thinking about Mark he hadn’t noticed Bambam running from the door and towards him. Only when the lithe little body slammed against his legs did Jackson look down and smile widely at the beaming little boy looking up at him. “Can I go to play at Youngjae’s house this week? Pretty please? Can I?”

“Uh.” Jackson looked up at Mark and saw how the blond was bent down to talk with another boy, a bit taller than Bambam was. Jackson felt his heart swelling when he looked at the pair; Mark had that soft glowing expression on his face when he was talking to the boy, Jackson guessed he was Youngjae, a small smile hidden at the corner of those perfect lips. “I guess so. But only if it’s ok with his parents.” Jackson’s heart sank; he hadn’t, for some reason, thought that there would be another parent. Of course there had to be; Mark was too stunning to be running a household alone.

Mark looked up, hearing the words. His face turned stony and the smile disappeared. He shook his head.

“Just me and Youngjae.” Then the smile returned and Mark looked at Bambam. “You are welcome to come over. You can ask Yugyeom as well, since he lives so close and you two _are_ quite inseparable.”

“Wait, what do you mean close?” Jackson was confused, trying to keep the happy smile from rising to his lips when learning Mark _didn’t_ have anyone waiting at home, and blinking at Mark who raised his eyebrows in return.

“We live right next door to Yugyeom and his parents.” Mark said, quite unperturbed and gave Jackson a tilt of his head, like he was saying _I thought you knew_. Jackson cursed silently.

Oh, this was just too perfect. Jackson could’ve purred with delight and moaned in agony at the same time. He would have to sort out these inappropriate thoughts and urges, and he would have to do so fast; it wouldn’t do good to be drooling over his kid’s teacher anyway.

~

When Jinyoung came home from work that Tuesday, JB was already there, drawing pictures with Yugyeom by the kitchen table. Jinyoung slid into the slippers by the door and padded his way into the kitchen, where the two were doodling on the paper. He reached down to kiss Yugyeom on top of his head and proceeded to lean down and give his partner a small kiss on the lips. JB smiled up affectionately at him and Jinyoung felt his heart skipping a beat.

After all these years that wide smile had the same effect on him as it had had the first time they went out on a date. It seemed like such a long time ago, but in Jinyoung’s eyes JB hadn’t changed much. Physically he was still the same, maybe a bit broader, but his seriousness wasn’t so bad anymore. These days JB was more easygoing and relaxed, not so uptight and ready to give speeches the moment he got the chance. And his idiotic sense of humor was still the same, which Jinyoung sometimes cursed under his breath.

Jinyoung ran his fingers through his own hair and sat down next to Jaebum and heaved a sigh. He was glad to be home.

“Bad day?” JB inquired, drawing a crooked heart on the paper and turning the paper towards Jinyoung. Jinyoung stifled his laughter; _what a sappy idiot_. But he loved JB the all the more for it.

“Not really. Just tired.” Jinyoung yawned widely. “The library air is somewhat stuffy and makes me sleepy at the end of the day. I should go for a run. I feel like I need to clear my mind.” The days he spent cooped up at the library weren’t usually boring, he was quite busy throughout the day, but he got a headache at one point, just few hours before his day was done. The stuffy air, the paper dust and the comfortable and muffled silence all suited Jinyoung like a glove, but he wanted to get out more. Being a responsible grown-up wasn’t always so much fun and so, on days when JB was actually home, Jinyoung took the opportunity to go running or taking a long walk outside to empty his thoughts.

“You should.” Jaebum said quite calmly but raised one eyebrow, tapping the pen down on the paper he was doodling on. The expression he wore was somewhat alarming Jinyoung’s senses and he could feel his body tensing. “You definitely should, while you still have time for that. Soon you won’t have.” Jinyoung stared at him.

“What do you mean _“still have time for it”_?” Was Jaebum going to be away for a longer time due to some shoot he would be doing in a far away country? Jinyoung’s dread increased and his palms felt sweaty and cold; he didn’t really want JB to be away too long. He could manage everything, of course, but he would miss him terribly and that was one thing Jinyoung didn’t like to do; pine.

“Your hands, and mine too, are soon going to be filled with something quite different from sneakers.” JB’s stoic expression crumpled and he beamed at Jinyoung. For a moment Jinyoung couldn’t figure out what was making JB so happy he was shining like the sun. But then it hit him. He gaped, mouth open at JB. He felt like someone had poured a bucket of ice water over his body.

“Do you mean…” Jinyoung’s heart had stopped. He had trouble breathing steadily and he reached over and grasped JB’s hands into his, squeezing them tightly, his heart now bounding somewhere in his throat. “Do you… Do you mean.. What I think you mean?” He saw the glimmer of sheer delight in those eyes he so loved, and had loved almost ten years by now.

“Yeah. We’re finally there.” Jaebum chuckled, his tone indicating he wasn’t sure himself if this was true or not. So many setbacks and empty promises, and now this. “We’re going to have more kids.”

“That’s plural.” Jinyoung hesitated. He could barely hold on to a glimmer of hope that his dream could come true. “That’s definitely a plural. Do you… do you mean there’s more than one?” The world was spinning around him as he waited with baited breath for the words that would change his entire life.

“Twins.”

It was lucky Jinyoung was sitting down. He bent forward, his head landing on JB’s shoulder, hands still tight around JB’s hands. He would surely explode soon. After so many years of paperwork and meetings with social workers and waiting endlessly for any news at all, they were _finally_ going to have more children. Jinyoung felt the tears swelling, falling from between his closed eyelids down to his cheeks and onto Jaebum’s shirt. The wave of incredible relief washed over him. He felt powerless, weak and like he’d just woken up to a whole new world with endless possibilities laid before him.

“Is Daddy ok? Why are you crying?” Yugyeom had stopped his drawing and hopped off his chair, walking to the side where his parents were sitting. He took a hold of Jinyoung’s shirt, pulling it, his small face scrunched up in worry. “Don’t cry Daddy.”

Jinyoung detached himself from Jaebum and sat up, turning his attention to the boy standing next to him. He reached down and lifted the child up onto his lap, wrapping his arms around the small body, hugging Yugyeom close to his chest. He breathed in the familiar smell of the brown hair; it smelled like rain and sand, like buttered toast and cookies, like sunny mornings and wind.

“Daddy’s just happy.” JB offered an explanation when it became obvious Jinyoung couldn’t utter a single word from his mouth.

“Why?” Yugyeom looked at his second father puzzled, his small hands fumbling the sleeve of Jinyoung’s shirt.

“Because you’re going to be a big brother. You’ll soon have two sisters to look after.” JB said, smiling warmly at the boy. “It’s a big job, and we’re going to need all the help you can give us.”

“Oh. Ok.” The answer was followed by a moment of thoughtful silence, and then Yugyeom patted Jinyoung’s head. “Don’t worry Daddy, I’ll help you, so don’t cry.” The words didn’t really make Jinyoung stop crying. He just cried harder, but now he was smiling widely, even through his tears running. His whole life was so fucking perfect right now.

~

Thud. Thud. Thud. Bang. Thud. 

Jackson stepped back, wiping the sweat on his arm. He crouched, keeping his gloved fists covering his face, the arms protecting his chest. He lunged forward and aimed again; left, right, left, kick, right. JB had to take a step back, the punches and kicks Jackson was aiming at him were too powerful for him to stand still when they reached the focus pads on his hands. Jackson moved away from JB again, straightening his back and breathing fast. They were both dripping with sweat after an hour of doing some intense basic training. JB lowered the pads.

“You’re pretty aggressive today. What’s on your mind?”JB finally asked, tired of trying to guess why Jackson was giving his gloves death-glares and huffing and puffing like he was a teapot about to whistle.

“Have you _seen_ your new neighbor?” Jackson growled after a short and uncomfortable silence, his tone reaching those desperate notes JB hadn’t heard ever before from Jackson’s mouth. His eyebrows shot up.

“You mean Mark?” Jackson just nodded, turning away, pulling the gloves off his sweaty hands and grumbling something incoherent to himself. “What about him?” Though JB had a hunch what this was about. The look on Jackson’s face was so agonized and his shoulders were so tense, and that wasn’t just because they had been kicking and punching each other. JB tried to keep his face straight; it would have been rude to laugh when Jackson was in obvious turmoil with his feelings.

“Of course I mean Mark! Who else has moved to the neighboring house! Jackie Chan?” Jackson’s hands flailed in the air and he turned back to look at Jaebum, lips shut in a tight line and his eyes burning like he had hellfire about to get loose from within. JB swallowed the bubbling hilarity and coughed, trying to keep his emotions from showing.

“Nice guy. Only talked with him for a few minutes when I dropped Yugyeom at the kindergarten and Mark happened to be there too.” JB kept his face quite emotionless and shrugged. “Kids are going mad about him. They say he’s the prettiest, and coolest, teacher they have there. And that’s counting the ladies in too.”

“Isn’t he though?” Suddenly the agony and despair left Jackson’s face and were replaced by something close to adoring and dreamy. JB almost choked on his water he was chugging down. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so handsome in my life.”

“Didn’t pay much attention to that..” JB drawled lazily, like he hadn’t noticed such a thing at all. Of course he had noted how good looking Mark was. JB could easily admit that Mark was handsome and probably more so than most guys he had ever met. Handsome, yes, just not his type though, so he let the matter stay as a private observation.

“Well, you’re biased because you already have a cute guy waiting for you at home.” Jackson almost snarled, the sour look returning to him as quickly as it had been removed with a positive emotion. “I bet he’s straight as a pole. No one that stunning is free for long.” He took off his sleeveless shirt with an angry move and wiped the dripping sweat from his neck and face. JB chuckled softly.

“Jackson..” He almost burst out laughing. “Do you possibly have a crush on Mark?”

“NO!” If the sharp denial, and Jackson's wide, shocked eyes, weren’t a confirmation just how much he was thinking about Mark, JB didn’t know what was. It was quite cute too, how desperate his friend looked, eyes huge like saucers, jaw tight and shocked apparently to his core that JB had just like that guessed the right answer. As if it wasn’t already written all over Jackson’s face anyway. If Mark was into guys it shouldn’t take him too long to figure out how badly Jackson wanted to do all sorts of kinky things with him. Or whatever. JB didn’t know what Jackson preferred, and he didn’t even want to know.

“Oh, come on. Be a good kid and just say it. You might even feel better.”

“Just how is admitting that going to make me happier? It certainly won’t change anything.” Jackson was pouting, his cheeks puffed and his lower lip sticking out. JB had the urge to put his palms against those cheeks and squish the air out of Jackson’s mouth with a quick move. But he didn’t really want to get Jackson’s spit all over him.

“Well, no. But, you could ask Mark if you two could arrange a play date for your monkey boy and his son.” JB faked a thoughtful silence. “I’ll tell you what, I’ll throw in Yugyeom too if it makes the task easier. And I’ll take my darling spouse for dinner so you can have all the responsibility of watching over the overexcited chipmunks.”

Jackson was quiet a long while, but when he finally looked up at Jaebum his eyes were almost shining and he was grinning widely.

“That could work, right? Right?” Jackson’s tone was so hopeful it was kind of embarrassing. JB just shook his head, patting Jackson on his shoulder.

“Sure.” Of course there was no guarantee that Mark even liked guys, or would he like to hang out with Jackson who was the epitome of pent up energy and crazy ideas. But, who was Jaebum to deny Jackson the possibility to find someone to spend quality time with. He flung an arm around Jackson’s shoulders while they walked towards the locker rooms. “Actually.. I really would like you to take Yugyeom next weekend with you.”

“Sure. No problem. You have some occasion or are you just simply horny?” JB tightened his hold, threatening to choke his friend.

“Clean your mouth. I won’t tolerate that kind of language in front of the kids and you’re going to be a god father soon.” JB rather calmly scolded Jackson, the smile trying to break free again. Jackson’s eyes widened in surprise.

“What? Really? You finally got some news?” Jackson stopped on his heels, saw the incredibly happy and proud smile spreading over the handsome face. He wriggled free from JB’s arms and wrapped his own arms around Jaebum’s waist, hoisting him up. “Congratulations! When is the time due for a new baby?”

“Babies.” JB corrected, the joy exploding in him like fireworks.

“TWO!” Jackson was nearly screaming, the other people at the gym staring at the pair of them disapprovingly. Jackson let JB down and shrieked with happiness. “Two babies! He’s gonna have two new babies! I’m gonna be a god father!” Hearing this, the disgruntled faces turned to more amused ones, and some even called out congratulations to Jaebum who was beaming, and for once not minding one bit that Jackson was doing a stupid happy dance around him and shouting nonsense for everyone to hear.

“Twin girls.” JB’s heart was expanding every single time he said that. It was still so unbelievable that he would be having two fragile little things in less than two weeks. He would make the time to be there with Jinyoung, to help the girls to settle down and to be there to feed them in the middle of the night and change their diapers and hush them to sleep. It was a big, very big, job to do, but he was sure they would manage every obstacle that would come along. They had already done it once, with Yugyeom and he hadn’t turned too bad, had he?

“You can count on me dude! I’ll come running if my baby girls are crying and you are too tired, or want to have some time to catch up with doing dirty thin..- OUCH!” JB slapped Jackson hard on his bare arm. “Ok fine, be a prude. But I’ll still be available as much as I can, should you need anything.” Jackson’s grin could have shifted whole planets just by looking at them so intensively.

“I will hold you to that, just watch me.” JB was glad however that he had a friend like Jackson who, despite his mouthy manner sometimes, was probably the most reliable and trustworthy guy there was.

~

_Sup?_

_What a week. Last sunday BB kept talking about this new teacher and a kid at the kindergarten and how absolutely fab these two were. So, because I’m kinda slow sometimes and can’t put two and two together I made a fool of myself when I met this new teacher and his kid. Didn’t realize the guy who moved to Jinny and JB’s neighbor was the same duo. Stupid, me? Oh yeah._

_I mean, what the fuck universe? Was that supposed to be funny? I looked like an idiot and was almost drooling when the guy, Mark, started talking with me and holy FUCK could someone please uninstall all these dirty thoughts from my head? No? Fuck that then._

_How can I even begin to describe him? Like an angel fallen from the heavens? Too dramatic. He’s just awesome. Looks like he’s a bit timid and reserved but I wouldn’t mind cuddling with him some. Or anything else…_

_Anyway. JB had the most brilliant idea; I should just ask Mark to come on a play date with Youngjae because I’ll be having the double trouble under my care next week. Perfect excuse to dig out some more info about him and maybe get closer. No harm in trying, yeah?_

_Oh yeah, my favorite couple is going reproduce and decided that I was responsible enough to guard over their new baby girls. Are they nuts? Just kidding! I’ll love those pink bundles until I die. Can’t wait for them to get home so I can go over and see them. I mean, even squirt was super adorable when he was just born. He still is, when he isn’t being a pain in the butt._

_Time to plan. I’m out!_

_J_

~

Mark had been really surprised when Jackson had suggested a play date with the kids. He didn’t particularly have any objections about it; he was just confused as to why Jackson wanted to do it with him. The boys got along pretty well, without the adults hovering over them protectively all the time, and he gladly let them play in the house. Maybe because Bambam didn’t live close to them, like Yugyeom did, it was a practical thing to do, to go out all together. And Mark would get to know Jackson a bit more at the same time, if that was what Jackson wanted.

So, in the end he gave in and agreed to go out with Jackson, Bambam and Yugyeom, whose parents would be out for some reason Mark wasn’t aware of. And then there was the case of Jackson pulling off such pleading, kicked-puppy eyes at him.. How could anyone say no to that? Not Mark, that was for sure. He’d been nearly stuttering when Jackson had shown him that face; how could an adult man look so incredibly endearing?

Mark recalled quite vividly the day he had seen Jackson for the first time; he’d been crowded by kids and been slightly flustered that he was the center of everyone’s attention, trying to usher that herd of giggling balls of energy out of the door, to wait for their parents to pick them up.

And then he had seen Jackson through the window, walking towards the kindergarten.

Black hair tied carelessly tied to a man bun to the back of his head, the handsome face somehow highlighted by the stark contrast between black hair and paler skin. Jackson looked so easy, so comfortable, while rolling down the street his hands in the pockets of his jacket and eyes cast down on the pavement. The faded jeans hugged his legs quite perfectly and he looked like the ideal picture of a bad boy, the kind that made the girls swoon just by glancing at them under his brow. Jackson only needed a teardrop tattoo under his eye and he could play double in Crybaby easily.

Something had got caught up in Mark’s throat and he wished he wasn’t feeling like that. He’d never been one to get easily flustered and now that he was, he didn’t know how to react to it. Mark kept his eyes on the children while stepping out and didn’t look up until his nerves had calmed down and he knew Jackson was looking at him. But when he had looked up, and had seen the round brown eyes, lined with dark lashes, it’d been like someone had pulled the carpet under him. Mark’s heart rate had sped up, palms turned unpleasantly sweaty for no obvious reason, his ears burned scarlet and chest tightened like he had just finished running a mile or two; just because Jackson was looking at him with eyes like windows to his soul.

It took a moment for Mark to gather his senses and calm his nerves again and call out to the guy who had turned his nerves system into a jumbled ball of strings. He had recognized Jackson from the description Bambam had been giving him every day since Mark had started to work at the kindergarten, and even if Bambam’s portrayal of his father was a bit over the top, it wasn’t hard to guess who Jackson would be amongst the parents.

Now, presently, Mark was waiting to the trio, Jackson, Bambam and Yugyeom, to turn up at the park they had chosen for their first spot. Youngjae was crouching on the ground, picking up small pebbles, collecting the prettiest ones on his palm, the small face concentrated. Mark was sitting on a bench, his thoughts lingering on Jackson’s smile and the strong, warm clasp of his hand around Mark’s hand when they had separated on that first day, while he watched his son focusing on his task.

Then the silence was broken when a loud, cheerful chorus of voices called out Youngjae’s name. Mark looked up to see two boys scampering towards them smiling brightly and Jackson strolling behind them as charming and as trouble-free as he had done when Mark had seen him for the first time, and every time after that. His thoughts seemed to go all hazy and unfocused; like he didn’t know which way the Earth was rotating anymore. Mark got up and smiled tentatively at Jackson and the boys.

“Sorry, we’re not too late are we?” Jackson’s smile was wide, like he wanted to melt the polar ice with it. Mark thought his heart skipped a beat, but he brushed that feeling aside quickly.

“No, I think we were a bit early.” He brushed his hair back from his eyes and set the black snapback back on his head again, shielding his eyes from the sunlight. And to ward off the radiance Jackson was emitting. Why was he so shiny and bright? Mark turned to look at the kids, huddled together and talking animatedly. “Why don’t you guys go ahead, the playground is all yours.” He didn’t need to say more to let the trio loose and running towards the playing field. Mark chuckled softly, watching the boys going straight to climb up the rope fortress. “We can sit down over there.” Mark said to Jackson, pointing out the empty benches circling the area.

“So, have you settled in?” Jackson asked when they sat down to keep their eyes on the kids just to be sure nothing too serious was going to happen. Mark pondered for a while what to answer.

“I suppose we have. It helps that I can watch over Youngjae all day.” Not that it was really necessary to do so, he just wanted to make sure things went smoothly for them all. The changes in their lives had been so dramatic and sudden it wasn’t such a big surprise Mark wanted to make sure Youngjae was safe and sound.

“Don’t you have any time for yourself? I mean, I at least get to be away from the squirt when I’m at work but you have no time to be alone, do you?” Jackson raised his eyebrows, crossed his arms to his chest and half-slouched on the wooden bench. Mark wanted to ruffle Jackson’s hair for some ridiculous reason.

“I don’t mind. There will be a time when Youngjae will go to his mother and then I can rest more.” Mark’s tone turned slightly strained and he snapped his mouth close, lips forming a thin line. Thinking about that day didn’t really improve his mood, quite the opposite. Not to mention he knew they hadn’t settled any specifics about when and how long Youngjae would stay with his mother.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Jackson hastened to smooth things down, seeing Mark’s expression turning so blank and falling silent.

They sat in silence for a long while, Mark mulling over his not-so-happy thoughts and Jackson fidgeting on the spot, worried and uncomfortable that he had said something to upset Mark so early in their day together.

“I’m sorry.” Mark muttered finally, cutting the heavy silence gathering around them and turned his head to give Jackson a quick apologetic smile. “I’m still trying to let the idea of being a single parent sink in.”

“Rough break up, huh?” Jackson relaxed visibly, sounding compassionate and turning his body more towards Mark.

“No, not really. More like I feel like I’ve betrayed Youngjae by not being able to provide him a whole family to grow up in.” That particular feeling was eating him alive every day, but there might be a day when it would be gone for good, considering the nature of Mark and Youngjae’s mother’s relationship, which was not so good they pretended it to be. Anything for the sake of public eye, eh?

“I know that feeling.” Jackson grunted, crossing his arms to his chest and huffing, his dark brows burrowed. He looked so handsome like that, all serious and a little disgruntled. Something knotted in Mark’s stomach, an unfamiliar feeling which made him shift on his seat. Jackson’s eyes were following Bambam now. “Beanbag over there doesn’t really complain much to me, but I know he would like to be with his mother more often.” He heaved a sigh. “It’s a bit complicated situation for us, and I wonder sometimes if it was the right thing to do. Just because I was selfish, and his mother in her own way, that we now have a kid who has to deal with a broken family like ours is.”

Mark wasn’t sure what to say. He knew how that felt like, though Jackson’s situation seemed to be somewhat different. But he didn’t want to ask for more elaboration, the mere look on Jackson’s face was enough to let the question die on Mark’s lips. If the other would like to talk, he would listen, but he wouldn’t ask or force details out of Jackson.

“You know Bambam speaks about you a lot. I get to hear all sorts of stories how great his father is.” Mark tried to sound compassionate. He left out the rest of the sentence, thinking just that Bambam rarely even spoke of his mother at the kindergarten, but sometimes when she came up, his tiny face would be a mixture of happiness and sorrow and it always clenched Mark’s heart, knowing that Youngjae might have that exactly same expression over his face when he talked about his parents.

“Yeah?” Jackson seemed to brighten up, his chin higher and a small smile trying to rise up to his face. “It’s not easy, but I try to have time for him as much as I can.” Jackson shrugged, lifting his body back to less sagging position and gave Mark a sloppy grin. “Jinyoung is kind enough to take care of Bam when I have long days.”

“What do you do for a living?” Mark’s curiosity was steadily rising; he did want to know more about Jackson, that was obvious, but the way it made him giddy and excited to hear Jackson talking was a bit unnerving.

“I teach English to knuckleheads in middle-school.” Jackson rolled his eyes and grinned. “The kids these days.. It’s all about games and phones and internet. You have to find a way to make them learn and forget the distracting things. It’s a challenge alright.” Mark nodded, silently agreeing on what Jackson was saying.

“I get it easier.” Mark joined in with the grin. “At least my students are very diligent and do almost anything I ask from them.”

“I bet it’s because they are so enamored with you.” Jackson winked at Mark. A rush of heat rose to his cheeks. He felt a bit nervous suddenly and licked his lips quickly, trying to discard the bubbly sensation in the pit of his stomach.

“Or not.” Mark hid the embarrassment by scratching his neck and glancing up at the blue sky. He was quiet for a while, not really thinking anything in particular. “You know, you could come by my shop sometime. With Jinyoung and JB of course. The kids would probably go bananas over it.”

“Shop?” Jackson blinked, turning his body towards Mark, the black t-shirt shifting so that half of Jackson’s collarbone came in view. Mark averted his eyes quickly, his neck suddenly quite warm.

“I have a skate shop.” Mark muttered, gathering his thoughts. He wasn’t sure why he had even suggested that. Maybe it was because seeing kids happy and spending time doing something other than just staring at a TV or computer screens, maybe it had something do with Jackson being such carefree company that Mark wanted to experience the feeling again.

“Really? Wow, that’s amazing!” For some reason Jackson beaming at Mark was something that made him both giddy and really nervous. He coughed, trying to keep his face steady. He was rather proud that the shop he had put together with his friend, when he had been twenty or something, was flourishing. It had grown enough to be well known in the underground circles and they had finally bought bigger premises and built a place for customers who wanted to hang out while skateboarding. Mark smiled widely at Jackson.

“Yeah, it’s pretty amazing. My friend and I have a mini skate park built in the back, if the kids want to try out. It’s not that dangerous.” Mark hastened to reassure Jackson who looked like he was more than just a bit suspicious. “We have the protective gear and smaller boards, and smaller ramps for kids.” He smiled gently. “Youngjae has been there only few times and I think he didn’t enjoy it so much without friends to laugh with. He usually spends his time glued to my friend whenever he is there with me.”

“It sounds pretty damn cool.” Jackson had a peculiar look on his face, but he didn’t elaborate his words. They turned to look at the kids, now huddled together, talking about something. Mark let his eyes wander around the park.

A couple of other kids were playing there as well; their parents, or sitters, further away from him and Jackson. Mark was glad about that. He had never liked to sit in the parks and share his thoughts about raising kids. It was tedious, repetitive and very boring. And as he was usually the only guy there, it more than often turned quite unpleasant when some mother decided to not-so-innocently start flirting with Mark. At that point he, in most cases, just made up an excuse and fled the scene and made his wife go next time.

“Do you skate?” Jackson asked after the silence threatened to stretch between them again.

“I used to. Really rusty these days, but I don’t think I’m complete rubbish.” Mark grinned, the memories of the care-free days returning to him. It had been just him, his friend and bags full of stupid idea after stupid idea, beer and sleepless nights strolling down the streets.

“Always wanted to skate more but I never got down to it. You could teach me.” Jackson’s smile was so infectious Mark found himself answering to the smile without even thinking.

“Sure. I can do that.” Mark tore his eyes away from Jackson and turned his attention to the boys. His chest felt at the same time heavy and light, his body warm and cold, his head like floating and his heart like exploding.

They sat in comfortable atmosphere planning the group date and laughing softly whenever Jackson slipped in some idiotic story about the things he had done. Their conversation was cut suddenly when loud and angry burst of voices reached them and they both looked up to see Youngjae stomping his feet on the ground and Bambam resolutely frowning at his friend. Yugyeom was looking at the two warily, one finger on its way into his mouth.

Youngjae finally turned his back to the two completely and walked to Mark, shuffling his feet and looking down at his shoes, his tiny face serious and slightly pouty, angry tears at the corners of his eyes.

“Hey buddy, what’s wrong?” Mark leaned forward, tilting his head to the side, worry washing over him, and wrapped his arms around the boy’s shoulders. Youngjae pressed his face to Mark’s shoulder and made some noncommittal noise that could have meant anything. Jackson was observing them, brows high. Mark ruffled with one hand the brown, windswept hair. “Come on, you were so happy to come here this morning. Did something happen?” It took almost a whole minute for the boy to speak up.

“Bambam said I’m a girl because I like princess movies and play piano.” Mark was silent for a while, glancing at Jackson, trying to keep his face absolutely still; it wouldn’t do any good to laugh right now, not when the poor kid’s pride had been injured like that. Jackson pursed his lips seriously and looked out to where Bambam was giggling happily with Yugyeom.

“Well, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with liking princess movies or playing piano, but it wasn’t very nice thing to say, was it?” Mark smiled apologetically at Jackson before he turned his full attention back to the child clutching to his shirt like it was the only thing holding him safe. Youngjae was shaking his head, face still hidden. Mark sighed, looking at Jackson who seemed to be torn between being amused and being slightly upset it was his kid that had caused Youngjae to feel bad.

“Bam! Come here for a bit.” Jackson called out, the frown smoothed away and his expression far less angry than it had been just few seconds ago. Mark hugged Youngjae close, knowing this had to be solved quickly, otherwise the day would be awkward and most likely ruined. Bambam bounced towards them, apparently oblivious to anything he may have or may have not done. “Would you like to tell me why Youngjae is so upset?”

“How should I know.” Bambam shrugged, his lips pursing. Jackson sighed.

“Well, you did say something to him. Didn’t you?” Bambam grunted and mumbled something, looking down. “You should know better than to say stupid things to others.”

“But it is girly to like Frozen so much!”

“Yeah, well, you like Bolt, and you cry when you watch Big Hero 6.”

“That’s different.” Bambam’s face was mutinous and he shuffled on his feet, looking down.

“Not really. We all have different tastes. You can’t argue about those, just because you like something different. Now please say that you are sorry to Youngjae.” Jackson raised his brows, eyes locked onto Bambam.

“Well…” The boy drawled out, glancing quickly at Youngjae who was peering from the safety of Mark’s arms at his friend. “Ok.” It was amazing how easily children could change the direction. Bambam sneaked behind Youngjae and pulled his sleeve carefully. “I’m sorry. You’re not a girl. And I said piano was girly only because I can’t play at all.”

Mark loosened his hold as Youngjae turned his head, only his eyes visible behind Mark’s arm and looked at Bambam’s surprisingly serious face.

“What do you think, Youngjae? Why don’t you two just hug it out?” Mark pushed the boy in his arms gently to the back. Slowly he detached himself from his father and took a tentative step towards the smaller boy.

“Ok..” And then it was over, just like that. The boys hugged, smiles spreading over their faces and then took off towards Yugyeom who had had been wise enough to stand a bit apart from the scene.

“Kids..” Jackson shook his head and grimaced. “My darling chubby cheeks there has a bad habit of blurting things out when it’s not needed. Where he picked the habit up, I have no idea.” Jackson’s grimace turned to slightly embarrassed smile. Mark chuckled.

“It’s not the first time, nor the last, when we’ll hear them arguing about something.” He shrugged.

“So, you think we could do this again?” Jackson glanced at Mark, his eyes deep and a flicker of some emotion that Mark couldn’t decipher visible.

“Of course. I did suggest you’d come to visit my shop, didn’t I?” Mark knew his ears were turning pink, he could feel the heat gathering there. He felt giddy and he licked his lips, nervous. Why was he so happy? It had to be the fascination of a new and exciting person appearing into his life. Yeah, that was probably it.

Poor Mark.

~

_It’s been a while._

_Life has certainly changed since the last time I’ve written anything down. Looking back now at it all, it seems so vain and awful, but I try to focus on the good things. Like how wonderful Youngjae has grown to be._

_We moved, just the two of us, to the house my grandfather left me. Our neighbors are nice, at least the couple who live on our right side. Their son goes to the same place as Youngjae, and coincidentally I managed to secure a job from there as well. I have three days there weekly, the two other I use to harass my long time friend at our skate shop. He complains and bitches how it’s impossible to run it mostly on his own, but that’s just a stupid show he puts on. Because he’s been doing it for the past ten years.. Snappy bastard._

_Talking about people.. There is one other new person in my life that is absolutely fascinating. Jackson, father of Bambam (who is friends with our neighbors’ son) and he is so.. How to put it? Incredible? So bright and cool. I didn’t even know how to react the first time we talked, I was so startled that he even wanted to talk with me. And now we’ve done one play date for the kids and it was really nice. I was sure I’d make a fool of myself but hopefully Jackson didn’t take my fidgeting in a bad way. He was amazing.. Talking with Jackson was easier than I expected and I invited them (and Jinyoung and JB as well, our neighbors) to come and spend a day at the shop._

_I’m not nervous, not really. Maybe a little bit excited. Since moving I haven’t had time to do too much hanging out with YJ so this will do good for the both of us. Feeling so hyper is a feeling I think I haven’t had the luxury of feeling in ages. It’s like someone took a few years from my shoulders._

_We’ll see what happens._

_M_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wah, I hope you guys like my version of their reality, and the markson meeting was enough to please you! This certainly is keeping me quite busy and happy :D


	3. Confusion and ice cream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update. I'm not abandoning the story, it's just taking a bit longer than I expected to arrange all the things I already have written down.

Somehow, so suddenly, Spring seemed to be everywhere, overwhelming everyone; everything blooming and so vibrant with life and people smiling cheerfully and happily. The days grew warmer, sunnier and more colorful. The friendship between Jackson, Jaebum, Jinyoung and Mark was flourishing, Mark having gotten accepted into their small circle easily and this, of course, made Jackson extremely happy.

On this particular Saturday morning Jackson was awake in his bed, the slumber clutching to him like glue, his eyes refusing to open. So he lay under his blanket, lazily wiggling his toes, trying to wake his senses and muscles, and listening to the hum of the traffic from outside the dusty window. His lazy thoughts ventured randomly from the need to do a Spring cleaning to the unfolded clothes in the laundry basket. But he was too lethargic to think about any of it seriously right now, the sleepiness like a sloth wrapped around his body while his mind was definitely waking up, shaking off the hazy dreams. The thoughts were circling, moving onto this day.

Today would be the day of their next play date. Jackson felt a small flicker of nervousness tickling his insides, the expectation making his mood immediately giddy, and his breath seemed to vibrate when he exhaled deeply; he was so excited he could’ve run a marathon.

Jackson opened his eyes slowly, blinking in the shadowy room. He stared at the ceiling, still dazed and groggy. From a small crack between the drawn curtains a beam of sunlight landed on his blanket. At least the weather was going to favor them today. They had had to reschedule the date two times already, because of shitty weather, but it seemed third time would be the charm.

The Spring had proceeded so fast Jackson was baffled. Bambam’s birthday would be next week and the thought of it made Jackson smile. His little monkey would be 6 years old. Terrible how fast the time went by. It was like yesterday when the boy was born. Where _did_ all the time go?

He’d have to plan something nice for the kid; Bambam was way too excited not to have a party of some kind. Problem was that Jackson didn’t know _where_ he could throw a celebration for him, because it always involved a bunch of other kids and their parents. He couldn’t do it here, the apartment was absolutely too small for that purpose, and right now it was impossible to even think about asking JB and Jinyoung’s help in this matter. They were too occupied with their twins and Jackson anyway hated to bother anyone with his problems. He would figure it out, eventually.

Too bad the time was running out.

Jackson stared at the cracks on the ceiling, the ominous smiles they smiled down on him. The apartment was crap and he knew it. But it was all he could afford at the moment, within reasonable commuting distance from both his work and the kindergarten. Even if the neighbors sucked and the condition of the whole building was abysmal, Jackson couldn’t help but to like it here. It was cramped, dusty and needed a wrecking ball more than any renovators, but it still was the only place he and Bambam had to call home around here.

The door of the bedroom slid open and Jackson heard the sneaking shuffles of Bambam’s feet on the floor. He immediately closed his eyes, smoothing any expression of awareness off from his face. He heard the kid sneaking past him and going to the toilet. He heard water running, Bambam most likely brushing his teeth and face. Jackson smiled to himself; it was a small wonder that he didn’t have to force Bambam to do those things anymore, the kid did it all without any hesitance, at least most of the time. Though.. That might have something to with Bambam’s mother. Jackson’s smile faded and he heaved a sigh, turning to his side and curling himself deeper into the warm nest the blanket created around him.

He didn’t really want to think about Bambam’s mother right now. It wasn’t that he didn’t _like_ her. Of course he did. Their relationship was good enough, even if it was absolutely fucked up in some aspects. No, Jackson didn’t want to think about her because it always made him feel so horrible about raising Bambam alone and not with the person who could provide their input on bringing up the offspring. Jackson was alone and he felt guilty about it. Not to mention the money issues, which made him feel both embarrassed and like he was doing something wrong the way he handled that particular problem.

He was so deep in his thoughts he didn’t hear Bambam moving around the small apartment. Jackson startled only when he heard clattering from the corner where their kitchen area was located. What was the squirt up to now?

Jackson peeked from under the edge of his blanket, trying to figure out what his son was doing, making such a racket, despite his obvious attempts on trying to be quiet. Only when the kettle was placed on the stove did Jackson realize Bambam was trying to boil water to make tea. His heart clenched and he almost choked on the tidal wave of feelings drowning him. How could such a small person already be so considerate?

“Daaaaa~aad..” Bambam’s not so subtle whisper came suddenly very close to Jackson’s ear. How fast did the kid move? “I want to make you tea but you said I shouldn’t turn the gas on without you so can you please wake up now.” It was so cute Jackson wanted to snatch the boy into his arms and roll on the futon with him. So he did it.

Bambam yelped and tried to fight his way out from Jackson’s hug but no such luck for little BB today. He groaned and huffed and squealed like a little pig and Jackson just loved him all the more, even despite the flailing arms and legs and bruises he got in the process.

“Good morning beanbag.” Jackson finally released Bambam who bolted to safe distance the second he was free.

“That was like _so not cool_!” Bambam was pouting, his chubby cheeks puffed and a tiny pinch knotting his brows. He tried to flatten his now very tousled hair but with very little success; it pointed up in every possible direction and made the boy look absolutely adorable.

“What, you don’t like me hugging you?” Jackson sat up, jutting his own bottom lip out and pretending to be hurt so much his heart was bleeding.

“It’s not that. You messed up my hair!” Bambam huffed, crossing his skinny arms before his small frame.

“Aw, I’m sorry. Did you want to look good today?”

“Well, yeah.” The _duh_ was silent and yet so loud. Jackson stretched his arms up, hiding his amusement by yawning.

“Ok, ok. You want to impress the ladies, I’m sorry for ruining your hair.”

“What ladies? I want Mark to say I look handsome!” Bambam wrinkled his nose. “Now can you get up and help me with the tea!” What a bossy little creature he could be. Jackson shook his head, still highly entertained by Bambam’s declaration. The amount of Mark in their apartment was incredible; it was like the man could do no wrong. In Bambam’s opinion the guy was the coolest thing ever. Jackson silently agreed on some parts, but kept his thoughts to himself. He was way too interested in Mark and he should hold his horses but.. It was so damn hard when all his caution flew out of the window when Mark stood in the same room with him.

All that crap about time stopping and heart pounding when the person you were so interested in walked into your personal space? Jackson had always scoffed at those things, but now.. Now he had to admit his attention was drawn immediately to Mark whenever they were close enough to see each other. Rather unnerving, considering Mark had done practically nothing to peak Jackson’s attention; he was just simply somehow really fascinating and amazing and Jackson wanted to peel off the layers of reservation and whatever else there was holding back the real Mark from showing.

Bambam did have a point in his fussing about his appearance; Jackson wouldn’t mind hearing niceties from those perfect lips he found himself staring at way too often. He needed to scrub himself good to earn some more points from looking at least semi-decent today, and it wouldn’t do any harm to keep a cool demeanor either. But, like Jackson had noticed many times before, he wasn’t very good at keeping up such an image long and Mark certainly didn’t help it being kind to him.

Groaning, Jackson finally got up, already half-convinced it was a futile attempt to even try to be remarkable in any way.

~

Later, when they arrived at the location they were supposed to go all together, Mark was there to greet them at the gates that led to a big factory area that had been transformed into a skate park.

“So.. That’s you definition of ‘mini’.” Jackson’s brows were high when he clasped hands with Mark, who had the decency to look slightly embarrassed.

“Well, it _could_ be bigger.” Mark offered a sheepish grin and then turned to greet Jinyoung and JB. Mark smiled widely, his expression softening when he saw the girls sleeping in their convertible car seats their parents were carrying them in. “Let’s get you inside so you can put them down while they sleep.”

Mark guided the lot of them inside, Bambam and Yugyeom hopping ahead and singing some idiotic children’s song with lots of repetitive words and animals. Jackson knew the song would come and haunt him when he would go to sleep. He cursed the person who made those stupid children’s songs. Why couldn’t they make something reasonable for the kids? Did it always had to sound like you were.. Well, talking to a toddler? Jackson sighed.

The inside of the shop was rather colorful from first glance; on the walls there were huge, and quite skillfully made graffiti in bold colors, outlined thickly with black. There were racks of t-shirts and hoodies, shelves with snapbacks and scarves, and one wall completely covered in boards, each with a different paintjob on the bottom. There were glass cabinets with multicolored wheels for the boards and protective gear, all in perfect order for anyone to take a pick. Jackson was impressed, his eyes taking in everything he saw.

The room they were walking through was obviously the shop itself, but there was another room and that was where Mark was leading them.

Jackson followed the small group, smiling to himself while he watched Mark walking ahead of him. He looked a little different today, but Jackson wasn’t sure what it was exactly; maybe more comfortable, easier in some odd way? Mark’s shoulders were relaxed, the white t-shirt so casual and yet very pristine, the sand colored pants hanging lower than usual. Mark just seemed to belong to this background.

The second room appeared to be designed purely for hanging out; three couches had seen their better days, comfy armchairs, coffee tables to place your drinks on to and in front of one wall huge mirror that covered nearly the whole wall, were chairs bolted on the floor, like the ones in barber shops. One corner had equipment most coffee shops would be envious of and Jackson could smell the tempting smell of fresh coffee wafting in the air.

“Welcome to my humble kingdom.” Mark bowed mockingly to them and grinned widely when he stood up.

“ _Your_ kingdom?” A snarky voice trailed lazily from the door they all had just walked in. Jackson turned around to see a short guy with a black beanie over his dirty blond hair and enough big clothes he could have drowned in them. “Sorry to burst your bubble Mark, but last time I checked, it was _ours_.”

“Must have slipped my mind..” Mark grunted but grinned anyway. “This is Yoongi, the second owner of this whole place. And supposedly my friend.” Yoongi scoffed at this, but he gave Mark a small smile. “He has a recording studio at the other end of the building.”

“Which is where I should be right now, but since you’re busy playing around I’m forced to sit behind the counter.” Yoongi leaned his back to the door frame, crossing his arms to his chest, his head tilted to the side. “Kookie and Jimin are there with me and we’ve got some ideas we need to work with. So do you think you could keep at least half an eye on the shop? I doubt there will be many people coming in, it’s too early.”

“Sure.” Mark nodded. “Want some coffee to go with you?”

“You know I’m all yours if you make it a whole pot.” Yoongi’s sudden grin was rather disarming and Mark smirked at it. Jackson eyed the both of them curiously. There was nothing extra, no sexual tension, between the two men; they were simply really casual with each other and it shone from them a mile ahead.

“Oh please.” Mark scoffed, turning his back to his friend. “Meet my neighbors; Jaebum and Jinyoung. One of the boys is theirs, who seem to have disappeared somewhere already, along with these two little ladies sleeping.” He gestured his guests one at a time until he turned around to look at Jackson. The small smile that was on Mark’s lips was twisting something inside Jackson’s guts and he really wanted to sit down. “And this is Jackson.” The way Mark said his name.. It resonated inside his head and Jackson fervently hoped he wasn’t feeling so lightheaded from something like that.

“Pleasure.” Yoongi nodded at them all, his eyes lingering on Jackson a little longer than on the others. “Just bring me the coffee when it’s done. I need to go back to make sure those two idiots haven’t broken anything.” And with that he was gone. Jackson wondered how exactly had that person and Mark ever managed to befriend, given the fact that Mark was like the sweetest guy ever and Yoongi, well.. A little bit rougher around the edges, if there was anything to judge by this short meeting.

Jackson startled out of his thoughts when a piercing wail entered his brains; one of the twins had woken up. That reminded him that he should check where his little troublemaker had gone.

“I’m going to find Bambam.” Squirt in an unknown environment and with too much energy to use? Absolutely dangerous. And to add Yugyeom in to the picture.. Well, Jackson groaned inwardly, disasters were bound to happen.

“They’re probably at the back with Youngjae.” Mark glanced at him, finishing on loading the coffeemaker. “I’ll come with you.” Well, of course he would come with Jackson. Jackson grinned maybe a bit too widely at Mark when he joined him walking back outside of the building.

“You look good today. Somehow more relaxed than usual.” Jackson said when they reached the skate park. He couldn’t stop marveling the fact at all; he really liked this more casual Mark who smiled widely and was even friendlier than usual.

“Really?” Mark’s puzzled glance at Jackson was turning the knots again. “Maybe it’s because I feel more at home here. You know, like.. This is my world.” Mark ran his fingers through his blond hair, the corners of his eyes crinkling when he smiled.

“I can understand that. It suits you.” Jackson couldn’t help the smile that crept up to his face. He couldn’t deny the obvious pull he had towards Mark and it was at the same time the most wonderful and the most dreadful feeling in the world. But, all he had to do was to keep his head cool and act like he was, at least on some levels, a good friend and not the kind who wanted to get that shirt off of Mark and do all the dirty things that came to his mind to him.

Wondering idly whether Mark was a top or a bottom, if he even liked guys, Jackson strolled next to him, thoughts circling lazily and the warm fuzziness pumping him full of something resembling laughing gas. He was already enjoying this day more than it was possible.

~

Mark half rotated his chair, sitting backwards on it and his chin propped against the back of it. He let his eyes look back and forth between JB and Jinyoung, the two of them minding the twins quietly, working in almost perfect harmony.

“How did you guys meet?” Mark piped up suddenly, the question burning in his head. He was simply curious; the duo looked like they had been born just to be together. Jinyoung looked up from the baby he was gently patting on the back, trying to make her burp. He smirked.

“Oh, nothing too special. The usual way. You know.” The baby hiccupped, burped and snuggled her face to Jinyoung’s shoulder, her eyes closed. JB snorted next his partner, glancing up from his own task.

“Yeah, the usual meaning that he hit me with a ball in the head and laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. And he actually tried to aim at my head a few times more, if I remember correctly.” JB rolled his eyes, the memory apparently quite vivid for him.

“Well you were being blind. I had to make you notice me somehow.” Jinyoung raised one eyebrow. He sat down on the couch and relaxed with the baby now safely snoozing against his neck, her tiny fists tightly curled on the collars of Jinyoung’s shirt.

“Obviously sending a ball flying to my head was the most reasonable way to do so.” JB muttered and Jinyoung just shrugged nonchalantly. ”Too bad it messed up my brains and worked. I kinda fell for his mischievous smirks after I was hit a few more times.” Jaebum had the other baby in his arms, a bottle snugly placed over her mouth. “Now I’m stuck with this horrible reality of mine..”

“Too bad it took him almost a year to ask me out.”Jinyoung scoffed, but the affection still clear in his tone. “He used to have this ridiculous gray hair back then and he looked older than he does now.” Mark smiled and JB just rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t being coy or anythi-”

“Like hell you weren’t.” JB snorted, glancing at his partner his brows high enough to reach his fringe. “This idiot pushed and pulled me for 6 months and then when I finally asked him out he told me to bugger off if I just wanted to fuck him.”

“Well, you did have that teenage hormones raging-look on your face most of the time when you ogled at my ass.”

“It’s a good ass, can you blame me?”

“Not really.”

“Then stop being a pain in my butt.” Jaebum put the bottle down, lifted the baby over his shoulder and began swaying slowly from side to side, patting the small back all the while. “Anyway, while we were on our first date it wasn’t _me_ who made any first moves, it was _him_. I was trying to be a gentleman but that didn’t suit Mr. I want it all and I want it now.” Jaebum grinned evilly. “I’ll leave the details out, but it was pretty damn awesome to be honest. I’ve never been rid-”

“Hush, no need to make Mark uncomfortable.” Jinyoung glanced at Mark who was steadily turning redder by the second. Jinyoung winked at him. Mark coughed and looked at the floor, embarrassed, causing JB and Jinyoung both to laugh heartily at his reaction.

The day had been quite delightful so far with his new friends and their kids finally making it to the shop. Mark was just about to get his ass up from the chair when a loud bang and a series of curses floated to his ears from the back of storeroom. Mark hopped off the chair, glad to have something to do instead of sitting there and trying to reject the images of the two guys making out or going down on each other for real. He didn’t _want_ to imagine it. The whole notion of even holding hands with a guy, much less to kiss one, was a far far away idea to him anyway. At least he had never had the time or moment to think himself in that kind of situation.

“What are you doing?” Mark peered into the storage room where he found Yoongi sprawled on the floor, surrounded by various clothes fallen out of the boxes.

“Waiting for Death to come and sing a song for me. What do you think, dolt?” The snappy remark was instant but Mark didn’t even flinch; he was used to Yoongi sounding like an ass pretty much always.

“Sounds like a plan.” Mark smirked. “Tell me later how was it.”

“Oh shut up and help me up.” Mark laughed at the disgruntled and displeased expression Yoongi had, but offered his hand to help the poor guy up from the floor. “Have you seen Jimin?”

“I think he’s with Jackson, watching after the kids at the ramps.”

“Great, now he’s going to whine even more how he wants to have one of our own.” Yoongi threw the clothes from his hands to the open box at his feet.

“Are you planning to get kids? I’m surprised.” This was really unexpected. Mark had known the pair a long time now, but he’d never thought Yoongi would relent on this matter.

“Well, _he_ talks about it. I just bear the whining. Haven’t agreed on anything.” Yoongi grunted but Mark could head the silent _yet_ hanging heavily in the air. He smiled. Yoongi would make a good father, with the help from Jimin of course, and Mark was certain that if they had talked even this much, the matter was going to be solved most likely in few years time.

“Congratulations, I guess.”

“There’s nothing to congratulate!” Yoongi snapped, maybe a bit too fast. Mark raised his brows, puzzled.

“If you say so.”

Yoongi was quiet for a long time, folding the t-shirts and putting the caps back where they were supposed to be. Then he sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly and finally glanced quickly at Mark from between his fingers.

“We filed the papers last week.” Yoongi’s voice was so quiet Mark almost missed the confession. He stared at his friend, who was turning slowly pink from his ears, the color spreading to his neck. “Stop gawking. You look like a fish.” Mark closed his mouth with a snap.

“I didn’t say anything.” Mark tried to keep his grin from rising up to his face. This was pretty amazing really. “Well, the waiting can be long, but welcome to the club.”

Yoongi grunted something that could have been a thanks or a suggestion to fuck off. Mark hid his laughter by escaping the storage room and leaving his friend to collect his cool demeanor back in one place before returning to the others.

Mark walked out to see how the kids were doing. He found the trio happily trying out on staying balanced on the skateboards they had borrowed and falling down from time to time laughing all the while joyfully. It was good to see Youngjae so happy and energetic. Mark had been worried the boy wouldn’t want to join in the skating with the two other boys, but his worry had been unnecessary. Usually when Youngjae was there with him, he was glued to Yoongi, just watching the other working. Sometimes Yoongi played music for the boy and Youngjae happily sang along.

“There you are!” Jackson came striding towards Mark with such a smile on his handsome face Mark thought he would be blinded. “You promised to show me how to do this, you know?” He had a board in his hands and he pointed at it.

“Right. I almost forgot.” Mark’s heart was racing suddenly.

“Jimin, can you watch the triple trouble for a while? Mark’s gonna give me some _private tutoring_.” Jackson shouted grinning widely at Jimin a bit further away from them. Mark’s ears were burning. Did Jackson _have to_ phrase it like that and actually shout it out so that everyone could hear? Mark wanted to sink under the ground, but he tried to keep his face steady.

Jackson geared up, putting on the knee and elbow pads. He had a helmet with his too, but he just carried it with him so far. Gearing up was for the best if you weren’t really sure if you could keep in balance when the board was moving, but Mark had a nagging feeling Jackson might be bluffing that he didn’t know how to skate.

“Have you done this before?” Mark asked Jackson when he was ready and stood there one legs over the board, holding it in one place, his suspicions even higher.

“Maybe once or twice, when I was a kid.” Jackson shrugged, smiling that cute smile that reminded Mark of some cartoon, but couldn’t pinpoint which.

“Ok.. So maybe if you just try to stay on the board while it’s moving might be a good place to start.” Mark watched Jackson steadying his posture, his eyes shining; he looked like a big kid right now.

“Right.” Jackson’s face scrunched up in concentration and he kicked the ground for some speed, rolled forward leisurely for a while and then.. stumbled and fell on the ground on his ass.

Mark hurried to Jackson, hiding his grin. “You ok?” That particular stumble had definitely been on purpose, anyone could see it.

“I’m fine. I got distracted and lost my balance.” Jackson stood up, massaging his butt with his hands gingerly. “I always forget how hard the ground can be.” He flashed a boyish grin at Mark and winked.

“It happens.” Mark’s insides seemed to turn to jelly. The effect Jackson had on him was unnerving; he was nervous, excited, worried and so happy he could’ve rolled on the floor like a cartoon character. “Try again. If it’s so scary I can hold your hands if you like.” Mark couldn’t help but to tease Jackson a bit. It was obvious Jackson knew exactly how to stay on the board, but was doing stupid stunts for gods knew what reason. Jackson shot a quick glance at Mark, the expression somewhat impish.

“I don’t mind some help.” His tone was quite playful, but Mark missed it when he jogged to fetch the skateboard that had escaped.

Jackson got on the board again, this time Mark holding his hands to give him support. Jackson’s hands were warm and soft, tightly clasping Mark’s hands. It felt funny, for some reason, to be holding hands like this. Of course there was nothing behind the gesture, it was purely practical until Jackson had had his fun of playing the newbie in controlling his balance.

The joke wore off after few times Jackson tried to fake a fall again but was saved by Mark who pulled him back to standing point or stopped the board moving.

“Aw, I thought I could drag the pretense longer.” Jackson pouted when Mark finally let go of his hands and snorted that Jackson was quite fine in skating alone.

“I saw through you the first second.” Mark rolled his eyes. “The way you hold the board is enough to tell me you know how to use it too. Why play a prank on me?”

“For shits and giggles, of course.” Jackson grinned, his gleefulness infectious. “Don’t be so timid! Loosen up, Mark. You know you loved every moment of it anyway.”

“Can’t deny that watching you rolling on the ground and getting bruises on your ass didn’t amuse me.” Mark shot a sudden smirk at Jackson. It was fun, of course it was.

Jackson smiled widely at him, flopping on the ground cross-legged. Jackson was turning his head this way and that, taking in the skate park and the few people there, the sounds of their kids and Jimin echoing a bit further in the wide area.

“This place is so cool.” Jackson looked at Mark, his tone soft.

“It is quite awesome, yes.” Mark replied, kneeling down next to Jackson, letting his own gaze sweep the area. It was his pride and joy, he admitted that. They had worked hard to get the place to the point it was now and it was rewarding to see how well things were going. Of course it hadn’t always been like dancing on roses. At times Mark and Yoongi had disagreed and fought about things quite badly, but in the end they resolved their disagreements and moved on.

“Wish I had a place like this.” Jackson sighed. “Bam is going to turn six next week and I still haven’t figured out where to throw the party for him.”

“Oh.” Mark looked around him, thinking fast. “Well, I could offer you to do it here, but it’s a bit far away. So it’s a no-go I guess.” Jackson sighed again, nodding.

“True. Have to figure out something closer.”

“Well..” Mark drawled, his brains going over all the birthday parties he had attended. “They’re just little kids so they’ll be happy with almost anything, right? Why don’t you just hold a picnic at some park and tell the parents to bring their own share of food with them. One way to avoid too many expenses and the kids can be loud and obnoxious in peace.”

Jackson stared at Mark a long time quietly, then blinked and groaned, slapping his palm to on his face.

“Why haven’t I thought of that! That’s like the best idea ever. Thank you, honestly.” And then without a warning Jackson was standing up and hoisting Mark up from the ground, hugging him hard. Mark let out a surprised yelp, not sure what was happening. Jackson’s body pressed against his own like this was something Mark hadn’t really been prepared for and, to be honest, he had been out of skinship with everyone for a very long time now, so his senses skyrocketed the moment Jackson embraced him. His skin almost crawled, the sensation unfamiliar and alarming, something twisting inside him and his throat tightening.

Mark couldn’t really say anything. Jackson’s smile was infectious and he wanted to return the happy expression, but Mark could feel how tense and rigid his whole body was, his eyes probably the size of plates and his head void of anything reasonable.

Jackson, being the way he was, just burst out laughing loudly at Mark’s shocked expression.

~

_What a day._

_JB, Jinyoung and Jackson came to visit our store. Kids were having a ball with trying out the small ramps and me.. I got to tutor Jackson on skateboarding. It was total bullshit, he knew exactly what he was supposed to do but felt some urge to play an idiot for a while and make me hold his hands. Such a kid, honestly._

_But Jackson is pretty incredible to be around. I feel like I’m a completely boring schmuck compared to him. What he sees in my company I don’t really know, but it’s nice. Obviously I like hanging out with him. He gets so excited about everything and I get so baffled because he can be a big kid one second and then the next he can be really serious and responsible. It’s.. fascinating. It’s like I can’t stop looking at him moving around and just being himself. Like a one man reality TV show._

_He embraced me. Out of the blue. I just froze, you know, couldn’t say a word for a while. How fucking lame! It was completely normal behavior from Jackson, I get that now, but I just.. I just FROZE! Lucky for me Jackson has enough sense of humor to brush off idiotic people like me. He laughed his ass off of course the way I got so bewildered.  I hope he doesn’t take me as some lame ass idiot who can’t have any fun with friends._

_I’m going to go and drown myself in shower. That was so embarrassing._

_M_

_p.s. Youngjae is coughing really badly and I fear he might be down with a cold. Hopefully it will heal quickly._

~

A week after Bambam’s birthday, Jinyoung invited Jackson and Bambam at their place. He was certain something had happened two weeks ago, because ever since the visit to see Mark’s skate shop, Jackson had been almost unbearably gleeful. And Mark.. Mark had been frowning and looking like someone had stolen his morning cereal, each time Jinyoung had met him outside of work.

The situation was puzzling Jinyoung so much he was sure he would stick his nose into the mess and poke around. JB of course was rolling his eyes and warning him not to meddle too much, but Jinyoung simply scoffed the warnings off and went on planning something to clarify the state of affairs. He just wanted to see if there was something he could do to prod his two friends towards the right direction, whatever that might be.

Jackson’s joyous feelings had been slightly dampened at Bambam’s birthday party, when he learned Mark and Youngjae couldn’t make it, due to Youngjae having a cold. It had been bad enough to make Mark stay at home with the kid and only send his apologies how they couldn’t make it at all, which had darkened Jackson’s mood severely. Jinyoung _knew_ Jackson was quite infatuated with Mark and he wondered how long would it take for Mark to notice that.

Forever, probably, judging by the way he seemed to be absolutely immune to any of Jackson’s deep sighs and glazed looks.

Not that Jackson was so happy all the time. He seemed to be battling with his emotions just as bad as Mark was simply confused about everything sometimes, the difference being that Jackson knew what kind of feelings he had and Mark.. He probably didn’t. Jinyoung was quite sure Mark wasn’t even aware that he attracted both sexes just as much, nor did he even recognize the adoring ogling certain hyperactive friend of theirs did.

So, to play the good fairy godmother, Jinyoung decided to set up a situation where those two could interact even more outside the kindergarten and talk and act like they normally did on their free time. If they had enough chemistry between them then it was possible to something to happen; if anyone could drag a person out of the closet it would be Jackson.

Jackson.. Jinyoung released the dishrag from his hands and leaned on the counter heavily. His friend and his eternal source of sunshine and confidence, the one he wanted to help no matter what, just because the idiot was so damn important to him. Jackson was so confident, always ready to give you support and lend his strength, but at the same time he was so vulnerable, so infuriatingly sure he was no good and he would never be. It frustrated Jinyoung, and it had done so ever since he got to know Jackson well enough, that he could never do anything to change Jackson’s mind about himself.

But, what he had gathered from Jackson over the years was that he had been a lot worse when he had been younger. Now, as an adult, he was able to hide the insecurities better and let them just be, learned to push the undermining feelings away.

So, it wasn’t a big surprise that Jinyoung wanted to play the Cupid a little bit.

He sent JB to drag their evasive neighbor out to enjoy the fine Sunday with them, naturally all the kids included. This, of course, with the promise of not telling Mark that Jackson would be there too. That might have made their lovely neighbor decline the invitation quite fast, considering the way he turned oddly squeamish whenever Jackson came into the same room with him.

Jinyoung tapped the kitchen counter, pursing his lips and squinting at the envelope sitting on the corner, conveniently visibly so that no one could forget its existence. Not that it was even possible to forget something like that. But, it wasn’t something he should be thinking about right now, but Jinyoung couldn’t help it; the papers needed to be filled and they hadn’t had the time to sit down and talk, with all the hassle around the house because of the twins and JB being gone days at a time, even though he had said he would try to avoid leaving the newborns and Yugyeom alone with Jinyoung.

Jinyoung was the one who had taken paternity leave from work and was stranded at home with the double, and triple, workload. Jinyoung was however grateful and eternally proud of Yugyeom. He had taken his role as big brother so seriously and was helping all he could, even if was just entertaining one of the girls while the other was being changed or fed. Even now Yugyeom was keeping the girls company, tickling their bare feet and baby-talking to them, he sounded so cute when doing that, and generally being such a sweetheart Jinyoung almost cried when he realized it.

There was a soft knock on the door and Jinyoung startled. Jackson’s head peeked inside and Bambam trailed after him when the door opened more. They had disabled the doorbell for the time being just because the noise was enough to alarm the girls from their sleep and Jinyoung really didn’t want those precious moments to be disturbed.

“Hey Jacks. Come on in. You too Bambam.” Jinyoung welcomed his guests with a warm smile.

“Do we have to be quiet? I mean, are the girls sleeping?” Jackson glanced around carefully, like expecting some dreadful beast lurking behind any corner, about to jump him if he wasn’t careful enough.

“No, they are awake at the moment. Yugyeom is with them in the sitting room.”

“So, everything ok?”

“We’re as fine as we can be.” Jinyoung smiled wearily. “Just tired, because they keep on waking up every two hours for food.”

They sat down in the sitting room, the boys disappearing into Yugyeom’s room when they realized they didn’t have to stay and entertain the babies anymore, giggling together and talking animatedly about some new toy they both absolutely had to have.

“Do you think you could be free at the beginning of May?” Jinyoung asked Jackson, making the sitter, where the twins were snuggled, rock slowly with his feet. The girls would fall asleep soon, if things proceeded their normal course. That would leave him and Jackson time to focus on something other than just cooing at the babies.

“Yeah, why?” Jackson had that dreamy look upon his face when he was looking down at the dozing babies.

“You need to fulfill your duty as their godfather and be there for their christening. You and the other godparent we chose. ” Jinyoung rubbed his eyes, leaning back to the couch. He hadn’t talked about this with Jackson before, not in greater detail, and he was curious as to how Jackson would react to their news.

“Who’s the other? I kind of thought you’d let me watch over both of them.” The tiny hint of sulkiness in Jackson’s tone was sort of cute and Jinyoung smiled.

“You are. But we need two anyway. The other one is going to be Mark.” Jinyoung glanced down to check if the girls were actually sleeping this time, not just half-asleep and missed the expression on Jackson’s face when Mark was mentioned.

“Oh. Wouldn’t have guessed that.” Jackson sounded baffled, his brows high. No one could really blame him, Jinyoung knew that. “I mean, you haven’t known him very long or anything. Not that I mind, you know, it’s your choice anyway.” Jackson scratched his neck.

“He is new in our life, I admit. But he’s a sensible person and I want the godfathers for the girls to be in friendly terms. I think you wouldn’t want to take this task with my sister, would you now?”Jinyoung chuckled, remembering the times Jackson had went on to butt heads with his sister who was a bit more on the eccentric side. Her behavior had calmed noticeably once she had gotten together with the guy she was now going to marry and Jinyoung was honestly glad; he’d been worried she’d cause trouble to their parents with the way she was acting.

“I’d refuse to take the job if you’d pair me up with her.” Jackson’s pout was, as usual, cute as hell and Jinyoung wanted to pinch those puffed up cheeks. “So yeah, Mark is good. I definitely don’t mind if it leaves me free from your sister.”

“So, what’s the deal with Mark these days?” Jinyoung relaxed on the couch, leaning his head to the back of it and looking at Jackson sideways. He had that slightly pondering frown on his face now.

“Well.. I’m not really sure myself.” Jackson scratched his cheek and looked down at the twins all cute and cuddly and sleeping soundly in the sitter together. He smiled tenderly, the view softening his expression. “You know I like him. I mean, who doesn’t? But I don’t know what to do with it really. He’s so… _Straight_! I think.” Jackson rolled his eyes. “And then he’s not. I mean he’s so on and off I don’t honestly know what to make of it. Sometimes he looks at me so long I get all these tingles all over.”

“He could be a closet queen, you know? Who knows what Mark really is, he could be just confused with all the divorce going on and having to organize their whole lives again.” Jinyoung offered, wishing he knew what the problem really was.

“I know..” Jackson muttered. “I thought about it, but now he kind of flinches every time I see him so there must be _something_ going on with him.” Jackson made an odd noise and cringed. “But he is so damn cute when he gets so flustered and practically runs away!”

“If you like that sort of thing.” Jinyoung snorted, silently questioning Jackson’s taste.

“You have _no_ idea how appealing his behavior is to me.” Jackson groaned, flopping back on the couch and pouting. “I mean I like the guy, but I really don’t know what to do to make him stop flinching from me like that. I’d like us to, you know, just be normal.”

“Maybe you should just..” Jinyoung hesitated, trying to find something reasonable to say. “Ignore his awkwardness and act like you don’t even notice it. Maybe he’d relax and start acting normal.”

“Who knows.” Jackson mumbled, face all scrunched up and his lower lip jutting out again. Mark should see Jackson like this, Jinyoung thought, and just lose his heart completely at the adorableness Jackson was oozing about 90% of time.

~

When Mark did arrived with Youngjae, and he realized Jackson was in there as well, there was an uncomfortable silence when the two just stared at each other; Mark’s face unreadable and Jackson for once playing it cool. Jaebum, bless him, broke the silence by walking Mark into the sitting room and breaking the news to him that they wanted him to be the godfather for the twins. This, thankfully, broke the ice and Mark was suddenly a beaming, absolutely flabbergasted mass of smiles and stumbling words.

“Of course I accept! I would be honored beyond everything.” Mark spontaneously hugged both Jinyoung and JB, smiling from ear to ear.

“Jackson is the other godparent.” Jinyoung said, carefully watching Mark’s expression. He did blink few times, seemed to fight some emotion but in the end broke into a soft smile.

“I’d be happy to share the responsibility with Jackson.”

“Good. I think I would be really sad if we had to split the girls up on some weekends we both want to spend time with them.” Jackson said, examining his hands. Jinyoung knew he was probably smiling like a beacon on the inside and was just trying to keep his face steady.

“Jackson.. I..” Mark began, turning to look at Jackson, stumbling with his words. “I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you lately.” He seemed to be genuinely mortified the way he had been acting towards Jackson.

“It’s ok. Can you stop doing that from now on?” Jackson said quietly, his vulnerability shining through, despite the effort of keeping it hidden. Jinyoung watched the two curiously, the conversation a lot less strained he had thought it would be. “You know I’d like us to be friends.” The tentative smile Jackson directed at Mark was like sun in Springtime melting the snow and Jinyoung pondered how long it would take for Mark to give in to the charms Jackson had.

“Me too.” Mark sighed, relief smoothing his face. Mark seemed to be thinking hard, like he had too many thoughts at the same time buzzing in his head. “I’m sorry I behaved like that.”

“You can pay me back by being nice to me; and Bambam of course, because we come in ready-made-packaging. Two for the price of one!”

Mark burst out laughing.

After the tension had been cleared, the atmosphere turned back to being relaxed, like it should’ve been from the beginning. Jinyoung dug up the 6 different flavors of ice creams from the freezer and a whole set of various toppings to decorate the ice cream with. The toppings and sprinkles were something Yugyeom was particularly fascinated with so they had a whole collection of those stored in the cupboard.

“Dad, can we go to the beach this summer?” Bambam was stuffing strawberry ice cream into his mouth and stared imploringly at Jackson, who was cringing visibly at the sight of melting stains on the kids’ shirt. “Pleaaase?”

“Maybe, but I can’t promise you anything.”

“But I really wanna go and you know we all just wanna swim in the sea and Dad it would be so awesome and I could build a sand castle with you and..” Jackson held one hand up, interrupting Bambam before he would drop the bowl from his hands.

“I promise to think about it, ok? Don’t choke on your ice cream.”

“Can we go too, Dad?” Youngjae nudged Mark’s side, looking up at his father. “We went with Mom the last time but it wasn’t much fun. I think it would be awesome if we went with Bambam and Jackson.”

“Well..” Mark pondered the question for a while. “I guess, but only if they want us to go with them.”

“Dad loves to have you with us, don’t you Dad!” Bambam’s bright voice echoed in the room innocently. Jinyoung could see the pink color tinting Jackson’s cheeks.

“I wouldn’t mind.” Jackson muttered.

“Then I’ll think about it. Ok?” Mark ruffled Youngjae’s hair with one hand and pinched his nose quickly, earning a small yelp and frown from the boy before he disappeared to the back yard with Bambam to join with Yugyeom again.

Mark rolled his eyes, watching after the boys and then turning his attention to his bowl where he was scooping up a dish for himself. Mark had a pile made out of vanilla, mint and chocolate and he used almost all of the sprinkles to make it more festive. Next to Mark, Jackson was going more modestly about his portion; just the chocolate ice cream and chocolate chips on top. He eyed Mark’s bowl almost jealously.

“I want to taste that.” Jackson stated, quite unexpectedly and Mark turned to look at him questioningly.

“Have some for yourself?” Mark already had the spoon in his mouth, a tiny ice cream smudge decorating his lips. Jinyoung followed Jackson’s gaze, highly amused, when Mark licked the stain away with his tongue. That look of fascination was so obvious Jinyoung couldn't believe just how ignorant could Mark be. Jackson was like an open book.

“Nah, way too boring. Don’t wanna mix them into mine if I don’t like it.” Jackson said with a straight face, measuring Mark with his eyes. The blond had that bewildered look upon his face people had when they weren’t sure should they make a run for it or just go with the flow.

“Okay?” Mark blinked, hovering somewhere between amusement and confusion. Jackson seemed to be up to something and it never bode anything too boring. He was examining Mark’s ice cream portion with utmost interest. Then he looked up and grinned.

“Feed me?” Jackson leaned closer to Mark, his mouth slightly open. Jinyoung, following the scene, almost dropped his eyes when Mark didn’t even flinch but scooped up a huge spoonful and fed it to Jackson without batting an eye. And he used the same spoon he had just used himself. Jinyoung wanted to point out the first indirect kiss, but restrained himself. For now. He could taunt Jackson later with that little information.

“Good?” Mark obviously had reached his decision on what he felt and sounded exactly like one should when they were amused.

“Not sure yet. One more?” Jackson’s puppy eyes were hitting Mark in full power. Jinyoung for one had never been able to resist anything Jackson asked when he pulled that face.

Neither did Mark, it seemed, when he spoon fed Jackson a second dose. What made Jinyoung’s brows shot really high was the following.

“Your turn; I want some too.” Mark flashed a grin at Jackson. It didn’t take long for Jackson to react and scoop up chocolate from his bowl and feed it to Mark in return.

The whole scene was absolutely hilarious. How could it be possible for Mark to first avoid Jackson for nearly two weeks and then do an instant turn on his heels and be like.. Be like this? Either he was cunning and sneaky little minx, or he was oblivious as to how odd his behavior looked to the outsiders. Jinyoung didn’t even want to try to guess. But for what he was seeing right now, he wasn’t worried anymore. Jackson and Mark would get there, where ever their paths would take them, when the time was right and Jinyoung didn’t need to poke his nose into their business much more than he already had.

Jinyoung turned to look at JB, when the feeling that he was watching something he wasn’t supposed to watch got too powerful, and he nudged JB to his side and nodded his head in the direction of Jackson and Mark. JB glanced at the two, quirked one eyebrow and didn’t even bother hiding his smirk.

Things weren’t all that hopeless after all.

~

_Holy crap._

_I can’t say much more. Mark actually has a sense of humor because he didn’t punch me in the face when I asked him to feed me ice cream with a spoon. Should I faint now? To top it all he asked me the same! I could roll down some grassy hill and squeal with delight! So awesome. For a moment I was afraid he was too timid to share any jokes with (never mind my hidden agendas, lol) but TA-DAH! He actually knows how to be quirky. Which isn’t really dampening my attraction to him, quite the opposite._

_Tough life._

_Not long to go before schools are out for summer and the kindergarten goes on break too for a month. Meaning we’ll have time to do things together with BB. He wants to go to the sea. Not that I’m opposed to it, it’s just a hassle to go there.. You gotta take the train and the bus and then leave really early and carry all the stuff with you and UGH. Wish I had a car. Though, if Mark goes with us we could take their car.. Which would be so awesome._

_To be honest I thought I’d done something really wrong because Mark was acting like I’d bite his head off every time we saw after the trip to his skate shop. But, thanks to our conniving mother hen (Jinny), the situation is resolved and cool now. The idiot couple actually made me and Mark together the official godfathers for their babies. I’m still in awe. But the girls are so cute and I can’t wait until they get older and I can start shooing the boyfriends away with a rifle. Or a broomstick. Or a magic wand. Who cares, anything is good I guess. Love the pink bundles already so much._

_I have too much energy. Need to get to gym. Or run around chasing my precious little squirt and upset the neighbors. Again._

_J-flawless_


	4. Shit happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, and in the future ones as well, will be a few characters that are completely fictional. They are meant not to resemble anyone alive. Please keep that in mind and if they happen to remind you of anyone (the names or descriptions), it's purely coincidental. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Oh, and this is un-betaed.

“..and I don’t know what to do.” Jackson sighed, his head hanging low. The moment when the poor guy would finally crack under the weight of all the responsibilities and worries he had over his shoulders, was looming way too close. Jackson’s voice was thick with suppressed frustration and worry, and hearing that only made the unpleasant knot in Mark’s heart tighten.

Jinyoung patted Jackson’s shoulder, glancing quickly at Mark who was standing a little to the side, obviously listening, but not directly looking at them.

“So they’re going to knock the whole building down?” Jinyoung sounded absolutely appalled.

“Yes! And fu-” Jackson cut his swearing short, earning a warning glare from both Jinyoung and Mark, remembering where he was. “ _Fudge_ them for not telling in advance about it. Two weeks! I have two weeks to find a place for me and Bambam. Where, in this godforsaken city, am I going to find a place with low enough rent and enough space for the two of us? Odds are we have to move so far I have to get Bambam a sitter to stay with him at home for rest of the semester, and he won’t like that at all.” Jackson was rubbing his temples, his brow furrowed. “Besides he’ll be going to school soon too and I’ve already enlisted him to the nearby one and.. I’m so screwed.”

Mark was quietly observing his hands, leaning his back to the wall, thoughts racing and his pulse like thunder pounding in his ears. He had a solution for the situation but he wasn’t sure if he should suggest it. It had just popped to his mind, and as unbelievable and rather scandalous as it was, Mark couldn’t say that he hated it. At all.

Jinyoung cleared his throat, observing Jackson, worry clearly written all over his perfect face.

“You’ll come and live with us.” Jinyoung said. Jackson’s head snapped up and Mark let out a small breath of air; his heart seemed to stop the moment he heard Jinyoung’s words. The feeling of disappointment tried to force its way up to his head and he wanted to leave the room right now. However he wasn’t giving into such childish emotions and remained standing where he was.

“I can’t do that. You have the babies and all. We would only be in the way.” Jackson was frowning, his entire body rigid, and his immediate reaction rejection. Mark glanced at the two men, his mind spinning because he wanted to say something but it was like his lips were glued together. All he could really do was to try to keep his beating heart from jumping out of his chest and listen.

“Only until you find a new home.” Jinyoung’s tone was adamant, the look in his eyes steely. Mark hoped he had the guts to spill his beans like Jinyoung did, but, alas.. He wasn’t capable of such rash actions. “You will stay in the guestroom until you find a new apartment. I know it’s not much, but it’s convenient for the moment. Don’t try to argue with me on this Jackson, you know you _will_ give in. You have to think about Bambam too. If you live with us you don’t have to worry about commuting or anything else.” Mark chewed on his lips, glancing quickly at Jackson and catching the slow, maybe a bit defeated, nod he gave to Jinyoung. Mark felt the lump in his throat swelling and he pushed his body off the wall and walked away from his friends without a word.

He would have to figure this out before his time would run out. Jackson agreeing on moving in with Jinyoung and JB kind of gave Mark some extra time to figure how exactly he should propose the solution he had in mind to Jackson.

Mark halted at one of the doors in the corridor, peering inside. He could see the kids in the classroom, animatedly talking with each other. His eyes found Youngjae easily, the tuft of brown hair so familiar his eyes naturally went to the right direction. Mark saw how the boy half-focused on his paper, his mouth moving non-stop as he kept talking. Next to him were Bambam and Yugyeom, all three huddled close to each other, heads bowed near the table and their attention obviously not wholeheartedly concentrated on what they were supposed to be doing. Mark felt his heart swelling with pride and joy; he had hoped Youngjae would fit into the group well, but this was better than what he had ever dreamed of. Bonding with not one, but two boys closely, had made the transition from normal family life to the fragmented life he would live from now on tolerable for the boy.

Mark felt a twinge of pain in his heart when he thought about that.

He still hoped there would have been a way to keep the pretense up, at least until Youngjae would have been a bit older, but.. Soyi hadn’t wanted to keep on trying. She had unceremoniously handed Mark the divorce papers one morning and told him she would settle for shared custody and that she had already sold the house. That had happened just three months ago. Mark had been lucky, in a way, that his grandfather had left him the house in his will. It was ridiculously big for the two of them, and Mark’s intention had never been to live there for long, but he had grown to like the neighborhood and Youngjae was happy he had friends to play with daily. Not to mention the job Mark had at the kindergarten was so conveniently close by, just few blocks away.

Added bonus was to befriend their neighbors, Jinyoung and Jaebum. And on top of that.. Mark smiled gently to himself as he moved away from the door and walked to his own classroom, was that Jackson visited the house next door more than once a week.

He was quite sure Jackson didn’t know it, but Mark was looking out of the window when he knew Jackson was going to come and pick Bambam up. The boys were always talking so much at the kindergarten, so it wasn’t very hard to know when Jackson would make an appearance on the street.

Mark liked to watch Jackson when he was unaware of his lingering gaze; he looked so vulnerable and cute, head bowed down to either look at his phone or just deep in thought. Mark also liked the way Jackson’s whole being lit up when his son came out of the door and flew into his arms. Despite being a single parent, and having all sorts of troubles hanging over his head, Mark could see how the relationship between Jackson and Bambam was close. No matter how dark and gloomy things might be, the love between those two would brighten any day.

Mark smiled, thinking about the times he had seen that particular scene displayed outside their kitchen window.

It wasn’t only because he liked to watch Jackson interacting with his son that Mark’s gaze got stuck on Jackson’s form. He was unable to explain just why his eyes knew exactly where to look when Jackson was somewhere near him. Mark didn’t know how to explain to himself why he sometimes got chills when Jackson spoke and felt hot up to his ears when Jackson flashed that wide smile of his straight at Mark. It was like some kind of spell put upon him and Mark couldn’t decipher how to deal with all the things running inside him like a herd of wild horses gone rampant. There was no logical reason for him to feel like that and he couldn’t connect such feelings to anything he had ever felt before in his life.

One feeling Mark did recognize, and that was guilt. Guilt for feeling anything remotely close to happiness. It was like he had no right to get close to anyone, not before the complication between him and his soon to be ex-wife would be solved.

That guilty emotion had made him act like an idiot and had caused unnecessary friction between him and Jackson in the early stages of their friendship. Mark had thought he was too eager, too excited to have such incredible new friends and that his happiness was somehow wrong. In whose eyes? The society, the family.. Basically everyone. Like it was wrong from him to befriend anyone until some invisible mourning time had passed.

Absolutely ridiculous, if you stopped to think about it.

Luckily that particular problem had been solved when Mark had decided that he shouldn’t worry about anything and just push the negative feelings away, with his insecurities as well. He wanted Jackson to be his friend and that was it. Their friendship made him happy and he got support and understanding for his situation from someone he could talk to, and who knew what it was to be in a complicated situation.

After pulling his head from his ass it was a lot easier to enjoy the company he had. Mark wasn’t worried anymore that he was going to be condemned that he was happy he had new wonderful people around him. He wasn’t going to sulk and be a lone wolf just because his wife had decided to walk away from their disastrous relationship. If you could even call it that.

And in three more months, he would be divorced in the eyes of the society for good and he could move on.

Mark sighed. He had been too young when the unexpected pregnancy had taken place, too unprepared for settling down in any way. Marrying Soyi had been a proper thing to do, even if he had done it out of duty to the unborn child, rather than having married for love or any kind of affection. They had tried for nearly six years to behave like a family, but the turmoil had always been boiling under the surface. There were no warm feelings between him and Soyi. All that time they had had their sad charade of a marriage they had never slept in a same room, always having separate bedrooms and had only acted anything resembling like a couple outside the house, and only when it was absolutely necessary.

Luckily there hadn’t been many of those moments. Soyi was married more to her career and Mark, balancing between studies and the shop with Yoongi, had managed to raise a kid somewhere in between.

Despite being busy and tired most of the time Mark had always, _always_ showered their child with love, even if he himself hadn’t loved his life much at times. He had tried to keep their arguments hushed and hidden from the eyes and ears of Youngjae, because it wasn’t his fault that his parents detested each other so much they couldn’t be in the same room without starting a bickering war. The boy had been the only thing keeping them together even for this long.

Mark pulled the chair and sat behind his desk. He looked at the colorful books and papers scattered over the surface, his mind still lingering on his memories, rather than on the study materials he was supposed to use for the next class.

Jackson would be living next door in a few weeks, maybe even earlier, and Mark had no idea how he should treat the feeling of excitement and dread that whirled inside him. He didn’t know why he was so out of breath, why his neck was hot and his mouth dry when he thought about how he might see Jackson every morning from now on. Mark felt the need to help Jackson too, but he wasn’t so sure if his mixed feelings were all because of that.

Mark grunted, the earlier idea returning to him. He would have to man up and get it out. It was too perfect and even if it was selfish of him, he wanted to suggest it.

“Maarrk~!” A sing-song voice came from the doorway and Mark looked up, only to see the brightest smile directed at him. It was only comparable with the way Jackson was beaming when he was happy about something. But this wasn’t Jackson, unfortunately.

“Hey, Jimin. Ready for another day?” Mark smiled faintly, pushing his personal problems away from his mind and focusing on his companion. Jimin looked as bright and talkative as he usually was; how he managed that every single day, Mark had no idea.

Jimin was supposed to graduate as a teacher the next fall and his presence at the kindergarten was purely because he needed the experience. Mark was however really grateful of the help; he was still new at his job and having someone he had known for years, helping him to keep the lively kids in order, was nothing but a relief.

“Ready when you are.” Jimin smiled, hopping to sit on the table and humming happily some random tune, eyeing Mark his head tilted to the side and the shiny black hair carelessly falling over his eyes. “You ok? You look slightly pale. I can get you coffee or tea if you like? I don’t mind really. We have a moment before the kids turn up.” There was also the fact that Jimin talked quite a lot when he was in the mood for it. Mark liked the kid, but sometimes early in the morning it made him befuddled. Even after knowing Jimin for years the guy could still easily talk Mark into stupor.

“I’m fine.” Mark smiled more warmly, heaving a sigh and stretching his arms above his head. Jimin whistled softly, his eyes fixed on Mark.

“You do know you are like, really good looking?” Mark raised his eyebrows, his expression blank. “Not that I am hitting on you, don’t worry. You know I’m happy in my relationship.” Jimin wiggled his left hand at Mark, the golden ring in plain sight on his ring finger. “I’m just saying, because you’ve got all the ladies here whispering about you.” Jimin winked at Mark who only frowned in return. That was one thing he wasn’t particularly happy about. He didn’t _want_ to cause a scene, or to be adored, or anything of the sort. He wanted to be left alone with Youngjae and just somehow gather all his pieces back together and start living as himself, and not as a picture of something he wasn’t, with someone he didn’t love.

“Uh, ok. Thanks. I guess?” Mark shrugged, trying to dismiss the whole sudden outburst of admiration. “How is it going with Yoongi, anyway?” The memory of Yoongi admitting the couple filing adoption papers returning to him. “I heard some news.”

“Did my grumpy boo spill the beans? Aw.. I love him to bits and pieces, and he always tries to bite me in the ass for shouting my love in public, but he’s just a sweet lump of sugar in the end.” Jimin was rocking slowly back and forth on the edge of the table, happily beaming at Mark, completely unabashed about the subject. “I finally managed to make him sign the papers. We’ve been talking about it for a long time but sometimes you need to give him that final push.” Jimin giggled. Mark didn’t really want to know _what_ kind of final push Jimin had used on his partner. He cleared his throat.

“Well I’m glad you guys are steady and moving forward.” Mark chuckled. He’d known Yoongi since childhood and Jimin had entered the picture in college through a mutual friend. Mark had watched the two getting closer and closer and how their apprehensive friendship turned to attraction slowly, finally evolving into love during the years they hung out together. He was happy for them.

“That’s one of the reasons I wanted to come and do my internship at this particular kindergarten. I want to write my thesis on this subject.”

“Reason?” Mark was confused.

“Yeah, you know this is a gay-friendly place. A lot of places frown upon gay couples and their kids, it’s absolutely stupid really, but here it’s not allowed and the parents know it, which is why they bring their kids here. Didn’t I tell you, when I told you about the vacant teaching spot?” Jimin’s eyebrows shot so high they nearly disappeared under the black bangs. Mark shook his head, chewing on his lips. “Does it bother you? You know I’ve always kinda thought you were gay, or bi, at least.. And I never really understood why you married that ugly hag.” Jimin’s expression on absolutely distaste was almost amusing. “My gaydar is rarely mistaken but if you aren’t a butterfly at all then it’s just my bad~”

“No, I.. It’s..” Mark tried to focus his thoughts. “I mean, it doesn’t bother me. I hang out with you and Yoongi, so obviously I’m not put out with guys being together. I just.. I don’t.. I..” Mark halted, his brows burrowing. He couldn’t really say if he was or if he wasn’t. He had been too concentrated on Youngjae and bringing him up, to actually think what he wanted for himself, or what his preferences might even be. He had watched his friends falling in love and it had never bothered him at all. And then the whole sad story of his life so far happened and Mark had no longer had time to think his own feelings. He knew he hadn’t loved Soyi, or had ever even felt any kind of sexual pull towards her. But had he ever considered that he might have those kinds of feelings towards another man?

Mark didn’t finish his sentence and fell silent, crossing his arms to his chest.

“Dude, I didn’t mean to make you mad or anything.” Jimin bit his lip, eyeing Mark worried. “You should just ignore the shit that’s coming out of my mouth, I talk way too much anyway and it’s usually nonsense, you know me. I’d never say anything on purpose to offend you, I like you too much!” Mark waved one hand before him, trying to make Jimin stop talking.

“You didn’t offend me.” Mark said, a quiet smile etched on his lips. He looked up at Jimin, the funny feeling of wanting to ruffle the idiot’s hair surfacing. He quickly reached up and ruffled the black strands with both of his hands, earning a surprised yelp from the other. “I’m not offended. I just haven’t ever thought which gender I would prefer.”

Jimin had no time to get more specific answer out of Mark, when the cluster of small kids hurled their excited bodies into the classroom. Jimin barely managed to giggle and whisper that he wanted all the credits if Mark decided to come out of the closet because of this conversation. Mark just shook his head, smiling wistfully and turned his attention to the herd of bouncing bunnies, also known as children.

~

A week after the demolition note has been given out, Jackson and Bambam moved to the guestroom in Jinyoung and Jaebum’s house. It was a small space for them, even after the small flat they lived before, and Jackson was incredibly uncomfortable about depending on his friends so much. But he tried to hide the feelings by being positive and cheerful on the outside and worry only when he was alone. Jackson _was_ grateful of the offered help, of course he was. It just wasn’t a permanent solution and he didn’t like that at all.

He would be reading the vacant apartments section in the papers very diligently every day from now on.

There _were_ good things about their moving here, of course; Bambam had the chance be obnoxious all day long with Yugyeom and terrorize the three fathers with their loud singing and even louder games they played, usually involving at least all the pillows in the house, blankets, chairs and something about a dragon gotten loose and attacking their castle. Sometimes the double trouble went to make Mark’s life miserable, triple the noise they made and generally being happy children. There were fights and tears shed, it was unavoidable, but the parents rarely had to intervene as the boys moved from fighting to playing games again with the speed of light.

On days when the kids invaded Mark’s peace and quiet, Jackson always offered to go and fetch the little menaces back home when it got late and Jinyoung, being the smirking bastard he was, almost pushed Jackson out to pick up the offspring. Jinyoung knew it was too irresistible for Jackson to miss out seeing his new, even if temporary, neighbor opening the door and smiling at him widely every single time. Jackson was ever so grateful that he could watch something as delightful.

Not only did Jackson have his little fantasies fulfilled when he saw Mark so endearingly smiling at him, it was also nice to see the blond more often and talk with him about everyday matters. Not all Jackson’s intentions had some hidden meaning in them; mostly he was just genuinely happy he had gotten to know Mark as a friend.

The whole situation was also highly convenient, like Jinyoung had said it would be; meaning that when Jackson came from work he didn’t have to pick Bambam up because either Jinyoung or Mark brought the trio home. It felt nice to have people sharing his daily life, but he felt guilty for it too; he didn’t want to be a burden to anyone.

Two weeks passed surprisingly fast and one day Jackson realized, while waiting for his bus, that it was no longer possible to even think about returning to the old building. It had been torn down by now and was lying in ruins of concrete and rubble.

Jackson took a side trip that day to witness the demolition of their old home with his own eyes. It wasn’t a pretty sight and he fleetingly wondered where all the other residents had gone and had they managed to find somewhere safe to stay. Even the nagging old lady who had lived next to them, Jackson hoped that even she had found somewhere nice after being to cruelly thrown out of the building.

The sight of the ruins upset Jackson more than he had thought it would. He needed something good to erase the horrible sight from his mind, to distract his gloomy thoughts.

So he went to visit Mark.

Mark’s company was definitely on top of Jackson’s list of things that cheered him up. The blond had a calming effect on him most of the time these days and Jackson liked it. He couldn’t deny his attraction, that had only gotten worse, but he wasn’t so flustered all the time and could finally actually act like he wasn’t sitting on pins and needles all the time.

Also, all the kids were at the Tuan residence today as JB and Jinyoung were at the hospital for the twins’ monthly check up. And laughing kids plus Mark was something that Jackson couldn’t resist at all.

Jackson found Mark in the backyard with a laundry basket at his feet. He flopped on the porch, leaning his back to the pillar and heaved a sigh. The weather was perfect; sunny, slightly breezy and smelled like hot summer days. Jackson loosened the tie around his neck and closed his eyes. He heard Mark moving, hanging the sheets up to dry, and humming from time to time to himself. It was relaxing and calming to sit here and Jackson let his mind empty from the stress and worry.

After a while he startled, realizing he had dozed off, when a warm mug pressed against his cheek.

“Made you some tea.” Mark smiled down at Jackson who blinked in the brightness of the day.

“Didn’t even realize I was so tired.” Jackson took the offered cup and yawned. Mark sat down next to him, facing the yard basking in the hot afternoon sun. Minutes passed in comfortable silence.

“Rough week?” Mark asked quietly, the gentle gust of wind tousling his hair.

“A bit. The exams are coming up and I need to revise the kids. It’s been quite hectic.” Jackson grunted, sipping the tea. Without even asking, Mark had again guessed what Jackson was in need of. He had an amazing knack of knowing when Jackson needed something, anything. This of course made Jackson happier than anything, because his poor heart and mind read more into the gestures than there probably was.

“Sounds tedious.” Mark muttered, his gaze sweeping over the slowly moving sheets. It was so perfect to sit here and simply enjoy the silence with someone. They fell silent again, just staring out and listening to the bangs and crashes from inside the house where the kids were playing.

When Jackson had already finished his tea and almost dozed off again Bambam trailed to the porch alone, his face slightly scrunched up.

“Hey squirt, what’s up?” Jackson quirked one brow up when the boy without a word sat next to him and wiggled his way under Jackson’s arm to be hugged. “Did something happen?”

Bambam merely shook his head and sighed, leaning heavily on to Jackson’s side. Jackson shrugged ever so slightly and hugged the boy closer, leaning down enough to kiss the ruffled black hair. He looked up at Mark who was silently watching them. Jackson mouthed the work _tired_ and Mark nodded, standing up and disappearing back inside the house.

When Mark came back Bambam’s head was on Jackson’s lap and he was breathing steadily.

“Fell asleep about the second he changed to this position.” Jackson smiled gently, watching the sleeping face and pushing a few wayward strands away from Bambam’s eyes. “He looks so tiny when he sleeps.”

Mark didn’t reply, just smiled, probably understanding the wave of emotions clutching to Jackson’s heart; he loved this loud little menace so much he would one day burst from the amount of feelings.

The afternoon wore on, Bambam sleeping almost an hour on Jackson’s lap and Mark moving around the house silently. He was just carrying a second basket of laundry to the porch when Bambam woke up, squinting up at Jackson and stretching majestically. He squirmed around for a while before sitting up.

“I’m hungry.” Bambam muttered, rubbing his eyes.

“There’re sandwiches ready. Youngjae and Yugyeom are watching a movie so you can go join them.” Mark said, placing the basket down and pointing behind him. Without a word Bambam was gone, joining in with the other two quietly watching the movie in the sitting room.

Jackson laughed, shaking his head and stretched himself. He was relaxed and content and nothing really could disturb his mood. He began chuckling at a random memory from earlier this week, when he had been helping Jinyoung with the babies.

Mark glanced at him questioningly.

“This might be a bit disgusting, but I’m going to tell you anyway.” Jackson grinned widely, winking at Mark.

“Now I really want to know. Do share your horror story with me.” Mark smiled back at him, sitting down. Jackson laughed, proceeding on telling what made him both embarrassed and gleeful.

“I was helping Jinyoung by trying to manage to change two diapers at once, you know, not the easiest thing to do when one girl is trying to pee on you and other crying. So there I was, in the end, two shiny white diapers all installed and in comes Jinyoung and looks at me a long time quietly and…” Jackson imitated Jinyoung’s calm and matter of fact-tone. “ _You have shit on your face Jackson, did you know that?_ That’s what he said to me! Like it was the most common thing to happen. I was like damn, lucky I didn’t leave the house looking like that!” Mark had doubled up because he was laughing so hard.

“I can only imagine.” Mark managed to wheeze between gasps of air. Jackson was proud that he managed to make the simplest story sound ten times more awesome than it really was. He was slowly becoming an expert at making Mark giggle and laugh like he had never had a bad day in his life. What a glorious feeling.

“I had forgotten how tiresome it can be to have babies in the house. It’s been so long.” Jackson smiled wistfully, remembering the days when he and Bambam’s mother had been total newbies in taking care of a baby and how they both had thought they would never survive the night feedings and crying and the constant alertness of not knowing when something wasn’t like it should be.

“It can be difficult.” Mark agreed, scratching his neck and pursing his lips. “I had it easy because Youngjae was a quiet and calm as a baby. He cried only when he was hungry or needed changing.” Some memory or emotion wiped the smile from Mark’s face.

Jackson observed him quietly, wondering what kind of past Mark did have, or how bad the divorce actually was. How had it gone to such a state? What kind of person was Youngjae’s mother? These things weren’t really any of Jackson’s business, but he couldn’t help but to wonder, because he did notice how Mark almost always spoke about _himself,_ not _us_. Jackson dismissed the urge to ask; it wasn’t a question for today. He sighed, changing the subject.

“I wish I had a place like this myself. It would be a relief to have so much space for both me and Bam.” Jackson sighed again, linking his hands behind his head, leaning on them and looking up at the cloudless sky. He probably did look relaxed, but the exhaustion was carved into the small frown knotting his brows. He was still worried about the living situation. He wanted to find a place before the holidays would begin, because he didn’t want to be stranded in a place he _knew_ he couldn’t really completely relax.

“To be honest this isn’t so cheap either, even for me.” Mark huffed, mimicking Jackson and looking up at the sky. It was such a pure blue color, and you could feel yourself sinking into the depths of the color if you stared at it too long. The hot air around them was sizzling softly, the smell of it sleepy and comforting. “My ex does pay for day to day expenses I need for Youngjae so it’s not that bad.”Mark glanced at Jackson, biting his lip. “I..” He hesitated. “I’ve meant to ask this before, but doesn’t you ex provide you any support?”

“Oh. That.” Jackson’s expression turned mildly sour this time and he grimaced. “She does, but I’ve set that money aside, because she is kind of unpredictable and she can’t really be trusted to remember things so trivial like money. She’s nice and all, and our relationship isn’t bad, but she forgets a lot. I’ve saved all she has given so I can give it to Bam when he’s old enough to need it. Like college or a driver’s license, or basically anything at all. If he decides to pick up a hobby then I can pay those expenses from the savings. Otherwise I wouldn’t probably be able to.” Jackson rubbed the back of his head, closing his eyes for a second. The issue was something that never ceased to bother him. Was he doing the right thing?

“I see. That’s not a bad decision, really.” Mark’s reply jerked Jackson back to reality and he looked at his companion.

“You think so?” Jackson raised his brows, his heart thumping a bit faster.

“Yeah.” Mark’s smile was soft. “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saving for Bambam’s future in advance. I mean, I do basically the same with Youngjae. I _could_ afford his piano lessons on my own, but it’s easier to let her pay those as she was the one to insist him on playing in the first place.”

“Thanks.” Jackson felt happy. It wasn’t like he needed anyone’s approval on how he managed their financial things; it just felt good that he didn’t get any negative comments about it. It warmed his heart more than he could say. Jackson let his eyes linger on Mark’s profile, take in the curve of his nose, the short eyelashes cast down and the teeny tiny smile lurking at the corners of the luscious lips.

It was hard to understand what could have gone so wrong in Mark’s relationship that he had had to resort to the ultimate solution and end the whole thing. Hadn’t there been anything left to salvage? Of course you didn’t base your relationships on looks only, that was absolutely ridiculous, but now that Jackson knew a little bit more about Mark, it didn’t make it any easier to understand the whole thing because Mark wasn’t a bad person. He was kind and quiet if you looked quickly, but under the calm surface there were many more emotions that were equally beautiful, competing with his looks. Maybe Jackson would never know; Mark wasn’t one to talk all that much.

Mark turned his head, his hands back resting on his lap now, the smile deepening as he examined Jackson in return.

The wind blew past them shaking the leaves in the trees and making the pristine white sheets dance with it. Jackson could hear the birds singing to their hearts content somewhere, the bees buzzing, searching for flowers to land on. Jackson stared right into Mark’s eyes, into the brown color that had turned nearly black because the sunlight came from such direction it left the handsome face shaded.

It was so perfect, so disgustingly romantic and movie like to be sitting like this and staring at each other. All it needed was for one of them to lean forward and initiate the next step. It would be easy, when the atmosphere was like it was now. It would be like kissing a cloud; dreamy and soft. It would be the sweetest and cutest thing ever and it would lead them towards something else.

Jackson’s hands twitched and he instinctively leaned towards Mark, eyes still locked together. He could see the small gap between Mark’s lips, could almost smell the scent of his skin. Just a little bit further and if Mark would only lean in too…

“Dad, can we go play football in the park?” Bambam’s voice trailed from the door. Jackson and Mark both jolted, the atmosphere changing at the second they registered the children, both of them jumping a bit further from each other, cheeks lightly flushed.

“Ugh. What?” Jackson coughed, shaking his head to clear it from the momentary dream he had been caught up in. “Sure, sure, go and play. But not for long, it’s getting late. An hour at most and then you all come back, ok?”

“Ok!” And with that the three kids were gone, stomping through the house and making a racket like they always did. Jackson could hear the main menu music of the movie repeating itself in the background.

What had just happened was definitely unexpected. Mark coughed, the moment now ruined but still lingering somewhere close by.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I’m sure you would prefer to take a moment to yourself before the day is over.” Mark turned his back on Jackson and picking up the basket from his feet and standing up. Jackson had the decency to avert his eyes when Mark was bending over; the view was a bit too alluring and he didn’t want to get too carried away and ruin something that could, possibly, maybe, just _maybe_ , be there one day.

“What? No, I don’t need that. This is relaxing enough for me. What else would I be doing..” Sitting next door, reading the papers, peeking out from the window to this side and not having anything nice to look at? Jackson smiled to himself. At least now he could watch Mark in close distance, talk with him and enjoy the company of someone he really liked to be with.

“Do you want to..” Mark glanced over his shoulder at Jackson who was mesmerized by the way the white t-shirt on Mark was almost see-through in the direct sunlight. He looked up into the shadowy eyes, fleetingly crossing over a possibility of doing something much, much nicer than just looking. “..help me to get these down?”

“Sure.”

The abruptly interrupted moment kept playing over and over again in Jackson’s head. He couldn’t believe he had almost jumped way ahead of things and done something that would have in almost all certainty been a disaster.

But Mark hadn’t flinched away from him.

Jackson’s stomach did a funny flip when he thought of that, but a second later he thought that it probably had been because Mark hadn’t noticed Jackson had moved at all. That was probably the real reason, not the one Jackson was hoping it was.

The laundry was up in no time, when they both were doing it, and Jackson found himself talking a lot of nonsense to cover up his beating heart and flushed cheeks.

“..and I’ve never seen anyone looking more like a beaver. Honestly he looks exactly like one!” Jackson snorted, grinning widely.

“I can’t even begin to imagine. Jaebum is always so cool when I see him.” Mark giggled, the sound of it ringing in Jackson’s ears like little bells. _Stop it! Seriously, stop it!_ Jackson reprimanded himself. He was not going to start using poetic language just because he found his companion handsome on some unearthly levels.

“Well, he can be an idiot when he wants to be, that’s for sure.” Jackson grunted, but smiled anyway, folding the sheet in his hands loosely and setting it down into the basket. They were taking down the already dried up linens, making more space for the rest to dry faster, standing close to each other, arms almost brushing together when they moved.  

“I’ll take your word for it.” Mark chuckled, his eyes twinkling with the hidden amusement.

“Well, isn’t this a sickening sight.” An unfamiliar female voice snapped from behind them and they both turned around to see who had disturbed their peace.

The woman, who had so unceremoniously just walked in from the gate and straight to the backyard, was mid-height, slim and had the expression of superiority over the heart shaped face that could have been beautiful, if only she didn’t look like she had fresh shit right under her nose all the time.

Jackson’s skin crawled unpleasantly as he watched her apprehensively.

“Soyi.” Mark grunted, his earlier happiness gone and his tone weary and tight. The woman, Soyi, sniffed loudly, her nose pointing even higher and the air around her like a dirty veil oozing malice, poisoning everything she looked at.

“I see you have moved on.” Her cold voice was like cutting razor blades. “At least keep your sinful and disgusting way of life away from my child’s eyes.”

“ _Your_ child? You know it took two to tango.” Mark scowled, his brows knitted and his mouth a thin line. Jackson had never seen him like this before, and he didn’t really want to ever again. It was very unbecoming and unlike of Mark, somehow. “Just like you have so many times kindly reminded me of. Why are you here?”

“I came to get your signature on these papers.” She handed Mark a thin envelope she had been carrying in her hands. Mark took out the papers and flipped through them.

“What the hell is this?” Mark demanded to know, glaring up at her, the anger visibly rising. Even Mark, always so collected and unwavering, could show signs of real irritation.

“Just what it says.” Soyi sneered. “You're going to have him all to yourself. I am moving out of town and I can’t spare time to watch over him.” Was she the mother? Jackson was appalled, listening to the tone of iciness and watching her emotionless face.

“Are you kidding me? You’re the one who wanted to have shared custody and that’s why I’ve been holding on enlisting him to any schools here! You've got some nerve to do this to me.” Mark crumbled the papers as his fists clenched tightly. “You have no right to be so goddamn flimsy.”

“Oh, keep quiet. You're well off alone and you know it. There’s nothing missing from your perfect little life now, is there and I am still paying you all that is needed.” And then she shot a murderous look at Jackson. What the hell was that for? “Like I didn’t know you could turn out this way. You never even liked me, did you.” It wasn’t even a question. She just stated the matter like she had always known it to be true.

“What are you babbling about?” Mark groaned, exasperated.

“Oh, if you dig deep enough I’m sure you will know. I know _why_ you never wanted me anyway.” Soyi had the face of a person who knew _something_ but took pleasure from dropping infuriating hints about the secret, but would never reveal it.

“It wasn’t like I never tried! You didn’t make it easy to even stand being in the same room with you. You’ve been cold as ice since the day you informed me you were pregnant.” Mark was gritting his teeth together and Jackson couldn’t blame him for being irritated and angry. He was getting upset as well, just because this person was so unbelievably unpleasant.

“You never cared for our family anyway. We were just an obligation to you.” Her words were so emotionless, so cold and matter of fact that Jackson felt, for the first time in his life, slapping some sense into a woman.

“How…” Mark struggled to keep his voice from rising too much. “How _dare_ you!” He hissed, the spite and anger like daggers shooting from his narrowed eyes. “I did my best to care for you all those years. I could have demanded tests, some proof but I was kind enough to believe your bullshit without any further investigation.”

The divorcing pair glared at each other, the hatred so vivid Jackson really wanted to disappear right now. He didn’t really want to be here and to witness this all, and he certainly didn’t like the way this woman was looking at him and apparently reading a lot more into everything than there was.

“You can send Youngjae to me for holidays. I will give you the new address once we have moved.” She seemed to fight some internal battle, her icy shell almost cracking in front of the fury blazing inside Mark, all of it directed straight at her. “As soon as the divorce is legal I am getting married again.”

“Well, _good_ for you.” Mark’s dark growl was so intimidating that even Jackson felt the need to step away from him. “I will see that the conditions are being met. You better not use this tone on Youngjae because I _will_ hear about it and, I swear to any listening gods, that you _will_ pay dearly if you try to poison my son’s mind with lies.” Mark’s hands were gripping the sheets of paper in his hands so tightly they were almost ruined by now. He let out a long breath, just extending one hand forward. Soyi, knowing what Mark wanted, handed him a pen without a word. Mark’s face was emotionless, except the burning anger in his eyes. He signed the papers, handed her the copy and straightened his back. “Now get out.” His tone clipped.

Soyi glanced at Jackson one last time, measuring him from head to toe, scoffing audibly and then turning her back to them.

They watched her marching out of their sight, the high heels clicking on the stoned path, snapping angrily and arrogantly with each step she took. The air around them was still heavy and dark, almost suffocating. Jackson didn’t know what say or what to think.

“I.. uh. Should I go?” He finally said quietly.

Mark shook his head, hiding his face to his palms. He seemed to tremble in the sunlight. Jackson felt an enormous wave of compassion sweeping over him. He took the few steps separating them and clumsily wrapped his arms around the narrow shoulders, hugging the shivering man tightly.

“I’m sorry..” Mark whispered from somewhere through his fingers and Jackson’s shirt.

“Don’t say that.” Jackson heaved a deep sigh, gently patting the blond strands now soft next to his cheek. “I would be pretty damn upset if I had to deal with someone like her.” It was a wonder how Mark had even tolerated her all those years the pair had lived together. It was also a wonder how incredibly positive and bright Youngjae was, considering the behavior of his mother. Maybe she acted differently with the boy, who knew. “You know I think she was implying that you and I are in a relationship.” Jackson muttered, the pink color dusting his cheeks and boy, was he glad Mark couldn’t see it right now.

“Don’t know how she could’ve gotten that idea.” Mark sniffed, standing still and allowing Jackson to cradle him close. “It’s not like I’ve ever even thought about guys that way.” The words stabbed Jackson straight to his heart, his mood lowering considerably. He had known it. Mark wasn’t into guys and Jackson would never get a chance to make a move on him.

“Maybe we were just too happy at that moment..” Jackson hoped his bitterness wouldn’t shine through his words too obviously.

“Maybe.” Mark shifted, straightening his back and untangling himself from Jackson’s arms. He didn’t step very far though, the distance between them still too close for just two friends. Mark looked up and frowned slightly. “I meant to say something a lot sooner, but I never got the chance.”

Jackson just blinked.

“You know this house is really big.. And the second floor completely unused.. And it’s kind of creepy too..” Mark’s fingers were visibly twitching now, like he didn’t know what to do with his hands and he was stumbling with his words. “I know Jinyoung and JB are demanding you to stay at their place but well.. I have space and you need more air around you, so I thought I’d offer you the second floor. Permanently.”

Jackson gaped at Mark a while in silence, the suggestion sinking in very slowly. Finally he closed his mouth with a snap and frowned.

“Are you serious? I mean thanks, but really? That’s a big thing to suggest.. But there’s no way I can say yes to that, is there?” Jackson was absolutely thrown off guard by the sudden offer. It wasn’t a bad offering, hell no. But just thinking that he would be living with Mark.. seeing him every single day, probably all sleepy headed and adorable and oh god it would be so awkward.

“Why not?” Mark licked his lips quickly, the gesture twisting the knot inside Jackson’s guts tighter. “I, _we_ , get lonely in the big house, the second floor is completely void of life, if you don’t count the dust in the corners, and you, I’m guessing, don’t want to be in the way, with the twins being so small and needing all the attention.”

Jackson sighed. He had to stop being selfish. It wasn’t just him that needed more permanent living solutions; he had to think Bambam as his priority. The location was perfect, their friends incredibly close, the commuting to work a lot less hassle for Jackson and it wouldn’t even cost him half the money compared to their previous apartment. Probably.

“You do realize I won’t even consider this, if you don’t let me pay something?”

“Of course. I was going to suggest splitting the expenses. It shouldn’t be too much, unless a tree falls over the house and breaks the roof..” Mark’s poor joke made Jackson smile.

“I’ll think about it, ok?” Pushing his fingers through his hair and glancing up at the slowly darkening blue sky. “It’s a huge thing, you know?”

“I know. But I stick to my words. I would be happy to help you and Bambam.”

~

_The hell must have frozen because I just uttered a simple lie today. I told Jackson I have never thought men in romantic way. That was a lie._

_Because today Jackson was sitting on the porch with me and the sun was competing with the radiance of his smile and it made me think of how utterly beautiful.. No, maybe handsome is a better word.. he really is. His face was so astonishingly gorgeous, glowing in the sunlight, I actually felt something pulling me towards him and.. It’s rather embarrassing to say this, but I really felt like kissing him right there and then._

_This is completely new thing for me. I don’t really know how to handle such an emotion. Maybe it was just a fleeting thing. It doesn’t have to mean that I suddenly like guys._

_Then a nightmare waltzed in from the gates. Soyi paid a visit only to ditch the shared custody and give the whole custody of Youngjae to me. She’s moving out and is getting married after the divorce is legal. I really am trying not to hate her, but it’s quite hard not to when she’s acting like a major bitch. Hard to like someone who has made your life feel like a waste of time for the past six years._

_I offered Jackson to move in with us. I can’t really believe I said that. He didn’t agree yet, but who knows. It would be nice to have someone living upstairs as it’s kind of ghostly. I think Youngjae is afraid there are evil spirits up there and that’s why he sleeps more often with me than is his own room._

_I am so tired right now. About everything._

_Sleep._

_M_


	5. The green monsters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, un-betaed.
> 
> Thank you all who have left me such wonderful comments already! Seriously, they make me so happy and I was so inspired I managed to wrap this chapter up much faster. Love you all <3

Mark came home late that night. The sun was just setting and when Mark stepped out of the car the pavement was painted with vivid reds and orange colors. The air smelled sweet and it was warm, the gentle breeze caressing Mark’s bare arm. He looked up at the setting sun painting the sky with such colors it was hard to believe anything could be so beautiful. Mark smiled, despite the twinge of guilt in his heart for leaving Youngjae alone with Jackson and Bambam for the day. He had asked Jackson to look after the boy, and see if he could take him to his piano lessons in the afternoon.

Jackson, being the awesome person he was, had agreed on the spot.

It was amazing that he could actually do that now. If their timetables only matched, Jackson and Mark were both able to be lenient and help each other when help was needed. Mark was kind of happy he had someone to share the routines now, even if they had lived together only for two weeks.

Jackson had been grumbling and muttering about moving in with Mark for quite some time, but in the end had agreed it wasn’t a bad idea. The final straw that had cracked the camel’s back, had been the moment when the twins got sick and forced JB and Jinyoung to be up and about all night. Jackson, being already stressed out by being in the way, had walked up to Mark’s door next morning looking like he had never even seen his pillow, hair pointing up, eyes wide and dark circles around them, and simply had asked would it be ok to move in like, right then and there.

So they had, or Mark had, because Jackson fell asleep on the sitting room couch, cleaned the upstairs enough for Bambam and Jackson to move in the small amount of possessions they had; apparently Jackson had left everything else behind except Bambam’s bed, his own mattress and their clothes and some things from the kitchen. The upstairs, like the rest of the house, was spacious and what little possessions Jackson and Bambam had, left a lot of empty space everywhere. Mark was kind enough to offer Jackson a lift to the nearby second hand store anytime he wanted, if he wanted to find some furniture.

Youngjae of course was quite ecstatic when he found out he would have someone to play with around the clock now, of which Mark was really glad about. He’d been worried there would be problems, but it did help that the two were already close friends. Not to mention the fact that someone living above them would probably help Youngjae to get rid of his fear of poltergeists, ghouls and ghosts lurking in dark corners and trying to attack him when he was sleeping.

At one point during the cleaning Mark was pretty sure he saw Youngjae leading Bambam up the stairs with flashlights and packets of salt in their hands, and some scarves wrapped around their heads like Rambo. He had only shook his head and left the kids to their quest of banishing monsters by themselves.

Having someone responsible with the kids at home was the reason why Mark hadn’t been too worried about coming home late. He’d had some things to talk with Yoongi about the store and it had taken longer than he had thought it would. They were going to expand again, having received multiple queries about the matter for a few years now, and it took a lot of designing and planning.

As a new feature they would have a tattoo shop, a couple of chairs for one or two artists to set up a business there. That was why they had needed to go over the new layout for the premises. It had involved getting proposals from different companies who might be doing the work and nothing made Mark more irritated than sitting by the computer and the phone all evening with one annoyed Yoongi huffing and puffing next to him.

Having a tattoo parlor went well with their concept and the same guy who had been designing the boards for the past couple of years was going to take over one of the chairs and join their ranks. Mark had never met the dude before, just had emailed with him a few times about some custom paint jobs or such. He was someone Yoongi had dug up from somewhere, but he had proven to be worthy of the trouble of ordering the paint jobs from another town.

Things weren’t looking bad for the future and Mark was almost certain he wouldn’t have to keep his job as a teacher for very long, unless he felt like it. Yoongi wanted to focus more on producing music and Mark could take care of the shop. For now, he would wait until Youngjae would start school, after that everything was open.

Mark unlocked the front door, hoping he would be able to eat, shower and flop down on his futon and sleep until the world would end. Luckily it was Saturday tomorrow and he actually was allowed to sleep a little longer. He didn’t like anything better than being lazy in bed, and only got up when Youngjae was whining that he wanted something only Daddy could do, like hot chocolate.

Mark snorted, thinking that he should stop spoiling the kid so much. But he couldn’t help it; the bright pleading eyes were too much for him to handle and he usually gave in only after trying to resist Youngjae’s charm for about six seconds. His record was a whole minute so far and that had been seriously pushing it.

A chorus of laughing voices startled him out of his hopeful thoughts, and frowning Mark walked towards the kitchen and the noise.

“Hey, Mark!” Jackson said the moment Mark appeared on the doorway, and rose from his chair. “Want tea or something to eat? I made jaffles earlier, but I can make you one if you want?” Where Jackson had picked that word up, Mark wondered, but his attention got caught on the other person sitting by the table with a coffee cup in his hands.

“Hi. I’m Namjoon.” The stranger had turned around to face Mark with a smile on his face. The deep dimples that came with that shining smile were practically stunning Mark on the spot. He had never seen anyone with such perfectly round cheeks and huge endearing smile. Well, maybe Jinyoung could give this guy a run for his money.

“Mark.” He didn’t have time to worry who and why was Namjoon in their kitchen yet, he was quite honestly starving and that feeling took all his attention right now. “Tea and a toastie, sounds perfect.”

“You got it!” Jackson was beaming brightly at Mark. “Joonie is my old friend from high school.” He started pulling out the things he needed for the toastie from the fridge.

“And his first boyfriend ever.” Namjoon chortled. Mark almost choked. He shot a questioning look at Jackson who turned to look at them grinning and sticking out his tongue at Namjoon.

“If you can call it dating, you ass. What did we even do? Hold hands?” Jackson rolled his eyes.

“I think we got caught fooling around in your mother’s wardrobe once and got an earful for it.” Namjoon grinned widely, his eyes turning to crescents. Mark didn’t know how to process this information he was getting. Some ugly feeling was poking him to the back of his head, irritating him.

“Oh, right. Had forgotten about that.” Jackson laughed heartily, stuffing the bread inside the sandwich griller and cramming it shut. Jackson had found this particular machine from the second hand shop and had gone absolutely bananas over it. Mark had nothing against having warm toasties every once in a while and it was fun to watch Jackson being so giddy about something so small. “Was that the reason why we didn’t get to see each other again?” Jackson leaned his back on the counter, munching a slice of cheese.

“That, and the fact that I moved out of town.”

“Right. I must be getting old because I can’t remember half the shit that happened back then.” Jackson grinned happily, stuffing a second slice of cheese into his mouth.

“We were lucky that we didn’t get caught in public. Remember that one girl whose crush got out in the public and she was expelled just because she liked girls?” Namjoon scoffed, disgruntled.

“Yeah, I was so angry then. I think I still am. Who has the right to determine who people love and who they don’t.” Jackson grimaced, the memory of that incident apparently still vivid.

“You know we got to know each other when I had to tutor this brainiac here.” Namjoon was pointing one finger towards Jackson. “He’s not actually stupid at all, but he’s got the attention span of a pigeon sometimes.”

“Hey, be nice!” Jackson pouted, handing Mark his toasties and a cup of tea.

The feeling of insane jealousy roared inside Mark like a beast gone berserk. The more he watched the two men joking with each other so easily, the more dark clouds gathered above his head and he felt like kicking something really hard. Mark almost felt like choking with all the green monstrous thoughts twirling in his head. Why was he feeling so horrible, like he wanted to kick this adorably smiling young man so hard it would break a few bones in him? Mark wanted to punch a wall for being so angry; he was angry for Jackson being so happy with his ex, angry because Namjoon was so ridiculously cute and shared a past with Jackson, and angry to himself for feeling all this.

Mark bit down on his bread furiously and regretted it the minute the melted hot cheese burned his mouth. He winced and almost dropped his food.

“Hey, don’t be so hasty, it’s like super hot! Did you burn yourself?” Mark had no time to react before Jackson was already before to him, leaning down worried, to check if Mark was ok. It was all fine, until Jackson placed his hand on Mark’s cheek, the fingers soft against his skin and Mark thought he would drop his eyeballs in surprise. The earlier feeling of jealousy still swirling inside him and he swatted Jackson’s hand away with an irritated move and grunted something incoherent. The look of confusion and hurt flashed over Jackson’s face so clearly Mark’s irritation turned to regret in a heartbeat.

“I’m fine.” He tried to sound normal, like he hadn’t just now acted like a total idiot and made Jackson feel bad. “I’m sorry.” Jackson seemed to shrug the incident away and smiled at Mark. Mark was however quite sure Jackson wasn’t alright, because the smile looked exactly like when someone was forcing it. _Damn it all!_ He would have to fix this soon.

“It’s ok.” Jackson turned to his guest who had been watching them his brows high. “You never got to tell me what you are doing in town anyway?”

“I’m moving back in. I got an offer I couldn’t refuse.” It was obvious Namjoon could have said something about the small incident that had just occurred, but he remained politely quiet and let the matter go. For now. Why did Mark have a suspicion this evening would be a subject later in some household. He groaned inwardly.

Mark paid very little attention after that. His mouth was burning and he felt like a price idiot for making Jackson feel bad just because he had some irrational jealous feelings. Of course Jackson had friends, and exes, in his past who were bound to crop up at some point. Even Mark had those, mainly friends in his case though, but he was sure Jackson wouldn’t go acting like an asshole in their presence. Mark sighed and closed his eyes. He was so tired and his head was slightly throbbing. He was exhausted beyond any measure.

It was like he was on the edge all the time when he was alone Jackson and he couldn’t put the uneasiness into words at all. It confused him. He liked Jackson but any rational thinking seemed to elude him whenever Jackson did something that made Mark’s heart play hopscotch.

Mark stifled a yawn, his head aching from the long day and now this small mess he had in his hands. Perfect way to end your day. Not.

“Jackson, thanks for the food. I’m going to retire now.” Mark flashed a small apologetic smile at Jackson. He turned to look at Namjoon. “Was nice meeting you. Sorry I’m so tired and can’t keep you company.”

“Better luck next time.” Namjoon grinned at Mark.

“Oh, right. Jackson, we have to be next door tomorrow at noon. You remember the christening starts at 1PM?” Mark had almost forgotten it himself. Luckily Jinyoung was gracious enough to send him a reminder.

“Yup, got my better shirt all washed and ironed already.” Jackson’s smile was softer, less tense now. Mark sighed. He _really_ would have to apologize. But it would have to wait until morning, he was too exhausted to think anything anymore.

“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Mark said, walking out of the kitchen, leaving the two men alone to their reminiscences and hoping he would wake up tomorrow morning with a less shitty attitude and the jealousy clutching to his heart gone for good.

~

The morning was gray when Jackson opened his eyes and poked around to find his phone to see what time it was.

7AM.

Well fuck. He could still sleep an hour or so, if Bambam didn’t sneak into Jackson’s room and curl up next to him, like he had done a couple of times this week already.

It might be the new surroundings that made Bambam so clingy, but then again it might be something else too. You never really could be sure which way the boy was about to turn.

Jackson curled up under his blanket and let his mind drift back the past month. So much had happened in such a short time and he was still absolutely flabbergasted about it all. The eviction from their old home, living with JB and Jinyoung for a while and feeling guilty as hell for being in the way of their family routines and now.. Now they were living with Mark and Youngjae. Apparently for good.

He had never even dreamed of something like this to happen. Ever. Not even in his wildest dreams! To think he didn’t have to figure out some stupid reasons to come over and have a chat with Mark. He could just walk down the stairs and talk with him anytime he wanted. How amazing was that? _Dope_ , if you asked Bambam about the current situation.

Bambam was highly excited, naturally, despite his small moments of insecurity and curling up next to Jackson on some mornings. The kid had been nearly bouncing around from happiness when he found out they would be living right next to his long time brother in arms, Yugyeom, and that now the three of them could form even more permanent little army unit. Naturally Bambam was the head troublemaker, his two henchmen following him to dangerous adventures to capture boogiemen, escaped tigers or any kind of monster.

Jackson almost laughed out loud. What was it with small boys and monsters? He was glad he hadn’t given in yet to the constant plea of _I will die if don’t have a phone of my own_ Jackson heard nearly every second hour these days. But once Bambam would go to school Jackson would probably have to get him a device of some sort. But he would worry about that later, for now he was just happy he didn’t have so many duties hanging over his head.

Living with someone was a great thing, honestly. You could share the expenses, have the other watch over your energetic kid when needed and generally it was nice to have someone older to talk with. Not that Jackson minded talking with kids, of course he didn’t, it just was nice to hear sentences _without_ some word being abused and repeated, or the constant scoffs of _don’t you know anything about pokémons Dad_.

His thoughts lingered on yesterday evening and his happier feelings plummeted suddenly. Why had Mark been so irritated at him? Jackson had done nothing wrong, had he? He raked his mind but found nothing that would give Mark the excuse of being an idiot like he had been. Jackson couldn’t fathom it, not one bit of it. Even Joonie had asked, after Mark had fled the kitchen, what the hell had happened. All Jackson could do was to shrug and say he had no idea, really. But it did sting, a lot.

Perhaps the morning would give him new hope of things being normal between the two of them. He sure would like them to be like that.

The sleep didn’t want to return to him so Jackson opted he could as well get up and shower while the house was still quiet and peaceful. He got up and sneaked downstairs as quietly as he could. The gray light was more prominent here than it had been up in his room; the huge windows in the sitting room displayed a gloomy weather, rain dripping down and covering the world with a smoke colored veil.

Jackson liked rain. It was kind of his guilty pleasure. It was calming and gave him the perfect excuse to stop moving around all the time and just sit down, read a book or simply be idle. It had taken him years to master that particular art of doing nothing, but when you have a kid you know every moment you get to yourself is precious and you need to make the most of it, which, usually, meant sleeping or mindlessly staring at TV.

When Jackson emerged from the shower a towel wrapped around his waist, his clothes hanging from his arm and hair dripping all over his bare shoulder, he felt a lot more refreshed and definitely a lot less worried. Just when he was about to climb back up the stairs he found out there was someone else awake. He startled, almost tripping on his own legs, when Mark’s head poked from the kitchen door.

“Hey.. I heard you moving around and I couldn’t sleep, so I got up and made coffee.” The smile was so tentative, so adorable, that Jackson felt his knees going wobbly in an instant. “There’s breakfast too.”

“You had me at coffee already..” Jackson grinned, his heart rate way too high. “I’ll just.. I’ll put on something more decent.” He was well aware he was half naked and still dripping water all over the place. And Mark staring at him like that wasn’t really helping to prevent the flush creeping up his neck. Would it be really bad if Jackson would just stride over to Mark, grab him by the collar and kiss him senseless? Yeah, it would. Damn it.

Jackson fled up to his bedroom before he would get carried away.

He returned to Mark ten minutes later, fully dressed in sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt. He would have to get all fancy later so he didn’t really pay much attention what he was wearing now. Clothes and dressing up had never been his strong point anyway and if he had ever looked smart in his life, it usually had been due to someone else's influence. Jinyoung mostly.. Sometimes JB. In the past it had been Bambam’s mother, because _she_ was practically impossible when it came to clothes.

“Are you excited about finally knowing the names?” Jackson stuffed some food into his mouth like he had never seen it before. Worrying made him hungry, ok?

“I am.” Mark sat down opposite Jackson, eyeing his gobbling one eyebrow raised but didn’t make any comments about it. “I’ve never understood why people feel the need to keep those things secret until the very last moment.”

“I guess it’s fun.” Jackson shrugged. “And you know Jinyoung.. He can’t pass an opportunity to torment people.”

“True enough.” Mark snorted softly. He looked down at his cup, still steaming, drawing the edge of it with his finger. Jackson observed the downcast eyes, the way Mark chewed his bottom lip, his face slightly scrunched. “I’m sorry about yesterday. I don’t know what came over me. I shouldn’t have reacted like that.” And there it was, the apology that made Jackson melt on the spot and lift his mood enormously. He would forgive Mark just about anything at this stage.

“Don’t worry about it. It happens.” He was glad Mark knew he had been an ass. Of course it would have been nice to know exactly _why_ the reaction had been like that, but.. Jackson deduced that even Mark didn’t know the answer to that, judging the way he looked so lost and confused right now. “It’s cool. I can live with you slapping me every now and then.”

“If you insist.” Mark’s playful grin was like sun coming out behind the rain clouds. Jackson leaned back on his chair, smiling. This day wouldn’t suck after all.

~

The christening wouldn’t be a huge thing. That had been decided right after Jinyoung and Jaebum managed to settle on names for the girls. Also it had something to do with the fact that the church was being an ass and didn’t really welcome _their kind_ so eagerly inside its walls. So, Jinyoung and JB, along with their priest who was a kind, elderly man, had arranged the christening to take place at their own home. This way they didn’t have to deal with frowns and scoffs of certain people, nor did they have to drag along half of the wardrobe to make sure they had five sets of clothes for the twins with them, if there happened to be any accidents, nor the strollers and bottles and milk formula… the list was long.

Jinyoung sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes. Apparently Jaebum had gotten up earlier and left him to sleep in. He was grateful of that since he had been up almost half the night, trying to coax one of the girls to fall asleep. Her twin, bless her, had been awake but silent, just observing her anxious sibling curiously from the crib.

Today, finally, they could stop talking about the girls with the pet names they used when they weren’t alone. Cupcake. Chubby cheeks. Sweet pea. Boo. Cutie pie. Or whatever else there was that was sickeningly cute and sweet and made Jinyoung’s teeth hurt. Of course the girls were cute and cuddly when they were so small, chubby cheeked and pink, but it wouldn’t be nice if people would get stuck on calling them something like Peaches or Cookie.

Jinyoung shivered, the whole thought made him uncomfortable. He shook his head, yawned, blinked a few times and got up, trying mentally to prepare himself for the day.

When he walked into the kitchen, Jinyoung found JB calmly stirring his tea one twin in a wrap up baby sling against his chest, the other twin cooing silently in her swing and Yugyeom sitting by the table his face teary, smudged and ready to scream.

“Uh..” Jinyoung was speechless. Not that this was the first time he’d seen their son on the verge of throwing a tantrum, far from it.

“He has no more cheerios left.” JB stated quietly, quirking one eyebrow. Yugyeom’s bottom lip was trembling dangerously. “Because he ate them all by himself.”

“And..” Jinyoung tried to keep his face straight. “..that is why he is so upset?” Sometimes, or very often, it was hard to prevent himself from laughing at the things the kid did. Yugyeom would have been seriously hurt though, if his parents would start laughing out loud right now. It _was_ a serious matter, after all. One does not simply tolerate cheerios running out on them.

“Logical, isn’t it?” JB grinned from behind his teacup. “You know, I’m tempted to take a picture of this and show it to him when he’s bringing home the first girlfriend.”

“He would probably hate you forever if you did that.” Jinyoung chuckled.

“True. Maybe I’ll wait until he’s moving out and _then_ give him the picture. Just to remind him he needs to buy his own cereal from now on. No more depending on his poor old man and his purse.” JB snorted, glancing down at the baby happily drooling on his shirt.

“And what exactly are you planning for our daughters?” Jinyoung reached out to take out a cup for himself and start preparing for the busy day ahead by pumping some caffeine into his system. The task of trying to get Yugyeom into decent clothes was not something he was looking forward to.

“Going to chase away each and every boy that approaches them until they are at least 30.” JB shrugged. “I could put bars on their windows and home school them, just to keep them safe from horrible beasts like boys.” If Jinyoung didn’t know better he might have been worried just how sheltered their daughters would grow up to be, but he just laughed softly at JB’s words.

“Interesting. I’ve never thought I would be raising two Rapunzel's.” Jinyoung snorted but smiled anyway. “Though I think I’m with you on chasing the boys away.”

JB was quiet for a while, absently pressing his face down to sniff the tuft of soft baby hair while keeping his eyes on the boy fighting with his feeling of disappointment that his morning was now totally ruined by the cereal that had _dared_ to ran out.

“Do you think Jackson will be able to keep his hopes up for much longer?” Jaebum finally asked.

“Who knows. We can only hope Mark will come in terms with himself soon, be it either way. I almost feel bad for Jackson, but hey.. No one told him to fall for the straight boy.” Jinyoung flashed a wicked grin and JB returned it.

“And it’s fun to watch them be so awkward.”

“You’re a cruel man, aren’t you.” Jinyoung of course knew this, had always known, but it didn’t really make him love his partner any less. Quite the opposite, to be honest.

“You know you just like it.” JB managed a purely evil grin before they had to turn their attention on Yugyeom who had finally cracked and was determined to ruin their morning by first throwing his spoon to the wall, the bowl following almost immediately.

~

When it was time to head out and face the unknown people and relatives that weren’t his, Mark found himself restless. Youngjae and Bambam had already managed to wrinkle their shirts and were now playing with toy cars on the sitting room floor, chattering happily together.

Mark watched them, not really concentrating on what he was seeing. His thoughts kept returning to this morning when Jackson had emerged from the shower with nothing but the towel on him. The mere memory of it made Mark’s cheeks burn. It wasn’t like he had never seen a guy shirtless before, or naked for that matter, it just was somehow different with Jackson.

Curse him for looking so handsome.

“Ready?” Jackson’s voice startled Mark from his thoughts and he looked up. He swallowed the tight knot down his throat and tried to shoo away the nagging feeling of something being off with himself.

“Yep.” Mark smiled, his gaze sweeping over Jackson’s attire; white dress shirt, black jeans and the short black hair styled up in a way it made Jackson look more mature, more exquisite and even more handsome. Mark’s stomach lurched. It wasn’t fair that someone looked so good. He sighed deeply, completely missing the look on Jackson’s face when he looked at Mark.

About two hours later the baptizing had been done and the proud godfathers sat in the middle of the small group of people, not really pleased about the attention and trying to keep the hassle from waking the girls up.

Mark was holding Jia and Jackson Jiyoo. The names were cute and suited the twins perfectly, at least that was what Mark thought. His little protégé had woken up in the middle of the baptism, but had only considered him with big, serious brown eyes before she had fallen asleep again. Jackson hadn’t been so lucky; Jiyoo had also woken up but she had made her displeased opinion clear by kicking and being restless and almost crying. Mark had felt sorry for Jackson who had had that wild alarmed look upon his face when he couldn’t get the baby quickly to calm down. It had taken a moment of JB hushing the child down before the ceremony had been able to continue.

Mark was a tightly pressed next to Jackson on the couch where they were surrounded by the immediate family and few friends, all of them having that adoring look on their faces that people have when they see babies sleeping. Jia was snuggled up against Mark, her head resting right under Mark’s chin and her fragile little body curled up into a tight ball while she slept. He was able to forget the people around him, because the attention wasn’t really on him, it was on the baby. Jia was warm against his shirt and skin, smelling like little babies always did; endearing and warm, and Jackson was hot pressing on Mark’s side.

Mark turned his head carefully, watching Jackson and Jiyoo almost similarly positioned. Some warm emotion washed over Mark as he took in the calm expression Jackson had when he was absent-mindedly stroking the tiny dress Jiyoo had on her. Jackson could have done a photo shoot looking like that and Mark knew that he could have made at least 80% of the female population swear they would have Jackson’s babies that instant. What was it with women who went absolutely crazy when guys held small babies in their arms? It had happened to him when he had held Youngjae and had been visiting his family. All the female members of his family had been almost beside themselves back then.

He couldn’t deny that Jackson _did_ look exceptionally good with a baby in his arms and a soft smile decorating his already happy expression. The warm feeling was expanding inside Mark’s heart and he could feel his pulse accelerating.

“Hey, Mark?” Jackson muttered and Mark blinked, surprised. He had been too caught up in staring at the two next to him he hadn’t noticed Jackson had turned to look at him.

“Uh, yeah?”

“Are you free tomorrow?”

“Well, kind of. Why?”

“I could use some babysitting for Bam..” Jackson rolled his eyes. “I’d take him with me but it would only be a hassle and he would end up getting upset and that would upset half the town and whatever.”

“I can watch him.” Mark chuckled. “I’m just going to the shop and I was going to take Youngjae with me anyway. Bambam can come with us.”

“You’re a lifesaver!” Jackson beamed at Mark. The smile was churning knots in Mark’s stomach again and he didn’t know what to do with that.

“Where are you going tomorrow?”

“Oh, I have _date_ with Joonie.” Jackson snorted. “He needed some company for checking out apartments, you know, because he’s moving in.” Mark’s heart sank. Something clutched at his heart with an iron grip and his breath was stuck in his throat. Again the jealousy sat on his shoulder, laughing at him, mocking him and his weakness, hitting him in the head and making him edgy.

“Right.” Mark snapped his mouth close. He wished the feeling would go away but he couldn’t shake it off, at least not so easily. “You’re a good friend.”

“I wouldn’t say that, we haven’t seen each other in years. But it’s nice to continue where we last time stopped.” Jackson seemed to be oblivious just how stormy Mark’s head was right now. _Continue where they stopped?_ Didn’t that mean they would go and..

“Sounds nice.” Mark gritted his teeth, fixing his eyes on the opposite wall and tried to push away the absolutely appalling mental images he was getting. He had definitely been surrounded with too many gay couples lately because all he could think about was something rather sexual involving Jackson and this other guy.

Mark wanted to… What _did_ he want to do? It was all so confusing and he definitely was getting nowhere with things so jumbled up.

Rest of the afternoon Mark sat quietly on his spot, chewing on his lips and trying to make some sense of the mess inside his head.

~

It might have been partially out of spite, that Mark had accepted the blind date invitation his sister practically forced on him. Then again, it also might have been because he couldn’t say no to his sister. He felt guilty for letting them down, in some way, and gave in when he should have point blank refused. He wasn’t interested in meeting anyone, he had barely gotten rid of the burden he had been shackled to for years.

 _You need to get out and interact with other people._ That was what she had said. Mark had fallen on his bed face down and tried to turn invisible. Maybe all his conflicted emotions would go away if he just refused to think about them?

Probably not.

It didn’t really help that the blind date his darling sister so graciously had bestowed upon him was already the next day. Who went on a blind date on a Sunday evening anyway? Mark didn’t want to go, but he couldn’t deny he felt some weird sense of satisfaction when he had announced the date to Jackson and asked if he would keep an eye on Youngjae the few hours Mark would be gone.

Jackson’s face had turned blank. Mark had felt like he had done something _really_ bad and at the same time it was a small victory for him. So utterly messed up. He shouldn’t be like this. What was wrong with him? Why did it matter what Jackson thought about Mark going out with some random woman he had never met before, and probably wouldn’t see her again after tonight?

It shouldn’t. But it did. And Mark felt guilty and confused.

“Youngjae, is this ok?” It was Sunday afternoon and Mark was measuring himself from the hallway mirror, trying to figure if he was under dressed or overdressed. Probably not over; he only had a white shirt and blue jeans and a loose gray hooded jacket over the shirt. It couldn’t be too much, could it? At least the restaurant wasn’t that fancy so it didn’t really matter what he looked like. But, knowing how women gossiped he didn’t want to get an earful from his sister if he turned up on the blind date dressed up too casually.

“You look nice Dad.” Youngjae was swaying on a chair, his head bobbing from side to side. “Are you going out with Jackson?”

“Uh, what?” Mark turned to look at his son who was quite innocently watching him. “No. We aren’t like Jinyoung and JB are, you know that.”

“But Jackson is.” Youngjae stated calmly. Why was it so easy for kids to say things like that? Mark winced, trying to hide the embarrassed flush creeping up his neck to his ears.

“Yes.. I believe he is.” Mark frowned. “But no, I’m not going out with him. That would be slightly weird, don’t you think?” Luckily Jackson was still upstairs, doing whatever he was doing, and couldn’t hear this conversation. At least Mark hoped he wouldn’t.

“Not really. The other kids at the kindergarten are already jealous because you’re my Dad and now they say it’s even more unfair that me and Bambam have two handsome Dads.” Youngjae was picking on his nose quite nonchalantly, probably not even noticing what he was doing, and Mark gently slapped Youngjae’s hand away from his nostrils with a _Don’t pick your nose_ muttered in between.

“Right. Ok.” Mark muttered, slightly off balance by the sheer offhand attitude Youngjae had about the matter. “I’m going out with this young lady your dear aunt asked me to take out for dinner.” What a dreadful idea. He was not very good at this and to make it even worse, he really would have preferred staying home and just hanging out with the kids and Jackson. He knew the three were going to watch a couple of movies and relax in the sitting room and, to be really honest, Mark wanted so badly to cancel the date right now.

When the time to leave came Mark found it incredibly hard to do so. Like something was pulling him, ordering him to stay put and not to go at all. But he only had to meet this woman, eat and talk whatever he could manage and then retreat back home to the people he actually liked. It couldn’t be that bad, could it?

His conviction on liking Jackson however wavered slightly when he said his goodbyes and Jackson gave him the look of utmost hurt and disgruntlement; like a kid whose candy had been taken away.

“I hope I won’t be late.” Mark had said, hand half-way up to wave the trio on the couch watching the first movie.

“Don’t hurry just because of us.” Jackson had grunted, grimacing visibly. His tone was almost leaning towards hostile, it was so displeased. “You must not keep the lady waiting, she’ll be awfully hurt if you aren’t in time.” Mark frowned. He was unable to understand why Jackson was being so irate and cold towards him. It wasn’t like Mark actually _wanted_ to go out.

“Right.. I, uh. I’ll go then.” Mark muttered, warning Youngjae not to stay up too late, and walked out of the house.

The feeling of guilt and disappointment mixed with the irritation about Jackson’s behavior didn’t exactly improve Mark’s mood when he reached the restaurant. He was guided to the table he had made a reservation and was greeted by his date for the night already seated.

Well, at least she wasn’t a complete train wreck just by looking at her; mid-length chestnut hair, a face that was neither ugly nor strikingly beautiful, a cream colored blouse with a white pencil skirt. She appeared to be shy during the first highly awkward minutes they sat there in silence, but after the starters arrived she opened her mouth and turned into a different person. She started firing questions at Mark like she was holding a highly important cross-examination in court.

_How long were you married? Why did you break up? Is your son intelligent? What do you do for a living? Do you think you ever will grow up and take on a permanent office job? Are you religious?_

Mark thought the questions were absolutely unsuitable to ask from anyone and he tried to answer as vaguely as possible. He didn’t really want to talk about his marriage, nor did he ever want to discuss his religious views or the IQ of Youngjae with a stranger. Not when he didn’t even talk about these things with his friends and family.

The conversation flowed, strained and awkward, on. Mark thought he wouldn’t survive the night if his companion wouldn’t somehow turn on a completely different attitude. Mark couldn’t help but to wonder why the hell his sister was acquainted with anyone like this incredibly unattractive person was.

The subjects went from political views to raising children. Mark wanted to bury his face to his hands. He didn’t even have to ask anything, she offered all the answers beforehand. Mark leaned that she was a hard boiled conservative, believed firmly in what the Bible said and thought that children needed to be sent away to boarding schools the moment they were able to read something. Spoken by a person who had no kids herself. _What a disaster_ , Mark thought more than once during the dinner.

Then she dropped the bomb while waiting for the desserts and Mark thought he could envision the remainder of his sanity floating away from him like a ghost and leave him staring at his companion in utter disbelief.

“I don’t think there can be romance between two men or two women. It’s disgusting and delusional. Those people should be banned from having the right to adopt.” When she said it, her face was absolutely straight and it was like she was reading the Sunday paper and unconcernedly expressing her view on something indifferent.

“Isn’t that a bit harsh thing to say?” Mark replied, cautiously. It was just a feeling, but the warning signs were starting to flash more and more violently in his head the more she talked. Right now the red lights were almost howling, cautioning him to stay the fuck away from her.

“Not really. Homosexual people are faulty, sick.” 

Mark’s irritation shot sky high at this point. He had known gay people almost all his life, and he knew how horrible it was that there were people who treated them like they were the scum of the Earth, when in reality they had just been born that way. Who had the right to determine who loved who? No one. Mark gritted his teeth together. He wanted to stand up, throw the glass of water to her snooty little face and quite calmly tell her that _she_ was the one who needed treatment, perhaps a lobotomy and preferably a vasectomy as well, or something as nice, _not_ the innocent gay people who actually had to consider long and hard, and face years of evaluation and shit from nearly _everyone_ , before they were deemed suitable as parents.

“That is quite unfair.” Mark grunted, his mood definitely gone by now, if there had any been left. He thought how bad it must have been for JB and Jinyoung when they had gotten together and how bad it had been for them when they had adopted Yugyeom and finally Jia and Jiyoo. Mark thought how awful it was that someone judged them only because they loved their own sex, not the opposite like it _was supposed to be_ like some people claimed. Mark felt a need to say something to upset his companion whom he had grown to dislike quite much in a short amount of time.

Lucky for Mark his phone vibrated at this point. He gave his date an icy glare.

“Hey, Jackson. Is something wrong?”

_“Dude, I’m sorry to bother your date or whatever but..”_

“You’re not disturbing.” Mark silently wished this incredibly upsetting person, sitting opposite him, a jolly good ride to hell.

 _“Oh. Ok, that bad, huh?”_ Jackson sounded almost glad when he said that. _“Youngjae woke up from a nightmare and he won’t stop crying. I thought I’d call you and..”_

“I’ll come home right away.”

_“Ok.”_

Mark ended the call quickly and got up. He glared at the woman who looked already appalled that Mark had dared to answer his phone while on a date with her. “Excuse me. My son needs me.” As her expression softened just a fraction, and that irritated Mark beyond any words, he thought of something that made him give her a slightly demeaning smile. “I have to get home to my _boyfriend_ and tell him how absolutely _wonderful_ thoughts you have presented to me about people like us.”

And with that, Mark fished out some money from his wallet, dropped them on the table and walked out of the restaurant, filled with such rage he had never felt before. How disgusting some people could be! He would be sure to let his sister know just what kind of people she was hanging around with. Absolutely infuriating. There were no excuses for people like that.

He reached the house half an hour later to find all the windows dark. All but the kitchen.

“Is everything ok?” Mark whispered when he entered the house, peering into the kitchen where he found Jackson sitting alone by the table and playing with his phone.

“Yeah. Youngjae finally fell asleep when I told him he could sleep with Bambam.” Jackson smiled wearily, fiddling with the phone. “I’ll show you.” He got up and they walked to Youngjae’s room, carefully opening the door and letting in enough light so that they could see inside.

Mark sighed, relieved. The narrow beam of light illuminated the two boys sleeping on mattresses on the floor, side by side and facing each other, both fast asleep. He smiled warmly when he noticed the intertwined fingers.

“I’m glad you were home.” Mark closed the door quietly, facing Jackson.

“Nah, don’t mention it.” He winked at Mark mischievously. “Next time I have a bad dream I can just sleep in your bedroom and you can consider the dept repaid.”

“You’re impossible.” Mark ruffled Jackson’s short hair quickly and rolled his eyes. He could hear Jackson’s muffled laughter from behind him when they returned to the kitchen.

“So, how bad was the date?” Jackson sat back on where he had been sitting a while ago, yawning and rubbing his neck with one hand.

“Horrible.” Mark slumped opposite him and ran his hands through his own hair. “I have no idea what kind of people my sister hangs out with, but this was not a good example. She started out with this intense third degree interrogation about things that are more suitable after having dated a long time.”

“Sounds like fun.” The sarcastic tone didn’t go unnoticed and Mark made an ugly face. He had never met anyone he had wished to disappear as much as he had wished today.

“I don’t know with what willpower I managed to remain there for so long.”Mark closed his eyes for a while and sighed. “Maybe because I didn’t want to waste the food, I don’t know. Common courtesy was definitely running thin.”

“You poor man.” Jackson sounded compassionate enough to be believable this time.

“How was house hunting with Namjoon?” Mark hoped he didn’t sound too bitter.

“Oh, the usual; went around talking nonsense and upsetting people by being noisy.” Jackson chuckled, crossing his arms loosely before him. “Joonie was talking about his work and the stuff he’s been doing lately. I think he’s got someone here in town, but he wouldn’t give me any names.” This bit of information cheered Mark up. Why did it matter to him? He had no answers, but he did feel lighter and sunnier all of a sudden. He smiled back at Jackson more warmly.

“You know you called at the right moment today. She had just declared all gay people mentally sick and disgusting, straight to my face and not even batting an eyelash about the stuff she was sprouting.” Mark grimaced, the memory causing his anger still to rise momentarily. Jackson mimicked the expression.

“I hate people who think like that. What did you say to her?”

“I told her that I had to get to my son and..” Mark hesitated a fraction of a second. “And to my boyfriend.” He gave a crooked smile at Jackson.

“You… did?” Jackson’s eyebrows shot high, his eyes widening. “Well, I.. Uh. Didn’t expect you to pull that from your sleeve, to be honest, but I guess it was a good lie to use on someone like her.” Mark was quite sure Jackson’s cheeks were pink. And he found that absolutely adorable.

“Her face was definitely worth it.” Mark chuckled, feeling warm and fuzzy, the disastrous evening fading from his mind. He was much happier now that he was back home to the people he felt comfortable with.

“You know she’ll blab most likely to someone?” Jackson quirked one eyebrow but Mark only shrugged.

“Who cares? If people want to think you and I are in that kind of relationship then let them. It’s not like I hate you or anything.” Mark was just talking, not really thinking what he was saying. “I really like you, you know?” When he finally glanced at Jackson and realized what he had said, Mark thought he ought to have slapped some tape over his mouth. Jackson was definitely blushing right now, wasn’t he? Obviously Mark had said something that was crossing the normal brotherly affection borders.

“Uh. Thanks.” Jackson muttered, smiling tentatively and Mark’s stomach did a small flip he couldn’t really comprehend.

~

_I admit. I am tired. Like, SO TIRED. Could sleep for a month, or two. Or a year. Could I just turn into a bear and hibernate? No? Ok.._

_Anyway, been an awfully odd week. Jinny’s been on my ass and pestering me whether or not I have managed to steal a kiss from our clueless prince Charming yet. What a douche. Like I could manage even a friendly slap on the ass from Mark at this stage! If there even is a stage. I mean he’s still totally giving off those vibes and then the next second he’s not and fuck that, it’s all so weird._

_Namjoon came back, which is totally awesome. Been so many years since I’ve seen him the last time. But the funny thing was that when Mark came home and Joonie was here, he got all irritated and kinda slapped my hand when I was just trying to see if he had burned himself or whatever. And then the next morning he was ok and we went to the christening and things were cool until I mentioned Joonie… And there Mark went again and got all pissy and later on he announced he would go on a fucking date the next evening with some idiotic woman!_

_I mean, what the ffffuuuuuuuck! I had no idea what was going on and spent the evening racking my brains for any good reasons as to why Mark was being so weird._

_Then Youngjae had a nightmare and I had to call Mark and things happened and finally he was telling me about the hag he had met and I was beside myself from happiness that he had told her, even if he was just bullshitting, that Mark had to get home to me and kids. Sweet jezebel my heart was like hammering so hard at the moment he said BOYFRIEND and dude I almost climbed over the table and smooched him. But I didn’t. Because I was totally Mr. Cool this time. Ok, so maybe I blushed. Just a bit._

_I can’t wait for the holidays to begin. I SO want to see Mark in nothing but shorts._

_J_


	6. You look so fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you. *bows* for all the love you've given me so far. I am honored.
> 
> For those thinking Mark is taking his sweet time coming in terms with himself.. Well, things are changing from here on. I don't want to hurry it too much because it would feel rushed, considering the pace of the story so far.  
> I hope this will keep you entertained even if Mark is being a bit of a pansy..

Mark yawned, rolling his eyes and wishing he wasn’t feeling so tired every goddamn morning. He just wanted to sleep.

When he wasn’t working at the kindergarten he was stuck at the store and listening to Yoongi grumbling about the noise the workers were making while constructing the new parts of their shop, and stuck watching over the workmen doing something they weren’t always supposed to be doing, and then there were the customers as well..

Almost every day Mark came home to eat, shower and sleep. He tried to be social, but usually managed to do that early in the morning or late at night. He felt guilty for not spending much time with Youngjae at the moment but it was almost over now. The renovations were nearly done, the tattoo artist would be arriving today and then he could start living like a normal parent again.

Well, as normal as you could count one these days.

Mark cracked a few eggs, whisked them with some fluid and threw the mixture on the frying pan, his thoughts lingering on Jackson.

Their little family unit was so quirky Mark was sure there was no real word for it. He was so grateful that Jackson was home and able to take care of Youngjae and to fill in whenever it was needed a parent to step in. Mark didn’t know what he would have done without the help. He felt greatly indebted to Jackson at this point and he was quite sure he would have to do something to repay it.

There was just the whole situation between him and Jackson, that made things slightly complicated when he tried to think about anything. Mark wasn’t even sure what to make of it all at this point.

Things had turned a lot more casual between them after the disastrous blind date Mark had had a few weeks ago. Now they were laughing more together, being more friendly, more touchy in some small ways; brush of a hand against the shoulder, lingering looks, that sort of thing. It didn’t really _mean_ anything, far from it, but it anyway was there and Mark was noticing it more and more as the days went by.

 Jackson was, as he usually was, all smiles and happiness. The wide sunny smile made Mark’s mornings even on the rainy days better. He didn’t even mind the stupid jokes Jackson cracked. Not even the half-assed ones about Mark calling Jackson his boyfriend to escape the terrible beast.

Mark didn’t mind the jokes, not really; his problem lay exactly on the fact that he wasn’t put out at all by Jackson teasing him. It should freak him out to be called as _darling_ or _honey_ , or whatever else Jackson had spilled from his mouth. But so far Mark had just pushed the problem, that really was not a problem, from his mind and tried to take it all as a big bad joke.

But, lately, it had started to nag in the back of his mind that things weren’t so simple.

The sound of descending footsteps alerted Mark from his thoughts before they managed to turn into worry.

 “Good morning, _sweetheart_.” Jackson’s smile was lopsided as he walked into the kitchen. Mark raised one eyebrow but didn’t say anything, just keeping his eyes locked on the omelet he was cooking. “My, my. Aren’t you looking particularly lovely on this fine morning?” This time Mark looked up. Jackson eyed Mark’s jeans his lips puckered and eyebrows high. He looked so comical Mark almost snorted out loud.

Then Jackson turned around, reaching out to take a glass for himself and Mark noted how his hair still messy from sleep, his t-shirt wrinkled and he had pillow marks decorating his cheek. Mark bit down on his lip, the sight so endearing it actually made him feel all mushy and warm inside.

“Are you, by any chance, flirting with me?” Mark laughed, the half-bemused question falling from his lips before he could prevent it from doing that, and trying to hide his smile and the feeling of giddiness that had formed in him right about the moment Jackson waltzed in to the same room.

“ _Moi?”_ Jackson feigned shock, clutching the shirt over his heart and almost spilling the green tea he just had poured into his glass. “Would _I_ do something like that?” Mark didn’t see Jackson smiling but he was pretty damn sure that the silly wide smile of his was plastered all over Jackson’s face. Mark shook his head, a huff of laughter escaping him despite his efforts to remain calm. “Not me. Never.”

“If you want to believe that.” Mark’s reply was highly amused. He wasn’t very good at keeping a poker face with Jackson these days, because no matter what Jackson did, Mark always found a reason to smile at him. There really didn’t even have to be a particular reason, he was just smiling because Jackson was.. well, Jackson.

“Seriously though, you _do_ look good today.” Jackson passed Mark by, patting his head gently when passing. “Those jeans really compliment your legs. You should wear them more often.” Mark could feel the heat burning the tips of his ears and he glanced after Jackson who had disappeared back upstairs, probably to wake Bambam up.

“Speak for yourself.” Mark mumbled to himself, turning his attention back to the frying pan with his cheeks burning. He almost wished he wouldn’t always get so happy when Jackson complimented him on something. Mark thought he ought to return the favor but he wasn’t very skilled at telling guys they looked good. At least he wasn’t able to do that to Jackson.

Youngjae appeared on the door, dragging his feet and slouching heavily on a stool beside the dining table. Mark heard a hard knocking sound and turned around to see the boy lying face down on the table surface. He snorted silently and shook his head.

“Good morning Youngjae.” Mark hid his amusement and called out to the kid, trying with all his might to sound neutral. “Did you sleep well?”

Youngjae made a muffled grunt and twitched. Mark assumed that to be a yes.

“Cheer up. Only two more days to go and then you don’t have to wake up early until school starts.”

“Do I _have to_ go to school? I wanna stay at the kindergarten with the other guys..” Youngjae moaned pitifully, turning his head to look at Mark. He looked so ridiculous like that, his cheek pressed against the table and lips pouting, half of his face visible in that awkward position and his brown hair falling over his eyes.

“Well, you could, but I think it would be awfully dull for you. You do remember you’ll be going to school with Bambam and Yugyeom?”

“I am?” Youngjae’s head snapped up and suddenly his eyes were shining. “I am!” The shrill sound tore Mark’s ears but he didn’t mind it this time. It was good to see Youngjae so happy. And awake.

“Eat your breakfast before you run off anywhere.” Mark placed a plate in front of the excitedly squirming boy and ruffled his hair affectionately. There was another pair of shuffling feet at the kitchen door and Bambam dragged his sleepy body in, his hair pointing up and his eyes still half-closed. He yawned majestically when he plopped next to Youngjae and repeated his earlier action by hitting his head on the table as well.

“Bam! BAM!” Youngjae prodded his friend on the shoulder, earning only a moderately irritated groan from the boy and a darkly muttered _don’t poke me_ from his hiding place. “Did you know we’re gonna go to the same school? I hope we’ll get to be in the same class!” Bambam’s head snapped up.

“That’d be like _so awesome_!” And suddenly, like magic, the sleep and grogginess were gone. Mark rolled his eyes, amused and handed Bambam his breakfast.

“Eat up guys, then we’ll go. You have all summer to plan your school life.”

~

“Yoongi?” Mark slouched on the couch on his back, staring up at the ceiling seeing really nothing. He had one leg over the back of the couch, one over the armrest, his whole posture screaming of sluggishness. His tiredness had kicked in about the moment he had reached the store and registered Yoongi in pretty much similar condition as Mark was now; very lazy. Like he had no bones left in his body. Kind of squishy.

He would have preferred braindead as well, but no such luck for Mark today. His mind was whirring with a certain question; it burned on his tongue and despite his seemingly sleepy mood Mark’s heart was beating quite fast.

“Hm?” Yoongi managed to answer despite his nearly-asleep-almost-dead slumping position on one of the armchairs. He was half-lying half-sitting on it and his face was hidden under both of his arms covering his head and that made his answer more of a muffled echo rather than a real noise.

“How did you know you were.. uh.. Well. Gay.” Mark hadn’t figured a better way to ask so he went for the straight-to-the-point question. Yoongi turned his head so he could force his eyes open and stare at Mark. These questions pestered him like there was a herd of bees buzzing inside his head and he really needed some advise.

“It’s too early..” Yoongi groaned. “I’m not in any condition to reflect on my gayness.” He muttered irritably, but pushed his body up anyway to gain a better angle where he didn’t have to twist his neck while talking to Mark.

“Sorry..” Mark muttered, feeling immediately stupid for even opening his mouth.

“No, it’s fine.” Yoongi shrugged, taking a deep breath and rubbing his face with his both his hands. He was quiet a long while before continuing. “I don’t know how I _knew_ but I just knew when I knew.” Yoongi frowned. “Ok, that makes no sense. Let me try something else.” His face scrunched up slightly, obviously trying to think something coherent. “Ok. So. Consider this; if you start developing feelings towards another bloke it’s a fair warning that you might swing that way. But then again it’s normal to have bromance between friends too.” He scratched his head under the black beanie. “I’d say you can be sure you are leaning towards gay if you have urges to kiss a dude. Or hold their hand. Or cuddle with them. Or.. naturally, fuck them or be fucked. That part is really only a matter of preferences. I myself enjoy it both ways, because it’s awesome when you get used to it.” Yoongi explained quite unabashed, his cherub face calm and ponderous.

“I.. uh.” Mark had gone slightly red in the face. He wasn’t really ready to even consider such thing as _sex_ at this… point, stage.. whatever, he wasn’t very sure. “Ok..” He didn’t know was he entertaining as much sexual thoughts rather than just toying with the idea of crossing the borders of normal skinship.

“Are you by any chance having doubts about your sexuality, Mark?” Yoongi’s dark eyes were staring at Mark sharply now, the sleepiness gone for the moment. The shithead always _seemed_ sleepy and grumpy and unwilling to talk, but he had a bad habit of being everything but that when he just concentrated enough. A trait Mark both dreaded and appreciated enormously.

“I don’t..” Mark hesitated. Was he really trying to explore his sexuality? Was that what he was so confused bout? “I don’t really know.” He had this enormous weight squeezing around his heart and he felt incredible need to get rid of it. And that would happen only if he talked about it. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully. _Argh!_ “I’m not so sure because I don’t find for example you very appealing. No offense.”

“None taken.” Yoongi had a fleeting odd expression on his face but it vanished as he flashed a devilish grin suddenly. “But you _do_ find _someone_ appealing, am I right?”

“Well…” Mark drawled, going scarlet almost immediately, his thoughts flying to Jackson.

“Jackson, perhaps?” Mark winced, the guess hitting the bullseye and his complexion changing color to pale, like he was some kind of stupid lava lamp changing color every other second. “Thought so.” Yoongi smirked. “You know it’s quite normal to develop feelings for just one guy and start exploring there. Maybe you don’t end up liking anyone else, maybe you will. Does it matter if you really want to get down with him?”

“Well, I don’t think I do..” Did he? Mark hadn’t even thought that far. He admitted he had felt, more than once, the urge to give Jackson a peck on his cheek, but he wasn’t sure if his feelings were just friendly or something else and let’s face it; Jackson was sometimes so cute it was only natural to want to kiss and cuddle him, right? _Right?_ To think about something a bit more serious was already a completely different story and he wasn’t sure he wanted to go there just yet.

“Take a deep breath and go with the flow. It’s not really gender based who you fall for. If you fall, then you fall, and that’s it. And if it happens to be a bloke, who cares.”

Mark chewed on his lips, deep in thought. He wanted to argue that it _did_ matter and _he_ cared was he into getting a dick up his ass, or the other way around. The whole idea made him slightly squirmish, so maybe he wasn’t quite there yet. Mark remained quiet, frowning and squinting his eyes while the thoughts ran around his head and made him all the more confused.

“Mark.” Yoongi’s voice came from somewhere far away and Mark blinked. “If you like someone then you do. Make a list if it helps you. You know.." Mark’s confused expression made Yoongi gesture vaguely with his hands. “..like a pros and cons list. Or something.”

“You mean, like..” Mark tried to arrange his wildly confused thoughts. “Like comparing my feelings to what I would feel for a woman?”

“Something like that.”

Mark huffed, crossing his arms to his chest and stared at the ceiling again. A list, huh? Well. It was worth a try.

The pros list wasn’t as hard as Mark had thought to make. He liked being with Jackson. The other made him feel good and relaxed when Mark wasn’t dwelling too much in worrying that he was somehow faulty. There were no women in his life that he actually liked enough to say he found them appealing; the last two encounters having been more disasters of such magnitude it was already ridiculous, so he couldn’t really compare his level of attraction.

Jackson made him laugh. He was caring, selfless and always kept his promises. He like Youngjae and made their life generally more stable. He was trustworthy and reliable.

All these things however were also traits of a good friend. So, what were the feelings under the surface? Mark racked his brains.

His heart went wild when he was too near of Jackson. He followed Jackson’s moves sometimes even without thinking it and startled when he realized he had done so. He wanted to hug Jackson more than he wanted to hug anyone, Youngjae excluded. Jackson made him feel warm and fuzzy, lightheaded and cherished.

Mark couldn’t even figure one single negative thing about Jackson. Not one.

So, ok. He had more than friendly feelings for Jackson, but it all was still so careful probing Mark didn’t want to determine his entire sexuality just based on that. He needed more time.

“When’s the tattooist going to turn up?” Mark yawned, wanting something else to think about because his head was starting to ache from all the cringing and confusion. He got up to get a cup of coffee, hoping it would make him somehow sharper and clear headed. Yeah, right. As if.

“I think he should come any minute now.” Yoongi stretched, taking the cup Mark offered him and sat up better. “You know it’s funny we’ve been dealing with him for over two years and you’ve never seen him, or talked with him before.”

“He is mostly your connection so it’s fine, I guess.

“Perhaps so. Oh, there he is.” Yoongi raised his free hand to greet the person who had walked in. Mark turned his head and..

“You!” He wheezed, almost pouring the hot coffee over his pants.

“Wha- _Oh god_.” Namjoon stopped on his heels and stared at Mark almost wildly for a while before turning to look at Yoongi who was as puzzled as the other two were. “Oh shit, this is so weird.”

“Explain.” Yoongi snapped.

“I.. We, uh. We met, last month I think.” Mark stuttered, trying to find his balance. “We both know Jackson and that’s why I met him and..” This was really so weird. What were the odds of Namjoon being the guy who had been doing their paint jobs for years now? _Slim_ , Mark thought almost bitterly. He was still a bit apprehensive about this guy, though he couldn’t say he downright _hated_ Namjoon or anything. It was more like he was just simply.. Jealous.

“Get over it, Mark.” Yoongi scoffed. “Namjoon is here to stay so you two better get along or I’m gonna be really cross with you.” He got up. “Let’s get you familiarized with your new home, shall we.”

~

Jackson was in a tight spot right now. He didn’t particularly like it but he had to deal with it. He sighed, hoping time would just jump ahead and he would suddenly have a son who knew not to argue with his father over something stupid. Though, in all honestly, Jackson was fairly sure he shouldn’t hold his breath while waiting such day to come.

“No, Bam, I’ve told you before. You’ll get a phone, but you certainly won’t be playing any games with it. You have your head, hands and legs, use them.” Jackson was frowning, the conversation not going very smoothly for him this time. Bambam was staring up at him with blazing eyes.

“I’ll be laughed at when I go to school!” Bambam almost wailed, his expression darkening. He scrunched up his face and huffed and puffed and finally crossed his hands angrily before him.

“No you won’t. You’re not the only kid who can’t play, whatever it is you want to play, with their phones.” Jackson tried so hard to keep his frustration at bay, but his patience was running thin. Mostly because this wasn’t the first time, oh no, they had had this same conversation.

“Fuck you Dad!” Bambam spat out and that struck Jackson speechless. The squirt just did _not_ say that word, did he?

“ _What_ did you just say?” Jackson’s eyes flashed menacingly. That particular word and that kind of attitude were definitely not approved in this household.

“Nothing.” Bambam muttered, his momentary aggression tuning down when faced with the rising anger from his father. Bambam was looking at everything else except his father; the floor, Jackson’s legs, his own hands, the bed, Jackson’s legs again.

“Bambam.” Jackson stared sternly down at his son. “Who taught you to use that word?” He would go and strangle the bastard, because let’s face it, there were not even one acceptable curse word you could throw at your parents, no matter how badly you wanted something.

“No one..”

“You know better than to lie to me.”

Bambam sulked, staring hard at the floor.

“I’ll count to three.” Jackson folded his arms before him. “After that you can count yourself grounded for the whole summer.”

“What!”

“No playtime outside. No football with your friends. _No beach this summer._ ”

“That’s not fair, Dad! So not fair!”

“Yes it is. You are not allowed to curse, or to use that attitude on me, not under my roof.”

“It’s not _your_ roof…” Bambam muttered mutinously.

“Just tell me where you picked up that word!” Jackson’s feeling of guilt flared up. He knew perfectly well he didn’t own any parts of the house as it all belonged to Mark. That little bit of information still stung him even if he tried to get rid of it. Jackson had to count to ten and breathe slowly a few times, because he would not explode on a child. He just wouldn’t do that. This was just one of those times he would have to be patient but stern and not tolerate any bullshit. Too bad it was extremely hard because he _really_ wanted to get angry.

Bambam squirmed visibly uncomfortable before him.

“There were some big kids at the football court and they were yelling the word and..”

“You thought it would be cool to say it too?” Jackson sighed, his anger deflating a bit. “There are a lot of people who use bad words but Bambam..” Jackson sighed again. Why weren’t his brains functioning properly? “Even if people use a lot of bad words doesn’t mean it is ok for you to use them. I’m pretty sure you will one day be just as badass as those bigger kids at the court, but you can be cool without cursing.”

Bambam sulked, his bottom lip jutting out and his whole complexion so adorably miffed it just looked incredibly endearing. But now wasn’t really the time to get cuddly.

“Do you have anything to say to me?” Jackson knelt down to Bambam’s level and looked straight into the big anxious looking eyes. The kid shuffled on his feet, avoiding Jackson’s gaze.

“I’m sorry..” Bambam finally mumbled, glancing up at his father under his brow.

“You’re forgiven. Just don’t do it again.” Jackson reached out to ruffle the black hair gently and stood up.

“Can we go to the sea this summer?” Bambam almost pleaded.

“If you come up with three new words by this Sunday. With explanations.”

“Three?” Bambam’s tone was incredulous.

“Three.”

“Fine..” Bambam huffed, knowing he would only lose this battle and Jackson left him to sit in his room alone in silence and to contemplate on what had just happened and probably wallow in the injustice of it all.

Jackson found Mark sitting on the porch, half of his body in the shade, sewing a button back on Youngjae’s shirt. For some reason the sight was so funny it made Jackson smile faintly. He flopped down next to Mark without a word.

The day was so exhaustingly hot and having that small problem with Bam had drained Jackson even more. He really wanted to jump in a pool or something, because he was so sweaty and tired and oh man, swimming would be so nice right now. He groaned.

“Something wrong?” Mark asked, looking up from his sewing and wiping some sweat from his forehead. Even like this, with a ridiculously loose and open tank top glued to his skin and face sweaty, Mark looked like a million dollars to Jackson. He just wished he could drag Mark under a cooling shower and peel of those clothes from him and..

His thoughts trailed down a very dangerous path. He blamed the heat.

“Not really.” Jackson tried to focus and hid his small uncomfortable moment by stretching his arms above him and falling on his back to stare up to the sky above them. “My darling child just cursed at me for the first time.” He shaded his eyes a while from the sun and then let his hands fall to his sides.

“Oh.” Mark’s tone was the kind that spoke in volumes that he knew exactly what Jackson was talking about. “That.”

“I know it was going to happen sooner or later, and I’m quite honestly surprised it took this long, but it isn’t nice when your kid shows signs of mutiny.” The sky above him was blinding him and he couldn’t see Mark with the light dazzling his eyes. Maybe it was a good thing too as his thoughts were already getting too graphic. Maybe it was the heat that was churning his stomach every time he was next to Mark, maybe not. That damn shirt Mark wore now wasn’t actually doing anything to get Jackson’s attention away from him. Oh hell no. It was illegal to wear anything like that, seriously. Jackson had seen too much skin for his own good and the fabric was sticking on the pale skin like plastic wrap and making Jackson’s imagination run wild.

Jackson wished he was blind sometimes, at least when he was alone with Mark who still seemed to be so fucking clueless after all this time. _Why did I have to pick the straight one_ , Jackson cursed for the umpteenth time.

“You’ll be fine.” Mark said, the smile audible to Jackson’s ears. Mark moved, shading his eyes and cut the string, placing the shirt next to him. He turned to look down at Jackson and the way he was slightly leaning forward over Jackson was blocking the direct sunlight. Jackson drew a sharp breath because the sun was creating a brilliant halo behind Mark’s head, the blond hair shining and his face shadowed, looking down at Jackson. That wasn’t fair. Seriously it wasn’t. Jackson really wanted to reach up, crab that loose shirt, drag Mark down and just kiss him.

But of course he didn’t.

“I’ll try my best.” Jackson forced his pressing urges down, inwardly groaning at his growing need for _something_ to happen or he would lose his shit completely. “So, how about that breach trip?” That was his one big opportunity to make things to happen. Anything. Anything at all. Even the smallest thing would keep him believing there could be something else between him and Mark than just friendship.

“I’m not against it.” Mark’s answer was followed by a brilliant smile, the row of white teeth visible even with the shadows hiding the rest of the features. It was so unrealistic to look up and see something that didn’t really look like it belonged on Earth. Mark looked like a creature made of light, mysterious and far away even though he was right there, within Jackson’s reach. “Should we ask Jinyoung and JB to come along with us?”

“Yeah..” Jackson breathed out, his thoughts somewhere far, far away from the present. “That’d be great.”

“I’ll talk with Jinyoung tomorrow.”

“Ok.” Jackson was so mesmerized he didn’t really know what he was doing and when he realized it, it was already too late.

He reached up and brushed Mark’s hair from his eyes and behind his ear, marveling the feel of the locks under his touch. Jackson traced Mark’s cheek and jaw gently with his fingertips, lost in thought.

Mark moved, tilting his head just enough that Jackson realized he was actually leaning into his touch. His eyes widened and carefully he reached even higher, placing his whole palm against Mark’s cheek. Jackson’s heart was pounding so hard he was sure it was audible, and he barely dared to draw a breath. Mark didn’t move at all and Jackson couldn’t see his face properly so he had absolutely no idea what was going on in Mark’s head.

The skin felt soft under his touch, slightly moist from sweating because of the heat, but Jackson didn’t care about that. He couldn’t really believe he was doing this and he hadn’t yet been swatted away or laughed at. He swallowed hard. Maybe.. Just maybe there was some hope.

The chiming alarm went on in Mark’s pocket.

The moment was ruined.

Mark flinched, moved away from Jackson and fished his phone to shut the alarm off. Jackson was blinded by the sun again and his mind was spinning.

“I have to pick up Youngjae from his piano lesson..” Mark mumbled, getting up and hastily walking away, leaving Jackson to lie on the porch. The sun scorched his already burning face, blinding his already unseeing eyes and warmed his already boiling blood.

_What the hell was that all about?_

~

It was a late afternoon and the house was quiet. Bambam was doodling in his room, quietly for once, and Jackson was free to loaf around and do whatever he wanted to do. The summer holidays had finally started and he was feeling restless because he had so much free time on his hands.

Jackson descended the stairs thinking he might as well go out for a run since Mark was home and could watch the kids. But the downstairs were quiet and seemingly void of life, which was odd since Mark was usually doing something, be it cooking or typing on his laptop or just watching TV. Then Jackson caught up a movement to his right and couldn’t help himself from sneaking closer to find out what it was.

What he saw made him smile.

“What’s up? What are you doing Youngjae?” Jackson was so curious to find out why the little boy trying to peer into Mark’s bedroom and looked like he was not supposed to do that. Mischief in mind, perhaps?

“Shhh! Don’t wake Dad up.” Youngjae hissed his finger pressed to his lips and his brow burrowed in deed concentration. Jackson immediately smoothed the expression on his own face and knelt beside the kid.

“Sorry.” Jackson whispered, highly amused to find Youngjae in such a situation. “Why are you spying on Mark?”

“I have a mission.” Youngjae sounded so proud, like he had a bag full of joke shop items hidden in his back pockets.

“A mission, huh?” Jackson was definitely curious now.

“I’m collecting pictures of things I like.” Youngjae explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world and Jackson was being silly for not knowing it. “JB suggested it.”

“And.. that’s why you are stalking behind Mark’s door?”

“Well I like my Dad and I like it when he’s sleeping so I want to take a picture of that.” Youngjae pursed his lips. “Dad is sometimes so serious but when he is sleeping he looks much kinder and younger.” For a small kid, Youngjae was quite insightful. Jackson raised his imaginary hat for the boy.

“Oh. Ok. Do you mind if I stay and watch your back?” He offered, the opportunity to see something rather adorable in action was too tempting to miss out.

“That’s a good idea. Cool!”

They stood there a few minutes in silence before Youngjae seemed be sure he was safe to open the door more and slide inside the bedroom. Jackson hesitated just a fraction of a second before following Youngjae. He had never been inside Mark’s bedroom and it felt a bit odd to step over that invisible boundary, but to hell with it. This was something he really wanted to witness.

The bedroom bathed in gray light, the curtains covering the window and blocking the sunlight trying to pour in. Youngjae tiptoed towards the bed placed against the opposite wall facing the door and towards the quiet form laying on it. Jackson followed the quiet boy, trying to be silent himself.

Mark had very few things in his private space; just the bed, nightstand and a desk. No paintings, no posters, no random items; just a picture frame on the desk next to Mark’s laptop and a pile of files and papers. Jackson let his eyes get used to the dim light before he peered down to look at the picture. It displayed Mark and Youngjae, hugging tightly with silly grins on their faces and squinting up at the camera.

Jackson smiled.

Then his eyes found Mark, sleeping on his bed quite unaware of the two intruders silently closing in on him. Jackson thought his heart had stopped, shriveled and then came back to life with such force it almost knocked him on the floor.

Mark was curled up on his side under a light blanket covering him from waist down. His both hands were under the pillow his head rested upon, his face smooth and relaxed. The usual small frown Mark had when he was thinking something was gone, the thick brows were at ease and the skin like marble, untouched by worry or the corroding passage of time. Mark’s lips were slightly parted, the fullness of them clear now from the angle from which Jackson was looking down at the man he had somehow ended up living together as roommates.

Roommates..

The word hurt him more than he wanted to admit.

Jackson had to be honest with himself; when he had seen Mark for the first time he had thought he could have had smoking hot sex with him on the spot, but.. What he hadn’t realized at the moment was that he could actually fall for the guy so bad it nearly hurt.

The many colors of Mark Tuan never ceased to amaze Jackson.

The more he knew Mark, the more he fell for him. And he had no idea how to tell the guy he was hopelessly falling in love with him and that all he wanted was to embrace Mark tight and bury his face to his shoulder and feel their hearts beating in sync.

The guy was a gift from heaven, or something as cheesy. He was good with kids, had no odd habits that would irritate Jackson, was a good roommate, he cooked and tolerated Jackson 24/7 without getting pissed at him. Not very badly at least. Of course they had their moments of disagreement but so far it had been minor.

So, basically, there was nothing Jackson really disliked about Mark. Maybe his silence, but that wasn’t anything too bad. Jackson wasn’t any better in sharing some of his worries so he couldn’t really blame Mark about that either.

There were moments when Jackson thought everything was possible and anything could happen in that instant. Like that moment they had had on the porch earlier this week.

Jackson shivered, the memory making his insides flutter and squirm. It had been so incredible. So _intimate_ it nearly choked him when he thought about it. The way the light came from behind Mark’s head, the blue sky, the hot weather making them sluggish, the way Mark had actually leaned into Jackson’s touch.. He could still imagine his fingers tingling from the feel of Mark’s skin; soft and smooth, warm and slightly damp from the heat.

Without thinking Jackson reached out and carefully caressed Mark’s cheek. Just like he had done on the porch, Jackson let his fingertips sweep over the warm skin. He drew a line from the cheek to Mark’s chin, marveling the feel of the skin under his touch.

Then Mark smiled faintly in his sleep, moved his head deeper into the pillow and sighed softly.

Jackson’s heart nearly stopped at that moment.

He registered two things; One, Mark’s content smile when he was being caressed and two, Youngjae taking a picture of that particular moment.

“Sorry. I think my hand was in the way.” Jackson whispered, removing his hand and retreating to safe distance. Youngjae didn’t say anything, he was too focused on taking the pictures with Mark’s phone.

Jackson idly wondered would he have to steal the phone to erase the picture where his hand was visible or would he have to bribe Youngjae to do so. Though, he wouldn’t mind having these pictures to himself, so maybe he would try the bribing after all.

Jackson watched the kid fumbling with the phone, trying out different angles and finally tapped Youngjae on the shoulder.

“We should leave before Mark wakes up.” Jackson said as quietly as he could. Mark had been moving in a way already that indicated he might wake up any moment now and _that_ was a moment Jackson wasn’t really prepared to be in. Not yet.

He ushered Youngjae out of Mark’s bedroom and straight into the sitting room.

“Can I see the pictures?”

“Sure.” Youngjae handed Jackson the phone. The pictures weren’t all very good but there were a few that were absolutely spot on. Jackson hesitated before handing the phone back to the kid.

“You think you could send these two to me?” Jackson opted he was safe to ask directly because children, as devious as they sometimes were, wouldn’t realize his hidden agenda this time.

Youngjae watched Jackson a while in silence, his dark eyes studying Jackson in a way that made him almost nervous.

“Ok.” Jackson let out the breath he had been holding in. Youngjae made a few flips over the screen and then smiled up at Jackson. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell Dad you have them.” The comment made dread sweep over Jackson. How clever was this kid, seriously?

When Youngjae was gone Jackson remained sitting on the couch and staring out of the windows without really seeing anything. His mind lingered on the image of Mark sleeping so contently, without a worry. It hadn’t made things easier for him, not really.

Jackson stared at the small screen of his phone and the pictures Youngjae had sent him. He zoomed in, searching the familiar features almost hungrily, the need to go back and touch Mark again roaring inside him almost furiously. But he couldn’t do that. It would ruin everything, and to be honest Jackson was pretty sure he didn’t have the guts to confess anything yet.

Maybe he should get piss drunk when the kids were gone and confront Mark then, like they did in movies, and then suddenly their relationship would flourish and they would have their happily ever after.

Like hell anything of that sort would work.

But he wasn’t going to give up hope just yet. He would just have to be patient and wait. Jackson would wait for Mark to realize he wanted to fuck Jackson’s brains out some glorious day with the kids gone and the house all theirs to use for all sorts of kinky things.

But he would settle first for something a bit less straight-to-the-point, like a kiss. He just had to be patient.

~

_It’s too hot to think properly. I think my brains are affected by this heat wave tormenting people._

_Talked with Yoongi. Didn’t help much._

_Had an alarming moment with Jackson. Certainly didn’t help anything._

_Yoongi said I should just go with the flow but I don’t think I can. I’m freaking out because I’m NOT freaking out as much as I thought I might be. I was really close at kissing Jackson a few days ago. And it didn’t make me uncomfortable. Can’t believe I actually can admit that. But he’s so brilliant and attractive.. I can’t help it. Is this supposed to be ridiculous or contemptible or wrong or am I missing something here?_

_I feel drawn to Jackson and it’s scaring the shit out of me when I’m alone. When I’m with him it’s like the most natural feeling ever. But come night… Things get complicated and I second-guess myself and everything falls apart._

_Do I feel these things because I am bored and in need of excitement after years of being so fucked up? Am I a puppet of rampant sensations because my emotional life has been crooked for so long and I feel attracted and happy around someone who is being kind and considerate towards me? If so, I should be attracted to many other people as well, no matter their gender. But I am not. These things I feel, I have no name for them and do I even want to name them? I don’t know. Or am I just confusing friendship with something else because I know Jackson is.. I don’t even know what he is. But I guess he is bi._

_Youngjae surprised me with a photograph he had taken secretly while I was sleeping. It’s incredibly good picture, if you consider that it was taken by a kid and with a phone. Who knew he had eye for such a thing._

_It’s a black and white picture and surprise surprise, pictured yours truly sleeping. It’s peculiar to see your own picture when you had no idea someone was taking it. I don’t know why it is so, but it looks like I’m smiling and seem to be happy about something. What a strange thing. I have no memory of having particularly pleasant dreams, if I even had any, but obviously something made me happy._

_Even if I'm confused I can admit that I have developed a very soft spot for Jackson. Just not so sure where it will lead me. Not yet.  
_

_M_


	7. Don't ask me why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to write the next chapter (and more) before I have to jump back to reality, so if I get slower on updating it's because I have no more time to write so much. I apologize in advance!  
> Hopefully this gives you some hope for our dear idiots who just should move on and snog in some dark corner..

Jackson was pushing the heavy bar up, face scrunched up in concentration and sweat pouring down his temple, skin shiny over his bare arms, just like he always looked like when he was working out. JB stood by his head, ready to help if Jackson didn’t have enough strength to lift the bar high enough or it would threaten to fall down and crush Jackson’s chest under it. The weights weren’t something you tried to lift from the bench every day; it took some guts to increase the amount so much there was a danger of failing at it.

Jackson however didn’t fail, and JB smiled widely at him when bar clanked back to its supports and Jackson sat up grinning satisfied at the effort he had made. His face was gleaming with sweat and his hair was damp and matted, but it didn’t matter, it had felt so good to get that incredible adrenaline kick from doing some heavy bench presses. And to do this with someone who was high in Jackson’s appreciation list made it even more fabulous.

Needless to say, Jackson was feeling quite ecstatic right now; his heart was pumping blood fast, he could see small white specs floating before his eyes and his whole body trembled with the effort. He had an irresistible urge to flex his biceps in front of a mirror and watch how the muscle tightened and loosened, the shape clear and taut. Every joint and muscle on his torso burned pleasantly, and honestly Jackson could have climbed over the Great Wall of China at this point.

He kind of wished he could show off to Mark like this.

Jackson grinned up at JB.

“Good job.” JB’s smile was incredible; it spread from one ear to the other, his eyes small crescents. He slapped the towel roughly over Jackson’s face and dried his it before Jackson could react in any way.

“Yeah, it was good.” Jackson was quite smug; he had achieved his new personal best and he was absolutely gleeful because of it. “Dude, I don’t think I could’ve done any of this if you weren’t always here to help me.”

“You did it all by yourself. I’m just watching, as always.” JB smiled and then yawned widely, rubbing his eyes.

“You ok?” Anyone showing off signs of distress, exhaustion or whatever always made Jackson instantly worry for them, and such was the case with JB now. He didn’t like his dear ones to be anguished, or anything negative, not one bit.

“Yeah.” JB moved his hand before his eyes, the smile disappearing and he sighed, the expression turning weary. “Actually, to be honest I wouldn’t mind skipping a year ahead. Jinyoung is annoyed half the time because he is so tired and we bicker and argue over the smallest of things. It’s starting to drive me slightly mad.”

“Doesn’t sound all that good.” Jackson leaned his elbows on his knees and examined JB seriously. He tried to understand the situation, and he did, in a way, because he had done the sleepless nights and arguments when Bambam had been born. He hadn’t, however ever done all the things JB was going through, like a long relationship with the other parent, so Jackson was a little lost. Seeing how exhausted his friend looked like, Jackson was suddenly afraid for the two and their relationship. He didn’t wish any misfortune for them and the need to help rose instantly within him. “But you must be tired as well?”

“I am.” JB rubbed his temples, then weaving his fingers through his dark hair and stared out of the window further from them. He was quiet a long while before he grimaced and opened his mouth again. “You know we used to be insatiable, sex wise, before the kids. We did it _all the time_. Everywhere. Now it’s just feed the kids, put Yugyeom to sleep, change the diapers, try to lull the twins to sleep, do laundry, scrape the food from the floor, and for crying out loud.. make sure the kids really sleep, because the next day is going to be hell if they don’t.” JB groaned, having let out that much steam. “And somewhere in between you have to try to handle your relationship. You go and do that when your partner seems to have a six feet long pole up their ass all the time.” He slumped on the hard floor right in front of Jackson.

“It’s just the lack of sleep talking. You know Jinyoung can be quite savage when he is aggravated, but you’ve been together for so long you should know how to deal with him like that.” Jackson was a little taken aback with the sudden burst of frustration. “And you knew this was a big commitment to get into.”

“I did. But two at a time?” JB groaned. “I just want to sleep more than two hours without being disturbed. And I would actually like to stay in the same room with Jinyoung without wanting to fight with him.”

“You guys really should talk. Or take a little break from it all.”

“Exactly what I would love to do.” He looked down at his hands resting now on his lap. “You know that we’re not legally married, because you couldn’t do that here until last year?” JB muttered, scrunching up his handsome face.

“Yes?” Jackson raised his eyebrows, tapping the towel over his still sweating face and neck. He eyed JB carefully, taking in the tense shoulders and bowed head. He had a feeling..

“You probably guessed already.” JB mumbled and this time Jackson caught the tinge of rarest pink over Jaebum’s cheeks. _Oh for fuck’s sake._ Jackson almost jumped from the bench and hurled himself over JB. Lucky for JB, Jackson managed resist his urge to pounce his friend.

“I might have, but tell me anyway.” Jackson was almost giddy by now, barely able to sit there with a straight face.

“I’m going to make it official, finally. He needs it. I need it. _We_ need it.” JB looked up and his face was defiant, as if Jackson would disagree with him. Like hell he would.

“Please tell me there’s something I can do because you know I’m about to burst from happiness.” Jackson half-joked, grinning widely. “Ask me anything and I’ll do it. Organizing, writing cards or driving around to find you whatever it is that you need.. Planning a really hot stag night for you, perhaps? I can jump out of a cake and give you really dirty lap dance.” Jackson was getting a bit carried away. He went quiet, realizing he was sprouting nonsense again and gave JB a sheepish grin. “I mean.. I wouldn’t exactly _hate_ giving you a lap dance but Jinyoung would probably kill me if I did.” JB was quiet a long time, just watching Jackson, his dark eyes drilling a hole or two through him.

“He probably would, but aren’t stag nights always supposed to stay as secrets?” JB quirked one eyebrow up. “You’re very attractive you know, so I bet I would just love that dance of yours.”

“What.. You would?” Jackson was turning ruby red already, he could feel how his neck was hot. And that wasn’t because he had been lifting weights for almost an hour before. He thought the incredibly lame joke would have been just brushed off, but for some reason JB looked a bit odd right now. It was unnerving.

“Sure. You’ve got a great body and I like you.” JB let his eyes move up and down Jackson’s body quite shamelessly. Jackson turned crimson this time.

“You really shouldn’t sprout shit from your mouth. I’ll tell Jinyoungie if you keep it up.” Jackson muttered, moving his gaze to his hands, fiddling with the towel. He wasn’t very confident about his looks, had never really been, and hearing someone he held high in regard telling him he wasn’t as bad as he thought he was, and looking at him like he was piece of meat just waiting to be handled, was a bit unsettling.

“You really should think better of yourself.” JB huffed, tilting his head. “If I say I’d enjoy you doing dirty things to me you better believe it.”

“Right..”Jackson coughed, his face so hot he thought he might need a bucket of ice water to sink his head in. He didn’t know what to do with his hands or where to look. He battled down the urge to say something in return, and counter the compliments, but right now he was too busy thinking improper things he might have been doing with JB were they both free to do anything of the sort.

Jackson couldn’t deny Jaebum wasn’t attractive, sure he was, more than enough. But he was a good friend and nothing more, and Jackson knew his own heart was beating fast and uncontrollably only when a certain blond was in sight. He loved JB and found him extremely good looking, but nothing would, _could_ , happen in this lifetime because Jackson knew JB loved his partner and wouldn’t hurt him no matter what.

The silence stretched between them. As seconds dragged by the air around them tried to turn unpleasant and suffocating. Finally JB sighed and slouched against the wall, leaning the back of his head against the cool surface.

“I’m sorry. I went a bit too far.” JB muttered, his earlier suggestive tone gone. Jackson remained quiet, frowning and trying to decide what to say in return. He didn’t have time to say anything before JB was already continuing. “You don’t have to get worried, I’m just simply appreciating beauty where I see it. And you’re my friend and I don’t really want to ram a dick up your ass, no matter how cute it is.” Jackson almost choked at this point. “ _And_ I’m about to ask the guy who I have three kids with to finally tie the knot with me, so..” He left the sentence hanging. JB looked up, the anxious expression almost startling Jackson. He smiled faintly.

“Calm down dude, I’m cool.” Jackson decided he could just easily brush the bad jokes aside and leave the matter be as it was; and incident you did not speak about later.

“So.. Do you..” JB inhaled deeply, closing his eyes. “Do you think we could just pretend this conversation never happened?”

“Jaebum..” Jackson sighed, reached out, ruffling JB’s hair. “Honestly, I’m cool. You can have that lap dance in next the next life, if we manage to get reborn.” He flashed that lopsided grin he knew people were weak against. “How about we make a deal?”

“A deal?”

“You take your time planning how to pop the question; take Jinyoungie out or something, maybe rekindle some of the romance between you two. And me and Mark, we take all the kids and make sure you have all the peace and quiet you need for being a romantic husband-to-be, hm?” JB groaned, grimacing.

“You’re too good to be true, you know that? Just like that you made me feel like the luckiest guy in the world to have a friend like you, and at the same time the worst shit ever for saying what I said.”

“I have _no idea_ what you might have said to me.” Jackson winked, conspiratorially.

~

It may have been an easy thing to agree on doing, they were both supposed to be kind of professionals at looking after kids, but in the end it all kind of exploded on them. Mark had no idea what kind of mushrooms the boys had been eating but at one point he was pretty sure the constant running around and squabbling over nothing, the singing and the yelling were a result of something the kids had been eating. I mean, who actually tried to climb the stairs from _beneath_ to upstairs?

Maybe it was the result of reading too many Spiderman comics, as there were a number of those issues for some reason around the house these days. Maybe it was mushrooms, or some radiation, kryptonite or whatever, but the trio did act like they were a horrible mixture of animals gone absolutely wacky in the head and characters from Looney Tunes.

Jackson was out of sight at the moment and Mark was definitely in trouble; he had no idea how to deal with two desperately wailing babies at once. He was ok with one, but he only had two arms and right now he wished he could have sprouted an extra pair to aid him in this complicated situation.

“No, Bam, please don’t run in the stairs.” Mark groaned while picking up Jia from her swing and began awkwardly trying to wrap the moby baby sling around him and the crying girl. His ears were ringing and he wasn’t doing a very good job with the wrapping, mostly because he had never done it before and had only seen Jinyoung doing it once, which only resulted on Jia getting more upset.

Mark gave the sling up after fucking it up too many times, his patience running extremely thin, and just lifted Jia up to a better position close to his neck, rocking gently from side to side and humming quietly. This was one of the things he remembered from the time Youngjae had been a baby; hold the child close and let him, or her in this case, hear your heartbeat. It should calm her down, but right now Mark wasn’t so sure. He had never dealt with twins before and he had a nagging fear that he wouldn’t get one to calm down without the other doing so as well.

He bent down and moved Jiyoo’s swing close to the couch. He sat down on and leaned heavily back on the thick pillows so that he was nicely propped against them. Mark lifted his legs up and bent his knees so he was as comfortable as possible and allowed Jia to curl up against his chest. The crying ceased slowly as the baby was listening to his steady breathing and heartbeat, his right hand gently placed on her back. Mark reached out and gave his left hand to Jiyoo to clutch onto as she was still making a lot of displeased noises in her seat. It was the best he could do without any help.

“Daaaad~ Where does the universe end?” Youngjae appeared suddenly and came up to him running, almost smashing into Jiyoo’s swing while not paying attention on where he was going. Mark winced. He could imagine his hair turning gray and from all the almost-but-not-quite-accidents today.

“Uh.. it doesn’t?” He really ought to have paid more attention, but most of his concentration was on Jia making small moves and curling her tiny fists around his shirt.

“It ends with an E! Haha!” Youngjae’s answer made Mark cringe. He should have known.

“Oh god…” He groaned. Where was Jackson? Mark was almost desperate for some help at this point. How did Jinyoung manage to do this when he was alone? Mark was seeing the other in a wholly different light after this day.

“Youngjae.” Mark turned his head to look at the boy dancing on tiptoes next to him. “Could you take Jiyoo and give her to me here?” He had no other option and he had to get the girl to shut up soon or he would develop a nasty migraine.

“Can I?” Youngjae suddenly stopped his bouncing and looked down on the baby at his feet.”

“Yes. Just remember what I taught you to do with small babies. You remember, right?”

“Keep the head supported at all times.” Youngjae answered immediately which made Mark smile. The boy knelt down and began to gather Jiyoo up. Mark watched the process slightly worried but in the end his worry was unnecessary; Youngjae had done this before at his Aunt’s place.

“Now place her here next to Jia.” Mark shifted and moved Jia a bit to the side, which made her protest. She calmed down about the second her sibling was snuggling next to her. Mark sighed, the relief washing over him.

Youngjae watched the babies and his father a while silently, reaching out to stroke a bit awkwardly the downy hair of each of the girls.

“I wish I had a baby sister so I could take care of her.” Youngjae smiled. “I would be the greatest big brother in the world!”

“I’m sure you would be.” Mark smiled gently, his heart clenching at the sight of the boy so happily tending the twins. “Have you seen Jackson?” Mark asked just before Youngjae was starting turn and return to do whatever it was he was doing.

“Nope.” The immediate answer only made Mark groan inwardly. He couldn’t keep on lying here all day, but he was ok for now.

Mark cooed softly at the girls, carefully encircling his arms around the tiny bodies to prevent them from rolling off his chest. They were warm and quiet now, occasional hiccup excluded, both more content now that they were in contact with someone. Mark relaxed against the pillows. He had read somewhere that babies needed to hear a constant sound to soothe them when they were aggravated. It could be anything, the whir of vacuum cleaner, the low rumble of washing machine, hair dryer.. The best was of course the heartbeat, due to the babies being used to hearing their mother’s heart inside the womb.

Jackson found Mark snoozing on the couch a bit later.

“Everything ok here?” Jackson sat down close to Mark’s legs and watched the three of them quite calmly and snugly dozing together.

“It’s ok now, but it might get tricky once it’s feeding time.” Mark mumbled, his eyes half-closed and sleepy. He was so comfortable right now he could have cried at the perfection of it all.

Mark realized that he kind of wished Jackson was sitting behind him and Mark could lean his back on him instead of the pillows. He nearly blushed at the thought.

It wasn’t that he didn’t find Jackson more and more appealing as time went by, because he certainly did, but Mark kept ambushing himself subconsciously thinking about things he could be doing with Jackson. And not all of those thoughts were so innocent. Though he had never yet dared to entertain himself with anything below the belt.

“They look happy now.” Jackson smiled softly, reaching out to caress the wispy baby hair. Mark licked his lips quickly, the moment so intimate and peaceful that his insides were twisting almost anxiously. All he was missing now was a tender kiss on his lips and some loving words murmured right next to his ear.

Mark blinked. _What the hell am I thinking?_

He averted his gaze away from Jackson’s hands he had been staring. Lately he had been thinking more and more about Jackson. It was kind of annoying to find yourself so distracted that you couldn’t properly focus on anything, or to notice you found a reason to think about that one person no matter what you did; everything reminded Mark of Jackson and everything seemed to be connected to him.

And he didn’t even mind it much anymore. He was warm and weak, soft and anxious, excited and nervous about everything.

Mark realized he had probably never before in his life been actually infatuated with anyone. Kind of groovy to figure something like that out when you’re about to turn thirty.

Of course, he didn’t do anything about his newly discovered tendencies. He just observed quietly and let himself drift along with the current of mixed feelings.

“I’m hazarding a guess they feel left alone and cry because of that.” Mark said finally after a long pause and glanced up at Jackson.

“Damn.” Jackson made a face. He twisted his body enough to sit cross-legged on the couch and leaned his arms to Mark’s knees. Jackson rested his chin on his arms and pursed his lips, obviously thinking about something. “Shouldn’t leave them sit on the swings too often, I guess. How long did they cry?”

“About an hour straight.”

Jackson flinched.

“Sorry I was absent so long. I was rummaging through my stuff to see if I had anything to use against the wild animals we have in our care.” Jackson tilted his head to the side and Mark had to bite his lip; the sight was so endearing it made him smile instantly. “When did we feed them the last time? Jinyoung said they prefer to eat a little at once but often.”

“It’s probably about the time to feed them again soon.” Mark glanced at the sling he had tossed away earlier. “Do you know how to wrap that up? It would leave my hands free to actually do something. If not now then later _if_ the crying starts again.”

Jackson looked at the pile of fabric warily and made a face.

“I don’t. But I can just search for instructions.” He leaned back and fished his phone from his pocket. The silence enveloped them again, the occasional bangs and yells from upstairs disrupting the atmosphere. Mark could feel himself drifting back to sleep; the girls comforting on top of his and Jackson warming his feet. He wiggled his toes under Jackson’s thigh without even think twice, seeking more warmth and Jackson let him do that, not even looking up from his phone, just smiling that funny smile that churned knots in Mark’s stomach.

After an hour the things started to spiral out of control again. The boys were acting up, arguing noisily over toys or what they should play next or who would get to be the leader this time. The girls were staring up from their swings, for once not crying, probably because they had just been fed, and Mark fervently wished they would remain calm enough long to fall asleep again.

 “Youngjae can you _please_ stop hitting the piano.” Mark groaned after Youngjae had brightly decided it was a good moment to give them a demonstration of his skills. Too bad the boy was deliberately trying to murder the piano rather than playing it, like he very well knew how to do.

“Yugyeom, no, I can’t read the dinosaur book with you right now.” Jackson grunted from somewhere on the other side of the room picking up the emptied bottles to be taken into the kitchen. “You’re going to have to wait for a bit.”

It didn’t take long before the circus was blowing out of control and Mark and Jackson were both starting to look so harassed it was a wonder they didn’t snap at any of the kids harder than they did. It wasn’t nice, to realize you couldn’t prevent yourself from being so annoyed. It left you to judge yourself because you just couldn’t manage to keep up to the good parent-mode today. No matter what he did to calm his mind he always came back to the starting point where he was easily irked by everything. Mark was feeling guilt and irritation and he wanted nothing more than to take a breather and collect his nerves and somehow survive the day.

The girls were crying again when their superhero squad decided to start imitating the end of the world.

“No, guys, please don’t run so fast, someone will get hurt otherwise. Seriously, slow down!”

“I need a time out.” Jackson groaned, slumping on the couch with Jiyoo in his arms bawling her tiny lungs out. Mark had Jia in his arms, and she was giving a mighty demonstration of her lung capacity.

“Me too.” Mark sighed, hoping against hope he would actually survive the day somehow. He leaned his head to the back of the couch and closed his eyes for a while. He was irritable and exhausted and it had already made him use harder tone on the boys than he usually would have. And the guilt that engulfed him after was suffocating. Some days just weren’t cut out to be the good ones.

However, no matter how tired and distracted he was because of the kids, Mark did feel all warm and happy when he watched Jackson calming the boys down or walking around with one of the girls, using the stupidest baby talk on the infant. The thoughts from earlier lingering somewhere at the back of his mind and watching Jackson being his gorgeous self made Mark think he was on the verge of going mad. His heart was pounding and he thought he would go crazy because he was so hot and bothered and wanted to hug Jackson and tell him he would adopt ten babies with him if he could just keep watching him being so fabulous and amazing.

It had to be because he was dizzy and tired and there were sparkly little lights dancing before his eyes every time he closed the lids. Then again it probably wasn’t and Mark was silently groaning at the growing need to admit that he was.. whatever it was that he was.

“Wish they’d stop being so rowdy..” Jackson grunted, leaning down to arrange Jiyoo on her swing for a while. The girls had been impossible all day; each time they tried to put the down they begun their concert of misery and disapproval. Clingy babies were not that much fun, no matter how cute and adorable they looked like.

To Mark’s great surprise Jiyoo _didn’t_ continue her crying the moment Jackson let her go.

“It’s a miracle..” Mark muttered, not really believing his eyes. He watched the two a while before leaning forward to do the same with Jia.

“Wouldn’t count on it yet..” Jackson sounded so apprehensive, and Mark couldn’t really blame him. They had both been so glued to the girls since the moment Jinyoung and JB had left and now that freedom was so close it was almost too good to be true.

Mark let his hands linger on the soft dark hair standing up, hoping against hope that Jia would be a good girl and let him go to do something else with his himself.

To his utter astonishment she stopped her whining and looked up at him seriously for a while, made a soft gurgling sound and smiled. Mark stooped there, hovering over the swing, absolutely flabbergasted.

“Yah, boys! Stop bickering and come down here for a bit!” Jackson was already half-way out of the sitting room, calling out to the boys who were apparently fighting over something upstairs. When the grumbling trio descended, faces pouty, they were escorted into the kitchen and Jackson motioned Mark to follow them, before disappearing from sight.

“Okay. Now. I found this _really_ creepy and _highly_ suspicious bottle from the bottom of a trunk in the attic. It has a curse cast upon it and if we all don’t try it we’ll all be turned into frogs.” Jackson was making a lot of over-the-top gestures with his hands and was obviously just talking whatever came up to his mind. But it _did_ capture the boys’ attention, and the fact that they didn’t actually have an attic was beside the whole point of this delightful little game. “A drop or two into liquid of your choice. If you drink that quickly you will survive the curse!”

The reaction from the kids was immediate.

“I want soda!”

“Juice!”

“Water!”

“Mark?” Jackson quirked an eyebrow at Mark, who stood by the door and smiling highly amused at the situation.

“I’ll go with water as well.” Mark replied and Jackson just grinned in return, winked obviously mischief in mind, and began taking out cups and pouring the wanted liquids in them. Then he took out a small brown glass vial from his pocket, Mark recognized it to be liquid food color, acted all suspicious with and added two drops in each cup from it. The green color swirled inside the fluid, forming twists and turns and looking all too magical not to be a truly vicious potion to curse them all.

Mark almost giggled.

They all stood there a cup in their hands, eyeing each other, excitement almost so palpable one could have seen it surrounding them.

“On three.” Jackson said, wiggling his fingers above his drink and acting like he was someone who’d been reading one too many times the wizarding books and decided to mock them by looking so comical. “One.” Mark glanced at the boys, all of them almost shaking with anticipation and holding their cups with both hands. “Two.. Three!”

They all chugged the drinks down with one gulp.

There was silence. No one spoke and no one dared to move a muscle. Then..

Jackson gurgled suddenly, clutching his chest and falling dramatically on the floor his face down, twitching and jerking. Mark hid his laughter by following the example; his hands flew on his throat and he made a strangled noise, falling on his knees, which by the way hurt _a lot_ , and then crumbling on the floor his body somehow ending up really near Jackson. Mark could see Jackson clearly from his position and he caught the smug grin Jackson was trying to smooth away from his face.

Of course the boys were all in on the game and did most ridiculous dying noises and other highly dramatic gestures to point out the fact they _definitely_ were feeling the potion drops working in them.

After a minute of twitching and jerking around on the cool floor someone giggled excitedly.

“Hey! I’m not a frog!” Bambam jumped up, his face gleeful.

“I am free!” Youngjae scrambled up too, floating around the kitchen his hands in the air.

“I’m gonna flyyy~” Yugyeom danced a bit, his arms mimicking plane wings as he circled the other two boys.

Mark and Jackson however remained on the floor quietly. How they managed to be on the same page was a mystery, but who cared. The boys stopped bouncing around and shuffled closer to them.

“Dad? Dad?” Bambam knelt down and prodded Jackson’s head carefully. Next to him Youngjae was tentatively stroking Mark’s hair. The gesture was so sweet Mark could feel his heart swelling and filling to the brim with love and other incredible feelings you have for your own kid.

“Jackson?”Yugyeom’s voice was worried and he sounded a bit scared. Mark tried not to breathe, so he wouldn’t give away his condition but he was holding his laughter in so hard he was starting to tremble.

Then Jackson moved like lightning and snatched both Bambam and Yugyeom into his arms and began tickling them ruthlessly. Mark reacted almost at the same time and managed to capture Youngjae by his waist and squeezed him close to his heart and showered his head with small pecks.

The wail of misery and laughter rang in the kitchen a long time after the boys managed to escape the deadly grasp of their elders. Mark and Jackson lay on the floor laughing hard, slapping each other on the back and high fiving a couple of times.

As tiring as it was to manage kids, Mark admitted that Jackson was a genius in some ways.

~

Jaebum stared at his cutlery in front of him slightly distracted. His mind was focused on what he was supposed to be doing but all he could do right now was to try and deny the butterflies in his stomach making him even more nervous. He had no real reason to be nervous, he’d asked this same question already once and he was almost certain the answer would he a yes.

 _Almost_.

Taking in consideration the past months and the tension between him and Jinyoung, JB wasn’t so sure he would get an instant agreement. Bickering and fighting aside though, he knew his own feelings had not changed at all and he was quite sure that if they survived this period when the girls were causing them stress and sleep-deprived states, they would probably survive anything.

At least that was what he hoped. But one could never be too sure.

Maybe a small hint of uncertainty was only healthy in long term relationships; it kept the participants on their toes, and kept them pushing and trying to be better every day.

Jinyoung sat in front of him, toying with his glass of water idly. JB knew Jinyoung had been pleased to get out of the house for a while but he also knew, because it applied to him as well, that his mind was returning to the kids almost all the time. It was an instinct that neither of them even tried to dismiss. It was normal to worry over your kids.

The day had been relaxing for them. They hadn’t of course ran into each others’ arms the moment the kids were out of the way, just had done a few hours whatever they wished to do by themselves. Dinner had been the time to have the conversations about their situation and.. Now it was all good again. They were good again.

JB coughed, visibly startling Jinyoung from his thoughts.

“Let’s pay up and go for a walk.”

“Sure.”

They paid the dinner and walked slowly through a dimly lit park. Not many people were out at this hour and in the middle of the working week it was no wonder the amount of passersby were scarce. JB led Jinyoung to sit down on a bench facing a small pond. He couldn’t do _it_ with people around so he had opted to do it here. He knew he wasn’t the most romantic guy in the world, and that Jinyoung didn’t even exactly want him to be, but even Jaebum had sometimes the need to do something nice for the person he cared so much.

“I love you.”

Jinyoung turned to look at him his brows high and his lips slightly parted.

“That was unexpected.” Jinyoung replied slowly. “Nice, but unexpected.”

“Well I’m not good at this so..” JB shrugged. He reached out and took Jinyoung’s hands in his. They were still the same, maybe a little more worn out, a little less soft, but still they were the same hands JB remembered having held all those years ago on their first date. It had been a similar evening, them in the park and things turning rather out of control after the first kiss.

He smirked suddenly.

“Don’t tell me you were just re-living that first date?” Jinyoung snorted, but his expression remained kind and soft.

“I was. It was such a good night.” JB smiled widely, the memory still one of the most precious things he remembered.

Jinyoung remained quiet, his hand perhaps a bit tighter around JB’s hands. JB smiled gently, looking down at their hands. The wind blew past them, the touch of it so nice it felt like a cool breath over their exposed arms. JB frowned. It was time.

“I’m sorry.” He suddenly said.

“What for?”

“That I haven’t done this before, even though I should have.” Jaebum turned his body and dropped down to kneel on one knee before Jinyoung, the gesture so absurdly cliché he wanted to crawl under a rock for doing it. Jinyoung stared at him, the amusement and puzzlement clearly written on his face. “I know we already had a ceremony with our loved ones 6 years ago, but since it was recently made legal here for gays to actually marry, I thought it would be reasonable to make our union finally complete.” He cleared his throat, the heat slowly rising to his cheeks. “So, Park Jinyoung.. Will you be my partner in crime for the years to come and become legally my husband?”

Jinyoung stared at him wide eyed, apparently caught off guard. His mouth was slack and his hands tight around JB’s.

“You idiot..” Jinyoung breathed finally. “I thought you were going to say something completely different!” Then he smiled. The smile reached his eyes that crinkled, the little wrinkles appearing on the corners. It was a sight JB absolutely loved to see and his heart rate increased considerably. “Yes. I will.”

JB let out a small noise that was definitely not like him at all, but he ignored it. He was allowed to be incredibly happy right now. He pulled Jinyoung to his arms not caring one bit about his knees getting dirty on the ground, and buried his face to the familiar crook of Jinyoung’s neck.

“So.. How about a rematch of that first night together?” Jinyoung’s dark voice drawled right next to JB’s ear. It sent a delicious little spark down his spine.

“Do you even have to ask.” JB growled, grinning widely. He leaned back, trailing the tip of his nose from Jinyoung’s cheek towards his lips. He searched the lips unhurriedly and smiled into the kiss.

The kids would be just fine with Jackson and Mark just a while longer. Yeah. Definitely.

~

They had finally managed to put the boys to bed and the twins were starting to nod and drift to sleep. It was getting late but Mark had received a call from Jinyoung that if only possible, the borrowed kids were more than welcome to have a sleep-over with Jackson and Mark.

He and Jackson knew both what that meant; the happy couple wanted some exclusive privacy.

Mark took a deep breath and picked up the baskets where the girls were dozing. He ventured into his room and began carefully to lay the girls side by side on his own bed. He had agreed on sleeping with the babies in his room just because he had bigger bed and he probably wouldn’t roll over them in his sleep. Jackson had warned him that he wasn’t at all that calm sleeper. Hence the babies in Mark’s bed.

Jia and Jiyoo both made tiny disapproving noises when they were moved, but calmed down when they realized they were close to each other. Mark watched them a while silently, a warm aching feeling swirling within him. He liked babies, even if they were a handful at this stage, and he probably wouldn’t have said no if he was given the opportunity to have more children of his own.

He leaned down and brushed his lips extremely gently over both of the girls’ heads. The smell of babies filled his head and he felt lightheaded and soft; that particular scent was provoking every possible parental instinct encoded in him. Then he sneaked out of the room and back to the heavenly silence of the sitting room.

Mark felt drained. It had been an exhausting day. He groaned blissfully as he sat down on the couch and leaned his body into the softness of the cushions. He didn’t even know he had so many muscles that could ache this much. Mark was used to having lots of kids around him but for some reason this day had been excruciatingly difficult.

Bambam, Youngjae and Yugyeom had been a handful running around and chasing whatever ghosts and dreadful beasts even the remainder of the day, though Jackson’s little stunt with the green drinks had toned down their rowdiness quite a bit. But still, Mark had been silently praying for the night to come so they could coax the animalistic children to sleep. Only after they had built a nice little nest from a couple of chairs, blankets and pillows, did the trio agree to go to sleep.

Of course the boys had managed to sneak in a flashlight and were still giggling about something in there, but Mark knew they would run out of energy eventually and fall asleep. This was the stage where he didn’t have anything to complain about, except that he would have loved a massage on his back and shoulders.

Mark closed his eyes, his ears focusing on the whisper of the wind on the outside, the door to the backyard was open and nighttime smells were drifting in from it.  Had he been alone today he would have probably cried. Mark was so happy Jackson had been here with him all day long.

So. Damn. Happy.

Mark let his thoughts wander aimlessly. He thought about the sauce stains on the floor, the dishes that needed to be done. He thought about the mess the boys had managed to make and how it had to be cleaned. He thought about last week and the moment when Bambam had stood there in front of Jackson, his tiny face serious when he had recited his punishment for cursing; coming up with words and their meanings.

_Forgive; to stop being angry for a mistake._

_Realization; to become aware of something_

_Epiphany; a moment when you understand something in a new or clear way_

How had the kid managed to pick up exactly the kind of words that rang clearly in Mark’s head, booming like tubular bells?

Mark was on the verge of fully accepting his own personal epiphanies. He had no real strength or will to resist it any longer; come what may, he would deal with it when the moment came. He might even come out of the closet one day soon.

For now, it clearly wasn’t time for Mark to do anything. Or was it? It was almost like he was stuck on replay, just thinking and worrying about the same things over and over again. Should he do _something_ to make the scale dip either way?

The couch jumped and something heavy and warm landed on Mark’s lap. Had Youngjae gotten back up and was in need of comforting? Mark opened his eyes and looked down.

Jackson’s head was on his lap.

Mark stared down a while, bewildered. Then he decided he was too tired to make a fuss or to feel agitated or read more into the situation than was necessary. He acted on instinct, his hand finding its way to Jackson’s hair and burying his fingers into the dark strands. Jackson made a small sound, snuggling closer and rubbing his cheek against Mark’s pants.

If this had happened any other time Mark would have ran away, face scarlet and his mind filled with all the lewd things he had learned while searching the wonders of internet, but now he just let it happen, relaxing under the weight of Jackson’s head. It felt nice and soothing, and even if it did cause some involuntary twitching in his pants and an acceleration of his heartbeat, Mark was too tired to even get worried over such things right now.

“I’m so dead.” Jackson moaned after a while. “You can carry me to bed because I can’t move a muscle.” Mark smiled wearily.

“I doubt I have any more strength left than you do, so please don’t sleep on me.” Mark let out a quiet huff of laughter, his fingers still weaving the soft dark hair. Jackson only snuggled down more tightly, his body curling up. “Seriously, don’t sleep here. I’ll kick you if you do.” He poked Jackson’s cheek with one finger.

“Aw, don’t be so mean. This is such a nice and soft place to sleep.” Jackson whined, draping his arm over Mark’s thighs.

“No, it’s not. Not if I start poking you.” Mark was just talking, not really paying any attention to what he was saying. “How about I start tickling you, hm? Would that be nice?” Of course, he didn’t waste any time in doing so, his hands were already halfway down Jackson’s side before he finished his sentence.

“Yah!” Jackson squeaked, his body twisting and suddenly Mark found Jackson’s face looking up at him, the back of his head pressing down on his lap.

“Keep your voice down.” Mark’s evil grin deepened when his fingers moved ruthlessly over Jackson’s stomach. “The kids will wonder what’s going on if you are too loud.”

“Stop… It!” Jackson squirmed, biting his lip and eyes scrunched tightly shut.

“But why would I? This is much more fun.”

“You’re.. Haha.. Evil! Oh lord, stop.. Ahaha, stop it!” Jackson was nearly wailing at this point. Mark dug his fingertips between Jackson’s ribs. Jackson was gasping for air, trying to keep his giggles and groans as quiet as possible and trying to swat Mark’s hands away from him.

Mark continued his evil quest of tickling Jackson, hoping Jackson would give up and roll off of him. Jackson however refused to leave Mark’s lap and eventually Mark stopped the attack, sighing in defeat. He let his hand rest on Jackson’s heaving chest and exhaled noisily.

They fell silent again, the darkness surrounding them comfortably. Jackson was steadying his breathing, letting out small indignant puffs from time to time, just to let Mark know what he thought about the whole tickling incident. Mark was amused beyond anything, but he didn’t even bother to take more notice right now. He was sleepy and Jackson was warm, lulling him towards sleep dangerously easy and it felt good to have someone close to him.

“Wanna watch a movie?” Jackson suddenly piped up, raising one hand to his chest as well and taking Mark’s hand in his. Mark made a noncommittal noise, having closed his eyes and was half dozing already. “Anything you’d prefer?” Jackson intertwined their fingers loosely, his thumb stroking Mark’s thumb absent-mindedly. It felt so calming and natural and he had absolutely no objections to be positioned like this.

“Mm..” Mark racked his sluggish brains that had gone to not-gonna-function-mode the second he had started to drift to sleep. “Something mindless. You can just turn on Netflix you know.”

“So.. Netflix and chill, eh?” Jackson actually giggled.

“Sounds good to me.” Mark didn’t even register the snort of laughter, nor did he realize the joke he had so involuntarily made. He opened his eyes and groped around for the remote control, turning the TV screen on. The shining light dazzled him after the darkness and he frowned.

After picking a mindless action movie to watch Mark relaxed back into the couch. Jackson had gone to kitchen to fetch something to drink and Mark felt slightly cold now. It had been nice to cuddle. He took a deep breath and winced when his shoulders ached particularly much.

“You ok?” Jackson had just plopped next to him and looked at Mark concernedly, offering him a can of soda.

“I’m fine. Just aren’t used to wearing a baby sling on me and now my back is all stiff.” Mark took the can and placed it next to him, grimacing.

“Want me to give you a massage? I’m not half bad, you know.” Jackson wiggled his fingers before his eyes and grinned. Mark measured him for a while, contemplating whether or not it was a good idea. The temptation was too much though and he relented.

“Ok.”

“Sit on the floor then.”

“But if you even try to tickle me I’ll punch you in the nuts before you can spell stupid.” Mark warned Jackson, dropping on the floor and moving around until he was sitting between Jackson’s spread legs.

“So violent and crude.” Jackson patted Mark’s head, rolling his eyes dramatically. “I like feisty, but can we please leave my balls out of this? I feel violated just talking about them being abused.”

“Just don’t tickle me.” Mark grinned, sitting up straight and allowing Jackson a free pass to his upper back.

“Fine, fine.” Jackson snorted and began gently to knead Mark’s stiff shoulders.

It was amazing. Honestly. At first Jackson was tentative, testing out how much force Mark could handle and gradually increasing the pressure. Mark couldn’t hold his voice back when Jackson found a particularly nasty place that was so tight it was almost rock hard.

He moaned.

“Oh, a sweet spot. Here we go.” Jackson seemed to grin as he dug a bit deeper, kneading the tightly wound up muscle. “Feels nice, doesn’t it?”

“Mm..” Mark managed a hum or two, closing his eyes and enjoying the work Jackson was doing on his back. He had almost no control over the little sounds escaping his throat and the occasional grunts when Jackson found some spot that made Mark see small fireworks before his eyes.

The movie went on, neither of them really paying much attention to it. Jackson was just working on Mark’s upper back when he suddenly sighed, stopped and placed his warm palms on Mark’s shoulders.

“You know I’d love to work on your whole back.”

“So?” Mark managed to mutter, shaking his head and trying to gather some coherent thoughts back to himself.

“But you’d have to take your shirt off and lay down on your face.” Jackson’s hands left Mark’s shoulders and he shivered from sudden coldness after the warmth. He twisted his body around enough to look up at Jackson.

“I thought you were tired?” Mark quirked one eyebrow, fixing his slightly curious look upon his somewhat rosy cheeked companion.

“I am, but not so much I’d want to do a half-assed job on you..” Mark’s eyebrows shot high. “I mean, on _your back_.” Jackson stuttered but regained his composure almost immediately. “So, want to get more magical fingers?” He grinned, winking at Mark who only snorted in return.

“If you insist.” Maybe he was just enough relaxed, and enough carefree, to not really think about what he was doing but it took Mark only a few seconds to pull his t-shirt off and lay down on the carpet before the TV, still displaying the movie. “I’m ready for you. Give me your best shot.” Mark glanced back at Jackson over his shoulder, Jackson had a slightly peculiar expression on his face before he smirked and dropped down on the floor, straddling Mark’s hips and sitting on his ass, his hands pressing down on Mark’s back.

“Don’t make too much noise, you’ll wake the babies.” Jackson warned Mark, his fingers already dancing on the blonds’ skin and before Mark could retort something in return, Jackson had dug his fingers down between Mark’s shoulder blades and was rolling his fingertips there.

Mark hadn’t even realized how stiff his whole back was before Jackson so graciously made him shiver and grunt with each new spot of tightness he found. Jackson was good at what he was doing and Mark made a mental note to be sure to ask him do this again.

“Can you go a bit lower?” Mark found himself mumbling against the carpet, eyes closed and his mind drifting pleasantly as Jackson’s fingers moved on his back. He didn’t register the moment of straining silence and Jackson halting his moves that followed his question. He didn’t even realize what he had asked.

Jackson resumed his massaging slowly after the pause, moving lower. He moved along the spine, working his way down and around the vertebrae, adding pressure where the fingertips found spots that needed more attention. Only when Jackson’s warm palms reached the curve of Mark’s lower back did he finally realize what exactly had slipped from his mouth.

Too bad he was too gone, too blissful to care that Jackson’s hands were on his lower back, so very close to his ass. A wave of pure pleasure shot up his spine when Jackson’s hands, more skilled than Mark had ever imagined them to be, rubbed his aching back. It was surely criminal to be so satisfied and not to give a damn about having an incredibly good looking guy straddling your hips from behind and giving you the time of your life.

The only problem was that Mark wasn’t that sleepy anymore and even if the sensations were certainly blurring his mind, they did nothing to the pleasure coiling up. The rolling feel of Jackson’s crotch against his ass when the other moved over Mark’s back, was warming up other parts of his body besides just his mind and stomach.

Mark was glad he was facing the floor and not the opposite way. The massage was working wonders on him and his mind was lulled to some state of ecstasy, but the way Jackson was pressing into him was causing all sorts of other kinds of feelings to shoot right up his spine and descend back to his stomach where the sensations gradually curled and knotted up.

After some time Mark wasn’t sure was he letting out small indecent hums of appreciation _only_ because he was being kneaded so skillfully, or was some part of the pleasure because he actually _liked_ the way he could feel Jackson’s front pressing down on him from time to time in sync with his hands.

Then Mark realized, to his utter horror, that he was getting aroused.

Mark almost panicked, his breath hitching and his eyes snapping open. This was absolutely unexpected and it was the first time for him to realize his body reacted like this to the touch of another man. Becoming aware of such thing made him turn rigid as an iron pole.

What was more shocking, Mark became conscious that he had been absently toying with the idea of turning around a doing something quite different than just being massaged, without even realizing he was doing so, and that the thought of doing that made his stomach lurch.

Mark almost stopped breathing at this point.

Of course Jackson noticed the change in him and sat still, his palms resting on Mark’s bare back.

“Something wrong?”

“I..” Mark wheezed, swallowing hard. “I think that’s enough for tonight. Feel better already.” He made an effort to start sitting up but Jackson sat resolutely on him, preventing him from standing up. Mark glanced behind him and found Jackson looking down at him with a worried look on his face.

“Are you sure you’re ok?”

“I’m fine. Just so sleepy I think I’ll sleep here if I don’t go to bed soon.” Mark tried to smile disarmingly, and to his great relief it seemed to work as Jackson stood up.

“Ok. Go to bed then sleepyhead. But if you need help during the night just wake me up.”

“Yeah, I will.” Mark was enormously relieved to notice he wasn’t visibly aroused and he mentally thanked his habit of wearing extremely loose clothes at home. Mark reached out and squeezed Jackson’s shoulder, hoping it would transfer his gratitude enough. “Thanks for the massage. I feel a lot better.”

Too bad the whole thing had woken up certain desires inside Mark that he hadn’t been aware of before. Yeah, he was definitely doomed and he didn’t even find it in him to feel bad about it.

~

_What am I going to do with Mark? Seriously?_

_We had a very busy day today with triple trouble and terror twins shaking up our normally quiet lives because JB, my darling sweet cheeks, needed to take care of a certain thing. He took Jinyoungie out and hopefully put a ring on his ring finger. YES! Finally! So happy for them it’s ridiculous. At least I hope JB got a yes out of Jinyoung. If he didn’t I’ll kick the sorry motherfucker’s ass._

_Anyway. Mark._

_After the day was over we sat down and watched a movie. I offered to rub his back. And then… things almost got a bit groovy. You know Mark’s not in bad shape. Not at all. So I’m weak against his type, so fucking what? I mean he’s like slender but not in a way that’s by any means thin because dude, he’s got muscle just like I have._

_So there I was, massaging the life out of him and what does the asshole do? Actually ask me to GO LOWER! I mean I almost lost my shit when he started to moan and make those noises that simply drive one mad and then the position was so lewd I was about to dry fuck his ass right then and there._

_Then something obviously went wrong because Mark went stiff and looked like the world was about to end. Of course he fled the scene with the excuse of being tired. I know he was tired but it happened so abruptly I’m not so sure it was the whole truth. Though I have to admit it was a good time to stop because I mean.. To handle so much hotness? Who can blame me for getting the feels! I was on the verge of getting a boner so.. yeah._

_Highly awkward. But classic, right? Massage a guy, get a boner, end up fucking.. Well, the last part didn’t happen but damned if I had said no to that._

_J_


	8. Under the sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you for your continuous and incredibly wonderful comments! I am eternally grateful for each and every one of them. You have all my love~ <3

The morning was clear and fresh when the two households managed to haul all their equipments out and start packing their cars. The day had finally dawned for them to manage their asses down to the beach. It was already turning July and the whining and groaning from Youngjae, Bambam and Yugyeom had been increasing the more the summer wore on.

So, the parents had figured together it was time to shut the kids up and do something about it.

Mark was yawning widely while he tried to fit the coolers and bags and other oddities they would need to pack, but probably would never really need to use, into the trunk. He was pretty sure he shouldn’t be driving when he was this tired, he'd been up late doing paperwork, but he would survive the two hour long drive if he would take a travel cup with him and drink coffee while driving. At least he hoped so. Not that he had any choice as Jackson had point blank refused to drive so early, claiming his driving skills to be close to zero when he was sleepy.

It was a hassle, to get so many kids at once to the beach, but lucky for them there were four of them and the boys weren’t exactly so young they couldn’t entertain themselves most of the time and the twins didn’t take too much attention because they were still so small. The noisy superhero squad was still alive and kicking, and Mark was highly amused to think what kind of adventures the boys would have while roaming the sand dunes together.

Mark slammed the trunk shut, stretched his arms high above his head, scrunching his face in the effort to shake off the clutching sleepiness and breathed in and out slowly a few times, cracking his neck in the process. He looked around him, searching for his travel companion.

Jackson was talking with Jinyoung a bit further and Mark’s eyes lingered on his silhouette just a little too long. His heart was light and he felt like he was walking on clouds. He had been secretly giddy about the trip ever since they had sealed the date for it and now that it was happening, Mark could barely contain his excitement.

Ever since that dreadful almost-accident of getting a boner in an awkward situation Mark had subconsciously begun to adjust his views on what was normal and what was not for him. He didn’t want to run away from this feeling anymore, which was a _huge_ improvement, and he admitted he craved to be close to Jackson.

So, he had come to the conclusion he was at least fairly smitten with Jackson.

There was no way around it. Mark was ankles deep in turning gay, and the reason for his sudden change of heart and becoming a poof was leaning on the fence separating the two houses casually, dressed in a black tank top and loose army shorts, the dark green snapback shielding the smiling face from the early morning sunlight.

Mark knew now he wouldn’t be put out if he was to get closer with Jackson, but it still didn’t erase the fact he didn’t know what to do with it. It couldn’t be that Jackson liked Mark that way, was it? Some people might have a built-in gaydar but Mark was pretty sure if he had one, it was broken; just look at how difficult it was for him to get even this far.

He didn’t know how to approach the problem. It wasn’t like he could just walk up to Jackson and say _I just realized I would like to go down with you the Greek style_ , because no one in their right minds would say yes to that. And to top it all Mark was so inexperienced he would probably be lousy at everything concerning sex. It wasn’t rocket science but still.

He almost flushed crimson at his thoughts and could very well imagine smoke rising from his ears, he felt so hot right now.

Ok, so he had thought about sex, done the research on how two guys did it, escaped a few sites he had been skimming through because he just couldn’t read all that extremely detailed information about blowing an ass or how to stretch securely, or why he could never listen to that one song without thinking about banging an ass to oblivion because of the word _nookie_. The joys and wonders of internet..

Then there was the whole matter of either topping or bottoming and _Jesus F Christ_ Mark just couldn’t walk that road yet. It was enough that he admitted he could even get aroused by a guy and maybe get touchy below the belt, but going as far as to actually have sex?

He winced. Nope, definitely not there yet.

Not that Mark hadn’t thought about Jackson that way; it had happened to him more than once. He got very itchy and twitchy when he thought about kissing Jackson. It got even worse when, in his wild imagination, Mark was kissing Jackson’s lips, his cheeks, his neck and biting down on his shoulder, taking off the shirt and pulling him closer and..

Yeah. It was bad.

Mark chewed on his lips while he jerked his gaze away from Jackson, trying to get rid of all the thoughts tormenting him and ventured back inside to get the coffee he was in desperate need of.

He found Bambam sitting on the floor, tying up his shoelaces and looking like he hadn’t even woken up yet. It was really early and Mark knew Bambam had been up a bit too late last night, he had heard the careful steps in the stairs a couple of times before midnight.

“Hey Bam, already packed everything you need?” Mark smiled down at the boy, the sleepy outlook was so cute and Bambam was so huggable and small still it was impossible to discard the urge to hug him close. That and the fact that Mark had come to care for the boy a lot over the months Jackson and Bambam had been living with him and Youngjae.

“I..” Yawn. “..think so.” Bambam rubbed his eyes, the shoelaces only halfway tied up. He squinted up at Mark. “Where’s Dad?”

“He’s outside, talking with Jinyoung. We’ll leave soon.”

“Okay..” Bambam scrambled up and kind of wobbled out of the door. Mark shook his head, amused.

Youngjae was snoozing on a chair beside the kitchen table and Mark halted at the door to watch the boy; such a sweet sight. He was glad they were this time going to the beach in good company. The last time they had been anywhere near open waters had been with Soyi. And that.. Mark shuddered. Had been awful, for both him and Youngjae. Soyi didn’t exactly fall into the category of an affectionate and carefree mother and Youngjae had learned from young age to come to his father when he was in need of hugs and love.

“Hey dummy.” Mark bent down a bit and brushed the brown hair from Youngjae’s forehead. “Go sit in the car, you can sleep there.”

“Mh.” Youngjae made a small sleepy noise and tried to open his eyes. When he didn’t succeed, he just raised his arms lazily halfway up. “Dun wanna.. I wan’ Daddy.”

Mark quirked an eyebrow, but smiled. He reached down and gathered the sleepy boy in his arms and hugged him close. He had no heart to say no to such demands and he knew he wouldn’t be getting so many hugs as the boy kept growing away from him. He held the boy close, inhaling the soothing smell of him, pressing a gentle kiss on the brown locks. He couldn’t dismiss the chance to hold Youngjae when it was offered to him so freely and cutely. Mark carried Youngjae out and into the car his heart clenching from all the fatherly feelings making him sappy.

It took almost an hour to get everything packed and done before they managed to start their journey. The sun was already climbing higher and they were behind their original plan a bit, but the early wake up call had been just because of that. The earlier they reached the seaside the better.

Jackson was quietly toying with his phone on the passenger seat next to Mark and Mark was trying to stay focused on staying behind JB and Jinyoung driving ahead of them and _not_ on Jackson. He hyper-aware that each time his thoughts touched anything related to Jackson his stomach gave a pleasant lurch and his heart rate increased slightly.

Mark had a funny feeling that something would happen today. Was it a good thing or bad, he didn’t even try to guess.

~

After they had set up their spots in the sun and arranged all the necessary items close at hand, Mark sat down on the beach towel and listened half-heartedly at the squeals of delight coming from the direction of the boys who had already kicked their sandals and t-shirts off and were running around smiling. It had taken about a minute for the trio to discard anything their parents warned them not to do and to run off like little monkeys they obviously were.

Mark felt anxious and a bit lost. He stared at the glimmering blue sea, the waves slowly washing to the shore, ignoring the distant murmur of other people somewhere nearby. He had no idea what to do with himself; he kind of wanted to get a move on and finally be absolutely sure he was totally into Jackson _that way_ and that it wasn’t just some mild man-crush that would go away in time. And yet it scared the living hell out of him. What if he asked and Jackson said that he didn’t like Mark that way? _What if he said yes_? Mark needed some confirmation and he needed it badly. But how could you determine something like this without making a fool of yourself? Mark couldn’t just walk up to Jackson and kiss him out of the blue, could he?

Maybe a bit too straightforward.

He resorted to his only source available on the matter, because he did _not_ want to ask Jinyoung or JB any help in this and risk either of them telling Jackson. So, he texted Yoongi while waiting for the other three parents to finish doing whatever they were doing by the cars.

Mark didn’t really expect Yoongi to be up at this hour and raised his brows in surprise when his phone buzzed, informing about the reply to his rather pathetic opening line.

“I’m so lost here, help me out.”

_What do you mean by helping?_

“Like.. tell me how do I get on with all this?”

_If you are referring to your tiny coming out from earlier..._

“It wasn’t tiny you little shit, I’m changing my whole life here.” Mark had indeed confided in Yoongi a day earlier that he was pretty much coming out of the closet at this point. Of course it had been huge for him but trust the nitwit to make it sound like something you did every day.

 _Ok, it wasn’t tiny._ Mark just rolled his eyes. He could imagine the shit-eating grin Yoongi was probably sprouting on his end right now.

“So how do you do it...”

_Do what?_

“Stop being annoying and just tell me how to flirt with a guy.”

_Don’t ask me, I’ve never consciously flirted in my life. Maybe once but we do NOT talk about it. Jimin could give you a whole lecture on subtle flirting. Or direct. Whatever rocks your boat._

“You are not helping.”

_I know._

“I'm crying bloody tears because of you, asshole. I thought you were my friend.”

_You mean you're crying over Jackson's asshole._

“You didn't just write that. So crude.”

 _I am. Stop being a whiny kicked puppy. Man up. It can’t be so different from girls. You can just smile you know. People fall for you just for that. Now stop pestering me, I’m_ _busy going back to bed._

The fact that Yoongi even had picked up this early was enough for Mark to know the other worried over him, but it didn’t really make his situation any better. Not different from flirting with girls, huh? Easier said than done.

Mark groaned in silence and put the phone away. He wasn’t very good at approaching anyone; instead people kind of were drawn to him, and even then he usually just let the hints and flirting slip through his fingers unnoticed, so this was totally unexplored territory to him.

“Hey, what’s up?” Jackson appeared out of nowhere and plopped next to Mark, smiling widely and Mark could imagine himself going red in the face just because Jackson had come back and was suddenly so close to him. "Ready for some fun?” Jackson poked Mark on his shoulder.

“What did you have in mind?” Mark managed a faint smile.

“Oh, nothing much. Maybe a bit swimming and building at least one sandcastle.. Chasing the kids around and throwing them into the sea.” Jackson shrugged. “You know, the basic shit.”

Mark just smiled, his train of thought going blank now that Jackson was next to him. Jackson startled suddenly, the sound of his phone starting to play his ringtone. He groped his pocket, fishing the item out and swiped the screen.

“Hey, Kai! What’s up bro?” Jackson scrambled up, the delighted laughter ringing in Mark’s ears like the bells of judgment day. Jackson walked a bit further to talk in peace and Mark was left to gnaw his teeth together, the angry flare of jealousy raising its head.

Stupid jealousy. Stupid Jackson for being so popular and social with everyone. Stupid emotions.

Mark grimaced and flopped down to lay flat on his back and stared up at the inside of the beach parasol spread open above him. He was irritated and he hated it. He shouldn’t be like that because he knew Jackson was too devoted to work hard and keep Bambam in order to have anything remotely close to dating going on. Well, at least Mark had gotten that idea. It didn’t erase the fact that Jackson _was_ incredibly social most of the time. He did show a bit more tuned down side of himself while he was at home but, like now, Mark couldn’t help the joyous laughter scorching his insides.

When Mark's thoughts ventured back sexual themes his jealousy truly flared up. He guessed that Jackson wasn't exactly untouched, at least not fully, Mark wasn't absolutely sure how experienced Jackson was, but just the thought of it made him see red. The jealousy burned him, made him almost want to commit things that were better left unsaid.

This particular thought made Mark close his eyes and chew on his cheeks.

If he was only having a small accidental man-crush then these feelings of insane jealousy and uncontrollable possessiveness were quite unnecessary, right? But if this _wasn’t_ just a joke and Mark _was_ so deep in the pile of gay shit, he had every right to be jealous and possessive and gods knew what else there was.

“Are you ok?” Jinyoung’s voice startled Mark out of his bothersome thoughts and he looked to his side. Jinyoung stood under the second parasol with Jiyoo and studied Mark with great interest.

“I’m fine.” Mark sat up, stole a glance at Jackson still talking animatedly on the phone and then looked back at Jinyoung. “Do you need help with anything?” Doing something, anything, would be better than to wallow in these stupid, unnecessary, completely useless, thoughts.

Jinyoung was silent for a while, just looking at Mark like he had never seen him before.

“No, it’s ok. If you want to go and do something you can go. I’ll be sitting here anyway and JB will be back soon.”

“Yeah, maybe I’ll go and check on the boys.” Mark mumbled. Maybe watching the kids and possibly involving himself in their games would shake him out of these bothersome thoughts. He ought to dip his head under the water to be absolutely certain he would return to normality. Whatever that was.

~

It was absolutely perfect to be out today; the weather was fine, the company was more than fine and the kids were seriously going nutty because they could run into the sea, of course supervised, and run back up to roll in the sand and end up looking like tiny little monsters with all the sand sticking to their wet skin. Laughter and squabbling, adventures and getting into fights about who got the biggest shovel or who was the king of the next dune, that was what was making the day so wonderful.

Jackson was spreading an extra layer of sunscreen on his hands and legs, just to be sure he wouldn’t get sunburns and be in pain for the next week or so. He had already forced Bambam to stand still and take the scrubbing of the lotion, before the boy would been too ecstatic to stay still.

“Damn, I can’t reach my back. Jinyoungie, can you help me out here?” Jackson grunted, trying desperately to apply the sunscreen on his back but kept failing miserably; he just couldn’t stretch _that_ far. Jinyoung looked up from his task of changing Jiyoo’s diaper.

“Why don’t you ask Mark?” Jinyoung quite calmly asked and Jackson turned pink in the face. “He’s coming back right now, you know.”

“No. I won’t.” Jackson hastened to disagree. That idea was disastrous, absolutely. “Stop teasing me.” Jackson groaned, grimacing. He didn’t want to go and ask someone he fancied to rub some lotion all over his bare skin. That would be so wrong in every possible way even if he would probably get more than just little thrills out of it.

“But why would I? It’s so much fun..” Jinyoung flashed a truly evil grin at Jackson.

“Because I’m asking you to be nice. Pretty please?” Jackson tried to use his secret weapon on his friend; the sad, pleading puppy eyes.

“Well.. I can be nice..” Jinyoung considered the thought for a while then turned his back on Jackson, and before Jackson could say anything... “But I don't feel like it. Mark! Come here for a bit!” Jackson cursed under his breath. Jinyoung, that git, seemed to be impervious to anything Jackson was throwing at him. Bastard.

“No please, Jinyoung.. Please don’t.” Jackson groaned, his eyes wide. He really didn’t want to do this because he would probably get too excited and make a fool of himself by saying something stupid. Or worse, _doing_ something stupid.

“Hush. It’s going to be fun. Oh, hey Mark. Jackson needs some help. I have my hands full with this little lady here, so would you mind..?” The fake innocence was almost making Jackson throw something hard at Jinyoung. He knew Jinyoung only wanted to help but what good was any help if Mark was straight as a pole? And if he wasn’t straight he probably wouldn’t want anything special going on with Jackson.

“Sure.” Mark smiled and Jackson’s stomach churned at the sight of it. Who said it was legal to give someone such a radiant smile they could melt people with it? “What do you need?”

“He needs sunscreen on his back.” Jinyoung’s answer was supposed to be a casual one but Jackson saw the devious smirk.

“Ok.” Mark coughed, his eyes bouncing from Jackson to Jinyoung uncertainly. “I can do that.” Jackson’s breath almost hitched when he heard that. Did the guy have _any_ idea what he was doing to Jackson? Probably not.

As Jackson was absolutely sure that Mark didn’t have a clue what kind of storm of emotions always thundered through Jackson’s mind and heart every time Mark was near him, he didn’t _really_ expect his feelings ever to be returned. And for fuck’s sake, now those hands would actually run over his bare back? _Damn._ To be in a situation like this was just making Jackson yearn to have more , and that made him kind of miserable because he was so certain he couldn’t have anything but just harmless bromance with Mark.

What a shitty life he lived. Wonderful, but sometimes so fucking shitty.

“Here, use this.” Jackson grunted, utterly defeated, and handed Mark the bottle. He was embarrassed beyond everything but on the other hand.. Jinyoung’s little trick, if it was even possible in this reality, just might trigger some emotion in Mark. Well, at least that was what Jackson fervently hoped for.

Without a word Mark squeezed the sunscreen on his palm and begun spreading it over Jackson’s back, starting from his neck and shoulders.

Jackson flinched as the cool cream came in contact with his skin but relaxed quickly. Mark’s fingers were light, almost too light, and Jackson realized he wished he would dare to ask a massage at some point. He didn’t really care if Mark would be any good at it, he just wanted to have that kind of a moment with the guy. And the thought of repeating that one evening, but in reversed positions, sent an electric jolt up Jackson’s spine. To think that he would be pressed down on the floor and kneaded roughly, the weight of Mark on his ass and the hips moving, rocking back and forth.

The mere idea was almost overpowering and Jackson could feel the hair on the back of his neck and arms standing up. Mark’s touch was so fleeting and careful and Jackson really, _really_ wanted to lean in and sigh contently.

Then he spotted the devilish glint in Jinyoung’s eyes.

“Doesn’t Jackson look good Mark?” Jinyoung bit his lip, winking at Jackson. Jackson could feel Mark’s hands twitching and stopping for a moment.

“Uh.. Yeah.” A small moment of hesitance and Jackson managed to turn slightly pink while Mark apparently tried to gather his thoughts before continuing. “I guess you work out a lot?” Jackson felt the tips of Mark’s fingers tracing the shape of his shoulder blades. He wanted to purr at the sensation.

“I try to keep in shape..” Jackson mumbled, shooting daggers at Jinyoung who was smiling smugly right in front of him so that Mark couldn’t see it.

“You look nice. It suits you to be muscular.” Mark’s words entered Jackson’s brains and he thought he was floating in a sea made of candy fluff. He had heard right, hadn’t he? Mark liked the way he looked, didn’t he?

The elated feelings caused Jackson to grin like an idiot and made Jinyoung to shake his head and roll his eyes. It was perhaps for the best that Mark had no idea what kind of faces Jackson was pulling off.

“I squeezed out too much.. Jackson, give me your hands.” Mark muttered after he had applied a second dose of the lotion on his palm. Jackson obeyed instantly, turning around to face him. Mark gave a small smile to him and took Jackson’s hands in his, spreading the extra sunscreen all over, their fingers entwining from time to time. Mark worked his way up from Jackson’s wrists to his forearms and elbows, making sure there was nothing extra left on his own hands.

Jackson was pretty much lost already. Mark’s hands left his skin tingling and his mouth was dry. He watched the bowed blond head before him quietly, examining the serious expression Mark had while completing his task. He was over the moon with all this extra closeness he was getting. Sure, they were touchy normally as well, but to get this much attention? Jackson was sure he was floating above the ground.

“Have you talked with Namjoon lately?” Mark suddenly asked, still looking down at their hands and Jackson startled, his imaginary hovering in the air disappearing.

“Not much. Why?”

“Just wondering if he has said anything about working with me and Yoongi.” Mark was almost muttering. Jackson raised one eyebrow. He might be reading something wrong between the lines but Mark’s sudden bashfulness was certainly an odd one, considering the subject.

“I guess he likes it, at least I haven’t heard anything bad from him.” Jackson pursed his lips, a highly hilarious thought entering his mind. “You’re not crushing over Joonie, are you Mark?” It was meant to be a joke but suddenly Jackson felt like he was standing under a cold shower. _It couldn’t be.._  Jackson went from being amused to wary in a heartbeat. _That_ could not be true. It just couldn’t. Jackson would go mad if he found out Mark was having a _thing_ for his friend, because it would be the most horrible joke ever.

“What? No!” Mark’s answer was so quick and his cheeks were gathering color so fast Jackson was slightly taken aback.

“What’s this I hear, a crush?” Jinyoung drawled, stepping in. The guy was seriously sometimes drawn to gossip, like a moth to flame. “Who’s the lucky girl? Or guy, I don’t know which you prefer.” Mark turned a nice shade of bright red at this point.

“You’ve got it all wrong. I was merely asking out of curiosity because I haven’t talked with him in a while.” Mark was definitely on defensive mode now and the dread spread around Jackson like someone had poured ice cubes all over him.

“Mm hm. Sure.” Jinyoung quirked an eyebrow, the sarcasm very audible in his tone.

“Honestly.” Mark huffed, squeezing Jackson’s hands a final time before letting them go and took a step back. “He is not my type.”

Both Jackson and Jinyoung stood there silent and flabbergasted; had Mark just kind of announced that he wasn’t all that straight they had believed him to be?

“And what is your type then?” Jinyoung almost purred, his eyes shining with poorly hidden curiosity.

“I don’t know. Not him.” Mark winced, not looking directly at either of them, turned on his heels and fled the scene his ears resembling more the color of radishes rather than normal skin tone.

“You now, I’m beginning to think he might actually like you.” Jinyoung stated quite calmly to Jackson watching Mark briskly walking away from them and heading towards JB who was watching over the boys digging up a hole.

“Uh..” That was pretty much the only thing Jackson could manage right now. He wasn’t sure which way to turn or what to think because he had just gone from being happy to worried, then to anxious and from there to being absolutely stunned. He had heard right, hadn’t he? All was not so hopeless he had thought and he might actually have a chance?

Jackson let out a high excited giggle and bounced on his heels. He really ought to find out more.

~

An hour later Jackson was pushing Bambam around in the water, sending him floating on top of a wave with the bright pink swimming ring; they had filled the inflatable toys they had brought with them; a couple of beach balls and three different rings. Bambam of course was enjoying the process of sliding on the waves enormously, giggling and laughing and coming back for more once the wave no longer carried him towards the shore.

Jackson was happy. He was glad the day was a success and his enthusiasm to make the most of it only increasing as the sunlit hours slipped by.

His eyes focused on Mark and Youngjae a bit to the side from him and Bambam.

Mark had black shorts on him and nothing more. The moment Jackson had realized Mark had taken off his shirt had been a moment when he had had to go hiding for a while, to calm his senses; the sight of his friend half naked was twisting and turning his guts like he had eaten an octopus alive. Jackson was incredibly itchy; the idea of Mark maybe leaning towards liking him weighed heavily on his heart right now. Jackson wanted to tackle Mark on the hot sand, and climb over his wet body and lean down, kiss those fabulous lips and probably die happy after that.

Jackson shook his head. He could very well imagine the trickle of blood running down from his nose. He should stop thinking these things because it was not very healthy, and he didn’t really want to faint because he was losing blood by having internal nosebleeds. But it was impossible _not_ _to_ do so, not when Mark looked like he was just begging to be taken and ravished in some hidden cove somewhere on the beach.

What was really unnerving was that Jackson had noticed the glances the other people on the beach were giving Mark.

He didn’t like those looks, especially not the ones the pretty little ladies were shooting towards the blond. Mark however did seem to be absolutely oblivious to any ogles directed at him, thank gods for that. Jackson wanted to be the one to get any attention from Mark, not those _people_ glaring at his friend.

Of course Jackson was blind to the ogles he himself was getting.

“Dad can we play a game?” Bambam came down swimming towards him, his torso supported by the ridiculously pink swimming ring.

“Of course. What do you want to do?”

“I’ll sit on your shoulders and Youngjae on Mark’s and we try to make the other fall and Gyeommie can be the judge!”

“Go ask Mark and Youngjae then.” Jackson smiled brightly. Anything would be good really, if it just kept the squirt happy. Added bonus was to have closer proximity with Mark, naturally.

There was a lot of splashing, kicking and flailing arms involved, and the boys squealing delightedly, before the two were sitting securely over their fathers’ shoulders. Yugyeom was floating on the big pink ring now, settled in the middle of it and leaning his arms to the edge of it, watching them.

Jackson stared at Mark, grinning from one ear to the other. Mark had a smile on his face that was absolutely stunning; so happy and carefree and seeing him like that, so incredibly relaxed, of course made Jackson feel the butterflies in his stomach and his head fill up with fluff and fireworks.

“We’re gonna take you doowwnn~” Bambam sang, his voice full of sass his tiny body couldn’t possibly contain. Jackson rolled his eyes and Mark let out a stifled giggle. Oh, that face of his.. Jackson was pretty sure he would sell his soul to the devil if he could only touch those lips and nose and the cheekbones and..

Mark and Youngjae sloshed forward, the battle of balance starting while Jackson was still dwelling in his personal daydream. Bambam kicked Jackson, yelling commands to attack the enemy approaching.

The game was messy, full of kicking and waving arms and so, so much noise. Jackson’s ears were ringing after two rounds and his arms were probably bruised because the boys kept hitting him with their limbs that seemed to be everywhere.

They were tied 2:2, the final battle for the victory already in process. Jackson was trying his best to make Mark lose his balance, but the blond was a slippery bastard and managed to evade the attacks almost effortlessly.

“Come on Dad, you can do it!” Bambam was yelling, and Jackson was pretty sure he would have bald spots left after this game; Bambam was clutching to Jackson’s head ang tugging his hair so hard from time to time it was almost painful.

“You can’t defeat us!” Youngjae almost screamed, reaching forward to try battle Bambam to lose his balance and fall down into the water. Jackson didn’t realize the closeness he and his opponents were in before Mark’s face almost an inch from his own, the twinkling brown eyes looking straight at him.

His laughter died the moment he felt the tip of their noses touching and he jerked back surprised and lost his balance.

“Yass! We won, we won!” Youngjae whooped his arms in the air when Jackson and Bambam resurfaced, both highly pouty.

The moment had caught Jackson so badly off guard he took the disgruntled slap to his arm from Bambam quietly, thinking he definitely earned that; any other time he would have told the boy not to hit people because it wasn’t really all that nice thing to do. But Bambam wouldn’t have listened anyway so why waste time on a day like this?

When the boys took off again, to go have their own competitions somewhere else, Jackson remained where he was, hugging the huge doughnut swimming ring. He let the waves move his body, the water hugging his body softly and he tried to empty his mind from all the thoughts.

He startled when someone probed his shoulder, interrupting his attempt on meditating. Mark was floating next to him, clutching to the smaller blue ring and smiling radiantly.

“Why so serious, hm?” Mark asked quite innocently, unaware of the urges Jackson was trying to push down with decreasing willpower.

“I’m not serious.” Jackson grinned evilly, shaking off the thoughtful mood and lunged suddenly towards Mark, managing to tackle the blond by wrapping his arms around the narrow shoulders. Mark squeaked stumbling and nearly dipped his face under the water.

“Christ! You startled me. Don’t do that you ass, I might drown you know.” Mark hissed, trying half-heartedly to pry Jackson’s arms off of him.

“Nah, I’d save you if you tried to drown.”

“What, CPR and all included?” Mark said, his tone so amused Jackson could hear the playful grin.

“Only if you insist.” Mark actually giggled at Jackson’s smug answer, taking a better hold of Jackson’s arms but not trying to pry him off anymore. Jackson could feel how his skin crawled pleasantly now that his bare chest was pressed against Mark’s back. It sent shivers down Jackson’s spine and his poor heart was hammering louder by the second. Jackson couldn’t help the self-satisfied grin forming on his lips. He was the one who got the attention after all, not any of the girls ogling at Mark and probably wishing they would get some one on one time with the blond.

“Like hell you would dare.” Mark snorted.

“Well, I’m not a chicken-wuss, unlike you, because you’d never dare to give me mouth to mouth. _Chickeenn~_ ” Jackson sang the word, holding on even tighter and wrapping his legs around Mark’s waist.

“Who you calling chicken, eh?” Mark growled, trying to tickle Jackson from this position.

“Oh, no you don’t, not this time!” Jackson giggled, but then his world was suddenly full of sea foam and bubbles as Mark bent his knees and dived under the surface, the trick causing Jackson to loosen his grip enough so that Mark could turn around attack him under the water.

They rose back up above the surface snorting with laughter, still trying to get some pokes and tickles through the flailing protective arms. Water splashed everywhere and Jackson couldn’t really determine where anything was until he smacked his palm quite hard on Mark’s cheek, which caused Mark to yelp from the sudden sting of pain.

“Oh, shit!” Jackson stopped moving as soon as he realized what he had done.

He inched closer to Mark, not that there was much distance between them anyway, to inspect the damage he might have caused. Jackson paid very little attention to the fact that they stood now within a few centimeters from each other, the waves rocking their bodies in constant flow, pushing them closer and closer.

“Are you trying to mutilate me because we won earlier?” Mark muttered, cringing, one palm pressed over his cheek and his brow furrowed.

“I’m so sorry! Seriously I’m _so sorry_! You can hit me back if it helps.” Jackson bit his lip quite hard, trying to see if there was any serious damage. If he’d managed to cause Mark real injury he would go and jump off the edge of the world or something. _So embarrassing_. “Let me see..” Jackson reached over and forced Mark’s hand away from his cheek.

“It stings, that’s all.” Mark grunted. “There’s no need to be so worried. I’ve been slapped before and I’m still alive.” Jackson however didn’t back up that easily. He examined the cheek he had hit, noting it was quite fine except for the hint of red finger marks on the pale skin. He flinched, guilt welling up inside him immediately.

“Ey, stop it Mark. I slapped you in the face, it’s only fair if you punch me b-” Jackson’s sentence got interrupted by something sharp scraping the sole of his foot. He let out a small squeak.

“What’s wrong?” Mark’s own worry came rushing over his features the minute Jackson was picking up his leg to see what was causing him such annoying pain. “Jackson what is it?” Mark placed one hand on Jackson’s shoulder, trying peer down as well.

“Something’s stuck on my foot.” Jackson muttered, reaching under the water to probe his stinging limb. His fingers met something hard and sharp stuck on his heel. He frowned. “It’s gotta be a rock or something. But I’d better get off the water to examine it.” He glanced up, realized for the first time how damn close they were standing. He could easily count the dark lashes around Mark’s eyes, could easily see the faint beauty mark just between his lips and nose.

Had it not been for the damn pain, Jackson would have probably leaned in and fulfilled his waking dream of kissing Mark right then and there.

Stupid leg.

They swam closer to the shore and as Jackson tried to place his feet on the ground he flinched when doing so. Mark followed his efforts silently until he shook his head and came closer.

“Arms around my neck. I’ll carry you.” Jackson began to protest immediately, though it was quite meek. “Don’t argue, just do it.” The demanding tone left little to fight against. Mark was rarely so in change of things and it kind of tickled Jackson’s interest. He certainly didn’t mind being bossed around by Mark, that was for damn sure.

Jackson complied, cheeks ever so slightly flushed, wrapping his arms around Mark’s shoulders like he was commanded to do, and allowed the other to pick him up to his arms.

Well, he certainly had never imagined Mark to be the rescuing prince, but Jackson wasn’t really complaining, because come on, to be in these arms? Anyone with eyes would kill for that opportunity. Well, at least that’s what Jackson deduced when he glimpsed at the rather scandalous looks they got when Mark walked out of the ocean, with Jackson quite perfectly in his arms, the scene like something out of a cheap harlequin romance novels.

Perfectly sickening but oh so very, _very_ sweet.

The pain on his foot turned out to be a small sharp stone. It was enough small that it didn’t need any medical attention, other than just a bit of cleaning, but it had given Jackson some memorable moments to cherish. He almost squirmed happily on his spot while Mark went to fetch him a towel.

The all-knowing smiles Jinyoung and JB were shooting at Jackson however made him a little less exuberant. He would rather die than admit out loud he had enjoyed tremendously being carried around like a little damsel in distress.

~

Jia giggled delightedly when JB dipped himself and her under the cool surface, her little arms waving excitedly and hitting poor JB in the face in the process. Jinyoung smiled fondly at them, giving Jiyoo her turn to get happy by keeping her hugged close when he squatted down to get them both wet. The joyous giggling that ensued was like music to his ears.

He glanced towards the shore where Mark and Jackson were talking together, Jackson flat on his back and the injured leg up, propped over his bent knee. It was minor, but Jinyoung was glad Jackson was letting the small cut to at least dry up before he would go back to being his usual fidgety self. Jackson’s face was shining even from this distance and Jinyoung honestly doubted that Mark was as oblivious as he seemed to be; no one could read that smile wrong.

But then again, who said falling for someone was ever uncomplicated and easy? If he was right though, and he usually was, things weren’t that far from getting solved.

Jinyoung smiled a devious little smile, turning his attention back on the baby happily gurgling in his arms and sloshing the water around her with her tiny chubby hands.

“I know that look.” JB moved closer to Jinyoung, quirking one brow up. “What mischief do you have in mind this time?”

“Just contemplating should I bust those two and inform them that they are ready to take the next step.” Jinyoung’s answer was as nonchalant as it could have been when they were talking about weather.

“They are?” JB looked at him, puzzled, dodging the small arms trying to grab any part of his face at the moment.

“Well, I’m not 100% sure, but Mark _is_ starting act quite obviously like he is feeling something towards Jackson.” Jinyoung bounced Jiyoo slowly up and down in the water, the tiny face propped under his chin with one of his palms behind her head to give her support. Her nails kept scratching Jinyoung’s skin and he made a mental note to remember to cut the nails before there would be more serious wounds.

“I knew there was something about him. And who honestly can resist Jackson when he turns on his charms for real?” JB cracked a sloppy grin, then turning his head and kissing Jia’s hand that had smacked him in the face again.

“Mark _is_ quite sly, isn’t he? Probably doesn’t even realize that he makes it impossible for people to not fall for him.” Jinyoung snapped his fingers. “Just like that. But I guess it would be like taking the candy from them if I go and meddle. I know I would have been really cross if someone had come and meddled in _our_ beginning.”

“So, basically you’re just going to be mean and possibly drop infuriating hints to both of them?”

“You know me too well.” Jinyoung inched closer to JB, careful not to squash the babies together when he leaned over and pecked JB’s lips softly. “I’m lucky to have you by my side.”

~

The day had been long even though it was only early afternoon when the whole lot of them packed up, finishing the day before the sun got too hot and damaged their brains permanently.

Jackson had offered to drive back and Mark had gladly given the keys to him and was now sitting on the passenger seat, sleeping. Jackson glanced at Mark from time to time from the corner of his eye, wondering what had he done to deserve someone like Mark in his life. The only downside was that Jackson was still so madly infatuated with the guy it was like having a really bad rash and you couldn’t get it to calm down no matter what you did. Today certainly had not diminished any of his feelings, quite the opposite actually. But then again things probably weren't so hopeless after all.

He was falling and he was falling hard and it might not be a bad thing.

The highlight of the day had been the treasure hunt. Well, _one_ of the many highlights really. Jackson had dug up a small pit and hidden a box of toys in it. It had been the final game for the day before they gathered their things together and began their journey back home. Of course Jackson had been just sitting on his towel, pretending to be lazy, and yelling instructions to the boys who were as excited as usual to be allowed to run around and make lots of noise without anyone scolding them.

This of course had been the final trick to get the boys to lose enough energy they would remain quiet during the long drive and let their parents enjoy some silence.

However Mark had been the one to accidentally hit the jackpot. He had been sitting on the sand, absently digging up with a small shovel when he had found the box Jackson had hidden in there.

Of course Bambam had feigned devastated hurt when he hadn’t been the one to find the first prize, but had giggled mercilessly when Jackson announced the second prize was a kiss from the fair maiden, himself of course, and pizza later when they got home. Mark had been smiling so sweetly and out of simple thrill of the moment Jackson had decided to extend the kissing prize on the winner as well.

So, he had tackled his poor friend on the sand and smooched him noisily on the cheek. Mark had squeaked and protested of course, but Jackson had had the moment of surprise on his side and managed his little mischief.

He was still pleased about it.

Jackson chuckled to himself, his eyes focused on the road. He wouldn’t mind kissing that cheek more often as it had been soft under his lips, smelling like sunscreen and sea, a hint of Mark’s aftershave still detectable under those. Quite intoxicating actually, if you stopped to think about it, and Jackson could definitely get used to giving Mark more kisses on his cheek.

Everything about today had been just what the doctor ordered. It kind of made Jackson worry that something else was going to go incredibly wrong soon, because this much good luck couldn’t last forever. He was glad though that he did see things a bit clearer now.

Jackson was almost certain now that Mark harbored at least _some_ warm feelings towards him. Not that he was such a genius when it came to matters of love, but he just couldn’t dismiss the nagging suspicion he had about this. Not after all the little accidents, if you wanted to call them that, from today.

Of course he was over the top with happiness to think that his feelings might be returned, but he didn’t know how to approach the problem. Mark kind of gave out that vibe of being like a deer in the headlights when certain things came up and Jackson didn’t want to scare him away. That was the last thing he wanted to do.

Right now he was just basking in the probability of having a good chance of winning his friend to his side and having some blossoming romance in the air.

~

_Well, that was an interesting trip.  
_

_I have already expressed my continuously rising interest in Jackson but it kind of.. exploded finally. I, Mark fucking Tuan, for the first time in my life am.. Yes, I am gay for Jackson. I have turned my jacket, if there even was any jacket to turn, and realized I wouldn't mind some sexy time with another dude. How interesting. But, do I fancy other guys besides Jackson? I don’t think I do, but thinking about this long and hard it’s not like I’ve ever been opposed to either gender, so who knows?  
_

_Just don’t know how to approach him about this subject. I don't really want to be rejected but then again it scares me shitless that Jackson would say yes.  
_

_I tried to follow Yoongi's (superbly stupid) advise and just smile at Jackson any moment I could think of. Lord knows if it even worked. I really need to figure a way to lure some answers out of Jackson without him realizing what I'm after._

_Kiddo seems happy that he doesn't have to see his mother this summer. She is out of the country, thank gods for that, and that leaves Youngjae the whole summer to spend with his friends. I am expecting some difficulties when the school starts though.. It's quite hard make him wake up in time when we need to be early somewhere._

_I have butterflies when I think about Jackson. This is so odd.._

_M_

~

A week after the trip to the beach Mark walked in on Jackson who was walking around on the backyard. Mark leaned on the door frame with a glass of juice in his hands and watched silently the agitated way Jackson was motioning with his hands while stomping around.

“What do you mean you are coming.. No, wait, Noi, what the hell are yo-..” Jackson seemed to be in trouble of finishing his sentences. The other party, Mark guessed, was talking over him. The desperate frown that had formed on Jackson’s brow made Mark instinctively feel worried. “Slow down! Could you pleas- Noi!” And then Jackson stared down at his phone in utter disbelief.

He groaned loudly and shoved the phone in his pocket almost angrily, turning to face Mark.

“Bad news?” Mark tried to be casual, like it wasn’t awkward having heard even the half what he had already heard.

“The worst..” Jackson buried his hands to his hair and balled his fists, tugging the dark strands. “I'm going to have to ask you to do me a huge favor.” Mark looked at the miserable face, his heart thumping violently.

“Ask away.”

“Can you deal with my wife for a few days?” Mark thought he would choke on his juice he had been sipping. He coughed violently, the fluid going down the wrong way and made him red faced and teary eyed. “Could she stay here for one or two nights? She wants to spend some time with Bam.”

“W-wife?” Mark managed to wheeze out, despite the feeling of desperate need to cough more.

“Uh, I guess haven’t told you the whole story.” Jackson looked ashamed, averting his eyes and toying nervously with his bracelet. Mark tried to swallow the coughs down, the bitter disappointment surfacing. “I’m not technically divorced, like I kind of let people to believe. So she’s still my wife, but it’s not.. Not a real marriage. I mean its real on paper and all that but not like real real.” Jackson’s fingers drew incoherent nervous patterns on his wrist.

Mark stared at him, confused. They had never gotten down on talking about their past lives much, concentrating more on just running the day to day life and talking about future things. Except that one time when Soyi had paid her respects by bringing the papers to Mark, their conversations about their exes had been minimal.

Well, apparently Mark was the only one with an ex.

“I don’t understand.”

“Ugh.” Jackson shook his head and grimaced. “I really hate talking about this because it’s kind of fucked up. Not just for me but for our families as well. Mine mostly, because I know my mom worries about me so much.” Jackson heaved a deep sigh and rubbed his temples looking like he had a bad migraine forming. “Me and Noi, that’s my wife, got married because we're good kids and wanted to respect our parents' wishes about getting married and giving a grandchild to them. So we made a deal, because we knew each other from years before and played the macabre masquerade called the wedding day. After Bambam was a little older she went on her own ways and I remained with the squirt. Basically there're no bonds between us, except the piece of paper and Bambam.” Mark was holding his breath while Jackson was talking quietly, his face almost sad. “I didn’t want to disappoint my parents so I haven’t exactly told them the truth. Her family is still as oblivious about the whole thing as they were in the beginning. She stays mostly abroad because of her job, but when she _does_ come back, it usually means I’m going to get an earful.”

“And.. Now she is going to stay here. With us.” Mark repeated like he was a robot, his mind utterly void of any sane thoughts, just the basic questions bouncing around inside his skull like ping pong ball. Why hadn’t Jackson told him the truth? Why were they still married? If it really was such a fake marriage then why hide the truth? Mark was quite sure he could have accepted the whole situation from the start, but now it felt more like a slap to his face, like he wasn’t trustworthy at all.

“Could you tolerate it? Just until she changes her mind again and decides she wants to do something else?” Jackson’s eyes.. Mark stared into the big brown eyes, his heart throbbing almost painfully hard. Could he tolerate it? He was dreadfully curious of course, though he couldn’t say that out loud, but at the same time he was jealous and not really prepared for this kind of intrusion into their peaceful life.

But.. He was weak.

“I don’t see why not.. She’ll stay upstairs anyway, right?” What he really wanted to ask was _will she sleep in your bed too_ , but he didn’t.

“Of course. There’s enough space and I think I’ll just make her sleep in Bambam’s room because he gets clingy when they see each other.” Jackson rolled his eyes. Mark couldn’t even begin to imagine what kind of person they would be receiving.  Then Jackson glanced up at Mark again. “She’s going to come today..”

Mark just stared.

Who made such plans that left other people almost no time to react to them?

_~_

_It’s that time again._

_I mean I’ve been so exhilarated and all that happy shit since the trip to the beach and NOW Noi decides to make a sudden entrance (like she always does!) just when I thought I was gonna get Mark reeled in and get on with all this stuff apparently almost happening between us. I am 80% sure he’s walking down the glittery path towards me and MAN do I want him reach the goal soon. I need to do something but now I can’t stop thinking about what will happen when Noi gets here._

_I knew it was too much good luck to last for long._

_This is going to be interesting. Noi is so… Overwhelming sometimes. Well, always. I feel kinda bad for Mark already. I mean, he'll be the first of my friends to meet her since we usually meet without her seeing anyone I know. Which isn't probably a bad thing. Though I think she would get along with Jinyoung, which is a rather disturbing idea.  
_

_Gotta clean up and scrub BB so his mother wont scold me for the kid being dirty (read, normal)._

_J_


	9. Fasten your seatbelts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok.. I'm so sorry my updates aren't very frequent, please bear with me! I'm just so tired and have very little time to focus on writing anymore.. .__. I try my best though!
> 
> This chapter is a bit shorter than the ones before, my apologies about that as well. I promise the next one is going to be full length. 
> 
> And million thank you's for all of you who have left me such wonderful and encouraging comments along the way! If you have anything you would like to see happening please tell me and I'll see if something would tickle my fancy. :)  
> Also, if anyone wondered which country the story is placed in.. It really isn’t any specific country so let's call it Neverland. ;) Anything is possible there.

The hours before the unexpected guest would arrive were slightly erratic; Jackson was edgy and kept mumbling to himself, even snapped at Bambam a few times about something the boy was constantly asking about. Of course this resulted in a small episode of both of them snarling angry words, grinding their teeth together and glaring at each other menacingly before Jackson finally gave in and apologized for being unreasonable, and then everything was fine again.

Mark didn’t know what else to do with himself so he picked up the random items and discarded clothes that were lying where they weren’t supposed to and removed them from sight. He didn’t _exactly_ put his mind into the cleaning and arranging because he wasn’t sure what to think and somehow wandering around without purpose didn’t seem very sane thing to do. Hence the half-assed attempt at cleaning.

The fact that Jackson was still married kind of put a stop to his means to move their relationship forward.

Actually, it made him absolutely _refuse_ to make any advances on Jackson what so ever. It annoyed him like fuck to do so because Mark was sure he wanted nothing more than to get his hands on Jackson’s ass, and the rest of his body of course, and claim it his. The whole hindrance called marriage fucked up his very nonexistent and still-in-the-making-plans quite completely.

What a fucking nightmare. Come out of the closet just to find out your object of desires is shackled to someone else.

What was he supposed to do? He couldn’t tell Jackson why he was so upset and didn’t really meet his eye when Jackson spoke to him. Not the real reason at least. For now Mark was sure Jackson thought he was being quiet because Jackson hadn’t told Mark about his situation. Like that really mattered to Mark at this stage. He wasn’t put out because Jackson hadn’t told him he had a wife running around somewhere in the world, he was just upset because now he couldn’t, basically, go and grab Jackson’s head and shut his talkative trap with a kiss.

Those were now just distant dreams for Mark and he tried to occupy himself with something else, while the suspense was slowly killing him from within.

Bambam of course had been the only one jumping with joy when he found out his mother was due for a visit, as was to be expected of a kid who adores their parent who is constantly away. The boy had actually _volunteered_ to clean up his room, take a bath and comb his hair all by himself.

At one point however Mark had had to separate Youngjae and Bambam because their bickering threatened to turn into a fist fight over something as idiotic as whose socks were dirtier and needed to be changed. Mark sent them both into their own rooms to cool down and told them not to come out until they were decent again. He was quite honestly feeling harassed as the atmosphere in the house was so out of control and Jackson wasn’t really helping because he was so visibly nervous.

Jackson was mainly walking up and down the stairs, frowning all the time, and kept asking Mark if this or that piece of clothing was ok or should he do something about his hair or if they had enough tea and coffee in the house. Mark was kind enough, despite his own turmoil, to just answer as simply as he could; poor Jackson looked like his world was about to end soon.

Though Jackson’s nervousness seemed a bit off, Mark couldn’t pinpoint what it was that bothered him about it so much, because Jackson didn’t exactly act like a man in love with his wife. No, Jackson acted like he expected a balrog to walk in from the doors any moment now.

Bambam of course was the complete opposite of his father; smiling, joyful and bouncy.

Mark could understand that Bambam missed his mother a lot, and understood why the kid was so ecstatic to see her, and why his emotions were flying high. But for Youngjae the situation wasn’t so nice; he was also missing the other parent, though because of quite different reasons and Bambam’s jubilant squeals and jumping around were making him sulky, grumpy and very reluctant to take part in his friends’ happiness. Mark felt sorry for his son and he wished he could have given him the mother he wanted but.. Shit happened and they were stuck together like this.

Bambam’s thrilled mood however proved to be the one thing preventing Mark from fleeing the scene when Jackson’s wife finally danced into their lives a few hours later.

When the dreaded guest arrived, and Mark met Noi for the first time, his immediate impression, to his absolute astonishment, was that she was the opposite of what he had imagined, not the sharp fanged, fire breathing monster he had been illustrating in his mind.

Noi was unusually tall, reaching over both him and Jackson a good five centimeters, had the atmosphere of a person who took time to appear casual but was absolutely spot on. She looked like a model with her perfect heart shaped face, perfect shoulder length black hair, perfect thin figure and stunning mile long legs. While Noi looked like she had walked from the runway to them, Jackson looked even shorter than he was in reality, compared to her of course, a sunshine on two legs and, even if he was like a big kid most of the time, Jackson looked and felt like a normal human being.

The stark contrast between the two was so prominent in Mark’s eyes that he had difficulty believing they were even acquainted; Noi was fashionable, beautiful and kind of surreal whereas Jackson was more down to earth, a bit scruffy and easy-going. Nothing about the two screamed of comparability to Mark, and he felt secretly relieved about it. Had it been the opposite he might have had more trouble keeping up his polite attitude.

Then Noi opened her mouth and the image of someone with a reserved and polite behaviour shattered into tiny little pieces.

Noi talked. A lot. And fast. She was talkative in a way she simply talked over people without much caring about it. She could talk about one thing first and then change the subject before you even realized it, leaving you unsure what you were supposed to talk about. She didn’t seem like a bad person, just quite all over the place. Like she was a magical firecracker only gathering more energy the more she gained speed.

Mark understood what Jackson had meant when he had said he would be getting an earful from Noi, and why he had been so apprehensive to have her in the house at all. If Jackson was normally seen as talkative, he was like a mute compared to the chattering Noi did.

The afternoon when she arrived was eventful in many ways, starting from the point Noi came from the door.

“You must me Mark! _My god_ you’re handsome!” Those were the first words Noi spoke to Mark, and she immediately came in touching range with him. She was so close Mark could easily see the color of her eyes. She hugged him quickly and kissed both his cheeks once, the huge golden earrings jingling happily when she moved. Mark just stood there pretty much petrified and speechless. Before he managed to say anything Noi was already talking to Jackson. “Jackson, you should let me meet more of your friends if they are as unique as Mark is. I might have some use for good looking people when I have work to do here. You look a bit peaky. Are you eating well? And you must be Youngjae!” She knelt down to smile brightly at the boy standing close to Mark’s legs, one fist tightly gripping Mark’s jeans. Poor kid. Youngjae only nodded in response his eyes wide. “So cute! Now where is my baby?” Noi stood up and looked around.

When she spotted Bambam running down the stairs she actually squealed with delight, clapping her hands together, the multiple bracelets around her slender wrists chiming as she did so.

It was kind of adorable that a grown woman could act so excited and not even look stupid. The overjoyed attitude suited Noi like a glove, despite her obvious ethereal beauty that usually was accompanied with more quiet mannerisms.

Bambam threw his tiny body into his mother’s embrace and after a long moment of simply hugging tight the two started talking so fast Mark immediately gave up even trying to figure out what was being said. Not that he even wanted to listen to the talking anyway, it wasn’t any of his business to know. He turned to look at Jackson and caught the deep sigh Jackson was heaving, his eyes closed.

“So, uh.. Is she always like this?” Mark muttered to Jackson.

“Yes. Unfortunately so.” Jackson turned his head enough to glance at Mark quickly. “She’s not a bad person really, and she means well, but her speed is mostly so incredible I get breathless just watching her.” He flashed an apologetic smile and reached out to squeeze Mark’s shoulder comfortingly. “Just.. take a deep breath and let her wind down. She gets more mellow when the sun goes down.” Jackson rolled his eyes. “At least that’s what I’m going to do, and hope.”

Mark smiled faintly in return, there wasn't much he could do, except to be in the way, so he excused himself and Youngjae, to give the other three some privacy and time to catch up on things. It might have seemed that Mark was acting out of courtesy, but in reality he wished he could simply hide away somewhere, anywhere, until the disturbance was over.

He sat down on Youngjae’s bed, watching the boy silently picking a book and then curling up next to Mark to read it. Mark let his thoughts wander, his ears picking up the echoes of speech from the second floor where Jackson had obviously led his guest.

Did Mark still feel jealousy after meeting this mysterious wife figure? Well.. Maybe he did. A little bit.

When he thought about it rationally, which was quite hard thing to manage, Jackson _did_ seem quite put out with Noi and his attitude wasn’t exactly the one you have with someone you prefer romantically. Not to mention that Noi hadn’t so much as touched Jackson when she had come in, just had given her quick opinion on Jackson’s appearance. Perhaps the two were as strangers as they seemed, perhaps not. Mark couldn’t say for sure after such a short time. But, the green monster on Mark’s shoulder wasn’t a big one right now, just the kind that made him wish Youngjae’s mother was giving her son love like Noi did to Bambam.

Perhaps not as enthusiastically as Noi, it was a bit too much for him to digest, but at least the kid had a mother who obviously cared.

Mark sighed, leaning to the wall and closing his eyes. These hours before Noi would leave were going to be long and exhausting, he could smell it already. But after she would be gone Mark would have time to get back to his original dilemma of how to turn his and Jackson’s friendship into something quite different.

The mere thought of having the kids gone and the house empty for the two of them to use as they pleased was pretty damn exhilarating.

But again there was the problem of Jackson being married. Mark didn’t exactly want to be a mistress or force Jackson to commit adultery, but if what Jackson had said about the marriage being real only on paper, which Mark still didn’t quite understand, then it was possible to proceed, wasn’t it? That there still was hope, wasn’t there?

“Dad? How do you read this word?” Youngjae’s voice made Mark open his eyes and he found the boy pointing at a word on the page he was trying to spell through.

“Strawberries.” Mark took the book Youngjae was offering him and tried to shake off the earlier thoughts bothering him and concentrated on his son instead.

He liked these moments when the boy was calm and asking something from him, not that Youngjae ever was really that rowdy anyway. The more the boy grew up, the more independent and distant he would be from his father. On one hand Mark was unbelievably proud and glad Youngjae was growing up, but the happiness was bittersweet. His baby boy would no longer one day need him like he did now, and somewhere in the far future Mark would be instead the one in need of help.

His heart throbbed painfully while he watched Youngjae spelling the difficult word his fingers moving over the page, his mouth forming the syllables silently, the brown hair slightly tousled and pointing up in odd angles, just like the hair of all little boys always seemed to do.

Mark pulled Youngjae closer by wrapping one arm around the boys’ shoulders and placed the book so that they could both easily read it. He hugged Youngjae almost desperately, the sudden fear of never having these sweet and important moments again and the happiness of existing right now colliding inside him and almost choking him on the spot. The horrible truth that his baby wouldn’t forever be there to hug him and allow him to kiss him was unbearable, and Mark wondered for the umpteenth time why people were so keen on having kids when it was so damn painful to watch them grow up and leave the nest.

He was sure that when he would be old, and Youngjae already an adult, it would be difficult to remember not to act like the boy was still the tiny six year old spelling the words slowly and feeling left out because his friend had a mother who cared, and he didn’t.

Mark wanted nothing better than to give his son whatever he wished for but.. That particular wish was impossible to fulfill.

“Do you wish your mother was like Bambam’s mother is?” Mark asked quietly after listening to the laughter drifting down from upstairs.

“I don’t know.” Youngjae looked up at Mark. “Mommy has never been much fun. And I have Dad and Jackson, don’t I? I really like Jackson, he’s always fun.” The boy smiled brightly and Mark’s heart almost skipped a beat at the brilliant innocence and honesty.

“Yeah. That’s true. Jackson is fun to be around.” Mark smiled gently at Youngjae. He felt even more torn now; the thought of Jackson being important to his son and the possibility of Jackson not being there to be with Youngjae, and Mark, was rather unpleasant.

That was how much Mark had come to appreciate living together with Jackson and Bambam; it was impossible to think a life without them.

They spent an hour scooped up in Youngjae’s room before Jackson came down and asked if Mark and Youngjae would want to go out to eat with him, Noi and Bambam; apparently Noi had decided that she wanted to know Mark and Youngjae better. She also quite nonchalantly informed she was paying, and wouldn’t listen to any objections because she was anyway taking their time and space by staying over and bothering them. Mark was faintly embarrassed but as they didn’t go anywhere fancy, just the nearby burger place, probably Bambam’s choice, he didn’t protest too much and let the matter slip.

Of course he was hesitant to spend time in the same space and watch how the little family behaved in front of his eyes, but.. he was awfully curious too.

To his great relief Jackson and Noi were as distant from each other as siblings sometimes were and Mark noticed all the little things that absolutely saved his day, even if it was a bit cruel to be happy about such things when instead he should have been happy for the.. eh.. couple.

There were the exasperated sighs and eye rolling Jackson was doing while they were eating. There was the obvious distance at all times between Jackson and Noi. There were the hidden snappy remarks in between the words the two spoke to each other. All this made Mark feel happier the more he watched the two interact. He _did_ feel a twinge of guilt for being so pleased about something like that, but it was a very small twinge.

His fear of having to witness any heteronormative behaviour from Jackson and Noi was completely unnecessary; Jackson quite platantly chose to sit next to Mark at the restaurant and with the space so limited, Youngjae absolutely refused to sit on the other side with Noi and Bambam, Mark and Jackson were squished together, their shoulders and thighs touching almost all the time while they were eating. This of course made Mark concentrate more the on the burning warmth against his side rather than on his burger and how tasteless it was.

Of course being close to Jackson wasn’t a bad thing, absolutely not. It sent Mark’s heart beating faster and his thoughts got jumbled up. It was at the same time wonderful and horrible because Noi was there right in front of them and saw everything.

How could Jackson act like that? Was this how it was with people who had a kid together, were married and didn’t, or so Mark liked to hope, exactly love each other?

Jackson seemed to be oblivious to the slight discomfort he was causing Mark and only managed to sneak closer when Mark tried to get some air between them, just to allow his heart to stop beating so damn fast all the time. He didn’t hate sitting close to Jackson, definitely not, but it was kind of awkward thing to do because Noi was watching them with keen eyes and observing their every move like a hawk.

Then there was that one moment when Mark wanted to disappear under a pile of rocks.

“So, have you two slept together?” Noi quite calmly asked, her eyes twinkling, when the boys were away from their table, checking out the toys on display.

Both Mark and Jackson choked at the same time, coughing violently and nearly swallowing their fries down the wrong way. They glanced at each other their eyes wide and mouths open, then turned to stare at Noi. She however kept staring back at them not one bit abashed, just smiling that sweet innocent smile that was more cunning than anything even close to pure.

“Don’t ask such things in public, what’s wrong with you?” Jackson sounded like he had a huge piece of food stuck in his throat and he kept coughing after every second word. “Of course we haven’t!”

“I just thought of it, because you live together and kind of share the kids and your timetables and expenses and everything, that you might share something else as well..” There was something so mischievous about the way she was looking at them; she was leaning her chin to her hands while her elbows were propped against the table and her head was tilted to the side. She looked exactly like she was enjoying herself enormously.

"You're completely off the track. Noi, please.. You're impossible." Jackson's tone turned to exasperated and he sighed.

Mark couldn’t utter a word.

How could these two talk about this sort of thing so calmly and be _married_? Mark's tiny brains couldn’t take in the off-hand way Noi was asking if her husband was sleeping with another guy. Nor did Mark understand why Jackson wasn’t more put out that he had just been suspected of cheating. The biggest confusion was because he didn't comprehend why Noi looked so damn pleased with herself.

What the hell was going on here?

Before Mark could demand any explanations Bambam led Youngjae back to the table and informed he wanted to go home.

Mark sighed and pushed the questions out of his mind again, just hoping he would get a moment to think without being disturbed. His head was slowly starting to ache from all the ups and downs his heart rate was doing.

A few hours later, just before Mark was going to retire to his room and sleep the awful mixture of feelings away and feeling absolutely drained with every inch of his body and soul, and being grateful that the day was over, Jackson came to him with his arms full of blankets and sheets that had been hanging out in the fresh air.

“Hey, uh.. Mark?” Jackson called out when Mark was about to close the door to his room. He stopped and glanced up at Jackson.

“Yeah?” Mark mumbled, trying his hardest not to stare too long. Jackson looked so adorable with all the fluffy white linens in his arms and his hair tousled and the t-shirt in an awkward angle revealing part of his waist. Mark really wanted to hug him.

“I wanted to thank you. You know, for being so cool about Noi and this whole mess. I'm really sorry she's causing you trouble.”

“It’s.. It’s ok.” How could he say anything different when Jackson was looking at him with those big round eyes of his full of emotions Mark couldn’t even begin to understand.

“I just.. Um.” Jackson stepped closer, glancing down nervously. “I just need to stress this, you know, to be sure you got the right impression.”

Mark didn’t say anything, just waited for Jackson to continue, but his heart was hammering so hard right now it was almost hard to breathe. He didn’t even notice it but he had taken an involuntary step forward towards Jackson while the other was talking.

They stood in the half darkness of the hallway, the white bundle in Jackson’s arms almost luminous. Mark couldn’t stop himself from staring straight at Jackson now, his hands twitching and his entire being hoping that he could have had the guts to say something, ask for explanations or just anything really, to clarify the mess he had inside his head.

“Our marriage is a faux one. Believe me when I tell you this; I have no emotional bonds with Noi. I..” Jackson bit his lip and frowned ever so slightly before he seemed to steel himself again. “I’m gay. Ok? I like guys.”

Mark blinked. _Oh._ That actually made more sense. _A lot_ more sense. Mark was quiet for a while before he cleared his throat and offered Jackson a smile.

“I think I knew that.” Mark managed to say and licked his lips quickly. “But I’m glad you told me.”

“Just didn’t want you to think I’m in love with Noi or something.” Jackson muttered, looking down at the linens he was hugging.

“Ok.” Mark was too baffled to think straight, to ask for more explanations, too perplexed to function at all. He just stood there, half waiting for something to happen and half thinking he probably should wish Jackson a good night and flee before something _would_ happen. Both possibilities were equally bad.

The darkness gathered around them, the soft noises from upstairs somehow distant and irrelevant to both of them.

Then Jackson took two more steps forward and Mark could detect the unique smell that was definitely Jackson and no one else, feel his warmth so close they were almost pressed together and then..

Soft lips brushed against Mark’s cheek, lingered just a few seconds before the touch disappeared and Jackson was already walking away, disappearing back upstairs.

Mark stood there his eyes wide open, staring after Jackson's retreating form a long time after he was gone, one hand pressed against his cheek over the spot where Jackson had kissed him.

Then he flushed and a soft smile started to spread over his cheeks, starting from his neck and going up to the tips of his ears. 

Every single thought he had had before about things not being ok between him and Jackson had just flown out of the window. There was hope, after all.

That night Mark dreamed of pleasant things, soft sheets and strong arms around his waist and of warm breath on his skin, lips kissing him ever so tenderly. He woke up in the middle of the night hugging his blanket tightly and wishing he could have the real thing there next to him.

~

The next day proved to be as odd as the day before, even though Mark woke up with a smile on his face, feeling all mushy and cute, and there was a shyly smiling Jackson greeting him in the kitchen, looking absolutely fabulous in his PJ's and hair pointing up, when Mark managed to scramble up from his comfortable nest.

However Mark didn’t have time to do anything about Jackson and his sudden expression of affection the night before because Mark had to get to the shop as Yoongi was unavailable. He took Youngjae with him as Jackson and Bambam were going to go out with Noi, apparently she thought Bambam needed new clothes, and they would only all meet in the afternoon again.

Mark kept replaying the kiss over and over again in his mind. He tried to think of something else but it was almost impossible. 

Ok, Jackson had pecked him on the cheek before but at that time it had been more of a joke than anything else. This time it had felt like there was something hidden under the gesture and Mark wanted to know what it was.

The thought of being on the verge of some breaking point was kind of thrilling.

That afternoon Mark found himself in the sitting room with Jackson and going through daily things. They sat on the couch together, leaning over the coffee table to scribble down ideas.

Mark was hyper aware how close they were sitting and he kept glancing at Jackson from the corner of his eye constantly, thinking hars what to do or how address the elephant in the room.

Before Mark could say or do anything Noi interrupted them.

“Bambam needs to see the world! Jackson, is his passport ok? I want to take him to Paris with me.”

“Wh-what! Paris?” Jackson gaped at Noi who stormed into the sitting room and snapped Mark back to reality from his dream world where no one could come between him and Jackson and they were free to explore all the things about each other..

“ _Oui_! I’m flying to France when I leave, which is like tomorrow, actually. Going to be shooting a commercial for Hugo Boss this time, so exciting! And Honey is booked for some runway again anyway so she’ll be there too..” Mark blinked, trying to follow the rapid speech. He was so confused. You couldn’t get used to Noi in less than 24 hours and take the exhausting pace without having doubts about your own sanity. What commercial? Who was Honey? What the hell was going on here?

“And at which point would you even have time to be with Bambam?” Jackson unsurprisingly sounded highly sceptical.

“Ohh, plenty of time! He can stay with me. He is a big boy and he can behave, right? Can’t you, my precious?” Noi cooed at Bambam who had trailed after his mother and was now looking from Jackson to Noi his eyes shining.

“Yeah! Dad please can I go with Mom, can I, can I?”

“Noi.. This really isn’t a good idea.” Jackson’s face was a mixture of so many emotions at the same time. Mark felt incredibly sorry for him. “Bambam, calm down. You’re not going anywhere yet.”

“Do you think I’m such a bad mother? I might be busy but I want to spoil my sweet cheeks too.” Noi straightened her slender form and looked down at Jackson. Mark was slightly amused how could a woman, with such a sweet and gentle face still look so menacing and powerful. He certainly could never oppose to her. But he had to admit Noi _did_ look more like a respectable adult when she was being more serious.

“But..” Jackson was cut off again with a quick sharp glare. Mark could almost hear Jackson’s mouth closing with a snap and see the gathering dark clouds above his head. He did feel incredibly sorry for Jackson, but he couldn’t deny Jackson looked quite adorable with that pout on his face.

“If this is about money or his safety spare me the lecture; I can afford it and you can come with us if you are so worried. I will pay everything.” Noi’s eyes fixed suddenly on Mark, who flinched visibly when the glimmering dark eyes nearly drilled a hole through his skull. “Actually..” She almost drawled, her painted lips forming a truly dangerous smile. Mark tried to act like he was invisible but didn’t succeed much because Jackson had taken Mark’s hand in his and was gripping it so tight Mark wanted to whine. “You and your adorable baby boy can come too! All expenses taken care off!”

Mark blinked. _Say what?_

“What! No.. We couldn’t.” Mark stared at her in utter disbelief. How could anyone be so casual about spending money like that, with just a flick of the wrist? And on people she didn’t even know at all.

“Yes yes, you say no and I say yes and you say no and I buy the tickets today!” Noi beamed happily and just like that she brushed away all refusal Mark was trying to throw at her. He glanced at Jackson, desperately trying to find some support from him but Jackson was only shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

“Noi... We have responsibilities here.” Jackson sounded exasperated.

“No you don’t. It’s summer break. I checked. Jackson, you can’t squirm out of this one. Either you let my baby boo come alone with me, or you, and your gorgeous friend here, come with him. By the way Mark, I’m quite sure I could find some modeling work for you...” She eyed Mark critically, her dark eyes measuring his body until Mark was sure he was bright red. He shook his head furiously from side to side, eyes wide with shock. “No? That’s a shame. You’re so stunning you should be doing high level runways or magazine shoots.” Then she shrugged, her mood changing again. “It’s a deal then! You’re all coming with me!” With a smooth motion she had her phone over her ear and Mark could hear her speaking while she strode out of hearing range. “Angela? Be a dear and arrange this for m-” Mark didn’t hear the rest of the sentence as Noi had disappeared upstairs and her voice was only a faint murmur now.

What exactly had happened just now?

“Jackson? Please tell me I’m dreaming?” Mark muttered, searching Jackson’s eyes. He wasn’t at all so sure he had understood the situation correctly.

“I’m afraid you’re not dreaming.” Jackson muttered, defeated and slumping against the back of the couch. He was still gripping Mark’s hand but not deadly tight anymore. The hold was much gentler and Mark twisted his hand so he could intertwine their fingers. “I guess we should pack our bags.”

Mark wanted to say something to soothe Jackson, to give him some moral support, but he was so stunned himself that he didn’t have a clue what he was supposed to think right now.

Paris, huh? He’d definitely have to call Yoongi.

Mark grimaced, thinking of the amount of curse words he was going to get when he would inform his beloved friend he wouldn’t be able to come to work the next week. But he would be spending the time with Jackson and he would do that where no one cared if two guys were getting closer or not and..

His hand twitched involuntarily and Mark squeezed Jackson’s hand in his and felt a nervous tremor running up his spine.

Something was going to happen, he just knew it.

~

_She came, she saw, she conquered. Noi hurled in like a hurricane and swept us all into the constantly moving vortex she creates around her._

_I was so worried Mark would hate my guts for not spilling the beans about her earlier, it just slipped my mind because we are what we are; a bloody fake marriage for the sake of pretence to our parents. Ok so Mark doesn’t exactly seem to hate me but he was kind of distant._

_AND I KISSED HIM ON THE CHEEK! Goddamn it! I have no idea what made me do it but now I'm kind of just thrilled that the whole thing is moving forward because Mark wasn’t exactly avoiding me the next day..._

_Blingbling is absolutely overjoyed, which I’m not surprised of. The kid adores his mother and who can honestly blame him? In kids eyes Noi is probably like a.. I dunno, a really cute dragon that just takes you away to Neverland when she comes around. I don’t hate her, nah. She’s kind of awesome when she stops taking too many twists and turns._

_But now she’s definitely done it. She’s going to take us to Paris. ALL OF US. Meaning Mark and Youngjae are coming along as well. How neat. I’ll be stuck with my pretty little wife and the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, in a hotel room. Plus the kids._

_Yeah, I’m so screwed. Especially if Mark won't stop being like so awesome I want to devour him.. I really want to watch forever his laughter and that toothy grin (how can anyone have so many teeth in that tiny face of his?)he flashes at me._

_We’re leaving tomorrow so this will definitely be a nightmare because I can’t control myself anymore. I just hope Noi’s parents won’t turn up, that will be another cringe worthy evening for sure. The rich bitches do not tickle my interest AT ALL._

_Time to fly. Wish me luck!_

_J_


	10. L'amour est aveugle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yas! I'm back! It's long and I really suggest you have something to cuddle because this is like... Well, you'll see. I hope you like it! I'll be unhappy if you don't and boo.. ;__;
> 
> I'm ok. Caught a horrible cold but managed to live through it. Multitasking so many things again it's ridiculous but hey.. we only live once!
> 
> Again THANK YOU for giving me so much love. I totally, TOTALLY, heart you all so much. <3
> 
> ps. the title is translated "Love is blind"

_Charles de Gaulle, Paris_

Mark couldn’t really believe it. Not _really_. He was here, standing in the middle of thousands of complete strangers, his son clutching to his waist, waiting for their luggage to roll out and their traveling companions to return. The amount of noise was stupefying; it echoed inside his head, buzzing like a really angry nest of bees, just right next to Mark’s ear and made him irritable.

Mark had hard time catching his breath; he was jetlagged and utterly perplexed who the hell had convinced him that it was a good idea to get the fuck out of their comfortable circles, and fly to the other side of the world, just because someone insisted on it.

Though, insist wasn’t really the correct word in this case.

Noi wasn’t just insistent; she was adamant, deaf to any refusals and absolutely ignorant of any dejection or protests from both Jackson and Mark’s part. She just smiled deviously when she thought no one was looking and _that_ made Mark incredibly nervous.

“Dad..” Youngjae whined, pulling the hem of Mark’s shirt. “I need to go to the toilet.” Mark heaved a sigh, trying with all his might to find his patience but it was wearing too close to zero.

“I asked you five minutes ago when Jackson went with Bambam, and you said no.”

“But I didn’t have to go then..” Youngjae whined again, louder this time, his bottom lip sticking out. Mark rolled his eyes.

“You have to wait until they come back. I can’t leave our bags unattended or risk us getting separated.” Mark patted the brown locks comfortingly. “Try to hold it in, okay?”

He couldn’t let Youngjae go alone because one, he wasn’t that stupid to let a child wander around alone in an unknown place and two, the airport was way too big anyway, and Mark was pretty sure Youngjae would get lost without someone to guide him. Heck, he was sure _he_ would get lost, if left alone here.

Damn it all, but it was easier to just wait and bear the uncomfortable pressure.

Mark looked around him, trying to find Jackson or Noi, but saw nothing but strangers everywhere, hustling by them in haste. The buzz of so many people talking at the same time was quite deafening and Mark wished he could have worn his headphones to prevent the noise from entering his mind. He was already nervous from not knowing what would happen during this trip, because there was that unexplainable nervousness in the air between him and Jackson, and the massive humming sound around him wasn’t really helping to keep his thoughts clear.

So far the tension had been minor and kind of easy to deal with; Jackson had been stealing glances at Mark, smiling cutely whenever their eyes met, and each of those little gestures were nothing but fuel to the fire burning in the pits of Mark’s stomach. It made him feel really uneasy but at the same time extremely thrilled. After the sweet little kiss on the cheek Mark had been more confident he ought to do something about this all, but he hesitated, waiting for a moment when the kids, or Noi, weren’t around to witness it.

Highly awkward thought to be observed on such a critical moment.

Then again, maybe he shouldn’t act at all. Maybe everything had just been his wild imagination and nothing more. Maybe it had been a big mistake to come along. Maybe Jackson wanted to give Bambam time to have some normal family for a change. After all Noi _was_ the mother, and Mark and Youngjae were probably in the way. Even when Jackson had finally confirmed his sexuality, it didn’t erase all the doubt from Mark’s mind. Perhaps there were still things he didn’t know about. All the uncertainty was eating him from within.

Though Mark hadn’t had time to do anything about Jackson, the yearning he had for Jackson was still there, and definitely getting worse by the minute. The events at the beach, the small things after that, lingering hope.. it all made Mark smile quite widely in his solitude, his word disgustingly focused mainly on Jackson and everything he did and said. All these were things that egged Mark on, despite all the reasonably side of him telling him to back down. 

Mark had never thought he would yearn for someone like this and he really wanted to do something about it. There just didn’t seem to be a good moment for them to move forward.

It bothered him, but then again Mark was sure there was something in the way Jackson looked at him, or how his fingers lingered on Mark’s neck sometimes, how Jackson’s eyes were like two brilliantly shining suns looking at Mark. Jackson was so dazzling and beautiful. It gave Mark some weird sense of security to _almost_ know for sure there were good things just waiting to happen.

Mark groaned, his need to get somewhere with all this so strong it was starting to hurt, the dull ache and restlessness making him wish he was free from all the disturbing and distracting things around him. But there was nothing he could do, not before they would be alone, just him and Jackson. The prospect of the kids witnessing anything was too much to think about at this stage.

And.. come to think of it, he had no idea what would the kids even say, or how they would react, if their fathers by some twist of fate ended up being romantically involved.

Feeling disgruntled Mark let his thoughts trail back on the hours they had spent cooped up high in the air, his fingers gently weaving Youngjae’s hair while the boy kept himself glued to Mark’s waist and being unusually cuddly in public.

It was kind of ironic to have Youngjae so clingy now when he had been absolute terror on the plane at one point.

Mark had tried to stop him from shouting out nonsense a few hours after the departure, mostly because it wasn’t very polite and it was tearing his nerves. The boy had stopped yelling only to squirm free from his safety belt and start running up and down the narrow isle.

Mark had wanted to sky dive from the plane from cheer embarrassment. What could be more horrible than a preschooler having a temper tantrum in a public, confined place? Nothing, seriously, _nothing_.

It had been a battle to drag Youngjae back to his seat and while he was still being noisy and flailing his arms around Mark had opted to take him to his arms and just force him to stay still. It caused him a few bruises, and in the end Youngjae did calm down but before that he had resorted on crying, squeezing the angry tears out,  his face contorted.

Horrible. An absolute nightmare.

Mark wasn’t even sure _why_ it had all escalated like that but he had a nagging suspicion Youngjae had felt so out of place and terrified because of the strangers around him, still kind of left out because he was probably jealous of Bambam for having his mother cooing over him.

But it still didn’t make his behaviour any less acceptable. Bad behaviour in public was one thing Mark absolutely hated. Just the mere thought of people looking at him and thinking nasty things about him and his child was something that made Mark’s skin crawl very unpleasantly. He wasn’t exactly a strict parent, far from it, but putting on a circus like Youngjae had, was on top of Mark’s dislike list and he always got a bit confused when something like that happened. It wasn’t like he _cared_ particularly what other people thought of him or Youngjae, he just didn’t want that much, or that kind of, attention on them.

It had been a relief to notice only Noi had been awake while the kid had been acting up so badly, Jackson and Bambam snoozing quietly on their seats. Noi hadn’t said anything but Mark was pretty sure she was thinking what a horrible father he must have been at that moment. Or so he imagined she was thinking. Who knew for sure as she had only quirked one brow up and then turned back to her magazine.

Youngjae had finally calmed down after he ran out of energy to squirm and be a nasty little shit, and Mark had been holding the limp body like a dish rag in his arms, hoping fervently that the flight was over.

Other than that highly uncomfortable experience the flight had been rather uneventful one. Mark hadn’t had a chance to talk with Jackson much, but every time he bent over to reach for his hand luggage at his feet he stole a glance at the other and more than once caught Jackson doing exactly the same thing.

It was one thing to catch glimpses of those radiant smiled Jackson flashed at him, but it wasn’t the only thing Mark did during the hours sitting bored out of his mind on the plane. He spent his time well, imagining in great detail how he would bump into Jackson on the narrow corridor between the seats because of sudden turbulence and their heads would knock together and after many apologies, and perhaps a bit too close examinations if everything was alright, suddenly their lips would meet and things would spin delightfully out of control.

These thoughts had done absolutely nothing to tune down any of his feelings. He wanted so badly to do something it was pretty fucking upsetting already.

Most of the time Mark was left to dwell alone over his dirty thoughts, and trying to comprehend why he was sitting in first class on his way to Paris for a week with his crush and the said crushes wife.

He certainly lived a very interesting life these days, if nothing else.

 

Getting out of the airport would have been a hassle but thanks to Noi they were easily and smoothly guided to the right direction. Mark was, for the first time, relieved and grateful to have her around. After Jackson had had a short and heated conversation with Noi when they had stepped out of the plane, he had turned sour and was pouting in his solitude, being very little use at the moment to anyone.

 _“Sto_ _p worrying_ _and just let me deal with this. Trust_ _me, I_   _know what I’m doing._ _Simple as that.”_

The famous last words, but that was all Noi said to Mark, when he wondered out loud where they were supposed to go. After that she floated off to buy fashion magazines from the booth, Bambam trailing after her like a puppy on a leash, following his mistress. Mark only closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tried to keep Youngjae from vanishing into the crowd.

The ride to the hotel was a silent one, mostly Noi kept a constant monologue on about what she had done here and there, or with whom, and Bambam mirroring her and talking whenever he got the chance.

 _“_ _That was the place where I first time got mugged! It was horrible and I was so young but everyone was so sweet and I didn’t lose much. Oh, look Bambam, you can see the Eiffel tower now! I bet you would be courageous enough to go all the way up, just like your mommy. Tomorrow I_ _need to meet with the crew,_ _so you have to figure something nice to do, I recommend going_ _to Parc de la Villette, it’s absolutely great._ _I really shouldn’t have come to meet you guys but I couldn’t resist because I missed my honey_ _bun_ _so much!”_

Jackson was staring out of the window, keeping silent and only occasionally replying something back to Bambam who was pointing this and that from the car windows, talking excitedly to anyone who was willing to listen.

Then they reached the hotel.

Mark had to rub his eyes a few times already outside the building, the white walls towering high above them majestically, looking down at the pedestrians passing by with the distant, superior interest only old structures possess. Everything was so historical and incredible, even the rundown parts of the streets and crumbling statues decorating the houses and roofs. What a magnificent feeling to be surrounded with so much absolute history of architecture, with a pinch of modern touches.

The feeling of insignificance increased when they reached the lobby. Everything looked so expensive, sparkling white, old and polished, and definitely easy to break. Mark instinctively tightened his hold on Youngjae’s shoulder while they stood a little to the side, waiting for Noi to sort out their checking in, talking and motioning with her hands cheerfully while conversing in rapid French with the concierge. Of course _she_ looked like she was born surrounded by such luxury. Probably was too.

Jackson was still quiet, his eyes somehow clouded and his face expressionless, which in itself was already alarming. Mark couldn’t help but to feel really uneasy about Jackson’s behavior. He was afraid something really bad was cooking under the otherwise cool demeanor, and because he didn’t know what was the reason behind it all, he couldn’t help to make the problem to go away.

Though, Mark was almost certain the reason lay behind the conversation with Noi. It had to be the reason that had sent Jackson into such bad mood, or at least Mark couldn’t think of anything else. It was like there was a dark cloud hanging over Jackson while he indifferently stared at the glamour around him, his handsome features unnaturally stoic.

But, for now Mark could do nothing about anything, and his worries were pushed aside when Noi came back to tell them they were good to go and settle in.

Then, adding to the already overwhelming experience, Mark realized they had a bellboy. _A goddamn bellboy_. For crying out loud.. Could this get any worse?

It did.

When they reached the highest floor and the bellboy had opened the door to their room that was, well, not exactly a room, but like an apartment or four apartments, that was the moment Mark thought he was dreaming a very extravagant dream.

“The presidential suite!” Noi exclaimed cheerfully, striding straight in, and opened the doors to the balcony. Yes, they had that as well. “I thought what the hell, let’s just all stay in one place so we don’t have to think who sleeps with who.” Noi turned around and winked at Mark knowingly. “Much easier to sneak around with us all in one place..” Then she actually let out a small giggle and Mark sighed; she was absolutely impossible. He saw a glimpse of the smug little smirk playing over her painted lips, before she was already out of earshot again, storming off to tip the poor bellboy struggling with the amount of luggage they had with them.

Mark turned to face Jackson, his ears burning. Like hell he was going to sneak around like a lovesick lover boy in the middle of the night. Even if he _was_ a bit lovesick..

“Is she for real, honestly? And how can she pay for all this?” Mark hissed under his breath, the kids further away, examining the room they had entered with great interest.

“Yes, she is for real. Unfortunately. And she can afford this, that’s for damn sure.” Jackson grunted. “Might as well get used to it.”

“Are you ok? Is something wrong?” Mark couldn’t hold the question in any longer. He just couldn’t bear the sullen expression Jackson wore and the quiet demeanor to top it all. His heart was shrinking at the sight and he wanted to wipe the misery from the handsome face so badly.

“Me? Just fine. Nothing is exactly wrong...” Jackson shrugged, but grimaced visibly. “Unless you count the fact that I have to go and play some idiotic show in front of her parents the day after tomorrow.” Jackson nodded towards Noi. “She kindly informed me earlier of this pleasurable event.”

“Her parents?” Mark blinked, frowning, confusion raising it's head.

“Yeah, they just _happen_ to be in the city, not really surprised to be honest, but we all have to get together. Play a little play for the old folk and then be done with it again for several years.” Jackson looked like he wanted to punch something.

Mark hesitated, but reached out and placed his fingers on Jackson’s neck, massaging the tense muscles gently, trying to convey some comfort and sympathy with the gesture.

“At least it’s just for one evening.” Mark muttered, his fingers tingling because of the touch. Jackson turned his head a bit and it was like the dark clouds melted away from his features as a smile appeared to replace the gloominess. Mark swallowed, the sight making him seriously jittery. He felt hot all around and his whole body was aching pleasantly. No one could see if he would just tighten his hold and guide Jackson to face him better..

“I’m really glad you’re here.” Jackson suddenly grinned, the expression so boyish Mark couldn't help but to smile back at him. “Come, let’s go check out our designated rooms!”

“I thought we already are here?” 

“Yeah, but this penthouse has three separate quarters. I know because we've been here before. One for her, one for me and squirt, and one for you and your baby bird over there.” Jackson laughed at the mortified expression Mark sprouted, reaching out to take Mark’s hand away from his neck and dragged him along by it. Mark felt the heat rushing up to his cheeks this time. Jackson’s hand was warm and tough around his own, firm and secure, just like one of those hands that you don’t ever really want to let go.

His mind slightly spinning, Mark followed Jackson across the spacious room that apparently only played the part of a sitting room, or something.

The three small apartments were exquisite, just like the whole suite was. The beds were _huge_ , full of comfy cushions and blankets, the bedposts old-fashioned but magnificent. The walls were painted with soft creamy white, the curtains matching the colour with slightly darker shade, flowing heavily on the floor, framing the huge windows. And the view.. Mark sighed when he glimpsed at the scenery opening outside the curved windows.

The windows gave over the rooftops and streets of the city of love, just like every traveling advertisement would tell you. It was just as stunning as you had seen it in movies or pictures, even more so in some way. Maybe because he was here with someone he cared for, and all the mushy romantic things came back flooding to his mind, that the whole ordeal of being in Paris was somehow more significant.

Mark walked to the window, gazing out, the outline of the huge iron tower plain in sight. He turned to look back at Jackson, a small nervous smile creeping up to his lips. This was just so unbelievable.

“This _is_ pretty neat.” Mark bit down on his bottom lip, the smile threatening to spread.

“I know right!” Jackson smirked, crossing his arms to his chest. “We might as well use the time for our advantage and do what we like.” Mark’s stomach did a funny flip when Jackson walked to him and quite out of nowhere, and oh, so nonchalantly wrapped one arm around his shoulders. “Let’s get the kids and head out for some food. There’s like a ton of small cafés and bistros near here.”

~

A few hours later Mark found himself taking a small nap on the couch. Noi was dealing with work related issues on the phone and had closed the door to her quarters, and Jackson was playing hide and seek with the kids, the laughter and muffled giggles entering Mark’s sluggishly turning thoughts. He was half awake, half asleep, everything rotating in his head very slowly, kind of like in slow motion, swirling and circling like a really thick fog.

They had gone to walk a little bit, to shake off the jetlag and to straighten their stiff limbs, and to find something to eat. Noi of course came along with them and was chattering, as usual, about anything. Her habit of dropping hints and devious little comments every now and then had made Mark suspect she had some hidden agendas concerning him and Jackson. Kind of unnerving, actually, because he had _no_ idea what she could do.

But Mark smiled softly while hugging the fluffy pillows Youngjae had graciously decided to pile around him, hiding a part of his upper body and his head under them.

All through the day, after the dark thoughts had disappeared from around Jackson, he had been beaming at Mark. It made him feel so warm, so squishy and good that he was about to explode simply because of those small gestures. He wasn’t sure could it exactly be called flirting but Mark had tried to act casual but more closer with Jackson, brushing his fingers on Jackson’s bare arm when it was possible, ruffling the black hair affectionately after something Jackson had said, or simply returning the bright smiles with, what he hoped was, equal happiness.

It was a good start, and they weren’t exactly in a hurry to get anywhere, though it was hard to keep your hands to yourself.

The doorbell to their suite rang, snatching the lingering dreams away. Mark blinked and rubbed his eyes, scrambling up to a sitting position, the pillows dropping on the floor as he moved. He shook his head, trying to banish the sleepiness from his eyes and get his sluggish thoughts working. He heard Jackson moving, walking to the door and opening it while Mark pulled himself up from the couch.

A deep female voice answered Jackson’s slightly happy greeting. Mark couldn’t hear what they were saying so he walked tentatively closer, curious as he was. A sudden squeal of delight startled him and all Mark could register was a whooshing sound when someone ran past by him. After a few blinks of confusion he realized it had been Noi, coming out from her room, bolting to the door with incredible speed.

When Mark finally reached the door, the sight that greeted him made him gape with his mouth open.

Noi was ungracefully tackling a tall, dark haired slim young woman with such enthusiasm Mark was sure it crossed every border of proper behaviour. Then his mind went blank when Noi quite simply kissed the newcomer straight on her lips. Was this a French custom he wasn’t aware of?

Mark reached Jackson and nudged his side, pointing at the two making a scene on the doorway.

“Oh, Mark. Good, you woke up. I want you to meet Honey.” Jackson smiled actually affectionately at the sight of the two women sharing sweet kisses right in front of their eyes.

“Um, ok?” Mark was absolutely baffled. He had no idea what was going on here. Why was Jackson so nonchalant about his wife kissing another woman in a way that left very little to guess about their relationship?

Sometimes Mark could be extremely slow.

“Honey, this is Mark, my roommate, my friend and Youngjae’s father. Mark, this is Honey, Noi’s significant other and probably the only one who can make her shut up.” Jackson chortled at the dumbfounded look on Mark’s face. “Yes, my wife is just as gay as I am.” A sheepish sort of grin replaced the smile. “I think I forgot to mention that..”

“You _think_?!”

~

The next morning dawned with a pale golden sunrise that sneaked in through the drawn curtains and tickled the slumbering people awake. Jackson unsurprisingly was the first to get up and along with him woke up Noi, apparently neither needed much sleep, or perhaps they were some breed of super humans Mark didn’t know of, both being so good looking, healthy and in general absolutely brilliant.

It took some efforts to wake Youngjae up, and Mark didn’t really try that hard because it would make things so much easier if the boy was well rested and happy. He had no desire to witness any more temperamental shows, thank you very much.

“Now, Mark. I want you to come with me this morning.” Noi pointed her finger straight at Mark while they were lounging after the breakfast on the roof terrace that gave out a magnificent view over Paris. Noi looked like million dollars already, her face beautiful, like on any women’s magazine, her clothes casual but probably more expensive than anything Mark could put together.

“Why?” Mark asked a bit apprehensively. He was slowly starting to get used to Noi, but her moves were so sudden it was impossible to predict what she would whip out of her sleeve next.

“It’s really nothing. I just want to take you somewhere.” That alarmed Mark even more; there was no such thing as _really nothing_ in the universe where Noi lived in.

“Right..” Mark muttered, not sure what he was supposed to say. “What about Jackson and the boys?”

“Oh, it’ll be fine. You wouldn’t want to leave your little boy with someone you don’t know so Jackson can babysit while we are gone. I don’t bite that hard so don’t worry about spending a bit time alone with me.” Noi made an airy move with her hand, like dismissing the upcoming protest. “I don’t think it’ll take very long, as I have other things to do later, so couple of hours is manageable, isn’t it Jackson?”

“Noi.. You’d better not be planning anything too bad. Mark here has a weak heart.” Jackson’s reply was slightly amused and Mark shot a sharp glare at him. After the revelation of Noi being just as gay as Jackson, and probably Mark as well, the way Mark looked at those two had changed quite a lot.

It made so much sense he felt stupid for not seeing it himself.

“I’m completely innocent! Have I ever done anything to shake you off balance?” Noi chuckled, pressing one finger on her chin, pretending absolute innocence.

Looking at her still didn’t make Mark’s gaydar beep, but that was no big surprise. She looked just as normal as anyone would, beautiful and not one bit dyke or anything of the sort. Though, not all people had that aura of gayness flashing in bright neon colours a mile ahead.

“Well, you kind of married me just to fuck with your parents, didn’t you?” Jackson quirked one eyebrow.

“That’s nothing. They are bigots anyway and I wanted to have a baby. You were the perfect solution for me, _my darling_.” She scoffed, smiled and turned to look at Mark. “You’d better get dressed. We’ll leave in 15 minutes.”

Mark sighed. There was just no arguing with her. None at all. She was like a tidal wave you couldn’t prevent from snatching you away.

About an hour later Mark still didn’t know what he was doing, following Noi to some unknown destination. He was aware he must have looked like a lost puppy while trailing after her, but seriously now, he _was_ kind of lost here. Noi had walked him straight into some office building in the center of Paris, strode ahead of Mark like she was marching into war, the bracelets chiming with every step like little mischievous bells announcing the conquerors arrival.

Finally they made a stop in a huge hall that echoed with low murmur of people talking. Noi seemed to forget Mark’s existence when someone turned around and recognized her, greeting her.

Mark stood silently slightly to the side of all the people and equipment that surrounded him, hugging his body with one hand and biting his lips, unsure what he was supposed to do here.

He observed Noi quietly from the shadows. She looked different now, in this environment, more serious and focused somehow. Mark shook his head. He was still amazed that people actually did what Noi and Jackson had done; find another gay person of the opposite sex, make a deal, get married and produce an heir simply because it was an easy solution for them. Or doing it to please their parents. Unbelievable. But, it was, like he had learned yesterday, quite a common thing to do.

“ _Tu est Mark?_ ” A young man finally came up to Mark. He must have looked confused because the man frowned and then repeated his question in heavily accented English. “You are Mark?” When Mark tentatively nodded the man sighed dramatically in relief and took Mark by his hand.

“What, where..” Mark spluttered while was being dragged away from his comfortable dark corner. He was too confused to resist.

“ _Vite, vite. Viens avec moi._ ” The fashionably dressed man dragging him turned around and glanced at Mark quickly. “I am Jean, you come with me. No time to talk.”

“Um. Ok.”

Soon he found himself sitting on a chair and to his utter disbelief a make-up artist and a hairstylist came up to him and started, or rather tried to, to do something to him. When Mark tried to get off from the chair and get away from all the people inching closer to him, Noi appeared again.

“Noi, could you please tell them to get away from me?” Mark almost pleaded, trying to swat away the multiple hands that were trying to get their paws on him.

“What? Away? No no no.” She laughed. “You sit still and they’ll get you ready.” Mark froze.

“For what?” He asked apprehensively, the ominous realization looming somewhere close by.

“Your photo shoot of course!” Noi winked at him. Mark could almost feel the blood draining from his face. “You wouldn’t say yes so I just set it up myself.” She laughed at the incredulous expression Mark now had. “It’s nothing big and you can keep the pictures, or give them to someone.” She grinned almost evilly at him. “I just wanted to see what you’d be capable of. But if they turn out fine there could be some use for them and _that_ could mean some serious cash for you.”  

Noi sneaked behind Mark, the staff around them giving her space immediately, and wrapped her thin arms around Mark’s shoulders, hugging him loosely.

“Don’t worry, it’s going to be fun.” Mark saw the wink from the mirror in front of them and grimaced. “I just want to.. Hm. Be a little bit helpful.”

“Helpful? What do you mean?”

“Ohh, nothing much. I just have eyes, you know.” And then she was gone again after quickly ruffling Mark’s hair.

Had she seen through Mark like he was an open book, ready to be read? _Crap_.

Two hours later Mark felt like he had been squeezed dry from any energy he might have had when he woke up.

They had done this thing to his hair.. It had been dyed and no one had bothered to tell him it was a permanent colour until it was too late and when Noi popped up to examine the results, she only nodded approvingly.

_“That blond was SO 90’s. Welcome to this century darling.”_

The colour wasn’t bad but still.. The brown shade actually fit him but as he had had very little to say about it he was kind of disgruntled. Then it had been trimmed and styled up to suit his outfit that followed after. He had been dressed up in black mesh shirt, absolutely too revealing, and torn up black jeans. Thankfully they gave him a loose knitted black hoodie with extremely long sleeves to put on. Mark thought he looked a bit too gothic in this attire, but apparently that was what they were going after.

He had been made to sit still for so long and after the hair, the make-up and the outfit were done Mark barely recognized his reflection anymore from the mirror.

Then he was marched out to a nearby park and made to stand next to old crumbling statues and ancient fountains still filled with clear running water with a bouquet of black and white dried flowers in his arms. He was awkward and stiff, at least he felt like it, but he must have done something right because no one was complaining.

Noi was smiling smugly the whole time the crew had been grilling Mark in front of the cameras. Mark had thought he would die from embarrassment or something similar, but to his great surprise he didn’t find standing in front of the camera so difficult or uncomfortable. Of course he would _never_ admit he actually had _liked_ it.

“ _Merci, chéri! C’était fantastique!_ ” This was the last thing Mark heard before Noi whisked him away again, she quite calmly informed him he’d done a _super awesome_ job and he could keep the clothes. Of course he tried to say no but Noi wasn’t even listening.

Mark’s head was spinning and he really hoped he would have a long moment to himself. And he realized, sitting quietly in the taxi all by himself back to the hotel, his own clothes packed in a bag and still wearing the outrageous attire because he hadn’t had time to change, he wished he could be alone with Jackson for a while. His presence soothed Mark’s high strung nerves and calmed him down just by being there, somewhere near.

At this point Mark was ready to ignore the possible fury and anger from Youngjae or Bambam, if there even would be any, and simply crawl close to Jackson and sleep right next to him, snuggled up really close.

The tingling excitement bubbled inside him. Now that he was absolutely sure Jackson was free, well kind of, to do what he wished there really was nothing that could, or should, hold Mark back from taking the next significant step. Though he kind of wished Jackson would do something to initiate a conversation or anything that would give them the excuse to talk about this all. Or _do_ something.

Doing was preferable, you could always talk later..

~

“Jackson, you should have seen him!” Noi squealed after she came back from her private adventures and was now nuzzling her face against Bambam’s who had jumped in her arms the second she had returned. She sat down on the couch, the boy still clutching to her tightly, like he was a baby koala. “Mark here has talent.” She winked conspiratorially at Mark who in return turned slightly pink. “He could be great, with some guidance, but I guess he prefers to be boring and look after such adorable young ones, like Youngjae and my sweet bee!”

“I’m actually sorry I can’t see the results.” Jackson smiled. Mark remained stubbornly quiet, staring resolutely at his phone and not anyone else in the room. Jackson eyed him again, still trying to get used to the sudden new hair colour Mark had.

But _damn_ , did Mark look good. Almost too good to be true.

It had been a shock to see him storm in from the door a few hours later after Noi had dragged him away with her, and get a glimpse of the clothes he was wearing. _Sweet fuck_.. Jackson fervently wished he’d had a camera in his hands because that shirt.. It was illegal to wear such things over that body, it really was. Luckily, the memory of seeing Mark looking like that was imprinted in Jackson’s brains.

All three of them, Jackson and the boys, had been gaping mouths open at Mark who had fled into his room and refused to come out before he had changed his clothes and washed the make-up away. Not that he looked any less handsome in his normal clothes, but still. It would have been fun to watch him being so over the top dressed up.

“I can send you the pictures later..” Noi whispered enough loud that Mark definitely heard her, which probably was her intention anyway. Jackson chuckled. The mixture of irritation and bashfulness fighting for dominance on Mark’s face amused him to no end.

“No.. I think I’ll rather see them if Mark shows them to me himself.” Jackson answered Noi just as conspiratorially as she was acting. It was fun to watch how sulky Mark got when teased like this.

“Can’t show you anything when I haven’t seen the pictures either.. And I’m going to throttle the first who tries to frame any and put them on the wall.” Mark grunted, quickly eyeing both Noi and Jackson and then back down to stare at his phone.

“So vicious.” Jackson clutched his shirt, pretending deep hurt. “Would you really be so offended if we built you a shrine and worship your ethereal beaut-” A pillow hit him square in the face and cut away the words. Jackson actually laughed this time.

“Now I definitely won’t let you see anything!” Mark huffed, though Jackson was pretty sure he saw the corner of his mouth twitching.

“He is so violent. I feel mentally abused.” Jackson pouted at Noi, ignoring Mark for the moment and pretended he was shocked beyond words.

“Kiss and make up?” Noi only sniggered, her eyes shining and hugging Bambam closer to her chest.

“Oh, Mark is a wuss, he wouldn’t dare.” Jackson giggled, winking at Noi and Bambam.

“Who you calling a wuss?” Mark growled low, glaring straight at Jackson now. The way that voice resonated inside him and how those eyes bore through his skull was almost burning, and Jackson really wished there was no one else in the room except him and Mark. Then things might have gotten somewhere _really_ nice.

“You, obviously.” Jackson stuck his tongue out at Mark who in return frowned.

“I’ll show you wuss...” And then Mark was right there in front of Jackson, having moved so fast Jackson didn’t have time to react in any way, and was grabbing his ears with both hands. Their faces were just an inch away and for a moment they just stared at each other, eyes locked in intense glaring.

Jackson could count the individual eyelashes around Mark’s eyes; they were even prettier from up close, the colour highlighted by the early afternoon sunlight, turning the shade pale brown.

Jackson thought this was the moment he had dreamt of, at least that was what he hoped, though he hadn’t really hoped this sort of thing to happen in front of Noi and Bambam..

But then Mark leaned in and kissed Jackson noisily on his cheek.

Jackson’s heart was racing and he felt like his knees had turned to jelly when Mark was already fleeing the scene, laughing that idiotic, precious high-pitched laughter of his and Jackson couldn’t do much else except stare after Mark shocked.

~

The following day Noi was gone for most of the day, the shooting taking her attention completely. Bambam was slightly upset about it until he heard they were going to be spending the day doing almost anything he wanted to do.

Noi had left them a car to use, with a driver of course, but Jackson thought it to be more exciting to just go and get lost in the big city.

He was in dire need of a bit of goofing around as he was still having unpleasant vibes from the dinner he had had with Noi’s parents the night before. That particular gathering didn’t occur often so he tolerated it just to amuse Noi. For the love of anything Jackson couldn’t however think of any reasons why they even kept the pretense up anymore; the heir was alive and kicking and none of the old folk was too keen on being that familiar with any of them. It would make very little difference would they divorce or not.

Then there was the fact that Jackson wanted to stop pretending and tell his parents the whole truth about himself. He loved them too much to keep on lying forever. It had gotten harder the more the years passed and now the whole situation was like a huge mountain to climb.

It was a warm day and it would probably turn even hotter the more the hours would pass. Jackson and Mark both took a back bags and stuffed them with snacks and water just to have something available when things would require fueling the kids up.

They headed out and into the subway, struggling to read the confusing map to figure out the correct route to their destination. A few slipped curses and mistakes later the lot of them stepped out into the bright sunlight again and simply followed the crowd heading the same direction as they were.

Bambam and Youngjae had been more than a bit sad that their sorely missed friend couldn’t be here with them, they had had a short and slightly emotional Skype call with Yugyeom in the morning and had promised to bring loads of souvenirs back to him when they would once again be united.

The longing for their friend didn’t prevent the two boys from having fun though; when they finally reached the huge park filled with _anything_ you could ever imagine your kid wanting to do, the longing was cast aside quicker than anyone could spell hopscotch.

When they found an opportunity to leave the boys in the hands of a couple of dance instructors Jackson and Mark gladly did so, just to get a breather for themselves and because the boys were so obviously excited to learn some street dance. They left them in the capable hands of the professionals and headed away from the canopied area where the cluster of kids was gathered.

The sun had disappeared behind a sudden veil of clouds but Jackson didn’t let that dampen his mood, just led Mark to a nearby bench where they could still watch the kids scrambling around and looking absolutely silly.

“Maybe I should put Bam up for dancing lessons this year. I know Yugyeom has been begging to get on one since last year. Might do him good to have something else other than school on his mind. Or chasing girls when the time comes.. I have a feeling he’s going to break hearts when he grows up.” Jackson groaned, leaning heavily to the back of the bench.

“He’d take up on both his parents then.” Mark shot him a crooked smile and opened the bag he had placed at his feet. “Water?” He offered Jackson a bottle.

“You’re an angel. A lying one, but still an angel.” Jackson snorted, but took the water. “If squirt takes up on Noi more than he already has he’s going to end up a long legged giraffe with a heart of gold. The heart obviously comes from me, the legs from her. Mine are so short and thick.” Jackson grinned. He was absolutely sure however that Bambam would turn out to be a good person, he just _knew_ it somehow.

“A giraffe with a golden heart? Your thoughts amaze me.” Mark laughed softly, tilting his head back, the bottle of water on his lips. Jackson couldn’t help it, not one bit. He was staring at the sight in earnest; the tilt of Mark’s head just brought out more prominently the arch of his neck that was already way too awesome in Jackson’s opinion. The way he swallowed the water his eyes closed, that one single droplet escaping his lips and running down only to disappear under the collar of Mark’s shirt, as if mocking Jackson that he wasn’t allowed to see the rest of the journey it would make.

Jackson really wished he could say something coherent, but his brains had emptied the moment he had been graciously given this opportunity to see something so incredibly sexy.

“There’s nothing wrong with your thighs.” Mark’s words snapped Jackson back to reality and he averted his eyes, flushing. He tried to hide the small smile trying to force its way up to his lips by turning his head away and fixing his eyes on the kids instead.

They fell silent, simply enjoying the cool wind and the happy laughter around them making them smile as well, and because Jackson couldn’t think of what to say to such compliment, other than being secretly pleased about it.

“You know I think I never thanked you.” Jackson said after being quiet a long while.

“For what?”

“For giving us a home when we were in dire need of it.” It might sound odd, but it was the truth; had it not been for Mark’s suggestion to live together Jackson and Bambam might be.. well, who knew where. This was much better in every possible way.

“Oh.” Mark turned his head and looked at Jackson, his face serious for some reason. “It was quite selfish of me to be honest.”

“Why?”

“Because I.. um.” Mark averted his eyes, staring at the kids following instructions. “I guess I was a bit lonely before you moved in. And I like living with you and Bambam. We both do, Youngjae and me. It’s hard to imagine a life without you anymore. So I guess I should be the one thanking you.”

Jackson was slightly baffled. Ok, so it wasn’t exactly news to him that they got along really well, but the unexpected burst of honesty took him by surprise.

He was about to say something when a sudden rain fell on them. They bolted up from the bench and ran under a nearby huge tree and its branches that offered them some cover. To Jackson’s surprise he heard Mark laughing when they got into safety.

“You ok?” Jackson stared at Mark, baffled.

“Yeah, never better.” Mark beamed at him, the smile so wide and shining it almost blinded Jackson on the spot.

Jackson watched as Mark leaned his back on the tree trunk, pushing his hair away from his eyes with both hands. The brown locks were just a bit too short to go behind his ears even when they were slightly wet, as they now were, thanks to the rain. Jackson reached over anyway and brushed the loose stands away from Mark’s forehead. Futile gesture from him, but he felt like touching him, the sight so endearing.

What he really wanted to do was to use this opportunity, as it was so goddamn perfect with the kids’ gone and them standing under the canopy of leaves, and just put a stop to this dancing around. But he didn’t really know would that be a good idea in such a public place where there were other people to witness it all.

“Do you like this colour?” Mark asked, raising his chin up and smiling at Jackson. It was like there was an internal light behind those brown eyes, making them shine when Mark looked at him. It twisted the knots in his stomach so much he had to check if he still had a pulse.

“Yeah. But I think you’d look good in any colour.” Jackson let his fingers weave the hair slowly. He’d been itching to touch Mark ever since that good night kiss. “Though you always look good.” Tentatively he trailed his fingertips down Mark’s chin. He was suddenly breathing faster and more shallowly, his heart thumping heavily, his eyes fixed on Mark’s lips this time. Why, heavens forbid, was it possible to give someone such a stupefyingly sensual mouth? It wasn’t fair to leave the rest of the mortals to be envious.

Mark stood still, not for once flinching away when Jackson leaned closer, he just looked down at the ground and Jackson was pretty sure he saw a shadow of a smile playing on the corner of Mark’s mouth.

“Look at that! Isn’t that disgusting?” A loud comment from nearby jerked Jackson’s head out of the pleasant clouds he was floating in.

He froze in the middle of his movement and he could see how Mark went stiff as well. They both understood quite well that what had been said was directed at them. Anger flared inside Jackson like a beacon lit up with fuel.

He wanted to protest, loudly too, but starting a shouting war with a stranger or two wasn’t a good option, not now or ever.

“Let’s just amp up the gay factor a bit more if it’s so disgusting.” Jackson muttered under his breath to Mark who was following Jackson’s movements from under his lashes and just cocked his eyebrows ever so slightly in return.

Jackson tried to be casual when he took Mark by his hands and pulled him off from the tree trunk. He then moved so that he was standing behind Mark and wrapped his arms from there around Mark’s waist, hugging him close to his chest. Unbelievable what stupid shit people could say without the trace of modesty. His insides twisted unpleasantly, the irritation blurring his vision. Jackson placed his chin on Mark’s shoulder and huffed, irked.

“They’re idiots. Let it go.” Mark seemed to be smiling, his fingers taking a firm hold of Jackson’s hands now resting over Mark’s stomach. Mark leaned his weight into the embrace better, sighing audibly.

“They make my blood boil, and feel quite violent too.” Jackson mumbled. He was battling down the annoyance and trying to let the closeness of their bodies sweep over any negativity, but it was hard, no matter how much he loved it when he got a chance to be like this.

“Always a possibility, but I doubt French prisons are worth a fight over being called disgusting.”

“Well..” Jackson drawled and, just to add to the scandal of being openly affectionate with another guy more spices, he buried his face to Mark’s neck, closing his eyes. “I guess Bambam would be put out if I wouldn’t go home with him.”

“ _Just_ Bambam?” Mark almost giggled. “You’re underestimating yourself.” He leaned his head to the side, leaning on Jackson’s head. “I bet Noi would kick your ass to moon. Not to mention what I would do to you.”

“Oh?”

“I’d have to pay the bills all by myself. What a horrible prospect.”

Jackson just burst out laughing, the irritation slowly evaporating and leaving him happily hugging Mark who wasn’t even trying to get away.

Not bad. Not bad at all.

~

Jackson leaned back in his chair, heaving a pleased sigh and patting his stomach. He was superbly pleased; the whole week, the weather, the food, the company.. It had all been exceptionally fabulous for many reasons.

Or maybe it was the season, the Paris summertime that made him so light-hearted and happy.

He glanced at the others by their round table and smiled. Mark was wiping a stain of ice cream off from Bambam’s face, Jackson didn’t usually bother with that stuff, the kid would just dirty his face soon again, but the restaurant they were in was incredibly expensive and along with that came of course the slightly stiff etiquette, which Mark was too aware of. Never the less, Jackson mused, the sight of Mark attending to his son was somewhat endearing and cute. He didn’t mind it, nor did Bambam for that matter, and it was fun to let Mark fawn over both boys in his own quiet way.

Noi was yawning majestically, her hand gently entangled with Honey’s hand on the table for anyone to see, the latter idly rotating the red wine in her glass she held in her free hand.

Jackson didn’t mind Honey. Not one bit.

She was quiet and straightforward, pretty in a way that was somehow mysterious under all the effeminate clothing she wore; the white collar shirt, buttons opened half-way down, the high-waist suit pants and heavy boots on her feet. The short black hair was styled like male models usually had; spiky, messy and uneven. It all fit her, and she fit next to Noi who was almost as tall as Honey was, the complete opposite with her overflowing femininity, painted lips, high heels and flowing evening gown. They looked good together, Jackson admitted that.

He’d been so lucky to find a partner for this insane masquerade who had become his friend as well. Not all people were that lucky, he’d heard some upsetting stories along the way as the circles tended to be rather small, no matter how big the city you lived in.

He glanced at Mark again and a small bundle of knots tightened in his stomach. Mark looked stunning, as usual. Tonight he had a black collar shirt, dark suit pants and new shiny dress shoes on, all of that Noi had basically forced Mark to put on, and no one in their right mind tried to say no to her. His brown hair was messy but absolutely fabulous, his skin almost luminous in the soft glowing light of the restaurant and his face relaxed and attentive as he listened to what the kids were talking about.

Jackson loved watching Mark in this setting. He looked almost angelic with his pale complexion and ethereal features, a striking contrast to his dark attire. Maybe it was the wine and the strange scent in the air; that weird flowery and rich fragrance of some promise and adventure yet unrevealed to him that made Jackson’s mind spin gently and his heart beat harder, his whole being yearning to be close with the one he wanted.

He sighed again, closing his eyes for a second, the relaxed atmosphere settling in him like a comforting blanket, the wine smoothing his already non-existing worries away.

“We’re going to take the kids and got back to the hotel, and put them to bed. You two enjoy the night a bit longer.” Noi suddenly piped up, abruptly standing up. Jackson opened his eyes and frowned.

“You really don’t have to.” Jackson started to get up but Honey put her slender hand up and shook her head.

“We’ll take care of it.” Her rich voice always startled Jackson, no matter how many times he had heard it over the years. He gave in. It was useless anyway to be concerned when there were two respectable adults to take care of their offspring. Not that he didn’t trust Noi, it just.. it was just a matter of principles, ok?

Mark remained quiet, observing the others. When the boys got up he just reached over to kiss Youngjae’s head quickly and wished the group good night quietly, watching Noi and Honey marching the unusually sombre boys away with them.

When they were gone Mark turned around, poured his glass almost full, brought it to his lips and drank deeply. Jackson followed this with his eyes almost narrowed.

“Now I can relax.” Mark exhaled finally, turning his head and locking his eyes on Jackson.

“Only now?” Jackson quirked his brows.

“You know what I mean. I don’t really like drinking alcohol in front of children. Not even if it’s the custom in here.” He smiled apologetically at Jackson, who relaxed immensely.

“Yeah. I don’t like it much either. Good to have babysitters with us, right?” He chuckled. “Leaves us some quality time together.” Jackson winked at Mark.

“Something like that..” Mark’s mumble disappeared into the glass he brought back to his lips.

The wine was good, the company even more so and their conversation flowed freely from subject to subject. Nothing really serious, just remembering funny accidents from their day to Cite des Enfants and laughing at the memories of Bambam jumping into the pool where he was definitely not supposed to jump. They emptied the bottle in tranquil atmosphere and before they knew it, they were at the end of a second bottle.

The unsaid tension and anticipation forgotten for once, Jackson simply being glad he had someone to laugh and be stupid with without any intentions of eloping with Mark.

Not that he wouldn’t do that if given the chance.

Jackson was feeling tipsy, or maybe a bit more. His view was slightly rotating when he tried to focus his eyes on something, but not too much. Next to him Mark’s eyes were half closed, his cheeks tinged with the cutest shade of pink. The humming sound of other guests talking in various languages left Jackson’s ears buzzing.

He had to sober up a bit before going to bed because flying with a hangover squeezing his guts and brains wasn’t his first option if he could just avoid it somehow.

“Let’s go and walk around a bit.” Jackson scrambled up, and regretted it the moment he’d done it. He was way more drunk that he had thought he was, the alcohol shooting right up to his head and then trickling down to his feet, making them feel like pudding. _Sneaky liquid.._ You couldn’t really tell if you were intoxicated or not when you just kept your ass nailed to the chair. At least not until you got up and it all hit you hard with a toy hammer in the head.

“Jackson.. I don’t think I can really.. walk very well.” Mark’s soft voice came so close Jackson snapped his head up and almost hit their heads together. When had Mark gotten up too? This was so silly, it wasn’t _that_ much they had consumed. Or was it?

“It’ll do good for us.” Jackson wrapped his arm around Mark’s shoulders and steered them out of the restaurant and into the lift that would take them down to the street level again. Maybe the world wouldn’t spin like paper windmills there.

“You know..” Mark was slurring a bit, taking support from the lift wall with one hand. It was kind of cute. “Your wife’s a pretty awesome person.”

“Yeah, she is. Causes me a headache but she _is_ kind of special.”

“But I don’t get it.” Mark abruptly turned to face Jackson, missed one step and stumbled against him, their faces only a few inches away from smashing together. Jackson could see the dilated pupils and count the many eyelashes framing Mark’s eyes. _Abort! Abort! Too fucking close!_ He would do something soon if Mark didn’t get his balance back and stand on his own because Jackson really didn’t want their first kiss to be initiated in such a hazy state.

“What?” Jackson managed to exhale. It did seem like the perfect opportunity to just lean in and do what he wanted to do but.. Call it vanity or perfectionism, but he wanted the kiss to be at least somewhat romantic. Not a drunken snog in an elevator.

Jackson was saved when Mark opened his mouth again.

“Why did you marry if you’re both…” Mark struggled with the word. They struggled their way out of the building and onto the pavement, the walking, if you could call it that, distancing them and Jackson was able to breathe more freely again. Mark glanced around him before whispering loudly the last word. “Gay.”

“I don’t know. Preserving family honor, the public image, shit like that. Being selfish and wanting a kid.” Jackson shrugged and jolted when Mark leaned close again, their noses touching this time. Jackson felt his heart jumping from the sudden closeness again. He would seriously have a heart attack soon.

“You look so damn good.” Mark was so fucking close Jackson could feel his breath on his face.

“Uh. Thanks.” Jackson gulped. Drunken Mark was definitely a lot more initiative than sober Mark, that much was for sure. “So do you. You always do.” He couldn’t lie, not when it was so easy to say what was on his mind.

“Aww, thanks Jacks.” The smile that spread onto Mark’s face was like sun rising from behind the horizon. And then the man was gone from his side. Mark had obviously decided he wanted to walk further down the street. “I wanna see the Seine by night.” Mark was gesturing Jackson to follow him, uncertain on his feet. “I want to see it with you.” Something about the tone and the way Mark pointed one finger straight at Jackson made him feel like he was walking on clouds.

They stumbled down the narrow street, giggling and laughing at nothing in particular, poking each other and from time to time walking hands around each other, not minding one bit how close they were and how good it felt to feel the other pressing close.

They reached, after what felt like an hour, the river running through Paris. It was, as they said, stunning. The walking and the cool night air had cleared Jackson’s mind enough to see properly again, even though he knew he was still quite heavily on the tipsy side.

They leaned on the heavy stone railing, looking towards the Eiffel tower, the lights shining in the night.

“It’s gorgeous.” Mark sighed. He pushed his hair away from his eyes, the usual futile attempt as the hair just always kept falling back down.

“Yeah. It is.”Jackson admitted, though his eyes were on Mark, not on the scenery around him.

“I wish I could always feel like this.” Mark sounded almost sad when he said that.

“Like what?”

“Happy.”

“Why can’t you?” Jackson turned his back to the river, his eyes on Mark’s silhouette. He was so stupefyingly handsome.

“I don’t know. It makes no sense.” Mark frowned, his eyes moving away from the twinkling electric lights that illuminated the city and blocked the starlight from above. He looked at Jackson and smiled. “But I know I’m happy when I’m with you.”

Well, if that wasn’t a confession of sorts, Jackson didn’t know what was. His heart was fluttering, it was hard to breathe and the air seemed to heat up around them. He felt quite self-conscious, too aware of everything around him and everything his body was doing. Like how his stomach was coiling slowly and anxiously, waiting for the next thing to happen.

“I feel happy too when I’m with you.” It was an easy thing to admit, there was nothing too revealing about it, but Jackson did wish he’d have said something more. Just something a bit more deeper and meaningful, but.. alas, his mind was echoing empty when he needed to think something other than the nervousness clutching to his guts.

Mark chuckled softly in response, the gesture warming Jackson’s heart.

The silence fell on them like a blanket; heavy with unsaid words. Mark was staring down into the murky waters and Jackson, his back against the cool stone, at the buildings and passing cars. The atmosphere had changed and now the air was thick with expectations neither of them knew how to start expressing.

Jackson could almost hear his own heartbeat and it boomed like church bells inside his head.

Suddenly Mark moved and Jackson instinctively mirrored it, not really even realizing what they were doing until they were face to face, so close Jackson could once again feel Mark’s breath on his face and smell the hairspray and aftershave. How many times had this already happened tonight? Or this week? Jackson ran out of fingers while trying to count.

Everything seemed to stop around them. The time and space standing still as they stood there, eyes locked into a gaze that was slightly nervous, twitchy and yearning. Jackson swallowed hard, his mind reeling. He was half afraid what would happen, and half hoping something _would_ happen.

His vision went dark when Mark leaned in and ever so faintly brushed his lips against Jackson’s mouth.

_Oh dear gods._

Jackson’s world was whirling fast, the fleeting sensation on his lips doubling the anticipation inside him. He wanted to move but he was so afraid Mark would run off if he acted on his feelings. The lips on his were warm and dry, slightly open. It was insane to feel this now, insane because he had been daydreaming about this for so long and now that it was happening he didn’t dare to move a muscle, lest he would scare Mark away.

Then Mark wasn’t there anymore, he pulled away and Jackson felt a cold shiver running down his spine.

Jackson let out the breath he had been holding in. It was now or never. He would have to do something or they would part right here and right now, and that would not be a good thing. He dared a peek from under his lids and found Mark still standing there close to him, but his head was bowed down and his face shadowed by the darkness.

Jackson could feel the cheerful tipsiness evaporating, the sullen aftermath threatening to take him over. Had Mark thought it a bad idea to do that? He should do something, like, right now, shouldn’t he?

“Let’s go back to the hotel.” Mark mumbled, not looking at Jackson, his shoulders slumping.

Jackson couldn’t find his voice. Mark already moved away from him, taking a step to the side, but then he apparently changed his mind and looked up at Jackson, frowning slightly.

“No, wait.” Mark’s eyes seemed unnaturally large, his irises almost pitch black and eerie, the whites of his eyes not visible at all, like he was not human at all, but some strange beautiful creature. Jackson inhaled slowly, trying to calm his rampant emotions, trying to find some kind of balance and figure out a really smooth way to deal with this, because he feared the next thing that would happen wouldn’t be so nice.

His fear was unnecessary.

Jackson didn’t have time to react in any way before his world kind of disappeared from around him.

The next second Mark was there leaning in again, the tips of their noses touching. The air seemed to tremble as they stood there, lingering in the anxious moment of cheer thrill of almost doing something, before it was too much to wait.

Jackson wasn’t sure who moved first, all he knew that finally, _finally_ , he was kissing the lips he had been dreaming of for so long.

He let out a silent sigh into the kiss, tilting his head to the side and carefully draping his arms around Mark’s waist and pulling them as close as it was possible. It felt _amazing_.

Time stopped again, everything spinning. Every sound, every whisper of the city that was alive, even during this late hour, was muffled to Jackson’s ears; he concentrated on the feel over his lips, the smell of the skin so close, the marvelous sensation the whole situation created inside him.

The kiss was sweet and tentative, kind of awkward because it was their first one, but holy shit it was good to be doing this. Jackson held tightly on Mark; he felt with every damn fibre of his body the tension between them, felt the longing bursting open from its restraints and how he was unable to prevent himself from drowning under the wave of happiness he now felt.

Mark’s hands rested on Jackson’s hips, gripping the hem of his collar shirt loosely, the fabric wrinkling. The hands were warm, even through the fabric Jackson could feel the warmth radiating. It was comforting and felt like that was what Mark was designated to do; hold on to Jackson like that.

His stomach lurched when Mark parted his lips and the tip of his tongue brushed against Jackson’s lips. The sensation made his knees go so weak he was sure he would crumble on the ground soon. A soft sound rose from his throat after that particular touch on his bottom lip.

He couldn’t deny the need coiling more and more insistently inside him.

Jackson tightened his hold around the narrow waist, hands moving carefully over Mark’s lower back and tilted his head more just enough to gain even better access. This was like a dream come true, and it was, to be really honest, _brilliant_. To have those lips pressed against his mouth? Half the world was groaning in jealousy right now because he could do that, just him, and no one else.

The kiss remained sweet and innocent although it was almost bordering passionate. A sudden clank of a passing car snapped them awake from the blissful dream they had shared, breathing laboured, cheeks flushed and lips plush and moist, hovering over their counterpart, the air moving between them, almost quivering.

Jackson inhaled deeply, the night air mixed with the smell of hairspray and everything that was Mark, all of it going up his head like the wine he had consumed earlier. He was happier than he had ever been, but he couldn’t utter a single word to announce it out loud.

Mark remained quiet as well, leaning his forehead on Jackson’s, his eyes closed and bottom lip securely sucked between his teeth. Even this sight was almost too much for Jackson to bear; his heart clenched nearly painfully.

He was torn between bliss and uncertainty, but for crying out loud.. He was so _happy_.

They walked back in silence, fingers brushing against each other while they walked, but the merriment was obviously gone for the night and a different kind of nervous cheerfulness was lurking just behind their shoulders, but it was still too careful to come out into the open. They were reaching the goal, but still they weren’t quite there; the lack of words leaving them unsure what to do next.

Neither of them said anything until they reached the suite, sneaking carefully in, trying to keep the noises to a minimum. Jackson’s heart was suddenly heavy with worry. Would tomorrow prove to be a morning when everything had gone back to where it had been? Had something gone wrong? Or were things just waiting to be confirmed with words neither him, nor Mark, were ready to say out loud yet?

“Hey, Mark?” Jackson called softly before Mark could disappear from his sight. The uncertainty of what was going to happen tomorrow fluttering anxiously in Jackson’s stomach. He pushed aside for now, reaching out to take Mark’s hand when the other turned to look at him. Jackson pulled Mark close, leaning in and capturing Mark’s lips into a soft and slow kiss that sent such tremors down his spine it was hard to remain still and not go all limp from his knees. It just felt so damn good to be doing this. “Good night..” He mumbled against Mark’s mouth. He didn’t actually ever want to be away from Mark again and he hoped the painful insecurity inside his heart would lessen soon.

Things were ok, weren’t they? They were ok, right?

“Good night.” Mark offered Jackson a soft smile and pecked his lips once more, before walking away and disappearing into his and Youngjae’s room with a final glance back at Jackson from the door.

Jackson’s heart skipped a beat or two and he thought he could walk above the ground for the rest of his life when this all would be sealed with a kiss.

Well, they’d already done that so words would be just as good. Whenever that would be.

The last thing Jackson saw that night was a note attached to his door.

_“So, did you kiss? Remember protection kids!”_

~

_I can’t believe it happened. After so many times of just wishing and hoping and dreaming of it.. And after so many whoops-our-heads-are-knocking-together-moments.. It finally happened. And it was wonderful and blissful and whatever other extremely spiffy adjectives there can be to describe how it felt to kiss Jackson. A-fucking-mazing._

_Yet I still feel uncertain. What is wrong with me? I get to do a lip lock with Jackson, more than once actually, but here I am, being unsure are we going somewhere or what the fuck is going to happen next._

_Because the next morning we didn’t have time to talk at all. Cuz obviously kids and Noi and Honey were there and then Bam realized we’d be going home without his mother… Yeah, that wasn’t pleasant at all. I think he is still being very unhappy even now that we are back at home._

_That kind of scares me.. To think how the kids are going to react when, IF, me and Jackson decide it’s ok to tell them that we’d like to fuck each others brains out. Well, not using those words but, you get the gist._

_I don’t know how to start the conversation. I just try to be as normal as possible, but every time Jackson looks at me it’s like something is churning inside me and I want to hold him close and push him against the wall and do all the dirty things rotating in my mind._

_So, the kissing is done. Now what?_

_Wonder if Jinyoungie would take the kids so I could talk with Jackson properly._

_M_

~

_Fucking life.._

_So.. Paris happened._

_I mean IT happened. That. Heavy flirting. Fluffy things. KISSING._

_Oh em gee.. I can’t believe it was real. I mean seriously? And it was Mark who initiated the kiss so now I’m absolutely sure we can go and be lovey dovey at some point._

_It was a fun trip, could do it again. Noi was her usual self and gave me too many openings to get closer with Mark. Damn she’s sharp. Kids loved it, tho there were some moments when they whined that Yugyeom wasn’t there with us. Maybe next time._

_Had a dreadful dinner with Noi’s old geezers. Still can’t believe they actually eat the shit me and Noi feed them. I’d like to come out of the damn closet but what good would that do to anyone. It’s not like I have to see them very often. I bet they know, but.. public image and all that shit._

_OH. MY. GOD._

_I kissed Mark!!_

_It felt so damn good and I thought I would faint or something cuz my knees were spaghetti at that point where he was kissing me and shit, my whole body was like YES YES YES!_

_But it was unfortunate that we didn’t talk at all. So the matter is still kinda unsolved. I know were getting somewhere but now we have to talk about it, and that..  That is hard because there’s now time between the kiss and the words we should have talked back then._

_Bambam threw a fucking fit when he realized Noi wasn’t coming back with us, so the moment to talk with Mark flew out of window the next morning. Butthead was impossible at the airport, he was impossible during the flight and he is still being a nasty little shit now that we are back at home. I wanted to die because like hell it’s anywhere near awesome to have a kid kicking and crying at you in public._

_Managed to calm him down just by simply keeping him in a hug. Took a loooong time to shut him up. I’m exhausted._

_Ok fine, I get why he is so upset, I would be too.. But this just makes it a bit more harder to tell him I want to be with Mark and not his mother though he should know dead old Daddy doesn’t swing in the direction of women. This ride I am not going to enjoy.._

_I’ll go and cry behind a corner if Mark wants to forget the kisses we had. Honestly, I will!_

_Ok I won’t._

_God, I’m so tired and I just want to deal with this all.. Mark and BB. Wonder what Youngjae thinks.._

_J-fail_


	11. Two hearts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, heads up. I feel like I have to warn you that in this chapter we'll be having a talk about being manipulated and taken advantage of. If that makes you uncomfortable then I suggest you skip the first half of this chapter. It's quite minor, but it's there.
> 
> Other than that it's a bit of a rollercoaster ride. We'll have some rare shipping here and JJP back in picture. And buttload of markson stuff that makes me want to roll around on the floor.
> 
> Also, there is a question in the diary part. ;) You are free to answer it!
> 
> Love you all <3

“Yoongi. I don’t think I can take this anymore. I mean I might actually explode soon.” Mark was staring up at the ceiling, sprawled on the couch that had seen its better days. It had been saved from a friend of a friend who was throwing his things away, years ago by now. Why exactly this particular worn out piece of weathered black leather and wood had ended up in their custody, and was now located in here, Mark really had no idea. Back in the days, when they had been young and excited about everything, and before the whole thing with Soyi happened, Mark and Yoongi had both been quite carefree and happy, and worn out furniture had been the least of their problems.

“Ok. Why exactly are you going to go and pop? You hopped on a plane with your secret, or not so secret, crush and his wife, flew to the _city of love_..” Yoongi’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. “..discovered the wife is a bean flicker and.. Then what?” Yoongi turned his chair, it squeaked loudly, and stared at Mark. Mark didn’t see his face but he could imagine the beady eyes drilling a hole or two through his skull.

“I kissed him.” Mark groaned, still in shock that he had done that. Just where had he gotten the balls to do it, he didn’t even begin to guess. But it had happened and it had been better than he had hoped it would ever be, and he wanted to do it again. “I kissed him when I was drunk, well kind of drunk, and we didn’t talk about it afterwards, and now the kids are in the way all the time and we haven’t had a moment of peace to do _anything_.”

“Ok? I get the part where you go pecking someone out of the blue when you're drunk, but why can’t you just chuck the kids out? Sure those neighbors of yours would be glad to help.” Yoongi wasn’t very graceful with his words, and usually got straight to the point, but Mark appreciated the frankness, though sometimes he wished he could have gotten even just a teeny tiny layer of sugar coating. “Why _are_ you so upset?”

“Because I want to do it again.” Mark mumbled. “I’ve never kissed a guy before and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Seriously, it’s stuck in my head so bad I keep dreaming of kissing Jackson all the fucking time and I shouldn’t because I should be a respectable parent and UGH, I’m a bad person who falls too easily for someone who has been nice to me.” Yoongi remained quiet for so long Mark sat up and finally looked at his friend. What a peculiar face Yoongi was making. “What’s that face supposed to mean?”

“Well..” Yoongi drawled, grimacing and rubbing his neck, trying to look like he didn’t have a dark secret he had been harboring for years. “First of all; you’re not a bad person, and you’re a good father so stop whining about it.”

“And?” Mark stared at Yoongi his eyes narrowed, dread twisting his guts.

“And.. It’s not like you haven’t kissed a guy before, so you can stop worrying that you’d be somehow easily influenced.” Yoongi didn’t even blink when he said that. Mark thought he had forgotten how to breathe.

“…what.” Mark stared. “How would you know?”

“Because you’ve kissed me once. Or twice, three times.. Ok, there was _a lot of_ kissing involved, but I didn’t exactly count because I was so wasted and I had my hands full of.. Well, you.” Yoongi scratched his cheek, pursing his lips, absolutely unabashed to reveal such things.

“You? When? What? How the hell?” Mark just gaped at him. This was getting bizarre the more the comprehension sank in that he had kissed... _Yoongi_.

He’d kissed _this_ particular guy here, sitting by his desk and looking like nothing particularly interesting had just come out of his mouth. _This_ exact person right there; the annoying and temperamental little prick Mark had known since they had been ten years old and had fought about which rapper was best, Mark’s favourite or Yoongi’s.

Oh, for crying out loud. _He’d kissed his best friend_. Why didn’t he remember any of this? Surely one would remember doing such a thing, right?

“Well, how do you think those things usually happen?” Yoongi smirked, rotating his chair around a couple of times just for the sake of it. The chair made a really unpleasant noise that tore Mark’s ears. “We were young, we were drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Nothing romantic, let me assure you, just a bit of fooling around.” He scoffed. “And remember when I told you I’ve flirted maybe once in my life? Yeah, that was the night.” Mark turned paler the more Yoongi talked. “I decided it was too dangerous to flirt, if I could even ensnare my best friend by doing so.” Yoongi flashed an impish grin but then turned serious again. “But something did happen that night I still can’t really understand.”

“And what’s that? Other than that you’ve hit on me, it worked and I have been making out with you as a result, and you never even thought about telling me about it.” Mark choked. He wasn’t sure was he shocked to find out that his gay tendencies weren’t any news after all, or was he simply appalled he had made out with Yoongi. Both seemed good enough reasons to get confused so Mark just frowned, not sure should he laugh or punch his friend.

“Stop being so stiff Mark. We were young, we were intoxicated and it was more than fun. Everyone did it. But, anyway. While we were having a good time, from what I can remember, that little bitchy ex of yours managed to sneak in somehow, and for all I know you were so piss drunk you didn’t even realize she swapped me to her at some point. I know it wasn’t you who I woke up next to, when I started to sober up.”

Mark was silent. The memory of that particular night so hazy in his mind, it had always been, and for the first time it was bothering him more than ever before. He felt slightly nauseated.

“And then about a month or two later you told me you were getting married to that same bitch, and I was like what the fuck dude, you two had never even seen each other before that stupid party. I thought _I_ had more chances with you than that wench, before you came marching in with those idiotic news of yours. I think I'm still mad at you about it.” Yoongi tapped the table thoughtfully with his fingers. “Though, I’m glad we never made it further, I might not be with Jimin, if we had somehow hit it off. Which actually is kind of a disturbing thought, if you think about it. I don’t think we could ever stand each other in a relationship.”

“You got that damn right..” Mark muttered. Dating Yoongi? Ugh, thanks, but no thanks. It was enough to tolerate the git as a friend, and even though Mark loved the guy, he didn’t _love, love_ him.

Mark felt cold. And horrified. Because it was all true, what Yoongi had said about Soyi.

Mark hadn’t known Soyi before that night and had certainly never had any feelings for her. So.. Was this how things happened in real life? People had one night stands while drunk, got busted for not being sane enough to use protection and ended up living their lives in misery with someone they didn’t like? For him and Soyi, things had never been very rosy; they had never had anything physical between them, so their domestic arrangements had been simply practical. Mark had had his own room, and Soyi hers.

The worst part of this all was that Mark _knew_ she didn’t drink. Ever. It kind of made this really sickening, because this meant she’d been sober back then.

“I need to.. I need to think.” Mark choked, his mind spinning so violently he was sure he would faint soon.

“Dude, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. Now that I think about it, it does seem quite bad.” Yoongi, for once in his life, did sound a bit compassionate. Well, Mark couldn’t disagree with him. It _did_ sound really bad. It _was_ really bad.

“For the record, you weren’t bad.” The incredulous smirk Yoongi gave him made Mark shake his head and breathe out a hollow laughter. “It’s in the past now. Does it really matter anymore?” By this he meant her, not himself, and Mark shook his head.

“Not really, once I get over the shock of being played like that.” Mark groaned. “But I am going to have a little talk with her anyway.”

“Yeah, kick her ass good. Verbally, of course. I don’t want to bail you out of jail for beating up a girl.”

~

After Mark was more or less done with his share of the days work, he found himself tapping his steering wheel and glaring up at the house he knew he would in a moment or two, walk over to and face his bitchy little ex and demand some explanations. His workload for the day had been abysmal, to be honest, and by the time Mark had almost fucked an order twice Yoongi actually forced him to leave early. Yoongi didn’t blame him for anything, he simply pointed out that Mark was incapable of thinking properly right now and it would be better if he’d just fuck off and sort his shit out.

Sort his shit out. Hah! Easier said than done.

It was just so hard to think why, just _why_ had all this happened to him and not to someone else. What was the reason behind the coldblooded actions, or was there even any?

Mark really wanted to kick the dreadfully familiar door down, when he reached the house where he knew the witch, who had taunted him for so many years and had made his life miserable, was living right now. Lucky he restrained himself enough to resort only to knocking sharply.

Soyi opened the door, wafting that arrogance around her like she always did, and probably without even realizing it, looking every bit like the shithead she was. Mark's anger only flared when he saw her. The face she pulled when she saw Mark, was a mixture of hatred and smugness.

Good grief, how could anyone be so unpleasant? Mark almost hoped he was capable of doing something really unpleasant to her, but no.. Leaving Youngjae alone with her, or make him an orphan, was _not_ an option. He didn’t want to end up in jail, like Yoongi had said, for beating up a girl. No matter how horrible she was.

“Did you actually take advantage of me while I was drunk?” Mark was so indignant he didn’t even bother to consider where they were standing, and especially didn’t bother to keep his voice down. He didn’t care if the whole fucking world heard what a deceitful _shit_ she was.

“The little weasel finally remembered something, did he?” Soyi didn’t even flinch when the accusations were voiced, which only made the anger bubble more violently inside him. She didn’t even _try_ to deny it.

“Are you seriously even human? Why the hell did you do that to me? I have never done anything wrong to you! Even better, I had never even _talked_ to you before that night!” He was shaking with suppressed rage. “What delusional reality you live in, where you think it’s ok to do that to someone, you piece of shit!”

“You weren’t exactly reluctant back then.” Soyi sneered. “My reality is quite fine, thank you. Yours I’m not so sure of.”

“I was fucking wasted and have no memory of anything. I might have been conscious but, for fucks sake, it was obvious I wasn’t capable of anything remotely sane. If this was reversed I would have been arrested almost immediately and you would have been crying your little eyes out. If you even can cry.” Mark was seeing so much red it was blinding him, the anger eating him from within like there was boiling sulphuric acid in his guts, causing him indescribable pain.

“But it isn’t reversed.” Soyi’s glare was malicious and she made a really ugly grimace.

“But why would you do such a thing?” Mark just couldn’t think of _any_ reason as to why someone could be so cruel.

“Because I get what I want.” Her nose rose higher, defiantly. “You were the best looking guy there, so I had to have you before anyone else would. Though, I thought I could fix you to be better, but you proved to be difficult to control.” She pursed her lips, like it was somehow _Mark’s_ fault they hadn’t been a good match, not _hers_.

“Are you mental? Seriously, are you even bordering any level of decent human behaviour?” Mark snarled. “You took advantage of me while I had no idea what I was doing, and then trapped me into your sick little world? I have no words to express how fucked up you are.”

“Yes. That really is your problem.” Soyi tilted her head, the gesture somewhat corny because it was so innocent, and she quite calmly leaned against the door frame, examining Mark almost curiously. “I am surprised you didn’t realize this earlier.”

“And why is that?” Mark snapped.

“Because when I took over the situation that night, and I was really saving you from ungodly lifestyle, you were glued to that idiot friend of yours. I couldn’t let you turn into _one of them_. I tried to show you a better, and the only path, but no..” The way she said _ungodly lifestyle_ and _one of them_ scorched Mark’s insides. He felt a need to yell, to let the rage out, to lash out because he was so fucking enraged. “Though you did seem to forget your absurd ways, I always suspected you weren’t completely cured.”

If that fateful night had been Mark’s moment of coming out of the closet, it had been buried immediately. His feelings were lost for years after their child was announced to be born and Mark had had no idea of his tendencies until now. And raising Youngjae had been everything to Mark, _everything_. Bringing him up had been Mark’s first priority and he had buried any interest towards anyone with it.

Not really healthy, but it had kept him sort of sane during the time they all had lived together.

He had never had any interest in any of the women swarming around him, whenever he dared to go out, not even before this mess had taken place. Mark always preferred the company of his friends more. Bros before hoes, and all that jazz. He had never realized he could even be inclined to think guys romantically. Until now Mark had thought he just hadn’t met the right woman who would make him happy. But now it turned out that he’d been just waiting for that right _guy_ to sweep him off his feet.

A sudden calmness came over him, the cold hatred washing him void of emotion. Mark stood there glaring at the woman who he had nothing in common with, and the only good thing that had come out of their sick and twisted relationship was Youngjae.

“You do realize that I am going to stop sending Youngjae to you. He does not need a person like you in his life. He’ll be happier without you.” Mark hissed between clenched teeth.

“Yes, you’ve already replaced me with that... _lowly teacher_.” Soyi scoffed, her arms crossed before her lithe frame. “Don’t think I didn’t dig up things about him.” The anger flared up again. How dared she even mention Jackson? Mark felt an overpowering surge of protectiveness over Jackson. The thought that this.. this horrible beast would try to intervene somehow in their lives; to think she would even _breathe_ in Jackson’s direction was absolutely appalling. Jackson, who had done nothing wrong, and who would definitely take such malice to his heart and suffer in silence, didn’t deserve any of this. Mark would never forgive himself if he was the cause of pain to Jackson.

“Leave him out of this. He has done nothing to you.” Mark growled. “If you come anywhere near me and Youngjae, or Jackson, I will take this to court.”

“You wouldn’t win because the mother always wins.” Her eyes narrowed. “But it doesn’t matter. Youngjae is better off with you anyway. You can tell him that I’m dead if it makes you feel any better. And I know you’re aching to say that.” Mark cursed.

“Jesus! You’re pathetic.” He was so pissed off and he had no wish to be in the presence of this... this _person_ any longer. “You make me sick.” Mark turned on his heels and returned to his car, slamming the door shut angrily.

He needed to be alone and think.

~

“Please repeat what you just said, Jackson.”

“We were having a good time, being all flirty and shit. Walked down the streets to have a perfectly movie scene-like moment by the river, then Mark just… He just leaned on me, kissed me, and we were at it for a good while too, but in the end we never talked! And now I don’t know where we are standing.” Jackson moaned, his eyes dark with frustration and face scrunched up. He kicked the punching bag a few times to ease his annoyance.

“Do you really have to talk about it? I mean it’s pretty obvious that you two are on the same page now.” JB held tighter on the bag Jackson was aiming kicks and punches at. “If you ask my opinion, it’s kind of a sealed deal already. I doubt Mark would have initiated any kissing if he didn’t want to do that. Nor do I think that he would still be around if he, for some very odd reason, suddenly hated you.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Jackson didn’t really believe that Mark hated him. They just didn’t have time to address the whole thing that had happened and _that_ was the problem. He wanted to have some closure, to know for sure what he was thinking was what Mark was thinking too. By not talking they were unable to take the next step.

“Things are normal, aren’t they? Nothing has changed?” JB quirked his brows and a compassionate smile rose to his lips.

“That’s the problem. Nothing has changed, though I guess that’s reasonable because we can’t go and be all mushy in front of the boys. If we ever can.” Jackson chewed on his lips, brows furrowed. He stood still for a while, his chest heaving from the exercise and sweat pouring down his neck. “I might have to beg you to take Bam and Youngjae over because this can’t really go on much longer.”

“Whenever the situation allows it, of course we will help.” JB sighed, shaking his head, but smiled none the less.

“I’d be so lost without you and Jinyoung.” Jackson heaved a deep and extremely relieved sigh and grimaced. “How are you and Jinyoungie holding up? You look a bit harassed to be honest.” He eyed his friend, the worry lifting its head as he noted the dark circles around JB’s eyes, the lack of strength in his normally strong posture.

Jaebum hugged the punching bag loosely, smiling gingerly.

“We’re getting by. Taking it hour by hour mostly.”

“That bad, huh?”

“Well..” JB straightened his back, placed his hands behind his head and looked up at the ceiling. “I wouldn’t exactly use the word bad, but it is quite bad. I mean.. I love my children, and I do so with every single cell I have in my body, but I’m so tired because it’s impossible to sleep longer than three to four hours per night and the amount of work is just.. It just never ends! You wouldn’t believe the amount of baby bottles we have right now. And it never seems to be enough.”

“Jaebum..” Jackson frowned. He was certainly worried now. “Do you guys need help? Honestly, anything? You know I’ll climb over the moon if that helps.”

“Just..” JB made a vague gesture, cracking a smile at Jackson’s lame joking. “I have to return to work so would you be so kind and _please_ check on Jinyoung while I’m gone? Three kids is not a picnic and he is so tired too. I’m worried he’ll snap soon, and he’s not accepting any outside help. Not that we could even afford it really right now.”

“Of course I will.” Jackson placed one hand over JB’s shoulder, squeezing it tight. “You can leave your darling spouse in my capable hands.”

~

When Jackson finally came home after running some errands, the day had already turned towards afternoon. He stomped inside the house, his hair ruffled by the strong wind and he shivered slightly. The summer was slowly beginning to fade and today was a rare cloudy day, everything kind of gray and somber.

Jackson peered perplexed from room to room but saw no one. Where was everyone? Usually there was at least Bambam to greet him with a yell or a hug, but today it was like the house was breathing heavy and sad sighs, the lights gone and everything silent and eerie. Jackson hadn’t seen Mark all day because their timetables didn’t match, but he knew Mark had been home when he had gone out earlier.

A cool draft around his ankles made him look up. Jackson noticed the open doors that gave out to the backyard and padded quietly his way there.

He found Mark sitting all by himself on the porch, dressed in that ridiculously large sweater that always sent Jackson’s heart yearning and itching to tightly hug the other, and leaning against the wooden pole, supporting the roof above. Jackson coughed, announcing his presence and Mark twitched, looking up.

He looked like a mess.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” The serious expression alarmed Jackson the moment he saw Mark’s face. He knelt beside Mark, hesitating a moment before reaching out to squeeze his shoulder, worry twisting his guts. “Where are the kids?”

“Jinyoung is watching over them. I needed to be alone.” Mark’s tone was so hollow it was almost scary.

“Why? Are you ok? You’re not dying, are you?” Devastating dread washed over Jackson. Whatever it was he would definitely want help to fix the problem. There was no way he could stand watching anyone he cared about being in distress, Mark the least.

“No, I’m not dying.” Mark managed a tired sort of smile that vanished quickly. “I talked with Yoongi this morning.” He sighed, looking out to the yard, at the two trees and the hammock they had put up for the boys, his shoulders slumping. “He told me a few things that led into realizing more things, and then I had a row in semi-public with Soyi about her being a conniving, sneaky, rapist control freak who doesn’t even deserv-”

“Whoa, wait up. What do you mean _rapist_?” Jackson’s eyes widened and his grip over Mark’s shoulder tightened.

“I guess it’s not really the correct word, but it sure feels like it right now.” Mark managed a very nasty grimace that didn’t really suit him at all. “I never told you any details about our “relationship”, did I?” Jackson just shook his head. “Well, my first memory of her is that I woke up in a pile of people in some random apartment, had no memory of anything that had happened before, and she was next to me. Before that I know I was just drinking and hanging out with Yoongi and..” Mark grunted. “..and apparently me and Yoongi actually made out. A lot. That was until _she_ decided to take control of things, removing Yoongi and replacing him with herself and.. and..” Mark looked like he couldn’t really breathe, his face dark with suppressed anger. “She did it to manipulate me to get chained to her.”

Jackson felt cold and speechless. 

“That’s awful.” Jackson managed to choke out. The whole idea was so devastating and horrible. Jackson wanted to hug Mark but he looked so torn it might have not been the best thing to do right now.

“It is, isn’t it?” Mark gave a hollow laugh and sighed. “The worst part is that she knew what she was doing, and she doesn’t even feel sorry. And I just went along with it when she announced she was having Youngjae. I could have said no. I could have demanded tests to prove he was mine. I could have just walked away and lived my life differently.. But, I didn’t. I chose that life myself. I couldn’t abandon an innocent child.” Mark closed his eyes, his brows knotted tight. “Of course now I regret staying wrapped up in that drama for so long, but I really thought it would be better for Youngjae to have both parents, no matter how disgusting she was, is, towards me. Obviously I was wrong. She's not a human, but some wicked demon from hell.” Mark buried his hands to his hair. “She just used me to get something she wanted but, in the end, didn’t even get it. How can anyone be so cold?”

Jackson was stunned. He felt so horrible for Mark, so helpless.

How could anyone do such a dreadful thing to anyone? To manipulate someone just for their own advantage, without any regard for the other part, dooming them either to a mindless puppet life, or to live a sad and unsatisfying life with someone they disliked? It was unusual for a guy to end up in a situation like that, but it did happen. There was no way to go around the fact that having sex with someone who was heavily intoxicated, wasn’t the greatest idea in the world. Of course it happened, alarmingly a lot, but still, the emotional damage could be irreversible to some.

Jackson felt so bad for Mark, and he didn’t know what to do to make him feel better. No words could erase the feeling of being used and taken advance of.

Mark kept staring into what seemed like nothingness. Jackson could feel how tense he was under the palm of his hand. He was so damn helpless against something like this. He was better at being noisy and flashy, more messing things than actually fixing anything by doing that.

So he just kept his mouth shut, holding tightly on Mark’s shoulder, hoping his mere presence was enough to comfort him.

But just when the long silence was getting too much to bear and Jackson was about say something, anything, Mark jerked his head up and glanced at Jackson his eyes narrowed.

“Are you ever going to divorce Noi?” The question came out so sharply Jackson was taken slightly aback and he removed his hand from Mark’s shoulder. “I know you have a deal and all that, but isn’t it time to stop?” Jackson sighed and sat down to ease his rapidly numbing legs.

He scratched his neck and made an exasperated face.

“Well, it’s not like I haven’t thought about it. Just haven’t had a reason to do anything about it. Not until recently.”

“Only recently, why?” Mark’s eyes flashed some emotion Jackson only caught a glimpse of.

“Uh.. Just, thought it might be.. Might be time to do it.” Jackson squirmed a little, not meeting Mark’s eyes. How could he say that he was more than ready to do anything if it would give him a brighter future with Mark? Of course he had been thinking about it occasionally, even before meeting Mark, but now.. Jackson just couldn’t bring himself to say it, at least not now when Mark was so upset, as he should be. “It was easy to stay married because we worked out the details so well. In the beginning it was only because we both wanted to have a kid, maybe partly to please our parents and give them the grandchild they wanted but now.. I guess it’s time to face the truth. Noi most likely doesn’t have any objections, she wants to be with Honey anyway. And the laws and views have changed in six years a lot.”

“Well you shouldn’t waste time.” Mark grunted, looking down at his hands, playing with the hem of his oversized sweater. Jackson was quiet a long time before continuing.

“I’ve thought about coming out to my parents as well, because it honestly eats me that they don’t know, and they worry that I’m unhappy or lonely. It would only be fair to tell them. I’ll do it alone or..” He glanced quickly at Mark from the corner of his eye. “Or with someone, if I ever get that far.” Testing the waters like this was okay, wasn’t it?

“Why wouldn’t you..” Mark mumbled. “I bet there are people lining up to get close to you.”

“Just one is enough.” Jackson cracked a sloppy grin. “I know there’s not much to love about me, but if I’m patient enough, maybe someday someone will have temporary blindness, or deafness, and end up loving me back.” Of course he wanted to say out loud that the only one he needed was sitting right there next to him, but only thing he managed was the stupid jokes. Figures.

“Stop that. There’s plenty to love about you.”

“Would you love me?” It wasn’t what Jackson had planned on asking, but it just fell from his lips before he could think twice. And now that it was out he could barely breathe while waiting for the answer.

“Have I said I don’t?” Mark mumbled, his gaze flickering from his hands to the grass and back to Jackson again.

“Well, no.”

“Then I must love you.”

“Are you confessing to me?” Jackson didn’t know anymore if he was joking or not, all he knew that there was a jungle drum beating inside his chest so hard it was painful. Was this really the moment he had wanted to happen?

Mark remained quiet for so long Jackson had to look at him sharply, just to be sure Mark hadn’t fallen asleep or something. But Mark was definitely awake and his face was slightly contorted, as if he was battling with some strong emotion.

“Hey, I was just kidding, don’t sprain your brains thinking too much.” Jackson hurried to say, worried that the subject had made things worse.

Mark turned his head and stared straight into Jackson’s eyes.

“Jackson, I..” Mark began but his words faltered and he swallowed hard, averting his eyes for a few seconds before he was again looking up at Jackson. This time he looked so determined it struck Jackson speechless.

Jackson sat there, utterly perplexed and confused. He had cracked a half-assed joke to ease the tension around them, but was this now the moment they had missed the last time, the crucial moment where things would be solved? Mark looked like he was on the verge of spilling some serious beans from his guts, and it was kind of making Jackson feel like he was sitting on hot coals.

He definitely wanted to hear this. Oh boy, he wanted  _so badly_ to hear whatever it was that Mark was about to say.

“I can’t stop thinking about you.” Mark finally whispered, looking down again at his hands resting over his thighs. Jackson didn’t notice how they trembled. He was staring at Mark’s face so intently he missed everything else around him. “You’re the first thing in my mind when I wake up and the last when I go to sleep.” Mark looked up, his eyes uncertain and a small frown knotting his brows.

And there it was. The words that he had needed to hear. Finally out in the open.

Jackson swallowed hard, his gaze flickering from Mark’s face to the things surrounding them, not taking in any details, his heart trying to jump out of his chest and run away from him. He knew he should say something but holy crap he was feeling so shy all of a sudden, and the words just wouldn’t come out even if it was really, _really_ necessary to get them said.

If not with words, then with action.

Jackson reached out and placed his hand over Mark’s hand, and even this was hitching up his breathing, like it took enormous strength to act on his feelings. To his great relief Mark turned his hand around and intertwined their fingers tightly together.

“I really wish I could say something awesome but I can’t and I’m going to choke soon because pinch me please so that I know this is really happening and I’m not dreaming.” Jackson whispered the words in a long, fast string, afraid he would falter in the middle if he didn’t, staring at their hands linked together. His whole world was slowly dissolving from around him; all that mattered right now, was the inexplicable happiness and warmth spreading through his body, and the radiant and shy smile rising to Mark’s lips, making him without a doubt the most beautiful thing Jackson had ever seen.

This was real, wasn’t it?

The door opening and slamming shut pulled them back to reality. The sound of running footsteps getting closer to them broke the moment and they jerked away from each other as Bambam came running towards them and finally hurled himself against Jackson’s back, beaming brightly.

“Dad! You’re not gonna believe this! Gyeommie is going to come to the dance lessons too! That’s like _so awesome_!” Bambam hugged Jackson from behind and Jackson.. he tried to direct his attention to Bambam even though all he wanted to do was to finish the little episode he and Mark had just had.

It was true now, wasn’t it? He wasn’t imagining anything this time, was he? They were on the same page and they could..

Jackson swallowed, turning his head enough so that he could glance at Bambam grinning widely at him.

“That’s great.”

“Oh yeah, Jinyoungie said he needs to see you today.” Bambam yawned widely. “Can we put the pool up, please Dad? Mark, pretty please?”

Jackson glanced at Mark who looked like he was spacing out again, but in reality was probably trying to find some sane thoughts too. Jackson only noticed the faint blush over his cheeks and how the tips of his ears were red. Bambam sure did have a good timing..

“Did he say when he needs me?” Jackson sighed, wishing he’d have time to just do what _he_ wanted for once.

“Today.” Bambam clutched on Jackson, his feet off of the floor, like Jackson was a climbing rack. The tight hold was almost choking him.

“Not helpful, Bam. Not helpful at all.” Jackson detached his son from around his shoulders and stood up. “I’d better see what he wants. JB did say Jinyoung probably needs some company and help while he’s off himself from home. Mark.. we’ll talk more later, right?”

“Yeah.” Mark shot a quick glance at Bambam who was listening to them, his ears basically sticking out more than they already did, trying his hardest to spy on his elders and what they were saying.

“What were you talking about?” Curious little git, he looked like a little kitten just about to attack a ball of yarn.

“How to cook dinner out of you, of course.” Jackson groaned. He was not ready for _that_ conversation yet. He wanted to have a date or two with Mark first, before he would even consider telling Bambam anything. There was always the danger that things wouldn’t go so smoothly and he and Mark would break up. That would cause whole new set of problems, so they definitely were in need of some ground rules for this all. If they would only get a chance to even start.

“Dad. You can’t eat _people_.” Bambam informed him with the absolute certainty only kids possess.

“Oh yeah? Who says so?” Jackson grinned menacingly at Bambam who took a tentative step backwards. “Maybe I want to gobble you up this instant!” He made a quick grabbing move, growling loudly, like he was about snatch the boy in his arms and actually start munching on him.

Bambam shrieked and fled the scene quickly, running noisily up the stairs for safety.

Jackson glanced around. He suspected Youngjae was still probably somewhere around, but he couldn’t see the tuft of brown hair anywhere. It seemed that no one else was in the immediate vicinity, so Jackson knelt down again, next to Mark.

“I guess.. I guess this is ok now.” Jackson mumbled, leaning over and carefully pressed a small kiss on Mark’s cheek. He lingered just a little while, smiling against the soft skin, his whole body tingling. He could feel how Mark tilted his head just enough to remain in contact with Jackson.

“It’s definitely ok.” Mark muttered softly, the low tone sending happy little thrill running down Jackson’s spine.

And somehow everything, well, almost everything, seemed to fall in their rightful place and the world had never before looked more beautiful to him.

~

Jinyoung felt like shit. He was tapping the kitchen table irritably, watching over Yugyeom like a hawk, his eyes narrowed and trying to keep his mouth shut so that he wouldn’t lash out on the boy who was, as annoying as he could sometimes be, nothing but innocent child. He was not responsible of Jinyoung’s current, and constant, state of mind. He was exhausted, so out of energy, that he wanted to hide in bomb shelter, bolt the door and sleep for the next year or two without any disturbance.

Yes. He was tired. Yes, he was just _that_ tired.

The period of JB’s so called paternity leave was over and he was already out, leaving Jinyoung alone with the kids. It was embarrassing to admit it, but boy, had Jinyoung wanted to beg and cry for Jaebum not to leave him alone just an hour before, beg him to just stay home with him. How the _hell_ was he going to survive this insanity?

When they’d been fresh parents and dealing with only Yugyeom all those years ago, they had thought that had been kind of difficult, but still manageable, if they only remained focused.

What a laugh it was now to think back to those days; it all was like some happy little dream compared to the horror of sleep deprivation had driven them now.

Jinyoung had never before wanted to have some help so badly. But he just didn’t _want_ to admit it; he would do this and he would do it perfectly, or he would cry and still do it. His pride would _never_ allow him to beg on his knees for anything. Sex, maybe, but that would have to be some _very_ special sex.

Sure, Yugyeom was enough old to be a bit of a help, mostly when it was time to feed the girls or to change their diapers, but it was still too much of a responsibility to give to a 5 year old, so.. It left Jinyoung alone to deal with teething twins, why did they have to start that so early anyway?, and Yugyeom who was going through a very mutinous phase right now. It might have had something to do with his parents being too engrossed with keeping the girls alive, to give him enough attention, but Jinyoung didn’t really give a rats ass what the reason really was, it just needed to stop, and preferably very quickly too.

He didn’t want to think about the massive effort it would take to actually do something other than feeding, changing, feeding, changing, cleaning, being horribly tired because.. this was his life now and it would be quite a while too. There was _nothing_ that could have prepared Jinyoung for the happiness that was called multiple children. And having Yugyeom acting like an ass because his jealousy got the better of him, was sometimes something Jinyoung hadn’t been prepared for at all.

He loved all of his children so much it hurt, but right now his love was stretched very thin.

He’d been up more hours than he cared to count, and he had even seen JB looking like a deer in the headlights when he was caught in the middle of the night eating straight from the fridge the cold dinner he hadn’t had time to eat when it was warm, because there was a forecast of flying gruel during mealtime. Jinyoung had let the bits and pieces of food remain where they were once they landed, having decided a long time ago it was only a waste of his energy to try to sweep them off. There would be more in the next minute or so anyway, so why bother.

Honestly it ticked him off that the house looked sometimes like someone had attempted to blow it up, and succeeded. But who actually had time and energy to clean up?

Calling Jackson over was his only chance to get something done today. He would take the kids and Jackson, and go and buy a new fucking car. Jinyoung and JB had _talked_ about this quite some time now, but somehow there never seemed to be enough hours in a day to actually _do_ something about it.

Now that JB was going to be away a lot more it was pretty fucking prudent to get a that big car. It would make things easier because, curse it all, Jinyoung would have to start bulk buying everything and he should have done that since three months ago.

Three months ago everything had seemed so nice and easy still, but as the exhaustion kicked in, the days of free time were only a distant, luxurious dream. He almost envied JB for getting away from the house and the kids, but just almost. He knew how exhausted Jaebum was too and being the sole breadwinner of the family right now, wasn’t exactly a picnic either.

Jinyoung leaned on the kitchen counter, watching Yugyeom poking his food. The reason why the boy was so disgruntled, and why Jinyoung was watching over him like this, was because of some incredibly stupid reason the food just didn’t want to end up in Yugyeom’s stomach fast enough. The boy had been eating his, now probably very cold, rice and vegetables for an hour already, and he would continue sitting there until the bowl was empty.

Jinyoung leaned down and picked up one of the babies from the basket, just to keep himself awake. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d fallen asleep while just standing.

It was kind of sad to realize he had no idea which of the girls he was holding right now. It wasn’t uncommon for twins’ parents, but it still stung _his_ sense of decency. The girls were too small to have any real differences yet, being identical and all, so they happily got mixed up about twenty times in two days. The only way to identify them for Jinyoung and JB was to put a colourful string on either ones leg or somewhere, _anywhere,_ but even that wasn’t a sure thing as the girls kept pulling the string off by themselves, or then Yugyeom did it, just to be a testy little shit, and put it on the other girl.

Maybe one day in the far, far away future things would be different. Maybe.

When Jackson finally came over Jinyoung was nearly sleeping on the couch, Yugyeom was doodling with his colouring book, he had finished his food eventually, and the girls were on the floor having a silent moment and just examining their surroundings together. The couch was so comfy and kind of sucked his exhausted body into its depths, no matter how much he tried to resist.

Jinyoung woke up when Jackson shook his shoulder.

“You wanted to see me?”

“Yes. I need to take you with me.” Jinyoung rubbed his eyes, brows knotted together in slight irritation. He felt even worse after napping like.. what, ten, fifteen minutes? His heart was beating so hard and his whole body almost vibrated in some unpleasant resonance.

“Where to?” Jackson leaned down to tickle the girls, smiling fondly at them.

“I need a car. JB left for work and he’s going to be away for three days which means he’s the one with the vehicle, not me. We’ve been meaning to buy a minivan, but never got around doing it. I’m doing it now. With you. You can keep eye on the kids, while I try to get a reasonable price, and we can go there if Mark borrows us his car.”

“Of course he’ll do that.” Jackson smiled reassuringly. “And sure, if I’m any help to you.” He looked sharply at Jinyoung, narrowing his eyes. “Are you sure you can manage three days on your own?”

“My mother is going to come over tomorrow.” Jinyoung heaved a deep sigh. He hadn’t had any saying on that matter as JB had called her and naturally the worried mother hen would come and help his son in need. But to bother an elderly person with such matter.. It just didn’t seem right to Jinyoung. “That should allow me some time to perhaps have a shower and eat in peace. Oh yes, we need to visit the wholesales. I really need to stock up.”

“Why didn’t you do this with JB? Not that I mind helping, but wouldn’t it be better to do this together with him?” Jackson stood up, crossing his arms before him and frowned down at Jinyoung. Somehow the gesture irritated him a lot.

“We just didn’t. Ok? I can’t even think straight most days and neither can he. I need someone who can focus a bit with me.” Jinyoung knew he sounded like a total schmuck right now but he had no energy to save his words.

“Jinyoung..” Jackson eyed him, eyes full of worry. “If you need help you ought to say something. You know we’re just over there, a few feet away and ready to help, and I can’t stand to see you troubled.”

“ _We?_ ” Jinyoung, despite his extreme fatigue managed to feel interested. He simply ignored what Jackson had said about helping him, focusing on everything else Jackson was hinting at.

“Uh.... Yeah. I guess it’s a we now.” Jackson smiled shyly, his eyes cast down and a radiant smile hidden badly behind a gesture of biting his bottom lip.

“Well well. Vacation seems to have made all the difference for you two.” Jinyoung did feel happy for Jackson. He’d been hoping the matter would be resolved soon because, as much as it was fun to watch the two circling each other like two cats in heat, it would probably prove to be a lot more nicer to see them openly happy together. “I’m happy for you. Now, go fetch car keys from Mark and then tell me all the dirty details.”

Jackson flushed crimson.

~

Jackson rolled his eyes both in annoyance and amusement. He watched how the stranger he had been talking walked away, shook his head in utter disbelief and turned to look at the babies securely in the stroller and Yugyeom somewhere close by, examining all the different cars surrounding them.

That had been the third person, who had come up him and the kids, during the fifteen minutes they’d been walking around the compounds.

 _“Oh my god! Are they twins?”_ That was the usual comment. Kind of cute, kind of not.

Yes. For crying out loud, they were twins. What did these people think they were, if not twins? A pair of plastic dolls, or clones perhaps? Androids?

 _“There were twins living next door from me a few years ago.”_ Not so interesting, nor relevant information to Jackson.

Is that so? Very lovely. Now fuck off so I can run after the five year old and prevent him from damaging himself, or anything around him, and still keep an eye on the stroller.

Honestly. What was it with all these weird people and their strange need to come up and announce all this stupid shit Jackson care very little of? He didn’t usually dislike talking with people, strangers or not, but right now he was nervous because he was entrusted with three precious lives in his hands, and random people talking nonsense to him weren’t helping him to focus at all.

From what he had learned from Jinyoung, he had been gracious enough to warn Jackson there might be something like this coming down his way when he would be alone with the kids, the worst ones were the religious types who some saw the innocent kids as spawns of Satan. The same people also condemned the parents as well, being sick and twisted and sodomites, poisoning the minds of sweet children.

Kind of conflicting things to say.

“Yugyeom, please stay close by. Don’t touch the cars if you absolutely don’t have to. Which you don’t.” Jackson called after Yugyeom who was just poking curiously at the wheels of one of the cars.

“Jackson, why do we have to walk around here? I want to go home.” Yugyeom pouted, staring down at his shoes.

“We need to give you father time to haggle you a new car. Then we’ll go to get some food, and _then_ we go back home.”

“But I don’t _wanna_ go buy food!”

“Sorry kiddo, but that’s how it’s going to be. Don’t shoot the messenger; I’m just doing what your father asked me to do.” Jackson smiled at the boy. He did understand why this wasn’t the best way for Yugyeom to spend his day; he could have been playing with Bambam and Youngjae right at this moment, but Jinyoung had put his feet down and denied the kid the right play because he certainly hadn’t been very co-operative today.

You get punished if you misbehave. That seemed to be what Jinyoung was after, and Jackson understood this, though it did pain him to see the little boy so blue.

“Come on. Let’s go buy some juice.” Jackson held out his left hand to Yugyeom. The boy looked up and smiled cutely back at him, took Jackson’s hand and waddled with him towards the vending machines that would provide them the promised drinks.

~

When Jackson finally came back home it was already getting dark. Mark was watching a movie with Bambam, Youngjae being absent, apparently cooped up in his room. He had announced the movie wasn’t that interesting and that he wanted to play his electronic keyboard instead. To Mark this didn’t matter, as long as the boy was happy with what he was doing, he was ok too. If nothing was burning or breaking down, or no one was getting hurt, Mark was all about letting the kid do what he wanted.

Mark himself didn’t feel like doing anything rational, so lounging on the sofa and idly watch some cartoon Bambam had chosen, had seemed like a good idea. Added bonus was that he didn’t have to be that alert when both boys were engrossed with what they were doing.

“A movie, huh?” Jackson’s voice came from the door and Mark looked up to see him smiling at them.

“Bam wanted to watch one so I though why not.” Mark felt his stomach dropping when Jackson smiled at him like that. And now he knew how much warmth there was behind that smile too; it kept increasing Mark’s heartbeat and his cheeks felt hot.

“Hey, beanbag, make some space. Your tired old man wants to fit in here too.” Jackson flopped on the couch next to Mark and Bambam, lifting the boy’s thin legs up so that he wouldn’t squish them under his weight. Bambam was nicely sprawled on the couch, his head resting on Mark’s thigh and now his feet on Jackson’s lap.

“How was Jinyoung?” Mark asked quietly, averting his eyes from the TV screen. He had been nervous the whole time Jackson was away, unable to really concentrate on anything, and now that Jackson was back, it was only doubling the happy twitchiness, making it almost impossible to remain seated where he was.

“I think we should get them some help. I mean, professional help.” Jackson was running his hands through his hair with both hands; the bangs were already getting quite long, but the length was perfect for that out-of-bed-hairstyle that particularly caused breathing problems to Mark.

“Are they in bad terms?” Mark was astonished. He hadn’t noticed anything _that_ bad going on with the two.

“No, nothing like that. They’re fine. But the lack of sleep and too many kids at once is getting to them.” Jackson slumped deeper into the cushions and began drumming his fingers against Bambam’s legs, his thoughts obviously somewhere far away. Mark observed him, the feeling of deep affection making his heart swell; Jackson was so superbly awesome. He cared so much about the people he loved, and he always wanted to do something to help, even if it meant that he would place those needs above his own.

Both good and bad qualities at the same time.

“What can we do to help?” Mark licked his lips quickly, a habit he did when he was trying to think something more seriously.

“I was thinking that maybe I could..”

“ _We could_.” Mark corrected Jackson sternly.

“ _WE_ could maybe pay for a helper.. What’s the word? Starts with a d..” Jackson scrunched up his face, an expression Mark absolutely loved; it was so adorable. “You know those women who go through the whole giving birth with the expecting mothers, usually at home..”

“A doula?” Mark offered finally, the word suddenly popping up to his mind from whatever depths there was to hide such information in his brains.

“Yeah! That.” Jackson beamed at Mark. His heart skipped happily jumping rope right now, thanks to that wide smile. He wanted to hug Jackson close, to run his own fingers through the black strands, but he couldn’t because Bambam was lying over both of their legs.

“It’s not a bad idea actually.” Mark dug deeper in his thoughts. “I think Jimin might know something, he’s studying childcare anyway so he might have some contacts. I’ll ask him as soon as I can.”

“You’re an angel.” Jackson blew a playful kiss at Mark.

“You’ll just have to tell Jinyoung to accept it.” That wouldn’t be such an easy task to manage. Mark didn’t want to be the one tell Jinyoung he would be receiving unexpected, though highly necessary, help. It was comparable of sticking your head inside a cave full of poisonous snakes.

“Nah, I’ll just state it and say it’s already been paid so he can’t refuse. Ambushing him is better than telling in advance, I think. Of course I’ll warn JB so he can prepare.” Jackson grinned, chuckling softly.

They watched the movie together in silence, waiting anxiously for the moment they could talk in peace. Mark felt so hot all the time knowing they were so close but couldn’t actually do anything before the kids were gone from sight. Youngjae had wandered back from his room, having satisfied his artistic needs and was cuddled up next to Mark on his other side.

Had someone taken a picture of that and shown it to some outsider, they would have said “Oh, what a cute family portrait”.

After feeding the boys, making them wash up and crawl in bed, it was finally time for Mark and Jackson to heave relieved sighs and sit down together. Just to be sure they wouldn’t bother the sleeping kids they took their cups of tea with them and went to sit on the porch.

The particular spot had become a place Mark liked a lot. He had good things associated to it, and he suspected he would have some more tonight.

Jackson closed the door behind him carefully and sat down next to Mark, just enough far that he wasn’t invading his personal space, but close enough that it was considered more than what friends did. Mark smiled against his teacup, trying quite feebly to discard the happiness that kept surfacing. Though, why should he try to prevent the joy from showing now? There was no one else around to witness it, except Jackson, and he was definitely the reason for it.

“What are you doing next weekend?” Jackson suddenly asked, his eyes on the cup he was cradling between his palms.

“Nothing, I guess. Nothing I can’t rearrange if needed.”

“Good.” Jackson looked up and Mark noticed the spots on pink dusting his cheeks. So. Fucking. Cute.

“Why do you ask?” Mark asked softly. He had an inkling why Jackson had asked, but he wanted to hear the whole question before he would say anything more.

“I..” Jackson swallowed, obviously nervous. “I want to take you out. On a date. For real. If you want.” He was stumbling with his words and by gods, Mark found it so incredibly adorable he had trouble holding back the laughter that threatened to burst from his lips. “Only if you want to.” Jackson seemed to have decided Mark’s silence was hesitance.

“Of course I want to.” Mark hurried to assure Jackson and hearing him agreeing turned the worried expression on Jackson’s face to a wide smile that spread from one ear to another. “Where do you want to go? And we need someone to watch over the kids. Jinyoung and JB are out of the question, naturally.”

“Good point.” Jackson scrunched up his nose. “Though, I can’t think of anyone.” His shoulders slumped, defeated. Why did Jackson have to be so irresistible? Seriously, it was causing Mark to lose his sanity soon.

“How about I ask Jimin? He gets along with Youngjae anyway.”

“Yeah, that’s good. I liked him anyway.” Jackson perked up immediately. “Do you have any preferences where you want to go?”

“I don’t know.” Mark pondered. “Maybe we’ll think about it and decide later?”

“That’s good. Yeah.” Jackson looked down at the cup in his hands and then back at Mark. His cheeks were getting more and more red. “Um.. Do you think.. Shit.” Jackson shook his head. “Do you think it’d be ok to.. Uh.”

“Yes?” Mark smiled, having guessed already what Jackson was after.

“Nothing..” Jackson sighed, frowning. It was like his courage had escaped him.

“Don’t be like that.” Mark placed the teacup next to him and reached one hand to cup Jackson’s head. “If you want a kiss then you just need to come here.” Carefully he pulled Jackson towards him, leaning forward himself to meet Jackson in the middle.

Their lips met, moving against each other tentatively, remembering what it had been last time to do this, carefully increasing the pressure and diving slowly deeper. There was the fleeting touch of tongues, but only by accident, the kiss remaining sweet and tender.

There would be another time for more passionate kisses.

~

_YES YES YES YES!_

_I have a date with Mark! I’m like SO stoked about this! I can’t even believe how awesome this all is because we kind of talked, but not much but enough that we’re going to try at least have a few dates before deciding on anything bigger, like –oh my god I can’t even think about it!- being official! I wanna squeal and roll around like some idiotic cartoon character because I just can’t believe this is happening!_

_After months of being uncertain about everything this is kinda like living the dream, you know?_

_But one thing.._

_Where the fuck am I going to take him? Honestly? Help? I have a week to figure out something cool or else we’ll be just walking down the streets and maybe hold hands and whatever else sickeningly cute there is to do. Not that holding hands wouldn’t be enough for me, I just want to make it somewhat memorable, it being out first time going out as.. you know, like in THAT way. I’m not going to give him flowers or anything though. That’d be a bit too much, don’t you think? Something small and cute. Or awesome. I dunno. A Pikachu plush? Why does he remind me of Pikachu? Seriously._

_One other thing; I’m worried of Jinyoung and JB. They are so exhausted and I can’t just idly watch them crumbling down. So we, me and Mark that is, are gonna hire some help for them. If they’d only get to sleep some more I bet it would do wonders to both of them. And maybe Jinny dear would stop being so damn prickly with everyone if he’d get some ass too._

_Lordy lordy lorrdd.. Omg, just think about it. I might actually have a shot of getting some sexy time with Mark. How fucking awesome is that? I don’t know if he’s the kind to bottom or top but I don’t care. I’ll give him my ass on a silver plate if he asks me to. I just want him so much.._

_Excuse me but I think I will have a nosebleed now. Thinking sexy stuff isn’t healthy for me. I swear I will have to.. ease the pain by myself if I continue to think what we can do together._

_I’m so nervous!_

_J._


	12. Greedy boy talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back~ Sorry to keep you waiting.
> 
> It's Jinyoungies birthday and there's no JJP in this. ;__; I feel bad! But there will be more in future.
> 
> As usual.. I LOVE YOU GUYS! You are killing me with your love and I swear I will cry soon. So have some markson goodness as a token of my gratitude. ♡
> 
> Also this is so unbetaed again.. I tried my best.

Mark was humming happily to himself while folding the piled up laundry, not minding the task at all for once. Even the lonely socks without their pair, the ones the washing machine always for some reason managed to eat, or the torn out buttons or the ragged edges on Youngjae’s clothes didn’t bother him like they usually did. There just couldn’t be anything to put his mood down today. Nothing.

His smile was wide, his heart fluttering and light, and his stomach coiling excitedly. It was extremely hard to stop thinking about tomorrow, to stop grinning like a madman, or to prevent the little shudders of giddiness running up and down his skin like a little mouse. Just generally it was hard to stop being extremely thrilled about the whole thing.

Tomorrow he would go out with Jackson. _Officially_ on a date.

It was hard to understand the date was even true, because who would have thought things would actually progress this far? What was more confusing, Jackson wanted to go out with _Mark_. Amazing.

If Jackson was sometimes unsure of himself and gave very little credit to himself, Mark wasn’t all that confident always either. He had his little insecurities, though there weren’t too many to count and he usually just shrugged them off.

Though, Mark had heard more than once how he was boring, so naturally he had come to the conclusion it would be a small miracle if anyone would ever want to go out with him. Not that it really bothered him; he liked being more observant rather than in the middle of the action. Ok, he admitted he got attention because he wasn’t the ugliest guy in the world, but looks alone won’t save you from being lame. Not that he was capable of measuring just how lame he might be, and there weren’t many people who actually had had the opportunity to get to know him for real.

He had never been one to talk excessively and because of that, some people presumed he was either bored, dumb or both. Of course he _could_ be interactive and talkative, but he only did it in the right company. Mark was grateful that he had Yoongi and Jimin who had seen through the so called mysterious layer he apparently had, according to the rest of the world, and had remained his friends to this day.

And now he had Jackson. Jackson, who brought out of him all the happy smiles and uncontrollable, idiotic laughter and giggles that made Mark feel like he was still a teenager.

Mark smiled, sighed and pushed the surfacing negative thoughts away.

It really was useless to worry over such things. If Jackson wanted to be with him then why would Mark even try to second guess himself? It was pointless to be bothered that he was, or wasn’t, this or that. If chemistry would work then it would work. And so far their chemistry between them was nearly flawless, and they understood each other better than one could imagine two people who had only met a few months ago could understand.

It was like meeting someone you had expected to meet, but had never realized you had, until you were drawn to that person who made you walk on clouds, someone who could make your eyes shine when you thought of them, or talked about them.

It was nice, and fuzzy, and Mark didn’t know which way to stand because he was so ridiculously happy.

He had realized, after the horrible conversation with his ex, that his divorce was now final. He was finally and legally free of the bonds that had tied him to Soyi. He was free to fall in love with whomever he wanted. He had the sole custody of Youngjae and he wasn’t going to force the kid to see his mother if he didn’t want to. And if the bitch would even try to request something like that she would get crushed. Mark would take care of that by some, _any_ , means if possible. He would _not_ let her ruin Youngjae, the boy was his everything and if that precious, wonderful smile would disappear from the boys’ face… Mark would _never_ forgive himself.

There were a few things he would need to talk with Youngjae and he wasn’t really sure where to start. The boy was enough old to understand some things but the level of his understanding wasn’t exactly as high as it should be when you try to explain why mommy doesn’t ever want to see you again, or why daddy wants to spend his days with another guy.

Just how exactly do you come out of the closet to your kids?

The uncertainty about his sexual orientation had vanished quite effectively after what Yoongi had told him. Mark was now quite sure he wasn’t swinging the normal way at all, not at least when it came to Jackson. He didn’t want to put a label on what he was or wasn’t, so he had decided he would just simply follow his feelings on this. What would come would come.

Thinking about the past and how he and Yoongi had been fooling around was now, after the initial shock had worn off, quite honestly just hilarious; they must have looked incredibly odd together. First of all they were always together, usually arguing about something or being dorks at the basketball court. Second, they both had been a bit on the peculiar side, being loners, quirky and generally considered the oddballs, and the ridiculous hairstyles they’d had, had made Mark look more like a kicked and lost poodle who needed to be adopted, and Yoongi a sugar coated apple who would bite you in the ass if you came close enough.

The weirdest duo ever, but it had worked out since the beginning for some reason. They just clicked, simple as that.

But not romantically.

Mark snorted softly and shook his head. He left that part to Jimin gladly. The whole thing amused him enormously.

Mark had asked Yoongi if Jimin knew about their little escapade, but the other had just grimaced and threatened to neuter Mark if he said anything to Jimin. Perhaps it was a touchy subject to the usually so hard-boiled Yoongi. Or not. Maybe Yoongi just didn’t like the idea of hearing witty comments about it for the rest of his life, which he probably would, knowing how much Jimin liked to get on his nerves sometimes.

After finishing folding the laundry Mark sat down to go through some work related papers he had to read. They were boring legal gibberish that made his head hurt but he _had to_ be responsible and a good boy and whatever else, because running a business wasn’t exactly a rosy and un-thorny path.

He knew he was lucky that their little baby had grown to be successful enough to provide them steady income, but it was a lot of work. Mark had already informed the kindergarten he wouldn’t be returning there as Youngjae seemed to be fine and would start school next week anyway, and Yoongi was getting too pissy about Mark not being there more than three times a week. Not having the second job would leave him free to attend the shop more and Yoongi the time he needed to spend at the studio.

The whole kindergarten job had been only because Mark was worried Youngjae wouldn’t feel right after the separation of his parents and having to move away from their familiar environment.

Luckily the boy was more than fine. He actually seemed to be more vibrant and lively than he had been before and, Mark guessed, this was due to the stress free surroundings, the friends, the almost of a brother he now had because of Jackson and Bambam, and the house where he could run around and be noisy if he wanted to be and no one would scold him for being a normal child.

Mark couldn’t deny the twinge of fear when he looked at the boy; the memory of being played like a marionette still burning his guts. Was the kid his? Or was he someone else’s child? Sometimes Mark felt the fear clutching to his heart painfully, choking him and creating monsters that had no place to exist inside his head. But then he looked at the bright eyes, the smile, heard the laughter and realized that no matter what, Youngjae would always be _his son_. Be it in the blood or not, he couldn’t stop loving the boy so much it made him suffocate with all the feelings of love and protectiveness he felt.

He sighed, focusing his eyes back on the pile of papers. The tension he felt when he thought about these things making his mood shift from the happy mode he wanted to be in.

The idea that tomorrow he would be concentrating only on Jackson returned to Mark with force and suddenly there was a smile lifting up his lips and he felt like shivering and he was nervous, a flock of small butterflies fluttering inside him.

Mark, however, was interrupted by Jackson only moments later, and he looked so apprehensive it made Mark’s stomach drop and the happy feeling evaporated into thin air in mere seconds.

 _That_ expression never promised any good.

“Uh, Mark? I’m really sorry but..” Mark’s heart almost stopped at this point. He barely registered the rest of what Jackson was saying. “..but I got a call from my brother and he’s going to be in town just for tomorrow and I want to see him.. So I can’t go out with you. Is that ok? I mean we have Jimin already coming over so you can do whatever you want while I’m gone. I don’t know how long it will take. I’m _so_ sorry I have to cancel our date.. I was really looking forward to it.” Jackson was talking fast, like he would lose his nerve if he stopped to breathe, looking so worried while leaning to the door frame of Mark’s bedroom, biting his lip and his brows knotted.

“That’s unfortunate.” Mark mumbled, uncertain how to deal with this sudden announcement for cancelling their date because of.. what was it? Oh yes, a brother. Something he definitely couldn’t argue with, but it didn’t prevent him from feeling stunned, hurt, and cold and he didn’t really know what more could he have said. He must have sounded like a robot, judging by the harried look on Jackson’s face when Mark didn’t react more strongly to the news. “I guess it can’t be helped then.”

Mark _did_ understand the reason for cancelling, Jackson had told him he saw his brother only when the other managed to be on the same hemisphere, but it sure as hell didn’t feel nice. Mark chewed on his lips, fixing his gaze on the papers he still clutched in his hands. He didn’t like the idea of Jackson going out with anyone, be it his brother or not, but who was Mark to deny Jackson the right see whomever he wanted and whenever he wanted?

“I’ve said it before but I’ll say it a million times; you’re an angel.” Jackson let out a relieved sigh, closing his eyes and his shoulders slumping slightly. It was like someone was first squeezing Mark’s insides together very unpleasantly and then slowly started to pull everything apart. He felt like choking and he really should have said what he was really thinking but, as usual, something held him back and he remained quiet a long while, fiddling with the papers, frowning.

“I..” Mark coughed, licking his lips. “We can just rearrange this again.” Just _when_ would they have time for it was another thing. Of course Mark wanted to kick the door and say what he really thought about Jackson ditching him, but he didn’t. It ate him to think he had been put second place, but hey.. family came first, right? He wasn’t family, he wasn’t anything for that matter, not yet at least, so he had no place in being jealous or upset.

But he was. Big time.

Mark spent the remainder of the day being grumpy and avoiding anyone except Youngjae who had an incredible sense to know when Mark was upset and then come up to him and hug him out of the blue so tightly it was close to breaking his ribs.

Well, if he didn’t have anything else, Mark at least had his precious boy who was like the shining summer sun when he smiled.

~

The next day dawned bright, sunny and absolutely perfect, and Mark felt like shit the moment he woke up.

He knew he _could_ go out and do something by himself but he didn’t feel like doing anything except maybe to play dead in bed and stare up at the ceiling.

Ok, that would be too depressing even from him. He’d get up and busy himself with whatever he could, to make the hours facing him tolerable. Also Jimin would be here later so Mark wasn’t going to be alone with the boys and his gnawing jealousy.

Mark tried to be polite, but watching Jackson being all flustered because he was about to see his brother wasn’t exactly improving his mood; Jackson was so adorable when he was fussing over his clothes and how he kept checking the time, his face glowing and his smile so nervous and excited. This all just made Mark wish it was because of _him_ that Jackson was going crazy about.

When Jackson finally disappeared, with the last look of utter regret, Mark decided to distract himself by arranging something to do with Youngjae and Bambam. He was just contemplating whether he should invite Yugyeom as well to join them, but didn’t have time to decide before Bambam had already asked the same thing.

About an hour later Mark had three preschoolers painting with finger paint around the dining table. What had possessed him to do this insanely chaotic activity, he had no idea. But it was fun to watch the kids going bananas over the fact they could be as messy as they wanted for once. The paint would come off the walls and floor eventually. Maybe.

Mark tried his best not to think about Jackson but it was proving to be really hard. His thoughts kept trailing back to the other no matter how hilarious it was to watch the variation of colours appearing over on the boys’ faces and hair.

He had honestly been waiting for the date quite a lot and now he found himself being seriously pissed off and disappointed that it was cancelled.

Would there even _be_ a day when they could have another go at it? Or have a go at anything really? There seemed to be so many obstacles to climb and it was so frustrating that things got interrupted almost all the time by something turning up and messing the flow.

Mark knew he was only tormenting himself by thinking these things so he stood up and picked up his phone.

“Hey, Jimin. Change of plans. I’ll be home after all, but come over anyway.” Mark held the phone between his ear and shoulder, managing to pour himself a cup of coffee without spilling it all over the counter and his pants. That surely would have been the cherry on top.

 _“What happened?”_ Jimin’s voice was incredibly giggly, though he still managed to sound worried at the same time. Amazing combination, really.

“I’ll tell you when you get here. And whatever it is that you are doing, please don’t tell me. I doubt I want to know.” Mark could very well imagine, he’d seen enough things during the years he’d known his friends, and he certainly didn’t want to know any details this time. It amazed him that someone could even answer their phone and still keep on doing.. well, whatever it was the idiot on the other end was doing.  

 _“I’m not doing anything”_ A muffled laughter. _“Technically it’s Yoongi doing something, but like you said.. You don’t really want to know.”_ Mark rolled his eyes.

“Idiots.” Mark smiled fondly though, he loved those two enough to let these things slip through his fingers. “Just whenever you stop get your butt over here. You can keep me company.”

 _“I’ll be there in an hour.”_ Before Jimin hung up, Mark heard the distant _that wasn’t fair_ and he snorted, thinking the two were sometimes so fluffy it killed him to be around them.

~

“So, do you have any recommendations about the doula?” Mark handed Jimin a cup of coffee and sat down by the very colourful table next to Youngjae.

“I do, actually.” Jimin was looking at the boys still painting away happily, all three more or less looking like a really groovy breed of rainbow Dalmatians. “I heard that she’s good, though I haven’t met her myself. She’s called Eva and she’s considered some kind of embodiment of the whole thing.” Jimin smiled cutely, tilting his head. He turned to examine Mark. “She does night shifts mostly, but I guess that’d be for the best if I understood the situation correctly.”

“I’m sure you did.” Though Mark had only the vaguest idea what half of the things Jimin had told him meant for real, he was pretty sure it was the right solution. And it was relief to think they could actually be of any assistance to JB and Jinyoung; the look on the latter’s face when Mark had picked Yugyeom up earlier had been alarmingly worn out.

“She’s been dealing with a lot of gay couples too. You know, knows all the shit they have to face and can probably give them some moral support as well.” Jimin lifted up his cup, quirking one brow, hiding his smirk. Mark knew he was trying to be funny, and Mark did appreciate the gesture, he really did, but thinking that _he_ and Jackson might ever be in need of Eva’s services was a bit farfetched at the moment.

Mark smiled vaguely. He might wish he and Jackson had a future together, but thinking about newborns and nannies and the shit gay parents and their kids had to endure? It was something he hadn’t had to face ever before and he couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like. Right now it didn’t seem like he would even get to the point where people could frown at him holding hands with a guy in public.

“Dad.” Youngjae looked up from his painting of butterflies, his brows furrowed.

“Hm?” Mark bit down on his cheek, trying not to reach out and wipe the paint smudged hair off from Youngjae’s eyes.

“Why can’t you come to school with me?” There was such honest confusion in Youngjae’s voice that Mark almost choked on his coffee.

“I guess I’m already too big for school.” Mark managed to smile fondly at the boy. The amount of blue colour over that sweet face was turning Youngjae slowly into a Smurf.

“But..” Youngjae pondered really hard for a while, his face scrunching up. “If you would stop eating so much you might shrink and then could come with me? I don’t want to go alone.”

Mark had to fight down the explosive laughter trying to burst out. He coughed instead, trying his best to keep the amusement at bay. Next to him Jimin was silently having a fit of laughter, his shoulders trembling.

“No, I doubt that would help.” Mark said, quickly licking his lips. “But, I’ll be there to take you to school when it starts. And you won’t be alone; you’ll have these two with you.” Mark pointed at Bambam and Yugyeom.

“But I want Dad..” Youngjae was pouting outrageously, his lower lip jutting out. Mark wanted to scoop him up and squeeze against his chest and never, ever let him go.

“I’m sorry, sunshine, but I can’t. You’ll be fine without me.” Mark’s heart squeezed tight; the pained look on his sons face was only increasing his love for the boy. His precious baby would turn 7 years old next month. He just couldn’t believe how fast time was flying.

Mark completely missed the fact that _he_ would turn thirty just a few weeks before Youngjae would have his birthday. Who had time to think of themselves when there was an important even like their kids’ party to think about?

“Yeah, have some faith in us!” Bambam looked up and beamed at Youngjae, the pink paint decorating his face. Which of them, and when, had managed to paint a heart on Bambam’s cheek would remain a mystery probably for all eternity.

“See, you’ll be fine.” Mark could only smile at Youngjae, thinking that displays of affection in front of his friends would be a bit too much for the boy to handle. He would just cuddle his little ball of fluff later.

Jimin was gracious enough to lend an ear to Mark and listen to him whine and groan about how shitty he felt that he was jealous over Jackson seeing his family member. Had it been someone else, someone random, this feeling would have probably been worse, but then it at least would have been normal to feel so agitated. Now it was just kind of sad that Mark wanted to ditch everyone and see and hear what Jackson was talking with his brother.

It gnawed him not to know. It actually _ate_ him to imagine all the conversations and think what was being said, maybe not about him but generally about their life together and the things they did. Who knew what Jackson thought _for real._ It was unnerving and Mark didn’t like it, not one bit.

The fact that he didn’t know when Jackson would be back wasn’t exactly helping either and that made Mark extremely twitchy and irritable.

Jimin, always the saint, sighed, shook his head and blurted out the obvious solution to Mark’s little dilemma.

“You know if it bothers you that much you should do something about it.” Jimin said when they were waiting for the dirty trio to wash themselves up. The amount of noise they made was incredible and the shower probably looked like a paintball warzone.

“I know.” Mark actually groaned, punching the armrest of the couch he had slumped on to fret and be grumpy.

“Ok. So, how do you make Jackson to figure out things?” Jimin examined Mark his eyes narrowed, his expression serious.

“I..” Mark halted, thinking, trying to rearrange his thoughts. “I guess it’s like shoving the matter to his face.”

“Well then.” Jimin’s grin was absolutely wicked. “Why don’t you just do that then?”

“You mean something along the lines of shoving him to a wall and instead of telling him I should _show_ him?”

“You said it, not me.” Jimin winked conspiratorially at him. “You know him and what it takes to get the point proven.”

Mark grunted, sinking even deeper into the sofa, hoping it would devour his entire being so he could stop having these incredibly stupid feelings.

It was a thought, to actually show Jackson what gnawed his insides. Mark wasn’t the most confident person when it came to these things, not after a history like his, but he did know how much he wanted to be with Jackson.

_Damn it all!_

~

When Jackson returned home that afternoon, Mark convinced Jackson to go for a walk with him.

Jackson was surprised to see the determined look upon Mark’s face when the other announced it was a perfect day for some exercise, and of course Jackson never said no to activities. Also he was unable to say no to anything Mark was asking from him.

Especially not after the disaster that he had cancelled the much anticipated date of theirs.

Mark claimed that he wanted to let Jimin to try to handle the boys alone now that he was still there, but Jackson suspected there was something else behind the request. Mark _was_ a bit on the snappy side when he addressed Jackson.

The day had been awesome so far for him; the meeting with his brother having been a good mixture of reminiscing the good old days and talking about the future.

Of course Jackson had talked mostly about Mark and how happy he was to know him and how great their odd little family was even if life wasn’t just dancing on roses; they all had their bad days just like everyone else did.

Though the most he had talked about were the good things, Jackson _had_ felt guilty as hell for ditching the already sealed date with Mark. He was torn between seeing someone he had missed seeing for a few years now and the need to spend every waking moment with Mark.

He had explained to his brother why he couldn’t stay with for very long and of course the idiot had mocked Jackson to be a fool in love. To his credit he had helped Jackson to figure out a good way to mend the hurt he must have caused to Mark by cancelling.

It had required a highly awkward phone call with Yoongi but Jackson took it like the man he was and now he had a plan up in his sleeve for later.

But right now Jackson was walking next to Mark in silence, treading the pavement deep in thought. He wanted to do something but he didn’t know where to start. It was like time had stopped. He had heard the advice of _do anything_ so often Jackson kind of wished he didn’t feel so pressured. He just couldn’t force himself to do something when Mark was obviously pissed at him.

And for a good reason.

Ok, Jackson had been prepared for the prickly attitude but he didn’t really know how to deal with it. Surely they had bickered before but downright angry attitude was something that had never before come up. Jackson wanted to say he was so sorry and he definitely would make it up for Mark, but how to do it without giving away the plan he had?

Thus, he remained quiet, just observing Mark, the nervousness squeezing his insides.

While walking in rather uncomfortable silence they didn’t notice the darkness gathering above them, not before they heard the low growling sound and the first drops of rain landed on them, and by then it was already too late.

The heavy and sudden rain forced them to sprint ahead to look for shelter.

They ran under the roof of a lonesome shrine, drenched by the rain that had caught up with them. Jackson was breathing hard, drops of sweat and rain running down his face and he was breathing fast, the running having been so abrupt. Mark didn’t look like he even broke a sweat, but Jackson knew that was just camaraderie; Mark was just as out of breath as he was, he just hid it better.

“Lucky we were almost up when the rain started.” Jackson said, not because he needed to state the obvious, but because he needed to say something. Mark was pushing his wet hair from his eyes, his biceps flexing in the process. If someone tried to tell Jackson that Mark was just a skinny boy with no stamina, Jackson would unceremoniously kick their face. Mark was anything _but_ a skinny boy; he was drop dead sexy just like that; well defined muscles that were visible to the eye when uncovered.

Jackson just wished he could one day soon see them completely exposed, unless he had fucked everything up. He was actually _itching_ to get some skin to skin contact.

“Mm.” Mark just made an irritable noise and continued to gaze out through the gray veil that was the rain coming down hard. The hum it made against the old roof was echoing and eerily comforting. Then a quick flash, followed by a few seconds of silence and finally a low rumble rolled in the air towards them.

Jackson could feel the hair on his arms and neck standing up. He absolutely loved thunder. It made him feel so _alive_.

“Did you see it? Oh man, I wish we could’ve watched the storm crawling closer. I bet it looked incredible.” Jackson almost moaned sadly. It was one of the things he loved watching; the masses of dark clouds rolling closer, sometimes going against the wind and majestically filling the sky. And the bolts of lightning that crossed the skies. Jackson shivered, grinning. Exhilarating!

He had completely forgotten how distracted he had been earlier.

“You like thunder storms?” Mark’s voice came closer than Jackson had expected and he glanced to his left only to find Mark standing almost side to side with him now.

“Yeah. Loved it since childhood.”

“Somehow it suits you.” Because Mark’s tone was softer than it had been all day Jackson remembered the guilt knotting his stomach. His mood dropped considerably.

“I.. guess so?” Jackson answered apprehensively. But he had very little time to register what happened next or to think how to continue his sentence.

One moment he was staring out, trying to catch a glimpse of flashing lightning and the next moment he found himself being spun around and pressed against one of the pillars holding the temple roof up.

“Wha-” Jackson didn’t have time to finish his surprised question before Mark was there, right in front of him and..

And then he was kissing Jackson so hard it flashed a few private lightning bolts before Jackson’s closed eyes. His arms came up instinctively, one wrapping around Mark’s waist and one hand sneaking behind the long neck, preventing Mark from pulling away.

Mark tasted like rain and salt, his lips were soft and tough, his touch tentative yet very persistent. Jackson thought he would suffocate or faint or stop breathing, and when he finally managed to gasp for air, he did it only to latch himself harder on Mark.

Mark pressed Jackson tightly against the pillar, the shredding and peeling paint falling on the floor in pieces as Jackson’s back rubbed against its surface. Mark pried Jackson’s lips open and delved deeper, probing the answering mouth with his tongue. Jackson could feel his knees going softer and softer and he thought he wouldn’t be able to stand much longer if Mark continued to kiss him like that.

The rain kept falling hard, the gray and green darkness surrounding them in the shelter of the abandoned shrine, bodies flush against each other and kissing like there was no tomorrow.

Finally Mark pulled away, breathing visibly hard this time.

“Do you get it?” Mark pecked Jackson’s lips once more, looking at his from under his lashes.

“Get… Get what?” Jackson was still high from the kiss, his thoughts jumbled and incoherent.

“That I like you so much I don’t like it when you cancel our date?”

“Wha.. Oh, come on, that was just my brother!” Jackson exclaimed but blushed anyway; Mark had just said he _liked_ Jackson. He could have flown. “ I haven’t seen him in years and you know what I still was doing the whole time? _Talking about you._ I kind of hoped you’d understand because I’m dead serious about you and.. I’m really sorry.” Jackson ended his sentence by mumbling, afraid he had said too much.

Mark was quiet for a while.

“I got jealous..” He finally muttered, looking down, the expression so rare all Jackson could do was to stare at the pink colour over Mark’s cheeks, the way he was chewing on his lips.

“Sweet mother of god.. Can you stop being so.. so.. like that!” Jackson groaned, the pink colour reaching now _his_ cheeks. The sudden drop in temperature forgotten as the warmth crept around his body with Mark standing so close to him. Jackson slid his hands from Mark’s neck to his cheeks, cupping his face, leaning forward and softly knocking their foreheads together. “I don’t mind you being jealous, but you could _say_ something and not just _think_.” Jackson nudged Mark’s nose with his.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” The hint of embarrassment in Mark’s tone was enough for Jackson to smile.

“And it’s not like our date is completely ruined.” Jackson smiled widely, hugging Mark closer. He did fit quite perfectly in his arms.

“It isn’t?” Marl raised his brows, a few wet brown strands stuck on his forehead. He was looking at Jackson with a soft look in his eyes, lips curved up just a little bit.

“Nope. I’m taking you out tonight. Everything is fixed so once we get home you just need to change and we’re good to go.” He glanced at the dark skies. “Just hope this rain will stop.”

“What about the kids? Jimin wont be able to stay very long.”

“Fixed that as well.” For once Jackson was confident and sure about what he was doing; making this one person happy with something perhaps not super awesome, but with something simple and hopefully nice.

~

What Jackson had arranged for them proved to be both Jimin _and_ Yoongi staying over to watch Bambam and Youngjae. Mark made some comment about that but all the guy managed to get out was _just go before I change my mind._

The second surprise was to have them both put on yukatas and head out for to a small street festival just a few blocks away.

As the summer was already turning towards autumn the daylight was mostly gone by the time they managed to leave the house, the darkened streets lit up by yellow electric lights above. The rustle of dead leaves under their slippers as they walked towards the event, both high in spirits, hearts beating fast. It wasn’t because they hadn’t ever before walked together before, it was because there was that reason behind it this time.

It was officially a night out with someone you fancied romantically, and _that_ made all the difference.

The festival held more colours for them to see; the red and gold paper lanterns hanging in lines from tree to tree, the sparkling glittery paper decorations or tin foil on the booths set on both sides of the street, it all created a kind of a magical wonderland to get lost in.

There was anything and everything one could hope for a small time out; stalls that had silly games to play, stalls that offered food, stalls with small items you could buy and stalls with fortunes or good luck charms.

Mark was beaming by the time they reached the festivities.

Jackson could barely take his eyes away from him. Mark looked so perfect in the deep blue yukata with a silver dragon embroidered at the hem on the left side. He had obviously left the t-shirt out because Jackson could see a flash of the pale chest when the fabric moved, and he certainly didn’t mind that. Mark’s brown hair was swept back carelessly, a few strands always finding their way down, as usual. He looked absolutely stunning.

But the way Mark looked was nothing compared to the radiant smiles he directed at Jackson. They simply melted his heart.

Being enveloped in the crowd of people they didn’t dare openly to show any affection, not that it yet would have come very naturally to them either, but as they edged on with the mass moving them their hands brushed against each other many times, sometimes their fingers curling together for a few moments. At those times they glanced at each other and smiled sweetly, a hint of blush over the cheeks.

It was amazing.

It wasn’t anything incredible, nor was it something that required a lot of money or fancy gifts but it was enough. It was sincere and it suited them both. _Next time_ would be more, that Jackson promised to himself quietly while watching Mark aiming a ball towards a stack of cans you needed to knock down in order to get the prize.

“I missed them all.” Mark groaned, sighing defeated.

“My turn.” Jackson had been examining the prizes while waiting and he was convinced he should try to get the one that had caught his eye.

Two balls later Jackson wasn’t feeling so confident. He squinted, taking a better position, pretending to be a professional at this. Which he wasn’t, of course.

“You can do it!” Mark’s sudden cheer startled Jackson and he while had just been aiming and throwing he now faltered. Jackson followed horrified how the ball left his hand and began to fly towards the cans.

Then a small miracle happened.

“Here you go; one plush toy.” Jackson took the pikachu from the guy behind the counter. He had accidentally hit the prize he had wanted. Highly embarrassing because now he had hit it just because he had stumbled.

Jackson turned to Mark, his cheeks burning with embarrassment.

“I wanted to get this for you.” He handed the yellow plush to Mark who looked surprised but delighted.

“Why this?” Mark stroked the soft toy, examining it a while before hugging it close.

“Well it reminds me of you.” Jackson squirmed a little, not sure how Mark would take it.

“Uh. Why?”

“Well.. er.” Jackson muttered, getting more and more off balance. “The colour, the blond you know, and I don’t know.. It’s not like you look like an electric rat or anything it’s just.. because, uh, it’s cute and cuddly and awesome, and everything.”

Mark stared at him a long while before bursting out to laugh so hard people turned to look at him. He clutched the plush toy to his chest, doubling over and laughed until he had tears in his eyes.

“You sure you’re ok?” Jackson felt a bit offended at the reaction, crossing his arms before him and frowned.

“Yeah. I’m ok.” Mark straightened his back, wiping his eyes. “You’re really something. Honestly.”

“Is that a good thing?” Jackson couldn’t really tell and he maybe felt a little hurt.

“Yeah.” Mark smiled so brightly, so wide nearly all his teeth were showing. It wasn’t fair to be so gorgeous. “You’re perfect.”

Jackson turned bright red.

~

After they had walked around enough, played more games and eaten anything they set their eyes on, Jackson lead Mark to a secluded spot by the river that ran close by so they could have some peace and quiet before returning home.

“I really enjoyed this evening, thank you.” Mark sat down on the cool stones the riverbank was paved with. He looked down at the dark water flowing slowly below. “This kind of reminds me of that night.” Jackson sat down next to Mark and smiled.

He knew what Mark meant; _that_ night. Their silly first kiss by the Seine. The beginning of this. The beginning of _them_.

“Kind of yeah.” Jackson couldn’t help but to smile a wide stupid smile. He was so damn jubilant and over the bloody moon to just be here.

“I like it.” Mark examined his hands before crossing his arms loosely before him, closing his eyes and breathing in deep, lips curled up ever so slightly.

Jackson could only silently watch him; the perfect profile of Mark’s silhouette, the way the distant lights illuminated the brown hair, the shape of his shoulders, the straight back. Somehow Jackson thought of the ancient warriors, the wandering samurais. The only thing missing was a sword by the side of this man that made his heart sing those simple, yet so complicated, notes of love.

Love..

Jackson bit down on his lip, tearing his eyes away from Mark and turning to look at the scenery before him; the dark banks, the small dots of lights swaying in the gentle night breeze, everything so blue and silver, the murmur of people somewhere further very distant in his ears.

He knew he was falling in love. He could feel it already, though it was still a very obscure and far away feeling to him. But Jackson knew he was the most happiest when he was with Mark; there was no denying it.

His heart was beating steadily faster and stronger and Jackson reached out, wrapping his arm around Mark’s shoulders, pulling him closer.

Mark leaned in instantly, melting against him and sighing softly. It was all too perfect, all too simple and clear right at this very moment; every possible obstacle manageable and the future bright.

Jackson inhaled deep; it was an inhale of the last summer nights, a mixture of sadness and longing, an inhale that smelled like burning sugar and Mark. Mark who was warm and snug next to him, his hair tickling Jackson’s cheek. It was kind of magical and surreal, yet so tangible, so real it made his heart ache that happy ache you feel when you are content.

A loud crackle and sudden bang jolted them back to reality from the silence.

A gold line shot up across the dark sky, finally bursting into tiny sparks that rained down upon them slowly, disappearing before reaching the ground.

“Thank you.” Mark sat up better, detaching himself just enough he could twist and look at Jackson properly.

“For what?” Jackson smiled, reaching up, tracing Mark’s cheek with his fingertips.

“For being you.”

“I..” Jackson wanted to crack a joke how he wasn’t all that great but it didn’t seem like the kind of thing you said in a situation like this. “You’re welcome.” The eyes looking at him were so much closer now, the late hour painting them black and mysterious.

Jackson was perhaps mesmerized but it was nothing compared to the need to feel Mark against him.

Without really thinking anything but that Jackson leaned forward, smiling faintly. His lids fluttered close when their faces were in touching range, Mark’s warm breath tickling his lips. Jackson let his emotions sweep him away, seeking the lips before him with his own, claiming them gently.

The best thing about kissing Mark was that he responded so eagerly, not with hesitance or doubt, the exquisite feel of him soft and hard at the same time.

It was just getting better and better, the more they kissed, the nips and tugs turning more knowing and familiar, the brush of tongues together sending sweet electricity running down the spine, curling the pleasure in the pit of the stomach.

Mark’s pressed his palm against Jackson’s chest, pushing him back. For a moment he was confused and almost backed down only to find Mark following him, pressing him down on to the ground.

Jackson complied, allowing the change to take place and Mark following him, still glued to his lips. It wasn’t perhaps the most comfortable place to lie, but the moist and cold stones didn’t bother him; his whole attention was on the man above him, kissing him into oblivion.

Finally Mark was half on top of him, one arm resting on Jackson’s chest, the other propping Mark up. The kiss was deepening, the tongues remaining in contact longer every time they touched.

Jackson could feel how his toes kept curling; each time they had kissed Mark had somehow gained control over the situation. The dominant and kind of aggressive side to him was perhaps a bit surprising but definitely not unwelcome. Jackson found himself falling deeper and deeper as the warm hand moved over his yukata, fingers slipping under it from the neckline, caressing his bare chest tentatively.

He let out a breathy sigh, tilted his head even more, inviting Mark closer without words. The mere feeling of him pressing on his own body was pure bliss. It wouldn’t take much for him to be in so much trouble, if they continued down this road.

Mark detached his lips finally and gazed down at Jackson his lids heavy and pupils dilated.

“You..” Mark swallowed hard and visibly, his words faltering and raspy, blinking slowly as if he wasn’t sure where he was located right now, on Earth or some other dimension. “You’re driving me crazy.” A firework exploded in the sky, illuminating Mark with red and gold colours, his features highlighted and eerie.

“Speak for yourself..” Jackson muttered. Mark was so exquisite, so _present_ that it was hard to decide what was real and what wasn’t. This would get out of hand soon but.. “I don’t want to stop.”

“Me neither.” Mark’s dark tone sent a delicious shiver down Jackson’s entire body. Would it really be so bad to get down with business in public, to have their first exploit in danger of being seen by anyone who would happen to stumble across them?

Yeah. It would.

But it was so damn hard to think rationally when all Jackson could think about was the soft lips pressed against his neck, mouth sucking on the sensitive skin. This was seriously dangerous.

Jackson kept hugging Mark close, gripping the fabric covering Mark tightly, feeling the shape of muscles under his fingers. The bites on his skin, the continuously bolder moving fingers tracing his chest, it was turning him on so much and he was losing his shit quite effectively. Who would have thought this would happen? And here of all places.

To at least gain _some_ control over the rapidly escalating situation Jackson flipped their position upside down; Mark now on the ground, the yukata even more open, revealing the secrets it was hiding under for Jackson to inspect.

Had he done this to gain some control? Yes. Was there any, now that he looked at Mark gazing up at him with a look that could have probably scorched holes through Jackson’s clothes? None. How Jackson wished they would be back home, safe and sound, away from the eyes and ears of other people, because right now Mark looked like he was ready for pretty much anything.

The mere though made Jackson’s blood boil.

“I’m so fucking lucky.” Jackson whispered, not trusting his voice to carry out more, not without trembling. Mark smiled up at him, stroking Jackson’s sides with both hands, but remained quiet. Slowly, very slowly, Jackson pushed his hips questioningly down against Mark, daring to do that in the heat of the moment. He wanted to see what would happen if he took things just a little bit further.

“Shit..” Mark hissed, bucking up. His lips were parted, moist from where he had licked them, his eyes now closed and his hands gripping Jackson’s shoulders tight.

“Good?” Jackson smiled against the long neck he bent down to kiss. He could feel how Mark’s hands found their way up to his hair, curling around the strands and pulling them gently. It was just enough to spark even more desire.

“Yeah.” Mark’s voice was nothing but a husky whisper and Jackson found himself liking it tremendously; he would make sure he heard Mark whispering all sorts of dirty things to him with that tone. “Don’t stop.”

Like hell he would, not after a breathy demand like that.

Jackson kissed his way up to Mark’s jaw, up to his cheek, back to his lips, locking their mouths together hard. At the same time he rolled his hips forward, rubbing against the flush body under him. Mark bit Jackson’s lip almost painfully hard, his whole body responding to the touch.

Jackson wasn’t in any better condition; he was ready to throw the caution to wind and keep going until they had no clothes on them.

He trailed one hand down from the heaving chest, drawing a line over the yukata, heading south. Jackson hesitated a second or two before continuing; it was treading dangerous waters to reach even lower.

Mark let out a soft huff of air when Jackson eventually dared to brush his fingers over the hidden bulge. The hands in Jackson’s hair gripped him tighter, pulling the strands.

Jackson took that as a good sign and continued his little exploit, adding more pressure, but kept the touch enough light to be absolutely sure Mark wouldn’t suddenly freak out.

To worry over such thing proved to be absolutely unnecessary; Mark let go of Jackson’s hair and slipped his hand down as well, a bit awkwardly mimicking what Jackson was doing to him.

It might have not been the most professional touch, but it sure as hell felt fabulous.

Mark bent his knee up, the slight change brought them even closer, both daring to add even more power into the game, cupping with their palms the obvious sign of desire.

A rustle of leaves and a giggle from somewhere further from them froze them in midst of the movements.

Jackson was breathing hard, his heart racing. He looked around almost panicking, still holding Mark tightly, covering him with his own body, the gesture more protective than lustful now. A sense of cold washed over him.

“I think we should stop here. It’s a bit risky.” Jackson muttered, glancing down at Mark looking up at him. “Not that I want to.” He smirked.

Mark flashed a sudden grin up at him, jerking his hips up, the connection eliciting a muffled grunt from Jackson when the electric jolt shot up his spine and curled up in his stomach.

“Can’t wait for a more appropriate time.” The expression Mark had, it should be announced illegal, honestly, because it did absolutely _nothing_ to cool down Jackson’s feelings.

“You’re dangerous. Seriously.” Jackson leaned down to steal a final deep kiss from the swollen lips before scrambling up.

His stomach lurched from the sheer thought and promise of things ahead. Just why did their timing always seemed to be wrong..

~

_Well now. Getting to the first base, or second? I don’t know anymore, on the first date. Yes, we went there. In public._

_And I liked it. A lot. Would have been happier if things had gotten somewhere, but now it was just a case of blue balls later. Painful._

_Maybe I’m turning into a pervert? .. perhaps not, as I wasn’t the only one with too eager intentions._

_He’s driving me mad. I don’t think I have ever wanted anyone so much. It’s like I have no restraints, no hesitance, when things go as far as they went already. And here I thought I might be put out to think about sex.._

_Not that it is a matter we can easily get to. For one I’m an inexperienced ass (pun intended) and second, there is no peaceful and quiet place where this happy occasion could happen. Boys are always here and even the thought of doing it after they’re asleep does not appeal to me. I don’t want Youngjae to see me doing anything of that sort. He’d be traumatised for sure._

_Speaking of kids.. The day that we should address our relationship, or whatever this is, is drawing closer the more me and Jackson are drawn together. What should I say? Is it ok to just tell Youngjae the truth as it is or should I, or we, try to explain things like.. like to a child?_

_Well he is a child. But he’s not stupid. It won’t take a miracle for him to figure out at least something. And I don’t want to tell him white lies. He doesn’t deserve to be lied to. It was enough bad that he had to live with parents like me and Soyi for so long._

_We’ll see how things will progress.._

_M._


	13. Let me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. Rating changed, so you know what that means.. You greedy little things.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Jinyoung woke up slowly, his head still swimming in fluff and calm dreams. He curled up, gathering the blanket closer to his face and allowed himself drift back to that semi-sleep where you are mostly happy you don’t have to wake up just yet and you can enjoy the softness and peace of tranquil morning without anyone disturbing you.

Jinyoung almost managed to fall back asleep but in the back of his mind he knew he shouldn’t; the kids would wake up soon and their busy daily life would begin again.

He wasn’t complaining this time though. Though he had been quite offended when Jackson and Mark announced they had hired a nanny to help them, Jinyoung wasn’t an idiot who held a grudge forever; he had accepted his fate and it had proved to be a good decision. Him and JB, who was still sound asleep behind him, weren’t tired as fuck all the time and life seemed more tolerable and they actually had some patience with each other.

Jinyoung snuggled his face deeper into the pillow and sighed. He was able to remember why he was in this situation. Why he had wanted kids and family life. He loved his children and he loved Jaebum, that solid rock in his life he could always depend on, no matter what.

The bed shifted and Jinyoung startled when a warm arm sneaked around his waist under the blanket.

“I thought you were still sleeping.” Jinyoung backed enough to be able to be cradled safely in JB’S arms; it was one of his favourite things to do and it was a shame they hadn’t had much time for simple cuddling lately.

“I could sense you waking up.” Jaebum buried his face to Jinyoung’s neck, his breath still hot and heavy with sleep.

“Sorry.” But Jinyoung was smiling when he said that, though he did feel always guilty, just a little bit, when he woke up someone by accident.

“Don’t even try.” JB tightened his hold. “Now I can have a moment with you so I’m not sorry about waking up.” His voice was still so gruff and low it was hard to deduce what he was mumbling.

Jinyoung smiled, closed his eyes and linked his hand with JB’S in front of him. He felt safe and sound, so incredibly satisfied and the knowledge that they hadn’t been the best of spouses lately twisted his guts unpleasantly.

He wanted to say something, maybe apologise how horrible he had been, to say he wasn’t mad at JB for going back to work, to say he still cared for him so much it hurt.

“Do you regret this?” Jinyoung finally whispered. JB was quiet a long time before answering.

“You mean us and the kids? Or something else?”

“Us.”

“No. I don’t.” JB seemed to think before he continued. Jinyoung could feel how the long lashes tickled his skin. “Do you?”

“I don’t.” And he was certain of this. Of course he was. He couldn’t even imagine anything else, or to be with anyone else. _This_ was his life and he wouldn’t have given it up for anything.

“Then stop asking silly questions.” JB forced Jinyoung to roll over and face him.

The smile that greeted Jinyoung when he was able to see JB’S face made his heart swell. Surely he didn’t deserve this much happiness.

“I love you, and only you. You think too much.” JB cradled Jinyoung’s face with one palm, tracing his thumb over his cheek and lips.

There was nothing he could have said in return, maybe that he loved JB back, but he was too full of that emotion to actually express it with words.

Instead he leaned forward and wordlessly kissed Jaebum.

It was one of those slow, unhurried kisses you never really want to end, the kind that is so full of love and caring it tears you apart and leaves you raw and weak in front of the person you love with every single part of your being.

But, as it so often was in a house like theirs, their peaceful cuddling and being alone together was disturbed when the door slid open and careful pat of small feet on the floor made Jinyoung and JB unlock their lips.

Jinyoung turned to look over his shoulder and saw Yugyeom standing next to their bed rubbing his eyes with both hands. His brown hair was standing up and his blue PJ’s were crumpled from sleep.

“Hey sweet pea.” Jinyoung called to the boy softly, his heart aching for the sight of him so small and sleepy, cute and absolutely cuddly.

Yugyeom just scrunched his face in return and climbed in, crawling between his parents and wiggled his way under the blanket to curl up.

JB smiled, hiding his laughter. Jinyoung shook his head and settled back down to caress the tousled mop of hair, kiss the warm forehead and watch how Yugyeom fell asleep almost instantly. Amazing how cute the kid could be sometimes.

Just five more minutes.. It wouldn’t kill him to take this opportunity and cuddle with JB and Yugyeom at the same time.

~

Jackson groaned, his shoulders and arms so tight it was making him wince every time he moved around. His fingers were tingling and numb, his skin crawling. Totally not cool. What had he done to deserve this?

Oh, yeah. Right. He’d been doing extra hard work with Jaebum.

They had painted the bedroom that was to be turned into a room for the girls. The time for them to start sleeping in a different room wasn’t that far away and now that there was a chance to renovate something JB had decided it was the perfect moment to do it.

It had been convenient because Jinyoung took the kids to entertain his parents because, for example Yugyeom, couldn’t run into the room, knock a bucket of paint on the floor or yell his opinion for everyone to hear that he thought his parents were _so stupid_.

The kid was an angel sometimes but Yugyeom seemed to have a lot of frustration to let out. Jackson was grateful that Bambam hadn’t so far been too difficult, though it was still possible.

He shuddered to even think about it.

He should call his mother. Thinking about Bambam growing up always brought his parents to his mind and it _always_ made him yearn to see them. Jackson loved his parents a lot but the distance was too much for them to see each other very often.

Maybe he should take Mark and Youngjae with them the next time they would visit Hong Kong.

Yeah, that wasn’t such a bad idea. He could walk around with Mark and show him all the places he used to play at when he was small. And..

Jackson’s heart suddenly tightened.

And maybe he could tell his parents he was really, _really_ happy now. Happy, because he had amazing friends. Happy, because he was content. Happy, because Mark was by his side.

Well, at least it was almost 100% sure that they were in for this for the long run, not just for fun, experimenting or sex. Having kids and being in a relationship was a combination that kind of forced them to take the whole thing quite seriously.

And he was serious.

He was halfway head over heels about that damn idiot. It was so bad that every song he heard, every thought he had was reminding him just how much he was thinking about Mark. He was just so incredibly happy about the whole situation.

Jackson was face down on his futon, sprawled on it like a starfish, reminiscing how soft Mark’s lips were, how he tilted his head when he gave in for more, how he liked to bite down on Jackson’s lip with his teeth and gently pull it.

He groaned, fervently wishing there was something else on his mind, otherwise he would end up having a boner and that would be awkward.

Jackson tried to focus, picking up the happy chatter of Bambam and Youngjae from Bam’s room.

Youngjae had tried to be conspiratorial and keep his birthday card makings in secret by spending a lot more time upstairs than usual. Jackson knew the two were doing something together for Mark, as his birthday was getting closer and closer.

Actually, that particular day was in Jackson’s mind as well, when he wasn’t thinking of what dirty deeds he could be doing with Mark. He wanted to give Mark something but he wasn't sure what. He knew Mark liked to eat, sleep, skate and shop online. Tough choices.

He had a vague idea what he would like to give Mark, but so far he hadn’t had time to search for it, and time was slipping away fast. The Day was already the day after tomorrow and Jackson was getting nervous.

He groaned, hiding his face into the pillow and kicked the bed a few times like a small child would kick when they weren’t exactly delirious with joy. Why was it so hard to figure out something to give?  

But, Jackson smiled despite the nervousness squeezing his insides.

They had been doing quite well so far. Of course the Big Talk with the kids was still unaddressed, but then again Mark and Jackson hadn’t yet put any labels on their relationship either. They just took it day by day, enjoying the dark hours when everything was quiet and Jackson could wrap his arms around Mark and pull him to lay over him on the couch. Not because he wanted to do something, but just because he wanted to close. Inhaling the scent of Mark, burying hands into the brown hair and talking quietly about daily things; enjoying the serene and calm contentment that always washed over him when they managed to get a moment like that.

So simple. It was enough for him.

Well, almost.

Jackson didn’t deny that he wanted to have more intimacy but after their rather daring public escapade there had been very little time for anything like that.

He was aching to touch Mark more, and it was getting so hard that he had woken up a couple of times with such painful morning wood he was forced to deal with it before getting up. After having some very detailed dreams about Mark it wasn’t such a big surprise he had these problems.

Jackson had almost lulled himself to sleep while smiling widely at his thoughts when he felt a weight crawling over his back and a warm body pressing against him.

“Are you ok?” Mark settled his face between Jackson’s shoulder blades, arms cradling Jackson as much as it was possible, laying himself flat against Jackson’s body.

Jackson smiled against the pillow his eyes still closed. It was absolutely wonderful how affectionate Mark could be sometimes, when the time was right.

“I’m fine, but my back is kind of stiff.” He finally mumbled, not really minding the pain right now; it wasn’t something he wanted to think when he had such a nice blanket covering him.

“Want me to try and see if I can ease the tension?” Mark spoke quietly, like he always did, though this time his tone had a small edge to it, like he had something else in mind, other than just being helpful. Jackson quirked a brow up thoughtfully.

“I’ll love you if you will.” He said, maybe a bit like a question. Mark smiled in return and something wonderful and warm spread all over his body.

“In that case..” Mark scrambled up to a sitting position. “I’ll definitely try.” Jackson peered from under his eyelid behind him and caught a glimpse of Mark moving down to straddle Jackson’s thighs and sitting over them.

He had absolutely _no_ objections to this. None.

Mark wasn’t bad, actually. Jackson relaxed under the probing fingers and sighed contently. The aches and pains and straining muscles starting to unwind slowly as Mark kept up his kneading. It felt nice to have someone working on him, even if it wasn’t by any means professional, and Jackson sighed contently, feeling even sleepier than he had felt before.

He found himself sinking lower into the mattress, head swimming, the feeling of warmth creeping up his spine and exploding all over his body when the tight knots began to loosen up and blood flowed freely, making his fingertips and toes hot. He didn’t care about anything else at this point, this was just enough; just him and Mark, the thought of Bambam and Youngjae playing somewhere else in the house a distant memory at this point.

Mark moved from Jackson’s shoulders to his upper back, directing his probing fingers all the while further down until he reached the lower back. Jackson smiled faintly when Mark began to roll his entire body up and down, knuckles running both sides of Jackson’s spine. Up and down, Mark’s hips made contact with each upward move with Jackson’s ass, it was kind of calming, and yet a bit naughty.

This of course brought back the memory of _him_ doing this exactly same treatment to Mark.

That seemed to have happened such a long time ago already, even though there wasn’t that much time in between. It was rather unbelievable to even think how they had ended up in this situation.

Not that Jackson was complaining, of course he wasn’t, it just baffled him to think that only this spring his biggest worry had been Bambam’s too fast growth spurts and how he was constantly worried they wouldn’t make it through another day.

And now?

Now Jackson was living with two amazing people, Bambam had someone to play with, they had Jinyoung and Jaebum right there next door if something should happen and.. And there was romance in the air.

What could be better?

Jackson relaxed, closing his eyes and simply enjoyed the slender fingers on his back, making him fuzzy in the head and his heart to flutter uncontrollably. This surely was nothing else but blissful heaven.

At some point however Jackson started to feel something pressing against his ass that he had definitely not expected to feel.

“Is that your belt buckle or..” Jackson mumbled after it became too obvious to dismiss.

“I’m not wearing a belt.” Mark muttered darkly and this time Jackson snapped his eyes open and supported by his arms, he raised his upper body up enough to glance behind him.

What he saw made his stomach drop dangerously low.

Mark was resolutely looking to his side, his cheeks flushed and his bottom lip securely between his teeth, hands resting over Jackson’s lower back and fingers balling the shirt.

“Oh.” That was all Jackson could manage out. He squirmed around enough long that Mark gave him his freedom and Jackson could sit up. Mark did however remain where he was, kneeling over Jackson’s legs. He looked almost upset and it was so cute Jackson wanted to hug him right now.

“If you’re going to laugh I’ll punch you.” Mark suddenly snapped, his tone so defiant and so ready to lash out if Jackson said something to mock him. Like hell he could do that when all he felt was bubbling excitement.

“I wasn’t going to laugh.” Jackson answered seriously, keeping his tone calm even though his heart was racing so fast he was sure it would break out soon from his ribcage. “I’m quite happy, actually.”

“You.. are?” Mark dared a quick glance at Jackson, his stiff posture visibly loosening up at the words.

“Yeah.” Jackson reached up and took Mark by his shirt, pulling him towards him. “I wouldn’t be much of a partner if I wasn’t happy that you get this excited just from giving me a back massage.” Jackson smiled lightly, his head spinning. It was like his whole body was trembling with anticipation now, his stomach churning pleasantly the closer their faces came.

Mark didn’t say anything, just kept chewing on his lips and eyeing Jackson tentatively until Jackson couldn’t take it anymore and cupping Mark’s head he brought their lips together.

Both let out a small huff of air when they came in contact with each other; it was a sensation that made their stomachs lurch down and made the socks on their feet spin, weakening their knees, both glad they weren’t standing up. Jackson took a hold of Mark by his waist, pulled him so close it was almost difficult to keep on kissing from this position.

Who cared about comfort when your whole attention was on the pleasure churning and coiling inside you?

Jackson placed his hands over Mark’s thighs, grasping the soft fabric of the sweatpants Mark was wearing. He trailed his fingertips higher, not sure if he was allowed to go further this time or not. Mark didn’t say anything but he let out a quiet needy noise and jerked his hips up against Jackson’s abdomen. Could there be any more obvious request?

Jackson slid his fingers slowly higher, first reaching behind Mark and taking a firm hold of his ass; it was a perfect fit for his hands. Then he reached to the front with his right hand.

Mark let out a silent breathy moan into the kiss when Jackson carefully palmed the bulge that had earlier formed there. He had never in his wildest dreams had imagined things would get this far again, and damn so quickly. Apparently they both were _really_ anxious to get a move on.

The kiss deepened, the emotions running higher and higher and Jackson pushed down harder, twisting his wrist to gain a better angle for half-grabbing Mark’s cock, the fabrics however making it impossible to have a good hold.

This time Mark’s voice wasn’t so quiet, though still quite muffled as they were still kissing hard. Mark broke the kiss, breathing heavily against Jackson’s lips and his head cupped between Mark’s hands.

“Want you.. So much.” Mark whispered, emphasizing his words by kissing sloppily Jackson after every second word, tugging the lower lip between his teeth and pulling it. Jackson could almost feel Mark’s heartbeat against him; it was fluttering as fast as Jackson’s heart was. This made his world turn hazy and insides coil almost violently, his whole body aching from the knowledge he had an opportunity to do something they had never done before together.

“Jesus fucking Christ..” Jackson grunted. “Don’t say such things or I’ll flip you under me and make it true.”

“I..” Mark started, but he was interrupted by something crashing on the floor downstairs. They both snapped from the heated moment back to realizing their surroundings.

“Fucking kids.” Jackson grimaced, the cruel, oh so cruel, reality where they actually lived in crashing on him like a piano. The prospect of the boys walking in on them doing something was absolutely horrifying. Definitely not a good idea. It was something Jackson didn’t want to experience. _Ever._ Underlined five times.

“Give me five minutes.” Mark muttered suddenly, getting up. He ruffled his hair with both hands, took a few deep breaths and marched out of the room with a determined look on his face.

Jackson flopped down to lie on his futon, staring up at the ceiling. His heart was pumping blood so fast right now it was ridiculous, and the blood it pumped was hot and flowed straight to his groin. He wondered if this was once again one of those times when they couldn’t get to the point. It sure was annoying to be interrupted all the fucking time. Of course if things _would_ progress Jackson wasn’t going to refuse, hell no, but if the kids were in the house there was no way they could get any release.

Ok, fine. You always could go for a really quick one and end up with messy hands, flushed cheeks and a couple of hickeys here and there, but it would leave your body needing much, _much_ more, and that wasn’t very appealing thought.

So, not an option. Not to him at least. Jackson wanted to take his time with Mark, and not to act like a teenager with raging hormones and only the need of having skin to skin contact in his mind because he was horny as hell.

Mark came back approximately five minutes later, like he had promised, the longest minutes in Jackson’s life, and closed the door behind him. He leaned on the hard surface a while, just looking at Jackson his eyes dark.

“What did you do?”

“Sent the boys to annoy Jinyoung. Might have to tell him later why and I feel kind of guilty too, but can’t really be bothered with that too much right now.” Then Mark smiled almost shyly. “It’s just us, for a while. Maybe an hour or two.”

“Well. Why don’t you walk that tiny ass of yours back here then.” Jackson couldn’t stop the delighted grin spreading over his face. Two whole hours alone? More than enough to make most of his wet dream come true.

Mark just smirked in return.

“Why, did you have something particular in mind?” The incredulous grin on his face made Jackson’s blood boil; Mark looked like he was enjoying his little taunting flirt quite a lot and Jackson hadn’t seen anything more tempting in ages as it definitely was setting him on fire, his needs screaming for attending.

He stood up and walked slowly towards Mark who was leaning against the closed door, the back of his head resting on the wooden surface. The position made it possible for him to look at Jackson from under his lashes, his bottom lip once again between his teeth and the fullness of his upper lip almost jumping to your eyes from this angle. Absolutely ravishing sight.

When Jackson reached Mark, he first took his hands and brought them to his lips, kissing the long fingers carefully. There was something exquisite about those long digits; so slender and delicate, yet not girlish nor frail. Thinking what Mark could be doing with them was just adding to the thrill Jackson felt.

Mark followed this silently but Jackson could hear his quickening breathing and smiled.

“I have a lot of things in my mind and all of them involve you without clothes.” Jackson muttered and with a smooth move Jackson lifted Mark’s arms up and pinned his whole body against the door.

“Why don’t you do something about it then?” Mark’s voice was so low now it was almost hard to hear and it made Jackson’s skin crawl pleasantly. Mark leaned his head forward and remained still, just hovering over Jackson’s mouth, breathing in the exhales Jackson let out, almost kissing him but not quite.

“Tease.” But he didn’t mind. Oh, hell no. Jackson reached out and sucked Mark’s bottom lip between his teeth, biting down, rolling his hips at the same time against Mark. It was only adding fuel to the fire, to feel the hardness pressing against him and to hear the pleased huff of air Mark let out.

And that was it.

Caution flew to wind, because now there was no reason to be careful about their surroundings, and Jackson released Mark’s hands, instead wrapping his arms around the slim waist and hugging them tightly together. Their lips smashed together in a kiss that left absolutely nothing left to guess, and hands roaming impatiently over the clothes, searching for the hem and waistband to be able to dip under and feel the bare skin.

They stumbled backwards, only unlocking their kiss to get rid of their shirts but never really realizing how they managed to do that, and finally fell on Jackson’s bed with a soft thump with Jackson on his back and Mark crawling over him to straddle his hips again.

Jackson broke the kiss, looking up at Mark who sat up on his heels; his hair was even messier now that it had been before and looking sexy as fuck, his bare upper body almost visibly trembling and his chest heaving. Could there be anything more appealing, anything sexier in this world?

Probably not. Not to Jackson at least.

He sat up and wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist. Jackson hugged him close for a while, just breathing in the soothing smell of Mark’s skin. It was warm and exciting, and inhaling that scent was like injecting alcohol straight to his veins; it went up to Jackson’s head immediately, making him dizzy and hot.

Mark wrapped his arms around Jackson’s shoulders and for a while they remained like that, enveloped together and enjoying the moment of absolute tranquility, for once not fearing that someone would come and sneak up on them.

Finally Jackson loosened his grip enough to start trailing his hands up and down Mark’s back, eventually reaching down to grab the firm buttocks. It still felt fabulous to do that. Mark flinched when he did so and leaned back so he could search Jackson’s eyes. Jackson thought, for a split second, that he had done something wrong but as Mark was only smiling at him, he discarded that thought quickly.

Their lips met again, almost tentatively and sweetly, pecking softly, tasting curiously their counterpart. But it didn’t take too long for the kiss to change back to what it had been just moments ago. Just opening the lips a bit more and entering tongue into the action was enough to push them again towards the feverish state of mind.

Jackson slipped his hands under the waistband of Mark’s sweatpants and boxers briefs, feeling the warm skin. It still felt a bit presumptuous to venture so far, but as Mark wasn’t stopping him Jackson wasted very little time on using both of his hands to push down the pants enough to be able to wrap his fingers around the semi Mark had.

Time was limited, though not too much, but why waste it when you could get down with the good stuff already? They had done their fair share of groping and now it was time to actually do something more.

When his fingers came in touch with the hot flesh Mark let out a trembling breath, his whole body tensing up and his lips opening just a little bit more. He broke the kiss and let his head loll back when Jackson began slowly to pump his shaft.

Jackson examined Mark from the close distance; his long neck was bent back, exposed right there in front of his eyes and Jackson didn’t want to let the opportunity to go to waste. He’d be mad if he did. He leaned forward and latched his lips to Mark’s Adams apple, grazing the skin with his teeth.

Mark hummed appreciatively.

“Up on your knees.” Jackson mumbled, nipping Mark’s neck sharply.

“What..” Mark breathed out but complied, sitting up on his knees. Jackson was now facing Mark’s stomach and he smirked against the tight set of abs finally presented to his eyes. What he had in mind would be either a disaster or the opposite, but he was definitely going to do it.

“Consider this an early birthday present from me.” Jackson flashed a mischievous grin up at Mark who was watching him his brows knotted in a frown. Jackson just winked at the perplexed expression, knowing it would, hopefully, change to something else soon.

Jackson took a hold of the already partially lowered pants and pushed them down Mark’s thighs so that the whole hip area was now exposed. He had to give Mark some credit as the sight that greeted him was definitely not something he hated to see; the flexing abs and the natural v of Mark’s hips all led down to..

He licked his lips quickly, bending his back enough to be about on the same level as the almost completely swelled up cock right in front of his eyes. Jackson took a few deep breaths, wrapped one hand around the base and then without a warning sucked the tip into his mouth.

This time, as there was no real need to be quiet and secretive, Mark let out a surprised noise that was like the sweetest music to Jackson’s ears. Mark’s hips moved forward involuntarily as Jackson sucked the tip deeper, adjusting his angle to be more comfortable.

A set of hands settled on Jackson’s head, almost trembling fingers weaving his hair. Jackson smiled inwardly, focusing his attention on bobbing his head slowly down and back up the hard flesh he had securely between his lips.

“Ffuck..” Mark’s rasped hoarsely when Jackson swirled his tongue around the tip, adding pressure on the slit, tasting the salty flavor. He could feel how the cock was hardening, reaching its full length in his hands and mouth.

It had been a while since Jackson had done this to anyone, but, to him it was like riding a bicycle; you never really forgot how the little tricks worked. Although he didn’t know where Mark wanted most to be touched it wasn’t going to take forever for Jackson to figure out what the other preferred. If something, Jackson took pride in being intuitive with his partners.

When he grazed his teeth very carefully over the length Mark let out a small hiss, his hips jerking up and his hands balling Jackson’s hair.

Jackson let the cock fall out from his mouth, a string of saliva dripping down his chin. He ran his hand up the throbbing length, thumb slicking the glistering tip, doing circles almost casually. Jackson glanced up and his heart nearly stopped at the sight greeting him; Mark on his knees, eyes closed and mouth open, breathing hard and ragged and clutching to Jackson like he would drown if he would let go.

In matter of minutes, or who knew how long it took for real, Mark was making such strangled noises that Jackson found it incredibly hard to dismiss his own straining erection. Listening to someone thoroughly enjoying themselves was something Jackson actually got off to; he got simple pleasure from the knowledge _he_ was the reason for all the happy sounds and twitches.

He took the cock back into his mouth, sucking hard, eliciting a gruff grunt from Mark and a hard jerk of his hips. It would have gagged him but lucky Jackson wasn’t a first-timer on this. Giving a blowjob was always something he enjoyed giving. Even more now because he was so fucking infatuated with this gorgeous man who had waltzed into his life and had shaken it all up so nicely.

Naturally he was aroused as hell. So much it had turned his jeans very uncomfortable piece of clothing to wear.

It didn’t help much his condition that Mark kept running his fingers lightly down Jackson’s neck, fingertips caressing the short hair, like he was kissing the skin. That particular touch sent such deliciously sweet chills down his spine and Jackson didn’t want that to stop. Not now, not ever.

Mark legs were trembling quite obviously by the time Jackson let the cock slip from his abused lips and pumped the shaft in his hand fast. He could hear the sharp inhales and could feel the pulsing heat hardening, swelling up even more in his grasp. Jackson straightened his back, nuzzling his face to Mark’s stomach, mouthing the skin his eyes closed and the effort of doing continuous movement making the muscles on his arm burn and tremble.

A few well aimed pressure points later Mark came with a strangled grunt, gripping Jackson’s hair almost painfully tight.

“Fuck..” Mark’s voice was hoarse as he collapsed to sit down over Jackson’s legs, breathing hard. “Intense. Fuck..” He ran his hands through his hair, mouth slightly open and looked exactly so fuckable that it was a small miracle Jackson didn’t jump Mark right now.

Jackson just smiled, licking his lips that felt incredibly tender after giving head for so long and wiped his sticky hand on his blanket, he would just change the sheets later. His back was aching again and he wanted to lie down. He sighed, stretching his arms up and flopped down on the mattress, smiling all the while. He _was_ painfully aware he was hard as fuck, but having to get Mark off had been already almost enough for him.

Well, almost. His body was pulsing and throbbing with his heartbeat and Jackson was quite sure his need for more was visible to the eye, if you looked close enough.

“Do you..” Mark suddenly spoke, eyeing Jackson relaxing below him. “Do you want me to.. To deal with you.. Your.. You know.” The vague gesturing towards Jackson’s bulge was so cute he wanted to giggle; he was so high with lust and desire it made him giddy.

“Do you want to?”

“I..” Mark hesitated just a fraction of a second. “I do.”

“Well, I’m not going to stop you. Just remember two things; watch your teeth and don’t force yourself if you don’t want to.”

Mark just slightly nodded and pulled his own pants up, covering his still hard length. _What a pity_ , Jackson thought. He wouldn’t have minded handling Mark some more during the blowjob he was about to get but.. He had time. _They_ had time. And it was most likely Mark’s first time doing this and Jackson wanted to concentrate on it.

Mark bent down, pecking Jackson fleetingly, almost nervously, on his lips. It was like he was moving in slow motion, taking his time to move on.

Jackson closed his eyes when he felt Mark’s teeth on his neck, and his stomach lurched hard when Mark kissed his way to the junction where Jackson’s neck and shoulder met, sucking on the skin rather noisily and sloppily. Quite erotic combination of sounds actually. As a result Jackson’s hands shot up to squeeze Mark’s arms tight and bit down on his cheek. His mind was gently rotating; this was an accidentally found sweet spot, and boy, did it make his toes curl.

 

Mark glanced up from his task and smiled. Jackson had closed his eyes and was breathing slowly through his nose, apparently trying to keep himself composed. He looked so innocent and young like that, like someone you _needed_ to make happy, to gather them into your arms and cherish for all eternity.

This was definitely an unfamiliar territory for Mark. He’d gotten a blowjob or two in his youth but as those were far in the past, and not very skillfully done, so Mark had spent a few sleepless nights reading things.

Fine. Ok. He had watched a porn clip or two.

But that was just the problem; porn went very rarely hand in hand with reality, and that was exactly what worried him right now. By not knowing what to do would he even be able to give Jackson pleasure without doing something stupid?

Sure enough he was a guy too, and just now Jackson had done something spectacular to him, and it would be easiest to mimic his actions. But still.. He was worried.

The nervous knot in his chest tightened and Mark closed his eyes, licking his lips, breathing a couple of times deeply. It was no use to fret. He would learn, one way or another.

There was always a first time for everything.

And it really was extremely hot to think Jackson panting hard and being all flustered and sweaty because of something Mark was doing to him, and with that thought alone he was quite sure he could pull this through.

He kissed his way to Jackson’s chest, grazing the skin with his teeth as he went and began to slide his right hand down the flat stomach, towards the southern parts. Mark deliberately first ignored the center, just tracing his fingers down the hip bone to the glorious thigh, the trained muscle twitching under his touch.

Jackson really had an amazing body; it was well defined, trained, tight and simply glorious in Mark’s opinion. And the way he was so 100% into everything he did and that made him shine like a beacon in the night only enhanced his physical attributes. Mark absolutely loved watching Jackson moving around and just being himself. He also liked this feeling of Jackson’s body under him. And he liked it a lot. It was satisfying to be able to press down someone so strong, to keep them there and claim them yours.

And that was exactly what Mark wanted to do. He was determined to keep Jackson by his side. This might have been innocent in the beginning but as Mark realized more about himself, the more he wanted him and Jackson to remain together. Or at least try that seriously.

When Mark finally tentatively palmed Jackson’s crotch Jackson let out muffled groan. He was incredibly hard.

While nipping his way down the center line of Jackson’s front Mark put some more pressure into his touch. He moved his palm along the hard shape under the fabrics, wondering was it normal to get some kicks out of  being a tease.

Jackson was almost squirming when Mark bit down on his stomach, sucking hard enough to leave a bright red spot behind. Teeth marks here, a love bite or two there.. Mark worked his way down below Jackson’s navel and to the waistband of the jeans Jackson wore.

He stared at the faded light blue colour, stared at the buttons, stared at his own fingers resting on the jeans and he stared at the way the fabrics were straining because Jackson was so obviously hard.

Just how badly did he want this to go smoothly? Very. And would it? Probably not. Had he any confidence in what he was doing? Not really.

In theory he knew, but doing this for real was completely different. And now he had a vague idea just _why_ some people actually practiced on bananas. Not that he had gone that far.

Mark noticed how much his hands were trembling, either from being really nervous or from simple excitement. Definitely unattractive combination anyway. And the angle he was working on the jeans wasn’t the most ideal one; kneeling over Jackson’s legs, his back bent and his mind spinning because he didn't want to screw this up. It wouldn’t kill him, but it wouldn’t be awesome either.

With shaking hands he began to work the buttons open, fumbling ridiculously a lot. It was so stupid, really. This wasn’t rocket science after all and he should be used to opening tight jeans like every single time he wore them himself, but no. He just _had_ to be like this.

When one button finally flew open an involuntary and highly embarrassing giggle escaped his lips. Shit. He was acting so weirdly and it was definitely not setting the mood right.

Mark cursed silently, gritted his teeth together and managed to pop all the buttons open.

Pulling the jeans down turned out to be impossible, obviously, without Jackson lifting his hips so that the garment could be unceremoniously tossed aside after some very unromantic scrambling and wiggling around. But, finally, Mark was staring at Jackson stark naked, in all his glory only to realize he didn’t know where to look.

The pale skin? The flat stomach? The narrow hips? The thighs? Or..

Mark chewed on his cheeks, a small frown between his brows. This was.. Really weird to be honest. He stared at the cock, full and hard, the tip darker shade and kind of intimidating, resting free from its restraints against Jackson’s abdomen.

He hesitated a second too long.

“You don’t have to, you know.” Jackson’s voice interrupted Mark’s thoughts. He glanced up and found Jackson examining him seriously. “I understand if it's too much.” But the way he was speaking, the way his voice was so dark and dripping with lust, was enough to tell Mark that it wasn’t an option to leave Jackson hanging.

Mark shook his head.

“I’m ok.” And he really thought he was. Because he didn’t feel like running away or backing out.

He ran his fingers over the natural v, over the bones, keeping his eyes locked with Jackson all the while, losing himself into the dark depths, like he always did. If he was to look down to see what he was doing, he might hesitate again. Now, this way, when he reached enough low, he could only feel the hot flesh against his own much cooler skin, and it didn’t make him so uncertain.

While the feel of the cock was the same as it would be when handling his own, it was weird. The angle was different. The size was different. And the _sounds_ were different.

Jackson sighed and closed his eyes when Mark curled his fingers around the stiff length. The red lips fell open and Mark though he had never seen anything so sexy in his life. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Jackson at all, the sight of him tensing up when Mark moved his palm up and down, all the muscles flexing under the pale skin.

Looking at Jackson and how the air was moving in and out through his bruised lips was only making Mark to think about all kissing they could be doing. And who said they couldn’t? The temptation was absolutely too much; Jackson mouth was so alluring Mark couldn’t resist his urges.

He crawled higher, right hand still securely pumping the length, and hovered just a breath away from Jackson’s lips. And before Jackson could open his eyes Mark took that incredibly tempting bottom lip between his own lips and pulled gently.

“Is this ok?” Mark’s voice was rather husky by now, and to his own ears he feared he sounded like a complete idiot. Lucky for him Jackson didn’t seem to take him for a fool. Jackson opened his mouth just a bit more, breathing hitching as Mark ran his thumb over the slick tip, circling it, smearing the sticky liquid.

“That.. Mh..” Jackson smiled in between the words and small pecks. “That’s good.”

Mark, pleased with this knowledge, closed whatever empty space there was left between them and kissed Jackson deep. As it always was, it was like all his worries were swept away the moment their lips got locked together, be it slow and loving, or hard and hungry like now. His confidence was increasing with each bite and tug, with each stroke, with each small sound, with each jerk of the body under him, and Mark finally broke the kiss.

Closing his eyes, Mark took a deep breath and backed down.

He dared a glance at his target and his heart rate accelerated almost immediately. It was now or never and Mark wasn’t one to chicken out from anything. Ever. He liked a little thrill in his life and though he was nervous as hell he’d take up the challenge no matter what.

Getting Jackson off, learning the tricks of how to play his body were things he wanted to learn.

He leaned down one firm hand around the cock and inhaling deep, he kissed the tip tentatively. It was hot against his lips. And kind of salty when his tongue darted out to lick quickly the burning surface. Nothing too bad.

Mark wrapped his lips around the tip, trying not to think too much. It was kind of easy to forget your worldly problems when you concentrated on giving head for the first time; the task took enormous amount of focusing.

As odd and slightly revolting the idea of sucking off another guy had once been, or had it ever really?, that certainly wasn’t the case any longer. Sure enough he wasn't confident in this or anything, but the fact that he _didn't_ _hate it_ was a relief. More than a bit.

It was an alien feeling, to shove something so big in; he had to open his jaws a lot more than he had expected, and it was hard to figure out how exactly to sync his hand and sucking. It would look like someone had injected botox in his lips after this.

“Ouch..Mark, watch your teeth.” Jackson huffed and Mark’s heart almost stopped. He had been too caught up in thinking his own feelings on this to have paid enough attention on what he was doing. He released the cock from his mouth carefully and bit down on his already sore lip.

“Sorry.” Mark muttered, his eyes closed and face probably a brilliantly red.

“I know.” Jackson sounded compassionate but Mark was sure he wasn’t all that pleased. Determined not to make more mistakes Mark brushed his thoughts aside.

This time he didn't hesitate or flinch, he was sick of his own behaviour and cowardly actions. It was just Jackson, and Jackson knew this was Mark’s first time and seriously now, fuck off stupid, unwanted thoughts and uncertainties.

He sucked down hard on the cock straining in his grasp this time, minding his teeth, and began to slide the length slowly deeper.

Jackson let out a small high noise and sighed. His hands came down to rest on his stomach, reaching to touch Mark's hair. If that wasn’t hot as hell, Mark didn’t know what was.

At last, something was obviously going well, the incredibly fascinating noises Jackson let out were a proof of that. This delighted Mark enough to feel his stomach twisting pleasantly.

But, he might have been a bit too optimistic though; the cock went too far when he didn’t pay enough attention, and his gagging reflex kicked in, which resulted him releasing Jackson from his mouth the second time. No teeth this time but his ears were burning from embarrassment.

“I’m not..” Mark muttered, wiping saliva from his chin. “I’m not making you feel bad, am I?”

Jackson was silent for a while before he said anything, possibly weighing his words not to hurt Mark’s feelings. There was no way he could have felt any worse though, this was already devastating enough.

“It’s ok. You’re doing just fine.” Mark almost snorted at this point but kept his reaction at bay. “Think of ice cream. Or popsicles.” Jackson offered a small smile. Did he _have to_ be so heartwarming?

“Right. Popsicles.” Mark frowned slightly, trying to remember the last time he’d had that particular treat. A deep calming intake of air and he steeled his mind. Mark went down the third time.

And third time's the charm, right?

A firm hold of the base of Jackson’s cock and thinking hard what it was like to stuff an ice cold thing in your mouth instead of the opposite, Mark ran his grip up and down the shaft. Much to his dismay Mark noticed that Jackson had gone a bit soft and his mood dropped considerably.

This wasn’t so hard so why the fuck was he flunking this so bad?

He would have gritted his teeth but that would have resulted in a _very_ upset Jackson. So, no biting.

Mark set his mind again, fervently wishing this wouldn't end up in a disaster. Again.

Tilting his head down to receive the tip back between his lips he let the length slide further and further down against his tongue, being careful to prevent the gagging that would have made him lose his focus again. He repeated that a few times, being mindful of each little twitch Jackson did.

After a while of throating Jackson deep, and imagining that he was playing with melting ice on his tongue and keeping his jaws as loose as he possibly could, Jackson had swelled up again and his body was tensing under Mark’s touch. This all involved a lot of tongue swirling around the shaft, sloppy kissing over the tight skin and scratching Jackson’s hips with his fingernails, and possibly leaving red marks all over him.

Finally the reward of picking up the correct flow echoed in Mark’s ears.

“Okay, yeah. That’s it.” Jackson panted, closing his eyes and biting his lip. His cheeks were turning red and there was that wonderful coiling sensation in the pit of his stomach, every jolt of pleasure shooting down to gather in his groins.

Mark certainly had learned quickly after a few, quite adorable, blunders. Jackson didn’t blame him for anything, it was reasonable and those things could have happened to anyone. Even he had done some stupid shit over the years but those were memories he chose to forget. Jackson didn’t want Mark to end up with their first time blowing each other being a bad memory. If it would turn out like shit they would never get to the finishing line.

What Mark was doing now to Jackson was pure bliss; the pleasure was so intense and rapidly gathering, and he didn’t really want it to end, but to be fair it wasn’t nice to keep someone blowing you a long time. And then there was the fact that Jackson craved for something more to add to up to his heightened senses. To spice things up a bit, if you could phrase it like that. To send him over the edge for sure.

“Mark.. Mh. Could please use your.. ah, finger.” Jackson mumbled in between ecstasy bubbling inside him and his cock being sucked like there was no tomorrow for them to wake up to and making him almost incoherent.

Mark halted, the tip of Jackson’s cock plopping out of his mouth with a very indecent sound.

“You mean..”

“Yeah. I do. _That_.” Jackson would definitely have to learn how to express his needs, this was not exactly his best vocabulary to be honest.

Mark licked his lips quickly, hesitating.

“You can use this.” Jackson reached up, digging in the drawer close by and tossed Mark a bottle of lube. Mark raised an eyebrow. “What? I’m a dude. I have needs..”

“I didn’t say anything.” Mark managed to hide his smile in time, but Jackson saw a glimpse of it anyway. Not that it bothered him, not at this stage where he was butt naked, fully hard and totally exposed in front of the guy he had been having wet dreams for the past six months now.

Mark squeezed the gel over his fingers, examining the substance with mild interest. He was nervous as hell and he didn’t want to fuck this up. This was something he would have to learn, too, and, despite what Jackson might think, Mark _had_ been doing other things than just reading guidebooks and watching porn.

He bent down and sucked Jackson back into his mouth, the gesture eliciting a pleased hum from Jackson and his eyes fluttered shut again. Mark slid slowly his slicked fingers down Jackson’s ass, halting at the tight rim. He was so nervous and so afraid he would do something really wrong. Did he have too long fingernails? What if he found fingering disgusting in the middle of the act? What if he caused Jackson nightmares and they would never end up in this situation again?

But the breathy sound Jackson made when Mark began to push his index finger in was quite honestly making him hot all over. He’d be aroused soon again if things would continue like this.

He’d think of that later. Right now he wanted nothing more than to give pleasure to Jackson after almost fucking the whole thing up in the beginning.

Mark swirled his tongue around the swollen tip, adding some pressure on the slit. Jackson made again that exquisite sound that did the most fabulous things to Mark’s insides. He pushed his finger inside as far as he could, throating the pulsing cock deeper at the same time.

Jackson let out an audible hoarse moan and he bent his knees up on either side of Mark, squeezing him in between them.

The heat around his finger was so intense he couldn’t even begin to think there could be anything bigger going in. Even considering adding the second finger was already quite surreal. But Jackson was quivering soon and the thoughts of any kind of discomfort flew from Mark’s mind that was now filled with nothing but the strong scent of Jackson, the sounds he was making and the feel of his shaft hot and stiff in his mouth.

Mark could feel Jackson’s thighs trembling slightly on each side of him. He let out the cock fall from his mouth and looked up, worry washing him temporarily cold. Had he, after all, done something wrong?

However what he saw turned the coldness back into heat in a nanosecond; Jackson’s eyes were half closed, the dark dilated pupils visible from under the long lashes, staring at Mark and everything he did. Jackson was resting his hands over his stomach, like he wanted reach down and grab Mark’s head. His lips were parted and red, swollen from what he had been doing earlier to Mark and from chewing on them after.

Goddamn it. He looked so drop dead gorgeous. There was no helping it; Mark slipped a second finger into the action, watching fascinated as Jackson jerked and his stomach tightened visibly.

So fucking sexy.

Mark was beginning to realize he would kind of like to see Jackson naked on his knees first blowing him hard and then Mark taking him from behind. Perhaps against the kitchen table and making such lewd noises it would blow Mark’s consciousness just with that.

Dirty dreams never hurt anyone, right? At least it was better to think these things than to worry about the mundane things like that the dinner was still uncooked and they would have to explain Jinyoung why he was forced to babysit their kids all of a sudden.

Mark probed deeper; he knew he should find the g-spot to make the reverie even higher, but before he could even consider doing something about that, things kind of escalated.

Just when he wrapped his lips again over the rock hard shaft and pushed the fingers in as deep as he could, Jackson climaxed hard, grunting low, his whole body tight and vibrating. Mark squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head; the pearly liquid shot up and dripped down his cheek.

Quite honestly not the most pleasant feeling in the world. Like some hot and cold slime that dried in seconds and left his skin feel rather awful.

Jackson looked up, still his breathing uneven and ragged, sat up quickly and wiped the semen off from Mark’s face. He had turned glorious shade of crimson almost immediately and Mark could feel his heart melting at the sight.

“Sorry.” Jackson almost whispered, looking down.

Mark smiled faintly and took one of Jackson’s hands in his, swallowing hard. His lips felt so raw and abused and his mouth was dry. His right hand was like on fire and Mark glanced down at it; the drying up gel making a mess all over. He looked around him and.. Not really seeing any other option he wiped the remaining lube off on Jackson’s sheets.

He was slightly dazed; at the same time really glad that they had gotten further and yet he felt apprehensive and almost sullen.

“Did it.. Did it work for you?” Mark finally said, looking up. He felt like he had done much more than just blowing, his whole body was somehow so sluggish and tired, like after working out hard.

“I came, didn’t I?” Jackson smiled sweetly but then turned more serious. “Ok, so it wasn’t the best start you had but honestly it could have been worse. Also I think it’s kinda awesome giving head and finger fucking me at the same time.” He measured Mark up and down. “Next time you could just jerk off yourself at the same time and let me watch.”

Mark was staring at Jackson, trying to process that. Finally he cracked a crooked smile.

“You’re kind of kinky, aren't you?” He quirked a brow up. “If you get off from that then I should have nothing against it.” Jackson chuckled in return. “Now give me cuddles because I want to wallow in this peace for a little while longer.”

“Get in here then.” Jackson laughed this time, the sound of it swelling up inside Mark and causing him such inexplicable happiness he could have burst into tiny pieces.

Mark crawled next to Jackson, wrapping one arm around his waist, head on Jackson’s shoulder and felt the world disappearing around him. This was good. This was perfect.

Well, it wasn’t picture perfect but it wasn’t far from it either.

The cuddles turned after a while into a new round of getting each other off, kissing their already aching lips more sore, climaxing one after another and learning things like Jackson liking it when he was being jerked off from behind. Jackson was also super sensitive to kisses pretty much anywhere on his body. And that Mark liked a little pain and had a ticklish spot on his lower back. Jackson of course took advantage of this and the bedroom echoed with Mark’s high laughter a long time after they got up and cleaned things up.

~

_You know I find it amusing when people try to hide things from me._

_For example today Mark turned on our doorstep, looking all ruffled and edgy, pushing Youngjae and Bambam into my gentle care and ran off with the words; Be back in a few hours._

_I know what that meant. They were getting busy. Oh yes they were. And I had to play their saving fairy godmother by granting them the luxury of no kids ambushing them while shoving a cock down their throats. Or asses. Not sure if they got that far as Mark looked more just disheveled than sexed up when he came back to pick the boys up. Didn’t say anything, but he knows we’re going to have a little chat later on. Naturally._

_I love picking on those two. Especially now that there is something to pick them on. Am I evil? I don’t think so, but Jaebum says I’m bordering savage sometimes. He should know better than to call me that. I’ll make sure he’s going to get some firm handling next time we’re having a moment. Though he just likes it.. Bloody masochist._

_But back to our love birds._

_I was tempted to set the boys on them more than once, but didn’t want the children getting traumatized (thought I still owe a payback to those two bastards for forcing help on me). It was enough that Yugyeom walked in on JB and me once in the shower.._

_Which reminds me that we are supposed to plan the wedding. Jaebum said it would be ok to hold the event this year. Now that we aren’t so tired all the time, it is, I think, actually manageable. Maybe a Christmas wedding? Wouldn't that be exactly so romantic and wonderful it is supposed to be?_

_Jinyoung_


	14. Out of control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this is taking so long. I have a personal crisis going on so my mind has been elsewhere.
> 
> Hopefully this will please you.
> 
> Huge thanks to everyone who has commented. I love you all ♡

Jackson stared at his reflection in the mirror. He looked tired, and he felt old and scruffy. He was quite sure he was about to turn gray and wither away prematurely because Jinyoung, bless that little git, was making his, and Mark’s, life miserable today.

Okay, so maybe they deserved all the teasing, having dumped the kids on Jinyoung out of the blue just to be able to go down with each other, but did the guy _have to_ be so goddamn prickly?

The mere memory of that fabulous day still made Jackson’s stomach plummet; reminiscing the moment when Mark had been finger fucking him absolutely turned him on. It was an image he wanted to keep on dreaming about because holy fuck, that been seriously hot.

Not the ideal thing to think right now though, because a boner and a children’s party weren't exactly a good combination in his books. Jackson shooed the thoughts away for now, even if he didn’t really want to. But he would definitely get back to them, when he would be alone and would be able to dwell properly on the whole event of him and his.. Heh, _boyfriend,_ getting each other off. Of course, it would always be better, if Jackson would have the chance to repeat some, preferably all and more, parts with Mark.

Yeah, that would be awesome.

Jackson grunted, patting his jeans and felt the lump in the right pocket. He hadn’t yet given Mark his actual birthday present. It had taken him ridiculous amount of time to purchase it and then have it smuggled into the house, but there it was now; burning in his pocket in a small bag. But he would have to wait the guests for Youngjae’s birthday party to leave before he could even consider giving it to Mark.

It wouldn't be awesome if he just handed the present over like it had no meaning in it. That wouldn't work, no. It had to be something more. Jackson didn’t want to just slip the gift unnoticed to Mark, oh no; he wanted it to be perfect.

Just because Jackson wanted to a romantic fool he had this silly vision of cornering Mark when they were alone and giving him a small and detailed reminder just exactly why he was the happiest idiot in the world these days. But, it wouldn’t probably go like that at all. Things rarely did in this household, and because sometimes Mark got ahead of Jackson and things got turned upside down.

He would have to learn to be a lot quicker if he wanted to surprise Mark.

There was a knock on the door and Jackson jumped, having been way too occupied with his thoughts. He shook his head to clear his head enough and opened the bathroom door only to find Jinyoung smiling wickedly at him with Jia in his arms.

“Discarding dirty thoughts privately, are you? Shame on you Jackson, I thought better of you.” Jinyoung quirked his brows up. Jackson felt a rush of heat that probably painted his neck and face fiery red.

“No.” Jackson hastened to deny anything of the sort. He wouldn’t admit to anyone he had been on the verge of getting a bit carried away, fuck no. Jackson really wished he could have said something more witty in return, but his brains didn’t feel like working with him right now. The image of Mark writhing naked under him probably had something to do with his brain capacity dropping dangerously low. Yes, that was most likely the reason.

“Good. Then you can take Jia while I will occupy the toilet.” Jinyoung rather unceremoniously handed Jackson the baby. Jia gurgled happily when she was nestled against Jackson’s chest, and though Jackson was still a bit dumbfounded to find himself suddenly hands full of a wiggling child and being outside of the bathroom, he was still glad of the distraction. At least now he would _have to_ focus on other things than the thought of Mark being naked and making all sorts of lewd sounds that would only elevate Jackson’s blood pressure.

“Hello my sweet. Enjoying the birthday party, hm?” Jackson lifted the baby up so he could look at her round face and she, rather hard, slapped her tiny hands to Jackson’s cheeks and nose. Jackson let out a small _ouch_ when Jia decided to knock her head down against Jackson’s forehead and drool all over his face. “Okay, very nice. I get that you like me, but save the rough cuddling for the second date. You eager little kiss monster.”

He walked back into the sitting room where most of the adults were gathered to talk while their kids were running around in circles and being very noisy. Jackson spotted Mark sitting alone on the corner of the couch and headed his way.

“You ok?” Jackson asked and sat down next to Mark who seemed to wake up from his dream world and looked up at him, smiling. Just that smile alone was enough to turn Jackson into mush. He definitely should check his testosterone levels, it wasn’t normal for a guy to be so gooey and giddy.

“Yeah. Just taking a breather.” Mark leaned over to coo at Jia who was apparently having a wild and very furious war with Jackson’s shirt. He would have to change the shirt after this but who cared, the baby was so cute while drooling all over the white t-shirt, balling it in her fists and occasionally snuggling up against Jackson and hitting him in the jaw with her head while doing so. Rough kid, but he liked that Jia, and her sister too, were energetic and lively most of the time.

“Squirmy little bugger..” Jackson muttered, smiling. He glanced at Mark who was absent-mindedly straightening the hem of Jia’s skirt as it kept riding up all the time. The situation made him think of some very warm and domestic thoughts. Those thoughts that included him and Mark and maybe a kid or two and a way bigger house.

Why was it such an appealing thought?

Maybe because they both already had children, and being in a relationship was serious business for them, something they didn't take too lightly, so ideas like a permanent family unit, marriage and more offspring were natural things to think.

Also Mark was sexy as hell when he was attending babies.

The term hot single dad wasn’t unfamiliar to Jackson and boy, was Mark fitting that image perfectly or what.

“If we ever get the house to quiet down I have something for you.” Jackson said quietly, trying to remain at least somewhat discreet and mindful about the people around them.

“Oh, is that so?” There was a fleeting smirk on Mark’s lips and then it was gone again, just the low tone remaining, a hint of tease hidden under the words. “Can’t wait..” Jackson saw a quick wink and his stomach did this funny little flip, like it always did when Mark gave him any of those looks.

Jackson was about to reply something, probably something that wouldn't have been good for the ears of the others, but at that moment Jinyoung came back and the words died on Jackson’s lips. Most likely a good thing as Jinyoung looked like he was going to give them a mouthful. Again.

“You do know here’s a lot of room in the house? Why don't you go and play in one room so the rest of us don't have to watch.” Jinyoung stated quite calmly, seating himself on the armchair, watching them both closely and his dark eyes glimmering with mischief.

“Do you mind?” Jackson hissed, glancing around to see if anyone was listening. Luckily they were all paying attention on Youngjae and Yugyeom singing some random childrens song while running around the coffee table like a couple of baby elephants.

“A blind person could see through your badly disguised phrases.” Jinyoung scoffed. “I’m surprised you have managed to be civil even this long. I was half-hoping to catch you making out in front of everyone. Just to give us all something to talk about.”

 _“Jinyoung!”_ Jackson whined, the incredulous tone hard not to miss. Why did he have to be so calm and sprout those evil remarks from his mouth? Jackson just wished no one paid any attention to them. “I don’t think you’re being fair.”

“Fair?” Jinyoung actually laughed darkly. “Was it fair to give me two more kids to look after when I already have three? Just because you two wanted to go down with each other. Don't talk to me about fairness.”

Jackson just grimaced, his ears burning.

“Ok, I’m sorry. _We’re_ sorry!” He moaned pitifully.

“Not enough. Maybe I should make you a timetable, hm?” Jinyoung quirked his brows, smirking. “Monday’s from 5 to 6PM; blowjobs. Tuesday off. Wednesday from 6 to 7PM fingering. Thursday and Friday off and on Saturday night you can dry fuck all you can. Sunday from noon to 2PM furious fucking in any available room.” Jackson wished the earth would swallow him whole. “You like it hard, don’t you Ja-” Jinyoung was looking so gleeful but he got interrupted by Mark.

“Do you think she needs changing?” Mark said, completely ignoring Jinyoung’s words.

“Trying to escape, are you Mark?” Jinyoung asked, his shit eating grin on his face just spreading wider.

“Not really, I just think that your daughter really needs to be changed.” Mark wrinkled his nose. Jinyoung rolled his eyes but leaned forward to take Jia and sniffed her butt. Apparently there was a need of cleaning to be done as Jinyoung grimaced.

“You two are not safe yet.” He stated darkly, staring at both of them.

Jackson sighed after Jinyoung was gone to change Jia’s diaper.

“He is being unreasonable. I swear he will be the end of me if he doesn’t stop soon.” Jackson wanted to hide his face to Mark’s shoulder and whine how the world was cruel and how he needed to cuddled right this instant. But he couldn’t. Not in front of all these people.

“He’s just enjoying himself. If you want him to stop then talk to JB.” Mark chuckled. “There is nothing more endearing than seeing Jinyoungie softening in front of Jaebum’s stern gaze. It amuses me every single time.”

“Mm, true.” Jackson snickered. He had seen that happening so many times he’d almost forgotten how well behaved Jinyoung could turn when JB put his feet down. Maybe Jackson should go and inform JB that his fiancé was being unreasonable, and before Jinyoung would chew their heads off completely.

Jackson glanced at Mark from the corner of his eye and bit down on his lip. He really wanted to take his hand and feel the slim fingers wrapping around his own. It created a feeling of security to him and he was absolutely craving for it now.

They were sitting so close there was barely any space between them. Jackson let his hand fall to his side inconspicuously, trying to act normal even though he was nervous as hell.

His breath almost hiccupped when Mark suddenly did take his hand and squeezed it gently. Jackson licked his lips quickly, glancing around him. No one was paying any attention on them.

“I really can’t wait to be alone with you again.” Mark said so quietly Jackson almost missed the words. He was glad he didn’t though. His stomach dropped and his cheeks felt like they were burning. Mark had that effect on him; he made Jackson smile like an idiot when he said, or did, something like this to Jackson.

And he just loved it.

~

The party was over. Finally.

There was a pile of dishes and trashes to be cleaned out still, but for now Jackson was just happy he could sit down in peace and have a cup of tea.

All the parents and their kids were gone and Jackson was happy everything had gone fairly uneventfully, unless you counted the times Jinyoung had ambushed him and Mark talking quietly about their situation, or about anything really. Jinyoung, Jackson groaned, had been so stingy all day long it felt like someone had rolled a hedgehog over his skin.

At the moment there was silence in the house, only the sounds Youngjae and Bambam talking and laughing breaking the calmness, and Jackson and Mark were having an idle chat about nothing in particular, just mindless chitchatting to pass the time.

That was until the talk turned to self-images and Jackson made his usual comment about him being too short, not that attractive and how his thighs were simply enormous, that made Mark sigh exasperated.

“Honestly, that’s bullshit.” Mark huffed, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. “You shouldn’t say that about yourself. Jackson, you are extremely handsome and there’s nothing wrong with your thighs. I’m actually puzzled as to why no one has managed to snatch you.” Mark clicked his tongue and sighed deep. But his expression turned to a wicked grin soon. He glanced at Jackson from under his lashes, obviously playing coy, toying with his cup of tea. “Well, not before I came along at least.”

“You definitely had all the chances from the beginning.” Jackson grinned at Mark, ignoring all the talk about his appearance, though he was pleased that Mark thought he was good looking. He could have squealed with delight because he was so happy. “I thought you’d never end up liking me this much.”

And it was true, honestly.

Had Jackson ever thought this would happen? No, not _really_. And damn the person who would bring him down from his cloud nine, because this moment, _this moment right now,_ it was something that made him happier than he had been in years.

“What can I say? I’m weak against your charms.” Mark sipped his tea, quirking up one brow, looking over the edge of his cup. The whole image before Jackson’s eyes.. It was making his stomach churn slowly and deliciously and he really wanted to straddle Mark right now and perhaps have Mark fucking him hard against something. A wall. A table. The floor. Anything was fine, really. He just wanted _so much_ to have that connection between them, to feel that he was kind of emerging his entire being with Mark.

Such silly urges.

“Stop it with that tone. Or I’ll think you’re coming down on me.” Jackson growled. He was having serious trouble keeping himself in order.

“Who said I wasn’t?” Mark answered quite unperturbed, just a hint of a badly hidden smirk playing on his lips. He took an annoyingly relaxed and comfortable position on his chair, staring at Jackson with that certain glimmer in his eyes that did not help _at all_.

“You’re begging for trouble, aren’t you.” Jackson lowered his tone just enough to be heard. He could play this game as well, if that was how Mark wanted this to go. He leaned forward, looking at Mark with probably very visible hunger and lust in his eyes but managed to keep his ass nailed to the couch still.

“Would I ever do that?” Mark lowered his gaze, then glanced up, biting his lower lip.

“Yeah. You would.” Jackson eyed him, calculating half-seriously how much noise they would make if he would lose his restraints and pounce Mark. Probably a lot, and he didn’t really want to be quiet.

“Annoyed?” Mark’s smile was nothing less than tantalizing, the sparks nearly flying from the gaze he gave to Jackson. “Why don’t you do something about it then?”

Jackson gulped. Mark was impossible. Seriously. _Impossible._

Just when he was about to get up and show the idiot taunting him just what he had in mind, a tiny voice interrupted him in mid move and Jackson froze.

“Hey Dad, what are you doing?” Bambam asked suspiciously, peering from behind the corner at them. The kid had such a perfect timing, as usual. Jackson’s mouth closed with a loud snap and he flushed. Mark remained still, expressionless but averted his eyes back to his cup.

“Just talking.” Jackson managed to mumble. “Are you watching Youngjae play?”

“We can both play at the same time! It’s super awesome.” Bambam beamed at them, ruffling his already tousled hair with both hands. He looked so happy and carefree.

“It’s good that you can both play, but don’t stay up too late.” Mark said quietly, smiling, like he hadn’t just a minute before been suggesting something a lot more naughtier.

“Yeah, it’s getting late so 5 more minutes, then it's time for bed.” Jackson warned Bambam.

After Bambam left, grumbling about not wanting to go to sleep yet, but didn’t start arguing for once, silence fell between them heavy and full of expectations. Jackson rolled the cup between his hands, staring down at the green liquid inside it.

They were alone in the darkened sitting room, sitting opposite each other, the coffee table between them.

The silence was heavy and hot, clutching to every fiber of their clothes, making the garments itchy and uncomfortable. The distant murmur of their kids talking in Youngjae’s room ringing in the air but the two of them barely noticed that.

It was hard, you know, to keep your hands to yourself when all you wanted to do was to jump over the table and tackle Mark on the spot, make him do all those nice sounds that had made Jackson absolutely float with joy.

Finally Jackson cracked a smile.

“It’s fun to have walking chastity belts, isn't it?” Jackson sighed and stood up. “No helping it though. Time to go to beddy-bye-land.”

“Yeah.” Mark stood up as well. “Maybe later..” He grinned sheepishly, walked over to Jackson and trailed his fingertips over Jackson’s jaw. “I hope.”

Mark fled the room before Jackson could react. He smiled almost wickedly to himself.

Jackson had almost forgotten the gift he had.

~

An hour later when Mark was just finishing up putting the dry cups and plates back into the cabinets, Jackson came trailing behind him into the kitchen. His hair was standing up like he had been ruffling it a good while and it looked very sexy in an effortless way.

Mark noticed the way Jackson was biting his lower lip and was looking at Mark from head to toe in the most suggestive way. Fucking perfect.

“Something wrong?” Mark asked closing the cupboard door and turned to lean his back on the kitchen counter, examining Jackson in return. He really looked good in every possible way. Of course Mark wasn’t oblivious that their earlier shady banter had riled them both up enough that even he was feeling horny right now and wanted to do more than just to flirt outrageously.

“Not really.” Jackson mumbled, shuffling on his feet a while before he took a deep breath and strode to Mark his face determined. He pushed Mark hard against the counter and stared sternly at him. It was almost painful to be pressed back like that because Mark had to bend backwards and he wasn’t _that_ flexible.

“Jackson?” Mark wasn’t worried that he was basically pinned down, but he was damn perplexed as to why Jackson was being so pushy. Not that it bothered him.

“Mark.” Jackson took another deep breath. “Happy birthday.” At the same time he fished a small pouch from his pocket and handed it to Mark.

“I thought..” Mark replied slightly bewildered. “ I thought the.. uh.. _that_.. was what you wanted to give me.” Of course he meant the blowjob, and all the hand jobs after that, he just couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud.

“Like I could settle only for something like that.” Jackson grunted. “You’re worth more than just a blowjob and this, but take them as a token of my affection towards you.”

Mark almost blushed. He tore open the pouch and tipped it on his hand. A cold silver chain slithered on his palm, the shiny surface flawless and bright.

“Perfect.” Mark smiled. He slipped the chain on his wrist, admired it a second and then turned to thank Jackson quite thoroughly.

Words weren’t enough to express his happiness so he leaned forward and brushed Jackson’s lips with his mouth, circling his arms around Jackson’s shoulders, pulling him even closer.

Mark’s head was swimming with the images of taking things further and using the kitchen as a place for indecent things. He’d been thinking all sorts of lewd things all day long and having this moment to act on his feelings was absolutely perfect. He ran his fingers over Jackson’s back, grasping the shirt almost desperately.

Jackson held him so tight in his embrace it was hard to move, but Mark managed to slip one hand between then and palmed Jackson’s groin.

“How much do you..” Mark bit Jackson’s lip hard. “..want me?”

“Much.” Jackson detached his lips and growled into Mark’s ear. He latched his mouth on Mark’s neck and sucked on it at the same time as he rolled his hips forward, the friction twisting all the right knots in Mark’s stomach. He let out an appreciative hum.

A soft patter of feet from upstairs echoed down the hallway and they halted their grinding, holding their breaths in until a door clicked and everything went silent again.

Mark let out the air he’d keeping in.

“Too risky..” He muttered. “Though it pains me to stop.”

“Agreed.” Jackson nibbled Mark’s neck one last time before straightening his back and loosening his grip. “I want to do it properly, not with haste.” And on this Mark agreed, even if it pained him to stop.

Though their little heated moment left them pretty much desperate for more, they were sensible enough to realize there would be time to have sex when it wasn’t such a risk to be exposed to anyone. Maybe they would have to wait until next summer, or whatever reason there could be to send the kids to a camp or something, and just make out like bunnies all week long.

That night sleep escaped both Mark and Jackson, their thoughts only lingering on the memory of the other pressed close.

~

It had started to rain hard at some point during the afternoon, a week after Youngjae’s birthday celebrations, the autumn weather beating the dead leaves and rain on the windows. It was getting colder too and Mark was already wrapping himself up in huge sweaters and warm socks.

He didn’t really like being cold.

Mark was snoozing on the sitting room couch, half-heartedly listening to the boys speaking outside, moving around and giggling about something, playing and probably getting all muddy. Who knew what secrets they were sharing this time. The low murmur of the open TV, which Mark wasn’t even watching anymore as he had closed his eyes, and the otherwise quiet atmosphere in the house were gently making his body heavier and heavier, until he would really fall asleep.

He’d been so tired ever since he came home from work. They had had an inventory and Yoongi had been fighting half the time with Jimin about something. Mark wasn’t even sure what it had been about this time, but it had left Mark and Namjoon to sort out the storages, trying to block out the shrill sound of the other two having a heated argument.

Very uncomfortable.

In the end silence had fell upon the store, the few regular customers having fled from inside to the safety of the court outside, leaving Mark to hold his breath anxiously and Namjoon pale as a sheet and both glaring at the closed door like they expected something dangerous would soon burst out from it.

When the dubious silence spread over the shop, both Mark and Namjoon thought that someone had died but just when they moved, as if to go and see did they needed to call an ambulance, there was a high giggle ringing in the air.

Namjoon rolled his eyes, made an ugly grimace and Mark repeated the expression only a second later; obviously the argument had been solved and now there definitely was no disturbing the two locked away in the studio. Not unless you wanted to witness two guys fucking.

Mark had walked in on Yoongi and Jimin once, twice.. more than ten times.. _all the time_.. while rooming with Yoongi, and that had been enough, thank you very much. Those particular images, sadly, would never be erased from his mind. As young adults the idiot pair had been insatiable, much to Mark’s displeasure, and that particular habit had not, it seemed, faded at all.

He grimaced, stretching his arms above his head and blinked a few times. The rain was making him sullen and what was worse, Mark hadn’t seen Jackson all day because he was helping out a friend to move houses. It was selfish of him perhaps but Mark silently wished sometimes Jackson wasn’t so social.

The coldness around his wrist however made Mark smile.

Jackson’s late present still made Mark feel all mushy and good inside. The heavy silver bracelet was always on him; it was a constant reminder of Jackson and his brightness that always stunned Mark. It was a simple design but it was perfect in Mark’s opinion, and it suited his tastes.

The heated moment in the kitchen had also been nice. _Very nice_.

Mark smirked at the memory. It had been fun to be pushed against the counter so hard he had no option but to wrap himself around Jackson and himself dwell in the wonderful feelings. It had made some interesting shivers run down his spine.

Who knew, maybe one day he might accept the idea of being taken. At least Mark was toying with the idea of fucking Jackson, so why not the other way around.

One day.

Maybe.

Mark yawned, peering under his lashes only to find the room bathing in pale gray light and in occasional bright flashes from the TV.

It was hard to believe how fast the summer had gone by. Schools were on again and that of course didn’t just make Youngjae and Bambam absent from the house, but Jackson as well. Mark was almost sad about this. Of course he wasn’t home much either, the shop taking most of his free time, but it bummed him out a lot.

Mark and Jackson had had a very few, but even more precious moments to share together lately, if you counted the make out session from last week out. It was like the hours of the day were slipping through their fingers like sand, disappearing always too soon. Sometimes they managed only to brush their hands together, or to steal a quick kiss behind a corner, hidden from the eyes of their children.

Yes, that was still a problem. They didn’t dare to be affectionate in front of the boys and it honestly felt like blatant lying. Lying to yourself and to your kid. The worst kind of feeling.

Despite the fact that their relationship was moving on steadily, a date done, second in planning, a lot of yearning glances exchanged and sometimes very passionate kisses shared during the darkest hours when the boys were asleep, Mark felt it was nearing the time when they would have to sit down with Youngjae and Bambam and explain to them why they wanted occasionally to share a bedroom together. Maybe one day permanently.

Mark just wasn’t very sure how either of the boys would react to this little bit of information.

Youngjae didn’t seem to mind, he was quite fond of Jackson, and it was rather visible too, but Bambam on the other hand.. He might be a bit put out. It was just a feeling, but knowing how desperately Bambam wanted to be with his mother, Mark figured it might not be all sunshine and rainbows when he and Jackson would come out of the closet and tell him they wanted to be together.

It would make things awkward in the house if the reaction would be negative, and that was something Mark absolutely wanted to avoid. If it would turn out really bad it might even force Jackson to move out, because to him Bambam of course came first, not a recently made boyfriend. That Mark didn’t want to happen. Not now, not in the future.

So, obviously this was an unsolved matter because Mark was afraid he would have to give up something that had become so precious to him.

He stared at ceiling, his thoughts moving from one subject to another.

It was odd, to feel so lonely when Jackson wasn’t somewhere close to him. It probably was something that happened to everyone freshly in a relationship; those months when you absolutely never, ever want to let the other go. But still, it was odd. Nice, but odd.

Mark felt kind of tingly all over when he thought about Jackson, his fingers itching to touch Jackson’s hair and his face, to kiss his lips and feel the arms embracing him, making his knees go soft and wobbly.

All the usual symptoms, in the best kind of way, naturally.

Mark heard a delighted giggle from outside and smiled in his solitude. Despite the worry about their future and the relatively nightmarish talk to talk, everything was alright right now; boys were going to school and hadn’t managed to get into fights or lose their heads while sitting in classes. Why did time have to run so fast? It was like only yesterday when Youngjae had been a baby, crawling on his fat little baby arms and legs, trying to stand up by taking support from Mark’s leg and being so adorable it melted Mark’s poor heart to even think about it.

He was as mushy and sappy kind of person as anyone could be, and Youngjae absolutely was his weak spot. But these were things no one else needed to know.

Mark’s thoughts trailed back to the first day of school. It had been heartbreaking and exciting at the same time and it brought back his own memories of starting school all those years ago; his mother being all sentimental and his siblings making fun of little Mark who wasn’t sure if school was going to be scary or not.

Mark had taken Youngjae and Bambam to school, accompanied by JB and Yugyeom, Jackson having been forced to go ahead to his own school to prepare for the arrival of his new herd of children gone wild during the summer vacation.

Jackson had rolled his eyes and muttered quiet curses while chugging down his coffee and snatching a sandwich to go, kissing Bambam noisily on the cheek before escaping. Mark had blinked a couple of times, not sure what had just happened, but apparently Jackson had slept too long and was running late. Hence the hasty departure.

So, he had walked their little duo to the new and intimidating school, that description was according to Youngjae’s words, thinking this was the weirdest moment so far in his life with Jackson and Bambam. Of course they went out together sometimes, all four of them, but that particular morning it had felt peculiar to have two children to escort down the streets, as if they both were his. And, much to Mark’s surprise, Bambam had been clutching to his left hand while Youngjae was gripping tightly his right one.

Obviously they were both nervous.

Mark was teetering on the edge of amusement and starting to cry because all the small kids wobbling towards the school building were so tiny and their huge back packs only highlighted their tininess, which kind of caused Mark’s heart to stop beating because dear gods the kids were so frigging cute.

If Mark had been nearly crying it had been Youngjae who had in the end actually done that.

His tiny face scrunched up, very unappealing sight, he had hugged Mark’s waist and hidden his face into the jacket Mark had on.

“I don’t want to go there.” Youngjae sniffled, his words muffled.

“I know sunshine, I know. But it’ll be fun, I'm sure.” Mark knelt down and gathered the crying boy into his arms. JB was smiling faintly next to him at the sight, and Mark noticed a few of the mothers walking past them giving him those looks. You know, those that scream of understanding only a parent can relate to.

It took the combined effort of both Mark and the other two boys to convince Youngjae that he would survive his entering on the road towards knowledge.

Finally Mark and JB waved their goodbyes to the boys, Yugyeom and Bambam both holding Youngjae’s hands, and turned on their heels to walk back home. Quite a few other parents walking away from the gates were silently wiping their tears away and Mark was pretty sure he saw even Jaebum doing that.

Of course he didn’t mention it. Mark had no death wish, after all.

Examining JB from up close was almost odd. They didn't spend much time alone as JB was often away because of work, but the last time Mark had seen him, JB had been a mess. Now he seemed much calmer and relaxed. More composed and easy, the angry twitch of his brow was gone as well.

Naturally Mark had been curious to know how was the couple doing now that they had stopped attempting to throttle each other every other second.

“It’s been great. Eva stays up all night and takes care of the girls and we get to sleep in peace. It was hard in the beginning but in the end we both, even Jinyoung, learned to trust her and leave her alone with the babies.”

“What is she like?”

“Strict. Kind of huggable too. You know, like a mother.” Jaebum smiled at Mark. “I'm really grateful for the help. Thank you.” He made a small bow and Mark almost winced. The amount of gratitude made him uneasy but he tried to brush the feeling off.

“It wasn’t just kindness; Jackson would have worried himself sick if he hadn’t stepped in somehow.” Mark said, shrugging.

“True.” JB frowned. “He’s been way too concentrated on other things when he should be making himself happy.” He shot a knowing look at Mark. “You should try to distract him.”

“Why me?” Mark asked alarmed, though he was sure Jaebum knew what was going on.

“Because you're the only one he actually seems to listen.”

“Right.” Mark felt slightly abashed hearing that. He didn’t really think Jackson paid any more attention on what he said than to anyone else. “If you say so.”

“Oh, come on Mark. Jackson would believe the sky is green if you said so.” Jaebum snorted softly, stuffing his hand to the pockets of his leather jacket. He looked so confident and happy, like there was no worry in the world that could push him off balance. “Have you talked with Youngjae and Bambam yet?” Mark shook his head. “You should. The sooner, the better. You have the advantage of having lived together a while already so the news shouldn’t come as a shock.” JB looked at Mark smiled, probably sensing the wave of uncertainty and nervousness that made Mark’s stomach drop.

“I sure hope so.”

“I’m sure it will be fine in the end.” JB gave Mark a confident smile. It felt good to have support on something that was so big and kind of scary.

And Mark still did hope things would go well.

He sat up and finally closed the TV, glancing at the clock. When Jackson would return home Mark would have to talk with him about this. He didn’t want to prolong the inevitable any longer than it was necessary.

It was time to get the cat out of the bag.

~

A week later things had progressed enough that Mark and Jackson had come to the conclusion that it was time to address the elephant in the room.

Not an easy task to perform. Really.

“Boys?” Mark called out, looking up the stairs. “Could you come down here for a bit?” His heart was hammering already quite hard and they weren’t even facing the kids yet. Jackson was sitting quietly in the sitting room, wringing his hands and his face stony.

“Whats up Dad?” Youngjae stomped down, Bambam trailing behind him, each clutching to a Transformer of their own.

“We have something to talk with you both so please come to the living room.”

Mark didn’t wait for the boys to say anything, he just turned around and walked back. He was worried sick; his stomach was like a pit of squirming worms and it felt incredibly uncomfortable. Mark hurried inside, took one glance at Jackson looking about as pale as he felt inside, and quite simply slammed his ass down next to Jackson on the couch.

They waited with baited breaths for Youngjae and Bambam to settle opposite them, looking all apprehensive and curious at the same time.

Mark thought he would have a stroke soon. His heart rate was probably way over 200 already and his head was spinning.

“Are we in trouble?” Bambam finally asked because neither Jackson nor Mark were able to start talking.

“What? No. Of course you're not.” Jackson frowned. He swallowed hard and before he could continue Mark took over.

“This is about me and Jackson.”

“Oh.” The reply came in unison from both Youngjae and Bambam’s mouths.

The silence that followed was threatening to turn very uncomfortable.

“You.. uh. You know that Mark and I like each other a lot?”

No reply.

“We.. um. We wanted to tell you that we like each other a lot more than just friends. We’re like Jinyoung and Jaebum.We care for each other a lot and we wanted to tell you this.” Mark hesitated, trying to find some emotion on the boys’ faces. But he found none. “This doesn't mean we don't love you anymore, because we do.”

“That’s right.” Jackson piped up finally. “There is nothing more important than you guys.”

A moment of silence before Youngjae spoke hesitantly.

“So Bammie is going to be my brother?” Youngjae asked, tilting his head a bit. “And Jackson is going to be my Dad?” Straight to the point.

Bambam was quiet, his brows knotting the more he listened to everyone else talking.

“Well, if you want to call Jackson that it's fine. I mean..” Mark glanced at Jackson and took his hand in his, entwining their fingers. Jackson smiled tentatively back at him. “We’re not going to separate. But nothing is for sure, that you have to understand.” Mark frowned, trying to figure out why was Bambam so quiet. “I care for Jackson a lot and it would be great if we could all get along rea-”

“No!” Bambam suddenly jumped up, startling all three of them. “You can’t replace my Mommy! You just can’t!”

“No, wait. Bam. That’s not what we said. No one is going to replace your mother.” Jackson tried to speak but Bambam had covered his ears with his hands and was repeating over and over again how they were horrible and that he wanted to see his mother right now.

Mark just sat there silent, stricken and his heart was pounding in his ears like the bells announcing Judgement day having arrived. Then Youngjae spoke, before anyone else could and the tone he had almost shattered Mark’s heart.

“You don’t _want to_ be my brother?” Youngjae asked, turning to look at Bambam who was still standing there and mumbling words no one was able to hear anymore.

“I don’t want HIM to be my Mommy!” Bambam wailed loudly, pointing a finger at Mark and at this point Jackson stepped in.

“Now, Bambam, you stop right this instant!” His voice was louder than it was probably good and Bambam shut his mouth with a snap and glared at Jackson, his eyes shooting daggers. Mark just couldn’t comprehend how badly towards hell this all was going. Just this morning things had been good and they had all been friendly but now all that seemed like a scene from a parallel universe. “No one is trying to be your mother. Noi is still, and always, always will be your mother. No one can take that away from you. No one. But you can’t hate Mark for being with me. It’s not ok. Bambam, look at me.”

“NO! I HATE YOU BOTH!”

“Bambam! Don’t say that, you’re not like that..” But it was too late to say anything, Bambam had ran away, up the stairs and they heard the definite bang of the door to his room slamming shut. The windows around the house seemed to tremble.

“Does Bambam hate me too?” Youngjae’s small voice squeaked and Mark snapped back to reality. He stood up and went over to his son, picking him up and hugging him as close as he could. Youngjae clutched to him like a baby koala probably would, hiding his face to Mark’s shoulder.

“No, sunshine. I doubt he hates you. No one could hate you.”

“But if Bammie hates Dad..”

“Youngjae, listen to me.” Jackson stood up too and walked over to them. He hesitated a moment before reaching out to stroke Youngjae’s hair. “Bambam just misses his mother very much. I don’t think he really hates me, or your father, and definitely doesn’t hate you.”

“I don’t want Bambam to hate me. I like him.” Youngjae looked up and twisted around a little so he could look at Jackson. He had such a serious expression on his face that Mark wondered just how old was this little boy. He was way too insightful sometimes to be only six. “I like Jackson.” Youngjae finally said with very serious tone. “I don’t really like my Mommy.” He said it like the sentence was completely comprehensible as it was. Mark was both amused and a bit confused.

“You’re a good kid.” Jackson smiled widely at the boy. “I’ll take good care of you dad, you ok with that?”

“Yeah. I like Dad more when he’s with you. He smiles more.” Mark could feel his ears warming up and he coughed.

“You know I’m right here..” Mark muttered, quirking a brow up. He was of course really worried about Bambam but having Youngjae accepting the situation so easily was a huge relief to him. “Jackson you probably should go talk with Bambam.”

“I know.” Jackson sighed. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your, or his, fault.” Mark said softly though his heart was trembling with fear. What if Bambam would hate him from now on? Would the situation become so impossible there was no way they could live under the same roof?

Mark watched Jackson walking up the stairs his back tense and jaw set. The bonfire that was the fear of what would happen, blazed inside him, burning and hurting him.

He hugged Youngjae tighter. It was hard to breathe and Mark really wanted this to stop and that things could go back to normal again for all of them.

~

“This isn’t like you Bambam. I thought you liked Mark and Youngjae.” Jackson sat on the floor next to Bambam who had turned his back to him and was squeezing his toy cars in his hands so hard they would probably break soon.

“Well I don’t. I hate them both.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way. I know you miss your mother but you have to realize me and your mother are never going to live together like most parents do.”

“Why not!” Bambam turned around suddenly, his face blotchy with red marks because he had been crying.

“It’s just the way things are.” Jackson’s head was beginning to hurt. This conversation wasn’t very nice and he was fairly sure he wasn’t saying the right things to patch things up. And he had almost lost his temper before and that wasn’t what he wanted to do.

“You’re going to like Mark more than me.” The accusatory tone was so filled with uncertainty and fear Jackson could almost feel his heart shrinking.

“No. I’m not. I love you just as much I have always loved you. That is never going to change. We’re still going to do our hide and seek and go play ball in the park. I like Mark too but I could never like him as much I like you.”

Bambam was silent, mulling over what Jackson had said.

“Why don’t you think this over and then come down when you’re ready, and tell Youngjae and Mark you’re sorry.”

Jackson got up and walked out of the room, leaving Bambam to feel his unjustified feelings in peace. He sighed deep after he had closed the door behind him and leaned against the hard surface, closing his eyes.

This was not the way he wanted things to be, not by far. He had hoped that Bambam would have accepted the situation, but that had been a high hope, obviously. Was the kid so jealous of Jackson that he had to lash out so harshly? Or was he really that insecure or did he miss Noi so much it made him act out in a way Jackson had never guessed he could act?

Jackson hoped, and prayed, that this was only a temporary problem and there was a solution to this.

Somehow this would have to be dealt with.

~

_Things blew up big time. And not in a good way._

_Bambam seems to hate my guts after Jackson and I came out of the closet to the boys. His reaction was something I feared and there it was.. It actually happened. He blew up and I’m afraid there will be no peace between us anytime soon._

_After Bambam ran off Jackson tried to talk with him, and did manage to make him come down and tell at least Youngjae he didn’t hate him, but me.. I doubt the sight of me pleases him much at the moment._

_I can’t give in and stop existing, we live in the same house and share most of our routines, so he has to deal with it. It would be wrong to give in and stop being around like I have done before this mess, but it feels awful._

_What is worse, the situation makes me feel that there is something wrong about me and Jackson being together. Could this get any worse?_

_M_


	15. Oops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot, faster update this time! You lucky, lucky people..
> 
> Anyway, Thank you for leaving me comments again! I love them so much <3 Honestly, I do. The more there are the more it makes me want to keep on writing and I don't care how late the comments are coming, I love them equally much~
> 
> Sooo... Last time we got into a bit of a situation. Well, the mess gets messier. But there's going to be cuddles and kisses and laughter and honestly, I haven't written this much dialogue probably ever. So. Much. Dialogue.
> 
> I hope I did good ;___;
> 
> Remember to comment! <3

Jackson sat by the kitchen table watching Jinyoung moving around with ease, his face set and focused while performing the tasks that took time to get used to, and Jackson wished, for the millionth time, that he would one day perhaps achieve that level too. Right now all he had to do was nothing more than to entertain Jiyoo waiting for her food, seated in her tiny swing. She was gurgling happily and stuffing a rubber toy in her mouth, probably because of the teeth growing, and all in all looked extremely cuddly while examining the world her eyes big, round and brown.

Jinyoung had Jia, who had been too restless to be put down or to be calm enough in Jackson’s arms, wrapped in a baby sling so that she was safe and secure against his chest. She seemed to doze there, content with the warmth, smell and feel of her father minding his business, cocooning her into the little bubble that kept her silent for the moment.

Jackson admired his friend more than he could ever express with words; Jinyoung was a prickly little shit when he wanted to be, but most of the time he was a good friend who was willing to lend an ear to Jackson's problems whenever things became too much for him.

And right now things were beyond the boiling point. What was more, this wasn’t just a heartache or a little squabble, or anything like that, but this was a real goddamn problem.

Bambam was still cold as ice towards Mark, and his behaviour had affected them all more than it was good, leaving even Youngjae sometimes confused what was going on. Too bad Youngjae was clever enough to pick up the bad vibes Bambam emanated  when he decided that Mark didn’t really exist in his world.

Jackson ruffled his hair with both hands and sighed, those were the most testing moments, because it really wasn’t ok for the kid to start acting like that. It was wrong and it wasn’t fair.

Why did Bambam have to get difficult when once in Jackson’s life he was happy that he had finally found someone to share his happiness and worries with? It seemed so unfair but on the other hand, he understood why this all was happening and that there was no way Bambam could have known how much his behaviour affected Jackson.

There had been just the two of them for so long that Bambam was probably feeling hurt because now someone was suddenly entering that bubble. Though he had been happy to accept Mark and Youngjae before it had been different because they hadn't exactly been part of their lives on such personal level until now. Jackson was sure that Youngjae’s existence didn’t bother Bambam at all, it was just a matter of jealousy toward Jackson that made him an ice queen.

Jackson knew that Bambam wasn’t a bad kid. Of course not. He was kind, loving and usually able to ditch the gloomy thoughts and be happy. It dawned on Jackson that they had made a big mistake by staying married and playing along with the wishes of their parents because now it all was backfiring on them. On _him_.

Well, Jackson groaned inwardly while watching Jinyoung warming up the food for the girls and Yugyeom playing by himself on the floor, things could be worse but they sure as hell weren’t perfect. Mark had backed away from Jackson, which already was causing him to worry more, and Youngjae, that eternal sunshine, was much quieter than he usually was.

The only one who was exuberant and jubilant was Bambam, though Jackson was sure that was all an angry act. Most likely the kid didn’t know even why he was feeling so conflicted.

Or maybe he did, who could tell for sure what a six-year-old thought.

Yugyeom had crawled out from under the table and was now playing peek-a-boo with Jiyoo and Jackson followed the game half-amused; it obviously made the little girl happy to see her big brother being silly with her. The sound of delighted giggles filled the air along with Jinyoung singing a hushed song to Jia, pouring some porridge into a small bowl and adding pulped fruits on top.

“I don’t know how you manage this all.” Jackson finally said, the amazement getting too much for him to stay quiet. “Just last month you were neck deep in problems.”

“What? Three kids and daily chores?” Jinyoung glanced at Jackson and then tested the porridge he was stirring. “With patience my dear Jackson, with patience. And a lot of practice.”

“I was a mess when Bambam was small. Two more would have killed me.”

“It’s always difficult with the first kid. You would do much better if you had more kids now.” Jinyoung sat down carefully by the table and turned Jiyoo towards him so he could feed her. “Haven’t you always said you wouldn’t mind having more?”

Jackson just grimaced and left that particular question unanswered. Right now more kids around him wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted domestic peace and quiet and Bambam alone was enough to cause him headache. Imagine there being more. He shuddered.

“Speaking of kids..” Jinyoung turned his head enough to glance at Jackson. “Have you managed to do something about yours?” He moved his eyes back to Jiyoo and attempted to stick a spoonful of food in her mouth, but she was dodging it skillfully with each try by turning her head and ending up with a lot of porridge on everywhere else except her mouth. Jinyoung sighed audibly.

“I haven’t.” Jackson mumbled quietly.

“This is exactly like this always.” Jinyoung grunted, too distracted at the moment to continue grilling Jackson. “I try to feed her and she keeps on twisting around. Yugyeom, would you distract her?” Jinyoung asked the boy almost exasperated. He jumped up from the floor, ready to help and Jinyoung handed the boy the spoon.

“Where’s little Jiyoo? There she is!” Yugyeom guided the spoon towards the tiny mouth and managed to sneak a spoonful inside. “Such a good girl!” Yugyeom cooed at his sister, probably oblivious that he sounded absolutely and infuriatingly cute while baby talking and making odd faces.

“Seriously though, Jackson. What are you going to do?” Jinyoung smiled at his children before giving Jackson a worried look.

“I don’t know.” Jackson groaned, rubbing his eyes. He hadn't really been sleeping very well lately, Bambam and Mark both weighing heavy on his mind.

“Don’t you think it's time you called Noi?” Jinyoung pursed his lips. Jackson snapped his head up and stared at him, blinking. The he shook his head slightly.

“I don’t think it would be a good idea, and I'm not even sure where she is at the moment.” He hadn’t even considered about telling Noi, though he probably should, she _was_ Bambam’s mother after all and she would definitely give Jackson a lot more than an earful if she knew she had been left out from solving this problem. It _did_ affect her in some ways anyway.

“Well I don’t care whether she could do anything or not; she’s his mother and she needs to know what is going on.” Jinyoung sniffed audibly. “I know you kept your wife a secret a long time from us, which I’m still quite mad actually, but for crying out loud Jackson, have some sense. Just call her!”

Jackson winced. He had finally told Jinyoung and JB about his marital situation and after that he had been hearing snappy remarks every other day, which he kind of took without complaining because to be honest, he should have told the two a long time ago.

“Please, Jinyoung, I'm not in the mood for being poked with pitchforks.” He leaned back in his chair and glanced out of the window. It was sunny for a change and Jackson wished his plans of taking Mark out would have worked out but no. Before all this blew up they had had their second date planned for this particular weekend, but now the situation made it impossible. Mark was being so apprehensive it was killing the blooming romance between them and Bambam being the icy menace would have made any date horrible.

It was impossible to even consider being affectionate even when they were alone. For two weeks there had been nothing.

 _Nothing_. And it was killing Jackson because he wanted to hold Mark close and tell him that despite his boy being an ass it wouldn’t stop him from wanting to be with Mark and that Bambam would surely, in time, come around and stop his antics.

Fuck this and that. Why was life throwing obstacles on their way? It had all seemed to finally turn alright but no, Bambam _had_ to be insecure or whatever and it pretty much maddened Jackson.

He understood and didn't understand why his poor baby boy was so distraught and offended. He tried to see the situation from Bambam’s point of view, and he did when he wasn’t feeling like shit himself, but he was so offended that his own fragile happiness was hanging on the edge of a bottomless pit just because a kid threw a tantrum about it.

Of course he shouldn’t let Bambam dictate the rules, but Jackson didn’t want him to get a trauma for his father wanting to date another guy. And not just any guy; the guy who they lived with and who was the father of Bambam’s friend.

What a mess, honestly.

Obviously Jackson had tried to be as normal as possible and despite Bambam’s sudden distaste in Mark’s company they all were going to do the same things they always did together; eating, playing, hanging out, shopping.. It was not an option to let the kid decide whom he would share his meals with or whom he would be supervised by when Jackson wasn’t home.

First of all, the house wasn’t theirs, it was Mark’s, and that alone made Jackson and Bambam the invaders who should leave if things would go so wrong it was the only option left to them. Second, Jackson absolutely refused to believe Bambam was truly hating Mark. This was just some insecurity or jealousy thing and it could, _would_ be solved.

The thing that made Jackson really queasy in the stomach was the fact that Mark flinched and stepped out of Jackson’s reach even when they were obviously alone.

Did Mark think that was how the situation would get better? If he did then he was not only stupid but also incredibly ignorant because all the sudden distance between them was doing was to cause even more gray hair to Jackson.

And don't even make him start on how his heart was aching. He felt lonely and hurt and he wanted to call his mother and whine that life wasn’t playing along with him nicely.

But he couldn’t do that. To Jackson his mother was the dearest and nearest and he loved her too much to worry her with stupid things like these. And she didn’t even know that Jackson was gay and that he was falling in love with his friend and he was still married and everything was a mess.

He groaned and hid his face to his palms, pretending he wasn’t there.

“Is Jackson alright Dad?” Yugyeom’s worried little voice asked.

“Uncle Jackson is just having a bad day, that’s all.” Jinyoung seemed to be smiling, judging by his tone at least. Jackson felt a hand patting his head and he slumped over the table. “There there. Just call her and it will be all alright again.”

~

Mark hadn’t meant this to happen but there it was; the awkwardness tangible and so dense you could almost see it.

His heart was hammering unpleasantly fast and nausea was twisting his guts whenever he thought about it; the fact that there was an unspoken barrier between him and Jackson at the moment and he knew it was his fault. After Bambam’s little explosion and refusal to accept his father being involved with Mark their relationship had turned rather nonexistent. Maybe this was the end of all things. Maybe not. He didn’t know. He didn’t dare to dream of anything long term because with Bambam being the way he was, things could turn to almost any direction.

Mark did of course hope very much, somewhere deep inside him where he wasn’t afraid of anything, that this wasn’t the end and that their so far very short relationship would flourish in time into something wonderful.

His greatest fear was the fear of fucking things up for Jackson and Bambam. It was too much for Mark to allow himself to show any affection towards Jackson in front of the boys, and eventually that thought had carried out so far it had made him step back from the hug Jackson had tried to give him and.. Of course, after that it was more and more uncomfortable and idiotic and he didn’t know how to fix the situation.

Just _why_ hadn’t he said sorry?

Why couldn’t he just accept the fact that this was just a bump on the road and it would all be ok after some time? Maybe he was too afraid to hope for a future together.

Where did all these fears come from anyway? It was amazing how many of them Mark seemed to have and he had no idea what to do with them. Was this due to his lack of normal relationships or was this just him being an idiot? Or perhaps both?

Probably so.

He meandered around the house, not sure what task to pick up to distract himself this time. He _should_ be concentrating on finding Youngjae a new piano teacher because the last one the boy had been playing with had suddenly decided to quit and of course Mark couldn’t deny Youngjae his beloved hobby. But he couldn’t be arsed enough right now because he was restless as hell and he _really_ should apologize Jackson. He had prolonged it way too much already.

Actually he should have done that immediately after he had pushed Jackson away and explained calmly they should take it easy for a while. But no, he had been blunt and an idiot and a mute asshole like he was sometimes, according to Yoongi and Jimin who knew him better than anyone, excluding Mark’s parents and his siblings.

Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve.. It didn’t matter anymore because the damage was done and Jackson was giving him those sad smiles that screamed of inner turmoil and insecurity that made Mark scold himself ten times more and curse the day he had hurt the one he wanted to cherish, not the opposite.

He was aiming his steps towards the kitchen and to start preparing for the dinner because, honestly, he wasn't doing much by just moping around, when a soft voice halted his steps on the doorway.

“But when will you be back?” Jackson was talking on the phone and he apparently hadn’t realized Mark was home because, otherwise he might have chosen a different place to talk private matters. Mark hadn’t heard Jackson so desperate probably ever and it actually made him eavesdrop when he most definitely shouldn’t have.

Who was Jackson talking to anyway? Mark didn’t really want to spy but he was way too curious not to.

“No, I know you’re busy with work and everything, but I really need you this time.” Mark’s whole body went cold. Who on earth was Jackson talking to with so much need in his voice that it sent Mark immediately on the edge of doubt and worry.

Ok, so Mark hadn’t exactly been the one to come forward and try to rectify the situation but it didn’t mean he wasn’t jealous over Jackson and whomever he was talking to. Of course he was. In the most ugliest way too. The green, million times cursed, monsters sat on his shoulders in herds these days because he was so unsure how their situation would develop. If it even would.

“Just, please. Come as soon as you can and I’ll be forever grateful.” Jackson sighed, hanging up and Mark jerked away from the door before Jackson would see him standing there and listening to his private conversation.

Jackson however did bump into Mark because even if Mark had tried his best to get away, his limbs suddenly decided that they were absolutely uncoordinated, and so they collided painfully, nearly knocking heads together in the process.

“You ok?” Jackson reached out to touch Mark but he flinched, glancing around him nervously. Jackson sighed, his halfway raised arm falling back to his side and he shook his head. “Bambam isn’t here. He’s at his dance lesson with Yugyeom. JB promised to bring him home after it. I had to do some paperwork and make a phone call.” Jackson did look clearly offended this time at Mark jerking away from him like that.

The guilt of being a major asshole almost choked him and Mark wished he hadn’t reacted like he had.

The words he should have said so many days ago stumbled out of his mouth, Jackson’s obvious pain piercing his heart.

“I’m so sorry..” Mark’s eyes grew wide and he felt almost panicky. He didn’t know how to phrase this well so he just lunged ahead, the words falling from his tongue in, what he thought, a huge mess.” I should have said that a long time ago but it just got harder and harder.” He glanced at Jackson, guilt eating his guts like maggots. “It’s just that I don’t want to make things worse.” Mark mumbled, feeling like an idiot. He _wanted_ to be close to Jackson but he was so afraid things would turn even shittier if Bambam would see them being intimate.

“No.. I get it.” Jackson muttered. “ But I’m glad you realize you’re an ass. And besides it’s not like you can’t do something about it so.. could I _please_ get a hug now? You owe me at least a hundred hugs.” Jackson jutted his lower lip out, the gesture so cute and adolescent that it made the tightly gripping negativity evaporate from within him. Mark faked deep sigh and rolled his eyes; the stupid face Jackson was making and his sulky voice made Mark feel a lot more relaxed and less tense.

He reached out and brushed his fingers over Jackson’s cheek, having missed the feeling more than he realized.

“I’m really sorry.” Mark gave a meek smile. “Things kind of overwhelmed me but it's no reason to start avoiding you, that was incredibly stupid of me.” There was, after all the hesitation and being a jerk, enough man in him to admit when he had done something wrong. It didn’t feel nice to be in the wrong but we all make mistakes, right?

“Well I don’t blame you.” Jackson sighed, circling his arms around Mark’s waist. “I guess it's a natural reaction to something like that but..” He leaned closer, eyes locked with Mark. Jackson’s eyes were so big and full of emotions and it always made Mark feel like he was drowning in everything good in this world. “We’re the adults here and Bambam isn’t going to dictate who I want to date.” He was so close Mark could count the dark eyelashes. “And I don’t think he’s a lost cause because you two got along just fine before this.”

“True.” Though Mark was still apprehensive and didn’t dare to wish anything good to happen so quickly, but he couldn't think very straight with Jackson so close to him, the warm breath ghosting over his face. Why was he so weak when Jackson was near him?

Without a word they melted into a hug that was supposed to ease the pain of not having had any physical connection in two weeks. It was like coming home after a stressful journey, the connection soothing and gratifying.

All the anxiety was lifted from their shoulders for a moment; it didn’t fix the real problem, but it allowed them a breather from it. Jackson would still have to deal with Bambam, would still have to explain to the boy that nothing had, or would, change even if Jackson would give Mark a bit more attention from now on.

Mark rested his head against Jackson’s and breathed in deep. It had been incredibly stupid of him to pull away from Jackson. He might have done it with best intentions, but the way he had done it had made it go all wrong. For two weeks worth of longing to be close again surfaced now with force and Mark hugged Jackson tighter.

“I was an idiot..”

“Yeah, you definitely were.”

“Hey.” Mark poked Jackson sharply in the back. “Don’t mock me; I already admitted I was in the wrong.”

“Ok, ok. Sorry.” Jackson barked a soft laughter but then sighed, tracing his fingers up and down slowly Mark’s back. “I called Noi just now.”

Something heavy vanished from Mark’s heart after he heard that. He had imagined, again, the worst instead of the most logical answer.

“You did? Why?”

“Yeah. I talked with Jinyoung and he made me realize it might be prudent to have her step in too.” Jackson snuggled his face to Mark’s hair and inhaled deep. “He’s right though; I should include her into this because Bam needs to understand that she’s the same as me.”

Mark made some noncommittal noise in the back of his throat, way too distracted by Jackson’s breath near his ear.

“Do you know when she’s going to arrive?”

“Knowing her it can be anything from tonight to next week.” Jackson shrugged. “Now shut up and let me love you in silence for a bit.”

Mark smiled widely, hugging Jackson tighter and melting into the embrace himself; who could say no to that?

~

As usual, it didn’t take long for Noi to show up. She announced her arrival the next morning when she already had landed on the airport and decided that an hour or two was enough as a warning.

“Ok, what mess have you managed to cook this time?” Noi smiled widely when she came in from the door like the whirlwind she was, and dropped her luggage on the floor. She was, as usual, impeccable and beautiful, her white coat reaching her knees and her dark hair up in a messy bun.

“Hello to you too.” Jackson stuck out his tongue, like he was only five and pouted. Noi just scoffed, taking her coat off, but she smiled at Jackson and Mark warmly, her eyes full of affection.

“It’s good to see you two. By the way, Mark. I have something for you~” Noi winked playfully, the gesture never promising anything good. Mark seemed to have forgotten how well she could see through them and was now standing there smiling awkwardly, his ears turning pink. She gave both Mark and Jackson kisses on their cheeks and then smirked like the devil she was and lowered her voice to a whisper. “Have you two been behaving badly?” Then she actually giggled like she was still a young schoolgirl, pressing her slender hand over her mouth. “Naughty boys..”

“Shush!” Jackson hissed, his face turning a pretty shade of pink and he glanced around to see if any unwanted ears were listening.

“Don’t you shush me Jackson, I know what you’ve been up to; sneaking around having _fun_..” She snorted, straightening her back. Jackson always forgot how tall she was. The memory of the day when they had realized she had grown taller than him was quite vivid in his mind.

He was just about to retort something back but was interrupted with Bambam running past him.

“Mom!” Bambam came running down the stairs. “What are you doing here?”

“I missed my boys of course.” Noi gave a warning glare at Jackson and Mark. Probably not a good idea to start talking this instant about the real reason why she had flown half the world to see them. “How’s my brave schoolboy doing, hm?” She knelt down and hugged Bambam who had slammed his thin body against her.

“It’s ok and I’m not that brave. Gyeommie is braver, he fought the upper class boys because they were calling some girl names.” Bambam looked at Noi smiling widely, his tiny face almost shining with pride.

“Good that you have strong friends! Don’t let anyone ever call you names. You’re my sweetest baby angel and oh, I missed you so much~!” Noi picked Bambam up and whirled him around, the boy giggling like mad. “You’re growing up so fast my precious, soon I can’t lift you up anymore.”

“Then I will lift Mommy up!”

“I wonder.. I’m a bit bigger than you are.”

“I’ll eat magic beans and grow super tall!”

Jackson rolled his eyes at the amused banter Noi and Bambam got into about how tall would Bambam have to be to be able to pick his mother up from the floor. He glanced at Mark who was looking at the mother-child conversation with interest. Jackson guessed that it still baffled Mark that someone could be so different as a mother than what he had gotten used to in his past.

Now, how to get everything to calm down so that the conversation with their precious baby boy could take place?

Jackson only wished that one day Bambam would be like Youngjae was about the situation; normal. Seriously, it was like a miracle that Mark’s son was so lenient and accepting about the whole thing. Youngjae hadn’t once said anything disrespectful to Jackson nor had he thought that Jackson was taking Mark away from him somehow.

He had grown to love the cheerful boy so much during their months of living together and now even more and he was thanking any deities for this on bent knees.

Just how to get Bambam on the same level of understanding? Luckily there was no one else around so they could settle down and take it easy, wait for a better moment and then bring out the issue to the boy, to make him understand no one was going to abandon him or anything.

The day would probably proceed like it usually did when Noi was around and Bambam clinging onto her like he was a sloth; noisy and full of giggles.

Not that there was anything wrong with laughter in the house.

~

Noi was for once being quiet, watching some program with Bambam and Youngjae, both boys snuggled on her both sides, and Jackson was upstairs doing whatever, Mark really had no idea. He was just about to go out, maybe take his bike and release some stress by cycling for an hour or two. The situation _was_ a lot calmer now that Noi was around but Mark had a gnawing feeling that something was going to happen and he was not going to like it. At all.

He was glad however things would be solved soon. At least he hoped they would go _somewhere_ because being stuck in a this was getting on his nerves. There really was no perfect moment to talk about it all, but he knew that if Jackson and Noi would go and slam the subject on Bambam’s face immediately after her arrival things would only get worse.

Let them have this moment of peace and quiet and then, perhaps tomorrow, it would be the time to talk and explain everything. At least that was what Mark had planned with Jackson; he would take Youngjae out and give the three time to talk alone without any disturbances.

So, maybe in 24 hours life would return to normal?

When the doorbell rang Mark was already halfway convinced there was nothing to be worried about, except that the hours before everything would be long, dragging and exhausting, that everything would be alright by tomorrow afternoon.

He had blissfully forgotten his earlier predicament.

Mark answered the door and found an elderly woman standing there, looking up at him with keen dark eyes, the black hair straight and cascading on her shoulders.

“Uh, hello?” Mark blinked and frowned. Should he know this person? She did look somehow very familiar but he couldn’t place his finger on it.

“Is Jackson here? I’m his mother, Sophia.” She smiled sweetly up at him and Mark.. Mark turned white and his blood seemed to freeze. He was sure his eyes were wide as plates too and he probably looked like she had just hit him with a hammer in the guts.

Mark almost choked. _Jackson’s mother?!_ For crying out loud! What a timing, honestly.

“He’s upstairs. Please come in, I’ll go get him.” Mark managed to say without too much squeaking and let her in, trying to keep his composure at least somehow. He almost ran up the stairs and after looking around wildly for a while he found Jackson changing Bambam’s sheets. “Your mother is here…” Mark wheezed out, thinking that he probably looked a bit mad right now.

Jackson stared at him, speechless, the words sinking in slowly.

“What!” Jackson dropped the blanket he had been holding and stood there stupefied. “My mother?”

“YES! She is here, downstairs. Did you not know she was coming?”

“Had no idea! Oh god..” Jackson was pale as a sheet, one hand over his mouth and his eyes wide with shock. Apparently her appearance was nothing but a total surprise to him. “I’m so.. So sorry.” He whispered, looking at Mark like he had accused Jackson of something, which he obviously hadn’t done.

“What? No, it’s o-” Mark began to say but Jackson was already hurrying past him to meet his mother, smoothing his hair with both hands and trying to straighten his shirt.

Mark sighed, taking a deep, _deep_ breath. This was going to be fun, he just knew it. He followed Jackson down the stairs, not sure should he even go there but it probably would be rude not to go and introduce him.

“Mom!” Jackson exclaimed happily, though there was that audible tone of bafflement mixed into it. “When did you come in town?” He hurried to embrace her tightly, almost lifting her from the floor. From what Jackson had told Mark about his parents he knew Jackson held them in great respect and loved his mother probably more than life itself.

“Just now.” She smiled widely and Mark could definitely see where Jackson got his adorable looks from; the resemblance was too great not to notice.

“Nan!” Bambam appeared from the sitting room, having been too curious not to come and see who it was that had caused all the talking.

“Hello sweetie, come give me a hug.” Sophia knelt down and received the boy hurling himself into her arms in the next second.

“Hello, Sophia.” Noi had trailed after Bambam with Youngjae who was interestingly enough hiding behind her legs and looking up at the newcomer with a small frown.

“Noi? What are you doing here? I thought you were out of the country. Again.” The note of clear accusation was quite clear and Mark glanced at Noi, but she just shrugged, smiling.

“I had business in town so I came to see my boys.”

“Is that so.” Sophia quirked her brows and something flashed in her eyes that made Mark suspect she had some ideas what the situation was between her son and his wife. “And who’s this?” She moved her eyes to Youngjae. His eyes widened in terror and he fled to Mark finally, hiding his face to his stomach, hugging his waist desperately.

“I’m Mark, Jackson’s friend and this is my son, Youngjae.” Mark smiled at Sophia and glanced down at Youngjae who refused to release him. “He’s a bit shy, I guess.”

“Ok, you’ve all seen each other now.” Jackson butted in. “Mom, give me your jacket and Bambam, stop playing a sloth, you can hug your grandmother after she’s comfortable.” He grimaced and Mark felt a wave of compassion. This was not going according to the plan.

At all.

Mark wondered should he even sit down with Jackson’s family but when he saw the despairing look in Jackson’s eyes he relented and sighed, knowing it might make things easier if they were both in the same room.

But just when they all had settled down, Youngjae still being oddly shy and hiding half behind Mark’s back the doorbell rang again and Mark almost let out a despairing groan.

“Open the door, would you please Youngjae?”

The boy got up fast, probably grateful of the distraction and he ran over to see who was going to invade their already disturbed afternoon. The door clicked open and then Mark heard something that froze the blood in his veins for the second time today.

“Grandpa!” Youngjae squealed with surprise and delight.

Had the whole world decided to turn up on their doorstep today?

~

“So, if Jackson was a girl, and not married, you could date him.” Mark almost choked on his coffee and began coughing violently. He was sitting by the kitchen table with his father after the Wang family had decided to move their family reunion to upstairs and leave Mark alone with his. “Did I say something funny?”

“ _Dad!_ ” Mark coughed, his eyes turning watery the more he spluttered. “Do you mind?” He had explained the current situation to his father as well as he could, of course leaving out the fact that he and Jackson were already dating and that Bambam hated his guts for that.

Too bad Raymond Tuan had a quirky sense of humour, much to his son's dismay.

“I don’t see why you’re so embarrassed. He’s a good looking kid after all, and kind to his mother and son from what I saw earlier.” Raymond stared at Mark wheezing air back into his lungs. “Unless you already do like him.” He wiggled his thick brows, a wide grin on his face.

“What!” Mark had trouble keeping his voice down. Either his father was onto something or then he was just making really accurate jokes by mistake. Mark didn’t know which one he preferred.

“Now don’t get mad at me, it’s nothing unheard of.” His father actually had the nerve to _smirk_ at him. “It’s not like your old pops hasn’t seen the world after all.”

“ _Dad.._ ” Mark groaned for the second time. He was just glad no one was around to witness this little conversation of theirs. His father certainly knew how to make Mark feel embarrassed and flustered.

“I’m just saying that I was young once too.” Mark chose to ignore his father for the moment and concentrated on finishing his coffee.

“How’s mum?”

“She’s fine. Loving the fact that she can be there to play with her grandchildren.” Raymond shot a sharp glare at Mark. “It’s a shame we don’t see you more often though you don’t live that far. Is the business doing ok?” Mark hung his head low. He knew he ought to go and see his family more but lately there had been so much going on he was happy when most of the days he remembered to take his own head with him.

“Yeah, we’re fine. Just expanded and included a tattoo parlor in.” Mark fiddled with the empty cup in his hands, feeling nervous. Should he?

“Guess it goes with your idea. Good, good.” Mark glanced at his father, calculating his chances of getting an earful if he would now tell him that he had suddenly realized he liked guys. The mere idea of the spilling the beans was churning his stomach like he was about to throw up soon.

Not telling the whole truth ate him from within and Mark hoped tomorrow would dawn soon and they somehow would manage to leave Jackson and Noi alone with Bambam.

He remained silent however, deciding he was far from ready to come out, though the reaction might not be all bad.

~

When finally silence spread upon the house Mark found himself sitting on the cold porch, wrapped in a jacket and a blanket, just taking a breather from the very hectic afternoon. He stared unblinkingly at the dark yard, not seeing anything really. He was breathing in and out, trying to find his balance; it had gone flying with the wind when their respective parents had decided to show up and he had tried to focus on them so hard his head was now slightly aching.

Mark heard the door sliding open behind him but didn’t turn; he knew it was Jackson just from the sound of his feet on the floor.

“What a day.” Jackson muttered exhausted and sat down next to Mark, their shoulders touching. Just that small connection was enough to emanate warmth all around Mark’s body and he felt immediately better and more at ease. He couldn’t help the small smile creeping up to his lips; just being able to inhale the scent of Jackson was enough to make him feel light headed and good.

“Agreed.” Mark heaved a sigh. It was like the day had taken an eternity or two to end, and there was still tomorrow and the day after that.. “You and Noi still are going to talk with Bambam tomorrow, aren’t you?”

“Yes.” Jackson grunted. He shifted, prodding Mark to his side until he understood Jackson wanted to get under the blanket as well. Jackson wrapped his arm around Mark’s waist, pulling them even closer and to feel warm despite the chilly night. “I have to get Mom out so we can talk in peace. Don’t know should you be here then too?”

“I think it's best if you two talk with him alone.” Mark felt so comfortable here, leaning against Jackson and his head resting on Jackson’s shoulder, but his mind was whirring slowly. “Maybe I should take her with us tomorrow when we're taking Dad out.”

“That might work because I have to be at work on Monday anyway so tomorrow is the only day we have without any hurry.” Jackson was mumbling, turning his head enough to plant a small kiss on Mark’s head.

“Then it's a deal.” Mark squirmed a little, looking up at Jackson. “I just hope she doesn't end up hating me.”

“Nah, I doubt anyone could hate you.” Jackson smiled faintly, looking at him, brushing the wayward hair away from Mark’s eyes. “You should go to bed soon. You look tired.” He sounded so worried that it actually made Mark smile and his heart swelled up with joy.

“Gee, thanks. Do I really look that bad?” Mark couldn’t help but to tease Jackson a bit; it was way too good an opportunity to miss out.

“Are you kidding me?” Jackson actually scoffed. “You’d look ravishing even when you’d been rolling in mud or not having slept in three days.” He smirked. “Though please don’t do either, that wouldn’t be much fun. Well, unless you choose to roll in mud with me..” His smirk turned absolutely devilish. “That could be fun.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Mark actually laughed. And the laughter was the best remedy to any kind emotional pain or agitated feelings he might have still be having after the crazy day.

“Naughty..” Suddenly Jackson's lips were all too visible, all too close and way too tempting. But he restrained himself.

“I can’t help it.” Jackson heaved a dramatic and a very fake sigh, rolling his eyes. “You bring out the worst of me.”

“I don’t really mind, you know.” Mark giggled, sitting up straight and turning his body enough to face Jackson. He glanced at the house, but it was dark and quiet and no one could see them sitting here unless they moved the heavy curtains inside. “Come here please.”

Though they were under the blanket together and basically hugging it still wasn’t enough. Jackson glanced at the dark windows too but flashed a quick smile before scrambling up and to straddle Mark. He placed his arms over Mark’s shoulders and inched as close and he could, attempting to keep the blanket from falling down.

“This good?” Jackson hummed, still smiling that small sexy smile he sometimes sported. Mark sneaked his arms around Jackson, wrapping them under the warm fabric in the process.

“Mmhm.” He could only hum appreciative. “Much. But not yet perfect.”

“Really now..” Jackson muttered. “Maybe if I do this..” He captured Mark’s lips softly into a kiss. “Does that help?”

“Yeah. Now it's perfect.” Mark licked his lips quickly, nudging Jackson’s nose with his own. “Maybe a few more and then there is no need for fretting.”

“You’re really cheesy, aren't you?” Jackson laughed but pecked Mark anyway.

“Yeaahh..” Mark drawled out lazily. “But only with you.”

“Good.” The hint of possessiveness gave Mark a small shudder of happiness.

~

The day had not been the easiest for Jackson. He was balancing on the edge of a sword because he wanted to scream to world he had basically fallen in love with his friend, how he wanted to quit this stupid masquerade and live his life openly loving a guy. And yet he wanted to keep his parents happy and take the so called easy way out.

But he could do neither. Not before the situation with Bambam was solved.

That was exactly what he was trying to do now with Noi. It was odd, being alone with the two, like they were a real family, but only on the outside. Bambam, of course, was curiously watching his parents because he rarely saw Jackson and Noi sitting together so close.

“Kunpimook.” Noi said sternly, her tone still gentle but enough serious that Bambam stopped fidgeting and looked at his mother like he had never seen her before. Noi rarely used that tone on him, and even less often she called him by his given name, so this was definitely an occasion the boy was not used to.

“Mom?”

“Do you think me and your father are like other parents?”

“You’re Mom and Dad.” Like that explained anything, but to Bambam it obviously was the ultimate explanation that was, well.. It included everything in it.

“Yes, boo, that’s right. And we will always be. But we are always going to live separately, just like we have always done. And we have always loved you the most even though we don't live together.” Jackson admired Noi’s ability to just sit down and talk calmly when it was necessary. Not many people got to see this side of her; they all saw the distracted, noisy and easy-to-laugh woman who stormed into everyone’s life and made it look like a hurricane had ran them over.

Coincidentally not many people knew that he and Noi had known each other since high school. They had shared the secret of being gay ever since the people with same “problem” began to hang out together more, girls and boys alike. Even if Jackson groaned and moaned a lot about Noi he was happy that she was his friend. Though he rarely asked her anything, and more than half the time she simply forgot, she was always willing to lend a hand.

So when both Jackson’s and Noi’s families had been trying to figure out why the two of them hanged out so much together, and when they both felt it was a good time to do something, they had arranged the marriage, gotten Bambam and decided that life would be just as good with them pretending to just live apart because of Noi’s job. She certainly flew around the globe a lot but she did have a house in the country, about three hour drive away from where Jackson and Bambam lived now.

“But.” She looked at her son and then at Jackson. “We have been thinking and we have come to a conclusion that we are no longer going to stay together.” Jackson's eyes widened but he remained quiet. Was she actually talking about divorcing? If she was then it was news to him too, good news, but still. “This is not your fault. Mommy just like Honey a lot and you like her too, don’t you? And daddy likes Mark a lot. Don’t you like Mark anymore? You got along so well before. Tell me, darling, what is wrong?”

Bambam sat there quietly a long time, his eyes moving from Noi to Jackson and to his hands wringing the hem of his red shirt. He looked so tiny and vulnerable, the short black hair all tousled and messy no matter how many combs touched it.

“Mommy doesn’t want to see me anymore?” Bambam’s voice was careful, probing and he glanced at them both from under his brows.

“If course I do. I want you to come and visit me and then we will see more exciting things, just like we always have done.”

“But Daddy won't play with me if he just likes Mark. I don’t want him to play anyone else but me.” Now he was just plain defiant, a spark of anger almost there but not quite.

“Bambam, I won’t do that. You’re my son and I will always be here to be with you.”

“Mommy won’t be sad without us and if Daddy plays with Mark?”

“No, of course not. We’ll love each other, but not like mommies and daddies usually do. But that does not mean we would ever, _ever_ stop loving you.” There was no way to emphasize that fact more. Noi was leaning on her knees, her bare wrists crossed. She looked almost sad a while before the emotion was gone and she gave her son a gentle smile. “Our family is a little different, but your friend from next door has two father’s, doesn’t he?”

“ 'Gyeommies parents are nice.” Bambam replied hesitantly, his mouth pursing as he thought over that little detail, trying to adjust it to his own life.

“So, now you’re going to have two mommies and two daddies. That’s not something every boy has!”

Bambam was silent a long time and it almost made Jackson worry. The boy wasn’t so old he would understand all the fine nuances and depths the situation had under the simple surface they gave him, but Jackson really hoped this was enough.

Basically Jackson and Mark weren’t in their relationship so deep they could say for sure this was _it_ but right now there was no way to start explaining that there might be a day when it would be just Bambam and Jackson again.

Of course he didn’t want that day to come, naturally. But it was always a possibility because life had a nasty habit of throwing shit at you when you least expected it.

“Do you have anything you want to ask us?” Jackson said quietly, wishing he could scoop Bambam in his arms and hug all the bad feelings away, but he couldn’t do that. He had to let his little boy try to cope with the first emotions alone, to step forward on his own and ask whatever he was wondering about.

“Is Mark going to sleep in Dad’s room now?”

“Um. No.” Jackson fidgeted nervously, licking his lips. His palms felt sweaty and he was sure he would need a shower after this. Maybe a drink too. Or a really long run, just to let out all the steam. “Nothing is going to change Bambam. We still have our own rooms, you’re still going to go to school with Youngjae and Yugyeom. You’re still going to have both me and Mark at home to play games with you. You are still going to see you mother when she is back in town. And you can always call her.”

“Does it make any difference that I will stay around longer this time?” Noi smiled suddenly. Bambam perked up, his head higher and amazement shining in his eyes.

“That would be _awesome_!”

“Well then, why don’t we have some special time just the two of us every other week? And you can have special time with dad like that as well.”

Bambam was a lot happier when the conversation finally ended and he came to hug both of them tightly before he asked if he could go and ask Yugyeom if he wanted to go gather colorful leaves under the trees.

It was simply amazing how fast children could change their moods.

“Are you really saying we are divorcing?” Jackson asked Noi when Bambam was out, all puffy and smiling in his blue rubber boots that were slightly too big for him.

“Don’t you want to?” She winked mischievously. “Of course you do. You want to wrap Mark around your pinky finger, and I think you already have by the way, and marry _him_. And me and Honey are talking about it too, so..” She shrugged. “..it’s the logical thing to do here.”

“And are you really going to stay at your house?”

“Actually yes. I’m opening a modeling agency here so I need to be around at least for a year almost all the time. Well. _Almost._ ” She giggled in that way only she was able to; both evil and girly.

Jackson was feeling a lot more confident about life and everything right now.

Now he just had to deal with his mother, break the divorce news to her and face Mark’s dad and not make a mess out of this more than it already was, even if things were starting to unwind.

His good mood lasted until Jackson felt his phone vibrate and he read the message Mark sent him.

“Shit.”

~

While Jackson was talking with Bambam Mark was trying to handle the rest of the lot without something exploding on him. They had wandered around, trying to find Youngjae a new jacket and boots for winter because he had outgrown his last ones.

“Are you having fun at school?” Mark heard his father asking Youngjae while they were searching for a table to sit down and eat their ice creams. Mark was balancing his and Youngjae’s in his hands and his head was aching because he was so damn nervous about being around Jackson’s mother who had accompanied them for the day out. He didn’t know what excuse Jackson had given her but she had accepted it without any further questions.

Mark was pretty sure she had her suspicions though, judging from the way she was narrowing her eyes when she looked at him in a way that sent cold sweat running down his back.

“Yeah, it’s cool and it’s even more awesome because Bambam goes there too with Yugyeom and they’re like my best friends.” Youngjae explained happily, taking the ice cream cone from Mark his eyes huge and shining.

“That’s nice to hear.” Raymond chuckled. “And how is your mother? Have you seen her?”

Mark bit his lip. He had never really told his parents how bad the situation at their house had been. All they knew was that Soyi and Mark had divorced and that Youngjae was living more or less all the time with Mark.

There just had never been any good reason to tell them but, if you really were honest about it, Mark had always had a suspicion that at least his mother had known things weren’t all that sunny. Which was probably why no one had ever really pestered him about why his darling wife hardly ever attended their family dinners or gatherings. It had been easier that way and Mark and Youngjae had always enjoyed those little escapes from their suffocating home.

“I don’t see Mommy at all. And I don’t like her.” Youngjae pouted, a spoonful of chocolate ice cream halfway going up to his mouth. How did he manage to get dirty in less than two minutes, Mark didn’t even begin to guess.

“Well, she is your mother..” Mark glanced at his father who had that ponderous and calculating expression on his face and Mark tried to shake his head at him, to tell him to drop the issue. Youngjae probably wasn’t all that happy that his family life was so broken.

“It’s ok Grandpa.” Youngjae beamed. Mark had sat down next to Jackson’s mother who was quite gracefully eating her cone with a spoon and smiling at Youngjae.

“Do you like living with Bambam and Jackson?” She asked, tilting her head to the side. Mark watched her in fascination; she was so much like Jackson, or Jackson was so much like her, it was amazing. The tilt of the head, the twinkle in their eyes.. It all matched so well.

“I do, though Bam said he didn’t want to be my brother first but now he is getting ok with it.” Youngjae blabbed happily.

Mark froze.

That was one thing he hadn’t thought of; that the kid would start talking about their situation back at home in front of his father and Jackson’s mother. Maybe it was time to panic now? He should take control of the situation but Sophia beat him to it.

“So you’re that close with my grandson? That’s really nice.” She said laughing happily.

“Yeah. I like Bammie a lot. And it’s really cool that I’m gonna have two Dad’s now and I know Bam is going to like Dad too and then we’ll be brothers for real.”

A long, long silence fell upon the table.

Mark was frozen. The time was frozen. Everything moved with extreme slowness, Raymond and Sophia staring at Youngjae their mouths slightly open and then, very slowly, they turned to look at Mark, the million questions so visible on their faces Mark wanted to dive under the table and disappear.

He didn’t know what to do. Should he laugh it off? Should he remain quiet? Should he smile and brush the thing off as something only kids would say when they had understood something wrong?

He should say something, right? But once again he didn’t manage to open his mouth in time.

“Is that what my son and his wife are talking about to Bambam today?” Sophia asked quietly, frowning ever so slightly. “But it can’t be. They are still married.”

“I.. uh..” Mark stuttered, his heart was now thumping so erratically and his stomach was twisting and turning like there were live eels inside and he didn’t know where to look. “I don’t this is the right time for this talk.” He finally managed to whisper, pleading with his eyes that the two parents would understand the situation and be patient until Jackson and Noi were there too to explain things.

“I guess we can wait a bit longer, though I must admit this is a surprise.” Raymond muttered, but he smiled at Mark anyway. “I was kind of wondering why you have been so cheerful lately. Now I know why.” He winked outrageously at his son and Mark knew his ears were bright red by now.

“Thanks, Dad.” Mark mumbled, hiding his face behind his quickly melting ice cream. It unnerved him that he had just come out of the closet to his father and to the mother of the guy who was supposed to date.

The whole thing was spiraling out of his control so fast Mark didn’t know what do. And Jackson’s mother was looking at him critically, probably thinking he was the reason she soon would have a gay son with a divorce hanging over his head and a grandson going ballistic because he would see his mother less.

Mark was well aware that Jackson hadn’t told his parents the truth and it was painfully obvious right now.

“I’m sorry..” Mark hesitated before muttering those small words to Sophia, trying to keep his face from contorting with anxiety.

To his surprise she gave him a small, if a bit strained, smile and made a dismissive gesture with her hand.

“Like your father said; we can wait. I'm hoping there is logic behind all this.”

“What are you talking about?” Youngjae butted in, his face even more smudged with ice cream, looking from Mark to the other two curiously.

“Nothing sweet pea, nothing much.” Mark was surprised how steady his voice was when he reached over to clean Youngjae’s face with a napkin. “Why don’t you play something for us today since you have been studying so hard.”

The remainder of the day was like a hazy blur to him. During the time they were wandering around Mark felt like his insides were squeezing together tightly and his heart was doing some weird dance that certainly didn't feel nice. And he had a headache. And he was paranoid that everyone was looking at him with accusation in their eyes.

Especially Jackson’s mother scared the living hell out of him at the moment.

He did remember to send Jackson a warning message though.

_“The cat is out of the bag.. Youngjae let it slip that he is happy about getting two dads. We have to talk with our parents too. I'm sorry.”_

Jackson’s answer was a simple ‘Shit.’ and Mark kind of understood that. What more could he have said anyway?

What a mess.

~

“So, let me see if I got this right.” Raymond frowned, seated across the table with Sophia next to him, both looking more confused than anything else. “Jackson and Noi are married and they have a kid but the marriage has always been a lie and you both are having relationships outside the marriage with your..” He hesitated a second. “..your own sex.”

All three of them, Mark, Jackson and Noi nodded in unison.

“And Mark..” Sophia said, fixing her eyes on him. “You have only now suddenly realized you want to be with my son who has kept the fact that he is gay from me and his father his whole life?”

“Yes..” Mark whispered through dry lips. He feared so much that this was going to break all the family ties for all of them

“Mom, I'm sorry I didn't tell you s-” Jackson tried to say, his distress shining through his words like beacon. Mark wanted to console him so much but he remained rooted on his chair next to Jackson.

“I'm not done yet. Wait for your turn.” She snapped. “So what makes you sure you are going to stay by Jackson’s side? Are you sure you aren't going to just change your mind and go back to dating girls?” Her eyes drilled holes through Mark’s skull and he tried not to wince. For the oddest reason this question didn’t make him uncomfortable at all and he almost relaxed a bit.

“I'm sure.” Mark reached out, despite the nervousness squeezing his insides, and took Jackson’s hand in his, the gesture all clear and visible to their parents to witness. Instantly their fingers laced together and both flashed a small smile at each other. “I care for Jackson a lot. And Bambam too. They both bring so much to my, and Youngjae’s, life. I couldn’t be more grateful for meeting them.” He bowed his head low, trying to convey his apologies that he was taking Jackson away from the picture Jackson had painted with Noi for the eyes of their parents. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way, but please believe me that I would never want to hurt Jackson or Bambam.”

“But you're still so young both.. are you sure this is what you want?” Raymond asked though it was visible he was trying to hold back his smile. “And what about the boys? And Noi, what about you?”

“Oh, I'm fine, and we have explained things to Bambam. I believe Mark’s baby boy actually is all in for his father going out with Jackson.” She smiled fondly. “I have a girl whom I love very much and we've been together since before Bam was born.” She looked so cute when she was talking about Honey, her eyes shining and a tinge of pink over her cheeks. “Jackson and I have been friends a long time and because we were young and a bit foolish we thought the big white lie would make things easier for everyone. Well, my parents are idiots. Sophia, you know how they are. So I don’t really care much what they think about anything.” Noi looked at Sophia who clicked her tongue in annoyance. Apparently she disliked Noi’s family too. “But now we have decided to stop. I want to be with my loved one and I’m willing to stop pretending and to finish our marriage for good.”

“And so do I. Mom..” Jackson almost pleaded. “I wanted to tell you and Dad so many times before, but I haven’t ever before wanted to be with someone as much I want to be with Mark. Can you forgive me for being an idiot..” There were tears in his eyes and Mark’s heart shrank to see them. He squeezed Jackson’s hand tighter in his, not daring to do more to comfort him.

Sophia examined them all her neat eyebrows furrowed and then sighed, glancing at Mark’s father next to her.

“Is he reliable?” She asked as if Mark and Jackson weren’t in the room. “Is he good enough to be trusted?”

“I can’t say for sure but my boy has never let _me_ down.” He smiled, stroking his graying beard with one hand. “Is Jackson to be trusted? Can I take your word that he will treat my son with respect even on the days he looks like a homeless person?” Mark almost swallowed his tongue and groaned softly. Did his father always have turn things into a joke?

“My poor baby always takes care of everyone, he’s born with the talent to love anyone and everything.” Sophia’s stern expression melted and she smiled. “I guess two knuckleheads can make it work between them.”

“Now.” Both Sophia and Raymond turned to look at them. “You two make sure the boys understand the situation and be sure to treat each other with respect and we will honor your choices. Jackson, darling, don’t cry. I have always known things weren’t like you wanted us to believe they were.”

“Yes Mom.” Jackson squeaked, his voice stuffy because he was holding his tears back. Mark looked at his father, his entire being tingling. Was this really happening?

“Just come and see us and talk with your mother as well. I’m sure she will understand.” It wasn’t far that Mark would start to cry too, he was so relieved.

Universe didn’t hate him, or any of them, after all and things were going to turn out ok.

~

_Unbelievable. I mean, what the heck just happened? Bam actually is more civil, Noi and I are getting divorced and my Mom knows I’m not straight and she is actually ok that I wanna date Mark and she still loves me and wait wait waaaait, what the fffuuuuuuuck did happen here?!_

_Okay so. Noi came and we talked with Bamsie. He’s not 100% shibby yet, but not as bad as it was a few days ago._

_Mom and Mark’s dad turned up. Geez, I honestly thought I would go mad because I mean… What a timing! And then Youngshine let it slip that Mark and I are going out… Almost pissed my pants, I swear (don’t tell anyone) because I thought Mom would eat my head or something but ugh, no.. She was stern and cool and I love my Mom so much._

_BEST. DAY. EVER. and worst. Kind of. I dunno. It was horrible and awesome and now I’m just like, whoah, someone ran over me with a train or something._

_We’re out of the closet and we can get married or whatever and oh my god I want to have like gazillion kids with Mark and grow old and gray with him and holy shit I think I want to sneak into his room right now and cuddle him until he hits me and tells me to fuck off._

_Ok, not gonna do that but FUCK YEAH. Sorry. I’m so happy._

_J_


	16. Ride with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy.
> 
> <3
> 
> Also, you can find me on twitter now, if you for some crazy reason need me! @cffn163

It was a rare moment to find Mark and JB alone together in the pristine living room Mark hardly ever visited without Jackson, or Jinyoung. Surprisingly he had grown closer with Jaebum after the schools had started. Almost always it was Mark who escorted Youngjae and Bambam to school and Jaebum, for some reason if he only could, never left home without taking Yugyeom to school. Eventually, after noticing they got stuck talking outside their houses for almost hours at a time, when they had time for it, JB had finally asked Mark to come in so they could continue inside, instead of freezing their butts outside. 

These slow mornings were possible only when Mark didn’t have to hurry to open up the shop, when Jinyoung was out doing for once what he wanted and Jaebum was free to spend some time with his daughters. So they had started to appreciate the comfortable mornings, both of them being quieter by nature rather than vibrant and noisy like Jackson was, and simply enjoying the company.

That was the reason why the both grown men were sitting on the floor and making incredibly stupid cooing noises at the two baby girls practising their first times crawling on their stomachs and examining their surroundings with their eyes wide and curious.

“Yes, you are the cutest little girl in the world, yes you are!” Mark could have never thought himself capable of saying such things but at the moment it didn’t really matter because he wasn’t the only one sprouting stuff like that. He had almost laughed out loud when he had realized what a sap Jaebum actually was; the guy was a shameless fluff machine when it came to his daughters and he didn’t give a damn who saw him baby talking to them or kissing them silly, erupting delighted giggles from both babies.

“Have you ever thought about wanting more than one kid?” Jaebum asked after a while they both only had been focusing on the babies. Mark stopped tickling Jia who was rolling from side to side and onto her stomach quite happily. He glanced at the girls, Jiyoo was equally happy stuffing her leg in her mouth and mouthing the white sock on her tiny feet. Mark smiled fondly at the sight; the girls were so cute at this stage.

“I guess I wouldn’t mind but..” He hesitated. “But I don’t think it’s possible anymore.”

“Why not? It’s not like our kids are related by blood to us. Yugyeom is adopted and girls only share same genes with each other, obviously.” JB sat up and leaned his broad back on the couch behind him. “It’s not like there aren’t any other options than adoption.” He was silent for a while, measuring Mark with his dark eyes like he could read him like an open book, and Mark felt himself flush.

He hadn’t really thought that far, but he had nothing against more children, but his and Jackson’s relationship was so new and budding it was too early to think about something like that. They could barely get time together alone as it was so what would it be if they had an infant to take care of as well?

“It’s too early.” Mark shook his head and gave a weak smile. “Don’t get me wrong, I really like Jackson and I hope this is going to last, but it’s too soon to think about something so big like children.”

“It’s never too early to dream.” How could JB be so corny without actually sounding corny? Mark admired the man more than he could put into words. “But maybe you two should get married first.”

“Uh.. No, I don’t think I ever want to get married again. Not after what the last one was like.” Mark shook his head, the mere thought crushing his insides. He had began to resent the whole idea of marriage, the concept of being tied to someone with nothing but a piece of paper that would still hold him in one place like there was an iron ball attached to his leg. No. He didn’t want that ever again. He would rather be just in a relationship than to be caged again.

“Does Jackson know that?” JB seemed a bit startled at Mark’s words.

“I..” Mark hesitated, thinking. Did Jackson know? Probably not, but he wasn’t an idiot and most likely would understand if only Mark would give him good enough explanation. And it wasn’t like they would even consider about something like marriage in years and by that time things might have changed for better, or for worse. “I don’t think he does.”

“You should tell him. Because I think he’s dreaming of carrying  _ you _ inside in a white suit, or dress, I don’t know about your preferences..” Marks snorted loudly at this point but JB ignored him. “..but if he finds out that you don’t want to get hitched, and it happens at a wrong time, it’s going to blow up in your face.”

Mark pursed his lips and wrinkled his nose. He looked down at Jia who was gazing up at him steadily, staring straight him in the eyes. He bent over and gave her a dozen Eskimo kisses until she was giggling happily again, waving her arms and trying to grab Mark’s hair.

“Do you think uncle Jackson will get mad at me, hm? Maybe he will be a bit upset.” Mark cooed at the baby softly, her twinkling brown eyes full of glittering light from the sun that shone inside from the windows, and wonderment towards everything surrounding her. “But I just have to make it up to him, don’t I?”

“Be glad she doesn’t understand you yet.” Jaebum snickered, picking up Jiyoo and bouncing her up and down, the girl laughing open mouthed, her two tiny white teeth visible. 

“Have you taken any pictures of them?” Mark nodded towards the babies. He had seen some of the shots JB had taken and they were good even in his unprofessional eyes.

“I have, actually. I had some of them developed and I was..” Jaebum halted and he actually blushed a little, looking a bit sheepish. Mark blinked. Now  _ that _ was a face he thought he would never see. “I was thinking about giving them to Jinyoung as a present in December.” He clambered up with Jiyoo and walked out of the room to rummage his traveling bag that was leaning against the wall in the hallway most of the times. When Jaebum returned he had a thick envelope in one hand, which he handed to Mark before sitting back down.

Mark said nothing but opened the sheet and took out a massive stack of pictures, all black and white, and began to flip through them.

They were exquisite, artistic, dreamy and frankly really beautiful.

The first Mark saw was a picture of a lot younger Jinyoung sleeping half under a blanket, curled up like a cat, his upper body bare and face relaxed and beautiful. It was such an intimate photograph it almost made Mark feel he was intruding on something very private. But he under why Jaebum had taken it; it was perfect in every possible way.

There was a picture of Jinyoung with Yugyeom when he had only been a baby, the both unaware of the camera that made the tender moment between the new parent and the baby boy, meeting each other for the first time, last forever.

Dozens of pictures of Jinyoung smiling, laughing, being serene and standing under sunlight on sunny paths. Alone or with the children.

There were pictures of Jaebum and Jinyoung when they had been younger, their eyes full of excitement only people with their whole life ahead sometimes have. Pictures of them together, smiling widely at the camera, or looking at each other, the love between them palpable and real even if the picture was years old already.

“I’ve been collecting them over the years because I knew there would come a day I would want to use them. Jinyoung has probably forgotten half the times I’ve managed to snap a picture of something.” Jaebum smiled cutely, his lips curving into a smile that was so rare and so adorable Mark had no idea JB could even do such an expression.

“They’re beautiful.” Mark held up a picture that had Jinyoung in the kitchen, making a move towards Yugyeom seated on the table but throwing his bowl of food away with a cheerful smile on his face, one of the girls laughing and the other sleeping in their swings. “This is a good shot.” The movement in the picture was amazing, all the perfect angles and expressions, the whole momentum captured on film; it was recording a moment that probably had not been all that fun to be in when it happened, but afterwards it would make you smile. It was full of  _ life _ .

“One of my favourites too.” Jaebum grinned. “He’s amazing when he manages to handle everything on his own, and I feel guilty for being away so often.” He sighed, looking down at Jiyoo happily drooling all over her tiny fists. “I try to be around more, and I have managed to have at least these mornings lately. Jinyoung can go out alone and breathe and I get to be with my girls.” He picked the baby up again and brought her close to his face. Jiyoo looked at him steadily a while and then made a high gurgling noise and slammed her drool covered hands all over JB’s face. 

Jaebum didn’t even flinch, just smiled at her.

Mark couldn’t hide his laughter any longer; the scene in front of him was so incredibly fabulous.

“Jinyoung is lucky to have you.” Mark grinned, closing the envelope again. “I’m sure he will love the pictures.”

Jaebum flashed him a wide toothy smile, tinge of pink on his cheeks and Mark could only wish that one day he would look as happy as JB did right now.

~

Mark stretched on the couch, like he usually was doing when he was feeling lazy and wanted to keep a half an eye on the boys. The lazy Saturday feels were getting to him and he really wanted to doze off but didn’t dare to because he was sure something dreadful was going to happen if he did, like end of the world or a spider would crawl over him, which, basically,  _ was _ the end of the world for him.

It wasn’t written in the stars that Youngjae and Bambam would play safely in the mud outside, there was always the chance of  _ something _ going wrong. Of course the rowdy kids outside were, for the moment, only getting dirty and shrieking with delight every now and then. There was nothing wrong with being concerned, of course not, and it wasn’t like he  _ couldn’t _ leave them play alone; this was just a perfect excuse for him to be extremely lazy and do absolutely nothing.

Mark tried to imagine what kind of things the boys were doing; jumping into the pools of water the rain was creating as it was pouring down from the heavy clouds up above. Maybe the kids were trying to avoid touching the slimy mushrooms growing from the ground. And maybe, or most likely, they were cooking up magical drinks into the colorful buckets from sand, grass, mud, leaves and whatever else they could find around them. Probably accidentally squished bugs and snails found their way on the menu too..

Mark shivered, thinking about the amount cleaning he would face then the game time was over, but it was better to have them spend the energy outside rather than sitting inside and getting bored after the computer games stopped amusing them. This way neither Mark nor Jackson would have to deal with difficult boys at the end of the day when it was time to go to sleep.

It had been a long day in a way that he didn’t remember having in a while; Jimin had turned up for a surprise visit with Namjoon, bearing news that Yoongi had locked himself away into the studio again and refused to let anyone see him for the next decade or so, according to him at least, and that Jimin and Yoongi were going to be moving in next month to a bigger place because they might, someday, get more family members and they had stumbled upon a good enough house to invest in.

Mark was happy for them. And he was certainly happy to see them getting serious and planning on having kids. Back in the years Mark had witnessed the two being on and off more than ten times until something had happened between them and Yoongi had put his feet down and demanded, seriously he had done just that, that they would stop playing around and just get hitched.

Mark had been the sole witness to their union and of course they had all gotten piss drunk after that, though Mark had escaped before the newlywed couple got too immersed in their public making out. He rather saved his nerves and mental health by stumbling back home in high spirits, rather than seeing the two getting busy for the umpteenth time in front of his eyes.

Those crazy youthful days were gone, perhaps luckily, and for some reason Mark didn’t even feel the need to drink anymore. He  _ could have _ but after Youngjae had become the center of his world Mark found it more interesting to spend his time with his son, rather than getting drunk and forgetting he had ever heard the name of his wife. 

He shuddered; the memory of their wedding day still making him cold and disgusted. That had been the only time when the two had kissed, if it really could be counted as that, the touch of their lips only having been a fleeting brush against each other. At least Mark had no memory of other times and he deeply regretted that one time he did remember. Very unpleasant.

Luckily Mark was able to imagine something else to remove the sour memories; a pair of luscious lips that definitely were more to his taste. So full, so pink, so greedy and always ready to be turned up into a dazzling smile.

Jackson.

Mark smiled deviously, thinking about the next time they would get to be alone. He would certainly have to pay Jackson back the two weeks he had been a jerk and denied the poor guy the intimacy he was always in need of. Mark, being the devious jackass he sometimes was, had spent his time at work picturing a few new ways to make up Jackson all the hurt and discomfort he had had to endure.

Mark was a very affectionate and mindful boyfriend, wasn’t he? 

This, what he had in mind, was the correct way to tell Jackson that Mark had been an ass and he would make amends now by giving Jackson some  _ very _ special attention, wasn’t it?

And the time for his plans wasn’t even that far because the next date was set and they would definitely get  _ some _ privacy, because this time they had actually asked beforehand if JB and Jinyoung would be kind enough to look after Youngjae and Bambam while their desperate father’s would go out and imagine life didn’t revolve around too small shoes and food always running out.

Speaking of food.. Mark sighed. He should get up and start preparing for today's dinner. He was thinking of just making some chicken dish because it was the easiest way to feed the hungry children, and the adults as well, but he couldn’t for the life of him to remember did they have any ingredients. The idea of having to go out into the pouring rain was absolutely revolting.

He grunted and sat up. It was getting darker, the afternoon wearing on fast. And where was Jackson? Mark hadn’t seen him since breakfast and now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure if Jackson was home at all.

He stretched his arms up, not really wanting to stand up and glanced around him. It was so quiet it made him believe this wasn’t even the reality but some other dimension where the only sounds he could hear were distant and irrelevant to him and his vision blurred and unfocused. His mood was very sluggish right now and despite his need of doing nothing Mark wanted to shake the feeling off and activate himself somehow. 

Mark checked the fridge and tsk’d; they had almost no ingredients for anything. Now that he thought about it, it had been Jackson who had been in charge of doing the groceries yesterday, but obviously he had neglected that duty. 

He rolled his eyes, wishing he didn’t have to but.. The heavy rain was calling him and even if he would take the car he had no particular enthusiasm to poke his nose out into the abysmal weather. Mark didn’t find it in him to be as excited about late autumn rain as the kids were while getting muddy and dirty and rolling around on the wet grass and pretending to be some prehistoric dinosaurs.

Mark wrote down a list of the ingredients he would need and then decided he should ask Jackson if he wanted anything. Well, if Jackson was at home he would.

Mark had been busy with his guests, and getting a bit too excited about Namjoon presenting him the sketch he had done for the tattoo Mark had planned on getting at some point, to notice the lack of Jackson’s presence around him. Honestly he had thought Jackson had gone out and just hadn’t told Mark about it, but now that he checked, Jackson's heavy boots were neatly placed at the entryway.

Wondering whether Jackson was perhaps correcting tests or sleeping, which wouldn’t be the first time, Mark climbed the stairs to the second floor. He hesitated a second behind Jackson’s bedroom door; if Jackson was doing work Mark would only be disturbing him and he didn’t want that. He knew it wasn’t nice when you were focused on working and someone came barging in, ruining the momentum, but on the other hand if that was the case then Jackson could have just said something. 

Or maybe Jackson just wanted to be left alone for some reason Mark wasn’t aware of? Maybe Mark had done something wrong and Jackson was avoiding him because of that? He shook his head, dismissing the thought quickly because if something, Jackson would have come forward and tried to solve any problem rather hiding away. 

He knocked softly, trying to strain his ears to hear if there were any sounds from inside the room.

The silence that greeted Mark was weird and unnerving, like something heavy and unpleasant hanging over your shoulders, ready to suffocate you. He had a bad feeling about this.

“Jackson? I have to go the store. Do you need anything?” Mark knocked again, a little louder. Maybe Jackson was sleeping after all. At least he hoped so. “Jackson?”

A small noise was all Mark could hear and it sounded alarmingly a lot like a groan to his straining ears. Fear clutched to his heart and a million horrible, and quite unrealistic, possibilities flashed before Mark’s eyes and he slid the door open quickly. He was getting extremely nervous by the second and his heart was doing some horrible polka dance in his chest.

The room he entered was quiet and nearly dark, because the curtains were closed and the daylight was slowly disappearing.  The rain was lashing on the window glass, the sound eerie in the gray silence. Mark padded softly inside, not even considering Jackson might not be in distress but instead preoccupied with some  _ other  _ activities.

Of course that wasn’t, luckily perhaps, the case. Though Mark would have been ready to join in if he found Jackson doing something dirty.

Lewd thoughts were however the furthest from Mark’s mind at the moment.

“Jackson? Are you alright?” Mark reached the futon and found Jackson sprawled on it fully clothed and his face shimmering in the dim light the open door provided. Mark knelt down and reached out to touch Jackson’s forehead. He bit down on his lip when his fingers came in contact with the pale skin. “You're burning up.. Jackson, you're running a fever.” Mark muttered, guessing Jackson wasn’t really conscious at the moment and pressed his whole palm against the hot forehead.

Jackson made a small sound, moving against Marks palm, possibly seeking the coolness it gave him.

Worry washed over Mark. He should attend to Jackson’s condition soon as possible, but he couldn’t leave the kids unattended, but he couldn’t leave Jackson like this. Mark chewed on his lip, thinking fast. He could call on JB and Jinyoung and ask them to watch the kids for a while, but then again the convenience store was only a few blocks away and he didn’t know were their friends even at home right now.

Mark got up and left the room silently. He walked down, picked up a small towel and a bowl of cold water. He then returned to Jackson’s room, knelt beside him and began to wipe the sweat off gently, trying his best not to wake Jackson up. A useless fear probably as other was so out of it that Mark could have blown a horn next to Jackson’s head and he would have still kept on sleeping that feverish sleep he was now wrapped in. 

Leaving a folded wet towel on Jackson’s forehead, Mark slid the door closed and went back down to call on the kids making a ruckus outside despite the temperature dropping and light fading.

Youngjae and Bambam hobbled towards him both muddy and exhilarated, covered in grass stains and gods knew what else, their cheeks bright red and resembling more like apples. Mark grimaced, though he was glad the boys were spending time moving around and not being sluggish inside.

“I have to go the store. Youngjae, you’re older so can you please make you sure you both stay safe while I’m gone?” Mark looked at Youngjae who frowned in return.

“Ok, but isn’t Jackson here?” Youngjae was trying to wipe his wet bangs away from his eyes and Mark made a mental note to send the boy to have his hair cut soon.

“Jackson is sick. He has a high fever.” Mark looked at Bambam who had suddenly gone serious, the laughter having died on his lips. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious. He is sleeping now. I need you to clean up and just be nice while I’m gone. Watch TV or something. Just don’t break anything, don’t touch anything in the kitchen you know you’re not supposed to touch, and don’t let anyone you don’t know inside. Are we cool?” Mark raised his brows, looking sternly at the duo dripping water in front of him. “Can I trust you to be responsible enough?”

“Yes, Dad.” The united chorus startled Mark. This was nothing coming from Youngjae, but Bambam calling him Dad as well? Extremely unexpected turn of the events for him but Mark kept his face smooth, trying to hide his surprise.

Had the boy finally come in terms with his jealousy and believed that Mark wasn’t going to steal his father away?  Mark guessed it was only natural that there would be  _ some _ progress but that it was this fast? The talk with Bambam had only happened just last month so Mark was totally unprepared to hear Bambam calling him dad. 

It made him want to do something but he didn’t know what. He was worried about Jackson, shocked and relieved and happy that Bambam might be accepting him. All this at the same time.

Mark only smiled, shooing the thoughts away for now,  and ushered the boys towards the shower.

~

Mark leaned on the doorframe a few hours later, quietly observing Bambam who was sitting next to Jackson’s futon, his small form so vulnerable and fragile it tore Mark’s heart.

The boy was sniffling, probably had cried just recently, and was leaning over to wipe the shimmering sheen of sweat from Jackson’s face and neck. Mark was worried, not just for Bambam, but for Jackson as well. If the fever wouldn’t go down during the night Mark might have to take Jackson to hospital; it would get dangerous if Jackson would sleep much more because he would only get really dehydrated. It was good that he was sweating though, it meant his body was fighting the fever. It still worried him to see Jackson so weak.

After he had returned from the store Mark had tried to wake Jackson up but he couldn’t make much sense out of Jackson’s mumbling. He had opened his eyes and smiled weakly, saying something like  _ sorry _ and then falling back asleep. 

Where had the high fever come from so suddenly? Was Jackson stressed or had he caught some nasty germ that tied him to the bed like this?

When Mark heard Bambam’s sniffles getting more frequent and a few sobs mixed into the noise and getting more prominent he moved from where he was standing and walked to Bambam, kneeling behind him. Mark placed one hand on the small trembling shoulder hesitantly, wanting to comfort the boy but didn’t know would he accept it from Mark.

“Don’t worry Bambam. Jackson is really strong, he will be ok.” Mark said quietly even if he couldn’t in any way be certain things would get better. He fervently wished Jackson did just have a fever and nothing more serious.

“But he’s sleeping so much..” Bambam muttered, the usually cheery voice tiny and filled with anguish. Mark’s heart clenched. He felt so sorry for the boy and he couldn’t really do anything to help him. “I want him.. to.. be.. to be…” The sentence broke into pieces, each word followed by a short sob and a silence. “I want Dad to be healthy!” Bambam finally said defiantly, wiping his streaming tears angrily away and turned to look at Mark.

“I know. I want him healthy too.” Mark realized painstakingly clear that his words weren’t just because he was worried about Jackson’s health, but also because he liked Jackson so damn much. Not as a really good friend or the boyfriend he was, but as someone Mark could love. “He’ll be fine soon. I know he will be.”

“Do.. you think you’re going to leave us?” Bambam suddenly asked, his hands wringing the hem of his shirt. Mark frowned, perplexed by the sudden question.

“Of course I won’t leave you. Why do you ask such a thing?”

“Because I said bad things to you..” Bambam muttered, his eyes cast down to examine his hands and looking so forlorn it was absolutely heartbreaking.

“Bam..” Mark sighed and after hesitating a second, he pulled the boy into a gentle hug. The small hands grabbed his t-shirt and clung onto it like the shirt would prevent Bambam from drowning. “I know you were scared that Jackson would stop being the great dad he is to you. It’s ok, I don't hate you or leave you for being scared. And I would  _ never _ take your dad away from you.”

He was glad Bambam had had the conversation with both of his parents, now Mark didn't have to explain the odd situation their whole family unit was. He was happier than anything that he was getting the approval, of some sort, from the boy, though they still had a long way to go. But it was enough for now.

“I’m sorry..” Bambam sniffled against Mark’s shoulder, clinging onto him tightly. Mark inhaled slowly, swaying a little on his heels, trying his best to be provide Bambam the security and shelter he was in need of now.

“I forgive you. Don’t worry, everything is going to be ok.”

“But what if Daddy won't wake up?” Bambam choked, obviously fighting back the tears. Mark could feel his shirt getting damp after a while though, but he made no effort to remove the crying child from his arms. He just hugged him closer.

Such heart wrenching questions. Mark took a deep breath, calming his own sense of worry.

“He will wake up. We just have to take care of him until he does. You are a big boy and can help me, right?” For all Mark knew Jackson was just running a high fever and nothing more and only time would reveal if he was suffering from something else as well. Time for more worrying would come much later.

“Yes..” Bambam nodded against Mark’s shoulder.

“You’re not going to be alone.” Mark pressed a careful kiss on the black strands. “You have your mother and Jinyoung and JB too. And Yugyeom.” Mark hesitated just a fraction of a second before continuing. “And you have me and Youngjae as well.”

“Are we.. Are we going to be like a real family?” Bambam leaned back so he could look straight at Mark. The boy was so serious, so incredibly desperate for an answer that would soothe his confusion and fear. Mark smiled, the affection he felt for Bambam exploding inside him, his throat suddenly very tight and his mouth dry.

“Do you want us to be?” Asking that almost choked him. The earlier shock returning to him and the amazement trying to swallow him whole. Could this really be true? Could they really become something that they all could easily call a family? It was so early to say anything, but Mark found himself wishing against all the odds that this was it, that this was what life had in store for him; a step-family with another man.

It already sometimes felt like they were a complete puzzle when they were together; when Mark was looking after the boys alone, making dinner for them all, waiting for Jackson to come home after a long day, waiting to kiss him and tell him he had missed him during the tiresome hours. Or on those days when Jackson would have them all go out for something nice and fun and they would look like one unit to outsiders. Just like a family. Mark smiled softly at Bambam, the thought warming him, lighting up a fire inside him somewhere very deep, spreading the emotion all around his body until he was basically basking in the love he had for the three other members that were the center of his daily life. 

“I guess.” Bambam said quietly. “I miss Mommy a lot but I love Daddy too. And Daddy is so happy when we are all together.” The words cut deep in Mark’s heart and he was on the brink of tears. He had nothing to add to that. Absolutely nothing. And Bambam looked like he should be asleep and not being upset and awake.

“We should let Jackson sleep now. Do you think you could climb into your own bed and sleep there?”

“Yes.” Bambam sniffed, nodding slightly.

“Ok. Up we go then.” Mark lifted Bambam up into his arms, standing up. “It will be better tomorrow.” He smiled gently at the boy, trying to look as confident and reassuring as he wanted appear to be like, even if he wasn’t sure about anything. Promising something like that was perhaps stupid but it was the only thing he could offer, and it was just as much to reassure the boy as it was to reassure Mark. “I’ll look after your father, don’t worry.”

Mark spent the night watching over Jackson, just lying there next to him, reading or dozing, waking up from time to time to change the cooling pads. He was too worried to have Jackson sleeping alone and he wanted to be close to him if Jackson would wake up and need something.

It didn’t bother him that he got basically no sleep himself and he was achier and groggier the closer the dawn crawled. The rain had stopped after two in the morning, everything falling silent and calm, only time to time Mark could the wind chime making a sound outside as the autumn wind caressed it softly.

But it was worth it in the end; he was able to watch and study Jackson’s sleeping form all night and think. To ponder over the things that had happened between him and Bambam tonight, to think about future and what it might bring them.

The tension that had been bothering them all, even after their family members had left, had still been tangible. But just like it had surfaced so suddenly and abruptly, it seemed to have been washed away like nothing had ever tried to come between them. 

Mark pressed the cool towel against Jackson’s cheeks gently, bending down to brush his lips over the smooth forehead when the first tentative rays of sun danced in from the window. 

He felt calmer now, the lack of sleep making his thoughts foggy and oddly mellow. His heart was beating steadily, answering to the beat of Jackson’s heart under his palm, pressed over the rising and falling chest. 

He had never been in love but he could imagine that this was probably how it would feel.

How extraordinary; that he would meet someone like Jackson, befriend him, develop feelings for him and now.. Now he was falling in love with him.

Mark spooned Jackson gently, linking their hands in front of Jackson and held onto him, closing his eyes and allowing himself to be washed away with the lack of sleep. He knew he wouldn’t get ahead of himself; he would let the feelings grow and get stronger before he would go announcing his love from the mountain tops.

And, at least for now he could stop worrying for one thing, Mark smiled against Jackson’s neck as he held him close to his chest; Jackson’s skin felt cooler under his touch, the sweat drying and his breathing less frantic it had been earlier. It seemed that the fever was going down.

Mark let out a quiet, trembling breath, his heart releasing few tightly bound strings. He had been so damn afraid things would turn out serious, that this was some dreadful illness they would have to fight with. But those fears were now lost to him and Jackson made a small content sound and pushed himself back against Mark, snuggling close and holding onto Mark’s hand tight in his sleep.

It would be wrong to get up now and deny Jackson the comfortable resting place, right? Yeah.

Mark drifted off to sleep behind Jackson, dreaming of nothing in particular but feeling serene and happy, his pulse almost in sync with the one he held so dear to his heart.

~ 

It was getting colder and colder but a few weeks after Jackson had healed from his sudden flu he was determined to have an awesome day with Mark.

They had made arrangements and had  _ finally _ gotten a free day for themselves without anyone falling ill or the martians attacking, or anything of the sort. Jackson was, how to say it, excited and thrilled and the happiest person alive, but the thing marring his happiness today was the teensy weensy fact that Mark had decided that he wanted to visit a theme park.

Jackson loved going to those, he really did, but he was shit scared of roller coasters and he was pretty damn sure Mark wanted to ride one because he was an idiot. A lovable idiot, but an idiot anyway. Jackson, no matter how brave and spontaneous he might be, didn't care much for those death traps.

But he would endure it if Mark wanted. No need to worry him beforehand with such insignificant information that Jackson didn’t, despite his boastfulness, like speeding carts in heights, right? Jackson would just man up and deal with it.

Yeah, he would. That’s right. He could do anything.

It was partially cloudy when they set out of the house and took the bus, the wind was freezing and Jackson should have worn a scarf because his neck was way too exposed like this.

And Mark.. 

Jackson sighed. 

Why the hell did the guy have to look so effortlessly handsome, no matter what he pulled on?

The black jacket, the white hoodie, the black jeans and a beanie.. It was all that it took for Jackson to swear he had never felt more like just scooping Mark up and squeal with delight because he was going out with him. 

It was just early afternoon, but because it was quite chilly, the park was almost void of people. This was only better for Jackson and Mark because the lack of crowd allowed them the chance to walk around their hands linked together and not feel bad about it. There was always someone of course to point out that two guys were being affectionate in public, but not as many as it would have been had there been more people.

Of course Jackson and Mark had gone out together with the boys before, but it was totally different now because it was an official date and there was just the two of them. Just like on their first date it was exhilarating and simply  _ awesome _ in Jackson’s opinion. He hoped, from the bottom of his heart, that Mark was just as excited as he was.

Jackson was basically beside himself with happiness and he was smiling almost constantly, even when they weren’t talking but just strolling down and enjoying the closeness without nothing coming in between them. 

Theme parks were something Jackson absolutely loved. He liked the different things it had to offer; the animals, the stores, the scary and certain fast rides you climbed on and almost pissed your pants.. Jackson was a softie, but he was a daredevil when he just set his mind.

A masochist daredevil might have been a better description perhaps. Not that he would admit it out loud. Especially to Mark who was so pumped up to be spending the day doing something cool and different for a change; their normal life was pretty boring and full of same routines every day compared to all the different rides and things they were going to see today.

Jackson tried to prolong his destiny of climbing on any of the deadly roller coasters by dragging Mark to see the animals first. They had fun imagining the fun their kids might have had while squealing over the tiny monkeys or desert foxes with big ears. Jackson went absolutely wild with happiness when he saw the majestic tigers leisurely pacing around in their confined quarters.

He loved big cats for some odd reason a lot and Mark was laughing his ass off and kept telling Jackson he was a big cat himself, just a lot less dangerous. Of course in response to this Jackson chased Mark around a while, trying to tackle him on the ground to show him just exactly how dangerous he could be. In general they just caused a small scene by being noisy and looked more like teenagers rather than overgrown boys who were in their thirties already.

In the end Jackson couldn’t deny Mark his share of the fun. It was time to face the sky.

The first roller coaster was ok, it only went half as high Jackson had feared it would go, and it lasted only 20 seconds. Yes. He did count. And he was proud he didn’t wobble too much when they got off from it. 

The second was bordering horrible because it lasted like a minute or something, and Jackson’s stomach was basically trying to climb into his mouth and his hair was standing up. He might have squeaked a lot but he was mastering the art of keeping his mouth shut, or maybe he had been simply too stricken to open his mouth a make some very loud dying giraffe noises.

The third finally cracked Jackson; it was already terrifying to sit there in the cart and  _ see _ how high they were going to climb, but when they were hurled down the impossibly steep rails Jackson couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He screamed like a the little afraid boy he was on the inside. He clutched for his dear life on Mark who was only laughing heartily, not noticing how horrified his poor companion was. 

Jackson was pretty sure he would die. He really honestly thought he would shoot up to the sky, like characters in cartoons do, from the cart they were sitting in. Well, he almost  _ hoped _ he would die, or end up unconscious at least, because  _ he did not like this _ . 

After the ride Jackson sat there, the ups and downs, twists and turns with awful speed still making his insides squirm, convinced that half of his organs had changed places, next to a delightedly chortling Mark. Jackson was quiet and unfocused, unable to join in the bubbling joy Mark was feeling. The world surely had stopped moving. 

“That was fun.” Mark giggled and turned his head, his windswept hair pointing up, to glance at Jackson and finally took notice of his abnormal silence. Mark frowned, but he didn’t say anything yet, just led them away from the machines, quite literally supporting Jackson all the way.

Mark sat Jackson down on a bench a bit further away and waved a hand in front of his eyes worried.

“Jackson?” Mark’s voice didn’t even register in his brains. He was way too frozen still.

Jackson stared in front of him in a daze. He was sure he would never feel normal again and he would probably have to check if he had any blood left inside his veins. He wasn’t a chicken but holy shit that last one had been a bit too much for him. Okay, he would probably be all cool with it later but right now he was so stricken and shocked he didn’t know which way should be looking. 

Best to look at Mark, right? Yes. The sight of Mark would just make him happy again. Definitely.

And it did. The worried look Mark had on his face was churning Jackson’s stomach back where it was supposed to be. The warmth crept back into his heart and the world seemed a little less scarier as he looked deeper into the brow eyes before him.

“What’s wrong? You’re pale as a sheet.” Jackson only managed to shake his head slowly. Mark frowned. “Don’t tell me you can’t handle roller coasters..”

“I'm fine! I can take it.” Jackson’s squeak however spoke against him and he blushed bright red with embarrassment.

“Uh.. No. I don’t think so.” Mark wrapped his arm around Jackson, pulling him close and holding him tight. “If you don’t want ride those you should say something.”

“I didn’t want you to miss out anything..” Jackson mumbled petulantly, his bottom lip starting jut out without him even noticing it.

Mark was silent and sucking on his lip, his hands twitching. Finally Mark bent over his knees and wailed silently, punching his own thighs with both hands. Jackson stared at him in disbelief and slightly taken aback.

“Why do you have to be so adorable and cute!” Mark groaned, his despairing tone rising from somewhere between his knees. “I can’t take it. You’re killing me.” He turned his head and looked up at Jackson.

“I’m not cute.” Jackson pouted now outrageously, knowing it would only make things worse for Mark.

“Yes you are!” Mark sat up, clasping his hands on Jackson’s cheeks suddenly and smooched him loudly on his lips. “And that’s final. You get to say no more. Shut up Jackson. You’re cute.”

How could you possibly argue with that?

~

Mark walked down the path, keeping Jackson’s hand tightly in his and trying to figure out where to take his dear companion and give him some comfort. They had eaten, gotten some silly prices from the booths where you had to shoot with a water gun or throw a ball in order to win something, and now it was getting darker and Mark had this idea of wanting the end of their date to be perfect instead of being marred with the memory of Jackson forced to ride roller coasters too many times in one day.

And then there were his plans he had been harboring for a few weeks now.

Then he spotted the big wheel lighting up with all the different blinking lights, looming above the trees and way up ahead of them. He smirked. Absolutely perfect.

“Would you care for a last ride with me?” Mark turned to look at Jackson and tried his best to sound innocent and not like he was plotting something.

“You mean the big Ferris wheel there?” Jackson glanced first up, his face paling just a little bit, but then he looked at Mark and he flushed, the color on his cheeks just highlighting his handsomeness in a weirdly cute way. “I can do that.”

Mark only smiled in return and they walked towards the long line.

It took about an half an hour for them to make it into the spacey round glass pod; it had two benches on opposite sides, and it could have easily had more than four people in it but Mark told the guy who let them in that he didn’t want anyone to accompany him and Jackson. Lucky for him the dude had just raised his brows and wordlessly guided the next people to wait for the next pod.

Jackson sat on the bench opposite Mark, his body half twisted around so he could watch the ground getting further and further from them, slowly but surely. He looked so innocent and cute, his eyes big and round with amazement and his whole face almost glowing with happiness. Mark changed his seat as soon as they were above the ground level and sat next to Jackson, not caring much about the landscape; Jackson was way more interesting to look at. And he had his plan.

“The sunset looks so brilliant from up here.” Jackson was saying, blindly reaching out and placing his hand over Mark’s knee, squeezing it gently, his eyes still fixed on the horizon and the blazing sun.

“It does. But I like to watch you more.” Mark said quietly and Jackson finally snapped his head to face Mark. He blinked in confusion a couple of times but Mark only smiled back at him. “You know I never really apologized for being a douche towards you when Bam was hating my guts..” Mark drawled lazily, moving his fingers over Jackson’s thigh higher and higher until he reached his crotch. Jackson let out a small noise that Mark took as a sign that he wasn’t actually opposed to what was going to happen next.

Jackson wasn’t stupid after all.

“Did you have something in mind then?” Jackson’s voice was only a whisper and he was watching with badly hidden fascination and curiosity how Mark’s fingers danced higher and higher on his jacket and finally ended up on Jackson bare neck.

“Maybe.” The time was limited and Mark wasn’t one to waste it; before Jackson could begin to protest, if he even would have, Mark had straddled Jackson’s thighs. He looked at Jackson, the thrill of doing something that was probably not a good idea in public, making skin tingle. He pulled the zipper down on Jackson’s jacket slowly, relishing the way it made almost loud noise in the otherwise silent pod. 

The whole world was somewhere below them, the see-through glass the only barrier between them and the icy wind up in the air where the big wheel was taking them up with incredibly slow pace. Slow wasn’t however in Mark’s vocabulary tonight; he didn’t waste time on playing around and unbuttoned Jackson’s pants with surprisingly swift moves and slipped his cold fingers under the tight boxers.

Jackson let out a high indignant sound and jerked up sharply when Mark wrapped his hand around Jackson’s dick. It was still soft, but with what Mark had in mind, that would soon be changed and his cold touch would turn to something quite different in a matter of seconds.

“Just enjoy.” Mark muttered, his left hand sneaking under Jackson’s shirt and he felt how Jackson pulled his stomach in when the cool fingertips trailed up from his navel and up to his chest. He leaned down, capturing Jackson’s lips he had been staring already a while with obvious hunger and swept him into a kiss that was meant to convey the rest of Mark’s intentions to Jackson so clearly there was no need for more words.

Jackson’s hands found their way to Mark’s thighs, reaching higher and behind him to grab his ass and Mark relished the feel, he truly did. It was good to be actually doing something instead of just playing around and making naughty suggestions. 

Mark sucked Jackson’s lower lip between his teeth and released it with a sloppy, audible pop, before going back and delving in deeper with the intention of basically devouring Jackson on the spot. He wanted Jackson. Wanted him  _ so fucking much _ and there was no way this little escapade was going to be ruined with either of them hesitating on something, because, seriously, the Ferris wheel wasn’t going to spin around  _ that _ long. 

His right hand was still in Jackson’s pants, gently pumping the shaft, moving up and down with minimal moves, but the one resting on Jackson’s chest was playing with one hardened nipple and causing Jackson to shiver and fidget.

“Tickles..” Jackson whispered somewhere between their deep kisses, but didn’t flinch away completely. Instead he was turning harder, his cock swelling up, just like Mark had planned it.

After having reached a certain level of hardness Mark detached his lips almost regretfully from Jackson’s mouth and began to kiss his way down his neck. He bit down on the rolled up shirt, kind of wishing there was time to get rid of clothes so he could enjoy Jackson fully, but, as it wasn’t his agenda tonight Mark pushed the shirt only higher and latched his lips on the erect nipple he had been teasing. Jackson let out a small whine when Mark decided it was a good idea to bite it, but to his utter amazement, Jackson only got harder in his palm.

_ Is that so? _ Mark thought, smiling against the pale skin, repeating his action and eliciting a soft pant from above him. He kissed his way downward, making sure he left teeth marks and love bites behind him, just like you should when you’re horny and have very little consideration on how your, or your partner’s, skin will look later. He was high on his own pleasure coiling inside him and he could already feel his own jeans starting to get a bit uncomfortable. 

But tonight it wasn’t going to be his turn; tonight was all about Jackson and giving him attention so much it would keep him floating above the ground for the next week or so. And how Jackson could never look at this particular machine with innocent eyes again. 

Oh, how Mark loved the idea that each and every time from now own when Jackson would visit a theme park or an amusement park, he would probably always remember this moment. 

As he went down Mark had to let go everything he had first been doing, removing his hands to ease his way off of Jackson. When he finally dropped on the floor he swiftly opened Jackson’s thighs wider and settled himself there, between the strong legs. He looked up at Jackson, the sight warming his heart and twisting some knots in his stomach; Jackson’s eyes were dark, his head had a halo with from the last rays of sun still lingering in the sky and he was breathing faster, deeper. Simply ravishing and had he had more time in his hands this would have been the moment when Mark would have thrown his doubts about having sex with a guy to the wind.

Alas, the wheel would eventually go back down and their moment of sweaty sex would have to wait a bit longer.

Mark placed his both hands over Jackson’s thighs, squeezing the tight muscles hard. He loved the feel of them under his touch, how they were so hard and full of power and he couldn’t really wait enough for the day when he was going to feel them wrapping around him, preventing him from moving away and he could only fuck Jackson deeper.

He trailed his fingers up, going back to finish what he had started. Mark bent low, eyeing the semi Jackson now had, licking his lips quickly and then swallowing the length without a trace of hesitance.

The sky turned dark around them, the sun sinking below the horizon, painting the canvas above them with such deep colours; the spectacular hues of blue, purple and orange all mixing with the wispy clouds shining and reflecting the last rays. On the other side the glimmering stars were beginning to show, shining down upon the city lights dimming their light.

All this was lost to the two hidden in the glass pod, the breathy pants of Jackson filling the air around them as Mark sucked his cock deeper, knowing that he was doing much better this time, compared to what it had been on their first try. Jackson had buried his hands into Mark’s messy hair and was balling his fists and chunks of hair tightly, almost forcing Mark’s head lower, to stay where he was and take him even deeper with each dip of his head.

Mark gripped Jackson’s hips with his hands roughly, only using his mouth to do the job, adding into the pressure by hollowing his cheeks and willing his jaws to relax. Doing this was much easier now that he had spent some time actually thinking and doing a bit of research. It didn’t hurt to be prepared, right?

He grazed his teeth over the now fully hard cock, smirking inwardly at the sounds Jackson was making. How much fun had he expected this to be? Not this much, that was for sure. Maybe he should make a habit of this.

Mark almost laughed while kissing the warm tip with swollen lips, swirling his tongue around it. Was he actually getting his kicks out of making out in public? It sure as hell seemed like he did, because right now he was enjoying the thrill of doing obscene things with the danger of being caught in the act, and he was definitely feeling the feels.

With flushed cheeks and tears nearly running down his cheeks Mark guided the now straining cock down so deep his throat he almost gagged. He resisted the automatic urge to spit out whatever there was to block his pipe and allowed Jackson to stay inside a second longer than it was comfortable. The sound that Jackson made was worth the pain; he was so lost in delirium by now it was a wonder he wasn’t fucking Mark’s mouth more than with a few jabs of his hips.

Repeating this only made Jackson let out even more indecent little noises that grew on volume with each swallow.

When Jackson was showing signs of reaching his limits Mark let the cock out of his mouth, cringing at the stiffness of his jaws, but made no comment about it. He replaced his mouth with his hand and began to pump Jackson faster. The ferris wheel was halfway down towards the ground already and Mark’s heart picked up speed at the realization they would soon be forced to leave their small escape place. And he definitely didn’t want to do that with Jackson almost done and exposed to the next person about to get on the ride.

That would have been the biggest turn off in the history of blowjobs in public. Well, probably.

He buried his face on Jackson’s stomach, biting down on the flexing muscles hard enough to cause some pain, and he did hear a sharp intake of air, but the way the straining shaft twitched in his hand told of other sensations than pain. Mark was definitely going to use this bit of information later.

“Oh.. Sh-shit.. Mark.” Jackson grunted, his stomach tightening visibly. Mark took this as his cue and slipped the slick tip back into his mouth; it would be much easier to deal with the mess like this. And he was a curious little shit..

Jackson came with a strangled moan, the hot sperm shooting up in Mark’s mouth in hard spurts. He didn’t know what else to do with it all so Mark opted his only option was to swallow.

And he did. Much to Jackson’s surprise.

“Okay that.. That was..” Jackson panted, buttoning his pants up with trembling hands while Mark sat up, wiping his mouth and his slightly pulsing red lips with the back of his hand. “Both hot and disturbing. You didn’t have to swallow you know..” Jackson sounded almost guilty but Mark made a dismissive gesture.

“I wanted to.” It wasn’t what he would call a very exciting experience he would really want to repeat in the future, but at least now he knew what it felt like.  _ Weird _ .

“You know the windows are kind of foggy..” Jackson whispered, his eyes moving around the glass surrounding them, the faint layer of mist blocking the view. “Wanna do the scene from the Titanic movie?” Jackson grinned widely, mischievously, the sparkle in the corner of his eyes irresistible.

Mark bit down on his tongue, trying to hold back his laughter. Well, if no one would guess from the dreamy look in Jackson’s eyes, or from the way Mark’s lips were raw and looked like he had been injecting Botox, what they had been doing in here, the fog would definitely give them away.

When it was their time to get off from the Ferris wheel Mark made sure he didn’t even look at anyone around them, only walked away his head covered with his hood and face cast down; he probably would have had a fit of giggles if he dared to look at anyone in the face.

Jackson however came trailing behind him, smirking widely.

~

“You’re really something.” Jackson mumbled, his tone soft and dreamy, pushing Mark against the hallway wall when they reached home. They were taking a small breather before picking up the boys back home.

“Glad you if enjoyed yourself.” Mark actually smirked, biting down on his cheek and examining Jackson’s face from the close distance, contemplating how long it would take Jinyoung to come and bite their heads off for taking too long.

“Oh, hell yes I did.” Jackson almost purred, stealing a needy kiss from Mark’s lips that left them both craving for something a bit more. Being horny all the time could cost them one day their dignity if nothing else. “I’m almost tempted to rip off your clothes right here and now.” 

“Mmm..” Mark hummed appreciatively, stroking the short hair on Jackson’s neck. “Tempting, tempting..” He smiled, nudging Jackson’s nose with his. “But I think we have to pick up the kids and make excuses why we are so late in returning.”

Jackson moaned, hugging Mark close.

“If I promise you can fuck me all night long can we just leave the boys in Jinyoung’s capable hands, can’t we?” Jackson pretended to whine, pressing his hips against Mark’s and rubbing them together.

“I’m having a rain check on that..” Mark turned his head enough to be able to tug Jackson’s earlobe with his teeth. The sweet sensation of having Jackson doing even this, as a joke because they really had no time to be fooling around because Jinyoung would be emitting smoke from his ears soon, was enough for Mark to want to drag him to his room, bend him over his desk and..

“Don’t take too long or I’ll help myself.” Jackson giggled happily.

“I won’t.” Mark inhaled deep the strong and familiar scent that filled his head with happiness; the essence of Jackson. He was giddy and everything looked so bright and good for both of them.

What could go wrong?

~

_ He’s a sneaky bastard. I’m serious. I hate him so much. _

_ Okay I don’t but come on, dude took me on fucking roller coaster rides and then gave me an exceptionally awesome and mind-blowing blowjob. In public. On. The. Fucking. Ferris. Wheel. _

_ I mean I'm like.. dead? I could've let Mark take me in any position after we got home but nooo.. had to get the babies home and go to sleep alone. Such a cruel life! _

_ I want to sleep with him. And I really mean sleeping, not doing the mambo in the heat of the night (not that I would say no to that either, if that already wasn’t clear as a day, DUH). I was sick a while ago, some stupid fever due to I dunno what, but when I woke up Mark sleeping behind me and was so warm and safe, and everything felt so fucking RIGHT. You know? Like he was meant to be there, sleeping next to me with one arm over my waist. _

_ Aaahhh, I’m squealing and rolling around here because I'm so HAPPY! Blingbling is being nicer and baby Youngjae is so adorable I could just gobble him up on most days. _

_ I want to take them all on a holiday or something. Also precious JB and his prickly princess are going to have a Christmas wedding. Which is awesome. I’m so gonna give Jaebummie a lap dance. _

_ Tho Mark might kill me if I did. So.. maybe not. _

_ Life is good. _

_ J _


	17. Shadows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'll make this brief because I'm running fever..
> 
> I really want to thank you guys for being so super supportive and everything and I really really REALLY appreciate everything you say. Each commentator, each kudos is going straight to my heart. I love you~ I wouldn't be doing this without you.
> 
> Also, thank you Ailyn for your continuous love and patience when I'm whining about writing.. Love you. <3
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter. It's my first time going into so much detail with JJP.. (Hope there ain't too many mistakes. I'm too tired to proof it again..)

Jinyoung sighed, wiping his forehead and then sighed again, smiling faintly. He was actually quite content at the moment; he’d been running for an hour and was now returning home, sweaty and pleased, the exercise making his heart pump the blood all over his body, the satisfying ache in muscles partly the reason why he was smiling. The chilly morning was cloudy and smelled like the promise of minus degrees, and maybe even a bit of snow but he didn’t mind. It wasn’t like he had time to do this every morning. He enjoyed the quiet time no matter how cold it was, and the rush of adrenaline, but the more sweeter it tasted when he knew he had a home and a family to return to.

The thought of them made Jinyoung’s smile widen.

Only a month or so to go before the Big Day would be knocking on their door.

Though, for him, it didn’t really feel like he was about to get married because in his mind he and Jaebum had always been together and that their union would last as long as it was only possible. Preferably their whole lives. But arranging an event with this much importance to Jaebum was the thing that made Jinyoung take it more seriously. He knew JB didn’t take it light-heartedly and he respected his wishes and would go through with it with a smile on his face. He didn’t care for the festivities so much, but if he turned the matter around enough in his mind he knew it would bring him joy to see everyone taking time to be joyful for one afternoon. So, he would figure something nice enough to make everyone pleased. Also it would give their parents a good excuse to come over and linger a little while longer, to play with the kids and to endlessly apologize the harsh words they had said when their gayness had been outed to them.

Luckily that particular matter had been solved quickly enough when their relationship only got stronger and they stubbornly refused all the arranged marriage proposals handed to them. The whole setting them up with suitable women stopped when Yugyeom came into their life. After that both Jinyoung and Jaebum’s parents had dropped the whole annoying heterosexual-babble and rejoiced in the grandchild they had gotten. Of course Yugyeom, being the little angel he was, had, as he grew up, stolen everyone’s hearts and no one ever tried to mention wives in their house again.

The present moment made Jinyoung feel warm and fuzzy inside because he was a hopeless closet romantic and he couldn’t wish for a better life right now. And he would do anything to keep his family happy and content.

The wedding would only be a small family matter that would be held at their own home. Easiest possible way because they only had to arrange the furniture in the sitting room and invite their closest family and friends. No one else was needed to witness the embarrassing moment when Jinyoung would probably cry because he cared so damn much about his partner, and their kids were so beautiful it made his heart ache. When he was alone he could freely admit he was a sap and sucker who was wrapped around the little fingers of his beautiful kids and that he would always give them, in the end, whatever they wanted. 

Jinyoung glanced up to the cloudy sky and wrinkled his nose. Not that he didn’t like early winter, but it was so damn hard to watch all the colorful leaves falling, leaving everything bare and cold. It made his heart sink and his hands itched to write down poetry that Edgar Allan Poe would have been proud of. He hoped with all his heart the winter time wouldn’t be too dark and that there would be at least  _ some _ snow to brighten up the landscape.

When Jinyoung closed the door behind him the smell of fresh coffee greeted him and he peered into the kitchen and found Jaebum sitting by the table and with no sight of their baby girls anywhere. Had Jaebum put them down to sleep or something? It wasn’t even their napping time yet.

“Where are the kids?” Jinyoung couldn’t help the rush of worry sweeping his heart. He cared and loved the kids so much the sudden disappearance made him instantly anxious.

“Jackson took the girls for a drive to see Mark, and ‘Gyeommie is at school. I think Jackson and Mark are practicing for the future..” JB grinned, glancing up from his newspaper. “You can enjoy the quiet morning a bit longer.”

Jinyoung didn’t reply to that, just smirked, his worries evaporating. He smiled, knowing the girls would be fine with Jackson, and headed towards the shower to clean himself up. After that he would just sit down, have a cup of coffee and read something. Later he could do something constructive, like decide on what they would order from caterer they were going to use, because there was no way in hell Jinyoung would cook on top everything else, and he needed to write the invitations as well because it wasn’t really polite to leave that particular part for much later. People usually wanted to know beforehand they were needed at Christmas elsewhere. And then there was the matter of finding out where the heck their suits were..

Probably in the attic, collecting dust and mothballs.

Jinyoung grimaced. There weren’t many times their suits got taken out for use but it was still no reason to neglect taking care of them. And besides, it would be necessary to wear something decent soon when his sister would get married. Or when their dear neighbours decided to tie the knot.

Jinyoung actually giggled viciously by himself. He absolutely loved teasing Jackson and Mark. 

He let the warm water pour over him, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. It had been a while since he had just stood there, under the shower, and thought of nothing in particular, just enjoying the feel of water running down his body like it was washing him clean of everything invisible as well as the sweat and dirt. And if he pressed his palms over his ears, cupping them, and stood straight under the water he could pretend he was standing under a warm waterfall somewhere far away from here. He had done this when he had been a child himself and he had taught the game to Yugyeom as well. Now the boy was growing so fast there wasn't going to be many years left for him to play with him. His little prince was already in school and soon it wouldn’t be so cool to have a bath with poor old grumpy dad.

Well, they still had all the toddler years ahead with the girls and there would be plenty of time to teach them silly games to play.

A memory suddenly popping up in his mind made Jinyoung grin. He had backtracked to his university years unconsciously and those particular memories usually always made him smirk and giggle fondly.

When he had still been living in the dormitory of the university he went to, and hadn’t yet been asked out by Jaebum, though Jinyoung had already had his eyes on him, the times he went to shower had always turned out to be something other than just showering.

He liked the feel of the water on his body and how it made it really easy to let his mind wander back to Jaebum and to his shoulders, his narrow hips and the absolutely gorgeous ass. So, when Jinyoung had been twenty-something, he’d been jerking himself off in the shower and imagining all sorts of happy things that all included Jaebum, and all the things they could have been doing in there.

For some reason this particular fantasy was one he had never told Jaebum anything about. Which was odd because Jinyoung had never had a problem to tell his partner any of the other fantasies he might have had over the years. Some they had tried, some not, but Jaebum was always willing to do whatever Jinyoung asked him to do. One of the hottest time had probably been when Jaebum had tried to tie his tie and Jinyoung had made fun of him, saying something stupid like what a failure as a man Jaebum was, or something equally untrue. Of course that said tie had ended up around Jinyoung’s wrists and him being screwed on the floor on his knees so hard he had carpet burns on his arms and knees for a week. Jaebum had been sulky and embarrassed later that he had been so rough, but Jinyoung just loved him all the more for being a bit sensitive and emotional.

He smiled, touching the cool tiles with his fingertips. So many good memories, and not all just related to sex; so many with no apparent meaning in them, so many with lazy mornings in bed, so many with them just being a family and loving each other.

Was this destiny, or something they called being with your soulmate? 

Jinyoung didn’t really believe in that crap but if that would be real then Jaebum probably was his destiny and his soulmate. Because they worked so well together and probably nothing could come between them ever. And if something tried to, Jinyoung would just take care of it, no matter what. He would go probably as far as hurting people if they tried to break him and Jaebum apart. Or if someone tried to hurt their kids that someone was dead meat for sure.

Jinyoung was so deep in his thoughts he didn’t hear the bathroom door opening and Jaebum slipping in until he was right behind Jinyoung and kissing his shoulder gently.

“Need any help washing up?” Jaebum mumbled softly, circling his arms around Jinyoung’s waist and hugging him close. Apparently he had shed his clothes at some point and was stark naked.

“Not really..” Jinyoung drawled out, not even bothering to open his eyes, just melting into the touch. It was like someone had been reading his mind, though this was still far from what he had been entertaining his thoughts with just a little while ago. But, one could dream, couldn’t they? 

But what Jaebum did next made Jinyoung’s stomach drop to his knees.

“Are you sure you didn’t miss a spot..” Jaebum slid one hand down Jinyoung’s stomach and rested his palm over Jinyoung’s crotch “..right here?” There was a dark purr in his tone and it sent a small tingling spasm down Jinyoung’s spine. He could feel the perfectly carved lips moving on his shoulder, going up to his neck, planting those little devious kisses until Jaebum reached his ear and tugged it with his teeth. Jinyoung thought Christmas had come early for him.

“Mm..” A low hum was all Jinyoung could manage for the moment. “Maybe you should, just in case I was careless, help me then?” It was surprising, to be honest, to have Jaebum come to him in shower. For some unknown reason it was the  _ only _ place they hadn’t done something lewd during the time they’d been together. Rather odd, when you thought about it, was it not?

Jaebum said nothing, but slid his left hand up to Jinyoung’s chest and up to his chin, forcing him to look up. The water from the shower was cascading on his face directly now, the fast flow entering his nose and mouth. But he didn’t have to deal with that long as JB pushed him against the cool tiles, forcing his legs apart, his hold of Jinyoung's throat loosening enough that he could breath properly.

This wasn’t the first time they were a bit more rougher than you normally might be; it was mainly due to the lack of time that had taught them to be sometimes brutally direct with their needs. And for all Jinyoung knew, they both liked it a bit hasty, needy and hard. Not that there was anything wrong with sweet and loving sex; it was sometimes necessary to have that sickeningly desperate lovemaking as it was such a high contrast to the simple quick fucking to release the tension.

Jinyoung could feel the pleasure spreading, ignited by the mouth on his neck, sucking and biting his skin and Jaebum’s hand on his cock, teasing it to life and extracting low appreciative hums from Jinyoung’s throat.

Because he had earlier been on the verge of getting a bit carried away, but hadn’t because it felt stupid to have fun on your own when your spouse was available to join as well, Jinyoung didn’t find it hard to get aroused enough for Jaebum to start stroking his length with more accurate pressure. And as the kids weren’t home it wasn’t necessary to keep his voice down because, let’s face it, it felt so damn good to be handled against the wall like this.

“You’re so beautiful like this.” Jaebum’s voice was thick with lust and his own erection was pressed neatly between Jinyoung’s buttocks, the movement slicked by the running water and oh, it was so damn delicious. The words whispered into Jinyoung’s ear echoed inside his head and heart, and he was weak against the love he was given. 

“Such a romantic fool..” Jinyoung smiled, his head swimming and heart aching with all the things he felt. “Take me.. Fill me up.  _ Please _ .” That was all he could rasp out in the end, almost pleading, bucking his hips back, grinding against the cock between his ass cheeks; he wanted this so much because he could, and he definitely  _ would _ fulfill his dream right now.

“Your wish is my command..” The smirk in Jaebum’s voice was audible and he complied easily, though he did something Jinyoung didn’t expect; he dropped on his knees the floor on and sank his teeth hard on Jinyoung’s buttock. Jinyoung yelped in surprise, though it didn’t actually hurt. He let his head hang lower, the water running down over his shoulders and back as he took support from the wall with both hands.

He flinched and let out a soft moan when Jaebum spread his ass open and started eating him out, just like that. 

_ Oh. My. God. _

Jinyoung couldn’t believe this was happening; just minutes ago he had been dreaming and thinking over his old fantasies and now it suddenly was happening? This day was surely one of the best he’d had in a long time. Sex wise, of course. The normal happiness didn’t count right now; this was pure lust and need.

He shivered almost violently when he could feel the probing tongue on him, entering him bit by bit, relaxing him for the inevitable. And it felt  _ amazing. _

“Oh.. Jaeb.. mh..” Jinyoung breath hitched, his mouth open and he inhaled the moistness from the tiles where Jinyoung was leaning his cheek against. His stomach was churning and everything was just so incredible. 

Jaebum said nothing but he returned his right hand on Jinyoung's cock, stroking it at the same time as the exploration on the backside continued, making Jinyoung a mess in a few minutes time.

“Stop teasing.” Jinyoung breathed out, his legs already like jelly and nearly vibrating under him, barely keeping him standing. 

“So greedy. But I guess that is one reason why I wanted you in the first place.” Jaebum chuckled and stood up. He slapped Jinyoung's ass with an audible set slap and then placed both his hands on the narrow hips. “Look at you. Almost trembling.” Jaebum leaned his torso forward and pressed himself against Jinyoung, his body warm and wet and perfect. “What would your friends think if they saw you like this, hm?”

“Oh shut it..” Jinyoung mumbled, a faint blush of embarrassment dusting his cheeks. “Are you going to yap or did you have something else to do?” Jinyoung wasn't one one to save his words when he was being annoyed. 

“Just appreciating I get to be the only one to see you this way.” JB smirked, grinding his crotch against Jinyoung's ass, causing him to let out a small noise when he felt the stiff cock pressed against him, teasingly nudging the tight rim.

Jaebum disappeared from behind him and Jinyoung could hear his wet feet tapping on the floor. He knew why JB had left and relaxed his body, inhaling slowly, the heat throbbing in his veins. Jinyoung licked his lips, the dryness of them confusing because he was still standing in the shower. 

The door clicked shut a moment later and then Jaebum was there again, his familiar warmth and sense making Jinyoung's heart beat faster.

A cold wet sensation flicked over Jinyoung's ass as Jaebum added lube on him, pushing one finger in to help the gel spread further. They’d done this so often it was like a routine but it still was a marvelous feeling to be fingered.

Then there was the big pressure against him, the thick shaft resting there and slowly easing its way in.

It was like air being pushed out of your lungs, being penetrated like this. Jinyoung pushed himself back, his head hanging low between his outstretched arms still on the wall taking support. He loved it more than words could probably ever explain; to be filled up to brim with Jaebum whom he loved so fucking much it hurt to even feel all that love. 

JB slid in without much resistance from Jinyoung, gripping Jinyoung's hips tight. He could hear the strained breathing and feel the slight trembled of the hips pushing against his ass, and Jinyoung smiled his eyes still closed; Jaebum wasn't impervious to the feelings either. Always a fact that made Jinyoung feel extremely good because it just proved that  _ he _ could still light the fire inside his partner not matter how many times they’d done this.

It was perfect; to be taken like this, against the wall and without any restraints to keep them down. Jaebum started with a deep thrust, going up to the hilt, filling Jinyoung up and making him let out a low pleased moan, and Jaebum stood still for a while, the heat and pulsing cock inside Jinyoung so fantastic. It had been a while since their last time and now that they had time, the wait was only highlighting and elevating the pleasure to some new and exciting levels.

The tauntingly slow pace that Jaebum was keeping up was enough to make Jinyoung already wobbly knees go even softer; he wondered half amused how long he would be able to stand up before his legs would give in and he would crumble on the bathroom floor.

Jaebum picked up the pace little by little, his hips working up a rhythm, making Jinyoung see shiny little stars behind his closed eyelids. It felt so fucking good; his stomach was churning and his cock was basically leaking more profusely the further the pleasure rose.

Words weren’t really what the situation called for but Jinyoung had an urge to say something,  _ anything _ , to convey his feelings.

“I..  _ ah _ .. I want to see you.” The tone of begging was probably what set the next events on course.

Jaebum slipped out with a jerk, spun Jinyoung around and pushed him against the wall with his body, their faces only a breath away.

“You drive me crazy.” Jaebum muttered darkly, biting his lip as he stared at Jinyoung with that dark hunger in his eyes and it made Jinyoung huff a laughter; not because he found the situation amusing, but because he was so weak against the animalistic and raw lust that shone from Jaebum’s eyes.

“I think those words were the ones you said when I made you take me in the car on our first date.” He finally breathed out, leaving his thoughts to his own. For now.

“Quite true. But it’s still the reality.” Without wasting another moment Jaebum nearly crushed Jinyoung to the wall when he kissed him hard, picking up his arms and pinning them to the wall above Jinyoung’s head with one hand. Jaebum lifted Jinyoung’s leg up to his waist and angling himself Jaebum thrust back inside, the access to the depths made easier from earlier penetration.

Jinyoung nearly mewled.

He bit down on Jaebum’s lip, hard, and made a mental note to send the kids out of the house more often if this was the result. It felt so fucking fabulous and it was like the small fireworks from earlier had transpired into huge bombs that erupted inside him with each greedy thrust of Jaebum’s hips.

The position wasn’t the most comfortable one in the world but for crying out loud, it was probably one of the hottest out there, and it certainly did all the right things to Jinyoung’s rapidly blurring mind. He kept his eyes closed when Jaebum detached his lips from his and began to pound into Jinyoung harder and rougher, each push going deeper, searching for that specific angle that would make the world go hazy and white with lust.

And when that first brush against his prostate came it was like he had no strength left in his legs and Jinyoung almost collapsed with the wave of ecstasy crashing through him. Jaebum let go of his hands and Jinyoung wrapped them immediately around JB’s shoulders for support, his body reacting and responding and  _ needing _ this so much he was gasping for air.

Ever since the day he had managed to lure Jaebum in with less than subtle ways, he still claimed he  _ had _ been straightforward but Jaebum always gave him  _ that _ look and rolled his eyes, the irresistible need to keep somewhere close to Jaebum had never stopped existing for Jinyoung. They had been barely twenty at the time but even now, Jaebum turning thirty in January, it was like the years between them were diminished, like they only had met yesterday. Just like on their first date when Jinyoung had been so nervous he had almost hurled himself on Jaebum but had managed to have control over himself at least the few hours they had been sitting in the restaurant, talking. When Jaebum had driven him towards home Jinyoung had made some lame excuse that had forced Jaebum to park the car a bit off from their destination and.. And then the caution flying to wind had earned them both an A+ example on what you shouldn’t try to do in the car. Sure, they had had sex that night but to be honest, the confined space had not been ideal and Jinyoung had had a achy thighs and back for a week. Later it had been better, the both of them hungry young adults that had raging hormones and insatiable sex drive.

Now, being rammed against their otherwise innocent bathroom wall and Jaebum’s cock reaching to the darkest corners and making Jinyoung's mouth slacken and the breathy moans fill the air, it was like they had never grown up from their youth. Never had lived their years together as a couple but were only just budding and blooming in their relationship, like they weren’t two people about to commit to each other for good in 6 weeks time. Like they weren’t going to celebrate their eldest child's sixth birthday in a week. Like they weren’t two people who were tired of parenting sometimes, exhausted and bored out of their minds by the constant and dragging hours of reality, like they didn’t know each other from inside and outside like backs of their hands.

This was greedy, needy, steaming and desperately hot sex that screamed of wanting to forget the routines for a while and just let go and fly away with the passion.

Jinyoung clutched to Jaebum’s shoulders like he would drown without him, and in all fairness, he probably would had collapsed on the floor had he not been holding on to his dear life while Jaebum fucked him good and fast, his low grunts echoing in Jinyoung’s ears like they were a chorus of fallen angels singing. He could feel the familiar, rapidly spreading warmth pooling in his stomach, coiling like a basket of snakes. 

“Oh my g-” Jinyoung rasped, the reverie making his eyes flutter, biting down on his lips so hard they would be swollen and bright red when all this would be over. Did he want to this to be over? No, not really, but it would, eventually. He felt the sensations running down his spine, running to every nook and crevice of his body as he shook there in the hands of his lover, his friend, his partner, his love, and he minded very little about pains and aches he would be feeling later. His mind was swimming higher and higher until Jinyoung felt like he was laying on a cloud, his entire body thrumming with pleasure.

“F-fuck!” Jinyoung dug his fingers on Jaebum’s skin, trying drag out the orgasm building, to hold it at bay just for a little while longer before it would explode and he would spill over the edge. He felt Jaebum twitching, swelling up even more, moving in a hectic pace that would have been painful had they not been using a liberal amount of lubrication.

The white ecstasy finally crashed through Jinyoung and he let out a strangled wail, his body jerking, hips coming down to meet the powerful thrusts inside him, the rapture consuming him and burying him under the tsunami of euphoria.

Jaebum continued thrusting in a while longer, his breathing laboured and eyes tightly closed, then backed out, brought his and Jinyoung’s cocks together, wrapping his fingers around them both and began stroking them. Jinyoung let out a soft noise, the touch so excruciatingly sweet and painful at the same time. He was tender and still riding on his aftermath and the continuous touching kept him firmly on the edge of the orgasm and he was sure he would come a second time if Jaebum didn’t finish soon. 

It was the most exquisite sensation to be jerked off against another dick, the sound and feel of it so incredibly lewd that Jinyoung couldn’t help himself from watching the display between their bodies with great fascination; the darkened tips leaking with semen pressing together, the skin hot and slick with lube and water, the sound sloppy and erotic. He could see how Jaebum’s cock twitched, felt it against his own and Jinyoung leaned forward, latching his lips on Jaebum’s neck, sucking on the skin. 

Jaebum’s breathing hitched, his body jerked, tensing up; he came with a low growl all over his own hand. 

The running water was the only sound with their hard pants filling the air, everything smelling like sex and musk, so heavy it would have knocked anyone out had they entered the room right now. Jinyoung’s legs were like jelly, his back was aching but his body was pulsing pleasantly, the orgasm leaving him mellow and relaxed. He savoured the sensations, reaching up to kiss Jaebum first on his cheek, peppering the warm skin with tiny kisses before reaching the lips he so loved, planting sloppy, dreamy kissed there. He marveled the feeling as Jaebum hugged him close, stepping back so they were standing directly under the forever running water, cleaning them from the mess they had made.

Jinyoung almost laughed, his eyes crinkling and hair sticking to his forehead; he was so in love he couldn’t bear it.

“We’re wasting water, you know.” Jaebum smiled weakly, but his eyes were full of warmth and love that made something soft spread inside Jinyoung’s chest.

“Nevermind that..” Jinyoung muttered, still floating in 7th heaven. “That was fantastic. Why haven’t we done this before?”

“Don’t know. Apparently should have.” The slight tone of tease made Jinyoung crack his eyes open just a bit. He examined Jaebum’s face, licking his lips. He narrowed his eyes as the realization slowly sank in.

“You knew?”

“Of course.”

“How?”

“The way you always look a bit longing when you’re going to wash up..” Jinyoung frowned. He had no idea he looked like that. “And maybe I caught you accidentally a few times on your own..” The sheepish smile Jaebum offered him made Jinyoung flush rudy red.

“Peeping Tom!” Jinyoung exclaimed, pretending to be outraged and slapped Jaebum on his bare shoulder with an audible smack. “I knew you were a pervert.”

“Yeah, well..” Jaebum drawled, not minding one bit he was being hit and hissed at like Jinyoung had suddenly turned into an alley cat. He knew Jinyoung well enough to know when they were just playing around. “Only with you though.”

“You’d better. You’re mine.” Jinyoung growled, but smiled gently, holding onto Jaebum and nuzzling his face on Jaebum’s wet shoulder.

There really was nothing better than this, surely, and even if there was, Jinyoung probably wouldn’t have cared at all. He was way too content.

~

To say the least, Jackson’s day so far had been perfect; he had borrowed his god daughters from Jinyoung and Jaebum and had taken them out to see Mark who had been texting Jackson he was bored out of his mind at work because they had closed the skate park for winter and that always reduced the amount of people visiting the store.

So, Jackson had picked up the girls, borrowed the car, and driven down to spend time with his dear ones because he was lonely and bored on this lovely Friday when Jackson had a day off from work and the boys were at school. He had his hidden agendas of bringing the girls with him, naturally. 

Seeing Mark with the babies, bouncing either one up in his arms somehow warmed every last bit of Jackson’s poor, fallen soul. He knew he was so infatuated that it was bordering insanity and he didn’t really remember ever being so.. 

In love?

The startling realization made him bite down on his lip, his eyes caressing Mark’s features as he nursed Jia in his arms, crooning softly at her, his slender fingers tickling her chubby cheeks while she kept giggling and flailing her arms in the air trying to smack an open palm over Mark’s face. Had Jackson fallen in love already? Was it really that easy? Without all the fireworks and My heart will go on playing in the background? No cheesy words or roses on the bed or how after making love in sickeningly slow pace and it all being perfect he would open his heart and say the words and Mark would cry and they would repeat the earlier, all entangled together..

Apparently it was a lot less spectacular. 

The awful, and wonderful, feeling of knowing he was so smitten it had already turned into love was somehow softer and smoother than Jackson had thought it would be. He felt content and calm, slightly tipsy from the happiness doing the conga in his heart. 

_ He loved Mark _ . This slender, beautiful and handsome man, who had been so generous to him and Bambam, been so infuriatingly hard to reach until it had become clear they shared the same feelings for each other. This  _ man _ who was so fantastic from inside and outside that Jackson could spend hours just looking at him doing nothing.

But was it enough? Would Mark love Jackson too? He knew this was the first time Mark was in a relationship with a guy, or with anyone actually, for real, and he worried it was too early. Maybe Mark needed time to be alone first, to be independent and steady before he was ready for any bigger commitments. Maybe they wouldn’t last because of that. Maybe this was just a fleeting thing that was bringing joy to them now but would eventually be lost and forgotten.

This made Jackson’s heart clench unpleasantly and he sighed, almost mortified. But then Mark looked at Jackson, his eyes the beautiful dark crescent twin moons, a wide grin on his face, beaming at Jackson, and Jackson felt his heart leaping, the worries forgotten the minute he had eye contact with Mark again. It was so easy to fall for that smile; it was so radiant and pure, the finest and most precious thing in the world.

Only time would tell what would become of their relationship, but Jackson knew he would, one day, like to form a permanent unit with Mark; he knew it like it was written on some imaginary scroll of destiny and it scared and excited him so much.

So, he was an impulsive sort of person. But he was also patient and wouldn’t go rushing into things yet, not on this matter or in several years really, but he knew he wouldn’t change his mind. Somehow he was absolutely certain of it. He wanted, one day, fall on his knee and put a ring on Mark’s finger, make him his for all eternity and have a dozen more kids because, even as tiring and troublesome the little creatures could be, Jackson had always loved children a lot, and if he could make even one more abandoned child happy in this world, he would make sure he did so. And Jackson had a hunch Mark wouldn’t really say no to that.

His afternoon dreaming came to an end when the store was flooded with high school kids purchasing things and Mark got busy. Jackson packed up the girls and drove back home, promising he would take care of the dinner and wait for the boys to return from school today. Mark had only flashed him a soft smile and winked, his eyes lingering on Jackson longer than it was necessary and then turned to help his young customers.

Jackson’s heart had been beating uncontrollably all the way back home and he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to keep his feeling at bay very long.

When Jackson went over to handover the now sleeping twins to their parents he found Jinyoung almost purring, greeting him at the door. Jackson eyed his suspiciously from head to toe.

“Please, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know what it is that you two have been doing while I was away.” Jackson eyed his friend, trying to keep his imagination from getting too graphic. But it was quite hard when you could almost see the relaxation and satisfaction written so damn clearly over both Jinyoung  _ and _ Jaebum’s faces, the latter having appeared from somewhere to help bringing the babies in.

“I didn’t say anything.” Jinyoung’s shit-eating grin was making Jackson wish he could just run away right now.

“Ignore him.” Jaebum’s voice trailed from behind Jinyoung. “Do you and Mark have time to come over tonight? Thought we could just have dinner together.” 

“But  _ Jaebummie _ ..” Jinyoung whined in a way Jackson had never heard him before, it was so whiny and so needy and Jackson almost burst out laughing a nervous laughter. The impudent tone was too much for him to handle.

“Uh.. Sure, Mark’s gonna be back home in a few hours anyway.” Jackson stared at Jinyoung with narrowed eyes. “Please wipe that grin from your face when we are here. It’s kind of disturbing.” 

“You should see  _ your _ face sometimes when  _ you _ look at your precious boyfriend.” Jinyoung snapped back, his expression faltering just a bit, but still remained amused. “It’s like you want to eat him alive and if that isn’t disturbing I don’t know what is.”

“Kids.. Behave yourselves.” Jaebum’s voice trailed from inside the house, filled with hidden mirth.

“Okay, fine, I get your point. See you later.” Jackson chuckled, giving up the fight easily, waved his hand and left shaking his head, smiling. It was good to see them happy like that even though he really hoped Jinyoung would keep the details out of his ears. 

Sadly Jackson knew Jinyoung all too well; he would be hearing about the happenings of today many times in the future, if Jinyoung saw it fit to share his private life with Jackson, or the others.

Life wasn’t always fair.

~

With dinner eaten and the kids making a racket in Yugyeom’s room, the parents found themselves sitting together in the kitchen with cups of tea and laughing at something Jackson was explaining.

Jackson was happier he had been in a while; all his dearest ones right here with him, excluding his family. Was there anything more he could have wished for? 

Not really.

Mark’s hand was resting on his thigh, warm and fingers slowly kneading the muscle beneath. Jackson smiled, glancing at Mark. He really was extremely lucky to have caught the attention of his crush, his so far secret  _ love _ . The realization still made his stomach twist funnily around.

“So I don’t really need you two putting too much effort into it. It’s going to be small and we'll stay here anyway.” Jaebum was explaining calmly when the talk turned to the wedding day next month.

“So..” Jackson smirked. “I can turn up wearing like..” He pretended to ponder real hard. “..like that weird yellow doughnut hoodie Mark has?”

“ _ No.  _ You _ can't. _ ” Jinyoung looked like he would jump over the table and throttle Jackson if he even tried to think of doing that. “No offense Mark, but if he turns up in that I’ll skin him alive.”

“None taken.” Mark smiled sheepishly. “Will you skin me if _ I _ wear it instead?”

“You both better turn up in something decent or..” Jinyoung left the sentence hanging over them like the sword of Damocles.

“Or he’ll have a stroke and I have to carry out his orders on making your lives miserable. So, be nice.” Jaebum continued on behalf of Jinyoung, and chuckled. 

Of course this was all just a friendly banter, and Jackson, or Mark, had no intention to attend the wedding wearing something unsuitable for the occasion. It was just fun to make Jinyoung’s blood pressure rise as he had been torturing Jackson and Mark so often lately. All's fair in love and friendship, right?

“Who else is going to come, besides us?”

“Our parents and my sisters.” Jackson grimaced. “That’s it really, a few close friends too. Nothing big because it would feel odd to have many people to come just for that.”

“ _ Just for that? _ ” Jackson raised his brows so high they disappeared under his overgrown fringe. “You do realize people would kill to see you two getting all mushy and sweet together?” 

Both Jinyoung and Jaebum turned their eyes on Jackson, glaring at him like he was a child who just had blurted out something really bad.

“What? It’s true! Mark, tell them!” Jackson turned to Mark, trying to find some support from him. Mark giggled and held his hands up.

“I'm not going to risk getting double mauled.”

“Such a supportive boyfriend I have!” Jackson wailed, slumping low on his chair, pouting outrageously. 

Mark just giggled twice as hard, obviously finding Jackson's behaviour incredibly hilarious, and for that Jackson felt kind of smug; not all were able to make Mark laugh until he was doubled up.

“Leave your consoling snogging for later.” Jinyoung sniffed, though even his expression was mildly amused. “You two are going to take care of the girls because I’m going to spend my hands free from the children at least for an hour.”

“First you threaten to maim me and then with the same face ask me to take care of your daughters? Are you sure you took all your medication today?” Jackson scrunched up his face, pouting.

“The best one there is.” Jinyoung’s eyes flashed and his grin was so self-satisfied when he leaned back on his chair and folded his arms before him. “Something  _ you _ haven't had since forever if I'm not wrong.”

“Ey!” Jackson winced and blushed furiously. He could hear Jaebum laughing, could see Jinyoung’s gleeful smirk but he didn't have time to react to what Mark did next.

Mark was suddenly leaning close to Jackson, one hand pressed on Jackson’s cheek, turning his head to face Mark. The next second Jackson could feel lips on his own and his eyes fluttered close. The kiss was anything but sweet; it made his stomach lurch and his socks spin and his hands twitched involuntarily, like they wanted to grab Mark and press further, make them fall on the floor to make out in pile of tangled limbs.

After releasing Jackson’s lips Mark caressed his cheek lightly, his smile a bit impish.

“Good things are worth the wait.” It was so cheesy but Jackson didn’t care not one bit.

“Oh my god..” Jinyoung groaned, half exasperated, half laughing, but Jackson didn’t mind him; the warmth spreading inside him was something so incredible and beautiful he wanted to bask in it forever. “Please get a move on because it’s sickening to watch you guys being so gooey.”

“ _ Dad!”  _ Bambam’s voice came from the door and he almost ran to squeeze himself between Jackson and Mark, forcing Mark to back away. The boy hugged Jackson tightly, glaring at Mark with his bottom lip jutting out. “Don’t hurt my Dad.” He mumbled darkly.

“Bam..” Jackson sighed, rolling his eyes and then picking the kid up to sit on his lap. “Mark wasn’t hurting me. He gave me a kiss and those don't hurt.”

“But..”

“No buts.” Jackson grinned. “I’ll show you just how much it hurts!” He squeezed Bambam closer and began peppering the small face with tiny kisses. Bambam wailed and giggled and tried to squirm his way out but no such luck; he got a full load of fatherly love.

When Bambam finally escaped he left with all the four parents laughing at his indignant expression dark and screaming that he would never understand grownups.

A bit later, while Mark and Jinyoung were in the kitchen gathering up the dishes and loading the washing machine, Jackson stood in the sitting room with Jaebum side by side, watching out of the window onto the darkened backyard.

“Hey.. JB.” Jackson said quietly, glancing behind him to ensure no other ears were listening to this. “Do you know does Jinyoung want to have a stag night?”

“I really don’t know. Why?”

“Well, I think Mark wants to do something nice for him so I thought I’d ask you if you’d have tips.” Jackson scratched the back of his head, smiling that odd funny smile that people told him that resembled of a cartoon character.

“Is that so?” Jaebum raised a brow. “I didn’t realize they were that close.” Was that a hint of jealousy Jackson detected? He hid his amusement though.

“I guess it’s normal, both being home so often and socializing because of the kids or whatever.” Jackson shrugged, not thinking too much into it. “And you know I promised to throw  _ you _ a party, remember?”

“Please don’t make me remember that conversation.” Jaebum’s ear turned slightly pink and he also glanced behind him. “You don’t  _ have to _ arrange any parties, you know?”

“I know. But I want to.” Jackson shrugged. “You deserve it, both of you. For being so awesome and always being here for me and Mark, and the kids too.” Jaebum shuffled on his feet, looking down. “Dude, are you blushing?”

“No!”

“Yes, you are!” Jackson was so amused he burst out laughing, slapping Jaebum hard on his back. “Oh my god, you’re so chic and sexy even when you  _ blush! _ ”

Jaebum only grumbled something, trying to flee from the room and leave Jackson to have his moment of uncontrollable laughter, doubling up with tears in his eyes.

“No, don’t go! I’m sorry!” Jackson snatched Jaebum’s arm before he could escape, holding him there. “Sorry, I’m sorry.” He was so filled with happiness, loving life and loving everything around him, the words stumbling out of his mouth.

“You’re impossible.” Jaebum snorted, but gave Jackson a cute little smile that made Jackson’s heart tighten up. 

“ _ I’m _ impossible? Look at  _ you!” _

“I’m completely normal!”

“Like hell you are! Acting all cute and sweet.”

“You’re one to talk with your puppy eyes and pouty lips!”

Jinyoung and Mark found the two of them in an armlock, trying to floor each other to wrestle some more.

“I’m so glad we are living with decent and calm human beings.” Jinyoung said dryly to Mark who hid his smile behind his hand.

“I’m pretty sure I came here with only two kids but I think I’ll go home with three..” Mark said loftily, eyeing the wrestling with mild interest, as if he would have liked to join in.

“Should we leave them at it?” Jinyoung tilted his head, like he was considering something. “Or should I get the whip out of the closet?”

That stopped Jackson and Jaebum on their heels and they straightened up, looking like two schoolboys being caught at fighting over marbles, trying to smooth over their wrinkled clothes and push their messy hair back from their eyes.

“Oh, look. It’s magic! Our significant others have apparated back from the stone age.” Jinyoung tone was stern but his eyes were soft. “Time to go to bed though. As you have enough energy, you can go and separate the real kids up there.” The smile Jinyoung directed at Jackson and Jaebum was nothing short of evil.

~

Late that night, after their exhausted kids had fallen asleep together on Bambam’s bed in a neat little pile, neither Mark nor Jackson saw it necessary to separate the two, Jackson was whining his injured soul out to Mark who listened to it, trying to hide his amusement.

“You do know you’re not just cute but so many other things as well?”

“ _ I’m not cute _ .” Jackson groaned, hiding his face to Mark’s sweater and cuddling closer to him. “I mean I  _ can _ be, but does Jinyoung have to be so mean all the time to me. I am a guy! I’m not some little lady in distress and he always picks on me because I’m, let me borrow his words here, “sickeningly cute puppy wagging its tail whenever Mark dotes on you”. I don’t look sickeningly cute, do I? Please tell me I don’t..” Jackson’s voice was muffled by the hoodie he was so comfortably snuggling his face against and Mark had to hold his laughter in so that he wouldn’t injure Jackson pride any more than it already was.

“Well..” He started carefully. Of course this was just a show Jackson and Jinyoung liked to play, they didn't really hate each other enough to be too mean. But, it  _ was _ true that Jackson was beaming like the sun when Mark said or did something to him. Even Mark had noticed that. “You’re also really handsome. You’re kind and honest, and you treat people with respect. Just skip Jinyoung’s words, and get back at him later.” Mark drew slow circles on Jackson’s back, his left hand buried into the black hair.

“He’s a prickly little beast..” Jackson mumbled petulantly. “I’m gonna run away. Let’s see how he likes a life  _ without _ me around to make fun of.” He hugged Mark even tighter and was so heavy and hot over him it was like having a very big kitty cat sprawled on top of his body.  _ So cute..  _ “I’ll go climb a mountain or something.”

“Please don’t go climbing Mt. Everest just yet.” Mark smiled weakly. “I would be lonely without you. And it wouldn’t be a good idea to leave Bambam behind, because I doubt he would like snowy mountain slopes very much.”

“Mm..” Jackson hummed, nuzzling his face to the soft fabric. “Probably would irk me to death with his whining. And I don’t think I would survive long without you.” Jackson fiddled for a while quietly with the string coming down from the sweater hood. “Ok, so no mountaineering then.” The scrunched up face came visible when Jackson lifted his head up to look at Mark. “But I’ll figure something.. Something I can use against Jinyoung and make him embarrassed.” Then he smiled softly. “I couldn’t be away from you. I would pine!”

“Ack, you  _ are _ too cute..” Mark moaned, the warm feelings and everything good taking over him and Mark couldn’t help but to say it out loud. He hugged Jackson tight, this causing him to squeak in surprise.

“Not you too!” Jackson whined, pretended to escape but Mark held him down and rolled them on their side and tangled their legs together so that it was absolutely impossible for Jackson to leave his side now.

“No leaving, I deny you any rights to get off this bed tonight. I’m cold and want to have something to hold. Stay where you are.” Then Mark leaned over and pecked Jackson’s cheek sweetly, silently begging him to stay. “Spend the night, why don’t you?” He added softly.

Jackson went quiet and still after that question, staring at Mark, his eyes like two bottomless pits you sank into and never got back out. 

“Are you sure?” Jackson asked quietly, his gaze moving down to look at Mark’s lips.

“Yeah. Kids are asleep and it would make me happy. I don’t see why we couldn't sleep together.” Saying that made something tighten in his chest and the smile that spread over Jackson’s face was visible in his eyes before it turned the corners of his mouth up.

“How could I say no when you’re so cute and cuddly..” He grinned at the small frown Mark gave in response. 

“Not as cute as you though.” Mark muttered quietly, his heart beating steadily faster, his feelings so elevated and happy that he thought he would burst soon. 

And then, the thought came from somewhere, like a bolt of lightning hitting him, and he nearly choked on it.

Could it be? Was it ever possible? Mark stared at Jackson, almost horrified, the all consuming feeling gnawing at his insides, eating him alive ever so gently and slowly, burning and making him dizzy. 

“Jackson, I..” Mark began but hesitated. There was no way he could say it. It was too early and it would sound so corny, and he wasn't sure if it was what he thought it was. Whatever it was, it was big, so big it scared him and Mark thought he would drown under the emotion if he didn’t get it out somehow.

“You ok?” Jackson asked, tracing Mark’s jaw gently with his fingers.

Mark still stared at Jackson, stared at his handsome face, the curve of his neck, the honest and trusting look in his eyes. Stared at the softness of his lips, the arm going over Mark’s waist and holding him close. He could smell everything; the shampoo, the lotion, the lip balm, the peppermint of the toothpaste.. His insides squeezed tightly and then expanded like he had an universe inside him and you could see it if he would open his mouth wide. 

But he couldn’t say  _ those _ words.

“Yeah. It’s nothing.” Mark eventually smiled, stuffing the fiery need to confirm out loud that feeling but couldn’t just yet, and brushed the black hair from Jackson’s eyes and leaned in to capture his lips into a kiss where the unspoken words and feelings were hidden for Jackson to find.

~

A few days later Jackson came home after his day at work his face white as a sheet and whole world squeezing him into a tight little box and he couldn’t get out. He slumped down on the hallway floor and hugged his knees. This just could not be happening. It couldn’t.

What the hell was wrong with the world. All of a sudden such a fucking big bomb had been dropped on top him, while just this morning everything had been fine and dandy, life was smiling and things were progressing, and now this. 

What the actual fuck?

“What's wrong?” Mark came out from the sitting room with Jia in his arms; he was babysitting in the meanwhile Jinyoung was at a dentist with Yugyeom.

“They’re firing me.” Jackson mumbled numbly, the words coming out of his mouth automatically, like he was a robot. He couldn’t wrap his tiny mind around it yet.

He had been doing fine, hadn’t he? Been a diligent worker and never complained, right? 

“What!” Mark was in danger of dropping the baby but luckily his senses returned quickly and he held onto Jia better. His eyes were wide with shock when Jackson looked up at him “Why?”

“Immoral conduct..” Jackson whispered breathlessly. “With you.” It still hurt, like a blow to his stomach, the realization that it had been because of something so idiotic that had set this shit pouring down on him.

“But.. how?  _ How _ would they know? We haven't done anything!” But they had. Jackson’s stomach was squirming unpleasantly and he felt cold. “This can’t be because of the theme park exploit, can it?” Mark forced the words out in a strangled whisper and Jackson only nodded in return. That had been extremely stupid thing to do. And he was regretting it so much, even though he had loved it more than anything. “ _ How? _ ”

“They had pictures..” Jackson had been so horrified, so utterly gobsmacked in the head when the principal had, eyes averted onto the thin envelope in his slightly trembling hands, handed Jackson the pictures to see and told him that they would keep this hushed but that Jackson could no longer continue working at the school and that he should leave immediately.

He understood, somewhere very deep under his bristling feathers, why he was being dismissed; the school was extremely conservative and tolerated practically no misbehaviour from their teachers nor from the students. Jackson had more than once thought about leaving the place but he had never gotten around doing it because he would first have to secure a new job from elsewhere. And those were always hard to find in a big city like this.

“Pictures?” Mark was now kneeling in front of him, his face pale and his expression stricken. He looked so mortified, a stark contrast to the happy smile Jia was sprouting, drooling happily over Mark’s shoulder without him taking any notice of it.. Jackson didn’t reply, he just took the pictures from his bag and handed them to Mark. Jackson watched frozen how Mark clumsily flipped through the condemning stack of pictures his eyes getting wider and wider the further he got. “This is my fault.. I should have never.. How did they get these?  _ Where _ did they get these?”

“I don’t know. The principal just told me the letter had arrived to his home address last Friday.”

“Jackson.. I..” Mark looked like he would vomit soon. “I don’t.. I’m  _ so sorry. _ ”

“It’s not your fault. Not really. I could have stopped you.. But what is done is done, we can’t alter the past even if we wanted to.” He got up, sighing deep, not really meeting Mark’s eyes. He felt like shit and he had a headache. “I’m gonna lie down a bit, ok?” Jackson reached out and brushed his fingers against Mark’s cheek when he got up as well. “Don’t worry. I’ll find something else.” 

Of course he was far from believing anything good could happen in the near future, but that feeling might pass in time. Jackson just hoped the pictures would remain hidden and would never see the daylight again. It was already compromising enough as it was.

If this would get out more it might reach wrong ears and somehow affect the life of Bambam, or his parents. And causing pain and worry to any of those would crush Jackson completely; he hated to be the reason for any source of trouble.

The twinge of guilt was already there, squeezing his insides, when he thought there might be a reason to be worried. He hadn’t said it to Mark, but there had been a small letter inside the envelope, addressed to him that only stated that there were copies safely tucked out somewhere and they would be used if Jackson didn’t keep his head low.

Too bad he had forgotten to take the letter out of the envelope when he handed Mark the pictures and Mark had by now read it. Jackson didn’t remember the letter, not did he really think of anything specific when he left the hallway; he just wanted to go up to his room and lock himself in there and drown in the misery of the moment.

Maybe Jackson should have looked at Mark when he passed him; the devastated shock Mark first was showing was nothing,  _ nothing _ , compared to the murderous determination taking over his features after Jackson swept past him and disappeared up the stairs.

Jackson never heard Mark picking up his phone. He didn’t hear the furious growl Mark let out when the call was picked up, nor did he see the deadly glare directed at the condemning pictures scrunched in Mark’s fist.

“Yoongi? I need you.”

~

_ What am I to do now? I knew it was risky business to end up in a relationship and go out in public because things aren't so easy yet for people like us. I knew something would happen. I just knew it. _

_ Why did it have to be now though.. Just when I was the happiest ever? Of course things happen at random, or maybe this is Karma kicking me in the head for something. Maybe because I kept hiding my true self from Mom and Dad for so long and now I'm paying the price? Who knows. _

_ Doesn't feel nice, whatever the reason. _

_ It’s even worse because I have nothing to do right now. I have two weeks notice of course but they told me not go at all. I don’t mind it, because it would be hell to go back, and it's good to be paid for it. _

_ But I have to find something and soon. I can't leech from Mark very long, or at all, so I'll just have to figure out something. _

_ Well at least now I have time to help Jinyoung more because what else would I be doing. I can't just sit on my arse. Not my style. _

_ Though I think i might sleep late tomorrow just because I CAN. _

_ A small part of me blames Mark for this and I hate myself for feeling like that. It will take some time for me get over that particular emotion. _

_ I hate this. _

_ Just.. Leave me alone. _

_ J-fail _

 


	18. This night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Includes homophobia, mentions incest and crazy people. After this chapter there isn't (most likely) going to be any of those, don't be afraid.
> 
> I hope you like the little surprise at the end too.. (well, I hope you like the whole chapter!)

Mark was irritated. Which was an understatement. A huge one.

The day had not been his best, not by a long shot. He had been arguing with Jackson about something as stupid as who was the one who had last made coffee and had forgotten to write down they needed to buy more, because now there was no goddamn coffee in the house. Such an idiotic thing to bicker about but there it was, happening to them.

Jackson had gone out muttering darkly to himself and Mark had not seen him since. He hated these moments when they were quarreling about something unimportant because it just left him feeling hollow and stupid, like there was nothing else between them but irritation and bad vibes.

It had been like this for a week now and it was slowly killing him.

He _wanted_ to be there to support Jackson in his distress but it was made pretty impossible with Jackson slinking around whenever he saw Mark in the same room, like he had somehow sprouted bat wings and horns and was about to burn Jackson with hell fire.

Or maybe he was just imagining things. Either way, it was eating from within.

The situation with Jackson losing his job had spiraled out of hand so badly Mark didn’t even know what to say anymore.

Honestly speaking he didn’t know what to _do_ . He felt partly guilty for the whole mess, but _come on_ , they couldn’t be the only ones who had been playing around in the Ferris wheel before, could they? It just wasn’t possible and Mark had, up until this morning when Yoongi had called him that he would stop by to deliver his news, thought he was right to suspect some really foul play behind all this.

Yoongi’s visit hadn’t been the most cheerful one and the more Yoongi talked, the more menacing Mark’s expression grew; he’d known it. Somewhere very deep, or not so deep, he had known this was the source of all the evil in the world.

Mark kicked an empty box out of his way and spat out a string of curse words. He was so enraged he could have throttled someone dead with his bare hands.

Right at this moment Mark was in the attic, throwing old boxes away and trying to find the winter clothes as he knew they must be somewhere in here, all still unpacked from the time he and Youngjae had moved in here. He didn’t particularly enjoy his task, but it gave Mark an excuse to be out of the way and concentrate on doing something that wasn’t completely useless.

Useless being the key word here.

He didn’t know _how_ to fix this and he really ought to, but he had nothing, _nothing,_ against the stupid shit hanging over Jackson, and him if you were realistic. Going to the police wasn’t an option either because Jackson had point blank refused to do that. Why, Mark wasn’t sure, but he had a hunch it had something to do with Jackson being incredibly aware of how vulnerable he was, and how he didn’t want to bother anyone with anything. Which, yet again, was so infuriatingly stupid.

Mark sighed, running hands through his honey brown hair and groaned, remembering the conversation with Yoongi. The way Yoongi had looked at him and said _You’re not going to like this at all_ , had all but made Mark be more worried than ever.

Had he ever been more grateful he knew people like Yoongi? Probably hadn’t up until now. He vowed to thank his friend big time later with something. After all this crap would be solved, of course.

 _If_ it could be solved.

Yoongi had a wide circle of friends, despite being an insufferable git, and some of those said friends had perhaps a bit suspicious professions and who were slightly on the notorious side, and they had asked a friend of a friend to do some undercover work for Mark about the whole case. Mark didn’t want to know details about the process, but he was grateful of the results.

What the dude had eventually managed to find out was the reason why Mark was kicking and spitting at the innocent boxes up in the attic while the boys were at school and Jackson gods knew where.

He just couldn’t for the life of him understand why anyone in their right minds would do such a thing. Never in a million years would he have guessed this would one day be his reality. Never.

The pictures that had somehow managed to find their way into the hands of Jackson’s employee weren’t all that bad; they were from a security camera that Mark should have known was in the Ferris wheel pod, but luckily they were all from behind and you could only see Mark kneeling in front of Jackson, his back bent and head lowered. Ok, so it was pretty damn obvious what they were doing there, just looking at Jackson’s face was enough to determine what was happening, but it wasn’t anything graphic. Had they removed clothes or been in a different position the evidence would have been more devastating. Not that it wasn’t already bad enough like this.

So, knowing where the pictures had come from had led them on the trail of the person who had made a copy of the security tape, which Mark kindly liked to remind himself, was illegal. Of course Mark didn’t know this particular guy Yoongi’s friend had tracked down, though he wished he did because he really wanted to go and kick his face in. Lucky for the idiot. The next person in line was someone who turned out to be a goddamn snoop, and that said snoop had made a copy of the tape and printed out the pictures. For some godforsaken reason this shithead had been following Mark and Jackson around for a while, as it later had turned out.

Needless to say the snoop had been dealt with. Mark didn’t want to know how, or why there was a slim file containing reports of their daily movements and activities laying on Mark’s desk now, and he preferred to remain ignorant for the rest of his life.

Before he had opened up the file and read the papers with the name of the mysterious fucker who had ordered the reports, Mark had had questions running in frantic circles in his head.

One, who the fuck would make someone tail him and Jackson? Two, why would anyone be interested in seeing what they were doing on their dates? It wasn’t like they were the first ones to use the wheel for other that watching the scenery, that was for sure. And three, who even _cared_ what they did with their lives!

When the truth finally was revealed to him Mark had been silent for a long time, just staring at the name on the papers and his whole world standing still, waiting for him to explode. He was stunned, though he probably shouldn’t have been.

He just couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he might have to live in fear of something always lurking behind the corner ready to hurt him or his loved ones because of this one fucking idiot he had had the dubious pleasure to know.

Soyi.

_That bitch._

“Bitch” wasn’t even enough to emphasize the whole ugliness that was her. There was no human word that could have. Maybe in black speech of Mordor, or maybe Klingon.. But no, no such word in human language.

Mark had half expected he would have gone his way out again to find her, and this time ram her head into a blender or something as pleasant, but all he did was to call her and tell her she was a horrible human being and why the hell did she have to have people following him and Jackson? His and her relationship was over, had always been, and they should never, EVER, be in any contact again.

She had been calm as she usually was, but her voice had revealed a slightly mad tone this time as she was cackling on the other end of the line, and Mark was a bit taken aback by it. He had never heard, though it had probably always been there, but now it was just too prominent to be dismissed. He was glad they had basically nothing in common, Youngjae excluded, and their chances of meeting randomly were close to a zero. This latest shit was however going over every possible lines of decency and he _was_ going to do something about her. He just didn’t know what.

Soyi had also told Mark, the malice dripping down the phone line, that she would make Jackson’s life even more horrible in future, if she just felt like it, because she had all the original evidences in her hands.

Well fuck that and his life.

Just what the hell had gone wrong in her head to make her turn the conniving, soulless witch she now was? For all Mark knew she had been brought up in a seemingly respective household, naturally by several nannies and not by her parents, along with his younger brother. Her parents were one of those people with too much money in their hands, spent their lives making more, but never got down to enjoying the fruits of their labouring. Classic shit, right? Make money, marry, get kids, and spend your entire life pursuing more wealth and in the meanwhile forget you ever even had kids who might need some parental guidance and love.

Pure horror, in Mark’s opinion, because he was used to a loving and warm family, the hugs and kisses between parents and his siblings always there, never hidden or shameful. But to some people this obviously was like a whole other universe.

Mark hadn’t told Jackson yet that he had found out what was the reason behind this current shit. Well, he couldn’t even because Jackson was out and hadn’t taken his phone with him. Mark didn’t know if it would just make things worse or what would happen if Jackson knew it had been Mark’s ex that was neck deep guilty for fucking Jackson’s life up so much. Mark already felt like a failure in life and as a human being because he had so cleverly coaxed Jackson into doing dirty things in public. What the hell had he been thinking?!

Dick, apparently.

He should control his carnal desires better because it wasn’t just him, or Jackson, who might end up in trouble; there was always the possibility that Youngjae would be compromised as well and _that_ would be too much for Mark to take. Nothing should ever hurt his baby boy or he would go ballistic. And Mark was already on the brink of throwing things around in anger because Jesus fucking Christ; this shit did _not_ just happen to him!

It had put the tension between him and Jackson, and Mark hated it. Just when things had seemed to go so well something like this happened. What more was there to come? He didn’t even dare to think about it. But he would have to tell Jackson, no matter how ugly it would get. It wasn’t right to keep it from him and Mark had only found out a few hours ago anyway and Jackson was out for the moment.

A loud bang of a door being slammed shut jerked Mark from his revengeful thoughts. He could very well guess who had entered the house in such mood. He sighed, determined to talk with Jackson now, and descended the narrow ladder down to the second floor.

Mark found Jackson in kitchen, face white with rage and fists clenched, staring at the mail he had collected from their box outside.

“Jackson?” Mark hesitated, eyeing him cautiously, chewing on his cheeks and waiting for the bomb to explode. Because that was exactly how Jackson looked like now; like the whole world was coming down and crashing on him, like a meteor only a mile away from destroying everything around.

“I really.. I’m not sure what have I done.” Jackson whispered, staring in front of him with glazed eyes, like he didn’t register anything around him.

“What is it?” Mark walked over to Jackson, his heart beating unreasonably fast. Had something else happened again?

There was a single note clutched in Jackson’s hand and Mark pried it from his grasp carefully.

_You filthy fags shouldn’t be left to live._

“Oh god. Jackson..” Mark looked up and saw the angry expression Jackson was trying to control, deciding it was now or never he would have to spill the beans and let Jackson know who was ruining everything. Prolonging it would only cause more trouble. “I found out who is behind the pictures and she’s probabl-”

“ _She?_ ” Jackson interrupted, snapping his head up and glaring at Mark, his eyes shooting daggers. Mark’s whole world was crumbling around him like a house of cards right now; he’d never seen Jackson getting so furious.

“Soyi. She’s the one who dropped the pictures to your employee.” Mark barely managed to whisper; he was so rattled to witness such an emotion from Jackson. There was that dangerous glint in Jackson’s eyes that Mark didn’t really want to see there. This was going to go to hell for sure. He was angry as well, but right now he feared Jackson’s reaction the most.

“Tell me, Mark.. Just what _exactly_ is she hoping to gain from ruining my life like this?” Jackson’s voice was dripping with badly concealed venom and Mark flinched visibly, the note in his hand burning his fingers like it was full of some horrendous black magic that seeped malice through his skin and straight into his veins, trying to reach his heart and defile it.

“I have no idea. I really don’t. She was civil enough while I’ve known her, so this is.. I don’t know what this is!” Mark snapped, his guilt overflowing, mixing with the anger he felt.

“So she just dumped you and now wants to make my life miserable, just because I happen to date you?” Jackson sneered. “Fucking _awesome_.”

“Jackson, I-” Mark tried to say something but never got to finish his sentence.

“Maybe it would have been better if we’d never even met.” Jackson’s words were so cold, so icy and they froze Mark on the spot.

How could Jackson even say that? Mark stood there, eyes wide and thousand butchering knives shredding and slicing his heart into tiny miniscule pieces.

He _tried_ to reason; Jackson was shocked and terrified, his whole life upside down and Mark had not only caused his dismissal, but also was the reason that Jackson was getting hate mail from, apparently, random people. Who knew for real who had sent the letter, but Mark guessed the school board had been notified and it had left some people so disgusted they couldn’t hold their personal views inside. Which was really sickening because these people were supposed to be adults and know what was appropriate and what was not.

He’d heard stories from his friends, those ugly stories how people reacted on two guys, or two girls, living as a couple and took it as a personal offense to their privacy. Like, what the hell had it to with them what gay people did in the privacy of their own homes? And now Jackson was going to hate him too because Mark had a troublesome past and he had been stupid enough when he was young and indecisive little git.

What a fucking mess.

So, unsurprisingly, Jackson stormed past Mark and stomped upstairs, not giving Mark a second glance. It hurt, hurt like nothing had hurt him before, to see Jackson being so cold and distancing himself from Mark, but Mark didn’t really blame him for being distressed right now. Jackson had every possible reason to feel insulted and backstabbed.

Mark understood why, though it didn't ease the pain he felt, and he wasn’t going to run after Jackson, it would only cause more trouble. He would let Jackson be for the time being, let him cool down a bit and then when they both had calmed down a little it might be possible for them to talk like two civilized people. And he _would_ fix this somehow because, really now, was he going to let Jackson go because he apparently had an insane ex wife? Oh, fuck no. He would fix this and return things back to normal.

Well, as normal as he could.

Mark had no idea what to do to get to Soyi and force her to hand over the evidences. Not that it mattered much to reveal their filthy little escapade but it was a matter of principle to get her off their back. She would mean trouble in the future for Mark and for everyone he knew if he didn’t somehow manage to shut her up and force her to disappear. Preferably from the face of the Earth. Or the whole galaxy. Next universe might do. A black hole would be a really nice thing right now. Or a Stargate.

Mark retired to his room for the time being, to nurse his guilt stricken soul and glare angrily at the papers on his desk.

Jackson left the house again half an hour later without a word and Mark couldn’t help feeling a little bit relieved. It was horrible to be in the same house with someone you knew you should talk with but couldn’t bring yourself to do it, because you were a coward and an idiot and everything else associated with those words. After being restless a while longer on his own, and doing nothing useful, Mark returned to the attic, determined he would at least finish that particular task, even if everything else was failing miserably today.

He kicked the cardboard boxes in frustration, making three of them to fall down and spill all sorts of clothes and items on the attic floor.

Mark cursed loudly, groaning and rolling his eyes. Was nothing going to go well today? He bent down to pick them up and stuff back into the boxes, but hesitated when he realized some of the clothes were women’s. There was no reason for them to have _any_ of those in their possession, so what the heck? Mark examined them slightly confused.

What were these doing here and to whom did they even belong to?

He dug deeper, lifting one garment at a time for inspection, and finally realized the box must have gotten here by simple accident, because the clothes were rather old, good quality yes, but still old, and the things under the clothes were certainly things you put aside when you never meant to get them out again.

Mark sighed, not really all too interested who the clothes belonged to, though he had a good idea. He should just burn these, because the mere sight of Soyi’s old things made Mark want to gag.

But when his hands came in contact with a silken red book Mark couldn’t help himself from looking at the first pages to see if there was proof that it was hers, and didn't belong to someone else by some weird accident.

There was no name on the cover so Mark kept flipping through the book that appeared to be a diary of sorts, not really wanting to read it but.. After a while he stopped when a word or two caught his attention and a few photographs fell out from between the pages. Slowly, the further he read, his eyes widened and his breathing quickened. He picked up the photos, hands slightly jerky, and stared at the shiny surfaces in pure shock.

Now _this_ was something Mark had never expected to find.

_Never._

~  

Jackson sat on the couch, rubbing his temples with both of his hands and wished he had something else to think about except the shit that was running around like a dog chasing its tail inside his head.

He wanted to do something.

Anything.

Seriously, _anything_ , to keep himself from being so passive.

His natural reaction to anything was to keep on moving, to solve the problem by any means possible, but now he was rendered useless, just like that. He wasn’t used to this powerless feeling and it irked him to no end, not to mention how lost he was because he didn’t know what to do to make himself move on and get over the whole shitty business.

The amount of stress over his shoulders was so intense Jackson thought he would be flat soon; flat against the ground because the gravity was pushing him so hard his shoulders were aching. He refused to be pliant, to give in and just sulk and do nothing, and he did try continue living his life as normally as he could, with the exception that he was avoiding Mark, but that was just because he didn’t know what to say when he saw the apparent guilt flashing over Mark’s face. And because he had snapped yesterday in anger at Mark and felt horrible about it as it really wasn’t Mark’s fault people were assholes.

Ok, he should apologize but for now he was still boiling on the inside too much. He needed to calm down a notch or two before he could go and beg for forgiveness. Because Jackson really wanted to have Mark by his side and to have him supporting Jackson during this shitstorm, but he didn’t want to bother Mark with his problems and he felt like an idiot anyway.

But today he was alone. Boys were at school and Mark was at work. Things had kind of escalated yesterday as he had, after the stupid hate mail had upset him, first snapped at Mark like the idiot he was and then he had been hiding away in Jinyoung’s gentle, or not so gentle, care for the rest of the day, and when he came back home he just spent the final hours before sleeping with Bambam, trying to be as normal as he could be. Which probably hadn’t worked because even Bambam had noticed how sulky Jackson was and had given him more hugs than usual.

Bless that kid.

Jackson smiled faintly at the conversation he had had with Jinyoung while he had been moaning about his miserable life at their place. Jinyoung had been so furious when he had learned why Jackson had been fired and had nearly been spitting fire from his mouth as a result, eyes blazing with anger. The reaction warmed Jackson’s heart so much he was almost in tears; it proved that no matter how much he and Jinyoung teased each other, they cared and loved each other more than words could ever express.

“Just because you like do the chocolate train doesn't make you unqualified to teach!” Jinyoung was hissing, the choice of his words making Jackson quirk his brows up. The reason for his words popped up almost before Jinyoung finished his sentence.

“Dad, what’s a chocolate train?” Yugyeom butted in, appearing suddenly from what seemed to be thin air, and even Jinyoung’s fury softened when the big brown eyes were peering at him from behind the couch, though he did look a bit startled, though not surprised to see his son blinking curiously at him.

“I..” A rare moment to see Jinyoung’s words stumble, although he did regain his composure fast. “It’s a Christmas decoration. Do you want ice cream?”

“Yeah!”

“Go ask you father then.”

“Nice distraction..” Jackson smiled meekly after Yugyeom had ran off to bother Jaebum about the ice cream.

“I swear he hears _everything_ these days. It’s like he has cat ears; they pick up all the hidden meanings and he won't stop asking until you give him some explanation.” Jinyoung groaned. “And even when you do he continues asking for more explanations. I’m getting gray hair here just because of him.”

“I’m sure you’re doing just fine.” Jackson slumped deeper into the armchair, his eyes half closed as he watched Jinyoung folding a pile of laundry. It calmed him down to be here, to witness normal routines without any extra disturbances to shake the peace off. Well, apart from the noises Yugyeom was making of course, and how the twins were learning how to crawl on the floor and gurgling together, it was quiet in there. The peace went into Jackson’s heart and his anger and despair dissipated slightly, though he was still unsure how to handle everything.

“Have you talked with Mark yet?” Jinyoung asked quietly, glancing at Jackson.

“I.. uh..” Jackson fell silent, trying his best to avoid Jinyoung’s gaze that was probably trying to drill holes through his head right now.

“Please don’t tell me you argued again..”

“Well.. Sort of?”

“ _Jackson.._ ” Jinyoung’s tone was so menacing Jackson cowered.

“I know, I know!” He whined eventually, the uneasy feeling settling back to his stomach, his heart racing and his chest felt like there was an iron bar tightly twisted around his torso, blocking his breathing. “I’m gonna fix it.”

“You’d better. I’ve come to like Mark, so if you hurt him I’ll make sure your life will be miserable for several years on.”

“Oh come on, I’m already neck deep in..” Jackson glanced around, saw Yugyeom a bit further, grimaced and finished his sentence with a whisper. “..in _doodoo_ as it is!” He still ought to have remained quiet because the next thing he heard was Yugyeom’s clear loud voice shouting.

“Uncle Jackson said DOODOO!” And then the kid went around running with an ice cream cone, repeating the word doodoo as he went. This resulted Jaebum sprinting after him because no one really wants their neat white walls covered in strawberry ice cream stains, do they.

“Told you he hears everything.” Jinyoung smirked, unperturbed that his son was in danger of messing their house big time, probably because Jinyong had complete faith in Jaebum to catch the little miscreant in time. Jackson only groaned, though a smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth.

Now, presently, Jackson sat alone in the silent house and just contemplated his situation, trying to find something good about it.

He was put out that he had been fired, sure. But it hadn’t been the end of his world because he hadn’t exactly loved the school or his co-workers that much. The past year had already been difficult because the headmaster had changed and that had brought even more strict guidelines for the employees to follow. Jackson liked to teach his students to think on their own but with someone always breathing down his neck to evaluate his teaching methods.. No. He was actually glad he was free of that place.

He was free to find something that allowed him, hopefully, to do his work properly, to educate the young idiots like he wanted and not like some stuck up idiot demanded him to. He would find something suitable and he would do it regardless of the thread of being exposed more, knowing some shithead had idiotic pictures of him stored up somewhere.

No, Jackson wasn’t going to give a damn about that; he wanted to be free of the guilt of being who he was and wanted to start over and tell from the start he had wonderful _boy_ friend and he wasn’t going to hide in a closet because he happened to be in love with him. End of story.

If that would be problem for his future employee then he would just have to find something else until he was accepted as he was.

And in celebration of being suddenly so confident and positive that things would turn out magnificent again..

Jackson stood up and smiled, rubbing his hands together. He would clean, cook, or maybe get some take out, and do something completely wild, and after the day would be wrapped, he would talk with Mark. He was in dire need of hugs and support and even though he was getting that from Jinyoung and Jaebum it was nothing compared to what he could get from Mark.

Because the best thing right now would be to hug and kiss him and just drift off to sleep and imagine all the possibilities that were open to him, all the things they could do together.

Jackson laughed out loud, his eyes full of twinkling light and with a smile etched on his lips. This would turn out awesome, he just knew it.

~

A few hours later Jackson was just putting the groceries in the fridge when he heard the front door open and close. His heart lept to his throat and his hands felt cold and clammy. The moment of truth had arrived and suddenly Jackson didn’t know where to put his hands or what to do with his legs and why was he so goddamn anxious all of a sudden.

Maybe because he was afraid he had gone a bit too radical this afternoon when he had had that impulsive need to visit the barber.

“Jackson?” Mark’s voice floated in from the hallway to the kitchen. Jackson shuffled on his feet nervously, almost bouncing on his heels. “Are you home? I have somet-”

“Hi.” Jackson breathed out when Mark halted at the door and stared at him in utter disbelief, his mouth slightly open, forming that perfect little o that Jackson absolutely adored, and kind of dreaded too at the moment.

“Okay. Who are you and what have you done to Jackson with black hair?” Mark finally managed to say, blinking a few times as if he wasn’t sure was he hallucinating or not.

“Thought I’d try something new.” Jackson turned his freshly bleached and styled head from side to side. “Like it?”

“Well, it suits you..” Mark said a bit uncertainly, biting his lip, all the usual signs of guilt and uncertainty starting to appear on his face.

“Stop, before you think any further.” Jackson held one hand in front of him and shook his head. “Just don’t. Mark, I miss you and I need you. I’m sorry what I said, so please forgive me and can you please stop looking like you want to sink under the ground every single time I see you?”

“ _Me?_ ” Mark’s tone rose a notch. “It’s _you_ who’s been lurking in dark corners like you’re Gollum or something every time I get into the same room with you!”

“I thought you felt bad!”

“I did, I mean I _do!_ But it’s not like I don’t _want_ to hold you!”

They stared at each other in silence, breathing heavy and not sure what just had transpired. Then they broke into hysterical laughter, almost doubling over. “We’re idiots, aren’t we.” Mark huffed finally, wiping his eyes.

“True.” Jackson chuckled and walked over to Mark. “Now gimme some lovin’”

After hugging tightly and quietly for a while, just enjoying the familiarity of their bodies melting together like they were the perfect puzzle pieces, Mark leaned back and searched Jackson’s eyes.

“I have something I want to tell you.. And I bet you’re going to be both disgusted and thrilled about it.” Then before Jackson could say anything he leaned over and pecked Jackson’s lips quickly, a small dirty grin playing on the corners of his lips that made Jackson’s stomach drop a little. “Also I love the blond hair. You look gorgeous.”

Jackson flushed crimson, the blondness only highlighting the red colour spreading over his face and neck as fast as wildfire.

“Shut up..” Jackson mumbled, pleased with himself and the way the situation had been resolved, though they still had to talk more seriously, but the worst was over by now. “Now tell me the news and then we can both prepare to play perfect parents with Bam and sunshine boy when they come back from school.”

“You’re so adorable. Stop blushing like that or you’ll get something more than just news.” Mark wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Jackson burst out laughing.

Whatever there was to come, he could take it if they just stood side by side and faced it together.

~

Okay. This wasn’t really happening, was it?

This wasn’t like, real life, but some really bad movie, wasn’t it? Jackson silently prayed that to be true, tapping his thighs with his fingers, too restless to stay completely still.

Jackson stared in front of him, not really sure how things had gotten to this point and he was kind of getting exhausted of being surprised how life seemed to go up and down all the time. Couldn’t it just.. You know, stop? Even just for a while.

It was three days after he and Mark had made up, and perhaps had had some make up snogging while they were alone, and Jackson found himself sitting in the car, with Mark, on this fine late Friday evening, doing something that could only be compared to stalking. And he couldn’t really wrap his mind around anything that was going on at the moment. Not really.

“Are you _sure_ that diary is legit?” He asked for the umpteenth time, still suspicious as hell. Mark sighed, rolling his eyes but turned to look at Jackson, explaining with incredible patience the same thing again.

“I am. It’s way too preposterous to be just fiction. You _saw_ the pictures and the letters, didn’t you? They are pretty obvious..” Mark left the sentence hanging.

“It’s just… I can’t believe it.” Jackson mumbled, his thoughts so weirded out he had trouble figuring out what he was thinking.

“To be honest I’m not surprised about anything she’s ever done. Or will I ever be.” Mark growled darkly, clutching onto the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were turning white.

“But to do that with her own brother..” Jackson made an ugly face. The whole thought was quite revolting. “And for years too! Isn’t he younger?”

“Two years, yeah. According to the diary it's been going on since they were teenagers. I don’t really know anything about him and certainly don’t know where they went wrong when growing up, if they even did. If she isn't going to hand over the tape and pictures now I’ll send this straight to her father. And that won’t be a pretty sight.”

“I can only imagine..” Jackson huffed, taking a better position on his seat and stared out of the window at the neat row of houses, all looking serene and respectable to the outside. But who knew what terrors there were hidden under the shiny and polished surfaces. You could have never known that Mark’s ex wife was harboring such a huge secret under her collected icy surface.

When Jackson had seen the diary for the first time he had thought it was a joke, a stupid prank Mark was trying to pull on him. But then Mark had explained, and explained some more, shown him the condemning pictures and highly embarrassing letters and the whole ugly truth had opened to Jackson.

Soyi and her brother had had a relationship since they were teens and they had, like it was recorded on the pages of the yellowing diary, continued it a long time.

When it had stopped neither Mark or Jackson knew since the writing had ended at her 20th birthday, stating only that she was going away for a year for studies, which Mark had confirmed.

And now they were going to use this dubious bit of information to get the idiotic tapes from her.

Jackson felt like he was entangled in a crime movie or something, this whole thing was so absurd and bizarre.

“There she is.” Mark said after a long while of uncomfortable silence and Jackson could hear the angry edge in Mark’s voice. He reached out and squeezed Mark’s shoulder.

“Let’s do this.”

“Yeah.” Mark got up and closed the car door quietly. “Keep your phone ready.”

Jackson’s heart was hammering in his chest so hard he was sure it would burst out soon.

This was not happening. This couldn't be happening. Really. Honestly. Couldn’t.

Mark hammered on the door and it took only a few seconds for Soyi to open. She still had her coat on and the moment she realized who they were her expression went from neutral to manic in a second.

“Not one word or I’ll scream to the whole world you’ve been fucking your brother and actually enjoyed it.” Mark growled at her and she stumbled backwards, Mark following her, the pure hatred and anger so visible on his face it quite honestly scared Jackson as well.

“What.. How.. You don’t know anything!” Soyi snarled back at Mark though it was obvious she was quite taken aback by the ferociousness in Mark’s voice.

“I don’t? Try me.” Mark said with a strained hiss from between his teeth. “You’ve been a very, _very,_ bad girl and bad girls get punished if they don't hand over the tape and anything else you have on us.”

“You can't threaten me!” Her voice was growing hysterical and her eyes were wide and, Jackson thought silently by himself, quite mad.

“Seriously, _try me._ ” Mark actually seemed to be egging her on and Jackson wondered just how long it would take before something really bad would happen.

“You ignorant fool, you have nothing against me that I can't deny from happening.” Soyi shrieked but Mark had had enough, judging from the way his neck was red and his stance rigid as hell.

“Just tell me why did you try to make me your puppet!” Mark basically yelled, his face contorted with rage.

“You...You have no right to talk to m-”

“ _TALK!_ ”

She was quiet for a while, staring at Mark, her eyes flickering to Jackson, filling up again with something akin to madness. The silence that stretched between them was very pregnant with unsaid insults and accusations. Jackson could feel his hands getting sweatier and sweatier by the minute and clutched to his phone desperately, the hard item in his grasp somehow reminding him he wasn’t dreaming this.

“You were supposed to be my cover.” Soyi finally hissed, her tone lower and more controlled, though she still looked like a caged animal. “I knew you’d try to resist but I tried.”

“So why did you file for divorce if it was so prudent to keep up the appearances?” Mark was speaking through gritted teeth and honestly Jackson couldn’t blame him for being on the verge of snapping that thin neck in two. Even he was feeling the urge growing the more he watched Soyi squirming there in front of them.

“Because people were talking!” The lunacy flashed again so brightly in her widened eyes. “People were talking how we weren’t real! _You_ weren’t real! I could hear them whispering behind my back, the hushed remarks and evil words.I needed a new cover and you were in the way!”

So, basically, Jackson thought to himself, she was not only lunatic and deranged, but delusional as well. Not one without the other, or something.

“And your brother?” Mark asked, his tone laced with suppressed anger. Jackson could see how tight his jaw was, how hard he was gritting his teeth together, the vein on his neck visible. He wanted to take Mark’s hand, squeeze it reassuringly but could do no such thing in this situation.

“Oh _him_ ? My _dearest_ brother. He has played along so well. What a useless little creature. Good for sex but nothing else. I should have been born a boy, not him! He’s not worthy of being called a man, except for some parts.” She said those words like they explained everything so perfectly but to Jackson they just sounded nothing but the ramblings of a madman. Or woman, in this case.

“You actually had a sexual relationship with your brother?”

“Sure I did. Your own flesh and blood is more reliable than anything outside the family, don’t you think? He’s such an obedient boy sometimes.” She giggled suddenly, the sound rather disturbing. Jackson wanted to run away and never see her again.

“You’re insane.”

“No. I’m not. Just practical.” Soyi scoffed. “You can’t prove any of this though. I still have the upper hand.”

“So sure of yourself, aren’t you..” Mark’s smile was so vicious even Jackson took a half a step back from him. He made a mental note not ever to get on Mark’s bad side. “I’m glad you were so clear for once. Jackson?” Mark looked behind him expectantly and Jackson gave Mark his phone immediately. “Would you mind terribly if you gave us the tape and the pictures now? I’d hate to see your father getting a hold of this little recording, don’t you agree?” He pressed the play and Soyi’s shrill voice came floating from Jackson’s phone. _Sure I did. Your own flesh and blood is more reliable than anything outside the family, don’t you think? He’s such an obedie-_

Mark smiled deviously, tilting his head to the side.

“So, how’s it going to be; my way, or the highway?”

~

When they left Mark’s raging ex alone, her shrill screams echoing to the outside loud and clear, making both Mark and Jackson laugh nervously as they walked with haste away from the house they never, _ever_ , wanted to see again. Mark was so high on adrenaline he could have lifted the car in the air. Well, at least he felt like it.

Things had gone better than he had anticipated and now it should be pretty damn sure there was nothing coming from her after this night. Or, if there was, the world was going to end and Mark _would_ stuff her hand, or any other body part, into a food mixer and put the machine on turbo.

Yes, he was rather violent when he was angry, though he would hardly act on his murderous urges ever; he just was offended to his core when someone tried to mess with the ones he cared for most.

Mark felt vindictive pleasure knowing how badly they had managed to shake her off. It felt so _goddamn good_ after all the misery he’d been through because of her anyway. It was like everything around him now seemed vibrant with colours and sounds, the world suddenly a very wonderful place to live in.

“Mark?” Jackson’s tentative voice penetrated Mark’s thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“You do know that you didn’t tell her that you also recorded the whole conversation with your phone.”

“Must have slipped my mind..” Mark sniggered evilly, eyes still fixed on the dark road. He felt particularly happy about that devious little thing.

“And you also forgot to mention you have copies of the diary and the letters…” Jackson didn’t exactly sound accusatory, but it made Mark glance at him, a small crease on his brows.

“So?”

“What are you planning?” Jackson actually squinted at him. Why was he so suspicious? “Should I be worried?”

“You don’t really expect me to let her get away with all the shit she’s been doing, do you?” Mark let out a hollow laugh. “I’m going to send those copies to her father and tell him to take good care of his precious little daughter. That should keep her well away from us for the rest of our lives.” He was pretty sure that was the only thing he could do, and to ensure there would be no other similar incidents in future. “So, no, you have nothing to worry about.” Mark tried to convey his newfound certainty by smiling sideways at Jackson. He reached out to squeeze Jackson’s thigh quickly, his touch perhaps lingering a little while longer than it was necessary.

Jackson fell silent and Mark kept his eyes on the road, chewing on his cheeks and thinking how his heart was still racing and his blood boiling; he almost felt aroused because of all the tension and thrill. When they would reach home there was a fair chance that he would pin Jackson to the door, ignore the fact that the boys were sleeping in the same house, and vent his feelings by doing something quite pleasing.

Well, they might have to allow the babysitter to leave first, before getting down to business, but that was a minor detail in Mark’s otherwise brilliant plan.

After five minutes of heavy silence Jackson spoke up again.

“Mark..” Jackson’s voice sounded so weird Mark had to glance at him from the road he was mostly staring and try to shake off the images of Jackson without clothes.

“Yeah?”

“Would you..” Jackson halted, his tone so thick with some emotion it was hard to deduce what was wrong with him.

“Would I what?” Mark tried to egg Jackson on but with little success. Jackson remained quiet again a long time, just staring at the dark road and the few cars that passed them by. It would be another 20 minutes before they would reach home, and when they would Mark would go and hit the tree in their yard because he was still high on adrenaline from earlier. That or he would jump on Jackson. Preferably the latter.

He jerked and almost turned the wheel to the side in surprise when Jackson’s hand suddenly was on his thigh and climbing with determination towards Mark’s crotch.

“Jackson, what are you doing?” Mark breathed out, trying with all his might to remain focused on the road and _not_ on the nimble fingers searching his jeans buttons and popping them open.

“I _need_ to touch you.” Jackson’s voice was barely a whisper as he leaned closer and licked Mark’s earlobe, his fingers dipping under the jeans to palm the length under the boxers. A shiver ran down Mark’s spine and he couldn’t help the little surge of thrill spreading inside him and making him a bit breathless in an instant.

“I’m..” Mark bit on his lip when Jackson wiggled his way sideways for a more comfortable position, if that even was possible, and got his face on the same level as Mark’s hips were. “..trying to drive here. That’s not, oh _fuck_..” He cursed when Jackson without much warning, and by some miracle, managed to start sucking on Mark’s cock. “That’s not very safe.” His voice was faltering and his mouth suddenly very dry.

“Then stop the car.” Jackson muttered darkly before getting back to what he had started. Mark cursed a second time, his eyes frantically looking for a gas station or anything, scanning the roadside hastily because he didn’t really want to get them into an accident.

A dark parking lot loomed somewhere to their left and Mark, his thoughts and concentration pooling more and more southwards, parked the car with a jerk to the furthest possible corner and then grabbed Jackson’s head with both hands and leaned back on his seat.

“Fuck.. Jackson..” Mark groaned, his already rapid heartbeat drumming in his ears now highlighted with all the blood rushing to his cheeks and to his stomach and his groin as Jackson sucked the suddenly very much attentive cock with powerful and very wet sucks. “What.. The hell.. Is wrong with you? We could get.. Caught again.” It was hard to talk when all your thoughts were directly focusing on the sensations coming from the absolutely fantastic mouth working on him.

Jackson bobbed his head a few times up and down and then with a shameless pop let the cock out of his mouth.

“Don’t care. Need you.” Jackson sat up, grabbing Mark by his collar and smashed their lips together.

 _Okay, okay, my dick was just in your mouth._ Mark thought and was just about to say something but then thought, what the fuck, who cared. He kissed Jackson back, the adrenaline kick making him absolutely reckless as well; his pumped up feelings running about as high and wild now as Jackson’s apparently were, and he clutched to Jackson like he was the only thing keeping Mark rooted to the ground.

“Fuck.” Mark hissed when Jackson slipped his hand back on his partially exposed cock and began playing with it; running his palm over the swollen tip, adding just the right amount of pressure around the length when he encircled it with his fingers.

Had the events of this evening gotten to Jackson as well, or was there some other reason he was being so pushy now? Mark couldn’t for the life of him even begin to guess, but damn him if he would say no. He had been himself nursing similar thoughts just moments before Jackson had acted on his anyway.

The urge to touch Jackson was overpowering. He had to get his own hands on Jackson as well or he would lose his shit completely.

Mark threw the last shreds of caution to the wind quite willingly.

They kissed like there was no longer sun to see in the horizon tomorrow morning; teeth clashing together, lips bitten and red, tongues battling for dominance that neither was going to give tonight. Mark’s hands were dancing almost frantically over Jackson’s jacket, diving under his shirt and tearing the belt open in haste. He pushed the jeans and the boxers down just as much as he could in the awkward position, and encountered an already stiff cock, smirked in between the heated kiss and then wrapped his hand around the tip and began to pump it.

The air soon was filled with their combined hard panting and groans of pleasure, the car luckily the only one on the parking lot, and as it was late, it granted them the privacy they desperately needed. Any other hour this would have been a big fat problem for them both. Even if the society was starting to accept gays in general, having a small fuck fest in the car on a parking lot was a high demand to accept, even if they would have been a hetero couple.

The pleasure coiled, burned and heated their bodies flush and sweaty and suddenly it wasn’t enough to just jerk each other off; they needed something more. A lot more.

“Backseat, now..” Mark growled, attempting to strip Jackson at the same time from his jacket and shirt, trying not to rip the poor piece of clothing into two pieces.

They wiggled their way onto the backseat somehow, discarding their tops both in the process. Mark climbed on Jackson’s lap, straddling him, getting back down on kissing him senseless, his jeans making it impossible to have a good angle for anything but just giving a hand job.

“Stupid pants..” Jackson grunted after a while of devouring each other and hands trying reach every possible place at once. “I wanna feel you. Get on your back.”

Mark felt his world shifting like he was in a hazy dream colored with lustful hues of red and black. Anything nice and soft and sensual was far from this and he had a fleeting thought that they might actually end up fucking tonight, which would be sort of creepy because Mark didn’t particularly want to pop his cherry on the backseat of his car. Not even with Jackson.

But he was too intoxicated to pay much attention to that sensible part of his brains still functioning somewhere under the lust and greed. He squirmed his way down and found a way to lie on his back; he thanked himself for actually buying a car with enough space and not one of those cramped city cars you couldn’t fit anything in, much less have sexy moments with your partner. Jackson, being swift with his moves as he sometimes was, took care of Mark’s jeans; they flew off of him ungracefully along with his boxers and soon Mark found his right leg propped up on, his left somewhere down and Jackson had, Mark to this day didn’t know _how_ , gotten rid of his own pants as well and was looming over him in all his naked glory.

This was going to be one sweaty night. And tomorrow would reveal just how uncomfortable the car was for making out.

Jackson leaned down, pushing their bodies flush against each other and boy, did that feel good. The temperature outside was quite low but inside it was getting hotter by the minute. The sensation of having another hot, stiff cock rubbing against yours was absolutely fantastic. Mark grabbed Jackson’s blond hair, which he had come to love more than he would ever let out, and brought their lips back together into a bruising kiss. He bucked up his hips at the same time as Jackson pushed down and the feel of that made them both inhale sharply, the ecstasy building.

“Jacks..” Mark sucked on Jackson’s lips hard, so high on his feelings he didn’t really care what happened next, which probably wasn’t such a good idea, but hey.. You only live once, right? “I want more.” He returned to give Jackson sloppy kisses and could feel Jackson tensing against him, like he was stunned to hear that little plea. It wasn’t exactly _that_ incredible, Mark mused, they would get further at some point anyway so why not now.

“Are you sure?” Jackson breathed against Mark’s lips, trailing the swollen lips with his own, the saliva making the gesture slick and sensual.

“Yeah.” Mark couldn’t believe he had the balls to do this _now_ , but it wasn’t like he hadn’t dreamed of getting a bit more from Jackson than just a blowjob or anything similar. His stomach churned deliciously slow, like he had live fire pit in there.

“You’ll love this..” Jackson nearly purred, kissing his way to Mark’s neck. He shivered with anticipation. “I won’t hurt you.”

Mark said nothing. He concentrated on breathing steadily, trying to catch his sanity from somewhere. But his sanity was lost and if he really tried to think logically right now he would chicken out from this and that, ladies and gentlemen, would be a huge fucking turn off.

And Mark didn’t want that.

“Okay.” He whispered, his feelings mixed with a hint of nervousness, though his body was still throbbing hotly, needing more.

Jackson, being the gentleman he always was, and probably aware that this was, again, something that was going to happen to Mark for the first time, he didn’t go for the prize immediately. Jackson came back up from Mark’s neck and leaned down to kiss him deeply, without so much haste this time, and kept spinning the imaginary socks on Mark’s feet until he relaxed again and was panting with his cheeks burning.

After making sure Mark was enough willing to forget his worries for the night Jackson went down again, kissing and biting his way to Mark’s stomach and lower from there.

Mark closed his eyes and sighed contently when Jackson closed his lips around Mark’s cock, sucking it in deep.

He might have been ready, mentally, for actual penetration tonight, but Jackson surprised him by giving him the best first time experience by finger fucking him at the same time he was giving Mark head.

Surely, being a curious sort of person, Mark had half-heartedly tried the same by himself but it was nothing compared to the sensation of someone else teasing his ass. It was a tickling sensation in his stomach, spreading around like tiny little fire sparks, like warm sand poured over your skin.

“Don’t want do it dry.. Do you have anything in here?” Jackson asked darkly, his fingers resting between Mark’s spread legs, the slight tremor of them almost going unnoticed. Mark frowned, going over the things he kept in the car, most being nothing but useless things like bandages or cooling ointment for muscles, tissues and a hidden box of cookies whenever he had to shut Youngjae up.

“There might be some hand oil in the front locker.” Mark finally rasped, kind of hoping he wasn't wrong. Sure, spit would get them somewhere but some actual lube would have been seriously awesome right now.

“Anything would be fine.” Jackson smiled, winking. Then he shifted, reaching from between the front seats towards the small compartment to rummage the locker.

Mark eyed Jackson from where he was lying, eyes roaming over the pale body dimly shimmering in the darkness enveloping them.

There really was nothing wrong with Jackson’s body; he was sculpted like one of the ancient Greek statues, his muscles visible and taut, his face had the perfect profile and it made even the inartistic hands like Mark’s want to draw him. Jackson had the physical attributes of an athlete without going too far and Mark appreciated every angle of him very, very much.

So much actually that he sat up, ran his fingers over the nicely displayed ass in front of him, enjoying the soft skin under his touch, and then bit down on Jackson’s buttock. Hard.

Jackson jerked, a high indignant note escaping his lips and he peered behind him only to find Mark looking back at him, lips lingering on the bitten spot. He smiled, quirking his brows up.

“Not my fault you have such a good ass..” Mark offered Jackson a grin.

“I’m glad you like it but you really have sharp teeth you know.” Jackson didn't exactly sound upset and a smile was tugging the corners of his mouth. Mark decided to ignore the comment about his teeth. For now.

“How could I not?” He smacked the buttock he hadn't bitten and Jackson stuck his tongue out at him.

“Great mysteries of life. But I _am_ wild and sexy after all.”

Mark just let out a high giggle, planting a few more kisses on the buttock so neatly close to his face and then leaned back, trying to find a comfortable place and to prepare himself for what Jackson had in store for him.

The whole idea intrigued him, naturally, as he had stumbled upon this matter in both mainstream and gay sex, so as a whole it wasn’t anything _too_ unfamiliar.

“Ok I think I found it.” Jackson grunted after a while of poking around and finally sat back, the nearly empty bottle in his hands, examining it with a small adorable pout decorating his lips. “Sorry, but you're going to have to get a new one after this.”

“What a tragedy..” Mark mumbled, half amused. “Now will you shut up and kiss me?” He sat up again, grabbed Jackson by his ears and kissed him hard, his blood still boiling and his skin crawling with anticipation.

Jackson, always one to join in, responded with equal passion.

It didn’t take long for the car to be comfortably steamy from their body heat, windows fogging little by little, leaving very little to guess what was going on inside.

Jackson pinned Mark back down onto the seat, resting his lower body directly where the sweet tingles and surges of pleasure spread all over Mark’s stomach and went straight to his head. It was pure heaven to be wrapped in the heat Jackson emanated, to draw lines over his shoulders and back, to allow him to start sliding back and trail one hand between their bodies.

He heard the bottle cork snapping, felt the slick fingers circling his asshole and Jackson was kissing him particularly sweetly, tongue delving into to Mark’s mouth and searching the depths, making his head spin by doing only that. Then one finger pushed it’s way inside and Mark made an involuntary twitch. Jackson retreated slightly, kissing him more gently and sloppily, being every bit of a considerate partner one could ever hope for.

Mark was highly grateful of it, but he wasn’t really put out with things going up his ass, quite the contrary.

“I’m fine.” Mark muttered quietly in between grazing his teeth over Jackson’s swollen lower lip, sucking on it right after. “Don’t treat me like I’m made of glass.”

“If you say so.” Jackson seemed to grin against Mark’s lips and the next thing he knew was there wasn’t just one finger pushing inside him, but two.

His breath hitched slightly but there was no pain, no demanding urge to stop. Instead it felt incredibly good; the warm sensation pooling in his stomach.

Mark buried his hands into Jackson’s hair as he started kiss his way to Mark’s neck and even further down. He balled the blond strands tight into his fists when Jackson reached his cock and sucked the tip into his mouth, at the same time working his fingers in and out. Mark bit his lip but despite this a small noise escaped him, his eyes fluttering half shut.

He didn’t see stars or anything but he definitely felt good and it showed. His mouth fell open as Jackson worked Mark’s length deeper, crooking his fingers at the same time in search of the sweet spot that would ignite the flame a notch or two more.

Finally when the fingertips brushed against that small bundle of nerves it was like something Mark had never experienced before; a surprised gasp and a strangled breathy huff of air were enough to make Jackson glance up and smirk.

Mark stared down at Jackson, stared straight into his eyes that were pitch black in the darkness of the car. It was like looking down and seeing someone in a wholly different light, like Jackson wasn’t even human the way his skin was almost luminous and his hair like silk between Mark’s fingers.

He was so breathtakingly beautiful it almost made Mark choke with some other emotion that was not the lust coursing in his veins.

The feelings from before the whole mess with Soyi and everything suddenly returned to Mark and he blinked, confused as to why did he have to remember them right now. Earlier they had been only lingering and vague but now Mark felt them stronger, lined with the lust and he realized with painstaking clarity that he didn’t want to lose Jackson. Having had the unsettling experience from the past week had woken up Mark’s desire to have Jackson somewhere close by him daily; it was hard to imagine anything without him though it was unrealistic to spend every waking hour together.

These feelings made his chest feel heavy and light at the same time, made him walk on clouds yet drag a led ball behind him, and Mark couldn’t, _wouldn't_ , give a name to his suspicions because he was afraid they wouldn't be real, that someone would end up getting hurt if he did.

He tried to shake the clutching feelings off, to concentrate with all his might on Jackson and what he was doing to Mark, playing him like some instrument, eliciting all sorts of elated notes from him, his whole body reacting to each touch. The red veil of passion over his eyes made it easier to push the uneasiness aside for later inspection and to enjoy the night.

Jackson’s hair was so smooth and soft in Mark’s grasp, his body so hot even with him bending over him and giving Mark the time of his life.

The only thing that bothered him at the moment was the uselessness of his own hands; he _wanted_ to give something as well, not just receive.

It was an effort to come down from his reverie and form some coherent sentence that would convey his own needs.

“Jacks.. _Fuck_ .. Jackson, I want to.. Touch you.. _Oh shit_..” Talking normally was behind a huge effort, but he managed to end up relatively coherent. He bit down on his lip hard when Jackson in response thrust in further, fingertips brushing Mark’s g-spot so delightfully he nearly drew blood from his own lip. And then the warmth around his cock was gone and the fingers withdrew from inside him, leaving him panting and breathless, wanting the pleasure to come back right this instant.

“Scoot.” Jackson sat up and started to push Mark’s legs out of the way. It took a moment for Mark to come back enough to his senses to understand what Jackson was trying to do; he retaliated quickly, clambering up as well and then, after Jackson had wiggled his way down to a sitting position in the middle of the backseat, Mark straddled him, bringing his arms to Jackson’s shoulders and leaning forward for a kiss.

It was hungry, needy and uncontrolled; both of them so out of it all it took very little to continue where they had left.

Mark slipped one hand between their bodies and wrapped his fingers around Jackson’s extremely hard shaft. The burning feel of it against his palm was intoxicating; to know that Jackson got off so much from pleasing Mark was a huge fucking turn on.

Jackson bucked up at the contact, his muffled moan hidden in the middle of the battle of their tongues. Mark felt the hands sliding down his sides, leaving his skin crawling pleasantly, reaching further and further, until Jackson rested both his hands on Mark’s ass, spreading the cheeks wider, making Mark shift forward to ease Jackson’s access.

When two fingers entered him again Mark broke the kiss, sitting up higher so Jackson had even more room to move properly. It was impossible to align their cocks together in this position, but it damn well didn’t stop Mark from reaching a second hand between them and grabbing his own dick and start to pump them both in sync.

The amount of ecstasy was so intense his mouth fell open and he was gasping for air shamelessly.

Jackson latched his mouth to Mark’s skin, mouthing the arched neck, breathing on it hotly and sucking on the flesh harder than he probably meant to. There would be evidences tomorrow but who the heck cared right now.

 _Oh my god, YES_ , Mark thought when Jackson picked up a fast rhythm, coaxing Mark to do the same with their cocks in his hands. He could feel his blood pooling south, the churning and wavy feeling of pleasure climbing higher and higher until..

“ _F-fuckk!”_ It was a mutual curse, both of them feeling the reverie reaching its peak almost at the same time. Jackson was rubbing his fingers over Mark’s prostate over and over again and Mark was circling their shafts loosely, the slippery heads lubricating his both hands to create that slick sound that only increased the vulgarity of the situation and thus, naturally, heightening their passion.

Jackson got the full load of both of their semen squirting over his flexing stomach, Mark missing the mess just because he was sitting up more straight. His whole body was jerking and twitching with the orgasm crashing over him, the pleasure somehow incredibly intense tonight and he was seeing blinking lights even though his eyes were half open by now.

Under Mark Jackson wasn’t in any better condition; his breathing was shallow, he was sweating and his chest heaving, his hands now grasping Mark’s hips almost painfully hard.

Mark finally sat down, the aftermath shuddering his entire body and leaned forward to plant sloppy kisses down Jackson’s cheek and jaw; Jackson smelled like sweat and sex, something deep and dark and it was fucking intoxicating.

Jackson mumbled something, his eyes closed but his lips turned up into a smile and Mark missed what he had said, his own mind sailing on fluffy clouds high up in the air. He had no energy to even ask what it was and Jackson didn’t repeat himself, so Mark figured it was nothing important.

He liked being like this, wrapped up together so close there was no air between them, no clothes to prevent the body heat being shared.

But the car wasn’t the most convenient place for after sex cuddles.

“Do you think you could, maybe, consider sharing a bedroom with me?” Mark muttered finally, peeking under his lashes at Jackson and carefully, questioningly, kissing his bruised lip.

“Mm..” Jackson hummed low, not making any moves except tightening his hold of Mark. “You sure know to pick a moment to ask such things.”

“Uh, I’m.. sorry?”

Jackson’s eyes snapped open.

“Don’t you dare say sorry.” Then he smiled gently. “Yeah, I would like to share a bedroom with you. Though I think we need to get a bigger bed..” A sheepish smile crept on Jackson’s features.

“Why? I think either of ours is big enough already.” Mark blinked in slight confusion, licking his incredibly tender lips.

“Well, true. But we have uninvited guests sometimes..”  Jackson left the sentence hanging.

Mark stared at him a while before catching up; he giggled. He had forgotten Bambam especially liked to crawl into Jackson’s bed when he felt lonely in the middle of the night. Youngjae rarely did something like that but it wasn’t unknown of.

“Let’s get home and test the beds a bit more, shall we? And we really shouldn’t make a habit of this.” Mark snorted, looking at the foggy windows. “As much as this is fun I’d rather be in bed with you.” He laughed quietly, pecking Jackson a few times before starting reach for their clothes from the car floor.

Dressing up would definitely be interesting, if nothing else.

Mark was just so absolutely content right now, and it was ridiculous and he didn’t care. At all.

~

_Hello, darling._

_This is a rare entry and most likely a second one will never ever going to find it’s way here. Most likely because you have neutered me useless once you find out I have taken the opportunity and written on your precious diary.._

_Let me explain why I am writing this._

_You are away from home, visiting your parents with Yugyeom, leaving me alone with our daughters for the first time and for more than one day. It’s difficult and I don’t have such a good idea of their daily routines so they get frustrated at me sometimes. But we are managing. Don’t worry. I have to learn this too you know._

_Have I ever told you how proud I am of our son? Well, I am. He is performing so well at school it makes my heart squeeze tightly because he’s grown so much already. He’s a pain in the ass sometimes with the endless list of questions he has in store for us but other than that it never ceases to amaze me we have actually managed to raise him together and not mess it up. It’s like it was just yesterday when he was just a little baby and crying because of his wet nappies. He was so endearing back then.._

_The real reason why I’m taking advantage of your diary is because I wanted to explain how much you mean to me;_

_You’re the solid rock of my life, the steadying force and I would not be able to perform as well as I do without you by my side.You make me happier than anyone could. You're wicked and you're loving, you're the only man I could ever love so much I would climb over the Great wall of China.. Or something.  
_

_We have raised an amazing little boy and the two little ones we have now are going to grow up to be beautiful and gentle, and probably a bit snappy.. I couldn’t do this without you and I’m constantly amazed how you handle everything so smoothly. I know you don’t always have good days, most probably your days are full of small obstacles, but somehow you muddle through and come out as a winner. I respect you for that more than I could ever say with words._

_You have been a loyal friend and devious, inventive and passionate lover and I can only hope to be as good to you as you are to me. I wish we can live our happily ever after even though this isn't a fairytale but reality for us. You are my princeling, my sweetheart, my other half, as horribly sappy as it sounds.  
_

_I miss you. Come back home soon._

_I love you._

_Yours forever, Jaebum_

_P.s._

_Jackson and Mark had an interesting Friday. Or so it would seem after the story Jackson told me the next morning (mind you, he’s shirt revealed a dozen or more purplish hickeys so I’m guessing there was something other than the drama going on that night.. if you catch my drift). It sounded like a movie, I kid you not. A bad one with a horrible plot, but anyway. I think I would have been a little more discreet than Mark, going straight to someone and actually using the same method on them they had used on you, Jackson in this case, was a bit extreme. Mark doesn’t stop to amaze me, honestly. He’s so reserved sometimes but then he can go off like a bomb when the situation requires it. I’m glad he’s my friend and not my enemy. That would be horrible._

 

_Later addition; Thank you. I love you with all my heart as well. This made me actually tear up.. (Now you’ll have to comfort me.)_

_-Jinyoung_


	19. Near and Far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello baby birds, are you doing ok? Being all good and secretly naughty for Christmas? I sure am..
> 
> First of all, so sorry if there's like a gazillion mistakes and typos in this chapter. Secondly, I hope it's not too confusing..
> 
> And give it out to you all! Over 10k hits on this story?! I mean... I can't even... I'm humbled to receive so much attention. Sniff. Have some love from me <3
> 
> I'll try to upload the next chapter for you lovely people on 25th. You know what is coming... ;) Heh.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this mishmash of things in this chapter!

Jackson woke up suddenly, the dream kicking him awake abruptly but leaving him unsure which way the earth was rotating or what the time was. The reality was there but not quite, the cozy nest he was curled in enveloping him and Jackson wrinkled his nose in protest. His brain were fighting over the need to wake up and go back to sleep. He didn’t really realize where he was, the grogginess and sleep clutching to him like a sloth, making him more willing to slip back to sleep than to open his eyes and face the new day, though his dreams were still there, within his grasp, and he curled up tighter under his blanket, allowing himself those precious 5 more minutes of not making any decision this or that way.

This was unusual, that he would wake up before Mark’s alarm went on; Jackson had noticed he liked to sleep, or simply be a little lazy in bed, a little bit longer after Mark had clambered up and gone to wake up the kids. And Jackson liked to to pretend he was asleep on those mornings. The reason for him to do that was the way how Mark always, without a doubt, bent down to caress Jackson’s hair and kiss his cheek, the touch so careful and sweet it usually made Jackson want to scream and kick the blankets and roll around making a maki roll out himself with the said blanket, just because he was so happy. 

But he somehow kept his cool, the efforts not to snatch Mark in his arms and cuddle him furiously kept buried deep down, and enjoyed the quiet attention, his heart light and swelling with joy each and every time.

That was how Jackson’s life had turned out to be after he had been left unemployed, and after the shitty episode he would rather just forget completely. 

Well, he wasn’t exactly complaining because he took his time to relax, exercise as much as he could, you had to keep on looking good, and to be a magnificent stay at home dad. These small things were enough to keep him from falling into a slump or to despair much; Jackson loved to be there when Bambam and Youngjae came home from school, help them with their homework and it was pretty damn awesome to greet Mark when he returned, see how his hair was all tousled from the chilly winter wind, cheeks reddened by the frost and his wide toothy, shining smile making Jackson’s heart skip a beat every single time he saw it.

And now, now they had been sleeping in the same bedroom for the past two weeks. And from what he could deduce, Jackson was fairly certain this was a permanent solution. No one had thrown a fit or argued, not even Bambam, when Mark had dumped his old bed away and got a new one. A really big one. The one where Jackson was now currently curled up on his side under the warm fluffy blanket and mulling over things half-asleep.

He was warm and happy on the whole. The only thing marring his happiness was the fact that he was still one job short. No matter how much he could rely on Mark financially at the moment, there was no way it would continue very long. It was not an option for him.

But today was going to be different. Today he had an interview and it was making him giddy and jumpy, naturally.

It was a highly praised establishment and Jackson was more than enough nervous trying his luck at getting in, but he wasn’t completely without hope. The location of the school was maybe a problem to him, but if he would leave early enough it was manageable. Jackson had of course searched the school from the internet and spent an afternoon chewing on his nails and thinking hard if it was a good choice for him; could he fit in a place like that? And who knew what sort of people worked in there anyway. Not mention the students.. You could never be very sure about these artsy people.

Jackson however was  _ fairly _ hopeful about it; Jinyoung had been the one to tip Jackson off about the vacant teaching position opening soon. Apparently Jinyoung knew someone who worked there and had heard the news early.

So Jackson, being the active and straightforward sort of person he was, had called the headmaster, funnily enough the guy had the exact same name as Jinyoung did which naturally caused some nervous exhilaration in Jackson, and had gotten himself an interview.

He hoped and wished to any stars or gods anywhere in the universe that he wouldn’t fuck it up. He knew he had the horrible habit of stepping out of boundaries if he was nervous and would start babbling, and that in most cases that was not a good thing. The odds for meeting someone who wouldn’t get cross because he might be a bit twitchy were pretty slim these days.

Jackson sighed, trying to calm his suddenly speeding pulse and wiped his clammy hands on the sheets, wrinkling his nose and trying not to fidget around too much.

“I can hear you huffing and puffing a mile away, you know..” Mark’s sleepy voice interrupted Jackson’s worrying. Jackson opened his eyes and saw a sight that made his heart swell with incredible happiness; Mark and his adorable mop of now dark brown hair, all ruffled and messy, his eyes barely open as he squinted first at his phone and then Jackson, still so very drowsy and groggy. “What are you thinking so much at this hour? It's not even 5.30 am yet..” Mark’s voice was thick and lined with sleep, and it sounded like the most beautiful choir of shabby angels with gruff voices singing on the edge of golden clouds high up above House of rising sun. It made his chest tighten with everything positive ever being created. It was so amazing that he could wake up every morning to  _ this _ .

“Nerves, I guess.” Jackson replied slowly, inching closer to Mark, half hoping he could steal a hug or two before Mark would fall back asleep.

“You'll dazzle them.” Mark yawned his mouth closed and his jaw tight, trying to pry his eyes open, blinking at Jackson. He looked so adorable like that. Adorable in a very manly way because no girl in the world could match that amount of sexy cuteness Mark had encoded in him. “Don’t overthink it. Come here..” Mark lifted the corner of his blanket and Jackson slipped under it easily, snuggling as close as he could, one hand circling Mark’s waist and hiding his face under Mark’s chin. Jackson placed a tiny kiss on Mark’s neck, smiling to himself.

Mark wrapped them with the blanket again, the morning silence lulling them back to dozing state and Jackson could feel himself falling back to sleep. Mark’s hand was drawing small slow circles on his back, the fingertips playing with the waistband of Jackson’s boxers, causing a tiny happy sensation to scurry up his spine like a teensy mouse.

The warmth Mark emanated was amazing, both physical and mental; it made Jackson feel like he was cocooned in something so safe and cozy he would surely be shielded from all the bad things in the world if he would just remain here.

Was it illegal to be this happy? Maybe so, but after all they had had to go through before reaching this point, their exhilaration might be justified, and definitely in order whenever it was possible.

Just when Mark's fingers were starting to dip lower and under the waistband of Jackson’s boxers their sluggish cuddles were interrupted when the door to the bedroom slid open and a faint light crawled in, revealing a tiny figure rubbing his eyes in wrinkled blue PJ’s. Jackson didn't see who it was from his spot, but he didn't really have to; the only one to come and crawl into their bed in the early hours of the morning could be none other than Bambam. It took an earthquake or worse to wake Youngjae up but Bambam had always had this particular habit. Which Jackson minded not at all, not even now.

So when the small boy inched his way up on the bed Jackson shifted, pulling his own blanket from behind over him, making a Bambam sized space in between him and Mark.

Sure enough, the kid snuggled between them, his barely open eyes peering sleepily at Mark for a moment before Bambam just curled up facing him, one hand squeezing the white t-shirt Mark was wearing. 

Jackson smiled gently and spooned Bambam from behind, reaching over his son to hug Mark with one hand.

It was incredible how well Bambam had eventually adjusted to their situation; after the initial refusal and stubbornness to accept Mark as someone who could be a part of their family, things certainly were peachy now.

Just looking at the view in front of him was enough for Jackson to nearly choke on his happiness; it washed over him, purifying him from anything bad and left him basking in the glory of being content with everything. He couldn't remember ever being this elated before.

Mark’s eyes opened just a fraction, the dark brown colour soft and sleepy, a smile spreading to his lips slowly as he gazed at Jackson over Bambam’s mop of black hair. Could there be anything more perfect than this moment?

Probably not.

 

When the alarm finally went on much later it only made Jackson sigh and rub his eyes groggily and to stretch lazily, like cats always do before yawning majestically and moving onto the next thing. Now that it was time to get up he didn't want to. The bed was  _ much _ more comfortable place to stay.

But the duties of the day didn't wait and when Mark finally got up, Jackson let out a silent groan of defeat, unable to sleep more, so he ended up tickling Bambam awake, and earning a mighty accidental kick in the stomach for that. These joys of being a parent..

“I have to get going already.” Mark, about half an hour later, said while pulling on a long sleeved black shirt to pair with his baggy jeans, hurrying in from the kitchen door to grab something to eat. His hair was a cute mess as Mark was in a hurry; he just stuffed his old beanie over the unruly dark locks and, in Jackson’s opinion, looked even more handsome like that. Then again, when  _ didn’t _ Mark look handsome?

Jackson’s hand halted in the middle of lifting his tea cup to his lips and he quirked his brows up. 

“Oh?”

“There's a batch of new stuff arriving in an hour and Yoongi just called that he's sick so I have to be there like..” Mark glanced at his watch. “..  _ should have  _ been there about half an hour ago.” He grimaced and chugged down his coffee, snatching a piece of toast from Jackson’s plate.

“You own the place; you can be late sometimes.” Jackson chuckled, watching Mark moving around in haste, pulling his shoes and jacket on.

“Well.. true. But not today.” Then he glanced out of the window. “You might want to leave early too. It started to snow.” Mark leaned down, pecking Jackson on his lips softly, cradling with one hand Jackson’s cheek and running gently a thumb over his lips. “And don't worry about the interview; I'm sure you'll slay it.” A dazzling little smile and with that he was gone, the front door clicking twice, announcing Mark's departure. The distant sound of the car driving out of earshot made Jackson’s heart sink a little. Not that he was clingy or needy, though he could be annoyingly so, it was just heartbreaking to be apart so many hours of the day. 

This stage of sheer puppy love was pretty sickening, even Jackson could admit that. But it didn't  _ really _ bother him. He'd rather have this than struggle on with no one to laugh with, or with no one to look at him the way Mark did.

Jackson meandered into the living room finally, to usher the boys away from the morning cartoons they were ogling with glazed eyes, and to get them dressed properly because falling snow would mean taking detours and gazing up and trying to catch snowflakes on their tongues. All very much fun but required time they really didn't have on school days.

Bambam and Youngjae were protesting loudly until they saw the snow and after that Jackson couldn't believe how fast they got the clothes on and were outside. 

So amazing.

~

Mark's phone vibrated in his pocket once but he ignored it. He was giggling at a stupid joke Jimin had just made and was wiping tears from his eyes, half bent over the counter he was manning at the moment.

“I mean he is  _ such _ a grouchy person to the outside but when we are alone  _ he _ is the one to mommy everything.”

“I know, I really do.” Mark laughed. “Are you forgetting I actually grew up with him?”

His phone vibrated again. And again; it was beginning to be impossible to ignore.

“How could I. Still jealous of how you got to see him in the maid outfit before I got into the picture.” Jimin almost wailed, trying to pull a pout but failed by cracking up instead.

Mark smirked at Jimin, finally fishing the phone out and opened the three messages Jackson had sent him.

1st: _ Oh. My. God. _

2nd:  _ I can't believe it. _

3rd:  _ I GOT THE JOB?! What the hell! _

Mark smiled suddenly very widely, Jackson’s complete bafflement and joy infectious even from afar, excitement starting to bubble like soda water inside him.

_ That's great. I knew you could do it. When will you start? _

_ January, so I still have time play around a bit, he he. The current teacher is going to drop to an early retirement then. Seriously, Mark.. I'm so happy! _

_ Bet you are. I'm too. Want to celebrate? _

_ Should I? I mean we? Maybe do something awesome together with the kids? _

_ How about going for a short trip this weekend? I know It's the last weekend before Christmas and we all have time. _

_ Damn. Is it that close already.. But yeah, let's go somewhere!! _

Grinning widely Mark closed his phone and turned his attention back on Jimin who was watching him curiously.

“Let me guess; Jackson?” Somehow the quirk of his eyebrows looked more dirty than simply questioning.

“Why? Do I look like I was talking with him?” Mark answered, snorting softly, not ready to give out the reason why he was feeling so elated and felt like light was shining out from every goddamn orifice of his body right at this moment.

“Well yeah. You get this dreamy glint in your eyes whenever it's something concerning Jackson.” Jimin smirked at Mark and Mark wrinkled his nose in response. “Hey it's totally cool, even Yoongi has his moments.” The chiming giggle Jimin let out was slightly naughty and Mark rolled his eyes.

“What have I done to deserve you as a friend?”

“Came out of the closet too late?” Mark threw a snapback at Jimin who ducked out of the way laughing; Mark's aim had been sloppy anyway.

“Very funny.” Mark sighed, rolling his eyes again and then changing the subject before Jimin would go into more detail about Mark and his way of coming out of the closet. “Do you know any good places to visit with kids? Like for the weekend.”

Jimin pursed his lips, playing with the cap he took from the counter.

“Didn’t they just open an indoor water park somewhere nearby?” He finally said, tilting his head to the side and placed the snapback on his head sideways. The hat made Jimin look infinitely younger immediately; some people just were blessed with forever youth and Mark kind of hated Jimin for that. But only a little.

“Forgot about that. Good one, thanks.” Mark smiled, scribbling a memo for himself to remember to check it later when he had more energy to concentrate on it.

Water games with Jackson? Fuck yeah, Mark was totally in for that. To see Jackson in a swimsuit again wouldn't hurt anyone, especially him.

Mark snickered as his thoughts trailed down the red light district roads.

“Okay, ew.” Jimin’s snort made the lovely images disappear too quickly and Mark raised an eyebrow at his friend. “Just remember you'll have children with you before you start playing in the water too much.. I don’t want to hear about your public escapades.  _ Again _ .”

“Oh shut up. Or you will never see those maid pictures in daylight.” Mark threw another hat at Jimin, this time hitting him squarely in the face but his ears were burning with embarrassment.

“You dare to keep such things from me!” Jimin grinned, feigning shock by pressing his hands over his heart. “I'm shocked to my core.”

“Sunshine princess is going to shut up now!”

“ _ Princess _ ! Says the one who got busy in a  _ car _ , in a  _ parking lot _ and with  _ hand oil  _ of all things!”

“Like you haven't!” Mark's ears felt so hot it was like someone was holding burning coals next to them.

“Tsk, sure I have but that's different.” Jimin actually had the audacity to smirk all high and mighty after his comment.

“Hypocrite.” 

“Maaaark, just give me the photographs so I can tease Yoongi whenever I feel like it.” Jimin snatched a handful of snapbacks and began chucking them one at a time towards Mark so he had to take cover behind the counter.

“So immature.” Mark stuck his tongue out to Jimin when he peered over the edge and threw a cap or two back at him.

“You’re one to talk!”

This resulted in even worse throwing snapbacks war between them and left the unsorted caps lying all over the shop floor. Luckily there were no customers at the moment, though it might have not been so surprising for them to find the owner and his friend acting like they were still five and laughing all the while like they had lost their last batch of marbles.

So very grown up indeed.

~

Jackson sat on the edge of the pool, watching fondly at Bambam diving and surfacing with a jubilant grin plastered all over his cute little face. Mark and Youngjae were still in the showers and Jackson had left them to cope together because Youngjae had seemed a bit shy coming out to the pool area, stalling as much as he could without being directly disobedient yet.

Jackson had  _ tried _ his best not to stare at Mark in the showers too obviously but it was impossible not to peek at least a little. He just looked so  _ damn good _ naked.

Jackson didn't know when or where Mark was working out but it definitely showed; his whole body was all tightly packed muscle and joints in a deliciously wrapped package. Starting from the most gorgeous face ever gifted to anyone, going down to the long curve of his neck and to the shoulders that were much more stronger than anyone would have guessed from a quick glance. Mark’s back, his chest, his stomach.. It was all so bloody perfect. Then the narrow hips and  _ that ass _ . And let’s not forget about the long slim legs.

Jackson was sure he was drooling all over the place just remembering all that and knowing he had the right to touch it. 

A stifled giggle to his right alerted Jackson from his thoughts before he actually had a trail of spit running from the corner of his mouth and he glanced at a trio of giggling girls in too small bikinis pointing discreetly somewhere left from Jackson. He turned to look as well.

Yep. Mark.

He should have known the idiot would elicit such reactions from people. But it was no wonder because, uh hello, he was so  _ hot _ in tight black swimming shorts, his dark hair wet and pushed back. He was also walking towards Jackson with Youngjae clutching to his hand tightly which only made him look more irresistible.

A pang of jealousy and uncertainty hit Jackson in the face suddenly; what if Mark wanted to date a girl after all? Or some other guy, now that he knew he wasn't opposed to it? Maybe he’d get bored with Jackson and would want to move onto something better.

Jackson chewed on his lips, trying to dismiss his fears. It wasn't easy to be confident you could keep someone like Mark interested in him when most of the time Jackson wasn't even sure he deserved this much happiness in the first place. Why was it so hard to believe he deserved all the good things in this world, just like everyone else did?

The melancholy thoughts brightened up when Mark reached Jackson.

“Youngjae! Come on it's like super awesome in here!” Bambam squealed from the pool his whole face shining with happiness.

Youngjae was looking at the pool hesitantly, like it was going to bite him in the ass if he went too close.

“Ok, time to stop being afraid. Nothing will hurt you.” Mark sighed. He gave Jackson an apologetic small smile before hopping down into the water and holding his arms up to Youngjae. The water only reached Mark to his thighs at this end of the pool.

Youngjae looked at the water, then his father and again the water. His jaw tightened but he did step closer so that Mark could take him in his arms and hug him close.

“See? Nothing to be afraid of.”

“Dad? Can we go to the water slide, pleeeeaaaaseee?” Bambam came splashing in front of Jackson, his black hair glued all over his forehead.

“That's why we're here.” Jackson grinned at Bambam, averting his eyes from Mark who was trying to pry Youngjae off of him but the boy was like an eel, refusing to let go.

“Youngjae what is the matter? I thought you wanted to come swimming.” Jackson heard Mark’s hushed words but he tried not to interfere.

Youngjae mumbled something Jackson couldn't hear because Bambam was making a delightful racket near him.

“Well.. there are no sharks here. They are too big and they can't survive in a water like this.”

Sharks huh?

Jackson chewed on his lips, a thought nagging somewhere at the back of his mind. Why was he suddenly so queasy? 

_ Ohh _ ..

He and Mark had watched Jaws a few nights ago after the boys had fallen asleep, taking a moment to snuggle up together and watch something mindless. Unsurprisingly the TV showed something called “Shark week” for the umpteenth time and big surprise Jaws was the late night movie.

Youngjae must have seen a glimpse of it and Jackson and Mark had missed him lurking in the doorway while being too engrossed with their liplock rather than the movie.

Jackson flushed a little; it was a wonder Youngjae wasn't traumatized by them making out, though it had been almost chaste compared to some other times they were at it.

Jackson listened to Mark and how he somehow kept gently explaining it was quite impossible the pools have anything alive and dangerous hidden under the surface.

“I think Bambam is the biggest thing to worry here, don't you think so?” Mark ended his explanation with a chuckle and Youngjae giggled in response. Jackson didn't even have the heart to deny that; Bambam definitely was the sort who would out of the blue do a body slam to unsuspecting victims. Where he had picked up such habits Jackson didn't know. He denied ever having done anything of the sort. Ever.

The day turned out to be fantastic. Bambam and Youngjae were being their happy selves and splashing around like a couple of baby seals. Youngjae’s initial fear had dissipated luckily quite fast and he had started to fawn over Bambam when the younger got a bit too rowdy. Quite cute thing to observe but as they still were just kids Youngjae’s mothering was at the minimum.

They did the big water slides together, all four of them, tried to surf on the simulator and generally had fun to their hearts content.

The boys were thrilled to go around squirting water nozzles and climbing the swinging roped above the kids pool. Mark and Jackson took pleasure with trying out the outrageous tubes where they would go looping around in a tube until they shot out and landed neatly in water again.

The big pool with the big waves you could just dive into, or try to surf on top of it, was something they all liked to spend time in.

Lazy river, wave pool, slides, whirlpool, swaying bridges.. you name it, they had it.

Jackson found it hard to concentrate sometimes when Mark was laughing so openly, all his teeth visible, the mirth so audible and visible when he encouraged Youngjae to swim more or when taking a turn to dive with Bambam or when he was surfacing after a dive and was pushing his hair off his face and looking at Jackson like he was the happiest to see him there close by. So stunning.

Jackson also found it incredibly distracting how many looks Mark was drawing in just by being himself.

Most of the female population were on their knees probably. It really made Jackson feel like he ought to put a visible leash on Mark or something because he was the center of the attention because of his good looks. 

“You're way too good looking to be left alone..” Jackson muttered quietly while they were waiting for the boys queuing to the kids water slide together, standing in the warm water close to each other, but not too obviously close so that people wouldn’t stare at them too much. 

Naturally Jackson didn’t even consider people could have been looking at  _ him _ as well. There was nothing  _ that _ great about him and his looks, was there now?

Mark glanced at him sideways and Jackson could see how his lips curled up just a little bit.

“ _ Me? _ Haven't you noticed how much attention  _ you _ gather?” Mark glanced around quickly and then motioned Jackson to follow him to a small crevice that was half hidden behind a fake palm tree and some decorative bushes. Jackson swam after Mark, his eyes fixed on how the muscles on Mark’s upper back were moving as he swam with confident strokes forward, completely ignoring what Mark had just said. Jackson really wanted to run his fingers over that wet skin and push Mark against the white tiles the pools were lined with, and kiss him senseless. The last kiss they had had was this morning and that was like so many hours ago and Jackson was pretty sure his lips would wither and wilt away if there would be no kissing in sight today.

Yes, he was an idiot in love. Who cared.

Jackson however was surprised when Mark suddenly stopped, turned around and pulled them chest to chest, their faces so close it was a miracle their didn't hit their noses together. Jackson could feel his heart jumping to his throat, threatening to escape through his mouth.

“Watch it..” Jackson muttered, glancing a bit wildly around but not really bothered himself with the sudden closeness. It felt like someone was lighting him up from within whenever they were this close to each other, warmth crawling all over his body, making it ache pleasantly. Just like that. “What if someone sees us?” But Mark was completely ignoring his mumblings right now.

“Can't let you out of my sight..” Mark said quietly, his gaze moving lazily over Jackson’s face and fixing on Jackson’s lips. Mark pulled his own lower lip between his teeth, biting it and Jackson’s stomach did that yummy flip again. Did Mark  _ know _ how much of a tease he was? Surely he must. “Maybe you should wear a ring or something.” Jackson’s heart almost stopped at that; was Mark implying they should get more serious? Like serious  _ serious _ ?

A tight knot twisted in his guts and the foolish love he felt made his cheeks burn. It would be too soon,  _ way _ too soon, but he couldn't help the rush of happiness spreading everywhere. It was like he had inhaled helium; Jackson felt so light-hearted and dizzy.

And then he was being pulled under the water. Next thing Jackson realized were the lips on his as Mark kissed him under the surface. A string of bubbles floated above them and it didn't matter how oxygen was getting low soon; the kiss was just perfect like that. Spontaneous, sweet and sexy, and it definitely made Jackson yearn for more.

Too bad it didn't last very long. But enough long to make them both flustered when they surfaced again and gazed at each other, smiling those foolish smiles people in love always seem to smile.

“Did you mean that we should get hitched in future?” Jackson tried to sound like he was joking but in reality he was actually burning with curiosity. He wanted to pull Mark back into an embrace but didn’t dare to in such public place to be too affectionate. Instead Jackson weaved his fingers through his own wet hair, pushing it back.

“Uh..” Mark’s smile faltered, then melted away and he frowned. Jackson’s feelings plummeted immediately; he'd certainly said something wrong now.

“I was just joking! No pressure. I mean my divorce isn't legal yet and all that..” He rambled on, hoping to hide his embarrassment behind it.

“Jackson..” Mark said, his quiet tone quite serious and.. was that sadness? “I don't think I want to get married again.”

“Oh.” Jackson felt like someone had punched him in the stomach hard. His brains were screaming questions like  _ Then why the fuck would you make such jokes straight to my face! _ or  _ Am I not good enough for you! _ But he recovered fast, sporting a small smile despite his hurt feelings. “Well that doesn't mean we’re breaking up, does it? I mean we can just stay together forever without making any legal announcements or whatever. At least I hope you’re not breaking up with me in the middle of a water park..”

“I'm not breaking up with you. I would be mad to let you go.” Mark seemed to breathe easier and his tentative smile eased the bitter prickling Jackson felt. 

They didn’t get to talk more because the next second Bambam and Youngjae splashed towards them, giggling and laughing loudly, trying to outswim each other.

Of course Jackson was a bit offended to hear they'd never get to that point where they would be saying the I do’s but did it really matter, for real? If they would remain together it was no big deal.  _ Right? _

_ RIGHT?! _

~

Mark was worried. He hadn't seen Youngjae for a while now and no matter where he looked, the familiar tuft of brown hair wasn't visible anywhere.

“Jackson.” Mark almost whined, hating the way his voice was lined with anxiety and worry. “I can't find Youngjae.”

Jackson turned to look at Mark first, a worried frown knitting his brows together, glancing around though he probably knew it was useless. Mark appreciated the gesture anyway.

“We could go for the info desk. They could announce his name?”

“Probably the best thing to do.” Mark worried his bottom lip between his teeth and frowned. It wasn't like Youngjae was so small he didn't know how to ask for help of he needed it but it was just a matter of principle. And the parental worry that rose instantly inside Mark whenever something was supposedly wrong with his kid was trying to choke him on the spot. Hopefully nothing  _ was _ wrong.

“Youngjae said he had to go to the toilet and he said he was big enough to find it alone but I was like nnooo, don't go! But he went anyway.” 

Both Mark and Jackson turned slowly to stare at Bambam who in return only smiled brightly at them.

“Why didn't you say anything to us?” Jackson tried apparently quite hard not to slap a hand over his own face and drag it down in an exasperated gesture.

“Well Youngjae said he could manage..” Bambam blinked in confusion a couple of times.

“Next time just tell either of us, please Bambam?”

“Okay.” Then he stuck his hand out and pointed past his father and Mark. “But Youngjae is right there with that pretty lady.”

Mark whirled around and sought out the little boy who, as Mark witnessed with his own eyes, was obviously charming his way into the heart of a young woman with long black hair and a quite skimpy set of neon green bikinis. Well, at least the kid had a good taste of nothing else.

“Youngjae!” Mark walked up to meet the duo approaching them, trying with all his might to control his facial expressions and not to allow the enormous relief show so early. Youngjae looked up at Mark and his bright smile faltered when facing the rather stern expression Mark had managed to drag over his features.

“Hi Dad..” Youngjae sounded exactly like he knew he had done something stupid on his own.

“Haven't I told you not to go wandering off on your own?”

“But I had to.. And I  _ am _ big enough already!”

“Clearly..” Mark mumbled under his breath. “Just  _ tell _ me first, please.” Then he turned to the woman and tried to smile at her. “Thank you for bringing my son back.”

“Oh. Oh.. it.. it's ok. It was no problem. He is such a sweetheart.” She glanced at Youngjae and smiled. Mark couldn’t imagine what the boy had been telling her, and he kind of wanted to remain ignorant too.

“Yeah this is my Dad and that's my other Dad and that's my Bambam, he's my half brother.” Youngjae chirped happily and Mark could  _ see _ how her brains worked the words out, the tiny cogs and wheels springing to life, and slowly her eyes widened as she realised what Youngjae had said.

_ Here comes the disgust _ .. Mark thought, already arranging his face to resemble polite indifference but he was surprised by the woman actually remaining quiet and only flushing pink.

“Hey Youngjae, had a good adventure?” Jackson appeared next to Mark Bambam in his arms and grinned down at the slightly confused boy.

“I just went to the toilet.” Youngjae mumbled, looking a bit sheepish.

“Well I'm glad you're safe and sound and no dragons or water monsters ate you.” Jackson grinned conspiratorially at him. What he got in return was an exasperated look and an indignant huff.

“ _ I'm not five _ . There are no monsters in here.” Mark had to suppress a laugh; Youngjae’s nose wrinkling and eye rolling were enough to evaporate his anger and worries completely.

“Well I'll leave your boy back in your care.” The woman smiled faintly, her eyes flickering from Mark to Jackson, the pink dusting her cheeks only becoming more prominent. “You do what your daddies tell you from now on, ok?” She winked at Youngjae cutely and patted his head gently before leaving.

Mark sighed deep, relief washing over him; there had been no bashing, or anything else negative, and it felt good. Normally a reaction to them was nothing good so it felt doubly nice to be treated like there was nothing wrong with them. As there wasn't.

Just when Mark was about turn to Jackson and suggest they should go and probably eat something the woman turned around and, to both Mark and Jackson’s utter disbelief, gave them two thumbs up and a very obvious wink, the tip of her tongue between her teeth visible as she was grinning widely at them.

They stared, not knowing what had just happened, not ever having encountered such reaction before, but it didn’t feel offending or bad at all. Just very odd.

_ Women.. _

~

Mark was knackered. Like so totally out of it.

When the night finally pulled the darkness over the world, announcing the time for Youngjae and Bambam to go to bed, Mark simply acted mechanically, ignoring the sleepy whining the boys did about not wanting to sleep yet but already half asleep on their feet. Once the duo was tucked in under the blankets it took only minutes for them to be fast asleep and drooling all over their pillows.

Such a heartwarming sight, and not really surprising considering the amount of activities today.

Mark let his sleepy thoughts wander and somehow ended up thinking about the room they were in; it was a small miracle they even were in this and not scattered in different parts of the establishment.

Jackson had waved his imaginary wand, performing his magic tricks and had flirted with the reception girl so much, just being his usual conversational self, smiling and laughing with mischief clearly in mind, and thus had managed to secure them a family room instead of having to pay for two separate rooms. It was more convenient and a lot cheaper, and it gave Mark and Jackson the chance to sleep in a double bed together. Highly appreciated detail.

Currently they were lying on that mentioned bed, talking with low voices about the wedding that was approaching them, and the happy couple, fast, trying to keep up with the plans they both were making on their own. Jackson was going to take Jaebum out to do  _ something _ , Mark didn’t even know half what was going to happen because apparently it needed to remain as a secret. Trust Jackson to figure something like that out..

Mark however had no idea what do with Jinyoung. 

To quote Jaebum, it would be “useless to try to make him do anything wild and unexpected unless you wanted to die a horrible painful death”. Mark had almost given up but then had steeled up his mind and decided he would go and  _ force  _ Jinyoung to go through some activities. It was tradition! He  _ couldn't _ say no to traditions! It would be bordering blasphemy if he did. Or whatever. Anyway Mark was going to take that motherly friend of his out and that was final.

Mark wished he and Jackson could have talked and acted more freely now that they were basically alone, but as the boys were sleeping only at the other end of the room it wasn't really fair to talk and laugh very loudly. Or to do anything else that should stay out of the eyes of kids..

And it sucked. So much.

“Hey, are you listening?” Mark startled when Jackson poked him on the nose to gain his attention.

“Yeah. Sorry. I spaced out.” Mark gave a meek smile and inched closer, sneaking his arm around Jackson’s waist. He had an inkling he had missed out something Jackson had been explaining but Jackson didn't go back to that, instead only smiling faintly.

“Guess we should sleep.” Jackson mumbled, his eyes even from the close distance pitch black, the dark gaze glued on Mark’s features. Something shifted inside Mark’s heart as he watched Jackson; it was like Mark was on the verge of spilling out the words he didn't know how to express. There was suddenly a storm of feelings inside him trying to make him yield, to give in and fall into the soft cradle of the terrifying and wonderful feelings. Something he had never really experienced before.

And it confused him. Maybe on some levels even scared a little. 

He had said earlier he didn't want to marry again, but to be completely honest Mark wasn't sure what he wanted. Not yet. It was too soon to say anything but they didn't  _ need _ to get married ever, did they? They could just be together, like they already were, couldn't they? Would it make them less like a couple even if marriage never came up? 

This confusion had caused a few sticky moments for Mark by now, when he was careless, and each time Mark had pushed the unpleasant emotions away, refusing to acknowledge the whole problem that wasn't really a problem so early in their relationship. It wasn't logical, nor was it a very clever thing to do. Not that he could really do anything about it if he was to fall in love.

What the heck even was love?

He knew parental love, both receiving and giving. He knew love between his siblings. He knew love between friends. But what was this between him and Jackson? Was this love, or was it just a fledgling spark of something much more grandiose that was yet to come?

Should he address this or not? 

So far Jackson hadn't said anything about his own feelings so Mark had opted he was fine left to ponder over the matter for a little while longer.

He may or may not be a wimp, but so far he was happier without going too much into detail when thinking about his feelings for Jackson. He just hoped that he hadn't hurt Jackson too much with his words; the flash of uncertainty and hurt in the brown eyes had been fleeting, but Mark  _ had _ seen it. 

And it made him uneasy.

He should smother Jackson with adoration and affection, to make him understand Mark wanted nothing better than to be with him. That particular emotion was probably written on his face with bright letters, shining a mile ahead for everyone to see.

To prevent himself from twisting his brains completely Mark moved even closer to Jackson, their noses now brushing and chests pressed together, legs tangled up. For once it was nice to have only one blanket; it made things like this so much easier.

He licked his lips quickly, thinking how his heart rate picked up immediately when they were this close, how his hands felt restless because they weren't tangled up in Jackson his hair or touching any other part of him.

Jackson was intoxicating; he was pure at heart as much as anyone could be these days, he was loving and caring, he always put everything before his own needs and Mark couldn’t have wished for anyone better to spend his days with. No matter how hurt or emotionally distraught Mark would be Jackson seemed to be like a tree in the wind, bending against the bluster but so deeply rooted he was steady as a mountain, taking the storm but always being there if needed. He rather took the blow himself than let his loved ones suffer. Both admirable and incredibly stupid.

Mark didn't want Jackson to be hurt. Not because of him or because of anyone else.

He would go to hell and back to make sure Jackson was going to be loved and cared for.

Maybe this  _ was _ love then. At least it was something way stronger than anything Mark had ever felt before and despite the amount of feelings making him slightly disoriented it was obvious the feeling was there was and didn't seem to want to loosen its hold on Mark’s heart.

He drew a long trembling breath and quickly pressed his lips against Jackson’s, kissing him instead of voicing any of his thoughts, the action perhaps speaking on behalf of his unsaid emotions and at the same time saying sorry. One kiss could convey only so much but Mark hoped Jackson knew how much he meant to Mark.

Jackson responded eagerly after the initial surprise had worn off, which was maybe a second or so but felt like an eternity, his hand reaching up to cradle half of Mark's face. The touch felt so familiar by now, like there had never been a time when Jackson had  _ not _ been here to hold him. Like they were sculpted from birth to fit every nook and crevice of each other perfectly.

The kiss was slow and so full of emotions and unsaid words it made Mark dizzy, his body responding to every touch over his skin and melting against Jackson. He wanted to focus on Jackson alone, focus on the sensation of him being close, inhale his natural fragrance, taste the toothpaste from his lips and tongue, feel the gentle fingers dancing down from Mark’s cheek, curling around to stroke the short hair at Mark’s neck.

Despite being in the same room as their children were, and being trapped in a whirlwind of emotions, the kiss soon changed from slow and loving to deep and passionate, igniting the fire inside, turning the stroking hands needier and groping, bodies shifting and seeking for better angle to grind together. 

It didn't need much to get the flame burning even hotter and brighter; the caution slipping from their grasp with each silent gasp between the kisses.

Mark couldn't help himself, simply couldn't; he trailed his hand from Jackson’s waist to his hip, playing with the hem of his shirt and with the elastic band of the boxers like he wasn't sure should he do it or not, but in the end decided against his better judgement and proceeded on, his whole palm cupping the front of Jackson’s crotch.

Jackson jolted and squeezed Mark’s shoulder hard, pulling away from the kiss that had turned so much needier in such a short amount of time, making them reckless once again.

This really was turning out to be a bad habit for them.

“Mark..” Jackson whispered, his tone almost desperate. “We can't.”

“I know.. But I can't help it.” Mark muttered, his words quite sulky, but his hand not moving away.

“What, am I that irresistible?” Jackson actually chuckled.

“Yeah. You are.” And it was true. Just by kissing Jackson and being held by him like this was enough to soothe Mark's worries, tune down his messy thoughts and make him certain again who he was and what he wanted from life; he wanted  _ this _ . Wanted Jackson and to be able to fall asleep next to him, wake up next to him, deal with life and everything it threw at them with him.

So simple, but somehow complicated as hell.

Mark closed the distance between them again, prying the smiling lips open, delving deep with his tongue and Jackson answering by doing the same. They clutched onto each other like two people waiting to drown with the Titanic anytime now, holding on so tight it was almost painful.

Mark stroked the bulge under his palm, the feel of the hardening shaft twisting the pleasantly hot knots in his stomach. He could hear how Jackson’s breath hitched and his body tensed under the relatively quiet ministrations.

They tried to be as silent as they could be, considering it was pretty damn stupid to even be doing this. And sure enough, just when Jackson began to lift Mark's shirt higher, either Youngjae or Bambam made a sound in their sleep it made Mark and Jackson freeze on the spot, everything pausing.

“We should stop here.” Jackson mumbled, kissing Mark a few times more before rolling over to lie on his back, his breathing audibly heavy and uneven.

Mark remained quiet, his heart was thundering loudly, the pulse beating his eardrums and echoing inside his head. It was better to stop, yes, though it didn’t make him happy to do so. But he felt calmer again, he could ignore the way his skin was almost throbbing with unsatisfied yearning, like he had gained back his balance that had been lost momentarily for some reason. Everyone have their little slips, don’t they? Things would work out in the future, he was sure of it. And his uncertainty over some things would change too, without a doubt.

“You know I really like you?” Mark said finally quietly, fearing either of the boys hearing them.

“I like you too.” Jackson turned his head to face Mark who had changed his position to be as close he could be with Jackson again, his chin propped on Jackson’s shoulder and one arm sneaking over Jackson’s chest. 

Jackson smiled, his teeth flashing pale in the darkness of the room, and intertwined their fingers over his chest.

“Good.” Mark couldn’t help but to smile back at Jackson, squeezing his fingers. “I’m not letting you go.”

He only hoped Jackson would believe him until Mark was ready to take the next step.

~

Planning the stag night for Jaebum had been just a little bit erratic. Jackson was amazed how the things had actually managed to roll into motion and turn out great, never mind the hiccups with the timetables or the lack of too many friends.

Jaebum’s stag night seemed to spin out of control the more the night wore on, but it wasn't all that bad, considering they  _ had _ managed to do all the things they had planned to make Jaebum’s “last night of pure freedom” awesome. Jackson was delightfully drunk when the clock chimed 11pm and he knew tomorrow was going to be a day of pure pain. Self-inflicted, of course, so he couldn't even complain. But hopefully Mark would have the same symptoms so they could suffer together, maybe spend the day glued to the couch watching movies or series and eating greasy pizza.

Tonight was a dangerous night to be intoxicated and having a blast at a bar with awesome people because it always ended up with someone doing something that caused trouble.

Jackson was so giggly and clingy with everyone he set his eyes on and Jaebum didn't seem to mind them being so close the more drinks they poured down their throats. His mood was so good because he had managed to pull out a day that seemed to please his beloved friend who was at the moment singing slightly off tune with Chansung to the song that was playing in the background.

The bar the mildly rowdy small group of theirs had entered was still half empty, no one minding it at all because it gave them the freedom to choose any booth they fancied and actually  _ hear _ what they were talking about. The bar wasn’t anything too fancy, just one of those dubious places where a lot of gay people were known to hang out, and with half of their group being pretty gay it was an obvious choice.

Junho had hauled a tray of different sized and coloured drinks on the table soon after they had entered and Jackson was pretty sure his life was going to go down the drain if he drank much more.

“I.. ah. I would liek tho..  _ like to _ make a toast! And I mean you know.. holding the glass up and not to eat bread or stuff like that.” Jackson clambered up and stood by the table on unsteady feet, smiling at the three other guys a silly drunken smile. He was just so damn happy to be alive at the moment. “For our  _ awesome _ , chic and sexy Jaebum!”

 

Their day had started with Jackson, Junho and Chansung sneaking in to wake Jaebum up. The whole trying to scare the poor groom out of his wits was only possible because Jinyoung was a mischievous bastard and let them in.

After being woken up by three guys tackling him in the bed, forced to wash and dress up rather fast, Jaebum had been dragged out, his hair still an unruly mess, eyes barely open and a string of curses falling from his lips. Luckily Jaebum didn't struggle too much and that made it easier to manoeuvre him until they were all packed in Chansung’s car and speeding off into the sunrise. Had Jaebum decided to fight back they would've been in trouble; he was by no means a weak damsel in distress.

First their happy little group did was not what Jaebum probably had feared but a hearty breakfast and too much noise and laughter. After being fed properly it was time for the “dreaded” activities. 

Jackson wasn't a mean person, though he could be, but having too much respect for his elder, Jaebum’s fears were unnecessary as the next thing they did was an escape room. Jackson knew Jaebum actually liked those and had pleaded the staff at the firm to amp up the difficulty level for them.

And they had. Was it because they had good customer service or was it because they wanted to make them suffer, Jackson would never know.

It turned out near impossible to get out of the two doors they were supposed to wheedle their way out, and none of them was  _ that _ intelligent to begin with. It involved a lot of swearing, head butting and laughing before they managed anything remotely sane.

They  _ did  _ get out but Jackson swore, silently by himself, it was an accident someone had figured the wig holder had to be touched with the magnet to open the last cabinet door with the final key hidden inside.

But the joyous laughter was enough to make Jackson keep his thoughts to himself.

After the thrilling hour and a half it was time to make Jaebum do that one thing he had been talking for years now but had never managed to finish.

Jackson had booked a recording studio for the afternoon and Jaebum was going to record a song for Jinyoung. 

Maybe it was a bit cruel but Jackson had seen the song composed many a moon ago and he knew it only needed to be finished by Jaebum singing it.

This is where knowing Yoongi came in handy; he let them do the recording at his studio and would be overlooking the process personally.

Jackson had sneaked the composed sheets out from Jaebum’s drawer earlier and delivered them to Yoongi who had then made the background music as ready as he could. 

“What are we doing here?” Jaebum blinked when Chansung parked the car outside the awfully familiar skate shop.

“Oh, nothing much.” Jackson grinned from the backseat before squirming out. “Don't you trust us?”

“No.”

“How cruel! How can you hurt your closest friends like this!”

Jaebum examined the three of them, his arms crossed before him and his gaze stern. Jackson however could see the smiled trying to surface.

“I'm thinking I should cancel our friendship. It all depends on what the day will bring.”

“Ok then we're fine. You'll love  _ this _ .” Jackson feigned an exaggerated motion of relief with his hand and grinned at Jaebum’s suspicious expression.

This would be  _ so _ brilliant.

~

At Jinyoung’s stag night things were getting out of hand as well. Mark had invited Wonpil and Taehyung with them and together they were trying to deal with Jinyoung and his prickly behaviour.The day had been rather pleasant, though Jinyoung had been sulking a lot when Mark and the other two had turned up and basically dragged the reluctant guy out.

First it they treated Jinyoung breakfast and tea to calm his pissy attitude and then, for Jinyoung’s utter embarrassment, made him go and get at least 10 good advice from strangers on “What makes a marriage last.” He performed admirably, of course, and Mark swore to out the advice in framed so he would never forget how to perform his best in his marital life.

The advices weren't anything ground shaking but good anyway.

  1. Don’t go to bed angry
  2. Respect your partner
  3. A good marriage is made of a thousand small kindnesses
  4. Have date nights
  5. Be passionate, supportive and accepting
  6. Have some me-time
  7. Keep your sex life interesting
  8. Don’t zip it; talk
  9. Be polite
  10. Remember why you got married in the first place



Quite simple things, but to practice them in real life was always another thing. But, Mark was sure these were nothing but idiotic reminders to Jinyoung and Jaebum who had already been together longer than most couples normally were when tying the knot.

Partly the reason why they had made Jinyoung do this; just to see his polite indifference and amusement when collecting the answers from various people. He  _ did _ look at Mark, Wonpil and Taehyung like would like hang them upside down from a lamp post by their nuts, which kind of made them take cover behind a corner.

Later, after Mark and Taehyung had laughed their asses off at the murderous expression over Jinyoung’s face, and had gotten themselves whipped in the laser tag they went to play, it was time to calm the groom-to-be enough to have a decent conversation with him; it was time for a private bath and sauna, all foods and drinks included.  _ That _ certainly made the anger fade away and Jinyoung relaxed enough to enjoy their friendly banter and idiotic jokes. Not that he had been too pissed off before, but now Jinyoung was definitely turning back to his normal self rather than looking like someone who planned to snort hell fire at them anytime soon.

Trying to settle for some middle ground without pissing Jinyoung off completely, and still making him do these bachelor things guys did before their wedding, Mark  _ had _ decided to leave the strippers out from their to-do-list. That would have earned him a kick in the guts, or on his nuts, if Jaebum ever would have found out about it. Which was very probable.

After being fed properly they dressed Jinyoung up quite smartly and proceeded to a whiskey tasting.  _ That _ proved to be the moment when things started to spin out of control because hard liquor tends to shoot up to your head very easily if you don’t know what you are doing.

But maybe getting a bit, or more, wasted  _ was _ the point of tonight anyway. And it made Jinyoung a lot more lenient and cute, because his inhibitions seemed to melt away the more they got to taste the burning liquids.

It had been a while since Mark last got drunk, the previous time he had ended up kissing Jackson, so it was no big surprise he was in a good mood tonight, laughing and giggling more than he usually was when sober. Mark's maybe worst habit was to be clingy and touchy when he was in high spirits, and true enough, as Jinyoung was the only in their small group he really knew at all, it was no coincidence that he was the one Mark clung onto.

“You know I'm actually happy you guys coaxed my poor mother to babysit and dragged me out.” Jinyoung said half sarcastically when they were waddling down the path to their cab. He smiled that funny smile at Mark that crinkled his eyes to slits and his voice was deep and light with laughter and it sounded nice in in Mark’s ears. Why hadn’t he ever paid more attention on what Jinyoung’s voice sounded like?

Maybe because he wasn’t supposed to, but Mark didn’t think of that now, he was happily intoxicated and cared very little about boundaries at the moment.

“How could I leave you..” Mark paused to hiccup and burp loudly before continuing and earning a hard smack on his arm for that. “..alone and without any fun!” He smirked at his friend and slung an arm around Jinyoung’s shoulders. “You would waste away at home if we hadn't come to your rescue!”

Mark glanced at Wonpil and Taehyung staggering a bit ahead of them, singing some idiotic tune loudly. He hadn't known them from beforehand but both had turned out to be nice guys and especially Taehyung seemed to be on the same page with dirty jokes as Mark was. Well, all of them really, at this level of drunkenness seemed to find most things partly naughty.

“Say..” Mark’s words were turning a bit slurred, nothing too dangerous yet but he should try to drink water next, rather than downing more alcohol. “In scale of 1-10..” He paused, rearranging his words. “How wasted are you?”

Jinyoung draped his arm around Mark's waist, tilting his head a bit. Mark had to admit he was really handsome even from up close. And he smelled nice. And his hair was so black and shiny and why was this guy so frigging handsome anyway?

Noticing how good looking Jinyoung was only reminded Mark of Jackson and an enormous longing emotion engulfed him. He wanted to see Jackson, wanted to hold him, touch him..  _ kiss him _ .

In an instant it was like someone had ignited something deep inside Mark and he struggled to keep himself from cursing out loud, the yearning to have Jackson close by was so strong.

“Mm..” Jinyoung hummed low, absent-mindedly stroking the side of Mark's jacket. “7 and a half, at most.”

“Not bad.” Mark shook his head to banish his selfish wishes and to concentrate fully on keeping the night focused on Jinyoung and Jinyoung alone. He would have time to have fun with Jackson when he got home as the boys were with Noi and Honey for the weekend and there would be no interruptions. That made Mark smile almost deviously.

“You know you're too easy to read sometimes.” Jinyoung reached up to flick the tip of Mark's nose with one finger.

“Am not.” Mark wrinkled his nose and pursed his lips. “I'm tall, dark and mysterious.”

“Except you're not very tall, or very dark. Or very mysterious either.”

“How do you know I'm not dark?” Mark wiggled his eyebrows, trying to look suggestive but ended up looking more idiotic.

“I just bathed with you. You're milky white all over.”

“I have dark hair?” Mark mused, a small giggle escaping him.

“Yeah, that's the extension of your darkness. Sorry to disappoint but you're no Latino lover boy.”

“Oh  _ darn _ .” Mark feigned tragic disappointment. After a small silence they both burst out laughing quite uncontrollably.

~

It happened quite accidentally, really. 

Jackson was just trying to make Jaebum laugh even more, because obviously it was the main thing of tonight, right? But what happened was something different.

Jackson had started prancing around the chair Jaebum was seated, acting out some scene from a comedy but then he had remembered his threat to give his dear friend some special attention if this night would ever happen. And now that it  _ was _ happening..

As Jackson was in very high spirits and felt mischievous as heck, he quite nonchalantly, and maybe a bit ungracefully, stood over Jaebum’s thighs and began to do a very dirty dance for him. First he lowered himself to sit down, leaning forward and placing his arms around Jaebum’s shoulders and pretending to kiss him on the lips. Then he stood up again, his hands going to his hips and grated his pelvis like the air around him was something that needed to be dry fucked.

Unnecessary to mention Jaebum looked like a cat stole his tongue, his eyes almost popping out of their sockets, not to mention how badly Junho and Chansung were cracking up behind their drinks.

Jackson was in a good mood, doing his mockery dirty dance in sync with the beat blasting from the amps; this was just a perfect ending for their evening, abso-fucking-lutely yes.

But then something familiar caught his eye when he twirled around and bent down to present his ass to Jaebum and halted in mid-move.

Jackson narrowed his eyes at the sight that greeted him from the dance floor; two awfully familiar guys were dancing pretty damn close to each other, one having thrown his arms over the others shoulders and their moves were suggestive and slow, exactly like that really slow wavy motion you do when you're about to take the next step with your partner and rip off clothes and start making out in earnest.

Jackson backed down, stumbling in his feet and landed ass first on Jaebum’s lap when the other one of the dancing guys leaned in and hid their face on the neck of the other guy, the position exactly the kind that suggested there was some mouth-on-neck action involved.

“Say.. Jaebummie..” Jackson drawled out his eyes never leaving the swaying figures. “Are my eyes deceiving me or is that Mark and Jinyoungie?” 

“Uhh..” Jaebum squinted in the direction Jackson was pointing, trying to make out the people in the flashing lights and random people blocking their view. “Yah! What is your boyfriend doing with mine?” 

“No clue. But it's kind of kinky, don't you think?” Jackson hopped off of Jaebum’s lap, Jaebum having slapped him audibly over his thighs. “I didn't know they were go there.. I mean her.. I mean  _ to come here _ .” 

“I'd rather if Mark kept his hands somewhere else..” 

“Aww are you sulking!” Jackson actually almost squealed; he found the pouty expression incredibly cute and so unlike Jaebum it was just  _ so perfect _ . He wished he had had a camera with him right now.

Before either of them could move and do something, their respective boyfriends they had so nicely been observing having a good time together, walked towards them, arms slung way too friendly over places like hips and waists and as amused as Jackson was about the whole thing he was turning a bit jealous.

“Jaebummieee~” Jinyoung cooed, releasing Mark from his hold and nearly danced to Jaebum who was still sulking quite badly but his expression changed about the second Jinyoung squirmed his way onto Jaebum’s lap. Jackson hid his laughter when Jaebum pulled his intoxicated spouse tightly closer and glared at Mark somewhat accusatory.

“Fancy meeting you here.” Mark bit his lower lip, quite unperturbed by Jaebum shooting his jealous dagger at him.

“I thought you were gonna go to that.. that..” Jackson made a vague gesture with his hands. “That other place.”

“It was closed so we came here. Yoongi and Jimin are with us too.” Mark flashed a toothy grin and Jackson could feel his insides turning jelly. Goddamn, why did Mark always have that effect on him?

“You know you ought to tune down your grinding a bit.. I might get jealous.” Jackson muttered, lowering his gaze.

“And your little lap dance wasn't anything  _ I  _ shouldn't get jealous of?” Mark shot back, his smile fading a notch or two.

“You saw that?” Jackson looked back up, grimacing just a little bit. It wasn’t like he had done that if he had known Mark and Jinyoung would see it, but then again, he might have done it anyway.

“Yeah. The whole thing.” Mark's grin turned to something akin to evil smirking. Still pretty damn hot.

“Oh.”

“Oh indeed. Naughty boys get punished.” Mark took a step towards Jackson. Something hot spread all over Jackson’s body and that had nothing to do with alcohol. He took a step forward as well, not even realizing he was doing it. The electrifying tension was building up between him and Mark rapidly.

“Ew okay get a room you two! This is supposed to be about  _ us _ not about  _ you. _ ” Jinyoung piped up, wrinkling his nose and then turning to coo at Jaebum. “They didn't take you to dirty strip clubs, now did they?”

“You know I wouldn't go to those places.” Jaebum grunted.

“Well not  _ you _ but I'm not so sure about  _ some _ of your friends..” Jinyoung shot a glance at Chansung at this point and the guy had the decency to turn a lovely shade of red.

“I did that one time!  _ One! _ Can you please already forget it?” Chansung groaned pitifully.

“Nope. Neveeeerrr~” A drunken Jinyoung was a lot more fun apparently and Jackson chuckled. “And you should give your boyfie some attention; he's a clingy little koala and gives out kisses way too easily.” Then a sly smile began to spread over Jinyoung’s lips. “But I get why you like sucking off his face so much. He's a good kisser after all..”

_ “Mark kissed you?!” _ The words came out in unison from both Jackson and Jaebum’s mouths.

“Just a little.”

“You weren't there..” Mark blinked at Jackson. “I'm sorryyyy~” He let out a deceitful little whine and jutted his lower lip out, rubbing his hands together as an apology. Way too cute.  _ Way _ too cute. Who could resist that.

Apparently not Jackson.

“I give up.. too cute. Mark stop it, you're killing me.” Jackson stifled his laughter, not feeling one drop offended or jealous anymore.

Snickering pretty much impishly Mark closed the distance between them and pulled Jackson close by his belt. 

“Missed you.” Mark mumbled quietly before he caught Jackson’s lips in a sloppy alcohol tasting kiss right there in front of their friends.

Jackson could hear Jinyoung shushing Jaebum down but he didn't really care at the moment, he much happier to return the kiss he was getting and feeling the good vibes it caused him. How badly he wanted to leave the party and go somewhere to have some private fun.

_ “But he kissed you?” _

_ “Aw I love it when you're jealous but it was just a peck on the cheek really. I was just teasing you both.” _

It could have been a disaster if their friendship wasn't the kind that could stand these things from time to time. 

The rest of the night was spent together, Mark hollering Yoongi and Jimin to come over with Wonpil and Taehyung, and the lot of them made such noise they almost got kicked out for it.

Too bad Jackson and Mark’s children free weekend went to waste because when they finally made their way home in the early hours of the morning they were so exhausted all they could do was to chug down a litre of water and fall asleep fully dressed.

The hangover next day was almost as bad as the movie carrying the same name was, though they all remembered everything.

~

_ I'm never ever drinking again. NEVER. Or at least be very cautious when Mark convinces me to go out with him for the sake of anything. I'm going to make him suffer if he and Jackson ever get to marrying point. I swear to god, I will. _

_ Other than that I think this wedding thing, and Christmas, couldn't be over sooner. I'll drop dead on the bed when it’s all done. One week and it'll all be over. _

_ I don't mind the holiday season because Yugyeom is too cute trying to find Christmas elves behind every bush and tree and acting extra kindly towards everyone. (I wonder when his bubble will burst and he will stop believing in Santa Claus. That day will break both his heart and mine.) It’s the amount of idiots bothering me while I’m trying to get things done that makes me mad. This year it seems everyone has something they need to tell me, any advice they have forgotten to give, or so they say. A nightmare, though I love hearing from my parents, and Jaebum’s too, so often. _

_ I have been offered a chance to return to work next year. Don't know yet what to say, but as our girls will turn one in April it might be time to think about having some time for myself. It's negotiable so I’ll have to think properly about it before deciding anything. _

_ I have a gazillion things to do before Christmas but lucky for me Jackson is free to help me every day. The schools are now closed for Christmas and with Yugyeom at home it surely will be more hectic again. _

_ Apparently Jackson is going to spend the new year in Hong Kong with Bambam. Wonder if the Tuan duo will go with them.. I bet the boys would be thrilled to see the fireworks there at least. If Mark isn’t going to go with Jackson I’m honestly going to be surprised, they’re so lovey dovey it’s pretty sickening. It would be a perfect opportunity to introduce him to Jackson’s parents. We’ll see what happens. _

_ I need more peace and quiet. _

_ Jinyoung _


	20. Baby it's cold outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone! Are you guys feeling as stuffed as I am? I think I ate too much but.. can't stop.. too good. Mm, food.
> 
> So, here is the promised Christmas chapter with JJP wedding! I was supposed to write just 5k chapter buuut~ things got out of hand and.. yeah well. You'll see in a moment.
> 
> I hope you have lovely holidays, or whatever it is that you are celebrating, and a fantastic new years too! Leave a comment on the way out, it would be the cherry on top for me this Christmas.
> 
> Love you all~

It was Christmas morning, that one morning when you wake up thinking everything should be magical from the moment you open your eyes and everything, _everything_ would be like in songs and movies. Thinking like this perhaps wasn’t realistic, but it was something many people did, despite it being more surreal than realistic.

But for the little family living in this particular house, on this particular morning when everything was still covered with darkness, the sunrise still an hour or two away from letting its rays crawl over the rows of houses, over the snowy trees and streets, cradling the world with golden shine and announcing a new day being born, for them, Jackson and Bambam, this was a Christmas when they were going to be surrounded with more things, more happiness than either of them could have ever guessed when the last Christmas was upon them or when the year was turning; there was the sense of everything being _perfectly_ in place for once because of Mark and Youngjae having entered their lives. And what a way they had done that!

Jackson peered under his lashes and found himself facing the window, veiled with the heavy dark gray curtains, and a small smile crept up to his lips.

Every morning he woke up thankful and grateful he had the opportunity to feel such things as satisfaction, contentment and love with the people he loved more than anything. Apart from being away from his parents and his brother today, there was nothing Jackson could have wished for. He was happy. So happy he was like a snowball flying giddily in the air, or like a soap bubble floating around, a small chiming laughter hidden under the fragile soapy shell that would fill the air with delightful sound when the bubble burst.

He had planned to wake up first, just to be able to bask in the warm darkness with maybe a blanket wrapped around him and simply looking at everything around him alone. The walls, the furniture, the memories flooding his mind, reminding him of various things that had happened during the short time they had all lived together here; Bambam losing a couple of his teeth when he ran too fast, tripped and plowed the floor with his face. Oh the joyous shrieks when the boy realized he would be getting coins for his fallen teeth from the Toothfairy if he would put the tiny white teeth under his pillow that night.

How about the memory of Youngjae playing the piano and singing with his clear voice, not yet perfected or completely in tune, but still beautiful. So beautiful it actually had broke Mark down and Jackson found him wiping tears from his cheeks in the kitchen. Mark had claimed he had sniffed the sliced onions too closely and was crying because of that but Jackson knew better though he said nothing, simply ruffled Mark’s hair and pecked him on the cheek.

Or what about that one time Jinyoung and Jaebum with their children had been with them and everything had been a lovely chaos; babies crying or giggling, Yugyeom and Bambam causing mayhem and Youngjae pretending to be a fairy godmother, dancing around on tiptoes, tapping everyone with a stick and announcing that _Bing! Now you’re a butterfly!_

But despite trying to be sneaky and waking up early Jackson had failed his mission. He turned around expecting to see Mark sleeping next to him, but the bed was suspiciously empty and Jackson frowned at the miserable sight. Checking his alarm only told him it had been swiped off when it had tried to alert him and Jackson had no memory of doing it.

To be fair he had been awake too long last night, finishing the presents and ironing his suit for the wedding after coming back from helping Jinyoung and Jaebum to arrange their home. There was so much to do yet it felt like he had managed to do almost nothing constructive, though Jinyoung had tried to convince Jackson he had been useful. But, it would all fall into place today and after that they would all have sweet memories to share and all the little things they had forgotten would be a thing to laugh at in years to come.

He was disappointed he found himself alone in the bed now though, spread over it like a starfish, taking up as much space as he possibly could and stared up at the ceiling, like it would somehow bring him his perfect beginning, with Mark by his side. But, Jackson guessed, when you have kids in the house it was near impossible to sleep long in peace on this particular morning; the precious little cuddle monsters could actually smell the presents being under the tree the moment they opened their eyes and had rubbed the sleep away with their small hands.

Jackson blinked at the ceiling, stretching himself long and making that sound you always do when the stretch is just so good and you can’t help yourself but to let out that slow groan from your throat. He thought lazily what he had been dreaming of before waking up, but couldn’t bring the images back anymore, the dream escaping him and turning hazy and distant like they always did. But the feeling of it lingered near; it had been something that was now distantly weighing on his heart but he couldn't remember what.

Jackson shook his head, his hair rustling against the pillows. He didn’t want to remember if it had been something sad because it would only dampen his mood, and he was already sulky without Mark by his side, and today was the worst day to be a party pooper.

His perfect Christmas day was only beginning, things were bound to change so he wouldn’t remain lonely much longer for sure, and in the afternoon it was time for his favourite couple to say the two little words which would tie them together for good.

The thought of that made Jackson roll around on the bed like a little kid overjoyed with something amazing, clutching both his and Mark’s blankets, and make small squealing noises into the soft material, muffling the sounds.

Jackson finally sat up, being fully awake now and wrinkled his his nose at the chilly air after dumping the blankets away. He shivered almost violently when his bare feet came in contact with the floor and he hastily dressed up. A soft dark green sweater, thick socks and sweatpants and he was ready to pat his way out of the sanctity of their bedroom and face the life outside it.

But he would pout and sulk _so much_ if he found the house empty. He wanted big fluffy cuddles and food and those things weren’t at all nice to enjoy alone. Well, maybe sometimes, but not today.

Jackson yawned, stretching his arms up high in the air and ruffled his bleached hair, not caring about how much it resembled a messy nest for any small critter to settle in. Who cared about looks so early in the morning anyway?

He got a surprise when he slid the bedroom door open and found Bambam standing on the other side, gazing up at him still in his PJ’s and looking so adorable it really was not possible to be that cute. From whom had the boy inherited such cute genes, Jackson wasn’t even sure.

“Hey squirt, where you going?”

“To wake you up! Happy Christmas Dad!” Bambam beamed adorably at Jackson, his smile lighting up everything around him, like he was a walking and talking set of christmas lights.

“Happy Christmas Bambam.” Jackson bent down and picked Bambam up, the boy hugging him tightly, burying his face to Jackson’s shoulder momentarily, still enough small he settled in Jackson’s arms nice and snug. “Have you been up long?” Why did little boys smell so nice always? Bambam smelled like sleepy mornings, like orange juice and buttered toast and detergent, and Jackson loved every bit of it.

“Yeah! Me and Youngjae woke up like _ages_ ago and then Mark woke up too and made us breakfast and now we’re just waiting for you to come out so we can _finally_ open the presents!”

“Aw, you were waiting for me?”

“Well you took _forever_ to wake up Dad!”

“I’m sure it felt like that.” Jackson chuckled, ruffing Bambam’s hair and carrying him along towards the living room where he guessed the remaining two were at the moment.

Sure enough, Jackson found Mark and Youngjae seated on the couch, all cuddled up under a blanket. Youngjae was watching the Disney Christmas special, fiddling absent-mindedly with the sleeve of Mark’s loose white jumper and Mark was apparently snoozing because his eyes were closed and he didn’t react at all to anything around him, his head resting on the back of the couch, his chest rising and falling steadily, his face relaxed and beautiful as is always was. The sight went straight to Jackson’s heart and he thought he would explode from all the love he felt.

The living room had never before looked more festive and Jackson absolutely loved it. They had set up a fake pine tree in there and let the boys, with a little help from the adults of course, decorate it as they wished. It was a lovely mishmash of red, gold and green, nothing that would have made on the cover of any home decoration magazines but it was perfect in the eyes of the boys and that was enough. What more did you need, other than the joyous laughter you got when you allowed the children go nuts with Christmas?

There were other decorations as well, scattered all over the house, Bambam and Youngjae having had a blast with the treasures Mark had produced from the boxes from the attic and the place looked moderately like someone had exploded a rocket containing all sorts of various items for decorations inside. Absolutely fantastic.

Jackson made his way to the couch and sat down next to Mark carefully, trying not to wake him up. His carefulness was proved useless however when Bambam squirmed free from Jackson’s hold and clambered over Mark’s thighs to give Youngjae some very sudden, loud and fierce cuddles.

The protesting squeals from Youngjae, and the wrestling match that followed the attack, the noisy activities were enough to wake Mark up with a jolt. He frowned at the sight of the two boys rolling around on the floor in one happy, messy pile and shook his head, probably not even quite sure what was going on.

“Morning sleepyhead.” Jackson nudged Mark to his shoulder, making him turn to look at Jackson. The frown melted away instantly, being replaced with the brightest smile one could ever hope to receive. Seeing that made something flip inside Jackson and he couldn't help but to return the smile.

“Hey.” Mark’s eyes seemed to be twinkling with something that made Jackson feel so damn loved he would probably soon melt on the spot. “Merry Christmas.”

Jackson was speechless. He couldn’t even bring himself first to answer with words, just leaned forward and nuzzled his nose to Mark’s cheek. Was everyone supposed to smell nice this morning? Mark probably hadn’t even showered yet and still he was the best thing Jackson’s nose had encountered. It was something deep and specifically _Mark_ and it always set Jackson’s emotions on the verge of flooding over, just like now.

“Missed you when I woke up..” Jackson mumbled, lips brushing Mark’s jaw.

“Had to get up because I had two pairs of eyes staring at us and whining they needed something to eat.” Mark replied softly, smiling against Jackson’s hair when he turned his head enough and pressed a kiss over the blond locks. “And your alarm woke me up. Though you went back to sleep immediately after you put it off..”

Jackson made some noncommittal noise, snuggling closer and hiding his face to the crook of Mark’s neck. He loved that spot so much; Mark had such a long neck and it was like made for Jackson to do this whenever he felt like he was in need of cuddles and hugs. Which was pretty often. But he didn’t care. It was _his_ spot.

The fighting on the floor had ceased because silence had fallen again and Jackson could amazingly enough hear the TV, recognizing parts of the program.

 _Now_ he was happy. _This_ was what he had wanted from this morning; to be so sickeningly loved and cared for. To be.. _A family._

It only got better when Bambam crawled up from the floor and decided he wanted to snuggle next to Jackson, attaching himself to his father like a sleepy little panda cub. On their other side Youngjae had apparently come to the same conclusion and was making a nest next to Mark, resting his head on Mark's chest.

It was really, _really_ rare for them to be like this. Actually so rare Jackson couldn't remember ever before being huddled together like this, at least not so tightly like they had always done this.

Incredible warmth spread through him, melting his insides to liquid, turning his already mushy thoughts to happy gooey pulp.

Mark fit so perfectly by Jackson’s side, their body heats mixing and softly warming up everything. There was nothing naughty this time circling Jackson’s mind, a rare occasion that as well if he was really honest, he was quite inexplicably happy at the moment just to be able to hug the people he held most dear to his heart.

The peace was broken a bit later when Bambam remembered the presents were still unopened and his loyal comrade in arms, Youngjae, went absolutely wild with glee when they were _finally_ allowed to start ripping off the wrapping papers.

The joyful shrieks turned into laughter and awed gasps and it was like there had never been a better day ever as they boys opened each one present after another, unwrapping new clothes, new toys, coloring books and games from the boxes. They were simply gleaming with excitement and pretty much ran off to try and test everything at once.

Jackson handed over Mark a small simple box with a big red ribbon on top and watched him open it curiously.

“Jackson…” Mark exhaled sharply when the velvety box was open. “This is too much.”

“No it’s not. It’s for you and it’s Christmas so you can’t say anything. Just accept it.” Jackson thought for a while, pursing his lips. “Or I’ll pout.”

“Impossible. That’s what you are.” Mark smiled at Jackson, a pink colour dusting his cheeks as he held the golden bracelet on him palm. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Jackson giggled. “You know it’s a couple thing, right? I have one like that but I couldn’t wear it until you opened this one.” Mark just smiled ever wider at him, leaning over and pecking Jackson’s lips softly.

“Thank you.”

Mark’s present for Jackson was a heavy silver ring and Jackson was quite thrilled about of it; he had been eyeing that particular jewelry for a while now, and now it was his! It was just so sickeningly _perfect_. The ring fit his finger like a glove and Jackson, in return a little later, found his hands almost shaking with excitement when he helped Mark to put the bracelet around his wrist.

It was, in the end, exactly the morning Jackson had dreamed of having. He couldn’t have asked for more. This was his perfect little life and he wouldn’t have traded it to anything in the world.

~

“Have you seen Youngjae’s tie? I can't find it anywhere and we should already be there!” Jackson’s voice echoed from somewhere and Mark rolled his eyes, the haste and chaos starting to get on his nerves.

“It’s on top of the drawer in the bedroom!”

“We really shouldn't dawdle you know!”

“Yes.. I know.” Mark sighed silently by himself and took a final glance in the mirror before rolling his eyes again and hurrying away from the hallway mirror.

The outfit would have to be enough for the day because there was no way he wanted to dress up more than this. It was only for a few hours and it for people he cared for, he could, and would, endure the slightly uncomfortable feeling of being stuffed in a suit.

And Jackson was right; they _were_ running late, so there really was no time to start second guessing any parts of his outfit. Or anyone else's for that matter.

“Whoops!” Mark almost knocked Bambam over when the boy was trying to ice skate on the floor with his socks, getting them dirty. “Bam! Shoes on! And your coat too. It's cold outside.” Mark barked after the boy had half slid off.

“Yeeess~” Came the singsong reply and Mark only sighed. It didn't exactly convince Mark but he settled for it. For now.

Then Jackson came down the stairs and Mark thought his heart would stop then and there.

Jackson looked absolutely _stunning_.

There was nothing special about the outfit Jackson was wearing but holy hell did he look ravishing in it. Mark was so used to seeing Jackson in loose, comfy clothes he sometimes forgot how good looking Jackson could be in a fitting attire. Like the one he was wearing now; simple black suit with a white button up shirt. His blond hair was freshly cut and bleached, styled up from the top to reveal the shorter hair on the sides. But the way the suit was hugging Jackson’s body.. Fabulous.

The suit pants were snug enough to bring out the brilliant shape of Jackson’s legs, highlighting the carefully honed thighs, which were, in Mark’s opinion, better than anything he had ever touched. The jacket and the shirt brought out Jackson’s slim waist and broad shoulders, making the whole package absolutely irresistible.

Mark wanted nothing better than to kiss Jackson. Preferably right now.

So he walked up to Jackson, took his hand and without much warning kissed Jackson straight to his lips.

“Ewwww!” Bambam’s voice came from behind Mark but he didn't care; hearing that sound more than once made one turn indifferent towards it.

“Bam shut up!” Youngjae apparently smacked his friend because there was a small indignant groan. “I think it's awesome.”

Mark couldn't keep his face straight much longer, and neither did Jackson. They stared at each other from the close proximity, lips still touching but curled up in a smile, both of them unable to maintain poker faces when hearing their kids arguing whether or not they disgusting or cute when kissing in front of them. Of course Bambam didn't mean harm with his comment, it was just a normal 6 year old response to anything like that.

“You're too handsome. Do I dare to let you go out?” Mark finally grinned, bumping his forehead gently against Jackson’s.

“Are you kidding me? _You're_ the one who needs to be locked in a high tower from the greedy eyes of the rest of the world!” Jackson’s grin was as wide as Mark’s was and he was blushing just a little bit, which only made him look more handsome.

“Dad! We're _late_!” Youngjae came nudging Mark's sleeve, his tone so serious and exasperated it was simply too adorable. Mark sighed, glancing Jackson one last time before turning around and smiling at his son instead.

“Ok ok. Let's get going then.”

~

It was a simple occasion, really. The ceremony didn't take long and there really weren't all that many people. Maybe 20 or so.

Jinyoung looked like he was radiating light in his pale suit, looking so smart and handsome it was bordering illegal. His smile was almost bashful and cute when he was looking at Jaebum next to him.

And Jaebum.. the poor guy seemed all helpless standing there next to his partner, holding his hand in his with a slightly confused expression over his handsome features, like he wasn't sure what was going on even though it was him who had originally asked Jinyoung to bind their lives together like this. But what was evident in both of them was the love they shared, how it was more visible today, like the emotion was captured in the small glass spheres with a candle inside, lighting the shadowy room where they all stood witnessing the union.

It wasn't just the respective mothers who shed a tear or two when Yugyeom, dressed in a miniature version of his parents’ suits and looking as adorable as ever, walked up to his parents bearing their new rings in a small box, his face serious but at the same time proud he was performing such an important task.

“Do you, Im Jaebum, want to take Park Jinyoung as your lawfully wedded husband, promise to love and cherish him in both sickness and in health, until death shall do you apart?”

There was a slight tremor in Jaebum’s voice when he held Jinyoung’s hands in his and gazed at him steadily, perhaps a bit pale in the face but otherwise completely lost in the dark eyes looking expectantly back at him.

“I do.”

They matched in looks and in personality. Both wearing creamy brown suits, paired with white collar shirts under the jackets, their dark hair a striking contrast to the soft colouring of their clothes. The flickering lights in the room danced over the faces of the people surrounding the happy and nervous couple, observing the ceremony with their hearts almost bursting with happiness.

The priest smiled, having known both Jinyoung and Jaebum for years and was luckily comfortable uniting two men instead of a “normal” couple.

Mark had to hide his smile when he glanced at Jackson standing by Jinyoung’s side, holding Jiyoo in his arms, the tiny girl dressed in a poofy and frilly pale pink and white dress, gurgling sleepily against Jackson’s neck while Jackson was holding in his tears. It would have been endearing but the poor man looked like he was holding in a Niagara falls instead of just a couple of happy tears.

Jia tried to climb over Mark’s shoulder, like the little monkey she had turned out to be, in her identical dress as her sister had, and Mark’s attention got torn away from Jackson for the moment. He tried to shush the way too alert baby girl but with very little success; Jia was in the mood for games and attention and wanted it preferably now. This would mean wailing and acting up if things didn’t speed up a bit.

Jinyoung was smiling that small smile of his that usually hid a thousand emotions under its surface; happiness, exuberance, sadness, anger, patience.. Love. Mark had learned to read Jinyoung’s expressions during the time they had known each other and right now Jinyoung looked like no one else in the world existed to him but Jaebum standing right there in front of him. It was like there was no one else in the room; no mothers silently crying and tapping the tears away, no fathers trying their best to understand why their sons were marrying each other and not the girl from next door, like there were no siblings smiling wistfully and wishing silent happiness, no friends beaming with joy, and no children to babble at the wrong times and saying something silly like “No I wanna be an astronaut!” or “When I grow up I’m gonna marry Gyeommie!”

“Do you, Park Jinyoung, want to take Im Jaebum as you lawfully wedded husband, promise to love and cherish him in both sickness and in health, until death shall do you apart?”

“I do.”

“Yugyeom you’re supposed to give rings now..” Jackson was whispering at Yugyeom who was stubbornly clutching to the two shining objects in the box he was holding in his hands.

“But I wanna give it to Bammie..” Yugyeom whined loudly enough for everyone to hear, and probably causing a few worries in the grandparents’ minds because how could their beloved baby say something like that.

Mark mused by himself while holding onto Jia still trying to ruin his hair, face and clothes by thinking Mark was a climbing rack, that had the couple getting married tonight been straight and not gay, this little comment Yugyeom had slipped would have been laughed off as an amusing joke immediately, but now it caused a slight tension in the air that definitely wasn’t appropriate.

The rescue came in the form of Bambam who had been fidgeting on his spot, watching the scene displayed in front of him.

“Gyeommie, I promise to marry you when we’re old enough. Those are _way_ too big rings anyway!” And like the little gentleman he was, Bambam took the box from Yugyeom’s reluctant hands and gave it to the priest who obviously had some trouble keeping his face straight.

“Jaebum, place the ring on Jinyoung’s finger and repeat after me: With this ring, I pledge my love and faithfulness to you, today, tomorrow and always.” The priest smiled gently, watching Jaebum repeat the words and placing the golden band around Jinyoung’s ring finger, hands visibly shaking. Was it because of nerves or were they both shaking with laughter, Mark would never know.

“Jinyoung, place the ring on Jaebum’s finger and repeat after me: With this ring, I pledge my love and faithfulness to you, today, tomorrow and always.” Jaebum’s ring slid on his finger effortlessly and for a while they stood there smiling radiantly, matching golden rings shiny and new on their fingers and everyone around them smiling, holding back the cheer that was bound to come after the final words were said.

“I pronounce you husband and husband. You may kiss each other.”

And boy did they. To everyone’s surprise it wasn’t Jaebum who took initiative but actually Jinyoung who place one hand behind Jaebum’s neck and one behind his back and bent him back like they did in movies and leaned over to kiss his lips. The kiss wasn’t quite naughty yet but bordering it and Mark stifled a giggle while observing the averted eyes of the parents.

Being a part of this wedding had surfaced the memory of his own sad day but Mark tried his best to keep those memories at bay; he didn’t care to remember the cold rainy day and the magistrate building that had loomed above his stunned head like a vulture ready to eat him half alive. It had felt like a never ending nightmare back then and comparing that day to this warm and family centered celebration now was like comparing night and day. Or heaven and hell.

When the newlywed couple finally straightened and their guests were about to straighten their backs and cheer, Jaebum raised his hand to ask for silence.

“Jinyoung. You’re my best friend, you’re my shelter and my love. This is for you.” Jaebum looked behind him at Jackson and Jackson nodded moving quickly to put the music on from the stereos prepared just for this.

 _“Everyday, every night_ _  
_ _What would life be without you”_

Jaebum’s soft voice filled the room as he stood there still holding Jinyoung’s hands in his, staring at the floor, too bashful to face the inquiring and startled eyes before him.  
_“To you that always did everything for me_   
_You who always was there beside me_   
_I’m so thankful, so thankful_ _  
_ I can’t put it into words”

Perhaps it was good Jinyoung didn't need to talk; slow tears were rolling down his cheeks the more Jaebum sang, his voice getting stronger and stronger, the melody soft and dreamy, full of love that was directed just at this one person.

 _“How the time I spend with you_   
_Is that happiest time_   
_The time that we are together_ _  
_ Means the most to me, Baby I love u”

If it was hard for Jinyoung to prevent himself from bawling right now it was definitely hard for the rest of them to have dry eyes; Jaebum raised his eyes up finally and was gazing up into Jinyoung’s eyes, forgetting the rest of the world as he sang to his heart's content.

 _“Everyday I think of seeing you_   
_Everyday my heart skips a beat_   
_Please always stay with me_   
_I wonder everyday_   
_What I did to deserve_   
_You who always_ _  
_ takes my side”

There weren't many things that had been more heart wrenching and Mark found himself looking at Jackson at the same time as Jaebum declared his love for Jinyoung in the form of a song, and Mark couldn't help but to wonder how nice it would be to be loved like this too, to be wrapped in such emotions they would tear you apart and leave you helpless and wounded so deep you could never be fully healed without the cause of the wound.

What would it feel like to be standing in front of their families and friends like this, dressed in white and holding hands and saying I do’s? Would it be as wonderful as it was to witness this union or would old insecurities and trauma lift their ugly heads and ruin even the possibilities for getting to that point?

What would happen in future Mark didn't know, but he felt happiness washing over him as he watched Jackson cradling the now sleeping Jiyoo in his arms, looking every bit of the perfect spouse one could ever hope for, and Mark found himself smiling, imagining all the good things; love, marriage and maybe even children with Jackson.

Right now any of those didn't seem all that impossible to reach, no matter how contradictory things might have slipped Mark's lips before.

~

The evening was proceeding as planned and Jackson felt like he had accomplished something today by being there to back both of his friends up and taking responsibility over certain things, like having Jiyoo in his care through the ceremony and making sure the music would play at the right time for Jaebum. He felt quite happy, and for the first time tonight he didn't have a kid in his arms and was free to enjoy some moments of no one trying to wrinkle his perfectly decent suit with drool or drool filled tiny hands.

Jackson’s head was pleasantly full of nice things which almost all included the images of Mark holding Jia and looking like a million dollars in his clothes.

Jackson really did try to keep the next thought out of his head, but it pushed through none the less, forming that nasty, nagging feeling at the back of his mind and left him feeling detached and a bit disgusting; there was no comparing him and Mark in looks. Mark was handsome and graceful and Jackson was.. well. He wasn't.

Not that Jackson _hated_ himself or anything, he just never could fathom the fact he wasn't an ugly duckling compared to his friends, or anyone he deemed good looking. He simply thought he was a plain looking guy with nothing too interesting in him.

Which is why it baffled him to no end that Mark wanted to be with him.

He startled when Mark returned to him with two plates in his hands and smiled that tiny mysterious smile that never failed to cause Jackson’s stomach plummet pleasantly.

“I thought you'd be ravenous at this point.” Mark frowned at Jackson who was eyeing the plate Mark had set before him and tried to conceal his sigh and slightly defeated thoughts by coughing.

“Yeah uh, about that.. Mark?” Jackson said tentatively, hoping against hope he wasn’t thinking what he was thinking. “I think I should go on a diet.” He finished quite lamely.

“What? Why? You’re not fat.” Mark looked genuinely stupefied, his brows high and his expression quite perplexed.

“But I’m not exactly in great shape or anything.” Jackson muttered defiantly, the embarrassment sweeping over him and making him fidget on the spot and try to avoid looking straight at Mark because it would have made him want to groan out loud because what he was saying would sounds doubly as stupid as he felt already.

“Jackson..” Mark sighed, rolled his eyes and sat down, pushing his uncooperative hair away from his eyes with one hand. “Shut up and eat.” He picked up a piece of chicken from the plate and plopped it straight into Jackson’s mouth that was opening to argue with what Mark had just said. “You’re smoking hot and if you start losing any of that amazing mass of muscles in you I’m going to work you out so hard you’ll forget your name. The workout including eating chicken, veggies and protein shakes every three hours.”

Jackson gulped, and that wasn’t just because Mark looked a bit scary when stating these things.

“That’s kind of extreme..” Jackson huffed quietly, swallowing the food. He was secretly pleased though, with Mark’s reaction, the thought that the one he held so high in regard was thinking like _that_ about him. It caused some serious twists in his stomach which had nothing to do with being insecure or embarrassed.

“I didn’t tell you what kind of workout you’d be getting though..” The low and sultry tone caught Jackson by surprise and he almost choked on the chicken bits still in his mouth. Mark only smirked deviously back at him.

“You’re horrible. Death by snu snu, huh?” Jackson managed a smile, trying to arrange his face enough so that no one around them got suspicious what they were talking about. Not that anyone was paying any attention on them anyway but you could never be too sure when Jinyoung was in close proximity.

“It’s a sweet death, don’t you think?” Mark cocked his eyebrows just a teeny tiny bit, but his eyes were full of mirth; Jackson could feel how the familiar warmth was spreading inside him, starting from the pit of his stomach, reaching his cheeks and making them burn softly, his thoughts definitely turning a lot more dirtier than they had been before.

“Should we send the kids to Noi and have a merry little Christmas for ourselves tonight?” It was an innocent enough suggestion but it did carry such meanings like getting slammed to a wall and being kissed senseless, or something like getting sweaty and out of breath together, swaying back and forth as one and climbing the stairway to heaven.

“Do you think she would be willing to take the boys?” Mark bit his bottom lip and Jackson groaned inwardly; that particular gesture always made him see red hues.

“Maybe, if I ask really nicely.” Jackson was getting warmed up to the idea the more he thought about it, and having had the chance to look at Mark in his suit that fitted his slim figure perfectly all day long, had definitely made Jackson have some _serious_ problems to keep his eyes away from the way the black pants hugged Mark’s legs and how the jacket fitted his torso so perfectly it wasn’t even realistic anymore.

But what Jackson loved even more at the moment was the fact they were actually playing footsie under the table. Maybe one thing _would_ lead to another. It was like they were teenagers the way they were acting sometimes, being all flirty and teasing relentlessly even though most of the time they didn’t have the opportunity to do much more than share ferocious kisses and grind against each other. Which was all fine and dandy but kind of built the tension between them to the point it was starting to overflow.

“Do you think it could be time..” Mark’s hand was suddenly on Jackson thigh and sliding over the smooth black fabric, fingertips feeling the tensing muscle under. “..for _that_ ?” The way he was gazing up at Jackson under his dark lashes was doing nothing, _nothing_ , to save Jackson from falling deeper. All Mark was doing, quite deliberately most likely, was to ignite every possible fantasy back in life and this wasn’t really the time or the place for those.

But Jackson was weak against Mark’s charms.

“Only if you are.”

“Maybe I am.” Fucking tease.. Jackson tried to hide his smile but with little success; it spread over his lips and rest of his face, reaching from one ear to the other, lighting him up and making him look spectacularly like an idiot who had just been offered his biggest desire on a silver plate.

~

One phone call, two hours and some heavy suggestive teasing later Mark and Jackson were finally alone at home.

Noi had picked the boys up and knowingly smirked at them while making sure the kids were securely sitting in the back seat of her car, amazingly enough she was actually driving herself this time, and had wished them merry Christmas with a wink.

“Have some _fun_ darlings. I’ll return the boys later tomorrow.”

They stood in the hallway after the door had clicked shut and stared at each other, not knowing what to do now that they were free to do whatever they wanted.

Mark's blood was boiling from all the riling up from before and Jackson was looking incredibly sexy with his hair tousled and a few too many buttons on his white shirt open, revealing part of his chest. He should make a move right now but for some reason he didn't. Maybe he was a tease, maybe he was an ass, be it either way but Mark found it much more interesting to stand still and observe Jackson chewing on his lips and his gaze bouncing from the floor to Mark and back on the floor again.

What Jackson had said earlier about wanting to go on a diet was something Mark couldn't understand at all; it was absurd to even hint that there was _anything_ physically wrong with Jackson. He was _gorgeous_ and handsome and no one could match his childlike innocence and happiness when he was hyped and bouncing off the walls. Or his quiet, reassuring support when he just was _there_ , by your side.

The tension was almost palpable and it was getting heavier the more they just stood there, watching and breathing in the silence surrounding them. The air was almost sizzling; you could very well imagine bright electric sparks flying in the air between them.

Mark couldn't remember which one moved first but suddenly they were meeting in the middle and trying to reach everywhere at once, groping and tugging the irritating clothes away instead of admiring the way the fabrics clung onto the body, presenting it in a different light. Hands greedy and eager to gain a free access on bare skin so close yet so far, tracing up and down, not even bothering to conceal the desire. All Mark knew at the moment was the way Jackson was pushing him against the wall, pinning him there almost painfully, one leg pressed in between Mark's thighs. The build up after all these months they had been playing with fire and going back and forth so many times it was ridiculous, always _almost_ getting there but never doing so, all that frustration suddenly breaking free and they were ripping the shirts open so forcefully buttons were flying in the air.

“Bedroom..” Jackson muttered when he tore his lips away from the bruising kiss and mouthed Mark's neck instead.

Mark didn't bother to reply but took a hold of Jackson’s belt and began opening it at the same time as he walked backwards, nimble fingers working on the metal buckle and a new set of buttons, directing them out of memory towards the desired destination.

Mark flipped Jackson around when they reached the bed, pushing him down on his stomach and before Jackson could turn or change his position in any way Mark bent over Jackson. He pressed his face against Jackson’s neck so nicely exposed to him and bit down none too gently, tugging the skin with his teeth. Jackson made a low impatient sound when Mark ground his hips down against the ass he had positioned himself over.

Was this really happening? It seemed to surreal Mark though he might have been actually dreaming.

After waiting and being interrupted so many times Mark had lost count, we're they finally going to get to the final stage in their physical relationship?

The mere idea was like a hot, burning coal inside him, heating up his whole system and making him breathless and lightheaded.

Jackson was bucking up and made a wiggling motion that felt at the same time funny and good. Mark actually let out a small laughter, pressing a smiling kiss at the back of Jackson’s head.

He rolled his hips down again, the feel of Jackson responding to his moves so eagerly, setting the desire on fire even more, was simply amazing.

Had he been dreaming of this? Naturally. Had he been wanting this? Yes. Was he ready? Absolutely.

Mark climbed off of Jackson’s back but kept his hands trailing down the strong back and down to Jackson’s ass that was right there in front of him and displayed so perfectly it was hard not to stare and admire the shape and the feel of the buttocks. He loomed over Jackson, slipping his fingers under the open shirt, his fingers now dancing over the bare skin.

Jackson seemed to still completely but his breathing was turning laboured and Mark could feel the tiny spasms and twitches under his touch when he let his fingertips trace down the edges of Jackson’s spine. He knelt down and began to pull the pants down Jackson’s legs wanting to expose that gorgeous ass for him to admire.

Mark let out a soft huff of air when he managed his task, Jackson helping him by kicking the garments away the moment they reached his ankles, and the ass was finally exposed for him. He just had to press a kiss or two down on the skin, knead the muscles appreciatively with both hands before he stood up and finished unbuttoning his own pants and let the black material to drop down on the floor while the tight boxer briefs were removed as well. Mark then bent back over Jackson and pushed his semi hard shaft between Jackson’s ass cheeks. This elicited an appreciative hum and a push of hips up as Mark rolled his pelvis, enjoying the feelings it was causing him already. Jackson’s skin was a lot colder than his cock, and the contrast was quite amazing, the cool and the hot mingling together and Mark couldn’t hold back the thought that he could only just grind here and finish himself; it felt so good.

But then again.. What were they going to go tonight? There had been no real decision about who would receive it first and, though Jackson had been quite clear he was fine with both, Mark wasn’t sure what would be the best course of action. The idea of being fucked wasn’t turning him off at least, but then again when you had something like _this_ in your hands, all ready and willing, you kind of tend to forget such submissive thoughts.

Not that either of them was that submissive sort in any aspect; the mere idea was ridiculous. They would probably end up bickering and having rough sex while wrestling and snarling at each other, but enjoying the act none the less, rather than either going down on their knees and _begging_ or _whining_ about getting fucked. Quite displeasing thought.

Mark would slap Jackson if he ever would turn into such a weakling because that’s not what Jackson was, and neither was Mark. Unless they were playing some very kinky role play in bedroom it was impossible to imagine either of them such things.

He had to admit that he liked sassy and cheeky Jackson as much as he loved the gentle and caring side of him.

Love.

Did he just think of that?

Mark stilled on top of Jackson and tried to rearrange his hazy thoughts.

He had thought the word love, hadn’t he? Was he admitting it now, in the middle of the most hazardous moment there could be; in middle of getting busy in the sheets, blood boiling and a hardened cock resting in between his boyfriend’s buttocks?

Jackson turned around, using the Mark’s moment of confusion for his advantage, and sat up, pulling Mark closer and burying his face on the taut stomach.

“You want to do it?” Jackson nipped the skin with his teeth, earning a small noise from Mark, though it was left unclear was it bad or good.

“Would I be like this if I didn't?” Mark answered, his tone slightly sarcastic but he knew Jackson didn't mind it.

“Just checking.”

Before Mark could say anything else Jackson bent his back some more and slipped the hardened cock in his mouth. This time Mark's voice was definitely audible; the pleased moan escaped his lips so easily and he buried his hands into Jackson’s hair, adding some pressure to ensure the sucking mouth was not going anywhere yet.

Jackson had proved to be good at this before but somehow he was spectacular tonight; he allowed the cock to slip all the way to the back of his throat before he would choke, adding some teeth in the action when pulling out, swirling his tongue over the tip and dipping his tongue on the slit.

A simple heaven, that’s what this was.

Mark could feel how his pleasure was going up fast, churning in his stomach and making his knees go weak. If he wanted to continue the night even a little longer Jackson would have to stop this. But it was just so _good_ Mark didn’t really _want_ it to stop. His heart was racing and his eyes barely could remain open, tough he wanted to watch Jackson bobbing his head up and down, cheeks hollowed and his hair now and unruly mess.

When the first clear signs of his ecstasy building dangerously close to its peak, Mark took a step back and pushed Jackson off of him, panting hard and his head blurry. Jackson, being quick to realize the stage of things sat back up on the bed and removed his shirt before climbing backwards to sit in the middle of the bed, his eyes following Mark when he removed his shirt as well, following Jackson and lying down on his side next to Jackson.

This was way more awesome than he had expected it to be.

Mark licked his lips quickly, something nervous tickling his insides and he leaned down to kiss Jackson's awaiting mouth, the hunger for more quite evident, his veins filled with boiling blood that demanded to be dealt with

“Mark..” Jackson mumbled after a while of simply making out and grinding together their naked bodies, evoking such nice sounds as low groans and muffled hums of pleasure.

“It's my name, don't wear it out.” Mark couldn’t help the lame joke slipping his lips.

“So funny.” Jackson slapped Mark's thigh and pretended to be pout a second or two before continuing. “I.. Because we haven’t really talked about who will receive first I.. Uh.. I want you to be my first.”

Mark stared at him.

“First? But I thought you've been with someone already?” At least that was the impression Mark had had from all the things they had talked about before.

“Yeah, well I have but..” Jackson drew slow circles over Mark's chest with his forefinger. “But I haven't let anyone take me before..” He was silent for a while. “Though I'm not totally unaccustomed to it either.”

“So.. uh.. You're.. you've been.. just playing so far. You know, with toys or something?” It’s not like Mark was curious or anything, of course he was, in a way, but the images he was getting from thinking Jackson playing with himself were not exactly turning him off either. Quite the opposite.

“Something like that.” How could anyone be that cute while talking about sexual things? It wasn’t fair, or whatever. Mark absolutely loved the way Jackson lowered his gaze and bit his bottom lip. And that hand drawing meaningless patterns over his skin? _Cute!_

“I’m not against it.” Mark almost purred, sneaking an arm around Jackson’s waist and holding him close. Jackson looked up and flashed a flustered smile at Mark, his bashful expression melting away when the lust took over again and they leaned in together, lips meeting in the middle to start a slow, deep kiss that churned all the right things inside.

They tangled themselves together, finding the perfect angles to create more friction, to create more pleasure and paint invisible lines over the naked skin with their fingers mapping out their bodies, memorizing everything for later use. Though the bedroom wasn’t the most warm one it was useless to even think about getting under the covers; they were getting sweaty already like this.

Mark finally detached his lips from Jackson’s almost reluctantly, kissing Jackson always made him forget everything else as it was so good, and untangled himself to fetch the necessary things for the next stage. He was maybe a bit nervous as this was absolutely new territory for him; sure enough he had been with a girl or two before, but it was a bit different when doing with someone you cared a lot about. Not to mention he didn’t want to hurt Jackson by being bad at sex.

While Jackson was taking a better position and relaxing himself, Mark rummaged the night stand to get the lube they had luckily purchased quite some time ago. It was still depressingly full, considering they'd been together half a year already but hadn't had time for more than a few mutual jerk offs. Of course there was the fact Mark had been kind of reluctant so far to take the next step in their bedroom adventures.

But not anymore.

He would do his best to please Jackson and if it went to hell then.. well, he would just have to practice some more. You never get better if you don't try again, right?

When Mark turned around and found Jackson on his back, one leg bent from the knee and his eyes fixed on Mark it was like someone had clicked a switch inside him and he was finally certain what he felt.

He was in love with this superbly, incredibly, beautifully wonderful man who had made a permanent resting place in his heart and if he would for some reason go away it would hurt like a thousand glass shards piercing him at once.

Jackson opened his legs more as Mark settled between them, leaning over the expecting body now under him, the lube forgotten for the while but still somewhere within his reach.

“You're beautiful. In every possible way.” Mark mumbled silently, breathing against Jackson’s cheek, inhaling the familiar scent of powder, aftershave and that natural fragrance that was uniquely Jackson’s.

Jackson said nothing but wrapped his arms around Mark's shoulders and captured his lips in a bruising kiss, slipping his tongue deep into Mark’s mouth. Enough of an answer that everything was going the way it was supposed to go, right?

Mark reached between them, wrapping his hand around Jackson’s cock while trying to kiss him even deeper without actually eating his face, and began to stroke the hard shaft. Jackson jerked when Mark palmed the tip, spreading the drop of sticky liquid oozing out; something Mark knew Jackson liked.

However it was prudent to get things moving on and regretting it again, Mark released Jackson lips and sat back. He added a liberal amount of lube over his fingers and while pumping the hard cock in his hand faster Mark slipped two fingers between Jackson’s buttocks and pushed them inside.

Jackson tensed up for a second or so before relaxing and pushing his hips down to meet the moving hand inside him. What a glorious thing to see; Jackson’s parted and swollen lip sucking the air softly, his cheeks painted with a faint red colour and his chest and stomach rising and falling steadily as he was enjoying being stretched open.

After adding more fingers into the play and Jackson panting so hard it was evident he was quite receptive for more, Mark found himself chewing on his lips and cheeks nervously, his heart thundering in his ears while he lathered his own cock with lube, the cold gel exciting him at the same time as it was almost frightening.

No amount of preparing and stretching, or reading about this, could have prepared Mark for the intense tightness he encountered when it was time to penetrate Jackson.

It was so fucking _tight_ it seemed absolutely _impossible_ anything bigger than his fingers would ever go in. Just trying to push the tip of his cock in was enough to make him feel like he would come in an instant. A glance at Jackson was almost enough to make him pull away the little he managed to get in; Jackson was squeezing his eyes shut and his hands were clutching the sheets so hard his knuckles had turned white.

“Are you okay?” Mark choked, the words coming out with a struggle.

“Y.. Yeah. I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be? I'm just being torn in two no big deal.” Jackson actually hissed back, frowning and Mark’s heart sank. He knew it; this had been a bad idea after all.

“We should sto-”

“No!” Jackson’s eyes flew open. “We're not stopping. Don't say that. I want this.” His eyes were huge and his breathing shallow but the dark desire burning behind the pain was still evident. “The pain will subside. Just.. go slowly.”

“If you're sure..” Mark hesitated still because he had no desire to hurt Jackson so much it was making him nearly tear up.

“Mark.” Jackson’s tone turned edgy. “If you don't fuck me tonight I'll never let your get away with it.” He finished with an impish grin that definitely snapped Mark out of his worries.

He didn't bother replying anymore, just took a better hold of Jackson and began pushing in again.

It was, to put it nicely, clumsy and awkward and Mark wanted to die with embarrassment once or twice because this wasn't really supposed to be so hard, was it? Maybe it just took some _serious_ getting used to, which neither of them had much yet.

Yet.

“F-fuckk..” Jackson groaned when the first stage was complete; Mark was in, buried to the hilt and feeling like he would explode about the second he would had to move. He couldn't utter a single word, his whole attention was on trying to prevent himself from acting on his instinct and ravishing Jackson roughly to gain his climax as soon as possible. The need for release was almost all consuming, threatening to drown him.

They were both breathing hard, like they had ran a mile before reaching this point, a faint sheen of sweat over the forehead. Jackson’s legs were trembling with the effort of keeping them up and open, but his face was a mixture of both pain and pleasure, and something Mark figured was determination. Rather endearing, really.

“Is.. Is it ok to move?” Mark finally asked, his burning desire to bang Jackson into oblivion easing the more he took deep breaths and tried to calm his squirming insides.

“Yeah. I’m ok.” Jackson heaved a few deep sighs and his body slowly relaxed, not much but enough it wasn’t as tightly wound up as before, but he was still impossibly tight.

The first pull and push were pretty painful for Mark as well because Jackson was squeezing around him so hard it took all his efforts not to stop the game right then and there. But, after a while the tightness eased as Jackson apparently willed himself to loosen up even and the whole moving became more and more fluent with each agonizingly slow thrust Mark did.

It wasn’t as horrible as the start had been but it was still lacking the enjoyment on Jackson’s part, so Mark decided to try something to have them both feeling good; Jackson had gone from rock hard to semi hard during this and Mark didn’t like it that he was the only one with a throbbing boner that would burst if he wasn’t careful.

He pulled out completely and Jackson snapped his head up from the mattress, worry written all over his face.

“Just going to try something.” Mark smiled faintly, reaching for the lube. He slathered a liberal amount more over his aching cock before turning his attention back on Jackson. Without a word of warning Mark positioned himself back between Jackson bent legs and aimed for the now a lot more loose hole.

He slipped in almost effortlessly with the help of the lubrication and this time Jackson let out a small pleased sound. Mark locked his eyes with Jackson who was staring at him, his bottom lip worried between his teeth.

“Better?” Mark managed to ask, though he wasn’t that much in touch with reality at the moment.

“Still hurts, but it’s definitely bett- Ah!” Jackson’s sentence got cut in the middle when Mark angled himself again and apparently hit something that made Jackson close his eyes and his cheeks flush with bright pink.

“Here?” Mark rolled his hips forward again, trying to find the same spot. Jackson was breathing harder, still clutching the sheets tightly but his expression wasn’t the one of intense pain anymore, no, it was much less anxious and much more pleased.

“Don’t stop..” Jackson grunted finally, his abs flexing when he propped himself up to his elbows. “Come here.”

Quirking his brows up questioningly, but obeying Jackson’s wishes, Mark leaned over the body under him and Jackson fished one hand behind his neck, pulling Mark down into a kiss that left very little to guess what Jackson was feeling at the moment. The kiss was nearly desperate but still tasted sweet and needy at the same time.

While kissing Jackson back Mark swayed his hips back and forth, trying to find a good enough pace that would give them the desired results for the night.

“That's it.. nhah.. that's good. Keep going.” Jackson mumbled in between the sloppy kisses, his eyes half closed. Mark couldn't help himself from smiling against the lips moving over his own, nipping and tucking the flesh like they were candy to kiss and suck on; the fact that they were pretty much going in Jackson’s pace put him more on top of the situation rather Mark who was just doing what Jackson asked him to do. And Mark happily followed such requests, or demands, whatever you wanted to call them.

He could have let himself to slide in and out of Jackson a lot longer than he thought he would last but they had been riling each other up way too much and he had been on the edge since the moment he began to squeeze his way into Jackson’s ass.

“Jacks..” Mark bit down on Jackson’s bottom lip, tugging it out with his teeth and let the swollen piece of flesh plop free when he leaned his head back enough to break the kiss. “I won’t last long.” And he was truly regretful of that. He wanted to give more pleasure for Jackson but he was reaching his limits fast.

Jackson seemed to be quite out of it at the moment and Mark wasn’t sure had he even understood what Mark had just said.

It was true; there was no way he would last much longer. Mark felt the burning and electrifying flow gathering in his guts, pooling down until he was on the verge of spilling out inside Jackson if he moved even one inch more. But he didn’t stop, just grit his teeth together and, now that Jackson felt so much softer around his cock, picked up the pace just enough to see tiny lights behind his closed eyelids.

“It.. it’s ok. You can come.” Jackson’s gruff voice managed to _just_ enter Mark’s brain before he, with a sudden move pulled himself out, and rubbed his throbbing cock against Jackson’s until he reached his orgasm. It shook his entire body, the pleasure crashing him and making his head void of anything for a few fleeting seconds of pure rapture that was everything he could feel.

Mark almost collapsed over Jackson, breathing heavily and wishing he had lasted longer. The thought he had had climaxed before Jackson came back to him and then the inevitable embarrassment gnawed his guts.

“Sorry..” Mark said quietly, gazing up at Jackson who had reached down and was stroking Mark’s hair slowly while Mark was hanging his head over Jackson’s torso, a drop of sweat trickling down his temple.

Jackson just smiled faintly, his cheeks still as red as apples and lips the raw colour of pink, swollen from kisses and biting. Ravishing sight, really.

“I’ll finish you.” Mark rasped out, trying to focus.

“No, it’s fine you don-” Jackson tried to say, his eyes widening just a little.

“I want to.” Mark was determined to do this, of course he was! What a fucking douche he would be to just fuck around for his own pleasure and leave Jackson with painful erection that was almost screaming for attention.

With no further warnings or anything Mark backed down, settling between Jackson’s legs that were still trembling a little, bent his back and took Jackson in his mouth.

The sound Jackson let out was the perfect present for him tonight. Rough and raspy, the sound of pure pleasure that could only make your partner feel accomplished and happy to do whatever they were doing to you.

Mark was maybe inexperienced with having much sex with a guy, but the times he and Jackson had been able to play this game, had definitely taught him something. He trailed his hands down Jackson’s stomach, relishing the feeling of the flexing muscles under his touch. Mark took a firm hold with his left hand around the base of Jackson’s cock while his right one slipped between the buttocks. He didn’t waste any time inserting three fingers at the same time. They went in easily, the remainders of the lube helping, and Jackson actually gasped at the sensation, his body jerking.

“Shi..” Jackson managed to hiss before he reached out and grabbed Mark’s hair roughly, pushing his head down to accept the thrusting hips, preventing him from pulling away. Mark allowed the hard, and not that pleasant, mouth fucking happen, guessing Jackson was on the edge. He thrust his fingers in faster, crooking them in search of the nerves that would make Jackson go stiff and hopefully spill over.

And he did.

Mark found the prostate just when Jackson was breathing so hard it was audible. He rubbed deliberately over the nerves and at the same time grazed his teeth over the hot cock slipping in and out of his mouth. Jackson groaned, his movements getting more and more minimal and jerky.

Finally he climaxed with a gruff grunt, spilling his seed into Mark’s mouth and falling limply on the mattress, releasing Mark’s hair from his tight grasp.

Mark smiled his mouth closed and pulled his hands away from Jackson, reaching to the nightstand for something he could spit the sperm on. Swallowing that stuff wasn’t exactly high on his list he liked to do.

“Stop cleaning and come here..” Jackson muttered hoarsely, watching with half open eyes Mark arranging himself, wiping off the remains of the lube and come from his hands and mouth.

Mark let out a huff of laughter but gave in. He wasn’t much in the mood of getting out of the bed anyway so he carelessly tossed the tissue away, crawling next to Jackson and cuddled beside him with one arm sneaking around his waist almost automatically. Jackson mimicked Mark and they smiled at each other, leaning in for a soft, slow kiss, the aftermath still lingering close by and making them sluggish and pleasantly achy.

It was cozy and quiet, their breathing the only thing they could hear in the darkness of the bedroom, the world outside distant to them and the sounds echoing in from the windows muffled like someone had pulled cotton over everything.

“I love you..” Jackson said quietly, his palm pressing over Mark’s cheek now, thumb stroking the warm skin tenderly as he looked straight at Mark into his eyes, his face shadowed but still visible enough to make out his features clearly.

Mark thought his heart had stopped beating when the words registered in his brains. He was both swelling with joy and at the same time shrinking with fear. His breathing picked up again and his hands felt clammy.

These two emotions were battling inside him, waging war against each other, and Mark was so sure it showed on his face as Jackson kept looking at him with a small frown forming on him brows and his hand stilling on Mark’s cheek.

This was going to be a disaster soon.

But eventually Mark breathed out slowly, licking his lips quickly and tightened his hold over Jackson’s waist, sneaking closer and pressing their noses together.

“Me too.” His voice was trembling maybe, but one could possibly forgive that since he had never said these things to anyone but to his parents. “I love you too.”

There they were. The little words that could turn your world upside down and make it either crumble or shine like a beacon in the night. The moment they words left his lips it was like someone had lifted a heavy weight from his heart; he was drunk with all these suddenly flooding good emotions and he gladly allowed himself to be drowned under them all.

The radiant smile Jackson broke out into was almost blinding and it got lost in the flurry of small kisses and happy noises Jackson was making and Mark couldn’t help but to laugh happily along with him, hugging Jackson close and rolling over the bed in a messy pile of bare limbs, giggles and kisses.

Perhaps love wasn’t such a scary thing after all.

~

_HEY DAD_

_HAPY KRISTMAS!_

_YOUR AWSOM DAD I LOVE YOU!!! [a lot of crooked hearts and smiley faces scattered all over the page along with glitter glue and stars]_

 

_BAMBAM_


	21. When you're gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took a while, but here we are, back in business.
> 
> 200,000 words!! I'm honestly not sure how this happened! Oh my god my little story grew up so much.. 
> 
> Thank you again everyone who have been here with me during the journey so far, for the comments and the kudos you've given me. I will never get tired of reading your comments. Never. I love you all. ;__;

It was the 5th day after Christmas day and Mark was feeling nervous. He was chewing on his lip while following Youngjae and Bambam skipping over the frozen puddles on the backyard with his eyes, tapping the edge of his coffee cup with his fingers as he held it between his both hands. He wasn’t nervous because anything bad was going to happen, or had happened. He just had declared his love to Jackson only a few days earlier and now they were going to go and meet the rest of Jackson’s family in Hong Kong, and spend the New Year there. And that was partly the reason making him jittery and anxious; he would be taking Youngjae with him and they would meet the Wang family as a family together. Mark and Youngjae, Jackson and Bambam. They were a unit now.

Weren’t they? At least it felt more like it now, after spilling those important little words out. Though they had been together longer it somehow was more real and tangible, like they weren’t in for this just because they felt attraction, but because they clearly were in love.

That alone was enough to be nervous about because it meant they would need to work hard for their relationship, and to keep everything together. Not just because the kids would suffer if something would happen, but mainly because of themselves. Worst case scenarios cropped up from the darkest places of your mind the moment you weren't careful, and tried to consume you, make you doubt everything.

Loving someone could be such a beautiful thing but it also could make your heart heavy with worry, that useless worry that gets stuck on your insides like glue and squeezes you into a tight ball from within until you feel nothing but pain.

Mark _knew_ he was in love, there was no doubt about it, but was it enough? Was he showing his appreciation and emotions clearly enough? How often was it ok to say ‘I love you’? He didn't want to seem too much in love. He was afraid if he would declare his feelings often it would make Jackson grow weary of him and think Mark didn't mean what he said. Or was this some unconscious fear Mark had about himself? He wasn't so sure, and it really was useless to dwell in these insecurities.

The other reason why he was so nervous was, though he had met Jackson’s mother once, he would be spending more than a few hasty hours together with _both_ of Jackson’s parents, and possibly his brother as well, and Mark felt like his skin was crawling away from him; he was so skittish about it all. He would in most likelihood just shut up completely and forget he ever had learnt any manners in his life. He didn’t want Jackson’s parents think of him as someone unsuited to their son.

A pair of arms sneaked from behind Mark and around his waist and Mark startled out of his thoughts.

“Why are you frowning so much?” Jackson asked quietly, placing his chin on Mark’s shoulder and gazing out of the window as well at the happily giggling boys in their bright winter clothes.

“Just nervous.” Mark sighed. Jackson’s presence was soothing his distorted thoughts, tuning the worry down.

“About meeting my family?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t be. You already saw Mom and the rest are just as lovable as I am. And you adore me anyway so it's not an impossible task, right?” Jackson’s voice was full of laughter and he hugged Mark tighter. “And they’re going to love sunshine boy so much. I mean, who _doesn’t!_ ” Jackson’s comment made Mark smile and the pride he felt for having such an amazing child made his heart swell.

He didn’t reply, just leaned into the embrace and sighed contently, his worries disappearing as the warmth Jackson radiated enveloped him and all seemed to be good and swell in the world again, like nothing could pierce this happy bubble he was living in these days.

“Is everything packed?” Mark finally asked, turning around in Jackson’s embrace to examine the tilted head and to appreciate the way the brown eyes were twinkling when Jackson was looking at him.

“You’ve asked that like a hundred times already.” Jackson rolled his eyes, but his smile never faltered. “Yeah, everything is ready. We have to get going in half an hour, so it might be time to call the kids in and pack _them_ up.”

Mark nodded, absently reaching up and pushing a wayward blond strand to the side from Jackson’s eyes.

“We should call a taxi soon..” Mark muttered, his eyes fixed on Jackson’s lips this time, the colour and shape of them mesmerizing.

“Mmhm.” Jackson hummed in reply, perhaps leaning in just a little bit, bringing that sweet mouth of his closer.

As nice as it was to stand there and _watch_ the luscious lips curling up to a devious little smile, it was much, much nicer to _kiss_ them. So Mark leaned forward, capturing Jackson’s lips into a soft kiss.

“Coffee flavour. My favourite.” Jackson mumbled, earning a small smack over his chest from Mark who, despite himself, couldn’t help a smile spreading on his face as well.

Jackson’s arms were securely around Mark’s waist, pulling him as close as it was possible without either losing their balance, and Mark felt a wave of passion waking up inside him and he tilted his head. The kiss deepened, turned more needier and greedier, Jackson’s hands sliding down to grab Mark’s ass and to grind their hips together.

It would have gone further but reality came crashing in on them before anything could happen.

A sharp shout tore the passionate kiss apart and Mark, his heart shrinking with fear, turned back to the window to see Bambam standing next to Youngjae his face white and Youngjae on the ground his face contorted with pain and his body doubled up.

“Oh my god..” Mark gasped, tearing himself free from Jackson’s embrace and almost dropping the mug he was still holding in his hand. He hastily put it away and yanked the door to the porch open, hurrying towards the boys, not paying any attention on the fact he only had socks on and the ground was frozen solid and so cold it stung the soles of his feet.

“What happened?” Mark bent down to help Youngjae to get up and noticed how the boy was holding his left arm very gingerly close to his chest.

“Youngjae slipped on the ice and fell and there was a creepy snapping sound and then he shouted and..” Bambam was visibly shocked, his eyes wide and wild and he was wringing his hands.

“It’s ok. I'm going to take care of this. Bam, go back inside and tell Jackson what happened. I’ll bring Youngjae.” Mark smiled at Bambam who hesitantly started to walk back to the house, glancing at his friend over his shoulder. Mark turned to Youngjae who had managed to sit up but was silently crying, his head hanging low and face smudged with dirt. It was like someone had wrapped a cold hand around Mark’s heart as he watched his son being in so much pain.

“It hurts..” Youngjae whispered, his voice so tiny it tore Mark’s soul apart to hear it.

“I know sunshine. I know.” Mark was quick to realize the level of the damage there probably was; the way the arm was resting in an odd angle, the way Youngjae kept it close to his body and how much in pain he seemed to be, it all pointed towards one possibility.

A broken bone.

Mark gathered Youngjae up in his arms as carefully as he could, trying his best to avoid touching the fractured arm but Youngjae still let out a cry of pain when he was lifted up.

This was just bad, bad luck. There was no way they could ever make it to the airport like this and Mark definitely didn't want Jackson and Bambam to miss the flight.

“How bad is it?” Jackson asked the second Mark came in from the door.

“Broken arm, most likely. I have to get him to the ER now.”

“I’ll call a taxi for you.”

Mark was grateful Jackson didn’t even mention the fact they wouldn't even be able to think about the airport, much less getting out of the country. It would take hours in the worst case to even get in to see a doctor, and then it would be too late. Mark’s heart sank when he realized their carefully planned small vacation together was falling apart around them.

But there was no helping it.

“Jackson..” Mark said quietly, still cradling Youngjae in his arms, the boy sobbing silently against Mark’s shoulder. “We won’t make it to the flight.. You.. You guys go. We’ll stay here. You promised your family to go.”

“But..” Jackson began to protest, his eyes wide and his brows furrowed.

“Please don’t argue. You miss your parents.”

Jackson hung his head looking about as miserable as Mark felt. He tried to smile but it probably looked more like a grimace than anything else.

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you sure you can manage? I mean I can cancel our flight too so you don’t have to be alone.” Jackson was talking fast and wringing his hands, looking a little lost. Mark sighed. He didn’t want to be the reason Jackson would miss his chance to see his parents after a long time.

“You promised your parents and you’ve been looking forward of seeing them. You two go. We’ll be here when you come back.” Mark tried to stay calm but his thoughts were in reality quite chaotic at the moment. Did he have to call and cancel the tickets? How was he supposed to put some clothes on when Youngjae was clutching to him like a sloth? Did the insurance cover any of the medical bill, because this wasn’t going to be cheap with all the different procedures they would have to go through at the hospital. Would Jackson’s parents hate his guts because they wouldn’t turn up like planned?

“It’s not the same without you.. I was hoping to introduce you as my boyfriend to my whole family but..” Jackson muttered, and Mark's heart skipped a beat, but managed a smile when he looked up, though his eyes were sad. “I’m not going to deny that I want to go, but I really want to stay too.”

“I know.” Mark said quietly, looking down at Youngjae who had closed his eyes and was keeping really still, looking so fragile and small it shattered Mark’s heart. “But I have to stay. There will be another time to do it.” He tried to choke down the tears that were trying to well up. He was angry and disappointed, as well as scared and worried.

“I’ll pack you a bag. Your taxi should be here in a minute.” Jackson finally said softly, though his voice was marred with disappointment, leaning down to kiss Mark’s hair. The overwhelming sense of being a let down gnawed at Mark’s insides; he wanted to reach out to take Jackson's hand and hold onto it tightly, be he didn't. Of course he had no control over these things but still he felt bad and responsible for ruining their plans.

Mark sighed and closed his eyes, wishing the day was already over.

~

The emergency room was relatively empty and the murmur of other people was echoing in the room like a radio left on somewhere in far distance. Quiet, but still kind of annoying.

Mark sat with Youngjae on his lap, hugging the boy close carefully and his thoughts torn in two directions, though his attention was mostly concentrated on his poor son.

Youngjae had perked up a little after Mark had made a makeshift splint for the injured arm; it was now resting over Youngjae’s chest without him having to use his strength to keep it up., but the boy was still pale and quiet, holding Mark’s phone in his healthy hand and watching some kids program to keep himself entertained while they were waiting. He was so warm and tiny in Mark’s arms Mark was on the verge of crying because he felt so goddamn useless.

Youngjae using his phone of course left Mark alone with his thoughts, and that wasn’t what he wanted right now, because all he could think was how he wanted to be on that plane with Jackson and Bambam. The plane that would take two two away from him and Youngjae only for four days, but it felt like an eternity to him.

The sad look in Jackson’s eyes was never going to leave Mark’s retina. It would be forever imprinted there to remind him how beaten one could look even though no physical damage had been done. Jackson had _said_ it was fine, but Mark knew Jackson was still hurt that this was how the things turned out. How could Mark ever repay this? He certainly would try to make things up, but it would be useless if Jackson would sulk about this all for a long time. So far it was normal behaviour, of course, but it still worried Mark enough to make his head hurt.

Jackson had the tendency to overreact sometimes and Mark usually was left helpless against the childlike disgruntlement and huffing. What could he do now, when something so big had been cancelled and it would require drastic measures to heal the sores on Jackson’s injured heart?

It was possible that he was overthinking this because Jackson had looked so hurt and sad, but in reality was being realistic about the whole thing. Mark couldn’t count on this, though he really wanted to, but right now he couldn’t do anything because Youngjae’s arm still needed to be examined and after that he would have to learn to live with the cast. Boy, was that going to be fun..

“Tuan, Mark and Youngjae?” A bright female voice called and Mark looked up to see a young doctor peering out of her room, turning her head to see where her patients were.

“Let’s go sunshine, the doctor will see you now.” Mark pried the phone out of Youngjae’s hand and earned a loud whine for it, standing up. Trying to balance the boy, his backpack and his phone was somewhat difficult, but Mark cared very little how unorganized he looked at the moment; Youngjae supported in his arms, phone clutched in one and his backpack hanging from the other and hitting his legs with every step he took.

Mark’s head was starting to hurt and all he wanted to was this to be over so they could get home and sleep this unfortunate day away.

“What do we have here? Have you hurt your arm, hm?” The lady doctor asked Youngjae when the door was closed and Mark had sat down with Youngjae almost paralyzed on his lap, refusing to look at her, instead hiding his face against Mark's jumper.

“He slipped and probably broke his arm. There was at least a snapping sound according to my other.. Our.. There was another kid near when it happened.” Mark stumbled with his words, not sure how to address Bambam to a stranger. It felt odd to say something like ‘my partners son’ or ‘my stepson’ or whatever. It just didn’t feel right. “Youngjae please, you have to stop clutching to me so she can take a look at your arm.”

“No! I don’t want to!”

“This is no time to be stubborn. I’m asking you nicely.” Mark tried to sound simply firm, but he was getting frustrated.

“But it hurts..” Youngjae whined miserably, looking up at his father and pleading with his eyes no one to touch him.

“I know it does. But if you don’t let the doctor see it, it won’t stop hurting. That wouldn’t be very nice, now would it?” Mark had no idea where the patience was coming from at the moment, because he sure as hell wasn’t feeling like he was very patient and caring. He wanted this to be dealt with as soon as possible so they could go home and he could inform Jackson about the situation.

Then he could browse flights in a futile attempt to find anything remotely suited for his wallet, and groan in frustration because he couldn’t find what he wanted. Naturally he wanted to hop on the next possible plane and keep his promise of spending some time with Jackson and his family, but as the flights weren’t the cheapest things to find so suddenly, it was only a distant dream for him. Not to mention he couldn’t drag Youngjae in this state anywhere else but home.

Youngjae finally released his deadly grip and allowed the gently smiling doctor open the splint Mark had made, and examine his obviously very tender arm.

“It’s good you’ve made the splint, but it would have been better to expose the arm as well. I’m afraid I’ll have to cut the sleeves open..” She said quietly, glancing at Mark.

“Do what you must. I doubt you’ll get him to undress it without screaming.” Mark sighed in reply, shaking his head slightly and chewing on his lip. Who cared about clothes being ruined if it would only get Youngjae treated and on his way to recovery.

She nodded and fetched a pair scissors, carefully cutting the fabrics open. Mark winced when he saw the bare arm; it was swollen, twisted and probably more painful the kid let them know. He felt so much compassion to his son right now it almost ate him alive.

“This is going to hurt a bit but I’ll try to be quick, ok?” The doctor smiled reassuringly at Youngjae who had tears in his eyes again and was squeezing Mark’s arm tightly with his healthy hand. She examined the arm carefully, her latex glove covered hands moving over the skin and gently putting pressure on it. “There is no break on the skin, which is good, because it rules out compound fracture which would require surgery, but it is broken. I’m sending you to the x-ray so we can see how bad the fracture is.” Then she looked at Youngjae. “You’re a brave one aren’t you. Don’t worry, you’ll be better soon.”

 

An hour later they were out of the hospital, and Youngjae was considerably brighter. He had been cooed at and pampered by the nurses that took him to the x-ray and the boy had loved every single second of it. Mark had had to hide his smile when he saw the happy little blush over the round cheeks and little bursts of laughter when someone managed to amuse him enough.

Now Youngjae had a shiny new cast on his forearm and he was barely able to stop himself from asking Mark to take a picture of it and send it to Jackson and Bambam so they could see it too.

“Let’s take one when we get home, ok? Jackson and Bambam are on the plane now, so they won’t get the message before they land.”

“I wish we could have gone with them.” Youngjae had his bottom lip jutting out and he sounded sulky.

“Maybe next time.” Mark ruffled Youngjae’s hair, smiling at him. The boy fell quiet, leaning his head to Mark’s arm while the taxi was driving them back home, and seemed to be thinking something.

“I’m sorry Dad..” The silent and quite unexpected apology landed on Mark's heart heavily and nearly crushed it. He almost choked on his feelings of desperate love and caring when he looked down and saw Youngjae’s sad little face staring the black leather of the front seat.

“It’s not your fault.”

“But we couldn’t go because I fell.” Youngjae’s voice was so tiny it was almost inaudible.

“Youngjae, listen to me.” Mark smiled despite his overwhelming feelings. “It was an accident and you’re not to be blamed for it, ok? Jackson and Bambam both understand that. It wasn’t your fault. We’ll go with them the next time.”

“But there won't be awesome fireworks then…”

Mark had to bite his tongue so he wouldn’t start laughing hysterically. So, Youngjae wasn’t feeling bad just because he had taken a tumble and broken his arm; he was sulky because he missed out the fireworks Bambam had been telling stories about for a month now.

Children really were amazing.

~

Jackson worried his lip between his teeth and stared out of the window, completely lost in his thoughts. He looked at the bright lights outside, the familiar street he had walked up and down hundreds of times before he had moved out of the country to educate himself, and to see the world more. He felt always emotional when he came back home and saw all the things and all the people he had known most of his life.

How far he had come after the confused teenage years, and his early twenties when he had still been just boy still who knew basically nothing, though he had felt like he was so grown up and wise, and ready to deal with the world.

What a foolish young man he had been.

Of course he was still young, and quite foolish too, but the foolishness wasn't the same as it had been back then; it felt different. Calmer. He would turn thirty soon and time was slipping away from him faster than ever.

His studies, his friendships, his love affairs and his baby boy.. The images of his life flashed before his eyes like a film, and Jackson felt overwhelmed and out of breath.

Had he really done all that? Had he really been to all those places and met all the fantastic, and sometimes not so fantastic, people? Had he really raised a child with his childhood friend, pretending to be married though he wasn't? Amazingly enough, he had.

He had not yet talked with his father about the fake marriage between him and Noi face to face, but he should as soon as possible. The matter was growing harder and harder to explain with every passing day, though it had eased his worries a lot when his mother had found out about Mark, when she had basically ambushed them by accident.

It all seemed to have happened such a long time ago.

Originally Jackson had wanted to introduce Mark to his father during this trip, and maybe get his blessing as well, but with the accident happening such plans had evaporated into thin air this morning. And his brother was supposed have been here too, but things happened and plans changed for him as well, which sucked because Jackson saw him very rarely.

Jackson sighed, rubbing his temples with both hands and closed his eyes.

There was no helping it, he had to admit it; he missed Mark so much already it actually hurt.

He was at his parent’s house, enjoying their company like the good son he was, but his heart wasn’t in completely in the merriment the reunion brought him. Bambam was naturally overjoyed to spend time with his grandparents who adored him beyond the moon, and Jackson was happy to see his baby boy being cuddled and pampered.

The longing was keeping him from enjoying everything and it was kind of annoying, because they were adults and should be able to behave themselves. Though behaving wasn't their forte at all; it had been proved too many times Jackson and Mark were everything _but_ responsible adults when their desires took over their senses.

His longing wasn’t just purely sexual, of course not. He missed the warmth and calm silence of Mark, the reassuring hand over his hand or on his neck, the bottomless and familiar depths of his eyes, and how that gaze always made Jackson feel like everything could crash around him and he wouldn’t care, because he was safe and secure near Mark.

Jackson had felt these feelings so strongly, so excruciatingly strong he had almost turned back when they were boarding the plane with Bambam. It had taken some teeth gritting and determination to stick to the plan and not go running back home to wait for Mark and Youngjae. But the plane departed with Jackson and Bambam onboard, and after a few hours of snoozing, they had arrived to Hong Kong safely to meet Jackson’s parents at the airport.

He had mixed feelings, because he felt like he was obliged to be back home to support Mark, but then again he had made his promise to his parents. There was no way he could choose either without having second thoughts about his decision. What in the end had made Jackson stick to his plan, had been the hard fact that Mark could manage on his own, and they saw each other almost every day of the year. Jackson missed his parents daily so much it twisted his heart, and he saw them only a few times in a year. So when Mark said Jackson should go, it wasn’t so surprising he gave in.

Jackson was still stressed about the whole situation. Okay, so he was away from Mark only a couple of days, but it didn’t mean he was totally fine with it, because their relationship was still so budding and new, and there were a gazillion things that could go wrong while they were apart.

Of course he trusted Mark but still.. All the _what if_ ideas cropped up in Jackson’s mind and he, though trying desperately to block them, was left feeling uncertain and slightly sour.

Mark had sent him a picture and a message, saying that everything was fine and Youngjae was mostly sad he couldn't see the fireworks with Bambam and wreak havoc with him, obviously. Naturally this bugged Jackson; he had had the perfect plan to spend the last hours of the year with Mark and kiss him when it was midnight. No such luck this time.

The message however had said nothing about how Mark was feeling, or what he was thinking, so Jackson’s thoughts were kind of stuck on guessing those things all by himself.

Was Mark sad, or maybe mad? Was he relieved he didn’t have come and meet Jackson’s parents, or was he feeling guilty, angry, happy or what?

Sometimes, or most of the time, it was hard to figure what Mark was thinking. Usually Jackson was fine with it, because he could observe the tiny hints Mark’s behaviour gave out, but right now the distance between them was _not_ making it very easy for him, because he couldn’t _see_ Mark.

Should he try to pry some answers out of Mark or just wait for him to open up? It wasn't in Jackson’s nature to stay quiet too long if he knew he would get an answer if he just would ask, but when it came to Mark, things were a bit more difficult.

At least they were now.

It was harder to ask directly, to announce what he had in mind, because he was afraid he would say something that could make Mark mad and think less of Jackson. He definitely didn't want that to happen.

But he couldn't remain quiet either. The thoughts were making a mess of him, and he needed some kind of clearance so he could enjoy his final free days before he would start his new working life.

So, Jackson picked up his phone and typed a message.

_How are things at home? Youngshine any better? How are you?_

It was innocent enough to hide the fact Jackson was burning to know if there was something seriously wrong, or was he just thinking too much. That was something he did a bit too often, which kind of made his life a living hell sometimes, but then again he was able to be straightforward and just deal with things.

But his heart was still racing after he sent his message, like he had just done something he should be terrified over.

Jackson didn’t really expect to get an answer from Mark, but to his surprise his phone buzzed almost immediately.

_Everything is fine. Just put Youngjae to bed, he was so tired. How’s Hong Kong?_

Reassuring enough, but Mark had said nothing about himself, not specifically at least. Jackson chewed on his cheek, typing a reply and using way too many emojis.

_It’s warm and dark. Mom and Dad send their regards. Mom really wanted to see you again. I’m gonna talk with them, but it’s not the same without you._

_I’m sorry we aren’t there. It sucks that we couldn’t come. I wanted to be there for you._

_Well it’s not your fault. There’ll be other times, I’m sure, and my parents won’t eat me alive. That job is left for you.. If you catch my drift.._

There was no reply after his last message, though Jackson waited at least five minutes before giving up and sighing defeated. Jackson put the phone back in his pocket and wandered into the sitting room to join his family. He sat on the armrest of the chair where his mother was seated and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

“Hello darling. Everything good? How is Mark, and Youngjae?” Sophia looked up and Jackson could have sworn she was psychic or something. Or maybe it was the fabled mother’s instinct he had heard so much about.

“They’re good. Mark said he’s sorry they’re not here.”

“Well, maybe we’ll surprise you and come over there the next time.”

“Please, no more surprise attacks Mom.” Jackson faked a groan, but smiled gently at her. He really loved his mother so much and being here with her was what he had wanted.

“You should talk with your father at some point.” Sophia glanced her husband and Bambam being noisy at the other end of the room, playing some game that involved a lot of slapping, clapping and giggling. She smiled fondly. “He wants to hear the explanation from you, not from me, though I did tell him the crucial points.” Jackson hung his head low.

“I know. I wanted to do it with Mark but..” Jackson’s shoulder’s slumped and the guilt and confusion washed over him.

“You can’t control the unexpected. Who knows, maybe now you will learn something different about him.” Her words made Jackson look at her puzzled. Something different?

“Do you mean we’ll learn something by being away from each other?”

“Maybe. Well, it doesn’t do any harm to be separated at least. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, they say.”

Jackson made a noncommittal noise, hugging her tighter in response.

Grow fonder, huh? Maybe so. If only he could just let go of his fear of something going wrong if he wasn’t there to fix it immediately.

 

After everyone had gone to sleep, Jackson found himself awake alone and sitting on his bed in his old room that had been transformed into a guest room. Bambam was supposed to sleep there with him, but the boy had fallen asleep next to his grandmother who had been reading him a bedtime story. Jackson found the two of them sleeping soundly on his parents’ bed and, not wanting to disturb the peaceful sleep, he had left them alone.

He had found his father still awake and reading a book, and had taken the opportunity to sit down with him and tell him the whole story about the situation with Noi and Bambam, and then about his and Mark’s relationship.

Jackson had been sure his father wasn’t going to lash out on him, and sure enough he had been only as supportive and loving as he always was, but it still made Jackson tear up and cry. He was so damn lucky to have such amazing parents.

Now he was fresh from the shower and stared out of the window to the black sky, covered with clouds that were painted with the electric lights from the huge city, still vibrant with life and people bustling around even at this hour.

His phone screen lit up, informing of an incoming message and Jackson picked it up, not sure who could be sending him anything this late.

Mark.

The message was just a picture, but it made Jackson’s heart squeeze tightly and his stomach dropped to his knees. Lucky he was sitting down, because he really might have swooned then and there when he saw the picture.

Mark, lying on their bed and without a shirt. His hair was damp and pushed back, and he was sending Jackson a tiny heart with his fingers, the words _wish you were here. I miss you_ written over the photo.

_Are you trying to make me regret I’m here and not there?_

Jackson’s reply was hastily typed, the idiotic smile spreading from one ear to the other.

_Maybe. I wanted to remind you that I miss you and am really sorry I can’t be there with you._

Jackson had to go back and look at the picture again.

It was just perfect in every possible way and it certainly made Jackson feel better. And worse at the same time because now he _really_ wished Mark was there next to him. He wanted to touch that skin, wanted to run his fingers through the wet hair, wanted _so much_ to kiss the moist lips and whisper silly nothings into Mark’s mouth.

Jackson was sure Mark was quite pleased with himself at the moment. He must know what Jackson was thinking when he saw such an image, so naturally the next thing to do was to seek revenge.

Smiling a bit wickedly, Jackson tore off his t-shirt, first making sure the door to the room was definitely locked and not open, he didn’t want anyone barging in on him while doing this, and took a close up selfie of himself with his head tilted to the side, so that his neck was exposed, his thumb placed in between his teeth, biting the tip.

And then he sent the picture to Mark.

The reply was instant.

_Fuck. You're gorgeous. Are you alone?_

_Yeah. Bam fell asleep in my parents’ room._

It took three agonizing minutes for Mark to reply him, while waiting anxiously Jackson had time to scroll his social media and check his emails and worry he had said something wrong, but when he saw what Mark sent him next made his mind go blank. Mark was definitely taking up the challenge.

This time it was Mark’s profile, his head bent back and his long neck revealed even more than usually, his fingers resting over his parted lips and his eyes closed but his expression still clearly far from innocent. Which, naturally, made Jackson feel nice little shivers all over his body. How could anyone be so goddamn sexy?

_You’re making my life hell, did you know that?_

Jackson's hands were shaking a little with anticipation. The game was definitely elevating his feelings.

_Sometimes. Your turn._

Jackson chuckled quietly, pondering what to send Mark next.

Jackson climbed higher on the bed, leaning his back against the headboard. It got a bit tricky trying to take this kind of a picture, and for a while he struggled to find a good angle, but gave up after tens of failed attempts on taking the picture and clambered up to get the damn stick that would give him a bit more space to work with.

With the selfie stick in place, things got easier, and Jackson sat back where he originally had planned to sit, and managed to snatch a good enough picture he could send back to Mark.

It was amazing how nicely the dim lighting of the room worked for him and brought out the shadows to play on Jackson’s muscles, shaping them out for the picture clearly.

The photo was rather simple one, but definitely delivered Jackson’s feelings; him leaning his back on the headboard, looking down, legs spread open, fingers spread wide and palm against his bare sternum like he was slowly, really slowly reaching downwards to continue the game further.

Mark’s reply wasn’t a picture at all and Jackson fumbled with his phone when it started flashing, informing of the incoming video call.

“Too much?” Jackson answered, smiling when Mark’s face came in view. Mark's cheeks were just a bit red, or maybe it was the darkness playing tricks on Jackson's mind.

 _“Your fault I’m feeling horny now. Why do you have to be look so inviting?”_ Mark’s voice was so low it was almost hard to hear him speaking, but Jackson heard the words anyway. He flushed, a tight happy knot twisting deep down in his stomach.

“You're one to talk. You know it drives me mad when you display your throat like that. Not to mention what you were doing with your mouth.” Jackson grinned, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible so he wouldn’t disturb anyone else in the apartment. Though it was late here, it definitely was late on Mark’s end, the time zones being different by a few hours.

 _“Does it now..”_ A grin spread over Mark’s lips and he actually smirked at Jackson. That particular expression always caused Jackson’s blood pressure rise like a rocket. He was pretty sure Mark knew that and was ruthlessly exploiting Jackson’s weaknesses. _“So if do this it will make you go a bit more crazy for me?”_

What he did next made Jackson’s mouth go dry, his blood starting to warm up and his skin tingle.

Mark slipped his forefinger into his mouth and sucked on it like it was a candy cane, pulling it out slowly only to repeat the sucking action a couple of times, and ending the whole show by dragging the wet finger over his lower lip down to his chin and to his neck, the camera following the movement.

Jackson was stupefied, and he couldn't really believe what he had just witnessed, but there it was; he was getting turned on by messing around on the phone with his boyfriend who was back at home and making Jackson’s life miserable like this.

But he wasn’t going to lose this one, oh hell no.

“You know..” Jackson drawled, trying desperately to sound nonchalant when in fact his cracking voice was already betraying him. “..you should continue drawing that nice, wet line over your chest, brush over your nibble and move even further down, towards your stomach.” Jackson’s dark tone was barely audible and his heart was beating like mad. He felt incredibly embarrassed, but at the same time this was one of the most thrilling things he had ever done. In bed, that is.

Mark actually did what Jackson had described, like he wasn't shy at all to do what Jackson had suggested, changing the angle of the phone to send the video image for Jackson to see and witness, to watch how those lovely long fingers moved over the smooth skin, pausing only to circle around one erect nipple, brushing over it once, twice, three times, and finally rested over the flat stomach. The screen went blurry for a while and then Mark’s face came in view again. He was breathing a bit harder now, and boy did that sound like a rapturous symphony in Jackson’s ears.

 _“I want you to place your hand over your stomach, caress the skin with your fingertips and start slipping lower a little bit at a time.”_ Mark licked his lips quickly and Jackson could only think how this whole conversation escalated pretty damn fast, and he didn’t mind it, and followed Mark’s wishes, staring at the familiar face so near, and so damn far, on his screen, wishing more than anything that it really was Mark’s hand dancing over his skin and not his own. _“Place your whole palm over your crotch, add some pressure and drag your fingernails up the fabric.”_ Had Mark done this before or did he just have a very vivid imagination? Or was he just naturally good at making Jackson feel good even with thousands of miles between them? _“Don’t forget that I want to hear your every breath, your every muffled moan that try to escape your lips.”_

It wasn't just Jackson’s own touch, that was stirring up his feelings and making his body aroused, no, it was also the way Mark spoke, that bedroom voice he was using on Jackson and how he was intensely staring at Jackson, that made Jackson feel like he wasn’t alone at all. Knowing he was making a show for the one he yearned to touch was kind of racy and embarrassing, daring and a bit risky too because someone, in theory, _could_ hear what was going on behind the locked door.

“Slip your fingers under your pants and tell me what it feels like to touch yourself.” Jackson said while carrying out Mark’s orders, his fingernails scraping over his semi hard length. It felt weird to say such things out loud; it was fine to _think_ about them but _saying_ was a whole different matter. "Tell me.. are you hard already?" He sure as hell was getting there himself.

Jackson shoved his bashfulness to the back of his mind with force, because he was not going to lose to Mark in this game; the dirtier he could go, the better.

 _“It feels kind of ticklish to run my fingers down. It's so warm, almost hot to touch the skin and yes, Jackson..”_ The way Mark put sultry emphasis on Jackson’s name almost made him hiss. So damn provocative. _“..yes, I'm hard. I was already halfway there when I sent you that picture earlier.”_ The incredulous wink did nothing to quench Jackson’s desires.

“I bet you planned this from the start. Naughty..” Jackson whispered; he loved all the unexpected things Mark sometimes did.

 _“Only now noticed?”_ Mark giggled, the row of perfectly white teeth flashing. _“Tell me, do you like it when I press my face over your hard length while you're still clothed, and mouth you through the fabric?”_ Jackson almost choked on his own spit; where the hell had Mark picked up his courage to spill out suggestive things so bluntly? Not that it was a bad thing, far from it.

“I love it.” Delicious spasms were running up and down his body and Jackson palmed his hardening cock firmly, a soft moan reaching his lips and falling out. “I don't care if are you slow or hasty, it's always hot as fuck and I love it when you scratch my skin while you suck me off. I love watching your face while you do it.” His toes curled as he spoke and his fingers slid under his boxers and wrapped around his pleasantly pulsating length.

 _“Jackson..”_ His name had never sounded as erotic as it did now as Mark breathed it out, biting his full bottom lip and looking at Jackson with half lidded eyes. Jackson could hear his quickened gasps of air and that sound alone twisted his guts harder than his hand pumping his shaft leisurely up and down. _“You look so fucking incredible like that. So steaming hot. I want to pick you up and slam you against the wall, kiss you hard and bruise your skin with hickeys.”_

Jackson actually shuddered, his eyes closing as he imagined that happening. Goddamn, he was so fucking horny now, and it was all Mark's fault.

“I want..” Jackson halted, not sure what he should say now; his emotions were running high already and he really wanted to say all sorts of lewd things, but the shyness came back with a bang and he couldn't utter a single word. Instead he flushed, his face turning to the colour of tomato.

 _“Talk to me.”_ Mark almost purred. _“Tell me what you want me to do to you.”_ His voice was getting rougher and raspier, and it was the sexiest thing Jackson had ever heard in his life.

“I want..” Jackson hesitated. He gulped, squeezing his cock harder, running his palm over the glistening head and moaned quietly, embarrassment burning his cheeks. “I want you to sink those sharp teeth of yours on my neck and bite hard..” Jackson managed to say, his hand moving on his cock slowly up and down, the heatwaves making his body shiver. Mark made a strangled noise and his eyes closed. Jackson stared at his screen, not believing what his ears. “You get off on _that_?”

 _“It’s your reaction that makes me hot.”_ Did Mark _have_ to be so perfectly sensual when he said stuff like that, his face close to the camera that displayed him to Jackson, his lips parted and his cheeks such a nice shade of pink it was such a fucking shame they weren’t in the the same room.

“So what do _you_ want?”

 _“I want to stretch you open.. Do it really slow ,to drive you out of your wits. I want to squeeze inside you when you’re ready, and I want to hear you gasp for air when you’re so fucking full you can’t keep your eyes open.”_ Jackson’s stomach almost turned around. His whole body was shivering with the images flashing inside his head and, he really couldn’t help it, the longing high noise echoed from his throat without him really noticing. Mark chuckled darkly; his voice was simply made for this kind of dirty talk and it made all Jackson’s senses strain to hear every syllable, every laughter and every inhale and exhale. _“I want to cradle you in my arms, make you whisper my name and..”_ He fell silent for a few very long seconds and seemed to be staring straight at Jackson from the little screen. _“..and when you’re done I want you to use those beautiful hands of yours. I want you to stretch me open like I do to you.”_ Jackson could hear the heavy breathing, could almost sense the way Mark was trembling while talking and pleasuring himself.

The need to be there by Mark’s side and wrap his own hand around that throbbing shaft nearly engulfed Jackson.

“I.. I can’t.. Mark, oh for fucks sake, do you have any idea how close I am running to the airport and flying back right now, just so we can get down to business for real! I mean I’m not complaining about phone sex, but it’s nothing compared to what it _could_ be.” Jackson knew he was rambling at a very inconvenient moment, but Mark had kind of riled him up by suggesting they could maybe switch their positions. “You know I loved it when you fucked me to the mattress, and I’ll gladly take a rematch of that, but you just made make me want to do the same to you.” They’d only had made it to the intercourse once, and Jackson’s ass was still kind of sore because of it, but he would kick himself if he ever would say no to anything Mark asked from him. "I'd fuck you so slow and so deep and you'd just love it."

 _“You can, one day.”_ That teasing laughter only heightened Jackson’s already elated feelings. _"But I would just return the favour to you the next time. Your ass is mine to pound."_ Jackson could feel how the blood in his veins was pumping faster, hotter like lava, boiling his insides. He didn't know which was more tempting really; to get fucked, or be the one fucking. It didn't really matter as long as it was with Mark he got to do it.

His thoughts were suddenly invaded with the terrible longing to be near, to feel the comforting warmth against his skin, to kiss the plush lips and be sheltered in Mark's arms. His heart was in his throat and it hurt so much to be apart he almost choked, despite the pleasure he was causing himself.

“I miss you..” Jackson breathed out, unable to keep the thoughts to himself. He was fastening the speed he was stroking himself, the hot ecstasy gathering down, making his toes curl and his face flush.

 _“I miss you too..”_ Mark brought his phone really close to his face. _“Imagine it’s my hand that’s touching you. Going up and down with yours, thumb going over the tip, just the way you like it..”_ Mark’s voice was lulling Jackson into a trance where he could clearly imagine that he wasn’t alone, jerking off, but that Mark was really there with him, helping him to get higher and soothing the pain of being far away from each other.

Jackson’s hand holding the stick with the phone was getting tired, but he had no intention of giving up. No way in hell.

Jackson couldn’t utter any words, he was breathing hard and pumping his cock faster, his stomach tightening and he really wanted to close his eyes but couldn’t tear his eyes away from Mark who was in pretty much the same condition, his eyes deep like the darkest parts of the ocean and never looking away from Jackson. It was like he was drinking the sight in and feeding himself with the image to increase his own rapture.

“I want to kiss you so much. Kiss your open lips and suck on your tongue. Bite your neck and leave hickeys all over just because I can.” Jackson’s mouth had gone dry like a desert and his throat felt like sandpaper. He gasped and jerked his hips up from the covers he was lying on when a particularly sweet spasm ran down his spine, tickling every nerve he had.

 _“Me too. Ah..”_ Mark’s eyes closed and his face scrunched up. He looked so fucking divine Jackson was almost screaming with the pain of not being there. Looking at Mark like that was pretty spectacular but it was thousand times, or more, better when they were in the same room. _“I’m close.”_

“Same.” Jackson gritted his teeth together and his head bent back when the first full warning wave of pleasure curled down towards the pit of his stomach. “I want you to fuck your cock between my ass cheeks from behind and come all over my back.”

Mark made an incoherent high noise and his eyes fluttered close. His lips parted and suddenly Jackson was watching how the orgasm twisted the handsome features and heard the strangled gasps. He was so mesmerized he almost forgot he was close too, so close to reach his own peak.

Mark opened his eyes just a little bit, peered from under his lashes at Jackson, licked his lips and made a such an exquisite sound it was like a punch to Jackson’s guts.

 _“I love you.”_ The husky, whispered words sent Jackson’s world spinning and he bit down on his lip, his hand moving relentlessly until he spilled over and had to bury his face to his pillow to prevent his moan being too loud.

When he looked up again he saw Mark smiling at him eyes full of emotions that were best when delivered with caresses over the flushed skin.

“You must be tired.” Jackson said finally, knowing the moment when the empty room would definitely feel lonely was approaching.

_“I'm still awake you know.”_

"Barely. Go to sleep, you idiot. It's really late there. We can talk again later.” Jackson wanted nothing more than to kiss Mark's cheeks and tuck him under his blanket and watch him falling asleep next to him. Mark was always so beautiful when he was sleeping and Jackson loved watching him; he was so ethereal, so calm and surreal it was hard to understand anyone could be that beautiful. He really should thank Mark's parents for creating such an amazing person.

 _“Who you calling idiot..”_ Mark mumbled sleepily, his voice fading towards the end and his smile faint, but still incredibly cute. _“Sleep well.”_

“You too.” Jackson smiled. He wanted to trail Mark's jawline with his fingers so much right now, press his forefinger over the full lips and feel them kissing his skin. “I love you too.” _So much it actually hurts_ , Jackson added inside his head. Maybe one day he could say it out loud, but now was not the time to confess how madly in love he was with Mark. Some other time, when they were both face to face and not exhausted.

The room felt horribly void after the call ended and the darkened room swallowed Jackson's still distantly throbbing body.

~

Everything seemed normal when you looked at the house from the outside; the dark wood and paint worn out after years it had already seen standing there, the big windows, most covered with curtains preventing you from seeing inside, the front yard clear of any signs there were children living here, only the frozen grass and a few leafless bushes adorning the sides of the house.

The brick wall surrounding the building was crumbling in places, the vine climbing up eating the hard material as years went by and no one paid enough attention to it.

Noi clucked her tongue at the sight and pursed her lips. She could have ordered someone to do renovations on the house, but she knew Jackson would get impossible if she even tried to suggest it. She had learned to simply make things happen and turn a deaf ear to Jackson’s protests whenever she wished to have her way, which was often, she admitted. She knew Jackson wasn't ever _too_ offended, they had known each other long enough to get irritated about each others antics.

Today however the shabby look of the house was last thing on her mind; she was, as she usually was, in a hurry and her business wasn't with Jackson, but with Mark. She knew he was home, because she had talked with Jackson already today, wishing him and their son a happy new year and at the same time hearing about Youngjae’s unfortunate fate.

Poor baby otter. She wrinkled her nose, displeased that there wasn't anything she could do to quicken the healing.

Sometimes she _really_ hoped she was the witch people sometimes called her and could magically heal the boy she had come to like very much. Youngjae was such a bright and talented little boy and Noi absolutely adored him.

Her leather gloved finger pressed the doorbell as she let her thoughts wander from work to household matters.

The divorce was legal now between her and Jackson, and Noi had straightaway marched her girlfriend to the magistrate. She lead been waiting for that day way too long, and it was a nice little present for her and Honey anyway, to make their union legal and forget all about the stupid arrangement about pretending to be straight.

Such nonsense that had been, but.. they had been young and had still wanted to do 'the right thing'. Though Noi had cared very little what her parents thought of their daughters doings, she still had thought it would be good to follow their wishes to some extent.

That was who she had been almost ten years ago. Who she had grown up to be was someone much more determined to do things her own way, rather than pleasing others. She had the means to do almost anything she wanted, and she used those opportunities as much as she could.

If only Jackson would stop being so stubborn and actually accept more help than there was stated on the papers..

It was near impossible to pressure Jackson to do anything he opposed strongly and money definitely was number one on that list. Also it would be brilliant if Jackson would marry Mark, because Noi wanted to gift the two idiots such a celebration it would last a week. She would absolutely _demand_ to be allowed to arrange such occasion for them, if that day ever would come, because she loved them both so much. Jackson deserved all the happiness in the world and Mark seemed to be giving him it in great quantities. Naturally this made Noi happy.

But knowing Jackson, as well as she did, made her pretty sure that Jackson would probably elope with Mark if Noi so much as tried to say she would pay everything.

Noi sighed, huffing silently and shook her head. She loved Jackson as dearly as a brother she never had, but damn he could be so incredibly stubborn when he wanted to be. Always the one to put others before himself and rather starving than asking for assistance.

Well, she would just have to be very sneaky. If Jackson and Mark only one day would decide they were destined to be together, of course.

The door opened with a creak and Noi found herself face to face with a messy looking Mark. She raised one fine eyebrow up, examining him with interest, taking in the ruffled hair, the bleary eyes and the loose and wrinkled clothes.

“Long night, hm?”

“You could say that.” Mark yawned and let her in, messing his hair with both hands some more. Noi smiled by herself; she had heard the exhaustion in Jackson’s voice as well and now seeing Mark in similar condition only made her think the two idiots had been up long doing.. Well, whatever boys do in the middle of the night while missing each other.

Noi stifled her bubbling giggles.

“Jackson told me you would be home. I have some business with you so I came to make your morning brilliant before going to work.”

“Oh?” Mark glanced over his shoulder at her while she was taking off her coat and hanging it up. “Coffee? Tea?”

“Tea would be lovely, thank you.” Noi followed Mark into the kitchen and sat down by the table to watch the sluggish and sleepy moving with a small pang of compassion. She brushed that aside fast; it wasn't her fault hormones would affect you so much you forgot to sleep, no matter your age. “How is Youngjae?”

“Better than I ever imagined him to be. He's presenting his cast to Yugyeom at the moment. And he still keeps on pleading me to take him to Hong Kong anyway.” Mark rolled his eyes, clicking the teapot on and bringing two cups to the table. “I checked the flights.” He grimaced. “The prices are sky high.”

“I bet.” Noi smiled, excitement making her almost twitchy. “Like I said; I had a reason to come to see you. My news are _really_ going to make you happy. Well at least they should because what I have to tell you can make you _and_ your baby otter super happy. If not I'm going to be very disappointed.”

“Do tell.”

“Remember the photo shoot you did?”

“How _could_ I forget?” Mark grunted, his lips forming a thin line. “You practically forced it all on me, made them change my hair and made me pose around in silly clothes. _In public_ , I might add. Happiest time of my life..”

“Aw shush, I saw you.” Noi chuckled. “You were enjoying it and the pictures turned out fantastic. Now, I wanted to talk about those..”

“I'm not giving them back." Mark said quickly, maybe a little too quickly. "They're going to be locked away from prying eyes for the rest of my life.”

Noi stared at Mark her brows high. So cute, this denial thing, though for the life of her she couldn't understand why. Mark was as handsome as any other model she had seen, and while he may lack some height, it didn't diminish his good looks in any way.

“You think I don't have back ups?” She asked softly, almost feeling sorry for doing this, but then discarded the feeling because Mark just needed to be pushed to the right direction, that's all. Especially now, when he didn't know what was good for him. Mark's face fell. “Never mind that, I just came to tell you that I gave the photographs to a friend of mine and he went absolutely wild about them. So, here you go. This is yours if you accept.” Noi picked up an envelope from her purse and handed it to Mark who looked very suspicious at this point.

“What is this, and accept what?” He held the piece of paper in his hands like it was a letter bomb.

“Well open it.” Noi rolled her eyes. _Men! They could be such babies sometimes._ Mark finally tore the letter open and slipped out a small, lonely piece of paper. He stared at it. Then his eyes began to widen and almost bulged out. Noi held her giggles in just barely. “I did tell you there is a lot of money involved if you can land a good deal. And _that_ is a good deal. They haven't run the magazine yet so you can still say no, but why would you? That's a lot of money and that would..” Noi aimed a dazzling smile at Mark. “..that money could definitely save your new year celebrations.”

Mark stared at Noi helplessly, his eyes pleading her to put some light on the matter. The kettle clicked, informing the water being ready, but Mark just sat there, stupefied and his mouth open.

“I..”

“Just say yes. It's a one time thing and you'll forget it soon enough! Didn't you just say you were looking for plane tickets..” She left the sentence hanging, waiting for Mark to catch up with the thought.

“I did but what.." Mark fell silent, his eyes widening again when the realization finally reached him. " _Oh.”_

“Yes, _oh_ indeed! What are you waiting for, go fetch your computer and let's get you some tickets to happiness!” Noi clapped her hands together, eager to get things moving on.

What would there silly boys do without her. Noi giggled excitedly, pouring the water over the tea leaves while Mark was getting his laptop. They would sulk and be miserable at times, that was for sure. But they were so adorable she didn't mind. Poking them was so much fun sometimes.

Naturally Jackson needed to know nothing of this, he would flip if he did. She would arrange all the details for Mark, like how to get to the right place without getting lost, get a transportation for them ready, all those little things some always forgot to think about.

 _This_ was what she loved to do most; make people happy by making the seemingly impossible possible.

~

The last morning of the year dawned with Jackson sprawled all over his bed in the guest room, fast asleep and absolutely unaware how he was being stalked.

His most cunning and skilled hunter was crawling on the floor, in his leopard print PJ’S, on all fours, his dark eyes twinkling with glee and mischief clearly in mind.

The skinny little boy had woken up nice, warm and quite snug between his grandparents in their bed, and after trying to decide whether to sleep some more, or to get up, he squirmed free of the blankets and sneaked out of the room.

The apartment was quiet, no light in sight yet. It was probably very early because even grandma was still sleeping and she got up super early always to make breakfast. But Bambam was not really concerned about the time; to him, the earlier he woke, the better chances he had at trying to cause his father a heart attack.

His favourite way to spend time, naturally.

Jackson was his favourite person in the world, right after his mother of course, because sometimes little boys love their mothers with burning passion and only time will make them feel anything else. But Jackson was different than his mommy was; he was goofy and funny and at times more serious, he was laughing with Bambam at the same silly jokes and overall made the boy feel like he was the center of Jackson’s universe. And universe was a _big_ place. Like, _really big_. Like huge as Xbox.

Bambam enjoyed his time with both his parents but he liked best when they were visiting Jackson’s parents; they always hugged and kissed him, told him amazing stories and took him to interesting places. Bambam was always eager to come back here, not just because he was being pampered, but because he really, like really _really_ , loved the fireworks and festivities and his dad let him to stay up long and that was absolutely _awesome_.

But Bambam’s happiness was always slightly marred with him missing having his best friend with him. Yugyeom had never seen these super cool things, and Bambam always told him he should be there with him, because that was what best friends did, wasn't it? And now he was doubly more sad because had been so happy when Youngjae was supposed to come with them. But then Youngjae had hurt his arm and Bambam was left alone to play with the grownups.

He liked them alright but they weren't Youngjae, or Yugyeom. He couldn't hunt rare beasts and save pretty princesses without his friends. Well, he _could,_ but it isn't the same when you're all alone.

Bambam wasn't feeling too happy about leaving Youngjae home, but that unhappiness included Mark too. Bambam knew Mark was there to stay and he couldn't really change that, and he accepted it.

When Bambam had realized Mark wasn't trying to replace him, or Noi, it was a lot easier to get along with him. He liked it when Mark was alone at home with them because Mark had a different air about him compared to Jackson; he was nice and made good food, bought the boys ice cream or some small snacks when he went to the store.

Food and treats weren't the only reason why Bambam liked Mark. There was something different about Mark that made Bambam like him; to be around Mark somehow calmed Bambam down a bit. Jackson was sometimes so hasty and unorganized, always on the move and Mark.. he wasn't. He was collected, though he could lose his temper too, but never had he yelled at Bambam about anything or had scolded him. Only when Bambam had done something really stupid, and he knew it himself, had Mark sat him down and talked about it with Bambam.

He was just so.. _cool_.

And it was extra nice, because it was easy to climb next to Mark on the couch and ask him to help him with some game, or just to watch the TV with him quietly. It was super extra nice when Bambam could squeeze right between Mark and Jackson on their bed and sleep there when he had bad dreams that woke him up in the middle of the night. He felt safe sleeping between his father and his partner.

Bambam had never really had two parents at home and for him, it was something that made him happy as well.

Then there was the fact that Jackson was happier when they were together and Bambam was sharp enough to put two and two together.

He had watched his dad change since last summer, and he really liked it when Jackson and Mark were taking him and Youngjae somewhere and were being silly and goofing around like a couple of kids as well. It felt nice.

What he didn't understand, were the other kids. and some adults, who said it was wrong to have two dads and not mom and dad. Bambam was old enough to know that boys liked girls, but sometimes boys liked boys and girls liked girls. He didn't see anything weird about it because he had grown up to know it was normal. When someone said such things to him, he always felt bad, but then he thought the other kids must be just lacking something or jealous, because Bambam and Youngjae had two dads and two moms and they got much more love and hugs from them. Though Yougnjae's mom he had never seen and Youngjae didn't want to talk about her ever.

No one had specifically told Bambam anything about how relationships worked but a six year old could be perceptive as hell. For example he knew at the moment his dad was miserable because Mark and Youngjae weren't there with them.

That was one reason why he was crawling on the floor and slowly sneaking closer to the sleeping form of his father.

He would make a surprise attack that would make Jackson happy again. Yep. Definitely _so_ _amazing_ idea. The best one there could ever be.

His other reasons may or may have not been slightly dubious in nature, but who really knows what goes on inside little boys heads?

Bambam reached the bed, stalking it like the big felines on animal planet always do, and sprang up from the floor, lunged forward and finally landed on top of Jackson with a mighty squealing roar that was intended to be an imitation of either a baby leopard or a lion cub. Who knows.

Poor Jackson.

~

“Mom? Where’s Dad?” Jackson called out to his mother who was bustling around in the kitchen. His hair was dripping water over his bare shoulders and he only had a towel wrapped around his waist, all fresh from the shower. He had wanted to plan the evening with his father, but while Jackson had been washing up it appeared there was no one else except Sophia left in the apartment. “Is Bam with him? I can't hear the little devil.” It was eerily quiet in and Jackson’s heart sank when he thought Bambam had been hurt or something.

“Don’t call your son that, it's not very nice.” His mother huffed when Jackson peered into the kitchen. “ Your father too Bambam with him and went to pick up things for tonight.” Sophia pursed her lips at the sauce she was stirring with a spatula, too preoccupied with cooking to Jackson apparently.

Jackson frowned. He was sure all the necessary shopping had been done earlier when he had gone out to earlier, that’s why he had taken the shower because it had made him sweat like a pig, so there shouldn’t really be anything else to pick up. Unless his father was pampering Bambam too much again and wanted to get those huge hand held sparklers the boy was so fascinated by.

Jackson shook his head and sighed; anything to keep the grandchild happy and smiling, right?

He wasn’t complaining, no, but he just wished his parents wouldn’t try so hard always. It kind of made him feel bad, because people really didn’t have to buy Bambam’s love and affection; the kid was a walking and talking epitome of love, when he wanted to be. There were very few people whom the kid didn't like after the initial shyness wore off.

Jackson chuckled, remembering the moment when Bambam had announced he liked Yoongi and had crawled over the sulky looking man's lap and hugged him. Jimin naturally had been laughing his ass off with Mark and Jackson had wished he had had a camera; the astonished face Yoongi had made had been so damn priceless.

Bambam was the light of his life, that was for sure, and Jackson didn't know what he would have done without his baby boy. Though, his little ray of sunshine could be impossible and sneaky too. Like he had been today and had nearly caused Jackson permanent internal injuries while delivering his rough love.

Bambam had woken Jackson up way too early this morning and Jackson now slumped on his bed, pushed his fingers through his hair, massaging his scalp gently. The unordered wake up call had almost destroyed Jackson’s organs because Bambam had decided, most graciously, to jump on him. And had the boy landed directly on Jackson’s stomach? Yes, of course he had. And had he knocked the air out of Jackson? Oh, yes indeed he had.

Jackson rubbed his still sore tummy with one hand and grimaced. As much as he loved his son, these wild attacks and displays of love, were going to get him hospitalized one day. Not that he was going to say ‘stop’ to Bambam. Hell no. The only thing bad about this was Bambam’s aim, nothing more.

Well, at least he hadn’t landed on Jackson’s family jewels.. That was something, wasn’t it? Bambam could still get a sibling or two if life would take them towards that point.

He yawned, stretching hands up and picking up clean clothes to pull on. The fantastic, and very impromptu, phone call with Mark had lasted until almost 1AM and with Bambam waking him up before it was even six, it was no wonder Jackson was feeling a bit groggy right now. The phone call still made him smile, and maybe flush a little; had they actually had phone sex? Seriously? It seemed like something that could only happen in movies, the nice and dirty ones of course.

The fact was that it had happened, it had been pretty awesome, more than that actually, and now Jackson was tired as hell, and it was only late afternoon.

Maybe he should just take a nap because the day would still be a long one, and he didn’t really have to worry about anything right now with his parent’s taking care of Bambam for him. He trusted them to keep his boy safe, though the fear of losing his son was always there when Bambam was away from his sight. The natural parental instincts sometimes made his life hell.

He hummed a tune softly to himself, pulled fresh pair of boxer briefs and a black t-shirt on and crawled on the bed, pulling the cover over him. The bed felt so cozy and nice, like it was singing a soft lullaby for him and asking him to give in and sleep his tiredness away.

“Mom?” Jackson shouted, hoping he didn’t have to get up again because he was seriously _so tired_ all of a sudden. “I’m going to take a nap, ok?” A silence greeted Jackson, but then Sophia peeked in from door and smiled at Jackson gently.

“Sleep all you want, darling. I’m cooking anyway. I’ll close the door for you.”

Jackson felt a pang of guilt for not being any use to her, after she had closed the door, but only sank lower, pulling the blanket to his face and curled his body up. He was no use to anyone when he was disoriented due to lack of sleep. It would be better to gather some strength by sleeping some.

He drifted to sleep faster than he had anticipated.

 

Jackson woke up the second time during that day, but this time he wasn't being violently loved by his son; there was something else he was sensing even in his sleep and he stirred, unsure what had made him wake up. He scrunched up his face, not wanting to open his eyes.

The sleep was still so near him and, like napping usually caused him, he felt a bit nauseated and groggier compared to what he felt after sleeping a whole night. Jackson wasn't going to get up yet anyway, so he might as well dwell a little while longer under the comfortable blanket and dream of holding Mark in his arms, sniffing his hair as it always smelled so nice and clean, and being happy and sleepy.

Sleepy mornings with Mark were his favourite. And sleepy nights too. Actually, anything involving Mark and bed was awesome in Jackson's opinion. He couldn't get enough of that combination and he definitely couldn't wait to get back home so he could carry his always smiling loved one and roll around with him on the bed.

The warmth under the blanket was nice but, now that Jackson was more aware of it, it felt like it was too much and made his feet sweat. It was like he wasn’t alone at all and the other body, supposedly, near him was making the body temperature rise too high.

 _Wait a minute_..

Jackson opened his eyes, blearily gazing around in the soft dim light of the room.

There was something weighing over his waist, and now that he was focusing more, he could _feel_ the presence of another body. Had Bambam sneaked up on him again and was now taking a nap with him?

His eyes focused slowly but Jackson still squinted, trying to figure out why he wasn't sleeping alone, but with his train of thought moving rather slowly, the realization didn’t come very fast to him. But when his eyes focused Jackson inhaled sharply and his eyes flew as open as it was possible.

He stared at the dark hair, the sleeping face, the relaxed expression, the familiar shape of the shoulders and the curve of the waistline he had touched so many time she had lost count.

“Mark?” Jackson gasped. What was going on here? Had he dreamed the whole leaving home and coming to Hong Kong? If he had it had been some insanely vivid dream. But it couldn't be just a dream.

But how was it possible that Mark was there _now_ ? _How?_

Jackson reached up, hesitantly touching Mark's cheek. It felt so warm and familiar under his fingers.

He was real alright.

Mark made a sleepy sound and stirred. He glanced at Jackson blinking, trying to wake up.

“ _How?_ ” Jackson whispered, he was too stunned to utter anything polite or sensible.

“Hello to you too.” Mark smiled faintly, stifling a yawn. He looked so adorable while trying to squint his eyes open properly and licking his dry lips.

“Tell me I'm not dreaming. Seriously. Pinch me or something.” Jackson pleaded. He needed _some_ confirmation that he wasn’t hallucinating or having visions or whatever. Mark snorted softly but did pinch Jackson’s forearm.

“There. Better?” Jackson only pouted in reply. His skin ached a little but at least it made his suspicions about dreaming this all fade. “And what comes to the _how_.. You can thank your ex wife for that.” Jackson’s eyes narrowed; why wasn’t he that surprised to hear Noi had something to with when something unexpected happened.

“What did she do this time?”

“Nothing much. Just sold my pictures to some fashion guy who went so bananas over them he paid me a hefty sum to be able to use them for some campaign or whatever. And now we're here.”

“ _We?_ ” Jackson’s eyebrows were going to reach his hairline soon.

“I couldn't leave Youngjae home, now could I?” Mark quirked a brow up, a slightly crooked smile on his face.

“Right. Of course.” Jackson pursed his lips, mind thoughts going back a little. “What pictures?”

“You don't remember Paris?” Mark rolled his eyes and sniffed.

“You mean the black costume you came back in and refused to show it to us?” Mark nodded. “So.. It means you took the money and now everyone in the world are going to see you and how you looked in those clothes and I haven't seen a glimpse of them!”

“I still have the clothes. I can give you a private show..” The wink Jackson received was so cheeky Jackson almost burst out laughing.

“Really? Runway or striptease?” Jackson chuckled. He sneaked his arm around Mark's waist, pulling him close.

“Idiot.” Mark only grinned in response, and moved as close as he could, placing his hand behind Jackson’s head, fingers caressing the short hair just the way Jackson always liked it.

“ _Your_ idiot.” Jackson’s lips were so close to Mark's their breaths mingled.

“Yep. Mine.” Mark was looking down, his dark lashes visible against his pale skin. “Come here..”

And then there was no more banter, and no question about if this was real or not; the lips against Jackson’s were just as real as the room around him was, just as soft as they had been on the day he had to part with Mark. It seemed such a long time ago and the kiss was even sweeter because of that; it made his heart pound harder and his skin tingle, like he had an itch only Mark could scratch for him.

They had been apart barely two days but it was still a relief to be back together. The intense and passionate beginning of their relationship had not yet died down at all and Jackson, quite honestly, didn’t want it ever to fade. That would be the day when his heart would turn to stone, surely.

“I missed you.” Jackson mumbled when he paused to gasp for some air in between the soft and slow kiss that was making his toes curl and head spin.

“Me too.” Mark’s answering breath was enough and Jackson broke into a brilliant smile.

He loved life so much right now.

~

_I can't believe I sold myself. Well, kind of, and it was because the hospital bill was more than I thought it would be and did you know plane tickets can be so expensive I felt like crying blood? Horrible prices. They sure know how extort people in need.._

_Ok I didn't sell my soul to the Devil or anything, or gained some weird ass superpowers for that, just got an insane amount of money from the photographs Noi made me to do back in Paris last summer._

_I feel kind of bad that I cursed her name back then so much.. She really isn't bad, just… well, herself._

_With the money I was able to fly to Hong Kong after all with Youngjae and to surprise Jackson. He was so cute when he woke up.. I had trouble keeping my laughter down. Why does he have to be so frigging cute? I could squish his cheeks and baby talk him for hours, but he probably wouldn’t appreciate that much. Though Jacks pouting is another cute thing he does. My heart flutters.._

_I thought I would be more nervous or would fuck up everything when I met Jackson’s father, but turns out I had nothing to worry after all. Apparently Jacks talked with him before and everything was fine. I know they just want Jackson to be happy. I can only strive to keep him appreciated and loved. If there is anything I can do for him I will. I swear If needed I will go to the end of the universe to keep Jackson smiling._

_Daily life is catching up on us again and Jackson is returning to working life, and I have my hands full with Yoongi and Namjoon, and the shop. When the snow will melt we'll open the skate park again. Should arrange another day for us all to hang out at the shop. Maybe in the spring.  
_

_M_


	22. House of Cards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still here, alive and kicking.
> 
> Thank you for the continuous love and support you give me. I treasure you all so much.
> 
> Remember to leave a comment.. I like reading them~

Fighting with someone could be so incredibly stupid. Like it had been just earlier today when Mark and Jackson had butted heads together and it had led the situation to this.

Of course it had really been about something entirely irrelevant, that had made them blow up completely and say unnecessary things to each other. Something absolute, incredibly ludicrous, if you had the brains to stop and actually think about it afterwards.

Sometimes it would be really nice to have even an ounce of self-control over your actions, but _no_ , you _had_ to be an idiot.

Mark was sleeping, or rather _trying_ to sleep, on the living room couch, instead of his and Jackson’s bed, and he wasn’t feeling particularly delighted about it. The couch wasn’t really made for sleeping and it would definitely leave his back achy and sore after one night, he was so sure of it. He wasn’t _that_ young anymore; he couldn't spend his nights just curled up anywhere, like he had been able to do when he had still been twenty-something.

Ok, so the fight was partially his fault, he was man enough to, bitterly, admit that, but he wasn’t the only one who had lost their temper over nothing. Jackson had basically decided to be a petulant child, and had thrown a fit which had resulted in them snarling and arguing until Mark had just left because he couldn't be in the same room with Jackson one second longer. Fucking fantastic.

Mark wasn’t really asleep. How could he honestly even be, when his mind was going through the whole incident over and over again, until he was feeling so shitty he wanted to stuff his head down the toilet, and feeling immensely more guilty than before. He was left to think he ought to do something, and fast, or things would never be the same again.

But how to calm the situation when your annoyingly stubborn pride got in the way of saying sorry?

By swallowing it, most likely. There was no way around it.

The whole thing had started with something as stupid as Jackson looking for a contact number in Mark’s phone, with Mark's permission of course, and seeing his own number saved under the name of ‘Jackson’, he had started to poke Mark about it. At first it was more of a joke, but Mark had not been in the mood for lame jokes and the situation escalated quickly.

_“Why is there no heart after my name? I want you to save my contact number with a heart in it.”_

That’s how it started. Mark had been trying to read through some papers for work and he had been cranky all day because of them, long before Jackson came hurtling in and demanding Mark to change his name on his phone.

_“Why do I need to do that?”_

_“Because it’s important.”_

_“You know you’re important to me without any stupid hearts.”_

_“So it’s stupid of me to think stuff like this matters, huh?”_

_“Uh, yeah?”_

_“Fine. Okay. I'm stupid.”_

After that it only got worse; the fight turned on to subjects like who took out the garbage, who emptied, or loaded, the dishwasher, who folded the laundry and who was never there when it was time to dust the shelves and change all the sheets.

Yep, exactly that stupid.

_“I can't take your bullshit. You can keep the bed.”_

_“What? Right. Okay, great. Yeah, just_ **_leave_ ** _. That'll fix the problem!”_

 _“What_ **_problem_ ** _? You just accuse me of the most idiotic things! There’s no problem to fix!”_

He had stormed out of the bedroom about, Mark glanced at his phone and checked the time, seven hours ago. Very agonizing seven hours ago. _Very_.

First he had been just so pissed off he couldn't think straight, and had gone out for a run the vent his frustration. After the anger subsided, and reason began to return to him, the shame of what he had done started to consume him. That emotion hit him straight to the face and left him crippled with anger towards himself and guilt towards Jackson.

The remorse of snapping back at Jackson clawed him from within like a caged predator mauling you to death while you're still alive. He hated arguing in the first place, and it was even worse with Jackson, because Mark had a habit of clamping shut and glaring instead of speaking up, while Jackson kept nagging over and over again the same about the same matter until Mark just _lost_ it. It was worse, because Jackson _mattered_ so much to him.

They both were as stupid as fuck, there was no denying it, though Jackson usually at least tried to talk, after mulling over the fight on his own for a while, but tonight neither had given in yet.

This was going to be a sleepless night. Great. Just what he needed in his life right now.

Mark didn't want to fight, but Jackson had picked up the worst moment ever to start making idiotic remarks. Mark was having a headache over the contract they had made last year with the company that did the renovations for the shop, but now there were problems cropping up, and he had to find some solution for the mess, but, to his utter disbelief, the contractor seemed to have disappeared into thin air and even Yoongi was unable to locate him. Mark was so pissed off he didn't have time to breath, because all he wanted to do was to spit fire and let loose an army of devils to hunt down the shithead who had fucked up the renovations. Worst case scenario was that they would have to tear down half of the interior to find out where the problems lay.

Then after his row with Jackson, Youngjae and Bambam had come home from school covered with bruises and a bloodied lip for Bambam, and notes from the headmaster for Mark and Jackson to come over and have a talk with him about the boys and their behaviour.

Apparently Youngjae and Bambam had gotten into a fight with an older boy who was trying to bully the the duo, plus Yugyeom, about their families. Mark was proud that the boys were defending themselves, but to actually have a fist fight at their age? Not that good, no.

The talk with the headmaster was going to be tomorrow, and with Mark still trying to sleep on the couch, and feeling as disgruntled as possible, the thought of having to be civil with Jackson was twisting his guts quite badly.

He would have to pick up his pride and just say the most difficult words even if it would kill him to say them. Right after ‘I love you’ the shittiest, most difficult words in existence were ‘I'm sorry’. At least for him they were.

Mark groaned quietly, dragging his hands down his face and staring up at the dark ceiling, feeling like crap. This was so incredibly childish. They were adults for fucks sake! They should know how to settle fights and not continue bickering like two schoolboys over who has the best Transformer and who doesn't. At the moment it seemed like the two of them were worse than Youngjae and Bambam, when they got into a fight at home over something seemingly unimportant.

Mark should know better than to lose his temper and shut up completely, and leave the air thick with malice between him and Jackson. And Jackson, he should learn to control his actions and words as well. For Mark the idea of fighting was fairly odd one, as he had spent his days point blank avoiding any confrontation in his doomed-to-fail-marriage. Jackson was the opposite; he confronted anyone as soon as he could to make the problems go away.

But tonight Jackson had not come to Mark to demand explanations, and say he was sorry, and then they could make up and move on. Why was tonight any different from the other times they had headbutted about something?

Mark wasn't going to sleep at all tonight, was he?

He sat up and turned to face the blank TV screen, leaning his arms heavily on his thighs. He sighed and glanced around him, the darkness only barely revealing all the furniture and the few decorative things there were.

He was so tired. So tired he had the beginning of a migraine throbbing just behind his eyes. All he wanted to do was to crawl in bed and fall asleep knowing Jackson was snoring peacefully next to him. That sometimes horrible sound was actually something Mark had gotten used to, though he had a habit of kicking Jackson when the noise became unbearable, and at the moment he would have traded his left pinky finger for the screeching snore, just to be rid of this heavy silence between them.

Finally Mark got up, fed up with his own idiocy and cowardly behaviour. He would go and sleep in the same goddamn room, and bed, as Jackson, and in the morning they would talk it out. He was not having back pain on top of this all.

However, when Mark slid the bedroom door open, he collided with Jackson. Their heads almost knocked together, both letting out alarmed noises and taking a step back, squinting at each other more surprised than angry.

“Wha.. Mark?” Jackson grunted, looking like a person who thought he was seeing a ghost and not the real deal.

“You're awake. Good. We need to talk.”

“You think..” Jackson mumbled in response, backing away from the door and venturing back inside. He went straight back to the bed and sat down on his side, gazing down at his hands.

Mark slid the door shut but remained nailed to the floor, quiet and unsure if he was really capable of saying those important words that could save him from the misery he was wallowing in.

The silence became too much bear, and Mark had the ominous feeling they would remain frozen like this if neither would budge.

“I’m sor-” Mark breathed out finally, forcing the apology out, but..

“I’m sor-” Jackson said at the same time, snapping his head up and looking straight at Mark. They fell quiet, small tentative smiles tugging the corners of their mouths. Mark let slowly out the air he had been holding in.

“Jacks, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped like that. I didn't mean to get so pissed off at you. I don’t care how you load the damn dishes into the machine, as long as you do.”

“You're not the only one who needs to apologize.” Jackson shook his head. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have started the whole thing anyway. I'm just stressed because of work and I feel so lost at time there because everything is still so new and.. Things just kind of piled up and I said something stupid in haste.” He was looking up at Mark who was rooted to the spot by the closed door, like he couldn’t move a muscle, or had turned into a statue.

“It was stupid. From both of us.” Mark’s heart was pounding hard against his rib cage, trying to hammer the bones to dust and escape from the window. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second, and then forced himself to move.

“I’m sorry..” Jackson looked so vulnerable and lost, with that frown upon his brows and eyes fixed on the floor. He looked like a kid who had just been scolded. Mark felt such a rush of emotions his knees almost turned to pudding. He sat on the bed next to Jackson carefully, close enough to feel the body warmth, but not close enough to touch yet.

“Jackson.. Look at me.” Mark’s annoyance and anger had already dissipated, and his usual sense of affection had taken over easily, the whole silly matter brushed away like someone had waved a magic wand.

Jackson looked up finally, the only source of light coming from the reading light on the night stand, creating a halo around his head.

“These things happen, you know? We’re only human, and it would be abnormal if we didn’t argue from time to time. I’ll forgive you if you forgive me my idiocy.”

“How could I not forgive you..” And then Jackson was there, leaning in and hugging Mark, face buried to Mark’s shoulder and arms around his waist. “I can’t stay mad at you. I love you too much.” The words pierced Mark’s heart and he was swelling up until he would soon burst if he didn’t do something about it. His only solution was to hug Jackson back, do the same as Jackson was doing, and finally his heart felt like at ease again, the steady rhythm now pleasant inside him.

They remained like that for a long time, or at least it felt like a really long time, but finally separated enough to be able to look at each other in the eyes and smile faintly. It felt good to be in touching range again.

Maybe a bit _too_ good.

“You know what they say about arguing..” Mark muttered, reaching up and cupping Jackson’s cheek, his thumb caressing the warm skin.

“What do they say?” Jackson leaned into the touch, his eyes half closing.

“They say make-up sex is always amazing.”

Jackson’s eyes flew open.

“Do they now?” Jackson melted into a knowing smile, his hold around Mark tightening just a little bit.

“Yeah.” Mark smiled back, the familiar excitement slowly waking up and discarding the slight hurt that had been caused by being tired and unresponsive.

It was easy to slip from anger to excitement, the heightened feelings only taking a different form and adding into the adrenaline rushing inside the veins.

Mark didn't know what became over him, when he began pushing Jackson down on the bed, shifting their positions enough to be able to lay side by side, still embracing each other. Jackson’s lips had never looked more tempting as they did now, in the dim light exposing them to Mark in the most beautiful way.

What a waste of time the childish bickering had been. So utterly useless to argue over such pointless things. But, if you had to think something good that came out of it, it must have been this; hungry lips meeting in the middle and forgetting everything as they devoured the anger and disagreement away, washing the pain clean by a battle of dominance of their tongues, going deeper and deeper with each tilt of the head, each smacking of their lips.

Hands roamed greedy over the partially covered body, not bothering with finesse this time, the need burning in with such flame it was like it had been lit up with a gallon of gasoline and not just by words.

“We have to be.. quiet.” Jackson whispered when Mark rolled on top of him, pressing one leg between Jackson’s thighs, encountering the hardening length pushing up against his own.

“Has it ever stopped us before?” Mark mouthed Jackson’s neck, nibbling the skin sharply with his teeth. Jackson’s hands balled Mark’s shirt on his back and he tilted his head to the side, exposing more of his neck.

“No. I'm just stating the obvious.”

“Obviously.” Mark grinned against the moist skin, kissing his way back up to Jackson’s face. “What do you want?” He rolled his hips down and watched in fascination how Jackson’s eyes fluttered close.

“You?”

“Dummy. Be serious.”

“Whatever you feel comfortable with. I'm easy when it comes to you.” Jackson’s eyes were soft when he was looking up straight at Mark, his signature small smile always almost visible at the corner of his mouth.

“Easy, huh?” Mark almost smirked. The temptation grew too much to handle and he attacked Jackson’s mouth again fiercely, prying the lips open as soon as he could, grounding his hips down hard.

He heard a hissed curse somewhere in the middle of the kiss, mentally chuckling excitedly at the reaction he was getting.

Was there anything better than make-up sex? Mark had no idea, not really; his only ‘real’ relationship had been a major, platonic disaster, and the other two times he’d had sex in his life, had been brief hookups, back when he had still been a teenager.

So maybe he was catching up everything he had missed, when he had been living in celibacy all those years and not realizing his true happiness was only waiting to be found.

Jackson rolled Mark's shirt higher, grazing his short nails over the skin, leaving red marks on the pale surface. Mark stiffened, the action ticklish and delicious at the same time. Things seemed to escalate so damn fast always between them, when it came to bedroom matters, but really, was it all that bad? Didn't it just prove they still had all that sparkle and fireworks between them?

Mark slipped a hand between their bodies and palmed Jackson’s groin, the narrow hips under him bucking up and into the touch.

A smile spread over Mark's lips and he detached his mouth from Jackson’s with a sloppy sound, a thin string of saliva the only thing connecting their faces.

“Suck my fingers.” Mark said, placing his fore and middle finger over the plus lips, tracing the swollen and moist surface lightly.

Jackson cocked his brows up in surprise, but his lips parted obligingly.

Mark watched mesmerised how the tip of Jackson’s tongue darted out first, how he took the fingers in slowly, sucking the long digits into the warm wetness. Mark could feel his cock twitching inside his boxers with each lick and suck Jackson did, his eyes half closed and looking like a he had done this before with that same wanton expression on his face. Such a face that made Mark only want Jackson so much more, the fire within him burning high.

Like it wasn’t thrilling enough to watch Jackson sucking on his fingers, it was a bliss when Jackson, at the same time as performing his task, arched his body up from the mattress to create nice friction.

The time when they had gone a bit wild on the phone was still vivid in Mark’s mind; he had been so damn embarrassed, but he never could resist the temptation, not when it came to Jackson. And back then, on that day, he had been missing Jackson so much it was no wonder Mark had been a little daring. Not that it was a problem for him to talk dirty in the bedroom; when there was only the two of them, it wasn’t so horrible, and little naughty things murmured into the ear of the one you wanted to make writhe with pleasure? _Hell yes._

Watching Jackson sucking on his fingers was turning his blood to a boiling point, his mind was turning kind of hazy as he observed the sight; he could feel the tongue and teeth on his skin though he couldn't see. Mark smiled faintly, knowing he must be fiery red from the face, and pulled his hand slowly away, regretting it a little.

But other, even more pleasurable things, were waiting.

Mark shifted, changing his position to the side, enough for him to be able to slip the wet fingers between him and Jackson, going straight under Jackson’s boxers.

“You're my everything..” The whispered words fell from Mark’s tongue, his breath lingering over Jackson’s cheek. Jackson turned his head towards Mark, their lips brushing together, but not in a kiss yet; they merely stayed like that, their breaths mingling and hearts thumping hard, eyes half closed and drinking in the sight.

Finally, slowly, Mark slipped his hand back between them, finding his way under the waistband of Jackson’s boxers. Jackson moved against him, probably unconsciously, when Mark's slicked up fingers wrapped around the hot length.

 

Jackson let out a trembling breath when the delicate fingers started to move up and down, the bliss of being touched like that shooting straight up to his head. He loved it so much, when he was imagining how Mark’s fingers were dancing on his skin, because of the simple fact that he absolutely loved Mark’s hands; they were delicate and smooth, long and careful, as well as strong and determined. He loved the little beauty mark on Mark’s left hand; it was such a good place to plant all the cheesy hand kisses that made Mark smile and giggle a little embarrassed. A sound that was pure symphony in Jackson’s ears.

Now the digits Jackson had had the privilege of suckling, were eliciting sweet sounds from his throat with each stroke. Mark was being a tease at the moment; his moves were languid, almost lazy, and his mouth, that perfect diamond shaped mouth, was barely touching Jackson’s lips. So close, but not nearly close enough.

“Mark..” Jackson huffed finally, his tone more whiny now, and he gripped Mark's shoulders hard with both hands. “I'm going to kick you out of the bedroom if you don't _do_ something soon.”

Mark's reply was a breathy laughter against Jackson’s mouth, but it was swept away when a hungry kiss was initiated instead.

 _Finally_.

The movement of their bodies was wavy, grinding against each other in sync, lips sealed together and the angle just perfect without clashing their teeth together all the time. Mark picked up the pace, the hand wrapped around Jackson pressing down harder and on the right places, the ecstasy building with speed now.

Then the devouring lips were gone and Jackson was left gasping for air his eyes shut tight. His hands were suddenly empty, grasping only air as Mark moved away from him, backing down to sit his cute little ass somewhere near Jackson knees.

Jackson’s boxers flew off almost too smoothly and soon Jackson found his own fist pressed over his mouth to prevent any yelps or moans from echoing loudly in the quiet room. It would be such a _turn off_ if the kids heard the lewd things they were doing are the moment. The mere thought made Jackson queasy.

But all the sane thoughts disappeared when Mark's plush lips wrapped around Jackson’s gently throbbing cock.

_Oh my sweet fucking lord in heavens.._

He was always mesmerized by Mark’s mouth, but when he got a blowjob it was nothing but sweet, sweet rapture. It was not fair to be so handsome and nice and then also be a willing and attentive partner in bed.

Jackson wasn't even sure how it was possible Mark could perform all the naughty things to _him._ It was just unbelievable. Of course he wasn't complaining, he'd be stupid to do that, but the whole awesomeness that was Mark, simply confused Jackson more than often.

The sound of sucking reached his ears, making them burn, and his stomach twisted, dropping really low.

Sometimes Jackson really wanted to suggest that they should shoot a video about their exploits in the sheets, but never dared to say it out loud. It would be incredibly hot to watch Mark moving and doing all the magical things he always did, but Jackson was quite sure he wouldn't enjoy watching himself as much as watching Mark. So the thought remained as his private, and very hidden, little secret.

A clear popping sound made Jackson look up, and his eyes widened with what he saw; Mark was sitting up and gazing at Jackson with dilated pupils, almost black in the faint lighting, breathing hard and his mouth now the raw pink colour that made Jackson want to ravish the lips some more. Such thoughts and possible intentions flew from his mind the second Mark sucked his own fingers into his mouth.

All the while Mark was licking and sucking his fingers, he kept his eyes locked with Jackson, like he was daring Jackson to break the contact first, which he naturally didn’t, the whole scene was making Jackson’s cock almost visibly twitch.

This had to be as awesome as is would ever get. Hands down, the best shit Mark had done so far; who needs video recordings when you have the marble beauty come to life on top of you, and give you a show you wouldn't want to miss even if the universe was collapsing around you.

The memory of Mark promising one day to switch their roles suddenly came back to Jackson. It made his insides squirm a little, like he was a kid waiting for a candy bar that had been dangling in front of him for a while now, and he was forbidden to take it. He was more than fine with the way things were now, and he wasn't going to pressure Mark into doing anything he didn't feel comfortable doing. But. Jackson couldn’t deny he wouldn't say no, if the day would come when they would reverse their roles.

He was in no hurry, and he had enjoyed their first time together tremendously, as soon as the tearing pain had subsided of course, but they had only done it once so far so there was no telling how good it was going to be with a little practice. Mark wasn't a sex god or anything of the sort, but he was careful and forceful at the same time, and Jackson didn't give a rats ass if his dick in Mark's ass or in his mouth or hands.

Sex and intimacy were great no matter which way they decided to fuck around.

Right now everything was still open and Mark was definitely playing coy by simply doing all the things he knew Jackson liked; the kissing, the biting and the grinding of their hips together, the suggestive and teasing behaviour.. Jackson was getting more and more turned on as he watched Mark rocking his lower body slowly against Jackson’s, and his expression so lusty it drove Jackson on the verge of just grabbing Mark by his hips and moving on.

His feelings were running quite high at the moment. Fighting earlier had definitely made it easy to be sexually aroused, right after the apologies had been voiced, and Jackson was so high on pleasure he wasn't going to complain if they never got down to actual penetration tonight. Just being near Mark like this was enough for him; to feel his hands touching all the little places that made Jackson arch his back and kissing away his worries.

Well, almost enough at least.

Jackson didn't care much what they were going to do, as long as it made his socks spin and he could hear Mark's low voice talking sweet nothings into his ear during it. And Mark's voice certainly made his knees go soft as pudding in a second. Just having Mark _breathing_ next to his ear was already like rapture.

His stomach was churning so sweetly and deliciously it almost made him reach his orgasm prematurely.

Mark's little display of lewd and very sloppy finger licking took a turn when Jackson realized Mark was back on bending over him, his face hovering above him, lips almost touching his. Mark’s tongue darted out, the tip trailing Jackson’s upper lip, which made Jackson open his mouth, expecting more to come. A mere touch like this was enough to make his breathing hitch, his flutter close, the little spasm of electricity shooting up his spine.

How splendid and  fucking spectacular it felt when Mark finally decided to dip down, tongue first, to kiss Jackson noisy and wet a few times, his lips soft and swollen from kissing and sucking Jackson off.

Little sparks of light floated before Jackson’s half closed eyes. Surely he was in heaven, wasn't he?

His body jolted and shivered a little when a lone finger began pushing its way inside him, and Jackson really couldn't help the pleased hum and smile from spreading to his lips. He hadn’t even noticed Mark taking a position that would allow him to finger fuck Jackson easily. Not that Jackson had anything against this, fuck no.

Thrust or two more and Jackson was relaxing, the finger getting a companion from another one, and suddenly the slobbery kiss they had been sharing all this while, turned to devouring and hungry instead, tongues dancing for dominance in between them.

It was illegal to feel so good, it had to be. There was no way it was possible to get any higher than this, but Jackson was kind of _aching_ for more.

“I want.. Can.. Can we..?” He wasn't stuttering because he was nervous or begging, fuck no, but because Mark had just hit that sweet little spot inside him that made his words turn into a slur and his stomach tighten.

“Are you sure?” Mark pulled away from the kiss, studying Jackson’s face with a small frown. “I mean, isn't it unfair if I get to top again?”

“I want you. Don’t care about taking turns right now.” Jackson grabbed Mark’s head between his both hands, forcing him to look at him straight in the eye. “I want to have sex with you, and I want it _now_. Or else I’m going to get pissed off again and kick you off the bed. Got that?”

“Well, if you put it _that_ way..” Mark’s tone indicated his hesitance and amusement in such quantities it made Jackson almost growl. Lucky for him Mark got the point without Jackson having to prove his point that he was in no mood for negotiating. He wanted his make-up sex and he wanted it now.

“If you don’t move soon I’m going to tie you up and ride you.”

“Now there’s a thought.” A wide grin spread over Mark’s face and he moved, causing Jackson to hiss softly as the fingers buried inside him brushed past that nice bundle of nerves hidden there. _Bliss, oh sweet fuck what utter bliss, oh yes, do that again_ , Jackson’s brains were screaming at him and he could only bite his bottom lip and breathe through his nose with each nudging against his prostate. “I’ll take that offer.” Mark suddenly said and withdrew his hand, leaving Jackson feeling empty and kind of cold, not to mention shocked.

“Wh-what?” His eyes flew open as Mark plopped next to him on his back, looking like he had not one care in the whole goddamn world. Jackson’s brains were annoyingly slow to pick up and he ended up kind of gaping at Mark, like a fish.

“You said you’d tie me up and ride me. I’m saying I’m game. Do we have anything to use as a rope?” How casual could that bastard sound? _Very_ , apparently. Jackson blinked at Mark a couple of times, not exactly sure should his arousal shrink away now, or should he just play along and probably get some seriously good feels out of this.

He was silent only for a little while, before he smirked; he chose to go with the latter option. Naturally.

“I think we could find some use for the ugly ties you have in the closet.” Jackson’s impish little grin made Mark grin in return.

“I knew there was a reason why I kept them.”

Chuckling lightly, Jackson got up to pick up the needed items. When he turned around he found Mark stark naked and sitting in the middle of the bed, his legs crossed and worrying his lip between his teeth. _So cute_. The way Mark’s eyes were darting from his own hands to Jackson, and to pretty much anywhere, was a sure sign Mark wasn’t all that confident as he might sound like; he always did that same thing when he was thinking and being unsure what to do or say next.

Maybe it was a bit cruel, but seeing Mark visibly not all that confident made Jackson feel better too; he was still sorry about the arguments from before and wanted to make amends, and at the same time he was embarrassed that he wanted to remedy the situation with _sex_.

Not that it was so uncommon.. And from what he understood, make-up sex could be one of the most intense things you could ever imagine.

Jackson climbed back on the bed and crawled to Mark, straddling his lap and wrapping his arms around Mark’s shoulders. He watched how the plush lips got licked, how Mark chewed on his cheek and how his mouth pursed. Jackson didn’t say anything, he just bent down and started to kiss lightly his way up from Mark’s shoulder, up the neck he absolutely loved and eventually finishing his journey on the lips that parted obligingly when he reached them. Mark’s arms sneaked around Jackson’s waist and his slightly cooled off skin felt so much warmer when they embraced again, and Jackson smiled. He took Mark’s upper lip between his teeth and pulled, releasing it slowly.

“Give me your hands.” The way they were sitting right now brought their hips so close that when shifting even just a little, it created a moment of contact between their straining lengths. Naturally that made all the nice tingles run up and down your spine.

Mark released Jackson from his embrace and brought his hands to his front, quietly waiting for Jackson to make the next move that would get them try something new.

Jackson fumbled with the neckties a little; he had never done this before, but he had a pretty good idea how it should be done. He tied one tie around each wrist and then made a loose knot with the loose ends, that bound Mark's hand together. It wasn't the most secure knot in the world, and Jackson knew that if Mark wanted, he could easily untie himself, but they weren't experts in this anyway so who cared as long as they got their fun out of it.

“Ready?” Jackson asked quietly, leaning his forehead against Mark's, silently examining the tied up hands resting between them. How the heck had they ended up doing _this_? He wanted to laugh.

“Come on boy, show me what you got.” Mark smirked and let his body fall down on the mattress, pulling Jackson with him with a surprised noise.

“I'll show you alright..” Jackson grunted, grinning as he clambered up, straddling the narrow hips under him. He was careful not to sit down too low, because he was positioned straight above Mark’s cock and he really wanted to avoid touching it yet, for no other reason than to be a tease.

It was time to tie his darling up.

Jackson eyed the bed post, wondering if the makeshift ropes would be enough long to reach the upper part of the board, as it was the only place he could tie Mark to.

“Go a bit higher.” Jackson mumbled, reaching past Mark to arrange their pillows to give Mark’s back the support he would  be needing in order to be comfortable.

With a little awkward moving, and heads knocking together in the process, and stifled chuckles and giggles, Jackson finally had managed to tie Mark's hands up to the board so that he was enough comfortable while leaning his back to the pillows, his arms raised above his head.

The sight of him was absolutely ravishing; Jackson was sure he was salivating so much he was going to drool, but seriously, no one could blame him for it. He could feel his stomach lurching with the mere idea of positioning himself on top of Mark’s hips and sliding that gorgeous piece of flesh inside him, ramming his ass down with force, or going slowly and trying to drive Mark nuts, because he couldn't do anything. Well, maybe kick Jackson on his back with his knees, but no one in their right minds would start doing that in the middle having sex. Hopefully.

But before all that, there was something Jackson wanted to do as well.

He bent down to press his lips on Mark's stomach and smiled when he felt the muscles tightening at the sudden touch. Kissing his way around the navel and downwards was his way of paying back the tease Mark had done to him earlier; it wasn't like Jackson didn't know little secrets about Mark's body.

For example Jackson managed to elicit really nice squeaks from Mark when he sucked on this one particular spot on Mark's inner thigh, near the joining part to his hips.

Without a doubt such was the case this time too; Jackson latched his mouth over the spot and sucked hard, biting down and pulling the skin with his teeth. Mark squeezed Jackson between his thighs hard, cursing under his breath.

“That _tickles_!” The indignant protest was so cute and Jackson just grinned in response, smoothing fingers over Mark’s thigh, as if he was sorry for being a douche and doing that. Mark slowly relaxed again, his eyes closing halfway while Jackson planted a dozen small kisses over the pale skin, hands roaming over Mark's stomach and every time going a bit lower. But then, out of blue, and just because he couldn't resist the temptation,  Jackson repeated his earlier mischief.

Mark almost kicked him off the bed.

Jackson had to stifle his giggles again, after he saw Mark's face; he was so going to get smacked for this later, but he didn't mind. If he got more attention from Mark, then he would take each friendly, or not so friendly, punch gladly.

“Ok ok, don't kill me.” Jackson mumbled, finding a good enough position where he could express his apologies quite thoroughly; he lowered himself right over Mark's length and with a smooth, and well practiced move, the tip slipped between his lips.

Mark shuddered visibly, hips jerking up a little and an audible happy sigh reached Jackson’s ear.

He bobbed his head up and down in a steady pace, one hand supporting his weight against the bed, one wrapped around the base of Mark’s cock and pumping in sync with his mouth.

Jackson had Mark writhing in no time, and he was feeling pretty damn good about himself for being the cause of Mark squirming on the bed this like this.

Giving head was nice and all, but with the earlier greediness still aching under his skin, it was time to move on to the main event for the night.

He let the cock plop out of his mouth, stroked it a couple of times lazily, spreading the saliva all over, and then smirked at the flushed expression Mark was sprouting at the moment. Jackson reached for the lube, squeezing an ample amount on his palm and began to slick up the stiff length, almost burning against his palm.

 

Mark watched helplessly as Jackson spread the lube over his cock and then positioned himself right above Mark. But instead of doing what normally was the next step, Jackson instead chose to take some more lubrication and stuff his own fingers inside him.

As Mark’s hands were bound, he was unable to do much else but to watch Jackson making small, probably involuntary, moves with his lower body, thrusting back to meet his probing fingers. Mark was only sorry he couldn’t see the backside of Jackson right now as it most likely would have made his desire climb sky high in a heartbeat. Otherwise he was damn happy to be alive and able to witness this whole episode happening _on_ him.

While Jackson might complain more than often he wasn’t a looker, or that he wasn’t enough tight and honed, or how he could never compare to others when it came to looks, for Mark Jackson was, without a doubt, the most handsome of them all. He was sorry Jackson couldn’t see what he could see, but that was how it always was; we cannot see what others do.

That was the reason why Mark had silently decided to be the one to voice his thoughts to Jackson; the thoughts of how handsome he was, how fine his body was, and how wonderful he was in everyday life. That was the reason why he couldn’t remain quiet even now, when they should keep their voices down.

“Shit.. You’re so sexy.” Mark whispered, not daring to speak louder; they had already made enough noise to be sure they were audible if someone was standing outside the bedroom door. He didn’t want to cause the boys trauma by having sex with Jackson. Sex was a natural thing, of course, but Mark was sure he didn’t want his precious sunshine to know what sex even meant before he was… like 25 or something.

But Mark _did_ want to reach out and wrap his fingers around Jackson’s cock that was so nicely in view for him. Alas, he couldn’t, though he could’ve untied himself rather fast. Mark wanted to amuse Jackson, so he didn’t make any attempts to free himself. He endured his numbing arms because holy hell it was hot to observe Jackson first stretching himself, spreading the lube and then starting to ease his way down, guiding Mark’s cock inside his ass with one hand.

_Ohh, fuck._

Mark could only let his eyes flutter close as the burning embrace of Jackson’s insides squeezed his length in inch by inch, until Jackson was sitting down and gasping for air, his both hands seeking support from Mark’s stomach.

“Shit…” Jackson grunted, shifting just a little, but it was enough to make Mark’s insides plummet.

“Y.. You ok?” Mark wheezed, his whole focus on the boiling feeling coiling in his stomach. He licked his lips slowly, biting his bottom lip to prevent the pleased noise from leaving his throat; it just felt so damn _good_.

“Mark.. Stop being considerate and shut up.” Jackson breathed out, his eyes shut tight. Mark guessed he wasn’t the most comfortable yet so he remained still for a while.

After what seemed like an eternity Mark just couldn’t handle the pressure himself; he began to roll his hip up a little by little, every move slightly bigger than the one before. Jackson stiffened at first but then began to respond, his body moving in sync with Mark’s, their joined bodies the cause of pleasure washing over them, blurring their minds with each move a little more, and in the end Jackson was no longer deadly tight, the lube easing the access and making the penetration pleasurable, instead of painful.

It wasn't the easiest task to thrust up without the help of his hands, but Mark was counting on Jackson to do the rest if he felt like picking up the speed. So far they were moving slowly, chasing after the ecstasy that shot up from the tips of your toes to the roots of your hair in certain angles, breathing heavily, trying to keep the noise as minimal as possible.

Mark could have watched this all night long; Jackson on his knees and every single muscle under his skin flexing and relaxing as he fucked himself up and down on Mark’s cock. The partial view of his length slipping in and out of that _sublime_ ass was something Mark just couldn’t tear his eyes away from; it made his breath quicken and heart thump even faster than before, and he really wanted to yank his hands free so he could grab those buttocks and help Jackson go higher with pleasure.

Jackson however slowed his speed down, right after Mark was getting the familiar burning sensation pooling to the pit of his stomach, making him buck up and a quiet, maybe a little frustrated groan to escape him.

“What are you.. _nhah_.. doing?” Mark’s voice was starting to strain and he knew it was audible, at least if you could judge anything by the way Jackson glanced at him almost beaming.

“Paying you.. _mm.._ Paying you back of course.” Jackson definitely was competitive, even when it was about who was the worst tease in bed. Mark gathered his strength, grounding the heels of his feet on the mattress and when Jackson came sliding agonizingly slow down, Mark jerked his hips up and they met in the middle with a very lewd slap.

Jackson shivered visibly and his head lolled back with his mouth open and eyes closed.

“Oh.. _shit._ ”

It was pure delirium after that. Jackson began to ram his cute little ass down hard and Mark gave what he could back by thrusting up as much as he could, and hoping he had the correct angle to make Jackson a smiling pile of trembling limbs soon.

The rapture was intense, so close to your skin it was almost unpleasant, crawling everywhere and making your vision hazy with red hues, your body working towards the final act that would break the dam and let the pleasure take over your senses.

They were speeding up until Mark thought it was more insane than reasonable, but he wasn’t going to complain; Jackson was squeezing around him so much and listening to him letting out the muffled noises of ecstasy was only heightening Mark's feelings. Even in his bleary state, Mark was coherent enough to figure Jackson needed to do something about his own leaking cock, completely neglected so far.

Mark shifted, sliding more down from the pillows he was leaning his back against, and jabbed his hips up from just a little different angle.

It worked.

Jackson made that one particular noise, his face scrunching up always when he was getting it on the exactly right spot.

Yanking his hands free from loose ties Jackson had made, Mark wasted no time in reaching forward and wrapping one hand around Jackson’s length, pumping it steadily with enough strength, and hoping it would speed up Jackson’s orgasm.

At this point it was far from beautiful or elegant; they fucked each other like bunnies, lust and the need for release first and only thing in their mind. Towards the end you always discard your inhibitions and just let it go, allow the search for delirium take over, your body moving almost on its own as your head spins and your stomach is full of burning coals, ready to burst in flames.

The pleasure gathered down hasty and hot, in danger of breaking free any second now, and Mark could feel how close he was, just teetering on the edge of his release and his stairway to bliss. But he tried to resist, tried to keep the feeling at bay, to allow Jackson more time to reach the same point.

“Close..” Mark grit his teeth together, hand palming Jackson’s cock and smearing the pearly liquid over the hot tip.

“Almost.. _hhah.._ almost there.” Jackson mumbled, his voice hoarse and dry.

Mark thought he would go insane with the denial of his orgasm, it felt like an eternity stretched across the universe rather than the two minutes it took for Jackson to start panting fast and shallow, his body tightening and moving greedily over Mark.

Finally Jackson whined, the sound so incredible Mark wasn't even sure had he heard correctly, but Jackson spilled over, shooting his seed over Mark's pumping hand, twitching as the ecstasy crashed through him.

Mark was so close he had to force Jackson off of him, the clenching insides around his cock not helping him to hold the orgasm down at all. Jackson obliged, the pulsating cock plopping out stiff as heck. However Jackson didn't collapse or anything; he sat back down, squeezing Mark and his straining dick under his weight and began to move against it.

_Shit shit shit shit oh shit fuck fff…_

Mark's mind was reeling and he grasped Jackson’s thighs with both hands so tight it must have left the skin bruised, or decorated with faint nail marks.

The orgasm slammed through him like an electric wave and he stilled, his breathing ceasing for a second or so, everything void in his head during those fantastic seconds when there was nothing but sheer bliss existing for him.

Jackson collapsed over Mark, his cheek resting on Mark's chest. Mark couldn't utter any words, he was too exhausted still, the aftermath making him shiver. He wrapped his arms loosely around Jackson’s shoulders and tried to steady his breathing.

“We should argue more often.” Jackson muttered after a moment of complete silence, just Mark's fingers lazily moving over Jackson’s back, tracing the shapes of the muscles with the tips, enjoying the sleepy closeness.

“No we shouldn't.” Mark grunted. “I'm getting too old for angry sex.” Of course he was kidding; how could he ever be too old for sex with Jackson? Not possible.

“Are you saying I'm dating an old geezer? What does that make me; a toyboy? A gold digger?”

“No, of course not. Silly.." Mark actually chuckled lightly. "But you could have gotten anyone, even the really old dudes, and you still chose me.”

“But I didn't want anyone else! And I still don't!” Jackson faked a quiet wail, rubbing his cheek firmly against Mark's sweaty chest. “I just wanted my Markiepooh.”

“Uhh..” Mark had no words. Jackson and his little pet names never ceased to amuse him. “I'm yours, don't worry.” Mark ruffled Jackson's hair briefly, earning a funny purring sound from him. Jackson really was like a big cat sometimes, or a dog, but dogs didn't purr.

There was silence for a long while before Jackson spoke again, his tone sleepy and soft.

“I really want to walk you down the aisle in a white suit and ring you up. You’d look so handsome and everyone would be so jealous and know that you’d be mine forever..” Jackson’s voice was disappearing towards the end of the sentence, and Mark was almost sure Jackson had fallen asleep on top of him.

He guessed Jackson was just joking with what he just had mumbled at Mark, but the comment still made Mark incredibly queasy. He remained quiet, holding back the words threatening to spill out though Jackson probably wouldn’t have heard them anyway.

He wasn't going to marry anyone ever again, and if Jackson was still harboring such hopes they would have serious issue in their hands.

Mark was torn in two, and though his body was pleasantly sated, Jackson warm and cuddly over him, Mark's thoughts kept on lingering on the words Jackson had said. His heart turned heavy again with worry and confusion.

Was it any good to be in a relationship where the other party was keen on saying their vows and ride to sunset for their happily ever after, and the other keen on just running away from such things?

Wasn't that a recipe for disaster just waiting to happen?

Sleep came slowly for him, but it wasn’t enough to keep the bothersome thoughts at bay, and Mark woke up the next morning sticky and hot, Jackson curled up at the other end of the bed, under his blanket and snoring softly, and Mark’s heart sank the moment he saw the defenseless form of his boyfriend, sunlight dancing on his messy blond hair, fanned over his pillow.

How could he ever explain his reluctance without hurting Jackson in the process?

~

Jackson was trailing a bit behind Mark, talking on the phone with Noi, explaining their son’s latest adventures to her, while they were walking to the school, and towards the meeting with the headmaster.

Mark heard Jackson recounting what Bambam had said this morning; the dark eyes shining so brightly while Bambam told them how cool he must look now that he'd gotten his first ‘battle scars’.

Mark rolled his eyes, the memory of that cheery little face beaming at Jackson and him, and not understanding why the adults weren’t amused at all by his comments.

Mark and Jackson had both been discreetly shaking their heads, making eye contact just long enough to share quiet huffs and then get back to their breakfasts. At least Youngjae had been quiet and looked more ponderous than anything else, and had kept his eyes on his cereals, rather than being boastful how he had knocked out an older boy the day before.

Bambam’s scars of course were nothing more than a small bruise on his cheek and achy face after he had been shoved on the pavement his face down. Youngjae apparently had panicked a little, flung his arms carelessly around, maybe to block something, and had ended up hitting the other boy in the face and causing them more trouble.

Worry squeezed Mark’s insides.

When Youngjae and Bambam had explained, very vaguely mind you, what the reason behind their fight was, Mark had nearly left the house to call on the older boy’s parents and to teach them a lesson about common courtesy. Of course he didn’t, but he had been so pissed off to learn his baby boy had been bullied because he had two guys at home taking care of him, and not a mom and a dad.

You don't raise your children with your genitals or gender, for crying out loud!

Mark wasn’t sure was Bambam coping better with these things, probably not that much, but the boy had actually swung a punch at the boy, Jihoon, who had been targeting them. Yugyeom had been present as well, and had gotten his fair share of the insults apparently, but had remained more passive about the whole incident.

It made Mark’s insides boil to think what shit the kids had to go through, just because someone didn’t understand it wasn’t anything special to have two dads instead of what everyone called normal. If it was hard for the adults sometimes, what was it for innocent kids who had no defense against such prejudice?

Youngjae was definitely not used to being teased about his parents. Before Mark and Jackson starting their relationship, their life had been, for the outsiders, nearly picture perfect, with the exception that Mark almost never had shown up anywhere with Soyi. But it had kept the image of their family being ‘normal’ and thus had left Youngjae free of this kind of bullying.

Mark had no idea what Bambam had told Jackson, but he could very well imagine the boy not admitting his part in the fight, not straight away anyway. They had talked with the boys individually, because they had had their arguments just earlier, before Youngjae and Bambam brought the letters from school with them. At that time it had been impossible to remain in the same room together, and to have a serious conversation.

Luckily that had been solved last night.

Jackson finished his call and hastened to catch up with Mark and to walk next to him.

“Noi sends her regards. I think she was both laughing her ass off at the kids being kids, and at the same time asked if there was anything she could do to help. Told her to just stay where she was and that we can handle this.”

“Where is she now?” Mark asked just to make himself think of something else, and not concentrate on all the stupid things spinning around in his head. Why couldn’t he just _focus_ and be coherent? Probably just too many things at the same time going wrong.

“Vietnam. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know for sure.” Jackson glanced around and then reach out for Mark’s hand, lacing their fingers together. He suddenly stopped and Mark did the same, looking at Jackson questioningly.

“Jackson?”

“Are you ok? You’re even more quieter than usual.” The quiet worry in Jackson’s voice made Mark’s heart clench painfully.

“I’m fine. I was just thinking how unfair it is for the children to have to handle bullying, just because they happen to have same sex parents.” Mark sighed, the aching pain and worry in his heart easing a little when he voiced his thoughts. At least some of them.

“It’s pure shit, to be honest. But they’ll be fine, if we just love them as they are, and try to explain that not everyone in this world can understand what we have. It’s not easy, but kids with gay parents sometimes turn out to be strong spirited and survive. Or they collapse. I don’t want Bam, or Youngjae, to get hurt, but we can’t change the world, or the opinions, just like that.” Jackson snapped his fingers.

“I know.” Mark shook his head, his spirits still low.

“They’ll be fine. We’ll just love them a little bit more, to ease the hurt and soften the fall when it comes.” Jackson’s smile was reassuring, and his hand warm against Mark’s, but Mark could still detect the hurt under the shining smile and softness of Jackson’s gaze. His heart was aching doubly more now; he wanted nothing more than to keep his loved ones away from harm. And that included Jackson and Bambam so strongly these days, that he didn’t know what he would do if something would happen to either of them.

The school building loomed ahead like a grouching monster, ready to eat them alive. Mark felt awful for Youngjae, and Bambam, but what more could he do, other than try to keep them happy, despite parts of the world outside the safety of their home thought they were all doing something wrong by being who they were.

Was is it really that wrong to love someone of your own sex and try to raise kids at the same time? If you looked at Jaebum and Jinyoung it certainly wasn’t; they looked like that utterly perfect family unit, straight from catalogues. How could anyone claim two guys, or girls, weren’t suitable for bringing up offspring? It was precisely because of those shitty prejudiced thinking patterns, that caused problems, and children almost always picked up their parents’ opinions, reflecting them to the outsiders.

Mark was mulling over the sulky, and somewhat angry thoughts, when they reached the big main doors and climbed their way up the echoing corridors towards the headmaster’s office.

Despite their problem solving last night, this day had been a slightly tense one, with Jackson more quieter than usually, nothing too out of the ordinary, there just were a lot less messages from him during the working hours. But for a Friday afternoon it was unusual for Mark and Jackson to be at the school _together_ to pick up their kids. Of course, it was only the talk with the headmaster that brought them here together, otherwise they would have both been stuck at work and the boys would walk back home alone with Yugyeom.

Youngjae and Bambam were already seated in front of the office when Mark and Jackson marched there. Both were sulky and disgruntled, but otherwise seemed like they had survived the day without another accident. Mark sat down next to Youngjae and the boy looked up at him, his bottom lip sticking out. He was poking his cast almost angrily with his healthy hand.

“I hate this thing!” Youngjae moaned pitifully, burying his face to Mark’s jacket sleeve.

“Just last week you thought it was the coolest thing in the world. What happened to that?” Mark gently patted the brown locks, a smile tugging the corners of his mouth. His sulking boy always managed to make him smile, because he was just too cute for words.

“That was _last week_! It itches so much! And I wanna play piano againn~” Youngjae slouched on the bench, like he had no solid bones left in his body.

“I bet it does, but you’re going to have to wait one more week, before the cast will come off.” Mark rolled his eyes. “You might have to wait a little more before you can play again.”

“I want it to be off _now!_ ”

“That’s too bad, because you still have to wait one week.” There was no way around it and Youngjae had better learn to accept it. Seven more days full of pouting, complaints and fighting about the cast? What a hoot. No matter how cute the kid was, Mark was sure the endless and noisy suffering Youngjae did would eventually tick him off too much and Mark would end up snapping at him.

Youngjae grumbled something mutinous in return, but Mark couldn't hear it because the door to the office opened and an elderly, stern looking man peered out. Maybe it was better he didn’t hear anyway, or his mood might have been a lot less steady.

 

“I am Kim Ilsung, the headmaster. Please take a seat.” Mark eyed him worried; something about the way he was looking at him and Jackson spoke in volumes about something that had not yet been voiced. “I am sure your boys have told you at least something of what took place here yesterday?”

“Yes.” Both Mark and Jackson said at the same time and the headmaster nodded, approvingly.

“But, I am just guessing here, they didn’t mention the reason why the fight started.”

“Well, Bambam said that the older kid had talked bad about him and his friends being raised by guys.” Jackson sounded a little confused and he glanced at Bambam who was quietly sitting next to him, swinging his legs over the chair edge.

“That is true. But what they all told us right after the incident, was that Jihoon started the whole thing by accusing you two for being..” The pause Ilsung stopped to have made Mark’s hair stand up. Cold shivers ran unpleasantly all over his skin. “..overly affectionate with your adopted children. In an inappropriate way.”

Mark’s head went blank, and next to him Jackson was staring at the headmaster with his mouth hanging open with shock.

“I see that this comes as a surprise to you both.”

“Bam! You didn’t tell me about this? What, how, what on earth? How can anyone even suggest such a thing! Does that boy even know what it _means_ ?” Jackson was looking from Bambam to Ilsung, his eyes wide and wild, his complexion pale with shock. Mark could understand his fury and confusion well; to be accused of something like _this_ , it felt like thousand knives and punches in the guts.

He _loved_ his own child more than anything in the world, and he certainly loved Bambam like he was really his, so to be hinted that their relationship wasn’t the most healthy father and son, or step-father and son, one.. It was like something ripping bleeding wounds all over his soul.

Awful didn’t even begin to cover the horror Mark felt.

“Dad.. I don’t really know what it means, but he was so mean I didn’t like it at all and I just punched him.. He made you and Mark sound like bad people and it made me really angry and sad.” Bambam’s voice was so tiny, like he was holding in his tears and confusion.

“Youngjae?” Mark turned to his son.

“I heard it too but I didn’t know what he meant. What did he mean?” The big brown eyes looked up at Mark and he could _feel_ how his soul was slowly leaving his body. How could you explain something like this to your child?

“It.. It means..” Mark stuttered, trying to find correct words for this situation. If there even were such words. “It means that there are adults who do things to little children that are not okay. You know how we spoke how to never go with strangers?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s because those people do bad things to children. They might touch you on places you don’t want them to touch you.”

“But why was Jihoon saying you and Jackson are like those bad people?” Youngjae’s confusion was only adding to the helplessness and pain Mark felt.

“I don’t know. I don’t think he understood it himself and said it only because he thought it would make you all feel really bad.” Mark tried his best to sound like he wasn't shaking with rage.

“I don’t like people talking bad about my friends..” Youngjae mumbled angrily. “And I don’t like my Dad being called bad. Or Jackson.”

“My Daddy is the best in the world, and Mark too! Youngjae is my brother and I’ll fight anyone who says bad things about him!” Bambam’s defiant exclamation was so sudden, but it almost brought tears to Jackson’s eyes, Mark could see that.

“Your boys are compassionate and well behaved mostly. I am glad they have such a loving family supporting them.” The headmaster smiled at the four of them. “I’m always happy to see well-working marriages.”

“We’re not married, we just live together.” Mark said absent-mindedly, his attention almost fully on Youngjae’s hurt expression. He could see Bambam’s face as well, and the miserable look on his sweet little face was shredding Mark into pieces. He couldn’t handle this; he would rather smite down a dragon or whatever, rather than be helpless like now, when faced with the hurt feelings of a child.

“So, the accusation of you two being in a romantic relationship is false?” Ilsung looked confused and Mark saw from the corner of his eye how Jackson stiffened and frowned.

“It’s true we are in a relationship, but we’re not _married_ .” Just thinking about being married again was making Mark's defiance rise automatically, even now when he was so full of concern for the children. The whole notion of marriage had turned into a big fat taboo for him, and he _knew_ he should deal with it before it would become too much to handle.

“Right.” Ilsung pursed his already thin lips, his sharp eyes moving from Mark to Jackson. “Mr. Wang. I’m not going to tell your son to stop defending his friends, or you and your partner, but it would be prudent to teach him to control his actions. We do not tolerate fighting in this school, no matter how justified it might be.” He took a deep breath. “And Mr. Tuan, about your son.. He actually hit the third boy with his cast in the face, and that caused the boy to lose a tooth.” Mark grimaced inwardly. “Though I believe it was an accident. I have not heard anything bad about Youngjae since he started here.”

“I’ll see that he knows it was wrong.” Mark sighed. Getting Youngjae to learn a lesson like ‘turn your other cheek to your enemy’ was not what he liked to do, especially when Mark believed more in ‘an eye for an eye’ stuff, but his boy was too young to learn to live like that.

Mark wasn’t aware of the dark cloud gathering above Jackson’s head, not until he turned his head and saw Jackson’s face; he looked like someone who had eaten a basket full of lemons, his expression was so sour.

 _What the hell?_ Had someone said something Mark had missed, and had made Jackson feel even worse? Or had he realized something that made his mood drop so drastically?

Mark shot a questioning look at Jackson, but only got an icy glare back. His insides shrank with the fear of something having gone very wrong; something _he_ had done, something he wasn't aware of at all.

This would only end up in tears.

“As Yugyeom was only participating in this, by defending his friends, I have nothing to say about his behaviour and that is why only Youngjae and Bambam will receive a week's worth of detention. One hour after school under my supervision, nothing more.”

The conversation was over sooner than any of them had thought it would be. Mark felt kind of relieved after it, but he was still concerned as hell about the reason why they boys had been fighting.

Did people really see them as someone who could harm a child like that? It was a despicable thought and Mark wanted to throw up because it made him so sick in the stomach. Not to mention angry.

~

The kids were finally asleep and Jackson sighed exhausted; the whole issue at the school had been more serious than what he had hoped it would be. The idiot teasing his precious boy was going to receive some additional punishment for his actions, and the headmaster had promised to talk with the parents of the kid as well, about the things he had said.

Kids were kids no matter what horrible shit they let come out of their mouths. But they would all, hopefully, grow up to be sensible adults in the future.

Jackson had met prejudice before, so many times it wasn’t even funny anymore, but he always got a bit more scarred when Bambam had to deal with it too. Of course it was natural that some things would crop up, but still, it made him feel guilty for being what he was, and living the life he had.

Jackson had learned the hard way to handle the bashing he sometimes encountered, and it was probably time to teach Bambam the same survival skills. Not because the kid was gay, who knew about that, but because there was no changing the fact his father was dating another guy, and was not really trying to hide any of the gay factor from anyone anymore.

Jackson’s mind and heart were full of unpleasant emotions when he thought about the shit Bambam, Youngjae and Yugyeom had had to listen to, and no matter how he tried to look at it all, he always came back to the same thought; they had been accused of molesting their kids.

How fucking sick could anyone be to even _think_ about hurting a child in that way? It was heinous and wretched, and such twisted people should rot in hell for the horrors they made innocent children go through. It was ever worse to plant such a thought to a kids' head and make him shout it to unsuspecting targets.

Jackson was almost boiling with anger and frustration.

Not only had he, and Mark as well, been called a monster, but now it was painfully obvious that Mark was definitely not meeting his eyes.

Why was he being like that again? Hadn't they just finished their pointless argument and made up after?

Ok, maybe he was stingy himself too, but at least there was a legit reason for his sour mood.

Jackson had almost lost his marbles at the headmaster's office, when he had heard the reason why Bambam had punched that boy. And then Mark had hurried to deny the possibility they could be more than just boyfriends.

Did he _have_ to do that?

Was it not enough that Jackson had said he understood and he wasn’t pressuring Mark into anything? Apparently not, because Mark always had to get all sulky about the subject. Jackson only gritted his teeth together and let the matter go.

That particular subject had started to grow bigger and bigger, and Jackson wasn’t even sure where it was taking them, or was it taking them to a dead end. It certainly hurt his feelings to be rejected so harshly and continuously; there surely were better ways to bring out your reluctance to tie the knot.

He could deal with awful accusations, but he would have been happier if he had had Mark’s full support giving him strength to muddle through the hard times. But now it felt like Jackson was walking on thin ice, and it was sucking his much needed energy out of him, and soon there would be nothing left.

Everything else had been normal so far and they bickered about small things, like any other couple would, but of course when things started to pile up they turned from harmless to hell, if not dealt with.

And he and Mark certainly left some things undiscussed. Which was really annoying habit of theirs, and Jackson usually wanted nothing more than to be done with the shit, so they could go back on being sweet together.

 _Aish, what to do._ Jackson huffed, putting away his glass of water and ran his hand through his blond hair. He didn't want to go to bed feeling like crap so maybe he ought to find Mark and sort this out before catching some shut-eye.

He cleaned away absent-mindedly some papers Mark had left on the kitchen table, first not even glancing at them, but his attention was caught when he saw a number on one of them. He could feel his temper rising.

Jackson unfolded the paper, staring down at it in disbelief. He turned over the other papers and frowned even more. _What the actual fuck?_

Jackson left the kitchen his eyes narrowed.

“What the hell are these?” Jackson demanded when he found Mark in their bedroom, pulling on a shirt. His hair was still damp from the shower and he looked stunned when Jackson so suddenly stormed up to him, eyes blazing.

“What is what?”

“These.” Jackson shoved the bills he was holding to Mark.

The uncomfortable silence that spread over them, after Mark realized what the papers were, was awful. It choked his throat, wrapped around his insides like an oily and disgusting blanket, sucking away every happy thought. A famous writer somewhere had given a form and name for this feeling, and Jackson was almost sure there was one hovering behind him right now, sucking away his happiness.

“Want to tell me the reason why you have kept almost a year these expenses from me? Aren't we supposed to share them?” He tried not to yell, or raise his voice too much, but damn it was taking a lot of effort to remain somewhat quiet.

Mark looked a little uncomfortable, but he raised his gaze up to Jackson, holding his gaze calmly.

“Your incomes weren't very big when you moved in, and I forgot two of these to be honest, and when they arrived you had no job so I just… Didn't want to burden you with the knowledge of these. It's fine. I've taken care of them already.”

“So you were just being courteous?” Jackson flared up, his indignation rising the more he watched the solemn expression on Mark's face. Money had always been an issue for him and Mark keeping these rather big bills from him made him definitely angry.

“It's not like that. I didn't want to make you feel bad when you couldn't share the costs.” Mark frowned. “Was it really that bad?”

“You know I don't want to be pitied.”

“I don’t pity y-”

“How is _us_ supposed to work if you don't believe I can do my share?” Jackson was gathering speed and he wasn’t really thinking what he was sprouting from his mouth. He probably should have though.

“What! Who said anything about not believing in you!” Mark's tone had an edge to it now and it was only annoying Jackson more. Like _he_ was the only one at fault here.

“Is that the reason why you pretty much freak out every single time I even _joke_ about getting hitched? Because you don't trust me?”

Mark stared at Jackson. Then the unpleasant sneer started to spread over the handsome face.

“So it's _that_ what's bothering you again?” Mark’s eyes flashed angrily. “Why is it so damn hard to get it into your thick skull that it's not necessary to get married. We don't _need_ any documents to tell us we’re together!” Mark looked like he was on the verge of ripping hair out of his head. “Jackson, no. Just, _no_ ! Why can't you understand that I _can't_ do it! It's not about _trust_!”

“Of course it's about trust! You don't believe I understand you, so you take every fucking joke as a personal insult! And all the bullshit about how you _can't_ do it.. You just don't trust me enough to tie yourself to me. Just be honest!”

“Yeah, sure of course, _that's_ the reason. Wow, Jackson, I never thought you could be this stupid.” Mark glared at Jackson with barely contained disgust. “We haven't been together a full year yet and you're already going on about _marriage_! Don't you think it's a bit early?”

“Of course it's early. _Shit_ . Even I can count the days, you know. But if you're not ready to even _joke_ about it, then it's probably pointless to wait for you to get around it. Isn't it.” To be honest Jackson’s heart was pounding so hard now he thought he would go deaf with the booming sound. His insides were twisting so badly he was sure he would throw up soon.

He had a suspicion what would come next, but he hoped against hope it wouldn't. No such luck.

“Are you saying we should break up?” Mark asked finally, his expression and face now blank and emotionless, like someone had pulled a thick mask over him and it hid every single emotion under it.

Jackson had no idea what Mark could be thinking anymore, and if he was really honest he was too emotionally torn to consider Mark might have any reasonable thoughts or opinions at this point.

His next words just stumbled out.

“Well it would seem logical, considering you don't trust me with money issues, and you aren't apparently ever going to get over your marriage being the fiasco of the century. Fine. I get it.” He took a deep breath, about to continue, but before he could finish, Mark said the words Jackson didn't really want to hear.

“If you really think like that..” Mark's words were so cold, so frozen they chilled the blood in Jackson's veins. “It’s over then.”

It was like a bucket of ice water thrown at you.

No, actually, it was like being drowned under water so cold it squeezed your lungs in, freezing your body, leaving you defenceless against the deadly abyss swallowing you whole and blinding your consciousness with painful darkness.

_It was over before it even really began._

~

_Hello this is Youngjae today Im sad._

_Dad and me went away for the wiiknd and Bambam and Jackson didtn come with us. I dont like it when adults fait becuose it scares me. I wish they would stop bein mean to each other. I wanted to play with Bambam becouse he said he dosnt want to be alone but I cant becuose we are visitin Auntie._

_Mommy and Daddy never fait but I'm not going to see my Mommy again . I dont like her but I like Jackson becouse he makes Dad happy._

 

_YOUNGJAE_


	23. I hate you, I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many feelings.. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter.
> 
> I love you all ♡

Jackson woke up grudgingly. He had been dreaming about something nice, but the dream escaped him the moment his thoughts became conscious of the room around him. Ignoring the lingering sleepiness Jackson turned on his back and tried pry his reluctant eyes open.

He was pretty sure he was looking like a huge mess, because his face felt oddly swollen, his hair like it was sticking up even more than usual and his eyes apparently had no intention of opening up properly; it was like they were so puffy it would take cold spoons to make the swelling go away. Then there was the dull ache in his throat and some heavy weight pressing on his chest to top it all. Maybe he was getting down with a cold or something.

He had woken up from his dreams, on this fine Saturday morning, to a door slamming shut, startling him awake. The sound echoed a while in the otherwise silent house, his heart hammering in his chest like a caged bird wanting to get out, the abrupt and sharp sound scaring him. Then a silence had fallen over everything, and he had calmed down, almost dozing off again. Maybe the kids were up and had gone out to play. Who knew. He had no particular desire to get up yet and his whole body felt heavy and unwilling to face the day.

Jackson reached one hand out from under the warmth of his blanket, feeling the bed next to him.

No Mark. Okay. Maybe he was up and about too. It wasn’t that unusual for Mark to be up before Jackson on weekends. Or any day to be honest. Jackson wasn’t lazy or anything, but Mark just beat him to it, and went on making breakfast for them all, and to wake the boys up before Jackson could even manage to brush his teeth.

The bedroom door slid open quietly, and naturally, following his previous thoughts, Jackson's subconscious wished he would soon be embraced by a pair of arms that would wipe away the grogginess and tender lips that would caress his cheek, and bring out the sunny, bright smile of his to compete with the morning light. Marks embrace and his butterfly kisses were exactly what Jackson wanted to wake up to.

But, to his slight dismay, it wasn’t Mark who came sliding in from the door.

“Dad?” Bambam whispered loudly and Jackson's mood dropped just a little bit. “Are you awake?”

“I’m awake..” Jackson rubbed his eyes, blinking at the sunlight pouring in from the window. The ominous weight was still there, heavy over his heart, but he couldn't for the life of him remember why. He was still so groggy and sleepy and all he wanted was to kiss Mark’s head and snuggle close to him. Lazy mornings were his favourite.

Not that he was going to say no, when his baby boy was in the mood for morning cuddles. It wouldn’t take too long for Bambam to outgrow that phase. Why did children have to grow up so damn fast?

The boy crawled next to him and balled up like a tiny kitten. He seemed to be wide awake, or so Jackson deduced from all the fidgeting and restless moving around the boy did, though he was supposed to be still.

“Why did Youngjae and Mark leave without us? Are we going too?” Bambam’s voice was quite miffed, and muffled as he was nuzzling his face onto Jackson’s blanket.

“They did?” Jackson frowned, not catching up at all. He tried to rewind enough, to figure out why his heart was sinking so fast, and why dread was spreading like cold tar in his veins and settling in the pit of his stomach, making him shudder involuntarily.

The nausea and the horror returned with force the moment he realized yesterday had not been just a bad dream, but actual reality. With the realization came the pain and it hurt him so much it was like a punch in the guts. He wanted to curl up and cry to badly right now. It was exactly what he had doing last night; punching his pillow in anger, because he was too cowardly to go after Mark and fix the fucked up mess they had somehow gotten into.

Jackson had cried a fucking river after the anger washed away, those bitter tears of despair that make your eyes sting the next morning like you had sand rubbing under your lids constantly.

So, Mark had decided to fly the scene. Damn, it hurt so much.

“No, tiger, we’re not going anywhere.” Jackson choked out finally, tears welling up again, prickling at the corners of his eyes.

“Youngjae didn’t say where they were going..” Bambam pouted, shifting to be even closer to Jackson, snuggling and wiggling around like a restless pup.

“I’m sure they’ll come back soon.” Jackson's voice cracked; he sounded like a crow croaking in the dull and gray early afternoons, when there was no other sound to be heard in the mist hanging forlornly over the landscape.

At least he hoped Mark would come back with Youngjae. This couldn’t really be the end of things. Not _really_ . They _had_ to have some kind of conclusion to this all, because it wasn’t so easy to just break up, not when there were so many things to consider.

Not that Jackson was capable of thinking anything rational at the moment. He just wanted to cry and moan and yell and punch things. And maybe beg Mark to reconsider his words and reverse the situation. Jackson just wanted to be _happy_ for crying out loud! Like he had been still 24 hours ago!

After the cruel words had come out of Mark’s mouth last night, Jackson had stood there and just stared at him in utter disbelief. Had he heard right? Yes he had. Unfortunately. He had been so stunned he couldn’t say a word, which Mark translated as silent agreement apparently, because he then simply collected his pillow and his blanket and left the bedroom without another word.

Jackson was still in a stupor, his mind circling around that one moment when everything had crashed around him, like walls made of ice shattering into millions of little sharp shards when you jabbed them with something sharp.

What would happen next? What _could_ happen next?

It would be so uncomfortable if Mark would continue giving Jackson those death glares, without the boys seeing it of course, because they were enough adults to act civil in front of innocent eyes. But it would be so much more uncomfortable to pretend things were fine, when they most certainly weren’t. And it would be absolutely awful to break the news to Bambam, and Youngjae, that their little family was breaking apart. _IF_ they were breaking up for real.

Like both kids hadn’t already suffered enough.

But this was the hard reality, and in real life relationships didn’t always last, or turn out to be painless, nor did any story ever end up being like a fairytale. Relationships required a lot of time and effort, if you wanted them to work properly.

This, what Jackson and Mark had going on right now, it was ridiculous and an easy way out when there might be a solution at hand, if they could only sit down and _talk_ , goddamn it. But that wasn't possible right now, not with Mark gone gods knew for how long.

What kind of idiotic reaction was that anyway? To run away without solving the problem like it should be.

Jackson made an ugly face, his darkening thoughts trailing down the dangerous path of accusations and blaming.

“I wanna play with someone..” Bambam whined quietly, startling Jackson out of his thoughts. He had almost forgotten his little boy so close to his side, all warm and cuddly like summer mornings.

Jackson turned to his side, hugging his precious kid closer with one arm, and pressed his face down to kiss Bambam’s black hair. He loved his son so much he was about to cry from that feeling too, and the thought of giving him _any_ bad news about the step-dad he liked so much, was devastating. Not to mention Jackson had no idea how to tell Bambam that Youngjae, that eternal source of loud laughter and sunshine, might not ever come back home again.

“Well, why don’t we go and ask if Yugyeom and his parents would like to hang out with us today? Would that cheer you up?” Jackson stroked the soft straight hair gently, hoping his melancholic and panicky mood would ease up as well, when seeing his friends.

Bambam almost jumped up from his hiding place, nearly knocking Jackson in the face with accidental force, and beamed down at his father.

“Yeah!”

There really was nothing as precious as the wide smile on a child's face.

 

He hadn’t meant to stay behind and eavesdrop. Not that it really was a bad thing in this case, but he still felt a little intrusive for silently listening to the soft voice singing a lullaby inside the nursery, the lyrics clearly audible through the partly open door.

 _“Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high /_ _There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby. /_ _Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue /_ _And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true._

 _Someday I'll wish upon a star /_ _And wake up where the clouds are far /_ _Behind me. /_ _Where troubles melt like lemon drops, /_ _Away above the chimney tops /_ _That's where you'll find me.”_

Jackson’s heart ached. Jaebum had such a beautiful voice, and his tone was so sweet and soothing it almost wiped the pain inside Jackson’s heart away. Like he was being wrapped into a soft cloud that healed all the bleeding, invisible wounds caused by sharp and cruel words. Like he was the one receiving the song that remedied his hurt pride and feelings.

The children were so lucky to have Jaebum and Jinyoung as their parents.

Jackson realized with a pang, that he had actually thought he might have a chance at something like this with Mark, somewhere in the future. A future that now seemed like a distant, unreachable dream for him. He had no idea where Mark and Youngjae were at the moment, and he hadn’t yet had time to ask Jinyoung if he knew anything. Mark had turned out to be more than a little chummy with Jinyoung, which Jackson grudgingly, and almost jealously, had noted from time to time.

Remembering the night when Jackson had witnessed Mark giggling and clinging onto Jinyoung at the bar, before Christmas, made him sick in the stomach now, though he knew for sure Jinyoung was faithful to Jaebum. The mere idea of Mark touching, or being touched, by someone else was absolute hell to think about. It made Jackson want to scream and throw up.

He just wanted to fix this!

But even if Jinyoung knew where Mark was, would that have any effect on the situation at hand?

Not really, because Jackson refused to start a conversation over the phone, if Mark even would pick up, if Jackson tried to call him.

No, he would have to wait for Mark to come home and then try to suck up his own fears and get something done.

Jackson’s head snapped up when Jaebum exited the nursery and closed the door quietly behind him. He didn't look even remotely surprised to see Jackson making faces all by himself by the nursery door. The only thing Jaebum did was to squeeze Jackson's shoulder with one steady hand and look at him straight in the eyes.

“Ok. Girls are asleep and the boys can entertain themselves. Now we can talk. Let’s go to Jinyoung.” Jaebum’s voice was stern and Jackson felt like he was going to be scolded. Again. But then again then there was that look in Jaebum’s eyes that softened his words and lessened the dread of being trampled down for being an idiot.

 

“You’re idiots. Both of you.” Jinyoung deadpanned, shaking his head, arms crossed to his chest. “What am I going to do with you.” He actually clucked his tongue audibly. Jackson could _feel_ how his ears were turning red and hot with embarrassment.

“Dearest, _you_ don’t have to do anything. Let _them_ do the work. It’s their relationship anyway.” Jaebum gave Jinyoung a stare, cocking his brows up.

“Yes, because they’ve done such a _good_ job so far.” Jinyoung snapped back at him, scoffing.

“You need to stop butting in just because you think you could handle it better.”

“Uh.. Guys..?” Jackson piped up finally, a smile tugging the corners of his lips. He really loved his friends so much. Two heads jerked towards him and momentarily Jackson was speechless. “I’m really grateful if you just let me talk, ok? I know Mark and I need to talk this through on our own.” Jackson bit his lip, the same sorrowful anxiousness gripping his heart again. “It’s just that.. I’m scared to do it. You know? What if we won’t be better? What if that was it?”

Jinyoung’s eyes softened considerably as he watched Jackson getting more and more quiet, and finally hanging his head low and squeezing his hands together.

“Jackson..” Jinyoung’s voice was so gentle, like he was talking to someone who could break the moment they would hear a loud noise. “Of course you can talk to us. We’re here for you. This.. thing between you and Mark.. It’s just a bump on the road. You will get over it.”

“What if Mark never really loved me?” The question had been spinning in Jackson’s head for a long while now, and it was making him really nauseated. His eyes were burning; he could feel the tears welling up and threatening to burst out.

Before Jackson could do anything, the tears were rolling down his cheeks, big, fat, hot tears that made his face wet in an instant. He was an ugly crier and he wanted to stop blubbering, but he couldn’t, and this was just awful, _everything_ was just awful and they would probably never get back together again and.. and..

Then Jinyoung was there, his arms draping around Jackson shoulders as he pulled him into a comforting hug, fingers weaving the blond hair gently, allowing Jackson to bury his face to his shirt and sob like a wee baby, hands clutching to the soft fabric in despair.

“Ji-ji-jinyoung-ah! Wh-wha-what if M-mark never c-comes b-back?” Jackson’s speech was cut so many times because he was hiccupping and sobbing at the same time, his voice thick with tears and fear, and his head void of anything but the horrible thought that his heart had been ripped out and torn apart like a piece of frail clothing. He needed superglue and fast. Too bad the only glue to patch him up was named Mark Tuan.

But would Mark ever come back to him? Could they ever fix this thing and still have a bright future ahead of them? How could there be trust _after_ this if there had been very little _before_?

Though he wasn't sure anymore had his accusations been all that correct.

“Hush, Jackson. Don’t say that. Of course he will come back.” Jinyoung cradled Jackson like he was one of his children, swaying a little, trying to comfort the panic and fear away.

“Do you want either of us to talk with Mark?” Jaebum said quietly, but his tone had a sharp edge to it, like he was gritting his teeth together.

“Yes. Would that make it better for you, hm?” Jinyoung stroked Jackson’s soft tresses with a never ending motion, the feel of his fingers soothing against his scalp, and Jackson found himself calming down a little by little. He took a deep, albeit very trembling, breath.

“No.. You shouldn’t. It’s my.. _our_ problem.” But Jackson appreciated the offer anyway. Probably more than he could even put into words. Slowly he detached himself from Jinyoung’s embrace and straightened his back, wiping his tears away. He was blotchy and his nose was runny as hell, his eyes felt like they were on fire and stinging when he squinted at his two best friends watching him with nothing but concern and love. His heart was already so damaged; he couldn’t take pity as well.

“Here.” Jaebum stood up to hand Jackson a tissue. His strong hand landed on Jackson’s shoulder and he squeezed it tight, reassuringly. “We’re here for you. No matter what.”

“We love you, despite your awful manners sometimes.” Jinyoung tweaked the tip of Jackson's nose gently.

Jackson began to cry again.

 

The house felt horribly eerie, now that there was no one else in there. The knowledge that Mark wasn't there and wasn't coming back anytime soon, if he even was at all, made the rooms seem even more lonesome when the dusk settled slowly over the world outside, painting the interior with gloomy shadows that didn't exactly beckon you with smiles and promises of good feelings. No. This was the time when somber mood would emerge and sorrow would sit on your shoulder, its eternal companion, depression, making its way to settle down as well, to whisper all the wrong things to you.

Jackson was lonely as hell and he hadn't had the courage to send Mark any messages. He was too afraid not getting an answer. Which was very probable because Mark had the annoying habit of shutting himself up when he was upset.

Jackson was upset too, and he wanted to solve the situation, but he was lacking every ounce of confidence at the moment.

Talking with Jinyoung and Jaebum had helped a little, but now that he was alone again, the thoughts began to haunt him, like ghastly monsters rising from the shadows and praying on the last specs of hope hidden inside the deepest corners of his heart.

He couldn't move forward. He couldn't go back. He was stuck.

The picture in his hands fell limply off on the floor, the shiny surface reflecting the distant light from the one lamp Jackson had managed to light up before the evening wrapped the world into its blue and gray embrace.

It was the picture from Paris, one those from the photo shoot Noi had pushed Mark into doing. Jackson had gotten the picture, just that one, from Mark with an enormously embarrassed and shy smile, along with the words _I hope you like it_.

How could he _not_ like it?

It was a stunning photograph, expertly taken and everything about it screamed of high fashion in thick fashion magazines Jackson never read, but knew existed. How could he not know when Noi was what she was..

The picture was black and gray, but it was exquisite; the sad and melancholic atmosphere, the white and very old fountain fit perfectly for Mark who was sitting on the edge of the wide railing circling the fountain, his face cast down as if to look at the wilted bucket of dark flowers in his hands, when in reality he was gazing up through his lashes, straight at the camera. His lips, those sinful, plush lips, were slightly open, giving him the expression of being just on the edge of biting the bottom lip between his teeth in a suggestive or confused manner.

Mark's clothes were black, his face pale and the whole picture screamed at Jackson that he was mad to let this man go just like this. He would have to fight for it. If he only would have _one_ tiny spec of hope he was going to cling onto it and wish he was better than he believed, and that he _did_ deserve love and promises of happiness.

Sadness, his constant companion, made his mood drop so low that despair picked up its head and joined the merry group of unhappy emotions camped around Jackson’s heart. He couldn’t really move, didn’t know what to do with himself. He felt so _lost_.

It was like the emotions were weaving a spell to capture his heart into an icy shell, full of prickly rose thorns, making him bleed with every beat.

Jackson picked up his phone and without even glancing at the clock he dialed the one number he knew would always pick up for him.

_“Hello darling.”_

“Mom..” Jackson managed to choke before he started to cry again, his tears falling from his eyes without him having any control over them.

 _“What's wrong? Jackson?”_ Her concern was only adding to his misery and he realized how much he wanted to ball up next to her and let her gently hands brush away the hurt.

“Mom.. Mom.. I can't take it.” He tried to take a hold of himself and with great effort Jackson squeezed the words out of his mouth. “Mark left.” There was a long silence before Sophia answered, like she was trying to keep herself from coming through the invisible phone lines to aid her son in need.

 _“Tell me everything.”_ She only said calmly, and Jackson thanked her quietly for not exploding.

“We fought and.. and I said stupid things and he did too but Mom he just walked out this morning and I couldn't go after him because I was sleeping and Mom.. I think my heart is breaking.”

 _“Darling. You're not making much sense. Take a deep breath a start from the beginning. I know it hurts, but try anyway.”_ He could hear the worry in her voice even through the comforting tone. His love and appreciation towards her only increased, and it was like someone had opened a dam inside him, and the tears just came flooding out, cascading down over his cheeks and chin, dampening his neck and dripping down his neck and wetting his shirt.

Sophia was quiet on the other end, waiting for Jackson to calm down, waited for the worst to be over, allowing her son to cry the bad feeling away before he would to be able to explain himself better.

Jackson took a deep breath, after what seemed like an hour of simply bawling his heart out, and the tears no longer were in a rush, just occasionally flowing down, uncontrolled and unrestrained. He slumped on the couch like he was a wet rag, squeezed half dry after being soaked in a pool of despair.

“I don't even know how it started. We have been arguing about little things for a while now. But I think it's because we're both tired and stressed about work. Then boys got into a fight at school and Bam came back with a bloody lip.”

_“What!”_

“Yeah.. they got bullied because they live with two guys. Bambam swung a hit but got showed on the ground face down instead, but Youngjae managed to knock a tooth off from the bully’s mouth with his cast. But, it's all sorted for now. Don't worry. I'll tell you more details later.” Jackson rubbed the bridge of his nose, exhaustion washing over him; he was mentally so fragile right now he could bend and break any moment, if nothing would strengthen him. “Then Mark made again that rejecting thing he always does when a marriage comes up. I'm not trying to coax him into that, honestly, I'm just happy if we can even be together! But he took it all wrong, as usual, and then I found some huge bills accidentally, that he hadn't told me about and, I admit that I said some really stupid things, but you know how I am sometimes..” He felt so damn guilty now for even getting upset about the whole thing. It was just money for christ's sake.

_“Oh honey.”_

“Yeah, I know. So I got mad because I felt like was being pitied and looked down at and.. I don't know. It just escalated so fast and suddenly Mark was saying we should break up, and that it's all over, and I was stupid enough to let him storm out of the bedroom and the next morning I woke up to find him and Youngjae both gone. I have no idea where they are.”

 _“What a mess.”_ Sophia sighed and Jackson could easily imagine her sitting by the kitchen table as elegant as she always was, tapping with her fingers the spotless surface and shaking her head. Jackson missed her so much, that the need to see her was surpassing the pain Mark's absence was causing him.

He was a mommy's boy and he wasn't even ashamed to admit it. “ _You two have some serious talking to do.”_

“I know..” Jackson grunted. “I don't want to do it over the phone, but I have no idea when Mark will be back. I don’t know what say or think or how to act, because I've never felt like this before!” He was on the verge of crying again, the frustration and hurt so close to the surface still.

 _“Do you think this is something worth fighting for?”_ Her tone was serious and Jackson halted, staring up from his lap and into the shadows crawling closer to him as the light outside was fading more and more.

“I..” Jackson hesitated, pursing his lips and wiping a tear from his cheek. “I do. But it's just about what I think. I don't know how serious Mark was when he said that..” He was determined to make this work, but how could he be sure what Mark was thinking?

_“That's what you need to find out honey. There's no pleasant way to deal with issues like this. Believe me, it's easier if you talk it out sooner than give it time to boil under the surface.”_

“I miss you, Mom..” Jackson said quietly, hoping, not for the first nor the last time, that they weren't so far away from each other.

_“I miss you too. Come and see us soon if you can. With Mark and Youngjae, of course. I'm sure you two will patch things up.”_

The faith his mother had in him was incredible. Jackson only wished he could one day repay everything she and his father had done for him.

Jackson sat in the darkness, thinking alone, until Bambam came hurtling himself back home, and made Jackson’s life a lot more tolerable again, by just being the little ball of energy and giggles as he always was.

~

“When will you realize, that even though your fake relationship with that b-i-t-c-h was a disaster, it's not dictating your whole life? You’ve talked about Jackson to me so many times with nothing but _love_ in your voice. And I've _never_ heard you speak like that. What could that change so suddenly?” Tammy threw an apple at Mark who caught it easily, slumping back on his chair. He rolled the fruit in his hands, smoothing his fingertips over the slightly wet surface, wishing it wasn’t just an apple he was about to eat, but Jackson’s cheeks he could lean in and kiss.

“I don’t know.. It happened so fast.” Mark muttered, his gaze stubbornly fixed on the apple; he knew Tammy was giving him _the look._

“Ok, so let me ask you this; Do you love him?” Did she _have to_ be so blunt? Mark tried to hide his grimace.

“Yes?” His answer came out as a question, because Mark was kind of afraid his sister would throw something else at him, not just apples.

“Don’t pull that face at me baby bro, just be honest now. You do, or you don’t.” Tammy fumed, her nose wrinkling, but luckily she didn’t throw anything.

“Ok, fine." Mark gave up. He had no desire to fight her too. "I love him. More than anything. Happy now?”

“No. You should tell him. Do you _really_ care whether or not you’re legally bound together?”

“I...” Mark hesitated just a little bit. Did he really care, when he actually stopped to think about it? He blinked, as if surprised with himself, when the realization came to him. Well, this was the first time for him. He’d just been so overly annoyed with Jackson cracking up lame jokes at every turn, that his real feelings had been hidden under the surface all this time.

“Can you even _imagine_ being with anyone else?” Tammy’s eyes were sharp, staring straight at Mark, like she knew exactly which buttons to push. Like she could read his mind. It unnerved him to think someone could read him like an open book.

“No.” What a revolting idea, even the possibility of that ever happening made him want to gag. If anyone ever tried to make make a move at him, Mark would just walk away. He didn’t want any creepy, unfamiliar hands roaming over his body when those hands could be Jackson’s warm, big hands that made Mark sing such happy notes it wasn’t even possible to be that joyful.

“Do you miss him right now?”

“Yes..” Easy question. Though Mark’s heart shrank back, and he felt a tidal wave of longing drowning him suddenly. He’d just left the house yesterday morning, like the complete bastard he was. No note, no word, and his phone turned off. He deserved a trophy for being the worst boyfriend of the century. Mark wasn’t surprised if Jackson would kick him in the head when he would return home.

“Then stop being an ass, go back home and solve this fight. You’re not breaking up just because you’re being pig headed and uncommunicative. Both of you.”

Mark had no words left. He just stood up and walked to his sister, hugging her tight and kissing her hair. Why was it necessary to have an outsider's view to his problems, just to gain more perspective about it? Whatever the reason, he was grateful.

“There there, no need to get all emotional. You’re such a big baby, aren’t you.” Tammy smirked against Mark’s shoulder, patting his back fondly. “I’m not kicking you out or anything, but you _have_ to deal with this soon, or it will blow up even more. Have you thought that Jackson and Bambam might actually leave while you’re sulking you head off here? If you never tell Jackson you were just an idiot and talking bullshit, he just might leave.”

Honestly, Mark hadn’t even considered that. His eyes widened and he backed away from his sister, looking at her with shock clearly written over his face.

“Oh god.. I didn’t think of that. He must be packing their things right now.” Now _that_ definitely made Mark’s insides freeze. If Jackson had time to leave.. What the hell would Mark do then? Presume their wonderful relationship had died because of something so impossibly stupid? Would he ever have the chance to talk with Jackson if he and Bambam would move out while Mark was licking his wounds here?

He was almost shaking now, the horrible possibilities making him confused and disoriented.

“Call him, text him, I don't care, just do it before it’s too late.” Tammy was urging Mark, turning to pick his phone from the table and handing it back to him. “And then go home.”

Mark took the phone, staring at it apprehensively. Should he at least send a message to Jackson? It felt stupid now, after one whole day being away. Mark had meant to go back home today no matter what, they had their duties anyway to attend, so was there any point in sending any messages? The chances of ending up face to face with Jackson were pretty big. Unless Jackson was gone by the time Mark and Youngjae reached home.

One part of Mark, that still sensible one, was hammering his head with the certainty that Jackson wouldn’t actually leave anywhere, not with something as big as this unresolved. The other part of Mark, the useless and fearful one, was bouncing around in terror, whispering about all the things that could, and would go wrong.

It made him so uncomfortable and Mark stared at his phone without really seeing it, thinking about how wrong it all had gone in a just a few minutes.

Jackson had all of a sudden lashed out on Mark about expenses he had completely forgotten, and then had used _that tone_ on him again, making Mark’s hair stand on end with sheer annoyance. Stupid things, really. And incredibly so. Why had he lost his temper so badly? It wasn’t like Jackson had ever _really_ pestered Mark about getting hitched. It was the jokes combined with Mark’s insecurity that everything would crumble down if they were to get married at any point of their lives, that freaked him out so much. Maybe if there had been more time in between the divorce, and everything that the whole episode had included, and the lame jokes, it all might have been less annoying and scary for him.

Maybe. Who knows.

He wasn’t against being with Jackson, definitely not, but he was scared that things would go to hell, should they decide to take that big step somewhere in the future. He didn’t want to end up having a second divorce.

The brutal reality was, that he had been a rash idiot and blurted out that they should break up, because Jackson believed Mark didn’t trust him. It really prickled his pride to be thought of like that; that he didn’t have any faith in his partner.

Of course he trusted Jackson. Good grief, he trusted his life, and his son, in Jackson’s hands willingly, and that was a lot from him.

So why was this one thing so much in the way? It had turned from a small and indifferent thing to a gigantic mountain Mark was trying to climb over, but kept slipping back because the slopes were sharp and icy.

It all felt even more confusing now. Mark didn’t even know how to start explaining himself, and he really should, or this would all blow up again and hell would break loose.

What a lovely mess.

 

“We’re hooooome!” Youngjae shouted the moment the front door opened and he scrambled in, tearing off his coat and shoes as fast as he could, dropping the items on the floor without much caring what happened to them later.

“Youngjae! My man!” Bambam’s clear voice rang down from the stairs and it didn't take long for the boy to stomp down and tackle his friend very ungracefully. Mark smiled fondly at the sight, though the idea of not being sure how long this brotherly affection was going to last in this house, was killing him from within.

“Hey Bam. You ok?” Mark asked softly, determined to hide the fact that his nerves were stretched out like a rubber band, waiting to snap.

“Yup. Where were you? Did you bring something? It was _sooo boring_ here, _Youngjaeee_ you can't even imagine how _lame_ it was to watch the morning cartoons alone!”

Mark was chuckling quietly, trying not to show his amusement to the roughly embracing boys, but his amusement flew from the window the second he noticed the blond hair, the solemn and slightly angry face, the crossed arms before the strong chest, the stiff stance..

_Jackson._

Mark inhaled sharply, his heart beating like it had gone mad, and he couldn’t do much else but to stand there, hand still half raised to put his coat up, eyes wider than usual, and watch how the man he loved more than anything, was looking at him like he was the scum of the earth. Which he was, really.

Oh, how Mark wanted to take those few separating steps and hug Jackson, hug out all the discomfort and petty arguing between them. But he couldn't. And it killed him even more, because he could see the dark rings around Jackson's eyes, could see how tired he looked and his hair was standing up in unruly manner. Though none of these things could never diminish Jackson's attractiveness; he could be rolled up in mud and scruffy and Mark would still love him like mad.

“Hey sunny boy, where’d you go? I missed you.” Jackson tore his eyes off of Mark and turned instead to beam at Youngjae who was trying to detach Bambam from his arm.

“We saw Auntie and my cousins, but I’m like so happy to be back home. Bam, let’s go Auntie gave me cookies so we can share!”

“Youngjae, don’t eat all the cookies at once!” Mark tried to call after the boys had ran off to the living room and Mark could hear a TV being turned on. “You guys still need to eat food today!” But his words probably echoed to deaf ears. There was no way to get the sweets out of their hands now.

Mark groaned, finishing putting up his coat and took off his shoes. He knew Jackson was still standing there, like he was waiting for Mark to say something.

What could he say? His head was completely empty of words that could salvage the situation, and the way Jackson was just _being_ there, and obviously judging him for even existing, was really ticking him off for some reason. It was a very confusing thing to feel regret, annoyance, longing and overwhelming love at the same time. Not really pleasant at all.

“You went to see your sister?” Jackson’s voice was careful, almost calculating.

“Yeah. We did.” The words came out angrier than he had anticipated and Mark scolded himself for it.

“Is she ok?”

“She’s fine.” Mark frowned slightly, unsure whether or not to address their fight from the other night. Jackson seemed as reluctant as Mark did, to raise the subject again.

He chose to remain quiet about it.

For now.

“I can make the dinner.” Jackson offered suddenly and Mark quirked his brows up, surprised. Jackson didn’t cook unless it was an emergency or he had craving he absolutely had to obey. “It’s fine. It doesn’t have to be anything complicated. You know I can always make some ramen..” He tried to smile faintly and Mark accepted that as a vague peace offering. At least they could _act_ civil, even if they weren’t throwing themselves into a tight embrace, or throwing things to the walls in anger.

“We might need something more nutritious than that. Should I go to the grocery store?”

“I think we’re fine. I went yesterday.”

The talk was restrained and careful, like they were tiptoeing around each other, scared of either lunging forward and bringing out the trash that was hanging between them like a dirty cloud made of insults and misunderstandings. Mark didn’t want to talk now, nor did he really ever want to, but now certainly wasn’t the time to talk, because they would need the conversation to be undisturbed. With the boys at home, and always being a danger of interrupting them out of the blue, it was impossible to have a decent conversation. And Mark wanted to refrain from yelling, because it wasn’t good for Youngjae and Bambam to hear such language between their parents; that would only leave ugly scars neither Mark, nor Jackson, wanted to cause the boys. Ever. Period.

One time had been enough, though they hadn’t really been yelling, but the kids were perceptive enough to understand something was wrong. And they would realize it even better, if Mark kept on sleeping on the couch.

That day proved to be one of the most confusing ones ever in Mark’s life. Even his life with Soyi had never been like this, and that was saying a lot. Mark wasn’t used to being on his toes with anyone, nor was he accustomed on being on the bloody edge all the friggin time. He just didn’t know where to start untangling the mess. And Jackson seemed as determined to keep quiet as well.

Maybe they were both just biding their time, waiting for a moment when they could address the difficulties. Or maybe they were just scared. Or maybe they weren't. Maybe they were just ignoring the problem because.. Well, because they were idiots.

Who could say for sure.

Sure enough they _looked_ alright, but it was obvious that there was a strain between them, even Youngjae gave Mark a small frown at one point when Mark slipped past Jackson, when in normal situation he would have stopped and probably kissed Jackson's cheek. Now he just slinked away and disappeared from sight without even looking at Jackson.

It was awful, and draining.

When the night finally fell, Mark was taking his time with showering and brushing his teeth. He wasn’t sure he should sleep in the same bedroom with Jackson, not right now. He had been such a prick towards Jackson, that it was a wonder why the other even tolerated his presence. The whole weekend had sucked him so dry of energy he was ready to sleep on the kitchen floor if he had to.

When Mark stood by the bed, hands hovering over the blanket, hesitating, Jackson came in his hair adorably standing up and face fresh from washing, looking like a million dollars and Mark's heart clenched painfully. Jackson looked at Mark and his face darkened.

“The bed won't eat you, you know. Get to sleep.” Jackson grunted, climbing in himself and settling down his back to Mark.

So, hesitantly, Mark climbed in next to Jackson, but he faced the other way like Jackson had done. The oddest thing for them to do.

It felt so much worse to be so close, but without being able to reach out and touch the other, to have comfort and security from the way the strong fingers wrapped around his more delicate ones, giving Mark a reason to fall asleep smiling 

His dreams were fitful and disturbed.

~

The warehouse area, where their shop was located, was empty at the moment. Completely void of any signs of life; it was still winter and there was snow and ice on the ground, thus making it impossible for anyone to use the skate park. It was the quietest time business wise for the two still relatively young shopkeepers.

The park looked ghostly in the pale morning light, the ramps slippery and icy, the spray tags painted on the huge walls gloomy and uninviting. When you passed by them, your steps would echo, creating that haunting sound that made your hair stand up and you could feel the unnecessary need to check if anyone was following you rising inside you, even though you know there can be no one.

The first hour before sunrise was always eerie and beautiful in a way.

Inside the shop there was a different reality greeting you when you stepped inside; nothing but the word _mess,_ could provide you the sufficient word to describe the unholy state.

Mark had been angry as fuck, the last time he had been at work and had, single handedly, torn down one wall by using a sledgehammer. It had been rather impressive sight to see, the otherwise so stoic man, come out of the storage room, muttering darkly to himself and dragging the huge tool behind him, fire burning in his eyes. With a loud string of curses, Mark had literally smashed the wall into pieces. Partly, of course, but you could see through it anyway.

Due to Mark's little display of rage, there was now rubble, dust and soot everywhere and seriously, the place looked like a battlefield. A huge fucking wreckage and, _of course,_ it made Mark even more irritable.

Yoongi didn’t like the situation any better than Mark did, but at least he didn’t go on a personal crusade to demolish their precious baby; the store meant to them both more than they could ever allow themselves to say out loud. Of course, if the damage hidden inside the walls would affect his studio, then there would be hell to witness, and Mark’s anger was nothing compared to the massacre that would be unleashed if the situation should require it. He would get murderous if someone even dared to think about touching his beloved recording studio.

Yoongi yawned, scratching his head and wondered should he get up from the couch to make coffee for himself. It was nearing the time when Mark would turn up, and Yoongi wasn’t prepared to have a civil conversation with anyone, not without first trying to wake up. Though Mark had known Yoongi long enough to give him a wide berth when he was just barely awake.

His night had certainly been a shitty one, so the coffee was in order more than a little bit. His neck was achy and stiff and he swore he used to be able to sleep anywhere. There had to be something wrong with this damn couch and it should be replaced with something better. Soon. He didn’t like sleeping on it on regular basis but.. As life had its ups and downs there were times when Yoongi was forced to seek refuge in the arms of their long companion; the battered leather couch that had been saved before it hit the junkyard, and had been hauled into the shop for his and Mark’s amusement.

Why he was sleeping on the couch? Because he had a little dilemma at home with his dearest spouse, of course.

The times he and Jimin fought couldn’t be counted with two hands; not enough digits to do so. This time however Jimin actually had kicked Yoongi out, and where would he go, if not to the haven of his studio? He didn’t want to bother Mark and Jackson, he knew they were too in love and all that shit that made Yoongi want to gag sometimes, plus the kids would have made him feel awkward. He _could have_ called Namjoon, but didn’t want to force himself onto anyone, so the only logical place was to come here. At least he had been able to think in peace.

The turbulence in their relationship was always good for his music, as horrible as it might sound. He was able to transfer his feelings into lyrics and compositions, using all the piled up anger and frustration, as well as the good feelings too, and create something that would bring out Jimin crying at him and saying he was sorry, when he heard the songs. Making up was the best part of their fights; no matter how bad the argument had been, they would always get back together, talk it out and move on. It was just necessary to let some steam out, and this was their way of dealing with things.

Maybe a bit extreme at times, that Yoongi admitted, but at least neither of them was physically violent.

But their fighting would have to change, if they were going to get a kid. There would be no more shouting and calling each other with very imaginative and hurtful names, no more slamming doors and sleeping on the couch. They would have to change their patterns, learn how to deal with their problems like adults they were supposed to be, and talk about their difficulties quietly. It would do no good for a child to witness any domestic violence, verbal or not.

Before Yoongi could heave himself up from the most uncomfortable couch, he drifted back to sleep in the middle of his worries about having children in his life.

“Yo, dude. Why are you here so early?” A voice, vaguely familiar, entered Yoongi’s sleepy mind. He groaned, flailing a dismissive arm towards the annoying sound, but something poked him sharply on the side and he opened his eyes, ready to kill the disturber with bare hands if necessary.

His gaze shifted to clearer vision slowly, taking in the lanky figure somewhere near him, taking in the leg stretched out and the heavy boot  and its tip prodding his side painfully.

“Stop pestering me Marky Mark and go back to your candied happyland.” Yoongi growled sleepily, though his reflexes were fast; he snatched Mark by the ankle and playing the surprise factor to his favour, Yoongi successfully managed to unbalance his friend. Mark crumpled on the floor, cursing loudly.

“Fucking happyland, you can stuff that up your ass, _suga baby._ ”

Yoongi’s nostrils flared; he absolutely did not need to be reminded of the pet name Jimin used about him when they were alone.

“What, has Jackson left your ass alone for too long? Do you need some lessons from you best buddy? Want me to teach you how to fuck a guy properly?” Yoongi didn't give Mark time to respond, jumping off the couch and landing neatly over Mark.

They wrestled around on the floor for a while like two small schoolboys, throwing punches and kicks at each other, but never really hurting too much. They'd done this so many times it was almost like a routine already.

During their friendship there had never been a month, or a week, when either of them hadn’t somehow managed to cause physical injury to the other. This day was no different from the others, and Yoongi was actually quite happy to roll around on the cold floor with Mark, kicking and snarling, throwing punches and earning bruises that would bloom later on their pale skins.

Could a bloke ask for a better friend than Mark was to him? Not really.

Finally they ran out energy, and insults, both staring up to the ceiling, breathing hard.

“Trouble at home?” Mark asked after he seemed to catch his breath enough to speak.

“Jimin chucked me out last night.” Yoongi closed his eyes, grimacing at the stinging memory. Though they fought a lot, it didn't mean it didn't hurt every single time.

“Damn.”

There was silence for a long time. The concrete floor was cold and uncomfortable and the sweat he had broken was making his skin itch.

“What's your excuse?” Yoongi finally asked, when the silence threatened to turn too long.

“We broke up.” Mark said quietly. He sat up, wrapping his arms around his knees and hugged himself.

“What? When?” Yoongi sat up too, turning to look at Mark better; he really looked like shit. Mark's hair was an unruly mess, his skin was paler than usual and he had such dark circles around his eyes that he looked ready to attend a heavy metal concert, and he wouldn't stand out at all.

“Last Friday.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Yoongi had his soft moments too. He could be compassionate if he wanted to be. Mark was naturally one of the exceptions in his life, to whom Yoongi extended out a helping hand, because they had been buddies since childhood, and he respected Mark's opinions and his friendship enormously. “I need coffee first though.”

Mark nodded, scrambling up.

Twenty minutes later they were lounging on the couches with fresh coffee in their hands, and Mark had explained the whole incident between him and Jackson.

Yoongi was shaking his head slowly.

“You know, I get why he is pissed, but then again he did act like a petulant brat too. You both did.” Yoongi sighed, examining Mark's given up form. The man looked like he had broken his heart for the first time. Which probably was true. Yoongi had been there for Mark when he had had his first puppy loves in elementary school, and the few superficial crushes in high school, but they were nothing compared to this. “You shouldn't have jumped to extremes so quickly, but I get it; it's easy to make a huge mess in that situation.”

“What should I do? Tammy said I should just tell him how I feel and work it out from there.”

“I've always considered her reasonable.” He placed his empty cup on the floor. “But she's right. Just tell Jackson you're simply afraid to fuck you two up, if you start planning a big white wedding.” Mark grimaced, his face contorting and making him look ugly. “Just don't show that face to Jackson, or he’s never going to forgive you.”

“I hate fighting.” Mark muttered against his coffee cup, his eyes staring ahead of him blankly. He jerked when Yoongi reached over and poked him in the ear.

“Stop sulking and fix the problem.”

“Then why are you sulking here, huh?” Mark shot back at him, but he looked a lot less aggressive than he sounded.

“Oh, it started with something usual; how I’m never at home and he’s needy little fuck. But then we started to bicker about kids. Like, which would be better; a boy or a girl. I said it didn't care and Jimin just flared up after that, yelling something like that I never even really wanted to have kids anyway. Of course I got mad and said he was right and that we don't need any brats to destroy our peace and quiet. So he got really mad and kicked me out.”

“Do you really think like that then?” Mark’s voice was soft and Yoongi hated Mark for knowing him so well.

“No.” Yoongi sighed, rubbing his temples with both hands. “I just don't care about which sex the kid will be. What's important is that it will be healthy and happy. Jimin’s going to be a brilliant father and I'm just a loser who is scared shitless that I'll fuck up so badly Jimin will walk out for good.”

“You're not that bad with kids. You just think you are.” Mark gave Yoongi a gentle smile and Yoongi  kind of hated him for that too. Even _he_ was weak for Mark's little smiles that always managed to sneak their way under his defences and into his heart. He grunted. “You've always been great with Youngjae.”

“Sunshine boy is different.”

“Why?”

“He's yours. And I don't have to be around him 24/7.” Yoongi snorted softly. “When it’s going to be a kid of our own, I can’t just hand him, or her, back to the parents and wait for the storm to pass. _I’m_ going to have to be the one to sit through it all and not to get mad or upset when the damn thing pukes all over me.” He was pretty sure he wouldn’t ever be able to pull off anything like that. His patience was short as it was.

“You’ll get used to it. I wasn’t ready for kids either, and didn’t know anything about raising one, but here I am.. Still alive.” Mark tried to grimace, but Yoongi knew he was proud as heck of his boy, as he should be. He would never admit it out loud, unless he was really careless, that he actually liked Youngjae a lot. The kid had born with natural musicality in him, he wasn't too annoying and he made Jimin smile. Naturally these were things that would never come to daylight.

“You’re some weird superhuman, I’ve always said that.” Yoongi chose to scoff the compliments off with sarcasm.

“You want another thrashing?” Mark revealed his sharp teeth, snapping them loudly together, and Yoongi grimaced. He had once or twice, or a few times more, been on the receiving end when Mark decided he wanted to bite something. Thank god he didn’t drink as much as he used to when they were still reckless and young. Mark was a fucking _biter_ when he was piss drunk.

That one time they had made out pretty furiously, had left Yoongi with purplish hickeys and teeth marks all over his neck and arms. Like, what the fuck, _arms?_

“No, no thank you. And please keep those carnivore teeth of yours off of my skin. I don’t want Jimin to get the wrong idea if I turn up to apologise with my face and neck mauled.”

Mark snorted, slumping even further down on the couch. There was comfortable silence between them now, both of them dwelling in their troubles privately for a while.

“We need someone to fix the walls. I think there's a pipe leaking somewhere and it will cause serious problems if it's not sealed up soon.” Mark said finally, yawning widely.

“This time I'll leave the contractor for you to handle. I ain't taking another shouting for signing up idiots. Which..” Yoongi hastened to clarify. “..wasn't even my fault, because how the fuck was I supposed to know they would do a shitty job!” He still felt indignant about getting yelled at, though he understood Mark had merely been venting his frustration, but still. Never a pleasant thing to be lectured.

“Fine, I’ll do it.” Mark tsk’d, rolling his eyes, but smiled.

Spending time with Mark had become so rare these days it felt weirdly nice, now that it was just the two of them. This reminded Yoongi of the times when they had started the business together, foolish and young as they had been. They weren’t exactly young anymore, but they were foolish alright.

Yoongi supposed he should dig his ass up more often from the dark shadows, and just hang out with real people, instead of having an intense relationship with his recording studio. He could be social if he wanted to. He just didn’t feel like it very often.

He would go home later tonight and apologize Jimin on bent knee if he had to. He couldn’t imagine his life without that soft knucklehead and what was making Yoongi grin almost wickedly, was the fact that the sex was definitely going to be more kinkier and more intense, like it always was after fighting over something.

If only Mark would give in a little and do the same with Jackson, things would be peachy again and life could go on, like it was supposed to.

~

Jackson heard the front door closing with a soft snap, and his mind went spinning almost the second he registered the familiar sounds of movement as Mark. His head felt oddly light and heavy at the same time, his whole body filled with lead and yet light as a feather when he stood up and walked to meet his doom.

His Monday had been a shitty one, to say the least; he hadn't been able to properly concentrate on anything he did at work, and his students had taken advantage of that, by being noisier than usual. Nothing really had made sense since Friday, and yesterdaym plus this morning, had been enough of a proof that things could not continue this way much longer.

The reason for his anxiety stood in the shadowy hallway, taking off his coat and shoes, not yet noticing how Jackson was observing him quietly from a distance.

It had been so weird to sleep next to Mark last night and not touch at all. Jackson was used to being snuggly and cuddly when they were falling asleep, so now that they both had faced opposite ways, it had been probably the shittiest feeling ever to fall asleep to.

Jackson _wanted_ to reach out and take Mark’s hand in his, squeeze it and then fall unconscious with a smile on his lips, with the knowledge that he was loved in return, warming his heart. But he hadn’t. And it was strange as fuck.

Somehow even he, Jackson Wang, the notoriously boisterous and ready to solve everything at once person, had taken a step back and had only observed, sulking, at the situation.

“Hey.” Jackson said quietly, his eyes never leaving Mark’s figure. His fingers were itching to touch him but he couldn’t. Not yet. Maybe not ever. He saw how Mark stiffened when he heard Jackson speaking, his hands almost dropping the coat he was hanging up.

“Hey..” Mark's eyes shot up to glance at Jackson, but dropped back down almost immediately, like he was afraid to look at Jackson longer than a second.

“Do you..” The words got stuck in his throat and Jackson had to swallow hard. It was like he had sandpaper in his throat. Or a desert, it felt so dry. “Do you have a moment? I want to talk with you.”

“Sure.” Mark's reply was calm, but he looked more like someone who was ready to bolt from the door, if given the chance, and he was pale as a sheet.

The kitchen table seemed to be an ocean between them when they were sitting on opposite sides, facing each other, mostly staring at their own hands instead, never daring to look up.

This was insane. To be in the same house and pretending in front of the children they were at least civil with each other, when in reality they were anything but fine. There was a huge gaping gap between them and it was echoing with mistrust, misunderstanding and fear. Being alone with Mark was tearing Jackson apart; he wanted to hold Mark, run his fingers over the worried expression on his face, wanted to kiss the closed eyes, wanted to embrace him until they would run out of air to breathe.

Jackson wanted to have _his Mark_ back, the Mark who could in his sleep snuggle up to Jackson’s back, and clutch to his shirt, mumbling something nonsensical. The Mark who could easily turn Jackson’s world upside down with just a brush of his hand and a sweet smile.

Longing twisted Jackson's heart and his insides had had better days; he was so nervous and disheartened he wanted to vomit all the horrible feelings out.

Jackson’s heart was racing now like he was running a marathon, and he wished this would be over as soon as possible. He both feared the outcome and was waiting for it; this tense atmosphere _had_ to end. He would go crazy if it didn't.

“So.. about last Friday..” Jackson breathed out, steeling himself and looked up. This would be solved now. They would exist after this, or then they wouldn’t.

~

_This is not good. I am so worried it is causing me gray hair. Why are human relationships so difficult sometimes? Is it really that hard to talk about your insecurities and fears? Isn’t your partner supposed to be the most ideal person to talk with about such things?_

_Humans are such complex beings.. Irrational, yet most logical._

_I just wish our poor, idiot, so madly in love with each other, friends will stop being stubborn and get over this problem of theirs. It's only about communication, and if they could only find the right frequency, they could be just fine. If not… well. Then we have a broken family in our hands and no one wants that. I cannot bear to see more children being hurt by a lovers spat, or a marriage torn apart._

_I love Jackson dearly and seeing him hurt like this makes me feel so helpless. I know how devastating it will be, if the two of them won’t fix their problems. My own heart will break, if I have to see Jackson in any more pain than he already is._

 

_Jinyoung_


	24. Inner elements

It was late afternoon and the house was full of sounds from the open TV, sounds of children laughing, sounds of babies making incoherent and sudden shrieks, both dismay and joy. It was the kind of afternoon you’d shie away from, if you weren’t used to the hullabaloo of having more than one kid under your roof.

Circus was nothing compared to this. Seriously. Nothing. Noise and loud bangs kind of disappeared after a while, and you learned to filter out the ones that would really require your attention. Like accidentally stepping on a nail, or accidentally shoving a pen too forcefully at your friend, causing a small gash to appear.

For Jinyoung, this was his normal, day to day life. Sure enough their days were more quieter when Yugyeom wasn’t accompanied by his two best friends, but Jinyoung wasn’t complaining about the noise anymore, it was more valuable to see his son smiling so widely, so happily, when he could express himself freely with his friends.

And if he needed to put down his feet and get the boys to calm down even a little bit, he had Jaebum for that. His darling spouse had taken more and more time off from work, declining long distance gigs and preferring the ones he could do without having to spend the night away from his family.

Jinyoung appreciated this more than words could ever express.

“Jinyoungie? Do you know what's wrong with my Dad?” Bambam was looking up from his coloring book at Jinyoung who was feeding the twins with Jaebum, with variating success.

Jinyoung’s hand stopped in the middle and almost made Jia to start screaming angrily when she didn’t get her porridge. Lucky he recovered fast, slipping the spoon quickly into her open mouth, effectively cutting away the shrill scream of displeasure. He glanced at Bambam again, pondering what he should say.

Of course he knew what was wrong with Jackson; the poor fellow had hugged him almost desperately just a few hours ago, on his way out to wait Mark to return from work.

“Why do you ask that?”

“Because Daddy is acting funny.” Bambam wrinkled his nose and nibbled at the end of the crayon in his hand. “And he isn't smiling much.”

“Don't eat that crayon.” Jinyoung said automatically, his attention divided to Bambam and Jia at the same time. “Your father has a heartache. He will be fine after some time.” If Bambam really knew what that meant, he would be a very clever six year old.

“Is that like..” Bambam frowned, thinking hard, his pouty lips pursing. “Like when your favourite toy breaks and you can't fix it anymore?” Jinyoung raised his brows; the description was perhaps a bit off, but surprisingly accurate.

“Yes.”

“Did Dad break his toy?” The seriousness of a child never ceased to amaze him.

“You could say that, yes.” If one could call Mark Jackson's toy. Or maybe if you referred to their relationship as a toy, it would make more sense. A toy that that had earned a few too many strong hits, and was now cracking.

Bambam was quiet for a long time, silently drawing lines on the paper with a bright green pen.

“I wish Daddy would be happy again. And Mark too. They're so sad and I don't like it.”

“Well, they’re being a bit silly right now. They’ll just have to work it out together. You just be your happy self and maybe give Jackson a hug. Hugs never hurt anyone.” Jinyoung couldn't really blame Bambam for picking up the obvious signs in Jackson. He also couldn't give any better advice to a child, because it wasn't in his power to solve anything, and Bambam certainly wasn't supposed to remedy anything. He was a child and he should remain untainted by any adult issues there might be.

“Jinyoung, watch it, or she'll throw the bowl on the floor again.” Jaebum warned Jinyoung, his own hands busy with Jiyoo who was turning her head away from the spoon offered to her, the food ending more on her cheeks than in her mouth. “Jiyoo, stop playing around and eat like normal people do; with their mouths.” He sounded a bit on the edge, probably having had just about enough of the squirming little girl.

Why did this sight clench Jinyoung’s heart so much? Maybe it was the whole domesticity that oozed everywhere, filled the whole house with love and caring, and made Jinyoung feel like he was the luckiest guy in the world.

“Bammm!” Yugyeom came trotting in the kitchen, breaking the moment, clutching to Bambam’s arm like he had been away from his friend a small forever. “Come on! We're gonna play water tag! I need you to come play with us!”

“No, you most certainly are not playing with water inside!” Jaebum said immediately, a frown forming on his brows. “You can play tag tomorrow. _Outside._ ” The glare he shot at his son was as stern as anything, daring the boy to challenge him. Had it been Jinyoung who denied Yugyeom something, it would have been a much longer fight. Not that Jinyoung didn't have authority over his kid, of course he had, Jaebum was simply just more threatening and strict.

“But _Dad!_ ” Yugyeom whined.

“I said no.”

“So unfair!” The boy stomped his feet on the floor like the little kid he was, and Jinyoung kind of loved him all the more for being so insolent and perfect, which made absolutely no sense but was the truth.

“Life is. Go play in your room with your friends. _Without_ water guns.”

“So unfair..” Yugyeom muttered darkly, shooting a dirty look at his father. “Come on Bam, Youngjae has his PSP with him.”

“But I'm drawing!”

“You can draw later, I haven't played with you in _ages!_ Come _onnn!_ ” The fact that they had already spent almost the entire day together apparently counted for nothing. Jinyoung hid his smile by brushing his mouth with the back of his hand quickly.

“Don't be such a crybaby! I'm coming, I’m coming.” Bambam snorted and rolled his eyes dramatically. Yugyeom, who was pouting rather incredulously at his friend, was naturally highly aware that his pleading eyes would work. He did it on purpose of course, because he could be _so_ adorable and get his way when he acted cutely.

The sneaky little bugger.

“I swear he's going to be a heartbreaker when he grows up.” Jaebum muttered, his eyes following the two boys hopping off hand in hand, the colouring book and crayons forgotten for the moment on the table, a half finished picture about a flock of green baby birds hopping around, drawn on the paper next to the book.

“Most likely so.” Jinyoung smiled. He scooped up the last bits of porridge from the bowl and finished feeding Jia.

“Don't you go and grow up to break hearts too little lady, you hear me?” Jaebum sighed at his daughter, who resolutely made a mess instead of neatly eating like her sister, which caused Jinyoung to chuckle. “Messy little critter. And now you made your daddy to laugh at me. Satisfied, are we now?” His tone was still soft and loving as he put the porridge away and picked the smudged baby girl out of her feeding chair. Jiyoo only made a happy squealing sound and tried to fit her fist into her mouth.

“You know you're really cute when you grumpy talk to the kids.” Jinyoung couldn't even begin to tell Jaebum how much he appreciated all the silliness. It made the heavy cloud, that had been hanging over his heart ever since Jackson’s news, lift. It helped enormously to have someone to share your worries with.

“Cute? I'm not cute. I'm chic and sexy, don't you remember?” Jaebum snorted, sighing again as his daughter decided to rub her porridge smudged face on his neck. “I think it's bath time.”

“Do you want to take them both or shall I help?”

“I wouldn't mind some assistance..” The wink made Jinyoung cackle evilly.

“I can help, but I'm not going to strip.” Jinyoung said firmly, though he was half aware of how much he missed being embraced without clothes on. Of course he wasn't going to tell Jaebum that. Not now at least.

The pout Jaebum put on was so incredibly adorable it squeezed Jinyoung’s insides; he would definitely get back to this subject later.

“Why not. It's been ages since I saw you without clothes.”

“Shush. No dirty talk in front of the children dearest.”

“Like these two would understand anything yet.” Jaebum gave Jinyoung an amused look, then turning to tickle Jiyoo. She gurgled satisfied and slapped her sticky hands straight over Jaebum’s face. “This is domestic violence, I swear. Young lady, you really are being too violent.”

“Try not to call the police in yet.” Jinyoung grinned, picking up Jia who was a lot less dirtier and only cooed softly next to his ear. “We’ll get to that other matter later. I might need some comforting, because my heart is heavy with worry.” Though the smoldering look he gave to Jaebum indicated something quite different.

“Anything you ask.” Jaebum cocked a brow up, trying to keep his satisfied grin from spreading over his face. “I'm always here to offer you a shoulder to lean on.”

“That's my boy.” He might have sounded calculating, but in reality Jinyoung was almost bursting with love. He wanted to hug Jaebum, kiss his lips and tell him how he made Jinyoung's whole world light up just by being himself. Just like that.

Jaebum just shook his head, probably guessing what went on inside Jinyoung’s head, and blew a loud raspberry on Jiyoo’s cheek, making her burst out in giggles.

“Time to scrub you clean, you wee lil’ mongrel.”

~

The clock on the kitchen wall ticked the seconds away, like it was being dragged through thick mud. The slow seconds turned to equally dragging minutes, stretching by in that unexplanatory way that makes your heart shrink with fear of what is to come. The minutes were like birds of prey, hovering above you, and you waited with baited breath what would be the thing to release the all-consuming tides, what would be the final straw, the final nail to your elaborate and finely carved coffin, where your heart laid in waiting for the crucifixion that sure was to come.

Jackson stared at his hands resting on the smooth surface of the dining table. They were pale from not being able to spend enough time outside, rough and calloused from years of work. He had bony fingers that curled up into tight fists when he was stressed; like now. His knuckles were turning white, the skin stretched over the joints tightly, the tiny veins blue under the skin that was almost transparent, bulging to the surface.

He shot careful a glance at Mark, quiet and stoic sitting across him, his face unreadable and his whole being emanating that unpleasant mixture of confusion and irritation that Jackson hated at the moment more than anything. He wanted to stare at Mark's hands, but he couldn't, because Mark sat like he was in church and was listening to the sermon with mild interest, hands resting on his lap and his head bowed.

Jackson wanted to cry, wanted to lash out, yell and scream, make stupid faces just to drag some emotion, some reaction out of Mark, to bring out _any_ of his thoughts, because right now he was an enigma, a walking corpse seemingly without a purpose in life, simply meandering around aimlessly.

Jackson wanted to talk, but he couldn't force anything out of his mouth. He turned his gaze down and stared at the crumbs on the table, thinking absently he should clean later; he had neglected his chores this weekend so much it was embarrassing. The dishes were piling up and the laundry needed to be done. But he hadn't been able to make himself do anything, having been too lethargic to act, too stricken down to be coherent enough to even think about household matters.

He was nervous, indecisive. He had no idea what to say though he knew exactly what he _wanted to_ say.

Jackson burrowed his brows, glaring at the bread crumbs on the table like they were the ones to blame for all this chaos, like it was up to them to stand up and make things turn right again. But the crumbs were nothing but the forgotten memory of Bambam’s toast he had been eating earlier today, they had no power to do anything for Jackson.

He looked up and was already half opening his mouth but.. But this time, Mark beat Jackson to it and spoke softly, though his voice was thick with some emotion Jackson couldn’t identify.

“Where are the boys?” It was perhaps an easy way out, an easy evasion from the big conversation hanging over them like the sword of Damocles, and Jackson knew it, but it was a reasonable question and he accepted it. Time seemed to speed up suddenly, like it was catching up with the rest of the world and leaving behind the paradox they were stuck in.

“Next door.” Jackson mumbled, his earlier determination to start untangling the problem deflating, when the uncomfortable tensions circled them again, crouching in the shadows like hunting lions, ready to pounce and maul their victims.

“Oh. Okay.”

The silence fall over them, everything slowing down again, the ticking of the clock like tubular bells, booming in the air, announcing the moment of decision to arrive.

It was now or never. Mark was so quiet, staring down at his hands, so reluctant to start the conversation, that Jackson actually felt a rush of adrenaline shooting right through him, and he knew he could finally say something to break the ice, to arrange the notes of discord back in line, make them sing a pure and clear note of happiness.

“Sorry.. about the mess. About everything.” Jackson mumbled, making a vague gesture with his hand. The crumbs accidentally fell on the floor because of this sweeping motion, but neither paid any attention on that, too absorbed in straining their ears to catch every nuance and hidden meaning between the words.

“It happens.” Mark’s voice was almost hollow, so void of emotions now it chilled Jackson to his core. He wished he could be as good at hiding his feelings as Mark was, but no, he wasn't. He always wore his heart to his sleeve and got hurt more than he cared to admit. He was defenceless and weak, soft as a kitten and scared like a little child. He was fragile as blown glass, strong as an iron bar. He was confused and yet his thoughts were clearer than a spring morning.

His heart was racing, thundering in his chest, the sound pounding in his ears, deafening him the more he was listening to it, and he knew it would be a miracle if this raft between them would now be mended, their blown up misunderstandings finally corrected.

Human nature was an amazing thing. Jackson tried to see a glimmer of hope despite the misery and despair clouding his mind, though he didn't really know was the hope going to be trampled to the ground, in the next few moments.

“I wish I hadn't said all the things I did.” Jackson finally whispered through dry lips, his eyes burning, burning like boiling acid dripped over your skin slowly and agonizingly. “I wish a lot of things, but it's all done now and there's no taking any of it back. I'm just sorry I said what I said. I'm sorry I lashed out like that.” He wasn't going to cry, not yet, he had to get his thoughts out before he would crumble down. Whether or not Mark would reach out to Jackson, was up to Mark and Mark only. “When you were gone.. it was like someone had stabbed me. Like you had caused such damage it broke my heart.. I hated you and I didn't. I'm sorry for what I did but..” Jackson looked at Mark with misty eyes, his mouth dry and heart sinking. “But I never wanted to make you think I was pushing you into anything. I could never do that to you. You mean too much to me. You're.. special. I get worried and flustered because of you, and everything is doubly hard to get out, because I'm so afraid I'll hurt you somehow.”

He had probably never been as honest as he was now, about how he felt about himself, about Mark, about them. He only wished Mark wouldn't stay like this, this passive, unresponsive, stoic statue. He hoped Mark would let the shell covering him crack, and he would let his thoughts come into the light, would reveal even tiny bits of his inner turmoil.

 

Mark realized with painstaking clarity how selfish his actions had been, how horribly unwilling to see beyond his petty troubles he had been in the end, and how unconditionally Jackson showered his compliments and his never ending faith and love to him, never expecting anything in return. It hit him like a freight train, and he was momentarily tipped off balance, his resolve to speak his mind slipping from his fingers as he watched how Jackson waited for him to speak, waited for him to erase the discomfort, to correct the faulty parts, to add some glue onto the fractured surface.

Jackson, the selfless, the caring, the loving.. Jackson, the bold, the unabashed one, the one to carry you over a puddle of mud and get his own feet dirtied up. How he was the kind of a person to take the hits, dismissing them like he didn’t matter at all, shielding and guarding others just because he was like a fearless knight in shining armour, ready to save you from any perils on your path. Jackson.. Mark choked on his tears before they rolled down his cheeks, salty and enormous, like he was not a human, but a faucet left to drib because the silicone ring had broken, allowing everything trickle out. Jackson was the reason why he was like this now, no matter how, and so indescribably, cheesy it was to confess how much _better_ person he was now.

The words were stuck in his throat, his gaze locked with Jackson who was like the sun, dimmed by clouds, his core being sucked away by a gigantic cloud of unsettled feelings and unanswered questions.

Jackson, who had never asked anything in return, sat there in front of him, waiting for something, _anything,_  from Mark and Mark, he was frozen like he was made of solid ice, unmoving, unrelenting, emotionless and distant.

He might have looked like there was frost covering his face, if there hadn't been the tears rolling fast down his cheeks and down his neck, leaving glistening trails behind, as if he wasn't crying tears of helplessness but tiny diamonds, littering the floor with them.

Jackson’s eyes were wide and uncertain, the depths of them calling out to Mark to extend a helping hand, to pull him back on land, to fix everything.

He couldn’t remain stuck on replay any longer, and Jackson's words had already made him realize how utterly, devastatingly deep he had fallen for this man. It was insane, it was thrilling, and it was right and it was wrong. This could be the lovestory of the century, or it could burn them so hard there wouldn't even be cinder left to see. Or perhaps they would still burn, their love consuming them until they would melt together and leave behind only ashes. And from under the ashes, you could find a tiny jewel buried in the dust, glimmering and shining like the love they had felt when alive.

Mark took one shaky breath, his thoughts echoing with only the need to voice his feelings.

“Jackson.. I’m sorry. I overreacted and I hurt you in a way that was cowardly and inexcusable. I realize you were trying to help me, but it only made me irritated and angry, which I regret now..” Mark’s eyes were closed, and still the tears kept on coming, kept flowing like an endless stream of sadness, those translucent and glimmering silver drops of quiet despair. “Is it too late? Have I made a mistake that can never be fixed? Tell me you can forgive my rash words and idiocy. Tell me this was nothing but a stupid mistake, and not something that can't be reversed. I was a fool to say those words and then leave.. You deserve better. Not an idiot like me who can't even fight about stupid things and solve them then and there.”

No words came from Jackson, but Mark could hear a sharp intake of air, and then a trembling gasp when the air was allowed to come out, and finally Mark’s eyes flew open again. He was shaken to see Jackson looking at him with his eyes so wide they were the shape of saucers, nearly bulging out. Had he said something wrong again? Had the whole sad story of the past few days finally made them drift apart so completely nothing was to be salvaged? Were they two continents that could never reach each other, separated forever by the bottomless sea?

“Mark…” Jackson’s voice was like wind whispering in the trees, soft and distant, choked with emotions that were surfacing now with force. “I thought you didn’t trust me, I really did. But I realize now how utterly idiotic it was to say that! There is no denying that you hurt me, but I did the same to you, and I see that now, and I’m so sorry for acting like a petulant child to you over something so petty..”

Mark was stricken, so completely lost at the moment, the situation causing him more pain than he had ever imagined possible, and yet.. Yet there was a tiny sliver of hope shimmering, like a tempting treat dangling in front of his eyes and all he had to do was to reach out and take it.

Jackson was so frail and strong, so lost and so present, and Mark found himself adrift in the ocean of overwhelming feelings, unable to reach for shore, for safety that was Jackson. Jackson who was the lighthouse to Mark, the haven from storm, the sanctuary and soothing calmness to cool down the raging emotions.

If only he could get himself moving.

 

“I'm so.. so.. sorry. I can't even s-say h-how sorry I am.” Jackson’s voice was cracking up, the panic and terror so vivid it was threatening to break him to pieces, threatening to consume him again if he wasn't resqued soon. “I.. I can't.. I can't be w-without y-you.. Please, d-don’t leave m-me..”

And then he could no longer hold the tears in; they came flooding down his cheeks, falling over his hands that were so tightly squeezed together his knuckles were colourless. Falling, falling.. the tears made his vision blur and made Mark look like a crooked phantom in front of him, the room shadowy and alight at the same time, everything scary and distorted, reality slipping away with each escaping teardrop.

But then Mark was there, the scrape of his chair loud against the floor, his steps hurried and soon Jackson was embraced, the familiar smell of Mark's shirt pressed against his face, the warmth of his hands on his back. And it made Jackson cry harder, made him clutch to Mark like he was the sanctuary he had almost lost. He was relieved beyond anything, beyond this world, beyond the universes spread out there somewhere, and he drew in a breath while his shattered heart began to mend in the warmth.

“Jackson… Jackson..” Jackson’s name was whispered against the top of his head and only now he realized how desperate the hold around him was; Mark was clutching to him like Jackson to Mark. Scared and faltering, lost for words and so filled with emotions it was impossible to know where Jackson's began and Mark's ended.

His name breathed against his hair was like a breath of fresh air, a soft brush over his bruised heart, soothing even though it was so filled with pain and regret it was killing Jackson.

He fell from the chair and onto the floor on his knees, Mark following him and they tangled themselves together even tighter, crying together, falling against each other like two mountains crumbling down and remained standing only because of the other.

“So sorry.. I'm so sorry.. Jackson I love you.. I'm so sorry.. it hurts so much, but I love you.. please forgive me.”

“Don't go.. don't go.. please don't go, I love you too much..”

The words and apologies, all the tears too, they mingled, mixed and were lost. The pain and the confusion, it was all forgotten for the moment when lips sought their pair and glued together. The kiss tasted like desperation, like salty tears and green tea, like longing and need, like sweet fruits of early summer, like love and bitterness, everything at once.

Mark whispered Jackson's name with every breath he took in between the kisses, like he was drowning and was calling for help, the whispers and pleas for forgiveness making Jackson only hold him tighter, his grip around the shaking shoulders unrelenting and fierce, like there was no way in hell they could ever part from each other again.

“Hold me. Jackson, please don't let go.” Mark breathed into the kiss, his voice thick with agony. There were other words hidden there too, but Jackson was too busy tasting the hot tears, the sweet heartache from the lips he could never stop adoring, could never stop kissing like they were the most addictive drug in the world. Mark was his beginning and his end, and everything in between. It was at this moment that their love burned highest, flickering and strong, it was at this moment when nothing else mattered, when everything was only about the two of them, about forgiving and finding the path they should walk together, not separately.

He wrapped his arms around the narrow waist and hoisted himself up from the cold floor, Mark uncomfortably clinging to Jackson with all his limbs, words of love falling from his lips with never ending stream, eyes half closed and searching Jackson's gaze, lips murmuring the words against the tear stained skin.

The bed had never before been more inviting, never as soft and comforting as it was now when Jackson bent down to lay Mark down over the covers. He had no time to breathe freely as he was being pulled down by his neck over the obliging body under. It was like it hurt to be separated from each other, hurt like it had never hurt before, the ache somehow sweet and anxious.

Stripping from their clothes had never been as unhurried and hasty at the same time; Jackson rolled up the shirt Mark was wearing, pressing hot kisses all over the pale skin as he went down from the delicate neck to the heaving chest, his lips mapping out the body as if he had never done it before, drawing out breathy gasps of air from Mark, like Jackson’s touches were burning wax trickled over the sensitive skin.

Lying there next to each other, the cold room seemed to disappear and leave them in a different universe, where the only real thing was the questioning and gentle hands, touching each other, begging forgiveness and forgiving, their kisses slow and deep and reaching out to tug at the cords inside, to play the universal tune of understanding and love that healed the hurt.

Mark was warm and pliant in his embrace, more willing and more desperate than he had ever been, he was like liquid passion, adjusting to every move Jackson made with ease, giving in more and more, his fingers reaching everywhere, touching and probing, stroking and caressing over the sensitive spots, Jackson's insides twisting and curling, his mind reeling gently like they were spinning together in the air.

Jackson hesitated only once, and even that was whisked away with a burning, passionate kiss that answered all the questions he might have had about the road they were going down tonight.

A bite of the lip and eyes flickering close, hands balling in Jackson's hair tightly, and Mark's body arched slightly, pushing down to accept the invasion. They had all the time they needed, all the necessary things and they had each other, the love and the passion, the yearning and longing that never stopped plaguing them.

Jackson moved his hand in slow motion, drawing out gasps and sighs, a variation of different expressions flashing over Mark's face like a movie. It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen, and he wanted to bottle it up, to keep it safe for his eyes only. Forever, just for him.

He wanted to say how beautiful Mark was, how absolutely stunning and unearthly he was with his cheeks reddened, his lips like the colour of ripe apples, waiting to be devoured, the white row of teeth visible whenever a ghostly gasp escaped the most beloved lips, those gates to bliss and ecstasy. Jackson wanted to form words to tell Mark how much he loved him, how deep were his feelings right now, wanted to express himself at this very moment. It was like the feelings were quicksilver, haunting and supernatural, ready to disappear in a flash of light and a puff of smoke if he wasn’t careful, or fast enough to voice them.

“You’re so beautiful.” Jackson mumbled, leaning down, kissing his way from the arched neck to the incredible bow of Mark’s upper lip, hovering over the plush, warm and swollen flesh, almost ready to press down. Their breaths mixed together, mouths open and lips barely touching, moving in deliberate slowness, beads of sweat forming on the forehead and rolling down the temple. “So beautiful. And you’re mine..” He couldn’t help the overwhelming sense of possessiveness wash over him, making him irrationally unwilling to let Mark ever up again from this bed. He wanted to hide him away from the greedy eyes, from the jealous and needy hands trying to steal his treasure, his precious, away.

“Yours..” The word came from Mark's lips, that one promise Jackson had been after, even if he hadn’t wanted to ask for it. “Yours.. Yours..” Like a mantra it came again and again, lips brushing together with each word, teeth flashing and taking a hold of Jackson’s upper lip, pulling it down. He was in heaven, and the heaven was embodied in this man who was playing him like he was an extraordinary instrument, ready to sing out notes of pure joy, pure rapture.

Jackson’s moves slowed down, turned to questioning and he nudged the tip of Mark’s nose with his own, looking at him through a veil of lashes.

“It’s ok.. I’m ready for you.”

 

Pain shot through his body, dizzying him, blurring his senses and his pleasure, taking over everything. Mark gasped for air, holding Jackson tighter, as close as he could. He would break, shatter, be torn apart by the pain, but he didn't care now; he wanted the pain, wanted it because it made the emotional pain subside for good, made Mark bend over and give himself to Jackson completely, to fit his body against his in a way he had not yet dared to do before. He was bare naked, his soul exposed and raw, he was defenceless and weak, and yet he was the most powerful he had ever been, holding the strings in his hands and setting the pace.

Jackson was burning inside him, pulsing and unmoving for the moment, allowing Mark to catch his breath, stroking his hair and kissing his lips while waiting the body to relax and soften, waiting for that moment when the pain would lessen and fade into pleasure. The tenderness, the sweetly sick feel of it all made Mark almost choke again on his emotions. He was so full of Jackson, so full of his scent, his presence. So full it was like they had submerged together and there was no telling was it possible to separate them again.

Mark let out a small sound of discomfort when Jackson began to rock them back and forth, willing himself to push the uncomfortable sensation away, to relax under the strong body, under the incredible, packed up beauty that was Jackson.

He was near the tears again, not because there were small pleasurable spasms forming inside him, but because he was full to brim with strangling need and love. There would still be time to talk more, to be less incoherent, to be clear headed and willing to settle the matters without emotions getting so wild, so desperate, like now.

It was like they had been torn apart so completely it was now necessary to remedy the connection, both emotional and physical. Like their magnetic poles had been damaged and were now corrected by joining their bodies together, swaying in sync like seaweed on the bottom of the ocean, as the currents made it dance forever and ever.

Jackson was whispering softly, gruffly next to Mark's ear, the words nonsensical and meaningless in the heat of the moment that was catching him up, burning his insides and twirling down, making his hold tighter, almost like he was afraid of losing Jackson if he let go even for a second.

There was sweet despair in the dance of their hips, something ancient and pure that had surfaced only because of the heartache and pain, causing sweat to trickle down, make the hair get stuck on the forehead and echo the lewd slick sounds from between them in the otherwise silent room. Like an orchestra playing a symphony, Mark was softly tuning himself back to same frequency as Jackson was, the melody of their synchronised heartbeats beating in the background like booming church bells.

The pleasure was heightening, coiling and intensifying, and Jackson was his whole universe tonight, the galaxies hidden between his lips. Those lips that were caressing Mark's neck, touching his skin almost feverishly, the smooth surface soon irritated and red from the use of teeth and sucking. He had no need to cover the marks that were sure to bloom, no matter how immature they seemed to others, for him they were the marks of continuity, of love and passion.

Maybe tomorrow he would feel differently, or maybe not, maybe he would wear them with nonchalant pride. Or maybe he would wear a turtleneck shirt.

Mark could feel how Jackson was getting more and more rigid, how his moves were becoming more timid and sharp, like he was pushing himself too much, holding back to be able to give Mark time to reach his peak. But he wasn't there yet, and the pulsating sense inside was getting more and more demanding for release.

“Jackson..” Mark said with a quiet, dark and infinitely possessive murmur right next to the pierced ear. “You're mine.” It was like he had shot Jackson with electricity, used a verbal taser on him to make him go so stiff, his muscles trembling under Mark's grip, body shaking against his stomach.

 

He was swimming in cloudy and misty seas, vaguely registering his surroundings, registering the tight grip loosening on his shoulders, how fingers threaded his hair gently, the slender digits lovingly brushing the shells of his ears and the line of his neck.

Mark moved, shifted under him, cradling Jackson in his arms like he was in need of shelter, in need of soft and loving touches over his back, sweaty from the sex, and Jackson sluggishly managed to gather his strength again, to shake off smiling the careful embrace, to give Mark what he needed.

A surprised moan, tightening abdomen and strong legs imprisoning Jackson to his spot, his lips circling Mark, head moving up and down like in trance, steadily, determinedly, dragging out the fantastic ode to passion from Mark's lips. He wanted to smile, wanted to laugh, maybe dance on tiptoes too, he was so exuberant how things had finally turned out.

Something had clicked and everything felt right again. They were stronger, tighter, fiercer. Nothing could stop them. Nothing _would_ stop them.

When Mark came, he let out a strangled sound, both in pleasure and in relief, his body arching like a beautiful bow, pale and carved full of mysterious symbols. He let out a vibrating laugh, the kind that revealed how exhausted he was, how joyous and exhilarated as well.

Mark turned to his side and pulled Jackson closer, gathering him close to his chest, and..

Then he cried.  

Mark crumbled down completely, his body shaking and trembling, tears running down his cheeks and the proud arc of his nose. Jackson wiped with shaky hands the tears away, a useless gesture as the streams just kept coming, thumbs caressing the narrow face, cradling the beauty between his palms, promising himself silently to treasure every moment he was able to hold Mark.

 

They talked, quietly and seriously, warm under the blanket covering their bare bodies, still tangled together, sharing a kiss here, a brush of fingers there, trying to explain their fears and hopes with words. It was easier now, the room like a cocoon around them, shutting out everything else, allowing them the chance to talk earnestly and without hesitance, without the danger of being misunderstood.

Carefully the tangle of mess loosened, straightened and understanding dawned on both of them, silence falling over the final apologies, the daylight having faded a long time ago behind the window without either of them taking any notice of it.

They had sex again later in the shower, slow and sweet, like they were caressing the scars away with each touch, each kiss and each move.

The tiles were unpleasant against Jackson's back, cold and hard, but he didn't care, he was too wrapped up in the love Mark was filling him with, too preoccupied with the pleasure to take notice. He was being lifted, embraced, like he was flying away to somewhere where nothing bad could ever hurt him again.

They had reversed their roles from before, as if it was necessary to redeem the connection both ways, to surrender themselves completely, drown in the love and affection with shaking limbs and hazy thoughts, lips locked together, sweat and water running over their heated skins, cooling them, but never suffocating the flames burning within.

Jackson thought he could never go higher, could never feel so much pleasure in one night. Maybe it was intensified because of the misery, maybe it was because he was weaker, more receptive, more in love. He was wrapped in glorious joy, his body receiving Mark easily, lips kissing the skin feverishly, always returning to their pair, like the lips were not just flesh but painted with honey, tempting him to come back to taste them. Their breaths mingled together like the air they breathed wasn’t good enough to breath alone.

It wasn’t just mindless sex, like sometimes it was purely about the release, about the desire and how to quench the thirst for your partner. This was what all the horribly written harlequin novels described as making love, incredible and mindboggingly magnificent, two persons melting together as one, in search for higher planes and delicious rapture.

Mark was like water, fluid with his moves, like ocean crashing hard but gently on the shore, on purpose probing the places that made Jackson's head swim deeper, dive into the passion until he knew nothing more than the smell of Mark's skin against him, knew nothing else except the arms supporting his waist and leg, heard nothing but the sound of ragged breathing together with his own equally raspy gasps.

The ecstasy was building almost painfully, the earlier climax still lingering near. And when the orgasm finally shuddered through him, almost angrily, Jackson thought his legs would give in and he muffled his cry of bliss against Mark's wet shoulder, eyes shut tight, every single muscle in him flexing, tensing, trembling.

There were a few more thrusts and then emptiness inside him as Mark pulled out, his bottom lip securely between his teeth and eyes closed tight. There was a strangled cry, the sound echoing in the shower, lingering in the air. Mark's body stiffened and he trembled almost violently, before he collapsed against Jackson, breathing hard and unevenly.

Jackson couldn't move. He was physically and mentally exhausted, but he wasn't complaining.

The wounds were healed, and they had remedied their relationship in a way that suited them the best.

Jackson turned his head enough to press a surprisingly chaste kiss on Mark's neck.

“I'm so in love with you it almost hurts.. ” And it was true; he was so truly, madly, deeply in love with this man whose ragged breathing next to his ear was the sweetest thing he had ever heard. “You're like silver; beautiful, hard and unyielding, bending and lenient at the same time. You can take blow after blow, until you're hard as a rock, and yet one small tap could break you.. You grow only stronger, more beautiful when treated right. And I want to be the one to see to your every need.”

Mark stiffened, leaning back to look at Jackson straight in the eyes, his gaze deep as the ocean, the two dark abysses drinking Jackson in.

“That's the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.” There was a vibrating and choking tone in Mark's voice, it was beautiful and melodious, a sound that struck the cords of Jackson's heart gently, playing a tune that made him soft and vulnerable, responsive and weak. But right now, like this as they were, holding onto each other and sharing a moment that was so intimate and surreal, Jackson didn’t mind his defences all being gone. He trusted himself in Mark’s hands so absolutely it almost made him dizzy. “You are the most beautiful person in the world for me.”

Jackson's heart skipped a beat with the words; he was expanding from within, gathering air like a balloon filled with gas, ready to float up to the sky. Mark inhaled a shaky breath, his eyes swimming and his trembling fingers traced Jackson's face lovingly as he leaned forward to kiss Jackson softly, quietly, so infinitely tender was the touch Jackson made a tiny pleased sound against it, his senses so heightened he probably could orgasm again.

“So happy.. I love you.. I love you..” Jackson whispered against the lips moving over his, the swollen and moist surface like silk flowing over his skin. “Don't ever leave me.”

“Never.. Never ever.” Mark replied, his eyes fluttering close and a single tear slipping under the lid and down his cheek, still blushing from all their activities. “You're too precious. I don't deserve you.”

“Don't say that. If you can accept me, this faulty and imperfect me, I can accept and love you, the you, who is imperfectly perfect, just for me.”

“Just for you. No one else.”

“As long as we live.”

“Yeah.”

It sounded like vows pronounced in church, but it didn’t matter, nor did it matter it was the sappiest, cheesiest crap that both of them would normally gag at. But not tonight. Tonight every single cheesy thing was allowed and cherished, to be used later to blush at in solitude.

Now everything was perfect and Jackson wouldn’t have changed a thing.

~

It was already nearing midnight when Mark finally tapped on the front door with Jackson, hand in hand, as if they hadn't yet touched each other enough. They were freshly fallen in love, sneaking glances at each other every moment they could, not being able to stop the silly gestures and goofy grins spreading over their lips, spreading from ear to ear. It was like they were shining from within, glowing that radiant light only people foolishly in love shine.

Jinyoung opened the door quietly, taking only one glance at them, his face first as blank as a white untarnished paper, but when he noticed their intertwined fingers, Jinyoung melt into a smile.

“Took you long enough. I was worried I should actually interfere.” He gave a wicked smirk at them, his tone carrying more love in them than he expressed with words. “Lucky for you, I had other things to occupy my mind.”

“Love you too, Jinyoungie.” Jackson snorted, his hold on Mark's hand tightening just a little bit. He pulled Mark inside with him, the door closing with a silent click behind them. “And I don't want to know the details of your private life, thank you very much.”

“I'm sure you could share some stories too.” The evil glint in Jinyoung’s eyes was nothing short of amused and he chuckled darkly. “You both look like you've been swimming in glitter. And is Mark walking a little funny today, hm?” Mark instinctively straightened his back, wishing Jinyoung was only teasing, and not actually being able to tell they just had _both_ had it up in the rear side.

“So what if we do.. And Mark does _not_ walk funny.” Jackson’s surprisingly cute mumbling in return made even Mark quirk his brows up. He would seriously _have to_ cuddle Jackson before they would fall asleep tonight. He was being way too adorable for his own good. Lucky for Mark, Jackson was like a big lap dog, almost always in the mood for being smothered with affections, at least in the privacy of their bedroom.

“Are the boys asleep?” Mark asked, glancing around him, shooing away the nice and homely thoughts for now, and ignoring completely what Jinyoung had indicated about the way he walked. He wasn't going to share the fact that he felt like he was burning inside, and not in a good way, and that his poor ass felt sore and traumatised for life. It would heal up, eventually, and it had been worth it, definitely, but Jinyoung didn’t need to know all the details, did he now?

Considering how late it was, it would be a small miracle if any of the kids still were awake; knowing Jinyoung and Jaebum, there would rather be hell than kids having free reign to stay up as long as they wanted. On a school night too.

“Knocked out in our bed. They made huge a mess in Yugyeom’s room earlier, it’s all soaked in soapwater now, and after sitting in the corner, reflecting on whether it was wise to go against us or not, we decided to let them sleep in our bed until you two would turn up.” Jinyoung stopped suddenly, turning around and eyeing them sharply, his eyes narrowed to slits. “Are you ok now, or do I need to be worried?”

A moment of complete silence managed to fall heavily over them, almost unpleasant, and Mark stood there clutching to Jackson’s hand like he was a lifeboat he couldn't let go, no matter what. But he recovered fast, fingers curling tighter around Jackson’s.

“We're better. Better than before.” Mark hastened to answer, to cover the expectant silence, and before Jackson would start a detailed description about exactly _how_ they had managed to reconcile. Better to leave some things just between them. Just for shit’s and giggles, if not for modesty.

“I'll take your word for it. You'd better not go running off on Jackson ever again, or I'll personally come after you..” Jinyoung pointed one finger at Mark, his eyes dark and flashing with determination. The threat was left hanging between them, like a great big stain on a piece of paper you just wanted to wipe away as fast as you could, and for a while Mark and Jinyoung stared at each other, measuring the seriousness and determination of each other.

“Jinyoung. Stop making threats. You'll ruin all our friendships if you keep on handing out ultimatums.” Jaebum appeared from the kitchen, his face arranged to a serious expression. “But he's right though. One more time I'll see Jackson crying because of you and you're dead meat.” Mark's eyebrows shot so high they disappeared under his messy fringe.

“Uh, guys? I kind of want Mark to stay and not leave me because you two feel the need like to protect me or something. I'm a grown man! I can handle my own relationships!” Jackson squeaked, pulling Mark behind him and placing himself in front of Mark, as if he was worried Jinyoung and Jaebum had other plans as well, not just light threats with polite words.

“Shush, Jackson, let us try to prove you how much we love you.” Jinyoung waved his hand dismissively, but his eyes were still fixed on Mark who was staring back, unblinkingly.

Though the air was thick with seriousness hidden behind the frail veil of sarcasm, Mark found himself smiling. He whipped Jackson around, freed his hand and cradled Jackson's surprised face between his hands and leaned down to kiss him gently on the lips.

“I love you. You can beat me into a pulp if I ever have ideas to leave you again to despair alone.”

“Such romantic promises~” Jackson giggled. “See? He's just fine. Now leave Mark alone.”

“I think I'm going to be sick..” Jaebum choked. “Leave them alone Jinyoung, they're more than fine. You can maul the punching bag in the garage if you want.”

Jinyoung only gave him a snort and a scoff, but smiled anyway, and the momentary uncomfortableness passed by, leaving Jaebum shaking his head and Jackson blushing furiously. Mark only chuckled; he wasn't in the least offended by Jinyoung and Jaebum acting the way they had. He was happy and pleased they cared enough to take time to try to see if Mark was playing around or not. And of course he wasn't. He was dead serious about Jackson.

 

All three boys were sprawled over Jinyoung and Jaebum’s bed in a tangled mess of skinny limbs and soft snores, tufts of dark hair sticking up in impossible angles. Mark found himself smiling, heart filling a little bit more with warmth, as he watched the endearing sight.

“Like snotty little angels.” Jackson stifled a laughter against Mark’s shoulder where he was leaning his chin on, hugging him from behind and watching their kids sleeping. “What did they do anyway?”

“They made a bucket full of soapwater, tried to blow soap bubbles but ended up knocking the bucket over while chasing each other around, and thus effectively washing off the floor, and everything on it.” Jaebum dragged his hand down his face, looking a little like still wanted to forget the whole incident. “It's not the worst that could happen, but for a reason I still can't fathom, the bucket was _on Yugyeom’s bed."_

“Oh.. wow.” Jackson seemed to be having trouble keeping his face straight. Mark jabbed him to his side, but admitted freely even he found the mental images highly entertaining.

“I'd like to see you trying to dry out half a room on your own.” Jaebum grunted, annoyed.

“Alone?”

“Jinyoungie had his hands full with the girls. They both are teething and keep crying a lot because of it. Five kids at once Jackson, _five_. You try it sometimes and we'll see how funny you think it still is.” Jaebum was grumbling, hands crossed to his chest and his face dark.

Jinyoung eyed him quickly and then moved behind Jaebum, wrapping his arms around his waist and placing his chin on Jaebum’s shoulder.

“But you still love them.” The words were soft and tender, obviously meant to remind the frowning father how parenthood never really was dancing on roses, but it was still, at the end, worth all the dirty socks, the smudges, forgotten food and temper tantrums.

“God help me, but I do.” Jaebum relaxed, his hands untangling and settling over Jinyoung’s, a smile creeping over his lips.

“Should we just let them sleep here? It's so late anyway, and they're fast asleep.” Jackson smiled, eyeing his friends fondly, obviously unperturbed by the complaining and grumpy attitude. Before anyone could say anything, Bambam’s head rose from the pillow and he squinted sleepily at the four of them standing in the doorway.

“Dad?” The tiny and, oh, so sleepy voice piped up and Mark felt Jackson detaching himself quickly. Jackson sneaked towards the bed and knelt beside Bambam.

“Hey squirt, go back to sleep if you want.” Jackson reached over and stroked the ruffled up black hair gently.

“No.. I wan’ my Daddy..” Bambam reached out with both arms from under the covers towards Jackson. Jackson smiled wistfully, not even trying to say no, just gathered the small boy in his arms and stood up. Bambam hugged Jackson sleepily, his thin arms going around Jackson's neck and head lolling on his shoulder.

Mark moved from his spot when he noticed that Youngjae had opened his eyes too, probably having woken up when Bambam was hoisted up from the bed. He knelt on the other side and reached down to brush the brown hair from Youngjae’s face.

“I thought you weren’t coming back..” Youngjae’s sniffle was so quiet Mark almost missed it. His heart ached again, for the millionth time in a few days time, and he thought he couldn’t take much more of any kind of aches or pains.

“No, sunshine, I’m here. Want to go home?”

“Only if Bam and Jackson come too. They’ll come home with us?” The small plea in his voice was so audible and clear, it twisted Mark’s stomach unpleasantly. But, luckily for them all, he only had good news to tell and he smiled, the dull throb of regret dismissed.

“Yes they will. I'm sorry we made you worry. Everything is alright now.” Mark gathered Youngjae in his arms, the boy clutching sleepily on his shirt, head securely resting on Mark’s shoulder. Mark hugged the boy gently closer, his heart beating faster and more uncontrollably, like a frightened bird locked inside a cage. He had almost hurt his son by being an inconsiderate ass and he hated himself for that. He vowed quietly to try to be a much better person in the future.

“Where are you taking Bam and Youngjae?” Yugyeom’s voice grumbled suddenly and the boy sat up in the middle of the bed, now all alone. He was rubbing his eyes with both fists, so sleepy and adorable in his bright red PJ's.

“Mark and Jackson are taking them home. Go back to sleep.” Jinyoung said quietly.

“Okay. I told them it would be okay again. I knew Jackson liked Mark so much there was no way they would move away from here.” After that Yugyeom seemed run out of coherent thoughts and plopped back down on the bed, his breathing steady like he had been knocked out with a club.

Mark was startled to realize their little boys weren’t perhaps as small as they seemed in the eyes of their parents; if they had been talking together about the situation with such, childlike of course, accuracy without anyone telling them any details, it was perhaps time to start being more open and more honest with them. Kids deserved it anyway and it would be wrong to hide everything from them. The good or the bad.

He glanced at Jackson standing there, with Bambam cradled in his arms, and it was like something clicked inside him at that moment.

This was where he belonged, what he wanted to do with life. To be with Jackson, to raise the boys with him, to have a future together.

Simple as that.

~

_Hey Mark. I found your diary. (You really shouldn’t leave it open on the desk) Don’t be afraid, I didn’t peek! Not much at least.. (Do you really love me so much you accepted that check just to get to spend the new year with me?! Omg I can’t deal with you, you’re like so awesome and prince Charming and holy crap kill me now. Okay so if I’m a toad will you kiss me handsome? Of course your will. With your pretty pink lips and I’m going to swoon because you’re so stupefyingly handsome and.. But I’m not gonna wear a dress, ok? I look fat in dresses. (don’t ask. Please don’t ask) So no princess dresses. I can do makeup but no lipstick. Please don't make me cross dress.)_

_But, seriously. I really really am sorry I was an ass. But you were too. We both were. But I forgive you (because I was so impressed you actually wanted to bottom…. Your ass is so fucking FINE. I mean it. Though I have to admit I kind of love it more when you’re fucking me.. Don’t ask me why because it's kind of embarrassing... Ok I’m going to tell you anyway! I like it because when you’re being possessive and take action it kind of makes me wanna faint. Makes me feel wanted. Like REALLY wanted. Is that a kink? I think it should be a kink. I have a Mark kink. Oh yeah.) Ok so I don’t mean that I only forgave you because you basically gave me your ass on a silver platter (the images in my head!! Seriously I kill myself sometimes!) but because you said you were really sorry too and you can admit that you’re not perfect (though you kind of are.. Which is like so totally unfair, why do you have to be so handsome and nice?) and that you have faults too and you're not some supernatural being or whatever._

_I LOVE YOU LIKE SO MUCH I CAN'T DEAL WITH THESE EMOTIONS MARK I LOVE YOU_

_There, it’s written here. You can’t ever forget it. Whenever you feel bad about something just come back to this page (if I’m not personally available or we are fighting about something again haha (because it's definitely going to happen) ) and be reminded that I’m so devoted to you I could worship the ground beneath your feet. I won’t though. It would look stupid and I don’t want the kids to pick up weird habits either._

_But you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me and I’m so happy with you. Can we please stay happy forever? I swear I will stop snoring at some point. You can put that tennis ball under my back if you want. (just for the record, you snore too. Quite loudly too. But I think it’s cute so it’s cool. I like watching you when you sleep because you’re so pretty. Have I ever said that to you? Well you are. Like the prettiest and handomesestest ever. (that’s not a word, is it?) )_

_Let’s have more beautiful memories together. I’ll be here, by your side, forever. I want to take you to the moon and back and I will take care of you even when you have stomach flu and you stink._

_Yours forever and ever,_

_Jackson_

 

_Hello, Jackson. You sneaky bastard. I’ll ruin your diary next if I can find it._

_I’m glad you think my ass is so fine it could be a dish. You’d better have a good appetite because you’re the only one who can have it._

_You like me possessive, huh? I can do that. No problem. You’re mine, Wang. Don’t you go forgetting that ever. You and your cute little butt belong to me and I’m going to make sure you’ll stay happy for the rest of your life._

_I love you too, you big pansy. You’re everything I could ever hope for. We’ll go slowly for a long time, right? Or not so slowly, knowing you.. But I love you anyway. Faults and all._

_Yours,_

_Mark_

_P.S. Now I really want to know more about how you know you look fat in a dress? Jacks, you’re not fat! You’re manly as fuck and I sincerely think I wouldn’t want to fuck you so much if you were skinnier. You’re perfect so shut up._


	25. Memories

Every now and then there exists a degree of extremely comfortable happiness. Happiness that is carefree in a way that makes you capable of brushing aside everything else, besides the fun you are having at that particular and exquisite moment. The sort of happiness only people at certain age seem to be able to reach, which is nice, but sometimes, it makes bystanders wonder if there is fluff between their ears, instead of brains.

Mark was having a nice buzz going on tonight, and he was blissfully unaware where exactly he was right now, and, to be really honest, he wasn’t worried about it because it was divinely trivial thing that didn’t matter for the moment. He would think about it later, when he had to find his way home, and even then he wouldn’t have to think all by himself. Lucky for him, because Mark wasn’t all that composed and logical when he was this wasted, and was supposed to think which way his legs were supposed to carry him.

The party he was attending was at it’s peak; it was about two in the morning, everyone piss drunk, or high on something, laughing, singing, dancing and making out to their hearts content. Basically just your average college party where no one seems to know where all the beer, pizza and weed comes from, and no one cares because who cares as long as everyone is happy.

Mark knew people liked to attend these parties mainly to hookup with someone suitable, or to get high, but not him. He wasn’t trying to find someone to amuse him through the night, nor was he interested in smoking pot, not after that one time he had tried it. He had never been one to have one night stands, because they all felt somehow cold and disgusting to him. Mark was maybe too decent, or just shy, for that sort. He had nothing against sleeping around, it just wasn't his cup of tea. He was always very content just having a beer, or two, or eight, if he felt like it, slouching on a couch with Yoongi who was usually just as wasted as he was.

At the moment it was probably nearing the time when they should drag their skinny asses up and head out, but Mark didn't find it in him to do so yet. He was too comfy here, sprawled next to his friend and watching how people were having jolly good times, drinking, squabbling and playing games. Yeah, it was definitely too much hassle to try to arrange his limbs and organize them to carry him home and to his bed.

The person next to him, sometimes known as Mark's best friend, Yoongi, was growling at people, just like he usually was, scaring half of them away with his remarks, and Mark found Yoongi and his grumpy attitude unusually adorable tonight for some reason. Not that he didn’t do that when he was sober too; Yoongi was a right pain in the ass, but Mark still loved the idiot.

The night had been mostly uneventful one so far and his buzz was the only thing, apart from Yoongi’s snappy comments, keeping him from falling asleep. As much as he liked mindless drinking and parties in his senior year, and just the study amount was sometimes enough to make Mark want to drown in a barrel of beer, he did prefer sleeping a lot more. And sleep was the next thing on his list, if the night wasn’t going to cheer up from this.

“Yoongs..” Mark tried to arrange his tongue enough so he could produce some kind of coherent speech, but ended up slurring anyway. Of course, when he got no immediate response from Yoongi, Mark resorted to poking the other sharply with one hand. “Dude. Dude. DUDE. Duuuuu~de!”

“Goddamn it Mark, stop poking me!” Yoongi finally hissed when he got too annoyed to ignore Mark and his jabs to Yoongi’s ribs. “Do you have to be so annoying?”

“Duuude…” Mark stretched the word out on purpose, just to piss his friend off a little bit more. What fun it was to watch the colour rising to Yoongi’s neck when he got annoyed enough.

“What?! For fucks sake, spit it out already. And wipe off that kicked puppy face. It's revolting.”

“So stingy!” Mark pretended to be hurt, placing his hand over his heart and balled up his shirt in his fist, but Yoongi only scoffed at him. “Kinda wanna go home. And I want pizza. Or chinese. You know, that old geezer at the corner might still be open if we leave now.” Mark jutted out his bottom lip, pouting, trying to get his way by acting cute. Too bad Yoongi had seen that particular act one time too many and had grown almost immune to it. Almost.

“I think..” Yoongi belched loudly and patted his stomach. “I think someone just ordered like twenty pizzas. You can pilfer some from them.” He rolled his eyes but didn't try to snarl more, merely just kicked the floor annoyed with his heels. “If you're still peckish when we leave, I'll treat you something on the way.”

“Ohh. Cool.” Mark smiled happily, his need to leave vanishing at the prospect of having either free food, or Yoongi treating him. Well, _someone_ might want people to pay up their share of the pizzas, but in the midst of chaos it was always easy to steal a slice or two. And Mark had his ways to soften Yoongi up when his own wallet was empty.

Okay, so maybe he was using Yoongi, but that was besides the point. He was a poor student! No one could blame him for using his pretty face against his softhearted friend. And besides, Yoongi was no better; he was just as bad as Mark was. Maybe that was why they got along so damn well.

There was a crash and then raucous laughter, and for a while it was like the stuffy air inside the apartment was vibrating with the noise. Mark yawned, blinking, the partly illuminated space around him blurry before his eyes. He couldn’t really focus his gaze on anything, and there was someone dancing around with something like christmas lights wrapped around their body, looking like a hurdle of bouncing star systems. It didn’t make things any better for him, the wildly moving lights just causing him to second guess his eyesight.

Mark thought he might actually fall asleep soon, but it would be okay, Yoongi was there to get in trouble with him, if someone decided to play a trick on them. Which they probably wouldn’t at this stage of drunkenness, and because no one really cared.

The thumping bass in the background, the people shouting over the music, the constant bursts of laughter, or the random fights that broke out.. it all gathered into a huge ball of noise that slithered in from one ear and made Mark question whether or not he was still awake, or had he fallen asleep without noticing. He was swimming in happy and hazy, semi-sleeping thoughts and it was fine, more than fine! Who didn’t like being on a boat that rocked you gently from side to side? At least it felt like he was no longer on the couch, but had boarded a ship and was sailing away to wide open sea..

“Dude, why the _fuck_ did we decide to pick such annoying subjects to study?” Yoongi grunted suddenly, his eyes lingering on a boy walking past them and giving Yoongi such a glance it left little to guess. “Too obvious..” Mark pried his eyes open and glanced up, following Yoongi’s gaze. He smirked lazily.

“I wouldn't touch that. I've seen him with at least a dozen different guys this month.” Mark tried to kick Yoongi’s leg, but missed miserably because he wasn’t the most co-ordinated person right now. He gave up, trying to focus on the actual question. “Uhh.. Because you wanted to major in music and in some fucking liberal arts? I dunno? Having regrets again?” The words came out as a soft slur, and Mark adjusted his body to sit more comfortably. What a task that was too; his legs felt like they were full of cement, his middle section was bubbling almost annoyingly because of all the carbonates and salt he had consumed tonight, and that tequila shot had definitely been a mistake. It was impossible to locate his hands at all, though, apparently his left arm was somewhere under Yoongi’s back and turning numb, but who cared, Mark didn’t need it anyway because his right was was the one he needed to hold the can of shitty, cheap beer. Right. Where was his hand? Oh, okay, so he didn’t have a beer at the moment. Mark started at his empty hand a moment in complete confusion but his sluggish thoughts were interrupted again, before he could reach a conclusion.

“Ever wonder what it would be to just be able to.. You know, to be free to do whatever?” Yoongi made a vague, and very wide gesture with both of his hands, almost dropping his beer over Mark. “And I don't doubt my decisions. Like. Ever.”

“Dude, watch it. If you ain’t drinking that then give it to me. I seem to have lost mine.” Mark made a slow grabby motion towards the moving can.

“You drank yours already, so keep your sticky fingers away from mine. You’re like a fucking sponge Mark. I’m amazed you’re not any fatter with these unhealthy habits of yours.” Yoongi tipped the can over his lips, emptying it, burped loudly and tossed it away carelessly after that.

“Are you calling me fat?” Mark whined, scrunching his face, heartily displeased.

“I just said you’re not.”

“You think I’m faaaa~aat!” Mark whined again, turning to his side, his chin propped on Yoongi’s shoulder and his right arm sneaking around the other’s waist. Yoongi smelled like cigarette smoke, not his own though, beer, and of the cologne Mark was usually used to smelling in their dingy flat. He was cozy and giggly and he kind of wanted to make out with someone. He very rarely did end up doing that, because he fell asleep right after he had been drinking beyond his tolerance levels, and thus missed most of his chances of having some fun with anyone.

“Shut up! You’re skinny as fuck. You’re lucky you have a cute face!”

“Awww, Yoongs, you think I’m cute!”

“I said shut up!”

“Make me.”

“I will, if you don’t wipe that smug smile from your face.”

“Ohh, I’m so scared now, the cotton candy is about to attack me.”

“Mark….” Yoongi’s voice was dripping with threats yet left unsaid, but all it really did was to make Mark grin more widely.

“Oh, come now. I think you’re hot, so why wouldn’t you think I’m cute. We could be a good looking couple, don’t you think?”

“Shut up, that’s stu-” Yoongi’s eyes widened suddenly. “You think I’m hot? _You?_ ”

“I can't aprro.. approp..” Mark had trouble finding the right word. Stupid alcohol. “..appreciate my friend?”

“Sure you can. But you're straight?” Yoongi still looked stunned, as if someone had whacked him in the head with something hard.

“So?”

“What do you mean _so_? Mark, stop trying to use that mysterious thing on me. It won't work!”

“So easy to piss you off tonight. Haven't gotten laid in a while?”

“Now that you ask; no. I haven't. But that’s not the point! I thought you were straight! I'm your best friend and you haven't told me something so crucial. I’m deeply hurt you know.”

“Don't get too excited. I just said I find you good looking. I said nuffin about wanting to make out with you.” Mark huffed almost indignantly, though he was still smiling, the half-assed compliments warming his insides.

“But you wouldn't say no, right?” Yoongi asked after a moment of calculating silence, his eyes fixed on Mark's face.

“Are you suggesting we should?” Mark chuckled, expecting Yoongi soon to give the joke up.

“Why not.” Yoongi turned on his side too, his smile maybe a little too mischievous. “Wanna know what it's like? I'm probably your safest choice if you don't want to get burned.”

Mark pursed his lips, fiddling with the fabric of Yoongi’s shirt, his thoughts lazy and unfocused. He hadn't ever really thought about making out with a guy, but he didn't find himself repulsed by the idea now that he was. Though, Mark mused, this could all be blamed on the alcohol in his system, unlocking his inhibitions and making him a bit too daring. Or, he might just be a little too curious for his own good.

“I’ve never told you that I might have had a small, just a teeny tiny, crush on you since.. Probably forever.” Yoongi’s voice had dropped a few octaves and Mark found himself unwillingly flushing at the confession. He wasn’t completely immune to sneaky flirting after all.

“Really? Why?” He could play the game too, even if he was heavily intoxicated and giggly.

“I dunno. You have nice body, pretty eyes and I’ve always wondered what your..” Yoongi reached up to draw a line over Mark’s lips with one finger. The gesture made something drop in Mark’s stomach and he responded automatically by opening his mouth and catching Yoongi’s fingertip between his lips. “..mouth feels like.”

There was a moment of silence, neither of them moving, eyes locked together and tension rising between them. Mark released Yoongi’s fingertip, but his lips were almost tingling, after the touch was gone.

“If you put it like that..” Mark muttered, his gaze dropping to eye the cupid's bow of Yoongi’s upper lip, then the dry and slightly chapped bottom lip.

He swallowed hard.

It was insane that he was agreeing on this, it really was. Mark watched mesmerized how Yoongi’s face came closer and closer, until their noses touched. His heart was beating faster and faster, his stomach dropping nervously the closer they were. This wasn't a girl he was about to kiss, this was his _friend_ , someone Mark had known since they had been small and squeaky voiced brats, someone he had been arguing and fighting with for years, and now he was going to..

Mark closed his eyes when their lips brushed together. His head was spinning due to all the beer he had drank, but he couldn't deny the spark that was ignited inside him when their lips moved together.

Yoongi was surprisingly tentative, testing the waters carefully, like he thought Mark was about to bolt from the couch, or barf. Of course he wasn't about to do neither, the sensation of being kissed by his friend more odd at first than anything else.

Maybe it was because of the alcohol and the knowledge he was perfectly safe in Yoongi’s hands, maybe it was something else, that made Mark melt against the kiss, to open his lips and reach out to pull Yoongi closer. It felt thrilling to dart out his tongue and taste Yoongi’s mouth more, taste the bitterness of the beer, the lingering taste of the spicy noodles they had had for dinner earlier today.

After testing the waters, and breaking the connection a few times only to mumble something like _this is insane lol_ and then getting back smiling, the kiss deepened surprisingly fast. Yoongi wasn't a bad kisser, that Mark had guessed a long time ago, he had seen the amount of people his best friend had made out with, so he had deduced there _had_ to be a reason why people were so drawn to Yoongi. Good kissers were sometimes hard to come by, and now that Mark was experiencing it himself.. Yeah, definitely worth the first moments of feeling like he was doing something wrong.

They parted after a long while of getting more and more greedier, the kiss breaking with a small pop, leaving them breathing hard with their eyes still closed.

“Why haven’t we done this before..” Mark mumbled against the moving lips, capturing them quickly back into a sloppy kiss.

“ ‘cuz you’re supposed to be straight.” Yoongi grunted back, his hands buried in Mark’s hair, tugging and pulling with determined force. “Tilt that sweet head of yours.” And Mark obliged, without even thinking, the heat of the moment making him move in some weird dreamlike state, everything rotating in slow motion.

His eyes fluttered tightly close again and his mouth open when he felt a pair of lips attacking his neck, teeth scraping down the side to his shoulder, biting and sucking the skin until it was raw and red, abused, and probably made Mark look like a purple dalmatian and hate himself tomorrow morning. But who cared, he was feeling fucking brilliant and his body was definitely responding to the touches.

“I hate labels anyway.” Mark breathed out, his hands gripping Yoongi’s shirt, feeling the lean back under the fabric, slipping under the hem to touch the warm skin. Mark registered fleetingly someone passing them and laughing, saying something like _I knew he was gay but the other one too? I guess it’s contagious_.

“Your hair is so unattractive, Mark. I wish you’d do something about it.” Yoongi murmured against Mark’s ear, his nose buried in the short red and unattractively curly hair.

“Don’t blame me. I was just a guinea pig for the hairstylists.” Mark was having a hard time trying to focus on anything sensible, like explaining why his hair looked like deep fried noodles. Yoongi was mouthing his way back to his lips, their noses brushing together and for a moment they stared at each other, trying to figure out what to do next. They might have been friendly more than enough before, but this.. _This_ was crossing every fucking border of every friendship.

“Ever wanted to do it with a guy?”

“Not really. I mean, not consciously.”

“You’re awfully lenient and willing now.” Yoongi smirked, trailing his hand down Mark’s chest and to his stomach.

“I’ve lived with you long enough to know it’s just as lewd, gross sounding, and looking, as it is with a girl.” Mark grinned at the frown Yoongi sprouted. “I once saw you fucking that blonde exchange student. Fascinating sight.”

“Aww, did you jerk off after, because you got a boner from watching your best friend fucking another guy?”

“Why would I get turned on by that!” Mark scrunched up his nose, not even aware how contradictory he sounded right now. Yoongi did though, and his smirk got only wider.

“Oh, you wouldn’t get a boner because of me? Then what..” He moved to cup pretty roughly Mark’s jeans and the obvious bulge under. “..is _this_?”

Mark moaned, his mind reeling and his stomach twisting, hip jerking up against the hand cupping his erection that had turned up from god knows where, but oh shit, it felt good to be handled.

“You shouldn’t make such sounds and expressions..” Yoongi’s eyes were dark in the dim yellow light of the apartment they were in, like two black holes staring at Mark, ready to suck him in. Mark bit his lip slowly, the plump flesh sliding free from between his teeth, moist and most likely looking all too tempting.

“And why not?” His voice was barely a low whisper at this point, thick with lust. He was, after all, just human.

“Because I really want to fuck you now.” Yoongi growled low, his grip on Mark’s hair tightening.

“Why don’t you then.” Mark was so fucking wasted, and so fucking horny, that he wasn’t even sure what was going on. Sure, he had always found Yoongi good looking, but he had never even entertained himself with the _possibility_ of the two of them getting down to this point. But here they were, definitely getting down with something that was making Mark’s insides twist and turn in a way he had never felt before.

“Fuck. Mark.” Yoongi squinted his eyes, his pupils dilated and his gaze not quite focused due to his own alcohol infused state, but the dark growling sound of his was going straight down to Mark’s groin.

“Wasn’t that the idea you just had? You wanted to pop my boy cherry?” Mark reached up just a little bit, trapping Yoongi’s upper lip between his teeth and pulled.

“Shut that filthy mouth of yours..” Yoongi managed to growl before he attacked Mark’s lips with such ferocity they nearly fell off the couch, limbs tangling and lips locking back together like they were never going to need oxygen again.

The couch wasn’t the most comfortable place to make out, not as furiously as they were getting it done, and soon there were not only moans of pleasure but annoyed grunts and frustrated shifting to get them into a position that would allow more range for their hands and bodies to grind together.

“Fuck.. I.. I think there was a bedroom somewhere here.” Yoongi detached himself from Mark with some difficulty as Mark wasn’t so eager on letting the other slip from his groping hands.

“Do I have to moo~oove. Yoongs I dun wannaaa..” Mark made grabby hands at Yoongi who had stood up, his mint colored hair a messy nest of over-bleached strands after Mark’s rough handling of it.

“If you want people to watch then sure, why not do it here. But I doubt even you would like everyone to watch me doing you.”

“Fair point.” Mark giggled, his cheeks burning and his heart thumping like mad. He felt like that one time he had smoked weed; sluggish and flying at the same time. The weirdest combination ever. His dick however wasn’t going to let him forget how badly he wanted this night to happen, so Mark scrambled up and stood a second or two on his unsteady feet before he was whisked away.

Maybe it had been a better idea to scramble back to their flat and have more time and peace for their sudden exploit, but as youths rarely in an intoxicated stage think rationally, they did indeed stumbled into an empty bedroom. The door slammed close behind them, loud and ominous.

Things proceeded with haste after they fell on the bed, not noticing the empty bottles and bags of chips that flew off and onto the floor. They were too busy to notice the door sliding open, a stream of light pouring in carefully, too wrapped up to get the shirts off and unbuckle the belts draped around their slim hips.

Mark wasn't sure how long they had been devouring each other but at some point, when he got a moment to breathe on his own and opened his eyes, he saw the state of Yoongi’s neck and shoulders.

They were full of ugly purplish hickey and teeth marks.

Mark thought, closing his eyes again when the room seemed to rotate before his eyes, that he should apologize for being apparently a fucking carnivore. At the same time hilarious and embarrassing.

Yoongi was pinning Mark down, positioned between his spread legs and moving his hips down in fluid motion, causing all sorts of nice things to explode inside him. The need for more was growing persistently with every new bite and kiss, with every roll of the bodies rubbing together.

“Fuck, that feels.. Oh shit, so good.” Mark gasped, his fingernails digging in Yoongi’s back, leaving scratch marks on their wake while traveling up to Yoongi’s shoulders again. Yoongi grinned widely, his hips grounding down again and again, the friction and pressure enough to make them lose their shit in two minutes, if nothing would come to disturb them.

“Yeah? You want me to fuck you that bad?” Yoongi grinned against Mark's neck, biting the already very blotchy and sweaty skin.

“So.. mm.. vulgar. Should wash your mouth with soap. But yeah, that's the general idea. Then we can discuss about your absy..abusm.. I mean..” Mark stumbled with his words, too drunk to care he was far from coherent and sane to make a huge step like this. He didn’t even like guys! Why was he allowing Yoongi to dry fuck him into the mattress that belonged to someone neither of them actually knew? Why was Mark like putty in Yoongi’s hands? Hands that were traveling all over his naked torso, the fingertips leaving burning paths behind wherever the touch reached.

Maybe it was precisely because Yoongi was his best friend, someone Mark could trust himself with, and know he would be ok even if this would turn out to be the most fucked up thing they’d ever done together. Because friendships can handle these kind of things too, if you’re careful enough. Sometimes.

There was also the fact that Mark had no idea what country he was in anymore, which way the earth was rotating nor did he know how the fuck had his pants been shoved down his legs to tangle around one of his ankles, his exposed hips and legs not agreeing with the cool air inside the room at all.

“Get back here. I’m cold.” Mark whined, pouting.

“Shussh..” Yoongi was pulling off his socks, for whatever reason, and Mark started laughing at the sight, the sound of it hysterical and abrupt. “Why you laughing? Stop it. You sound like a horse Mark. Not attractive at all.”

“The fuck you taking your s-socks off for?” Mark managed to rasp out between chortles and giggles, snorting and holding his stomach with both hands. “I thought all college guys fuck around with their socks _on_ ?” It was kind of hard to breathe, but Mark didn’t care, he was aroused and fucking gleeful, and he just wanted to _feel_ Yoongi pressing against his naked skin. “Stop stripping. I demand you to.. To get back here right now.” Mark patted his stomach, slapping the flat surface with open palms.

“You’re even more lame in bed than I thought you’d be.” Yoongi grinned, climbing back, hovering over Mark just a small moment before leaning down to kiss his neck, nuzzling his nose against the blotchy and hickey decorated skin. Mark squealed, laughing all the while, his arms going up to to circle Yoongi’s shoulders.

“Better..” Mark purred, his legs opening more, dropping Yoongi flush against his groin and his aching dick. “Oh sh.. Fuck..” The curses left his lips when their stiff lengths came in contact, the burning hard flesh rubbing together, creating such sensations in Mark’s belly he had never even imagined to exist.

Yoongi’s breath was on his neck, on his ear, on his cheek, and the dark symphony of his voice echoing up from Yoongi’s throat was coursing straight through Mark’s body like an electric jolt, his body responding to the movement against him, searching for friction and new places to place his eager hands to grope and possess.

This was better than any blowjob or jerk off he’d ever had. Not that he’d had many, just a couple and the last one had been over a year ago. Mark was comfortable relieving his tension with his own hands, but now that he knew there was something _a lot_ better.. He might have to check his mental health because he was definitely not going to settle for his own hands after this.

Well, _if_ he would remember something tomorrow of this, of course. Which was not guaranteed since he was so heavily intoxicated it was a miracle their actions made any sense. If you could call fucking your best friend sensible.

“Oh fuck.. Mark..” Yoongi hissed as Mark propped his right leg against the mattress and thus changed the angle enough for them both to groan out in pleasure.

A string of curses came out of Mark's mouth when Yoongi quite easily slipped one hand between their bodies and grabbed Mark's cock firmly. _Sweet motherfucking oh my gghh.._

It certainly made all the difference in the world to have someone with the same equipment to handle your own dick. Yoongi knew what to do, that was for sure, and Mark was floating in absolute bliss when the door to the room burst open and a couple scrambled in, entangled together so tightly it wasn’t possible to see where the other person started and the other ended.

Mark’s hands halted in mid-move over Yoongi’s back and he stiffened considerably, and not in a good way.

“Never mind them..” Yoongi mumbled, his lips moving over Mark’s mouth warm and swollen, coaxing him to ignore the disturbance and continue their adventure. “They won’t bother us.”

The hand around his cock moved again, moving in steady rhythm up and down. Mark sighed and relaxed, forgetting the pair now on the floor doing something similar as they were doing on the bed.

Time didn’t seem to matter when they were wrapped up in each other, the continuing party outside the darkened room winding down as people started to leave, or to pass out. Mark didn’t care much about his surroundings after Yoongi had picked up a nice pace, and was drawing out low, gruff moans from Mark’s throat the more the pleasure heightened. He was in such a state of rapture, he missed the two other couples stumbling inside the room to fuck around, just like they were. Everything was hazy and blurry, kind of distant to him, and the only thing that was real was the touches over his skin, on his cock and over his lips, keeping him awake and pushing him towards ecstasy.

At some point, Mark wasn’t even sure when, Yoongi had grabbed their both dicks in his grasp and was stroking them together. The sensation was incredible, though it might have been even better if Mark, and Yoongi too, hadn’t been so goddamn drunk at the time.

In actuality it didn’t take very long for one of the to reach their peak and spill out, it just felt like they had been rolling around and getting messier by the minute for hours already.

Yoongi slumped against Mark’s chest, breathing hard and trembling slightly, sweaty and absolutely spent. Mark was almost slipping to unconsciousness while Yoongi was gathering his wits, but his body was still screaming for release.

“I have to.. Sorry Mark, I gotta go to the bathroom. I think I might vomit.” Yoongi groaned, scrambling up and pulled a shirt and boxers on hastily, not noticing the shirt he put on wasn’t his but Mark’s. “I’ll be back in a mo’.” He leaned down to kiss Mark sloppily, and maybe a little sleepy too. “Don’t pass out.”

Mark lay there on the bed, his body throbbing and his mind spinning. He shouldn’t have drank so much. He rarely got too wasted but somehow he had been on the edge, and had needed some serious unwinding. The night had certainly proved to be just that, and if he would only remain awake long enough he would definitely feel even more relaxed.

The bed moved when someone climbed on it and Mark smiled, feeling a set of cool hands tracing down his chest and to his stomach. He was too tired to open his eyes again, to react much, trusting in Yoongi to know what to do without Mark making much effort at this point. He could always apologize later for being so inactive. Though.. The sluggish thought appeared from nowhere, maybe he should just insist on a handjob because he was getting so damn sleepy already. It would ruin everything if he, or they both, would fall asleep during sex.. Mark almost giggled at the thought; neither of them would be able to live that through.

He did however blink a few times when he felt his hips being straddled.

“I thought.. You were supposed to fuck me..” Mark mumbled in a daze, his eyes not focusing at all, when he pried them open, and then he felt his dick being grabbed and guided inside something warm. He only sighed and smiled, wondering what had made Yoongi to change his mind, not aware that his friend had never returned to the room. This little bit of information would have made all the difference in his life, had Mark only opened his eyes and tried to see the person sitting on top of him.

Mark didn’t realize much of the act, he was too tired and too drunk to notice he wasn’t with Yoongi, but with someone he didn’t even know, but it was easy to mistake people in the darkness of the room and with something like an orgy going on around them, more than six people having sex or giving head, or a helping hand, to someone near them.

His climax was abrupt and quick, and after the pleasure faded, Mark fell asleep, unaware of the dreadful mistake that had taken place.

The next morning Mark woke up with a crippling headache, horrible nausea twisting his guts and mostly naked. The girl next to him was vaguely familiar, maybe from the same psychology class, and she was clinging onto Mark’s arm in her sleep, like she owned him. He shook the girl off as carefully as he could, pulled clumsily his pants up and dashed out of the apartment to find his way home, not even trying to find out more about the situation. Dread clutched to him, swirled ominously inside him in a way that had nothing to do with the hangover.

 

_Present day_

Mark woke up in the middle of the night next to Jackson, sweaty and his heart racing. It took him a while to adjust his brains back to reality, and when he finally managed to do that, he flopped back on the bed, hugging the blanket close to around him, wondering half-asleep why his subconsciousness was flinging such memories back to him. He was too sleepy to focus his thoughts though, the dream of the morning after that fateful party, when he had apparently knocked the crazy bitch up, fading quickly and leaving him feeling lonely and disgruntled.

He chewed on his lip sleepily, trying to figure out the time. It couldn’t be morning yet because it was still dark. His heart was still racing after the intense dream he had had, and he was sweaty, the shirt he wore clutching to his back annoyingly.

Mark yawned, rubbing his eyes, turned to his side and inched closer to Jackson’s back, pressing his forehead between the bare shoulder blades, inhaling the familiar warm and soothing scent of Jackson still slumbering peacefully, absolutely undisturbed by Mark moving restlessly around on the bed.

Maybe he should talk with Yoongi about that night, Mark thought fleetingly, his pulse starting to calm down as he focused on the way Jackson was breathing, steady and calm. Then again.. maybe not. It _was_ in the past anyway, and there were no reasons to dig up any more details. He was happy and content with Jackson now, and besides, Yoongi was happily, and kind of aggressively, married to Jimin. There could never be _them._ Not in that romantic sense. It would always be just Mark and Yoongi, the idiots, the best friends for life, and nothing more.

Sleep took Mark over eventually, the nightly terrors and aches diminishing into the early hours of the morning, and he slept peacefully, face pressed close to Jackson, his nostrils full of the scent that calmed him down, guiding him back to slumber.

~

One of these days Jaebum was aiming to kill something. Or someone. Or maybe he was just embarrassed to have animals as his children instead of something that behaved nicely in public. Or maybe it was the other two boys with them that made his and Jinyoung's son act like all good manners were wasted on him.

Or maybe it was Jackson.

Jaebum sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, inhaling slowly and reminding himself to let the nonsense flow in from one ear and out of the other.

It was Jackson, that caused Jaebum’s blood pressure rocket so high he was in danger of popping a vein from his neck, no matter what kind of zen mantra he tried to repeat inside his head.

Jackson was a good friend, a trustworthy person and overall a very decent human being.

Jaebum could handle all the insecurities Jackson sprouted. He was fine with Jackson never believing he wasn't looking like a nuclear train wreck that would have made Picasso gauge his eyes out and paint blindly something incoherent and weird. Jaebum was fine listening to Jackson sighing sadly when he thought no one was looking, when he was obviously comparing himself with someone next to him, usually with Mark or Jaebum himself. Jaebum was fine with constantly telling Jackson he was handsome and deserved happiness just as everyone else did.

But there was a line that made even Jaebum see red, something even his stretched out patience couldn't tolerate.

“Yugyeom is going to grow up to be a delinquent at this pace, you know?” Jackson was pursing his lips, his expression somewhat ponderous and serious.

“I'm sorry, what?” Jinyoung's tone was clipped, his hands pausing in the middle of trying to straighten Jiyoo’s shirt that kept riding up.

“I mean you're always stuck with doing this or that with both of the girls so Yugyeom is kind of left on his own devices, don't you think? He might take a turn to the worse if you're not careful.” Jackson said, his eyes on the boys having an adventure somewhere further away from their parents. Jaebum’s fists clenched closed tightly on the table.

Jinyoung blinked, sitting straight on his chair, his eyes narrowing.

Jaebum wasn't good at listening to anyone judging anything when it came to Jinyoung. Not because Jinyoung was unable to defend himself, but because it was his _privilege_  to feel affronted when his better half was being insulted.

That was the reason why he crossed his arms to his chest and gave Jackson a sharp glare over the table.

“I know it's your birthday and all, but could _please_ stop hinting that we are neglecting Yugyeom somehow.” Jaebum’s tone was icy and stern, the kind he sometimes used on his kids when he needed to be strict.

“Darling..” Jinyoung hissed, placing his hand over Jaebum’s thigh under the table, squeezing tight. “Jackson didn't insult me. At least he didn't mean to. Did you now, _Jackson?”_ Jinyoung shot a deadly glare at Jackson who shrank back, his eyes widening.

“What! Oh, no! I would _never_ _!_ Jinyoungie, I would never ever! You're a great dad, the best in the world, seriously! Devoted and loving and absolutely fantastic! You guys have done amazing job with Yugyeom and now with the girls too and I'm shit compared to you and and..!” Jackson was nearly pleading now, his tone almost desperate. “Please, please stop your significant other from killing me! I'm old and tired and my brains are not in the best shape and I blabber bullshit most of the time anyway!” Jackson babbled nervously, his gaze flickering from Jinyoung to Jaebum, his mouth a thin line of worry after he had realized what kind of crap he had just let out of his mouth. That was one thing that made Jaebum tolerate Jackson usually so much; his ability to quickly see his own errors and actually admit them. Not that it made bearing with Jackson any easier sometimes..

Next to Jackson sat Mark, his face a blank mask of indifference but Jaebum could see the irritated small frown that had formed when Jackson had gone a step too far with his continuous, and mindless, chattering. So, even Mark had limits when it came to Jackson, though he rarely let his irritation show to the outside.

Jaebum sighed, calling his patience back. He was half seriously contemplating on giving Jackson a piece of his mind for real, but then again he wasn't the kind of a person who snapped back at his friends. He didn't want to cause trouble when they were so nice and quietly having a birthday dinner in a respectable restaurant.

“I'm not..” Jaebum groaned, rolling his eyes. “Jackson, come on, don't overreact like that. You should just think what you let out of your mouth.”

Jackson looked sheepish, his gaze now fixed on the table.

Jaebum grimaced inwardly, the uncomfortable silence stretching between them. Something needed to kill the sudden and very unwelcome tension between them.

“The food is arriving. We should eat.” Mark commented calmly, tongue darting out to moisten up his dry lips, and he reached out to place his hand over Jackson's tightly balled fist resting on the table. Jackson seemed to slump a little, his shoulders a lot less stiff when Mark touched him, like some evil spell had come undone with the simple gesture.

“Yeah. That's a good idea.” Jackson cracked a small smile, turning his hand around to entwine his fingers with Mark's, the situation solved for now with such a small interference from Mark. Jaebum was actually grateful of it, though he knew the final solution was still coming.

Jackson fetched the boys back to the table and they ate their dinners in comfortable, albeit a little wary, semi silence, their conversations superficial for the moment.

Jaebum watched Jackson closely over the table, examining his friend carefully. He noted the worried frown, the twitchy hands and the way Jackson kept his eyes mostly fixed on his plate and Bambam. It was clear Jackson was mulling over his words, thinking and analyzing. Jaebum knew for a fact Jackson wasn't stupid, he just acted like one sometimes.

And surely enough, after a short pause in the conversation, Jackson finally looked up from his food, searching Jinyoung's gaze. Jackson's mouth curled to an embarrassed smile.

“I'm sorry.” Jackson's calm voice was just enough audible for them to hear it over the soft murmur of other customers around them.

“It's fine. I know you still love me.” Jinyoung tilted his head a little, his eyes crinkling when he smiled back at Jackson.

“Of course I do!”

And like that the whole matter was brushed away and everyone relaxed, the anxiety dissipating.

 

“Yugyeom.” Jaebum groaned, watching his son fumbling with something that looked suspiciously like something Jaebum absolutely refused to believe was in Yugyeom’s hands. “ _What.._ is _that_?”

The bright eyed smile Yugyeom gave him was so stupidly innocent and gleeful Jaebum had to stop himself from moaning out loud with frustration.

“I made an Ipod!” The cheerful reply did nothing to dampen Jaebum’s exasperation, oh no, quite the contrary. He took in the prideful expression, the extended arm and the ketchup smeared fingers clutching on the piece of chicken nugget that had a headphone jack stuffed inside from the side.

“Where…” Jaebum choked a little, trying his best to remain civil; they were in public anyway and, from his personal experience, parents who yelled or scolded their kids in front strangers were nothing but awful. Well, at least in situations where the kids hadn't done anything too serious, like kicked the table over with all the contents, or something as dramatic. “Where did you get that cord?”

“I found it in Daddy's bag!” Yugyeom informed his father, the bright smile never faltering, that absolute brightness nearly blinding. Jaebum groaned again, wishing for the tenth time today would already be over so he could drown in shower and then curl up in bed to think of nothing. Especially not chicken nuggets.

“Do you think that you could stop playing with your food?” Jaebum sighed, once again rubbing the bridge of his nose, feeling the exhaustion washing over him. It wasn't just the way the nugget was being misused, and it really couldn't be called real food anyway, but the whole notion of Yugyeom using something edible in this way. Creative, sure, but maybe not right now.

Had this been the only incident tonight, Jaebum would have been more than fine, practically skipping with joy probably, but.. it wasn't.

During the meal all three boys had decided the innocent pommes des noisettes on their plates were not just ball shaped potatoes, but perfect for games. So, four sets of confused eyes followed for maybe a good ten seconds of the imaginary pokeballs flying across the table to ‘catch the awesome pokemons!’ before anyone managed to react.

Jaebum didn't discourage imagination, no, he really was all in for the boys having enough imagination to pretend they were seeing something other than the things that were around them. He just wasn't very keen on having _his son_ throwing food in public. Or at home. Food was for eating and not for games. Dammit. He cared very little about what people thought of him or his family, the attention was usually nothing too good, but that was no excuse for misbehaving and playing with food. Not now, not ever.

With Jinyoung by his side, along with Jackson and Mark, they had put a stop to the game before it got very far and the boys had been marched to the toilet to clean up their shirts and hands from ketchup, salt and whatever else there was. Mayo, most likely.

So, the sight of Yugyeom with a clumsily made chicken nugget Ipod in hand, smiling at him like there were no traces of brains inside his thick, sweet skull, Jaebum found it hard to keep his nerves from snapping. By some miracle he however _did_ find enough patience somewhere to remain a respectable parent.

“Put the food on the plate, give me the jack, go wash your hands, _again_ , and then go play with Bambam and Youngjae.” Yugyeom looked like he was about to protest, but Jaebum had had it up here with the silly antics in one day and gave the boy a stern glare. “ _NOW_.”

“Yes, Dad..”

At least Jia and Jiyoo were, for a change, being cute and quiet, both happy with their puffed corn snacks, munching on them, tiny faces scrunched up in concentration.

Jackson was in the toilet with Mark, probably getting a small lecture from the latter for his earlier behaviour, and if he wasn't, then Jaebum would make sure to hammer it down Jackson's throat.

He sighed, fiddling with the smudged cord in his hands and allowed his eyes wander around the restaurant. Jinyoung was still away from their table, warming up the mashed baby food they carried with them for the girls, so Jaebum was left alone to tend his daughters and wildly imaginative son and his friends.

There were quite a few other people in there as well, couples and families, all of them perfectly normal straight people who, as usual, shot curious glances at their little party every now and then. What set them so apart from the majority of people, except that they were all guys, excluding the twins? Nothing. And yet it was like no one had ever in the history of mankind seen same sex couples, romantic or practical, to raise kids. It was absurd. The more there was awareness in society, the more it seemed people were keen to judge things they otherwise had nothing to do with. It was like everyone felt it their duty to inform Jaebum how he should live his life.

It sucked that there were a lot of people out there, telling you who you should love, and why it was wrong and hurtful for a child to grow up in a same sex  household. It made Jaebum burn with anger when he thought about it.

It wasn't like gay couples were saints or anything, of course they weren't, but neither were straight couples. Everyone fought and divorced, got kids and loved the same way as majority of the population on this damn planet. For gay people it was just made a little harder to be who you really are on the inside.

Jaebum grimaced, reaching over to hand Jia her snack back as it had fallen from her sticky fingers, and his thoughts trailed back to the days when he had been still in complete denial about his sexual identity, and had tried to smother down all the ‘impure’ feelings he was harboring deep inside his heart.

His coming out of the closet hadn't been exactly an easy thing, and Jaebum rather didn't reminiscent those times, but occasionally he dwelled on the memories, contemplating his stubborn refusal to believe he wasn't faulty, or mentally unstable because he was attracted and turned on by guys.

He had been in deep denial until college, and after a few drunken escapades, which he was mortified about after he sobered up, Jaebum had come to the conclusion he was gay and he would simply live his life alone, because he couldn't cause his parents the heartache his gayness surely would bring. He would live alone and no one would know about his little secret.

But then Jinyoung walked into his life and everything had turned upside down. Jaebum couldn't believe he had ever set his eyes on anyone so incredible. Jinyoung was like a flame Jaebum was constantly drawn towards, and no amount of trying to keep himself in order or keep himself away from the young beauty, had worked. It had been a battle Jaebum had lost the moment their eyes had locked on the day Jinyoung threw that damn ball on Jaebum’s head.

Jinyoung was beautiful, witty, charming, kind of evil too, and his eyes had shone like little black gems when he smiled that mysterious smile of his at Jaebum, turning his insides into a bubbling mush, turning him into a stumbling fool that couldn't figure out which way his limbs were supposed to go.

For the better part of his senior year Jaebum had been torn between being head over heels in love with Jinyoung, and trying to remain a loving son to his parents, the kind souls who supported his choice of studying arts instead of medicine to get a doctorate. His parents who were kind and understanding but only to the point of silently wanting a good life for their son, and that, in their minds, didn't include a gorgeous literature major boy named Jinyoung.

Their first months together had been hazy with lust and uncharted territories about what two young men could do together. Jinyoung had thought Jaebum much, urging him to accept his feelings and come in terms with himself and with the fact that the world would never be fully supportive about his orientation, and that it was fine.

After the passion filled months turned to something that was so serious Jaebum thought he was about to choke on his love, he told Jinyoung he would marry him if he could, but legally he couldn't and that he really wanted to come out to his parents.

Jinyoung always smiled at him, his fingers securely laced with Jaebum’s, and it always made everything seem like it was just a small effort away from being solved.

Naturally it had been horrible. His parents had been shocked, mortified and had closed Jaebum out of their lives for a long time. All the while Jaebum had explained his secret to them, apologizing  profoundly, palms on the floor, back and head bowed as low as he could go, all this while Jinyoung a had been sitting next to him, silent and steady. His support had been what had kept Jaebum from collapsing that horrible night in front of his parents, had been his safe haven when they had been driven out of the house. Jinyoung had been been his shelter that night when everything hurt, his arms around Jaebum like a shell closing him away from the pain.

The memories weren't happy ones, not from the first year after being separated from his parents.

After two or three years, they had adopted Yugyeom. When the baby boy finally came home with Jaebum and Jinyoung, Jaebum decided it was time to try to reach out to his parents one last time. If they would still shun him, and now his family too away, then be it so.

Luckily, they had come around, seeing he was content and happy, had a family and still had the same man by his side. Like seeing him settled down with a job and a steady relationship somehow had erased the doubts and delusions that Jaebum’s gayness would have made him ruined and wasted as a human being.

Jaebum clucked his tongue when Jia threw her snack away the third time.

“Little lady, you need to behave a little better. Your food is coming soon.” Jia only pursed her tiny lips, pouting, her dark eyes fixed on Jaebum. He wondered quietly what went on inside her head, or was there anything yet. Did she recognize him as someone important in her life? Did she see the difference between him and Jinyoung, or with anyone who had entered her life so far?

The girls were nearly one year old now, growing fast and developing individual  characteristics that separated them from each other more and more clearly, even though they were twins. Jia was a little mischievous, and quieter, her antics usually louder and longer. Jiyoo was a bubbly girl, cried easily when left alone for too long and was incredibly cuddly. Both were mostly happy and curious, their hair black ebony and eyes darkest shade brown, shining when they examined the world around them.

“You look like you're developing a headache.” Jinyoung said quietly when he returned, hanging Jaebum the other container of mushy food, meant for Jia. Jaebum looked over his shoulder at Jinyoung, his heart clenching a little at the sight of his husband. Jinyoung was impeccable in his dark green sweater and black jeans, his hair soft and glossy, his lips the shade of red that always made Jaebum itch to kiss them, to lavish the pale skin with love and endearment hidden in pecks and kisses.

“Just remembering old things.” Jaebum said, flashing a quick smile at Jinyoung.

“Feeling old all of sudden?”

“Not really, I'm not as dramatic as Jackson is.” Jaebum snorted. “Just thinking how lucky I am to have you, and this all.” He made a vague gesture that was meant to cover everything that was them and their life together.

“I love you too.” Jinyoung smiled gently, his eyes shining again with that light that had caught Jaebum’s attention such a long time ago. A smile crept up to his lips, without him even noticing it, just like that. He didn’t really realize how easily he broke into a soft smile whenever Jinyoung was near him, and he probably would have groaned had he seen himself being such a sap.

Jaebum thought he couldn't be more happier. The restaurant and its guests staring at the them, their silent condemning and dislike fading into the background; it didn't matter what anyone was thinking about them, as long as they were united together against any negative thoughts.

His life wasn't perfect, and it would never be, but it was good and Jaebum loved every damn minute of it. Chicken nuggets, soiled diapers and all.

~

While Jaebum was dwelling on his thoughts and making sure there was no serious trouble coming from the direction of their children, Mark was having his hands full of telling Jackson what he was thinking about him.

“First of all.. if you’re tired, old and spit shit from your mouth, what does that make me?”

“Uhh… but you're different! You're beyond aging or something and you’re _not_ talking nonsense like.. _ever!_ ”

“So.. the shit I said when we nearly broke up wasn't nonsense?” Mark quirked his both brows high. Jackson was squirming and mumbling something incoherent that sounded like _we'll yeah but that was different_. Mark decided to ignore it. “And I'm not beyond aging. One day I will lose the elasticity of my skin and my body turns softer, and I will probably gain weight too.” Mark stated calmly and Jackson whined, about to make a furious claim that Mark was not ever going to do that. Sure enough that was exactly what Jackson next said.

“You're an angel! You can't get old! I'm the one who'll age like that!” Jackson snapped his fingers and Mark sighed.

“Yes, you will get old too, but you’re not alone. And right now you're gorgeous. All of… _this_..” Mark pushed Jackson against the bathroom wall, running one hand down from Jackson's neck to his hips and up again. “..is far from being old and unworthy of my attention.” Jackson turned slowly red, a smile tugging the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah?” Jackson shot a coy glance at Mark from under his brows.

“Oh yes. You're incredible and..” Mark leaned in, tracing the shell of Jackson's ear with his lips. “..you make me so damn hot.”

“Really?” Jackson murmured, turning his head enough to be able to plant a kiss right under Mark's ear, his breath hot on Mark's skin. “Care to elaborate a bit?”

“Maybe.” Mark smirked, backing up to be able to be face to face with Jackson. There was enough electricity between them to light up a small town but it was also nice to drag this kind of tension longer. “But not right now.” He leaned in, kissing Jackson straight on his lips, the kiss bruising, hard and full of promises of a memorable night in the near future. It was over before Jackson could respond.

“You're meaaaannn~” Jackson whined, making grabby hands after Mark who was already exiting the bathroom, only shooting an incredulous grin over his shoulder to Jackson.

Being a tease sometimes was _so much fun_.

~

Life had calmed down, like it usually did after times that caused all of them nothing but turmoil and misery. All the miserable shit with Mark's ex, Jackson's job troubles and then their impossibly stupid fighting and nearly breaking up.. Was it any wonder it was nice to just sit down and feel like life had settled down, streaming ahead steadily, like a river flowing forever and ever, unstoppable until it would reach its final destination and mix with the sea somewhere far far away.

Jackson was sitting on the porch in the cold, with a blanket wrapped around him, staring out, a soft smile etched on his lips. His sitting spot was similar to last summer, when he had been sitting here so many times, wishing Mark would turn his head Jackson’s way and smile just for him; that incredible smile that made butterflies flutter around inside him, like he was a cage keeping a flock of them hidden. And still Mark's smile was the most wondrous thing; it sparked Jackson alive and he couldn't help himself from answering it, answering the brightness and love that shone through from Mark's eyes.

He was so enveloped with mushy, gushy happy things it was a miracle Jackson was able to sit on his ass and simply reminiscent calmly, just smiling widely by himself.

What had his life been before this?

Looking back at the days with only him and Bambam made Jackson smile falter, a sense of sadness twinging his heart. Just the thought of going back to that was almost crushing, there just was no way Jackson could ever again think life without someone by his side. And that someone happened to be Mark Tuan.

Memories were flooding Jackson’s mind; the good moments of their friendship and love, happy family occasions and gatherings. Like Mark hanging up freshly laundered linens, the smell of the wind mixed with the smell of detergent, summer heat and Mark himself. Mark sitting on the hard wooden porch and snoozing his coffee cup almost falling from his hands, leaning his back against the pillar, his blond hair falling over his face, the pink lips slightly parted and relaxed, sleeping quietly and peacefully.

Mark and Youngjae running on the grass with bare feet after a hailstorm, throwing colourful paper planes up and laughing gleefully together, the sound innocent and pure. Bambam doing half-assed cartwheels and stubbing his toe on a hidden rock, stumbling down and moaning in pain, only to be immediately saved by Yugyeom, helping his friend up again, saying how Bambam would of course survive his massive injury, and how Yugyeom would be there to nurse him back to health.

Summer nights when nothing else mattered but the closeness of someone you longed for, but you hadn’t yet managed to voice your feelings, everything still so fragile and budding it tore you apart with that simple beauty of being on the verge of something beautiful and meaningful. The incredible and tangible nervous tension tickling your insides like a little girls giggling every time you took even the smallest of glances, only to find them looking back at you, the happiness exploding, heart beating suddenly fast and erratic, breathing somehow harder and your palms sweaty for no better reason than to be in love with someone.

Jackson perhaps missed those days, when everything had still been uncertain and new, but he wouldn’t trade this for nothing. Nothing. He was beyond happy; he could’ve danced on the still partially frozen and muddy grass like a maniac, laughing all the while, just because he was so exuberant with love and joy he extracted from the life he lived.

He had a partner he loved, and who loved him back. He had a beautiful and healthy son. He had an almost step-son that was like a tiny sun scooting around the house, singing and laughing. He had friends, family, balance..

What more could he want?

Jackson smiled while dwelling on the memories of their first months together; how much fun it had been just to hold Mark close, and how thrilling it had been to kiss him in the darkness of the bedroom, behind corners and getting too hot and bothered to stop, even though they should have. The mere memory of kissing Mark made Jackson feel that soft coiling sensation down in his stomach and he sighed, wishing Mark would come home already so they could cuddle up in the bed together, warm and snugly wrapped around each other.

Thinking about their first steps towards the relationship they now were in brought back the memory of the old shrine they had ran up to have shelter from the thunder. How Mark had kissed Jackson hard there to prove a point, to make _them_ official after their first kiss under the stars in Paris. Jackson couldn't believe what a storybook romance they had, at least in the beginning, how everything had been, and still was, amazing.

Jackson sighed again, shivering. He sneezed loudly once, twice, three times before deciding it wasn't good for him to sit in the cold, tempting fate to land him with a flu or something.

He settled down on the couch to wait for someone else to come home from their adventures, maybe to snooze a little in the comfortable silence surrounding him.

Mark was still at work, Bambam had gone to play with Yugyeom and Youngjae was at his piano lesson. Jackson had had a surprisingly short day himself, which allowed him to be home at this hour. He could make dinner, but if he wasn’t mistaken, there was still something left of yesterday's meal and all he would have to do was to warm it up for everyone when it was time. He shouldn’t try to cook or else Mark would have his balls for blasting off his kitchen.

Jackson dozed off, the house around him quiet and comforting, the feeling of being where he was supposed to be making him feel content and satisfied.

An hour later Bambam came running in from the door, scaring Jackson awake from his pleasant little dream about being able to fly, and he tried to blink the grogginess away while his son ran straight to him and crawled on his lap, looking exactly like one would if their feathers had been seriously ruffled.

“What’s up Blingbling?”

“Gyeommie kissed me!” Bambam wailed, pouting outrageously, like his world had just collapsed.

“Did he now.” Jackson tried to keep his face straight but it was hard. So very hard. “I take it you didn't care much about it?”

“No!”

“Why didn't you like it? It's completely normal.”

“But Dad..” Bambam wailed. “Ewwww!”

“Oh, come on. It's normal to kiss someone you like. Don’t you like Yugyeom?” Jackson wasn’t sure how seriously he should even take this little episode, but laughing at Bambam would definitely not help.

“I do but...” Bambam squirmed.

“But what? Did he smell bad?” Jackson gently poked Bambam’s nose. There was no way Bambam would hate _anything_ his friend was doing because the two were so damn inseparable.  
Bambam muttered something Jackson couldn't quite catch.

“What did you say?”

“He had spinach between his teeth…” Bambam muttered, his gaze fixed on Jackson’s sweatpants. He stared at his son, momentarily stunned completely silent.

“Did you.. uh, tell him that?”

“Yeah! I was like EW and pushed Gyeommie off and ran.”

“Bam…” Jackson tried to keep his voice steady and his laughter at bay. “That really wasn't an explanation. I think you might have hurt Yugyeom’s feelings.”

“Why?” Bambam blinked, his expression now mainly curious. Oh boy, how to explain the finesse of human interaction to a child.

“Well, how would you feel if you went to kiss someone you like and they just said ew and pushed you away?” Jackson tried his best to remain somewhat logical but it was odd trying to explain how feelings worked when he himself managed to fuck up more than often in that field.

“Bad?”

“Yes. Bad. So, do you think that might be what Yugyeom is feeling now too?”

“Maybe..” Bambam shuffled a little, staring at the floor, his lips pursed like he was thinking really hard. “I guess I should say sorry?”

“I’m glad you think so.” Jackson had to turn his head away to keep his smile hidden. Bambam was obviously too cute while trying to figure out what could be the best way to deal with his little ‘dilemma’. “Come on. Let’s go do that together, yeah?”

~

“..so there we were, watching Bambam trying to apologize Yugyeom and -Mark don't laugh!- it was really painful because I really wanted to smack Bam’s head -seriously Mark, it's not that funny-, but in the end they ended up chasing each other around and hugging and.. OKAY it was funny as hell because Bambam promised Yugyeom he could kiss him for all eternity as long as he wouldn't have more food between his teeth.” Jackson smacked Mark’s side with both hands. Mark was holding his stomach and laughing his eyes scrunched shut tight, rolling on the bed.

“D-did Bambam _really_ say that? I.. I can't breathe..” Mark’s giggles were getting infrequent as he was running out of air, gasping and wheezing all the while trying to hold his voice down even a little bit. Jackson tried his best to remain stony faced but he had never been good with poker faces, so instead he started pushing Mark with both his feet, trying to make him fall out of the bed.

“Don't you dare to laugh like that about such a serious matter!” But Jackson could barely keep his own giggles down, the joy bubbling inside him both because he was amused about Bambam’s antics, and because seeing Mark laughing this hard made Jackson feel actually quite smug about himself.

“Yah, stop!” Mark was faster than Jackson anticipated, and he found his dear boyfriend quickly on top of him, pinning Jackson down against the mattress. Mark was out of breath and his t-shirt was so loose Jackson could see inside it from the collar without any trouble. He smirked, marveling the sight of the pale, finely toned chest heaving with each breath.

“So violent!” Jackson faked a whine, tearing his gaze away from the enticing sight of bare skin, squirming a little. Mark's grip on his wrists tightened.

“This ain't nothing yet.” Mark growled, but grinned widely, his teeth flashing and making Jackson think of everything else but the so called domestic violence he was supposed to be experiencing. A quick surge of excitement shot through his body and he bit down on his cheek to keep himself from smiling like an idiot.

“Is that a promise?” A sly glance at Mark earned Jackson an amused quirk of the eyebrows.

“Hm? You want something more?”

“A boy can dream, right?” Jackson blinked up at Mark, feigning complete innocence.

“Dreaming dirty things again.. Jackson. You're a perv.” Mark stated calmly, but he was measuring Jackson with his eyes, bottom lip sucked between the perfect teeth.

“What can I say?” Jackson shrugged, winking up at Mark. “Just looking at you makes me think of all sorts of inappropriate things.”

“Just looking?” Mark pursed his lips and bent further down until he was nose to nose with Jackson. “Naughty you. But maybe that's why I like you so much.”

“Do tell me more.” Jackson couldn't stop staring straight into Mark's eyes, the depth of them always so captivating. And had he ever even gotten started on the lashes framing Mark's eyes? _Fabulous!_

“What if you couldn’t look? Would you still be able to think dirty things?” Mark was so close their lips were brushing together, the fleeting touch sending Jackson into a state of heightened sensitivity. His brains weren't really catching up with what Mark had asked him, he was too focused on his overpowering need to kiss Mark senseless.

“Uh.. What?”

“That's it. Jackson, I'm going to blind you.” Mark snorted, pecking Jackson's lips quickly before scrambling off of him and out of the bed.

“Say what?” Jackson frowned, feeling a bit disappointed he hadn't had a chance to kiss Mark. He did however watch curiously Mark rummaging the closet for something. Thinking back on what Mark had just said, Jackson had to admit he was feeling a bit apprehensive. But only a little. He was hardly one to say no when someone suggested something new and fascinating.

“Let’s have a little bit of fun.” Mark flashed an impish grin when he returned on the bed and climbed over Jackson's hips, straddling him. Jackson blinked a few times, confused, but even his slow train of thought finally managed to catch up with him.

“Seriously?”

“You have something against it?”

“Uhh…” Jackson hesitated, but only for a moment. He didn't exactly hate the idea.. An involuntary grin threatened to spread over his face. “Nope. Can't come up with anything.”

Mark's high giggle made Jackson smile widely back at him, the need for keeping his cool demeanor totally unnecessary. Mark was straddling Jackson’s hips, a piece of fabric in his hands, laughing happily that high laughter that always made Jackson love Mark more, and ready to turn the night passionate. Jackson's stomach churned excitedly.

“Good. Tonight you won’t be seeing much. Use that wild imagination of yours instead. I’m sure you can manage some vivid images.” Mark leaned down again, this time pressing their lips together. “Kiss your eyesight goodbye.” The words got almost lost into the kiss, the whisper was so quiet. Jackson was feeling giddy and thrilled, his need for intimacy having been on the edge for a while already. His nostrils were full of Mark’s scent, his hands gripping the loose shirt, pulling it up and revealing more of the bare skin hidden under it. Jackson tilted his head, opening his mouth more, welcoming the deep kiss bestowed upon him. His insides were twisting pleasantly, the pleasure making his body flush and pliant by the time Mark detached himself from their liplock and used the scarf he had found in the closet to bind Jackson’s eyes.

Jackson’s world was consumed in darkness and he tensed automatically, the unfamiliar situation heightening his other senses. He felt Mark moving on top of him, sliding down to lay his whole body over Jackson’s, the weight of him warm and familiar, but kind of exciting too. Jackson was unable to explain why it all felt so much more sensual and tangible, but he was willing to bet his left shoe that it had everything to do with losing one of his major senses temporarily.

Whatever the night would bring, it would most likely be awesome. Jackson grinned, excited, waiting for Mark to make his move, as he seemed to have some kind of a plan anyway.

 

At first he didn’t do much, just brought his body flush against Jackson, his mouth loving the shape of Jackson’s jaw and neck, always returning to the eagerly answering lips to kiss Jackson without haste, hands buried in the blond hair and massaging the scalp. He could continued kissing Jackson forever most likely, but the night wouldn’t last forever and he wanted to please Jackson more tonight.

Detaching himself with a small amount of regret, Mark began to back down, sliding down the awaiting body under him until he was sitting over the honey thighs, the powerful muscles hard under his ass. Mark took his sweet time pulling down Jackson's briefs, it was so slow Jackson was eventually squirming and making small sounds of impatience that made Mark's insides squirm more than just nicely. He bent down to pepper Jackson's stomach with small burning kisses, nipping at the skin with his teeth from time to time, earning sweet noises from Jackson in the process.

The way Jackson looked right now, his eyes blinded, completely naked basking in the lonely light of the reading lamp. He had such a beautiful body, such incredible skin that could easily be luminous. Mark knew from experience what it was like to touch Jackson, and what it was like to be touched _by_ him. He liked the tingling feeling Jackson's roaming gaze sometimes left on his skin, and he definitely enjoyed the way Jackson was drawing out the outlines of Mark's body with his fingers. Sometimes it felt like Jackson was painting patterns all over Mark, decorating his skin with intricate shapes and colours, like he was canvas Jackson was transferring his art onto.

As much as Mark enjoyed Jackson and his never ending appreciation, verbal and nonverbal, tonight Mark wanted to imprint himself into Jackson's memory so well it would be impossible to forget the way skin against skin would feel like.

The blindfold was there maybe because Mark had felt whimsical and cheeky, a tad naughty too, and had suggested it out of fun, but now it did feel like he had planned the whole thing beforehand. Which he hadn't, not in great detail at least. Mark had known all along he would be shortening the night's sleep, but that had been the extend of his plans.

He liked to wing it anyway. Plans were for sissies.

“Jackson.. ” Mark let the name drop from his tongue like he was licking honey dripping from his fingers and then smirked, his amusement only audible to Jackson. “I want you to touch me. _Feel_ me, instead of looking.” He nuzzled his nose to Jackson's abdomen, inhaling the familiar warm scent, something curious and bubbly waking up within him.

“Having fun, are you?” Jackson chuckled, moving restlessly on the bed, hands reaching down in search of Mark's hair. “But ok, I’m at your mercy tonight.”

“When you say it like that it just makes me want to ravish you all night long..” Mark mumbled against the flat stomach, kissing his way higher, feeling the abs clenching under his touch. He climbed higher, adjusting his body accordingly while he moved, loving the way Jackson was humming appreciatively the more Mark kept cherishing his skin.

Jackson might claim he wasn’t much of a looker, but to Mark he was the most handsome guy out there, and nothing really could make him think anything else. He loved the way Jackson felt, loved the natural fragrance of his skin, loved the movement under the soft surface. He was simply too in love to care about any imperfections.

“You’re sexy when you’re impatient for sex.” Mark licked his way up Jackson collarbones to his neck and up to his jaw. He bit down, nibbling his way to Jackson lips. “Makes me so fucking horny.”

“Really?” Jackson smirked against Mark’s lips, his arms circling Mark’s shoulders loosely, pulling him down chest against chest, hip against hip.

Mark pressed down, kissing Jackson with an open mouth, tracing the outline of Jackson’s lips with the tip of his tongue. Jackson responded immediately, his lips parting and tongue darting out to meet Mark’s in the middle, the kiss deepening slowly, the heat rising steadily higher. Kissing Jackson was always an exciting experience and it was no different this time.

They found in no time a rhythm their bodies were now used to dancing, legs tangling together, hands finding their way to hair and neck, running over bare skin, nails scraping gently the surface, painting the unblemished skin with red lines.

Jackson rolled them around, pushing Mark against the mattress instead, settling between his parted legs easily and pressed his hips down with a smooth roll, the friction causing them both to gasp in between the sucking of wet lips and tongue, teeth clashing momentarily when sparks of pleasure made their focus falter. He was heavy and hot over Mark, his skin slightly damp with sweat, elbows propped on each side of Mark’s head to give Jackson more freedom to widen the sway of his hips, which was, in Mark’s opinion, pure delirium.

“God… You’re so beautiful even if I can’t see you.” Jackson murmured, wet lips brushing against Mark’s, the feel of them warm and slick, sending sweet tremors running down to Mark’s stomach. He couldn’t help the smile creeping up to his lips, Jackson’s words making him happy so easily.

“Glad you think so.” Mark wasn’t going to tell Jackson how much _he_ was enjoying this, well, not yet at least. He had opened his eyes during the kiss, watching with clouded eyes how Jackson’s face looked like from such close proximity.

Stunning, of course. With his eyes blinded it was easy to examine the handsome face closely, see all the blush spread over the cheeks, watch the small frown furrowing the brows.

“I just want to hear you enjoying me touching you.” Jackson’s low, raspy voice was on daily basis nice and smooth already, but now it was making Mark’s stomach coil pleasantly, a rush of heat shooting down to his toes. He didn’t reply to that, just grabbed Jackson’s head with both hands, yanking him close again, his hold almost harsh. Jackson let out a surprised sound, mostly because of the sudden pain when Mark jerked him down by his hair without being too gentle about it.

The kiss was far from being cute at this point, both delving as deep as it was possible, mouths wide open and bodies flush against each other, grinding with reverence.

“Suck my tongue.” Mark grunted when he turned his head to the side a little, gasping for much needed air after being thoroughly devoured. To be really honest he had had no idea he would ever get to be act so lewd. Not that this was anything horribly kinky, just a bit of fun between lovers, but still.. It kind of amused him to notice that he liked naughty things.

 

Jackson could have sworn Mark was laughing after his latest request, or demand, depending on which way you wanted to look at it. He couldn’t obviously see anything, but he heard the way Mark formed the words, his tongue wrapping around them deliciously and deliberately slow. It was funny how things changed with such a simple things like this; blinding his eyes. He couldn’t say for certain he was somehow more sensitive to his other senses, but he did pay more attention to what he heard, what he felt and what he smelled.

He could hear Mark’s breathing, sucked in through his nose and blown out through his lips, the steady sound reassuring and calming.

Mark felt like liquid velvet under his touch, like he was shimmering quicksilver, dangerous but beautiful, ready to ruin you in mere moments.

Mark smelled like spices from the kitchen, like soap and clean clothes, like something sweet underneath that, something that appealed to Jackson so much it was like gravity was pulling him closer by his nose. Mark’s scent was absolutely addictive.

Speaking of addictive things..

Jackson sighed, biting quickly down on his own bottom lip, before acting on Mark’s request; the tip of Mark’s tongue was already tickling Jackson’s upper lip, trailing over the shape of it. He moved his head just enough to be able to suck the tongue right between his teeth, suck on it like it was a piece of candy he had been waiting to put into his mouth and play with it.

He could hear Mark’s breathing harder now, could feel the warm air on his face while he kept the piece of flesh trapped in his mouth, lavishing it with his own tongue, the act so wet it was making him wish there would be no need to wake up tomorrow, because what Jackson really wanted right now, was to be given the time to have a very long and passion filled night with Mark, who was so damn willing and gorgeous and stunning and Jackson couldn’t get enough of him.

He let Mark’s tongue slip sloppily out from between his lips but just before it would have been free, Jackson sucked it back, scraping his teeth over the surface. Mark let out a soft sound that made Jackson’s desire climb higher; there could be nothing better than to hear that sweet voice making all sorts of different sounds, wording different things and causing Jackson to be in so much trouble he had trouble figuring out which part of Mark he should attack first with kisses and bites.

He couldn’t decide which was better; to have Mark gasping with pleasure while he sucked on his tongue, or the desperate grinding of their bodies together and the soft moans caused by that.

He let the tongue free, the plopping sound wet and incredible and began to mouth his way down Mark’s neck, without even looking where he was going he knew his way down that long neck, knew what it felt under his lips and what sweet music Mark would make when he was being bitten and licked.

Jackson went down Mark’s body, kissing it, trailing his tongue over the shivering muscles, feeling somehow bolder and braver than usual. Maybe it was because his eyes were covered and he couldn’t see anything, maybe it was something else, who knew. The important thing was that he was horny as hell and had all the intentions to taste some more of his teasing boyfriend tonight. Preferably very soon.

Jackson reached Mark’s hips, his fingers hooking under the waistband of the boxers, sliding them halfway off. He nuzzled his nose onto Mark’s stomach, mouthing the soft skin down from the navel until his chin came in contact with the hot tip of Mark’s exposed cock.

As his hands were busy holding Mark’s hips down, and his eyes were blinded, Jackson mouthed his way to the cock that was almost burning against his lips when he finally reached it. Mark let out an impatient whine, probably accidentally, and his hips moved up a little, like he wanted Jackson to get a move on and stop being so slow with his mouth.

Sucking Mark off was way too much fun. Usually Jackson had his eyes only halfway closed when he was doing this, and he was normally too concentrated on keeping his mouth and teeth in order to pay enough attention to what came out Mark’s mouth, but not this time.. This time he could hear the choking sound as he gulped the cock halfway into his mouth, could hear the ragged breathing when he started to bob his head up and down, sliding the stiff length down his throat, deeper and deeper with each suck. His jaws turned stiff too quickly, and he wanted to gag when the tip hit the back of his throat, but Jackson fought the unpleasant feelings down, feeling mighty proud of himself being able to control such things, and not start sputtering the moment there was an alien object down his throat.

Well.. Mark’s cock down his throat wasn’t exactly an alien object _anymore_..

Jackson chuckled silently, trailing his tongue up from the base of Mark’s cock to the tip, smearing the drop of precum with closed lips all over the swollen flesh. Mark was breathing harder and faster and his hips and thighs were trembling, and Jackson just loved this all the more.

“Jacks.. Touch yourself. I want you to fist yourself while you’re sucking me off.” Mark’s voice cracked at the end, mostly because Jackson had just scraped his teeth along the over sensitive cock all the way to the tip.

“Want to watch me in action? Who’s the perv now?” Jackson chuckled, excitement bubbling inside him; he had no objections on pleasuring himself at the same time. It was no secret he got off on giving head anyway, so hearing Mark demand it? Fucking fantastic.

To Jackson’s relief he couldn’t make much noise while swallowing Mark deeper, hollowing his cheeks and trying to keep his jaws slackened enough to prevent any muscle cramps, but he still was able to let out muffled and choked, quite indecent, sounds. He pumped his own cock with one hand, back bent over Mark and enjoying himself more than he had ever thought he would in this situation.

“Oh.. Oh _fuck_ .. Jackson you look _incredible_.” Mark gasped, his hand buried now in Jackson’s hair, gripping the pale locks tightly, adding a twinge of pain into the pleasure.

Because it was in the middle of the night, and their darling boys were just a few walls away, sleeping peacefully, they really shouldn’t have been so damn naughty but seriously, what can you do when you are fulfilling your desires with your partner who is more than willing to take part in everything?

Not much.

 

Mark knew he was getting closer and closer to his peak, and it was too dangerous because he didn’t want to end the night like this. No, he wanted something more and that more would include Jackson getting up from his kneeling position and back into Mark’s embrace. That one place where Mark was happiest to keep Jackson; safely near. And of course, within the easy reach of his greedy hands..

Watching Jackson working on his magic on Mark and jerking himself off at the same time was absolutely fantastic, it caused mark all the fabulous surges scurrying down his skin, but there was something he was still missing.

“Stop.. Jacks, stop. I don’t want to come yet.” Mark’s tone was hushed, his voice lost and he was badly out of breath, the heat of the moment making him sound like he should be answering calls from horny customers.

“Why? I like sucking you off. You know you make the most delicious sounds while I’m on it.” Jackson was _almost_ whining, but just almost.

“Because I want to do something nice. _With_ you. Get back up here Jackson, or I’ll smack your bottom with a belt.” The burn in his veins was undeniable and had Jackson continued any longer Mark would have surely finished soon. Just the thought of Jackson's mouth on him was amazing, so naturally Mark was on cloud nine after being given head.

“That would be definitely be dirty. I don’t believe you. You wouldn’t dare to use a belt on my precious buttocks. That would leave a mark!” Jackson was silent for a while. “The pun intended.” A high hushed giggled escaped him and Mark rolled his eyes.

“Just get here. I’ll prove you wrong another day.” Spanking Jackson's rear with a belt? Not a bad idea.

“Yes, dear.” Jackson finally complied, crawling back up to where he had started. Mark turned to his side, straightening his left arm so Jackson could rest his neck over it.

“Here, lie down on your side and face me.” Mark guided Jackson back down next to him with one hand, watching with hazy eyes and mischief in mind how Jackson moved closer. “Put your right arm under my neck. That’s it. Now it’s good.” Mark almost cooed at Jackson who settled easily in his arms, face close to his again, lips plush and swollen from giving head, cheeks burning palest shade of red under the blindfold.

Mark smiled, licking his lips quickly; they had dried up during the blowjob and had left Mark wishing he could be, instead of sucking air through his clenched teeth, sucking on Jackson’s lips and neck. How he loved and adored the way Jackson was responding to his touches, loved it even more when Jackson was hot and bothered and pressing against him stark naked and ready to fuck all night long.

That would have been ideal, though Mark could settle for the moment just to get them both off mutually, which was why he had asked Jackson to curl up against him like this, him hovering just a little over Jackson, ready to kiss him silly.

Mark sneaked his right, and free, arm between them, seeking his way under Jackson’s left knee, forcing Jackson to bend it. Jackson seemed to understand what Mark was after and propped up the raised knee, leaving Mark free to press his palm against Jackson’s buttock from between the now spread legs, squeezing and kneading it as he pleased. Jackson’s mouth fell open, his lower body jerking forward against the touch.

“You like that? Me feeling your ass like this?” Mark whispered against the luscious lips.

“Yeah. I love it when you touch me.” Jackson seemed to teeter on the edge of not knowing should he chase Mark’s lips with his own, or remain like this, barely touching and only sharing heated air.

“You make the most incredible sounds when you’re like this.” Mark didn’t even bother to conceal his lust anymore. He was pretty sure Jackson knew he was on the verge of just fucking him without much preparation, which would have been extremely bad and awkward, flipping them over or slamming Jackson to the wall and claiming him his. Or maybe Mark would have preferred Jackson to bend Mark's own knees, prop them up over this taut shoulders and fuck Mark into oblivion like they were no humans but animals in primitive heat, just lusting after each other.

Mark loved the feel of Jackson’s ass in his hands. So tight and trained.. All those hours spent on squatting had definitely gone to waste. Without being able to handle the tension between them Mark leaned down, covering Jackson’s mouth with his own, diving in tongue first. Jackson wasn’t one to lose time to respond with equal enthusiasm and the sweet sweet alignment of their hips made their cocks rub together from time to time, the contact fleeting but delicious, little sparks of delirium running down their spines. Mark slipped his fingers between Jackson’s buttocks, trailing down the crack and adding pressure when he went over the tight ring. Jackson moved impatiently, deepening the kiss even more and grabbing a hold of Mark’s neck with his left hand.

“Fuck.. You’re a fucking tease.” Jackson gasped after Mark had teased him enough to make Jackson frustrated, just grinding against him, making him sigh and groan and want for more.

“Grab the lube from behind me. It's on the nightstand.” Mark choked, Jackson’s hold of his neck so tight it was almost preventing air from flowing freely into his lungs.

Jackson released his deadly grip, reached out and poked around until he felt the familiar tube shape with his fingers.

“Open it and squeeze it on my hand.” Mark grunted, trying not to sound too hasty and eager, though that was exactly what he was feeling. Jackson wiggled the lube open and soon Mark’s fingers were smeared with the clear gel. He reached back down between them and under Jackson’s thigh, tracing his index finger down the crack, stopping to circle around Jackson’s asshole, adding only a tiny amount of pressure on the ring, the lube slicking the skin and making this absolutely lewd.

“Mark..” Jackson grunted, biting down on Mark’s bottom lip, yanking it with his teeth. “Just do it already.”

“You know it’s pretty incredible when you ask for something. Go on. Say it again.” Jackson groaned, his face coloring rapidly with fiery red.

“Fine. And just so you know, I really hate you right now.” He was quiet for a moment, as if he was sorting out his thoughts. But then Jackson smirked, brushing his lips against Mark’s mouth, the expression last thing Mark had expected to happen. “Fuck me with your long, beautiful fingers until I’m wrecked. Push them inside me real hard and make me come.”

Mark had hard time not to choke on his own spit.

Again he chose not to say anything, simply obeying Jackson’s wishes, pushing the index finger inside him, carefully first through the first inch and then with force all the way to his knuckle, only to retreat and repeat the movement until Jackson was almost biting Mark’s lip off and bruising his shoulder while squeezing it so tight.

 

Jackson was seeing stars at this point. He was high on pleasure and he wanted more, and he wanted it faster and whoa, sweet fuck did Mark just add up a second finger? It was frigging amazing and his legs were almost trembling with the effort to adjust his hips to move in sync with Mark’s thrusting hand. But _holy fuck_ did it feel good.

“You’re going to leave my skin purple.” Mark hissed between sloppy and slippery kisses that were more like eating each other out, rather than anything comparable to normal kissing in the middle of sex. “Why don’t you use that hand of yours for something more useful.”

“Like.. _Oh, go-_.. Like what?” Jackson had trouble arranging his words, the pleasure coiling so hot and heavy inside him.

“Jerk me off. Or both of us, I don’t care.” Mark’s toothy grin was doing something wonderful to Jackson’s mind, not to mention his still languidly moving fingers slipping in and out of Jackson’s rear side, causing all sorts incredible sensations spring to life and blossom inside him.

Jackson didn’t even bother to answer anymore, he just grinned hastily back at Mark, engaging him back into a searing kiss and slipping his hands down from Mark’s shoulder between them to wrap his hand around Mark’s cock. It would be a bit awkward to do them both at the same time, and Jackson was for the moment content on being finger fucked anyway.

Mark let out a needy growl when Jackson began to rub him up and down, the sound alone making his stomach drop even lower than it already was. He was getting kind of annoyed with the blindfold already because he _really_ wanted to watch Mark. He wanted to see the change on his face when his orgasm was getting closer, wanted to see the lust spilling over when he would reach the peak and crumble, his perfect mouth opening just a little bit and his brows furrowing for a split second before he would relax and fall on the mattress spent and utterly happy.

That was one of the moments Jackson loved more than anything when he was in bed with Mark. Of course he loved every single thing they got up to between the sheets, but seriously now, to see this incredible human being orgasming? _Priceless._

It wasn’t any big surprise that they didn’t last too long. Jackson had been riled up since the second Mark had decided to initiate their private playtime, and jerking himself off while giving Mark head had not exactly helped either.

“ _F-ffuuc_ .. Mark, I’m gon-.. _Sweet Jesus!_ I’m gonna..” Jackson voice was rough and raspy, barely coherent as his body was rocking back against Mark’s fingers, the tips of those perfect digits brushing over his prostate over and over again until there was nothing but white to see behind his closed eyelids.

“M-me too.. _Shit._ Jacks.. Harder. _Oh f-_ ” Mark stiffened, Jackson having tightened his hold around Mark’s cock just enough to make him take a sharp intake of air before he moaned, going rigid for a while. Jackson felt hot liquid spilling over his hand, the whole thing so erotic Jackson almost came from that. With a quick move he wrapped his hand around his own aching cock and pumped almost savagely, Mark thankfully had his wits enough about him to keep his hand moving.

Mark changed their position one last time, rolling Jackson on the mattress to lie on his back, the thrusts going in in a different angle that made Jackson clamp his now free right hand over his mouth to prevent himself from making too much noise.

He came hard, Mark biting his neck with two fingers buried deep up his ass. Jackson milked himself through the orgasm shaking his entire body, like he hadn’t climaxed in ages, like they didn’t do something like this at least once a week. For some reason the peak had been insanely powerful this time.

Jackson tore the blindfold away, blinking when he finally had his eyesight back. He squinted, the light awfully bright for his taste but when he got adjusted to the brightness, he saw Mark slumped next to him on the bed, spent and smiling, and everything felt perfect again.

“Hey handsome. I missed seeing you.” Jackson purred, turning over to pepper Mark’s cheek with tiny kisses, heard him cracking up, giggling softly next to Jackson’s ear and wrapping one arm loosely over Jackson’s shoulder, drawing leisurely patterns over the sweaty skin.

“You’ll be the death of me one day. Do you have to be so damn cute?” Mark chuckled and Jackson just curled himself closer, ignoring the need to wash his hand and stomach and ass and whatever. He just needed to be close to Mark like this right now.

“It’s because I’m your puppy and you can’t resist me! Woof!” Jackson licked Mark’s cheek quickly and wetly, making it over the top just because he could.

“Oh god, don’t make it sound like I’ve just committed bestiality!” Mark snorted in the midst of his badly stifled bursts of laughter.

“MARK!”

But Mark just laughed, unable to prevent his the laughter from escaping any longer. And Jackson joined him, burying his face on the slightly bruised shoulder and wishing no one would wake up because of the racket they were making right now.

~

_I think we’re going to scar the children._

_It was a near catastrophe last night because we got a little bit busy in the sheets and kind of forgot we should be quiet, but Jackson is simply impossible! I can’t deal his stupid jokes, nor can he mine so we’re perfect together, so we ended up laughing our asses off. I’m quite sure Youngjae woke up because he was mumbling and squinting his eyes at me in the morning.. Sex with Jackson is amazing. I can’t get enough of him. I’m so glad we didn’t break up.. That would have been the biggest mistake I’ve made, right after the one where I decided to marry S._

_Our precious god daughters are going to turn one year old soon. Which means it’s been a year since Jackson and I met for the first time._

_I should get him something nice, shouldn’t I? He was awfully pleased with the necklace I gave him for his birthday, but I can’t help wanting to spoil him more._

_Jackson just makes me want things in life. More than I have ever thought I would want them. I can’t even believe the stuff I sometimes find myself thinking.. Maybe I should get my head checked. Or not. I don’t care. I’m happy._

_M_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. I'm sorry this chapter comes so late, but.. I did have a good reason for not being around much for the past month or more.  
> I'm going through a divorce right now, and while it's for the best, it did drop on me like a bomb and I was emotionally so fucked I couldn't write anything. On top of that I have stress about wrapping up my school year. And so many other things just piled up until I was just crying all the time.  
> So.. If you can forgive me being absent, I would be eternally grateful.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter though! I had so much fun with Mark and Yoongi.. They just might make it to my lowkey shipping list. Haha!
> 
> Leave me some love, ok? It would make me happy. Missed you guys so much~


	26. Morning glory

It was a day Mark had never really thought he would get to go through, not really. Ok so, he had planned on this for a long time but maybe only half seriously. Now that he _was_ here, sitting over the back of the chair with no shirt on, the wide range of different kind of aches and misery slapped him straight in the face.

It all began so easy and nice and Mark had been happy to sit there and endure everything, but now.. The variety of discomfort was starting to get the better of him. At first the whole process had been almost pleasant, like someone was just very roughly painting his skin, but after the adrenaline kick wore off and Mark's skin turned to tender and sensitive.. _that_ was the moment when it started to hurt.

There was pain tinged with every colour of the spectrum, pain with numbing feelings, pain accompanied with hypersensitivity to every touch. Pain beyond anything Mark had ever felt before. He admitted freely he had been hurt many times in his life, a good selection of injuries and misery starting from early childhood and continuing to this day, all mostly now faded memories, but when remembered they brought back the inevitable memory of displeasure and sense of wanting to cringe with pain. But there pains today, they were all new ones, and definitely making him grit his teeth together so hard his jaw felt sore, though not a sound of discomfort left his lips.

The buzz of the machine working on his skin was dizzyingly loud inside his head, the needles and noise traveling up his skin all the way up to his brains and making his head echo and hum like it was an empty barrel with nothing but a stone left inside to rattle against the walls.

The sound alone was at times worse than the pain he was experiencing.

“You sure picked a small piece to start with..” Namjoon commented dryly, wiping the irritated skin with paper to see better the lines he was inking into Mark's skin.

 _“You_ said it would be like a walk in the park.” Mark barked back, feeling mighty annoyed.

“Well.. A very thorny walk in the park in you case, because most people know what they’re signing up for when getting inked.” Namjoon sniggered, the hint of cruelty not going unnoticed and Mark, for a fleeting second, wanted to punch him in the face for being a douche, but Namjoon ignited the tattoo machine again and adding more colour into Mark's skin, effectively preventing Mark from turning violent.

It had gotten worse, to endure the pain, but so far he had been quiet and stationary on his chair while Namjoon worked silently behind him, his gloved hands warm against the coolness of Mark's skin. He hadn't even flinched when the first lines had been tattooed over his shoulders. He had even _smiled_ a bit when the work progressed, having expected a lot worse and he had actually almost dozed off a little at some point. But when the needles began to irritate him more and more as the hours ticked away, Mark started to feel restless and the pain began to shoot up his spine to poke and nudge at every single nerve he had on his body.

A ghostly whisper of discomfort finally left his lips and he jerked involuntarily. The machine moved away from his skin and Mark breathed out a shaky breath that made Namjoon chuckle darkly, like he was some evil overlord happy to bring torture to his victim.

“Starting to feel it?” The amused question was shot at Mark over his shoulder and he almost retorted back something snappy but then the machine was buzzing again and Mark flinched, biting his lip and wishing he hadn't chosen such a picture as his first tattoo. “Wouldn’t have guessed you to be such a pussy.” Namjoon drawled lazily and Mark tried to shoot him an annoyed glare but failed because he couldn’t move. “Stop whining and squirming, and take it like a man. It's going to be worth it.”

There was silence a long time after that, only Mark's hitching gasps and muffled sounds of pain mixing with the music in the background, the songs reminding him of someone he knew, but Mark couldn’t place his finger on why exactly did the vocals sound so oddly familiar.

“You realize I'm not going to be able to finish this today. And by the look of you, _you_ won’t last very long.” Namjoon said finally with a hint of cruelty in his voice while Mark breathed in sharply, the tingling pain taken away from his skin for the moment. He shuddered as the cool disinfect hit his skin; it was like a piece of heaven stroking his aching body, numbing and cleansing the misery away.

“You..” Mark swallowed hard, trying to keep his voice steady and neutral but.. “You're saying that I have to endure _another_ session of this?” The desperation might have been too clear to miss. Mark however didn't care at this point. Obviously he hadn't thought this through. _At all_.

“Uh, yeah? It's your whole fucking back Mark. It's going to take more than one time to finish.”

“How many?” His voice was almost like a squeak, the kind that little critters do when they are shocked and left vulnerable.

“Just one more.”

“Why did ever trust you on this..” Mark groaned, his forehead secure against his folded arms resting over the chair he was sitting on.

“Because I'm good and we've been planning this since last autumn. And it will look absolutely fantastic when it's all done and healed. I bet my ass that you have to swat Jackson away from you after this is finished and he gets to see it.” Namjoon’s evil little chuckle made Mark’s cheeks feel hot and something dropped down in his stomach, the sensation tickling him.

Mark remained silent, pursing his lips, his thoughts trailing down the path where lay all the things involving Jackson, and then he groaned, shutting his eyes when the needles pierced his skin again, the noise from the machine ringing high and deafening in his ears. Apparently his weakest spot was near his ribs and he cursed himself for being such an idiot for agreeing on taking this particular picture.

Jackson didn't know about this yet, but he would, as soon as Mark would take off his shirt later today or ask for Jackson's help to spread the lotion over his aching skin. What would Jackson say? Would he flip or would he just laugh at Mark's stupidity? Would he hate Mark for doing something that couldn’t be reversed? Would he, like Namjoon suggested, be so enthralled with the picture he would have to pushed away for being too curious to inspect Mark’s skin very closely?

Mark couldn’t figure out why would he ever try push Jackson away. The thought didn’t make sense to him, though he did agree that it wasn’t healthy to be so attached all the time, but he didn’t worry too much. They were still fresh in their relationship, though they weren’t exactly young free spirited twenty somethings, and that the so called honeymoon phase would probably fade at some point.

Kind of depressing thought, but such was life, and who knew, maybe they wouldn’t come down from their high cloud castles at all.

All this considered, Mark had come to the conclusion he couldn’t even think about life without Jackson and Bambam in it. They were functional, untypical yet typical, they loved and they argued and the sex.. _The sex_. It was fantastic. Better than he had ever hoped it would be and he couldn’t wait to strip Jackson again to be able to kiss those magnificent thighs up to his jutting hipbones, bite down on his shoulders and neck, and kiss him. Kiss him like there was not going to be a tomorrow unless they would kiss and pour everything into it, saving the humankind with the fluent movement of their lips sliding against each other.

Then it hit him. The thought that he wouldn’t be able to lie on his back comfortably for a while. So, depending on their mood, he would either have to fuck Jackson or ride him, until his back would heal. Obtaining an everlasting piece of art certainly could be troublesome for active couples..

One of Mark’s favourite positions was to watch Jackson straddling him, fucking himself slowly down and getting all sassy, filthy talk pouring from his tongue. Basically Mark loved to watch Jackson in any position, and not one of his least favourite ones was when Jackson was kneeling between Mark’s spread legs, thrusting slowly and thoughtfully in, each movement sliding in and hitting the jackpot that made Mark’s toes curl. It had taken some time to get used to being on the receiving end, and he admitted he still preferred to be on top, and Jackson claimed he was more into Mark fucking him than the other way around, but it was absolutely magnificent to switch from time to time. It made them more equal and there were a lot more things to try when you had no problem what so ever to reverse the positions and explore the possibilities.

The naughty thoughts made Mark’s stomach curl and he felt hot, like his fingertips were tingling, aching to to touch Jackson’s neck dripping with sweat, run his fingers over Jackson’s slick and moist spine and wrap their limbs together for another moment of passion or whispered endearments.

Maybe a few weeks celibacy would do good for them.. Considering they were quite insatiable it might be a good idea to tune down the sex and frottage.

Though.. Who was he kidding?

There was no way they could keep their greedy paws off of each other very long. And it was fine. More than fine! Mark loved getting dirty with Jackson, and it didn't matter if it was sweet and loving, or was it hard and lustful, causing scratch marks and small bruises to bloom all over their skins. He was so stupidly in love it was embarrassing.

Mark’s thoughts however turned more sour after four hours of sitting on the damn chair and not only numbing his ass, but his balls as well. He couldn’t move and his skin felt raw and torn, and Mark feared he had made the shittiest choice of his life when he had agreed to get this huge piece inked on him. Namjoon was a good artist and he let Mark have a breather or two every now and then, but taking too many breaks would only put the finishing further and further away, and Mark _really_ wanted to be home to see Jackson and the boys still up and fully awake.

Well, Jackson would be up anyway, he rarely went to sleep without waiting Mark to come home. But it wasn’t Jackson that made Mark’s mood so suddenly drop; it was Youngjae. Lately Mark had been somehow very emotional about his baby boy and all his worries surfaced now that he had to pass his time entertaining himself with his thoughts.

Maybe it was because he saw how fast Youngjae was growing up, how the first grade of school was already almost over and the boy would move up to second grade. How Youngjae had grown enough that they would have discard all his winter clothes and buy news ones. All the shoes were turning small, all the shirts and jeans, even his toys were being tossed away after some time, like the boy had decided to leap ahead and try to shake off the childhood at this young age. Time had the funniest and most annoying habit of running past by him when he didn't pay enough attention.

Had he been too invested in his relationship to spend enough time with Youngjae? Guilt gripped Mark’s heart like an iron claw clawing your skin open, tearing everything apart ligament and muscle at a time. It was the parental guilt that made you a walking wounded when you thought you weren't there enough for your child, when most likely in reality the child in question was just enjoying his freedom to his heart's content. The kind of guilt where you think the time you spend cursing over your responsibilities, spend your time dealing with people you didn’t really know, or like even, rather than taking the time to hug your child and go out to do something with him. Had he done enough? Had he been absent too much? Was Youngjae fine, like he seemed to be on the outside but when looked at closely, and completely unaware of being observed, there was a shadow of something darkening the otherwise sunny face. It tore his heart in two to even think about his boy having troubles or worries he hadn’t confided in Mark. Of course Mark didn’t expect Youngjae to tell him every little thing, but so far they had been both open enough to have that kind of father-son relationship where they could talk about almost anything.

He would have to see it that he started focusing more on the kid, both Youngjae and Bambam, just to be sure they were on the right road. It wouldn’t have to be anything straightforward, no. That wasn’t Mark’s style to deal with things; he would just be there more physically and offer his words of, sometimes dubious, wisdom to anyone who asked.

Mark sighed, grimaced and adjusted his position enough to _maybe_ prevent his butt cheeks from getting any more numb than they already were.

He would be _so_ happy when the session would be over.

In the end Mark took 6 hours of continuous torturing of his skin, and by that time Namjoon had managed to ink almost half of the the huge back piece on him. And to top it all, the shadings were already so exquisite that it left the huge tattoo looking more like the piece of art it in reality was, and not simply an unfinished work in progress.

Namjoon called it quits after Mark was almost in tears, and laughing hysterically at the same time, trying his hardest not run from the chair he was sitting on, to hide away in some dark hole to wait for the burning discomfort to subside.

But it was worth all the miserable and agonizing hours of numbing his ass.

~

Youngjae sat at the edge of the football court, leaning his back against one of trees surrounding the area, his eyes following the two lanky figures running after the ball they were kicking at each other in turns. He was kind of tired and had gladly let Yugyeom and Bambam take over the ball. He preferred to sit down a while and pick on his nose while just enjoying the warm breeze over his bare neck, tickling the short recently shaved hair, the sound of the wind whispering gently in his ears about the upcoming season change.

It smelled like early morning sunlight, blooming flowers and promises of ice cream, like hamburgers and fried rice, candied apples and fireworks after festivals. It was the smell of freedom, that moment when you abandon your school bag and run outside too early for your parents to even see a glimpse of you, let alone believe you woke up early just by yourself just to enjoy the moist grass under your bare feet and feel like anything was possible if you just spread your wings wide enough.

He liked summer and he couldn't wait for the school year to end already. Somehow he was going to talk his father into taking them all to the sea again, like they had done last year. It had been awesome because the sea was cool and they had had so much fun playing in the sand, hunting down small fish that had dared to come close to the shore, trying to find seashells that weren’t broken by the waves or trampling feet.

Youngjae picked up a little yellow flower, stroking his fingertips over the soft petals curiously. He knew the flower but he always forgot the name. Not that he really wanted to know even, it just came to him that he didn't actually know much, though it felt sometimes like he was very old and wise already, despite what the teachers sometimes made him believe. He wasn't five at least! He knew how to do math and he could read better now. Definitely the signs that he wasn't a baby anymore.

Bambam shrieked something, his laughter echoing in the air, soon joined with the funny screeches Yugyeom let out when he was overjoyed about anything and everything.

Youngjae wrinkled his nose, feeling a little left out when his friends were laughing without him. He didn't like being all by himself like this, not when he had company so near him. He liked it best when they were in the middle of an intense game of any kind, or watching cartoons together or walking from school together back home, the three of them. The three musketeers, ready to save the world from peril, or cause mischief in the darkness of the imaginary night.

But there were times when he wanted to go back to his old home, to his old room and to the kindergarten he went at that time. Though he didn't remember much from there anymore; the memories were fading like old photographs inside his head, yellowing and finally disappearing completely, leaving only a lingering longing sensation in their wake. Slowly and irreversibly the early childhood was being replaced by a much noisier and vibrant present, by happiness and new friends.

Youngjae had a secret. A secret he didn't share with anyone, not even with his dad, which was saying a lot.

Sometimes, when he was all alone, he let himself miss his mother a little. It was an odd feeling because he had never been too fond of her. She had never really cradled him in her arms, not very many times at least, and had always been distant and hard to reach out to, no matter how hard had he tried to please her. The complete opposite to Mark who had always been nothing but full of love and support to anything Youngjae wanted to do.

Well, almost everything. Becoming a pirate had been a tough issue to solve, but Youngjae had in the end agreed that school came first, then he could decide if he still wanted to be a fearless seaman, roaming the seven seas with his faithful, scruffy sailors.

Youngjae had always felt sad that his mother was so strange; it had left him feeling like an outsider.

When he had had to draw a picture of his family at the kindergarten before they moved, it had been just odd stick figures representing himself and his father, standing alone far from the lonely figure of his mother with a sour look drawn on her face. As a family they rarely had done anything together and Youngjae had made up stories when someone asked where she was, how she was always working abroad and only calling him in the evening. In reality she was at home and didn’t really even see him or Mark.

He had felt isolated from the other kids when their parents came to pick them up. Almost all his friends had had both moms and dads to hug them and love them. And Youngjae.. He only had his father. But he loved his father a lot and every time Mark came to pick Youngjae up he had that special bright smile on his face that washed away any disappointment there was. After some time he had learned that he wasn't the only one with just one parent present, that there were others too and it made the feeling of being an outsider diminish a little.

Youngjae did however remember the last time his mother had talked with him; it had been a day before they all moved out of their pretty house and Youngjae had come to live next to Yugyeom. She had tucked him in bed that night, his room full of boxes and echoing eerily because everything had already been packed and stored away, making him scared something big and ugly would come at night to eat him alive. It had been a weird occurrence to have her even so close to him, and Youngjae had been oddly comforted by her unexpectedly soft hands stroking his hair and cheek. She smelled like perfume and hairspray, distantly connected to some flowery scent that had now rooted deep in Youngjae’s heart, her fingers kind of cold and her hair tied to a loose ponytail that had made her look much younger than she was.

_“Be a good boy, won’t you Youngjae? Can you promise me that you’ll take care of your daddy when mommy isn’t here?”_

It had been such an odd question but Youngjae, overwhelmed by her sudden caring way towards him, had only nodded and promised.

_“Cross your heart?”_

_“Yes, Mom.”_

_“I love you.”_

Youngjae clutched to those words like they were his one and only protection against the pain and suffering the world would hurl at him. He was only seven years old but he knew heartache too. His heart had been broken when his parents, despite their enormous and obvious differences, had broken up and moved away from each other. It was childlike pain, but it was no less real than any aches adults felt. It was pain sprung from guilt that _he_ was the reason they were no longer a family, that _he_ had somehow made it all wrong, forced his parents to separate.

“Youngjaaaaeeee!!” Bambam’s clear voice called out to him and Youngjae stood up, throwing carelessly the remainders of the little flower away from his hands. Bambam was so bright, standing in the middle of the field laughing and spinning around like he was a living pinwheel instead of the gangly little boy he was, trying to outgrow his clothes in a month.

Looking at his friends made Youngjae always smile.

He liked the house they lived in now, the creaking stairs that led up to the second floor where his and Bambam’s rooms were now, liked all the space he had to battle invisible battles against imaginary beasts and evildoers. He liked the backyard where they could run around and abuse the poor hammock either Mark or Jackson would put up again if they just whined long enough. He even liked the attic now, after searching it from top to bottom with Bambam and Yugyeom to find the hidey holes of any monsters possibly lurking in there. And he really liked that he had a really big room and lots of toys, and it was great to have someone to play with every single day. Bambam was sometimes weird and cried when he thought no one saw it, and Youngjae always was there to console him, awkward and clumsy as he was, but he was there to soothe the pain of the burnt finger or the stubbed toe, or when Bam was upset about nothing in particular. It was like having a baby brother he could tease and play with. It was, to simply put it, so amazing.

“Let’s go play treasure hunt!”

“Ok!”

Living with Bambam had brought Jackson in his life as well, and Youngjae was really cool with it. He didn’t know exactly what it was that other kids sometimes teased him about, when they mocked him having two dads instead of mom and dad. He knew there was something different about him and his friends, but he couldn't really identify the problem as he didn’t see anything wrong with being raised by two guys. Jamie, his first friend ever, had had two moms and it had been so cool because he got double more soft cuddles and kisses from them. And because Youngjae’s father was happy now, a lot more happier than when they still had lived with Youngjae’s mother, it was definitely cool. And it was awesome, because he really really liked Jackson.

Jackson was fun and goofy, and he was always ready to take them out to look for rare pokemons that they found lurking somewhere near. Jackson was funny because he kept trying to make Youngjae and Bambam always eat more fruits and vegetables and ended up having silly arguments with Mark about the whole thing at the dinner table; Mark didn’t care as long as the boys ate their plates empty, and Jackson cared too much that there weren’t enough greens on the said plates.

Adults were so funny sometimes.

The sun tickled his nose when the stepped out from the shadow of the tree, hasty steps carrying him towards the outstretched arms of both Bambam and Yugyeom. He took the hands when he reached the two boys and they all broke out into a gleeful run, joyful laughter bubbling from their mouths like they had not a single worry in the world. Which they didn't, and the warm Sunday sun glistened over the wet grass and green leaves in the trees, wind sweeping the torn flower petals with it to dance in the air.

The childlike innocence was too precious to be torn and broken by worries on a day like this.

~

The same morning, when all three boys were busy outside playing and laughing, proved to be incredibly stingy for Mark. He could feel how wet his skin was under the plastic taped over his back, felt the wounds stretching with each move he made, and grimaced at the whole idea of having to touch it at all. It felt like he had a layer of extra skin rotting away on his back, it was so sickly moist and wet, hot and uncomfortable to even think about.

He would have to ask help to clean it because there was no way he could reach to all the places on his back. He might be flexible when it came to certain situations but… Yeah. No.

Mark grimaced again at his reflection, gingerly bending down to wash his mouth after brushing his teeth and made his way quietly back to the bedroom. It was still bathing in grayness, the incandescent sunlight filtering in only in small parts, dancing over the blankets rumpled on the bed, covering Jackson’s sleeping body. Dust danced on the spots of sunlight, fragile and miniscule, like little patches of glittery white fog concentrated just for the sole purpose of appearing in this room at the early hours for anyone to see.

“Jacks..” Mark knelt beside Jackson's side of the bed, wincing as the tapes stretched his skin. “I need you.. I need your help.” Jackson made a non-committal sound and turned to his side, his blond hair falling over his eyes. Mark sighed, reaching out to brush the locks gently to the side, smiling at the sight. Jackson was so damn adorable while sleeping. His face was relaxed and worry free, his cute button nose just tempting you to flick the tip of it for fun. Jackson was so gorgeous, asleep or not, and Mark's heart clenched, emotions flooding him.

He was so lucky to have someone like Jackson.

“Hey handsome.. wakey wakey.” Mark cooed softly, tracing his fingers over Jackson's cheeks and down to his lips.

“Mhd’yamind..” Jackson mumbled, but tried to pry his eyes open. “Wanna sleep.. Get back in here with me..”

“I'd love to but I need your help. Come on boo..” Mark rarely resorted to using pet names but he really wanted Jackson's attention right now. “..come shower with me.”

“What? Shower? Together?” Jackson's eyes snapped open, his chocolate coloured gaze for a while disoriented but then fixed on Mark's sly smile. “Needy so early in the morning?” His voice was gruff from sleep but the glimmer in his eyes was plain to see. So easy to rile him up.

“Always.” Mark licked his lips slowly, knowing it would only make Jackson’s thoughts waltz to the direction of something more interesting than just waking up. And, true to Mark’s expectations, Jackson’s gaze lowered to stare at the movement of Mark’s mouth. He watched how Jackson swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing and it made Mark almost laugh delightedly.

“Gimme a sec..” Jackson was soon half out of the bed, stretching like a cat his arms up in the air and then running his hands through his hair trying wake his body up. “I wanna brush my teeth first. You know.. morning breath and all.” He gave Mark a slightly abashed glance, turning a cute shade of pink.

“Take your time. I'll wait in the shower.” Mark’s wink was rather cheeky, though he had very little intentions on doing anything too wild in the shower just now. But his mind could be changed easily.

 _Very_ easily.

Mark smirked, his eyes following Jackson who padded his way out of the bedroom, only a pair of loose black boxers hanging from his hips. Not the most erotic piece of clothing but at least they weren't white. The blond hair was standing up and there were pillow marks all over Jackson's shoulders and back. Mark couldn’t help the softness erupting in him like someone had blown dandelion seeds everywhere.

“That looks _so_ nasty.” Jackson grimaced when he started peeling off the plastic wrapper taped over Mark’s back. It looked like something from a horror movie, something that would turn into a living thing and consume him in a second, and Jackson was half sure Mark’s back would look like shit for rest of their lives; the thought didn’t really appeal to him. But, for Mark’s sake, he would suck it up if he had to. Mark could always just wear a shirt anyway..

“Namjoon said it would probably bleed a little, and then there’s a lot of tissue fluids mixing with the excess ink. That’s why it looks so awful..” Mark didn’t sound very pleased either and flinched when Jackson tore the tapes off.

“Let’s clean this up then.” Jackson steeled his mind, bracing himself for the worst, just in case. He trusted Namjoon and had seen some of his works in the picture files Joonie had sent him over the years, but still.. This wasn't just someone. This was Mark. _His_ Mark. His Mark's skin that used to be unblemished and smooth and now looked like a gooey blob of something that was mostly red but with blotches of black mixed into the mess, oozing fluids and glistening wet under the shower lights. Like watercolour painting someone had dumped a bucket of water over.

“Pretty please.” Mark grunted, bending to remove his boxers. Jackson had enough time to enjoy the view of Mark’s behind before Mark turned around, cocking his brows up at the expression Jackson had plastered all over his face.

“Naughty..” Mark giggled, stepping under the shower and turning it on, the clear rain of water running over his smooth chest, flowing down over the clear lines of his abs and finally over the patch of dark hair that made Jackson turn his eyes back up and flush red. He was a man on a innocent mission after all, so he should stay focused, but Mark wasn’t making it very easy for him and Jackson had already been slightly aroused when he woke up. He may or may have been dreaming about sandy beaches and making love under the moonlight.

Yes, he was a sappy son of a bitch. So what!

“Tease.” Jackson shot back, shaking his blue painted dreamy images away, undressing himself with too much haste and almost stumbled on the boxers when trying to ogle at Mark at the same time as he was trying to free his ankles from the annoying piece of clothing.

Mark's amused giggles echoed in the shower like his voice was resonating on the same frequency as the falling water, scattering everywhere and making Jackson think of rainy days when it was sunny at the same time and the raindrops were like little shells of liquid happiness bursting on the asphalt.

Mark moved himself enough for the water to wash down his back and made an ugly face when it cascaded down, cooling the irritated skin.

Jackson stared at the mess almost mesmerized, the pure awful and huge blotch of _something,_ before he very carefully placed his palm over the freshly cut skin, stroking the tissue fluids, ink and blood away. Mark’s skin felt hot to touch, the edges of the tattoo swollen and kind of grossly slick, but Jackson ignored that. He gently continued washing the bloody pulp off of Mark’s back, his eyes widening more and more as the picture was slowly uncovered before his eyes.

He had had no idea Mark even had considered about taking a tattoo, and certainly not this big, but the result he was seeing made Jackson’s eyes widen in awe. Namjoon certainly knew what he was doing.

The shape of the huge bird curving elegantly along the slender back was incredible. There was so much red colour and it was definitely not finished, but Jackson could already imagine what the fiery red and orange hues painted forever in Mark's skin would look like. The piece was enormous, and Jackson swallowed hard, thinking how long it must have taken time. He felt an urge to touch the tattooed lines with his lips but he dared not to, not in the fear of causing an infection to bloom and ruin the piece of art.

“Why a phoenix?” Jackson asked softly, curiosity taking over the awestruck staring.

“Several reasons I guess. In chinese mythology phoenix is considered to be the union of yin and yang. A symbol of high virtue and grace, power and prosperity. A gentle creature.” Mark spoke quietly, bowing his head as Jackson ran his palms gently over his shoulders the lines under his touch prominent and hot. “I like most descriptions of it; a creature being born from the ashes and living thousands of years. Powerful and wise, symbol for sun. And I like the red colour.”

“It suits you. It looks amazing. _You_ look amazing.” Jackson mumbled the last words; he was too mesmerized to form much coherent speech. The whole tattoo suited Mark so well it was beyond words. It looked good. It looked like _Mark._

“You know..” Mark glanced over his shoulder with a curious expression on his face. “The phoenix is usually paired with a dragon, the bird being the Empress and the dragon the Emperor.”

“Oh?” Jackson was too occupied with his task, and admiring the red talons curving to Mark’s left buttock, to pay enough attention on what Mark was saying.

“Mmhm.” When Mark didn’t elaborate more Jackson’s mind let the matter slip, the hidden meaning going unnoticed. “Wash my back for me?”

“Gladly.” This question sank into Jackson’s mind clear as a day and he straightened his back, shooting Mark back a toothy smirk. How could one say no to a request like that?

He began spreading mild soap over the skin as carefully as he could, not wanting to cause discomfort. It felt nearly burning to touch Mark, or was it his own hand that had turned warm while being helpful? Jackson didn’t know, and he didn’t really care; the moment was too precious to analyze too much. Mark made soft pleased and encouraging sounds while Jackson meticulously went through his back again and again, the soap making Mark’s skin slippery and, well.. much _much_ more alluring.

When he was reaching Mark’s lower back, Jackson grinned, his thoughts trailing down the dirty path and marveling the feel of the wet skin beneath his hands, his open palms gliding down to Mark’s hips and then up his sides to his shoulders again. Mark made a cute low sound that sounded like _mm_ and only made Jackson grow bolder. He trailed down both Mark’s arms, the biceps’ shape clear to his touch. Soap made his fingers slip and slide easily down the skin and it felt incredible, the supple muscles contracting when he reached a certain point that tickled Mark.

Jackson intertwined their fingers when he reached low enough, wanting to cherish the intimacy of the moment. Mark was humming quietly, his head turned to the side, exposing the beautiful arc of his long neck, the clearly visible veins betraying the fast heartbeat if you looked long and close enough. Jackson wasted no time to use the opportunity and latched his lips on there, scraping the skin with his teeth. He released Mark’s hands only to circle the narrow frame and start spreading the foaming soap over Mark’s chest plate. His fingers brushed over the erect nipples, causing Mark to bite down on his bottom lip, and small, and very indecent, sound reached Jackson’s ear, making his blood boil even more.

Jackson almost giggled, the excitement building up in him, settling to the pit of his stomach.

He moved south, tracing the abdominal muscles that felt unbelievable to touch and Jackson breathed out open mouthed against Mark’s neck, the lust starting to make him almost impatient.

“I thought you were just going to wash up my back..” Mark mumbled when Jackson pressed himself fully against Mark’s back, his semi hard cock slipping right between Mark’s buttocks.

“I was..” Jackson mumbled, smiling. “Plans can change, you know. You’re not complaining, are you?”

“Not really.” The mirth in Mark’s tone didn’t go amiss and Jackson nearly giggled, exhilarated how the morning was progressing.

Jackson let his hands wander slowly down Mark’s hips to his legs, the strong thighs twitching when he drew slippery paths down the surface further down, only to back himself a bit away from the luscious body, going back to rest his palms over Mark’s ass again, the soap spread nicely all over. The tattooed skin would look so damn good when it would be healed; the colourful talons shaping Mark’s ass from the left side like he was born with the picture on him.

Almost curiously Jackson began to slip his right hand middle finger down the crack between the buttocks, not diving straight down but slowly, just teasing his way over the tailbone, inching on little by little from there. When he finally did slide over the tight puckered hole Mark made a clear breathy gasp which made Jackson’s cock twitch anxiously in anticipation.

“Gods..” Jackson kissed Mark’s neck, the short hair tickling his lips. “Your ass is probably the finest things I’ve ever touched. Makes me want to eat you.”

“Yeah? Why don’t you do something then?”

“You sure? I’m not opposed.” Jackson smirked, pressing hot little kisses over Mark’s shoulder.

“Mmhm.” Mark made a soft humming sound and pushed back just enough to give Jackson the approval of doing whatever he wanted to do.

Jackson didn’t really need more clearer permission so he fell on his knees, the water cascading from the shower washing away to soap and leaving Mark’s skin clean and soft, irresistible even. He simply couldn’t stop himself from biting down on the fantastic and quite honestly delicious looking buttock, so he did.

Mark yelped, almost stepping out of reach but Jackson held him still, kissing the abused spot with an open mouth as an apology. His fingers were still slipping between the cheeks, soapy and slick, circling over the tight hole, teasing and drawing out small gasps from Mark’s lips.

Oh, Mark’s _lips.._ Jackson could imagine them slightly parted, the white teeth almost visible between the parted plump flesh, moistened by the water, slightly reddened from biting. He could envision the brilliant diamond shape of Mark’s mouth when Mark’s face was relaxed, or how his lips were just a little bit pursed when he was being serious and beautiful.

Stunning. Gorgeous. Handsome beyond words. That’s what Mark was to Jackson. His friend. His lover. His partner. And he wanted Mark to be even more than that, but that wish was buried deep inside Jackson’s heart. For now.

He began to push his finger inside, easing it slowly forward and waited for the tight resisting flesh to relax, circling what little he had inside against the softening walls.

Mark was quiet, leaning his hands to the tiled wall for support but he wasn’t moving away from the first finger reaching further in, crooking a little in search of the prostate to create the sweet electric shocks of pleasure.

There was a sound, a tiny and sharp, when Jackson slipped in a second finger, his mouth busy drawing love bites and teeth marks over Mark’s buttocks, trying to be mindful of the tattoo at the same time. Jackson relished the small sounds Mark made when he was stirring up, his passion gathering down to his stomach. It was always fun to watch Mark come undone, to watch him shake and tremble because he was so high on ecstasy, be it him fucking Jackson or them just giving head to each other, or whatever; it was always a sight Jackson drank in and stored away for rainy days when he was alone.

Stretching Mark open slowly was turning Jackson on so much alone he was sprouting a full hard erection in no time, the hot tip brushing against Mark’s calf if they were positioned right. What a sweet sweet sensation.

Mark moaned louder when Jackson managed to locate his prostate, the slender back arching like a beautiful bow, muscles tensing visibly. Every single sound and note that Mark produced were nothing but a sweet symphony in Jackson’s ear, heightening his excitement without him even touching himself.

He increased the speed a little, drawing out low raspy groans to sing happily in his ears. He circled his free hand around Mark’s hips, fingers curling around the fairly impressive erection Mark had. Jackson couldn’t help but to smile; Mark certainly had come a long way since their first encounter. To get him fully hard just by fingering him was nothing short of a small victory.

Jackson played with Mark like he was an instrument meant for him to play, making his body vibrate with sounds and moves, tremble when careful fingers found the right spots, relentlessly teasing and pressing on, the pleasure gathering alarmingly fast, hot and boiling.

 _“Fuck.._ Jacks.. No, stop. Come up, please.” Mark gasped finally, squirming a little. Jackson complied, albeit slightly confused; he was very content on just jerking Mark off like this.

When he stood up, a bit gingerly because his knees had been pressed against the uncomfortably hard floor so long, he didn’t have long before Mark had grabbed him hard and flipped him against the wall, lips unceremoniously crashed together into a heated kiss.

Mark didn’t exactly waste time on any finesse this time; he reached down, wrapping his fingers around Jackson’s cock almost too hard and began to pump him. Jackson’s mind was spinning, his stomach dropping and heart had decided to run a marathon, all at the same time, and he moaned out loud; a filthy needy sound that would have made any AV director proud. _Jesus fucking christ._ Mark’s tongue was hot, almost desperate while mapping out Jackson’s mouth, searching deeper and deeper, almost eating him alive.

Jackson was climbing halfway to heaven when Mark released his mouth, moving instead to Jackson’s neck, biting and pulling the skin with his gorgeous sharp teeth, probably decorating it with red marks that Jinyoung would find horribly humorous later on.

 _“God.._ I want you so fucking much.” Jackson rasped, his back pressing painfully against the tiled wall, his stomach churning like there was pit of boiling tar bubbling inside. Mark detached his mouth from Jackson’s jugular, that wonderful external vein that throbbed and pulsed with Jackson’s frantic heartbeat.

“Yeah?” Mark licked his way up to Jackson’s jaw, teeth grazing the wet skin momentarily, making Jackson’s knees wobble.

“Yeah.” Jackson managed to breathe out but then Mark’s lips were there again, pressed against his and his world suddenly consisted of nothing but deep, all consuming kissing, filthy and hot, turning all the right switches on for him.

“Bedroom..” Mark whispered, between abusing Jackson lips with his teeth like they were there just for sucking and biting. _“Now.”_

Jackson shivered but didn’t waste time on carrying out the order. They stumbled out of the shower, lips still attached, only tongue and teeth visible from time to in between the breathy and needy sounds audible, mixed with the wet slipping sounds of their feet on the floor, and hands moving hastily over each others bodies.

They fell on the bed, messy and tangled up, Jackson under and Mark crawling on top of him, settling between his legs that parted unconsciously, willingly accepting the weight against him. A guttural groan escaped both of them when they managed to align their cocks together, rubbing the stiff lengths against each other almost feverishly.

“Can’t wait much longer.” Jackson breathed against Mark’s open mouth, his hands tight on Mark’s buttocks, squeezing the muscles like he would die if he would let go. “Wanna do it?” The words were sucked in when Mark was already kissing him again, then sucking Jackson’s tongue into his mouth hard, eliciting a soft whine from Jackson. It hurt but it was glorious hurt that didn’t exactly make his burning lust disappear.

Mark didn’t say anything, never answered Jackson’s question verbally, but he did reach down, forcing Jackson’s bents knees straight and clambered to straddle Jackson’s hips, breathing hard and hot straight into his mouth.

Click, thud and a stifled moan.

Jackson couldn’t see what Mark was doing, but he didn’t have to, he knew already because they were sometimes kind of synchronized, thinking the same things when it came to playing in the sheets. Mark never let Jackson’s mouth free, not for a second or two longer at least, while he worked himself open, spreading the lube in with nimble fingers.

Those fingers.. _Oh._ Jackson could imagine how the slim digits were slipping in and out, the lube glistening over the skin stretched over those beautiful hands that made Jackson want to suck on them for all eternity, to watch how they disappeared inside him or danced over his cock, pumping and teasing, thumb flicking the tip burning almost purple.

“Stay still.” Mark groaned, taking Jackson’s cock in one hand, guiding the generously lubed tip between his cheeks.

Jackson almost blacked out for a second; the heat was so intense he nearly came on that instant. The tightness enveloped the tip of his cock, his eyes fluttering shut and his bottom lip worried securely between his teeth. He wanted to move so much, to act on his instincts and buck up from the mattress. His hips moved involuntarily, bucking up, but all in honestly Jackson didn’t even try very hard to prevent himself from doing that.

“I said _don’t move!”_ Mark snapped almost angrily, his free hand curling into Jackson’s hair painfully, the fingers pulling at his hair with so much force Jackson yelped. “Stay still or I won’t let you fuck me.” Mark’s voice was a barely audible growl, his hips had come up, freeing Jackson’s cock at the same time. A wave of disappointment gripped his guts and he froze as soon as he realized Mark wasn’t playing around.

“Yes. Yes. _Anything."_ Jackson whispered, his need to start moving so demanding it was going burn his guts to cinder soon.

“That’s it. Just lie there..” Mark soothed Jackson’s scalp with much more gentler strokes now, the pale hair moving smoothly between the lithe fingers. Again the tightness embraced Jackson, his throaty, whispered moans escaping him as Mark fucked himself down on Jackson’s girth, his breath hot and gasping over Jackson’s cheek, the sound of it magnificent.

The suffocating burn seeped everywhere inside him, starting from his groins, running up and down until Jackson was sure he was on fire. He forced himself to stay still as possible, not really wanting to experience another painful tug of his hair, and waited with baited breath when he would be allowed to move.

“Now. Fuck me as hard as you can.” Mark’s voice was like dark silk, slithering into Jackson’s consciousness and he responded eagerly, obeying the command like the good boy he was. Jackson’s hands flew to Mark’s ass immediately, spreading the cheeks as wide as possible, bending his own knees and took support from the mattress, grounding his heels to the sheets.

It was intense and loud, filthy and obscene. Mark was cursing and moaning right next to Jackson’s ear, teeth sinking into his neck from time to time, probably leaving more horribly visible teeth marks for anyone to see. Mark was like heaven. Heaven that burned and crashed around Jackson, pliant but more in control that Jackson himself ever had been when he topped; it was like they hadn’t even switched their usual roles. Mark was in control and Jackson simply loved it.

He fucked up fast and hard, slowing down only to catch his breath and to make Mark growl instantly some very improper things. The sounds they made were nothing short of raunchy; the squelching, the slapping of moist skin against skin, snarls and moans and curses. It burned, twisted and made Jackson think of every single porn movie he had ever watched in his life, but only million times better than any of those. His body was on fire and Mark was only adding fuel to the flames, his whole existence making Jackson feel like he was ruining himself and Mark in the process, and they both wanted it so much.

It was rough and fast, and it didn’t last long.

Mark was pumping himself soon, his hips stationary while Jackson kept up a relentless pace, his cock slipping in and out like a piston, the view so lewd when he glanced down, it only increased the pleasure flowing like lava, pooling rapidly towards the pit of Jackson’s stomach.

 _“Fffuu-ckk..”_ Mark cursed loud, his body going rigid and his face scrunched up against Jackson’s neck. Jackson felt the sharp teeth sinking into his skin, almost drawing blood. He felt the hot liquid shooting all over his stomach in fast spurts. He heard Mark’s ragged breathing whispering profanities straight into his ear. He felt the hot tongue slipping out between the plush lips, licking its way into his ear.

Jackson’s eyes almost rolled to the back of his head; the sound of the tongue in his ear was filthier than anything he had ever heard, more erotic he had _ever_ thought it would be, and Mark was squeezing around him so hard it was almost impossible to move.

He came with a dark cry of passion, for the first time spilling his seed inside Mark who took it calmly, tongue slithering wet over Jackson’s ear and one hand grasping hard his hair again.

Euphoria. That’s what this was. Utter and complete euphoria. A bit rough, maybe, but holy _fuck_ did it feel good.

After cleaning up, and mumbling soft apologies about their behaviour in between soft and loving kisses, a high contrast to the ones they had exchanged earlier, they ended up lounging on the bed, both still stark naked but equally satisfied, bodies thrumming with the aftermath pleasure. It was pure bliss to be able to be lazy together like this, just lying close to each other and basking in disgusting amounts of happiness after raw lusty moments.

Mark was on his stomach, arms buried under the pillow his head was resting on and Jackson let his eyes roam over the smooth outline of Mark’s back, the dip of his lower back and then the two perfect domes; there were still red blotches over the skin, displayed only for his eyes to see. Seeing those made Jackson flush a little, but it had been fun play a little. His eyes moved down, the lingering lust and hunger making his stomach swirl gently, his gaze sweeping over the long limbs. Mark had such beautiful legs. Well, to be honest, everything about Mark was beautiful, even the moments when he was being disgusting, stinky, and a hugeass dork.

Jackson didn’t think he could have loved Mark more than he already did, but there he was; stupidly more in love than ever before.

After sometime just being silent and simply close to each other, they started talking with hushed voices about anything and everything, finally ending up pondering what they should arrange for Bambam’s upcoming birthday.

“I can't believe he's turning seven already. I mean where did the time go! I swear he was just a wee baby last year..” Jackson scrunched his face, bottom lip jutting out. Mark flicked the extended lip with his fingers, probably just because he couldn't resist the temptation, and Jackson didn’t blame him; he _did_ have incredibly soft lips after all.

“You know how it is with kids. Time flies when you're having fun.”

“I wouldn't call single parenting all _that_ fun.” Jackson grunted, wrinkling his nose.

“You had Noi, didn't you?” Mark’s eyes were dark but soft, calm when he was looking at Jackson and it made him feel safe and secure.

“Well.. Sometimes. She was at the puppy love stage when Bam was about two years old, because she got together with Honey and they kind of.. Uh, lost it a little.” Jackson grimaced, his fingers dancing over Mark's neck and the soft short hair at his nape because he couldn't reach much lower, due to the healing tattoo he had had the privilege to spread lotion on. “She did apologize quite profoundly when she finally snapped out of her little bubble, and you know her.. We did fight a lot at that time but then I moved and met Jinyoung and Jaebum.. It was easier after that.”

“I didn't know you and Noi fought. You seem so comfortable together now.” Mark frowned, his half visible mouth pursing and just made Jackson want to kiss him again. Why did Mark have to have such a mouth it was impossible not to get stuck staring at it?

“Mm..” Jackson made a non-committal noise, his eyes closing as he rubbed his nose on Mark's shoulder, pecking the warm skin instead of acting on his urges. “We've been friends since high school so we get on each others nerves a lot. The baby thing and the marriage, and the shit with _everything,_ and we were kind of young too, it just exploded. It was bound to happen and it wasn’t nice, but we sorted it out eventually.” Remembering those days didn’t really make Jackson happy, that was for sure, but he took those days as an experience that had made him, and Noi, grow up. They had taken big steps towards being responsible adults due to the arguments and fighting. Sometimes turbulence in your life isn’t a bad thing, if you just know how to extract the things that can make you improve yourself out of it all.

“I'm glad you two made up. She's so important to Bambam.” Mark smiled, his eyes turning to small crescent moons and Jackson’s heart skipped a beat. But then he drew in a long breath, his eyes closing.

“Don't I know it.. Bam adores her.” He sighed, the memories making him feel guilty. It was good that Bambam had been so small back then, so he didn’t really remember anything, but it was always possible something might have gotten buried into the boys subconsciousness, and it would only surface somewhere in the future.

“You never discussed having more kids though?” Mark asked after a short silence and Jackson opened his eyes again, frowning a little.

“Not really. I don't know if she had even wanted more, considering her work. But that was like ages ago so I don't know about the present. Not that it matters anymore anyway.” His thoughts lingered on the possibilities of having more children, but he couldn’t actually hope to raise the subject with Mark.

They were silent for a while and only when Mark moved, deciding to push Jackson on his back and crawl on top of him, their bare bodies warming up when they came in contact. Jackson smiled at the ponderous expression displayed over Mark’s face, trying to be careful where he placed his hands; they ended up resting quite gently over Mark’s perfect little ass.

Then Mark dropped the bomb that made Jackson’s mouth drop open.

“If we’ll have ever a kid I would have it from your genes.” Mark’s expression was soft but he looked serious. Jackson gaped at him, not sure if had he heard correctly.

“You..” He swallowed hard. “You want to have a kid? With me?” Jackson couldn’t really believe his ears. Was this true? _Could_ this be true?

“Maybe not now, but I don’t see why not somewhere in the future. I like children, and I know Youngjae would be thrilled to have someone to boss over. And..” Mark paused, reaching down to peck Jackson’s lips quickly and Jackson, despite being stunned almost silent, detected a hint of blush over Mark’s ears and cheeks. “I think any kid born from your genes would be adorable as hell. I mean, look at Bambam.”

“Uh.. Wow, okay. This is huge, I thought you didn’t want kids or..  Or anything that big.” He didn’t dare to say ‘marriage’ because that particular subject was still too touchy, the fight not yet enough far in the past for them to crack a joke about it.

“Opinions can change.” Mark commented rather loftily, leaving way too much space for Jackson’s imagination to run very free, and his stomach did a funny little flip.

“So why couldn’t the kid be yours, huh?” Jackson tried to turn the subject less serious, squeezing playfully Mark’s ass and earning a small frown for it. “You’re so handsome the kid would be a model before even being born.”

“Like you aren’t? I’d want them from your genes because then they’d be disgustingly cute and so soft and golden-hearted that I would smother them with love.”

 _"Them?"_ Jackson raised his brows as high as they went. This morning Mark definitely was making all kinds of little confessions, and Jackson couldn’t say he found any of them bad. Mark just smirked, his hands buried in Jackson’s hair, massaging the scalp, probably not even aware he was doing it. Then Mark leaned down to give Jackson a lingering kiss.

“Well, of course there would have to be more than one..” The murmured words against his lips made Jackson’s insides squirm and a warm wave of happiness spread from his chest everywhere.

“You’re going to ruin me, aren’t you? Shouldn’t we discuss adoption too, I mean it’s not easy to find someone to carry the kid for you and then it could be some ugly ass crazy bitch who’d only make the poor kid suffer when growing up and..” Mark shut Jackson up suddenly by pressing their lips together again.

“For now we could just enjoy the making of babies?” Mark’s lips were soft, moving against Jackson’s, and it rather effectively cut his ramblings short.

“Funny.” Jackson actually giggled. Of course it was just sheer mockery to say they’d ever make babies by simply having sex; a guy couldn’t get pregnant no matter how busy they would get. “But I see your point.” He pushed his hips up a little, rubbing his bare body against Mark’s equally naked form. “We could start now, you know.”

Mark burst out into high delighted giggles and buried his face to Jackson’s neck, the sound of his laughter just making Jackson laugh as well. It was good to be alive and happy and roll on the bed with the one you loved so much you’d probably burst if you were a balloon and someone pinched you.

~

“Hey, Mark? Mark!” Jackson’s voice trailed sharp and loud to Mark who was packing up Jackson’s winter clothes away from the clothing racks. No need to keep them here as the spring had started a long time ago now, and summer was approaching fast.

“Yeah?”

“Can you come here for a bit?”

Mark sighed, folding the jacket in his arms and stuffed it inside the plastic bag none too gently. He should have gotten better bags for storing these up but he couldn’t be arsed enough to get them, and most of the time he simply forgot the whole matter. The tiny, and very nagging, sound of his mother’s voice kept badgering him though, to the point where he was seriously considering not doing any of this at all, out of simple burst of teenage mutiny.

Not that it would have helped him in any way to get more space in the closet, just like his rebellious days hadn’t made any difference when he had been a teenager and still living with his parents and had tried to squirm his way out of doing chores.

Mark rolled his eyes at the memories, pushing them away with a small huff; he could reminisce some other time and feel mortified just how gloriously awkward he had been at that age.

He made his way to the kitchen where Jackson was seated by the dining table, the table littered with papers and files open and Jackson.. Oh, Jackson. Mark smiled, his heart clenching. Jackson had his reading glasses perched on his nose and he looked absolutely divine like that, all homely, cuddly and adorable with his hair pointing up because he hadn’t seen any point in flattening it down since they weren’t going anywhere today, and dressed in a worn out tank top and loose sweatpants, hanging dangerously from the narrow hips.

“Do you think we could afford a second car?” Jackson looked up when he realized Mark was standing near him, his eyes big and round and such a soft shade brown in the sunlight Mark wanted to do nothing more than to continue staring at Jackson all day long.

“I don’t know. Can we? You’re the one doing the math right now.”

“Well yeah, but I just wanted to ask you because it looks like we could but I’m not sure if it’s wise or anything because it would cost a lot.. You know the insurance and gas and maintenance and..” Jackson rambled on but Mark just smiled at him, his heart filled with joy even though this was only a small domestic matter.

“You’ve been complaining about the commuting since January so it wouldn’t be a total waste of money.”

“If you think so.” Jackson beamed at Mark, his wide smile so bright it was comparable with the sunlight outside. “Also there’s a letter for you. It came yesterday but I was so knackered I didn’t remember it until now.” Jackson searched for the envelope under the scattered papers and bills, a few of them falling to the floor. Mark bent down to pick them up without a word, trying not to laugh at the mess Jackson had managed to make while doing the monthly accounts.

“It’s fine. It’s probably just some unimportant shit anyway.” Mark took the letter, smiling back at Jackson beaming at him, his heart clenching even tighter, beating and vibrating every time he so much as glanced at Jackson and realized they were good together. Perfect even. Faults and all.

Mark flipped the envelope around to see the front of it; no one really sent him anything, bills excluded, so he assumed it was an advertisement or something.

How wrong could have he been.

It was like someone had poured a bucket of ice water over him when he saw the name of the company the letter had been sent from.

“What? What is it? Why do you look like you just saw a ghost?” Jackson actually started to stand up but Mark waved him to sit still. He tore the letter open and glanced hastily at the single sheet of paper folded neatly inside.

He fumbled for a chair to sit on, the impact of the content of the innocent piece of paper shaking his world like a Richter 9 earthquake. Why was this happening to him? Why? Was there something bad he had done in his past lives or why exactly was shit being thrown at him so damn often? Just when he thought everything would be alright, and normal, _this_ had to happen.

“Mark? What is it?” Jackson’s worried voice penetrated Mark’s blurry thoughts.

“Here. Read it.” He said blankly, handing Jackson the letter. He was too shocked to say anything else.

“Dear Mr.Tuan. We’re sorry to hm hm.. Your involvement.. Blah blah blah.. Is being hospitalized… Psychologists… Yada yada yada.. It has come to our attention that a test of…” Jackson read the rest of the letter silently. “What the fuck? Is this for real?” 

“It looks like it.” Mark whispered, his lips dry like desert. “The company where it’s been sent is her father’s company. It’s a big deal that they are interfering now.”

“But to demand a paternity test! This is outrageous! You’re not going to do it, are you?” Jackson frowned, looking at Mark with worried eyes. The silence stretched on and on until Jackson’s tiny voice asked carefully “Are you?”

“I don't know..” Mark hesitated, his thoughts jumbled and confused. Did he have to do it? He guessed not, but he knew what would happen if he didn't and the prospect of that didn't exactly tempt him at all. "Maybe."

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to cause Youngjae distress!” Mark snapped, banging his clenched fist against the table and then stood up, shaking his head.

“Mark..” Jackson tried to say something but Mark was already running desperately his hands through his hair, balling it in his fists, and he probably looked a little mad, his eyes wide and mouth turned to an ugly grimace.

“There’s a law.. I think.. I should precede any other putative fathers, _for fucks sake putative father's!”_ Mark groaned, anger building up. “So I’m not sure if they could take Youngjae away from me even if he _wasn’t_ mine because Soyi and I signed the contracts that gave the sole custody to me. _UGH!”_ Mark kicked the wall, the hit hurting his toes and he cursed. “This is _bullshit!”_

The eerie and malevolent silence settled over the house, pressing down like a suffocating darkness ebbing in slowly but surely, eating away the happiness that had been so prominent just  a little while ago.

~

_Well. That went nice. I mean everything was going perhaps too smoothly so I guess I shouldn't be surprised something came up. AGAIN.  
_

_Mark’s neck deep in shit and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know details of the law that well but it doesn’t make any sense that anyone could actually take Youngjae away from Mark. Not after he’s already been legally announced as the biological father since before the birth.. This is just another thing that causes him extra and VERY unneeded stress and I can’t just watch him like this. He looks so angry and.. vulnerable. I want to protect him so much.._

_You know he completely flipped when that letter came? Sweet fuck I thought I’d seen Mark pissed before but now he was just angry. I don’t think I’d care to see him angry ever again.. Scary shit._

_Dunno how this will be solved, but I know Mark is torn between refusing the test or just doing it. If he doesn’t do the test it might gnaw his guts, you know? For the rest of his days? Sickening thought. But if he does and the test shows that he isn’t the father… then what?_

_I mean this is so not fair. Like.. Why does this shit keep on happening to him? Mark’s like the sweetest angel ever being born on this earth (praise his parents, honestly) and I’m so lost because I don’t know how to help him._

_J._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank you all for the lovely support and kind words after last chapter. They really honestly made me smile, still do. Things are good right now, or, at least they are better.
> 
> So, how did you enjoy the chapter? Did you like Youngjae's part? I sure did.. What an angel that boy is!
> 
> And how about that ending... Dun dun dun dunnn..... I'm being mean, am I? 
> 
> So much love to you all <3 (And Yay it's BB's birthday! (in 2 hours) Happy birthday young and rich Bam~)


	27. Silver linings

Sun poured in from the window, the bright light colouring the specs of dust and the evidence of food having been thrown all over the table and everywhere in the near vicinity, like someone had had a rage against the hand feeding them. The ray of light dropped down onto the floor, sneaking over the fallen and forgotten piece of bread crust, over the red toy car that was so covered in dried porridge it would have to be soaked in warm water for a day make it clean again. It hurried past the plastic spoon hiding under a feeding chair, glanced at the war field under the table a bit longer, illuminating everything for two whole minutes. The dirt and crumbs looked almost mesmerizing bathing in the direct sunlight, like they weren’t there to signal anyone entering the room that a thorough clean up was in order.

The sunlight would have grimaced at the amount of dust it encountered on its path, but luckily it had no face to form displeased expressions and thus it was just a ray of light, unearthing the little details of an ordinary kitchen on an ordinary morning.

High above in the sky, a cloud floated before the sun and suddenly the kitchen sank back into shadow, all the scattered trash and signs of life covered with the forgiving bluish grayness filling the room.

Jinyoung stood by the counter, his hands following a pattern they repeated every single day; cold water into the kettle, set the temperature, take the tea, measure the right amount.. The water boiled, the humming and bubbling sound filling the room where for once nothing else was moving besides Jinyoung. The kitchen felt like his blue kingdom of peace sometimes, like it was detached from the rest of the world and only he knew the rules it worked with. He knew exactly where everything was; from sippy cups to the spices, from straws to bottle openers. Sometimes he was just standing in there late at the night, watching the shadows dancing on the walls, a glass of water in his hands and his feet slightly cold against the stone floor. The big maple tree outside their house cast eerie shadows on the floor and over the walls and counters, and Jinyoung stared at the gray dance mesmerized, far away from the real world where no one else was awake.

His days were so full noise and sounds it was no wonder sometimes Jinyoung found a moment of pure solitude almost purifying, strengthening even. Like those fleeting moments made him somehow stronger and more impervious to the antics his children put him through on a daily basis.

You do what you can to survive the reality. And he wasn’t one to complain so he sought out ways to redeem himself. Hence the nightly wanderings.

Jinyoung poured the hot water into the pot, filling it to the brim and placed the lid on to keep the steam from escaping. Not that it mattered if he did that, some even said not to close the lid when making tea, but old habits die hard and Jinyoung had never in his life managed to brew bad tea.

So fuck the rules. He was a rebel.

Sort of. In kitchen and in bed, or so he had been told.

At least according to Jaebum there was no one else who could manage to balance life, and Jaebum’s balls, in his hands as well as Jinyoung could. And Jinyoung may have felt quite smug about this, but he kept that emotion to himself; it wasn't very becoming to show such a face to the public, so he gloated in private about his success at keeping his husband happy.

When the sun came back out from behind the cloud, pouring in from the window to expose the messiness in there, Jinyoung merely let his gaze sweep over the clutter and shrugged; there was no point in cleaning too much because everything would sooner than later get back into the same state it was now.

He picked up the spoon from under the chair and threw the bread crust into the bin, hoping that one day all his children were going to be potty trained and possessed decent table manners. But for now.. That day seemed like a far away dream in a parallel universe.

Though Yugyeom, their dearest and oldest child, had definitely started to mature. And it was vexing most of the times. At one moment Yugyeom could be upset about not being able to pick up the new dance steps at his dancing lessons, or he could be banging the walls with his fists out of sheer malice because Jinyoung, or Jaebum, apparently failed to give him the attention he wanted for presenting his school work or anything of the kind.

In Yugyeom’s opinion at those times, his parents were selfish and only focused on Jia and Jiyoo and Yugyeom was the loneliest boy in the whole wide world and no one really loved him.

But then on the other hand Yugyeom could quite silently crawl next to either of his fathers and want to be hugged close. He wanted to be held like he was still a lot smaller and not all that grown up, like he usually claimed to be. Those moments made Jinyoung’s heart clench painfully hard and he was about to choke on his exploding love for his son who, despite acting up and being a handful at times, could be so lovable Jinyoung would have never traded anything away from their lives.

It was only a phase anyway and Yugyeom was growing bigger and was struggling to gain confidence on his own to be more independent. Jinyoung knew the more the boy grew up, the less he would come to him and Jaebum for comfort. So they could only try their best to give Yugyeom the support and love he needed along the rocky road towards independence.

If it was a war of wills with Yugyeom now, Jinyoung didn’t want to think what it would be when the twin girls would grow up to have enough vocabulary to shoot him in the heart with words.

He wasn’t exactly thrilled about the prospect of double trouble but he knew the terrible twos were coming and they were coming fast. Parenting could be so much fun sometimes, but then again Jinyoung knew he wouldn’t change anything because being a parent had always been a dream for him.

At an early age, after he had realized he was gay and had very little chances for biological children, he had been determined with one thing; if he could give a life full of love and caring to at least one child in need, he would do it without even blinking twice. That particular determination had grown up with him and here he was now, a proud father of three children who all had come to them from sad circumstances and now had a chance for a better future.

Jinyoung himself had grown up surrounded with strict rules but always had been loved unconditionally, so it was natural for him to extend that aspect of his youth to his own family. His childhood had not been marred with nothing particularly devastating, if you counted out the times his sisters had used him as their living doll and had made him wear girls clothes. His ears still burned with embarrassment when he was presented the photographs of those times. The scruffy wig and pigtails.. Mortifying.

But despite having a small grudge against his siblings Jinyoung was happy he had them. It might have made it easier for his parents to accept their only son being gay and not start resenting him like it had been in Jaebum’s case, because heterosexual siblings usually meant at least one of them having biological children of their own. He was forever grateful for the unbelievable acceptance and support his whole family had given him throughout his life, and how they all loved his children despite the fact that they were adopted and not biological.

His teenage years had been rather peaceful ones, Jinyoung quietly observing his tendencies and finally talking about it with his older sister first. He was thankful she hadn’t given him shit for daring to come out to her, but had listened calmly and finally had said what every uncertain youngster wants to hear in that situation; _it’s ok, there’s nothing wrong with you._

Family was everything to him and had been even more when his road had become rockier than he had expected it to be after coming out of the closet.

They had all been there for him after Jinyoung's so called friends had become aware out his sexuality. _That_ had been a stab in the back and it still made Jinyoung quite irritated. To think he had called those two schmucks his _friends_. How cruel it was to think now, even after all the years separating him from the teenage days, that he had actually thought he could trust someone outside his close family circle with the biggest secret of his life.

Had it been embarrassing and awkward? Yes.

Had he been hurt to his core to have his friends shun him suddenly because he had trusted his secret to them? Definitely.

Did those events in his life make him a bitter cynic? No.

Jinyoung had decided that there were rotten apples in every tree so he should simply move on and heal his wounds in private. He took the hidden malice and catcalls with a vacant expression on his face and the bullying had stopped before it had even really begun.

At that time it had been the final year for them all, meaning after graduation Jinyoung would change to a different school and leave the idiots behind. His mind had been full of determination not to trust unworthy people ever again and his lips would remain sealed until the day someone trustworthy came along.

Of course fate, or whatever you wanted to call it, karma perhaps, had had something in store for him; Jaebum.

With his sharp dark eyes, impeccable body and luscious lips, and wit to match Jinyoung’s, Jaebum had sneaked his way into Jinyoung’s heart easier than you crush a bug under your heel.

The first time Jinyoung had seen Jaebum it had been purely by accident. He had been watching with mild curiosity the school’s soccer team practicing on the field, which had been unusual for him as he had no interest running around mindlessly after a ball like an idiot. But he had been there because of his small group of friends who were more interested in the team practicing. And Jinyoung did enjoy the view quite a lot. Private admiring of course, but admiration none the less.

But why had his eyes eventually been glued only on Jaebum? Probably because the idiot had taken his shirt off all of a sudden and had pranced around on the field with nothing covering his very nicely built and athletic upper body. He had pushed back his hair with both hands, the afternoon sun highlighting the contours of his body like he was a softly painted picture of some forgotten statue and not just a good looking young man in his early twenties.

That had been the starting point for Jinyoung quietly and very discreetly lusting over a dishy guy he didn’t know, until the tides turned and their paths had started to cross more and more often.

Mutual friend circles had turned out into occasional mutual party attendances, random encounters in classes or in the library, several times they even sat by the same table in the school cafeteria. The only problem was that Jaebum seemed to refuse to look at him. At all. Like Jinyoung was there but.. Just _not there._

After having dealt with Jaebum ignoring him for the good part of the first year the infamous ball in the head entered the picture. That certainly had forced Jaebum’s attention on him and had finally brought him within Jinyoung’s grasp. Of course Jinyoung had had to make sure he wasn’t going to be some experiment for Jaebum, that Jaebum was into him for real, not some bi-curious fling. Jaebum had seen it as Jinyoung playing hard to get but from Jinyoung’s perspective it had been more like.. making sure he wouldn’t get burned for expressing him interest.

The game had been worth everything and now life was more than Jinyoung could have ever hoped for.

He picked up the brewed tea and cups and carried them all to the living room on a tray, thoughts lingering on the past. Those partly funny thoughts vanished quickly as he was welcomed into the sitting room by the sounds of happy gurgling made by his daughters. Sadly the sweet sounds were not because the girls saw him, but because Jackson and Mark were sitting on the floor each holding a wiggly baby girl by their fat little arms, helping them to practice their standing up, and helping them to take their unsteady steps with wobbly knees.

“They're grown so much I can't believe it!” Jackson was almost wailing, his much much bigger hands holding Jiyoo’s tiny plump ones carefully, the girl too focused on stomping very awkwardly her feet on the carpet covered floor, only making soft thumping sounds and completely ignoring everything else around her.

“You just saw them yesterday.” Jinyoung commented dryly, placing the tray on the coffee table. “They might grow fast but not _that_ fast.”

“Are you implying I have bad eyesight?” Jackson sounded scandalized, like he was hurt deeply by this comment. Jinyoung merely rolled his eyes and reached for his cup of tea.

“Jackson. You _have_ a bad eyesight.” Mark snorted, his eyes momentarily moving up from Jia to Jackson who pouted outrageously in response. Mark just huffed, turning his attention back on Jia who was ogling at him her eyes dark and unblinking, her rosy mouth pursed like she was measuring Mark from head to toe, like _she_ knew things weren’t all alright with her godfather.

Jinyoung examined Mark quietly, wondering what was going on inside Mark’s pretty little head. The situation _was_ rather flammable still. Or more like the situation was a big fat question mark, to him at least. He had no idea what to say or do so he just waited for something to break the ice. Of course he didn’t want to upset Mark by asking the wrong things, and Mark could be rather uninformative at times, but Jinyoung wanted to dig out the truth because he hadn't exactly been informed properly.

Jackson had come barging in yesterday, eyes dark and mouth a thin line, striding in from the door and had slammed his ass on one of the chairs in the kitchen, startling both Jinyoung and Jaebum by this abrupt appearance of his. Jackson had, rapidly and very intermittently explained that Mark might not be Youngjae's father after all and there was some mafia behind it all so Mark had to take a DNA test to prove himself to be Youngjae’s father.

Jinyoung had sat there with Jaebum feeling confused and unsure what to make of the garbled story, trying to find some sense in Jackson's wild explanations, which they never did. And now Mark was clammed up, having said only a few words since coming in with Jackson, so Jinyoung still wasn't one the wiser about anything regarding the story.

They weren't exactly in Italy or Japan so the idea of mafia, or yakuza for that matter, interference was absolutely ridiculous. Then again, who knew what the truth was. Watching how Mark's expressionless face only lit up when he was making faces and talking to his goddaughter, the truth could be basically anything.

Jinyoung didn't want to pressure Mark into telling anything but he was quite honestly dying to know. Both because he was curious and because he was worried as hell about his friend; he’d grown to love Mark like they had been friends since early childhood. Mark was like the odd quiet older friend he had never had, but sometimes Mark’s angry silences scared even him. Mark had the aura of a person who was still quiet even when his emotions were raging under his calm exterior; boiling and ready to blow up. You could see the storm raving inside him, ready to burst free and then, _then_ to hell with anything decent.

Jinyoung had a bad feeling Mark was about to lose his patience any moment now, though he hoped that wouldn’t happen because it would reflect on Jackson and when Jackson got upset the two of them would get back on warring against each other and seriously, Jinyoung had no real patience to deal with that shit again so soon.

“Have you heard from Noi?” Mark asked suddenly, breaking the silence filled only with the sound of the giggles and incoherent syllables the girls were squeaking, and with Jinyoung pouring tea into the cups.

“No. She said she'd call straight after she gets a hold of her lawyer.” Jackson pursed his lips, gazing down at Jiyoo wobbling on her unsteady feet and smiling faintly at her attempts on taking a few tentative steps supported by Jackson’s unfaltering hands.

“You asked her to intervene?” Jinyoung asked. He was almost surprised, but then again not. Jackson seemed to turn to her whenever things got bad enough for him to reach out for help.

“Not exactly. Just asked if she could consult her lawyer about this..” Jackson sighed. “About this all.” He rolled his eyes and shrugged. Jinyoung could see the exhaustion clear as a day from Jackson’s face and it only made him worry more.

“I should have gotten a lawyer ages ago. Why was I so stupid I thought we could do this without anyone sticking their noses into our affairs?” Mark grunted, his attempt to keep his voice neutral making him sound like a violin strung too tight.

“What exactly _is_ the situation? I was given some.. Rather vague information.” Jinyoung finally asked despite worrying about Mark’s reaction to the question, and shot an accusatory glance at Jackson who just stuck his tongue out at him. “You don't have to explain if you don't want to.” Jinyoung hurried to add when Mark's face turned even darker.

Mark gave a long sigh, catching the baby girl almost tumbling in front of him on the floor and lifting her into his arms instead. He hugged the incoherently babbling and bubbling girl softly, slightly desperately, pressing his face against the soft black hair and closing his eyes for a moment before looking up straight at Jinyoung over Jia’s head.

“No, it's ok. I can explain.” Mark took a more comfortable position by sitting cross-legged on the floor and his back supported against the couch.

Jinyoung sat there silent, holding his teacup between his palms carefully, feeling dread and curiosity at the same time. Jackson had gone silent as well, looking serious and only smiling when Jiyoo clearly wanted his attention.

“When I married Soyi it was only because I didn’t even question the fact that the child couldn’t be mine. All the evidence pointed at me and I was too shocked to even think of anything else. And until this day I hadn't thought more of it. Now however..” Mark grimaced gingerly. “I received a letter from Soyi’s father who kindly informed me that they wanted me to do a DNA test, because it had come to their attention that I wasn't the only one she'd been sleeping with at the time.” Mark paused for a while, adjusting Jia to a more comfortable position before continuing. “I don't know if Jackson told you about Soyi and her brother?”

“He did.” Jinyoung nodded darkly. That side of the story still made Jinyoung’s stomach twist unpleasantly. When he even thought about it the whole siblinghood seemed to twist and he wanted to gag. Just thinking about himself and either of his sisters.. _No fucking way._

“There's a chance Youngjae might be the result of.. of..” Mark seemed unable to finish, so he left the sentence hanging unfinished in the air, but no one really needed much imagination to fill in the rest.

“That.. that's.. I can't even..” Jinyoung was almost speechless, his words faltering. To think _that_ could be possible. It was a horrible thought. He couldn't even begin to think what Mark was feeling right now. To think someone might come and take your child away from you, it was comparable to removing a limb from your body, or a vital organ. Not to mention the possibility of having to explain to the said child his parents were from the same gene pool and the world wasn’t very accepting about things like that.

“It's quite beyond disgusting, yeah. But I'm hoping that it won't be the case.” Jia slapped her hands over Mark's face with an audible smacking sound, causing Mark to turn his head away from rough expressions of love. “I'm not obliged to consent to the test but I know what kind of people the Cho family are. They have the money, the power and lots of people working for them, willing to do anything. So in order to save Youngjae from any of that I _should_ do the test. And hope for the best..” The tone of desperation didn’t go unnoticed and it alarmed Jinyoung more than the aggression had.

“And if it turns out negative?” Jinyoung could barely breathe, the anticipation clutching to him like a wet, heavy and disgusting _something._

“I don't know. That's why I.. _we_ ,” Mark gave Jackson a fleeting smile though it was horribly tense. “ _-_ asked Noi for some help.”

At that precise moment Jackson’s phone started to play the Imperial March. Jinyoung had never seen Jackson fumbling his phone from his back pocket so fast.

In the process Jiyoo was left to stand on her own for a moment too long; she stood there like the great Pisa tower forever threatening to fall, leaning forward slowly and eventually tumbled backwards onto her butt with a soft _thud._ By some miracle she didn’t burst out crying, just wrinkled her tiny nose and started crawling onto Jackson’s lap, her beady dark eyes fixed on the phone Jackson had now balanced between his right ear and shoulder.

“Speak of the devil..” Jackson muttered quietly. “Hey, Noi! Was just talking about you.. No, I don’t think you’re the devil… No, I really don- Ok, fine maybe I do but that- Slow down a little, would y- _NOI!”_ Jackson frowned and picked Jiyoo up in his arms, the girl still attempting to gain access to the highly interesting piece of blinking lights and noises. “No, honey.. No. You can’t have Sseunie’s phone.” A moment of silence. “No, I didn’t mean you! Come on! We’re at Jinyoung’s place.” Jinyoung could hear the giggles from the other end even from the distance. He had never met Jackson's ex wife but from what he had heard he liked Noi the more he heard about her. They might get along fairly well, if they ever would get the chance to meet face to face.

Mark however displayed such an exasperated face Jinyoung could almost hear him restraining himself from snapping and grabbing the phone to himself to ask what did she have to say.

“So do you have any news?” Jackson finally managed to ask in between the laughter, apparently noticing Mark's tightly clenched jaw. A long moment of Jackson being otherwise quiet, except for the _Ok. Ok? Right. Mmhm._ “Ok, thank you. I’ll call you if we need anything else.”

Jackson put his phone away, enough far that Jiyoo couldn't reach it, and breathed slowly in before turning to face Mark.

“Well?” Mark’s voice was tense and marred with anxiety. “Am I fucked?”

“So. This is a very summarized version: They can’t take Youngjae away from you since you’ve already been announced as the father. They should have done that a long time ago. Right now you can't be demanded to do anything, but..” Jackson hesitated, biting his lip. “..from what you said, you think there could still be trouble?” Mark nodded gravely, his face blank. “Legally I don't think there's much they can do unless they harness some mega lawyer to mess things up for you. I mean if you’re _not_ the father, which I don't believe for one second!, or they have someone who is the suspected biological father who could demand the rights to see Youngjae, there should be no real reason to worry. They would have to prove the DNA compatibility with someone else and the only way to get that is by court order.”

“But basically I’m still fucked should I do this or that.” Mark laughed a short hollow laugh that made a nasty chill run down Jinyoung’s spine and even Jackson looked more alarmed than just sympathetic.

“Like you said, you don’t have to consent to the test.” Jackson said quietly. “And Youngjae is always going to be your son. No matter how many tests they take. You’re the father, he’ll stay with you.”

Mark didn’t say anything but for a moment he looked like he was on the edge of tears, just hugging Jia closer like her frail body could somehow protect him from the storm crawling towards him.

Jinyoung wished there was something he could do but there wasn't, and the only thing he could do was to be there to offer a shoulder to lean on.

It wasn't much but it was something. Better than nothing.

~

It could have been worse.

A lot worse.

But it was still not good.

After Noi’s phone call Mark had decided to shove the whole DNA test from his mind, at least for the moment because it was messing him up good. He did try everything in his power to calm his nerves and actually _think_ what he should do and not to blow up or do something stupid, but it wasn't easy and it showed. Mark rarely had looked so damn harassed 24/7.

Work was mostly hell because no matter what he tried he couldn’t for the life of him focus 100% and of course it pissed Yoongi off majorly. They had big plans coming up and the timing for this Youngjae business messed up everything.

If there had not been Jackson Mark would have lost it all a long time ago. Jackson was the only thing that kept him rooted to the ground, kept him sane enough to function somehow.

Mark probably didn't express his feelings clearly but he was grateful Jackson was there to provide him the essential support silently and unconditionally. The way Jackson just took care of most of the chores in the house, among other daily things, gave Mark the time to be unfocused and try to sort out his confusing thoughts in peace.

Jackson didn’t say anything when Mark went out take a two hour long run just to vent his feelings. He didn’t complain when Mark spend entire evenings with Youngjae just reading books with him. Never said anything when Mark crawled into bed and closed his eyes without a word.

Most nights though, Mark fell asleep with Jackson holding his hand gently in his, or spooning him, silently being a tower of strength to him and it was enough. Enough to provide Mark the rest he needed in order to muddle through the next day.

Without Jackson things could have been a lot worse and Mark knew that Jackson was doing everything in his power to not to get offended, and that Mark would have to somehow, after this mess would be solved, repay his efforts and thank him for everything. He knew he was distant and probably and asshole but for crying out loud, maybe he had the right to be a bit distracted?

_After the mess would be solved._

When would it even _be_ solved? If it ever would be.

Mark had eventually decided to ignore the request sent to him and _not_ to go ahead and do the DNA test. It made him anxious in a way he had never felt before. Was it the best decision? Maybe so. Could he live with the tormenting thought that there might be a reason to doubt his relation with Youngjae? Could he live with the thought that Youngjae _might be_ a result of an incestuous relationship?

Questions that kept running in circles inside his head and sometimes they were so loud Mark thought he would go deaf or mad. He tried to reason with himself, tried to make himself to feel certain that it was the right decision to ignore the request and leave the whole matter be.

But it still gnawed him at the back of his mind. The doubt and uncertainty were coiling inside him like he was a container for condensed evil and malice having taken the forms of giant poisonous snakes, corroding his insides and eating away the bulletproof certainty that had always kept him going on whenever he wasn’t sure if he could push through.

And then _that_ morning happened.

Mark had inexcusably been late that morning, the boys having stalled him by squabbling over something and being stubborn little shits, refusing _any_ cooperation which had led them all being late and Mark had had to restrain his temper from snapping altogether.

After finally dropping the boys off to school, along with wide eyed and tousle haired Yugyeom, Mark had just been pulling on his denim jacket for the second time that morning when the doorbell rang. He was late, he wasn’t sure where his wallet was and now there was someone at the door. Great.

Mark cursed rather loudly at the disturbance, not really bothered to keep his voice down since he was alone and the person behind the door definitely deserved the annoyance from him by turning up at this unreasonable hour at their doorstep. Unless it would the prime minister or the Queen of England he didn’t really care who it was. Damn everyone for trying to stall him this morning. Even Jackson had been slightly mulish and they had ended up snapping at each other about something as stupid as laundry.

Mark opened the door with just one thought in his mind; to get rid of this person as fast as possible.

However when he saw who was standing outside the door his mouth went dry and every single muscle in his body seemed to freeze.  

“Good morning, Mark.”

“Mr. Cho.. uh.. Good morning? What.. What brings you here?” Mark tried his best to keep his voice even but his heart was hammering rather loudly now that the initial shock was wearing off. His ears were practically humming with all the blood rushing to keep his body functioning.

“I would rather not discuss this here. May I come in?” The steel cold certainly that _of course_ they would continue this inside only barely hidden under the surface of polished politeness.

“Of course.” By some miracle Mark managed to keep himself from stuttering like a complete fool, though he did feel like one.

Mark let his very unexpected visitor inside and closed the door behind them, praying to any god nearby this wouldn't take too long because Yoongi would skin Mark alive if he would be late any more than he already was. Of all the mornings it had to be today when the boys had been acting up and Mark and Yoongi had an extremely important meeting first thing in the morning.

_Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. FUCK._

“Come on..” Mark muttered as he hastily pressed the phone to his ear after speed dialing Yoongi, waiting the line to connect him. “Come on pickuppickuppickup.. _Yoongi!”_ Mark exhaled sharply when the definitely annoyed voice of his friend carried to his ear.

 _“Where the hell are you?!”_ Yoongi barked and Mark had to hold the phone away from his ear for a little while. _“The investors are here already! Are you fucking your boyfriend again?! You son of bitch.. You are, aren't you.. Mark I swear I'm gonn-”_

“He's here. Yoongs I can't get there now!” Mark hissed, annoyed, worried and overwhelmed; all in a bad way.

_“WHO is there?! It better be the Queen of the damned because I swear M-”_

“Soyi’s _father_ is here! Remember the guy? You should and if you don't.. Can I remind you of the time he almost shut down our business because he thought it was taking too much of my time!”

There was ominous silence at the other end and Mark found his heart dropping to his stomach, pulsing there very uncomfortably.

 _“Why is he there?”_ Yoongi sounded wary, like he was treading a path covered with shattered glass shards on barefoot.

“Well I don't know! He just came in and I have to go talk with him. I'll be there as soon as I can.” Mark’s explanation probably made no sense what so ever but he had no time to explain more details.

_“What the hell am I supposed to do with these people in here!”_

“I don’t know! Ask Namjoon to help or something! _Fuck,_ I really gotta go now.”

 _“Mark wai-”_ But Mark ended the call abruptly, stuffing the phone to his back pocket before kicking off his sneakers and following his definitely unexpected visitor to the living room.

Soyi’s father, the respectable and quite intimidating, Cho Kyungsoo was standing in front of the shelf where Mark and Jackson kept their photograph frames. The moments captured forever on the pieces of shiny pieces of paper were full of laughter and silly faces, small moments of happiness someone had managed to capture. There fragile pieces of happiness now suddenly seemed to mean even more than they had just thirty minutes ago when he had been ready to whup both Youngjae and Bambam’s asses.

He wanted to run over and collect all the frames away, hide them all, put them out of sight as fast as he could. Not because he was ashamed of the stupid group photos of the kids with mud or paint all over their happy faces, or the equally mushy ones of him and Jackson. No, Mark wanted to put the pictures somewhere safe and away from prying eyes, because they made him feel extremely vulnerable when someone was examining them so closely, like this man now was. It made Mark’s skin crawl and his insides shrink and he wanted to get this thing over with swiftly.

Mark realized he had told to Yoongi he had no idea why Soyi’s father was there, but now that he had had a tiny moment to breath, he knew there could only be one reason; Youngjae.

Kyungsoo was in his late sixties, his short hair turning steely gray and his face betrayed his constant habit of frowning; there were dozens of lines around his thin mouth and on his forehead. He was in undeniably good shape for his age, his dress suit immaculate and his eyes sharp and nearly black. If you watched mafia movies at all you could easily place Kyungsoo in the middle of one and he would look like was born to be there. It was corny and terrible at the same time.

Mark shivered. He had only met Kyungsoo a few times over the years, and every single time he had it had left him shivering, not sure of himself and head aching. He felt so damn exposed in front of someone who emanated such an incredible aura of no-bullshit-or-there-will-be-trouble.

“Is this your lover?”

Mark nearly jumped out of his skin, the sudden question startling him from his thoughts. He looked up to find Kyungsoo holding a picture of Mark and Jackson standing face to face, arms around each other and smiling softly, eyes locked together. Mark remembered when the picture had been taken; Jaebum had taken it in January when things had still been uncomplicated and sweet. When there had been nothing tarnishing the relationship, nothing marring their happiness. Now everything was all like a messy ball of yarn in the paws of a ferocious kitten.

“Yes.” Mark tried to keep his voice steady and calm but the nervous tremor in it was awkwardly audible. He felt like he was going to be belted soon, like he was a misbehaving child facing the consequences of having done something stupid.

“I see.” Kyungsoo said nothing else and placed the frame back on the shelf, turning to look at Mark seriously, his arms behind his back and looking incredibly out of place in their cozy living room. Someone so sharply dressed up didn’t exactly look like he even wanted to be there in the middle of their normal and slightly messy life.

Fine, it wasn’t _that_ messy, mostly because Mark and Jackson both had a habit trying to keep things somewhat neat but Mark couldn't help but to notice the odd lonely sock on the couch, the discarded and forlorn Transformer near the TV, the open DVD cases under the coffee table.. _Damn kids.._

“Why are you here?” Mark asked, pushing away the need to collect the misplaced things and organize everything until the house was tiptop clean and tidy.

“I presume you received the letter.” It wasn't even a question so Mark just nodded in response, worry unfurling inside his stomach and making his chest feel heavy. “Well?”

“I..” Mark swallowed, trying to shake off his timidness. This was about his boy, about his precious and irreplaceable Youngjae; the eternal sunshine of his life and the most cherished living being Mark had ever sworn to protect. And protect he would. “I'm not obliged to do anything. The demands should have been made within the year of Youngjae's birth.” He stood his ground surprisingly strong, folding his arms before him and trying to look like he knew he was up against a mighty emperor and still was prepared to fight.

“I see.” Kyungsoo was like impenetrable ice, an iceberg that simply floated in the sea innocently but was dangerous and deadly enough to sink a ship, tearing it open without much effort. Mark did feel like he was Titanic, ready to be drowned at any moment. “And nothing will change your mind?”

“I doubt it. Youngjae is my son no matter what. I have the sole custody of him. Soyi signed the papers and delivered them to me herself.”

“What if we claim she wasn't in her right mind when she did that?” The small shift in the older man's presence chilled Mark's entire soul. Soyi had definitely inherited her father’s indifferent behaviour. Like father like daughter. “What if we take the matter to court to nullify it all?”

“That.. You..” Mark had expected this but he still was stumped to find it slapped to his face. “It would be bad.” He ended up finishing lamely.

“Quite.”

“And if I still refuse?”

“It could get very difficult for you and to your..” A significant glance at the pictures again. “..partner.”

“I don't want Youngjae to suffer. Or anyone else in my family.”

“Then do the test. If you are confirmed as the biological father I will say no more of this. But if you're not.. then we will see what happens.”

“Considering I still have the evidence about Soyi that could compromise your claim over Youngjae in any court, I think I have some leverage in this.” Mark was chewing on the inside of his cheek, his heart beating hard but steady, the booming sound deafening in his ears. He had thought he would never have to think about the diary again.

“Yes, she certainly made things difficult with her behaviour.” A dark shadow passed over the lined face as Kyungsoo frowned, his thick brows burrowing and making him look even more threatening. “If you bring that up I can promise there will be inconveniences.”

“But it would still be out in the public.”

“It would still make your life significantly more difficult.”

They stared at each other in dead silence, the ticking of the clock in the kitchen echoing in the stillness of the moment. Seconds dragged by them slowly and heavy, covered with tar as black as the darkest of nights. It was a nightmare Mark wanted to wake up from but he couldn’t bring himself to pinch his arm to do so.

“All I ask is two things and if you consent to those it can be very profitable for you. It doesn't require much effort from you; just a swab or two and then it will be over. However if you decide to bring the diary in the light you can be sure your life won't ever be the same again.”

“Why is this so important to you? Why can't you just believe Youngjae is mine and leave it at that?” Mark threw caution to the wind, his desperation taking over his remaining reasoning.

“Because despite her thoughtless and highly condemnable actions Soyi is still my daughter. And if the real father is..” Kyungsoo looked pained for a moment, which made him look more human for the first time Mark had seen him to be, but the emotion was wiped away quickly, almost angrily. “If the child's father is my son then with more reason I would rather see the child in the family. If the father is someone else other than you, it is up to them to carry on however they wish. Soyi has no say in this but she _will_ do as I say.”

“And if Youngjae is mine, like he most certainly is, what will you do then?”

“Then you will be left as you are. I won't argue with the contracts. But I _must_ know the truth.”

“This is insane..” Mark whispered mostly to himself, shaking his head in utter disbelief, but he knew Kyungsoo could hear him quite clearly. He breathed in slowly, his thoughts in complete disarray.

“Like I said; I only ask two things of you.”

~

The elevator came to a soft halt, the equally soft _ding_ cutting the subdued music playing in the background. A pleasant female voice announced the floor and the doors slid open with a hushed whoosh, allowing the group of people huddled inside the elevator to clamber out.

Jinyoung pried Yugyeom’s hands off of the support rail inside the elevator and quite honestly had to drag the boy out. Where had Yugyeom picked up the irrational fear for elevators Jinyoung couldn't even begun to guess. All he knew that it was turning out to be rather inconvenient when they were supposed to be out shopping with the stroller, and the stroller always meant elevators in a mall, which exactly was the problem here.

Jinyoung sighed, not even trying to detach Yugyeom from his leg but tried to walk as normally as one could with a child attached to his limb.

Jaebum pushed the twin stroller ahead of Jinyoung and their clingy son, his head turning from side to side, obviously trying to find the right section to fulfill their agenda for today. The faster they would reach the store the sooner they would be out and on their way back home. Sometimes Jaebum was so easy to read.

“It's to the left.” Jinyoung called out to his husband who looked rather displeased having to even be here. It was no news that Jaebum didn’t exactly enjoy the shopping mall but he complied with Jinyoung when he asked nicely enough.

“Right.” The dark grunt was audible and Jinyoung rolled his eyes. He wanted to reply stupidly _No I said left_ , but decided at the last moment not to aggravate Jaebum more. He was rather sweet anyway to agree on doing the shopping together, so there was no real point in getting on his nerves.

Summer time had caught up with everyone with a bang; May had flown by them in a hazy rush and now it was nearly time for the schools to be out for the summer. With the warm weather and sunny cloudless days came the trouble of clothing their young ones.

Jia and Jiyoo had grown so much it was impossible to find a fitting piece of clothing for them to wear. It was the annoying part of having very small children; they grew up so damn fast it was like they weren’t humans but plants that sucked the sunlight and could grow taller and bigger right before your eyes. Thus Jinyoung had opted to shop some new ones and probably go through the second hand stores for the rest. There was no real point in getting too many brand new clothes, obviously for the reasons mentioned before; toddlers grew so fast they had no time to wear off the clothes before they were already too small for them to wear.

Getting Jaebum to come with him had been almost easy; a blowjob when the girls were napping and Yugyeom was outside wreaking havoc with Bambam and Youngjae, and a small irritating remark how Jaebum could either stay home alone with the kids or simply come along so the time shopping at the mall would definitely be depleted and not doubled. And because doubled would mean Jaebum being alone with the children for a long time..

Jinyoung smiled. The hasty _Yes, I’ll come with you_ had made his day so much better so early in the morning.

The section Jinyoung was guiding his family towards to was naturally the children's clothing stores. All three children needed something decent to wear and Jinyoung wasn’t going to be too cheap about Yugyeom. The boy needed new jeans as well as something to wear to the end-of-year ceremony at school.

While walking unsteadily on with Yugyeom still being like a baby koala, which in the end made Jinyoung detach the boy from his leg and raise him up in his arms instead, Jinyoung noticed a group of young women watching Jaebum with curious eyes. He sighed and hurried to catch up with the trio, knowing what most likely would happen when this little group of women would realize the truth about Jaebum and the children.

And there it was a moment later, that confusion and momentary disappointment. Some of the women revealed barely hidden disgust upon realizing the truth and some turned their eyes away, refusing to look at them any longer.

It was annoying and generally just got on Jinyoung’s nerves but he had learnt to ignore the stabbing feeling when he was faced with the ignorant shunning from strangers who had no real right to judge the way they lived their lives. It would have been the same if Jinyoung had done the same to all the generic straight couples. But it wasn't in his nature to be racist or an hetero-phobic, so he tried to leave all the negativity aside.

But sometimes he really wanted to walk over to those people and ask why they thought the hetero normative way was supposedly the only way to live. Did they not bring up their children the same way as all the hetero couples did? Did gay people actually differ _that much_ you had to scowl at them just for trying to have a normal fucking life?

What utter bullshit.

Jinyoung scoffed silently and decided to ignore the glares. No use ruining his perfectly fine day with his family because some idiots didn’t have enough open minds.

The store they stepped in was brightly lit, quiet and mostly consisted of clothes in shining whites or gentle blush pinks. Why did everything have to be so frilly and pristine? The garments wouldn't stay very clean for very long after they were put on the kids anyway.

Jinyoung was ready to battle social norms again and dress his daughters in black if he bloody well wanted to, but.. once again Jinyoung simply rolled his eyes and gave in for the temptation to dress his daughters up to look like crawling cotton balls that made odd gurgling sounds, like they were talking in some strange alien language and not any language detected on the planet Earth.

Yugyeom finally wanted to be put down, which conveniently left Jinyoung free to explore the shop without having to worry the boy accidentally kicking a stand over or something as nice. Though, having him running around on the floor wasn’t going to stop that from happening, but at least he wouldn’t kick Jinyoung in the process. Possibly.

The racks were full of clothes each cuter than the next one and Jinyoung found himself, despite wanting to gag at the fluffiness, sighing and touching all the small dresses and skirts, tiny shirts with soft lace sewn on the collar or the sleeves. He came back to reality, and almost dropped a pair of incredibly cute but honestly completely useless pair of tiny shoes, when he heard Jaebum’s voice cooing softly over the handle of the stroller at the extremely alert girls sitting in it.

Jinyoung was always highly amused when be found Jaebum baby talking; it was both adorable and weird. Mostly adorable, and Jinyoung would rather sell his right hand than have Jaebum stop being a goddamn sweetheart.

“Can I be of assistance?” A cheery, I’m-ready-to-help voice startled Jinyoung from his observations and he turned around to find a brightly smiling young lady standing close to him. “Those shoes come in four different colours, I can bring them here if you would like to see them?”

“No, thank you.”

“Is there something specific you're looking for?”

Yugyeom chose that exact moment to come galloping back to Jinyoung and suddenly Jinyoung found his waist being hugged rather fiercely. Why Yugyeom was being so clingy was a mystery to him.

“Daddy I want ice creaaammm~!”

“Not now. Daddy needs to find something for your sisters first.”

“They don't need more clothes! They'll be crawling without clothes anyway!” Yugyeom looked up at Jinyoung, puffing his cheeks full of air.

“Where did you get that idea from?” Yugyeom blew a loud raspberry that made Jinyoung want to groan. Why did the boy have to be like this when they were in public?

“Dad.” Yugyeom announced seriously, pointing at the general direction of Jaebum. Jinyoung gave him a questioning look and apparently Yugyeom understood the unsaid question because he continued calmly. “Dad said that the wee mongrels always make a huge mess so they can as well be butt naked the whole summer!” Jinyoung almost choked and the sales girl hid her mouth behind her hand quickly, preventing her silent giggles from being visible.

“Is that what he said.” He would certainly have a small talk with his darling spouse about what Yugyeom was supposed to hear and what he wasn't. “You can pick something for yourself.” And as Yugyeom’s face lit up Jinyoung hurried to continue. “Just one item. _One_.” He held up one finger to emphasize the importance of this number.

“Sweet!” And then he was off, skipping away happily like nothing had ever scared him into playing a sloth today.

“Would you please show me where you keep long sleeved shirts for toddlers.” Jinyoung sighed, turning to face the faintly smiling girl.

“Of course. Right this way, please.” She started walking to the far right corner of the store, Jinyoung following her still not sure should he be miffed or amused by Jaebum’s usage of words. “You have a cute son.”

“Yes, he's very cute when he wants to be. Too bad most of the time it's just pure mulishness. Be glad he didn't make a scene and start screaming that _he_ wants to crawl around stark naked all summer long because it would be a _major_ unfairness if his sisters were allowed and he wasn't.” Jinyoung was sure there was a day somewhere in the future when he wouldn’t have to put up with temper tantrums that came out of nowhere and usually for no good reason.

“Oh, we've had them all here.” She sighed. “There was this one little girl who actually _did_ tear all her clothes off, while screaming at her parents about the injustice of having to wear a _purple_ dress instead of _pink_. It was rather.. unpleasant.” She rolled her eyes and then shot a sympathetic glance at Jinyoung following her. “My baby boy is about the same age as yours and I'm already neck deep in having doors slammed and food thrown at me. Not to mention the cursing..” She sighed. “So, here are the shirts you were asking.”

Jinyoung felt suddenly incredibly lucky to have such a docile child. Yugyeom could have been so much worse after all.

“That’s hard. But I suppose it will pass in time.” He had no real comfort to offer but what he had said was true; children usually, in most cases, grew out of rebellious phases.

“I’m sure it will be fine. At least your children have two parents and that’s all they need.” She gave him a radiant smile and Jinyoung was struck speechless at the sheer friendliness he was given. It wasn’t often he encountered strangers who accepted him and his family, and more often than not the negative comments drowned the good ones.

He ought to work on that, try to concentrate on the good instead of the bad.

Jinyoung shot a quick glance at Jaebum further away and caught him smiling dreamily at a pale blue poofy dress. Such a hopeless romantic and a soft-hearted man; Jinyoung loved him all the more for being like this and he knew he was lucky to have something some people didn’t ever get to experience.

Of course the two of them weren’t perfect and they fought and argued over the stupidest of things, but it was part of life, wasn’t it? You can’t be a perfect human being because there simply isn’t such a thing. No one is perfect.

But you can try to be the best you are. And that is enough.

~

“Hey Youngjae?” Bambam let his dangerously high reaching swing come to a halt and looked at his friend still going higher and higher with his swing. Neither of the boys ever stopped to think what would happen if the chains of the swing broke, or if their hold would slip; the thrill of reaching up to the sky, thinking how it would feel to go _over_ the top of the swing and do a full circle, it was what kept them from thinking rationally. Danger of getting hurt wasn't the first thing in their minds.

“Yeah?” Youngjae laughed, his reply sounding more like a squeal of delight as his toes were reaching up towards the half cloudy azure sky.

“Is your Dad ok?” Bambam frowned a bit, his full lips pursing while he was gently making his swing rock back and forth, his heels grounded on the sand beneath his feet.

Youngjae’s swing started to slow down. With every whooshing sound the swing reduced its speed, Youngjae’s feet automatically breaking the pendulum motion and finally came to a complete halt. He turned to look at Bambam with mild confusion written all over his sun kissed face.

“I dunno? I guess he is. Why? Did you do something?” Youngjae was suspicious as this wouldn’t be the first time his Dad would be annoyed with Bambam doing something, but he was mostly going to be rather butthurt if this was the case; they were supposed to be best buddies, almost brothers!, and if Bambam had done something bad, in their parent's opinion of course, it surely was something _awesome_ in his opinion. But then again Youngjae would be extremely happy if he wasn't the one to blame for, let's say for example breaking one of the remote controls, because he always got scared whenever Mark or Jackson got angry at him.

“I didn't do anything!” Bambam exclaimed quickly, highly offended. “I just thought he was really mad about something because he was angry this morning. And he’s been arguing with my Dad too!”

“But they always argue?” Youngjae made his swing spin around a full horizontal circle. “Isn’t that how they tell how much they like each other?” Youngjae might be insightful sometimes but he was just a kid after all. He had been living with his father having small arguments with Jackson over a year now and somehow it didn’t feel like bad arguing so he naturally concluded this was what affection looked like.

At first it had been a bit scary but then he had noticed Mark and Jackson always had small moments when they were just looking at each other quickly and smiling softly, especially after exchanging words in strained and hushed voices. And when they quickly brushed the other’s hair while passing by, or gave a quick squeeze of the hand over a shoulder, or anything like that, in the eyes of a child it looked like love and not hate. At least what Youngjae understood about love and hate at his respective age.

“Yeah, my Mom and Dad always argue too..” Bambam nodded seriously, the logic behind Youngjae’s reasoning very clear to him. “Do you think we should climb that old big tree over there to see if we can reach the top?”

“Without Yugyeom? He’ll be sad if we climb there and he’s not with us.”

“We don’t have to tell him!”

“Like you can keep a secret.” Youngjae huffed, still extremely grumpy about the time Bambam had told Yugyeom Youngjae had a crush on one of their classmates.

“I can keep a secret!” Bambam rose to defend himself quickly.

“No you can’t!”

“Can too!”

“NO!”

“You’re stupid!”

 _“You’re_ stupid!”

The swings got forgotten as Youngjae lunged at Bambam who dodged like a professional the sudden attack and started running away as fast as his skinny legs would carry him. Youngjae sprinted after him like there was fire licking at his heels. The burning embarrassment of someone laughing at him made him run faster than ever and Youngjae eventually tripped Bambam on the grass.

The wrestling match made their tidy clothes turn blotchy with muddy green and brown but they naturally had no concerns about those things; there was injured pride to be avenged after all.

After punching and kicking each other half seriously for a good while Youngjae and Bambam stopped the necessary cleaning of air between them and stared instead up to the sky, breathing unevenly but smiling widely. It was good to be a kid and fight and then be able to forget it the next minute.

White fluffy clouds drifted slowly above them, the sky so blue it was calling out to them to just dive into the blueness of it. The warm wind blew over them bringing with it the smell of summer. It smelled like freshly cut grass, like the colour green and a mixture of fragrant flowers. It was the smell of ice cream and freedom, of endless hours of doing nothing but being content and the world would be open to them from sunrise to sunset, and behind every corner there was a new adventure just waiting for them to find it.

“You know it would really suck if we didn’t live together.” Bambam said finally, turning his dirt smeared face to look at Youngjae who had his arms raised up. He looked like he was conducting an orchestra with his hands, waving them in intricate motions in the air. Or maybe he was painting something on the sky, some funny picture Bambam couldn’t see.

Youngjae turned to look at Bambam, his smile faltering a little.

“It would totally suck. I hope Dad and Jackson stay together forever.”

“Me too. Think we’ll get to go on a vacation this year too?”

“Like we were last year with your Mom?”

“Yeah it would be so cool. Mom’s so awesome. And Dad too. And I like Mark too!”

“But it sucks if Gyeommie can’t go with us. He said he will have to go to his grandparents this summer.” Youngjae was quiet for a while. “I miss my grandpa. He always takes me to festivals and there is Disney World _really_ close to his house!”

“Oh my god I wanna go there too!” Bambam’s eyes were shining, the mere idea of _Disney World_ making him so excited there was a happy tingling in his toes and fingers.

“We should ask Dad if we can go this summer!” Youngjae clapped his hands together a few times, looking disturbingly like a baby otter while lying on the grass on his back and squinting up to the sky.

“Yeah totally!”

The small argument from before completely forgotten as the two boys laughed at the incredible range of things to dream of doing while they were free to roam around. It didn’t matter if any of their dreams would ever be real, though the disappointment would still sting badly, but it was enough to be able to dream and hype and feel intoxicated with all the possibilities for now.

The last day of school would be tomorrow and then everything would be available for them. _Everything you could imagine._ And kids tend to imagine a lot of things.

The azure sky as their sole witness, the two skinny boys scrambled up from the ground and disappeared under the canopy of bright green leaves sheltering them from the burning afternoon sun. Their laughter echoed in the air long after the playground was empty and the swings were moving lonely and kind of sad in the gentle breeze pushing them back of forth.

~

Jackson was drifting. His gaze was blankly fixed on the wall far from him; white beneath the cheery posters shouting equally cheery slogans how everything was great if you only had good values and good health in life. The windows to the room were shaded to block the early afternoon sun from scorching the people stuck inside and Jackson hated the way his dress shirt was clinging onto his sweaty back. He had at least taken off his jacket, it was way too hot to wear it inside, and had loosened the tie around his neck to stop himself from feeling like he would suffocate any moment now because of it.

He knew, somewhere under all the dazed and hazy exterior of his, that he should be focusing on his surroundings. Surroundings that were demanding Jackson's attention quite desperately but he found himself absolutely unable to give it. His whole undivided observation skills were focused on the past month, on this morning and the constant harassed expression hiding right under Mark’s otherwise calm exterior.

How could he make that go away?

Jackson didn't like to see Mark so troubled but there was very little for him to do to make things better, which naturally sucked. He was almost at the end of his rope and could only hope for the best, though it really didn’t look like things were going to turn out fine any time soon.

He knew Mark had made the decision of not taking the DNA test and he was kind of proud of Mark because of it. It took guts to say no, but at the same time Jackson realized Mark was torn between his conflicted thoughts. Even Jackson could guess most of the thoughts possessing Mark and he felt so incredibly sorry for Mark having to deal with them.

How would it feel if Jackson would have to live doubting his and Bambam’s blood relation for the rest of their lives?

He couldn’t even think about it. It was too dark and too awful.

“Mr. Wang?” Piped up a small voice and Jackson blinked. He focused his gaze on the young girl steadily gazing at him with her hand held up.

“Yes, Angelica?” The morbid thoughts vanished slowly and Jackson realized a little too late the whole class was looking at him like he was about to sprout horns any moment now.

“Are you ok?”

“Yes, yes I'm fine.” Damn it, he shouldn’t go blacking out like this on a school day, and in front of his students no less.

“You have been staring at the wall behind us for the past fifteen minutes..” Angelica’s voice was full suspicion and Jackson could very well imagine what kind of reputation he would have after this. Great. Just fantastic.

“Have I?” Jackson shook his head a little to banish the haziness; he hadn’t slept all that well for the past weeks. Not with Mark in a pinch and him being worried as hell about his boyfriend who talked even less than usual and kept pulling away. And it was ok, right? Ok, maybe not completely ok but still Jackson _understood_ the pulling away and didn’t blame Mark for it.

The general agreeing murmur echoing in the classroom made Jackson purse his lips. Right. Time to get a grip and deal with the rest of the duties he had.

“You were supposed to give us the diplomas..” Angelica’s voice drifted away hopefully.

“Yes, yes. Of course. Don’t worry, you’ll get them.” It was the last day at his school, the graduation ceremony had just taken place moments ago, and Jackson was supposed to hand out the end of year diplomas to his students. He should wish them good luck for the summer and hope they wouldn’t come back two months later all empty headed and dumb. Which was mostly a futile hope.

“Ok, let’s get this over with so you can get out and start misbehaving yourselves..” Jackson sighed, glancing at the pile of papers in front of him. He had to push the worry away for now. It was no use to wallow in misery when he had work to do. “Abbot, Daniel.”

 

When the last student had finally disappeared from the door Jackson slumped over his desk and turned his face to look outside of the window. Sun was going lower but it was still scorching, the rays piercing the pulled down venetian blinds. He should gather his things and clear his desk. There were groceries to do and he should take out Bambam’s better clothes for tomorrow, probably should do the same with Youngjae’s clothes but he wasn’t sure what Mark wanted the boy to wear, so maybe it would be better to wait for him to come home first..

Mark had been so distant for so long it was eating Jackson from the inside. He had tried his best but he was running out of energy to keep up the day to day life. To put it plain and simple he felt left out.

He knew Mark liked to mull things over by himself and that it would be easier to handle Mark being quiet when they were face to face, but still.. It would have been nice if Mark had shared his thoughts to Jackson during the day too. It was the annoying radio silence that killed him during the hours they were separated.

Jackson knew better than to get offended by Mark’s silences but he always ended up hoping Mark would grow to lean on him more. Though it did comfort him a little that Mark was affectionate when they went to sleep and didn’t push Jackson away when he hugged Mark close.

Maybe it was too early to hope for such bond between them.

They had only been together about a year and the whole relationship was still mostly unexplored territory in everything. They were in their puppy love state, and it was awesome of course, though having kids involved forced them to take everything a lot more seriously. Jackson had to admit his desire to be with Mark had certainly not diminished at all, even with all the complications going on from time to time. His feelings felt deeper, more grounded and clear as time went by and he was content for them just being together. Of course he would have loved to seal the deal too but there was no real sense to go rushing into such things right now.

Right now it was enough to be together.

The sunlight moved slowly lower, creeping over Jackson, slithering down the contours of his face like it was sorry to stop caressing the slightly sweaty skin. It was a hot, almost burning even through the window glass and blinds, and Jackson wished he had had the energy to sit up and leave this empty room where only dim shadows were playing tag with the sunlight under the tables and chairs. He was tired and he allowed it to show now that there was no one to witness his moment of weakness.

His thoughts kept going back to Mark no matter what he tried to distract himself with.

Maybe they should take a vacation when all this would be solved.

Jackson sighed and closed his eyes, little flashing lights burning behind his closed lids and dancing around like a bunch of fireflies had gone absolutely bonkers in the heat. He knew he was probably going to visit his parents, his mom had called him a few times and the more they talked the more Jackson missed them. He just really wanted go back to Hong Kong with Mark and Youngjae but they hadn’t yet talked about the summer plans, mostly because there had been no time in between being busy and having shit thrown into their lives.

Then again Mark had been talking about going to Los Angeles to visit his family and how Jackson and Bambam should come too. The mere idea of meeting the rest of Mark’s family made Jackson’s skin tingle. He didn’t want to disappoint anyone and he wanted to make a good impression so he was nervous and apprehensive, and extremely excited about it the minute Mark had talked about it for the first time.

Meeting Mark’s dad had been an almost fiasco last time but luckily Raymond had such a good sense of humour and he had seemed to like Jackson enough. At least he hadn’t right then and there said anything about Jackson being unworthy of dating someone so incredible like Mark. So, maybe the rest of the family would approve of him as well.

Maybe.

Hopefully.

_Shit.._

He was so nervous just thinking about it. But he wanted to make Mark happy. _More_ than happy. He wanted to see that silly toothy grin spreading over the precious face every single day from this day forth until the end of the goddamn universe. There was nothing, Bambam and his family excluded, that made Jackson feel more elated than seeing Mark happy and content, smiling so radiantly he was practically glowing.

Jackson’s phone vibrated the first time today and he unlocked the screen lazily but his eyes widened when he realized Mark had actually sent him a message.

He opened it hastily, sitting up and his eyes grew even wider.

_Well, damn._

~

Mark sat in his car on a relatively empty parking lot, his eyes closed and sheltering himself from the heatwave that would envelope him the moment he would open the door and step out of the comfort of his nicely air conditioned car.

Why was he doing this? Just _why?_

Because of Youngjae. Of course. There was nothing else, and no one else, he would have done this for but for his son.

Because in Mark's world the number one priority was, and would always be no matter what any fucking tests would say, Youngjae. His own concerns were secondary the moment any of his nearest and dearest were compromised, even more so if it was because of him. He didn’t care what happened him, but god have mercy on his soul, he would go ballistic if something would happen to Youngjae. Or his parents. Or Jackson.

He might be a man of few words but he had always been better at expressing his feelings with subtle actions; Jackson was better at expressing himself in straightforward ways, though most of the time his affections were hidden as well, despite him being so extroverted.

Gods, he did love that idiot so much, quirks and all.

After the respectable character of Kyungsoo had left the house Mark had slumped on the couch and heaved a deep sigh. His skin had been crawling and itching unpleasantly and he had had a strong urge to scrub himself clean with boiling water. Maybe bathe in disinfectant too. Like he had been dirty somehow; tarnished beyond ever being clean again. He really hoped that particular feeling would disappear soon.

The day hadn’t been a good one, not at all. Yoongi had called Mark about fifty times after Mark had hung up on him, and the last time when he did manage to reach Mark, Yoongi had called him with such names they still made Mark’s ears burn. Of course he understood why Yoongi was upset and he allowed his friend to let the steam out before he lunged into a long explanation about the situation. _That_ had effectively shut Yoongi up and he had eventually even apologized. Luckily good friendships can sometimes handle a little bashing.

But the two things Kyungsoo had demanded of Mark had gotten him pacing around the house, after his unwanted guest had finally decided to exit himself. He racked his brains, trying to find some way out of doing anything but in the end he hadn’t managed to come up with anything, only had gotten himself a slight headache.

The only solution to get rid of everything was for him to suck up his pride and anxieties and deal with the shit, and hopefully then be done with it for good.

First it was the test. He didn’t _want to_ do it, but when dealing with Kyungsoo Mark deemed it better for Youngjae’s sake to just get the thing over with. Of course he needed to collect a DNA sample from Youngjae, and getting that meant going up to the school. He had interrupted the day with a fairly lame excuse of course but Youngjae had cooperated like the good kid he was, not even asking any questions, like he knew Mark was in a haste and couldn’t deal with any bullshit at the moment.

The overwhelming guilt and regret had caught up with Mark the moment he handed the stupid swabs back to the nurse at the clinic where he had picked up the test. He had wanted to drown after he’d done that one thing he thought he wouldn’t end up doing. But what was done was done and there was no backing away.

Now that the damn swabs were in the mail moving at extra speed towards their final destination, eventually reaching the lab where the DNA test would be done and his fucking fate decided, Mark felt a kind of cool sense of determination washing over him. He felt cold, almost distant from this whole business, though he knew perfectly well what it would mean if the the result was unfavourable for him. But would it change anything for any of them?

Would life be different even if he wasn’t.. If he.. Was.. not.. _Ugh._

He couldn’t really make himself even think about it. Anyway, if _that_ would become reality, would it make his feelings change? No. Absolutely not. Youngjae would always, _always_ be his precious boy and that was the end of the discussion.

The only thing troubling Mark about the negative possibility was the way Kyungsoo had implied they would compromise the already signed contracts. Then again Youngjae was still a minor and they would have to wait until he was at least 16 before legally doing anything. And who knew who the real father even might be. The whole thought was sickening.

Again, _why_ had he consented on doing this? Simplest answer was because he wanted to spare Youngjae from being torn between his family members all over the place. He wanted to avoid the courthouse at any cost so doing the DNA test had been, in a way, an easy decision after all.

It didn't however remove the ugly and desperate thoughts. Mark was more torn than ever and he had a continuous need to keep Youngjae somewhere where he could at least see him. Leaving the boy at school had felt unbearable because Mark was afraid someone would come and kidnap Youngjae while he wasn't watching over him.

And then there was this. _This thing._

The second thing Kyungsoo had so politely asked from him.

 _Polite my ass,_ Mark thought bitterly. It was a threat and nothing else. But here he was none the less, no matter how much he didn't want to be.

Mark opened his eyes and looked out of the window at the huge aesthetic building with white pristine walls and raw sienna coloured decorative logs circling the dark wooden roof. It looked new and expensive, like it was meant to be a hotel for the rich and powerful. But it wasn’t.

The green impeccable lawns, the full and well tended benches with vibrantly coloured flowers, meticulously shaped bushes and trees all made the place look like something from an architecture pamphlet where extravagant dreams were just computer made and not real, sold for the dreamers with too much money to spend.

Mark didn’t want to do this but he would, for the sake of having some sort of peace and order back into his life. And hopefully this would be the last time he ever would have to be involved with anyone from the Cho family.

He took a deep breath to calm his nerves.

The heat almost suffocated Mark when he opened the door and he shielded his eyes from the setting sun. The wind had died long time ago so the air was stuffy and clung onto your skin like it wanted to merge with you. The air smelled like a promise of thunder, the invisible tension in the air causing you a headache. You could hear the crickets and smell the sickly sweet scent of the flowers, the summer heat making him dizzy and wishing he could dive under the cooling surface of water.

White walls and paintings selected with taste, the expensive furniture and rugs, the huge vases with fresh flowers were all just a camaraderie of a worst kind inside the building. Mark could see how the rooms in here had bars on the windows, the locks on the doors heavy and ugly. Everything was clinically clean and spotless and it made Mark’s skin crawl.

He saw no one and he heard no one, except the nurse walking briskly ahead of him. It was like walking into a dream. A white nightmare when you are still awake.

“Here she is. You have half an hour. We’ll be monitoring.” The nurse said to Mark, unlocking the three locks on the door in front of them, letting Mark in.

There were the ominous three _clicks_ and Mark’s heart shrank with each sound tighter, hiding away inside his rib cage.

The room was bathing in soft light, the huge windows giving out to a massive backyard where was nothing but green grass and a high steel gray fence circling it. There were soft armchairs and a few tables, the floor carpeted to muffle your steps.

In one of the chairs sat a lonesome figure, too small to look even close to being mature yet, but Mark knew that profile no matter how much he wanted to forget it.

He walked over to the woman curled up in her chair, arms around her knees and head hung so low her face wasn’t visible.

Mark coughed.

The familiar features he had hoped never to see again rose lazily up to gaze up at him.

“Oh. It's _you.”_ Soyi rolled her eyes but didn't say, or do, anything else which in itself was odd already. Her voice was almost dreamy, distant and lacked it’s usual stinginess that Mark was so used to.

“Hi.” Mark felt odd, being here and seeing her like this. He was used to seeing her immaculate, cold and sneering most of the time, everything she wasn't right now. Soyi was dressed in a loose cream colored jumper that was three sizes too large for her and in white pants, clearly too big for her small frame. Her hair was down and she had no makeup which made her look both older and younger at the same time.

“Why are you here?”

“Your father asked me to see you.” Mark sat down opposite of her, wary of the whole situation. As soft and forlorn  as Soyi did look, she still made Mark feel like he shouldn’t let his guard down, not even for one moment.

“He didn't say anything to me.” And then she fell silent a bored expression spreading over her face and Mark was startled to notice how lifeless her eyes seemed. Usually she was all fire and ice, full of sneers and hidden insults. Now? She was like a ghost, a vague image of what she had been just last autumn.

“How..” Mark hesitated. “How are you?”

The silence stretched but Soyi raised her gaze back to Mark again and measured him from head to toe silently for so long he started to feel like he should be running out of the room. In the end Soyi sniffed and answered quietly.

“Well, considering I'm a permanent resident of a mental institution and surrounded with other weirdos? What do you think dimwit?” Her familiar snappy tone had returned and for a moment Mark felt relieved that she still was the same and he could continue hating her.

“I’m.. Sorry.” And he kind of was. This wasn’t what he had had in mind when the truth had come out, but then again he had no idea what he had expected to happen.

“Whatever.” She closed her eyes for a while and Mark thought she was like a rag doll, tossed aside because no one wanted to play with her anymore.

“Why did you do it? Any of it.” Mark finally asked, the questions burning on his tongue.

“Oh. I don't know really.” Soyi frowned, her lips pursing and she looked lost for a while, the long sleeves covering her fingers picking on the fabric. She finally looked up at Mark, her dark eyes flashing. “I still hate you, you know.”

“Why?”

“Because you have it all now. I won't ever have that.”

“Well I-”

“Don't give me the bullshit that you think there's something good for me in the future. Mark.” Soyi’s stern glance surprised Mark. “I fucked my brother for years and I still don't see anything wrong with it. I forced you into having sex with me and marry me out of guilt. Did you do the DNA test by the way?” Her abrupt way of changing the subject got Mark momentarily off balance and he spluttered.

“Wh-?”

“The test. The dee en ay test. Did you do it? God, why are you so slow.” She scoffed, flipping her hair in a familiar manner that brought Mark back to the present time.

“Yes I did. And you're horrible. Did you know all along that Youngjae might not be mine?”

“Not really, but I guess it was a possibility. There were just you and one other but I don't know who he was. You were always the better option.”

“Why?” He was getting sick of repeating that question.

“Because you seemed like a nice person. Kind of gullible. And you were cute in your ruffled poodle way back then.” Mark was rather taken aback by her sweet honesty. She was acting so strangely right now and it was making him confused.

Was she so drugged she didn’t know what personality should dominate her behaviour, and that was why she was switching from one mood to the other?

There was silence again for a long while, the soft sound of birds singing outside floating in from an open window into the family room. Everything seemed so hollow and distant, like this building was separate from the real world outside the picturesque walls hiding the truth behind them. Mark hated the place though it was a little less horrible than he had imagined mental institutions to be like.

“Is Youngjae doing well?” Just how many times she could change her personality in such a short time? The question took Mark by surprise more than any of the previous ones.

“He is.” He answered warily, not sure where this would take him. To his utter relief Soyi only sighed, glancing down at her arms now resting over her knees.

“I wish I had been a better mother to him. That's my only regret.” She had that sad sense around her now that Mark had never seen before, not to mention the genuine remorse clear as day written on her face. “I do like him. He's such a good boy.. I guess I should thank you.”

“What for?”

“For giving him what I never couldn’t.” Her honestly and monotone voice were so distracting Mark wanted to grab her by her shoulders and shake some life into her. Of course he didn’t.

“You know your father wants to take him away from me if I'm not the biological father.”

“Does he? Oh, he's such a drama queen. Worse than some of your friends, which is saying a lot.” She huffed softly. “I'll deal with him. Even if in the unlikely event that you aren't the father I don't think Youngjae would be better off anywhere else but with you. Don't worry ex husband dearest, I'll make sure daddy won't bother you again.” The way she said this, the unexpected helpfulness and the hint of humour colouring her otherwise so soulless words were making Mark’s insides squirm unpleasantly. He had no idea anymore what he was supposed to think.

“And if he is your brothers..” Mark said quietly after a while, his heart beating a little faster, thoughts conflicted as hell.

“Well then there's not much I can do. Daddy does get what he wants. But I doubt Youngjae is his. You only need to look at him to realize he can be no one else's but yours.” Soyi flashed a girlish smirk that was so unlike her that Mark almost, for a split second, thought he could like her a little.

“Thank you.”

“Pft. Don't thank me. Now bugger off or I'll change my mind and decide to take my words back.” Her eyes narrowed a little bit and she circled her arms again around her knees, like she was bracing herself for something.

“Do you want to see Youngjae?” After all the things he felt kind of compelled to ask this, though his reasoning was screaming against it loudly.

“We’ll see. Now get lost Mark, I need to focus on being self-centered and insane.” She waved him off with an oddly cute sweater paw motion and Mark almost smiled. _Almost._

~

It was already getting dark and Jackson was gnawing at his bottom lip restlessly, watching over Bambam and Youngjae giggling together over some comic books on the living room floor. The TV was open, playing some random reality show Jackson hadn’t had much interest to focus on. His mind was on everything else except on the TV.

Tomorrow would be the last day of school for the boys and then.. Who knew what they would do this summer. Maybe their time would be spent on fighting the system that was supposed to be on their side, but possibly wasn’t if there were some loopholes for the bad guys to use. Or maybe if they were lucky they wouldn’t have to worry for a thing and could do whatever they wanted. Perhaps even take a trip together, like they had done last year, only this time they would do it as a family, not as just two single dads and their kids.

Jackson frowned, the piece of paper in his hand almost burning. He had managed to wheedle the letter from the courier by some sheer luck because it was confidential and addressed to Mark, not to him. The idiot boy had almost taken the letter with him but Jackson had used all the charm he was bestowed upon and had managed to get the thing into his possession.

He knew where Mark was and he was worried because it was taking so long and he wanted to know what was in the letter and and..

A car door banged shut outside and Jackson jumped up from couch the minute the keys rattled in the lock.

“You're home.” Jackson said quietly and hurried to meet Mark in the hallway, looking like he was ready to burst into tears at any possible moment now. “There's a letter for you. It came just a little while ago and I tried to call you but you were driving probably.. it's from the lab-”

He didn't have time to finish up before Mark had already jerked the letter to himself and was tearing it open. Jackson watched with rising trepidation how Mark read the neatly folded single piece of paper with visibly trembling hands.

This was the moment that would define how their near future would shape up to be like. It was horrible to wait the last final seconds for the answer and his heart was somewhere in his throat already and his stomach was full of stones. Time seemed to slow down and it was hard to breath, like the air wasn’t just air anymore but something sticky and suffocating, refusing to let oxygen flow into his lungs.

“Well?” Jackson finally said, voice edgy and almost shrill. The anticipation was honestly killing him and Mark's silence was just making it worse and he couldn’t take it much longer.

Finally Mark let out a strangled sound and slumped on the floor onto his knees, the letter crunched between his clenched fists.

“Mine.” The raspy sound was almost incomprehensible but Jackson heard it anyway and it was like his entire being stopped for a second. “He's my son 100%.”

It was relief beyond anything.

Jackson knelt next to Mark, his arms going around the shaking form immediately, hugging Mark close. It was like that something heavy that had been hanging over them had been lifted from his shoulders, the horrible weight crushing his insides vanishing and the dark claw of desperation removed and suddenly his body was thrumming with life and his blood was pumping faster than before, heating up his cheeks and neck.

“Of course he is.” Jackson mumbled softly against Mark’s brown hair, his own voice thick with held back tears and relief that was now overflowing. “How could he not be yours..” He had no idea what he was supposed to say and Mark's tears were breaking his heart like porcelain thrown on the floor. Not to mention he would cry soon as well if Mark wouldn’t stop being an emotional wreck now, though he did have every reason to cry and be emotional right now.

“I don't.. I don’t know what I.. What I would have done if he had not been..” Mark sobbed, his face buried against Jackson’s neck. “Jackson, I couldn't even _think_ of the possibility.. I thought we would have to run away.. Go to Mexico or something..” Mark was hiccupping, his tears wetting Jackson’s neck and shirt, but those were minor details that didn’t really matter.

“And leave me and double B behind? How incredibly cruel.” Jackson replied softly, merely teasing and trying to make the mood brighter. He brushed his fingers through Mark's hair slowly, rubbing the nape of his neck gently.

“What? No.. you idiot. You'd come too, both of you.” Mark's chuckle was thick and hoarse but at least he had stopped crying. “I'd make you go to exile with us.”

“And I’d do it without even thinking twice. You know I'd do anything for you.” Mark leaned back after Jackson's words and Jackson smiled faintly at him, caressing the tear stained cheeks. “Come on you big softie. Let's get you up and cleaned and then you can go and shower your son with some love.”

 

A little later Jackson found Mark in Youngjae's room, sitting at the edge of the bed and just looking at the sleeping little boy with tears shining again in his eyes. Mark turned his head when he heard Jackson tapping the door frame quietly to gain his attention.

“He looks so soft and vulnerable while sleeping.” Mark said quietly, careful not to wake Youngjae up now that he had fallen asleep. He reached out, ran his hand over the blanket covered body and finally brushed a few brown locks to the side from Youngjae's face. A sad kind of smile was playing on Mark’s lips and it was tearing Jackson’s heart apart to witness it. He wished he could have done something to erase the pain, to ease the burden and make the shadow that was still lingering over Mark, disappear for good.

Jackson didn't say anything, he kind of understood what Mark was going through. Although he had never had to fear for anyone taking Bambam away from him Jackson could imagine what it would be like. Torment and agony, the kind that reminds you of someone sawing your limbs off with a dull saw. Gut wrenching and mind boggling, something you couldn't really wrap your head around until it ran you over like a bulldozer.

Losing a child was every parent's worst nightmare. Whether it was by death or by other reasons, it was still unimaginably horrible for any parent. The pain of it couldn’t be compared with anything. You could cook and maim the parent but dear gods, to try and to take away their own flesh and blood? Jackson had a good idea why mothers were described as fearsome lionesses when their babies were threatened.

“We’ll be ok, won't we?” Mark suddenly looked up from Youngjae at Jackson, like he was seeking some kind of confirmation from him.

“We’ll be ok.” Jackson replied softly, his heart clenching again so painfully he wanted to curl up. Mark looked to fragile and small right now and it just made Jackson want to protect him even more, even if he knew Mark was fully capable of doing it himself. But it wasn’t about what Mark could or couldn’t do; it was about Jackson’s need to be there for him, to be his shoulder to cry on and to be his shelter from the storm. Everyone had the need to be small and fragile sometimes and it was best when there was someone to catch you when you were about to fall into pieces.

Mark stood up after he had leaned down to kiss Youngjae's head, smoothing the blanked one last time before walking over to Jackson. The door closed with a soft click and they stood there in the half darkness, just breathing in slowly the silence and the quiet calm that had washed over the house after the news had arrived.

“Let's go to bed.”

 

The night was quiet around the house, the hum of the fridge only accompanied by the ticking of the clock, everything else hushed and sleeping. It had started to rain and the soft pitter patter of raindrops was like a gentle lullaby, singing you to sleep while the world was being washed clean of dust.

Jackson had always liked the rain, especially when he was half awake and drowsy in bed, just listening to the steady sound making him sleepier. Everything was dreamlike and eerie, like he was in some bluish universe or bubble, cradled there in the serene sounds and soft blankets all warm and comfortable.

Lying in bed with Mark cuddled under his chin and one arm loosely flung over Jackson's waist, was the perfect ending for the day. At least Jackson thought it was.

Mark was warm and apparently sleepy, his nose pressed against Jackson's throat and his lips from time to time pressing against the skin, kissing softly as if Mark wanted to say something with the little gestures.

“Jackson?” Mark said finally out loud, having had enough of the silence.

“Hm?” Jackson replied distractedly, his attention focused on the way Mark's fingers were drawing slow circles under his shirt on his side.

“This summer.. do you want to go for a short holiday?”

“Like where? You know I can't pay for too extravagant trips..”

“Not too far, just somewhere where we can be together. I think I would like to take Youngjae, and you and Bambam, somewhere nice and warm.”

“I was already thinking that we should take a vacation together after this mess.” Jackson smiled widely. “But you know it would be cheaper to just stay home and do a trip to the beach or something.” Money, as usual, was the issue he worried the most, no matter how much he wanted to get away from their usual circles for a while, to unwind a little.

“But I want to. With all of you. Us. Together.”

Jackson scooted back enough to be able to look at Mark straight in the eyes. The eyes he found looking back at him were full of nervousness, but at the same time Mark was clearly determined to have his way, and Jackson could feel his chest tightening at the sight.

Damn he was whipped. He couldn’t say no to anything Mark suggested.

“Ok, fine. Let's go have a vacation.. Just don't pout. It'll destroy me.”

“Is that so.” Mark smiled, eyed flickering down to look at Jackson lips and then back to his eyes. That beautiful smile only widened and something warm started to unfurl inside Jackson's chest the more he watched Mark’s open expression of happiness; it was his weakness, among the many.

“Yeah. You're the death of me.” Jackson inched just a little closer, the tips of their noses now touching.

“Do tell me more.” Mark's voice was low, resonating sweetly in Jackson's ears and he felt a rush of giddiness.

“Mm.. What if-” Had Mark always had such long lashes? Jackson stared at the dark fans spread over the high cheekbones when Mark lowered his gaze. “-I show you instead?” The dark eyes came back up and Jackson found himself immersed in the depths of the brown colour, diving under the vibrant shade shining when the reading light from behind him landed over Mark’s face. Such a beautiful face.

“Mmhm?” Mark said nothing else, but he pressed his palm against Jackson's upper back, adding enough pressure that Jackson realized it was ok to move forward and take the final step.

The kiss was slow and unhurried, slightly salty after so many tears shed tonight, and almost heartbreakingly tender. Jackson ran his palm down Mark’s side all the way to his waist and continued under the blanket to the hips and thigh, relishing over the fact that Mark twitched a little, the touch tickling him. The kiss didn’t break and Mark responded with moving his own fingers up and down Jackson’s spine, brushing over that one spot on his lower back that, when over stimulated, turned hypersensitive to touch and made Jackson jerk every time Mark’s touch went over it, sending electrifying sensation up along his spine to his neck and down his legs. His toes curled as he tried to keep himself from whining or giggling out loud.

“I’m so happy you’re with me.” Mark whispered finally, their lips parting enough long for him to form the words. Jackson’s breath got caught in his throat. For once he was speechless, but he was nearly bursting with happiness. “Thank you for everything. I couldn’t have managed without you by my side.”

“Hey.. We’re in this together, right? I’m yours, you’re mine, or something like that.” Jackson managed to choke out eventually, fingers drawing tiny hearts over Mark’s thigh.

Mark’s answer came out as radiant smile and as a new kiss, tongue prying Jackson’s lips open, intensifying the moment easily and making Jackson’s stomach drop a good few inches at the same time. He tightened his hold of Mark, inching closer and Mark responded the same, flinging his leg over Jackson’s waist and changing the position to something that could definitely lead anywhere.

Just _how_ could he be this lucky? To have someone to love and to hold and they wanted to do the same to him? It was beyond belief but Jackson wasn’t going to question it; he was too deep in this all to second guess anything anymore.

 

After all the stress and worry and feeling like the universe was about to collapse over him, Mark felt like he was getting back to where he was supposed to be; home with his family with no dark clouds above their heads.

Perhaps it was a stress reaction to turn his enormous relief into a makeout session but well, there were worse outlets out there. He enjoyed the wandering fingers over his skin, how they dipped under the waistband of his boxers, and lips moving from his mouth to his neck to tease a spot just below his ear that always made him close his eyes and bite his lip.

Mark bent his knee that was flung over Jackson’s hip, pressing it firmly against Jackson’s ass, bringing them closer by the hip and gave a blissful little sigh when their semi hard cocks pressed together.

“Are you..” Jackson was mouthing his way back to Mark’s mouth with dry lips. “..seriously in the mood or are you just venting your feelings?”

“Does it matter?” Mark shot back slightly amused by the abrupt question and opened his eyes only to find Jackson blinking back at him.

“Well.. Kind of? I don’t want to feel like I’m just being used to let out steam.” Did Jackson have to be so damn cute while sprouting a small frown and puppy eyes, bottom lip jutting out adorably and simply calling you out to bite it?

“I want you.” Mark said quietly, reaching out to have a quick bite of Jackson’s lip. It was quite simple like that, but with Jackson there always had to be reasons behind everything, a trait he loved and sometimes disliked. Mark cupped the warm cheek, running his thumb over Jackson’s cheekbone. “I want you because you are you, and you’re making me feel good. _You_ make my troubles fade away so stop moping. Or..” As much as he wanted to be nice and cute he could never pass an opportunity to try to rile Jackson up. “..do you no longer want me?”

“What!” Jackson almost shrieked but managed just in time to keep himself from shouting. He rolled over Mark who found himself lying on his back. Jackson had that agitated look on his face that was somehow really fun to witness. “Don’t you dare to say something like that. You’re sexy as fuck, inside and outside, and I can’t keep my hands to myself sometimes because of that.”

“Then stop asking stupid questions and do something about it.” Mark didn’t wait for a reply, just brought their lips together again into a bruising kiss, their teeth clicking almost painfully together.

It wasn’t just pure passion or greed this time, though the lustful dance of their tongues and grinding hips did indicate something like uncontrollable need, but no. This time there was a flavour of extraordinary sweetness and caring in the way they were touching each other.

“God.. I missed kissing you like this.” Jackson grinned finally, breaking the kiss before they both ran out oxygen. He gave Mark a few sloppy, soft kisses more before he lowered himself down, kissing and biting his way over Mark’s bare rising and falling chest, moving down until he was sitting over Mark’s knees and sucking red spots over the abdomen.

Mark’s head was spinning a little and he closed his eyes to stop the room from trying to do a cartwheel before his eyes, hoping it would stop. The sensation from being touched intensified when his eyes were closed; Jackson’s lips moving wet against his skin, tongue painting lines or tracing the outlines of his hipbones jutting out. It was, like it always was, a dream. A brilliant dream where you could just forget yourself and give in to the passion.

Jackson was pressing his face against Mark’s boxers, inhaling slowly for a while and just drawing circles with his fingertips. Then he nuzzled his nose against the hard shape under the fabric and Mark allowed his eyes to open to witness Jackson was doing, the pleasure washing gently over him with each open mouthed touch Jackson laid on him.

Jackson had such a luscious and full mouth it was sometimes driving Mark crazy just by watching it. Didn’t matter it was watching Jackson talking, and Jackson sometimes could talk quite a lot, or watching him being silent and reading something because even then his lips kept moving. Mark found himself more than often distracted and staring the way the plush lips stretched when Jackson smiled, or pursed cutely when he was frowning. The way Jackson bit down on his bottom lip when he was smiling was doing something to Mark that had to be illegal, really.

His enthrallment was always double more unbelievable when Jackson was doing all these wonderful things to him, and Mark could only hope he would ever be able to match Jackson and make him feel half as good as Mark felt when they were in bed.

The way Jackson deliberately slowly pushed down the waistband of the boxers, exposing only the tip of Mark’s cock and lavished it with soft kisses got Mark’s stomach twisting in pleasure. He raised his hips when it was needed and the boxers flew off to the side and heavy weight of his full erection was resting over his abdomen, anticipation burning in his veins.

Jackson hovered above him, like he was waiting for something to happen, and Mark couldn’t resist the urge to see what was going to happen, though he knew fairly well what it was, so he propped himself up on his elbows and watched with pure fascination how Jackson went back down, his shoulders tightening and flexing like he was doing push ups and not going to swallow a cock. Finally the red lips enveloped the tip, the flesh disappearing into the mouth that was at the same time heaven and hell; bliss and torture.

A soft sigh left Mark’s lips and he licked them, sucking the bottom lip between his teeth when Jackson slid the hard length further into his mouth, the familiar hot burn settling down in his stomach like a monster just waiting to spread its wings and fly off.

His eyes were glued on the sight of Jackson sucking him off and it only heightened the sensations flowing inside him. Was he a voyeur; someone who got their kicks out of watching other people? Perhaps not. He was too possessive of Jackson and seeing him with someone else would have only made him angry. Perhaps Mark was just simply a pervert because he did get off from watching Jackson doing anything sexual.

Jackson’s hands were gripping Mark’s hips firmly, keeping him down on the mattress even when Mark wanted to buck up and fuck Jackson’s mouth. It was hard to stay still while watching his cock slipping in and out of that fantastic mouth, the hot skin glistening with saliva and looking just as dirty and erotic as it felt like.

The tip of Mark’s tongue was tracing over his teeth while he watched, the view absolutely out of this world for him; Jackson’s upper back was partly visible and his muscles were moving under his unblemished skin, rippling with each bob of his head. There was nothing more than Mark wanted but to reach out and touch that skin, drag his nails over the softness and the hard mass of muscles underneath and hear how Jackson would choke and hiss at the sensation. They both liked a little pain when it came to bedroom games and it was always fabulous, something little extra that made the pleasure heighten.

Mark swallowed hard when Jackson raked his teeth over the sensitive skin of his length, ending it with a gentle bite over the tip. It was getting harder to breath and his cock was so fucking full and heavy, moist with saliva Jackson had left it coated with and he wanted to have more, so much more. Not that he ever would say no to teasing touches and Jackson in general.

“You want to..” Jackson sucked Mark’s cock back into his mouth and gave a few strong sucks that sent Mark’s mind spinning and he gasped for air, stomach tightening. The cock plopped out with a wet sound that made Mark exhale a quivering breath. _So damn sexy._ “Want to play more?” And that voice. It was deep and sultry and made his stomach lurch deliciously deep.

“Do you _have to_ ask that when I’m already like this?” Mark grunted. Of course he wanted to continue! There was no way he didn’t, not with Jackson being so sexy and probably hard as a rock himself and ready for anything.

Just the thought of Jackson getting on his knees and taking it made his blood boil.

Considering how fast their sex life had turned out to be a little more kinkier than either of them had anticipated, it wasn’t any wonder Mark was now quietly pondering what naughty things he wanted to do with Jackson tonight. He knew Jackson was always up for anything Mark suggested, and he himself usually had some interesting ideas as well, so their bedroom exploits were never boring.

There were occasional exploits to fairly mild bondage, there was the increasing amount of dirty talk even outside the bedroom that might one day get them in a pinch. Then there was the little secret Mark was harbouring for a rainy day that included something rather feminine.. But that was a thing for far away future when no one else was at home. Maybe they should check into a hotel and play some roleplay as well.

But maybe the unbelievable stress and horrible sense of not knowing what the future would hold for him and his son, made Mark soft tonight, and his thoughts lingered not on anything naughty, but on something more slower and intimate. Something disgustingly sweet and sweaty.

He wanted to be close, to be treasured and give love in vast amounts. Out of nowhere the sudden crushing wave of emotions drowned him and left him wanting anything and everything, right now. His chest tightened and it had nothing to do with Jackson sucking him off.

“Jackson..” Mark whispered, his lips dry as the desert. “Come here.”

Jackson looked up, his mouth a shining pink jewel in the dim light, open and inviting.

“Hey, hey you ok?” Jackson frowned, the lusty look in his eyes replaced with alarm. He scrambled up, lying down next to Mark who was trying to blink the stupid and sudden tears from his eyes. “Mark?”

“I'm sorry. Sorry..” Warm hands cupped his face and he turned to his side, facing Jackson.

“It's ok. You want to stop?” Jackson murmured, his breath warm over Mark’s cheek as he kissed the tears away with swollen lips.

“No.. I..” It was hard to form words when he was choking on everything emotional now coming crashing down on him out of the blue. He thought he was above this kind of crap but apparently he wasn’t.

“You're not ok. Let's call it a night, hm?”

“Jackson.. no. I want to. I need you.” Mark shook his head, brows knotting in irritation. Why did he have to get so sentimental now? There really were better times to get emo than this, surely! Jackson wiped the tears carefully from his cheeks and leaned forward to bump their foreheads together.

“You sure about that? I mean it’s ok if we stop..”

“Need you. That's all. I'll be fine.” It was more like a plea. He didn't want to talk right now; he wanted to _feel_ good things, and good things included responding to the need his body was still thrumming with after Jackson's superb handling.

“If you're sure..”

“Jackson..” Marks sniffed. “Shut up and kiss me, ok?”

 

“Is it.. enough?” Mark traced his tongue over Jackson's ear shell, teeth grazing the reddened skin and his fingers still moving slow and determined, stretching open the tight ring.

“Y-yeah. It's enough.” Jackson turned his head as far as he could and Mark met his lips in the middle, the angle awkward but something neither really minded because it felt essential to share even small a moment of their mouths being in contact.

Mark slipped his hand away and fumbled for the tube discarded somewhere near him on the bed. It was hard to work with his main focus on trying to keep the kiss from being too slobbery, though it was just that, and try to coat his aching cock with lube at the same time.

“Lift your leg a little.”

Jackson moved like in a dream, face turning to hide against the pillow, his left leg hoisted up and his ass sticking out a little bit more to ease the process, while Mark took a firm hold of his length, rubbed the tip of his cock against the tight ring just for the fun of it, and began to push in.

It was tight as it always was, nearly painfully so, but with Jackson relaxing by sheer willpower it was almost a smooth slide in.

When he was buried as far as he could Mark halted, the heat around him pulsing in sync with his cock.

“I love you.” The words came out suddenly, barely audible, like a ghost of a whisper breathed against the nape of Jackson's neck.

Jackson didn’t reply but reached down to squeeze Mark’s hand resting over Jackson’s hip, the gesture speaking in volumes and thus making any words unnecessary; _I love you too._

They moved together in fluid motion, bodies in sync and voices raspy and breathless, the synchronized pace of the act almost achingly tender. Their movement was like they were carved out of the same tree, molded to fit each others nooks and crevices like a jigsaw puzzle, the hushed endearments lost in the middle of the sheets rustling and skin smacking against skin, lost in between the muffled sighs of pleasure and ecstasy falling from kiss abused lips.

Mark's fingers left red marks over Jackson's sweet hips and thigh, the golden skin beautiful and illuminated by the single lamp lighting the room, his hold of the perfection called Jackson tight, loving and fierce.

Jackson’s breaths were low and sensual, like thick honey poured over your skin; sticky sweet but wonderfully sinful. Mark thought he would drown in Jackson one day, drown into the abyss that was Jackson’s love and commitment, his never ending support. Into the quirks and self-doubts, into woes and pain.. Into everything that was good about him. Jackson was his solid rock, sometimes crumbling down in pieces but always there to catch him. And he was there to pick up Jackson's pieces, to put him back together if needed.

The immense love he felt for Jackson was like a universe spread wide and limitless inside his chest.

The spooning position made it possible for both of them both to succumb into giving and taking; Jackson giving his body and his strength to Mark and Mark taking it and giving back what he owed; his own trust and love. It was a union where they were equal because Mark needed Jackson as much as Jackson needed Mark.

Jackson muffled his cry of pleasure into the pillow when he came, his insides twitching and forcing Mark to pull out before he would release himself inside. The small indecent sounds Jackson was letting out of his throat were gruff and high at the same time, his eyes closed and bottom lip abused between his teeth as he rode the aftermath of the orgasm, his whole body quivering and pleasure evident on his face.

Mark was too high, too wrecked and too unfocused on his surroundings to notice Jackson turning around to face him. A strong warm hand wrapped around his throbbing cock and started to pump it, eliciting a delirious sound from Mark, his eyes nearly turning to face the back of his skull.

The orgasm almost knocked him over, the powerful spasm making his head lean back and his back arch like he had electricity running up and down his spine. The sweet burning pleasure tingled and made his mind blackout a little, the white hot ecstasy blinding him as he spilled out all over Jackson’s relentless and steady hand milking him for all its worth.

They were a sweaty panting and exhausted mess, the sheets damp and uncomfortable, the air conditioner quiet because neither of them had remembered to turn it on before flopping onto the bed and before things got out of hand. The night was dark and hot, the bedroom quiet and only echoing with the soft huffs of their breaths calming down, the elevation tuning down to soft and pleasant ache.

“I wish..” Jackson said, breaking the silence, his voice cracking a little. “I wish I can be here for you forever.”

“Forever is a long time.” Mark replied almost sadly but he knew what Jackson meant; he wanted it too. Wanted it so much he was breaking down because of it.

“But even a long time is best when shared with you.” Jackson looked at Mark seriously, his gaze unwavering and steady. “I _want to_ make you happy. You deserve everything and more. Will you.. Uh..” He halted, blushing. “Will you allow me to be your pillar of strength and will you lean onto me when you need support?”

Mark looked back Jackson, measuring him quietly.

“This sounds like a proposal you know.” Mark said finally, a small smile lurking at the corners of his mouth.

“It’s not. Don’t worry. I’m just asking you to lean on me more.” Jackson's blush only deepened.

Mark smiled, brushing a few wayward strands away from Jackson’s sweaty forehead before leaning in and pecking softly his lips.

“I promise to try.” And that was all he could say, but it seemed to be enough for Jackson because he gave him a radiant, sickly-sweet smile that never failed to make Mark smile back at him.

~

_Hello. This is Youngjae._

_Today my school ended. I got good greids and Dad was happy and we ate chicken for dinnr. I like chickn a lot!_

_Dad sais we will go for a vacation again! I cant’ weit for it. Bambam and Jakcson will come too and it will be AWSOME!!_

_I like summer and I will play a lot! I hope we can go to bech becuose swimming is awsome._

 

_This was Youngjae! BAM!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 1st birthday to Daddy Diaries! It's been exactly one year since I published the first chapter and boy what journey it has been.  
> Has it been a good journey for you? I know there has been a lot of ups and downs for the couples in the story but they're still here and together, which is great.  
> I've enjoyed writing this so much it actually destroyed my personal life a little. But I guess I had it coming and I don't regret on starting on this journey. I really don't.  
> I'm flabbergasted and incredibly humbled that there's now over 17k hits on the story and over 800 kudos!! I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU! ;~;  
> I'm sometimes worried of the development and characterization of my characters, and I do try to keep them as much as I can close to what I perceive their RL personas to be. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my version of the boys in DD aren't in their early twenties; they are more mature and going over thirty. They have responsibilities and duties only a parent can have and they worry over different things than younglings do. At least when I compare my twenty-something self to myself now.. there's a huge difference in the way I see the world.
> 
> I want to thank you all for having walked so far with me and always leaving me such incredible comments. I treasure them all! Huge huge ENORMOUS and GIGANTIC love to those who have been commenting to almost every single chapter so far.. I don't have enough words to express my gratitude.
> 
> Anyway. Hope you enjoyed the chapter and I'll see you in the next one where we get to have a little vacation together with markson family!


	28. Burning sand

The air at the airport was cool, the lights dimmed to suit the late hour and the people, all the passengers and employees alike were sort of hushed, like people could internally somehow tune out their existence a little.

Jackson watched quietly how Bambam and Youngjae were strutting around, their neck pillows around their necks like goofy parts of chains, brightly colored and somehow not out of place at all. Mark sat next to him, silent and fingers busy over the touchscreen of his phone. Jackson's eyes fell over the comfy clothes the other was wearing, taking in the cool but casual way. Obviously Mark was used to flying around, it was easy to detect from just looking at his choices; the loose shirt and a hoodie, the equally loose sweats hiding his gorgeous legs.

 _“Ladies and gentlemen. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight 747A to Phuket. We are now inviting those passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes time. Thank you, and have a pleasant flight_ _.”_

Jackson's nudged Mark to his side.

“Time to go.”

Mark said nothing but did put his phone away and gave Jackson a small but very radiant smile.

“Yo, Bam. Get in here.” Jackson hollered over to Bambam but the boy pretended to have gone conveniently deaf and only turned his back on Jackson and continued hopping around like he was a kangaroo. “Bambam! Don't make me come over there.”

“Youngjae! We’re boarding. Let's go.” Mark called out as well, and much to Jackson's disgruntlement Youngjae dropped his game, or whatever it was he had been doing, and hopped back to them smiling radiantly. Bambam feigned deafness about ten more seconds before he slid smoothly next to his father like he had never even tried to misbehave.

Jackson stared at the boy for a while, eyes narrowed. He kind of wanted to say something like _next time I'll just leave you here, how's that huh?,_ but he didn’t, because he wasn’t a douchebag who actually would let such absurdities come out of his mouth. It was enough to just sigh deep and exasperated, and roll his eyes. Anyone with eyes on their head would know what those particular expressions were for. Well.. Anyone with kids would know.

Jackson was already quite stressed out about the whole vacation, though he tried to keep his worries to himself and only show a happy face to the outside, so Bambam being like this didn't really help any of his anxieties right now.

A comforting weight on his shoulder made Jackson look up; the gentle squeeze of Mark’s hand silently conveying Jackson to just let it all slide, and not to let anything aggravate him too much. Just like that, with that simple gesture Mark was able to soothe away the rising sour mood and Jackson smiled gratefully at him, his focus back on the positive instead of negative.

Maybe he was just tired and thus the negativity kept on creeping up on him so easily. Jackson felt lucky to have Mark with him to keep him from turning into a sulky monster.

It was amazing how they could sometimes understand each other without a spoken word.

How was it that Mark could calm Jackson down so easily? Did he know Jackson so well by now that he could interpret every little change of expression showing on his face? Whatever it was, Jackson was grateful.

Then again it was normal to know so much about each other, it had been over a year since they first met and after that they had been spending a lot of time getting to know all the quirks of each other.

Sometimes when they were out in the town or shopping together it worked the both ways; Jackson knew for a fact that Mark didn’t much care for large crowds and could get nearly anxious if it overwhelmed him too much. Jackson didn’t always notice in time to save the situation, but when he did he would walk them to a quieter area, either sit them down or talk about something that would take Mark’s mind off of the bustling herd of people around them, looking at them, sometimes even judging them.

Sometimes it was just the whole relationship thing that caused both of them discomfort and that was something that couldn’t be dismissed so easily with a smile or a brush of the hair.

It felt wrong to have to hide their love and more than often Jackson was jealous of the smiling couples that walked past by him and Mark. The easiness, the whole concept of holding hands and being silly in public, it was something that people did without thinking if it was seen as ok, but for them? No. It was always a gamble and often they were just too tired to face the prejudice and quiet dislike. It was easier to walk ahead and keep the secret a secret.

Times were changing but still people had that attitude that pissed Jackson off.

People, in general, were too nosy for their own good, or their ignorant behaviour was so painfully clear it actually hurt to be treated like he was doing something wrong by simply existing. And it did hurt. It hurt so much sometimes Jackson wanted to stop in the middle of the street and shout out how every single judgemental piece of human trash walking on this earth should be locked away for being so goddamn stupid.

But he didn’t. He was capable of restraining himself sometimes, which was good because Mark would have murdered him on the spot and Jackson really liked his balls the way they were now.. Mark had this horrible habit of threatening to nail Jackson’s balls to the floor, or hang him from them upside down from lamppost if he misbehaved, and truth to be told, those threats always made him want to suck his balls inside for safekeeping.

Jackson might be rash and quick on his feet but he only said or did things when he thought it was safe to do so. He wasn’t stupid, though he had moments when he might lapse back into being that irrationally quirky twenty-something, the one he had been back in the days. But he couldn’t just act out like a child anymore because, well.. He had a child himself. He was supposed to be an example, a good one, instead of giving Bambam the wrong idea about anything.

And now.. It wasn’t just Bambam anymore; Jackson was kind of-almost-maybe a little bit of a stepfather to Youngjae, so the responsibility was doubled. Of course he didn’t feel too pressured, he was a teacher after all and used to guiding young ones, but the fact that Youngjae was _Mark’s_ kid.. That made Jackson push himself even more, because there was pretty much nothing he wouldn’t have done for Mark, and doing things for Mark included Youngjae too.

It felt so indescribably incredible when Youngjae from time to time called Jackson when  he was in need of something. It was like Jackson was given a certification, or an award of sorts, when that happened. He had by some magic trick gained the trust of a child that wasn’t his but who now regarded him as a parental figure in his life. It was.. It was something that Jackson’s couldn’t put into words. There was no word for the pride and happiness that made him swell like a water balloon to the point he was about to burst.

Of course things weren’t that peachy always; there were days when someone was in a bad mood and managed to inflict the disgruntlement to the rest of them. Those days weren’t the ones that Jackson liked to think about, but they were there to bring the best out of the good days, separate them clearly from the negative.

If Jackson’s relationship with Youngjae was getting better and better, then the relationship between him and Mark was, to put it nicely, blooming.

They were slowly moving forward and life was good. _They_ were good and all the obstacles were minor because neither of them had to climb over them alone. Mark brought such balance into Jackson’s life it wasn’t even possible to describe it sometimes. Like they were meant to be like this; always bickering and being sarcastic but always tender and loving under all the teasing and poking for fun.

Mark could be such an ass sometimes, having fun in Jackson’s expense. Like the times when Jinyoung was relentlessly teasing Jackson about something and Mark didn’t do anything but grin evilly, taking all the fun out of seeing Jackson pouting and protesting whatever it was that Jinyoung was teasing him about.

Together with their friends they were different, not much, but in small ways. When they were alone, it was a different story.

They could be soft and loving without anyone making snarky comments about it, or staring.

This whole vacation thing however was a whole different thing. It was as much of a vacation from normal routines, but it also was a vacation from the restrictions and having to hide from the world.

It already felt liberating to be at the airport and somehow no one really was looking at their little group oddly. No one really paid that much attention because people at the airport, the passengers, were all heading out somewhere else to forget their lives and live a little while in a dream. It was like Jackson and his little group were for once blending in without a hitch.

It was, to simply put it; fantastic.

Jackson loved being affectionate with Mark whenever he could an he was most certainly going to make the most of the opportunities this vacation was presenting him.

Kisses and tight hugs under the pitch black and starry night sky? He could hardly wait for it.

 

The seating on the plane had been impossible to arrange in any way logically between the four of them; thus the plan had been to seat Mark and Youngjae on one row and Jackson with Bambam on the one behind them.

That’s what they had _planned_ but..

While Mark was fumbling with his and both boys’ luggage, Bambam and Youngjae used the confusion to their advantage to do what _they_ wanted. So, when Mark finished and turned around to see where the duo had managed to go, he found the boys sitting next to each other, all happy and beaming.

Mark had no time to correct the seating because more people pushed past him, which left him the only option to sit down alone in front of the boys and wait for Jackson to finish playing with his own luggage.

Jackson, when he thought about the incident later on, had a nagging feeling there was more than just the use of confusion and mischief in play; either Bambam and Youngjae were simply _craving_ for the company of each other, _or_ they were the most cunning and sneaky little gits in the history of little children.

He was betting his left pinky toe on the latter, but the whole mix up _was_ a pleasant one.

The neatly dressed and immaculate flight attendants walked down the aisle, checking the passengers and helping them put up their luggage. Jackson hadn’t yet had time to sit down because he was having a struggle with his misbehaving bag. It kept getting stuck on somewhere and he was starting to get fairly pissed about it already. The corridor was narrow, there were way too many people seeing this and he was too tired to be handling anything too complicated.

“Sir, may I help you with that?” One of the flight attendants had appeared next to Jackson, apparently from thin air, and was directing his white, perfect and very pleasant megawatt smile at him.

“No I'm ok, I'm fine, I can do this.”

“If you would just tilt the bag from here..” With a swift move the bag slid into the compartment above the seats and Jackson was face to face with the smiling young man.

To be fair Jackson was only a human. He was happily in a relationship, and he wasn’t even capable of thinking about anyone else in the same light as he saw Mark, but he still had eyes. He was able to appreciate beauty and good looks even when he was in love with Mark.

There was just one tiny problem; Jackson had never had much control over his facial expressions. And because his appreciation on the flight attendants appearance was clearly written all over his face Jackson was rewarded with an even wider smile.

Jackson felt himself responding to the smile instinctively, though maybe a little reserved because he wasn’t _that_ friendly on the spot with just anyone. His eyes were locked with the man dressed in the navy blue suit and yellow scarf around his neck, but Jackson noted the ebony hair smoothed back away from the smiling eyes and the faint dust of powder over the otherwise flawless skin.

There was nothing wrong with appreciation but Jackson’s gawking wasn’t appreciated elsewhere. He was pulled back to the reality fast when Mark yanked him down to sit none too gently.

Jackson was already confused and unsure what was happening before Mark had made his move, but he was even more so when Mark grabbed his hand tightly and laced their fingers. The gesture was almost angry, Mark’s long fingers curling around Jackson’s, gripping them so hard it hurt.

Jackson stated at Mark, completely baffled what just had happened, and he forgot about the smiling flight attendant the second his attention was back on Mark.

Jackson’s brains were sometimes slow picking up on things, and that was the case now too; he couldn’t for the life of him determine why Mark looked like he was ready to punch the next person talking in the face, nor couldn't Jackson figure out why his hand was being nearly mutilated in the deadly tight grip.

The truth dawned on him slowly; Jackson blinked a few times more and his mouth fell slightly open when he realized Mark’s tightly set jaw, pursed lips and downcast eyes were screaming one word so loud it was amazing how long it took Jackson to figure it out.

_Jealousy._

For a moment he felt indignant; wasn't he allowed to interact with other people as much as he wanted and _without_ Mark getting pissy about it! He wasn't property after all, nor was he a trophy you could prance around and then put back on the shelf when you were done. The wave of annoyance churned his guts and his hand twitched, like he was ready to yank it free from Mark's grip.

The annoyance however changed quickly into horror and his hand remained where it was, because Jackson, despite being slow, wasn’t stupid. He could see what Mark had seen and he knew what it must have looked like, and that was the moment when a cold stone settled into his stomach and everything felt wrong.

_Why, heaven's sake, couldn't he control himself?_

But then.. then Jackson glanced at Marks face again and somehow the negative feelings and worries were trampled down and his heart almost melted. Mark was resolutely staring out of the still unmoving plane window, but his hold of Jackson had softened just enough for the grip to be more gentle than angry.

Jackson might have a rather bad eyesight, but even he couldn't miss the faint red dusting Mark's cheeks right now.

He was teetering on the edge of either being horrified or melting because how sweet Mark was right now.

Why, for fucks sake, did Mark have to be so damn _adorable_ when Jackson wanted to be annoyed with him!

Feeling more than a little guilty, Jackson spent the flight focusing his whole attention on Mark, trying quietly to make up his little mishap and wondering eyes. And to his great relief Mark seemed to calm down quickly, his eyes soft again and his smile genuine, talking quietly about the things they were going to do once they would land and settle down at the hotel.

Jackson was happy he could save his apologies for later, the time and the place not the best ones for begging forgiveness.

When the lights were dimmed to reflect night time inside the plane and people drifted off slowly, the continuous roar of the engines lulling them to sleep, Jackson ended up snoozing hand in hand with Mark, the armrest raised in between them providing them the chance to cuddle up a little, even though it wasn’t the easiest task to perform in such limited space.

It would have been a very cozy and nice way to spend the late night hours away while the plane flew steadily forward, chasing the sun rising far away in the distance, had it not been for this one teeny tiny irritating thing that eventually grew out to be big enough to be called a disaster.

Earplugs, it turned out, had been the most brilliant thing to pack with them. Jackson was almost so happy about it he was practically in tears because he could stuff his ears with them and block the sound that was tearing on his nerves.

There were at least two or three babies on the flight who definitely were not appreciating the loud hum of the plane, or the pressure in their ears, and they expressed their displeasure by crying that horribly shrill cry that was probably going to continue until the universe would come to an end.

Jackson knew it wasn't any of the mother’s’ fault, or the babies even, but it still was annoying as hell because it went on and on for hours, the whole plane full of people getting more and more agitated about it. It was hell simply because you couldn't just escape the wail of frustration anywhere; you were trapped, miles high in the air, and your only hope was to drift off to sleep and hope the commotion would be over by the time you woke up again.

Six, almost seven gruesome hours later, though Jackson had flown longer distances many times, the echoing bustle of the airport surrounded them again. It was wonderful to get out of the plane and be free of the sound of crying, to be out of the suffocating and annoyed crowd of people and stretch your limbs that were tired from being seated in one place for too long.

The moment they set their feet out of the airport doors the moist heat glued all the clothes on their skin, the cooled air inside the airport and distant memory by the time they reached the car that was picking them up. Groggy and jetlagged, they climbed the car, blissfully air conditioned, and Jackson slouched against the leather seat. He wanted get out of the uncomfortable clothes and change into something more appropriate for the weather and he wanted coffee and maybe a moment of peace before he was ready to do anything else sensible.

Lucky the journey to their destination was a short one.

Jackson sighed a very happy sigh the moment the door snapped shut behind the four of them and he could let go of the two bags he was dragging with him; Bambam had decided he didn’t even want to touch his belongings now that they were at the resort they would be staying for next two weeks, which left Jackson to take care of the  backpack and suitcase along with his own. Naturally Jackson wasn't very thrilled about it but did it anyway.

“Finally.” Mark mumbled, his own, and Youngjae’s, bags hitting the floor with heavy thuds. He stretched, probably feeling as stiff and tired as Jackson did, and then glanced around the suite. “It's definitely big enough. And here I thought you wanted to travel modestly?”

“The opportunity presented itself when you complained your neck hurting after sleeping in a weird angle on the plane.” Jackson tore off the sweater he was wearing and sighed happily when it was gone. He tossed it over the armchair in the family room that opened in front of you when you stepped in from the door, and tried to stretch off the worst stiffness from his shoulders and neck by reaching his arms high above his head.

Mark was examining the other two rooms and telling Youngjae and Bambam to take off the excess clothes and stop fighting over who got to sleep on which bed in their room, before returning to Jackson.

“It’s nice. And there’s a really big bed in the master bedroom.” Mark gave Jackson a peculiar smile that didn't really reach his eyes. Jackson frowned. “Good for us..” There was a pause and then Mark’s face went sort of blanc, which unnerved Jackson so much the hair on the back of neck was suddenly standing up; that kind of face usually meant Mark was pissed about something.

And then Mark dropped the bomb.

“Unless you want to go back and find that flight attendant to share it with you.”

For these seven, or maybe eight, hours Jackson had managed to _almost_ forget his little moment of blundering, but now it was here again and it certainly felt like a blow to his stomach. With a chair.

Jackson gawked at Mark.

Had he heard correctly? Seriously? He must have heard wrong because there was no way Mark, his sweet Mark, could ever sound so cold and distant.

But, unfortunately for Jackson, seeing the serious, motionless expression, or the lack of any, on Mark’s face it was clear that Mark wasn’t just pulling Jackson’s leg. Not this time at least. The freezing cold attitude was turning the guilty knife in Jackson’s guts painfully hard.

Of course the whole little incident had been a minor one, or something you should be able to laugh off with your partner, but for some reason this now had taken a whole new level and Jackson wasn’t really liking it at all.

“Come on.. Why would I _ever_ want to share a bed with anyone else but you!” Jackson tried to keep his tone quiet enough to leave the boys out of the hearing range, but he knew his tone was higher than usual.

“Oh, I don’t know.. Maybe because you were quite honestly stripping him with your eyes?” Mark sneered, his face unreadable and sort of scary. “I'm just wondering you might be having second thoughts about our relationship.”

“You gotta be kidding me. You are, aren't you? Please tell me you are or I'll..”

“You what?” Mark crossed his arms before him and gave Jackson a blank stare. It was unnerving and made Jackson so uncomfortable he wanted to look anywhere else but at Mark. He couldn’t bear to see Mark like that, nor did he want to hear these things! His whole head was a mess of agonized and mixed emotions that made him anxious; was this _really_ happening? And over something so _stupid?_

“I dunno! I'll do something to make you believe you're the one and only for me!”

Mark didn't say anything, just kept his eyes glued on Jackson's face.

Jackson could feel how sweat trickled down along his spine, disappearing under the waistband of his pants, the uneasy seconds passing by slowly. Bambam was explaining something loudly to Youngjae who in return was laughing even louder, the cheerful sound a weird contrast to the badly charged air between him and Mark.

“Mark.. I'm sorry, ok? You know I wasn’t looking at him _like that!_ Just..  I just noted he was ok looking? I’m allowed to look at other people when they talk to me, right?”

“Just ok? Your eyes were all over him.” Mark actually spat the words, an angry flare flashing in his eyes.

“Yeah, just ok!” Jackson was desperate at this point. “Nothing compares to you! You're the one and only and everyone else looks like garbage next to you and-”

“Ok ok ok!” Mark threw his hands in the air in a sign of defeat, shaking his head like he wasn’t even sure what was happening anymore. “You win...” Mark exhaled long, his face contorted with some emotion Jackson couldn’t define. “I’m not even sure why I made such a fuss in the first place.”

Jackson stood there undecided and unsure was the matter solved or not, and for a fleeting moment he felt angry, sad, panicky and teary all at the same time.

“You nearly gave me a heart attack. You shouldn’t doubt me like that..” Jackson whispered, his lips dry like the desert and his heart beating uncontrollably. Immediate crisis most likely avoided, but he was now having shivers from the cold sweat that had burst out the moment he started to panic.

“I don’t. I mean I trust you but..” Mark sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose looking tired. “Insecurities, maybe? You were looking at another guy so openly admiringly and he was doing the same to you and..” Mark shook his head. “You’re a good looking guy and people have eyes and I’m just the same boring old me.” The slightly defeated tone and the way Mark moved his eyes away from Jackson to stare at the floor was quite enough to melt Jackson’s heart that instant.

Jackson strode to Mark and looped his fingers into the belt hoops on Mark’s pants, pulling Mark close by his waist until they were almost nose to nose.

“Goddamn it Mark, you make me crazy just being you! Your so called boring and old self is what I want. To hell with anyone else.” Jackson huffed, frowning.

If Jackson had insecurities, and he had a lot of them, but he wasn't the only one. It was nice and sort of flattering that Mark felt jealousy like this, but Jackson had never would have guessed Mark could be insecure about his status with Jackson. Then again Mark was just a human after all, and all humans have their flaws, don't they?

Mark tried to hold his face steady but couldn’t because it didn’t take long for his eyes to crinkle to crescents and his mouth turn up into a shy smile that was as bright as it should be and Jackson felt more than relieved to see it.

“You believe me, right?” Jackson leaned forward and their foreheads bumped gently together. “You're my only one. There's no one else I would rather be with. And I'm pretty damn sure no one could ever surpass you or your looks.”

“Then don’t go looking at others like that again.. Not in front of me at least.” Mark huffed, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

“You it's not like I _meant to-”_ Jackson fell silent under Mark’s hard glare, swallowing the rest of his protest. “Ok, ok I promise. You're the only one I will ever look at again. Maybe you could get me those thingamajigs they give to working horses? Don’t know what they’re called but I saw them on TV once.. You know, to keep my eyes on you and you onl- OUCH!” Mark slapped Jackson to hip hard.

“Oh, shut up.” Mark snorted but he leaned forward and planted a quick peck on Jackson’s cheek before freeing himself and stepping away to open up the huge glass doors that gave out to the terrace facing the sea.

Convinced that things actually _were_ solved for now Jackson let himself relax, the whole misunderstanding, if you could call it that, fading into the background.

“Didn't think they'd actually give me the upgrade when I asked for it. I guess anyone is bribable.” Jackson mumbled, wiggling his socks off, kicking them away from him like he was same age with Bambam and looked around him in the spacious quarters reserved for them. “Was worth all the kissing up though. The view is _amazing.”_ Mark shot an amused look at him and caught Jackson staring at him instead of the view from the big windows.

“You could literally charm socks off of anyone I’m sure. Including yourself..” A pointed look at the discarded socks but Jackson chose to ignored him. “Of course we already _had_ a fairly expensive room reserved but this works too. No one else to bother us at least. Gives us time to..” Mark faked a cough. “Well, make the most of the big bed available. Not to mention there are a number of other places in here..” Mark left the sentence hanging in the air and the slow smirk spreading over his lips caused Jackson's stomach do somersaults; a sweet thrill ran through him, a welcome change to the unpleasant shivers from before.

“Do elaborate. Sounds quite interesting.” Jackson quirked his brows and made his over to the open doors as well, straight into the direct gentle breeze coming in, stopping only when he was right in front of Mark. His arms found their way around the narrow waist instinctively, like they had done a thousand times before and Jackson pulled Mark back against him, this time feeling much like he always did when they were this close to each other; happy and fuzzy.

It never really ceased to amaze him how well Mark fitted against him; it was like they really were meant to slot together in every possible way, and the more time passed the more the rough edges softened and their existence became fluent, like a river smoothing rocks on the riverbank.

Or maybe Jackson just was a romantic sap and imagined it all to be so damn perfect. Then again, who cared; he was happy and Mark seemed to be back to his usual self, and that was enough.

“Mm..” Mark hummed in reply, his eyelids lowering for a moment as his eyes moved down Jackson’s face. “Maybe more than just sleeping. I think I've left a nook or two of your body unexplored lately.”

“I was worried you'd never notice that.” They were so close Jackson could see the beads of sweat formed on Mark's temple. The long fingers were playing with the damp hair at his nape and Jackson shivered at the touch, the sweat spreading over his unpleasantly moist skin, creating that weird sense of wanting to be touched more and at the same time yearning to be free to take a shower to ease the uncomfortable feeling.

“I'm sorry for neglecting you. And I’m sorry for being a bitch over nothing just now. I'll try to make it up.” Mark’s eyelashes were incredible; so dark and yet so transparent, so long and spreading like a fan when his gaze was pointed down, like it was now. Jackson guessed what Mark was looking at and it took all his willpower to prevent himself from smiling like an idiot. Instead he leaned forward, nose brushing against Mark’s.

“You’d better. I'll be _really_ upset if you don't.” Their lips were now almost touching and Jackson could only feel the huff of laughter, rather than hear it when it left Mark's mouth.

To be able to press close and just simply move your mouth against each other was always as wonderful as had been on the first time they did it, and it was something Jackson thought he could never fully understand. How did two so completely different people come together and find out they clicked so well there was no reason not to face the hardship of working hard for a relationship that was sure to backfire on people who had less willpower to keep it working?

Amazing how the universe sometimes worked.

Mark felt soft and damp to the touch, the sweltering heat and hours spent on the plane making them both disheveled and jet lagged, bodies screaming for that blissful shower that would wash away the imaginary dust and grime. But those things didn't matter now; all that mattered was the feel of Mark under his touch, the touch of Mark’s fingers running small circles over Jackson's neck and the fabulous feeling of his lips slowly answering to his kiss.

“Dad! _Dad!!”_ Shrill shrieks, stomping feet on the floor and then a moment of shocked silence. “Oh, eww!”

“That's gross! _Ewwwww!”_

The double chorus of mild disgust from Bambam and Youngjae startled Jackson and Mark so completely they almost jumped away from each other, the kiss breaking abruptly.

“Duty calls..” Jackson muttered and released Mark from his loose embrace, turning to face the boys by the doorway. “Who’s gross here, huh? I’ll show you gross!” And then he darted towards the boys with an obvious intent to capture them and to make them pay for the interruption. “How about I’ll throw you into the pool!”

The quickly fading squeals of delight echoed inside the suite as Jackson ran after Bambam and Youngjae fleeing happily for their dear lives, and Mark stood alone in the gentle breeze blowing in from the open doors, slightly flushed, and quietly shaking his head, smiling at the joyful sounds.

They had time. Many days ahead of them filled with nothing but leisurely spent hours in the sun.

~

The night was humid and warm, almost unbearably so even if it was way past midnight and most sensible people would be exhausted after changing time zones and dead asleep in their beds, like Youngjae and Bambam were. But not Mark.

Mark stood alone by the pool, gazing over to the dark sea opening before his eyes, forever in motion, never resting, always flowing towards new shores and banks so wash over to. The sea was covered by the impenetrable dark velvet of the night sky, the deep colour reflecting down over on the ocean surface. The faintest breeze made the waters ripple, distorting the mirror image from above.

He stared at the scenery, feeling a little less restless than he had before, thinking it would be nice to dive under the cooling pool surface and smooth away the remaining inability to fall asleep. He blamed the time difference, and his afternoon nap of course, but it had to be something else too, because usually he didn’t really have trouble adjusting to a new timezone. Or.. maybe he was just getting old.

Honestly though, he didn’t have to search far for the reason for his unsettled thoughts; the quarrel with Jackson weighed still on his mind.

It had been such an idiotic thing from him to do and Jackson had been so scared, so genuinely horrified, like had done something a lot worse than just glancing at someone who was, even by Mark’s standards, good looking. So, basically, Jackson had done nothing wrong and Mark had bitten his head off for nothing.

Why did this vulnerable feeling raise its head at this time? Did it have something to do with being away together alone for the first time? They had no one to chaperone them this time; no Noi or Honey, or Jackson’s parents. It was just them and maybe there was something about it that made Mark so conscious of everything. Normally he wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow if Jackson did something.

Mark slid quietly into the water, trying to move carefully and avoid making any sounds. The water felt incredible against his sweaty and hit skin, like he had walked into a silken cloud. He dove under, sliding under the water smoothly, kicking lazily with his feet to gain a few extra meters. He surfaced soon, gasping for air and reaching up to brush his hair away from his face.

There was a crescent moon up in the sky, looking down at him like it was winking and promising something good for him still.

Mark smiled, a few slow breaststrokes got him to the edge of the pool and he leaned against the cool tiles resting his chin over his arms. He relaxed, his gaze somewhere further on the sliver of sea that was visible in the darkness surrounding him.

He should just forget his petty behaviour, and focus on the way everything was ok, perfect even! Jackson was too sweet, too forgiving and too vulnerable underneath all the walls he put up to keep the hurt away. Mark didn’t want to hurt him and what he had managed to create between them had threatened to turn into a big raft separating them.

He would work harder, be better and softer, more reliable, because he was all that. Jealousy in small doses was healthy but to start bickering about it.. That was not.

The situation had been saved, thankfully, and life went on. The vacation went on like was supposed to go and Jackson was curled up in a ball in the enormous bed and Mark missed being back there with him. He would linger just a little while longer and then join Jackson again, and hopefully fall asleep.

The resort Mark had chosen, after the dates for the vacation had been decided, was incredible; he had carefully picked something that wasn’t anything remotely cheap because he wanted his family to have the best. However the one he had reserved for them didn’t match to this; a fully private house with two bedrooms, a spacious family room plus a small kitchenette, It was absolutely fabulous and Mark was thanking Jackson and his sweet, talkative mouth more than ever.

Mark loved the humming silence around him, the sound of the cicadas and nighttime animals from time to time screaming, the silence tearing apart for that split second before everything was still again.

“Moonlight skinny dipping?” A hushed voice startled Mark and he almost squeaked in surprise. Turning his head around revealed Jackson walking quietly from the shadowy corners of the terrace towards him and Mark sniffed, slightly miffed about the disturbance.

“You startled me.” Mark said, the accusatory tone clear in his voice. He had all the rights to be startled; his heart was still hammering from the surprise, and while it wasn't an unpleasant surprise, it still was unexpected and who likes to have their heart up their throat?

“Aw, I’m sorry. I keep forgetting you get scared so easily.” Jackson smirked, ruffling his hair with both hands until was pointing up in cute angles.

“Shut up.” Mark splashed the water enough hard for it to reach Jackson's legs and wet his feet.

“Eyy! No need to get hostile.”

“As if you don't get scared easily.” Mark snapped back knowing fully well this was just friendly banter and nothing else.

“I'm innocent and pure. You on the other hand..” Jackson gave Mark a sly look. “You're nothing even close to innocent.”

“Have I ever said I was?” Mark quirked his brows up and licked his lips quickly. Jackson had conveniently come out wearing nothing else but the boxers he slept in, it was so warm even at night it wasn’t necessary to wear much else while sleeping, and he looked absolutely smashing.  

Jackson just smiled in return and sat down at the edge of the pool, his bare feet sliding under the water. Mark moved, making his way to stand in front of Jackson and placed his hands over the strong thighs. He stroked idly the bare skin, fingers leaving wet trails over on the skin and his thoughts trailing down dangerous paths.

“Get in?” Mark said quietly after a moment of silence, a soft purr in his voice. Jackson seemed to fight down a smile, like he often did when he tried to remain somewhat reasonable and not to give in every whim and idea presented to him.

“I don't think I'm decent for that.” Jackson’s voice was raspy, still rough from the sleep but sounded fantastic in the late night setting.

“Are the boys sleeping in their room with curtains closed?” Mark’s thumbs drew incoherent patterns over the inner thigh and Jackson shivered, twitching a little.

“Well, yes but-”

“Then there’s just us.”

“Well, yes but-” Jackson’s eyes were wider now, the round shape absolutely beautiful and the irises shaded into dark and bottomless black with only the faint light coming from behind Jackson’s head illuminating the late hour.

“Scared of swimming at night?” Mark couldn’t help but to tease, knowing that Jackson would give in any moment now.

“Never! I can do anything.” Jackson made that one certain expression like he always did when he was about to give into Mark’s little quirks. Excitement bubbled inside him like soda bubbles and Mark grinned.

“Well?” Mark backed off a little, the water not enough deep to reach his shoulders but enough to hide him up to his chest. Jackson eyed his eyes narrowed the pool and Mark but then stood up quickly, the water sloshing when he pulled his legs from under the surface, and wiggled out of his only piece clothing. He looked gorgeous like that, all naked and comfortable, his body pale in the night.

Mark smiled while observing how Jackson first glanced around him carefully, almost expecting Youngjae or Bambam to call them out for playing in the pool so late in the night, but as neither of the kids came to force them back in, Jackson dropped himself into water rather more ungracefully than Mark had, waves and drops of water splashing over Mark who had been a little too close to avoid the impact.

“Feels so good.” Jackson grinned, diving and surfacing somewhere left from Mark, his dark hair glued to his forehead like a slab of seaweed.

Mark said nothing, just dipped himself under the surface as well, enjoying the cooling sensation to the fullest.

Jackson splashed around like he wasn't a grown man but around the age of five, his high laughter muted and fractured because he kept diving and coming up every other second. Mark leaned his back against the pool edge, just watching Jackson being a kid.

“Not feeling rowdy?” Jackson finally stopped his goofing around and turned to look at Mark.

“Not really. I like the silence.” Then Mark smirked. “Well, I did until you came down here.”

“Are you saying I'm noisy?”

“Yes.” The giddy feeling he got from teasing Jackson made him giddy, like he had inhaled laughing gas, the smile on his lips just widening at the indignant expression Jackson was so obviously faking.

“Why you little…” Jackson dove again but this time took a beeline to Mark, and when he finally burst above the surface, Mark had no time to react or escape; wet hands were already around his neck and a set of teeth sank on his shoulder.

Mark squeaked and tried to shake Jackson off, his own laughter ringing in the air. Jackson was like an eel, or maybe an octopus, wrapping himself as close as possible and gnawing on Mark's skin like the little carnivore he was, which only caused Mark to laugh more and even louder.

“Now who’s noisy..” The satisfied smile Jackson gave to Mark once he was done trying to maim him, was as impish as it could be and it quite honestly only made Mark grin so wide his face was starting to hurt.

“Idiot. It's still you.” Mark shot back, flicking Jackson’s shoulder.

“Aish, you hurt my feelings.” Jackson nudged closer, his arms going around Mark’s waist this time.

The there was a pregnant pause and Jackson raised his eyebrows so high they disappeared under the wet hair plastered all over his forehead.

“What?” Mark raised his brows as well, tilting his head to the side just a little, curious what made Jackson give him that particular look; it was half disbelieving and half amused, the two emotions fighting for dominance.

“When I said you were skinny dipping I didn’t realize you actually are doing it.”

“Why waste a moment when it presents itself?” Mark shrugged.

“You're an exhibitionist!”

“No.. That's not the definition.” Mark snorted, his arms going up to circle Jackson's shoulders. Jackson’s skin was so warm to the touch even though he had been in the water already quite a while. The wet skin felt sensual to the touch, the faint light around them making Jackson almost shimmer. “I just do it when I'm alone. Or with you.”

“That's better. I don't like the idea of other people looking at you when you're not wearing anything.” Jackson's lips pursed. “Mine.” His hold of Mark tightened and he moved forward to crowd Mark against the pool edge. A slosh of water went over the small ledge, disappearing from view and landing somewhere down where neither of them could see. The tiles were cool to the touch but that wasn't what made the shiver run down Marks spine.

It wasn't any wonder the kiss came like they had decided to initiate it at the same time; their lips met in the middle, pecking gently with soft lips, just enjoying the small fleeting touch, eyes just half closed and watching curiously how moved from being close, and then backing away from each other again. It created this swirling and warm sensation inside the stomach that felt so sexual it made the hair on your entire body stand up.

It was when Mark added a little tongue in between the pecks and kisses, opening his mouth more to taste the chloride on Jackson's lips, the mood changed to something that wasn't appropriate for outside pool perhaps, but it was something they couldn’t resist; the pull between them was so strong, so undeniable and always so present it was a miracle they managed even one day without engaging into some kind of activity that included some or all of their clothes coming off.

Of course it was always a matter to keep their exploits away from the eyes of the children, but it being summertime it meant the boys were more outside than inside and whenever Mark came home from work he found himself swept away, if opportunity just allowed them, into Jackson’s warm arms and into an afternoon full of quiet laughter, soft gasps and burning, nearly painful pleasure.

Jackson was pressing against Mark so deliciously now, their entire bodies in contact like they were glued to each other form each nook, never intending to let go. The kiss was only deepening and the heat rising fast.

“I’m not doing it in the pool tho..” Jackson muttered in between sloppy kisses that included a lot of nipping and biting, sucking of the lips and tongue, and moaning rather shamelessly into each others mouths as their naked bodies slid against each other under the water.

“Why not?” Mark nudged Jackson’s cheek with his nose, nibbling his way to Jackson’s throat and sinking his teeth over the clearly visible pulse. “I want to play with you.” He sucked on the skin light enough to not to leave any traces of ever touching the spot, but Jackson definitely was feeling it.

“It’s.. _Goddamn it Mark.._ It’s not hygienic..”

“What?” Mark straightened his back and stared at Jackson. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Maybe I am but still! I don’t want to.. get.. you know..” His voice trailed off and in the end Jackson just blushed furiously. Mark however had heard the final muttered words and he bit down on his cheek to stop himself from laughing out loud.

“Fair enough.” There was something very evil in the way Mark sniggered and Jackson pouted, his brows furrowing.

“It’s not like I don’t want to have some sexy times with you!” Jackson exclaimed, his mouth a thin line and eyes narrowed to tiny slits.

“Poor baby.. Afraid of getting water in wrong places.” Mark cooed at him, pinching the tip of Jackson’s nose.

“I’m not a baby.” Jackson muttered darkly.

“No, you’re not and I’m pretty damn happy about that.” Mark snorted.

“But I wouldn’t mind making babies with you.” Jackson wiggled his eyebrows, the heavily implied suggestion causing Mark to flash a sudden grin. Jackson’s mood, incredibly enough, could change just like that and it always threw Mark off balance a little, though he just loved it.

“Oh? _Now_ you’re up for it? I think we need a lot more practise though, before we can get really serious about it.”

“You think we’re not qualified yet?” Jackson chuckled, leaning forward to chase Mark’s lips but Mark just turned his head to the side and Jackson ended up kissing Mark’s cheek instead.

“Maybe we are, who knows. But practise definitely makes us perfect.” Mark winked cheekily at Jackson when he turned his head back.

“Basically you’re just a horny bastard.” Jackson grinned, bending his head down to pepper Mark’s neck with kisses and small bites.

“It’s your fault for being so attractive.”

“I do my best to deliver.” Jackson’s laughter was muffled and Mark gave into the soft playful pleasure, the earlier burn settling to his stomach to be fueled into fire some other time. It was enough to fool around and kiss deep in the pool; the choice to not to try to take game further this time somehow liberating, making the teasing and touches a little less serious and more playful, like little promises of something more in the future.

The night turned out to be the perfect ending for the first day, later providing them the deep sleep they were so desperately in need of.

~

The vacation proceeded with remarcable ease for the first few days and Mark was glad to say he was enjoying the sea, the heat and the company he was in, even if half of his company consisted of children.

Jackson was more relaxed than he had been in a while, and while Mark was still answering his work related emails on a daily basis he _was_ definitely feeling more free than he had in a long while. Everything was as perfect as it could be.

Well, almost.

There was just this small hitch that may have _almost_ ruined it all.

As it happened back home, they kept their relationship more or less out of public eyes. Naturally their neighbours knew after all this time what their status was, but to majority of the population of the big city, it was a thing they decided to keep for themselves.

Even with the times changing it still was uncomfortable to walk together hand in hand without being frowned upon, and thus normally when Mark and Jackson did, they more than often chose to go to a location that was a bit secluded, or tried to behave decent enough until there was no prying eyes in the near vicinity.

To put it simply; out and proud but only when it was relatively safe to do so. They had to consider the children more than themselves and that was what weighed more than shouting about the gay rights, protesting the way people still treated same sex couples.

So yes, vacation from all that had been a great thing but for some reason it had never occurred to Mark that the same no touching or being cute in public concept would apply here.

It happened on their third day while strolling down the streets to find new flip flops for Bambam as he had managed to break his last pair and was now forced to use his sneakers even at the beach, which Bambam complained about very loudly because the sneakers just _didn’t match his shorts_.

Mark had slipped his arm automatically around Jackson's waist when they had stopped to cool themselves down in the shade for a while, finding casual comfort from the closeness, the boys goofing together a little further from them by a fountain in the middle of the square surrounded with shops.

Despite returning the loose hug unconsciously Jackson complained halfheartedly that he was smelly and sweaty and that Mark would only get dirty if they stood so close together. Naturally Mark gave as much as a rats ass about that, mostly because he was sweaty himself, and just pulled Jackson closer in a way that left very little to guess what kind of relationship they were in.

It took Mark about two minutes to realize people were looking at them with slight distaste.

Of course he didn’t expect the world to be all loving and accepting about gay couples but it did bother him how openly people were staring at them and frowning, shaking their heads and then looking away.

It took Mark about ten more minutes to notice he and Jackson weren’t the only ones to get such silent treatment; a perfectly normal straight couple dared to hold hands while sitting together at a cafe and caused many nostrils to flare.

Mark wasn’t the most affectionate guy in public, mostly because he was a bit on the shy side when it came to expressing his feelings, but this was worrying him a little. Was the cultural difference so big he hadn’t noticed it before?

The last straw was when they boys returned to them and that caused a hushed gossiping by a group of elderly women staring at the four of them from afar.

After that Mark avoided touching Jackson for rest of the day. He somehow failed to notice the perplexed hurt that crossed Jackson’s face when Mark deliberately didn’t go near to him during the time they were walking outside, concentrating his attention on Youngjae and Bambam instead, and even seated himself on the other side of the table when they stopped to eat noodles.

The day did not proceed very well and by the time they returned to their hotel for an early afternoon rest Jackson was sulky and irritable, and Mark was oblivious as to what was bothering Jackson, only wanting to keep Youngjae and Bambam safe from judging eyes.

“Did I do something wrong?” Jackson blurted out after Youngjae and Bambam fell asleep in the middle the movie they had been watching from the family room couch. The movie was still running, the sound effects echoing out from the open doors to the terrace where Mark was snoozing on a sun chair and trying to forget how hot it was.

“What do you mean by that?” Mark mumbled, turning his head to gaze sleepily up at Jackson who was looming somewhere above him and looking quite pissed. The sight of him certainly shook off the haziness from Mark’s eyes.

“Well, I think it’s a clear enough question.” Jackson huffed, his tone annoyed. “I’ve done something to make you angry with me again, haven’t I? Or otherwise you wouldn’t keep distancing yourself from me all the time.”

“What? Why would I distance myself from you?” Mark blinked, not catching up on the reason for this conversation.

“I don’t know! All I know is that at one point you were all clingy and touchy and then the next moment you were like we had never shared more than a handshake together. What’s that all about!” Jackson’s mouth was a thin line and he looked seriously upset.

Mark couldn’t even form words; he just blinked at Jackson in confusion which didn’t exactly ease the irritated state Jackson was in.

“You can just tell me if you suddenly think I’m disgusting or something and that you don’t want to be around me because I’m not handsome enough or-”

“What! Ok, Jackson, shut up. Seriously, don’t even go there. I’m not having that conversation again.” Mark sat up, his temper rising. “I don’t want to hear how you’re not enough this or that because you _know_ it’s not true. I’ve said it many times before; you’re fucking gorgeous.”

“So then what is is?” Though Jackson still sounded upset his voice was a lot softer already, the emotional distress fading slowly.

“Did you know it’s considered rude to be affectionate in public here?”

“What do you mean?” Jackson sat down finally, his anger fading even faster now.

“You know how it is in most Asian countries; people like to keep their displays of affection private and not to have outsiders see any of that stuff.. Even back home you can see it’s not encouraged to be openly lovey dovey.”

“So?”

“I mean here it’s just rude for anyone to be like that. I tried to stay away from you so we wouldn’t get in trouble for something we consider normal..” Mark sighed. “It’s not like I don’t _want to_ touch you or keep you near.”

“Sooo…” Jackson pursed his lips, glancing up. “No touchy in public?”

“Nope.”

“Damn that sucks. But then again it’s not like we’re not used to it anyway.”

“Indeed.”

“I really thought you started hating me all of a sudden though..” Jackson pouted, his head hanging.

“Aish.” Mark groaned but smiled. “I’m sorry. I should have said something. I guess I had the conversation in my head again and didn’t realize I never actually explained anything to you.”

“Mmm..” Jackson flashed a cheeky grin. “I can think of ways for you to make it up to me.”

“Why am I not surprised.” Mark snorted dryly, shaking his head though he was still fairly amused.

“Because you know me so well and you love me more than anything and I’m going to make you pay for all the hurt you caused me because you’re silly and I love you sooo much~” Jackson almost sang the rest of the sentence just to annoy Mark a little bit, probably for revenge of sorts.

Mark just rolled his eyes in reply and settled back onto the chair.

“Now, if you’re done gloating you might want to get your ass over here so I can have a nice relaxing nap with you.” Mark turned to his side, patting the other half of sun chair as an invite for Jackson to settle down with him.

Jackson didn’t even hesitate to do as requested.

~

The door to the master bedroom creaked and stopped moving. There were sounds of alarmed whispering that were both hushed and yet somehow very loud before the door moved again with deliberate slowness, revealing a stream of light that made a golden line on the floor.

Two slight figures sneaked in from the crack they had managed to create and padded their bare feet right at the end of the big bed that took out most of the space in the room.

“Should we jump on them?” Bambam whispered loudly, his eyes twinkling with excitement.

“You go ahead. I won't. I don't want to get punished when were on vacation!” Youngjae took a step back from the bed immediately, shaking his head furiously.

“Chicken..” Bambam muttered under his breath, glancing at Youngjae from the corner of his eye, his fingers playing with the edge of the blanket covering Mark and Jackson who were snuggled up together in the middle of the big bed, still fast asleep and blissfully unaware of the devious scheming happening so very close to them.

“I'm not!” Youngjae hissed, his nostrils flaring and eyes narrowing. He tried to shove Bambam on his shoulder but the younger boy was quicker and ducked out of the way easily. He stuck his tongue out at Youngjae who was now huffing and puffing his cheeks indignantly, and looking generally very adorable.

“Well what should we do then?” Bambam said after Youngjae had had enough of pretending to hold in his breath so that Bambam would say or do something to soothe Youngjae’s almost injured pride. Naturally Bambam had no intention of doing anything of the sort.

“I dunno?” Youngjae shrugged, his eyes now on the bed again. “Does Jackson get mad at you if you wake him up?”

“No. Does Mark?”

“He threw a pillow at me once. But I think it was only because he had nothing else close to him.” Youngjae giggled, covering his mouth with both hands. “Dad was so angry it was kind of scary but he said he was sorry later. I don’t want to wake him up too early because he’ll be sooo grumpy.”

“Yeah that’s not good..”

They stood there in silence, contemplating their options on waking up their still sleeping parents.

“I never saw Dad sleeping with Mom like this.” Youngjae pointed out after a while, picking on his nose without even thinking about it.

“Never?” Bambam looked almost shocked.

“Never ever.” Youngjae put more emphasis on his words by shaking his head.

“But you all lived together?”

“Yeah but Mom was living downstairs and me and Dad were always upstairs.” Youngjae looked almost upset for a moment. “But I think they didn't like each other.”

“My Mom was never home. I saw her like once a year or something but I don’t remember much because I was like a baby still.”

“My Mom was always angry when Dad was with us..”

“Sucks.” Bambam said like his words were the wisest truth ever uttered. Youngjae nodded sternly. “But I like it lots that Mom lives so close now! It's awesome.”

“Yeah your mom is so awesome. I wish we could go to her place again soon!”

“Duh, of course we can go. Mom LOVES me. And I think she likes you and Gyeommie too. But she likes me more!”

Silence again while the boys stood there pondering if the risk was worth the possible bad reactions. The urge to do something a little mischievous finally took over and whispering together Youngjae got to the side where Jackson was, and Bambam on Mark’s side. By some incredible child logic they figured out they wouldn’t get too much whupping if they switched their parts like this.

“DAD WAKE UP I WANT PANCAKES!!”

“I’M SO BORED AND I WANNA SWIM!!”

Both boys shouted as loud as they could and at the same moment jumped onto the bed and onto their innocently sleeping victims.

“Holy SHI-”

“GODDA-”

Bambam was quick enough to dodge Mark’s arm that tried to push the boy off of him, but Youngjae got caught by Jackson and was being dragged into a bear hug. Too bad Youngjae wasn’t prepared for this and tried to squeal and squirm his way free.

No such luck for him this morning.

“Who’s the clever boy now, huh? This is what you get from waking us up!”

“Dad leave Youngjae alone!!” Bambam jumped into the mess, kicking Mark on the shins in the process.

“Daddy help!” Youngjae half squeaked, half giggled because Jackson was relentlessly tickling him, and poor Youngjae was too ticklish for his own good and Bambam’s waving hands were not exactly helping anything.

“...why me.” Mark only groaned and tried to bury his head under his pillow but had to sit up when the struggle for freedom next to him earned him a shove and a kick to his side. “I live in a zoo..” He muttered groggily, squinting at the mess going on next to him and making the bed bounce almost violently.

Bambam saw an opportunity and he took it when it presented itself to him; he sneaked behind Mark’s slouching form and latched his tiny body to his back, skinny arms going around Mark’s neck.

“Baba, you’re so grumpy! Smile! Let’s have pancakes and let’s swim all day long!”

Mark threw any bits of sanity out of the window and joined the giggling and shouting mess, dragging Bambam into his lap and gave the boy a relentless tickle attack.

In the end they were all four out of breath and laughing. Bambam jumped back on the floor his black hair an unruly mess but his face nearly shining with glee.

“Let’s go already!”

“He’s a persistent one, isn’t he?” Jackson mused, yawning and stretching blissfully his limbs after Bambam and Youngjae ran off and couldn’t hear what they were saying.

“Wonder where he gets that from..” Mark snorted, standing up from the messy bed and reaching on the floor for his sweatpants.

“Hey!” Jackson threw a sock at Mark but missed.

“Well you _are_ very insistent when you want to be, you know that.” Mark just huffed, not even glancing at the sock that had been meant for him.

“I hate you.”

“Of course you do. Now, coffee and food. God knows I’m going to need those today.” Mark sighed but smiled, walking past Jackson who pulling up his own pants and pinched one perched buttock quickly.

Mark escaped the bedroom laughing, a lonely sock flying after him accompanied by a string of fairly interesting suggestions what Mark could do with his morning coffee instead of drinking it.

~

The day was hot. A little too hot to Mark’s taste, if he was being brutally honest, but it was tolerable if they didn’t move around too much at once. Ice cream and cool drinks, cold, juicy bits of fruit kept the four of them moderately cheerful throughout the day.

Being refreshed however didn’t remove the pang of anxiety from Mark’s mind. He slightly nervous and jittery because the day included a visit to someone that didn’t yet know the true nature of his and Jackson’s relationship. What was even more worrying was the fact this was someone who was family and someone whom Jackson held in high regard.

No time to fuck up anything.

Jackson was squinting at the map on his phone, trying to decipher if they should take a left or a right, and all the while the scorching sun was above them, shining down mercilessly from the cloudless blue sky.

What he would give to be having a nap right now.. Maybe curl up on the comfy sun chair again and let the soothing hum of the waves lull him into a peaceful sleep, the warmth more tolerable by the sea and the shade shielding his skin from the sun.

Mark sighed, smiling wistfully and glanced at Youngjae picking on his nose.

“Don’t pick your nose.”

“I wasn’t!”

“Yes you were, don’t deny it. Just stop it.”

“I didnnnn’t!”

“It’s to the left.” Jackson said, determination audible in his voice. “It’s been a few years since I was here and I don’t think I’ve ever walked there so.. Sorry it’s taking so long.”

“As long as we can get there soon.” Mark pointed at the boys. “They’ll get even more sluggish if we don’t get into shade asap.”

Five minutes later Mark was having trouble keeping Youngjae from whining about how he didn’t want to take another step and trying to keep Bambam from getting run over by a car or a bike because the boy kept wandering from one side of the road to the other all the time. Mark was just about to ask Jackson _are we there yet?!_ when Jackson stopped and turned to look at the three of them.

“It _was_ to the left..”

Mark _almost_ swore out loud.

 

About fifteen minutes later the four of them stepped into a big house, smiling relieved when the cool inside air dried off the sweat and eased the stress of not knowing there to walk next.

Jackson had lost his patience after the final wrong turn, swallowing his pride and called for help, which had arrived in a matter or minutes. They hadn’t been very far from their destination, like Jackson like to remind Mark many time later on, so the walk to the house had been a short one.

“Gran!” Bambam shouted happily and bounced eagerly forward the moment they were guided into a spacious room where their host was waiting for them. Bambam decided to disregard any proper sense of polite behaviour, his skinny legs carrying him towards an elderly woman sitting in her rocking chair, facing the gardens opening out in front her from wide glass doors, sunlight filtering through the big ferns and palms and onto the thickly smelling flowers growing in neat rows.

Bambam hurled himself into her welcoming arms and Mark watched somehow mesmerized how the old lady’s face lit up as she broke into a smile and the tiny thin lines around her eyes and mouth became more prominent.

“Hello little one.” Her voice was soft, almost thin as a breath of wind whispering. “Let me look at you.. My, haven’t you grown a lot!”

“I’m going to be eight soon!” Bambam said cheerfully, his one tooth missing-smile (he had lost one of his front teeth the night before while eating an apple) widening with pride as he announced this incredibly vital information that would surely place in him into the world of big boys.

“Oh, baby bird, don’t grow too fast or you’ll fly away before I can see you more.” Her eyes turned to Jackson who was smiling softly at her. “Hello, Jia Er. It’s been too long since you last visited me.”

“Hello Nayan-yāy, how are you?” Jackson walked over to her and bent down to kiss her frail cheek. She smiled back at him, her eyes crinkling, her expression so loving it was easy to see why Jackson spoke so highly of her. Mark liked her already and he hadn’t even said a single word to her.

“Old, but still kicking. I may still have a few tricks up my sleeve.” Her dark eyes moved to Mark who instinctively corrected his poise so that he definitely wasn’t slouching. There was something about older people that made him instantly think ways to be polite and gentle. He thanked his parents for bringing him up to respect his elders. “Who are your friends?”

“This is Mark, or Yi En if you like..” Jackson pointed first at Mark and then flushed suddenly, his neck turning a lovely shade of rosy pink, like it always did when Jackson was overwhelmed about something; it was one of those little charming points that Mark loved the more he witnessed them.

When Mark heard his name said like that he felt a rush of warmth that had nothing to do with the heat outside. Jackson had never before used his Chinese name, though he had been aware of it for a long time now, and now that he had said it.. it sounded so incredibly soft and intimate in Mark’s ears he wished he was alone because he had the urge to curl up and bang his fists on the floor out of cheer happiness.

“The one hiding behind Mark’s legs is Youngjae. Mark, this Nayan, Noi’s grandmother.” Jackson continued and Mark bowed his head trying to remain as calm as he probably looked like, though he was nervous from the inside he was almost shaking a little, greeting the old lady in the chair, looking frail and translucent like an old porcelain cup.

“Granny? Guess what? Gran! Youngjae is my brother now! It’s totally awesome and Mark is my Baba!” Bambam exclaimed rather loudly and Mark froze on the spot, his eyes widening. Jackson seemed to freeze as well, his mouth a thin line and his eyes flickering from the Mark to Nayan nervously.

“Well, isn’t that nice?” Nayan was quiet for a while but then chuckled, beaming at Bambam comfortably settled in her arms and playing with her pearl necklace. “Are you happy with that?” Her dark eyes were examining Bambam almost seriously, but the twinkle was still there and the more Mark looked at her the more she reminded him of Noi. It was quite clear this was where her character was partly coming from.

“Yep!” Bambam nodded so enthusiastically he almost hit his grandmother in the face.

“Jia Er..” Nayan raised her gaze to Jackson who was shuffling on his feet rather uncomfortably and staring at his feet like they were the most interesting things in the whole wide world. Mark’s heart was pounding almost painfully hard, anticipation rising fast.

He knew Jackson hadn't told that many people about them, and to be honest it wasn't anyone else's business anyway, so now it was impossible to guess what kind of reaction there would be.

“Nayan.. I'm.. I..” Jackson stammered.

“What about my granddaughter? How does this affect her?”

“Well I.. We..”

“Are two still married?”

“Actually no. But-”

“So you have divorced.”

“Uh..” Jackson hesitated just a little but seemed to steel himself again. “Yes. And now I’m going out with Mark.” He sounded a little defiant, like a child defending his right to do something he so very badly wanted to do.

“And this is what you want for you, and for Bambam as well?” Nayan tilted her head a little, her wispy white curls circling her weathered face like a soft pillowy cloud.

“Yes.” There was no trace of uncertainty when Jackson said that and Mark felt his heart swelling up a little.

“Is it fun to have two dads?” Nayan looked at Bambam this time and the boy gazed back up at her without blinking.

“Yeah! But not when they both tell me to clean up my room..” Bambam’s bottom lip jutted out and he wrinkled his nose a little, his fingers still playing with the beads around Nayan’s neck. “But I have two awesome rooms and really awesome stuff and my best friend lives right next door!”

Mark hadn’t even noticed how shallow his breathing was; they had talked about this situation too quickly before coming over and now this seemed like Jackson was in middle of an interrogation for something bad he had done. At least in a slightly panicked state of mind it looked and sounded like that.

But, to both Mark and Jackson’s enormous relief Nayan burst in laughter and then melted into a radiant smile.

“Relax, both of you. I'm just teasing you. Noi already called me ages ago and told me everything. You know she doesn't keep much from me.” Nayan chuckled, the slightly mischievous laughter surprisingly girlish.

Jackson’s face turned from pale to faint pink and he looked like he was about to faint soon.

“Sit down, all of you. I'm not going to bite.” She clapped her hands and a servant appeared at the door. “Tea for three and something cold for the children.”

Mark thanked silently any god that was listening about his luck of meeting such incredible people who accepted Jackson and him without getting grossed or started to question their morals. It was nice to be welcomed and accepted so easily, and Mark couldn’t help but to smile sweetly at Nayan.

Nayan just laughed and winked at him in a way that was like a mirror image of what Noi did and Mark relaxed even more, his heart at ease and his hand finding Jackson's the moment they sat down together to spend the afternoon talking about anything and everything with this sweet old lady who had seen the world more than either of them could imagine.

 

Hours later the four of them were walking down the now familiar boulevard near the sea, trying to find somewhere to eat before returning to the resort. The day had been quite good so far but now it seemed Youngjae had come to the end of his good manners and his rarely disobeying side was taking over the better half of him.

“I don't want to eat that!” Youngjae’s voice was so piercing and full of determined stubbornness it was about to give Mark a migraine any moment now.

“Youngjae..” Mark groaned, the task of picking a place growing more and more vexing. Youngjae had so far started to whine five times when he was informed he couldn't have this or that dish and that made them change restaurants one after the other. Nothing seemed to please the boy today. “You're going to be without dinner if you don't stop being so picky.” Mark knew threats were the last thing he should resort to but he was at the end of his rope already.

“But I want rice!” Youngjae stomped his feet on the pavement hard.

“You wanted pizza just five minutes ago.”

“I don’t want it anymore! I want rice!”

“You don't always get what you want.”

“But I wannaaaaaa~” Youngjae wailed, dragging his feet behind him. He was being intolerable on purpose, and it showed, wobbling behind Mark, Jackson and Bambam limply and his face wearing a very sour expression. All they were missing were fake, angry tears.

Mark _really_ hoped things wouldn’t come to that.

“The next place is going to be it. Whether or not you like it.” Mark tried to ignore the amused and sometimes annoyed looks the people walking past them gave Youngjae. Of course he knew those looks all too well, because they were that one thing Mark dreaded most; his child throwing a temper tantrum in public.

Pity and exasperation mixed with amusement and snobby thoughts.. they were all clear on the faces of the people who were looking, like they were somehow better, or _knew_ better. Worst moments were when Mark could hear the bystanders judging out loud his parental skills, and it was even more infuriating when it became clear the commentators had no children themselves but were _obviously_ still _very_ qualified to make such comments about others.

It was beyond rude and Mark always wanted to lash out, but he didn't because he wasn't the kind to start public outbursts just like that.

And it really wasn't a matter of bad parenting in Youngjae’s case; Mark was quite sure his skills as a parent had produced so far a fairly decent human being. This particular petulance and mulishness was nothing else but a kid being a damn kid, and as much as it was tearing Mark’s nerves apart it all would go away when the boy would get food and rest.

And if it didn't stop.. Well. That was a whole different story, which Mark didn't really want to think about.

At the next stop Youngjae almost threw a fit when he was informed  that no, he wasn't going to get ice cream right at this moment and no, he wasn’t going to get it by rolling on the ground either.

Mark was ready to give the boy a complete timeout and drag him back to the resort without any food, but he was saved by Bambam. He pointed at a dish that included fried rice and grilled fish with animal shaped vegetables and suddenly Youngjae was all smiles and sunshine again.

Mark and Jackson stared helplessly at Youngjae now suddenly pleasant and obedient again, his bad mood a distant memory, like he had never even tried to imitate a spawn of Satan.

Anything but the wailing and groaning. Mark accepted the sudden change of mood and ushered them all inside; the faster they got food the longer the obtained peace would last.

An hour later things took another turn to a possible disaster.

“Happy now Youngjae?” Mark asked while stuffing a portion of rice inside his own mouth, eyeing his son who was shoveling his dish into his mouth with great gusto.

“Yeah! This is awesome!” Youngjae couldn’t have looked more happy than he did right now; bits of rice stuck on his cheeks and remains of sauce surrounding his smiling mouth.

“That’s nice to hear.” Mark said, though he wanted to add _thought you’d never settle for anything_ , but kept his mouth shut and turned his attention on the beef on his plate.

“Dad..” Bambam quietly, poking his fish on the plate with his chopsticks, his expression forlorn and worried. “My tummy hurts.”

Jackson’s head snapped up to look at Bambam so quickly he nearly fell off his chair and his chopsticks clattered against his plate.

“Do you feel sick?”

“It hurts..” The way Bambam was kind of shrinking into himself was alarming already and Mark’s food fell back down from the spoon that had stopped in mid air because his whole attention was suddenly on the boy.

“Ok, you’re not gonna be sick? We should go back to the hotel so you can rest there. Can you walk? Where does it hurt?” Jackson hurried to test Bambam’s forehead for whatever reason and Mark frowned, trying to figure out a quick solution to this.

“Jackson, we should take a cab. Bam looks awfully pale to me.”

“I think you’re right.” Jackson looked a little panicked and he reached out stroke Bambam’s hair. The boy sat there quiet and looking sad, his usual boisterous nature gone just like that.

“I’ll get the bill and ask them to call a cab. You gather all our belongings and we’re ready to go.” Mark stood up quickly and hurried to the counter to deal with the money.

The last thing he heard was Youngjae’s worried voice piping up;

“Bammie are you gonna throw up on the table?”

 

“Hey, Mom?” Jackson held his phone in one hand, trying with his free hand to help Bambam out of his shorts and t-shirt. Mark took pity on him after watching Jackson fumbling with the strings and hem and Bambam and went to help, shooed Jackson away. Jackson backed away a few steps but his eyes never left the boy now standing there in just his undies, looking all sad and lonely.

“Do you know any good remedies for stomach ache?” Jackson chewed on his lips, worry written all over his face. A moment of silence while Sophia was talking on the other end. “No, it’s not me, it’s Bam.” Jackson ran his fingers through his hair, ruffling the dark strands until he looked like he had just gotten up from bed. “I don’t know. Might be something he ate. No, he’s not throwing up. Just pale and sluggish and says his stomach hurts.”

“Baba.. I wanna have my Gumiho.” Bambam whined quietly, his head hanging and eyes a little teary. He was so tiny and fragile, so huggable that it was hard not to want to cure all the pain away with a flick of the magic wand.

“I’m sorry.. I don’t think we took her with us.” Mark stroked a few of the black locks away from Bambam’s forehead. “Let’s get you to shower quickly and then you can watch a movie with Youngjae. Is that ok?”

“Okay..” The way Bambam’s eyes were cast down to look at his toes was tearing Mark’s heart apart. What wouldn’t he do to make all bad things to go away so that Bambam could enjoy his vacation to the fullest and not to deal with unwanted suffering.

Jackson came back to them, frowning.

“Mom said that we could try ginger and peppermint tea. Maybe sweeten it with honey because it might be too bitter for him otherwise.”

“Should we go to an emergency?” Mark stood up, trying to remember if he had seen any hospitals on the way to here.

“If it gets worse then of course but..” Jackson glanced at Bambam now wobbling towards the bathroom slowly. “Mom said that it might just go away during the night. Just have to get the tea for him first.”

“Did she have any idea what might have caused this?”

“It could be anything.” Jackson sighed. “Kids sometimes get stomach ache if they’re stressed over something, or it could be that the food he ate wasn’t good for him.”

“Let’s hope it’s just a random pain and nothing else.”

“Yeah.” Jackson hung his head low and Mark reached out to ruffle his hair gently. “I’ll get the tea. You go and make sure Bam showers and then set them up to watch some kiddie movie or something.”

“You’re an angel.” Jackson offered Mark a small weary smile.

“You’d do the same. I’ll be back in a jiffy.” Mark gave Jackson a quick kiss on the cheek and left the suite in a hurry.

 

Jackson eye’s were fixed on the door that closed behind Mark longer than they should have. He just stood there watching the painted white surface and only when he heard loud clattering from the direction of the bathroom did he snap out of his thoughts. He hurried to Bambam, heart heavy with worry.

“Ok, time to wash up. Hey, Youngjae! Do you want to shower too?” Jackson called when he heard Youngjae moving somewhere in the other room.

“Oo~kaaay!” The sing-song reply made Jackson smile; he couldn’t help it because it just sounded so damn cute.

Jackson helped first Bambam to shower, and got half drenched himself in the process because somehow washing little boys hair was comparable to washing a dog, and then gave way to Youngjae, Youngjae was singing a happy little song he obviously was making up right then and there about a bird and a moon and seven stars, and the singing only made Jackson idly think that Mark should send Youngjae on singing lessons, because even if Youngjae was young he definitely didn’t sound bad. He could turn out to be a professional musician if his gifts were nurtured enough. And given he already was good with the piano and actually liked playing it, the chances were even higher for the boy to reach for the stars when he grew up.

“What do you want to watch?” Jackson tucked a light blanket around Bambam when the boys were both scrubbed clean and settled on the couch.

“Something nice?” Bambam looked at Jackson his eyes big and pleading.

“How about Zootopia?” The movie had been watched probably like gazillion times already but for some reason the boys didn’t get enough of watching it.

“Yeah!” Bambam’s face lit up, which made Jackson feel a lot better. The boy seemed to feel better now that they were kind of back home, though he was still somewhat quieter than usual. But a smiling Bambam was definitely a good sign.

“Does it still hurt?”

“A little..” Bambam curled up a little bit more, half his face disappearing under the blanket so that only his eyes were visible.

“It’ll be better soon. Mark will bring you something nice to drink that will make the pain go away.” Jackson ruffled Bambam’s unruly, damp hair and Bambam nodded seriously back at him, determined to believe what Jackson said was true.

“Can I have toast and marmalade?” Youngjae piped up, and Jackson turned to look at him, slightly amused but before he could say anything the boy continued. “Appa, pleaaase?”

Now, there had been times when Youngjae had said that Jackson was a kind of a father figure to him, but this had to be the first time he had actually said the word out loud, and _to_ Jackson.

“Yeah, uh. Sure. I’ll make you some.” Jackson stuttered, unsure if he could stay calm enough to form more coherent sentences. It was a huge thing to be called that because neither him or Mark had tried to make the boys to adjust to such titles. The fact that Youngjae had called Jackson appa on his own was.. Well, it was an enormous milestone for Jackson and he was about to burst from happiness, which made him forget that Youngjae had already eaten way too much for one day, but hey, one toast never killed anyone.

He couldn’t wait to tell Mark.

 

“What a day..” Mark closed the bedroom door silently and made his way to the bed, looking like he was ready to fall asleep any moment now. “I could sleep a week.” He flopped next to Jackson who was flipping through news on his phone.

Jackson understood why Mark said that; he felt pretty much the same. Bambam had fallen asleep in the middle of the movie, again, and Jackson carried him to his bed to sleep off the remaining tummy ache in hopes the morning would prove better. Youngjae struggled almost to the end of the movie but fell flat on his face on the couch when Nick was chasing injured Judy at the museum. Mark tucked the boy in and he and Jackson proceeded to clean up and prepare for bed as well.

It was a routine by now which didn’t involve much thinking; Jackson moved through the small chores like he was walking in a cloud.

The bed felt like heaven after shower and brushing his teeth.

“Aww, my poor baby. Do you need some loving?” Jackson cooed quietly at Mark, discarding his phone and turning on his side to allow Mark to snuggle up against him under the blanket. He was tired as hell so his words held no second thoughts for once. Usually he would have turned the situation around to something very pleasurable, but not tonight; tonight even Jackson was up to nothing more than falling asleep.

“Mm.. if it includes sleeping then yes.” Mark mumbled against the pillow he was hoarding between his face and Jackson’s chest. “ ‘m not up for nuffin else. Too sleepy.” He was so soft and cuddly and seriously speaking Jackson couldn’t resist Mark at all when he was like this.

“Can be arranged.” Jackson chuckled, reaching behind him to switch off the lights.

“Better.” Mark wiggled around a little bit after the darkness surrounded them, curling up even closer to Jackson if possible, and Jackson wrapped one arm loosely over Mark’s shoulder. He closed his eyes and inhaled slowly, clearing his head from everything that had happened today. Sleep wasn’t very far from him; it was just there, about to guide him to dreamland any moment now.

“I’m so happy for you though..” Mark said suddenly, his voice oddly muffle because of the pillow he was hugging.

“Why’s that?” Jackson answered half asleep, his face somewhere close to Mark’s hair, the scent of shampoo fresh in his nose, making him even drowsier if possible.

“That Youngjae has accepted you like that. ’s good. ’m happy.”

“Mmhm.” Jackson was too tired to answer anything more coherent, his thoughts turning blurry already.

“Bam’s great too..” Mark’s voice was drifting off as well, like he was only barely aware that he was still talking.

“Just sleep already..”

“Stupid..” Mark apparently tried to do something violent because he twitched a few times but then gave up almost immediately. “Good night.”

“Sleep tight.”

“Don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

The night was silent, the only sounds were the occasional snores from either of the two men sleeping soundly together, and the continuous hum of the air conditioner making sure the room remained cool and comfortable enough to ensure a good, peaceful sleep. There was no worry of achy tummies or tired feet at this hour, the worldly problems far from the sleeping minds.

Dawn would break again, bringing new day and new challenges to them, but until then the darkness hid the world in its soft embrace, the obstacles ahead shrouded and unknown for now.

~

Beach, food, cold drinks and sand everywhere. That was what their days were made of, and Jackson really liked being so carefree. He didn’t have to think about cleaning or cooking, or teaching or buying this or that.. He was free to loaf around and think and do almost whatever he wanted to.

It was odd and great at the same time and because Jackson wasn’t really used to being on vacation, he’d always had to work extra even during the summer because bills didn’t pay themselves, but being with Mark had made it possible for him to kick his shoes off and nap whenever he felt like it.

Amazing.

Today had consisted of Bambam and Youngjae chasing each other off inside the house because there was a sudden shower of rain keeping them from going out, and the smell of warm rain was wafting inside from the open terrace doors, creating a surreal feel around them.

Jackson was sitting at the other end of the big couch in the family room, chewing on his nails, a bad habit he really should get rid off, and his eyes were following Mark sitting on the on other end.

Mark had been quiet for almost an hour already and Jackson was starting to feel restless because of it. It wasn’t anything unusual to be quiet but for some reason Jackson was itchy for something and all he knew that curing that itch required Mark’s touch. Mental or physical, anything would do.

“Mark?” Jackson nudged Mark’s leg with his toes, not being able to withstand the silence anymore. The only other sounds were the heavy rain hitting the roof and sea, and the boys bickering about something in their room.

“Mm?” Mark hummed in response but didn’t look up from his phone. Jackson sighed.

“Have you always been so stuck to your phone?” A sudden sullen mood threatened to take over Jackson’s otherwise so wonderful afternoon and he cursed silently how weak was sometimes. Getting worked up and jealous over nothing was just stupid.

Besides.. It was nothing but ridiculous to get jealous over a _phone_.

But then again, Jackson sulked quietly, he didn't know for sure what Mark was doing online, for all he knew Mark could be chatting away with someone else. The mere idea scorched Jackson’s insides.

Mark glanced up at him and chuckled lightly.

“Not really. I mean when I was twenty it was all about emailing and computers. Phones these days are like sci-fi stuff compared to those old models.”

“But now you're glued to your phone all the time.” Jackson couldn't help the accusatory tone surfacing and this time Mark did put his phone away and looked at Jackson attentively.

“If it bothers you I can stop when we're together. It’s just work anyway.” The calm reply made Jackson only feel sheepish; he hadn’t meant for Mark to notice the greediness and jealousy so fast.

“You don't have to if you have work to do.. Though I thought this was supposed to be a vacation.” Jackson ended his sentence by mumbling the final words. He should have known it was work related. What else could it have been. Jackson felt stupid for even having doubted Mark for those few fleeting seconds and he was way too aware of the intense stare Mark was directing at him.

“True. The emails can wait.” Mark gave Jackson a lopsided grin. “Did you want to talk about something, or did you just want attention from me?”

Jackson flushed. He really was that transparent was he? At the same time it was annoying and awesome that Mark could see through him so easily. Not always of course, because that would have been very unsettling, but more than often.

“You don't have to he so blunt..”

“I can go back to my phone if you want?”

“No you won’t! I forbid it!”

There was a moment of silence where the only sounds were the rain and Youngjae serenading to Bambam, which happened more and more frequently. Mark kept his eyes on Jackson, waiting for him to say something else.

Jackson puffed his cheeks and pretended to stretch a little, just to break the uneasy staring contest which he would lose anyway because he had no poker face to match Mark’s patience.

“Do you think we’ve changed?” Jackson asked finally, not even sure why he asked that.

“You mean from the beginning of our friendship?” Jackson only nodded. Mark pursed his lips and leaned back, glancing up at the ceiling momentarily. “Maybe. At least I feel like I have. But not for the worst..” He gave a small smile at Jackson.

“Yeah a year ago you were still firmly in the closet. Funny how things change.” Jackson smiled faintly. “Do you think I’ve changed?”

“I don’t think so. Not much at least. Maybe you’re so all over the place anymore. And a lot less worried.” Mark picked on the hem of his shirt, his eyes cast down which gave Jackson time to examine his face.

Mark was still as handsome as he had been when they had met for the first time, but his looks were now secondary because Jackson was so infatuated.. No, he was so in love with the person Mark was on the inside. Of course his looks were just a bonus, but it was more about who Mark was rather what he looked like.

Looking at him like this made Jackson’s heart beat faster and his skin was tingling expectantly. The open future was still there, undiscussed but waiting for them.

After meeting with Nayan Jackson had been toying with the idea of actually talking seriously with Mark about their future, or their separate futures if everything fell apart. Which he didn’t want. Of course he didn’t. The whole prospect made him so anxious he wanted to vomit his guts out.

A life without Mark by his side?

That was not an option. Not anymore. He was too deep in this. And he could only hope he wasn’t the only one feeling like their life side by side was nothing small and insignificant.

“Have you thought about where you want to be in a few years?” Mark looked up at Jackson curiously.

“Is there a reason for you to ask that?”

“Just..” Jackson made a vague gesture with his hands. “It’s something I’ve thought about and I know we haven’t been together all _that_ long but...” Jackson took a deep breath and stumbled on bravely. “And I know we haven’t really talked much about where we want to be in the future. I mean I’m serious, so I guess what I want to know is.. Are you?”

Mark was silent for so long it started to make Jackson uncomfortable.

“In the future, huh?” Mark said finally, like he was pondering by himself the question. “I guess I’ll be where I am now. I have everything I need; a job, health, enough money to provide for myself and my family. And I have a family. And..” He gave Jackson a seriously glance. “I have a relationship I’m committed to.”

Jackson was speechless and his heart was beating somewhere in his throat and before he could say anything Mark was continuing already, scratching thoughtfully the dark stubble on his chin because he hadn’t bothered to shave this morning due to the rain keeping them from going out.

“What I’m saying is that yes I’m serious too. Jackson.. I want us to happen. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to be with you.” Mark licked his lips quickly, frowning but his eyes were steadily examining Jackson. “I think too much sometimes, or read too much into everything, and that’s what has made me irritable at times and I’m sorry about that.”

Jackson guessed Mark was talking about the unfortunate time when they had almost split up, and about the incident on the plane. Those were things that were still heavy on Jackson’s mind as well but he was relieved that Mark addressed them by himself.

“So you’re not blaming me?”

“No, no of course I’m not. You’ve done nothing wrong.” Mark’s deep sigh sounded like he was tired all of a sudden of everything. “Maybe I’m just anxious about the future because we can never know for sure what is to come. Then again it’s useless to worry about it, because it’s not something I can affect all that much; what will come, will come.” The dark eyes locked with Jackson’s and something warm twisted his guts. “There are times when I think this all is so rushed and doomed to fail because of the speed we are moving, but I can’t help but to go with the flow; to allow myself to be swept away towards the unknown with you.”

Since when had Mark learned to be so soft spoken and prosaic? He should clearly avoid spending too much time with Jinyoung, because that annoyingly gentleman-like idiot had to be the source of all these gentle words and dreamy look in Mark’s eyes.

“Do you see us walking down a flowery path?” Jackson asked quietly, picking on the fabric of his pants; they were worn off and old but he had no heart to part with them because the pants were comfortable and more than decent still.

“A flowery path?” Mark chuckled. “Why not. Yes. But it won’t all be sunshine and rainbows, you know that as well as I do. There will be many mountains to climb, but for what my opinion is worth; I think we can do anything together.”

Jackson wanted to climb those said mountains and shout his love to the world to hear, that’s how happy and proud he felt right now. There was no way Jackson could have ever ended up together with anyone more suited to him than Mark was.

“Me too.” He couldn’t express his joy better; all he could do was to beam at Mark and hope it would transmit his feelings.

Mark returned the smiled and for now it felt like it was enough.

What would come, would come. He was ready. With a chainsaw if he needed to.

~

The eight day of their vacation dawned moist and hot, the sun cruel but the gentlest gusts of wind blowing from the sea made the suffocating heat tolerable and almost comforting.

Jackson was glad they had decided to skip the over crowded main beaches this time and had taken a ride to a one located far away from the hustle and bustle of the ones that made Jackson’s skin crawl just thinking about how packed they were. The new location made the whole beach experience much more enjoyable to them all, not to mention most groups on this beach were families so no one cared about children running around and being noisy.

For a while now, and especially after the short talk about where they were headed in the future, Jackson had had the nagging feeling he had forgotten something. Something big that he was definitely not supposed to forget. It bugged him day and night until he finally, this morning actually, figured out what it was.

Knowing however didn’t make Jackson any less bothered and nervous, and he felt like he was about pop soon if he didn’t bring the subject up soon. It was like he was walking on hot coals.

“Mark?”

“Mm?” Mark was busy applying extra sunscreen on Youngjae’s arms and neck, Youngjae naturally protesting by whining loudly, and didn't have time to look up at Jackson. “Stop squirming or you'll sit here for the rest of the day and Bambam is going to be the only one swimming. Ok?”

“But Daaad~ It ticklesss!” Youngjae complained and Jackson had to turn away to hide his laughter. The whole scene was somehow so domestic and adorable he was one second away from laughing out loud.

“Ok it's done. Run off now but don't go anywhere where we can't see you.” Mark smacked Youngjae on his butt gently and watched the boy scurrying away, his pride obviously hurt. But, it didn't take long for Youngjae’s delighted laughter to echo in the air as he joined Bambam splashing around in the shallow waters.

“I swear he's getting more and more stubborn as he grows.” Mark muttered, watching the two boys in the distance. Then he shrugged, dismissing the whole incident just like that. “What were you saying?”

Jackson swallowed hard, his cheeks gathering heat.

“Do you know what day it is?” Jackson asked, chewing on his lip.

“Uhh.. Thursday?”

“No, actually it’s Friday but anyway that’s not the point.” Jackson corrected him, frustration raising its head.

“It’s not?” Mark blinked, looking like he had nothing but fluff between his ears. Was he playing stupid or was he seriously that clueless? Jackson couldn’t decide and honestly it didn’t even matter because he couldn’t keep this fact to himself very long anyway. He wanted to mention it because it was burning on the tip of his tongue.

“It's been a year since that night in Paris.” Jackson blurted and for some reason his heart was thumping faster and his cheeks felt like they were now on fire.

“Oh.” Mark said or did nothing else; just kept blinking stupidly at him.

“What do you mean _Oh!”_ Jackson almost flared up but of course not too seriously. “Are you saying you don't remember our first kiss!”

Mark rolled his eyes and then groaned. He gave Jackson a slightly exasperated stare, just to emphasize his feelings; Mark way too good at giving that look and Jackson felt like he was five years old again and being scolded about something he’d done.

“You know you have the most annoying habit of ruining my plans.” Mark finally sighed, trying in vain to keep his hair away from his eyes.

“Plans? What plans? And who's annoying!” Ok, Jackson could admit that _did_ sound very childish, but come on, Mark was being annoying too, wasn’t he?

Mark just rolled his eyes again and sat down onto the blanket they had spread over the hot sand. He motioned silently Jackson to sit next to him.

Jackson grumbled, jutted his bottom lip out and shuffled on his feet a while before flopping down next to Mark, still determined to keep on pouting. Yes, he would be adamant this time. Mark wasn’t going to smooth talk Jackson out of his disgruntlement so easily this time!

“I did remember what day it is..” Mark finally said quietly, not meeting Jackson’s eyes. He looked away, gazing silently over to the glimmering sea before he continued. “How could I forget? You and Noi made sure I'd definitely remember that trip for the rest of my life.”

“I didn-” Jackson tried to butt in, a cold dread washing over him, like he was worried he had done something wrong, but..

“Let me finish.” Mark interrupted before Jackson could play more of insulted boyfriend cards. Jackson’s mouth snapped shut with an almost audible snap. “I had plans for tonight you know. I thought you were too busy to remember so I didn't say anything. I’ve arranged late afternoon activities for Youngjae and Bambam so we can have a quiet evening. Just the two of us.” Mark was talking quietly, like he was way too embarrassed about the whole thing himself and Jackson was just.. He didn’t know what to think, or how to feel anymore, all he could do was to gape at Mark in total awe.

Then Jackson turned a radiant shade of red, when what Mark had just said registered in his brains.

Mark was too much! Way too much! How could he be like that? This.. cheesy, silly, quiet romantic that was too much but still so appealing it was going to be the end of Jackson’s poor life one glorious day.

And he loved it. Every damn bit and second of it.

 

The warm hours wore on and Jackson was sure he would go crazy before the afternoon would arrive. The big parasol shielded them from the direct sunlight but it didn’t make the heat any less overpowering. It was soon time to leave and eat and then..

Jackson’s thoughts were drifting.

“Do you know what I thought at the time? Before we.. uh, kissed.” Mark was twirling the popsicle in his mouth and Jackson found it incredibly distracting. Though, distracting was probably an understatement because he couldn't do much else but to helplessly stare at Mark and hope fervently they weren't on the beach where it was pretty inappropriate to do what Mark ice sucking was causing Jackson to imagine.

“No?” He finally choked, hoping his own ice cream wouldn't melt all over his hands because he had other things in his mind than eating. The image of sneaking behind a sand dune to have a moment together was making Jackson’s eyes glaze momentarily. Oh, how he wished the afternoon was already here.

“I thought you weren’t human at all. That you were some kind of entity or something. An angelic creature lost in our mundane world.. You looked so beautiful then I was almost didn’t.. uh, kiss you.”

“Funny that. I could swear I was thinking the same thing about you.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“I’m..” Mark coughed, a hint of pink dusting his cheeks. “I’m not an angel or anything of the sort, you know that right? I’m human; flesh and blood like everyone else is.” He bit on the ice and broke the tip, crushing the frozen substance between his teeth. “But you.. You’re so pure and handsome and everything. I kissed you because I couldn’t keep on denying how much I wanted it to happen. Despite thinking it was wrong to destroy our friendship.”

“But you didn't destroy anything. Look where we are now! Mark do you even know how much _I_ wanted to hold you when I realized I wasn't just admiring your looks.” Jackson huffed, the ice cream dripping slowly over his fingers, but he didn’t notice it.

Mark fell silent and observed the popsicle in his hand like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Jackson however saw the smile right there, hiding at the corner of Mark’s mouth.

 _Goddamn I want to kiss him right now.._ It wasn't like those luscious lips weren't pink to begin with but now after the ice they were almost radiantly pink and Jackson could swear he could hear them calling him for a kiss or two.

Just when he was about to do something about his urges Mark looked back up and Jackson froze.

“Remember our first beach trip?” Mark chuckled. “I was so nervous and didn’t know what to do but I knew I wanted to get your attention at any cost. Even picked you up when you stumped your feet on that stone.”

“It was a _very_ painful stone, but it did lead to good things..” Jackson grinned at Mark, reaching to squeeze Mark’s hand in his, a happy screech of a laughter causing Mark to smile back at him, the bubbling giddiness inside Jackson’s stomach intensifying. “I liked that day a lot.”

“You did?”

“I mean come on? You? And the whole carrying me around like you were already my boyfriend and people gawking at us and you were so gorgeous and wow..” Jackson sighed, pursing his mouth. “It was more than nice. I would let you carry me around whenever if it wasn’t a little degrading because you know I’m a man and not some weakling and-” Mark held his popsicle up to stop Jackson from continuing his sentence.

“I know you’re a man. That’s why I like you so much. But I’ve never to this day thought you were weak or cowardly or anything you think you might be. And I never will. You’re a strong handsome man and you could just as easily pick me up, so I think we’re even.”

“Well you’re the size of a stick anyway..” Jackson eyed Mark critically. “And you’ve lost weight.” Now that Mark was there and without his shirt the fact he had lost weight was even more evident. It made Jackson worry.

“I know..” Mark huffed, and he shrank down a little. “I really don’t know why, but it’s nothing you should get worried about. It’s a phase, most likely. I have stress because of work so..” He made a vague gesture that was supposed to cover up the lack of finishing the sentence.

 

Jackson squinted up at the blue sky visible from under the parasol, his thoughts for once unreadable on his face. Mark turned to look up as well, maybe trying to see and find some answers written onto the amazing azure blue dome high above them, the illusion of the passing airplanes and wispy clouds being able to touch its invisible surface making Mark wish he knew how to fly. A gentle breeze blew by them, easing the scorching burn for a moment, but then it was gone again.

Mark turned his head to look at the sand; the air above the hot sand was rippling, it was so hot because nothing was protecting it from the sun smiling down at it all day long. The long beach and the open sea reminded Mark of the times when he had still lived in California and had spent time with his friends at the beach just playing and swimming for hours and hours at a time.

The memory of those days was so vivid in his mind and yet it had already faded into something much less tangible, like he was remembering snippets of an old movie instead of his own life. It was a somber sort of feeling that made his heart ache a little, knowing the passage of time was inevitable and ruthless, sparing no one as it steadily moved on.

The sounds of the other families and couples on the beach were muffled, tuned down to that low background noise that was like the static sound of the TV, bizarre, unpleasant and ghostly.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.” Jackson’s voice made Mark turn back to look at him instead.

“I’m not upset.” Mark shook his head.

“You look like you are,” Jackson was holding Mark’s hand gently, his thumb moving on the skin soothingly. “Are you ok? I haven’t ruined the day for us?”

“What? No. Of course you haven’t,” Mark untangled their fingers, leaning to lie down, propping himself to his elbow. He finished off the remainders of the popsicle, watching Jackson licking off the last bits of his ice cream before he settle on the towel as well.

Mark leaned over Jackson, tracing his fingers over the worried line on Jackson’s forehead, chasing the uncertain emotion away.

“I was just remembering old things. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“You made me worried,” A small smile tugged the corners of Jackson’s mouth. “You could just kiss the hurt away?”

“I could, couldn’t I.” Mark tried to keep his face steady but it was turning out harder than he thought; Jackson’s silly mood was so incredibly contagious.

Without further ado Mark placed his palm against Jackson’s cheek and bent down to kiss his lips. It was warm, slightly dry and chapped, but it tasted like sunscreen and mango ice cream, and it was perfect.

~

“Children, please line up in pairs so we can start the fun journey!” A young girl dressed in forest green shirt and sand colored shorts called into the megaphone she was holding. The announcement caused quite a stir when all the children gathered there together, there were maybe thirty of them, started to move around restlessly, the sound of their excited babbling ringing in the air.

“Why do the final minutes always drag by so damn slow..” Jackson grumbled, his eyes shut for the moment through Mark knew Jackson was watching closely Bambam being chatty with all the other kids lining in for the bus they were about to climb.

“I know.” Mark had the same anxious feelings, and those had been getting worse the more the day had proceeded, but he kept his face as relaxed as possible. Counting from hundred to one helped a lot too though it made him distracted from everything else around him. The only thing betraying Mark’s thoughts was the fidgeting he did, and even that was unconscious thing to do.

Ok, so he had an itch. So what?

Mark didn’t try to justify his thoughts anymore; he getting more than antsy because Jackson looked so damn good tonight and there was something about his whole posture, the way he carried himself today, and the perfume he wore.. Oh boy, _yes._ Brilliant and yet causing too much trouble for Mark to contain his wildly running imagination.

_God, I could just take his hand and kiss his fingers.. Suck on each finger until he turns into spaghetti in my hands._

“Jesus, how long can it take for them to pack up the children and actually _go?”_ Jackson grunted, his voice muffled by his palm pressed over his mouth as if to hide away a massive yawn. Mark kept his expression relaxed and merely slightly amused, but inside him there was a storm of emotions unfurling and he felt hot and bothered, like he was standing on hot coals. The air around them seemed to change, along with it the electricity between him and Jackson grew almost palpable; it hung in the air between them like a solidified emotion, like it was no longer an abstract feeling but an actual being that pulled them together. They were two planets, drawn to each other slowly and inevitably, the moment of their collision just expecting to happen any given moment now when the final restraints would vanish and they were free to do whatever they wished, all inhibitions lost and forgotten.

It was an incredible camaraderie to play that simple happy father role to the outside, to show off that he were not harboring mischief and impurities inside him, that he wasn’t standing there and watching his son hop on the bus together with Bambam like a perfectly normal parent, when in fact there was a fire burning inside Mark that would match the fire of the  monstrous dragons of old tales, with eternal flames kindled inside their guts.

“Bye Dad!”

“Have fun and don’t do anything stupid!”

_Finally._

The journey back to the resort felt like an eternity, or like a door that was moving just a step or two further from you when you tried to hurry and reach the safety of the rooms hidden behind it.

Jackson’s hand was sweaty in Mark’s and his eyes were wide, his gaze bouncing everywhere, his breathing loud and clear in Mark’s ears when they tried to hurry down the path and the people they encountered inconspicuously enough so that no one would guess what would happen behind the closed doors.

The moment when the lock clicked shut behind them Mark found himself slammed against the hard surface and his mouth covered and occupied by a pair of hungry lips trying to kiss him senseless. It was almost animalistic sense of desire, the burning feeling of it eating him alive from within and making him reckless.

Jackson was hot and powerful against him, his hands grasping Mark’s hips and waist hard, his whole presence being the reason why Mark had been on the edge since the moment he knew this would be the result today.

Of course things were bound to end up in this; it was the first time in almost two or three weeks since they’d have the chance to finish up what they started, and that was partially the reason why the situation escalated so fast now.

Mark flipped them around and crowded Jackson against the door this time, pushing one knee between Jackson’s thighs. He was rewarded with a soft needy growl and returning push of the hips, the friction causing the pleasure to shoot higher. Jackson’s head thumped against the door and he closed his eyes, his grip on Mark’s shirt tight as ever, like he would lose the last bits of his sanity if he would let go, like Mark was containing him, forcing him to be somewhat civil.

Animal heat could be such a wonderful thing, and then Jackson did his little dirty trick that broke the camel's back;

“Want you.. so much.. Come on, take me.” His normally low tone was even lower, the sultry sound echoing straight into Mark’s brains. His stomach lurched down several inches just from hearing that particular tone right next to his ear.

Without even trying to form words Mark wrapped his arms around Jackson’s waist and hoisted him off the ground, grinning so widely it almost hurt.

He dropped Jackson on the bed, climbing over him and wasting no time Mark latched his mouth onto Jackson’s jugular, the pulse rapid under his kissing lips and probing tongue. Jackson tasted salty, his skin warm from all the sun he’d been getting, his skin turning to even more prominent shade of warm golden, which of course suited him so well Mark would be glad to get more often into these vacations, just to see Jackson looking healthy and relaxed.

A happy Jackson was a happy Mark. Simple as that.

And with relaxation and happiness came the ease and self-confidence that always drove them into fits of yearning and lusting, like now.

Jackson’s hands were all over Mark’s back, pulling up the shirt, going in from the neckline, burying into Mark’s hair and fists balling around the locks tightly.

They were wearing too many clothes, that became evident very soon; Jackson had shorts and a sleeveless top which left a lot of bare skin for Mark to kiss and touch but Jackson had to deal with Mark wearing a full t-shirt and it was clearly annoying him.

“Get this thing off.” Jackson finally grunted, pulling the hem of Mark’s shirt with both hands so high it was reaching his armpits already.

Mark didn’t even smile when he sat up and tore the piece of clothing off, throwing it away carelessly; no one really starts to fold their clothes when there are much more interesting things to concentrate your attention on to. And that was what Mark did; he bent back down, cradled Jackson’s face with one hand and kissed him, his other hand under the tank top, fingers circling one nipple, brushing over the hard nub and making Jackson buck up with a hushed groan.

Jackson’s hands were moving over Mark’s bare skin, down to his hips and over his ass and into the pockets of his shorts, convenient for groping and squeezing and adding more pressure. Mark was functioning by instinct; he couldn’t really figure out how he managed to do all the things he did at once; kissing, biting, fumbling with clothes, grinding his hips down and keeping Jackson getting more and more impatient. Jackson was about as feverish as Mark was, his body pushing up to get more friction erratically, hips seeking the right pressure points to elevate the rapidly rising lust.

The need for more was growing uncontrolled by the second.

“I didn’t pack the tube..” Mark said after reluctantly detaching himself from Jackson’s mouth, lips now tingling from all the biting and sucking, but still yearning for more.

Why, of all things he _had_ remembered to take with them, this one tiny thing was something he hadn’t. Mark had no desire to stop here, he was way too aroused for that, and settling only for a handjob or blowing each other off seemed like an act that wouldn’t be enough to satisfy his burning need for closeness, or to quench his lust for Jackson.

He wanted more. So much more.

“I did.” Jackson turned his head to the side, not meeting Mark’s widening eyes, looking all abashed about his revelation.

“I love you.” Mark felt ecstatic all of a sudden and he peppered Jackson’s face with dozens of tiny kisses, smiling widely all the while.

“I remember to bring the lube with us and you claim you love me?” Jackson giggled. “You’re cheesy _and_ horny. But I think I’ve said that before..”

“Jackson.” Mark bit Jackson’s earlobe, his sharp teeth sinking in the flesh hard. “If you don’t get that said lube I’m not going to love you much longer.”

“Stingy!” Jackson slapped Mark’s shoulder, the sound loud in the silent room. Mark snorted and clambered up and off of Jackson, dropping onto the bed on his back, breathing fast. His stomach had something swirling inside it and he felt hot all over, the urge to reach down to pleasure himself so powerful he almost gave into it.

Jackson laughed delighted as he got off the bed, walking on clearly shaky legs towards the closet and to retrieve that one thing that would make their life so much easier and much, much more pleasurable.

After picking up the small tube from a hiding place Mark had no idea about Jackson turned around and looked straight Mark, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“You’re so damn sexy..” And then Jackson took off his tank top and dropped it on the floor.

“You’re one to talk. Come’ere.” Mark sat back up again and scooted over on the edge of the bed, his eyes never leaving Jackson’s body. _So damn gorgeous.. I want to-_ Jackson approached him slowly, his free hand working on the button of his shorts.

The button popped open the moment he stopped in front of Mark.

Without any words Mark pulled Jackson closer by his hips and pressed his face against Jackson’s stomach. He could feel Jackson’s heartbeat pulsing even there, the steady rhythm against his face soothing and comforting, betraying Jackson’s feelings with that erratic speed.

Something fell on the bed, Mark guessed it was the lube, and then Jackson’s hands and fingers were in Mark’s hair and neck, trailing down to draw invisible paths over his upper back. Mark didn’t think anymore, the scent of lust filling his nose and going up to his head was like an aphrodisiac, making him reckless and even needier, greedier for passion.

He tore open the zipper on Jackson’s shorts at the same moment he kissed the flat stomach, tongue trailing over the defined abdominal muscles, admiring the clear shape with each lick and touch of lips. The shorts and boxers fell around Jackson’s ankles with a soft thump, freeing the erection that had been strained under the fabrics.

“Oh.. _ffuc-”_ Jackson’s hands were back up in Mark’s hair in a second, pressing against his scalp to keep him there, to stop him from moving away. Not that he would have done that anyway.

Mark’s mouth circled around the hot flesh, tongue sliding under the swollen cock and slicking the surface. Jackson was breathing through his nose, his mouth slightly open and his eyes were closed; he looked so lost in delirium, like he always did when he was in this state. And beautiful. Jackson was beautiful when his face was tense with pooling pleasure, caused by Mark’s steadily moving mouth, guiding the cock deeper down his throat with just one purpose in his mind; to give pleasure to the one he desired.

Mark closed his eyes to work blindly, his hands seeking support on Jackson’s hips. It wasn’t just the act of giving head that made him feel even more greedier than before, it was the sounds and breathy sighs of pleasure that drove him forward, drove him to open up his mouth more, to allow the hot tip of the cock reach the back of his throat just a little bit more with each slide on his tongue.

It was so different from the first time they had done this that it was like comparing night and day. How impossibly nervous had he been back then. So.. kind of innocent and naïve in a way. And Jackson, oh, he had been so wonderful and supportive.

To be honest Mark had never in his wildest dreams, after he realized he wanted Jackson both mentally as well as physically, thought Jackson could be so giving and willing to do almost anything. Sometimes Mark wondered if these were just the hazy and lustful days of their puppy love, or was this passion going to last until they were too old and tired to have sex anymore.

It was a matter that sometimes crossed his mind and lingered, making him worried about the future, but then it was gone again. He couldn’t do much about things that had not yet happened, so why should he worry?

“Shit.. Mark.. I’m..” Jackson pulled Mark’s hair, forcing his mouth off of his cock. The sudden loss left Mark’s mouth wide open, a trickle of saliva running down his chin and his eyes watery. “Oh god I’m sorry!” Jackson’s hands moved quickly, cradling Mark’s cheeks gently, eyes wide with more apologies.

“ ‘s fine.” Mark licked his tender lips, wiping the drool away with the back of his hand. “You could leave that kind of sudden movements out the next time.. I could dislodge my jaw, you know.”

“Oh, no no no! I’m sorry, seriously I promise to be a good boy and never do that again! You’re not hurt are you?”

Mark grabbed Jackson by his naked hips and with one stumbling move they were back on the bed with Jackson on his back and Mark grouching over him.

“I’m fine, but you’ll pay for that little trick.”

“Yes. I’ve been a naughty boy. I deserve spanking.” Jackson almost half moaned, his cock twitching against his stomach, the drying saliva shining in certain angles and Mark just wanted to make Jackson come so hard he would be speechless afterwards.

“Spanking? That’s dirty.. But maybe not this time.” Mark chuckled darkly, backing down and off the bed to stand on the floor. Mark reached down to yank the clothes from around Jackson’s ankles, tossing them away, and then looked at him. “You know what’s coming.”

Jackson bit on his lip, his eyes wide and anxious, his gaze going up and down Mark’s torso, stopping to stare Mark’s hands that were slowly working on the buttons on his shorts now.

“I’ll make you mine.” One button popped open and Mark took a step closer to the bed. He stood right there, looking down at Jackson with fire burning in his guts.

“You _are_ mine.” Second button opened. Jackson was breathing harder, eyes even wider than before and more beautiful than ever.

“Forever.” Third pop. Jackson scooted backwards in the middle of the bed, his cheeks dusted with red, his chest heaving.

Mark dropped his pants down with one shove and then climbed back on the bed, crawling towards Jackson. He grabbed Jackson by his ankles and spread his legs open, settling between them.

 

The cork snapped open, the sound all too familiar to both of them, reminding them of what was about to come, the knowledge churning hotly inside and anticipation rising like a rocket, sweat surfacing from the mere thought.

Jackson inhaled sharply when the slick and cold substance spread over his skin, the feel of it like thick water slowly dripping down, the sensation it caused both cold and warm, erotic and weird. He spread his more to give more space for Mark to work with and bit down on his tongue when two fingers penetrated him out of the blue.

“Relax. Jacks.. Breathe.” Mark’s voice was next to his ear, the soothing low sound entering Jackson’s brains and he inhaled shakily, his chest expanding and the burn he felt easing with each willing attempt to force his body to relax under the probing fingers working their way to open him up more.

The pain was fleeting and familiar but it was always there for the first few moments, and always Jackson found himself focusing on it too much, thinking how ridiculous he must be looking while in that position, all unguarded and fragile, in both agony and in ecstasy, body surrendering in the skilled hands of his loved one.

Then Mark’s lips were there, seeking Jackson’s mouth, kissing him softly, distracting him from the pain shooting up. He could feel himself loosening, becoming less tense and he wrapped his arms around Mark’s shoulders, the soft brown hair again between his searching fingers. His hips began to answer to the thrusts, unconsciously responding and searching for a synced rhythm.

How funny, Jackson mused, his eyes tightly closed and mouth busy with sloppy french kisses, that Mark used to be so nervous about having sex with him. The situation definitely had turned upside down the past year and, despite Jackson being very virile and healthy young man, he wasn’t the one who initiated the sex as often as Mark did now.

Jackson liked the way it made him feel; it felt like he was wanted for what he was and for nothing else, like he was unique and desirable. It made him want to flat out blurt that he was ready anytime Mark would so much as _hint_ at the possibility of having sex, or anything remotely close to that.

Not that he wasn’t making lewd suggestions, or flirting as much as he could; those things were written in his frigging DNA, they came naturally to him. But to feel that he was desirable even if he was in his worn out gym clothes.. _That_ was awesome.

Of course in the beginning it had been about them both being novices about nearly everything connected to sexual acts, and although Jackson had fooled around with another guy before Mark, he still had been unsure how things were supposed to go when the time came for sex. And when the moment did come.. Jackson had been so happy to realize Mark was just as scared and worried as he was. The knowledge that he wasn’t alone in learning all the new things was comforting.

And that feeling had lasted until this day, the comfort and safety of being in Mark’s arms made Jackson lose all his inhibitions and to give himself freely, to participate in everything they might desire to do in the whimsical horny mood they so easily got into..

The cork clicked again and Jackson braced himself, opening up as much as he could.

“You’re beautiful.” Mark whispered against Jackson’s mouth the same time as the tip of his cock pushed through the tight ring, the lube easing the way. Jackson tensed up, the slick and tight sensation, an odd mixture of everything good and bad at the same time, and for a second or two he wasn’t sure he wanted this anymore. But the feeling faded fast, his scratching nails leaving red marks all over Mark’s back, hidden in the middle of the beautiful ink covering the equally beautiful skin.

Mark cradled his both arms under Jackson’s upper back and Jackson crossed his ankles behind Mark’s back, the position so intimate and close it was like they were cocooned inside a shell together, slotting against each other perfectly as if they were carved out of single piece of marble.

This wasn’t just lusty making out, nor was it rough sex where the only purpose was to alleviate the need for release. This wasn’t a union born from distress or need to relieve stress or anger. No.. This was more than any of those things; this was what they called making love, and it was awful and syrupy and cringe worthy but it felt so _good_ Jackson was melting from within, his skin sweaty and the feel of Mark’s cock slippery, pistoning slowly in and out of his body.

The burn, the love, the ecstasy, it all mixed together and created a wonderful misty cloud of pleasure, the moans only barely audible even when Mark detached their lips and rested his head on Jackson’s shoulder, his hips still moving relentlessly back and forth.

Jackson was climbing the stairs to heaven so painfully slowly it made him see stars and made his body to move on its own, seeking for release that was just there but still out of reach, escaping his greedy fingers. Mark was panting hard, his skin almost hot to touch and he was sweating, the combination of their perspiration only adding to the slick friction and heightening the reverie.

“Oh.. _Oh..”_ Jackson could feel it building, the orgasm was gathering in the pit of his stomach, the sense of it approaching making his movements jerky and desperate, high needy whines escaping his tightly shut mouth. Mark responded by speeding up, thrusting harder and deeper with each move, like he wanted to reach Jackson’s guts.

And then it was there, the exploding pleasure taking over him and his whole body spasming and he couldn’t help his mouth opening and the sounds of ecstasy leaving his mouth with each thrust Mark’s hips drove into him. He was tight and tense, the orgasm wrecking him hard and then..

 _“Oh god.. JACK-”_ Mark moaned loud, his body going rigid and Jackson could feel how the cock buried inside was swelling up even more, the size impossibly even bigger and harder, thicker and finally the hot liquid shot inside him in uncontrolled squirts that, if he was being very honest, felt dirty and so lewd he wanted it to last forever.

Mark collapsed against Jackson’s chest, completely spent and satisfied. Jackson wanted squirm but he was too exhausted to do so, his body thrumming pleasantly as the aftermath of the orgasm made him breathe unsteadily. He licked his lips, breathing shaky and his eyes fluttering with each jolt of soft pleasure continuing to tickle his senses.

“Happy anniversary..” Mark rasped when he hoisted himself up and pulled out of Jackson, grimacing a little in the process. “And sorry about that.”

“It’s ok.” Jackson stretched his legs and arms, blood now flowing into his limbs freely again. “That was awesome.”

“Yeah?” Mark smiled, wiping the sweaty hair away from his forehead. “We still have two hours before the kids are back.”

“Indeed?”

“There’s a jacuzzi in the bathroom you know..”

“And strawberries, whipped cream and champagne in the fridge?” It was meant to be a joke but fortunately to Jackson Mark grinned sheepishly. “Seriously? You did that? I’m.. I can’t.. Ok. You’re too much. I can’t.. Wow. Mark. I’m never letting you go!” If there was a time when Jackson had felt flabbergasted it was now. No doubt about it.

“I was kind of hoping you’d say that.” Mark giggled, sitting back on his legs.

Jackson sat up and grabbed Mark by his ears and dragged him into a bruising kiss.

“Like hell I would ever let you go. I love you, stupid.”

Mark’s high laughter was the cherry on top after every single happy thing that had happened so far.

~

_Why does the summertime always pass by so fast?_

_I don’t mean that the trees or the flowers are wilting away, not yet, but it’s so tangible when the house turns quieter after the kids have gone back to school and you realize it will be September next month. It’s weird and the more I have years growing on me the passage of time seems to accelerate, move on more and more faster without me having any control of it._

_Not that people really have any real control of time, nor have they ever had it, but to some extent have control over the way we spend our time._

_It seems it was just yesterday when I was graduating and the world was a scary, confusing place. But now? Now I notice time has passed me without me noticing it, because I can say to almost everything; Oh, that happened ten years ago!_

_It’s scary and yet it’s not. I’m not unhappy, nor do I think anyone close to me is at the moment, and the things I was so scared of when I was in my early twenties? They’re not things to be scared of anymore but to face head on, to live with them day by day and do that with your head held high and spirits soaring._

_Though.. I admit it’s hard to keep your head held high when your days are filled with diapers and baby girls learning to speak some form of Klingon apparently.. And add to that one little boy who doesn’t want to clean up his room when asked nor wants to sit quietly at the dinner table. (Just last night it took him an hour to finish his dinner because he is not allowed to get up before the plate is empty. But, to his credit, he did finish. Eventually.)_

_I decided to wait until the girls are older before I return to work. Jaebum’s income is enough for the moment and I get aid for the monthly expenses. We can handle it, and I want to be here to see my darling ones to grow up._

_It was quiet for almost two weeks when Jackson and Mark were away in Thailand. The card they sent came yesterday (though they have been back home for a week already) and it was, as expected, full of dirty remarks and sticky fingerprints, probably jelly. At least I hope it was jelly.._

 

_Jinyoung_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello.. We are officially over 300k!! Should we celebrate the length of this monster somehow? It's amazing.. I can't believe I've written so much already.. And there's so much I haven't yet even published..
> 
> So, did you all enjoy your summer vacations? I did. I met up with a new friend (hi there darling) and made some warm memories.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter. I know it took a long time to write, and even longer to proof it, but it's a long chapter and I'm just digging a grave to myself because I can't seem to settle for shorter chapters anymore. Yes, I'm aware it's not healthy, but.. It's so long it might be too jumpy and not flowing and gods, I hope it's ok for you. ._.  
> It's hard to try to be correct about names and such in languages I don't speak, so.. If there are inaccuracies please let me know. I try to be thorough but I'm not perfect ;__;  
> And if you're confused how do BB and YJ call markson.. YJ -> MK: Dad/Daddy. To JS: Appa (because YJ's Korean) BB -> JS: Dad/Daddy. To MK: Baba (mostly because JS is chinese and BB lives with him. Noi is still Thai and BB uses thai words with her but i'm not qualified to use them much.....) Sorry if this is confusing!
> 
> In celebration of JJP comeback the next chapter will be dedicated to them. I can't help but to love Verse 2 so much and everything about it just made me want to write about JJP a little bit more into this story. Please look forward to it. After that there will be more markson again.  
> And you've probably guessed it already; DD isn't going to end anytime soon. There's too much to write and the things I have in mind for them are too far away to be written anytime soon into the storyline. So.. I guess we'll have another year ahead of us!
> 
> For those who follow me on twitter, please take note I've changed my username to @cffn163 and if you have any kind of questions about DD, my writings or life in general, you can find me on[ ask.fm](https://ask.fm/bunnyinacup).  
> See you next time <3 I love you all (and I'm sorry I've gotten so slow.. -____-; ).


	29. Crossroads

Jinyoung was feeling awful; everything was stuffy and muffled, his ears popping and his throat lined with rough sanding paper, the tip of his nose hot and his hands cold as hell. Every time he tried to speak he managed to start a coughing fit, and ended up scaring the kids because it seemed like he was trying to cough his lungs out when in reality he was just trying to wheeze some much needed oxygen in.

In other words, Jinyoung had caught a really bad cold.

He wanted to sink under the ground and wait for the moment when his head would finally explode from all the slime that had taken a very stubborn residence inside his sinuses. He wanted to move and have energy but no; his fate was to be stranded on the couch, under a blanket to drink warm drinks that thankfully soothed his sore throat and prevented more coughing sprees.

The restless feeling of guilt tried to settle down in Jinyoung’s stomach even though he knew it was stupid to feel that way. He was not in any way obliged, not in this state, to do anything, but still he felt like the laundry wouldn’t do itself, the dishes wouldn’t get washed or the kids would ever get food if he continued being ill for long. It was like  _ everything _ in this household was his duty and he was failing miserably by being weak.

Jinyoung knew he was wrong to think this, of course he did. Those idiotic thoughts were only a result of his feverish and worried mind. There was no reason for him to feel like he was neglecting anyone, or anything, because Jaebum was there to do the chores that needed to be done, and he was there to look after the children. The girls needed more attention because they were still too young to be left unsupervised for too long but Yugyeom was another matter; he was capable of rational thinking, at least most of the time, and thus it was easy to let him play by himself.

Jinyoung had naturally thought Yugyeom would go back to his room or go outside to play with Bambam and Youngjae like he normally did, but no, this time the boy surprised both Jinyoung and Jaebum with his actions.

Yugyeom wasn’t even trying to back to his room to play games when he was told that daddy wasn’t feeling very well, nor was he asking to go out to play with his friends, nothing even remotely close to that, and that was what surprised the parents so much. This time the boy had taken an active role as taking care of Jinyoung and it was so sweet it made Jinyoung love his little boy more than he already did.

Yugyeom was such a sweetheart when he was so concerned about his father, and he kept carrying new cups of water to him and placed with clumsy hands a cool wet towel over Jinyoung’s forehead to make him feel better. It was so adorable Jinyoung wanted to squeeze the boy into his arms and hug him until he would pop. 

Jinyoung smiled, the towel over his forehead slipping a little lower over his eyes, as the sounds of delight echoed down the corridor, entering Jinyoung’s stuffy brains and causing his lips curl up; the sound of the twins laughing always made his heart swell with joy. 

How fast did the time go by; their children would grow up and fly from the nest before Jinyoung or Jaebum could even spell pension, and it was a slightly mortifying thought. Yugyeom had grown so much, both physically and mentally, it was both fantastic and extremely scary. Before you would even realise it, Yugyeom might be bringing home his very first girlfriend, or boyfriend, acting all awkward and shy about it. And the twins.. They were already struggling towards forming more than one slurry word at a time, and sooner than later they wouldn't be able to remain quiet at all, filling the ears of their parents with endless questions and demands.

Jinyoung’s love for his little family was absolute, though there were times he wished he was little less occupied with growth spurts, so the thought of not being able to hold his children near him was devastating. Of course he knew he would have to let go at some point, it would be unhealthy not to, but not yet.. There was still time to cuddle the three beautiful and noisy creatures, time to make more memories and fill their days with small adventures, the tears and fears all part of the current of life that inevitably moved them along the stream and towards the unknown where everything would finally cease to be. 

Sweet, soulful notes entered Jinyoung’s ears as he tried to keep himself from suffocating Yugyeom who was at the moment sleeping soundly over Jinyoung, and slowly the world began to dissolve from around him, leaving Jinyoung lying there with his eyes closed under the towel, raspy breaths stuck in his throat and heart clenching for the millionth time today.

He could still remember the first time he heard Jaebum singing this particular song he was now singing in the shower, probably completely unaware how well his voice carried out and into the living room where Jinyoung was comfortable on the couch.

It had been years ago when he’d heard it for the first time, but still Jinyoung could remember the amazed feeling he had felt when Jaebum had revealed this incredibly soft side of him by singing in front of his boyfriend for the first time, and it never failed to make Jinyoung’s heart skip a beat, the soft melody of the song floating into his consciousness and bringing back memories from that day.

The odd thing about the song was that in its original form Jinyoung’s ears would barely even register it, but whenever Jaebum would open his beautiful mouth and let his voice form the words and melody..  _ That _ was the moment when Jinyoung stopped whatever he was doing and closed his eyes, a soft yearning sensation washing over him, the emotions engulfing him into a slowly rotating vortex of memories displaying inside his head, like an old black and white film roll.

Even if it was just a song, nothing too spectacular in general opinion, nor had it been very popular either, for Jinyoung it was a journey back to his and Jaebum’s youth, when their worries had been, albeit serious ones at the time, less dependant on taking care of other human beings and trying not to worry about the global problems that their offspring would have to face. The happy, carefree days were always just a melody, sound or sometimes a scent away.

Jinyoung ran his fingers gently over Yugyeom’s smooth black hair, the boy sprawled over Jinyoung after he had gotten exhausted for trying to be helpful all day long. Yugyeom had his head resting over Jinyoung’s chest and both arms thrown over his torso so carefully, as if he had calculated that by doing that he would ensure that Jinyoung would definitely not be going anywhere until Yugyeom would wake up again. 

Yugyeom’s steady breathing, and the small twitches of his arms and legs, Jaebum’s soft singing and the calm Sunday afternoon lulled Jinyoung into a half awake state where he was still aware of his surroundings but not quite there anymore. He could feel himself slipping, his thoughts revolving in the darkness of his mind, the sleep slowly taking over him and pulling him into dreamland where he would heal faster.

Ten years ago, the sun that now shone through the half open curtains and over Jinyoung’s relaxed and sleeping form, had just been crawling up from behind the horizon, peering curiously at the two young men moving restlessly around, seeing them embarking on a journey that had changed the course of their lives in ways one of them had not anticipated at all at the time.

~

_ 10 years ago, the break of dawn _

“Did you pack the water? I can’t find it anywhere.” A sound of something heavy being moved and then placed back, a huff of irritation following after a moment of silence.

“It’s in the trunk. Come on, we have to leave now, it’s getting lighter already.” A hint of annoyance and impatience, barely hidden in the voice that spoke the words.   
“Ok, I’m coming, I’m coming.”

Two doors slammed shut, then a coughing purr of the car and finally tires moved on the pavement, small stones under the wheels popping and snapping loudly in the early morning grayness like breakfast cereal when it was drowning under milk.

“Did you take the map?”

“Yeah, I have it here.”

“Ok.”

The silence was heavy with anticipation as they sank deeper into their seats, taking more comfortable sitting positions, the nearly empty streets of the city opening before them like in a story, echoing, lonely and kind of sleepy. 

Jinyoung watched silently the few people he saw; the newspaper deliverer, a grocer emptying his truck behind a restaurant and someone walking their dog with a cup of something warm in their hand, their hair pointing up, eyes droopy and expression more half asleep than half awake. The dog was unperturbed by its owners lack of interest in it, happily sniffing everything it encountered and thought was interesting.

The city was quiet and eerie, the buildings looming over the streets like muted guardians of a prison where the humans slept. The slowly rising sun started paint the rooftops with pale watercolours, chasing the shadows away, the midnight blue stepping aside and fading slowly into paler hues of blue, opening the sky and hiding the faint twinkle of the stars.

The car was damp after the mist that had gathered over the lawns and houses during the night, the interior of it almost cold, even though it was a warm morning. The autumn hadn’t yet fully kicked in but there were some mornings when you could sense the creeping death inching closer; the haphazard dead leaves on the ground, all the flowers wilting, save for some brave ones, and the green colours fading into grayish tones, the vibrant shades tuning down, getting ready for the dormant season until they would bloom again.

Jinyoung shivered against his seat, and against his will; he didn’t like to show signs of weakness. He hugged his small frame with both arms, trying not to look like he would have been more comfortable in his bed and not on his cold car seat.

“Are you cold?” Jaebum glanced sideways at Jinyoung. “The A/C is broken again.”

“I'll be fine.”

Jaebum said nothing, focusing back on the road ahead, the outskirts of the city getting closer and closer, the real journey only starting when the familiar streets would be far behind them. It was like the whole world was waiting for them, waiting for them to leave their lives behind and explore the unknown with open minds, hoping to find something, anything, that would alter their state of mind.

“Here.” Jaebum had somehow managed to squirm out of his hoodie and was now handing it to Jinyoung. Jinyoung took the shirt without questioning the gesture and pulled it on, the garment too big for him but he didn’t care. It was comfortable.

The hoodie was still warm and it smelled like Jaebum so strongly Jinyoung couldn't help but to sink deeper inside it, inhaling long with his eyes half closed. The scent of detergent and all the products Jaebum used, and which were etched into the very fibres of the hoodie making it unmistakably Jaebum’s, and no amount of washing could ever completely remove them, and all that made Jinyoung feel like he was being wrapped into a cozy, warm scented cloud of cotton.

A kind of sleepy and nervous happiness settled into his stomach as he watched the open fields as the car drove out of the city. The fabric against his skin was soft and familiar, the road ahead empty and their destination undetermined. It was a journey they had embarked on because they needed it more than anything right now. They were standing at crossroads and this little take-off from reality was supposed to define things, to make them see the road ahead more clearly, to find some sign that would point out the right direction.

Of course miracles never happen if you don't work hard for them, and Jinyoung was sensible enough to know wishing upon a star was only for children; not for young adults like him and Jaebum.

Life could be so cruel at times; the anxiety it could cause one was sometimes so immense the sheer weight could crush one like a bug. Uncertainty and anxiety, those were his biggest enemies at the moment.

Well,  _ his _ life was good and mostly balanced, but Jinyoung took it to his heart when someone he held incredibly dear was suffering. And all that pain for what? Stupid pride and stubbornness, that’s what it all was really.

When life gives you lemons you just have to smile wider. Or take a shot of tequila.

The scenery changed and Jinyoung’s eyes began to droop even more; the houses got more and more scattered until there was nothing but open fields left for him to observe, the wind making the hay ripple like the fields were not fields but an ocean, the waves green and inviting like a siren call.

“Jinyoung? Hey.. wake up.”

Without noticing Jinyoung had fallen asleep, his thoughts circling around twinkling stars and never ending roads, on slightly morbid thoughts about how life could be so fleeting and fragile, and now he woke up to Jaebum gently shaking his shoulder, groggy and mouth dry.

“Mh?” Jinyoung straightened his back and winced; his neck ached and it was stiff from sleeping unmoving in an odd angle. He felt clammy and unpleasant and he licked his dry lips, squinting at Jaebum.

“Look.”

Jinyoung’s eyes blinked and squinted, the focus still escaping him after waking up so abruptly but when he finally saw what he was supposed to see it struck him completely speechless.

Jaebum had stopped the car at a place that offered a spectacular view over the fields somewhere below them, bathing in almost golden light. The sun was just peeking behind the line of mountains, painted with mystic hues of blue and gray in the horizon, shadows escaping down the rocky slopes before the descending light.

It looked almost as if someone had used a filter over the landscape; it was so surreal, so impossibly beautiful it couldn’t be real.

_ Click. _

Jinyoung turned his head and found Jaebum pointing his camera at him.

“You look beautiful when you watch the sunrise.”

“And you’re cheesy  _ and _ creepy. Put that camera away.. No need to waste film on me.” Jinyoung could feel how warmth crept up on his cheeks, his face heating up as he flushed at the attention, and at the words said to him. 

“It’s not wasting it,” Jaebum sounded actually a little hurt but did tuck away the big black camera he dragged with him almost everywhere. “You’re beautiful to me.” The last words Jaebum only muttered but Jinyoung caught them easily in the small space of the car. A sense of regret tugged at Jinyoung’s heart and he gave in.

“I’m sorry.” Jinyoung apologized softly, trying to ignore the condemning blush over his face.

“I know.” A smile, a quick flash of brightness that was comparable to the sun illuminating them, seated next to each other in the car and witnessing the age old spectacle that was new every morning.

Jinyoung turned back to look out of the windows and sighed. Sometimes he could just stare out into the void, straight into nothingness, or into something surrounding him, and realize how utterly insignificant humans were. He could sense and see the enormous height of the sky above him, could feel the earth moving relentlessly round and round around its axis. Sometimes he had a hunch of how gigantic the universe was, and at those times his breath got caught in his throat and he nearly choked at the vastness of the thought. He was smaller than the microbes on the ground. He was smaller than nucleons and the universe was black and endless, expanding and dying everywhere with gruesome slowness that humans didn't,  _ couldn’t, _ really understand, and probably never would. This small galaxy, where the Earth was floating amidst the hundreds of thousands of other planets and stars, was just a tiny part of the millions of other galaxies surrounding them, and boy, did Jinyoung feel the weight of it all on his shoulders.

At those moments everything seemed so pointless; what was the point of living when at the end of your life you probably had made no difference in the world because you’re just one small person in the sea of billions? What was the point of making yourself, or anyone around you, feel and see, hear and experience anything when every single one of them would succumb to Death as well?

These thoughts were rare for Jinyoung, and he marveled the way his thoughts could jump from utter happiness to devastation in a nanosecond, and without any particular reason. He was observing these feelings from a distance, scrutinizing them like a scientist or a philosopher who wants to understand and study them, but sometimes, most of the time really, he was overwhelmed and could only repeat the thoughts in his head, unable to find solutions to his worldly dilemmas.

The whole big question  _ why am I here and what am I supposed to do _ could paralyze even the most organized ones. That existential pain everyone experiences at certain point of their lives was something almost all humans went through; some more than once or twice, some simply shrugging at it and moving on with ease.

“You're making that face again.” Jaebum’s quiet voice made Jinyoung snap his head around to look at his companion again. He frowned.

“What face?”

“Your eyes are big like saucers and you look like you have something up your rear that has nothing to do with me.”

“Subtle.” Jinyoung grunted, his eyes narrowing.

“I try.” Jaebum smirked, his eyes glued back on the landscape opening before them. That feline like grin had always been a weak point for Jinyoung and it was no different now; the smile worked against him like a spell. Jinyoung sighed and rolled his eyes but reached out to take Jaebum’s hand in his. It was better to just let the lame remarks slip for now and enjoy the peaceful moment. He could always come back to them and claim the comfort for his hurt pride from Jaebum. Or something along those lines.

Their fingers laced together with familiar ease, the gesture something they did whenever they felt safe enough, and they both relaxed in their seats; they weren’t in any hurry anywhere in particular.

~

Jaebum stared out ahead of him, the road opening behind the headlights dark and impenetrable as the hour was late and no one in their right mind was driving in pitch black just for fun. Jinyoung was silent, his face hidden behind the nighttime darkness that filled even the car; you couldn’t have seen anything had it not been for the faint lights from the control panel. 

Jaebum’s mind was turning foggy and his thoughts going in circles; he kept thinking the worst case scenarios like there were no other options open to him. Maybe it was the late hour, maybe it was the deep rooted melancholy that had been clutching to his insides for a while now and how he couldn’t shake off the uneasiness off no matter what he tried.

Then again, he knew what he should do, but doing it would mean that he would have to face the consequences, and  _ that _ was the part Jaebum had tried to avoid for a while now. Too bad it was eating him alive. 

Jinyoung made a soft sound, a sleepy whisper of a word that wasn’t really a word, but still made Jaebum smile when he glanced at the sleeping dark form so close and yet so far away from him. He wanted to reach out and pull Jinyoung to his chest and hold him there, feel how arms circled his waist and Jinyoung would press closer, melting against Jaebum like he always did. So warm, so reassuring and so infinitely loving it made Jaebum’s heart ache with that dull, almost pleasant ache that soothed his worries instantly.

The whole situation with his parents was nothing short of awful but through the hell there was almost certainly to come, Jaebum was  _ sure _ Jinyong would be there for him, would be his pillar of strength when the disaster would crash on Jaebum like a mountain crumbling down to the ground. There was nothing poetic about it, and there was no way to see any hope for this matter and it saddened Jaebum; he wanted to make his parents proud, he never would stop wanting that, but he  _ knew _ choosing to pursue a career in arts wasn’t something his parents valued much. And Jaebum wanted to make his parents proud and happy by having someone suitable standing next to him, someone who would love him even with all his faults, someone who would be there for him when needed and would in return allow Jaebum to love them back unconditionally. But he feared the answer to this part more than he was afraid of his parents disapproving his choice of profession. Love would not matter when it would be embodied in the same gender as Jaebum was.

Had Jinyoung been a girl, with all the same beautiful attributes he possessed as a man, Jaebum’s parents would have adored him. But, he wasn’t. And Jaebum had come come in terms with his lack of interest in the female population, mostly thanks to Jinyoung, so even if there was a girl like Jinyoung, she wouldn’t be the same because what made Jinyoung Jinyoung, was everything he was now and nothing could ever compare with that. Not now, not ever.

And this knowledge was like a cape of fear Jaebum carried with him nowadays; it darkened his mood, made him irritated and hasty, sluggish and hesitant. And he hated it because it wasn’t like him to be like that; a dark blob that ruined everything good and beautiful around him.

Jaebum sighed, his eyes definitely getting heavier by each mile he drove, the road ahead now illuminated by passing streetlamps. There was no moon or stars tonight; the sky was hooded with clouds that hung low, promising rain any moment now. If it did start raining it would be a good idea to stop and wait for the morning. There was no point in this journey if they would end up dead before anything wonderful would happen.

Something wonderful..

Jaebum smiled wistfully, brushing his hair away from his forehead. He had been toying with his ideas and hopes for a while now but had never really made up his mind about anything, and now with the looming disownment it felt even less appealing thought to receive happiness of any kind. It felt almost wrong to feel happy, like he wasn’t allowed to make decisions that would surely make him smile a genuine smile, like he would somehow violate the darkness by hoping some happiness for himself.

This of course was stupid, and he knew it. There was no point in stopping his own growth, no point in hesitating to move forward in life, because in the end it was  _ his _ life and not his parents’. No matter how much Jaebum wanted to make his parents happy by doing the right thing in their eyes, he couldn’t face the future if it didn’t feel right for him. He wanted to be content, wanted to have stability and a sense continuity in what he did, and becoming a doctor or marrying a suitable girl was not it. Not to him.

His happiness was in creation, in arts, in songs and pictures. His happiness was Jinyoung who was so gentle and pure, so beautiful inside and outside it wasn’t even possible such a perfect human living on this planet.

There were days when things weren’t so good and everything felt wrong, every said word leaving a bad taste in his mouth; the fights and arguments overflowed because of stress and unsettled issues, because of uncertainty and fear of the future. 

That was one of the reasons why they had started on this journey; to find the peace between them, to restore what was threatening to break and to find some kind of resolution to where they were headed. If they were to break up, it would happen now. And if they didn’t break up.. Well, that would be something else then. A life ahead of them as a unit, as lighthouses to each other in the stormy sea of life itself.

They would build their lives with or without the blessing of Jaebum’s parents. It would be sad if they would react the way Jaebum feared they would and would never come in terms with their son being gay, but if that was what they saw as the right thing, then Jaebum had no say in it and life would have to go on. He would accept it bitterly, but he would do so.

A sharp, sudden drop of rain snapped against the windscreen, then another, and another. Soon the road was clouded by a gray veil of rain, the headlights splitting the darkness. The world was consumed by the sound of the tires against the old asphalt road, by the hum of the rain hitting the screen and the roof, and Jaebum knew he shouldn’t try to push his luck much further than this. 

The car engine coughed once before going silent and the night squeezed just a little closer when the rain was the only thing that could be heard; it was heavy rain that muted everything else, the sound of it metallic against the car. It was like standing under the shower with your palms cupping your ears to create a sensation you were standing under a waterfall. 

“-ummie?” A sleepy, muffled sound that Jaebum interpreted as his own name coming from Jinyoung’s mouth. “Why you stopped?”

“It’s raining and I’m tired. We’ll continue in the morning. Go back to sleep.”

“Ok.” 

The sound of rain enveloped them again, Jinyoung probably back asleep already and Jaebum tilted his seat back, trying to find a comfortable spot to do the same. He didn’t care much for sleeping in the car because he missed having Jinyoung’s warmth closer, and sleeping as close as they usually slept together wasn’t possible in this car.

“I miss you even when you’re right there.” Jaebum whispered into the darkness, his thoughts slipping and heartbeat slowing down. He didn’t mean Jinyoung to hear the words but he wanted to say them anyway, just to let something, someone, to know how much he cared for Jinyoung.

No matter how many fights, how many disagreements.. Jaebum was convinced he would still continue loving Jinyoung as much as he already did, and that was a comforting thought.

He fell asleep when the rain slowed down, the pitter patter lighter and less threatening, the night full of the smell of end of the summer, a hint of cold lurking at the edges already.

~

It was another night, another rainy and dark night and after sleeping two nights in a row in the car they agreed to find some place to stay, somewhere where they would actually get to take a proper shower and sleep in an actual bed. The whole thought of a bed was making Jinyoung shudder with anticipation; he would sleep on any bed possible at this point; he was so stiff and tired he would have sold his right hand for a bed. Though, his hopes weren’t too high no matter how much he wanted his wishes to become reality.

“It’s too late already,” Jinyoung groaned and yawned, peering out of the car windows and into the darkness. “I doubt there’s anyone up anymore. We can sleep in the car again.”

“I think there’s someone still up in there. Look, can you see the light?” Jaebum pointed at the small flickering light just barely visible to the bare eye. “I’ll go and see if there’re any vacant rooms.” 

Before Jinyoung could say anything the car door already had slammed shut and he was watching Jaebum’s retreating back. 

He felt suddenly very alone and an overpowering urge to lock all the doors nearly consumed him; an irrational fear but then again they were in the middle of nowhere and had only accidentally spotted the motel sign by the old road they’d been driving. 

Watching Jaebum walking away, and being tired and fed up with sitting still long periods at a time, made Jinyoung yearn for some well deserved comforts. For example Jaebum’s back was so wide, so strong and reliable, that just looking at it made Jinyoung want to snuggle his face against the soft spot at Jaebum’s nape and simply fall asleep there, happy, warm and safe..

The mushyness of his thoughts made him groan internally.

It  _ was _ very late so Jinyoung forgave himself the overwhelmingly strong longing feelings, though he knew for a fact he would curl up next to Jaebum the moment they would get the opportunity to do so. There was nothing wrong about having feelings like these for your partner, but Jinyoung didn’t want to turn into a simpering fool just because he happened to care about someone so much his knees turned to putty every time Jaebum kissed him.

Just the thought of being kissed without hurry made Jinyoung a stomach drop several inches. He sighed, staring out of the window into the night until Jaebum came back smiling victoriously five minutes later.

“Got a room. Let’s go.” 

It wasn’t much, but it was enough. The wooden floor creaked under their feet and everything smelled moist, like the cabin room was mouldy and rotting away, which it in places probably was. The separate beds made Jinyoung wrinkle his nose and Jaebum, noticing this, barked a laughter.

“We can push them together you know.” The hint of tease in his voice made Jinyoung’s ears burn; was he so transparent? Then again, who cared if Jaebum knew that Jinyong was displeased if they couldn’t sleep close to each other.

“I’m just tired of sleeping on car seats and with a gear stick separating us.” Jinyoung dropped his backpack on the arm chair. It wobbled, like the small weight applied on it was too much for it’s riggety existence; it looked unstable for a good few seconds but didn't collapse.

“I know. I would much prefer the gear stick to be some other stick as well.” Jaebum said nonchalantly, only glancing at Jinyoung quickly. It took Jinyoung a few seconds before his tired brains caught up with the poorly hidden meaning in Jaebum’s words.

Jaebum fled the flying shirt Jinyoung threw at him, laughing as he hid himself behind the bathroom door.

“Jerk.” Jinyoung muttered as he heard the faucet opening and water running, smiling in his solitude at the stupidity of Jaebum’s joke. Though, he didn’t deny the swirling warmth inside him when he thought the moment when they could wrap around each other and forget the world around them, sharing body warmth and sense of security.

How, Jinyoung wondered as he checked the bed sheets and pushed the creaking beds together, was it possible that a little distance from their normal life could elevate the mood so significantly and bring back the silliness in Jaebum? It was a blessing, it really was, because Jinyoung had missed seeing the carefree side of Jaebum for a while now.

What else was there still to come, that Jinyoung didn't know, but he was glad they had made time to do this.

~

It was one of  _ those _ days. One of those days when things start nice and sweet but then start slowly rotating towards the state where you feel mostly very uncomfortable. It was a situation that could very possibly explode in mere seconds no matter how hard you tried to prevent that from happening

The thing, or a person in this case, causing Jinyoung gray hair was Jaebum and Jinyoung was alarmed to see how confused Jaebum looked at times. He had never witnessed such emotion taking place over the normally smooth and sometimes stern features; Jaebum looked like a feline with every intention to pounce on someone just for the sake of doing so.

Everything, every single muscle in Jaebum’s body seemed to be tense as he sat there on the floor, tapping the plastic surface with his fingers, the continuous sound annoying. Even despite the long warm shower Jaebum had taken earlier, after their long walk in the forest surrounding the hotel they were now staying, had no calming effect on the distressed man. 

Somehow their light conversations had escalated from simple observations and remarks about life and people to  _ this.  _ Jinyoung wasn't even sure how exactly this had happened but for some reason  _ something _ had ignited all the frustration Jaebum carried with him to full flame and now he was struggling to keep his thoughts in order.

Jinyoung felt helpless in these situations. He felt inadequate and useless when he wasn't able to lift the burden from the shoulders of the one in distress, like it was  _ his _ responsibility to fix the problem, whatever it was. Then again he had never in his wildest dreams had imagined  _ Jaebum  _ to look as lost and indecisive as he did now.

Right now, at this very moment, Jinyoung had a very agitated Jaebum in his hands and for all Jinyoung knew Jaebum could either be angry at Jinyoung for something he had done, or worried sick of something else and simply refusing to spill the beans, bottling the negativity tightly in, which in turn made Jinyoung feel even worse because if that was the case it  _ definitely _ felt like everything was his fault.

Jaebum’s rambling was bouncing from friendships and other relationships, his parents on top of the topic pile obviously, to global problems and diseases. Jinyoung’s head was starting to hurt from trying to keep up with the constantly changing subjects, but he wasn’t going to give up now; he’d be there until Jaebum would either lose his voice, crack or fall asleep. Any if the options would be preferable.

“And what will happen if we decide to have a family, hm? I  _ know _ you like children but I don't know if I'm ready because every single kid seems to have so far been scared of me. That's not good. And I need to get steady income to provide for the family!”

“Things will be ok.” Jinyoung wanted to gather Jaebum in his arms but by doing that he would only prolong the moment when Jaebum might reach the point where he would come clean with more reasons for his current state. Maybe if Jinyoung would sit on his hands he would prevent himself from touching. Maybe, for now. “Jaebum.. We aren't going to get children unless we are both ready. And even then it's a long, long process. And if we do have a family one day I'm sure you'll do fine. We both will.”

“How can you be so sure things will be ok? There is no guarantee in anything!” Jaebum groaned. He sat there punching the floor with both hands, a wide range of emotions flashing over his face.

“Of course I'm not sure. I can't predict the future,” Jinyoung sighed. “No one can.”

“How can you be so calm? Aren't you worried or scared?” Jaebum’s eyes were bigger than usual, the blown irises perfect windows to the confusion raging inside Jaebum like a vortex that makes you nauseous to the point of wanting to hurl your guts out.

“I'm just as scared as you are. But there's nothing to gain from worrying in advance, that's the one thing I've learned so far,” Jinyoung reached down and took Jaebum’s hands in his, stopping him from doing harm to his knuckles. “I can't know for sure anything, but I'm hoping that whatever there is to come I can face it with you.”

“I.. I want that too but,” Jaebum squeezed Jinyoung’s hands tight, so tight it almost hurt but Jinyoung kept his face steady. “But what if I don't find my own path? What if I end up wandering aimlessly because I can't decide on anything. I’m worried that I have  _ no _ idea what I’m doing.. Is this something that will give me enough income to provide for me and you, and what if I end up hating it anyway? I can’t disappoint you too. And what will you do if I fail?”

“You won’t fail. And I’ll search for a job after I graduate so there will be two of us to share the costs, “Jinyoung tried a faint smile but it had no clear effect on Jaebum. “You still have time, you don't have to figure everything out right now.”

“But it’s not..” Jaebum sighed, freeing himself from Jinyoung’s hold and instead rubbed his temples with both hands. “I can’t stop thinking that this is some kind of test, like a crossroads where you’re supposed to know which is the good path and which is not. You know, like we already discussed before hopping into the car and leaving.” 

“And just like at that time I’m going agree with you. But if this is just you being unsure because of your family..”

“It’s not just them! I..” Jaebum’s face contorted with suppressed frustration but then it suddenly was gone and he looked more deflated and defeated; desperate. It was a face Jinyoung had never seen before and it made him scared.“I’m afraid I’m not good enough for you and you’ll walk away because we’ve been arguing so much lately and..”

“Do you really think we’re not good together?” Jinyoung cut Jaebum quickly, his insides shrinking.

“..no?” Had it not been for the hopeful tone in Jaebum’s reply Jinyoung would have probably cried. But it was there and that made Jinyoung take a deep breath and try one more time to convince his dramatic boyfriend that everything was going to be alright. Maybe not right now, but in the future. You just had to have faith.

“Good. And you shouldn't. Our arguments are merely practical. Everyone fights; it’s normal. I’m not planning on walking away from you. It’s not even a rational thought! Unless..” The fear came back like a rushing wave, crashing over Jinyoung; the fear of losing something so precious closed its cold claws around Jinyoung’s heart. “Unless you are planning on walking away from me?” Even saying those words cut him like a knife.

Jaebum’s eyes widened impossibly big.

“Of course I’m not! I.. I.. Ugh.. I love you! I care for  _ us _ so much I can’t sometimes breathe and it hurts to think I’m just dragging you down because I am such a coward for not being able to tell my parents the truth and tell them I love  _ you _ and no one else, and then it’s a horrible thought that I might be depending on only you after that because I don’t have anyone else really and-”

“Jaebum. Stop. No, seriously,  _ stop talking.” _ Jinyoung finally knelt on the floor in front on Jaebum, taking the shaking hands in his again and looked up at the contorted face, worry clenching his heart like the feeling was a barbed wire wrapped around his organs. “You’re not dragging me down. I’m would be honoured to carry us both if needed, but I know you work hard because you love what you do and that you’re going to be fine.  _ We’re _ going to be fine. I’ll graduate this fall, get a job and then we’ll find a bigger place to live and..” Jinyoung inhaled slowly. “..then we’ll just live on. Together. With or without the blessing of your parents.”

“Jinyoung..” Jaebum’s eyes were watery and wide, and he looked a little like a scared child searching solace and comfort in the words said to him.

“I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, “Jinyoung gathered Jaebum in his arms, fingers soothing the jet black hair slowly, carefully. “You’re thinking way too much right now and it’s not like you. It’s not good to dwell on misery.”

“You’re too good for me..” Jaebum sniffed but his tone was soft and he buried his face to Jinyoung’s shoulder, arms tight around Jinyoung and holding onto him like he would crumble if he would let go. The torment was passing them like a fading storm moving steadily away, worst of it only a sad memory that clung to Jinyoung’s heart.

~

The sun was high above in the sky when Jaebum walked between the trees, treading his path slowly and head pleasantly void of thought for the moment. He let his open fingers trace the tree trunks and the high grass, the slowly wilting green life still enough alive to surround him with colours and sounds, the echoes of summer still close. Rays of sun filtered through the canopy above him, and when he halted at one of those spots he felt warm, almost hot. If he closed his eyes and there was no wind, he could easily fool his senses that it was still summer and the days of burning golden light weren’t yet behind him but still there for him to enjoy. 

But as a gust of wind moved the greene canopy over his head, the shadows covered the warm spots and Jaebum sighed, a chill running through him like someone had kissed his cheeks with icy cold lips just to mess with him and his senses.

He continued his slow walk down the path he had found on his own; Jinyoung was out somewhere else doing something similar as Jaebum, hence his solitude. Being alone a necessity and they both needed it. It was essential to give some space to each other, otherwise it might have turned out uglier than the arguments they had about sleeping or driving, or where to eat at, or anything else less important, never anything too serious.

Jaebum halted again, eyes roaming over the scenery. He could feel his heartbeat calming down, his senses alert to sounds. But there was nothing alarming to hear here, only the sound of the wind rustling the leaves and grass, birds chirping and singing, warning each other about the intruder approaching.

He was ashamed of cracking like he had a few nights ago in front of Jinyoung, but somehow his worries and troubles had piled up and then it all had overflowed like that. Showing such amount of weakness in front of someone he was supposed to take care of and whose opinion mattered more than anything, it made Jaebum feel like his masculinity had been somehow diminished a little.

Jinyoung’s voice squeaked in annoyance in Jaebum’s head and he smiled against his will.

_ If you love and trust me it's ok to be weak in front of me. _

That is what Jinyoung would have said most certainly if he had heard what Jaebum was thinking about, and imagining the facial expression Jinyoung did when he was annoyed with something stupid Jaebum had said, was priceless. Sometimes Jaebum said idiotic things just to see that face again; Jinyoung could be so entertaining when he was caught off guard and that was so rare Jaebum certainly took every opportunity he could to shake his boyfriend a little. Never to make him intentionally hurt, though that did happen too, which was something Jaebum was trying to work on.

All of a sudden the sense of overwhelming love enveloped him, his knees weaker as the emotion washed over him like a tidal wave, his chest tightening to the point where it felt like he couldn’t breath. His skin was crawling and tingling, the familiar warmth pooling into his stomach; it was so strong it was painful to feel so much at once.

What had his life been before Jinyoung?

Jaebum frowned, crossing his arms to his chest and closed his eyes, thinking about his life so far; he’d been in denial, afraid, lost and then finally found. Before Jinyoung he had tried so hard to push back his passion for arts, trying so hard to be the son his parents wanted him to be, but then the raven haired and quick tongued boy had stolen his attention and everything had started to unravel. 

Jaebum sighed, wondering how strange were the paths people sometimes found themselves walking on; he was still in amazed where he was now, and despite his sense of guilt and fear how his parents would react when he would finally tell them everything, he felt calmer and like the purpose for living the life he was given was forming ever so slowly before his eyes. He wasn’t completely sure yet what he would be, but he had a good hunch and that was enough.

He stood there, his back against the gnarly trunk of the willow tree; he could almost imagine sensing the dormant life under the bark, pulsing steady energy and transferring it to him, strengthening his resolve. Though he was deep in thought, Jaebum was aware of his surroundings, aware how everything was alive and moving even when he remained stationary on his spot, bathing in light and shadows, giving into the relief that had come after realizing certain truths.

His little outburst to Jinyoung had made one or two things clear for him; he now knew which direction to go, where his next stop would take him, and the certainty was like a shield to defend himself from whatever there was to come.

Was it the most sensible thought it the world? Maybe not.

Was it something he should postpone? Perhaps.

But was it something he could no longer live without? Yes, absolutely.

The road he was looking at was open to him, the whole world like a huge crossroads with millions of doors just waiting to be unlocked by him. He would take that step ahead now, choose his door and move away from his shattered and disoriented thoughts to make his future better and more beautiful. Even knowing his past would always be there to remind him how things didn’t always go as planned, he was prepared to carry that past with him and take all those experiences as a source of strength; what won’t kill you will make you stronger. He would just have to be courageous enough to do it; be brave enough to hold his head high no matter what he did. 

He would do it. He would.

Jaebum looked up though the moving branches, wind playing with the leaves that still were green and soft to touch, not yet dying as Autumn hadn’t reached these parts of the country yet. The sky was a clear blue, only a few wispy clouds sailing across the endless sea of azure colour, and Jaebum smiled at the thought of diving into the blueness of it all, as if it was possible to take a leap up to swim in the sky.

Anything is possible if you can only dream it. 

Jaebum was a dreamer underneath all his defences and practicalism; he couldn’t help but to want to paint the world with vibrant colours, couldn’t help but to want world peace and happiness for all humankind, wishing that he could somehow make even one person happier with his actions.

He was determined to find that something that was waiting for him, determined to step on the road meant for him. 

 

The static sound of the TV was buzzing softly in the background, the echo of it the only continuous sound in the shadowy room; neither of them had had the sense to shut it down after the programs ended. Rain was lashing against the roof and the windows of the cabin in sporadic showers as the wind picked it up and hurtled wherever it wanted. 

They had decided to stay one more night at the same place, holed up somewhere up in the north this time, mostly because the scenery around here was amazing and they both had found some kind of inner peace, solace or whatever you wanted to call it, here. The cabin wasn’t anything special, but it was comfortable and clean, and luck had sort of favoured them with a comfy double bed, and not two single beds they would anyway push together. Anything to be closer, skin against skin, breath mingling together when the world was sleeping. 

Jinyoung was on the bed alone, his right knee propped up and left stretched straight over the mattress, relaxing against his stack of pillows and reading a book. Jaebum glanced at Jinyoung and the unmoving expression Jinyoung always had when he was reading; it was at the same time amusing and hilarious as it was something Jaebum respected. He had never been one to read much, except his school books, and now that he was free of educating himself inside a limited timeframe he hadn’t yet acquired a taste for reading literature for pleasure. The thought of finding himself in a situation where he would pick up a book on his own, to amuse himself, caused Jaebum to chuckle lightly.

“What’s so funny?” Jinyoung mumbled, his eyes never leaving the page he was reading.

“You and your books.. You look so absorbed with it that it makes me want to read too just to know how it feels to be so engrossed with a written story,” Jaebum paused and another chuckle left his lips. “Almost.” 

“You should. It would broaden your world.” Jinyoung’s calm reply came immediately like he had been waiting to bite back with those words; it was a constant topic between them, and one which Jaebum was fairly sure he would lose one day. For some reason the thought didn’t bother him at all.

“Maybe my world is broad enough right now?” Jaebum replied gently, feeling soft for no apparent reason, like having small arguments with Jinyoung had been the reason to make him feel more comfortable, to love Jinyoung just a tiny bit more.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. Maybe you’re enough to fill up everything I might need in life.”

“Mmm..”Jinyoung’s reply was nonchalant, even a bit cold, but his mouth however did turn to a soft smile and that made Jaebum feel more accomplished than anything else would have.

He turned his eyes up to the ceiling, the painted surface uninteresting as ceilings usually are. Jaebum felt calm and satisfied, the rainy evening making him sleepy. The couch was maybe a tad too hard to be comfortable but he didn’t care; he was listening to the rain and forgetting everything, drifting in silence and the steady sound of Jinyoung turning the page of the book he was reading. 

Sometimes the simple things matter the most.

~

Why, heavens forbid, was he so nervous? There was no reason to be. Not really. This was just one thing amongst others, and there was no reason to be afraid of something so small. 

Well, kind of small, though it was actually enormous.

So, yes, he was nervous.

Jaebum could feel how he was perspiring more than usual; the sweat was gathering at his hairline and making his bangs glue onto his forehead even despite the chilliness of the night. They had driven as far as they could go, reaching the outskirts of the country to see more and experience more; they had walked so many miles, talked many hours, spent even more in complete silence.

The night was cold but more beautiful than any other night they had witnessed so far. The sky was clear of clouds, there were no artificial lights anywhere near which allowed them to watch the stars so bright above them, like the universe was giving them a privilege to see it spreading out over the world so exquisite and breathtaking.

Considering how little things normally affected Jaebum, the past six months had been a roller coaster for him. He'd had to evaluate his entire life just to see if he was sane anymore. Jaebum was only twenty two and yet he had made up his mind at this early stage of his life. And he felt calm about it more than anything, excluding the nervousness it caused and how it was trying to choke him at the moment.

Then again it wasn't against his nature to mature fast; he had always been the one to knock sense into his friends, the one to carry responsibilities because he knew the importance of them, always the one to make sure things got done the way they were supposed to. He was maybe an old soul but it didn't bother him.

And as long as he could let loose every once in a while, he was more than fine the way things were. 

Except one for this one thing he was about to settle for good.

It was now or never.

“Jinyoung.” Jaebum said quietly, turning to look at the man sitting next to him and he could feel how his insides squeezed into a tight ball, coiling unpleasantly like there were live snakes inside him. Jinyoung looked breathtaking in the darkness, his hair blacker than ever before, framing his pale face visible even with the scarf around his neck to protect him against the cold night wind.

“Yes?” Jinyoung’s voice was soft and deep, always so calm.

“You know we started this journey because we wanted to find something?” Jaebum was struggling to find the words, unable to form anything coherent so suddenly even though he had practised this moment in advance. Jinyoung seemed to stiffen and his reply was careful, calculated.

“Yes.”

“I can only speak for myself but I haven't exactly come to any real conclusions,” Jaebum took a slow breath in, exhaling as slowly the air out, trying to calm his nerves that seemed to be all over the place. “Save for one.”

“Yes?” Jinyoung had said nothing but that one word three times now, but each of them had been like a hundred words describing his feelings. Jinyoung sounded wary and his tone had a high edge to it; like he was bracing himself for something bad.

Jaebum realised at that moment he was making the right decision. A kind of warm calmness soothed down the jumpy nervousness, tuned it down to a minimum. 

“Jinyoung.. There are things I can never be sure of, and it’s fine. Like you said there is no point troubling yourself beforehand. And I have come to realise where my path lies. It took me a while, but I think I have decided now.” Jaebum drew in a long breath before continuing. “And I don't want to lose you. I couldn't bear to be without you. You're so good to me and I don't know what good have I done in my previous life have to deserve you-”

Jaebum stopped talking when a finger pressed over his mouth. He looked up and saw Jinyoung smiling almost sadly at him. The dark world around them made them both disappear a little, the colours of their bodies reduced to blue and dark shadows. Magical and eerie.

Jinyoung was so beautiful Jaebum was struck speechless for a moment, not only because of the finger over his lips.

“Is that the situation with your parents talking?” Jinyoung removed his finger and Jaebum nodded.

“Partially yes. Of course I’m worried what they will say, and I can almost be sure what the outcome will be but.. But that predicament has nothing to do with my decisions. This is something that will overwrite the hurt I’ll feel. ” JB fished a small box from his pocket and held it on his shaking palm. Jinyoung drew a sharp heath. 

“Jae..” Jinyoung’s voice was barely a whisper.

“I.. Jinyoung.” Jaebum took a deep breath and frowned, his mouth a thin line before he turned to Jinyoung properly. “I know I can't make it legal and it would raise too many questions to wear rings but..” He opened the box to reveal a delicate silver chain with a thin silver ring hanging from it. “Jinyoung.. You're the stars attached to the canvas of my life. You light up my life and make it warmer and sensible. You make me feel happier than I could have ever imagined to feel. You’re perfect to me.” Jaebum smiled faintly, his heart beating fast, erratically. “Would you do me the honour and promise to you be mine?” A small intake of air, the air trembling when it was being inhaled through his dry lips. “Would you marry me, even when it wouldn’t really be a marriage in the eyes of the society?”

There was a moment, a long moment, of nothing. No words, no wordless words, no barely audible whisper; nothing. Jinyoung sat there in silence, his features shadowed, veiled and Jaebum’s heart was shrinking with fear with each passing and agonizingly fast heartbeat.

Relief came after the excruciatingly long silence.

“Yes..” It was just a ghost of a whisper but in the absolute silence around them it was louder than tubular bells booming in the early morning light. 

How was it possible that one simple word could cause such immense happiness; it spread like icy water over Jaebum, sending chills down his back and making him shiver almost violently. It was relief and desperation, it was the dam unleashed and it was like wildfire bursting out from it's restrains. He couldn't hold himself back anymore, the heat reaching his face until he felt like he must have been glowing in the night. 

Jaebum kissed the lips he always wanted to smile at him, because of him. He kissed the laughter that was vibrating in Jinyoung’s throat, the hum of it nearly audible. He kissed the softness, the salty tears of happiness running down Jinyoung’s perfect cheeks, fireworks exploding inside his chest. He kissed Jinyoung like his life had no other meaning but to exist in this very moment, surrounded by vast emptiness and the sky their sole witness when they wrapped around each other, drinking in the certainty and happiness that sprung from being able to be together.

“I’ll buy you a real ring later.” Jaebum murmured against the kisses, against the smile etched on Jinyoung’s lips. “White gold and diamonds.”

“Silly. You’re enough to me, I don’t need trinkets to keep me happy. Just you.”

It wasn't the most ideal place and yet at the same time it was; despite the chilly air and dry cold wind, everything felt warm and perfect. Without exposing more than just a sliver of pale skin the heat was rising, but it wasn’t all consuming fire that would have in other circumstances made Jaebum’s blood boil. No, this time it felt like it would have been a crime to do something lecherous, like the moment was too pure, too innocent and too elated to be ruined with sex.

His lips moved against Jinyoung’s carefully, savouring the moment, hands cradling the soft cheeks, whispering  _ I love you _ ’s into the kisses that were both tender and fleeting like butterfly wings, and fierce and full of love for each other.

This moment was precious, more than precious, the pieces of their souls suddenly falling together inescapably and completely, like they were meant to do so from day one. 

“Take me back,” Jinyoung’s whisper was warm against Jaebum ear when they embraced each other, holding on for their dear lives, hearts beating in unison under the warm clothes. “I want you closer.”

“I won’t ever leave you. I promise you that.” Jaebum was choking down his tears, everything so  _ right _ at the moment and he couldn’t believe how calm he felt underneath the exuberant and childish happiness he was feeling now. 

~

Jaebum found Jinyoung snoring softly alone in the living room after he had managed to dress the girls up and given them the freedom of crawling around in their room until the moment he would return to look after them. 

Jinyoung had a small smile over his lips that made Jaebum wonder what he was dreaming of; Jinyoung has always looked sweet while sleeping and this time was no different. Even the reddish nose and plush lips somehow were attractive, but maybe that was just him. 

Yugyeom was gone, outside playing by himself and listening to the boy happily singing about how green the grass was, how the bugs and worms were talking back to him was so endearing Jaebum had to stifle a loud laughter; Yugyeom could be a handful when he wanted to be, but mostly the kid was sweet and loving. He would grow up to he a good man one day and that made Jaebum swell with pride.

All three boys, Yugyeom, Bambam and Youngjae, would grow up to be something great, he was sure of it. Who knew what talents they still had hidden underneath the giggly and happy exteriors. Only time would tell.

Jaebum hummed, picking up the wet towel from the floor and carrying taking it to the bathroom to dry. He returned to the living room after picking up a cup of coffee for himself and sat at the other end of the couch where Jinyoung was sleeping. 

Jaebum didn't even think about what he was doing, he was doing it almost automatically; Jinyoung's feet were soon on his lap and Jaebum’s hands absent-mindedly rubbing the toes and soles through the warm socks. He felt sleepy and there was a tension nestled deep into his muscles that wasn't normally there, but he didn't mind it too much. He would go to the gym with Jackson when Jinyoung would be better, or he could ask Mark to take all the kids under his care for a few hours.

Jackson and Mark. 

Those two.. Jaebum huffed. There was something so mesmerizing about them and how they interacted with each other, how they shared looks and glances, little touches they thought no one else saw. Their way of being near each other was like a dance that no one else could be a part of, even when the two of them weren't in touching range. 

He had a feeling something was going to happen, something that would change things and bind his friends even tighter together as they were now. What this something was, Jaebum had no idea. But he would be here to witness when things would get groovy again. It was never boring to be around Jackson anyway, and adding Mark to that equation only doubled the action sometimes, because Mark was just as big of an airhead as Jackson was, sometimes even bigger. Together they were a force to be reckoned with.

The door slammed open and then, as if finally remembering being told a million times not to slam doors, the door closed quietly. After stomping around supposedly silently Yugyeom appeared next to Jaebum.

“Dad?” Yugyeom crawled up on the couch and next to Jaebum, sitting there and looking ponderous, smelling like dirt and grass, like autumn leaves and mud. 

“Yes?”

“If the Earth is a ball..” Yugyeom began slowly, trying to figure out the correct way to ask whatever it was troubling his mind. “Are we standing upside down or the people on the other side?”

Jaebum’s hands halted on Jinyoung’s ankles and he turned his head to look at Yugyeom better. The boy was chewing his thumb and blinking up at Jaebum with his eyes wide and trusting, like he was sure that Jaebum knew all the answers to all the questions in the whole universe.

Jaebum racked his brains, trying to remember something coherent to give for the kid, and something that wouldn't lead into gazillion new questions, which it usually did.

“Well, no one and everyone.” He began slowly, wanting this to be short conversation. Not that he didn’t enjoy the endless, why, why, how, when, why, questions.

“Why isn't my hair standing up then?”

“Because of gravity.”

“What's gravity?”

“It's a magnetic pull towards the ground. There is no up or down in the space but on Earth there is.” Jaebum groaned inwardly, the magnitude of understanding physics was perhaps still a little far from Yugyeom. “It's like a rubber band that pulls you back down when you jump up. In space you just float endlessly.”

“Oh.” Yugyeom scrunched his brows and then wiggled his way under Jaebum’s arm to snuggle himself against his father. “I have rubber bands on my feet. That's funny.” He giggled softly and moved around until he was able to rub his face against Jaebum’s shirt. “Is Daddy gonna be ok soon?”

“Soon, yes.”

“Good. Can I go play with Bammie and Jaejae?”

“Sure. Be back by seven.”

“Ok!” 

Jaebum watched Yugyeom sprinting back to his shoes and jacket, a black bolt of lightning soon gone from the door, and this time the door slammed shut with a mighty bang.

“ ‘m gonna whoop his small bottom for that..” Jinyoung’s groggy and clogged groan was tired and faint, but still audible enough for Jaebum to hear him perfectly. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Better I guess. There's still a herd of marching elephants in my head and I think my nose will never be open again. I really need.. to.. sn-” And then Jinyoung sneezed violently, his body doubting from the force of it. 

“You're far from healthy.” Jaebum clucked his tongue. “Come on. Let's get you to bed. I'll make you something to eat and drink.”

“Don't wanna eat..” Jinyoung grumbled, but didn't resist when Jaebum rose and then bent to pick Jinyoung up in his arms. “I'm not a damsel in distress..” The weak protest was almost cute and Jaebum smiled.

“No, you’re not. And I'm grateful of that. But you're my prince and really sick, and you can just shut up for now.” Jinyoung was hot against Jaebum’s neck and he was trembling. Apparently the fever was climbing again. 

Jaebum watched Jinyoung snuggling in their bed, his mouth slightly open because he couldn’t breath through his nose, and his cheeks burning. It would take a little while longer to see Jinyoung up and about again, but Jaebum could afford to stay back at home and take care of his family.

Funny how things had turned out in the end; his fear of children had disappeared the moment he learned to take care of Yugyeom, and his fear of losing everything even when he would stick to following the path that suited  _ him _ and no one else. 

He was lucky and he knew it; there were many others who struggled with bad decisions and bad partners and sometimes even worse things. 

“Get well soon.” Jaebum bent down to kiss the sweaty forehead lightly, fingers squeezing Jinyoung’s hand, still as happy as he had been on the day he realised how his life would be only better if Jinyong was going to be part of it until the day they would die. 

~

_ Hello this is Yugyeom! It's Saturday and it's raining AGAIN so I can't go play outside. :( But I have really awesome legos! I made castle but Jia sat on it and broke. _

_ My sisters are so stupid sometimes but that’s not their fault because they are so small and they smell nice and they tell me all their secrets because I’m the best big brother in the world. _

_ Daddy was sick but I was helping him to get better! Dad doesn’t make very good food so I am REALLY happy Daddy is ok now... I don’t EVER wanna eat burnt rice again!! _

_ My birthday is soon and then I will be REALLY big already! 7 years! That’s like so AWESOME. I hope I can have a big party because I want to eat cake and burgers and drink cola! _

_ I’ll go ask if I can go play with Bammie. He’s my best friend and I like him very much. Jaejae is cool too but I like Bammie more. _

 

_ Yugyeom _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am truly sorry this update took so long, but here it is. I hope you enjoyed it because I have enjoyed this pure JJP chapter enormously! And how about that, Yugyeom's diary entry! Did you like it? Leave a comment and tell me what you think~
> 
> I have a lot of things going on in my life right now so writing isn't the first thing on my list, but I try to write whenever I can. DD isn't done yet!
> 
> Again, if you need me you can find me on twitter or kkt. I'm usually always online even if I'm silent. :)


	30. Miles away

There were several things in life Jackson enjoyed, and made his heart beat happy and joyful beats, and none of them included watching the love his life packing his suitcase to travel away from him.

It was not _ fun. _ Not one bit. He wanted to pout and whine and be childish, but he couldn't. He was too old to act like a child just because his favourite person was going somewhere he wasn't. 

And, to top his displeasure, Jackson was bestowed with The Ultimate Responsibility and it made him Nervous As Fuck. At least Jackson had these horrible premonitions of everything falling apart while Mark would be gone. The sky might not rain fire and brimstone, but something along those lines.

Jackson chewed on his lips anxiously, ominous feelings fighting for dominance inside him and making him question his self-confidence. Not that he was lacking in any way, but still, so many things could go really wrong.

Then again he already had raised one kid alone. How hard could it be to deal with two for one week all by himself?

“Will you be alright?” Jackson asked anxiously, though in reality he wanted ask would  _ he _ be alright. He stood by the door, leaning against the wooden frame and felt uncomfortable weight of knowing how alone he would be for the next seven days. And eight nights. So many lonely hours.

Jackson didn't exactly like the idea of Mark being gone at any times, working hours possibly excluded, and definitely not so damn far away, but he wouldn’t be a very supportive boyfriend if he started pouting about every single little thing Mark would have to do without him. He  _ could,  _ and of course he  _ would, _ live without Mark being close by, it just sucked major monkey balls when he wasn’t. 

“Jackson.. I'll be fine. It's not the first time I've traveled, so you don’t have to be so worried, not for me. I’ll be back before you know it.” Mark glanced at Jackson with one brow up when Jackson made a small disbelieving sound at the back of his throat. “You know  _ I _ should be the one to worry. After all I'm leaving  _ my son _ in your care for a week.”

“Mark!” Jackson clutched his shirt pretending to be mortally wounded when in reality Mark had just voiced what Jackson had been thinking about. The bastard probably knew Jackson wasn’t all that confident and would now tease him for having low self-esteem, or something. This naturally meant that he would have to defend himself, even if it was false bravado. “How can you even say that! I'm the best parent there is!”

“Uhhuh..” Mark just went back to packing, ignoring Jackson almost completely. Of course this did nothing to shut Jackson up, just fueled him more.

“Now look here! There's nothing I can't deal with!”

“Mm hm.”

“I killed that spider for you!”

“Yes you did, and I'm eternally thankful for it. It was so very brave of you.”

Jackson scrunched up his nose; he could smell the sarcasm almost a mile away. He narrowed his eyes, watching Mark like a hawk. There should be something he could use to get back at Mark. But, then again he shouldn’t be looking at Mark so intensively because his resolve always started to falter whenever he was searching Mark’s features. Damn him and his good looks!

“I  _ have _ a kid of my own, in case you haven’t noticed,” Jackson huffed but Mark just made a small noncommittal sound while neatly folding a few t-shirts, packing them to go with him. “And I raised that said kid basically all alone, and he turned out just fine! I know what to do if kids stub their toes!”

“So you know in an emergency you can just go to Jinyoung and Jaebum?”

_ “MARK!” _ Jackson wanted to stomp his feet on the ground like a five year old would.

“I'm not kidding.”

“You're being mean!”

“Just practical, but only because I know you.” Mark zipped his luggage up and straightened his back. He gave Jackson a coy glance and of course Jackson noticed it because he was staring Mark so indignantly.

“You're just fucking with me.  _ God! _ I hate you so much sometimes!” Jackson whined, his pride almost injured. But just almost. There was no way he could  _ really _ hate Mark, not in a million years.

“No, you don't.” Mark chuckled darkly, smirking, knowing all too well what Jackson was thinking. “You just like it when I tease you,” Jackson huffed, averting his eyes and absolutely refused to look at Mark, refused to admit anything. “A conflicted little masochist. That's what you are.” Mark halted right in front of Jackson and placed the tips of his fingers on Jackson's t-shirt. He walked them higher, looking up from under his lowered eyelashes. “But that's one of the reasons why I'm so soft for you,” Mark’s eyes were so incredibly soft, the brown colour paler in the morning light pouring in from the window and something big and wonderful unfurled inside Jackson, his heart aching pleasantly. “I know you’re a good father and I wouldn’t even dream of leaving Youngjae with you if I didn’t trust you.”

When Mark was saying things like that, and with that soft voice of his that Jackson almost never failed to stop listen to, was it any wonder he felt like he was falling? Falling deeper and further away from anyone else’s reach, cradled in Mark’s love that surrounded him and made it impossible for him to stop yearning to be together until their time on this tiny planet would be over.

How, heaven forbid, was it even possible to feel so utterly weak because of someone else? Jackson just couldn't fathom how easily he would break into a smile just by  _ looking  _ at Mark from across any space. All he needed was a tiny hint that Mark was directing his attention on Jackson and he would feel like he was flying. And right now, with Mark standing so close to him, it was honestly impossible to be anything but simply.. happy.

“Just come back safe, ok?” Jackson gave in, sighing and wrapping his arms around Mark's lithe frame, his whole demeanor melting.

“It's only one week. You'll be fine.” Mark's arms were now around Jackson's neck, the familiar warmth of being near each other enhancing the good emotions nearly choking him from within.

“But I'll miss you.” Jackson sighed, closing his eyes, trying to prevent himself from getting too emotionally fucked and start crying. That would be too much and he wasn’t a crybaby, Mark was the crybaby here so he should be cryin- Jackson startled when Mark pressed a tender kiss over his closed eyelid.

“I'll miss you too.” A kiss on Jackson's nose. “Terribly.” Mark’s lips brushing over Jackson's mouth made him smile despite his disoriented thoughts.

“Good. Then I know you won’t go chasing after some beach boy while you’re so far away from me.” Jackson huffed, hugging Mark closer, tighter and Mark just laughed, the high sound like fairy wings in Jackson’s ears.

It felt good to know he wasn't going to be the only one missing and longing for each other’s company, it was like a silent reassurance that it wasn’t the end of the world to be away from each other, and that things would be ok no matter the distance.

Jackson might be hugging Mark’s pillow at night to remember what Mark smelled like for the next week, but he was allowed to do that, wasn’t he?  Then again, there was no way he could forget something so vital. Ever.

But he would still hug that pillow. Hard.

~

It had been such a long time but somehow it was like nothing had changed.

The familiar highways, the shrouded sky and the inevitable traffic jam no matter what time it was, the warm air and the smell Mark remembered from his childhood, it all made him stare out almost dreamily of the taxi window. 

No matter how familiar everything was, it still felt weird to be back in Los Angeles. He had lived abroad ever since he and Yoongi had applied on a whim to study out of the country, and his only times back here anymore were during holidays. Life had taken them down the unexpected paths and both of them had settled down far away from their childhood homes and neighbourhoods.

Of course in Yoongi’s case it had been Jimin who made him stay, and to this day Mark was grateful of it, because without Jimin Mark would have been extremely best friendless and up to his neck in trouble with the whole Soyi shit that had taken place. Not to mention without Yoongi he would have never had seen his own business raising from the ashes to success. Mark was glad he had had a friend to stay with him, otherwise everything would have been doubly hard and unbearable to deal with. He didn’t say it often but it meant a world to him to have such a good friend sticking to his side no matter how hard things were.

9 long years away from home. He had been only 21 at the time he moved away, definitely old enough to live on his own but still too young to realise how the world could fuck you up in mere seconds. 

This autumn he had turned 31 but he still felt like he was not a day older than twenty something. Time moved on with such speed Mark thought he had amnesia, because he couldn't remember half the things he had supposedly done during these past years. 

And his precious boy.. Mark sighed, looking at the setting sun behind the buildings. Youngjae was already eight years old and could no longer be considered small by any standards. He was getting more and more opinionated about everything and sadly that meant Mark's opinions were getting questioned the more the boy formed his own understanding about the world.

Mark wished he could have taken Youngjae with him but he didn't want to impose on his parents too much, no matter how much they craved to spend time with their grandson. And besides, Youngjae shouldn't be away from school for that long for no good reason, though knowing this still didn't erase the guilty twinge.

He got out of the cab good twenty minutes later to see the door that made his heart ache with familiarity so hard he was about to crack.

_ One, two, three.. _ The steps up to the front door were carved into his memory, never to be wiped away.

It felt weird to knock on it. He remembered how he had had a keychain around his neck when he had been a kid, the key once had chipped his front teeth because Mark had been doing cartwheels and the chain slipped out from under his shirt, but he didn't really remember a time when he had had to ring the doorbell, or even knock on it. Not like this. It felt weird, kind of alien, but his parents had changed the locks at some point and Mark didn’t have the new keys.

The door creaked soon open and a face Mark had longed to see more than he would admit, came into his view. It took a second or two for the person opening the door to recognize him. She stared at him completely bewildered but apparently pleased when the realisation sank in.

“Yi En?” 

“Hi, Mom.” Mark smiled widely at his mother gaping at him with her mouth open, one hand still holding onto the door handle to steady her.

He was swooped into a hug filled with laughter and happy tears and he couldn't help but to do the same. It felt so good to be back.

She had gotten so small, or had he grown so much his mother now felt like a fragile orchid flower? Her shoulders felt tiny in his embrace and her grasp on his shirt weaker. Mark’s heart tightened painfully. The years had certainly taken a toll on his mother as well as they had on him. He’d been gone way too long.

“You're all skin and bones. Come in child.”

Mark could only smile happily at the questioning and surprised voices coming from inside the house when he entered, voices that were so familiar it was like a whole lifetime ago he'd heard them the last time, and for the moment nothing else existed to him except his immediate family, and how happy they made him, all of them one by one appearing in the hallway to welcome him home.

~

“We shouldn’t.” A giggle, a thump and more giggling and laughter.

“I know, but it’s just too much fun.”

“You’re weird.”

“Oh, come on, you just  _ loo~ve _ me because of my spectacular ideas!”

A moment of silence, a cough and then a yelp of pain.   
“Why’d you hit me for!”

“You HATE me!” Jackson’s voice was high as he whined, pouting outrageously.

“No! Oh, please don’t give me that face, Jackson, please no, just don’t-”

“YOU HATE ME AND YOU DON’T LOVE ME.”

“It’s not true! Come here, I’ll-” Namjoon tried to grab Jackson’s arm to pull him close but Jackson evaded the touch like he was a slippery fish wanting nothing but to escape.

“No, NOPE, Namjoon, you can just walk out of here RIGHT NOW because you HATE me so much! I’m apparently not good enough for your highly intellectual company and I’m sorry I’m so DUMB you have to keep trying to cram information and formulas into my empty head but-”

“Now, listen to me you silly sod..” Namjoon pushed Jackson back, the wardrobe door slamming shut. Jackson squeaked, his eyes as big as saucers.  _ “I LIKE YOU. _ Simple as that. I might not always agree with your ideas but have I ever backed away from anything?”

“Well..” Jackson’s eyes bounced from the floor to Namjoon’s hands almost frantically.

“To prove you wrong I’m not gonna say another word and wear anything you ask me to.”

Jackson’s eyes widened just a little bit more, if it even was possible, and a mischievous spark lit up to highlight that beautiful brown colour. 

_ “Anything?” _ Jackson’s voice was smooth as silk, deliberately so, and Namjoon gulped, fear coiling inside his stomach. But then again his fear was countered with his raised heartbeat due to exhilaration and anticipation; there was never a dull moment with Jackson.

“Anything.”

 

_ 15 minutes later _

“You look AWESOME Joonie. I think I am falling more in love with you when you’re like this.” Jackson was giggling almost hysterically, holding his stomach and doubling over. Namjoon clucked his tongue, pursing his lips and decided he should let the obvious fact slip that Jackson was also wearing a women’s dress shirt and a red pencil skirt along with black stockings. This wasn’t as awful as it might have been, but he would absolutely  _ refuse _ to step out of this closet wearing this outfit. It was luckily a very, very spacy closet with a big mirror at the back wall, so there was no reason to get out and show the world that he was wearing..

“Can you  _ please _ say the line? Pretty please? Joonie? Baby? Darling? I’ll give you a kiss?”

“Ugh, you’re disgusting.” Namjoon pushed Jackson away from him but his cheeks felt warmer for obvious reasons. He wasn’t denying the fact that Jackson kissing him was everything but disgusting, but he shouldn’t tell that to Jackson. The idiot would probably swell up too much from happiness and actually pop. Like a balloon.

“Are you kidding me?” Namjoon groaned, hiding his face. The yellow pigtails fell over his hands when he leaned forward and the dress on him was too tight even though he was still a scrawny teenager with too thin limbs and not enough muscle in him. “I’m not going to do that.”

“Why noooottt~” Jackson whined, clinging onto Namjoon’s arm and inching closer. “No one else would see it. Do it for me? Please? Pretty please?” Jackson’s eyes were so huge and the contrast of the white shirt against his tanned skin was amazing. Jackson always looked good, and his continuous fencing and training had made him already at this age look more evolved physically than most boys at their age did.

“Ughh.. You’re going to be the death of me. And your mom is going to kill me because I should be tutoring you and not trying on clothes in her closet..” 

“Aw, Joonie, don’t be a sissy! You can do it! I’m counting on you! I’ll give you at least.. Nnn.. Te-TWO kisses!”

“That’s not much! You kiss me at least twenty times on a normal day!” Namjoon scoffed, hiding away his amusement just because he could, and because teasing Jackson was always fun.

“Fine! I’ll kiss you ten times and let you bite my butt?”

There was a long silence after Jackson’s words. Namjoon was almost screeching inside his head with laughter; Jackson was too cute for his own good.

“Deal.”

“Ooohh~” Jackson bounced on his heels, grinning like the adorable madman he was, watching Namjoon eagerly, waiting. This was just not his day, Namjoon decided. But he would do it, just because he actually liked Jackson so much he would- “Do the pose! Do the pose too!” Namjoon groaned.

_ I will kill him while he’s asleep. Why do I do this to myself.  _ And then he steeled himself for the moment of sheer dumbness and ridiculousness.

“Moon prism power!” Namjoon stood there, mimicking Sailor Moon when she called out to transform herself, doing something that was supposedly a pose that she did. He was dressed in the full costume, wig and gloves included, and he was feeling mighty awkward about it. But the joyful laughter Jackson let out after the mortifying words left Namjoon’s lips was enough to save him from feeling more embarrassment than he already did. Also the fact that Jackson bounced on him right after he was done, his toned arms going around Namjoon’s shoulders and his forever smiling mouth was peppering kisses all over his face, was one thing that made Namjoon forgive Jackson everything right then and there. He wasn’t exactly whipped but.. Yeah, he was whipped.

“Best. Boyfriend. Ever!” Jackson was giggling like crazy, his eyes twinkling. “Now would you like to have your prize?” 

“Very much so.” Namjoon had no trouble finding a better state of mind; Jackson looked unbelievably nice in the skirt and short sleeved shirt, a few buttons open from the top and revealing his collarbones. Namjoon smiled, his dimples deep when he looked at Jackson in his arms and so damn happy he could be compared with the sun.

“Then come and get it~” Jackson sang giddily, standing on his toes, though he didn’t have to do that, they were nearly the same height still. They leaned in both and their lips met in the middle, slightly clumsy, not yet used to kissing much, and it was mostly just moving lips together, pecking and kissing with almost dry lips. They were young, they hadn’t had much practice but it didn’t bother either of them since it felt good and nice. Discarding the fact that they were in Jackson’s mother’s closet, and wearing clothes that belonged to her, it was a nice moment and Namjoon kind of hoped it would last a long, long time.

Sadly, it didn’t.

When they started giggling together and poking at each other, they ended up rolling on the closet floor, making a fine mess in there, the door opened with a mighty yank and the sound they heard next nearly froze the blood in their veins.

_ “Wang Jia Er and Kim Namjoon! WHAT are you doing in my closet?!” _

 

Jackson was shivering when he woke up. Shivering mainly because he freezing and he had kicked all the blankets away while he was knocked out. But he was also shivering because of that damn dream he had just had.

Nice dream all in all, the memory of his mother catching him and Namjoon in a situation what looked like they were fighting in the closet wearing  _ her _ clothes. It was one of his most cherished memories. Not because he wanted to remember his friend, and boyfriend at the time, soon moving out of the town after the incident, no. The main reason was the happiness and his mother’s horrified but highly amused speech afterwards that kept the memory so vivid in his mind. Regardless how fond he was of it, it wasn’t what Jackson had hoped to dream about. And definitely not from Namjoon’s point of view because it only made Jackson see himself from the outside and realise how foolish he had been back then. Memories from the past were not the thing to dream when Mark was gone and Jackson was left alone with the kids and ugh.. A nice fluffy dream with lots of Mark in it would have been just the thing to cure his increasing longing. But, life sucked, and dreams definitely sucked because you didn’t very often have any control over them. So Jackson just sighed, threading his fingers through his messy hair.

The aching in his chest was squeezing him into a tight ball. He missed Mark already so much it physically hurt him. The idiot had been gone less than a day and already Jackson felt like they’d been apart for a century.

Jackson reached for his phone, but seeing notifications from Mark he nearly dropped it in his haste to read the messages.

_ Landed safely and going to my parents place now. Good morning sleepyhead. You look gorgeous. Wish I was there to see your face. Remember that Youngjae has a piano lesson on Monday. _

Jesus effin Christ Mark was a mushy goodie-two-shoes sometimes, Jackson thought, but his smile was as radiant as the rising sun outside and his heart left lighter, easier and the day didn’t seem like was going to be that bad. It was Saturday anyway and he didn’t have to wake the boys for school, though they were probably up already and watching TV, at least that’s what he deduced from faint sounds coming from the sitting room.

Jackson rolled on his stomach on the bed and typed a long rambling answer to Mark, calling him all sorts of cute names while he was at it, then rolled around hugging the phone for a few more minutes before getting up. He yawned, stretching his arms up to elongate his spine and to shake off the stiffness from sleep. Jackson shook his head, opened the curtains and while scratching his left buttock through his loose, neon lime green boxers he didn’t dare to wear when Mark was home, he ventured into the bathroom to freshen up with his eyes still kind of sleepy, even though he was much more awake now after hearing from Mark.

When he was taking out the coffee from the cabinet in the kitchen later on,  Jackson noticed a small envelope placed right next to the jar so it was impossible for him to miss it, and his stomach plummeted close to his knees and he snatched the white piece of paper in his hands tearing it open hastily.

_ I know you've wanted to try wall climbing since forever so here's your chance. I booked you a class for this Sunday. I think it includes two people so you can take someone with you (if it’s Jinyoung I want pictures as proof because the idea is so amusing). Noi will pick up the boys so don't worry about them. Have fun and don't miss me too much. I'll be back before you know it. _

_ XOXO, _

_ Mark _

That cheesy bastard! He was too much! How did he always manage make everything so damn good even when he wasn’t home? Jackson hugged the letter to his chest and did a small happy dance in the middle of their kitchen, his bare feet moving fast on the cold floor. Luckily Bambam and Youngjae were too enamored with the cartoons to be curious about the muffled sounds of glee. But then Jackson suddenly halted, his bottom lip jutting out and brows turning into a slight frown.

Now he  _ really _ felt guilty for having dreamed of Namjoon last night. He should make this up for Mark somehow, though Mark had no idea what Jackson was dreaming of, thank gods for that, but still, he wanted to do something even when it was mostly to ease his own guilty mind.

Jackson was just typing a message to Mark, filled with too many hearts and exclamation marks for it to be manly anymore, when his phone started ringing. He almost dropped it for the second time today.

“Are you psychic or something I was just thinking of you?!” Jackson hissed into the phone and received a low chuckle in response.

_ “I hope it wasn't anything raunchy.” _ Namjoon’s calm, familiar voice drifted to Jackson's ear and he coughed, flustered.  _ “Ew, come on Jackson! That’s nasty! You're supposed to be in a relationship!” _

“Shut up! It wasn’t anything bad!” Jackson grunted, trying to balance the phone between his ear and shoulder so he could continue making coffee for himself. “What do you want anyway?”

_ “Are you free to hang out at some point? It's been ages since I saw you.” _

“Sure, but I can't do much since Mark's in L.A. and the boys are with me.” He flipped the card Mark had left for him, eyeing the slightly messy handwriting. “Unless.. Have you ever wanted to try wall climbing?”

_ “Ehh?” _

~

It was early Sunday afternoon when Jackson decided he could try to call Mark without making any plans. He was pretty sure Mark had no meetings today so it would be relatively safe to try to reach him. Plus Jackson wanted to tell Mark all about the climbing he had gone this morning with Namjoon; it had been  _ awesome  _ and he wanted to share his news, like he always did.

So, when Mark finally picked up Jackson was surprised to see Mark looking more harassed than happy to receive a call from him.

“Hey baby, what’s up?”

“Hey, Jacks,” Mark replied quietly, glancing around him quickly, as if to ensure no one could hear him. That alone was weird since normally Mark smiled like a mini sun when he was looking at Jackson. So, naturally when Mark  _ wasn’t _ smiling at him the moment they could see each other it felt like a block of ice inside his chest. Or maybe he was just reading too much into things again. Yeah, that was probably it. “I’m cool. You just called at a bad moment because I’m in a hurry right now. The guys are taking me out because they haven’t seen me in ages so I can’t really talk long.”

Jackson’s spirits plummeted at this. He’d been so waiting to tell Mark about the wall climbing, thank him for it because it had been even more fun than he had expected it to be. But, of course he understood that Mark’s friends wanted to hang out with him, and that Jackson had the privilege to see Mark every day while they didn’t even though they probably knew Mark better than Jackson did. Still, he felt discouraged and deflated.

“Okay. I just wanted to see you and hear your voice, but if you’re in a hurry then it can wai-”

_ “Yo, Mark! Where you at dude? We gonna leave in a mo’!”  _ An unfamiliar voice carried through the connection and Jackson noticed how visibly tense Mark got the moment he realized someone was in hearing range of their conversation.

“I’m coming! Sorry, Jacks. I have to go. I want to talk with you too-”

_ “Who you talking to? Don’t tell me you have some pretty girl waiting for you back at home and you haven’t told us anything! You sly dog, you.”  _ Jackson could hear raucous laughter coming from somewhere behind Mark’s back. Apparently there were multiple people waiting for Mark to drop whatever he was doing and come down to them. Mark had turned a nice shade of pink and looked absolutely mortified. Jackson wanted to sink underground, never to get up again. He felt torn between feeling guilty for disturbing and feeling depressed because they couldn’t talk more.

“Ha ha, very funny you idiot!” Mark tilted his head towards the sound of the other voice, his beautiful profile visible to Jackson from a weird angle because Mark’s hands lowered a little. “It’s just my friend, Jackson. I’ll get there in a minute.”

The way Mark said  _ just friend _ made Jackson’s stomach curl up unpleasantly, and he felt heavy and offended. There  _ had _ to be a reason for this introduction Mark had just so nonchalantly given, but for the moment Jackson couldn't for the life of him think of any good reasons, and that made him feel nothing but betrayal. Betrayal and disappointment that hurt like hell.

“I’m sorry..”, Mark turned back to his phone and looked at Jackson. Was that guilt written all over his face, or was Jackson just seeing things? “I really have to go. I’ll call you later when it’s quieter, ok? Bye..” Mark’s apologetic voice drifted away and then the screen went blank.

Jackson stared at his phone in utter confusion; what the hell had just happened? 

The last thing he had wanted to experience was something like this, some weird shit that was fucking up the way he was feeling about his relationship and because Mark was so far away and Jackson was forever the jealous type, and he definitely jumped to the extreme conclusions.

Had Mark just with a snap of his pretty fingers denounced their relationship and returned them back to being just  _ friends?! _

This was not happening. No. It wasn’t. There had to be a reason for this, and if there wasn’t there would be hell.

 

“So, what you’re saying is that Mark said something weird and now you think he’s no longer thinking he wants to be with you?” Jinyoung tried prevent his squirming and wriggling daughter falling from the couch but Jiyoo was more slippery than you could have imagine and slipped down onto the floor with a soft thump. Immediately Jinyoung bent down to pick her up before she would start to cry. Useless hope as she began to wail the moment she was in Jinyoung’s arms.

“Yes, well, it  _ did _ sound worse when you could see his guilty little fa- Come on Jia, please don’t kick me!- his face, so what else am I supposed to think! It was pretty obvious he wasn’t going to announce our relationship to whomever it was that was in the background.” Jackson held a furiously wiggling Jia in his arms; he was getting a full treatment of flailing arms and kicking legs and high pitched wailing that was certainly doing nothing good to his hearing.

“No!” Jiyoo screamed and Jackson was sure his eardrums weren’t ok anymore.

“Jia, honey, no. Don’t kick Jackson. I’m sorry you have to witness this Jackson,” Jinyoung sighed while releasing Jiyoo from his arms and she slipped right back on the floor. “They don’t normally misbehave much but something’s set them off.” Jinyoung groaned, watching the tear stained faces with something akin to apprehension. It was understandable, considering Jinyoung probably didn’t want to see the girls kicking and biting anything, much less each other or someone else.

“NO!” Jia wailed as loud as her sister had, her round face scrunched up in determined displeasure and Jackson got a tiny fist almost straight to his face.

“I really don’t know what’s wrong with them. They’ve been upset before but now it’s just getting out of hand.” Jinyoung finally stopped trying to prevent Jiyoo from rolling around on the floor, and instead got up from the couch, ignoring the temper tantrum. “Fine. If you want to scream and be like that then do. I’ll be right over there when you want to start behaving again.” Jinyoung glanced at Jackson with a meaningful look and he got the hint and released his equally agitated goddaughter free, getting up and walking in Jinyoung’s wake to the kitchen.

“Is it safe to leave them alone? I mean they could hurt themselves or something..” Jackson glanced behind him, towards the still echoing shrill cries and his heart clenched. He had had to deal very little with such things when Bambam had been a toddler, but he had, but never two at a time. It was like they tried to outdo each other the louder one got and it was very unpleasant thing to hear. Not to mention how badly it was breaking Jackson’s hear to hear it, and he wondered how could Jinyoung be so calm about it since they were his children that were in distress.

“Let’s just give them a few minutes.” Jinyoung sighed, a wary shadow passing over his face. “So, you were saying that you think Mark is not addressing your relationships to his friends in L.A.?”

“Uh, yeah. Well, that’s what it looks like.”

“Don’t you think might be overreacting? There might be a reason for him to hide it?” Jinyoung turned from the door to reach for the cabinet and started making coffee. Jackson slumped on a chair next to the dining table, absently playing with a blue toy car that had been forgotten there by someone. Yugyeom most likely. The girls weren’t probably interested in cars. Or maybe they were, who knew.

“Maybe.. But that doesn’t mean it was a nice thing to say while I was there to hear it!” Jackson knew he had a habit of thinking the worst and jumping to wrong conclusions, but really now, Mark  _ had _ been anything but nice when he had said that and hadn’t even apologized properly by sending a message after the call or anything. He could have done that, right? Jackson had every right to be offended and think that Mark was having some doubts about them or whatever, didn’t he?

“No, I admit he could have explained himself later, but I’m guessing from your expression he didn’t.” Jinyoung’s voice was always so calm, so deep and it made Jackson feel like he spill any troubles he might have and Jinyoung would still be there to listen. Jackson trusted Jinyoung unconditionally and knew he liked to mess with Jackson when it was safe to do so, but he also gave valuable advice when Jackson needed it.

“I want to sink underground!” Jackson groaned, tilting his head back, staring at the ceiling. There was a dried piece of spaghetti hanging from the lamp and Jackson wondered idly just how it had even gotten up there in the first place.

“No, you don’t.” Jinyoung’s reply sounded slightly weary and Jackson involuntarily felt guilty; he guessed the topic was probably getting old.

“Sorry..” Jackson mumbled, the toy car tightly squeezed in his fist, the hard shaped sinking into his skin, hurting, like the hurt was somehow keeping him sane.

“Don’t be. I’m here to listen even if you are, in my opinion, more insecure than hurt now.” Jinyoung poured coffee into two cups and then handed the other to Jackson. “Mark said something funny and that set you off. That’s normal. But,” Jinyoung fixed a stern glance at Jackson. “You don’t have to start wallowing in self-pity because of that. But, and this is important, you need to talk it out with Mark and not wait until everything blows up again. I’m not going to tolerate you two idiots prancing around and misunderstanding each other, like what happened the last time.”

Jackson’s ears burned with shame.  _ That _ last time. Yeah, he wasn’t going to go there again, it had been enough mortifying that one time already.

Unusual silence fell over the whole house and Jackson only now noticed the girls had stopped crying. Jinyong sighed, obviously relieved.

“I think they finally calmed down. Let's see if they want to cooperate.”

“Jinyoung, I,” Jackson hesitated, before getting up from his chair. “I'm sorry. That fight was so stupid and we made you worried and-”

“Listen. I love you both but you can be so pig headed sometimes it hurts.” Jinyoung gave a small smile. “If you ever want to get down on you knees-” Jackson's eyes widened and his expression changed to feigned shock instead. Jinyoung smacked the back of Jackson's head, groaning. “Not like that! I know you do it already. What I meant was, if you want to beg Mark to marry your sorry ass one day you have to learn to trust him. He's quite devoted to you, I hope you realize that. He says stupid shit sometimes but he loves you.”

“Yeah.. You think so?” A small flicker of hope raised its head up in Jackson’s heart, unsure if it was ok to feel hope at all.

“I know so. It's quite obvious the way he looks at you like there's sun shining from every orifice in your body.” Jinyoung rolled his eyes but he was still smiling.

Jackson felt curiously abashed, like he really wanted to believe Jinyoung but there was still that nagging doubt at the back of his mind he couldn't let go yet. He needed to hear the explanation for this before he could go on and feel dumb for overreacting again.

“Hello there girls. Are done crying?” Jinyoung knelt down beside the puffy faced toddlers that were sitting next to each other.

“Pa..” Jia muttered the word, her small plump fists curling around the rag she was holding in her lap.

“Pa.” Jiyoo mirrored her twin, looking equally mortified.

“Oh,” Jinyoung’s face lit up with comprehension. “So that’s why.”

“What?” Jackson wasn’t unsurprisingly following Jinyoung’s train of thought.

“They want Jaebum. That’s the word they use for him, I don’t know why really, because for me they just point at me.” Jinyoung stood back up and ran his free hand through his hair. “Best to just sit here close by and wait for them to come around.”

“It’s been so long since I’ve had to deal with toddlers I’ve forgotten how much work they can be.” Jackson felt sorry for Jinyoung but then again he knew that Jinyoung had made this choice willingly. It was just a phase, hopefully, and the twins would grow up to be more coherent and independent sooner than later.

“Just you wait. You’ll have your hands full of babies and nappies and you’ll get no sleep at night.”

“Do you know something I don’t?” Jackson grumbled, sipping his coffee and settling down on the other couch.

“Maybe. But I won’t spoil the fun for you.” Jinyoung’s evil grin made Jackson stick his tongue out at him.

“Hate you.”

“That’s quite alright. I’m used to it.”  

Jackson groaned, sinking lower into the cushions and wished the week would already be over and Mark would be back home and things would be like they had been prior to all this confusing stuff.

 

Jackson’s phone was ringing and making insisting, very annoying vibrating sounds three times in a row before he woke up from his fitful nap and managed to pick up. He wasn’t feeling the most awesome because he’d been stalking Mark all afternoon and had seen all the pictures Mark’s friends were sharing on social media, and the fact that Mark looked so damn happy surrounded by those people made Jackson so jealous it was killing him.

“What the f..” Jackson groaned, not checking who was calling him.

“Heeeyy… Baby. You picked upp~!” Mark’s voice carried out into Jackson ears and his eyes snapped open, heart sinking and fluttering at the same time which was a weird feeling because he didn’t know was he supposed to be happy or dread the upcoming conversation. But, squinting at Mark’s unsteady picture, it was like the man was swinging from side to side because his hands weren’t very steady, Jackson figured Mark was drunk. Not a very good start. “Did you.. Were you sleeping? You look so adorbs right now~” Jackson usually found drunk Mark amusing but today drunk Mark was nowhere near amusing.

“So now you call me baby again, huh.” The words just came out of Jackson’s mouth before he could prevent himself, but then again why shouldn’t he say it right away? There was no reason to pretend.

“What are you talking annt- about?” Mark had definitely had more than two beers and he was squinting at his phone screen. “Are you saying I can’t.. Or that I don’t call you baby often enough? Why do you look so angry?”

“You just described me as your  _ friend _ before you took off earlier, remember? I didn’t know we were back to that stage. Would have been nice you had informed me of this too.”

“Wow, wow, hey, hey. Jackson. Baby, honey. Don’t judge me, ok? I had my reasons. You’re my everything, ok?” Mark looked a little baffled but he had stopped wobbling and swinging around, and he sounded a lot more coherent all of a sudden.

“Maybe you should sleep off your alcohol first..” Jackson grumbled, his heart softening a little though he was still rather hurt and pissed off.

“No! No. I wanna explain,” Mark spun around, the screen going blurry for a moment and Jackson could hear the wind making an annoying loud hum; Mark was obviously outside and walking. It took a moment for Mark to find what he was searching for. “Hey, dude. Come on up here. I want you to meet someone.” A face appeared next to Mark’s on the screen and Jackson’s hand instinctively went up to his hair to push the messy locks away from his eyes. He probably looked exactly like he had just woken up, hair pointing up and his face puffy and red, not to mention sulky. “Andrew, this is my sexy boyfriend Jackson. Please say hi.”

A knowing smirk appeared on the guys face as he obviously put a name and a face together.

“Hi Jackson! We’ve heard so much about you tonight, haha! Mark can’t stop babbling about you. You’ve made a good job turning this idiot happy! _ Ow!”  _

Mark was apparently showing his friend quite roughly to his side and picture went wonky and blurry again.

“Ok? Hi..” Jackson wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. When the screen was steady again it was only Mark and he was walking away from wherever he had found Andrew in the first place.

“So there you have it; you’re still my boyfriend so stop being sulky, please? I hadn’t told them about us prior to this evening so when you called I was busy and really nervous about how they would react and.. I’m sorry. I’ll call you baby more often if you want me to?”

“Nah, that’s ok.. I like it better when you say my name.” Jackson was softening, the apology and explanation making everything clear again and all the devilish thoughts he had been harboring today gone for good.

“Ok..  _ Jackson,” _ Mark chuckled darkly, biting his lip. “I wish you were here. Everyone’s dying to meet you, that including my family.”

“Right. Ok.” Jackson was getting flustered. The mere thought that Mark had been talking so much about him made him want to squeal in delight because, come on? Mark wasn’t one to talk overly much so it was incredible that he was so openly displaying his affection towards Jackson even when they weren’t in the same room. Amazing, and it made Jackson feel so warm inside.

“So,  _ honey _ , have you been good? Have you missed me?” Mark dropped on his back and smiled at Jackson, his teeth somehow even whiter in the darkness. “I really would want to feel you close right now.” Jackson raised his brows.

“Horny, much?”

“Always when it comes to you.” And Mark didn’t even bat an eye saying that! This guy..

“Want to elaborate?” Jackson said quietly, his tone dropping a few octaves, getting to the level where it was more sultry. Two could play this game, and Jackson was alone in the house because the boys were staying over at Noi and Honey’s place, so there was no one to eavesdrop on him if things would get out of hand, which wouldn't be the first, nor the last, time.

“You're so.. Oh my god Jackson. You're so fucking sexy.” Mark was slurring a little, his face way too close to the screen of his phone. “Why do you always look so damn good. It’s like you’re edible.”

Jackson chuckled, his stomach dropping a little, warmth seeking place on his cheeks.

“And why are you an ocean away from me while saying things like that? You should be here, next to me. We could take a nap together all by ourselves because the kids aren’t home.” He bit down on his lip, ducking his chin down and glanced at Mark's face from under his lashes.

“Don’t make me kiss the phone. I want to eat that mouth of yours.”

“Yeah? Well I would slam you against a wall and suck you so hard you'd come in two minutes.”

“Mm..” Marks eyes were dark and his pupils dilated. “I can’t wait to be back home. It’s so dull without you.”

“I thought you were happy to be back in town?” Jackson settled down more comfortably on the bed, weaving his free hand through his messy dark hair.

“Sure it is, and it’s great to see the fam again too but,” Mark gave Jackson a coy glance that ended up being more amusing than seducing. “It would be  _ so much _ more fun to be with you.” 

The warmth that had been gone all day long after the disastrous call earlier, blossomed suddenly with full force inside Jackson’s stomach and he couldn’t help the smile spreading on his face; he could have purr with happiness.

But still, there was that sharp edge of longing marring the happiness. It was kind of bittersweet combination.

“So many days before you’re back,” Jackson sighed, chewing on his bottom lip and drinking in the sight of Mark so openly flustered staring right back at him. He looked so damn good with his windswept hair, reddened cheeks and lips so red Jackson wanted nothing more than to kiss that mouth right this instant. “There are several things I would do to you right now if you were here and in that state.”

“Yeah? Why don’t you tell me more?”

“Why don’t  _ you _ tell me what you would want to do?” Jackson shot back, feeling slightly bashful for some reason, and he wanted Mark to talk more because, well, for no better reason than just listening to his voice and pretending he wasn’t way too many miles away from him.

Mark giggled, that familiar high sound squeezing Jackson’s insides with both happiness and terrible longing.

“Ok  _ honey _ , I’ll tell you what we could do,” Mark reached up with his free hand and tried to push aside the hair that kept falling over his forehead all the time, but eventually gave up the futile attempt and settled on smiling sweetly at Jackson, his row of white teeth nearly dazzling. “I would strip you and take you to the ocean and kiss you senseless there. You know how much you love it when I pay special attention on your neck? Imagine that and being embraced by me and the water. We never got to finish our playing around in the pool on our vacation, so I’m determined to get back to it when we get a chance.”

“What is it with you and water, hm?” Jackson had to ask, though he wasn’t at all against the idea of fooling around in water, just maybe not all the way but that wasn’t the point. The point was to get Mark naked and close and they could just  _ feel _ and be together and.. Ok, fine. Anything would do at this point. 

“I dunno,” Mark grinned stupidly but Jackson just loved him a little more because of his silly expressions. “Maybe it has something to do with you looking so gorgeous when your skin is wet and cool and your hair is pushed back from your face. You have such a handsome face, you know that right? Oh man, I would give a million bucks to be able to kiss you right now- Aw, are you blushing?” Mark suddenly cooed at him and Jackson wanted to hide his face away, which he did too, groaning loudly but still extremely pleased after all that praise. Mark could be talkative when he was in the mood.

“You’re impossible! I want to smack you for being so cheesy!” Jackson wailed against the pillow he had buried his face into. He could hear Mark’s high laughter and it made him so, so, SO happy and he felt like a happy fluffy cotton ball. But then Mark sneezed. Once. Twice. Four times, and Jackson sat up, worry etched on his face instead. “You’re not getting yourself sick there, are you? Why aren’t you wearing more clothes?”

“I’m fine.” Mark sniffed, yawning a little. “It’s not that cold. It’s just the wind and sand going up my nose. No worries baby, I won’t get sick.”

“Says the man who gets down with a cold almost five times a year..”

“Eyy, don’t jinx me now! Otherwise I won’t make it home for Christmas.”

“You’d better! There will be hell if you don’t! I’ll wither away and Youngjae will run away and Bambam will end up selling.. Ok, never mind that, but anyway. Please, get some clothes on you and go to sleep. It must be late there already.”

“Fine..” Mark giggled faintly, scrambling up. “I’m going back inside. Gonna stay at Andrew’s place since we’re all too drunk to drive.”

“You’re not supposed drive at all when you’re drunk..” Jackson muttered darkly.

“Well, we’re not driving, so shhh~” Mark was walking slowly, his hair whipping around in the wind and his eyes were soft when he was looking at Jackson’s face on his phone. “I wish I was coming home to you right now.”

“Yeah,” Something somber and beautiful twisted in Jackson’s chest. He really missed Mark so much. “I would like that. But go to sleep now. I’ll talk to you later.” It felt horribly sad to know they would end the call in just mere moments and then it would take a small forever for them to hear each other’s voices again.

“Sleep well Jackson,” Mark smiled at him, fingers apparently tracing Jackson’s facial features on his screen. He looked so tender and loving and Jackson was about to burst with love. “I love you.”

“I..” Jackson choked, the words stuck in his throat. His heart was hammering like crazy. “I love you too. Sleep well.”

~

Jackson had feared something would happen while Mark was gone, not necessarily anything too horrible, but anyway something that would make his hair turn gray a bit more than it already was. Yes, he had found at least one gray hair, but that might have been just paint from doing finger painting with the kids at school, so.. Anyway, he was prepared for something to happen that would make him grit his teeth in agony, but in the end he wasn’t. Not one goddamn bit. And he was supposed to be an expert on this! Had anyone heard of a teacher who couldn’t handle one misbehaving child? Ok, fine, it wasn’t unheard of, more like the opposite, but still.

Jackson was neck deep in trouble with Youngjae and he hated it. Youngjae, who normally was such a sunshine, a walking epitome of happiness and good mood, wasn't taking so well his father being away from home for so long.

The first four days had been completely fine with Jackson leaving Bambam and Youngjae in Jinyoung’s care when going and leaving school, but come Tuesday evening, four days prior to Mark's return, Youngjae decided he was going to express his displeasure in a very passive aggressive way; he barely spoke to Jackson after Jackson picked Bam and Youngjae from the neighbouring house, and if he did it would end up in tears in minutes. Then there was the door slamming and book throwing, the  _ I’m not eating _ ’s or  _ Not gonna sleep!! _ ’s too.

Things like  _ “I want my Dad!” _ and  _ “You're not my father! You can't tell me what to do!” _ or the best one  _ “I'll run away!!” _ had come up more than once.

Jackson's blissful weekend with climbing and the nice facetime with Mark.. it was all a distant memory by the time he had to wake to a gray Wednesday morning and realise he would have to find a way to make Youngjae calm down and stop acting up. It was weird to do this because Jackson cared quite a lot of Youngjae by now, the boy was basically like an adopted son to him, and might even some day be if he and Mark would get down to tying the knot and all.. But the brutal reality was that Youngjae wasn’t cooperating with Jackson and it was making Jackson second guess himself very, very much. 

He really didn’t know what to do except try to be as calm as possible and not let Youngjae’s fits get the better of him.

Easier said than done.

Jackson groaned silently when he was making breakfast and Bambam hopped down into the kitchen smiling and all dressed up, ready for school, but Youngjae was nowhere to be seen. Then again he should have guessed it would come down to him trying to drag the kid out of the bed. Of course. The universe was certainly loving him this week.

“Morning squirt. Have you seen Youngjae?”

“Nope.” Bambam pulled a chair for himself. “Can I have cereals?”

“Sure.” Jackson moved automatically in the kitchen; a bowl, cereals, milk, spoon found their way to their rightful places and ended up in front of Bambam settling by the table to eat.

“Dad..” Bambam giggled. “I can't eat cereals with a  _ fork!” _

“What? Fork?” Jackson turned back to look at Bambam. “Well, would you look at that. I'm being silly.” He grinned, chuckling at his own mishap. 

“I have a math test on Friday.” Bambam said after stuffing his mouth full of cereal with a spoon, milk dropping from the corners of his mouth and Jackson grimaced at the stains, the liquid dripping all over the school uniform Bambam was wearing.

“You're early on informing me of this.” Jackson placed his coffee cup on the table, frowning. Normally he was fairly updated about what both Bam and Youngjae were up to at school, but for some reason the task of keeping up these things had fallen onto Mark’s shoulders, and more often than not Jackson found himself startled when Bambam marched up at him to show him particularly good grades he’d gotten from something.

“But you're always busy and Baba helps me to study.” Bambam’s sulky reply made Jackson's stomach constrict unpleasantly. And he still wasn’t used to Bam using that name of Mark, though it made him so  _ so _ happy to hear it. It was that small thing that mattered in the long run, something simple that would stay with you for a long time.

It was true though; they hadn't done anything together in ages and it was obviously causing hurt to his son.

“I'm sorry Bam. How about we do something this Friday after school? Let's all three go somewhere to play games or something. Does that sound good?”

“I don't want Youngjae to come with us!” Bambam frowned, his round face darkening. 

“Why? I thought you like him.” Jackson was taken aback by the reaction; he’d thought the two got along very well.

“I want to do things with you  _ alone. _ Just like we used to do!”

“That's a bit unfair to Youngjae. He's part of the family now. You know Mark and I are dating.”

“Yes Dad, _ I know.” _ And then Bambam did something Jackson saw him do very rarely; he rolled his eyes at Jackson. “Don’t  _ I _ matter?” Now  _ that _ sent a dagger straight through Jackson’s heart and he stared at Bambam in shock.

“Of course you do! You’re my son! You’re important to me and you will always be. But we’re a family and families stick together. So it would be very unkind to leave Youngjae out of whatever we would be doing.” Oh, it was so hard to try to tell the difference anymore; Jackson loved Bambam but he also loved Mark and Youngjae and he wanted what was good for everyone; he had to think about the bigger picture.

“Can't Jae go to Yugyeom’s?” Bambam wrinkled his nose, obviously displeased.

“He could, but that wouldn't be nice. How would you feel of you were home with Mark and Youngjae and suddenly they went somewhere together and you couldn't go with them?”

“I would be happy! I could play with Gyeommie!”

“You get along with Yugyeom a bit better than Youngjae, so it wouldn’t be so fair for him.”

“But it’s so unfaaaaiiirrrr!”

“I know,” Jackson sighed, frustrated himself as well, though he didn’t show it as visibly as Bambam did. “Just be patient. We'll go do something fun together when Mark is back. I'm sure he wants to spend time with Youngjae too.” Bambam had a very good point. An extremely good point, which made Jackson feel guilty for kind of neglecting Bambam this fall. He tried to there for his son but he’d been busy at school with all the extra classes he had had to cover. It was still a poor excuse and he wanted to correct it as soon as possible.

“How about we go shopping for Christmas? Would you like to see Santa? I’m sure he’s going to be lurking in somewhere this week..” The delighted expression was enough of an answer and Jackson sighed relieved, his coffee already almost cold and bitter but it didn’t matter. Then he glanced at the clock on the wall and almost spat out the coffee.

“You’re going to be late from school. Where  _ is _ Youngjae?” Jackson frowned, standing up. He climbed up to Youngjae’s room; it was empty and the bed unmade. Naturally. What else do you expect from a small boy. Jackson sighed, his frown only deepening as he walked through the house but found no sign of Youngjae. 

A disgusting sense of fear settled into Jackson’s stomach and he returned to the kitchen trying to remain calm enough not freak Bambam out, but it was proving very, very hard. His thoughts were racing a mile ahead of him and his stomach was sinking like it was full of lead. 

Obviously Youngjae had gone out. His shoes were gone and his blue coat too. Jackson almost wanted to whine, not knowing what to do. What if the boy would get hit by a car? Or kidnapped? There were those sinister big black vans always lurking somewhere to snatch a lone child and then sell him to some gangsters and then Youngjae would end up as child slave or worse a  _ sex slave _ to some hideous old-

Jackson had to stop thinking, he would otherwise vomit from the mere thought of what  _ could _ happen. And what would Mark say?  _ Oh. My. Lord. _ Mark would skin Jackson alive if something happened to Youngjae, and nothing would save him from that destiny because Jackson would do the same if someone managed to get Bambam in trouble or grave or slavery or as goat herder in Himalaya or..

Really, he should stop thinking and  _ do _ something. Bambam was looking at him with his glass of juice forgotten halfway in the air.

“Bam, you can watch telly while I go out for a bit, ok?”

“But school-”

“Just do what I say, ok? I know you’ll be late but it’s fine today. And if Jinyoung asks we’re going to the dentist and he doesn’t have to worry about us.”

“But I don’t have to-”

_ “Bambam!” _ Jackson closed his eyes and counted to ten before he would start cursing at his own child. Every second Youngjae was getting further and further and Jackson  _ did not _ want to think about it right now or else he would start panicking for real.

Bambam rose from is chair, glaring at Jackson his eyes narrowed but went to the living room and turned the TV on, apparently not at all displeased he would get to watch the cartoons a little longer than usual. Jackson hurried to pull on his worn out hoodie and sneakers, not really caring what he looked like, grabbed his phone and tried to calm himself down a little. He held his breath for five seconds. Didn’t work. He shook his head vigorously. Nope, no help. He slapped his cheeks a couple of times. NOPE.  _ Get a move on Wang! _ his brains were screaming at him and Jackson spurred into motion again.

“Just stay here until I’m back.” Jackson gave Bambam a final stern look and disappeared after the boy had only rolled his eyes at him, settling deeper into the softness of the couch. At least Bambam would be safe; Jackson was certain the boy wouldn’t go missing or else there would be hell to pay.

The street was empty and gray when Jackson stepped out. Wind rustled the dead leaves and he shivered against his will. Wasn’t it just convenient that it was rainy and gray and awful on this particular morning when Youngjae had decided it was a good day to make his threat come true? Ironic if nothing else.

If Jackson was a kid missing his parents what would he do? Jackson racked his brains trying to remember where Youngjae and Bambam usually went with Yugyeom when they were outside playing together. He started walking briskly down the street, deliberately avoiding walking anywhere near Jinyoung and Jaebum’s house; that would just make things worse because he was not going to let  _ anyone _ know he had misplaced Mark’s child. No. Fucking. Way. The whole thought made Jackson sick to his already very unhappy stomach.

He turned a corner and headed to the football field he had found the boys playing ball many times during the summer and autumn. It wasn’t a big court and it was sad and lonely this morning, even more so because Jackson was so worried, the catastrophe looming over his head like a piano ready to crash on him.

While scanning the empty court the memory of Bambam cursing returned to Jackson despite his agitated state of mind. It seemed like it had happened yesterday, though it had been before Jackson had gotten together with Mark. It had been such a weird moment since Bambam had never really, not before that moment, gotten so rebellious towards Jackson but then again.. Kids. You can’t control them too much and it was bound to happen at some point. And luckily Bam had never, not even once, after that cursed in front of Jackson. What the kid did while the parents weren’t there to hear, that was a whole different thing.

Not seeing any point in staying longer at the football field Jackson backtracked to the main street and jogged ahead, searching the darkness of his mind for other locations he should be checking. He  _ had to  _ find Youngjae. And fast. It was way too cold for a little boy to be out here all alone. Jackson sped up, not caring how his lungs started to hurt from wheezing in the cold air so suddenly and how his legs were already tired from long days working on his feet.

He checked the nearby market in hopes of finding Youngjae there; no luck. He ran up to school to see if Youngjae had by some miracle just gotten early there; no Youngjae there either. Jackson was getting frantic, his mind picking up the most horrendous scenarios from every possible horror movie he had seen in his life and he wanted to cry because now he wasn’t just horrified, he was downright scared that something had happened and he was the one responsible because Mark had left Youngjae in his care and now it was all a just a bad, bad dream and..

Jackson stopped, catching his breath; it was white mist before him, his skin sweaty from all the running and stressing, his lips dry and tingly because he kept licking them too much. 

_ Why didn’t I think of it first? _

The playground near their house was quiet, the swings were gone but the small, simple merry-go-round creaked forlornly when the wind made it spin. Jackson arrived at the edge of it panting and huffing, stopping next to a huge maple tree and leaning his arm to its trunk for support. It was wet from the mist that gathered during the night and cold from the decreasing temperature. A lone caw of a bird startled Jackson as he examined the grounds, disappointment sinking in when he didn’t see anyone, the bird’s call ghostly and sad, reminding Jackson that winter was knocking on their door and it wouldn’t take long for it to snow. He could already smell it in the air.

A flap of wings, the tree branches rustling higher up nervously when the lone crow sprang up from its hiding place as Jackson stepped closer to the place the swings usually were. He had been so sure Youngjae would be here, but it seemed he had been wrong. There was no one here.

He felt cold, the sweat drying on his skin making him feel uncomfortable. Jackson spun around, hands going up to his hair to thread the moist locks in obvious despair; he would have no other choice but to call for help. He would have to admit he had made a terrible mistake and now Youngjae would have to be found by professionals and Mark.. Mark would have to be notified, Youngjae was his child anyway.

Something caught Jackson’s eye and he stopped spinning around, heart jumping to his throat. Could it be? Was he seeing things? He hurried towards the treeline on the opposite side he had entered the grounds.

And there he was, his small frame curled up in a sitting position next to a big oak tree, all alone and shivering.

“Youngjae?” Jackson called softly, walking carefully closer. There was no response so Jackson knelt next to the boy who was hiding his face to his arms, hugging his knees to his body. “Hey.. What’s wrong?” 

He got no answer so he sat down too, trying to ignore the cold ground under him. “You know I got really worried when you left without telling me.”

“Why..” A small whisper, said with obvious tears swallowed down. Jackson’s heart was aching.

“Because I care about you and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. Your dad left you with me because he knows I care about as much as I care about Bambam.”

“Why did Daddy leave me? Is he ever coming back?” Youngjae was still talking into his arms so Jackson had to strain his ears to hear what the boy was saying.

“Of course he is coming back. In three days your daddy will be back home and things will be just like they were before he left.” Jackson tried frantically find the right words, though he was just relieved he had found Youngjae seemingly unharmed. “Why did you run out all by yourself?” He tried to keep his voice soft and gentle, afraid he would hurt Youngjae even more by asking something that would make him cry again; there were tear stains on Youngjae’s cheeks.

“I’m all alone.” The answer was so tiny, and so huge, and it dropped a ton of sadness and compassion and helplessness on top Jackson, all at once.

“You’re not alone. You have me and Bambam, and then there’s Yugyeom and Jinyoung and Jaebum too.” 

“But you’re not my Daddy..”

“No. I’m not. But,” Jackson tried to peer at Youngjae’s face. “I really want you to know we are your family too.” Jackson was as serious as he could be, though he was trying to figure out why did these circumstances go sometimes a bit backwards at their household; Youngjae for example had been so accepting from the beginning about Jackson dating Mark, and now all of a sudden had turned the whole situation upside down. Then again who knew how these things worked for children. Maybe Youngjae just had gotten scared with Mark being gone all week.

“I just want my Daddy to be home.” Youngjae sniffed but he finally looked up. Jackson smiled a small wistful smile at the boy, reaching out to stroke his hair.

“He’ll be home soon, I promise you that.” Jackson was starting to feel the cold and unpleasantly moist ground seeping through his clothes and he shivered against his will. “Do you think you could trust me on this?”

Youngjae measured Jackson with that grave face only children can manage to portray, and Jackson had to bite down a nervous laughter because that’s what that expression made him feel; nervous.

“I guess so.” It was a small victory, but it was enough.

“That’s,” Jackson choked. “That’s good. Let’s go home now.”

Jackson scrambled up, waiting for Youngjae to do the same. They walked out of the playground silently, two shadows in the morning mist moving like ghostly figures for someone who could have been watching them from further away. 

Halfway home Youngjae took Jackson’s hand, holding onto him tightly and Jackson thought he would start crying soon, the gesture so pure and innocent and yet it meant so much it was impossible to put it into words.

Maybe things would be good again, or even better. At least Jackson hoped so, because this little boy sniffling and holding Jackson’s hand was so  _ so _ precious to him he had no words left for it anymore.

~

Jackson was trying his best to keep everything in control, but he wasn’t very good at it because he was so excited himself and who cared if things got messy tonight? He was in the mood for some serious Christmas decorating with Bambam and Youngjae and that was just the thing they would do, as messy and chaotic as it would be.

He was  thankful that the horrible moments from the day before were now blissfully behind them and Youngjae seemed to be his normal happy and sunny self, running around with decorations in his hands and around his his neck, sparkling like a little fairy after doing some glittery greeting cards earlier today by the kitchen table. When Bambam and Youngjae started singing singing carols and being goofy together, Jackson dug out his phone and recorded the whole thing. It was way too precious not to be recorded, and he would get a kick out of teasing the life out of Bambam when he was older by showing the videos around to his friend, or girlfriends. Anything to pay back the times Jackson had wanted to sink under the ground when Bam had thrown a fit in the middle of a mall or a grocery store just for sake of doing so.

Jackson laughed at the video of Youngjae singing to his heart content and Bambam mimicking him, making fun of his friend by singing off key and doing weird exaggerated faces all the time. He sent the video to Mark, hoping it would brighten Mark’s mood a little since the last time Jackson had heard of him Mark had looked generally exhausted, which made Jackson worry. He just wanted Mark to come home as soon as possible so he could smother Mark with affection and poorly made food to cheer him up. Though if Mark would get sick he might opt to stay over the holidays at his parents’ which wasn’t such a promising idea for Jackson, but then again he knew Mark loved his parents very much and wanted to be with them more. Knowing that still didn’t remove the fact that Jackson was here and Mark there and Youngjae was missing his father and Mark would do probably anything for his son. So.. Exhausted, sick or not, Mark was coming home.

Jackson sighed, his thoughts running in useless happy circles and he put his phone away, giving up on waiting Mark to answer him, guessing he was either busy or sleeping.

“Who wants to put on the star!” Jackson jumped up, holding up the glimmering gold star that would go on top of their tree.

“ME!” Both boys shouted at the same time and Jackson burst out laughing.

“I can’t lift you both!” Jackson was pretending to weigh his options, looking from one boy to the other as if to decide which would be the one given the highest honour of placing the sparkling star on top of their fake Christmas tree. Jackson had opted not to get a real one because it was such a damn hassle and he seriously didn’t want to deal with the needles shedding everywhere. “Rock, paper, scissors. How about we do that?”

Youngjae groaned and Bambam sighed. 

“I always lose!” Youngjae moaned pitifully and slumped down onto the couch. He looked like a forgotten and sad Christmas ornament.

“How about you don’t play and you both get to put the star up together?”

Jackson froze. Bambam turned on his heels and his eyes were wide with surprise. Youngjae sprang up from the couch and like the Flash he ran up to-

“DADDY!”

“Mark?!”

“Surprise?” Mark hugged Youngjae tightly, still wearing his coat and shoes, eyes crinkled and twinkling that happy twinkle that made Jackson’s insides squirm excitedly. And his smile.. Oh, that smile. Jackson was already walking towards Mark, and he didn’t give a damn about Youngjae being there in Mark’s arms and just leaned in to give Mark a soft kiss on the lips. Mark tilted his head, answering the kiss though he was still smiling and Jackson could have squealed with happiness.

“You’re home.” Jackson whispered, closing his eyes and rubbing his nose affectionately against Mark’s nose.

“I’m home.” Mark replied softly, the words almost inaudible but Jackson heard them anyway. Christmas came early this year for him, apparently.

“EWW! Appa, you’re being gross! Don’t smooch my Daddy!” Youngjae swatted Jackson in the head with the fluffy bright red garland he had earlier been playing with. 

Mark just burst out laughing.

 

After the decorating was done, the mess somewhat cleaned, the dinner eaten and Mark had unpacked his luggage, the boys were soundly asleep, though not without a fight, it was time for Jackson and Mark to really greet each other. It was something that wasn’t suited for the eyes of the children, and they had closed the bedroom door to keep the noises as muted as possible. It didn’t however remove the fact they were still talking in between exchanging kisses that lasted from mere seconds to minutes.

“God,” Jackson breathed against Mark’s hair while Mark was kissing his way down Jackson’s neck, peppering the skin with warm little kisses that made the hair at the back of Jackson’s neck stand up. “I missed you too much. Is it healthy to miss you so much? I think there might be something wrong with me because it’s not really ok to pine so much, is it? I mean it’s kind of fun but it hurts too, you know? You weren’t gone  _ that _ long and I sti-”

Mark cut Jackson’s blabbering by kissing him on the lips.

“It’s ok. I missed you too.”  _ That voice! _ Jackson was almost keeling, his cheeks burning. Mark could keep on talking to him sweet nothing’s all night long and Jackson would be 100% content with that alone. He didn’t  _ need _ more but hey, he wouldn’t say no if more would be offered. He almost giggled at his thoughts.

“What’s so funny?” Mark mused, pulling the hem of Jackson’s shirt up, hands sliding under to touch the naked skin. Jackson wiggled a little, feeling ticklish when the shirt was being removed completely and Mark’s hands returned to his skin.

“Mm, nothing much.” Jackson hummed, his toes curling when Mark slid his long, oh so beautiful, fingers up Jackson’s both arms, reaching his shoulders.

“Is that so.” Mark smirked, and Jackson had no time to react when he was already thrown backwards onto the bed and Mark was climbing on top of him, straddling his hips. “How about I tickle you until you tell me the truth?”

“Yah!” Jackson squirmed, his hands taking a tight hold of Mark’s knees, trying to push him away. Well, kind of tried. He didn’t  _ really _ want Mark off of him.

“Well?” Mark’s hands were hovering over Jackson’s sides, fingers wiggling dangerously close to him and he was certain he could already feel them. 

“It was nothing! I just thought I could just listen to your voice all night long and be totally happy with that but I wouldn’t say no to having sex or anything else, you know..” Jackson flushed a little, his neck warmer than the rest of his body, excluding his groins where the heat was gathering under Mark sitting over him.

“I almost forgot that you like my voice so much.” Mark quirked a brow up, a mischievous glint making him look almost dangerous. Mark’s perfect lips curled up into a smile that made Jackson’s stomach twist pleasantly again. “Maybe I should talk even more than I usually do. Maybe I should start describing in detail how it feels to be inside you and make you writhe with pleasure. Would that make the experience more intense for you?”

“Don’t you dare start whispering more dirty things in my ear!” Jackson giggled. “You  _ know _ what it does to me so drop it.”

“And what would you do if I didn’t drop it?” Mark placed his hands on Jackson’s chest, bending over his torso and hovering over his face almost close enough for them to kiss. 

“Maybe I would fuck you instead,”  Jackson bucked his hips up, grinding against Mark hard. “And tell  _ you _ how it feels to be inside  _ you! _ ”

Mark hummed in response, his eyes crinkling as he leaned ever further down, smiling that wicked toothy smile that made Jackson think of all kinds of dirty things etched on his perfect mouth.

“Maybe. But not tonight,” Mark licked his lips quickly, glancing down at Jackson’s mouth. “I want you breathing my name while I fuck you so deep you’re going to see stars.”

Jackson wasn’t really complaining and he just answered Mark’s grin with a wide, expecting grin of his own, the warmth spreading from his stomach all over his body. He’d been withholding himself all week, which was an accomplishment by itself, so now that Mark was here, and ready to make Jackson throb with pleasure until he exploded, it didn’t take much for him to get aroused. And Mark was pretty damn sexy in his loose t-shirt and sweatpants. Fine, in Jackson’s opinion Mark looked like million bucks in everything; the man could probably make a plastic spoon look like it was high fashion.

A surge of electricity went through him when Mark  _ finally _ reached down and kissed Jackson, prying his lips open and reaching deep with his tongue. Jackson’s arms went up and around Mark’s shoulders the moment their lips touched and he pulled Mark down and against himself, wanting their bodies to melt together. He’d missed Mark and his touch so much it really did hurt, but all was well now and Mark was here and kissing the living daylight out of him, biting and gnawing at Jackson’s lips, sucking his tongue like a popsicle, hands roaming greedily down his bare skin and hips grinding down against Jackson. Soft waves of pleasure washed over him, made him roll his hips up and against Mark’s ass. He loved this part so much, loved it when they were just grinding and getting sweaty and heated, loved it so much when the pleasure was heightening, getting higher and higher until it was so uncontrollable they would just tear off their clothes and give into their carnal desires. And when their clothes would be shed and they were lying on the bed naked and wanting, cocks hard and hot for the touch, that was the moment when they would always by some miracle feel a little bashful, like it was still new and fresh to see each other so bare, so vulnerable without anything covering them.

In Jackson’s eyes Mark’s body was beautiful; it was lean and thin but Mark had eaten well lately, had slept better and he looked healthy, like he wasn’t stressing and not sleeping and worrying all the time. His skin was getting paler again after the summer, but it was still beckoning, always calling Jackson to kiss it, to caress it and claim it his. Mark always smelled like heady desire, like something spicy he had again eaten and yet of something sweet, something that made Jackson lick his lips and then lick the length of Mark’s beautiful neck that arched to the side when Jackson pressed his lips against it, giving him more space to bite the tender skin, leave faint teeth marks in his wake.

He only wished he was as desirable in Mark’s eyes as Mark was in his.

“Ah..  _ Jacks,” _ Mark detached his lips from a particularly wet and hot kiss that included a lot of tongue going deep, and soft, swollen lips smearing saliva all over the plush surfaces. “That feels so good.” The pleased moan made Jackson grin, and he thrust his hips up with force again and was met with a countering roll of Mark’s hips down against him, the friction obviously doing something very delicious to Mark because he sat up all of sudden, bringing his both hands to his face, eyes almost closed. Jackson watched mesmerized as the slender fingers traced down Mark’s features, over his parted and plush pink lips, forefingers dipping into his mouth. Jackson swallowed hard.

There was something incredibly alluring about Mark tonight, it was like Jackson couldn’t move his eyes anywhere else, like they were glued on Mark and on the way he was moving on Jackson, rising and falling in rhythm with Jackson’s steadily moving hips. 

“Mark,” Jackson whispered through tender lips, his voice hoarse and rough, dripping with lust. “Take that shirt off.”

Mark didn’t reply with words, just started to undress himself. But of course he made it his business to remove the garment slowly, tormenting Jackson by allowing his skin to be revealed inch by inch until Jackson would get frustrated and jump in and remove the piece of fabric himself. But Jackson bit down on his lip, enjoying the view fully, and only his nails scraping over Mark’s sweatpants revealed his desire, raking the fabric like he wished he had long talons to break the pants, tear them apart so he could get his hands on the prize inside.

“Missed this?” Mark asked quietly, lifting the shirt off and over his head, dropping it onto the floor. Jackson’s eyes roamed over the smooth skin, hungry to see everything at once. He’d seen it many times before but he never got bored at looking. The dip between Mark’s abs, how the natural v-line of his hips disappeared into his pants, how smooth his chest was and how protruding but fantastic his collarbones were, just waiting for Jackson to get closer so he could lavish them too with love.

“Oh  _ yes.” _ Jackson couldn’t really say anything else; he was quite sure his appreciation was written all over his face already. 

“Good.” Mark’s lips were so pink and ready to be kissed again but Jackson couldn’t tear his eyes away from Mark’s eyes. He was so captivated he didn’t even register their position was about to change until Mark had climbed off of him and instead now sat between Jackson’s legs, hands playing with the waistband of the loose light gray sweatpants Jackson was wearing. He kind of wanted to giggle, just because he was so excited and riding high on the arousal that made him shiver whenever any part of him was being touched.  _ Gods _ , Mark was so beautiful. It was kind of unfair that one person had that much good looks blessed upon him, not to mention he was a decent human being too, but then again just,  _ wow. _ Jackson marveled at the fact that he could reach up and  _ touch _ that incredible body, feel it near him, pressing against him, sweaty, warm, wanting, desiring.. 

“Let’s get you out of these.” Mark’s voice was barely a whisper, their need to keep their voices down forever there because of the kids in the house. Jackson’s stomach lurched down when Mark’s fingers hooked under the waistband and began to pull the garments down.

Once Jackson was fully naked and his pants were discarded somewhere on the bed, or perhaps they fell on the floor after Mark threw them from his hands rather carelessly, Mark shimmied out of his own pants. Jackson noted that Mark had not put on any underwear after he’d taken a shower and it made him bite his lip a bit too hard. Damn that was hot. But there they were finally, Mark kneeling between Jackson’s thighs, bending over his body to kiss him again, and Jackson was reaching up, fingers traveling along Mark’s spine almost tenderly and not like he was horny as a teenager dealing with hormonal hell.

“You think you need much stretching?” Mark asked, pulling Jackson's bottom lip with his teeth and lowering his hips enough for their erections to brush together. They both shuddered, the sensation so intense. 

“It hasn't been that long since the last time so probably not.” Jackson breathed out, fingers curling into Mark's hair while Mark was sinking his teeth on Jackson's throat. He wanted to say something like ‘we just had sex last week but it feels like it's been half a year’, but didn't dare in fear of sounding too clingy or cringey. Mark however had no trouble uttering stuff like that.

“Feels longer.” Mark mumbled and Jackson's heart nearly burst from happiness. He wasn't alone in thinking like that; Mark had actually missed him as much as Jackson had missed Mark. 

What a wonderful realisation. He couldn’t fight the happy laughter bubbling up.

“Shut up Mark and just do me already.” Jackson cupped Mark’s head with both hands, though the gesture was tender, leveling their faces and then kissing those lips that never seemed to stop smiling whenever they were together.

“Gladly.”

 

“Jeezz, motherff-  _ Oh FUCK.”  _ Jackson could hardly keep his moans quiet but he had a good reason to be a bit on the louder side tonight. Mark was giving him the blowjob of the century while thrusting two fingers inside him and he had just hit Jackson's prostate and  _ oh god _ it felt so good his toes were curling and he was holding on tight with one hand on the bed sheets and with one on Mark's hair. Lucky Mark never complained about the rough handling, or otherwise Jackson would have been mortified he had caused pain to someone he loved so dearly.

Jackson let out a whine when Mark pulled his mouth away, the cock falling down to rest over Jackson's abdomen heavy and slick, hot against his own skin.

“Turn on your stomach and get on your knees.”

The thrust inside was almost impossibly slow and it left Jackson quivering with pleasure. It really felt like it had been longer since their last time, so now the sensation of being connected was so intense it sent Jackson straight to heaven the moment Mark was buried to the hilt inside him and everything was hot and burning and throbbing and he wanted more. He wanted to say all those dirty things you heard the actors repeating with overly excited voices in porn movies, which weren’t really true but still could make you horny, things like  _ Oh god yes fuck me,  _ or  _ You feel so fucking good ah yes do that again harder, ah ah ah harder MmmmYESS! _ . Lucky perhaps for him that he didn’t open his mouth for anything else but to breath shallow small breaths while he waited for Mark to start moving.

And when Mark did.. It was like small fireworks exploding inside Jackson’s stomach and he pushed back, the smack of his ass against Mark’s groin, and the sound of Mark’s withheld grunts of pleasure and his hands gripping Jackson’s hips, it was all so fucking perfect Jackson was about to sprout wings and fly. All he could do was to keep his eyes closed tight, his cheek against the blanket and mouth open because he couldn’t stop himself from making those little indecent sounds that seemed to fuel Mark even more, the pace of his movements changing from sharp jabs that made Jackson see stars to slow deep thrusts causing Jackson’s stomach to coil and curl and the pleasure was going higher with each push. It was pure delirium to feel the tip of the stiff cock brush against his prostate, making him shiver and his legs almost giving up holding his ass up because the pleasure was so continuous and making him soft and yet so tense at the same time.

He could feel the warmth gathering and he wanted to savour the moment, wanted this to last longer, to succumb to absolute rapture that would make him cry against the mattress with such pleasure when it would finally be released. He wanted Mark to prevent him from climaxing, to prolong the moment until it would almost hurt. 

“Almost.. Jacks..  _ Aw fuck.” _ Mark hissed, his hands so tight on Jackson there surely would be red marks later for them both to see; Jackson admiring them and Mark being sorry, like he always was when he managed to leave involuntary marks on Jackson during sex. 

Jackson shuddered when Mark suddenly stopped and pulled out.

“Wh-Why did you-?” Jackson gasped, flopping down onto the bed, glancing at Mark who was red faced and sweaty, shaking like Jackson was.

“I want to face you.” 

Jackson didn’t need more reasons; he rolled on his back and spread his legs, welcoming Mark back to him. Mark bent over him, arms cradling Jackson again in a way that squeezed Jackson’s chest painfully but ever so sweetly. His mouth fell open and eyes fluttered half close when Mark pushed back in, the penetration easy with all the lube and stretching from before.

It was warm and wet and Mark’s skin was hot against him, his mouth seeking Jackson’s and pulling him into a kiss and while kissing him Mark began to roll his hips back and forth, finding that perfect rhythm that brought the climax closer once again. Jackson was holding onto Mark for his dear life; he was rocking his body to match Mark’s moves, most of the movement done without him really thinking about it at all, his thoughts focusing on the burning sensation gathering and slithering towards the pit of his stomach, coiling and searching a way out, relentlessly reaching the goal and-

“Oh god, Mark..  _ Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” _ Jackson’s hoarse whisper was what Mark was probably waiting for and his pace got faster, harder, like he wanted to break Jackson by wrecking him with the orgasm that was  _ right there _ .

It was white light and sparkles, it was like a  _ BOOM _ and then it was over, the ecstasy peaking for the final few moments before Mark reached his climax and came with a strangled groan, the pleasure tuning down to a throb, highlighted with the pulsating cock still inside him.

There was that satisfied silence, both breathing hard, gathering their thoughts after the exertion. Mark finally made a move to pull out, but Jackson held him in one place, arms secure around Mark’s shoulders and back.

“Don’t go yet,” Jackson whispered, his lips unbelievably tingly and probably red and raw. “Let’s stay like this for a while.” And Mark smiled at him, nudging his nose with his own. It didn’t matter they were sweaty and covered in different fluids; it was all unimportant right now.

“I missed you too.” Was Mark’s reply, like he knew what Jackson had been chasing after with his unusual request, and he held Jackson close, face bowed down next to Jackson’s ear and everything felt so peaceful and right.

~

The mall was packed and Mark couldn’t for the life of him really figure out why he was sitting there in the midst of hundreds of strangers, sweating his ass off because warm winter clothes did not agree with shopping mall temperatures.

“I don’t know how long will any of them go on believing in Sata-” Jaebum coughed and smirked when Mark jabbed him hard to his side to shut him up, the little ‘accident’ causing Mark to giggle, but he managed to keep himself relatively calm, and not cause a scene that would make their respective sons, plus one boyfriend, feel like Mark and Jaebum were the most embarrassing things ever. 

“Shh!” Mark grinned, trying his hardest to suppress his laughter. He had no real objections for Jaebum to make funny remarks but they  _ were _ in public and some people around them were already looking at them funny. Then again they got stared at anyway so one or two more glances at their direction didn’t really mean much. But still.

“Fine,” Jaebum chuckled darkly.  _ “Santa,  _ if it’s so important to be so specific. Basically they are the same thing, don’t you think?”

“Why?” Mark just crossed his arms to his chest, his laughter tuning down and leaving him only smiling. He kept ignoring the dazed looks he and Jaebum were getting; it was nothing new and he knew they were a sight to see in the middle of all the mommies with their children. Two good looking fathers? Yes, Mark was very well aware how much attention they gathered just by sitting there and waving at the boys and Jackson every now and then.

“Just think about it; the whole basis of satanism for example is being selfish pricks, right?” Mark nodded, amused beyond anything. “So, of course this brings us to the conclusion that even without the obvious anagram of Santa/Satan the whole things is highly suspicious. Both myths describe them as red and fire loving, naughty list keeping and flying idols that children, or a lot bigger children, love because they are won to their side by bribery.” Jaebum had obviously given some thought to this and Mark, though he really wanted to say it was utter bullshit, thought there was something that rang true. “And then, by some miracle if your kid is turning eight and still believes in the goodness of St. Nick, some douchey kid comes and ruins it for the innocent party, and after that the whole things blows up on the unexpecting parents face, because Santa isn’t suddenly real and the kids world will crumble.” Jaebum grimaced.

“Speaking from experience, are we?” Mark mused, leaning back in his chair and eyeing the slithering line of children in varying ages lining up to sit on the Santa’s lap and to tell him the secret wish list they had for this Christmas.

“No.” Jaebum denied immediately though it sounded more like a pout, which was one the most adorable thing Mark had seen today ever since he’d witnessed Jackson squealing at seeing Santa Claus sitting in his chair and rushing to stand in line with the three boys, like he was a kid as well. “Maybe. Yes. A little.” Mark stifled yet another giggle. “But anyway the whole point of Christmas has turned into selfish materialism and commercialism, and if that’s good in someone’s opinion they can go rot in hell. I’m so done with this whole burn-your-money-on-useless-shit-fest.”

“You know you don’t have to take part in it?” Mark mused. “But I do agree with you that it’s too materialistic these days. It's like your happiness depends on the amount of ornaments or whatever. Though it differs from country to country.” Mark chewed on his lip, not even noticing the silent yearning sigh his facial expressions alone caused in the surrounding, and observing, female population.

Jaebum nodded his agreement, the conversation dying and they sat there in silence, dwelling in their own thoughts and watching how the line of children laughed and babbled together, anticipation shining on their bright faces. Mark's eyes kept going back to Jackson and the kids; he loved watching Jackson interacting with them because he looked so carefree and happy, like nothing bad had ever happened to him. It made him feel warm and content, some random emotion tugging his heartstrings while he observed the four giggling around in the line.

If Mark was being honest he didn't care much for the materialistic side of Christmas but he couldn't deny he enjoyed giving out things to those he loved. It pained him a little that he had nothing to give to Jackson this year, but maybe he should instead give Jackson a long massage and cook them something delicious. Or get a barrel full of fried chicken and a huge cake and save himself the trouble of going to the grocery store during rush hour to find all the ingredients. Yeah, the latter unexpectedly was more appealing option to him.

“It's their turn now.” Jaebum said, eyes fixed on Yugyeom climbing awkwardly on the mall Santa’s lap and then whispering something in the big fella’s ear. 

Mark watched how Bambam did the same, the boy somehow diminishing a little next to a such an enormous person. Then Youngjae did the same, and Mark felt a pang in his heart; he knew Youngjae didn’t really believe in things like Santa Claus or Christmas elves, but he liked to play along just to amuse everyone around him. The big revelation for Youngjae had happened a few years ago but the boy never made a big fuss about it and every Christmas it was the same happiness. Mark guessed that Youngjae thought somewhere deep inside him that if he announced that he didn’t believe in Santa anymore the people around him would stop gathering at Christmas together. It was a rather disheartening thought and Mark vowed himself that he would have to talk with Youngjae at some point to clear things up. But not right now;  Jackson had also taken the opportunity to whisper something in Santa’s ear and now the four were coming back and Mark forgot his worries the moment Youngjae insisted on climbing on his lap and Jackson sat next to him, slinging his arm casually around Mark’s shoulder.

Again Mark was aware of the soft  _ aww _ sound from the surrounding people watching the six of them. Yugyeom was hugging Jaebum’s leg and Bambam looked generally adorable with a lollipop sticking out of his mouth.

“How was it?” Jaebum nudged Yugyeom’s nose, smiling at the boy.

“Awesome! He said I’ve been super duper nice this year and I’ll get everything I want!” Yugyeom announced happily and Mark saw Jaebum wincing a little, but his smile never faltered.

“He smelled bad.” Bambam scrunched his nose.

“I just told him I want a mini elephant.” Jackson giggled and Mark snorted, shoving him to his side.  _ “OW!” _

“I said I want a baby sister.” Youngjae smiled widely. 

Mark’s heart nearly stopped and Jackson seemed to have frozen too.

“You, uh,” Mark coughed. “Want a sister?”

“Yep! You and Appa could make a baby so I can be the bestest big brother ever!”

Mark wanted to sink under the chair because Jaebum was silently laughing at him and people around them, those who had heard Youngjae, were either shocked or hiding their smiles.

“That,” Mark said almost desperately. “That’s nice. Maybe not this Christmas, ok? You.. You just stick to wishing for a puppy, or a pony, ok?”

Jackson was trembling with silent laughter and Mark just wanted to groan. Why did he have to live with three children instead of just two?

~

_ I can’t believe it’s the end of the year again. Unbelievable. I’ve been so busy with work and with Jackson and the kids I can’t even remember sometimes what month it is. And it’s alright. I don’t mind because every moment with the people I love is precious and I couldn’t feel more blessed. _

_ There is something that I have been feeling lately that makes me kind of nervous, a little anxious if you will. It’s just a fledgling feeling so I won’t say more of it now, but I know it’s there. It’s nothing bad, I hope, but it makes me a little apprehensive. Who knows, maybe it’ll change in time because now is certainly not the time to address it.  _

_ But I love my little family. Youngjae is.. He’s my sunshine even if he’s just an annoying kid and makes infuriated when asking too many impossible things, but it’s part of the whole raising kids process, right? Can’t stop loving him. My little baby otter (funny how much he sometimes looks like one). _

_ Happy holidays and may the new year bring us happiness. _

 

_ M _

 

_ HEY MARK. It’s Jackson! I stole your diary again.. I’m sorry, you can hit me if you want (not in the face tho, pls, people will think we’re fighting for real, and that’s not cool, right?) _

_ Just wanted to write down that you’re amazing and handsome and I love you so much I can’t sleep at night. I wish I could have given you something for Christmas but you said no presents so.. I didn’t get you anything but here are my sincere words written down for you: _

_ I Love You Mark Tuan. Please let me cherish you just the way you are until we’ll get old and the boys will have to take care of us. _

_ Thank you for coming home early. It was the best gift ever. (And the sex was amazing. Fyeah, baby can we have some more? I mean I’m all in for it like.. Right now? If I wake you up will you smack me and tell me to stop bothering you or will you just hug me close and then we can have more incredibly satisfying sex?) _

 

_ Yours with all my love, _

_ J _

 

_ Jackson. Stop stealing my diary. I’m going to whup your bottom if you do it again.  _

_ (I love you too, you stupid handsome git) _

_ M _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello~   
> Long time no see, but not as long as it took last time. Yay I'm improving!
> 
> How was your Christmas? Mine was pretty spectacular because I took off to Tokyo with seitsemannen and we saw GOT7 live two times, and by some incredible luck managed to get to the hi-touch too! It was a blur of happiness but definitely worth every single moment. Ah, my heart. I'm falling for them all over again. <3
> 
> Anyway, Happy New Year guys! It's 2018 in two days and I'll go back home and try to settle down in my new home and new city I moved to. It's dark and depressing time of the year but I'll manage somehow. I'll plan some new stuff for markson and JJP to deal with. :D
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm almost sorry I made Jackson worry so much. ^^; Almost.. Anyway, so happy you read all this way, so leave a comment for me here so I can squeak happily when I read them~
> 
> Lots and lots of love <3


	31. Sticks and stones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear me. It has been a while, hasn't it?  
> I AM SO SORRY. /bows  
> Life just interrupted me and I didn't feel like writing much. Battling with mental health is no joke. Nor is it easy to find balance in life in general.  
> I hope you like the chapter. Leave a comment and tell me when you're done! I've started the next chapter already and I think it will be shorter than this one (omg, 18k for this one alone? I must be mad as a hatter..) so it shouldn't take too long to finish.  
> I'll be graduating at the end of May and have lots to do before that, so who knows when the next chapter will be up.. But I will try to write when I can, now that I feel a lot less blocked, haha!
> 
> Enjoy the chapter ^^

When Mark woke up it was still dark. He squinted into the darkness and made a weak effort to shake off the stubbornly lingering sleep that wanted nothing more than to pull him back to soft, comfortable darkness so he could drift back to sleep. It was so tempting and too easy to give in; all he would have to do was to stop blinking, close his eyes and let it happen.

It was a good thing he knew he would be in trouble if he didn’t get up when he was supposed to, because even though Mark could feel how heavy his lids were and how desperately he wanted to sleep just five more minutes; he had barely slept for four hours and he was painfully aware of it now.

But the reason why he had slept so little was, he had forgotten about it while he was unconscious, that he had been on the phone with his father at a very late hour last night. It hadn’t been a very nice phone call, like they usually were, and now that Mark remembered the reason his father had called him in the middle of the night, it hit him in the guts like he had received a real punch in the stomach, painfully pushing all air out of him until he was left gasping for oxygen in the silence of the bedroom.

There was something wrong with his mother. Something that was still unidentified but alarming enough to cause the family to worry, and naturally Mark too.

The phone call had lasted almost two hours, and finally around two in the morning, when Mark had crawled next to Jackson who was sound asleep, he had been  too worried to sleep right away. Jackson had been snoring loudly, tossing and turning, mumbling in his sleep about pancakes, and Mark had in the end slipped into fitful sleep only around three.

So, it was no wonder he looked so harassed when he finally managed to drag his heavy feet to the bathroom to freshen up and get ready to meet the day. He tried his best, he really did, to steel himself up when staring at his gloomy looking self in the mirror, so he could go and wake the rest of his immediate family up.

The morning proceeded not so smoothly; first Bambam proved to be impossible to get up, then Youngjae whined and grumbled about everything, pretending he was two and how he simply _couldn’t_ dress himself up without Mark’s help. Then it turned out Jackson was running late because he hadn’t realized the staff meeting was today, and not tomorrow, so he needed to be at the school a lot earlier than usual. The cherry on top was Mark himself; he was irritated about everything because he was tired and his mind was everywhere else but on the morning tasks. He tried to push the crap aside from his mind but he failed miserably, and in the end he managed to insult Jackson by saying something rather rude to him about his unorganized way of getting out of the house. The face Jackson made was like a knife though Mark’s guts, and after the front door closed behind Jackson, Mark wanted nothing more than to rewind the whole morning and start again. Too bad time-turners didn’t actually exist.

Of course it was the sleep deprivation talking in his case, causing him to act the way he did, but all of that was just an excuse to make his behaviour less awful. He knew he had been stupid and no amount of self degrading would erase what had already taken place and the hurt on Jackson’s face haunted Mark all through the day.

And besides, it was normal that some days just weren’t always all peachy and happy, and that was fine, wasn’t it? It was normal to act like real human beings, humans who clashed from time to time because things really weren’t even supposed to go smoothly forever. Of course Mark knew he would have to tell Jackson why he had been so salty and irritable all morning, and probably share the biggest worry behind everything as well, not to mention he would definitely need to apologize. The thing was that if Mark now sent Jackson a message saying something that could be interpreted as _we need to talk,_ it would give exactly the wrong idea and that would be bad. Like Bad Bad. Mostly because Jackson had a tendency to blow things over and panic even when there was no need to. But the biggest reason why Mark didn’t want to send Jackson any kind of messages lay behind the fact that things were already a little strained between them.

It wasn’t anything big, at least it wasn’t big _yet,_ but Mark feared it would keep on growing bigger and bigger because neither of them seemed to have the ability to the step to correct things back to normal state. It was frustrating but things kept piling up and suddenly you realize you are neck deep in small issues that form a huge issue causing all kinds of things to crop up that in normal circumstances would just be seen as something insignificant.

Yes, Mark was still head over heels with Jackson, and as far as he knew Jackson was at least in love with him, but there just had been absolutely _no time_ to be alone together and _that_ was eating their relationship.

Basically it had been a snowball effect; first Youngjae had caught a cold the same week Jackson had told Mark he was going to be substituting for the gym teacher at his school three times a week, which would cause him come home later than usual, which equaled as Mark having to take care of more chores by himself after work. Then the next week Bambam fell sick, and of course it didn’t take long for Jackson to do the same.

In Jackson’s case falling ill was always worse, mostly because he didn’t want to admit he was sick and kept pushing himself to the point of exhaustion. This time Mark had eventually had to leave work early one day when the principal had called Mark, bless his accepting soul for not caring it was two guys dating, to pick Jackson up after he had fainted at lunch due to his fever and for not drinking enough fluids.

After three weeks, and a house full of runny noses and fever, and so many tissues everywhere, the cold had finally caught up with Mark. He ended up being bedridden with three fussy persons trying to cheer him up when all he really wanted was to sleep the illness away. Because they were all running on low battery, so to speak, small arguments kept rising, creating the strain between him and Jackson to get bigger the longer the situation kept going on.

So, considering all this, it was no wonder there was zero romance between Mark and Jackson right now, because who had time for such niceties, or proper conversations to clear things up, when everyone  near you were sick at the same time and the house was a mess and _someone_ needed to cook and do the laundry too.

 _Thank god for Jinyoung,_ Mark thought for the millionth time while driving to open up the shop after the disastrous morning.

To top the never ending list of things just happening, Mark had received a call from the kindergarten he had worked for a while when he and Youngjae had moved in, and they were calling him to ask if it was possible for him to come back two times a week. Mark had not yet given his answer because he would have to talk about it with Yoongi. They weren’t exactly rolling in money with Jackson, but they got by well enough for them to provide the children a good life.

And now the thing with his mother? It _really_ was a miracle Mark hadn’t cracked yet. But he suffered silently, mulling things over in his head while everyone was gone and he could be in peace, never feeling the need to talk about things to others, not when he could just as well figure it all out by himself.

Mark was almost cured from the cold now, just a mild but incredibly persistent cough kept bothering him, and the fact that he sounded like Sauron most of the time, which of course amused the kids to no end. Normally he would have just as well laughed about how funny he did sound, but right now he wasn’t in the mood for jokes. He knew for a fact nothing would change for a long time for him and Jackson, not in romance wise nor in stress wise. Jackson was as busy as ever at school with the two subjects he was now teaching, and Mark was constantly thinking his business and how to keep it running smoothly. Now to add on the never ending stress caused by work, he was worrying himself stupid because of his mother _and_ being indecisive whether or not he should take the job at the kindergarten. Just how far could he stretch himself?

And, to top the relationship crap they he was having with Jackson, the upcoming weekend would definitely put their relationship to a brutal test and heaven’s only knew what it would result into. Maybe World War III if it really went to hell.

The brutal test was of course their monthly babysitting for Jaebum and Jinyoung’s kids. From Friday afternoon till Sunday morning, it was going to be noisy, annoying and would require a lot of patience and if Mark was really honest, it was something he didn’t possess much at the moment.

He wasn’t against looking after the kids, hell no, and he loved his little goddaughters to the moon and back, but all Mark wanted to do was to catch up on his sleep and hopefully get rid of the remains of his cold. Of course the boys would not need much supervising since they were clearly getting really independent, but there would always be the occasional fights and stuff breaking, and that was the part that required the much needed patience. Mark almost wished he was still contagious, but he wasn’t, and the weekend would happen no matter what. Had he been sick at all Jinyoung would have never let his children to come over, but all Mark had left from the cold was the sneezing and his hoarse voice. He could sneeze a lot, like ten times in a row and that caused the Youngjae and Bambam to giggle like crazy if they happened to be around. Add to that his voice, which was like it was coming from the depths of Hell, and it was frigging circus in town.

Jackson had tried to minimize the chaos in his own way while Mark had been really down with the cold, but usually to no avail since Bambam and Youngjae had started to sing together while Youngjae was practicing his piano playing. The sound of them giggling and roaring with laughter was normally something Mark was glad to hear, but not when he was sick.

Mark missed Jackson the most when he was weak and grumpy and his authority didn’t get the boys to calm down. He wanted this bad phase to ease already so they could be normal again. He missed all the good things between them, all the small gestures and just being in the same room without being annoyed the other was there and breathing.

A caress here, a kiss there, hugging without haste, smiling when accidentally caught staring.. Those kind of things Mark was yearning for. Why was it so hard to find a moment to fix things? They still lived under the same roof, ate together, at least sometimes, with the boys and slept in the same bed. Amazing how easily exhaustion could nullify all small things that made life tolerable, and what you in the beginning found endearing about your partner now just annoyed you.

It wasn’t good and they both knew it; the situation would have to change, and fast. And knowing how Jackson could be, it might take a turn to the worse sooner than Mark could count to ten.

Sadly the relationship counseling and romance would have to wait until after the sleepover. Even _before_ the sleepover Mark had promised Youngjae to take him wherever he would want to go so there was absolutely no time to sit down and talk with Jackson.

However spending an afternoon with just him and Youngjae was cheering him up. There had been not enough father-son time either and it was eating Mark’s guts almost worse than the situation with Jackson did; Youngjae was, and would always be, number one in his heart. Of course time with Jackson was important, but Jackson would be taking Bambam to the movies, and maybe play at an arcade, while Mark was out with Youngjae. This had been their plan since Christmas but.. Things didn’t always go according to plan.

Mark was tapping his laptop keyboard absentmindedly with his fingertips, not really focusing on the email he was supposed to be writing. The shop was void of people as it was the quiet season, and it was still very early. Probably just close to 10am and not much more, though it felt like this particular morning had lasted already way too long. He sat behind the counter, not bothered by the lack of customers because he was exhausted anyway and customers always required a lot energy. And he would need all his strength and patience by Friday afternoon when the Suicide Squad kids would join forces.

If terrible trio wasn’t already enough to raise his blood pressure, then the fact that the twins would be staying as well was.

Mark loved Jia and Jiyoo like they were his own, but they were at the difficult age where anything could be either super duper fine or just the polar opposite. Not a very promising, nor was it the ideal thing for him and Jackson to handle, but they had promised Jaebum and Jinyoung to do this so they would. There was no way Mark could ever let Jinyoung, or Jaebum, down and he knew Jackson was the same. They both knew how much their friends needed the break.

Of course Jinyoung knew. He had sharp eyes and he could easily put two and two together, and Jackson had probably blabbed to him everything that was going on anyway, so he had asked if they were sure they were up for it. Naturally Jackson had loudly exclaimed Jinyoung needed to treat his man for a late birthday dinner in peace and that he and Mark could do deal with anything, and thus the matter had been solved. Though Jinyoung had been eyeing them both his eyes narrowed but in the end said nothing and had let the matter go.

It had become a kind of a monthly thing for them to have the three extra kids around, if the circumstances allowed, just to give their friends the chance to have some couple time together. It was the least they could do after all the things Jaebum and Jinyoung had done for them; picking the boys from school, taking them to the movies when Mark or Jackson weren’t available, allowed the duo to stay over at their place even when they had enough to handle with their own children.. Jaebum had even started to teach Bambam how to use the old cameras he had at home, and Jinyoung was encouraging Youngjae to keep on practicing singing. Needless to say Mark felt badly indebted to the two. And guilty for not being a better parent to his son and almost-step son.

Because the list of things Jaebum and Jinyoung had done for them wasn’t exactly a short one, Mark wasn’t going to utter a single negative word about this sleepover, or about the babysitting, because he wanted to do something for his friends for once. He was a grown up, he could do without sleep for a while. Sleep was for sissies anyway.

“These paints are _amazing_. Mark, have you tried these?” Yoongi came in from the front doors, cutting the comfortable silence Mark was wallowing in. Yoongi ruffled his ashen mop of a hair with one hand to brush off the snow that had gathered on top his head and shoulders; it had started to snow early in the morning and Mark was silently happy about it. If the snow didn’t melt it would mean the kids would want to be outside and that would leave him and Jackson free to focus on their goddaughters.“Joon is gonna flip when he gets his hands on these. The shades are amazing!” Yoongi raved on, smiling widely and stomping the rest of the snow off of his boots, shivering. “Fucking freezing out there.”

“Weren’t the colours precisely the reason why we made the contract with the guys?” Mark shrugged his shoulders, feeling all sluggish and not at all interested in the paints; he was more in the mood for curling on the leather couch in the back room. “And yeah, I tried them when I in L.A.. But I'm not good at doing graffiti so..” He made a noncommittal sound that could mean anything and Yoongi scoffed at him, removing his overcoat and tossing it over Mark’s laptop. Mostly because he was a douche and pain in the ass.

Mark kindly returned the friendly act by pushing the coat slowly but surely until it fell on the floor and was left there to rot for all he cared.

The things they did to annoy each other sometimes.

Mark pursed his lips, leaning his chin on his both hands, examining the new rows of shiny spray cans now decorating the right end wall of the shop. The contract had been a good discovery and he was happy they had managed to make a deal with the guys who were more than interested in expanding their sales overseas. It meant more profit for everyone, there was no doubt about it, but Mark wasn’t going to use the product itself; he enjoyed the results more than actually participating in making any himself. That he left gladly to people who actually knew what they were doing. Like for example to Namjoon who was insanely talented in almost any field of artistry he tried, but especially in painting and tattooing Namjoon’s skills were shining.

Actually they were so shiny and brilliant Mark felt sometimes like a walking painting with the huge picture forever inked into his skin. People were always so keen to see it when they caught the slightest glimpse of it, and for once Mark was proud to lift his shirt for others than Jackson. There was just one problem; having gotten his first tattoo he had, in due time, become painfully aware he was definitely itching for more.

Namjoon _had_ warned Mark about it, but Mark had only laughed about it, thinking how ridiculous idea it was that anyone would want _more_ after such a huge piece! Naturally it was nothing but a stupid idea, right?

Sadly, he was proven wrong the moment he realized he wanted more ink, wanted more art forever carved into his skin. And after all, his poor phoenix was feeling all alone on his back. It needed company! He could almost the phoenix whispering to his ear every night how lonely it was and how it would look even better if Mark would just book an appointment with Namjoon again. Preferably for something really big and neat.

Maybe his next tattoo should be sleeves, of half sleeves.. Something spectacular that would probably be way too much for a rookie like him, but he was an adult and no one should care what he looked like; it was more of an asset than anything if he was looking more edgier at work. And he was his own boss, so, absolutely no problem there. Free as bird, or something.

Jackson on the other hand though, he was a completely different thing. It was more his reaction Mark was wary of than anyone else judging his choices because if Mark would turn up home with his both arms even half inked with nice things Jackson was sure to flip.

Would it be in a good or a bad way, that Mark wasn’t so sure of and that made him hesitate to make the decision, but then again it was _his_ skin and not Jackson’s but Mark would have to live with Jackson if he would get horrified or anything of the sort about it.

Be it this or that way, Jackson _would_ flip.

He grinned at the thought, because upsetting Jackson in that way was kind of funny sometimes. Ok, so he wasn’t into making Jackson hurt for real, or ever wanted to upset him over serious matters, but new tattoos weren’t exactly something serious to get upset about. Of course Mark didn’t dream about even pranking Jackson right now, due to the situation between them, but maybe when things were good again.

And maybe he could finally try to convince Jackson to take something on himself as well. For some weird reason Jackson was _very_ adverse to the idea of having his skin mutilated for hours in a row, and imagining the cringe on Jackson’s face when he had been informing Mark that there was, to quote him, _no fucking way am I going to lie there and let Namjoon enjoy torturing me!!_ , just made Mark to chuckle. Maybe he was a bit of a sadist. Just a teensy bit. So what?

Mark looked up when he heard Yoongi snorting loudly.

“What?” Mark mumbled, not bothering to sit up and look at Yoongi properly in the face; why bother when he already knew what kind of face Yoongi was most likely making.

“You know you look quite disturbing when you're grinning like a madman all by yourself.” Yoongi drawled out like it was the most common thing to say and not insulting in any way. Though it wasn’t insulting to Mark, he had learned to filter the sarcasm a long time ago.

“So?” Mark snorted this time, turning his head a little.

“No, no, it's fine by me,” Yoongi informed Mark quite loftily and Mark scoffed silently at that. “I’m used to seeing you looking like a dork. But you know you _could_ stop thinking about your boyfriend for one goddamn minute while you’re working.”

“What does it matter how much I think about Jackson? I'm still doing my job, aren't I?”

“Barely, by the looks of you right now,” Yoongi snorted. “And you look a little insane if I’m honest. I'm just trying to prevent you from scaring the customers away.”

Mark finally straightened himself into a sitting position and looked around the empty shop. He raised his brows high, turning his head to finally look at Yoongi. “There's no one else here but you and me.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Minor details.” Yoongi scoffed, marching towards the back room, waving his hand dismissively at Mark. “Coffee?” He asked before disappearing from Mark’s peripheral view.

Mark just made a confirming sound he knew Yoongi most likely didn’t hear, and plopped back over the desk, not bothering to look efficient when there was no to witness him being a spineless worm, save for Yoongi who had vanished from sight, mumbling something like _Idiot_ and _I'd rather be kicked in the nuts than look like a lovesick fool around the clock_. Mark only rolled his eyes at the silent grumbling.

So what if he had a stupid smile on his face when was thinking about Jackson? It was a good thing he still did smile because of Jackson, even despite the current slump in their relationship, wasn't it?

Mark pursed his lips and stared at the empty shop with vacant eyes. He was allowed, wasn't he? Even with the small tension it wasn’t like Mark wanted to separate himself from Jackson. There was no doubt that he was smitten and in love, and whatever else, with that loud goofy idiot waiting for him at home. And besides, Yoongi was even worse than Mark was; his face got all dreamy when Jimin was mentioned. Yoongi had also walked into a wall more than once, which was a sure sign his dear spouse had once again proved his mouth was good for more than just talking and singing. So yeah, Mark definitely was allowed to _smile._ He at least didn't go around smashing into walls after being blown. Not that he would mind being blown. He would have _loved_ a good blowjob but, no such luck.

It really was due time for him and Jackson to have some couples time as well, and not just their dear friends. Jaebum and Jinyoung wouldn’t say no if Mark asked for such a favour. Or maybe Jackson would be better to ask since no one could resist those huge brown puppy eyes when Jackson was really trying to get his way. Mark knew from personal experience he was no more immune to it than anyone else. Even Jaebum was weak when Jackson did his little trick and gave into whatever Jackson was pleading for,

“So, how is that hyperactive puppy of yours doing?” Yoongi nudged a red and badly chipped coffee mug closer to Mark when he returned five minutes later.

The mug in question made Mark smile. Yoongi had given it to Mark as a present years ago; there was a stupid picture of the two of them as teenagers, all covered in mud, printed on it and Mark absolutely loved the it. He refused to let go of it not matter how many times Yoongi had threatened to ‘accidentally’ drop it on the floor because it was so embarrassing in his opinion.

The picture on the mug was one of the several pictures Mark's mother had taken after Mark and Yoongi had gotten into a furious fist fight at their backyard. They had slipped and tumbled down in the middle of the fight on the muddy grass, which had naturally resulted them in rolling on the ground, kicking and shoving at each other, and finally the fight had been settled when they had started to laugh together about the stupidity of it. Nothing serious came out of the fight, and for the life of him Mark didn’t even remember what they had been fighting about, a couple of purplish bruises here and there and extremely muddy clothes which they had had to wash themselves because Mark’s mother had been laughing so hard and telling them to do the cleaning all by themselves.

Oh, the good old days, Mark mused silently, lifting the cup to his lips.

“Fine I guess. Haven't heard him complaining much about anything.” Mark fell quiet for a while, weighing his thoughts; was it worth to mention anything? He decided that it was, but only because it was Yoongi who he was talking to. “Been squabbling since the New Years. It’s getting a bit much but there’s no time to deal with the shit for now.”

“Make time then. You know it will just get worse if you don’t deal with it.” Yoongi shrugged, knowing quite well the way Mark and Jackson’s relationship worked on regular basis. “How's the family?” Mark's mind went darker at that. He had nearly forgotten. “Ok,” Yoongi squinted at Mark, leaning forward on his chair. “What's wrong? You look like you just ate something rotten.”

“It's mom,” Mark rubbed the bridge of his nose wearily. “She slipped in kitchen and broke her wrist. Was talking with dad late last night how they should probably move to some more convenient house since the current one is getting difficult for both of them.” He heard Yoongi making a sympathetic sound. “And now the doctors are worried because there’s _something_ that tweaks the tests and how she is so exhausted all the time, like she’s not really there even though she is.”

“Have they any idea what it might be? You know it could be something really simple and nothing to worry about.” Mark could understand why Yoongi was so receptive to this subject. He was like a kid to Mark's parents anyway, considering how much he had hung around in their home since their childhood. For all Mark knew his parents still called Yoongi every now and then to keep in touch.

“There’s more tests scheduled for tomorrow and who knows how long it takes for them to call. If it's anything serious immediately, I would imagine.”

“I'm sure it's nothing bad,” Yoongi mumbled, his brows furrowed. “She's a tough gal, she's gonna kick its ass, whatever it is.”

Mark was grateful of the words, but he knew it wasn't that simple. It never was. It was a 50-50 chance there was nothing to worry about and the doctors were just seeing things and liked to bill the patients. But what if it wasn’t? What if it was something serious? What would he do then? He should go back to his parents because they would need him.

He didn't even want to think about the possibility of losing a parent, the whole thought made him sick to his stomach, but he knew he was being stubborn in that sense, because there would be a day when time would run out on everyone. No one could escape that destiny. Not even his parents. But for it to happen out of the blue? No, that was not what Mark wanted to anyone. Death wasn’t supposed to be violent or agonizing. Mark wanted his parents to have a beautiful end, even if thinking about it was painful.

“Thanks,” Mark sighed, exhaling the somber thoughts out slowly. He shook his head, directing his mind to something less glum and depressing. “How's Jimin? Haven't seen him in a while.”

“Oh,” This time it was Yoongi who sighed and slumped on his chair. “Busy with his final report, making a mess with the renovating, heaven forbid why did I even agree on doing it by ourselves, and being the same clumsy menace as he always is. Adorable, but sometimes gets on my nerves. Nothing new.”

“He’s clumsy alrigh-,” Mark snorted but then stopped. “Wait, what renovating?”

“Ah.. that. Well, um,” Yoongi looked suddenly incredibly sheepish and a slow grin spread over his face. “The lil’ punk is gonna be arriving next month.”

_“What!”_

“Pretty sure I told you.” Yoongi was smiling like he was just repeating the weather forecast and not the big news Mark had been waiting to hear since the moment Yoongi told him they had filed for adoption with Jimin.

“Like hell you did! Ugh, Yoongi I can't believe you didn't tell me earlier! How long have you guys known?” Mark was torn between feeling offended and exuberant.

“Since October.”

To this Mark had nothing to say, he just stared at Yoongi in utter disbelief. He groaned and slumped back on his chair, nursing the coffee mug between his hands. “Really.” He finally grunted, rolling his eyes.

“Must have slipped my mind.” Yoongi smirked against his coffee cup.

“Well, congratulations then. Is it a boy or a girl?”

“It's a boy.” Yoongi suddenly cracked such a wide smile Mark thought the poor man would split in two at any moment now. It was the infectious kind of smile that makes the observer smile in return. And he seriously never got bored seeing Yoongi so utterly happy, because sometimes his dear idiot friend had trouble letting his emotions come through.

It would get a lot more interesting in near future, that he was sure of, but he would be there to lend Yoongi a listening ear when the sleepless nights would take their toll on the new parents. Just like the idiot had been there for him when Youngjae was born and Mark had been a nervous wreck. Give and take, that’s what it was.

~

“So, where would you like to go today?” Mark clicked his seat belt on, waiting for both Youngjae’s answer and the boy to buckle up as well. Youngjae didn’t even hesitate, nor did he need to be told to do it, he without thinking pulled the seat belt on while his mouth was pursed, his face focused on weighing his options. Such a sweet sight, really.

“I thought about this real hard, Dad. I really wanna go to play games, but you would just beat me in everything so I don’t want to.” Mark’s face felt slightly hot but he didn’t manage to say anything when Youngjae was already continuing. “Karaoke would be _awesome_ , but Daddy can’t start singing because you sound like you ate a chainsaw. It’s not good for you!” Youngjae looked so serious and worried Mark was a little taken aback by the concern.

“Where did you learn that?” Mark smiled and started the engine, the radio suddenly on and filling the car with the happy notes of some children’s cd someone had left in there. Probably Mark himself since he didn’t even notice anymore what was playing while he was driving; sometimes he noticed he had been happily humming all the way to work to some inane album about something that was more suitable for kids rather than the parents to sing along to.

“Ms.Park, my music teacher said it’s not good to sing if you have been sick. It makes your throat even badder, or something. I can’t remember..” Youngjae shuffled on his seat, pulling on the belt now resting over his chest.

“Your teacher is right. So, no arcades or karaoke. We can do those some other time.”

“Yeah! Let’s take Bammie and Yuggie and Appa too! It will be so cool with them!” Youngjae’s face lit up. “Then we could go eat like all you can eat buffet and it would be so awesome to roll out of there like we’d be big balls.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Mark chuckled. “So, where to now?”

“Can we go do laser tag? Other kids in my class are talking about it all the time and I _really_ wanna go!”

“Laser tag, huh?” Mark mused, wondering if he could do such an active sport. He should be able to do it, right? He was still tired but crouching in the dark didn’t require from him that much moving around. “Sounds like we have a plan. Off to laser tag then.” Mark grinned at Youngjae who whooped in celebration, clapping his hands like some cute fluffy animal.

“Hey, Dad?” Youngjae asked after Mark had set the navigator on and they stopped in the first traffic lights. Mark made a sound that he was listening, but kept his eyes on the car ahead. “Are you and Appa going to make a baby?” The sudden question had Mark almost choking on his own spit and he turned his head to look at Youngjae. The boy ogled back at him with his eyes innocently wide open, waiting for an answer with something that could only be read as enthusiasm.

“What makes you think we are planning on having more children?” Mark finally managed to say, after the initial shock was stomped down. It was a wonder he managed to say anything at all since the question had gotten him absolutely flabbergasted. Good thing they weren’t moving right now, otherwise there might have been an accident.

“Because Monica said that when two people are in love they get babies. You and Appa love each other so you should have a baby soon, right?” Then Youngjae frowned, looking down at his hands before turning to gaze up at Mark again. “But it doesn’t make sense. You and Mommy got me and you didn’t love Mommy.” Mark’s heart clenched horribly at this cruelly accurate description.

“Youngjae..” Mark started, but Youngjae interrupted him.

“Where _do_ babies come from anyway?” Youngjae blurted out, his tone exasperated and Mark almost missed the red light turning to green. “It’s all so confusing!”

He knew this day had had to come sooner or later, and to be honest he had anticipated this to happen a lot earlier, but given how hectic things had been with most of Youngjae’s life, it probably was understandable the boy only now asked about this. But did it have to happen in the car and while they were driving? Mark was groaning internally and he kind of wanted to brush this conversation off as a joke but.. Glancing at Youngjae again convinced him that it wouldn’t be such a good idea. It was just biology, right? Nothing wrong with explaining how things worked, _right?_ And _Youngjae_ had been the one asking, so he was definitely old enough to know. Well, at least to some extent.

Mark drew in a long breath before lunging hesitantly into trying to explain this to his huffing and puffing son.

“Babies are made when you have mommy and daddy and they’re put together.” Mark was grasping for the right words, racking his poor brains in order to sound at least somewhat coherent and still be slightly vague about the matter. He had no desire to cause a laughing fit, or traumatize the poor kid. “Mommies have these eggs inside their bellies and daddies carry seeds in the pods that are under the penis. When the seeds go inside mommy they swim really hard and really fast up until one of them breaks the egg shell in there and it goes into it and that’s the beginning of a baby.” He couldn’t do much better. It would _have to_ be enough because his ears were probably bright red from embarrassment already. Mark had absolutely _no_ desire to explaing this again.

“But..” Youngjae scratched his head looking very confused but apparently determined to find the answers. “Then how come Jinyoungie and Jaebummie have babies if you need mommy eggs to make the baby? Can two daddies make a baby?”

“No, they can’t. You always need the mommy part. Jinyoung and Jaebum adopted their children so they aren’t related by blood. Sometimes it just happens that the mommy who gave birth to the baby can’t keep it and she gives it to someone who can take care of the baby instead.”

“But you and Mommy made me together?”

“Yes.”

“And Appa and Noi mama made Bambam?”

“Yes. That’s correct.”

“So you and Appa can’t make a baby..” Youngjae sighed. “That’s so stupid. I _really_ wanted to have a baby sister..” Youngjae heaved such a dramatic sigh Mark had to force himself to remain quiet, otherwise he would have giggled nervously, not because he was so highly amused but because he was so sure he had somehow managed to ruin the whole point of the conversation.

This wasn’t the first time Youngjae had expressed his wish to have a sibling, meeting Santa last Christmas had been quite interesting already, and Mark wasn’t even sure where this longing for a sister was coming from. He certainly had never spoken anything in favour of getting more children, not prior to Jackson at least. The only logical conclusion was that Youngjae saw his friends at school having more siblings and that caused him to think he should have more as well. But then again, he already did have Bambam, but maybe it wasn’t enough to fulfill the empty spot in the boy’s heart. Or something along those lines, who could tell for sure.

“I’m sorry, sunshine. I know sisters are nice to have but a baby is not just a simple thing to make. It needs to be planned ahead, even more when you have two dads. Or two moms.” Mark licked his lips, changed the lane and didn’t notice the way Youngjae was staring at him.

“It’s SO unfair you can’t make a baby with Appa.”

“It is. I agree with you.” Mark sighed, his attention on the navigator giving him odd instructions to drive through somewhere he wasn’t supposed drive to.

There was a moment of silence, the only sound was the female voice repeating directions on Mark’s phone.

“Hey Dad?” Youngjae suddenly sounded very amused, like he was smiling but Mark couldn’t turn to look at the boy right now. “I know a secret!”

“A secret, huh? Then you should keep it a secret if it was trusted to you.” Mark’s thoughts were scattered between being amused, focusing on the traffic and being slightly disturbed that he felt a tug in his heart when he thought about Jackson holding a newborn that might be theirs.

He really shouldn’t be thinking of such things, not when they were impossible and not very logical to even think about.

But yet, here he was, thinking and feeling emotions he wasn’t prepared for at all.

This would be such a long week for him.

“Bammie said he would love a sister too!” Youngjae announced happily, revealing the big secret he had been holding in and now trusting it to his father. Mark found a lump in his throat and had to cough to clear it before replying.

“That’s nice.” Mark knew his voice sounded more than a little faltering, but considering he himself found the thought suddenly very appealing he didn’t blame himself for sounding like that.

There was a moment of silence and nothing else could be heard but the sound of the traffic from outside and the sudden flurry of snow disabling them from seeing much. Mark cursed silently, his main focus back on the road again.

“Dad?” Youngjae piped up again. “Why couldn’t Bammie and Appa come with us today?”

“Because Jackson and Bambam went to spend the day with Noi, remember?”

“Oh. Right. I forgot.” Again silence. “It would have been more fun with them.” Youngjae sounded disgruntled and Mark saw from the corner of his eye that Youngjae was pouting.

“I know, sunshine. Next time we’ll go with them.” Mark tapped the steering wheel with his fingers, frowning. There was a small part of him that was jealous of how perfect Jackson looked with the other two; the three of them looked to the outside like a picture perfect family whom everyone should be striving for. And what made his jealousy worse was the knowledge that he and Jackson would never have that kind of mass approval in public. Not that he, nor Jackson, needed or even wanted it, but it was a guilty jealousy gnawing at his insides whenever this happened. Luckily enough it didn’t happen very often since Noi was always busy and managed to spare time only for her son whenever she wasn’t swamped with one of her million ongoing projects.

Mark mused silently that the life Noi lived with her spouse was so hectic he would have gone mad sooner than later, and he wondered how Honey was dealing with it so well.

Honey.. Mark pursed his lips while changing the lane. Was that even her name? No one had ever called her anything else, but it seemed an odd name to give to a child. Maybe he should ask her about that some day, whenever that would be since their paths didn’t cross very often these days. Or maybe he shouldn’t ask; the woman was sort of intimidating Mark even though he liked her. How could someone quiet like him find the company of another quiet person to be on the scary side? It was just weird.

With his mind drifting from subject to subject, Mark navigated the car through the traffic towards their destination, and hoped fervently these unnecessary baby thoughts would diminish sooner than he could spell _childbirth._

 

_An hour later_

_“Dad!”_ Youngjae hissed, clutching his gun to his chest the blinking vest was covering. In the darkness it was impossible to see Youngjae’s face clearly, but Mark was pretty sure he was rolling his eyes at Mark. “You’re supposed to shoot the bad guys in blue and red! Not the yellow and green ones.” It was funny how _Mark_ was the one being scolded for once and not Youngjae.

“Sorry, my mistake.” Mark Did try to stop himself from laughing but it was really hard when Youngjae was taking the game so seriously. “I’ll be more careful.” He was pretty sure his amusement was shining through his voice very clearly though but maybe the music would cover it up. Maybe.

Youngjae made a sound that sounded like a groan that was meant to say _Adults!_ in the most exasperated way, and Mark had to duck and dive away from his son to stop him from hearing him bursting into nearly uncontrollable laughter.

In truth the physicality of the game was doing good for him and his rampant thoughts; the exertion was draining away all the unwanted fluffy family images from his head and made him more sure than ever that kids were nothing but spawns of Satan and he and Jackson were better off with just Youngjae and Bambam in the house. No need to get a new baby to watch and coo over, to protect it and see it grow into a beautiful new human being in their care.,

 _UGH! I need to stop thinking!_ Mark reprimanded himself and threw himself back into the flashing game that made his knees and back hurt from all the crouching and kneeling. He needed the distraction, and bad.

 _Zap. Zap. OUCH! Watch it! Zap!_ These were just the few of the sounds Mark heard during the hour he spend shooting people with his laser gun, hearing all sorts of muffled curses and yelps when people tumbled on each other or on the obstacles they were surrounded with. Mark got more than one or two bruises and he was exhausted quicker than he had anticipated but damn it was good fun.

There were two floor in the room, with loads of good corners where to shoot people with some cover, but more than often the cover proved useless as the upper floor gave the ones running above the advantage to shoot the ones below. Then again it was possible to shoot the people from down too, so no real advantages to anyone. Except for kids. The damn things were sneaky little buggers and even if you could detect their outlines, and sometimes faces, in the flashing lights they somehow turned every part of the situation to their advantange and were like ninjas; at one moment they weren’t there and the second they were and were shooting your sorry ass to uselessness again. Mark had to more than once muster all his willpower _not to_ grab the snot faced little gits in the head and shove them into the wall just for being so infuriating. That would have not been a good idea.

With murder in his mind, Mark sneaked in the shadows carefully, hunting the pesky little gits until he would have caught every single one of them.

 

“Dad, can we get fried rice?” Youngjae’s face was shining and his cheeks were red when he was looking up at Mark with big round eyes and trying to pull his shirt back on him. Mark gave a quick smile at him.

“Sure. I promised we would get whatever you want.”

“This is so awesome.” Youngjae hummed happily, pulling on next his jacket and shoes, tumbling a little when he suddenly decided he wanted to do the both things at once. Didn’t work, naturally. Mark said nothing, he just shook his head and pulled his own beanie over his ears. “I wish Bammie was here too. He said he wanted to try this or paintball. Can we take him with us next time?” Youngjae blabbered happily, eyes shining.

“Of course. Let’s all go and do something you guys want to do together.” Mark really wished there would be a day when that was possible; it would do good for the whole family to spend some time together outside the house. It was way too rare these days.

“Hey, Dad?”

“Mm?” Mark wasn’t paying attention because he was trying to locate his wallet. It had been just there! Why did things always go missing when they weren’t supposed to? Like keys for instance, always lost when you were in a hurry. So infuriating.

“I love you.”

“I,” Mark stopped on his tracks, blinking in surprise. These random confessions of affection always managed to sneak up on him but he was by no means against hearing that his son loved him. “I love you too.”

“I just really wanted to say that. I like you and Appa, and I like Bambam and I’m really sorry I ran away when you were away and-”

“You did _what_ while I was away?” Mark stopped moving, turning to look at Youngjae blinking up at him.

“I’m sorry I did that. It wasn’t very nice.” The boy shuffled on his feet, looking unsure if he was going to be scolded.

“No, it really wasn’t. Why would you do such a thing?”

“I dunno.. I just did. I’m sorry!”

“Don’t you ever do that again, ok?” Mark breathed out, his heart cracking to a shattering point.

“I won’t! I promise!” Youngjae looked almost horrified.

Mark was having trouble keeping his face in order. Jackson hadn’t mentioned this to him and boy was there going to be a conversation about this little forgetfulness later on. What a hoot, and though Mark was just glad Youngjae was here and unharmed, he was upset Jackson hadn’t told him. He wasn't exactly going to look this through his fingers because he trusted Jackson to tell him everything. Too bad it would mean putting more strain on their already strained relationship and that was something Mark wasn't thrilled about, but then again if Jackson didn't trust Mark enough go tell him the truth then was the relationship worth to rescue then?

The horrible cold sinking sense of dread made a nest inside Mark's guts and he felt like choking. He was utterly shocked  it yet relieved, disappointed and upset, all at the same time.

“Dad?” Youngjae prodded Mark's arm, looking up at him curiously. “You look really angry. Are you going to give me a penalty?”

“No, sunshine, I’m not. I'm sorry. But you shouldn’t run away from home like that because it would break my heart if something bad would happen to you.” He would talk about this more with Youngjae later on, mostly because he needed to distress the fact that is was by no means ok to do such a thing, and to find out _why_ had it happened in the first place. “Let's get some food.” Mark flashed a smile at his son, arranging his face back to normality, but the ominous sense of things going downhill clung onto his heart like a leech.

Things were reaching a boiling point.

~

It was Friday. The usually so nonthreatening and joyous Friday when he and Mark got three extra kids and tried to live through all the hassle they brought along with them. It wasn’t the kids that made Jackson so anxious, no, not this time. The reason for the dark clouds gathering above his head was Mark and how he looked like he was about to go off at Jackson at any given moment.

It was a creeping sense at the back of his mind where he knew there was something really off about the way Mark's silences were heavier and more ominous; under normal circumstances it was nothing to take notice of since Mark liked to be quiet and by himself, and Jackson was fine with that. More than fine! Of course he wanted to chatter away but he knew when it was important to give space. Especially when you were living with someone and there were so many distractions to rob the moments of solitude away in mere seconds.

But not today. Today there was no time any peace, unless all the kids would take a nap at the same time and since the boys didn’t nap anymore it no use to even dream of having a moment to yourself.

Jackson could smell the upcoming Talk. He just did. He had noticed the way there was something behind every word, every glance they exchanged, the way Mark was sitting a little too stiffly on the chair and bouncing Jia on his knees. There had been absolutely no need for Jinyoung’s silent comment that Mark was fairly salty. The whole ‘I'm an impenetrable iceberg’ had already dawned on Jackson before by then. And he was not happy about it.

Ok he wasn’t stupid? He could read Mark quite good but it didn’t make things any easier to deal with because Jackson always felt like it was his fault there was something talk about. Like he was the sole reason for anything going wrong and Mark was nothing but a pure angel who could not, _would not_ , do anything wrong. But it was a stupid illusion because it always, _always_ took two make a mess.

Was the talk going to be about how Jackson had not taken care of himself properly when he had caught the cold and had almost ended up taking a trip to the hospital? Or was it about some domestic thing like cleaning up or emptying the dishwasher, or doing the laundry? Or was it, Jackson sighed while cradling a crying Jiyoo in his arms after she had fallen and bumped her head against the bookshelf, about the busy lives they were living and how they didn't have energy to even kiss goodnight these days? It probably was about that but after the dark glances Mark was giving Jackson, there _had to_ be something else too.

Trying to hush the unsatisfied toddler in his care, and at the same time trying to avoid slipping on the legos and toy cars on the floor, Jackson made his way to the family room with the idea of sitting down and trying distract his goddaughter with something nice. However when he realized Mark was there as well and playing with colourful soft balls with Jia Jackson almost swerved from his lane. His heart jumped up to his throat and steps faltered.

For crying out loud he wasn't supposed to be afraid of Mark. He _loved_ the man and wanted to hold those stupidly pretty hands for the rest of his life but here he was, anxious and heart bursting from his chest, and _afraid_ to face Mark at all. Why? He couldn't have fucked up that bad?

Jackson was just about to turn on his heels and escape when Mark called out to him.

“Jackson. I want talk with you.”

The way Mark's voice was so _chilly_ froze the blood in Jackson's veins. He hardly ever had heard Mark sound like that and now that he did.. He didn't really want to hear it again.

“Uh, sure, but I was just about to get some water for Jiji so..” Jackson tried to sound lofty and relaxed but Mark was too clever for his own good because his face hardened when he realized Jackson was trying to wiggle his way out of the situation. He fixed a steely gaze on Jackson. “Or it can wait.” Jackson finished lamely, ignoring the way Jiyoo was having now fun trying to yank half his hair off of his scalp.

Mark said nothing, only watched Jia pushing the balls on the floor with great interest, her small mouth moving constantly as she kept mumbling odd little words which some you recognized, some you didn't.

“So, uh, what did you want to talk about?” Jackson asked after he had placed Jiyoo next to her sister on the floor, mostly to prevent her from giving him a hairdo he didn't particularly want. She reached for the green ball the moment she saw it, her greedy fingers clutching onto the oddly sticky surface before Jackson managed to fully let go of her.

“Why didn't you tell me Youngjae ran away while I was in L.A.?” Mark was gazing at at his own hands, his voice so low and quiet and Jackson could almost feel how his heart cracked. It was like the couch, the floor and the ground disappeared from under him; the question took him by surprise. He had forgotten the whole thing though he had all in honesty sworn he would tell Mark as soon as possible. but then time went on and they barely had time to exchange good morning or good night and so eventually it had completely slipped from his mind.

“I,” Jackson stammered, his heart beating even harder and cold sweat kept pushing up onto his skin. “I was going to tell you. I swear I was! But I forgot and then somehow it just slipped from my mind.” It was the lamest excuse one could come up with but it wasn't all lies. He _had_ forgotten, but the process had been sped up by the fear of admitting Youngjae had ran off while in _his_ care, and how did you honestly cough up without a hitch that you had fucked up so royally?

“You should have told me the moment you had the chance.”

“Well there was no point in worrying you when it happened, and honestly I had no time because I was out looking for him!, so after I found Youngjae at the nearby playground I was just glad he was unharmed and alive.” Jackson felt like utter crap for telling Mark only now. He knew he would have been just as pissed had this happened to Bambam, so Mark's reaction was fully justified. “You have every reason to be angry. I don't even know why I didn't tell you.” It felt so stupid now in retrospect, and he really wanted to sink under the couch to feel the remorse and guilt eating him alive until Mark would forgive him. “I'm sorry.”

“You should be able to trust me at this point,” Mark sighed, the angry crease between his brows still very much visible. “I would tell you if something would happen to Bambam. Aren't we at this point in our relationship supposed to trust each other unconditionally?”

“Yes I guess so but-”

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do!”

“Then you should have told me.”

It was like a wet rag against his face and Jackson felt more than ever like shit for holding up the information.

The silence grew longer and longer and Jackson just sat there quiet and forlorn, wishing he could go back in time to slap himself. He was so utterly incapable of explaining his actions. Or the lack of them.

“Did Youngjae tell you _why_ he ran away?” Mark finally asked, breaking the silence.

“He said he felt all alone,” It still tore Jackson's heart to remember that moment because Youngjae had looked so damn lost it had ripped Jackson’s whole being into tiny shredded pieces. There was no other feeling so hellish as the one when you’re faced with the sadness of a child and you can’t cure it, not completely. “I guess he felt abandoned with you gone all week.”

“I've been gone before and he's never ran out until now,” Mark sighed. “Maybe it's too early to presume the children understand what this means for them as well.”

“Maybe.” Jackson replied hesitantly, not sure if the glimmer of hope awakening inside him was yet allowed. “But they're more clever than we might ever understand.”

“True.” Mark finally glanced up from his hands and looked up at Jackson.

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you.” Jackson whispered, looking into Mark’s eyes and his guts twisting. It felt _so_ stupid now when all he had had to do was to blurt it out and then, well, whatever would have happened it probably would have not been about him keeping the matter to himself.

“Well,” Mark closed his eyes for a split second, breaking eye contact, and Jackson breathed out the breath he had been holding in. “You found him and I'm almost certain he would have come back home once he would have gotten cold enough.”

“Probably. And Jinyoung was home if Bam hadn’t been.”

“True.” Mark was now looking at the couch, leaning against the plush pillows and picking on the edges almost absentmindedly. “I hope you do realize that I’m not into this relationship just for fun.” Mark looked up and Jackson almost startled because of the intensity of the gaze. “I’m taking you and us very seriously and I hope you are too.”

Jackson, for once, couldn’t utter a single word. He was happy, almost over the moon, giddy, starstruck, afraid and nervous all at the same time but there was no way to know which emotion was taking over so Jackson just sat there, his lips a tight line but he nodded, hoping it would convey his commitment for now. He was definitely into this, why wouldn’t he be? He could have climbed over the mountains, or fetched the moon for Mark; he would do anything for this man. Well, all except tell him all the necessary things it seemed.

Jackson felt conflicted as well as happy; he wanted to talk about how he was afraid of losing his face in front of Mark, how he sometimes thought he wasn’t good enough or successful enough for someone graceful and incredible person like Mark. Mark who was beautiful inside out, and had built a business of his own, working hard every day to make it strive forward. He was never showing off or bragging about the success, just simply silently enjoyed the fruits of his and Yoongi’s efforts.

Jackson felt like he was drifting, like he had no goals in life, when he compared himself to Mark and all the things he had done in life so far. Ok, so he wasn’t a complete loser but the fear of not being enough in Mark’s eyes was sometimes so strong it was wiping all the happiness away, and those moments had only happened more and more frequently the more they were away from each other from whatever reasons.

But the words didn’t come out. He couldn’t find the strength to start a conversation like that right now, nor was this a good moment anyway; at that particular moment the twins started screaming at each other for no other reason than the toys on the floor, and to top the sound of little girls shrieking with annoyance, there was the sound of three pairs of feet running down the stairs, accompanied by the yells of _That was mine!_ and _No! Mine!_ and _Give it back!_ echoing into the living room. Both Jackson and Mark groaned.

“I’ll go. You separate the little lionesses.” Jackson sighed, pushing the prickling sense of having been in the wrong aside, and got up; he would check the boys and hopefully prevent anything from breaking or anyone getting hurt. He glanced at Mark trying to keep the two girls from gauging each others eyes out with their short nails, and bit down on his lip, still uncertain if the matter was clear or not. Mark chose that precise moment to look up, like he had read Jackson’s mind, and gave him a small smile.

“I’m not angry. A little disappointed yes, but not angry.”

“So,” Jackson swallowed. “I’m forgiven?”

“Yeah.” Mark winced when Jia bit him on the arm. “We’re good.”

Jackson could almost hear the silent _for now_ hanging in the air when he left the room.

 

It wasn’t fun, to be in such tense situation where he didn’t know exactly if he was forgiven, or was he still going to face more serious conversations with Mark. Mark _looked_ normal but there was something missing in his eyes when he was looking at Jackson, and there was something hollow about his voice when he addressed Jackson, so Jackson was leaning towards the possibility of being told off again.

For once Jackson was grateful of the constant distraction the kids brought along with their noisy games and bickering.

To his great relief the horrible tension was broken when they were making pizza for dinner together with the kids; the amount of giggling and cheese thrown around, and with the twins echoing in the background by joyously joining into the merriment, Jackson found Mark’s eyes again twinkling with delight when they gazed at each other.

It was like someone had lifted a mountain of worries from his shoulders and suddenly he could breathe freely again.

“No Gyeomie, you have to do it _like this!”_ Bambam was making a very good effort at trying to guide his best friend to spread the tomato sauce over the pizza base correctly. He looked so serious while giving the instructions, like he knew everything and was all mature and grown up. Of course in Jackson’s eyes Bambam was more cute than anything when he was like that, especially now when he wasn’t worrying his ass off of being scolded more.

“But Bammie, I _know_ how to do this.” Yugyeom, the eternally patient boy with his slightly more excited friend was calmly spreading the sauce over his pizza with bare hands and looked at Bambam with a definitely exasperated expression. Jackson wished fervently Yugyeom wouldn’t wipe those said hands on anywhere the clothes he was wearing or he would face hell from Jinyoung.

Youngjae, bless that child, was focusing so hard on making a smiley face from salami pieces on his pizza he didn’t even notice the other two having the battle of wills about tomato sauce and how it was supposed to be used. Jackson found it incredibly endearing to watch the kids and Mark, playing around with the food.

“Mark, have you noticed that Youngjae might need some new clothes?” Jackson pointed out carefully while spreading grated cheese over his food with both hands. Mark stared at him and his cheese in mild disgust, _What! He liked cheese!,_ but then shook his head and glanced at Youngjae instead.

“I haven’t, but now that you mention it..” Mark left the sentence hanging and Jackson could almost hear the quiet sigh.

“It’s no biggie, I would be just as oblivious, until it would be too late, had not Noi pointed out the same thing about Squirt. She said she would take him shopping, and I know she adores sunshine over there, so she would be more than happy to take them both out.”

“I don’t know about that,” Mark hesitated. “Jack, I know she means well but isn’t it kind of weird to let _her_ get _my_ kid new clothes? I _can_ afford them on my own, you know. I don’t need any charity from anyone.” Mark sounded almost offended, the disapproval clear on his face.

“I know you can! That’s not the point. The point is,” Jackson sneaked a strip of cheese into his mouth and Mark rolled his eyes. “Don’t you mock my cheese addiction. You’re just as bad. Anyway, Noi has time and patience and she _can_ be reasonably prize aware too. At least I think so. Sometimes. Maybe. Possibly. Once a year.” Jackson grinned at the incredulous face Mark was making.

“Ugh, fine. She can do it as long as Youngjae isn’t coming home dressed in nothing but Gucci or something just as bad.”

“Might have to make a point about that when I talk with her,” Jackson giggled when Mark threw a piece of salami at him. “Ok! Ok! I’ll make it my life’s mission to make her understand that by no means is she allowed to buy designer clothes for our kids!” Jackson threw a tomato slice at Mark, who in return chucked a chunk of cheese at him. That he should have not done because there were three sets of curious and very keen eyes watching them, but it was too late anyway at that point.

 _“FOOD FIGHT!!”_ The happy chorus of all the boys nearly froze the blood in Jackson’s veins, but he couldn’t do anything else but to duck and cover under the table when the bits and pieces of food started to fly in the air.

Mark’s high pitched laughter filled the room and Jackson heaved a relieved sigh, heart a lot less heavier.

 

Later on when the worst of the mess in the kitchen had been cleaned, and the pizzas were all eaten, Mark opened the door to their bedroom he was greeted by a sight that made him bite down on his cheek so he wouldn't make a sound and thus disturb the ones slumbering so peacefully. He leaned against the door frame, watching the sight before him on the bed, something warm and fuzzy unraveling inside his chest.

Jackson had fallen asleep while putting the twin girls to bed and was curled on his side with Jia closer to him and Jiyoo right next to her. All three were sound asleep, Jackson's heavy breathing and occasional snores loud in the silent room. Mark tuned down the cheerful talk from upstairs where the boys were, and allowed himself the moment to just watch.

It must have taken a huge chunk of self-confidence away from Jackson, when he was being confronted about his mishap while Mark had been away, and the immediate panic and guilt written all over that beautiful face made Mark feel guilty himself for pressing the matter so much. But after all, it was no trifle matter so he had every right to be upset about it. Although, the funny thing was that he wasn’t really upset or mad about it, not anymore. Sure he had been shocked when Youngjae had blurted it out but after Jackson’s apology, and how his innocence was always so _pure_ , Mark found himself feeling rather calm about it all.

No use crying over spilled milk, right? And Youngjae was safe and sound, was he not?

Of course Mark was disappointed Jackson hadn’t told him about Youngjae as soon as he could have, it was one of those things you don't ever want to hear, but you don't want to be left in the dark either, and Mark now quietly wondered if there was something else Jackson wasn’t telling him, something that might be equally important but for whatever reason Jackson didn’t want to tell him.

Was he so scary and judgemental that he could not be confided in? Surely not? Or maybe he was, and that made Jackson hide some things from him, no matter how much they needed to be addressed.

It kind if sounded like Jackson but then again not; Jackson was usually the first to start the conversation, always the one to seek solution to issues that needed solving. Mark was the one to leave the conversations to be held inside his own head, mostly because it was in his nature to do that instead of seeking immediate confrontation. He had tried to better this side if himself but it was proving harder than he had anticipated. Maybe it was time he took initiative more often, whenever it was needed of course, and stop fretting alone.

Mark’s thoughts returned back to the earlier events of today; how Jackson was so happy to play with the toddlers and how much the girls seemed to like him. Jackson was so hilarious when he was trying to amuse the girls, and usually with great success, and had it not been for Mark’s earlier sour mood about the whole Youngjae issue, he would have been laughing all afternoon as well.

_I want a baby sister._

A baby. A tiny creature with even tinier toes and fingers, hair so soft and feathery, and the smell of a newborn.. Mark sighed, watching Jackson wrinkling his nose in his sleep and then shifting for a better position. It was an impossible thought, wasn’t it? They weren’t even going to marry ever, not that it would prevent more children, but it felt like something that should come before deciding on more offspring. He had been so adamant about not getting himself hitched again so it felt rather weird to think he would bring up the subject of getting a child together. It would seem like he couldn’t make up his mind, right? Like he was being flimsy or something.

If marriage was something that would bind them together, and Mark didn’t want that because he was a scaredy cat and afraid of ruining things between them, then children should fall in the same category, did they not?

It was a difficult matter to be thinking about and Mark felt very confused about it, though he couldn’t deny he was having more and more softer spot imagining his and Jackson’s baby. Or babies. Who knew.

Jackson was such a great father, not only to Bambam, but to Youngjae as well. And he had never tried to pressure Mark into anything, knowing how Mark felt about certain things, and of that Mark was grateful. He couldn’t have asked for a more perfect partner to share his life with.

Mark found it astonishing that even with their lives so busy and hectic, and always filled with the needs of the children they already had, he _still_ found himself wishing for things that he had thought were long gone for him. It was unnerving and wonderful at the same time and the more he thought about it, the more certain he was it was where he wished things to go in future for him and Jackson.

Mark smiled wistfully, resting his head against the wooden surface and felt somehow at ease with his thoughts for now. They had been lingering on edges of his consciousness for a while now, and with life being a bitch as it sometimes could be, it felt almost odd to accept them and allow them to bloom and blossom. What a wonderful thing to be so full of giddy anticipation he was surely going to walk above the ground, but he couldn't say anything yet. Lucky for Mark he had a good poker face and was able to hold his emotions in, unlike his beloved partner who was sleeping so soundly with one arm productively resting over the girls, making sure they were there and unharmed in their sleep.

Mark contemplated whether or not he should let Jackson sleep longer and deal with the rest of the chores alone, but Jackson would wake up too early if he tried to sleep all night from here til morning. Also there were showering and the changing of clothes… Yes, Mark sighed silently and moved away from the door, stepping into the bedroom, it was better to wake Jackson up.

But before he could even reach the bed there was a mighty crash that made both him _and_ Jackson turn their eyes to the general direction of the sound.

“What the devil was that?!” Jackson hissed, sitting up on the bed but careful enough not to disturb the twins.

“I don’t know but I have a feeling it’s gonna be something you and I both are not going to be happy about.” Mark frowned, heading out of the bedroom and straight upstairs to investigate the source of the racket. The eerie silence hanging in the air was all the more suspicious and Mark had a nasty feeling he would have to take more than two deep breaths in order to keep himself calm soon.

“What happen-” Mark started when he reached Bambam’s room but he was struck silent when he saw what had taken place inside.

Of all the things..

All three boys were standing there huddled together, almost frozen, in the middle of something that uncannily looked like the remains of Bambam’s bed.

Mark groaned, running his hand over his face and counted very slowly from one to ten before speaking again.

“What did you do?” He finally asked, trying to sound calm and reasonable. Surprisingly enough he wasn’t angry or mad, more like he found the guilty faces staring at the wreckage hilarious.

“It was an accident! Dad I swear we didn’t mean to!”

“Yeah! We didn’t do anything!”

“So, you weren’t jumping on the bed, all three of you?” Mark crossed his arms before him and raised a brow at the feigned innocence he was being shown by all three boys.

“Of course not! You told us not to!” Youngjae was pouting, but Mark could see the shocked guilt flashing over each of their faces.

“Well that was a very odd thing to happen then. Did the bed break all on its own?”

“It totally did! We _really_ didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Bam...” Mark groaned again, rolling his eyes behind his closed lids. Bambam tried to say something in protest but Mark cut him short. “Seriously, don’t say another word.”

“What’s going on in here?” Jackson appeared next to Mark and when he saw the bed he groaned loudly. “Bam! I’ve told you a million times you’re not to jump on the bed! Now we have to buy you a new one, though I’m all in for not getting a new bed for him since this if this what happens I would rather keep my money than be forced to get a new one every second week.”

“But Dad!” Bambam moaned pitifully, obviously worried he would have to sleep on the floor for the rest of his childhood. “I _swear_ it was an accident!”

“Uhhuh. Yeah, totally an accident.” Jackson turned to Mark. “What do you say my dearest, should he be left without a bed for some time, just to teach him a lesson?”

“Absolutely.”

Bambam and Youngjae were following the conversation with extreme worry written all over their faces, And Yugyeom was looking almost comically horrified for his friend.

“You will sleep in Youngjae’s room tonight and we’ll decide later on what punishment you’ll receive from managing to break your bed. Both of you. And Yugyeom, I am going to tell your parents about this.” The boy in question nodded silently, his head hanging low.

“Ok, get your tiny butts out of here and go to Youngjae’s room.” Mark shooed the kids away from the wreckage and once they were gone, with last guilty glances back at the adults, he sighed deep. “I knew this day would come but I still wasn’t ready for it.”

“I know what you mean.” Jackson grunted, kneeling to pick up the bed sheets from in the middle of the cracked bed frame. “Well, the bed was old and getting small anyway. But I think he should still sleep on a mattress for a few nights, don’t you think?” Jackson flashed a truly evil grin at Mark.

“It will only strengthen him.” Mark returned the grin. “I bet there won’t be any bed jumping after this.”

“Oh, that’s for damn sure,” Jackson snorted. “And if there is, the mattress is going to be bye bye as well.” The hilarious, albeit kind of malicious face Jackson made made Mark erupt in stifled but yet delighted laughter.

 

After the broken bed had been cleared out of Bambam’s room and the boys had forgotten all about it, Mark found himself standing next to Jackson and watching Youngjae, Bambam and Yugyeom trying to settle in for the night in Youngjae’s room. It was kind of like watching TV; the kids were so amusing to follow Mark was sure he would never need to open TV again if he had the opportunity to see everything the boys did.

“Maybe we should,” Mark mumbled quietly to Jackson, both their eyes fixed on watching how the children were trying to set up a blanket fortress but kept arguing in hushed tones about which pillow would be best to use on what corner and should they get more chairs to hold the blankets up because Yugyeom had grown taller than the other two and took more space now. “Arrange some one-on-one time. Just the two of us.” Mark felt a little nervous to suggest such a thing, like it was preposterous somehow after all the mess between them. But things were better now, right? They were clearer and a lot less tense, weren’t they? So it was ok to offer a peace offering, wasn’t it?

“I would love that.” Jackson shifted, leaning his shoulder against the door frame and he glanced at Mark from under his brow. “I’m sorry it’s been so long since, well, anything really.”

“It’s,” Mark began to say but halted, frowning a little. He was about to say it was ok, but when he thought about it, it actually wasn’t. “It’s both our fault. And it’s not ok so let’s work on it from now on, ok?” Mark watched how Youngjae and Bambam nearly toppled over while trying to wrestle one pillow from the other, and how Yugyeom went between them and hugged Bam close to him. If they were always like this it was no wonder the bed had given in. God knew how many times before this evening it had endured furious wrestling matches or jumping.

“Mark,” Jackson straightened his back, now looking directly at Mark. “Come here.” He gestured for them to step away from the doorway, to walk a little further. When Jackson stopped, and Mark halted next to him, Jackson took Mark’s hands in his almost shyly. It was such a sweet and innocent gesture Mark's heart skipped a beat. “I’m really sorry, ok? For everything. I miss you.”

“I miss you too.” Mark replied softly, his doubts and worries easing. Jackson’s hands were warm and a little rough, the years having worn off the youthful softness a bit, but they were hands that always made that fuzzy, comforting feeling unfurl inside Mark’s chest and he couldn’t help but to smile.

“Wanna watch a movie tonight? Just some couch time.” Jackson asked, a soft smile adorning his lips. It was the kind of smile that was usually reserved only for Mark, and he knew it. Something so small and yet he felt like floating all of a sudden.

“Yeah. I would love that.”

“I'll check the girls and then clear up the couch from all the toys.” Jackson's eyes were warm and full of emotions and Mark felt something strong and wonderful after a long time making every part of his body tingle pleasantly.

“I'll finish up clearing the kitchen in the meanwhile.”

 

Jackson was smiling to himself while he was picking up the crayons and toys the twins had left on the floor. He wasn’t feeling the same kind of exhaustion as he had when he had woken up this morning, and every morning since the year had turned. He felt optimistic again and it was such a good feeling he wanted to sing. So he did.

He hummed a familiar tune, not recollecting the lyrics this time, but it was enough for him to feel even more elated. Things were going to be just fine from now on, he was sure of it. Of course there was still some stuff left hanging between him and Mark, and some of the things Mark wasn’t even aware of, but it was nonetheless going to be fine. There was absolutely no doubt about it now.

His thoughts drifted to the domestic bliss his dear friends had, and how he had always been a little jealous how easy Jaebum and Jinyoung were together. His jealousy had been at its worst when he had still been single but ever since Mark had come into his life things couldn’t have been better. Despite the hiccups on the road he still firmly believed the future would bring something similar what Jaebum and Jinyoung had together.

At least it was a goal of sorts. Of course he didn’t want exactly the same, but what Jackson wanted was to have that stability and understanding with Mark, just like his friends did. It was hard to get there because you didn’t build those things in one night, but it wasn’t impossible.

His mind drifted to next door and he felt happy they were able to provide some free time for the two. Jackson knew Jinyoung was tired and wanted for once read his books in peace, and Jaebum was the same, the silence more beckoning every now and then than doing anything that required active movement and noises.

But, then again.. Jackson chuckled, he was pretty sure things in the neighbouring house were probably pleasantly quiet and steamy between the married couple. At least he hoped so because life with your partner without sex was pretty much doomed to fail at some point. He certainly wasn’t very happy he and Mark hadn’t been even touchy in such a long time and he was kind of aching for _something_ to happen. A simple kiss would do nicely at this point!

This led Jackson to involuntarily imagine Jaebum and Jinyoung doing things that were best left indescribed, and he had to shake his head vigorously to banish the unwanted mental images. There was no way it was healthy to imagine those things! Like, seriously, who wants to think about their best friends having hot and steamy sex?

He shook his head again, trying to dismiss the images from rising but it was proving incredibly ineffective method. He _really_ didn’t want to think about his friends having sex. No. Seriously _no way_ . It was sacred. Or something. Anyway it was none of his business what happened behind the closed doors next door. Or who knew, maybe the duo was into something really kinky and were doing unspeakable things when the children were out of the wa- _Stop it Wang! Don't you dare continue that thought!_

He should get his brains checked. Honestly, he should.

Jackson sneezed suddenly, quite out of nowhere, still halfway bent down to clear up the mess on the floor. He couldn’t help it, like you never really could prevent a sneeze coming up, but when he sneezed a second time and that was when things went somehow really wrong.

He gasped, sudden piercing pain shooting through his whole back and his right leg, almost giving in under his weight. He almost tumbled on the floor, his sense of balance gone for the moment, but managed to grab support from the bookshelf with both hands.

Next things Jackson realized were the hurried steps down the corridor and then Mark's voice calling out to him.

“Jackson? What happened? Are you ok?” Mark’s voice carried out from somewhere, etched with worry and Jackson realized he must have yelped out loud, there was no other explanation to Mark calling him so suddenly. Unfortunately he was unable to answer, the pain so intense he couldn’t do much else but to wheeze some oxygen into his lungs. Even that hurt like he was being stabbed by knives. He tried to put some weight on his right leg and straighten his back but to no avail; the pain worsened the moment he even tried to move.

“Ffffuuuu..” Jackson hissed, nothing much more coherent coming out of his mouth for the moment.

“Jack?” Mark was definitely not far now but Jackson managed only a pitiful, angry _phhh_ sound. “Jackson! Why are you like that? What happened? Did you hurt yourself!” And then Mark was there, hurrying to his side.

“My back..” Jackson finally managed to grunt. “Can’t stand up.”

“Are you kidding me? What did you do?” Mark was frowning, his eyes roaming hurriedly all over Jackson, probably trying to figure out a way to help Jackson to move, but Jackson hissed the moment Mark tried to help him straighten his back.

“Sneezed.” Jackson wheezed out through his gritted teeth. _Christ it hurts SO MUCH!_

“What?!” Mark sounded so dumbfounded Jackson actually thought bitterly for a fleeting second Mark was a retard if he didn't stop asking stupid questions soon.

“I sneezed and I can’t get up, Mark stop being an idiot and help me!”

“Well, I would if you would let me.” Mark snapped back at Jackson. “Do you need to be taken to the hospital or what do you need? I can't read minds.” The way Mark said that really made Jackson burn with irritation and he was so ready to lash out.

“I don’t know! It hurts like hell and I can barely move!” Jackson was almost in tears and he was angry and a little scared, and the conversation was not pleasing him at all. He kind of wanted to punch Mark for being slow and not making everything better by the snap of his fingers. It was stupid, of course it was, but Jackson was in a lot of pain at that moment so he hoped, somewhere deep inside him where he was still sane, Mark wouldn’t hold his rash words against him later. Lucky for Jackson Mark wasn’t one to panic so easily, and even if his patience was being stretched he hid it for now.

“Ok, ok. Calm down. You’ll be fine, just don’t panic. But you can’t stay like that. Either you stand or you lie down. You choose.” Mark had managed to erase the exasperated tone from his voice, which made Jackson feel a little better because honestly he needed patient and understanding Mark more than aggravated and pissy Mark right now.

Jackson, after a lot of whining and groaning, chose the couch. He managed to lie down on the soft cushions with Mark's help but it was an extremely slow operation, noisy and filled with tears, and once he was on his side and hugging a pillow to his chest, Jackson wasn’t sure if it had been such a good idea to lie down after all. He was still in so much pain it was hard to breathe.

Mark disappeared to find his phone and to call some help. Jackson could hear him talking to someone in the distance but he didn’t care much who might have been, probably the emergency center anyway, because all he wanted was to free of the pain as soon as possible.

To Jackson’s surprise Jinyoung turned up literally in two minutes, his eyes wide and worry etched all over his face that was pale as a sheet.

“Jackson! What did you do this time? Are you ok?”

“Does it look like I’m ok?” Jackson whined against the pillow, curled up halfway on his side half lying face down on the couch, the only position where he didn’t feel excruciating pain shooting all over him with every breath he took. “Jinyoungie I think I’m gonna die it hurts so bad! What if I’m paralyzed and end up in a wheelchair and then I have to give up my job and start working out only my arms and my legs will wither away because they’re no longer any use and-”

“Oh come on, you know very well that’s a load of bullshit,” Jinyoung groaned. “You’re moving your toes right this very moment, I can see it, so you’re not paralyzed.”

“But-”

“Shh, we’ve talked about this, haven’t we? You need to stop making things worse than they are.”

“The ambulance is on its way,” Mark stepped back into the room, stuffing his phone into his back pocket and hurrying to Jackson’s side. “They’ll be here soon. Jinyong I’m sorry we had to interrupt your evening.”

“It’s ok we were just watching a movie anyway.” Jinyoung dismissed the apology swiftly and gently. “Bambam and Youngjae can of course stay the night with us, so you can go with Jackson if it’s necessary,” Jackson didn’t see Jinyoung’s face but he guessed he exchanged a worried look with Mark. “But I’m sure it’s nothing too bad.”

“Yeah. Let’s hope so.” Mark’s hand was resting gently over Jackson head, fingers moving restlessly through the hair. The gesture was nervous, revealing more of what Mark was thinking than his face or words would and Jackson felt somehow comforted with the knowledge that Mark was really, like really really, worried of him. Pity it didn’t erase the pain in his back and leg.

 

To everyone’s surprise it turned out that their dear children did _not_ want to cooperate at all; Youngjae and Bambam both point blank refused to be left behind and demanded loudly to be taken with. Mark was trying to get his shit together, along with necessary things like wallet and Jackson’s ID and all, and dealing with impossibly petulant children was not what he had wanted to face. It was like one minute they were sleepy and cute and kind of curious, but then the next they transformed into feisty fire breathing evil spirits who would torment and haunt Mark until he would give in.

Trying to force the two to stay with Jaebum and Jinyoung only had them increase the volume of their objections, which lead into a major headache for Mark. All in honestly he had not anticipated either of the boys to act like that but he was too stressed to figure out the real reason and Jinyoung’s sympathetic face had made Mark just feel twice more awful.

So, in the end, Mark had given in and had ushered the two in their overcoats into the car. He didn’t much care what the kids were wearing; PJ’s under the coats were just fine, weren’t they? No one should care about what clothes Youngjae and Bambam were wearing late in the evening and on their way to the nearest ER where Jackson was going to be taken by the ambulance that had arrived to pick the poor man up.

Mark was driving after the ambulance with Youngjae and Bambam securely seated at the backseat and unsurprisingly very much in the opposite mood than they had been just 5 minutes prior back at home. Bambam was causing Mark’s headache worsen by imitating the sound of an ambulance and kept asking why the real one wasn’t making any _wii-uuu-wii-uuu_ sounds even if it was going back to the hospital with a patient inside. Youngjae was dead silent during the ride, which was odd considering how fiercely he had been fighting for his right to stay with Mark and Bambam, but then Mark caught a glimpse of the boy from the rear mirror; Youngjae was snoozing against the seat with his mouth half open as if he was hoping to catch flies like that. Mark rolled his eyes, muttering something dark under his breath about kids and how flimsy they were when it was not needed.

Mark’s already stretched patience was put to even more test upon their arrival; it turned out Youngjae did _not_ want to wake up, not by a long shot and kept fighting back when Mark tried to remove his seat belt and pry him out of the car.

“Youngjae, wake up. We need to go inside now.” Mark said tersely, ushering his son gently awake. Silently he was cursing to himself and wished the boy had stayed with Jinyoung instead because he really was not in the mood for this pigheadedness right now.

“Dun wanna..” Youngjae groaned, scrunching up his face and looking a few years younger than he actually was. It would have been cute had Mark not been on the verge of snapping completely.

“This is not time to be difficult.” Mark was a very patient man on a regular day when he could afford waiting, but today was definitely not one of those days. Youngjae certainly had picked the wrong moment to get like this. “Up you come.” Ignoring all the protests and sluggish squirming from his son, Mark gathered Youngjae in his arms with determination and marched towards the entrance, Bambam clutching to Mark’s free hand tightly.

“Excuse me, could you tell me where Jackson Wang has been taken?” Mark hoisted Youngjae up better in his arms when the three of them reached the reception desk, and the lady behind the counter looked at him as if she was surprised to see him there.

“Are you family?” Her tone was blank and she was eyeing Youngjae’s haphazard clothes with mild distaste. Mark became uncomfortably aware of both boys’ clothes; he should have made them dress up in something other than their PJ’s, obviously. Now they were just gathering attention from everyone.

“Yes I’m-” Mark halted, unsure what he was supposed to say. He could simply say they were partners and in a relationship, and he was family in that sense, but.. He couldn’t. _He shouldn’t._

They had never fully discussed how they should deal with these situations so Mark would have to play it safe for all their sake. “He’s a friend.” He ended up saying lamely. The reception lady looked suspicious to say the least.

“Where’s my Daddy! Are they going to cut off his legs or arms? Can I see?” Bambam tried to peer over the desk but he was still too short to reach up there so only his voice was audible for the nurse sitting behind the desk.

“Bam.. No one’s going to remove any limbs from Jackson.” Mark sighed, shifting uncomfortably, glancing down at the boy who was now peering up at him with his eyes big and wide with curiosity. Maybe it was a good thing Bambam at least wasn’t worried.

“But Baba, Daddy said he couldn’t walk. Does that mean he can’t walk ever again? Like NEVER EVER?”

“Bam-” Mark started but the nurse cut him short.

“I’m sorry, I can’t give you any information. Hospital policy.” She sniffed, obviously disapproving of something. Whether it was Bambam’s behaviour or all three of them just being who they were, that Mark couldn’t decipher for the moment. He groaned, the feeling of being mistreated increasing with every passing second.

“Can you at least tell me where he might be?” Mark tried to reason with the nurse, but..

“I’m sorry, I can’t.” Her mouth was a thin line now.

“That is.. This is.. This is insane!” Mark fumed, nearly losing his temper because he was tired and he felt like should put up a fight but he didn’t have the strength for it now. And it would be no good to go on a warpath in front Bambam and Youngjae. “Fine. Bam, let’s go sit over there and wait. Knowing your father he’ll make it known we can go there sooner than later.” The battle would have to wait just a little while longer. He hated the fact that he felt like a criminal in public when he was supposed to tell about his family status. What was wrong with the society? Honestly? They weren’t in the Dark Ages anymore so why did it matter to anyone who was loving who.

“Babaaaaa~” Bambam groaned, his skinny legs swinging in the air on the chair he was sitting on. “Where’s _is_ Daddy!”

“I’m sure he’s somewhere. We just have to wait for now.”

“But I don’t wanna wait! I wanna see Daddy now!”

“You can’t see him now. Be patient Bam.” Mark settled on the chair next to Bambam, Youngjae stirring only for a few seconds until he was fast asleep again. He wished fervently this wasn’t going to take too long.

“Do you think they keep zombies in the basement here?” Bambam chattered away, obviously restless and full of too much energy for Mark to handle.

“No, I doubt there are zombies here.”

“Are you sure? I could go look for them!”

“Just sit still.” Mark sighed, wanting this day to be over already.

 _“URGH!_ This is so _boring!”_

~

When Jackson woke up the bedroom was bathing in sunlight. He inhaled deeply, wiggling his toes and blinked a few times, but gave up his futile attempt of opening his eyes. It was way too soon to open them and realize he was regaining his sense of reality. His dreams were lingering shadows at the edge of his consciousness and Jackson had a faint, already fading, memory of dreaming about white sand and purple flowers, of sunset and warm wind, and how his family was all there and he had felt so loved it almost hurt.

The dreamy images vanished quickly when he tried to turn onto his back, but instead of smoothly managing to maneuver his body to a new position, there was an instant straining pain shooting through him and he gasped, breath struggling to get out but never did.

He had forgotten for this small blissful moment his back had been injured last night and he would not be moving around easily for a while. Jackson wanted whine. So he did.

“Jack? You’re awake?” Mark’s soft voice came in from the doorway and Jackson made a second sad whiny noise just because he really did feel awfully miserable. “Aw, baby..” Mark’s hurried footsteps got closer and soon Mark was kneeling next to the bed, a hand smoothing Jackson’s hair and a soothing, low hum echoing up from deep within Mark’s chest. It calmed Jackson down more than he wanted to let out and he pouted, hugging the blanket closer his face, hiding behind the bundle.

“Hurts.” Jackson whispered, and though he wasn’t faking the pain, it wasn’t as horrible as he made it sound like. He liked the way Mark’s fingers were threading his hair, pressing against his scalp and rubbing it gently from time to time. It was like any kind of soft affectionate touches between them had been rare for a long time, it now felt like he was a plant being watered after a drought.

“Yes, I know it does. The doctor said the sprain is pretty bad, but it will heal in no time.” Mark was smiling when Jackson peered over the blanket edge at him. “I brought you the medication and water. Would you like coffee in bed, or would you prefer the couch?”

“I wan’ you in t’bed..” Jackson mumbled, averting his eyes shyly away from Mark’s face. Why did he feel so bashful? There was no logical reason to be like that but here he was, feeling all small and vulnerable and he wanted to be cherished and taken care off. He felt a little guilty too, for being such a bitchy baby last night, but luckily Mark was still here and taking care of Jackson, instead of being pissed off at him.

“Oh, Jackson.” Mark sighed, but Jackson could hear the smile in his voice. Then Mark moved, his hand leaving Jackson’s hair, but the bed sank lower when Mark climbed on the mattress and carefully spooned Jackson from behind.

Jackson closed his eyes and smiled into the blanket he still was holding to his face when Mark’s arm circled his waist; the warmth and the safe feeling were sweeping his other senses clean, leaving him floating and satisfied, heart beating just a little faster.

It didn’t erase the pain he was in, nor did it ease the stiffness causing the pain, but it felt good, and given how agonizing last night had been for him, Jackson accepted this moment of tranquility gladly.

Mark smelled faintly of coffee and toast, of shower and shampoo and Jackson allowed himself to relax as much as he could in the careful embrace, and closed his eyes. He was in no hurry anywhere, not in this state, and though it prickled his sense of duty, he gave in just for this one time. He could feel Mark breathing against his neck, the steady flow calming, and soon Mark’s arm relaxed and twitched and Jackson couldn’t help but to smile; Mark had already fallen asleep.

He wanted to turn around and examine the sleeping face, but didn’t dare to disturb his snoozing companion, nor was he in any state of gracefully, and without causing himself more pain, performing such a task anyway, so he remained where he was, fingers smoothing over Mark’s forearm, the long sleeved hoodie Mark was wearing going over the slender fingers.

Despite Jackson’s lingering sense of being a huge disappointment to Mark, there was something deeper, something so huge cooking inside him he was about to burst from the seams; he wanted to let it out, and had wanted for a long time now, but he didn’t know if it was the right thing to do. Maybe it wasn’t, and maybe it would just make everything worse, instead of the opposite. It was so _huge_ he had to force himself to forget the whole idea when it popped back in his head, and sometimes it caused Jackson to clamp his mouth shut and escape the room lest he would spill the beans way too early.

He wanted to prepare for this! He needed to know things before it was even possible to plan anything, and who knew how long it would take for him to do that.

It took Jackson all his willpower not to squirm free from the loose hug and hobble into the bathroom. He he managed just fine 5 more minutes before he felt like he was about to pop. But when he started to ease his aching way out of the bed, Mark's arm tightened it's hold and Jackson stopped his slow moving.

“Thought you were asleep.” Jackson smiled, squeezing Mark’s fingers.

“Nope. And where do you think you're going?”

“Bathroom.”

“Ok. Valid reason.” Mark yawned and propped himself up, releasing Jackson from his hold. “Need help getting up?”

“Unfortunately so.” Jackson sniffed, displeased but smiled anyway when Mark scrambled up to help standing up.

After freshening himself up, Jackson limped back to the bedroom. Mark was still there, but he had made the bed and laid out clothes for Jackson to wear and the gesture made Jackson’s heart skip a beat. It was so touching to be taken care of like this.

“Guess what I had to do this week?” Mark’s light grin made Jackson’s stomach flutter.

“What?” Jackson returned the grin and leaned over to give Mark a fleeting kiss on his cheek before he started to peel off the t-shirt he wore at night.

“Youngjae asked where babies come from. In the car while I was driving.”

“Only now?” Jackson's head emerged from within the loose black hoodie Mark helped him to pull on. “Bam asked me that when he was four.” He giggled, remembering the past.

“He keeps asking if you and I are going to make a baby.” Mark rolled his eyes, but Jackson caught a hint of red on the pale cheeks. Or was he imagining it?

“Now there’s a thought.” Jackson replied carefully, biting on his lip. He couldn’t deny he had sometimes wondered if it was possible for them to get a child together, but he had kept that particular though securely stowed away. “Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Mark chuckled, turning away and hiding his face so Jackson couldn’t read his expression.

“No baby making for you tonight, you need to heal first.” There was something lofty hidden in Mark’s voice, something that told Jackson Mark was avoiding the subject, and his stomach dropped a little bit.

Maybe, just _maybe.._

~

_My dear Seunie, why does he have to make me so worried? To injure his back by simply sneezing? Unbelievable. But it happened, so I suppose it isn’t that uncommon. Mark told me the doctor said the recovery would take from a few days to weeks in worst case. I truly hope Jackson is going to follow the instructions given him and keep himself away from more harm._

_I have my doubts, but I want to believe he takes his health more seriously after this. It would kill me to see him hurt again because I love him like the brother I never had. Though, sometimes it feels like Jackson is more like a child that needs to be looked after.. I wonder if he will ever stop being so ignorant of his own health._

_I hope he does, for his own good, because, and this I am fairly sure of, Mark is going to commit murder otherwise._

 

_Jinyoung_


	32. Just one day

_ 02:53 AM _

 

The house was quiet and lifeless, an empty shell washed on some forgotten shore, unwanted like a broken object no one could repair. Though the house was dark and uninviting, it stood there like a hunched beast, sheltering the people curled up in their beds, snarling at the abysmal weather beating its skin, the heavy end of winter storm wailing its way through the city.

Inside it was dry and cool, the mislaid toys and clothes scattered on the floor, watched only by the paintings and photographs on the wall; the black and gray faces in the pictures smiling, gazing into the void with gentle smiles, those precious moments captured onto the paper by the photographer who could encase the beauty of his models with a single click, the memories enduring the cruel flow of time until the paper would turn yellow and fragile, crumble like ash, and eventually disappearing, the memories gone like the people in the pictures when death came to claim them at the end of their journey. 

The sound of the rain rapping against the roof filled the night, a fading echo of footsteps joining the choir of the whispering voices the darkness made eerie. The footsteps moved carefully, almost completely silently through the house, the way to their destination familiar under the bare soles of the feet, uncaring of the coldness the skin met when pressed against the wooden floor. 

All the sounds were there, lingering over the furnitures and miscellaneous items like pearly, translucent ghosts brought back to life, flowing seamlessly into the mournful song the rain sang against the windows, the angry wind making the glass tremble when it whirled its way between the buildings, dancing like a maniac with the rain. 

The tree outside the window was reaching its branches towards the house like bony arms of a wraith, some creature spawned by the dark shadows hanging ominously over the grounds and houses, a passenger the storm had brought with it to bring nothing but ill news along with it.

Jinyoung stood in the kitchen, feeling how the silence was creeping on his skin as he watched the rain creating narrow rivers down the glass surface, wondering quietly if he was in the twilight zone, the edges of reality blurred, the unknown around him more tangible and present during this ungodly weather, tempting him to step closer, to disappear. 

He shook his head, thoughts clearing. It was late, extremely late in fact, for him to be awake and wondering whether or not the window was a portal to another dimension, but here he was, bleary eyed and sleepy, but definitely awake

The unwanted sense of fright which had woken him up in the middle of the night was still lingering close by and Jinyoung grimaced against his will. It had been just a bad dream, and he was absolutely unperturbed by those, but this time the dreadful dream had been about him losing his children and Jaebum, and being left stranded in a painful vortex of grief and despair, completely abandoned. Such an annoying dream, really. It had no actual basis in reality, and never would have, if it was up to him to keep things as they were, but Jinyoung still felt iffy about it. The sense of devastating loss was still lingering so close and it was amplified into ridiculous proportions in the darkness surrounding him.

It was like something was squeezing his insides, twisting them into an unpleasant knot, even though he knew there was nothing to be nervous about. Everything in his life was normal and good. Well, normal to the point where the twin girls were growing up so fast Jinyoung and Jaebum had trouble keeping up with all the things they learned and then threw at them. And of course there was Yugyeom who was growing up literally in front of their eyes, all his clothes getting small in no time. But the most amazing thing how his personality had started to shape into such a gentle child his parents were sometimes baffled how it was even possible. The boy was so  _ easy _ , though he had his moments of total misbehaviour. But it was normal; had there been none Jinyoung would have been worried. 

He had never in his dreams had thought it possible that he and Jaebum could raise a child this beautiful. Their journey as parents had not been an easy one and there had been a lot of obstacles to climb but now, seeing the results slowly unravelling, Jinyoung felt like bursting with pride whenever Yugyeom once again proved how amazing he was.

Had they, him and Jaebum, really done that? Really really? It was a stupefying realisation.

Jinyoung stood alone in the kitchen, staring out into the miserable rainy night and thought he really was making too big of a fuss of all this and that he should go back to bed. It had been just a dream anyway, nothing real that required him to be worried about. At least he didn’t believe he was actually worried of ending up living the rest of his days alone and abandoned. Jaebum was still there, in the bed actually right at this moment, and the children were happy and healthy, and sleeping.

The bedroom door opened quietly and Jinyoung held his breath for a little while, straining his ears to hear if Jaebum had woken up, but he heard nothing unusual and let out the air from his lungs.

Jinyoung slid carefully back under the covers, sighing and trying to clear his mind from the bothersome images his brains still kept displaying to him. He tried to relax, inhaling and exhaling slowly, imagining the negative thoughts and pictures leaving him and disappearing into the darkness. 

“ ‘nyong? Wha’s wrong?” Jinyoung turned his head towards Jaebum, a useless gesture but he did it anyway, surprised.

“I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.”

“No.” Came the obstinate answer and Jinyoung felt the bed move, bodily warmth all of a sudden much more tangible than it had been a moment ago. He guessed Jaebum had turned to his side and was now facing Jinyoung.

“Suit yourself..” Jinyoung muttered, mostly amused. Jaebum could be such an adorable pig head sometimes and thus what his dear spouse next said did not surprise Jinyoung at all.

“I’ll go back to sleep when you tell me what’s making you so restless.” Jaebum’s tone was sulky and soothing at the same time, trying to lure Jinyoung into spilling the beans of what was troubling him.

Jinyoung smiled. 

“It was just a dream. Nothing else.” He stated calmly, hoping that it would be enough of an explanation. He wanted slip back to sleep and forget this nightly incident for good.

“Nightmares?” Jaebum insisted, not willing to drop the matter just yet.

“Something like that.” Jinyoung shrugged, all the more aware how the still lingering images were stuck in his head.

“They’re just dreams.” Jaebum said quietly and Jinyoung smiled against the hand that had reached over to caress his face. He turned towards the stroking hand and kissed the fingers, smiling still. Jaebum had a weird knack of knowing when Jinyoung wasn’t telling the truth and kept on pushing him until the truth would come out, one way or another. 

“I know. I’m fine. I know dreams don’t mean anything.” Jinyoung sighed, entwining their fingers and hugging Jaebum’s hand close to himself. 

Jaebum said nothing after, just tightened his grip on Jinyoung’s hand, and Jinyoung sank slowly deeper into the now comforting silence, waiting for the sleep to wash over his tired body, hoping the nightmares were over for now. He was however yanked back to waking world when Jaebum rolled over him under the blanket they shared, hands now cradling his face from both sides. He could feel warm breath on his face, dry lips caressing his skin in search of his mouth.

“I’ll give something better to dream about..” The words were nothing but a murmured whisper against his lips and Jinyoung’s smile only grew wider. He reached up, wrapping his arms around Jaebum’s neck, pulling him down and flush against his own body. He didn’t need any more words, it was simply unnecessary, he knew it from the moment their lips pressed together in a soft and slow kiss that ignited the little flames of desire that were always hidden somewhere under his calm and collected exterior.

The weight over Jinyoung was heavy but he relished the sensations Jaebum’s body caused in him; that slow burn spreading inside starting from his groins, the lips on his cheek and lips and neck, warm fingers reaching from one side to slide under the loose boxers Jinyoung wore to bed at night. He loved those exploring fingers on his skin, moving swiftly and knowingly over all the spots that made Jinyoung breathe a soft moan into the kiss, muffled by the sloppy liplock, trying to keep the noises to a bare minimum so they wouldn't carry outside the bedroom door and disturb the sleeping children.

It was one of those nights when all else around them disappeared as they melted together silently, moving slowly, cherishing the rare moment of complete freedom to think nothing but the two of them, find the same frequency in search of physical release. The silence pressed upon them, wrapping itself around them them like a spell to silence the movement under the blanket, clothes discarded, skin moving against skin in the moment of pure passion.

Jinyoung’s hands were gripping Jaebum’s hair, his body straining and responding to each move, eyes tightly shut; he was flying, flying higher and higher, and Jaebum was his wings, his everything, the warm skin against his so close they could have been made from the same mold, each thrust and sway synchronized. They were one, they were a puzzle put together, painted with glue so they would never fall apart. They were a single being when the pleasure was bright and burning, exploding inside them when the climax peaked, kissing each other almost feverishly to muffle the cry of ecstasy, the gentle waves rocking them until nothing else was left but a pulsating sense of happiness and complete satisfaction.

“You’ve always been my haven.” Jinyoung kissed softly Jaebum’s lips, peppering the warm face with smaller kisses, cherishing the intimacy. His words were hushed, nearly breathless in the afterglow and he could feel Jaebum still inside him, sticky and messy but oh so satisfying.

“I know.”

~

_ 07:38 AM _

 

It was a cloudy, cold and incredibly uninviting morning in general. Everything was gray and muddy, the scenery outside anything but beckoning, and she had very little faith in the day improving from this to anything even remotely good.

The nightly hailstorm had washed most of the snow away, and with the snow the crisp winter had slipped far back, the upcoming spring still looking extremely unwelcoming when observed from within the walls of the house standing alone in the middle of the hibernating gardens surrounding in it. Inside it was warm, the room bathing in mostly golden candle light, partially because she hadn’t bothered to turn on the electric lights just for the sake of savouring the moment of wanting to go back to bed and read a book undisturbed. She liked the peace and quiet the early mornings sometimes provided to her; making tea and toast, sitting by the window and to pretend the world wasn’t as bad as it in reality was. She was a dreamer, painting the horizon whenever she could with dreamy colours, but she was a realist, the knowledge of how cruel her surroundings could have been etched into her very skin, it was that familiar to her.

A string of curse words disturbed her from her wandering thoughts and she smiled, lifting the teacup to her lips. It wasn’t so rare for her to find her morning peace soon being filled with slight chaos; it was more rare for it to be completely silent and peaceful.

There were the sounds of frustration echoing in the big rooms, words just barely comprehensible in the middle of the disgruntled huffs and puffs. Sometimes she could detect some of the things that were being said, but most of the not, but most of the time she chose to ignore it all and focused instead on her newspaper spread over the table, and on her morning tea. And, to be really honest, she never  _ did _ have enough time to focus solely on her morning routines before  _ after _ the source of all the commotion was out of the door.

“Sweetie, have you seen my pink dress? The one with white collar? I can’t find it anywhere.” Noi stormed into the kitchen, the draft she brought with her made the candles flicker. Her jet black hair was half done in an messy bun over her pretty head and she had only her saggy gray PJ’s and Honey’s worn out old t-shirt on here. Honey, peering over her teacup, smiled at the sight of Noi; she liked her best in this natural and kind of rough state. There was something very pure about it, and Noi without any makeup always did look incredibly young. It was hard to believe she was over thirty.

“I believe you took it to dry cleaners two days ago.” Honey replied slowly, the cup between her hands warm, almost burning, but she didn’t care; her hands were always slightly cold and in need of warming anyway.

“Oh! You’re right!” Noi blinked and then marched over to Honey to kiss Honey on the cheek. This had been a good example how cute and affectionate Noi could be, but sadly the kiss had been only a ruse and because when Honey looked down at her plate she noted her toast was gone. She rolled her eyes and got up to make another one. Noi had already floated out of the room with the stolen piece of toast, but she was still very audible, like she always was and it had nothing to do with what the time was; Noi was audible any hour of the day.

“I can’t believe the nonsense I have to go through with some of the new girls.” Noi was rambling, the sound of opening and closing drawers sometimes overlapping with the words. “I mean, you’d have to be  _ really _ thick to act all snooty and like you’re somehow better than you boss! She gets so salty and angry when I give her constructive criticism!” Noi’s voice got smaller, more distant. “You know who Meiying reminds me of? Yvonne. You remember that stuck up little french bi-”

“I do.” Honey barked, highly amused. “Didn’t you have a fist fight with her?”

“Oh, yes. More than once! They just caught us one time, but it happened more often.” Noi emerged again, her hair a lovely mess and her arms full of dresses. “It’s sad that she died though.” She looked ponderous for a while, a flash of grief passing over her small face, but it was gone in a heartbeat. “So, I thought about this lovely blue dress! Don’t you think it’s absolutely divine?”

“Yes. It’s quite perfect.” Honey smiled, leaning back on her chair and watched, again, how Noi disappeared from sight. 

“I was thinking of sending that little runt over to Jacque, you know? He might whack some sense into that pretty little head! Nothing too serious of course, but thinking all high and mighty about yourself just because you've been born into wealth and beauty..” The disapproving cluck of a tongue wasn't audible but Honey could very well imagine hearing it. There was distant mumbling before Noi emerged again. “I have  _ never _ tried to abuse my good fortune like that. It's just-” She waved her hands frustrated like she always did when she was at loss for words, which, admittedly, didn’t happen that often.

“Unbecoming?” 

“Yes! That!” 

“Mm.” Honey raised one fine eyebrow at Noi.

“Don't you start.” Noi stuck her tongue out. “I’m nothing like  _ those people!” _

“If you say so.” Honey pretended to direct her attention on her paper again, but in truth she was agreeing with Noi. 

Noi was loud and she interfered far more often than it was healthy for her. She was also very beautiful and she knew it. She  _ also _ had money more than she could probably ever use. But never had Honey seen Noi using her beauty to bring others down, or make them feel inferior to her. Never had she witnessed Noi flaunting her money to those who had less. It wasn't in her nature to do such things because even with her wealth and beauty, and interfering nature, the biggest difference to others with similar backgrounds, was her attitude that was never condescending or superior towards others.

She was pushy, yes, but after a while you knew to trust her whims, and whims they always were, because even if Noi was an airhead, she never meant any harm. She was always willing to help, never asking anything in return. That was what made the biggest difference to those snooty and arrogant people every sane person disliked so much.

Of course no one was perfect, not even Noi. She had blundered in her life quite a many times, but for some reason she never seemed to stop to fret about anything, simply marching forward after picking herself up again.

There had been just one time during their time together when Honey had witnessed Noi being absolutely clueless and scared, unable to decide what to do. But even that had passed once the natural instincts had taken control. 

Honey admired her wife for that; it took guts, or innocent ignorance, to be able to live your life so determinately. 

She glanced down at her paper, an article about school teachers catching her eye, and suddenly she thought about Jackson. It had been a while since they had seen Jackson, or had been blessed with Bambam’s presence. Honey adored Bambam and could have easily spent an entire week just playing games with the boy, taking him anywhere they felt like going, or just simply lounge together in the big family room at home, watching movies or drawing together.

She knew Bambam liked all clothing related, knew he was soft for baby animals and talked almost non-stop about how happy he was he had two of each parent, and how much fun it was to have a brother and his best friend always closeby.

Honey chewed on her lips, wondering how Jackson was holding up after his back injury. She wasn’t particularly close with him, but having been there for the past ten years to observe the man and his way of life, she had a pretty good idea how things progressed. And those observations made her worry that Jackson wasn’t all aware he was  _ too _ selfless from time to time. 

What would it take to make him realise he would be no less useful and loved even if he was a little bit more selfish?

“We haven’t seen Jackson and Mark in a while.” Honey yawned, the early hours still making her sleepy. “Should we invite them over, or go see them ourselves?”

“Well, you know I’m swamped this week again, and I don’t know when I’ll have the time to sit down for idle chatter. I’m sorry baby, but I’m just too busy now!” Noi answered from somewhere close by, though she wasn’t visible.

“No need to apologize, I’m well aware of your schedule being full.”  _ Too full _ , Honey added quietly to herself. She wouldn’t say that out loud though, there was no point of doing that because it would change absolutely nothing.

“Don’t you think the house is too quiet though? It would be divine to see my precious, and sunshine boy as well! I miss my baby so much. And he’s growing up so fast and I simply cannot keep up with him at all!” Noi was chattering away, her voice getting quieter the further she walked from the kitchen again.

“You know you’re your own boss.” Honey raised her voice enough to know it would reach Noi and went back to her tea and toast, the momentary silence filling the room.

“Why can’t babies grow in trees!” Noi suddenly burst into the kitchen again. “Oh, more toast. Lovely!” She strode over to Honey and nearly managed to steal the new piece she had made for herself. But just nearly. “Hey, I wanted that!”

“Make your own.” Honey snorted and bit down on the bread. Noi pouted, her lips pursing adorably.

“You’re mean!

“What do you mean ‘why can’t babies grow in trees’?”

“What? Oh, that! It would be much more convenient. You know, we wouldn’t have to try to find a donor, I wouldn’t have to carry the babe, because I know you can’t, and generally it would save a lot of hassle, don’t you think?”

“And why-” Honey rolled her eyes and took a big bite of the toast, only increasing very visibly Noi’s displeasure. She was always so much fun to tease. “-exactly would it be convenient? Do enlighten me.”

“To have more children, of course! You’re awfully slow today darling, haven’t you gotten your morning tea down yet? Now, make me another toast, be a dear? I’m famished! Could use a cup of strong t-”

“You wish to have more children?” Honey interrupted her dear wife by holding one hand up in between them. Noi stared at her like she had spoken in some foreign language.

“I shouldn’t want more? It’s normal for women at my age, don’t say I shouldn’t because I really do and you do too! I’ve seen you with my Bammie and you’re such a cutie when you’re taking care of him,” Noi actually smirked, but Honey managed with great effort to keep herself from flushing with embarrassment. “And why are you being so funny? Not that I don’t find it adorable though, you’ve always managed to amuse m-” Again she was being interrupted; this was fairly normal for them and came naturally to both of them.

“Noi.” Honey huffed, rolling her eyes.

“What!”

“Just explain yourself  _ clearly _ , be so very kind.” Honey almost, just almost, sounded frustrated. But she was used to dealing with Noi and her erratic ways so even if she was frustrated it would pass in a moment.

“Oh, the kiddie thing? What about it? I want more children but I’m too damn busy to find a donor, or fill out the adoption papers, what a hoot that would be too! Can you imagine waiting for years and years and years before you would get to have even a whiff of the poor babe? I can’t wrap my brains around how some people are able to do that, it’s so awe-inspiring! Truly! Well, anyway, it’s easier to just get pregnant but seriously who has time to find some random jar of sperm from somewhere!”

“And, all this somehow led you to the conclusion that it would be easier if the babies would grow in trees?”

“I know! Brilliant, isn’t it!” Noi was beaming, hugging herself and Honey couldn’t help the sweet smile that rose to adorn her own lips as she observed this wild little thing that had stolen her heart all those years ago on the cobbled streets of Milan. The memory of that windy day would never fade from her mind.

“You, my pet, are a wonder.” Honey said solemnly, a low chuckle just hidden in the huff of breath she let out. “And simply for that, I shall make you breakfast while you finish getting dressed.” She would talk about this matter with Noi later, when she was less whimsical, but for now she would let the whole thing slip through her fingers.

“Oh, I  _ do _ love you so much!” Noi squeaked, gave Honey a quick, but very warm and sweetly smelling hug, kissed Honey’s dimples that were showing for once, and then floated away humming an old children's song.

~

_ 09:21 AM _

 

Jimin stood in the middle of the unfinished room with his lips pursed and one finger tapping the soft surface, staring around him critically, eyes narrowed. His gaze skimmed over the walls and the floor, covered with newspaper and already blotchy with paint he had used on the ceiling. He stared almost guiltily at the rolls of tapestry still unopened in their plastic packages, waiting to be used. The room smelled strongly of fresh paint, so strong it nearly made him dizzy by just standing there, his sense of smell being terrorized by the vapours still heavy in the air even though he had finished the ceiling a week ago. Everything would of course have to be aired properly, the mere idea of spending time in that particular room when it smelled like your head was stuck in a paint jar for good, causing Jimin’s stomach twist unpleasantly, like he was about to hurl his insides out soon.

He would have to speed up his work pace but he was so unsure what to do next; all his plans seemed frivolous and problematic now.

The yellow colour was too much though, wasn’t it? It was so shiny and bright, and added with the blue details the combination reminded Jimin of some country’s flag, and he didn’t really want to think about that every single time when he would step in there. Maybe he should change the order? Blue as the main and maybe some yellow details here and there, like sunflowers. Or maybe this whole attempt at interior design was a horrible idea and he really should ask someone else to pick the colours. Someone who had a good idea what went with what shade. Definitely not Yoongi though, Jimin snorted. The room would end up gray and red and weird, and the baby would grow up depressed, or would have nightmares every single night. 

He definitely should call someone to help him to make up his mind, because he would  _ not _ be the reason to cause their first child trauma by picking simple horrendous colours for the nursery. He had had nightmares already, about ruining everything and how their son would turn into a junkie or end up in a gang and would be skinned for messing up.. The ugly scenarios weren’t what Jimin would normally call realistic, but he was still very nervous.

Of course it was useless to fret and be anxious, but it  _ was _ a huge change in their lives, so maybe all the nightmares and worries were perfectly normal things to feel. But still.. It wasn’t good to lose sanity over something he couldn’t control. Having a kid should be a wonderful, happy thing, but all Jimin could feel right now was a horrible mixture of anxiety and exhilaration, which was an awful combination. He needed to talk with someone about this or else he would go crazy while doubting he was good enough to be a father. 

Then again they wouldn’t be having the baby in the first place if the social workers hadn’t deemed him and Yoongi fit to be parents.

_ There’s nothing wrong with us- me, at all. We’re fine.  _ I’m _ fine! Perfect even. _ Jimin huffed, turning his back to the unfinished nursery, deciding he needed breakfast before deciding anything.

The sound of Yoongi’s ringtone filled the staircase while Jimin was walking down and he heard Yoongi picking it up with an annoyed tone. Mornings were the moments when it was almost dangerous to approach Yoongi since he was usually sleepy and annoyed and his tongue was sharper when he didn’t pay attention to what nasty things he might let slip. By accident of course.

“Please tell me you aren’t going to ask me what I think you are.” If a silent moment could sound annoyed, it would sound like it now, because even without seeing Yoongi’s face Jimin could almost feel the disgruntled and tense feelings floating in the air. “He did  _ what? _ Dear god, is he an idiot?” Yoongi groaned loudly.

Jimin approached the family room carefully, not wanting to eavesdrop but still extremely curious what Yoongi was so salty about. He peered around the corner, catching Yoongi sprawled on the floor like a starfish, his phone in one hand and pressed against his right ear. 

Jimin smiled despite himself, knowing he was hidden from view. He simply loved watching Yoongi when Yoongi thought no one saw him because sometimes he had this funny soft expression on his face, making him look a little like a child, instead of the adult with responsibilities and worries hanging over his narrow, extremely tense by the way, shoulders.

“You do realise I have to deal with the motherfuckers alone if you’re not going to be there? This is REALLY inconvenient, you know that fully well so no point in apologizing.” Yoongi was so snappy, and Jimin couldn’t help but to feel a little bad for the recipient, but if this was about what Jimin thought it was, Yoongi certainly had a good reason for being nasty. 

“Fine. I’ll cover for you. I’ll wake Joonie up to be there with me.” Yoongi finally huffed, eyes closing this time. “But you know this still isn’t ok and you owe me big time. AGAIN.” And with a swipe of the screen the call ended. 

Jimin didn’t move from his spot, just kept his eyes on the man lying on the carpet, now breathing in slowly with his eyes closed, the phone tossed away from his reach as if it was a thing from hell, ready to bring more bad news if Yoongi touched it.

He had a bad habit of stalking his spouse, but it wasn’t anything to be condemned about, since he was merely appreciating the beauty of his spouse and not trying to cause him any kind of harm or trouble by observing him from afar.

Sometimes Jimin stood by the studio doors at late hours when he came to drag Yoongi home from work, watching the slumped form snoring on the chair in front of the mixing table, and wondered if he should step in and try stop Yoongi from overworking himself. It was scary what kind of workaholic the man could be, pushing himself to the very edge, and most of the times over that particular edge, to reach higher and higher. 

But Jimin knew he couldn’t stop Yoongi from doing what he loved; there was no way he could ever stand in the way of the passion Yoongi felt towards what he was doing, be it music or taking care of the business with Mark. Jimin had been there since the beginning of everything, and he was insanely proud of what the two had achieved, muddling through obstacles and setbacks. 

He could have watched Yoongi sprawled on the floor longer from his hiding place, though he wasn’t exactly  _ hiding _ , but it was too tempting to see how Yoongi’s mouth was slightly open, the pink lips visibly dry and chapped like they so often seemed to be no matter how many times Jimin told Yoongi to use the lip balm to keep his lips from bleeding, but the workaholic idiot always forgot it after a day or two.

Feeling slightly giddy with joy, Jimin tiptoed closer, trying to breath as quietly as he could, and knelt besides a very silent Yoongi, seemingly unaware of his surroundings. 

Up this close the pink colour of Yoongi’s lips was so clear, so tempting and not even the chappiness did bother Jimin as he stared at the relaxed mouth, eyes glued to that particular spot like there was nothing more beautiful in the world for him. He could still remember the first time they had kissed, and that particular memory still made him flush violently with embarrassment. It had been his fault they had tumbled down from the bench and Yoongi had knocked his head so hard they had to visit the emergency for a stitch or two. Of course Yoongi found the story overall hilarious now, enjoying his remorseless teasing of Jimin who was absolutely devastated because of the whole ordeal.

It had been  _ so _ embarrassing, but it had resulted in Yoongi finally admitting there was nothing wrong if they made out, rather furiously once they got started, and so had their long, and sometimes rocky, journey began.

“You're staring.” Yoongi muttered, eyes still closed and breathing evenly, like he wasn’t awake at all but sleeping. Jimin scrunched his nose.

“No, I'm not.”

“I can feel it even with my eyes closed. Stop being creepy.”

“I'm not creepy.” Jimin pouted, puffing his cheeks. He was just playing along since he had no reason to be offended, though to be fair they had started fighting for lesser reasons in past. 

“Yes, you are.” Yoongi snorted, but then opened his eyes and gazed straight up at Jimin. “But it's sort of cute so I'm ok if you're creepy with me.”

“Dork.” Jimin grinned suddenly, an overwhelming sense of happiness engulfing him. He made a high happy sound and then tackled Yoongi, snuggling himself as close as he could, not caring about the weak protests Yoongi made when he was being cuddled so roughly out of the blue.

Jimin sighed contently, relaxing when Yoongi finally gave in and hugged him back, the two of them lying on the floor like it was nothing out of the ordinary for them. He was so happy these days, so happy it was hard to compare his current self to the one he had been before and after Yoongi entered his life.

Sometimes it felt awful to remember all the crazy stuff he had done when he had been younger, a kind of weird sense of guilt washed Jimin cold when he remembered it all. All the insecurity, the bad body image, the dieting, the self-hatred, trust issues with people.. It had been so terrible and had caused a lot of trouble between him and Yoongi, as well as with many of his other friends, not to mention his family. And still, sometimes, after all these years, Jimin fought with Yoongi about those same things; about skipping a meal here and there, or working out too late after studying.. Yoongi cared, he cared so much it hurt Jimin physically to hear him plea Jimin to stop being an idiot. 

So many years, so many pleas and apologies. So many fights with forgiveness waiting at the end. By some miracle they were still together, still attached from the hip and now, now they would expand their little unit with one more person and it was scaring the living daylights out of Jimin, though he was very sure he wanted this. 

He wanted to prove he was better than he had been before. Wanted to show that he could raise a beautiful child with Yoongi even with the demons still sometimes fighting inside his head. 

You never really get rid of the adolescent problems, not really. They just take a different shape as you grow older and gain more knowledge and perspective. Those problems simply walk along the road with you, and in the end they don’t feel like the crushing weight of the world any longer, and at that point, they have already become like old friends you sit down to have tea with, no more life threatening to you. The problems are always there, always present in your adult life but they are more manageable, things you carry in your heart but never really take out for examination like you used to. No longer do those feelings tear you apart, tear you so apart you’re nothing but raw and painful mass of flesh and unwanted sense of hurt and despair, and it feels liberating to know that you  _ can _ handle it, you  _ can _ feel the feels and not drown with them. 

Emotional turmoil can be a bitch, and Jimin was no stranger to it. Luckily, he wasn’t alone and could lean onto his friends and his loved ones when he was feeling unusually bad.

“Do you think yellow is too bright for the nursery?” Jimin snuggled his face closer to Yoongi’s neck, the embrace warm and comfy, their limbs tangled like they were two octopuses, all happy to be a messy pile of limbs. 

The carpet was tickling Jimin’s bare arms and he thought fleetingly how he might want to store it away once the baby would be old enough to crawl. They hadn’t even decided on a name yet and it would be no more than three weeks before the drool and poop machine would be theirs to pick from the hospital, and he was already worried what they should store away when the kid would grow old enough to move around on his own. 

Jimin nearly giggled out loud; he was a mess. A happy mess, but a mess anyway. But it didn’t matter. This was what he-  _ they _ , wanted so any anxiety he felt now would diminish once the new chapter in their lives would begin for real.

“Yellow? You want to raise a kid in a  _ yellow  _ room?” Yoongi groaned, disbelief clear in his voice. “Come on Jimin.. Isn’t that a bit too much? The brat will think it’s an easter egg, or a chicken, if you paint the room with nothing but yellow.” The words were muttered against Jimin’s hair, bringing him back to the current moment from the depths of his thoughts. Jimin rolled his eyes.

“Well, what do you suggest? No dark gray or bright red, thank you very much.” Jimin huffed, inhaling the comforting scent of detergent, closing his eyes for a few seconds to feel the calm wave washing over him whenever he was nice and snug in Yoongi’s arms, like now.

“Ugh, you are so boring.” Yoongi’s reply was sulky, but he kept hugging Jimin even closer, as if scared Jimin would run away if he loosened his hold. “How about a paler shade of yellow then? That would be less offensive. Or maybe something neutral, like peachy or whatever.”

“I didn’t expect you to suggest that.” Jimin looked up at Yoongi and found him looking everywhere else but at Jimin. “It’s a nice idea. Neutral is good. We don’t want to impose gender on the kid anyway from the start.”

“Impose gend-” Yoongi rolled his eyes. “Jiminie,  _ it’s a baby. _ It doesn’t give a rats ass about what colour is ‘normal’ for which gender.”

“You can never be too sure what babies understand.” Jimin scrunched his nose, pouting. “I should think I have more experience about this than you since I’ve studied the field!”

“Ok, fine. You’re the expert.” Yoongi took a deep breath in, his chest expanding under the loose black shirt he was wearing. “Not gonna fight you on that. But I still think it’s stupid. Can’t we just dress the kid in all black and be done with it?”

Jimin slapped Yoongi’s stomach. Hard. Yoongi winced but took the abuse rather calmly this time.

“Who called you by the way?” Jimin asked once he was sure Yoongi wasn’t going to slap him back and start a playful fight that would result getting the carpet all wrinkled and anywhere where it wasn’t supposed to be.

“Mark.” Yoongi’s reply was as sour as it could get and Jimin felt sorry for him. But then again Yoongi and Mark were always bickering about something, and these days it was even more common since they were both stressed about everything concerning the shop. Yoongi definitely was a nerve wreck because of the notice they had received a few days ago about the city wanting to tear down the concrete halls and turn the factory area into living area. It bode no good to the shop and Yoongi was absolutely furious about it, Mark most likely too. 

“What happened this time?”

“Apparently Jackson sprained his back again because he’s a hasty idiot and doesn’t know how to take it easy even when the doctor says he should.” Yoongi spat out, annoyance very audible in his voice.

“And Mark has to..?” Jimin left his sentence hanging, waiting for Yoongi to explain himself further.

“He has to go pick his idiot boyfriend from the hospital and babysit him for the next two days.”

“I talked with Mark yesterday, and he sounded exhausted.” Jimin bit on his lip, worried. He cared for his friend a lot and he didn’t want to see him suffering from anything, but this was something he couldn’t heal with bright smiles or distractive conversations. Not with everything else going on, not just Mark and Jackson’s own problems,

“I’m not surprised. I’m just pissed the jackass managed to time his injuries for today! Mark is just as pissed as I am and the council people are going come over and FUCK! It’s just so fucking retarded!”

“Shit.” Jimin said, unable to express himself better; he was furious as well, of course, who wouldn’t be! It was all very very unfair, to put it nicely. 

“Shit indeed my dearest, SHIT. I’m gonna flip soon. And with the baby coming as well..” Yoongi reached one hand up to rub wearily the bridge of his nose. “It’s like all shit has to happen at once, you know? When rains it fucking pours!”

“I know baby, I know. I wish I could make it better somehow.” And Jimin really did wish he could wave a wand or something, to make it all better again, but alas, he was no wizard or magician.

“Nah, you’re busy with graduating and fixing the house, so don’t you worry your pretty head with my problems.” Yoongi smiled faintly, tilting his head to plant a kiss on Jimin’s forehead. “Have I told you how much I love you lately?”

“Maybe, but doesn’t hurt to hear it again.” Jimin couldn’t help the childish happiness blooming inside him and erupting out as a happy giggle, though the situation was so marred with the dark shades of worry.

“I love you. More than words can tell.” There something so soft, something infinitely wonderful about those three simple words that made Jimin swell with happiness. He climbed higher, leaning his weight against Yoongi, cupping the heart shaped face with one hand.

“Love you too.”

The kiss they shared was soft and lazy, like one of those picturesque moments when you kiss your beloved in a sunny spot and it feels like nothing in the world can ever be wrong again and life is wonderful and beautiful and you’re light like a feather. It didn’t matter there was no actual sun pouring in from the window, nor did it matter the carpet didn’t stop the chill of the floor seeping under their skins. None of those mundane things mattered when all Jimin needed was his little piece of happiness, wrapped in a handsome package that was called Yoongi. It was enough.

“You should call Joonie, to wake him up, if you want him to come with you.” Jimin pecked Yoongi’s cheek, the rosy colour an extremely pleasing sight.

“Mm.” Yoongi hummed back, and impish smile rising to his lips. “I’d rather stay here?”

“Aw, me too darling,” Jimin smiled, leaning down to steal one more languid kiss before hoisting himself up. “But I need to make up my mind about the nursery and you really need to go to work.” Yoongi grimaced.

“Yeah, I know. I just don’t want to.” Yoongi stretched lazily but began to sit up. “And don’t worry about the kiddie room; you’ll do just fine.” 

~

_ 10:08 AM _

 

The ride home was a silent one.

Jackson sat on the passenger seat, dazed, pumped with muscle relaxants, and feeling horrible both physically and mentally. Mark was being quiet, his eyes were fixed on the road and he was seemingly effortlessly guiding the car thought the traffic towards home. The only thing ruining this peaceful moment was the obvious tension in the air. Mark’s clenched jaw was a sure sign that the man was going to explode soon.

Ok, so he had screwed up this time, like  _ really screwed up. _ The first time it had been an accident, and though this second time had been an accident as well, it kind of sort of was mostly his own fault, and that was probably why Mark was so pissed off.

Oh yes, Jackson knew how to read Mark’s reactions by now, at least to some extent, and right now he was sure he was definitely going to have piece of whatever it was that Mark had in mind; the clenched jaw, the narrowed eyes, the white knuckles gripping the steering wheel.. Mark was stiff as a pole and his silence was very loud and extremely menacing.

Jackson wanted to apologise again and again, though it wouldn’t change anything, but he still wanted to do that. But he didn’t. Instead he opted to stare out of the car window, the gray buildings and colourful light signs passing them by, the muscle relaxants the doctor had shot up into Jackson’s buttock making him slightly drowsy.  Every part of his body screaming rest but he just  _ knew _ there was no chance for any rest anytime soon.

In retrospect he understood  _ why _ Mark was so angry but then again he didn't. It wasn't like he didn't realise his involvement in all what had come to pass this morning.

He really only had wanted to be useful and prepare the class in advance, and since Hyunjin, the guy who was supposed to help him out, hadn’t yet turned up by the time Jackson got impatient, he decided to get all the required equipment out by himself. Bad idea, as it turned out five minutes later, when he had been hauling the huge gym mats that weighed like a bloody ton, out of the storage room and incidentally his back had decided that this was not fun at all and had cramped up so bad he had lost control of the mats and had crumbled on the floor. 

That was where Hyunjin, the stupid git, had found Jackson minutes later and had called for help. And then, after the principal had driven Jackson to the hospital to receive treatment, someone had called Mark, Mark had turned up, and now.. here they were, very quiet and very uncomfortable in the car.

What a hoot.

It had taken all of Jackson’s willpower for the last two weeks to take it easy so he wouldn’t damage himself again, doctor’s orders and he didn't actually  _ enjoy _ being handicapped, but he finally had lost to the demanding side of himself, the side that always told him that he was nothing but a slacker and that he should always try to aim to be better and more qualified in any field because he was so lacking to begin with.

When the front door closed with an ominous snap behind them,  Jackson made a limping beeline to the bedroom, knowingly postponing the obvious. His main thought was just to lie down as soon as possible and try to ease the stiffness that was hurting him even with all the painkillers he had gotten; confrontation with Mark would just have to either wait, or follow him to the bedroom. Neither he really preferred to be honest.

He was just trying to figure out how to seat himself down on the bed when he heard the fridge door slam shut. It didn’t take long for Mark to stride in from the bedroom door looking so angry Jackson flinched; that beautiful face had never looked more scarier and Jackson tried to brace himself for whatever Mark would throw at him. 

“Is this some kind of joke to you?” Mark hissed, the bitter disappointment seeping from between the words like venom straight into Jackson heart. His reaction to this attack was automatic; Jackson bristled like he had had feathers to bristle, standing straight despite his back and glared back at Mark.

“What do you mean?” Jackson was afraid his bluff at bravery and coldheartedness would be easy to see through, but Mark only seemed to grow more menacing, his anger more and more tangible, Jackson’s vulnerability going completely unnoticed.

“Is your health a fucking joke to you?” Mark was obviously gritting his teeth together; Jackson thought he might have heard the grinding sound had he not been so busy feeling conflicted and angry himself. Mark’s eyes were narrowed to two dark slits that did nothing to ease the hellish turmoil raging inside Jackson’s guts.

“No! Of course it’s not!”

“Then why the hell can't you believe that you  _ need to rest _ before you can continue horsing around? What does it take to get that through your thick skull!” Mark rarely raised his voice at anyone, but he was doing it now and it certainly didn’t feel very nice. All it did was to make Jackson feel stupid. He was always the one in the wrong, wasn’t he? 

_ That’s just FANTASTIC, isn’t it! _ Jackson though maliciously.  _ It’s all MY fault! Saint Mark, fucking hell. _

“I'm not horsing around and yes, believe it or not, I'm actually serious about being healthy.” Jackson snapped out loud, his head a loud mess and his was back aching and annoying, and all he wanted to lie down and forget there was Mark to deal with.

“Do you really think so? Jackson, you’re injured again! And all this because you couldn't restrain yourself.” Mark looked so upset, so angry. “Jack, you're not a teenager anymore! Your body does not heal as fast as it did when you were younger. You can’t dismiss the facts!”

“I know, ok! No need to rub it in! I’m not stupid!” Jackson flared up finally, having had enough of the mental abuse, though Mark wasn’t  _ exactly _ abusing him with any harsh words, just simply stating facts. Sadly that was precisely what made Jackson angry, and it was mainly directed at himself.

“I wish I could believe you, but this is not the first time, and I’m so tired of seeing you getting hurt time after time again.” Mark dragged a weary hand over his face.

Jackson just stood there, feeling offended and attacked. He couldn’t help the anger bubbling inside him even when he  _ knew _ Mark had a point, that the fault was mostly his this time, not Mark’s. But Mark shouldn’t have raised his voice like this, it was obvious it was only going to make Jackson argue with him no matter how wrong he might be.

“I can’t make you stop being ignorant about your health, but could you even  _ try _ to be more conscious? Especially now when you’re still healing.” Mark said quietly. It was surprising how much more it hurt to hear these things in a softer tone, but Jackson was already enough enraged and dismissed the silent plea hidden between the lines.

“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you very much Mark.” Jackson growled, crossing his arms angrily before him. Mark inhaled sharply, his posture going stiff again.

“Obviously you’re not.” The accusation was almost icy cold, arrogant even, and boy did it piss Jackson off.

“YES I AM!” Jackson almost yelled, his knuckles turning white the more he squeezed his fists into tight balls. “Stop saying that I’m not capable of taking care of myself! I’m an adult and perfectly capable of doing that!” He was spewing the words out like bullets, his insides growing colder the longer this idiotic assault lasted.

“Well, you haven’t so far done  _ anything _ to prove it!” Mark snarled, his face dark and somehow almost ugly.

“Maybe I can’t when you’re constantly fawning over my every fucking step!” This wasn’t true exactly, but Jackson wasn’t thinking very straight; in the heat of the moment he was just spilling words as they came to his mind, which in most cases wasn’t the best thing to do.

“I’m not  _ fawning!”  _ Mark spat the last word out like it was something foul on his tongue. “You’re a mess, Jackson. You never think of yourself and I'm done trying to babysit you.”

“No one asked you to  _ babysit _ me.” Jackson was seething, everything hurting and pulsing inside him and he hated the world right now so much it could have ended for all he cared.

“Fine. I won’t.” 

“Good.”

An angry pause, the air filled with all the possibilities of things going even worse than they already had. And just when Jackson thought he had heard it all, Mark dropped the bomb.

“This doesn't even feel like a relationship anymore.”

“Yeah? Well, maybe I should leave you to be  _ an adult _ all by yourself then.” Jackson shot back, ignoring the cold dread somewhere under the blazing rage within him taking over all the reasonable thoughts.

“Yeah, maybe you should!” Mark shot back, just as aggravated as Jackson was.

“Fine!”

“FINE!”

The stood there, glaring at each other, hating unreasonably so much it was painful to see it, and then, the next thing Jackson realized was Mark walking away from him, slamming the front door and leaving Jackson standing alone in the empty house, angry and upset, in pain and confused. 

The odd thing was that Jackson felt no need to run after Mark. Like zero need for that. Nil. What he did feel was the obstinate sense of wanting to do the exact opposite. This time  _ he  _ wasn’t going to do anything of the sort. Mark had gone too far and Jackson wasn’t going be the first to apologize of anything that had been said today. Nope. Not him. Not today.

The eerie silence wrapped itself around Jackson as he slowly sat down, heart pounding and a hollow space somewhere inside him where there used to be the love he felt towards Mark making him all fuzzy and warm. No fuzzy feelings tonight. Or ever again. 

The bed smelled of Mark,  _ everything _ smelled of Mark!, and Jackson hated it. He hated how the fragrance Mark used lingering faintly in the air caused his heart to clench painfully, hated how his throat felt tight when he thought Mark would never sleep next to him again, hated how he had to fight down the longing. But Jackson pushed those emotions away, irritated beyond reasoning. 

He was NOT going to give in this time.

~

_ 10:56 AM _

 

“Jaebum, have you seen Yugyeom’s pants? I need him try them on.” Jinyoung called over his shoulder from the laundry room. He was sorting the clean clothes from the drier and had suddenly become painfully aware how many new sets of clothes they would have to get for all the kids, not just Yugyeom. It was like the girls had decided to synchronize their growth spurts with Yugyeom’s and it was driving Jinyoung mad. Three different kids, three different everything, multiplied with at least ten! Thankfully most of the clothes he would get for the girls were going to be second hand.

It was a hassle most of the time, having to deal with three children growing up at the same time, but Jinyoung was determined to get through this phase, just like they had done in the past. If raising children had been a sport, he would have been a gold medalist for sure, along with every decent parent out there who loved their kids more than anything.

“No, I haven’t,” Jaebum’s reply was oddly muffled and distant, but only because he was so far away from the laundry room. “He’s still at school so you don’t have to find them right now, do you?”

“I guess.” Jinyoung huffed. He wanted to find the damn pants because he knew would later on get distracted by any of the other numerous chores still waiting for him to tackle them. No rest for the wicked, or something. He sighed, deciding it was best to give up for now. 

“I think we’re running out of rice.” Jaebum poked his head in from the door, startling Jinyoung a little. “We could go do groceries together since I’m home?”

Jinyoung glanced at his watch and nodded.

“We have time before Yugyeom will be back from school.”

It was a relief to have Jaebum home for a change a longer period. It wasn’t that Jinyoung wasn’t able to run the days on his own, he was very efficient and good at it, but it just was so much easier with Jaebum around to help with everything. And the girls were so ecstatic to be with their father more. And, as a cherry on top, was that Jinyoung got to go out all by himself.

Blissful.

“You go get the girls and I’ll make a list of what we need from the store.” Jaebum smiled at Jinyoung, but then gave Jinyoung one of  _ those _ looks and winked cheekily at him. Jinyoung threw one the baby socks at him, amused, and Jaebum escaped, laughing heartily. 

The unexpected love making last night had made them somehow softer towards each other than they had been in a long time, and it was quite wonderful really. It had been such a long time since daily life had felt so completely fulfilling to him and Jinyoung relished the sensation eagerly.

It was a relief to notice that after all the blundering and stumbling in life before this particular point, life had ended up stable and calm. Wasn’t this what almost everyone were driven towards in life? A happy home and content with whomever they were living with? Of course it wasn’t for everyone to have a family of their own, but in general, people were driven towards something that made them happy, and that something could be anything. For Jinyong it was exactly this.

He started towards the twins bedroom, humming softly to himself and idly wondering if they should do something as a family later on, or should they just watch the kids playing together, the girls clinging onto Yugyeom while the boy pretended he didn’t like it when in reality he was loving every moment, just like a proud big brother should.

However, as things never go according to plan, Jinyoung didn’t manage very far from the laundry room when Jaebum’s voice already stopped him on his tracks.

“Is that Mark storming out? He looks like the world has come to an end.”

“What?” Jinyoung turned on his heels and hurried to the kitchen and found Jaebum peering out of the window, squinting towards the direction of their beloved neighbours. Jinyoung only caught a sight of the back of Mark’s head before he had hopped in his car and was almost speeding away.

Angry Mark never bode any good.

“Wonder what happened.” Jaebum sighed, glancing at Jinyoung, but he was none the wiser in this matter.

“Who knows. Jackson hasn’t been complaining about anything, so it has to be something else.” Jinyoung pursed his lips, thinking. He noticed the meaningful glance Jaebum gave him. “You know Jackson is back to work so it  _ shouldn’t  _ be anything between the two of them.”

But, unfortunately the universe seemed hear his words and decided to give him the finger, Jinyoung’s phone started playing  _ I'm so sexy _ , informing him it was Jackson calling. 

His heart sank. It was too much of a coincidence for Jackson to call him right after they had witnessed Mark leaving the house obviously upset.

_ For crying out loud, _ Jinyoung thought.  _ Why can’t they just get along? And without my help! _

~

_ Chat history with Mark  _

 

_ Jackson > Mark  _

[12:38 pm]

_ You coming home or what _

[2:24 pm]

_ Don't ignore me. Your son is asking for you. _

[2:45 pm]

_ Fine. You're obviously not gonna speak. FINE. I get it.  _

[3:03 pm]

_ You’re being immature. _

 

_ Mark > Jackson _

[4:28 pm]

_ We need to talk. _

[4:29 pm]

_ I’m coming home now. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2nd anniversay to Diaries! It's been such an intense journey, whew~! How are you guys holding up? Hopefully all is well and spiffy and you're nice and happy right where you are. :)  
> A lot happened since I posted the previous chapter; I graduated (yay!), moved again and am going back to work soon. I'm quite good right now and I have an amazing live-in wife with whom I can share all the good and bad things (say Hi to Mevi~).
> 
> So! In celebration I've been having a small giveaway going on in twitter (check it [here!](https://twitter.com/cffn163) ) and you can still take part if you wish. I'm closing it on Sunday 1st of July (2018) at 6PM Finnish time.
> 
> Anyway, how was the chapter? Trouble in paradise, uh oh.. Tell me what you think! And how about that, we had a new POV too! Jimin! I hope I did justice to him.. 
> 
> See you in next chapter~


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